WEBVTT - Spill The Wine...And The Tea 0:00:15.880 --> 0:00:18.840 Hey, they're folks, and welcome to I Do Part two. 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:21.240 This is a one of a kind experiment in love 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.720 and podcasting. And we are not here to help just 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:27.400 any old body fine love. Oh no, we are here 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:30.600 to help folks who are maybe fun to find love again, 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:33.640 maybe on the second, third, fourth, whatever time around. 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:36.680 That's right, And we are some of your hosts, Amy Robot, 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:40.040 t J. Holmes, Jenny Garth, and today we're joined by 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:43.479 some of our celebrity mentors, you know them from The 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:47.720 Golden Bachelor and their podcast Bachelor Happy Hour Golden Hour. 0:00:48.080 --> 0:00:50.960 We want to welcome Kathy Schwartz and Susan Knowles to 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:51.800 the podcast. 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.720 Thank you, Still looking for love, baby, ladies? 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:58.680 Look at how beautiful you are. Well, since we're all 0:00:58.720 --> 0:01:02.040 here together and see and Francisco, why don't we go 0:01:02.080 --> 0:01:05.080 around and play a little question game. We can answer 0:01:05.200 --> 0:01:07.160 some questions from our listeners. 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:08.320 We have them at a bowl. 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:10.400 You guys, should we go around and just pick one out? 0:01:11.360 --> 0:01:11.480 Yes? 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:15.600 Kathy and I are all good on questions, aren't we. 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:19.399 Kathy, I love it. It's actually an ice, you know what. 0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:20.880 I wish there was ice in that I know, and 0:01:20.920 --> 0:01:22.679 I wish there was something in the ice loocket. But 0:01:22.840 --> 0:01:26.679 now we just have your questions listeners. So hey, DJ, do. 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:28.080 I have to answer? This is where everybody? 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:30.280 Well everyone can answer the bucket. Yeah, you're reading it, 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:31.320 and then we'll all chime in. 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:34.000 All right, should we all be setting our friends up 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:38.240 more instead of letting them search online for love? Wow? 0:01:38.400 --> 0:01:42.720 She was ready jump ready, Hell on, Kathy, given that 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:46.080 looking on our own is not working so well, I 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:48.360 will ask a stranger on the street to fix me up. 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:50.600 But she's not kidd and I've heard her say it. 0:01:51.400 --> 0:01:52.920 Do you have any cute friends? 0:01:53.160 --> 0:01:53.600 Right? 0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:58.040 She's asked for uncles, fathers, brothers. I meet somebody, you 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:00.920 know my daughter's friends? Where's your where's your uncle? 0:02:01.040 --> 0:02:03.920 Why do you think that's like the way it is? 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:04.000 Like? 0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:07.120 Most women would rather just go ahead and be set up. 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:11.600 I think in a perfect world people would like to 0:02:11.600 --> 0:02:15.359 meet people organically and not just you know, flipping through 0:02:15.400 --> 0:02:17.120 pages or flipping through the internet. 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:19.720 But it's tough in this world. It's tough to meet. 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:22.359 And as well as the dating sites, I have no 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:24.560 problem with them. I marry a lot of people that 0:02:24.760 --> 0:02:27.959 met on a dating site. However, I think I've used 0:02:28.000 --> 0:02:31.160 them all and to go back on them. If they're 0:02:31.200 --> 0:02:34.200 being on the show, is it's the same people, they're 0:02:34.200 --> 0:02:34.679 still there. 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:36.480 I was a setup. 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:38.040 My husband and I were. 0:02:37.800 --> 0:02:38.960 See does he have a brother? 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:39.880 There? 0:02:39.960 --> 0:02:40.160 You go? 0:02:40.440 --> 0:02:42.480 What did I tell you? 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:45.920 Do you feel pressure? Though? If you get as the friend, 0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:48.519 don't you feel pressure that? Wow? If it doesn't work out, 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:50.920 then I am the one that set those two up. 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:53.799 Have you ever had that happen? Have you ever do accidentally? 0:02:54.280 --> 0:02:55.680 I don't ruin someone's life. 0:02:55.919 --> 0:03:01.919 Wow, so far I only I just had a recent 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:08.239 successful setup, and so far, so good. If they oh yeah, 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:10.200 it was my best friend and a former producer of 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:12.680 mine and they're still going strong. But if they broke up, 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:16.240 I would feel personally responsible. I would feel bad about it. 0:03:16.280 --> 0:03:16.880 I have a question. 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:19.440 Did they ask for a photo first or did they 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:20.480 know who the person was? 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:20.720 See? 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:21.959 I would want to see what. 0:03:22.120 --> 0:03:24.680 It's funny we met Actually we were doing a group 0:03:24.720 --> 0:03:27.000 thing and he came and she was there, and so 0:03:27.040 --> 0:03:29.200 it was no pressure and he saw her and she 0:03:29.320 --> 0:03:29.880 saw him. 0:03:30.040 --> 0:03:32.160 They know each other was going to be there. 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:35.000 Yes, and so it was a little bit, but there 0:03:35.000 --> 0:03:36.480 it was. There was not a lot of pressure, and 0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:38.400 then it took a while. It's I think it took 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:40.120 like six months before they actually went on a date. 0:03:40.200 --> 0:03:43.880 Oh, I don't have time. 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:46.560 Okay, So like six minutes later you want to be 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:49.120 on a date, not six months later? I got it. 0:03:49.160 --> 0:03:51.360 Okay, Okay, next question, here we go. 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:53.280 I'm going to dig in here. I feel like, oh 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:56.880 I might have my glasses on. Let's see. Okay, let 0:03:56.880 --> 0:03:59.920 me try not to. If someone has a bad really 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:02.880 relationship with their mom, is that a red flag? Oh 0:04:02.920 --> 0:04:03.920 that's a good question. 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:04.720 Oh boy? 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:06.640 And is it different from men and women? 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:07.520 You know what? 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:10.320 I think it depends on the mom. I would have 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:12.880 to meet the mom to know, because look, I would 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:15.400 like to believe all moms have the best intentions, and 0:04:16.279 --> 0:04:18.120 you want to place the blame. We all blame our 0:04:18.120 --> 0:04:20.400 moms for everything, right, But the reality is I would 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:21.920 want to meet the mom before I made that decision. 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:23.640 You'd have to assess the situation. 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:26.120 But do you know that old saying if he's good 0:04:26.120 --> 0:04:29.040 to his mother, how he treats his mother as well? 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:34.039 Okay? But is that always true? Because that's my I mean, 0:04:34.160 --> 0:04:38.080 I'm I'm wondering. I need to know man for a friend, 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:39.040 and could he have. 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:41.240 Too good of a relationship with his mom. That would 0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:44.120 that would be the biggest red flag. 0:04:49.320 --> 0:04:50.279 The woman or the man. 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:56.120 I think it depends. Like my husband was treated his 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:57.920 mother like gold, and he treated. 0:04:57.560 --> 0:04:58.160 Me like gold. 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:01.760 I did not get along with my natural mother at all, 0:05:01.839 --> 0:05:05.400 but very close with my stepmother, and so I think 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.159 it really just depends. 0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:09.760 On generally speaking, though, would it be a red flag? 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:12.479 I don't know you would would? You would like to think, 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:15.080 but you always say robes. You talk about like, if 0:05:15.080 --> 0:05:18.000 you're too dependent on your mom, how close is that relationship? 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.800 Is that also a warning sign of a red flash for. 0:05:20.760 --> 0:05:23.120 Me as a woman with the man, if he was 0:05:23.160 --> 0:05:25.719 too close with his mom, I would be concerned also 0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:28.640 just about where I stood, how the mom would view me. 0:05:28.839 --> 0:05:30.760 That all matters as a woman. 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:34.040 And where do you fit in comes first, he comes second. 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:35.400 That's not going to work. 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:39.960 If he doesn't get along with his mom. 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:41.480 I want to know the reason. 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:42.560 Yeah, I want to know that. 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:44.160 Why doesn't he like his mom? 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:44.520 Yeah? 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:47.080 Maybe he loves her, but maybe they just don't have 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:48.480 I think you can't go both places. 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:50.280 Like said, we need to meet her. 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:53.960 Question, we need more information. 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:58.560 Okay, I'm going to be struggling to read this as well, okay. 0:05:58.320 --> 0:05:59.039 You need some help. 0:05:59.400 --> 0:06:03.760 When do you have the oh, when do you have 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:08.120 the conversation about how someone's relationship is. 0:06:08.400 --> 0:06:09.400 With their ex. 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:15.440 I don't care about that. I don't either, because there's 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:17.120 a reason why they're their ex and it might not 0:06:17.160 --> 0:06:18.440 have ended well. And that's okay. 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:20.480 And I think if you have confidence in who you are, 0:06:21.520 --> 0:06:23.120 start right there and move forward. 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:23.520 Yeah. 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.000 I usually have that conversation that comes out one way 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:28.719 or the other on the first date, like we're friends, 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:33.679 he's there, we're parents together, grandparents together, he's around. 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:37.480 No, you mean that I was singing about an ex 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:39.840 justin dating, but I guess would go either way. 0:06:39.920 --> 0:06:41.240 Who cares? 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:45.120 Yeah, I'm with you. Yeah, I want them to know 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:47.520 up front. I want to know everything front. 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:49.600 I only think you have to have the conversation when 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:52.800 it's when the ex shows up in our relationship, then 0:06:52.839 --> 0:06:53.839 we need to talk about it. 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:56.680 I don't want to know. You want to be surprised? 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:59.360 Well, heads up right. 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:01.520 I don't care about it until it, in some ways 0:07:01.560 --> 0:07:03.880 starts to impact the relationship I have with. 0:07:04.200 --> 0:07:05.800 Okay, So wait, can I ask a question? 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:09.640 This is Roman numeral one, you know part Bif you 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:16.720 guys have exests multiple it's it important that you get 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:20.080 along with each other's exes, so it's not too stressful. 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:22.720 My answer is two words. The first one is hell. 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:26.520 One is no, I don't care the way I should 0:07:26.560 --> 0:07:30.360 have no relationship. I don't need any relationship with anybody and. 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:32.280 With kids and stuff. 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:35.120 With her kids are older, our kids are older, so 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:37.440 we just don't. It's not necessary necessarily. 0:07:37.480 --> 0:07:40.400 If it were necessary, if you knew that that person 0:07:40.520 --> 0:07:42.239 was going to be in your life, of course yes, 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:46.320 but in a perfect world, and certainly when your kids 0:07:46.320 --> 0:07:49.120 are older, it's not as important. It's just I mean, 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:52.160 I don't need to know because if I know you 0:07:52.200 --> 0:07:55.320 and I love you, I don't I don't need to 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:59.320 base it off of another relationship because dynamics are so interesting, 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:03.120 and I think you can actually not be the best 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:05.360 version of yourself in the wrong dynamic, and I wouldn't 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:06.280 want to be judged by that. 0:08:06.880 --> 0:08:09.280 It's like judging somebody because of their past. 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:09.720 Correct. 0:08:09.840 --> 0:08:23.360 You know, I know none of you regret the marriages 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:28.840 because either children or lessons or both came out of them, 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:33.680 But do you regret the time wasted between knowing it's 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:36.880 what needed to be done and actually. 0:08:37.400 --> 0:08:41.280 Doing it, whether that was months or years. 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:45.000 Regrets a big word. 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:45.880 That's a tough word. 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:47.280 You learn, you learn. 0:08:47.960 --> 0:08:49.720 But my mom would always tell me when I was 0:08:49.800 --> 0:08:52.040 going through a difficult time in a relationship. He said, 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:53.880 it's better than no in five months than in five 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:56.439 years if it's not good. I know it hurts right now, son, 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:59.000 I know your heartbroken, but you just found out this 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:00.840 isn't where you should be. You found out in five 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:04.440 months instead of five years. Congratulations, that's the lesson. Like 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:06.520 your mom, Yes, she always taught me that. 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:09.839 And then you get stuck on stupid and you know, 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:13.400 but you don't do anything about it, and you try 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:16.200 to raise your kids and do the right thing for 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:20.559 the family, and you wait till way, way later. 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.800 Can I just ask a question, does anybody in this 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:27.440 room I'm not divorced, wasn't divorced, my husband passed away, 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:32.320 But does anybody think that having staying together in a 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:34.199 marriage for kids is a good way to go? 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:35.160 Absolutely not. 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:40.800 I don't think it is either. When it comes to regret, Yes, 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:44.280 you know, I think it's a tough word, because you do. 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:47.960 I do believe that we all make the best decision 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:51.040 with the information we have at the time, and we're 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:54.520 weighing things that we can't possibly know will change or evolve, 0:09:54.880 --> 0:09:56.920 and in that moment, a lot of us do what 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:59.040 we think is best for our kids in that moment. 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:01.680 So it's hard to look back and say I should 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:04.320 have or like I think should have and could have 0:10:04.480 --> 0:10:07.559 are like one of the most dangerous phrases you can 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:11.000 use because you can't do anything about it. I think 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:12.959 you just have to understand where you were and give 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:14.800 yourself a little bit of credit that you were doing 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:15.800 the best you could, like. 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:17.760 You said, Jenny, giving yourself at that time. 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:18.880 Yeah, yeah. 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:20.920 I think on the opposite side, I think I would 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:26.400 say I regret wasting time holding on to it, you know, 0:10:26.559 --> 0:10:30.280 because I wasn't in either. In any of my situations, 0:10:30.280 --> 0:10:33.640 I've never been the one to leave, like I stay, 0:10:33.760 --> 0:10:38.880 like I work, I keep working, And so I think 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:40.880 from the other side, I think I regret the time 0:10:40.960 --> 0:10:45.160 wasted on my side, that I wasted myself. Yeah, like 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:47.720 wanting it just because that's the way it was supposed 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:47.839 to be. 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:51.400 Yeah, supposed to That's a tough one too write. 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:54.640 That's how we were taught and raised. YEA, keep trying. 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:59.360 It's never give up. But the best is when your children. 0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:01.640 You wait till they out of school and you make 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:04.760 this move and they come to you and go, mom, 0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:06.240 why did you wait so long? 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:09.000 Yeah? They see things so differently though when they're older. 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:13.559 Yeah, so little regrets not. 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:17.000 Here, there, here, and there. Okayturn your turn. 0:11:17.640 --> 0:11:19.280 Hope you don't get a pair of I'm going to pick. 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:21.520 Up a specific a little word of one. 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:22.080 Hold on. 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:26.360 Okay. Do you know in the first five minutes if 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:27.880 you want to go out with someone again? 0:11:28.000 --> 0:11:29.199 Or does it grow? 0:11:30.240 --> 0:11:30.360 Oh? 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:31.760 I know what's in the first time? 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:34.640 I they walk across the room? 0:11:35.679 --> 0:11:39.320 Really yeah, I don't know about that because when I 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:42.520 met my husband, like he was across the room, I 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:44.880 saw him for the first time. This was on a setup. 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:47.439 I just saw him outside. I mean, I get it. 0:11:47.600 --> 0:11:50.800 No, no, no, no, I saw him and I said, ugh. 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:55.040 You did your husband? Yes? Wait? Can I tell you? 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:58.080 I met my husband at a fraternity party when I 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:01.920 was eighteen years old. I walked in everybody this back 0:12:01.920 --> 0:12:05.840 in the age when everyone was eighteen drinking alcohol. I 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:08.520 looked at him. It was a huge frattorney party. I 0:12:08.600 --> 0:12:11.040 was with my roommate. I looked at this guy across 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:12.720 the room, and I looked at her and I said, 0:12:12.800 --> 0:12:13.160 see that. 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:13.760 Guy right there? 0:12:13.840 --> 0:12:15.880 Said yes, I'm going to marry him, and I had 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:20.880 eighteen months later and we were married almost forty six. However, 0:12:21.800 --> 0:12:23.920 now I do the same thing. 0:12:25.920 --> 0:12:28.000 You said, aren't we aren't we? 0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:29.240 Visual? We are? 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:33.640 But yeah, no, I had, I said, and he he 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:36.520 pursued you. Then, well no, because I'm just saying you 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:38.920 don't know what you don't know. 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:41.560 Well again, Susan, this is why we're single. We're so 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:46.240 busy looking at so a couple. You said, oh when 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.120 you first met her, Yeah, what changed your mind? 0:12:49.600 --> 0:12:51.800 Well, I didn't want to date a you know, a 0:12:52.200 --> 0:12:55.280 tall handsome actor guy like I was over. I wanted 0:12:55.320 --> 0:13:01.160 just like normal, nice, just you know, not affected. I 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:07.360 wanted that, okay, And you know, I thought I assumed wrong. 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:08.400 I assumed that. 0:13:08.400 --> 0:13:11.560 He was one of the four agreements you do not assume. 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:14.960 Okay, that sounded wild. You said, I don't want to 0:13:15.080 --> 0:13:16.800 date a tall handsome act. 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:23.800 God call really says that, you know, Susan, she can. 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:26.240 You gotta walk a mile sometimes you gotta. 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:28.079 He knows the story that you a story? 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:28.719 Oh yeah, you know? 0:13:28.760 --> 0:13:29.040 Okay? 0:13:29.240 --> 0:13:32.960 How about you sin? Do you know immediately like, yeah, 0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:33.920 I'm never gonna see her. 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:36.559 I guess questions about the five minutes you do know 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.600 minute one, if you want to keep talking for a 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:41.959 minute two and two to three and three to four. 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:42.680 It's called chemistry. 0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:45.120 And then at some point it might be fifteen minutes. 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:49.400 It might sometimes even be fifteen years or eight years. Yeah, 0:13:49.840 --> 0:13:51.959 that you figure out this is not where I want 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:54.000 to be or where exactly where I want to be. 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:57.400 So yeah, that chemistry, you know immediately when it doesn't work, 0:13:57.440 --> 0:14:00.840 and sometimes it happens in sixty seconds, Yeah, sixty things. 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:03.320 Yeah with you again it with We had chemistry, but 0:14:03.400 --> 0:14:06.160 we had no idea about romantic chemistry that we were 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:07.760 going that direction. But we hit it off. 0:14:08.120 --> 0:14:11.199 Oh yeah, we liked each other. Yeah, we liked each 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:13.160 other from the moment we met each other ten years ago. 0:14:13.240 --> 0:14:15.520 But like, but that's a different thing when you. 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:18.280 Yeah, well we were in We were also not available, 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:20.760 so it wasn't even a consideration. So that was a 0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:23.960 different perspective from when we met. We weren't even considering it. 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:26.240 Neither one of us were options for the Kay, you're cool. 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:28.040 So he was like, I like you, I dig you, 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:29.840 I like hanging out with you, and so that was 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:31.880 just where it was, and that's where it stayed for 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:32.440 eight years. 0:14:32.560 --> 0:14:33.960 Yeah, and then you got hot. 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:36.560 It happens to me all the time and I find 0:14:36.560 --> 0:14:37.080 out they're gay. 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:44.240 Ye. If they're too fun, yeah, they're too well dressed, 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:45.640 if they're too beautiful, perfect. 0:14:45.800 --> 0:14:49.760 Okay, here's a question here. Okay, best advice for someone 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:55.160 dating someone who's lost a spouse? Best advice for dating 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:56.479 someone who's lost. 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.120 A story question? 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:00.760 Yeah, although you're not dating, so. 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:06.680 Yeah, the best advice for dating somebody's lost spouse. I 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:13.200 think the advice I would give them is, don't try 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:19.240 to recreate the relationship you had with your spouse. Look 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:22.560 for someone who genuinely just makes you feel happy in 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:26.040 the space that you're in now, and try not to 0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:28.000 look backward and look forward. That's what I try to 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:30.720 do every day. I try to just look forward and 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.400 give people a chance when I meet them, and not 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:36.480 compare them. Don't compare people to your spouse. 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:38.320 I would think, try not to replace them. 0:15:39.240 --> 0:15:42.280 My second bit was exactly that that, don't think that 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:43.440 your heart is closed off. 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:44.640 It's like having a child. 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:47.160 You have a child, and you think I could never 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:48.280 love another child. 0:15:48.360 --> 0:15:49.200 And then when I have. 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:52.120 My mother and child, it's just your heart expands. So 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:54.480 my husband will always be in my heart way of 0:15:54.520 --> 0:16:00.120 looking at it yet, but I have room for or 0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:00.760 another person. 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:02.200 I have room for love in my heart. So I 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:03.360 would tell people to be open. 0:16:05.320 --> 0:16:08.280 I'm gonna cry as something. I know you remember this. 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:12.160 Patrick Swayze's widow spoke to us about the love she 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:14.480 has now and the husband she has now with She 0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:16.000 said there was a room in my heart for both, 0:16:16.040 --> 0:16:18.640 and he was the one who always supported her in 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:21.080 that and made sure she I know, there was the 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:23.600 love of your life and I'm here now. But but 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:25.840 she spoke of it in such in a way that 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:27.680 you're speaking of it now that I had really never 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:28.720 heard somebody talk about it. 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:29.240 That's beautiful. 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.640 People watching Jones seasons, did you hear keep saying with 0:16:32.720 --> 0:16:33.680 the bachelorette. 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:39.120 Yeah, of guilt at all. And it's like, okay, move on. 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:43.480 Wow, How how long how long since your husband passed? 0:16:43.880 --> 0:16:46.840 He died? It'll be six years. 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:49.320 It's not that long. That's not that long. 0:16:49.400 --> 0:16:54.400 Feels like so many things have changed in my life. 0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:57.760 You know, team sports. 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:01.000 My husband was a huge sport, so he's missed so 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:05.240 many things in college football and basketball, and he's missed 0:17:05.280 --> 0:17:08.840 grandchildren being born, and he's miss marriages, and he's missed divorces, 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:10.719 and he's missed weddings. 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:13.600 And it just seems so long. It seems so long. 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.040 But you know what I said. 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:19.639 I carry him every day in my heart, but I 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.800 have room for that person that could come and join 0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:23.320 me where I am. 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:37.560 Oh that's beautiful. Yes, this is coming to us from 0:17:37.800 --> 0:17:41.520 Chrissy Burns. She's forty three years old, she's a single mom. 0:17:41.840 --> 0:17:44.320 She asks, how do I attract the right guy that 0:17:44.520 --> 0:17:47.560 actually wants a commitment? Why am I only attracting men 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:49.119 who want something casual? 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:51.480 We're twins? 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:54.840 Yeah, I mean I get it. 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:56.640 Wait, you have a commitment thing. 0:17:56.920 --> 0:18:00.359 No, the men that I meet I attract the wrong 0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:02.280 kind of you attracted? 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:04.600 Yeah, I want commitment. 0:18:06.880 --> 0:18:08.400 We're yelling at me the other day. 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:11.920 I'm the same kid. Well, I think, wait, wait, wait, 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:12.440 what's the. 0:18:12.480 --> 0:18:13.720 Kind the wrong con? 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:18.520 I think Susan doesn't. I'm not sure you're clear on 0:18:18.760 --> 0:18:20.480 who it is you want. And so I think she 0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:22.240 gets into it and then goes, hey, that was fun 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:24.560 for ten minutes. I don't think you found the guy 0:18:24.600 --> 0:18:26.400 you want. I don't think you haven't found the guy 0:18:26.440 --> 0:18:27.280 worth committing for. 0:18:28.280 --> 0:18:29.920 That's just this is true. 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:32.400 This is is what happens, you know when you work 0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:34.800 together a lot. 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.960 Where are you like, where are you meeting men? How 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:40.320 are you like? What is it? What energy or what 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:43.520