1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,840 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to Stephman 2 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: Never told you production of I Heart Radio. Today. We're 3 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:23,280 Speaker 1: so excited to be joined by a very special guest 4 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,640 Speaker 1: ar didn't marine. Hi, Yas, how are you. I'm so 5 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:31,040 Speaker 1: excited to be on your podcast. Oh, We're so excited 6 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 1: to have you. We were just discussing your pretty awesome recordings. 7 00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: Really a professional setup, which again puts ours to shape. 8 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: I'm literally in a dining room, like I mean, I 9 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 1: love design. I'm like I I bought my first house, 10 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,519 Speaker 1: like a little tiny house two years ago, and I 11 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 1: I contracted it myself because I could l a so 12 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,640 Speaker 1: expensive that I so I designed. I love design. I 13 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,760 Speaker 1: would have designed it anyway, but I design contract at 14 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 1: the house. And there's like a little stand alone garage 15 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: that I turned into a podcast studio, and so I 16 00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 1: rather than put like egg crates up, I figured out 17 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: a way to have the walls upholstered for soundproofing. So 18 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,120 Speaker 1: there's cotton batting, and then I found this really great 19 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:21,760 Speaker 1: fabric on like a discount fabric site that makes it 20 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 1: look all bougie. I mean it definitely the floor's flood 21 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: sometimes if it rains a lot, so you know it 22 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:33,679 Speaker 1: has its quirks, but on a on a dry day 23 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 1: and spectacular on the dry days. Well, that probably wouldn't 24 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,839 Speaker 1: work so well in Atlanta, but I bet it works 25 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 1: much better in l A yes story, I'm just having 26 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: spent time in Atlanta. You're absolutely correct about that. I'm 27 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,960 Speaker 1: thinking of was your time in Atlanta? Yeah? Can you 28 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,080 Speaker 1: introduce yourself and tell our listeners where they can find 29 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: you or may where they know you from already probably 30 00:01:56,680 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 1: you got it. My name's Artam Marine. I'm in act or, 31 00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: I'm a comedian, I'm an author, and I'm a podcast host. 32 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 1: People know me from. I played Regina st Clair on Insatiable, 33 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: which was on Netflix, which I filmed for two seasons 34 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 1: in Atlanta, and just loved Atlanta and so happy to 35 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 1: be sort of virtually pretending I'm in Atlanta right now. 36 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,680 Speaker 1: And then I was on Shameless for a year. I 37 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,960 Speaker 1: was on that TV for four years. I did over 38 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: a hundred episodes of Chelsea Lately. I tore as a 39 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 1: headlining stand up. I am an author of the book 40 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 1: little Miss Little Compton, available worldwide in all forms, that 41 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,400 Speaker 1: just came out this year. And then I am a 42 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 1: podcast host of one podcast, and I have another one 43 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 1: that's about to come out. It's also on I Heart Radio. 44 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 1: It is called Will You Accept This Rose, And it 45 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:53,360 Speaker 1: is a Bachelor recap podcast that I do with other 46 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,520 Speaker 1: comedians who are super fans that we don't hate watch it, 47 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: but we do make jokes of like we we are 48 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,600 Speaker 1: no spoilers. We want them to find love, and we 49 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: make a lot of jokes about it. And then I'm 50 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 1: also about to release a new I Heart Radio podcast 51 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: called Lady of the Road, where my co host is 52 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:17,079 Speaker 1: Julianne Robinson, who is one of the executive producers of Brierton. 53 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 1: And then she actually directed the pilot and she directed 54 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: Sexy six, Episode six, which is the Honeymoon sex Best 55 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:30,200 Speaker 1: where we talked to women that we admire and our 56 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:33,480 Speaker 1: first guest is Joan Jet. Our second guest is Lady 57 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:38,080 Speaker 1: Dan Barry. We talked to Rhetta, we talked to Jen Kirkman, 58 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,840 Speaker 1: We're gonna talk to I mean, there's like so many 59 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,720 Speaker 1: you know, it's it's it's Amber Ruffin, Molly Shannon, It's 60 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:46,560 Speaker 1: it's gonna I'm so excited for it to come out. 61 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: You have an all star cast, and I love that, 62 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 1: and yeah, I did see that you're about to do 63 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 1: the new podcast, and I got very excited because I'm 64 00:03:54,080 --> 00:04:00,200 Speaker 1: very into Britain. I do. I love ridiculous romance is 65 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,480 Speaker 1: with happy endings. That is something that I don't have 66 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: in my own life. My past work history was all tragic. 67 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,320 Speaker 1: So I was like, let me busk in this beauty 68 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: of just happiness. I mean, I feel like people would 69 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:14,320 Speaker 1: have loved it anyway, but the world needed bridge. It 70 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: was came up Christmas Day. It's so beautiful. It was 71 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 1: so cool and fun. The casting, like the Duke, just 72 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: the whole thing. Lady Danbury, I mean just meeting her, 73 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 1: you know, walking around with her top hat and her cane, 74 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:35,279 Speaker 1: just like so elegant, a single, rich lady just killing 75 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:40,160 Speaker 1: it and having fun. And I I loved it. I 76 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:43,039 Speaker 1: loved it. I'm a little jealous. I did listen to 77 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 1: a couple of year episodes with The Bachelor and Bachelor World, 78 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:48,920 Speaker 1: and and any and I have talked before that this 79 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,799 Speaker 1: is not this has not been a part of our world. 80 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 1: We don't quite get into it, but we know people 81 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 1: are die hard and just listening. I think it was 82 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 1: specifically with Miles, who was a part of the family 83 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,919 Speaker 1: as well as a lazy talking about the different loves 84 00:05:02,279 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 1: and y'all get into it for like a good an hour, 85 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 1: like forty five minutes of all of that. What made 86 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,159 Speaker 1: you decide this has to be a replay podcast? What 87 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: made you think this is this is a must? I mean, 88 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 1: first of all, I was gonna say shout out to 89 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:17,400 Speaker 1: Miles and Lacey. They're gonna be on next week. I 90 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 1: love them. I did not watch The Bachelor. I was 91 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 1: not into it. I didn't get it. The only reality 92 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: shows I enjoyed are I like watching people make things. 93 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:31,480 Speaker 1: So I enjoyed Project Runway It's like things or Top 94 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:35,400 Speaker 1: Chef Thing. I liked watching people give up on themselves 95 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 1: when they're tired, and having Tim Gunn swoop in and 96 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:40,760 Speaker 1: be like, make it work, and then you know they're 97 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:42,920 Speaker 1: ready to like throw in the towel and they're like, 98 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,920 Speaker 1: I can't do it, Tim Gunn, and then they would 99 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 1: like pull it together and then come up with some 100 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:50,960 Speaker 1: magical thing and win. So I liked that sort of 101 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: you know, I like to make things, and I found 102 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: that inspiring. I had no interest in Caddie. It just 103 00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:00,000 Speaker 1: wasn't interesting to me. And a couple of years ago, 104 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 1: somebody was like, you need to watch The Bachelor of 105 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:03,960 Speaker 1: this season. I was like, I have a life, No, 106 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,160 Speaker 1: I really don't. There's nothing that I even relate to 107 00:06:07,279 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: in this and so like, no, no, no, you need 108 00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:11,880 Speaker 1: to watch it, like there's like, for whatever reason, there's 109 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: what somebody said, I need to final watched one episode 110 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 1: and then it turned out it was a very good season. 111 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,880 Speaker 1: It was Caitlin season, and I found that I liked 112 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: it in a way I didn't. I never grew up 113 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: playing sports, but I found it relaxing in a gaming 114 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,840 Speaker 1: way of like who's gonna win and really rooting for him, 115 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:33,279 Speaker 1: and she was very charming and kind of realizing, Like no, 116 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,240 Speaker 1: I actually felt like people were falling in love and 117 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,520 Speaker 1: and trying to figure out almost like who's going to 118 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 1: the super Bowl or who's going to the finals? You know. 119 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:45,560 Speaker 1: And and I noticed on Twitter that all of my 120 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: funny friends were tweeting about it, and I think, you know, 121 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 1: growing up, I always wanted to be an actor. I 122 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,919 Speaker 1: always wanted to do comedy and then, thankfully, knock on what, 123 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 1: I've been able to make that my career. So I 124 00:06:57,480 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 1: was like, what are my hobbies now? You know, I 125 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:01,960 Speaker 1: just at first just started it as something fun that 126 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 1: had nothing to do with my life. That was just 127 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 1: something like a silly, silly hobby to do with my friend, 128 00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 1: treating it like a sporting event. And it's been this 129 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 1: weirdest thing where who would have ever thought that this 130 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 1: podcast about the Bachelor has Now, you know, I get 131 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: social anxiety, I get nervous around people, and so it's 132 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 1: also a fun way that I've made I don't know 133 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:26,400 Speaker 1: if you guys have that or if you've found this 134 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 1: with your podcast, but podcasting is a knife safe way 135 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: to come in. You have sort of an intimate conversation 136 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 1: with people that you wouldn't normally have. And for this, 137 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: you know, I just write out the episode, we go 138 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: through it. But I feel like I've been able to 139 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:43,360 Speaker 1: make friends. And then in a weird way, we joke 140 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:45,960 Speaker 1: now that we're the only podcast about the Bachelor and 141 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:50,280 Speaker 1: grief because I think during the course of a couple 142 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 1: of years ago, so it's been on for like five 143 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 1: or six years and two seasons in a row, it 144 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:57,960 Speaker 1: just so happened like both of my parents died back 145 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: to back, Like my dad died and then a year 146 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: later my mom suddenly died, and they both died on 147 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 1: like the weekends during the season, and The Bachelor aired 148 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 1: on Monday, and I'm like, do I it's so inappropriate. 149 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:11,760 Speaker 1: So I do the podcast and I allowed myself to 150 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:15,640 Speaker 1: cancel anything I didn't want to do, and I found 151 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,120 Speaker 1: I wanted to do it because it had been something 152 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 1: that was just like silly and fun and it didn't 153 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:23,280 Speaker 1: meet like it was just like completely something outside of 154 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: my life. And so in my stand up, I've never 155 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: been that personal. I'd never really talked about my family. 156 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: I'd never really revealed that much of myself. But I 157 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 1: couldn't hide the fact that I was in my family 158 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 1: living room and I forced my brother to god lass 159 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 1: my brother. But like both times I was like, look, 160 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:43,000 Speaker 1: you know, and I didn't know if it was going 161 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 1: to make my listeners uncomfortable. And then rather than being 162 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 1: off putting, I think it made them kind of lean 163 00:08:49,679 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 1: in and be like thank you for you know, my 164 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,120 Speaker 1: my mom had been a part of the podcast, and 165 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 1: like that everybody has stuff in life and so and 166 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:02,079 Speaker 1: I think people appreciated that that I wasn't fully okay, 167 00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:03,719 Speaker 1: but like I told him what was going on, and 168 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 1: then I did it, and it's it's helped. Actually, it 169 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,960 Speaker 1: was like my own I had weirdly built my own 170 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:13,320 Speaker 1: grief therapy and in a weird way. We've had a 171 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 1: few other people on the show have similar things where 172 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,320 Speaker 1: they've lost a parent and they wanted to keep coming 173 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,000 Speaker 1: because it's just it's just fun. It's just something that's 174 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,040 Speaker 1: fun and it's an escape for a couple of hours. 175 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,319 Speaker 1: And that's been you know, and even during the pandemic, 176 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:30,320 Speaker 1: we're like, do we still you know, at first, you're like, 177 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: do we still do this? During Black Lives Matter? The 178 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,360 Speaker 1: height of that, like do we do this? Pot you know, 179 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:37,760 Speaker 1: And we just made the decision because a lot of 180 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,960 Speaker 1: it wasn't even airing. We made the decision. We're like, 181 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: you know what, if we can be of service and 182 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 1: help somebody laugh for a couple of hours, and if 183 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 1: our heart is like if our intention is to try 184 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,920 Speaker 1: to be of service and have a fun community and 185 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:52,000 Speaker 1: we know it, you know, things are complicated right now, 186 00:09:52,040 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 1: but we can provide something that's warm and fun. Let's 187 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 1: just throw the spegetta get the wall and seech people 188 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,520 Speaker 1: like this. And it turned out people did it. So 189 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 1: it's just so weird. Who would have ever thought that. 190 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 1: I'm kind of surprised because again, I'm not in that world. 191 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 1: But I think one of the things that we had 192 00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: talked about, actually, we just did a couple of episodes 193 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,240 Speaker 1: about women in romance and getting caught up in whether 194 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:21,920 Speaker 1: it's novels or movies or songs and what that really is. 195 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:24,720 Speaker 1: And this whole narrative about shows like this or shows 196 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 1: like Britain, how they're being dismissed because they think it's 197 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 1: not relevant enough and it's just chick stuff, according you know, 198 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:36,520 Speaker 1: according to misogynistic mainstream ideas. But the actuality is it 199 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: is an escape, and it is a kind of a 200 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 1: way for people to have that moment of pause and 201 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,079 Speaker 1: a mental health moment of like I can escape from 202 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 1: my worst moments of today with these non physical things 203 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,240 Speaker 1: that have nothing to do with my life but are 204 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:55,360 Speaker 1: distracting me and it's beautiful, which is exactly as you 205 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 1: were talking about Bridgetain being released. During the time of pandemic, 206 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 1: people needed an escape, needed to forget that they can't 207 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 1: go out, needed to forget about all the things that 208 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,120 Speaker 1: people weren't doing to help each other out. To being 209 00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:10,199 Speaker 1: able to escape to listening to or watching Bachelor and 210 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,400 Speaker 1: Bachelorrett and I do know like recently, I don't know 211 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:16,560 Speaker 1: if it's recently because I've been paying attention, but according 212 00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 1: to the show, they're starting to become more empathetic and realizing, 213 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:23,400 Speaker 1: like really caping for those who are good people like that. 214 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:26,600 Speaker 1: I don't know the female there was a female contestant, 215 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:29,920 Speaker 1: the woman who was like, hey, you're being toxic, stop 216 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: being me, and I love it. It was such a 217 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:35,040 Speaker 1: beautiful moment of them really caping for this girl. And 218 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: even though maybe the main dude didn't see it and 219 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: didn't see how great she was, everyone else did and 220 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,560 Speaker 1: it was really rooting for her. And I'm like, for 221 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,560 Speaker 1: a show that oftentimes you do see the caddie, they 222 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,120 Speaker 1: want to see the drama, to have people talking about 223 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:52,160 Speaker 1: her was really beautiful. I really felt like there's a 224 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 1: moment of hope. I mean, I will say this Bachelor 225 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:59,880 Speaker 1: Matt James, he's so lovely, like he's such a truly 226 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,480 Speaker 1: I don't you know, he'd never been through the franchise 227 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:06,200 Speaker 1: before and he seems like just a really nice person. 228 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: And most of the women that are left, so we're 229 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 1: now we were down to the final four now we're 230 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:17,000 Speaker 1: down to the final three. Like most she didn't she 231 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 1: didn't make it. I did not know. I just needed 232 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:23,200 Speaker 1: to know that that's okay, that's okay. But there are 233 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: some really lovely like this gentleman has really for the 234 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:31,280 Speaker 1: most part, most of them had like one of them 235 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 1: is this lovely school teacher like. He seems to really 236 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: have responded to a lot of the nicer more like 237 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:43,680 Speaker 1: there's a there's a there were some ladies that are 238 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:47,000 Speaker 1: pretty harsh on this season, but then he he has 239 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: generally seemed for the most part to gravitate towards these elegant, nice, 240 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 1: like kind women. There's one that's there's some drama around, 241 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 1: but the other ones are great. Yes, the escapism thing 242 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 1: is it's in you know, I don't know. Do you 243 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:13,359 Speaker 1: guys have hobbies? Oh, you're askeing the wrong people this question. Yeah, 244 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: And he's a hobby queen, and I am the rerun 245 00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:22,000 Speaker 1: watcher of all things nonsensical. So yes, yeah, so you 246 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 1: get it. Absolutely, we understand he Annie, What are your hobbies? 247 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: Oh well, right now it is reading and writing fans fiction. 248 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:34,679 Speaker 1: This is also my cosplate closet, so I made costumes 249 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 1: in here and dungeons and dragons. I I run a campaign, 250 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,080 Speaker 1: and I like go. I treat it like a job. 251 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:48,199 Speaker 1: I built things, and I designed things. I just started quilting. 252 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,719 Speaker 1: I had not used to sewing machines since I made 253 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,959 Speaker 1: dresses from my barbies at like seven. Quilting is so 254 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: fun because he doesn't need a pattern and it can 255 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:00,520 Speaker 1: be messy. And and then I've also been making pom 256 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,240 Speaker 1: pomps with my friend. I'm going to turn into something. 257 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:08,760 Speaker 1: But yeah, I think the importance of something and I'm 258 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,840 Speaker 1: sure it's healing for you to do all your hobbies, 259 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 1: Like I'm sure that that is like calming and you 260 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 1: get lost in it. Like I think the importance of 261 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:20,120 Speaker 1: that is such good self care. Yeah. Absolutely. And and 262 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,480 Speaker 1: for me, ever since the pandemic started, I started writing 263 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:26,040 Speaker 1: this fan fiction. It is now four and fifty pages long, 264 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 1: so I call it My Pandemic Baby. But it's definitely 265 00:14:28,760 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: like a stress stress thing for me is writing, And 266 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,600 Speaker 1: like the more I'm writing, the more I'm like, oh, wow, 267 00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 1: you're really stressed, but this is helping so much. So. 268 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:42,240 Speaker 1: As you said, you did recently release a memoir. Can 269 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 1: you talk about the why you wanted to write it? 270 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 1: The process of writing it. So I wanted to write 271 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 1: I have a very quirky family, and you know, it's 272 00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:59,760 Speaker 1: an interesting thing like that. I never was very open about, 273 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,760 Speaker 1: you know, I never I was always fairly i've i've 274 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 1: still am fairly private. But like so, whenever I would 275 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:09,920 Speaker 1: do at UCB, they of a show called ASCAT, and 276 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,480 Speaker 1: they have a monologist like to the Improv Theater in 277 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 1: New York. In l A, their big shows called ASCAT, 278 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,280 Speaker 1: and they have somebody come on and they get a 279 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: suggestion from the audience on the spot, who are you know? 280 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,640 Speaker 1: Their their guest chnologists has to just sort of improvise 281 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,800 Speaker 1: stories based on the word. It could be literally like 282 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 1: uh say monkey or top hat or whatever, and then 283 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,360 Speaker 1: you have to sort of just tell a story of 284 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,960 Speaker 1: that that word makes you think of. And I found 285 00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,000 Speaker 1: even though I didn't talk about my family or the 286 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 1: town that I grew up in in my stand up, 287 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:47,920 Speaker 1: when I would go do the monologues at ASCAT, people 288 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: would be really interested in my upbringing in my town. 289 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,560 Speaker 1: I grew up in a town called Little Compton, Rhode Island, 290 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:59,480 Speaker 1: which is a real town that I'd probably never heard of, 291 00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 1: the real Compton until straight out of Compton. The movie 292 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:04,480 Speaker 1: came out, like not even the album or the movie. 293 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,440 Speaker 1: And my parents had they met in New York City. 294 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: They were co workers. They never went on a date 295 00:16:11,640 --> 00:16:14,160 Speaker 1: with one another. In one New Year's they got engaged 296 00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,760 Speaker 1: on a dare and they got married six weeks later, 297 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 1: and they stayed married for fifty years, and they moved 298 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 1: to this tiny town. And so whenever I would talk 299 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,680 Speaker 1: about that, people just seem so like, wait, what what 300 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 1: do you mean Your parents got married on a dare, 301 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 1: And like, what do you mean? You know, I grew 302 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 1: up in a town with the general store and no stoplights, 303 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 1: and allegedly we had an illiterate chief of police, you know, allegedly, 304 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 1: I don't know, that's the rumor um. And so I 305 00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 1: felt like I had this particularly funny family that I 306 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: was never aware of. But as I grew up and 307 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 1: got out into the world, the more people would hear 308 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 1: about them, the more they were like, that's a very 309 00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:54,840 Speaker 1: unusual family. My friend said, it's like funding with scissors, 310 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 1: Like the book should be called Funding with Scissors. And 311 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 1: so it was a process like I'd written various forms 312 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:06,600 Speaker 1: of this proposal over the years, and then I feel 313 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 1: like in the last few years, I've got a little braver, 314 00:17:09,840 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 1: and I got a little more honest, and I got 315 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,320 Speaker 1: a little um. I don't know if you guys have this, 316 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 1: but like I feel like I probably my particular family. 317 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,320 Speaker 1: And I also think as a woman, like I was 318 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,480 Speaker 1: brought up to sort of keep secrets or keep things 319 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:27,399 Speaker 1: nice or like don't you know, like you just you 320 00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 1: just don't rock the boat. And I added more truth 321 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 1: to sort of the fun stories of like, well there 322 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 1: was more going on, and like my mom was great, 323 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:42,359 Speaker 1: my dad was pretty verbally abusive, and like I also 324 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:47,280 Speaker 1: felt like I wanted to show people, and particularly you know, 325 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:50,199 Speaker 1: I wanted to show anybody that if you grew up 326 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 1: with somebody that was sort of telling you you weren't enough, 327 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:57,840 Speaker 1: that like that there is at least from it that 328 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,320 Speaker 1: I could hopefully be an example that like you can 329 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:04,520 Speaker 1: be okay even if somebody was sort of not so great. 330 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:09,119 Speaker 1: And so the crazy thing I found out I was 331 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:13,400 Speaker 1: filming season two of Instatable and not to be modeling, 332 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,200 Speaker 1: but like I was telling season two e Instation, But 333 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:19,080 Speaker 1: I was so excited love that show, so fun and 334 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,680 Speaker 1: the first season my dad had died right before the 335 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 1: first season. So I was like happy to be back. 336 00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 1: Things like okay, great, so that can be like normal 337 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 1: this year. I'm like, you know, time had passed. I 338 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:32,159 Speaker 1: felt better. And then like the sixth day there, I 339 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: found like my mom died, just she just had a 340 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,719 Speaker 1: heart attack and died. And then so I went home 341 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,159 Speaker 1: and I found out like going on the way to 342 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 1: her funeral, like at this email that was like, I 343 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:46,439 Speaker 1: mean this is like a five minute drive. They were like, 344 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 1: hope you're having a great week. We're so excited. We 345 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:51,399 Speaker 1: want to do the book. I saw my book the 346 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: morning at my mom's funeral. On the way to my 347 00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:54,879 Speaker 1: mom's funeral, I've been trying to sell it for like 348 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,679 Speaker 1: eight years. Like what I was like, well, you know, 349 00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 1: I mean I'm not really having a great way, like 350 00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 1: I'm so excited that like so and she was barely 351 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: in the proposal too. I was like okay, well, like 352 00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,800 Speaker 1: I just so you know, and want to freak you out, 353 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:14,000 Speaker 1: but like something does happen, um, so it might be 354 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:18,840 Speaker 1: a slightly different book just by so it actually, my 355 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,439 Speaker 1: friend says, it became is not my memoir, it became 356 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:25,600 Speaker 1: my mom wir it became her book. And I found 357 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:28,800 Speaker 1: it just similar to any. Like the process of writing it. 358 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,080 Speaker 1: I actually think it became more glass half full and 359 00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:36,359 Speaker 1: more optimistic, and that it was again creating things. It 360 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 1: was almost my own medicine, like the equivalent of your 361 00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,879 Speaker 1: fan fiction of like that. In a weird way. I 362 00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:46,360 Speaker 1: think my heart was so open and I was so aware. 363 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:50,360 Speaker 1: You know I have either of you lost a parent. Yes, 364 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,160 Speaker 1: I lost my dad a year and a half ago. 365 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,479 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. It was okay, So that's kind of one 366 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,880 Speaker 1: of the things. And I'm not putting words in Any's mouth. 367 00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 1: She's actually recently did an episode year ago. Uh, kind 368 00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,879 Speaker 1: of similar to you. Her relationship with her father was 369 00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:07,560 Speaker 1: well that I will say first, and I'm sorry, and 370 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,159 Speaker 1: I will say what was interesting was I thought my 371 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,080 Speaker 1: dad had been almost dying for years, Like he was 372 00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 1: a big drinker and he he just lived life large 373 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:20,679 Speaker 1: for years and then he'd stopped drinking, but he's done 374 00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:22,680 Speaker 1: a lot of damage and he ate nothing but cake 375 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:24,760 Speaker 1: even though he's dying. But it was just like a 376 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,800 Speaker 1: full plate of like he was. And I thought it 377 00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,400 Speaker 1: would just be a relief when he was gone because 378 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,439 Speaker 1: he and it and it wasn't. It was It was 379 00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:39,160 Speaker 1: interesting having like for me, a complicated grief was actually 380 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:43,359 Speaker 1: just as painful as the one that I adored, you know, 381 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:47,240 Speaker 1: like because it's all the stuff that like because it 382 00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:49,920 Speaker 1: was because it didn't happen, and it never did happen, 383 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,439 Speaker 1: and so there was a grief over that. And so 384 00:20:53,760 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 1: I found that writing this, Like I think at first 385 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 1: the proposal was more about him, which is so easy. 386 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: I think sometimes that somebody like that. I think so 387 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 1: much from my sometimes, like if I'm doing stand up, 388 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 1: the one person that's not laughing is one I can 389 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:12,520 Speaker 1: focus on not rather than everybody else, And you know, 390 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:15,760 Speaker 1: our brains can kind of sabotage us. And I think 391 00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,720 Speaker 1: when like I had so many people tell me memories 392 00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 1: of her like that were so fresh things that I 393 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,439 Speaker 1: didn't know about that it actually was like, well, she 394 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,920 Speaker 1: did all the heavy lifting, Like she was the one 395 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,919 Speaker 1: that was magic, She was the one that made me 396 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:31,320 Speaker 1: believe in myself, like rather than focus on the one 397 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,919 Speaker 1: and I did talk honestly about how you know, and 398 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 1: by the way, it's a really fun book. It's a funny, 399 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:41,400 Speaker 1: fun book. But it is also like I had one 400 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,879 Speaker 1: parent that just didn't like me. He just never liked me. 401 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,360 Speaker 1: He did from the get go, and he never did 402 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 1: never the entire time beginning to end. And how healing 403 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 1: it was. I mean there were days where I would 404 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,639 Speaker 1: show up at the page, you know, he wrote it 405 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:58,320 Speaker 1: all in airbnbs in Atlanta, shooting insatiable, like and I 406 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,439 Speaker 1: would just pass out like it was too much. But 407 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: then like I just kind of kept trying to open 408 00:22:03,359 --> 00:22:06,439 Speaker 1: my heart and go like like to see what was 409 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,520 Speaker 1: fun and unique. And I think it's a really joyful 410 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:14,199 Speaker 1: tribute with honesty about you know, a complicated person. And 411 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,080 Speaker 1: then I think the healing powers of sort of just 412 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,199 Speaker 1: I didn't have the luxury of going to bed like 413 00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,320 Speaker 1: if you just have to keep going like the like 414 00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:24,680 Speaker 1: the almost the gift of and I think the world 415 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:26,679 Speaker 1: is experiencing that right now. I think that there's a 416 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,400 Speaker 1: little like the whole world is having complications right now 417 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:31,879 Speaker 1: and just going okay, well what are the like I 418 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,399 Speaker 1: don't know if you experienced this, Danny, But the gift 419 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,919 Speaker 1: of it was also like it became very clear in 420 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,439 Speaker 1: my body what I wanted to do and what I 421 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 1: didn't want to do, and who I wanted to be with. 422 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,399 Speaker 1: And I couldn't people please, Like as I was run up, 423 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,919 Speaker 1: particularly as a female, and in my pt like I 424 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,399 Speaker 1: always should do this, I should do that, and like 425 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,360 Speaker 1: I couldn't force myself to do that. Did you have 426 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:57,680 Speaker 1: that experience? Um, Well, before I answer your question, because 427 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:02,640 Speaker 1: I have a lot to say every I do want 428 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 1: to just mention I was once in a vampire short 429 00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:14,400 Speaker 1: film called Insatiable Way to Play. I was the roommate 430 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,760 Speaker 1: who was moving into this vampire's house and being like, 431 00:23:16,800 --> 00:23:18,680 Speaker 1: I think there's something up with this lady. I think 432 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:21,879 Speaker 1: she might be Did you get killed? Do you get killed? No? 433 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 1: Actually the ending is really fun because I was supposed 434 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:27,520 Speaker 1: to get killed, but money and time things happened that 435 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 1: they changed the ending so that I actually like, hear 436 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:32,680 Speaker 1: this guy scream And one of her rules was never 437 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:34,560 Speaker 1: coming to my room, And so I get up and 438 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,199 Speaker 1: I'm like, maybe I should go check it out, and 439 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: then I say this and it ends so I don't 440 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:43,560 Speaker 1: go in there. She doesn't kill me. That's good, thank you. 441 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,679 Speaker 1: I just want to put that out there. It is available. 442 00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:01,560 Speaker 1: Back to what you said earlier about like podcasting is 443 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:05,000 Speaker 1: such a it can be such a personal medium. And 444 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 1: when my dad died, I had just had so many 445 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 1: complicated things, and I also thought it was going to 446 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,600 Speaker 1: be a relief, and I was kind of like, what 447 00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 1: is this? Why am I not more relieved? Because I 448 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:19,200 Speaker 1: would tell friends like I will be relieved when he died. 449 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:23,800 Speaker 1: I've been praying for it since, like great. I remember 450 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 1: even like if he just died, then everybody would know 451 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:28,159 Speaker 1: I was in pain, and then I like it be, 452 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,280 Speaker 1: it would be uncomplicated, you know. That was my little 453 00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:34,680 Speaker 1: child brain and it's like, no, it's not like that. 454 00:24:34,840 --> 00:24:40,040 Speaker 1: It's not a free there's no free paths. And I 455 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 1: remember I too, kept podcasting through that, and then we 456 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:50,880 Speaker 1: did an episode on forgiveness, and then recently we revisited 457 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:54,639 Speaker 1: it because through this time, when and listeners have gotten 458 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:58,040 Speaker 1: to like, hear me go work through this. And I 459 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,240 Speaker 1: did forgive my my dad, which is something thing I 460 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,520 Speaker 1: never ever ever thought I would do and I didn't 461 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:05,119 Speaker 1: try to do. And as we always say, forgiveness is 462 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:09,119 Speaker 1: not you don't owe it to anybody, um, but going 463 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,480 Speaker 1: through that and having people listen to it and share 464 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 1: their their experiences and even if they haven't lost a 465 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:19,439 Speaker 1: parent or if they don't have complicated relationships, you can 466 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:23,160 Speaker 1: still connect to that kind of stuff. And I I'm 467 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,600 Speaker 1: curious what your experience. You've kind of talked about it 468 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:29,480 Speaker 1: a little bit, But I feel like for me, as 469 00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:33,480 Speaker 1: a woman in entertainment, there was and a lot of 470 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:36,240 Speaker 1: this was me doing it, putting this pressure on myself. 471 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,960 Speaker 1: There is this pressure to be like authentic and open 472 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,440 Speaker 1: and vulnerable. But sometimes those emotions like you haven't worked 473 00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:46,960 Speaker 1: through that yet, and like it feels kind of dangerous 474 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 1: or something like like you're doing it because you think, oh, 475 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 1: this will be good content, and you know, you're not 476 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,080 Speaker 1: thinking about yourself and what's good for you. So I 477 00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:59,239 Speaker 1: don't know if you have any experience with that. Was 478 00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,080 Speaker 1: almost as if I had to be like it's fine, 479 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:04,160 Speaker 1: I'm fine, you know what I mean. Like I didn't 480 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:08,399 Speaker 1: want to make my coworkers uncomfortable, and so I felt 481 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,640 Speaker 1: like I had to just because I didn't really know them, 482 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,080 Speaker 1: you know, And so there was something about having to 483 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:18,520 Speaker 1: and I you know, look, people say crazy things too. 484 00:26:18,560 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: I mean I remember when my mom died, there was 485 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,280 Speaker 1: a person at work who asked how I was doing. 486 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,680 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm okay, like just okay. I was like, yeah, 487 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 1: I'm okay, and they're like, what's wrong? And I said, well, 488 00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,640 Speaker 1: my mom died two weeks ago, and the person said, well, 489 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:38,800 Speaker 1: there's been two weeks. This person is forever the it's 490 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,280 Speaker 1: been two weeks for Shure, I, myself, my friends and 491 00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:45,840 Speaker 1: I that's information. So like although the rest of my coworkers, 492 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:47,720 Speaker 1: you know, a lot a lot of them, it's interesting 493 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:50,159 Speaker 1: who shows up and who's like who's not scared of it? 494 00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:53,040 Speaker 1: Like you know, Debbie Ryan, who was the lead on 495 00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:56,440 Speaker 1: the show. She was so wonderful and she actually ended 496 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,960 Speaker 1: up writing the foreword from my book, and like you 497 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:01,960 Speaker 1: just you know, here this young lady who was like 498 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,400 Speaker 1: a Disney star, like who would have ever? Like this 499 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:07,040 Speaker 1: was the person that I would go get tacos with him. 500 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 1: We would go like get scooters and right through the 501 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,399 Speaker 1: park and we'd go. You know, it was, um, you 502 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 1: just never know, and then I do. I do know. 503 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:21,119 Speaker 1: You know, in this Instagram world where you're supposed to 504 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:24,280 Speaker 1: or you think you're I mean, you know in your 505 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,720 Speaker 1: brain you can go, oh my am, I supposed to 506 00:27:26,760 --> 00:27:30,520 Speaker 1: put my bleeding art on the page. There's the New 507 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:33,640 Speaker 1: England side of me that was like zip your lip, 508 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:37,720 Speaker 1: don't tell anybody. It's like always this dance of you know, 509 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:41,159 Speaker 1: because for a while you are not okay, and and 510 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 1: it is like a fine line of kind to be 511 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:50,080 Speaker 1: authentic about that. Well also like you're basically like running 512 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:54,080 Speaker 1: a marathon and like stitching yourself up midstream and shocked, 513 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,120 Speaker 1: like kind of tell tell people, you know, like hey, 514 00:27:57,160 --> 00:28:00,359 Speaker 1: there's a lady injured in this lane, and also like no, no, 515 00:28:00,440 --> 00:28:02,400 Speaker 1: don't worry about it. I'm fine, I'm fine, don't mind 516 00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:04,440 Speaker 1: the stitches in the blood, like I'm fine, I'm fine. 517 00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,439 Speaker 1: So it's like you don't want to like it was 518 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:10,560 Speaker 1: a fine line of being authentic and then also not 519 00:28:10,560 --> 00:28:14,320 Speaker 1: wanting to terrify people, like yeah, and I feel like 520 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,440 Speaker 1: for me, and we've Samantha and I have talked about 521 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:19,320 Speaker 1: this at length. We just did an episode called dead 522 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,760 Speaker 1: Inside as I felt like I wasn't sad enough, like 523 00:28:21,800 --> 00:28:23,720 Speaker 1: on the other side of that, people were like, oh, 524 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:27,280 Speaker 1: you're not You're not sad enough. And the day after 525 00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:30,720 Speaker 1: my dad died, I went to the surprise birthday party 526 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,200 Speaker 1: because I was the person who was supposed to spring 527 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,400 Speaker 1: the surprise, and everyone was like, why the hell are 528 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:40,280 Speaker 1: you here? And yeah, and I still feel guilt about that. 529 00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:41,680 Speaker 1: I feel weird about it, but I was kind of 530 00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:44,280 Speaker 1: almost in a number you leave your blood. I mean 531 00:28:44,360 --> 00:28:48,720 Speaker 1: there's no shout, you know, trust me, I think I did. 532 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:52,959 Speaker 1: It's like, well, that's on my calendar, like it like 533 00:28:53,240 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 1: that's what I'm gonna tell. The day after my mom died, 534 00:28:57,040 --> 00:28:59,160 Speaker 1: I was stuck in Atlanta. There was like an ice storm. 535 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,400 Speaker 1: I couldn't get to Rhode Island. So I was like, well, 536 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:03,760 Speaker 1: I have tickets for a soccer game. I'm gonna go 537 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,479 Speaker 1: to this. I went to the soccer game and then 538 00:29:06,520 --> 00:29:08,520 Speaker 1: I bumped into this friend of mine who's like an 539 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,840 Speaker 1: executive an adult swim. She was there, She's like, how 540 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:14,480 Speaker 1: are you. I'm like, not good, Like my mom died yesterday, 541 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,080 Speaker 1: and you can see on her face like why are 542 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 1: you at this soccer But I'm like I didn't know 543 00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 1: what else to do. Like you, you know, the first 544 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 1: couple of weeks, you're just crazy. You're just like it's crazy, Like, well, 545 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,760 Speaker 1: I had the tickets, so I bought them. I'm going 546 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 1: to this pub game. I'm d I'm sorry. You're like, yeah, 547 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,520 Speaker 1: I think a lot of the things, and just again, 548 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,520 Speaker 1: I haven't lost a parent. My whole view is completely 549 00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:43,479 Speaker 1: different working on the outside, but I know any had 550 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 1: told me, and I'm guessing as you as a comedian 551 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:49,520 Speaker 1: in general, this level of being seen as not only 552 00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,080 Speaker 1: the dutiful daughters therefore you have to handle things and 553 00:29:52,120 --> 00:29:55,640 Speaker 1: be the responsible one, but also secondly, like it's almost 554 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,760 Speaker 1: a level of expectation of entertainment, like, yeah, you're grieving, 555 00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 1: are you going to entertain in us? And any you 556 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:04,360 Speaker 1: have that whole story of being paid twenty dollars because 557 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:08,160 Speaker 1: you entertain your niece or nephew or not or nephew 558 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,680 Speaker 1: a cousin. You have a cousin during the funeral or 559 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:14,840 Speaker 1: during the like sitting there because you were able to 560 00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:17,959 Speaker 1: keep this kid entertained, And they're like, oh, we're so impressed. 561 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,160 Speaker 1: But there's a lot of expectation, especially if you're an entertainer, 562 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 1: especially and he's an entertainer. He is in this world 563 00:30:24,160 --> 00:30:27,920 Speaker 1: as well being thought of as that you are an entertainer. 564 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 1: So why aren't you using your grief to entertain us? 565 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:33,960 Speaker 1: What is that kind of pressure? I can't imagine what 566 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 1: that even looks like. I mean, I see that I 567 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:41,280 Speaker 1: am my own in so many areas, whether my life 568 00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 1: is on fire or not, even like the best of times, 569 00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:48,760 Speaker 1: I am so my own worst taskmaster, and I am 570 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:53,760 Speaker 1: so often the one who pushes myself too hard. I 571 00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:57,000 Speaker 1: am the one who will go, yeah, I should be fine, 572 00:30:57,360 --> 00:30:59,320 Speaker 1: I could do that. I'll sign up for that. I'm 573 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,880 Speaker 1: gonna do that. And remember doing stand up in Atlanta 574 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,280 Speaker 1: shortly after my dad died. I went and was like, 575 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:05,920 Speaker 1: I'm not do stand up again. So I did a 576 00:31:05,920 --> 00:31:08,800 Speaker 1: couple of shows at the Laughing Skull that went well, 577 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,920 Speaker 1: and then I had was one horrible night where like 578 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,880 Speaker 1: everyone from the cast came to see it. Alissa Milano 579 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: was there, like with her husband, like rancy A, her parents, 580 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:21,880 Speaker 1: the show runner from Insane. It was just not my night. 581 00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:23,720 Speaker 1: It just was not a good night. And it was 582 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:28,240 Speaker 1: like and I realized too soon, Like I realized I 583 00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:33,600 Speaker 1: can't do stand up right now because it's too vulnerable. 584 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:37,720 Speaker 1: I can't. I don't have a bomb in me. However, 585 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,040 Speaker 1: that doesn't mean the baby gets from out the bath water. 586 00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,720 Speaker 1: Like Okay, what can I do? I can do my podcast. 587 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:46,680 Speaker 1: The podcast is safe. I hand pick who's on we're 588 00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:50,080 Speaker 1: talking about the Bachelor. It's more authentic. I can be 589 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:53,200 Speaker 1: real about what's happening. I think, you know, it's just 590 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:56,280 Speaker 1: picking and choosing. It's like I feel like all of 591 00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:59,600 Speaker 1: life so much is an experiment of like, Okay, I 592 00:31:59,640 --> 00:32:02,120 Speaker 1: try it, it could have you know, you go and 593 00:32:02,120 --> 00:32:04,960 Speaker 1: then you know it could have been great not for 594 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:11,360 Speaker 1: me right now, like and but yeah, I think, particularly 595 00:32:11,360 --> 00:32:16,960 Speaker 1: in work situations when people are used to you being funny, 596 00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:22,640 Speaker 1: I think my go to is often, you know, my therapist. 597 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:24,640 Speaker 1: And I remember because I got I actually got this 598 00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:27,280 Speaker 1: really nice lady. I hadn't been in therapy in years. 599 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:30,440 Speaker 1: And then when my mom died season two, I was like, well, 600 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,960 Speaker 1: I can't do this again, Like I'm like the girl 601 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:35,480 Speaker 1: cried wolf, like this just happened. Like so I was like, 602 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,560 Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna tell I'm gonna so I found 603 00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:40,680 Speaker 1: this wonderful lady indicator who I actually still go to 604 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,480 Speaker 1: via zoom. I just loved her. But she was saying 605 00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,520 Speaker 1: how and I think this is me as an entertainer, 606 00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 1: but also just me as a lady raised in my house, 607 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,760 Speaker 1: which is the instinct is to go the equivalent of 608 00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:57,240 Speaker 1: like learning how to not go the house burned down, 609 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,360 Speaker 1: and then trying not to say, don't worry, everyone's fine, 610 00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,960 Speaker 1: like trying to comfort the person to like take the 611 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,240 Speaker 1: blow off of my own bad news because people don't 612 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,360 Speaker 1: know what to do with it, just letting it go. 613 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,720 Speaker 1: Sometimes not everyone's fine, like just going the house burned down, 614 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,840 Speaker 1: Like my instinct is to care for I don't want 615 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,120 Speaker 1: to freak anybody out with bad news, learning how to 616 00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,480 Speaker 1: de zip it and not do the second thing of 617 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,560 Speaker 1: like IM don't worry, it's fine, all right, It's like 618 00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:28,840 Speaker 1: are you Annie? What did you? Is fine with that? Yeah, 619 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:33,000 Speaker 1: it's It's interesting because I also had a series of 620 00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:34,960 Speaker 1: kind of tragedies in a row, and I thought I 621 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:37,320 Speaker 1: had a similar like people aren't even gonna believe this 622 00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:43,000 Speaker 1: is real anymore. Yeah, this is ridiculous. And I did 623 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:48,840 Speaker 1: and still do struggle with that very thing of comforting 624 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:52,240 Speaker 1: other people, like worrying more about other people first. And 625 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 1: I do have this reputation which I built um being 626 00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:01,080 Speaker 1: a fun like easy go, I'm going to make your 627 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:05,840 Speaker 1: day better, like the party, the life of the party, 628 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,520 Speaker 1: and I it's such a big part of my identity, 629 00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: and a part of that is being a woman. And 630 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,560 Speaker 1: we also both Samantha and I come from small towns, 631 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:18,480 Speaker 1: not as small as yours. Mine's pretty small in comparison 632 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:23,800 Speaker 1: to how big mine you and I may be in 633 00:34:23,840 --> 00:34:27,200 Speaker 1: the running to see whose town is smaller. Yeah, Sa 634 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:31,040 Speaker 1: l J. Georgia. Oh so you're asking me questions. I 635 00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:37,520 Speaker 1: don't know anymore, but I definitely was. We had one stoplight, yes, 636 00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:40,120 Speaker 1: it got split into two sections for some reason, we 637 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:42,399 Speaker 1: don't know why. As well as we had the one 638 00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:47,160 Speaker 1: small walmart, and it wasn't until two thousand until I left. 639 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,560 Speaker 1: So I think that two thousands five that they got 640 00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:53,080 Speaker 1: more than two grocery stores. I mean, I think mine smaller. 641 00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:57,480 Speaker 1: We have we have no stoplights, no grocery stores, no chains, 642 00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:01,080 Speaker 1: we have one gender. We only have a general store, okay, 643 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,560 Speaker 1: and then we had a one weird store that we 644 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,319 Speaker 1: went to and then the bigger one came later on 645 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,359 Speaker 1: in my teenage years. We have a coffee shop that's 646 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:13,480 Speaker 1: a barn, and an apple orchard and um a diner. 647 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:20,680 Speaker 1: So we didn't have a shop beat back. I'm just saying, yeah, No, 648 00:35:20,760 --> 00:35:23,279 Speaker 1: I think I was was more spread out, So we 649 00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,959 Speaker 1: were definitely. Uh, the land was large, but the town 650 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:31,160 Speaker 1: was teeny tiny. It still is it still is, but yeah, 651 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:34,080 Speaker 1: we've grown since then. I do think a small town 652 00:35:34,160 --> 00:35:37,280 Speaker 1: makes you like, um, the gift of a small town 653 00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:40,520 Speaker 1: to me is like my mom wanted to move there 654 00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:42,759 Speaker 1: from Rhode Island so that we could learn how to 655 00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:46,720 Speaker 1: entertain ourselves and that we weren't overly programmed. My brother 656 00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,440 Speaker 1: and I and I think it worked, like learning how 657 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:53,719 Speaker 1: to sort of daydream like that noodle time, making houses, 658 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,919 Speaker 1: rocket ships out of boxes, and climbing trees and that's 659 00:35:56,920 --> 00:36:00,399 Speaker 1: sort of magical noodle time. And then I love I mean, 660 00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,960 Speaker 1: television really raised me and just the fun and the 661 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,319 Speaker 1: fantasy of daydreaming of one day when I'd be old 662 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:09,200 Speaker 1: enough to get out of there. I think it made 663 00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,799 Speaker 1: me glad I got to get at it. I mean, 664 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:13,719 Speaker 1: even though it's like the prettiest place on Earth, I'm like, 665 00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:18,000 Speaker 1: I gotta got to go right. Literally, when I was there, 666 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,680 Speaker 1: I could not stand hiking doing any of that because 667 00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:22,040 Speaker 1: I live in a mountain town, so I'm at the 668 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:25,719 Speaker 1: foothills of Appalachian Mountains, and I didn't do any of 669 00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:28,800 Speaker 1: those things. Didn't camp As I leave and come into 670 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,520 Speaker 1: the city. I put that in quote. Now I'm actually 671 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,480 Speaker 1: going back to my hometown to stay in the capits, 672 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:37,200 Speaker 1: to go camping and to do the hiking. So yeah, 673 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,680 Speaker 1: it's definitely a whole different experience. I get that I 674 00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:45,120 Speaker 1: get that. Yeah, I feel like related to what we 675 00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:47,960 Speaker 1: were saying earlier though the small town for me and 676 00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,799 Speaker 1: and being a woman raised in kind of this like 677 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,480 Speaker 1: southern small town was I did, like I added the 678 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,960 Speaker 1: pressure to be nice and not rock the boat, as 679 00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,680 Speaker 1: you say, and not bother people with your less than 680 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 1: super poppy promotions. But speaking of like coming from a 681 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:11,880 Speaker 1: small town and leaving it, you started in this industry 682 00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:15,880 Speaker 1: really young without much support, how did you go about 683 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,560 Speaker 1: that as you learn to advocate for yourself, especially as 684 00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:23,919 Speaker 1: a woman in this industry that is changing but has traditionally, 685 00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:28,719 Speaker 1: like most industries and entertainment, not been the best. I mean, 686 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,440 Speaker 1: it's I think, if I really look back on I 687 00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 1: have so much compassion now, I'm like, oh, man, like 688 00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:38,200 Speaker 1: that was gnarly. Some of that stuff was gnarly. Like 689 00:37:38,840 --> 00:37:40,880 Speaker 1: I think at first, you learn how to shape shift, 690 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,640 Speaker 1: you know, you learned how to kind of like ha 691 00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:46,319 Speaker 1: like deflect and like I started in Chicago when I 692 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:50,480 Speaker 1: was nineteen, I started doing improv there and which was 693 00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:55,279 Speaker 1: a magical, amazing time. And the people there were like 694 00:37:55,560 --> 00:38:00,799 Speaker 1: it was huge comedy people, but they were pretty much 695 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:04,719 Speaker 1: all men, you know, And I'd also never been hit 696 00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,359 Speaker 1: on more in my life. I'd never I'd never had 697 00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:11,000 Speaker 1: my gender like such an issue. I'd never heard the 698 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,400 Speaker 1: phrase women aren't funny before. But all of that was 699 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:18,040 Speaker 1: news to me, and I honestly, in the beginning, a 700 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,160 Speaker 1: lot of my way of dealing was just sort of 701 00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:22,840 Speaker 1: cutting and running. It was sort of like I knew 702 00:38:22,880 --> 00:38:25,320 Speaker 1: I wasn't going to thrive there, and I'd written a 703 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:27,600 Speaker 1: lot of plays, like I had already written and directed 704 00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:30,640 Speaker 1: plays in high school and stuff like that, and and 705 00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:33,720 Speaker 1: thankfully my mom always was like, you can do anything 706 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,080 Speaker 1: to put your mind to. I'd already had the experience 707 00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:40,280 Speaker 1: of like doing well with my own voice, and I 708 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,480 Speaker 1: just thought, I'm not going to thrive in this environment. 709 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,279 Speaker 1: So I left Chicago. But it makes me sad, like 710 00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:49,880 Speaker 1: I felt like looking back now, it makes me sad 711 00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:53,320 Speaker 1: to think there was another young so I was nineteen, 712 00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:55,560 Speaker 1: there was also a nine year old guy that was there, 713 00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:58,600 Speaker 1: Like who did great? And what would it have been 714 00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,920 Speaker 1: like to just be treated as sort of like the 715 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:06,600 Speaker 1: young whiz kid rather than somebody like that was to 716 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:08,480 Speaker 1: be hit on or something I don't know, And then 717 00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,480 Speaker 1: you know, even just I'm having like weird flashes of 718 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:14,680 Speaker 1: things I just watched Have you guys watched I Hate Susie. 719 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:18,239 Speaker 1: It's a British show. It's really good. But you know, 720 00:39:18,320 --> 00:39:20,799 Speaker 1: I had I had flashes of a few of my 721 00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:24,360 Speaker 1: first like TV jobs, where one of them I was 722 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:28,520 Speaker 1: on this improv show and they brought in this guy 723 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:31,560 Speaker 1: to who it was this sort of big he was 724 00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 1: big in the improv world, and we had to do 725 00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:40,520 Speaker 1: like two weeks of training the whole cast, and every 726 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,320 Speaker 1: scene that I was everybody else just got normal scenes. 727 00:39:43,360 --> 00:39:46,480 Speaker 1: And every scene that I was in was like, okay, 728 00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:49,239 Speaker 1: Arden's a prostitute and she comes in or Arden and 729 00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:52,360 Speaker 1: walks in and her clothes fall off, like every single scene. 730 00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:55,000 Speaker 1: And you know, I grew up. I looked like a 731 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,319 Speaker 1: boy dul I was fifteen. I was sort of like 732 00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:00,640 Speaker 1: barbed from strangers. I mean, it wasn't. It was very 733 00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:05,319 Speaker 1: confusing to me. I don't know, like it's not my 734 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:09,320 Speaker 1: operating system is one of barbed from strangers, like this 735 00:40:09,360 --> 00:40:13,319 Speaker 1: is here's like this is this me? You know what 736 00:40:13,320 --> 00:40:16,160 Speaker 1: I mean? Like and then like even if it wasn't, 737 00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:19,680 Speaker 1: even if I was like Bridget Bardo, like like, it 738 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,239 Speaker 1: just felt like I just wanted to do improv. You know, 739 00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:25,200 Speaker 1: and then when I got cast on Mad TV, like 740 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:29,080 Speaker 1: I auditioned with all these quirky characters and then they 741 00:40:29,239 --> 00:40:33,520 Speaker 1: like dyed my hair blond. I was a redhead. And 742 00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:37,600 Speaker 1: I remember like I knew Amy Poehler, who was always 743 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,960 Speaker 1: brilliant and fantastic, and I remember one week we were 744 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:42,960 Speaker 1: both she was on SNL and I was on Mad TV, 745 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:45,520 Speaker 1: and I think she was with like Hillary Clinton, And 746 00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:49,120 Speaker 1: it was my very first episode and they made me 747 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:54,239 Speaker 1: do a sketch with the wonderful, wonderful Fred Willard, who 748 00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:56,719 Speaker 1: I adored but like so I was excited to work 749 00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,719 Speaker 1: with him. But I had to be standing in my 750 00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:01,799 Speaker 1: underwear holding a dra a flamelog for no reason. There 751 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,680 Speaker 1: was no reason for me to be in my underwear. 752 00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:07,319 Speaker 1: And remember somebody joking Lee saying, welcome to Mad TV, 753 00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:09,640 Speaker 1: here's your underwear, you know, and it was just like, 754 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:14,000 Speaker 1: I don't know, just how did I you know? Just 755 00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,200 Speaker 1: I remember making up my mind because I remember seeing 756 00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:22,840 Speaker 1: some of the other women being really understandably upset about 757 00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:27,359 Speaker 1: like understandably, and I remember just being like, Okay, well, 758 00:41:28,080 --> 00:41:30,120 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna worry about whether or not I'm funny. 759 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:32,799 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be a bikini model. I'm not 760 00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:35,560 Speaker 1: trying to you know, I'm not trying to be a 761 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,680 Speaker 1: sports illustrated center for like, So I'm just gonna trust 762 00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:42,120 Speaker 1: that I look fine and I'm just gonna worry about 763 00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:46,000 Speaker 1: if I'm funny. But I look back and I would 764 00:41:46,080 --> 00:41:49,200 Speaker 1: like what it would it have been like to be 765 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,120 Speaker 1: like one of the guys and to be able to 766 00:41:51,120 --> 00:41:53,439 Speaker 1: just pitch my sketches, you know what I mean? Like that, 767 00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:57,360 Speaker 1: I think it's that was the deal at the time. 768 00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,480 Speaker 1: You know, that was just how it was, and I 769 00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:03,759 Speaker 1: don't think there was room to not like. I don't 770 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:05,200 Speaker 1: know if there would have been a job for me 771 00:42:05,239 --> 00:42:08,480 Speaker 1: to not go along with it, you know. Yeah, I 772 00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:10,879 Speaker 1: think we've talked about that a lot. We've talked about 773 00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,120 Speaker 1: the fact that women have had to do what they 774 00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,520 Speaker 1: had to do to pull themselves up. I mean, that 775 00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:18,960 Speaker 1: was kind of one of the conversations about Kamala Harris 776 00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:23,279 Speaker 1: and her her not so great records within California and 777 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:25,920 Speaker 1: her time as being a prosecutor and the d A, 778 00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:28,759 Speaker 1: and the whole level of my conversation is I've been 779 00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,799 Speaker 1: working in this system with when it comes to courts 780 00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,960 Speaker 1: in this whole idea of criminalization, and we've come a 781 00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,600 Speaker 1: long way and understanding this is a really bad system, 782 00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,640 Speaker 1: Like that's just the overall arcing. But the fact of 783 00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:43,759 Speaker 1: the matter is you do what you've gotta do in 784 00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:46,960 Speaker 1: a certain level, hopefully in a certain level where in 785 00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,879 Speaker 1: order to make it beyond that. So because you're talking 786 00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,200 Speaker 1: about something like obviously this is not your sketch, this 787 00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:53,759 Speaker 1: is not something you want to do, is sit and 788 00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:56,040 Speaker 1: half naked with a log that has nothing to do 789 00:42:56,120 --> 00:43:01,919 Speaker 1: with with that I admire. And he looked ashamed, like 790 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,440 Speaker 1: even like he didn't look like he wanted to do it. 791 00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,239 Speaker 1: He was such a sweet general, like he looked embarrassed 792 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:11,680 Speaker 1: for me, you know, like this wasn't his pitch, right, 793 00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:14,080 Speaker 1: But that's the thing, is like, that's what that's what 794 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:17,600 Speaker 1: we're like talking about, is there's the standards and for 795 00:43:17,640 --> 00:43:21,120 Speaker 1: the longest time, again you yourself and many others like, Okay, 796 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,600 Speaker 1: we just have to do this and deal with it. 797 00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:25,879 Speaker 1: You know, we talked about Sharon Stone talking about being 798 00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:29,200 Speaker 1: sexually harassed constantly and laughing when they was asked the 799 00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:31,399 Speaker 1: question did you go through this? It's just like I've 800 00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:35,960 Speaker 1: been in this industry. Yeah, that's a stupid question in general. 801 00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:38,640 Speaker 1: But then that's that's kind of like hasn't changed much 802 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:42,360 Speaker 1: in that industry? Have you seen? It's being changed literally 803 00:43:43,360 --> 00:43:48,520 Speaker 1: very recently, very recently, which is so sad. I think 804 00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,120 Speaker 1: I wrote a whole article about it on Refinery twenty, 805 00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:57,520 Speaker 1: like after after Me Too happen, I was very badly 806 00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:02,080 Speaker 1: harassed at a comedy show, like alternative comedy show, you know, 807 00:44:02,160 --> 00:44:08,480 Speaker 1: Like I I think now, whether it's because they have 808 00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:12,839 Speaker 1: to I think now I think people have been put 809 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:17,120 Speaker 1: on noted like I do think it's changing. I do 810 00:44:17,360 --> 00:44:21,560 Speaker 1: think also there's more women in charge now is starting 811 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:25,719 Speaker 1: to be I think more women are selling shows now, 812 00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:31,600 Speaker 1: you know. But it's I would say, it's just now 813 00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:35,040 Speaker 1: when I think about what I used to like laugh 814 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:38,279 Speaker 1: and go along with and what I was sort of okay, 815 00:44:38,280 --> 00:44:43,840 Speaker 1: like you're part of like what I I really respect 816 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:47,680 Speaker 1: the first women that were like no, you know, Like 817 00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:51,040 Speaker 1: there's a chapter in my book about getting sent to 818 00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:53,480 Speaker 1: a director's hotel room and having him trying to take 819 00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,960 Speaker 1: my clothes off and like you know, and and I 820 00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:00,560 Speaker 1: just sort of nervously it's like ha, and think I 821 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:04,319 Speaker 1: got out of there like nothing happened but but I 822 00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:09,000 Speaker 1: didn't even know that it would have been okay to 823 00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:11,680 Speaker 1: go to HR, and I don't think anything would have happened. 824 00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:15,200 Speaker 1: I'm sure I would have just been probably. I mean, 825 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,479 Speaker 1: there was a few times I went to HR about 826 00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:19,959 Speaker 1: certain things and they were like they just wanted to like, okay, 827 00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:22,120 Speaker 1: well we'll just get you an apologize, you know, like 828 00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:26,080 Speaker 1: and there was actually something I will say on Insatiable, 829 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:30,080 Speaker 1: there was something that was said that was really creepy 830 00:45:30,520 --> 00:45:32,319 Speaker 1: and and it's funny to me because I've had so 831 00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:34,640 Speaker 1: many worse things said, but it was like I was 832 00:45:34,680 --> 00:45:39,000 Speaker 1: working with Alissa Milano who was just sort of ignited, 833 00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:42,160 Speaker 1: you know, you know, like this. It was right after 834 00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:45,560 Speaker 1: the Me Too movement started. This thing was said to me, 835 00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:47,960 Speaker 1: and and of all the things that have been said, 836 00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:50,759 Speaker 1: it was really not that bad and compared to things 837 00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:53,200 Speaker 1: over the years, you know, but it just was like 838 00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,040 Speaker 1: I was done, you know, and like people were talking 839 00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:59,080 Speaker 1: about it, and I always have delayed reactions. I kept 840 00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:02,120 Speaker 1: thinking about a couple daysily. I'm always so shocked when 841 00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:05,200 Speaker 1: people I started like, you know, okay, like you know, 842 00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:07,480 Speaker 1: and then I kept thinking about it, and I remember 843 00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:09,440 Speaker 1: even running it by a couple of guy friends and 844 00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:13,160 Speaker 1: going is this weird? Like they were like, yeah, that's weird. 845 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,960 Speaker 1: And and then I called one of the producers. I 846 00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:18,840 Speaker 1: didn't know what to do. I called when the producer 847 00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:20,600 Speaker 1: was like, hey, I don't want to be a bother, 848 00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:23,400 Speaker 1: you know, like I don't know, this is weird and 849 00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:26,040 Speaker 1: she was like, yeah, that's weird. And I remember they 850 00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:30,480 Speaker 1: immediately called HR and it was still like the people 851 00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:34,680 Speaker 1: pleaser in me was so ingrained. I was so brought 852 00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:37,880 Speaker 1: up to be people pleaser that they called me and 853 00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:39,960 Speaker 1: they wanted to like they treated it, they took it 854 00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,399 Speaker 1: really seriously. They were really nice, they wanted to like 855 00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:44,839 Speaker 1: and I remember going no, no no, no, no, you know what, 856 00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:48,120 Speaker 1: he probably didn't mean it. I'll call them and they're like, no, no, 857 00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:52,560 Speaker 1: this is our job, like and like this is what 858 00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:55,480 Speaker 1: we do. I'm like, I know, like I and then 859 00:46:55,640 --> 00:47:01,600 Speaker 1: actually letting somebody face the consequences of something that I didn't. 860 00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:06,520 Speaker 1: I felt so uncomfortable saying that. I wasn't comfortable, like 861 00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,800 Speaker 1: it was so hard for me to set a boundary, 862 00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:14,560 Speaker 1: And in my mind I was shocked at how hard 863 00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:16,640 Speaker 1: it was for me to go, Okay, let me I 864 00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:18,880 Speaker 1: didn't do this. Let me let somebody deal with the 865 00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:21,000 Speaker 1: consequences of what I didn't ask for. I was just 866 00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:23,920 Speaker 1: at work. It was inappropriate. I had a witness who 867 00:47:24,040 --> 00:47:27,480 Speaker 1: was like, you, you know, just just say the facts 868 00:47:27,520 --> 00:47:32,120 Speaker 1: and just let and they let that person go. Right. 869 00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:35,040 Speaker 1: There's so much to that, like just even you explaining 870 00:47:35,400 --> 00:47:37,600 Speaker 1: against say but it wasn't a big deal. But the 871 00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:39,960 Speaker 1: fact that we have to put that caveat on ourselves 872 00:47:40,040 --> 00:47:43,160 Speaker 1: and it is it's so ingrained in us that we're 873 00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:46,320 Speaker 1: going to be told calm down, you know, like something 874 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,040 Speaker 1: like calm down. It's not that big of a deal 875 00:47:48,080 --> 00:47:50,160 Speaker 1: in comparison to And that's kind of one of the 876 00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,440 Speaker 1: things that gets us in trouble with ourselves with like 877 00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:56,279 Speaker 1: the ingrained mind of like but it wasn't as bad 878 00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:59,160 Speaker 1: as so instant like this comparison of like how awful 879 00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:01,200 Speaker 1: it has to be to reach it. But this is 880 00:48:01,239 --> 00:48:03,719 Speaker 1: also something that's been taught to us and something that 881 00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,560 Speaker 1: has been used against us way too much. And I 882 00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:09,640 Speaker 1: say us as in general women people who are marginalized 883 00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:12,160 Speaker 1: because I honestly, like I will tell you when we 884 00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:14,960 Speaker 1: first talked about doing the interview with you, the memories 885 00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,320 Speaker 1: I have Matt TV are all the Asian jokes, and 886 00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:20,520 Speaker 1: I remember Bobby Lee and that specific actress coming in 887 00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:22,799 Speaker 1: with the Asian jokes and me being okay with it 888 00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:27,120 Speaker 1: because I'm actually adopted. So the being the first one 889 00:48:27,160 --> 00:48:30,400 Speaker 1: to make that joke meant everybody was comfortable. I have 890 00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:34,000 Speaker 1: made all the racist people comfortable with me acknowledging I'm 891 00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:37,960 Speaker 1: a minority. We're gonna joke. But this is that ingrained 892 00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:41,080 Speaker 1: level of we have to protect the others because if 893 00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:43,960 Speaker 1: we're uncomfortable, how dare you make other people feel uncomfortable? 894 00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:47,239 Speaker 1: You're up or people are like, oh, I was just joking, 895 00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,920 Speaker 1: and it's like, I have a pretty good sense of humor, 896 00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:54,560 Speaker 1: like a roll with a lot. I can roll with 897 00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:59,319 Speaker 1: a lot, like I'm a comedian with guys. I grew up, 898 00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:02,040 Speaker 1: I came up through the nineties in the comedy, like 899 00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:06,319 Speaker 1: I can hang with a lot. If I'm uncomfortable, you 900 00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:10,239 Speaker 1: were gross, Like you were really gross. And that's the thing. 901 00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:11,839 Speaker 1: But that's the other part of that is that more 902 00:49:11,920 --> 00:49:14,479 Speaker 1: often times women are going to be hushed and shut 903 00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:17,760 Speaker 1: down and dismissed exactly like, as you said, you left Chicago, 904 00:49:17,840 --> 00:49:19,279 Speaker 1: what would have happened if you, like, I can't do 905 00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:21,600 Speaker 1: this at all. That would have been such an unfortunate 906 00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:25,280 Speaker 1: for us as fans of what you do. How awful 907 00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:27,120 Speaker 1: would that be if you didn't exist because you got 908 00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:31,799 Speaker 1: shut down so quickly on you know, I mean, I 909 00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:37,280 Speaker 1: think about my dream has always been too I always 910 00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:39,440 Speaker 1: wanted to create my own show. I always wanted to 911 00:49:39,440 --> 00:49:42,040 Speaker 1: be like a Phoebe waller Bridge or like Ray or 912 00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:46,360 Speaker 1: like somebody that makes and like when I when I 913 00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:49,320 Speaker 1: think about, I actually just I wrote an essay about 914 00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,120 Speaker 1: this that's going to be an anthology next year about 915 00:49:52,160 --> 00:49:56,560 Speaker 1: like how I written plays. I was a member of 916 00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,680 Speaker 1: the writer's Guild. I had written sketches on Mad TV. 917 00:50:00,600 --> 00:50:04,600 Speaker 1: I remember I sold my first pitch and my own 918 00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:08,520 Speaker 1: lit agent was like, well, Arden, who's going to write it? 919 00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,799 Speaker 1: Like I'm going to write it? Like Arden, we need 920 00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,759 Speaker 1: a write And then they like paired me up with 921 00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:18,719 Speaker 1: a man immediately, just like when I don't know, when 922 00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:22,560 Speaker 1: I think, I feel like it's so hopeful. Like you know, 923 00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:26,920 Speaker 1: young women today, I feel a lot of them are 924 00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:31,239 Speaker 1: raised more with knowing how it appears. To me, it 925 00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:34,800 Speaker 1: seems like people are raised more with knowing their worth 926 00:50:34,880 --> 00:50:37,879 Speaker 1: and knowing how to set a boundary, and like it's 927 00:50:37,920 --> 00:50:42,560 Speaker 1: so hopeful and inspiring. And when I wrote that Refinery 928 00:50:42,560 --> 00:50:45,239 Speaker 1: twenty nine article, a lot of people were really supportive. 929 00:50:45,280 --> 00:50:47,360 Speaker 1: But then you know, some people were like, what do 930 00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:50,000 Speaker 1: you say? You know it's like and that also I 931 00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,320 Speaker 1: think contributed. I do think a lot of it was grief, 932 00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:54,879 Speaker 1: but it didn't really make make me want to do 933 00:50:55,160 --> 00:50:57,080 Speaker 1: much more stand up and I and I know that 934 00:50:57,080 --> 00:51:01,120 Speaker 1: that that is like letting that bad vibe in. Maybe 935 00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,040 Speaker 1: it would have been different if I wasn't grieving and 936 00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:05,319 Speaker 1: I had more skin on me. I think that just 937 00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,720 Speaker 1: certainly didn't help. But yeah, it does start to wear 938 00:51:08,760 --> 00:51:12,000 Speaker 1: on you sometimes, and there's a difference between what people 939 00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:14,400 Speaker 1: will be like I just quit, versus taking care of yourself. 940 00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:18,879 Speaker 1: There's absolute difference in finding your boundaries and acknowledging these 941 00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:21,480 Speaker 1: are your boundaries. And also as much as you loved it, 942 00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:25,920 Speaker 1: you are you are freaking like everywhere, Like with your podcast, 943 00:51:26,040 --> 00:51:28,080 Speaker 1: with your book, with all of these things. It's not 944 00:51:28,160 --> 00:51:30,600 Speaker 1: like you've given back or stopped your voice. It's just 945 00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:32,960 Speaker 1: a different even when you find the things that feel safe. 946 00:51:33,080 --> 00:51:35,680 Speaker 1: I think I'm also less interested in putting myself in 947 00:51:35,760 --> 00:51:39,719 Speaker 1: situations right now that like it's like Okay. I love 948 00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:41,719 Speaker 1: to create. I like to make people laugh. I like 949 00:51:41,800 --> 00:51:45,000 Speaker 1: to like, what is what's a way that feels comfortable 950 00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:49,000 Speaker 1: and safe in the most of service and playful versus 951 00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:53,080 Speaker 1: I don't know, like it takes a certain like my 952 00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:55,719 Speaker 1: skin is just not that thick right now, you know, 953 00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:57,920 Speaker 1: So what's like, what's a fun safe way for me 954 00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:00,560 Speaker 1: to play and take risks and still do funny things 955 00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:02,719 Speaker 1: in a way, you know. I think the pandemic is 956 00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:07,680 Speaker 1: just it's it's vulnerable. Everybody's everybody is a little more gentle. 957 00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:11,000 Speaker 1: I feel like everybody's circle of pals is a little 958 00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,600 Speaker 1: bit like just best of right now, you know, Like 959 00:52:14,680 --> 00:52:17,440 Speaker 1: I'm also wondering if best because we are now connected 960 00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:21,320 Speaker 1: with more people, so we are adamantly aware when something 961 00:52:21,400 --> 00:52:24,080 Speaker 1: is hurting someone else's feelings and that's not a bad thing. 962 00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:27,400 Speaker 1: Necessarily to be aware and be more empathetic to realizing 963 00:52:28,440 --> 00:52:31,239 Speaker 1: I didn't mean to be you know, exclusionary, but I 964 00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:32,920 Speaker 1: am and I am so sorry, Like they're there are 965 00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:36,040 Speaker 1: those levels of just realizing there there's faces to these 966 00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:52,400 Speaker 1: conversations you may be having. Yes, yes, before we do 967 00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:54,920 Speaker 1: close out as we're just I love this conversation. I 968 00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,400 Speaker 1: wish we could have a longer conversation and hopefully we 969 00:52:57,440 --> 00:52:59,160 Speaker 1: can return and you will come back to our show. 970 00:52:59,239 --> 00:53:01,920 Speaker 1: I would love to. Unless you want Annie to be 971 00:53:02,000 --> 00:53:04,600 Speaker 1: on your show and talk about her fan fiction on 972 00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:11,719 Speaker 1: your show. You were always starting fiction about Oh well, 973 00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:14,759 Speaker 1: I've actually written to because one of them was so 974 00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:16,600 Speaker 1: sad that I was like, I need a different one. 975 00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:20,120 Speaker 1: And it's still sad, but not as sad. Um It 976 00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:23,080 Speaker 1: is an original trilogy Star Wars fan fiction that is 977 00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:27,759 Speaker 1: the saddest thing I've ever written in nutsing something. I 978 00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:30,000 Speaker 1: won't publish it because I think it could kills me. 979 00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:33,719 Speaker 1: On Lauren Lafkis and Nicole Buyer's newcomerce thing about where 980 00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:37,439 Speaker 1: they watch every thing of Star Wars, They've never seen one, 981 00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:40,480 Speaker 1: and they watched everything that's in every spinoff and then 982 00:53:40,520 --> 00:53:43,680 Speaker 1: now they're doing Lord of the Rings. Oh so any 983 00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:45,919 Speaker 1: made me do that. I had never seen anything Star 984 00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:49,440 Speaker 1: Wars until March of this last year, and he's like, no, 985 00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:52,520 Speaker 1: I don't think it's May last year, and I was like, okay, 986 00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:55,080 Speaker 1: And I have now watched almost every single day and 987 00:53:55,120 --> 00:53:57,319 Speaker 1: I'm still not as interested as she is in this, 988 00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:59,480 Speaker 1: but she gives me every tidbit that I need to 989 00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:05,680 Speaker 1: know about neither. I was like, what is happening? Why 990 00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:07,680 Speaker 1: is And so I make up my own names and 991 00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:10,400 Speaker 1: dialogue all of this because it's just so absurd to 992 00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:12,319 Speaker 1: me in some of the ways I see the love 993 00:54:12,360 --> 00:54:14,399 Speaker 1: I see and we've seen by the way, I've seen 994 00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:17,960 Speaker 1: almost three different versions of Star Wars, like the Disney 995 00:54:18,000 --> 00:54:20,920 Speaker 1: Plus version, the original version, and then there's an edited 996 00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:23,280 Speaker 1: other version. I have seen them. You're a good friend. 997 00:54:23,440 --> 00:54:26,200 Speaker 1: Can I just say thank you? How long have you 998 00:54:26,200 --> 00:54:29,160 Speaker 1: guys been friends? We have a date because there was 999 00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:30,640 Speaker 1: a day that we met. I actually worked at a 1000 00:54:30,640 --> 00:54:33,600 Speaker 1: brewery in Atlanta and she visited me there and that's 1001 00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:38,400 Speaker 1: where our friendship formed. But we became friends through the 1002 00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:41,880 Speaker 1: old co host who is now with unladylike Caroline, and 1003 00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:43,799 Speaker 1: so we became friends that way, and then we got 1004 00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:46,560 Speaker 1: together because I'm a social worker, and we decided we 1005 00:54:46,600 --> 00:54:49,680 Speaker 1: wanted to do a whole hashtag me too segment. Yes, 1006 00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:53,840 Speaker 1: and that just kind of submitted our friendship. I love that. Yeah, 1007 00:54:54,320 --> 00:54:56,920 Speaker 1: I think it's about three years ago. We became close. 1008 00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:00,400 Speaker 1: We got really into that. But speaking of from and ships, 1009 00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:03,160 Speaker 1: because you have a lot of really great friendships, with 1010 00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:05,759 Speaker 1: other female comedians was beautiful to see. I love even 1011 00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:07,880 Speaker 1: you're talking about Nicol Buyers and Lauren and like, I 1012 00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:09,960 Speaker 1: know you're really good friends with Jenny Kirkman and all 1013 00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:13,000 Speaker 1: of that, and they are big big wigs. I always 1014 00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:16,160 Speaker 1: talk about that group of women who are all comedians 1015 00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:19,040 Speaker 1: that kind of just float around and I starculate with 1016 00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:21,000 Speaker 1: each other the show, and I love that. I love 1017 00:55:21,080 --> 00:55:23,759 Speaker 1: what it is, the camaraderie like all of that. What 1018 00:55:23,840 --> 00:55:25,759 Speaker 1: would be some advice that you would give to young 1019 00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:29,200 Speaker 1: female comedians trying to up come into this kind of business? 1020 00:55:29,440 --> 00:55:32,640 Speaker 1: I mean exactly what you just said. And so Lisa 1021 00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:36,239 Speaker 1: d Larios is as a lady that I came up 1022 00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:38,919 Speaker 1: with and we were talking about and Aaron Foley, who 1023 00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:41,400 Speaker 1: also is a brilliant stand up and her new album 1024 00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:44,480 Speaker 1: Deep Dive is so good. But we were saying, how 1025 00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:47,680 Speaker 1: and I think it's probably changed, but how a lot 1026 00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:51,000 Speaker 1: of the guys back in the day, they they would 1027 00:55:51,080 --> 00:55:54,239 Speaker 1: really raise each other up as a team like they like. 1028 00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:58,680 Speaker 1: And so I would say, find your people, create your like, 1029 00:55:59,000 --> 00:56:01,640 Speaker 1: create your own show, even if it's virtual right now, 1030 00:56:01,719 --> 00:56:04,839 Speaker 1: so like the equivalent of hosts a show, so you 1031 00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:08,600 Speaker 1: can have people on do it with on your pals, 1032 00:56:08,719 --> 00:56:13,120 Speaker 1: you know. Like, I think creating your own show really 1033 00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:18,799 Speaker 1: gives you practice, like and also enables you to have 1034 00:56:18,880 --> 00:56:21,600 Speaker 1: your own brand of what what you do. So I 1035 00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:24,800 Speaker 1: used to host a show in Brooklyn called The Party 1036 00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:28,439 Speaker 1: Machine with my friend Lisa, and it was very sort 1037 00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:31,760 Speaker 1: of glass have full optimistic. We pretended we were party 1038 00:56:31,800 --> 00:56:33,640 Speaker 1: planners and each one was a theme, and then we 1039 00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:35,400 Speaker 1: would just have people come on and do stand up. 1040 00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:38,440 Speaker 1: But I think pair up with each other in a 1041 00:56:38,480 --> 00:56:41,239 Speaker 1: way that you know, maybe meet up or for now 1042 00:56:41,320 --> 00:56:44,560 Speaker 1: you can't, but like help each other with with each 1043 00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,480 Speaker 1: other like no Man's or no Ladies in Ireland, you know. 1044 00:56:47,560 --> 00:56:50,640 Speaker 1: So like it's okay to ask your friend to be like, Okay, 1045 00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:52,200 Speaker 1: I'm working on this, Like can you help me with 1046 00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:56,080 Speaker 1: this punchline? You know that there's nothing wrong with that. 1047 00:56:56,320 --> 00:56:57,880 Speaker 1: Even if you just want to be a stand up 1048 00:56:57,960 --> 00:57:01,200 Speaker 1: improv classes for anybody, then if you're not a performer, 1049 00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:05,959 Speaker 1: I think it helps you listen and respond. A great 1050 00:57:06,000 --> 00:57:11,360 Speaker 1: improviser only does at that, Like you're not actually a 1051 00:57:11,360 --> 00:57:13,560 Speaker 1: good improviser if you go in with the set thing 1052 00:57:13,600 --> 00:57:15,680 Speaker 1: and you're trying to control it. That Like, I think 1053 00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:17,200 Speaker 1: it's a good thing in life that you get to 1054 00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:19,200 Speaker 1: learn how to be a good teammate. If you can 1055 00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:21,680 Speaker 1: be open and responding to the last thing that was 1056 00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:24,040 Speaker 1: said to you that you don't need to. It's like, 1057 00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,320 Speaker 1: even though it's scary, but to release control of the outcome. 1058 00:57:27,880 --> 00:57:30,600 Speaker 1: And I know, I know you ce b is. I 1059 00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:32,440 Speaker 1: don't know if they're still open, but they're great. The 1060 00:57:32,480 --> 00:57:35,560 Speaker 1: groundlings are great. Um, the pit is great. I'm sure 1061 00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:37,760 Speaker 1: there's a lot of virtual things right now. A second 1062 00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:41,840 Speaker 1: city and the good news now the world just start 1063 00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:45,280 Speaker 1: making stuff, make videos, put it up just like I 1064 00:57:45,320 --> 00:57:47,920 Speaker 1: would say that as you guys know with podcasting, like 1065 00:57:48,160 --> 00:57:50,760 Speaker 1: if you can do a consistent schedule, if you're like, 1066 00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:54,160 Speaker 1: okay every Thursday at noon, I'm going to drop something 1067 00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:57,360 Speaker 1: like just to give yourself that structure, but that I 1068 00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:59,840 Speaker 1: think that helps build a fan base of like if 1069 00:57:59,880 --> 00:58:02,720 Speaker 1: you know you have a consistent drop and again, look 1070 00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:04,800 Speaker 1: at like the Lonely Island guys were like, if you 1071 00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:08,560 Speaker 1: team up with people that you can like find your people, 1072 00:58:08,600 --> 00:58:11,520 Speaker 1: team up and just start making things. We're interviewing Kate 1073 00:58:11,600 --> 00:58:14,000 Speaker 1: mccouchee and Ricky lynd Home tomorrow on our Lady of 1074 00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:17,560 Speaker 1: the Road podcast about collaborating and just you know, I've 1075 00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:19,680 Speaker 1: known Kate and their garfun flow notes and I've known 1076 00:58:19,680 --> 00:58:22,480 Speaker 1: them a long time and looking just at the output, 1077 00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:26,000 Speaker 1: like their work ethic, you know, the amount of videos 1078 00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:28,400 Speaker 1: that are up there. They like they just wrote song 1079 00:58:28,480 --> 00:58:30,760 Speaker 1: after song and made great video after great video. Like 1080 00:58:30,880 --> 00:58:33,480 Speaker 1: they they had the talent, but they also put in 1081 00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:36,960 Speaker 1: the hours. So just keep like, if you want to 1082 00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:39,120 Speaker 1: do it, like, put in the hours. I would say 1083 00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:43,400 Speaker 1: that ten thou hours is a real thing, Yes it is. 1084 00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:46,400 Speaker 1: I remember when we all started, we started. I remember 1085 00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:49,240 Speaker 1: Lisa and I started with Zat Alfinnakis, and I remember 1086 00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:51,080 Speaker 1: one night we were all like at a late night 1087 00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:53,800 Speaker 1: show at Stand Up New York and the like, and 1088 00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,560 Speaker 1: we were all terrible, you know, like but he just 1089 00:58:56,680 --> 00:58:59,600 Speaker 1: did it everywhere. He did it at coffee shops, he 1090 00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:01,960 Speaker 1: did it, did laundry match. He just kept doing like 1091 00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:06,120 Speaker 1: nobody starts out great, Like just keep doing it. If 1092 00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:08,280 Speaker 1: you want to do it, just put in the hours. 1093 00:59:09,000 --> 00:59:11,360 Speaker 1: Dust yourself off if you have a bad one, keep going, 1094 00:59:11,520 --> 00:59:13,880 Speaker 1: record your sets. Listen back to where people want to 1095 00:59:13,960 --> 00:59:18,440 Speaker 1: laugh and you're not letting them laugh. Slow down, right 1096 00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:21,479 Speaker 1: and buddy system, get a safe pal to like help 1097 00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:24,760 Speaker 1: you with your craft, your jokes, comedy. It's all about timing. 1098 00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:33,440 Speaker 1: Yea true expressions story, true story story. My friend, I 1099 00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:39,480 Speaker 1: only have half of it, does the expressions? Yes? Oh 1100 00:59:39,560 --> 00:59:41,960 Speaker 1: that's excellent advice. And this has been such a wonderful 1101 00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:44,720 Speaker 1: conversation Arden, Thank you so much for being here. Oh 1102 00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:47,960 Speaker 1: thanks for having me. Absolutely, it's been unto light. Where 1103 00:59:48,040 --> 00:59:51,880 Speaker 1: can the listeners find you? Well, I am. You can 1104 00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:55,480 Speaker 1: get my book little Miss Little Competent anywhere books are sold, 1105 00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:57,840 Speaker 1: independent bookstores. You can order it from. You can order 1106 00:59:57,840 --> 00:59:59,800 Speaker 1: it from the Big Boys if you like. There's an 1107 01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:03,760 Speaker 1: dio version. I'm on Instagram and Twitter at Arta Marine, 1108 01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:07,440 Speaker 1: M y R I N And my podcast Will You 1109 01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:11,320 Speaker 1: Accept This Rose drops every Wednesday on I Heart Radio 1110 01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:15,520 Speaker 1: and then Lady of the Road with the Bridgertain executive 1111 01:00:15,520 --> 01:00:19,280 Speaker 1: producer Julianne Robinson. Lady of the Road will be out 1112 01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:22,640 Speaker 1: later this year with two limited edition it'll be like 1113 01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:25,400 Speaker 1: fifteen episodes for the season. And there's so many great 1114 01:00:25,400 --> 01:00:28,080 Speaker 1: women that we talked to of all different kinds of 1115 01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:31,520 Speaker 1: all kinds of bad. So I'm very excited about that. 1116 01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:36,160 Speaker 1: We are too, And the listeners go check art and 1117 01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:39,800 Speaker 1: out and thank you again for for being here. Thank 1118 01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:43,080 Speaker 1: you for having me. I was so excited to do it. Yes, Yes, 1119 01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,440 Speaker 1: it's been wonderful. Um and listeners. If you would like 1120 01:00:45,480 --> 01:00:48,120 Speaker 1: to contact us, you can our email Stuff Media mom 1121 01:00:48,200 --> 01:00:50,200 Speaker 1: Stuff at i heeart mea dot com. You can also 1122 01:00:50,240 --> 01:00:52,240 Speaker 1: find us on Instagram at Stuff I've Ever Told You 1123 01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:54,720 Speaker 1: are on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcast. Thanks as always 1124 01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:58,160 Speaker 1: to our super producer Christina. Thank you Christine, and thanks 1125 01:00:58,160 --> 01:00:59,959 Speaker 1: to you for listening Stuff I've Never Told You. Produ 1126 01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,160 Speaker 1: I Heart Radio from more podcast from i heeart Radio, 1127 01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:04,439 Speaker 1: visit I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or ready listen 1128 01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:06,600 Speaker 1: to your favorite shows. H