Speaker 1: Have you ever gone to like a silent retreat?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been to lots of silent retreat have you
Speaker 2: no fucking way? Well, I'm just it's such a first
Speaker 2: of all, I don't even believe in yoga. Let me
Speaker 2: just say that, So.
Speaker 1: You're not ever gonna go to a yoga retreat.
Speaker 2: Those things are dumb. Those and there's always like two
Speaker 2: celebrities walking around that everybody talks about. Can you believe
Speaker 2: so and so is there the whole time? He's so wonderful?
Speaker 2: What shut the fuck up?
Speaker 3: Kashaw Cash Show.
Speaker 2: Welcome to another episode of Tosh show Man. I'm just
Speaker 2: churning these things out lately. Eddie. How are you today?
Speaker 2: Doing great? Good good, good, good, good good. I'm excited.
Speaker 2: Ask me why I'm excited, Eddie? What are you excited? Daniel?
Speaker 2: Because my family is gone, my wife's family, my in
Speaker 2: laws were in town visiting, and that's always nice when
Speaker 2: they leave. Here's let me give you a great hack
Speaker 2: if if you're in a position where you can afford this,
Speaker 2: I always pay for my in laws travel. I book
Speaker 2: it that way. There's no oh cause you tell people like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're gonna come out for four days and it's like,
Speaker 2: oh yeah, well we decided. We decided it was cheaper.
Speaker 2: We saved eighty dollars if we stay for a month.
Speaker 2: It's like no, no. I booked their travel and I
Speaker 2: book them on a direct flight Tampa to la and
Speaker 2: then then I put them on the direct flight home.
Speaker 2: I always put them on a nicer seat on the
Speaker 2: way out. You want, you want their their energy and
Speaker 2: their mood to be good when they get here, because
Speaker 2: lord knows, I got six days to go on. I'd
Speaker 2: say the time zone. I mean, there's a I have
Speaker 2: a few complaints. Hey, I'll tell you another thing that
Speaker 2: was insane that happened my father in law. I walk
Speaker 2: out to the living room and he's just sitting there
Speaker 2: and I'm like, hey, you're you're sitting on a throw
Speaker 2: pillow like there's like it's just a couch with a
Speaker 2: couple throw pillows in the corners, and he had one
Speaker 2: down flat and was sitting not not like kind of
Speaker 2: half like just flat out sitting on a th That's insane,
Speaker 2: right in booster cushion. Well, that's funny you say that.
Speaker 2: That's funny you say a booster because he is a
Speaker 2: short man, so maybe he was doing it to give
Speaker 2: himself a little lift. All I know is that's what
Speaker 2: I nap on. And now I've got pink eye, but
Speaker 2: I do nap on it. Like don't you don't fucking
Speaker 2: sit on someone's throw pillows. That's crazy, right behavior. No,
Speaker 2: you don't know anything about. Now. I'm just gonna go
Speaker 2: to a list of things they do that bother me,
Speaker 2: her family, every last one of them. I always like
Speaker 2: secretly give her eye contact to point it out because
Speaker 2: she does it too. They don't push in chairs ever.
Speaker 2: They get up from a chair, they've moved a chair,
Speaker 2: they never put it back where it was. Here's the
Speaker 2: thing I have OCD. You know, I'm very organized. I
Speaker 2: like things clean clean, I like things in their place.
Speaker 2: I also don't like saying thank you, so I'd rather
Speaker 2: people not do things for me, just so I don't
Speaker 2: have to say thank you. That's I know, that's on me.
Speaker 2: That's insane. I've got a lot of issues, but they are, Hey,
Speaker 2: we're gonna Can we do the dishes? Can we help
Speaker 2: clean up? No? I don't want to spend the next
Speaker 2: two weeks trying to find wherever the fuck you put
Speaker 2: my stuff? Was like, oh, we just want to be easy. No,
Speaker 2: you don't. I don't want to be easy. Just tell
Speaker 2: me what you want to eat and I'll make it appear.
Speaker 2: And don't say, oh, we just want to hang we'll
Speaker 2: just hang out. You're not gonna just hang out. Let's
Speaker 2: do something. Let's go somewhere. The amount of times that
Speaker 2: is walk in and see four of them just staring
Speaker 2: at their phones on my couch, it's infuriating. I don't
Speaker 2: even know who they're texting. They're all people that they
Speaker 2: know were in the room. Do we have any videos
Speaker 2: this week? Yeah, we do have a video. Oh all right,
Speaker 2: play that. This video is brought to you by Chipotle.
Speaker 2: I can't imagine Chipotle would sponsor us, but for real,
Speaker 2: if you want to play that video game, stand or not.
Speaker 2: This is very common on the Venice boardwalk. I remember
Speaker 2: the first time I saw someone shitting on the street
Speaker 2: in La I was like when I moved out here,
Speaker 2: I was like, Oh, this place is great. Today's guest
Speaker 2: is a mental health expert. Mental health is so in
Speaker 2: right now. It's definitely what the cool kids are talking
Speaker 2: about and something our parents never did, like global warming
Speaker 2: and eating ass. That funny how we just openly about
Speaker 2: eating ass and all. That's such a difference. Comedians, for
Speaker 2: the most part, aren't exactly known for their mental health,
Speaker 2: which I'm okay with. I don't meditate either. I don't
Speaker 2: want to be alone with my thoughts. I get furious
Speaker 2: if I go to the bathroom and I forgot my phone.
Speaker 2: Why do I want to talk to a wellness guru
Speaker 2: when I like being grumpy? Because she has the greatest voice.
Speaker 3: Enjoy Pasha all right, if you're a person with crippling anxiety,
Speaker 3: then you will recognize the soothing voice of today's guest.
Speaker 2: She's my favorite mental wellness coach, even though I've never
Speaker 2: used one. Please welcome Rosie. I didn't wear shoes for
Speaker 2: you today because I felt like that was oh good.
Speaker 1: Oh you thought it was going to come.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: I love when I assume you're going to come here,
Speaker 1: just be like totally zen and like soft spoken.
Speaker 2: I think in general, you're gonna have to just be
Speaker 2: to me like I'm an idiot the whole time. If
Speaker 2: I were just like to meet you and say, what
Speaker 2: do you do for a living, how would you describe it?
Speaker 1: I'm an author, so I'm a writer.
Speaker 4: I teach mindfulness and meditation, and I teach yoga and
Speaker 4: I'm a wellness coach. Basically my world is encompassed by
Speaker 4: this intention that I have to empower people to become well.
Speaker 2: Do you ever blow up in a rage and like yeah,
Speaker 2: like yell and oh of course, Okay, I don't know
Speaker 2: if you're like it's always peaceful? Well, I know, but
Speaker 2: I didn't know. I didn't know if your wellness trumped
Speaker 2: your roots.
Speaker 4: Oh no, it doesn't. I still that you still are
Speaker 4: still in there. Just because I'm polysyllabic doesn't mean that
Speaker 4: I don't get hood.
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't even use the term hood. How
Speaker 2: much does Headspace pay you?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: I mean did you start out rocking there? No?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I I just started with them.
Speaker 4: I've only been at Headspace for about a year, but
Speaker 4: I was doing my own stuff prior to that, and.
Speaker 2: Then they came calling to you. Do you have a
Speaker 2: different voice that you for when you're I don't like
Speaker 2: on the app?
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: You know what's interesting is that I don't.
Speaker 4: And I think that that's why a lot of my
Speaker 4: students like to do my practices, because I don't change
Speaker 4: into Okay, now we're going to although that some people
Speaker 4: might like that.
Speaker 2: I do. I like that. I'd like you to come
Speaker 2: over to read to my kids at night.
Speaker 4: Oh that would be nice, and I'd love to do that.
Speaker 4: I've done that before for my students, because you.
Speaker 2: Just call people your students, anyone that listens to you.
Speaker 4: Well, there's specific students that have been practicing with me
Speaker 4: for many years. But I would just say, my friends,
Speaker 4: I think everybody's my your students.
Speaker 2: How much do they and then they just pay you?
Speaker 1: Uh yeah?
Speaker 2: For many years? They can't There's no end.
Speaker 1: There's no end to it. I mean there is an end.
Speaker 4: There is a point where I graduate them and they
Speaker 4: move on or forward with all the tools because I
Speaker 4: mean truly, you hire a coach for a short amount
Speaker 4: of time, right because if your coaches doing their job,
Speaker 4: then they will empower you to learn what you need
Speaker 4: to learn and then you can move on if somebody
Speaker 4: hires or if you hire somebody and they're like, oh,
Speaker 4: we're gonna be working together for the next decade.
Speaker 2: Man, decades not that long. If you if I knew
Speaker 2: you could fix me in a decade, I'd give it
Speaker 2: a shot. But I don't think you could. So I'm
Speaker 2: not going to start the exercise.
Speaker 4: There's actually this book that one of my mentors wrote.
Speaker 4: His name Stephen Cautler.
Speaker 1: I don't know. You may or may not have heard
Speaker 1: of him.
Speaker 2: I've never heard of him.
Speaker 4: He has a book called nar Country that he just wrote,
Speaker 4: and it's all about the longevity of aging and how
Speaker 4: you can in fact teach an old Doug new trick.
Speaker 1: So and that's like scientific a.
Speaker 2: Whole book just to say that book, just to say that. Turner,
Speaker 2: do you ever meditate to recordings of your own voice?
Speaker 1: No, I don't like to listen to the sound of
Speaker 1: my voice.
Speaker 2: This is the first question I asked every guest. Okay,
Speaker 2: do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 4: It's like I have two sides of my brain that
Speaker 4: one side can believe something or see something that's kind
Speaker 4: of unexplainable, and then the other side that's like there's
Speaker 4: no possible way that that is.
Speaker 2: Could you give me one example of something that you've
Speaker 2: seen that's unexplainable.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll tell you a quick story.
Speaker 4: Okay, So when my boyfriend and I first started dating,
Speaker 4: there was a lot of weird things happening around the house.
Speaker 4: You know, like just very strange lights turning off that
Speaker 4: kind of thing, which okay, you can explain away. But
Speaker 4: there was this one incident that happened. We were sitting
Speaker 4: across from each other. We were in the tub, We're
Speaker 4: taking a bath.
Speaker 1: I know, it's fine.
Speaker 4: We had We're sitting across from each other, and he
Speaker 4: was drinking a glass of wine and as we were talking,
Speaker 4: I see this like misty shadow hand kind of reach
Speaker 4: across his face and I saw the fingertips of this
Speaker 4: like misty dark hand grab the top of the wine
Speaker 4: like that, and then you just hear crack, crack, crack,
Speaker 4: and then he grabs the wine glass and he picks
Speaker 4: it up and reaches for the top of the rim
Speaker 4: of the glass and just pulls it off like it
Speaker 4: was laser cut off of the wine glass.
Speaker 1: I have pictures of this I can show.
Speaker 4: You because I've told everybody the story to try and
Speaker 4: debunk it.
Speaker 1: Like, how did that happen?
Speaker 2: I hear, I mean, if you want me to, it
Speaker 2: didn't happen.
Speaker 1: Your nuts, I imagined the whole thing.
Speaker 2: Okay, I mean, you buy shitty wine glasses could be
Speaker 2: another I think true. Maybe are you like an amazing
Speaker 2: happy person outside of your work.
Speaker 4: This is a great question, by the way, because I
Speaker 4: always think it's funny when people just assume that because
Speaker 4: somebody's job is to teach people how to be more present,
Speaker 4: that they're like the most present people have no problems,
Speaker 4: are so not reactive, And for me, it's the complete opposite.
Speaker 2: You're a man.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I do what I do because of how
Speaker 4: big of a mess I am.
Speaker 2: Huh, yeah, I don't want to hear that at all.
Speaker 2: Do you meditate every day for yourself?
Speaker 1: Of course? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I mean I assumed, but I didn't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do.
Speaker 2: And how long?
Speaker 1: Typically like forty five minutes to an hour for you?
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, that's insanity.
Speaker 1: Is that too long or too short?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: Really, it's so crazy.
Speaker 4: Tell me what the resistance is, because we were just
Speaker 4: talking about this.
Speaker 1: I mean, do you know that meditation.
Speaker 2: Is good for you? I'm going to say yes, I
Speaker 2: know that. Okay, I'm going to say that everything that
Speaker 2: you probably think I should do, I know I should do,
Speaker 2: and I completely refuse it. Okay, Well, my son is
Speaker 2: in preschool and they have reiki once a week, they
Speaker 2: have meditation every day, and I just laugh and they
Speaker 2: send me videos of my my son holding crystals and
Speaker 2: like just peacefully sitting there and like having good thoughts
Speaker 2: and and it's just the sweetest thing I've ever can
Speaker 2: bring me to tears every time I watch it. It's
Speaker 2: just the cutest And I just think about like the
Speaker 2: childhood I had, you know, which was my dad like saying, hey,
Speaker 2: go grab the ping pong paddle, I'm going to spank
Speaker 2: you right now. Like just very different.
Speaker 1: Yeah, very different.
Speaker 4: My sense is as you're talking about your son holding
Speaker 4: the crystals and like in the state that you think
Speaker 4: it's silly. It's silly, but you also think it's sweet.
Speaker 4: But also for you you can't imagine yourself doing never
Speaker 4: do that.
Speaker 1: Have you ever tried it? Yeah, and tell me what happened.
Speaker 2: I don't think. I think it was just like I
Speaker 2: started day dreaming or I fell asleep.
Speaker 1: But what happens? Why the resistance to meditation?
Speaker 2: I'm just kidding. I would just rather watch something on TV.
Speaker 1: Like what happens in your mind when you're sitting there.
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't. First of all, I don't. It's
Speaker 2: not tribal. Yes, okay, for how long is long until
Speaker 2: I'm yelled at to do something.
Speaker 1: How long is that?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I mean, it depends on some of
Speaker 2: the hide I go places, just so that nobody in
Speaker 2: the family knows where I'm at, what.
Speaker 1: Happens in your Are you? What are you doing when
Speaker 1: you're hiding.
Speaker 2: Trying to sleep?
Speaker 1: Sy's but are you? But that could be a meditation.
Speaker 2: As long as sleeping is considered meditation. I love it.
Speaker 1: I think that naps are considered.
Speaker 2: What do you think of crystals? Just the dumbest thing
Speaker 2: in the world.
Speaker 4: I'm kind of on the fence because I I almost
Speaker 4: feel like they're It's like the placebo effect, you know.
Speaker 4: I mean, some people really believe that they can harness
Speaker 4: energy from you.
Speaker 2: You people are dumb. I mean, there's two crystal shops
Speaker 2: near my house. Oh I two. I have somebody that
Speaker 2: represents me. I'm not going to say who, all right,
Speaker 2: but they They've worked closely with me in my career
Speaker 2: for over twenty seven years. They're a witch first of all. Okay,
Speaker 2: when I go on tour, they'll like ram a chicken
Speaker 2: foot in my pocket or something like that. They always
Speaker 2: like give me money, trees as gifts and things like that.
Speaker 1: Oh, that's fun.
Speaker 2: Just just every bit of it nonsense.
Speaker 1: But you don't buy any of it.
Speaker 2: No, But I don't ever want to, you know, persuade
Speaker 2: this person.
Speaker 4: Okay, so you're doing it for them, you're not doing
Speaker 4: it for yourself.
Speaker 1: No, But what if it's been working.
Speaker 2: Right, No, anything great, then I reap the benefits of it. Right.
Speaker 1: So that's the way I see it. That's the way
Speaker 1: I see a lot.
Speaker 4: Of this, you know, like reiki healing or crystals. It's
Speaker 4: it's what you believe, you know. I'm look, I was
Speaker 4: raised Catholic, right, so for me, there are certain things
Speaker 4: that like I wouldn't mess with, you know, like I'm
Speaker 4: not going to go play Oige Award or.
Speaker 2: Something because you don't want to go to hell.
Speaker 1: Well, no, because I don't want a demon attached to me.
Speaker 2: I like it all. I'm fascinated by it all, okay,
Speaker 2: But but this is what I personally. I like. I
Speaker 2: like spa music, okay, I like essential oils Okay, smell
Speaker 2: that stuff. And I like I like massages. That's and
Speaker 2: that's a.
Speaker 1: Really great But that's a good meditation practice for you.
Speaker 4: That's really good, you know, because it Why do you
Speaker 4: like to why do you like to get a massage?
Speaker 2: Because I'm going to tell you why I like to
Speaker 2: get massages. It's the only time I can have a
Speaker 2: woman that's not my wife touched me. So that's that's exciting.
Speaker 2: I only like to have females massage me. Oh no,
Speaker 2: I've never once in my life been aroused from a massage.
Speaker 1: Oh, you know, I've always wondered that about men.
Speaker 2: People always say that guys. I go, they touch close
Speaker 2: and bob and you get excited and you It's never
Speaker 2: happened in my life. I've never been sexually turned on
Speaker 2: from a massage. Yet I don't want a man to
Speaker 2: rub me.
Speaker 1: Interesting?
Speaker 2: What about this this world overlaps with uh, speaking of sex?
Speaker 2: It does kind of people. Yeah, did you do you
Speaker 2: use this fun? Do you do that stuff too? Or
Speaker 2: believe that tan trick all that stuff? Oh where they
Speaker 2: like don't touch you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've yeah.
Speaker 4: I have, I've work, right, I mean, it's nice, it
Speaker 4: is nice.
Speaker 1: Have you never with your wife?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 4: The thing is it's like we're so conditioned in our
Speaker 4: society to just like yep mm hmm, and that's it,
Speaker 4: you know, And I think it takes a lot more for,
Speaker 4: especially for women to feel aroused.
Speaker 2: What vibrators are for.
Speaker 4: Continue, But that's so not like, you know, do you
Speaker 4: want to rely on a battery operated device every time?
Speaker 2: Our is the solar?
Speaker 1: But oh so it lasts a really long time.
Speaker 2: Well, as long as she's out in the backyard. Where
Speaker 2: are you from?
Speaker 4: I grew up in East l A. Yeah, I grew
Speaker 4: up in East La. Beat yeah now itays right?
Speaker 2: Know anything about it? Well, it's amazing. No, I can't
Speaker 2: imagine it is. I don't know.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: It's one of those things where it's like when you're
Speaker 2: a kid and you hear the songs about Compton and
Speaker 2: stuff like that, you're like, well, I'm never going to
Speaker 2: go there. When you're like this, like white kid from
Speaker 2: the suburbs in Florida.
Speaker 1: Yeah, probably not a great place to go.
Speaker 2: You don't live in East LA anymore.
Speaker 1: I don't. I'm in the valley now.
Speaker 2: Look at that, I know. Is that what you always
Speaker 2: dreamed of?
Speaker 4: Actually it's the place that I said I would never
Speaker 4: ever move to.
Speaker 1: If you're from LA. The valley's like the epitome of
Speaker 1: selling now yeah.
Speaker 4: Selling out suburbias, you know, but it's not it's safe
Speaker 4: you know, it's just nobody wants.
Speaker 2: To go there.
Speaker 1: You don't want safe, No, I want to live in fear.
Speaker 2: Did you live in fear as a kid?
Speaker 1: I did?
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Well, I grew up in the early nineties, you know,
Speaker 4: during what is called the Decade of Death. I lived
Speaker 4: in a like apartment complex that sat right in the
Speaker 4: middle of two rivaling gangs. So we were always kind
Speaker 4: of caught in the middle of drive by shootings and
Speaker 4: gang violence and fights. But the interesting thing about that
Speaker 4: is growing up in that kind of environment, you're growing
Speaker 4: up around other kids that are also experiencing the same.
Speaker 1: Type of I guess PTSD you would call it.
Speaker 2: Do you really try to steal a cop car when
Speaker 2: you're fifteen years old?
Speaker 1: I did. I did attempt it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: How far did you get?
Speaker 1: I didn't go anywhere.
Speaker 2: Do you get in the car? Yes? Do you close
Speaker 2: the door?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Turned the key it was already on. Okay. Did you
Speaker 2: call in No?
Speaker 4: I just I just put it in reverse and then
Speaker 4: the cops pulled up behind and I just put it
Speaker 4: back in park and I got out, So I didn't
Speaker 4: drive away with it.
Speaker 2: Do you arrested?
Speaker 1: Of course I got arrested.
Speaker 2: Oh really? I went to jail, to jail for that,
Speaker 2: you could. I didn't go to jail.
Speaker 1: I didn't go like, I wasn't there for a long time.
Speaker 1: I got arrested and I.
Speaker 2: Got booked, right, Yeah, you weren't. You didn't try to
Speaker 2: get like cute your way out of it.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, they were not having any of it. And
Speaker 4: then when I got booked, the booking guy that was there,
Speaker 4: he's like entering my information and he just looked at
Speaker 4: me and he was like, welcome to life in the system.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, Jesus, I will cut you.
Speaker 2: Okay, and Jesus back to you now, both of you
Speaker 2: doing your part. Do you have childhood friends that you're
Speaker 2: still close with?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do a.
Speaker 4: Couple because you have to. Well, yeah, I'm scared they're
Speaker 4: going to come after me. And then some family members
Speaker 4: you just can't get rid of.
Speaker 2: And I think that's more of a cultural thing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm happy to get rid of family members.
Speaker 1: That's a good boundary to have.
Speaker 2: Oh as soon as I like see the way they
Speaker 2: vote on a few issues, I'm like, you're out.
Speaker 1: How do you do? Really you do? Did you grow
Speaker 1: up being close with your family though?
Speaker 2: No, I don't know they were great. I had an
Speaker 2: easy childhood, I had fun. I enjoyed most stages of
Speaker 2: my life. I've never looked back on my life and
Speaker 2: like that was the best time of my life. Okay,
Speaker 2: I've always.
Speaker 1: Been like no, like you're good with it, you can
Speaker 1: move on.
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm living in the now at all times.
Speaker 1: That's good. You're being present.
Speaker 4: Maybe that's why you don't need to meditate or you
Speaker 4: feel like you don't. I don't have you ever gone
Speaker 4: to like a silent retreat.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've been to lots of silent retreat have you
Speaker 2: no fucking way. Well, I'm just it's such a first
Speaker 2: of all, I don't even believe in yoga. Let me
Speaker 2: just say that. It's like it's all not like go
Speaker 2: home and stretch.
Speaker 1: But doesn't it feel it's hot?
Speaker 2: Yogat? Oh good, Okay, we're gonna We're gonna all sweat.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna smell you. And then there's like two guys
Speaker 2: in the class because they want people to look at
Speaker 2: the silhouette their dong. I don't like them either. I
Speaker 2: don't know why they're there.
Speaker 1: So you're not ever gonna go to a yoga retreat.
Speaker 2: No, No, those things are dumb. Those and there's always like
Speaker 2: two celebrities walking around that everybody talks about. Can you
Speaker 2: believe so and so is there the whole time? He's
Speaker 2: so wonderful. Shut the fuck up. We didn't talk for
Speaker 2: six days. Oh lovely, she just send that money to Ukraine? Assholes? Sorry?
Speaker 1: Sorry, not sorry.
Speaker 2: So I've never been a retreat? Was the.
Speaker 1: You should go to one?
Speaker 4: What happens in your brain when you're sitting there and
Speaker 4: not thinking thinking? Can you get your mind to just
Speaker 4: be quiet?
Speaker 2: Sure? Yeah, yeah, I'm not like like sometimes I'll wake
Speaker 2: up in my wife like, oh I couldn't get to
Speaker 2: sleep my I just kept thinking a thousand things and
Speaker 2: I'm like, what do you stop? And then I just
Speaker 2: roll back over and fall asleep in our six hours.
Speaker 1: That's good? Yeah, yeah, I'm kind of jealous.
Speaker 2: See I think that's what someone should say to me. Yeah, like, hey,
Speaker 2: you know what you're You're in the right space. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's good, you're not you don't need to do any
Speaker 2: of this stuff. You don't need to. I'm not saying no,
Speaker 2: I know you're not saying that, but that's what I
Speaker 2: want someone.
Speaker 4: Oh you want someone to say, I'm not going to
Speaker 4: say that to you, but I will say that I'm
Speaker 4: jealous that you can do that, because that's ultimately the goal.
Speaker 2: That's well, well, that's the you know, one time I
Speaker 2: despise acting as a perfe It's nothing I've ever been
Speaker 2: interested in. One time, you move out here as a comedian,
Speaker 2: You're chasing your dreams living in California, and it's so exciting.
Speaker 2: They want you to audition, and it's humiliating the audition
Speaker 2: it is. Of course. One time I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I really would this would be a good part, and
Speaker 2: my manager was like, well, I hired an acting coach
Speaker 2: for you, and I'm like, oh, that sounds horrible. And
Speaker 2: then I did it with this acting coach and the
Speaker 2: acting coach told me after like we did like our
Speaker 2: read through. He's like that's perfect. And I was like, well,
Speaker 2: then I'll never ever hire you again. And also I
Speaker 2: didn't get the part, and I've never been a good actor,
Speaker 2: but you know, that's all I All I needed was
Speaker 2: one person to tell me, oh, no, that was you
Speaker 2: did it good. That was good. And then I was like,
Speaker 2: well then this is stupid.
Speaker 1: That was it, And that's all the reassurance you needed.
Speaker 2: To know that I that this is silly.
Speaker 1: You don't like acting at all.
Speaker 2: No, But in fairness, I really don't like comedy either. Well,
Speaker 2: it's because it's it's embarrassing to me to think, like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm going to go on stage and tell jokes to
Speaker 2: people and make them laugh. If I think of it
Speaker 2: as an actual profession, it's like absurd and silly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's also hilarious.
Speaker 2: Again. I've gotten to an age now where it's like
Speaker 2: I'm older and I can go, Okay, what I do
Speaker 2: for a living is is not that important?
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 2: We need to laugh, of course, but you're gonna get
Speaker 2: it somewhere else if you don't get it from me.
Speaker 2: So it's like, you know, one less comedian is not
Speaker 2: gonna affect anything. I feel like you this sounds like
Speaker 2: a suicide note.
Speaker 4: No, I feel like you're you would be like a
Speaker 4: really great spiritual guru.
Speaker 1: That should be your next job.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't want it to con people into hanging out
Speaker 2: with me.
Speaker 1: How is that conning?
Speaker 2: I don't know. Just because I assume you need followers,
Speaker 2: you already have followers. Yeah, I don't want them. I
Speaker 2: tell my fans all the time. I wish they would
Speaker 2: just leave. Why then I wouldn't have to go on stage.
Speaker 2: My night would have been better had they not own up.
Speaker 1: Have you ever done a show where nobody showed up?
Speaker 2: I mean recently?
Speaker 1: No? No, No, like back in the day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, where there's like, oh, there's three people
Speaker 2: and yeah, but you're still itching to get up there.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna make.
Speaker 4: These like tell me what that was like for you
Speaker 4: to get up there for three people and you just
Speaker 4: did your thing?
Speaker 2: No I didn't confidence Yes, of course, I was like,
Speaker 2: this is dumb. I'd rather not do this then than
Speaker 2: try to, you know, pay my dues this way.
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting.
Speaker 2: I struggled. I struggled for like six weeks before things
Speaker 2: really started cooking. Six weeks. Oh my god, that was
Speaker 2: a joke. That was a joke, Like I'm leaving. What
Speaker 2: about where are you on therapy? You think we all
Speaker 2: should do therapy? Or no?
Speaker 1: I think you should probably do therapy.
Speaker 2: I can't tell me why because I'm because, uh, this
Speaker 2: is why I hate everybody that lives in my neighborhood. Okay,
Speaker 2: let's say that they're like people that were born and
Speaker 2: raised there out in Malibui. I'm like out in West Malibu,
Speaker 2: you know, farm bigger, you know people, we have chickens,
Speaker 2: yeah whatever, bigger lots. Yes. So the people that were
Speaker 2: raised out there, it wasn't like high society back then,
Speaker 2: and so they're kind of this Malabamians and they feel entitled,
Speaker 2: and so I hate them because they're like, oh, these
Speaker 2: new people here like locals only. I hate anything anybody
Speaker 2: that ever says. My son had a shirt once ha
Speaker 2: said locals only, and I told him, I, God, don't
Speaker 2: wear that. He goes, mom picked out. I don't like it.
Speaker 2: I go usually, I want you to wear a shirt
Speaker 2: that says non locals welcomed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's nice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm gonna make that shirt. I'm gonna make that
Speaker 2: non locals welcome. I'd like to somebody brand that for me. Anyway.
Speaker 2: Then I hate everybody that is there now, like because
Speaker 2: it's expensive now. So they've moved there because they've succeeded
Speaker 2: financially in life. And when you succeed financially in life,
Speaker 2: you think every decision that you've made is the right one.
Speaker 2: You're constantly being told that you're oh, so you can't
Speaker 2: be told otherwise. So that's why I hate all of them.
Speaker 2: I only bond with my gardener. It's like it's like
Speaker 2: the only people I can ever talk to you.
Speaker 1: So you don't have any neighbors that you can get
Speaker 1: along with.
Speaker 2: Yes, some, but they're just so many assholes.
Speaker 1: Okay, No, what does this have to do with therapy?
Speaker 2: So it's great. I'm glad you got me back to
Speaker 2: the point my thinking, and I'm sure it's wrong. I
Speaker 2: accept that. Is that the reason that I've gotten to
Speaker 2: where I am? This kid from a shitty town in Florida.
Speaker 2: So I came from that and now I've got all this,
Speaker 2: and I in my head think, well, all of those
Speaker 2: little demons is what allowed me to get here, so
Speaker 2: I better keep them.
Speaker 1: Oh you think it's going to take your edge away?
Speaker 4: It's kind of like when bands they get sober and
Speaker 4: then they lose their artistic.
Speaker 2: Bands should never get sober.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: I'm with you because I'm like, what happens you guys?
Speaker 4: The music has gone downward? But is that what you think?
Speaker 2: I don't know if I think it, but it's like
Speaker 2: it served me well.
Speaker 4: So is there a world where perhaps it will enhance, Yeah,
Speaker 4: but but.
Speaker 2: Why risk it?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: How much better do I want my life to be?
Speaker 2: My life's great? You know, I got a good family, Yeah,
Speaker 2: bills are paid, things are good. Let's not let's not
Speaker 2: rock the boat yet.
Speaker 4: How does going to therapy damage that because I don't
Speaker 4: have I'm not saying that you need.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you have.
Speaker 2: To go to You already told me any therapies don't.
Speaker 4: Just saying like, I think everybody would benefit from time,
Speaker 4: you know, but you know what you're talking about things now,
Speaker 4: So I'd.
Speaker 2: Rather I'd rather a therapist spend her time on a
Speaker 2: kid from East LA that didn't have so many things
Speaker 2: go right for them in their life, then waste their
Speaker 2: time listening to me fucking wine. It's probably where my head's.
Speaker 1: That everybody's problems are important.
Speaker 2: But this is the thing that's not true.
Speaker 1: No, it is, it is everybody's.
Speaker 4: You know, I think that this is so this is
Speaker 4: this is going back to what you said earlier about
Speaker 4: the all locals or all non local people welcome, right,
Speaker 4: So it's like, how do we then create this community
Speaker 4: or an environment where everybody's welcome? But then you're already
Speaker 4: taking yourself out of the communal aspect.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I'm not speaking for myself, you're speaking for
Speaker 2: everybody else.
Speaker 3: But you.
Speaker 2: I have an app. I have a file on my
Speaker 2: U a tab on my phone always open. I can
Speaker 2: pull it right now. It's it's a retirement calculator, and
Speaker 2: you just put in how much money you have and
Speaker 2: it'll show you how much you can spend a month,
Speaker 2: and like if you live to be one hundred years old.
Speaker 2: Who So I'm always just staring at that.
Speaker 1: It's not very healthy.
Speaker 2: I don't want to be in jail and I don't
Speaker 2: want to be poor.
Speaker 4: I think when when what you're saying your two biggest
Speaker 4: fears is like going to jail or being poor, like
Speaker 4: I would say that mine are probably similar to that.
Speaker 2: It's not my biggest fear, you know. One of my
Speaker 2: biggest fear is when amoy ever says my biggest fear
Speaker 2: is and then they say something there's only one acceptable answer, monsters,
Speaker 2: Like if it's not monsters.
Speaker 1: And I don't really care, but you don't believe in ghosts.
Speaker 2: You believe I don't believe in monsters either, But that
Speaker 2: would be a real fear if all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: a monster came through this wall.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, what about the UFOs that they've just confirmed.
Speaker 2: Oh those aren't real, right, are they?
Speaker 1: Or are they not?
Speaker 2: They're not. Like by the time they figured this stuff out,
Speaker 2: we're gonna be gone.
Speaker 4: I know That's how I feel. So I'm fine with it.
Speaker 4: I don't It doesn't affect my life. I'm just going
Speaker 4: to continue to water my plants.
Speaker 2: Quit water in your plants. Okay, get succulents. They don't
Speaker 2: take all our water.
Speaker 1: Dude, I kill succulents. Oh, I can't keep them alive
Speaker 1: on the plant killer.
Speaker 2: You know, my wife had a succulent for six years
Speaker 2: that she watered and then found out that it was fake.
Speaker 2: That's who I married. She watered it for six years
Speaker 2: and then she found out that it was a fake
Speaker 2: plastic succulent. And I have to tell her that I
Speaker 2: love her, and I have to tell her that I
Speaker 2: trust her with my children. Oh boy, how long have
Speaker 2: you been in your current relationship?
Speaker 1: Twenty years?
Speaker 2: You've been dating this is a fella. Twenty years you've
Speaker 2: been dating them. You know what you guys should do
Speaker 2: when you're like eighty, ah, you should get married.
Speaker 4: We actually were going to get married last year, but
Speaker 4: we ended up moving to the valley instead.
Speaker 2: Coin flip huh yeah.
Speaker 1: I was kind of bummed about that. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: h spend money on a wedding.
Speaker 2: Or buy a house. I mean, you can get married
Speaker 2: without spending money.
Speaker 1: I'm Mexican.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, my notes did not say that should I go?
Speaker 2: This is uncomfortable. I will not ask you this question.
Speaker 2: I've always wanted American Mexico to merge.
Speaker 1: I mean this we are on Mexican land technically.
Speaker 2: But I just want it all. And Canada, why not,
Speaker 2: We'll throw them in. Let's just all be one power country.
Speaker 2: I mean it'd be fun. I think it would be
Speaker 2: awesome for some reason. I I don't know. I just
Speaker 2: want to own it. That's the That might be my
Speaker 2: favorite thing I've said today. That's so stupid. All right,
Speaker 2: let me you were at Nike. I can't believe that.
Speaker 2: And you won't talk about Kevin Love. He's very sensitive,
Speaker 2: he has said, does he Yeah? I love him. I
Speaker 2: love him because he came to the Heat last year,
Speaker 2: so he was great. I'm from Florida'm from Miami, so
Speaker 2: I well, I'm not from Miami, but I lived there
Speaker 2: for a week, so I say Spanish. Ah, No, I
Speaker 2: lived in Miami forever. All my friends are Cuban and
Speaker 2: Puerto Rican and you don't speak none, really none, Like
Speaker 2: all my closest friends are Latino, and I just refuse.
Speaker 2: I just tell him you're on my country. I scream,
Speaker 2: you're in my country. You learn my language.
Speaker 4: Why does it turn the accent to now country hateful?
Speaker 2: That's that's how it's supposed to sound.
Speaker 3: Am I.
Speaker 2: When are they are we told I can't do a redneck?
Speaker 2: A can't? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Probably soon after this.
Speaker 2: Good.
Speaker 1: What's your feeling on cancelation.
Speaker 2: I think it's great cancel people. I think people deserve it,
Speaker 2: and I, you know, obviously it's not a real thing
Speaker 2: where like, oh, your livelihood has gone yeah, but as
Speaker 2: someone who's done things and said horrible things constantly, I've
Speaker 2: had backlash and I deserve it. There has to be consequences.
Speaker 2: And I also don't think that there's a problem with
Speaker 2: evolving and like, oh I used to be able to
Speaker 2: say this and now I can't. Well, fine, good, that's
Speaker 2: I'm okay with that.
Speaker 4: I like the opportunity for people to evolve into change.
Speaker 4: But it seems like people are more interested in the
Speaker 4: like lashing out and sort of ridiculing as opposed to
Speaker 4: giving people up ortunity to change in the tone, so
Speaker 4: to speak.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know that I've ever changed because
Speaker 2: of anything. But I'm also just thankful that like, no,
Speaker 2: ex girlfriend wrote a big article and it got published
Speaker 2: about me, you know. No, you know what, I'm happy.
Speaker 2: That's great. That means I've had pretty good, solid relationship.
Speaker 2: That's also sad, though, because I think, like, oh, no
Speaker 2: girl ever thought.
Speaker 1: To do that.
Speaker 4: You feel a little left out kind of what is
Speaker 4: your sign your birthday?
Speaker 2: Gemini?
Speaker 1: Oh that explains everything I think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, more more stupid stuff here we go. No, it's
Speaker 2: definitely you were born in May twenty ninth on the
Speaker 2: cancer side of Gemini.
Speaker 1: That means, oh, you're a cancer side of Gemini. That
Speaker 1: is so. That explains so much. So you have that
Speaker 1: nurturing side about you.
Speaker 4: Geminis are two faced, though, but the cancer cusp is good.
Speaker 1: I'm a cancer and I'm a very loving and nurturing person.
Speaker 2: Do you have any pets? Of course, what do you have?
Speaker 1: I have three pipples, They're all.
Speaker 2: I'm so great of you to do that, I know,
Speaker 2: you know what bothers me about pipples? What as someone
Speaker 2: who donates tons and tons of money to best friends,
Speaker 2: best friends, great organization. I don't know how many pipples
Speaker 2: I've saved. I get upset if I when I'm walking
Speaker 2: my dogs, if I just avoid, and then I get
Speaker 2: somebody going, oh, don't worry, my dog's super friendly. I go, yeah,
Speaker 2: until it's not. Yeah, you know how me? Deaths in
Speaker 2: this country have been caused by having ease? None ever, Yes,
Speaker 2: it's never caused a death. Nobody's ever died because of
Speaker 2: a have an ease. So fucking leave me alone in
Speaker 2: my little dog. All right, So you got three dogs?
Speaker 2: That's good?
Speaker 1: Yeah? No kids? How many kids you have?
Speaker 2: You have? Two of sixteen?
Speaker 1: You do not?
Speaker 2: Well? I count the abort so two and then fourteen abortions?
Speaker 1: Are you serious?
Speaker 2: I was? I named them all.
Speaker 1: All of your my abortion with the same person.
Speaker 2: No, that would be insane. If a one woman had
Speaker 2: fortune abortions?
Speaker 1: How did you?
Speaker 2: How did you do that? So many abortions?
Speaker 4: How do you have the conversation like with the girl
Speaker 4: or the I don't know if you were girlfriends or
Speaker 4: one night stands or whatever.
Speaker 2: How did I have what conversation, like.
Speaker 1: We're going to not have this child?
Speaker 2: Well, you know see that it's heavy gas lighting. Uh,
Speaker 2: heavy gas lighting.
Speaker 1: Do you maybe do you have kids outside that you
Speaker 1: don't know about.
Speaker 2: Oh, there's a strong possibility, but it'd be crazy for
Speaker 2: that person not to have surfaced to get a paycheck
Speaker 2: by now, Like, what are they waiting on for me
Speaker 2: to hit like my second stride with this show? This
Speaker 2: show is going to be amazing, you know it's but
Speaker 2: we have to end this interview because they had to
Speaker 2: turn the air conditioner off for us to do the
Speaker 2: interview and then and now it's like it's gotten more. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so I'm going to have to.
Speaker 1: Ask you to leave, to leave, Okay.
Speaker 2: Thank you very much for being here. I will take
Speaker 2: almost everything you said into consideration, and I will try
Speaker 2: to maybe take a little more time out for my
Speaker 2: own mental wellbeing in the future. Sincerely, Okay, all right, Pasha,
Speaker 2: Well Carl, I'm fixed, Rosie did it? Thank you for
Speaker 2: being on the show. Rosie. That was eye opening. I
Speaker 2: hope I can evolve as a person. Look, God, that's
Speaker 2: a tough pill to swallow. I'll be doing stand up
Speaker 2: in Reno and check out boyswearpink dot com if you
Speaker 2: have a toddler in your life before we get out
Speaker 2: of here. As you may know, I recorded my son
Speaker 2: for one year of his life when he was three
Speaker 2: years old. I recorded him telling me a bedtime story
Speaker 2: every night that he just made up. And then Eddie
Speaker 2: over there animated it. And now you're gonna watch it.
Speaker 2: See you next week. Tell me one one scary story. Okay, okay.
Speaker 2: One day, deep deep down, a bid who with a
Speaker 2: bead Ryan and it would northern China. It was a
Speaker 2: bad Ryan.
Speaker 3: The end.
Speaker 2: Is not scary. This is a hole and there's a
Speaker 2: big lion in it. Goofball