1 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:09,400 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome back to the Psychology of Your Twenties, 2 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 1: the podcast where we talk through some of the big 3 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 1: life changes and transitions of our twenties and what they 4 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:26,680 Speaker 1: mean for our psychology. Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. 5 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 1: Welcome back to the podcast, new listeners, old listeners. Wherever 6 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,879 Speaker 1: you are in the world, it is so great to 7 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:38,239 Speaker 1: have you here. Back for another episode as we of 8 00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: course break down the psychology of our twenties. It feels 9 00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:48,360 Speaker 1: like there are a trillion little decisions that we need 10 00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 1: to make in our twenties. Some of them are nothing 11 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 1: short of life changing, and yet when we find ourselves 12 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: contemplating what path to take where we possibly want to 13 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 1: end up, it feels like we just simply have no idea. 14 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: We have no idea what career path to take, who 15 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 1: we want to be, where we want to live, who 16 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: we want to be with, what we want to change 17 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 1: in the next six months, let alone the next five years. Instead, 18 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: we get stuck in the space between where we are 19 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:24,040 Speaker 1: and making a choice, mulling over all of our options 20 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 1: again and again and again until quite frankly, none of 21 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 1: them feel like the right fit. There is also this 22 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:35,120 Speaker 1: big emphasis in our twenties on taking risks, making big, 23 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 1: big changes. But if you don't really know what you want, 24 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 1: how can you even possibly choose what direction to take 25 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,319 Speaker 1: a risk in. I think a lot of us do 26 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,240 Speaker 1: have a problem with having the courage to take a 27 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 1: chance on ourselves and to make those really really huge 28 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,040 Speaker 1: decisions that are going to be life changing. That is 29 00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: a problem of perhaps motivation, self doubt, courage. But what 30 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: if you kind of even choose in the first place. 31 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:04,640 Speaker 1: What if it is almost impossible you have two equally 32 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:08,720 Speaker 1: good options or equally bad options, or there's just really 33 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:13,360 Speaker 1: no direction that seems to be calling you. Well, That 34 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: is what I want to talk about today. What do 35 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: we do when we are ready for a change, but 36 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: we just don't know how to get ourselves to the 37 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:27,640 Speaker 1: place of making a choice. I'm feeling this very strong 38 00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:31,920 Speaker 1: pool towards a big life decision myself. I'm feeling a 39 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: big pool towards moving to evolving, to starting something new. 40 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,920 Speaker 1: But the hardest thing for me to get over it, 41 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:45,440 Speaker 1: at least, is just deciding making a choice between two, three, 42 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: four options that all contain a different path, a different life. 43 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:53,640 Speaker 1: Those other kinds of hard decisions that I want us 44 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 1: to really discuss today the kinds of decisions where there 45 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:03,360 Speaker 1: is not one clear answer, when we are seriously utterly 46 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:08,359 Speaker 1: paralyzed with possibility. How is it that we move past 47 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:12,400 Speaker 1: this phase of indecision? How do we tap into what 48 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,040 Speaker 1: our subconscious is telling us that we really want. Because 49 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:19,760 Speaker 1: I do believe that deep down we all know what 50 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,480 Speaker 1: we want when we're faced with a hard decision. We 51 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 1: all know what is right to do, despite conflicting interest, 52 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:31,519 Speaker 1: despite external factors, despite self doubt. I want to talk 53 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 1: about three exercises that we can use to really get 54 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: to the bottom of a dilemma when it comes to 55 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 1: hard decisions, and what role you know, fear and regret 56 00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:46,559 Speaker 1: plays in this situation. So, if you have been struggling 57 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:50,560 Speaker 1: to make a big life changing choice in your twenties, 58 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,800 Speaker 1: right now, I think you have come to the right place. 59 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,680 Speaker 1: I'm very excited for this episode. I know it's something 60 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 1: that a lot of us encounter. I want to make 61 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 1: a change, I want to have I want to transform, 62 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: but how exactly do I do that? How do I 63 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,480 Speaker 1: make a choice as to what direction to move in? 64 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:11,760 Speaker 1: That is exactly what we are going to be addressing today. 65 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 1: So without further Ado, let us discuss the psychology and 66 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 1: some of the secrets around how to make hard decisions. 67 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,960 Speaker 1: Each of us, at some stage in our twenties is 68 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,280 Speaker 1: going to come to a fork in the road where 69 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 1: each road looks just as promising or just as difficult, 70 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,320 Speaker 1: and we don't really know what to choose. The answer 71 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:43,359 Speaker 1: is not immediately obvious or even obvious upon a second 72 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 1: or a third look, and for lack of a better word, 73 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,200 Speaker 1: we just feel really, really stuck. We've asked everyone for advice, 74 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 1: everyone's telling us different things. Now it is time to 75 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: trust ourselves. But instead of trusting ourselves and going with 76 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 1: our gut, we don't make a decision at all. If 77 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: we're using the path analogy of two forks in the road, 78 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 1: we just stop walking altogether. We're unable to take a 79 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 1: step forward. What we don't always realize is that in 80 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:15,280 Speaker 1: that moment delaying our decision, not making a choice at all, 81 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 1: that is actually a decision in itself, and it is 82 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:22,719 Speaker 1: a much worse decision than actually choosing. The worst decision 83 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 1: is no decision. But we get really really caught up 84 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 1: in the minute, small details and possibilities of what could 85 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:37,200 Speaker 1: come next. This is really what makes hard decisions differ 86 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 1: in my mind to our everyday or our medium or 87 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,839 Speaker 1: our less significant decisions. They differ because of a few factors. 88 00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:48,800 Speaker 1: First of all, the stakes are naturally, really, really high. 89 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,159 Speaker 1: There are so many seemingly formative decisions to make during 90 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 1: this period, during this decade of our lives, and it 91 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 1: feels like each one really sets us on a course 92 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: that we can't turn back from. Some big ones are 93 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: like what do I want to do as my career? 94 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 1: Where do I want to invest my time? Do I 95 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:10,919 Speaker 1: want to invest in experiences? In education, in memories, in work. 96 00:06:11,279 --> 00:06:13,719 Speaker 1: Same goes for finances, Where do I want to put 97 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,000 Speaker 1: my money? Where do I want to put my love? 98 00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 1: All of these big dilemmas are really core to who 99 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 1: we are and the future that we imagine for ourselves, 100 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: So deciding on one option or between a bunch of 101 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 1: equally good options feels paralyzing because again, the stakes are 102 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:38,040 Speaker 1: so high. Secondly, hard decisions usually have two or more 103 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:43,040 Speaker 1: equally appealing outcomes, or two or more outcomes that kind 104 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:46,800 Speaker 1: of weigh up the same in your mind. That means, 105 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:49,520 Speaker 1: as we said before, it's not like the right choice 106 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:55,280 Speaker 1: immediately stands out. It does require more careful consideration, and 107 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: that is exactly where we tend to get stuck in 108 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 1: the weeds. Finally, a hard decision contains a whole. 109 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 2: Lot of fear attached to it. Specifically, I think a 110 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:11,000 Speaker 2: core fear of making the wrong choice, but with that 111 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:15,000 Speaker 2: also a lot of secondary fears, like our fear of failure, 112 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 2: our fear of regret, our fear of disappointing others, our 113 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 2: fear of being judged, and our fear, wait for it, 114 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 2: of an unhappy life. What is a bigger fear than that? Really, 115 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 2: a fear of an unhappy life is at the root 116 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 2: of so many of our decisions and our dilemmas because 117 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,360 Speaker 2: a we obviously don't want that to happen. But I 118 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 2: also feel like that in our twenties, we don't a lot, 119 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,760 Speaker 2: you know, we place a lot of care and a 120 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 2: lot of our hope on some big, major decisions, and 121 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:54,520 Speaker 2: we haven't really had the life experience yet to know 122 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,440 Speaker 2: that it probably will and could go wrong but will 123 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 2: be okay anyways. Right, We haven't had those instances of 124 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 2: massive things collapsing and falling apart and realizing that we 125 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:10,720 Speaker 2: still have time to undo them. So stripping it back 126 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 2: to the psychology. Besides some of the reasons given above, 127 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:18,200 Speaker 2: why exactly is it that you and me both find 128 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 2: it very hard to make hard choices in our life? Well, 129 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 2: of course, the first idea we need to explore is 130 00:08:24,520 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 2: choice overload. You're probably familiar with this concept if you 131 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 2: listen to the show a Lot, but for a refresher, 132 00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 2: choice overload is a psychological phenomenon where having too many 133 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:42,320 Speaker 2: options can lead to feelings of anxiety, indecision, and eventually 134 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 2: it dissatisfaction with the choice that we make. So this 135 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:49,240 Speaker 2: concept is also known as the paradox of choice. Love 136 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:52,920 Speaker 2: that paradox of choice, and it suggests that we often 137 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,560 Speaker 2: think that having more choices will make us happier and 138 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 2: lead to a better outcome because we have more freedom 139 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 2: to use, But actually too many options overwhelm us and 140 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 2: it makes it harder to make a decision or feel 141 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 2: content with the one that we eventually choose, because they 142 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:14,679 Speaker 2: are like there was just so many what ifs. There 143 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:19,680 Speaker 2: are so many more kind of places where our imagination 144 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:23,840 Speaker 2: can take us as to what our life could have 145 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:28,800 Speaker 2: been like. Think about choosing a grad job or any job, 146 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 2: even choosing a career path insert your own here. Nowadays, 147 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:36,440 Speaker 2: so many of us, including myself, are so lucky that 148 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 2: we don't have to just simply do whatever our parents 149 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,559 Speaker 2: did before us, as was the case with basically every 150 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,480 Speaker 2: generation that's come before. We have a lot more freedom. 151 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 2: But having so many opportunities and being able to see 152 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 2: all these different lives that others are living online on 153 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:55,360 Speaker 2: LinkedIn in, I don't know the paper, No one really 154 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 2: reads the paper anymore, magazines, maybe TikTok. Being able to 155 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,439 Speaker 2: see all those different options does something to our brain, 156 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:06,520 Speaker 2: and it overloads it because now there is just so 157 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 2: many more comparisons, so many more pros and cons cost 158 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 2: benefit analyzes that our brain has to do, and because 159 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 2: of that potential contained in each option, it feels like 160 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 2: none of them is ever going to leave us completely satisfied, 161 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 2: and we are haunted by the what ifs or the 162 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 2: what could have beens. So they did a study on 163 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,959 Speaker 2: this specifically in twenty something year olds recently, or what 164 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:38,200 Speaker 2: they called at the time emerging adults, and it found 165 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:42,640 Speaker 2: that although this period of our life is characterized by 166 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:48,160 Speaker 2: abundance and liberty and freedom and choice, more of us 167 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 2: are unhappy now with the path. Specifically, the career path 168 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:58,280 Speaker 2: that we've chosen compared to previous generations, primarily because of 169 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:01,600 Speaker 2: how many other better future is we are able to 170 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 2: imagine for ourselves nowadays. It's ironic, right, you know. Shouldn't 171 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:09,320 Speaker 2: it make for a happier life? Isn't this what everyone 172 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:13,560 Speaker 2: was working towards? Letting people have choice, letting people have freedom, 173 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:18,880 Speaker 2: letting people have opportunity. Actually no, because that's not how 174 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 2: our brain works. Our brain actually has this natural instinct 175 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:26,600 Speaker 2: called a loss aversion, whereby we tend to think over 176 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:31,840 Speaker 2: and obsess on all our possibility for loss rather than 177 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:35,640 Speaker 2: our gains. So in this example, we spend a lot 178 00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 2: more time ruminating over the life that we could have had, 179 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,959 Speaker 2: rather than being grateful for the one that did eventuate. 180 00:11:44,360 --> 00:11:47,439 Speaker 2: There is an amazing book that talks about this in 181 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:51,240 Speaker 2: such a comforting and beautiful and gentle way, and it's 182 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 2: called The Midnight Library. This is a fiction book, so 183 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:58,160 Speaker 2: it's not the usual self help or nonfiction that I recommend, 184 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 2: but it follows this war who gets the opportunity to 185 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 2: basically live out all her possible lives. She is someone 186 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 2: who is very overwhelmed by regret for where she is, 187 00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 2: where she's at in her life currently, and she gets 188 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,680 Speaker 2: to go back and see how life would have turned 189 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:20,360 Speaker 2: out if at some point she'd chosen differently, if she 190 00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:25,720 Speaker 2: had become a professional swimmer, a scientist, a performing artist. 191 00:12:26,320 --> 00:12:29,440 Speaker 2: And what's so beautiful about this book is that it 192 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:34,839 Speaker 2: basically shows that we spend so much time sometimes fantasizing 193 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:40,439 Speaker 2: about what could have been, not realizing that nothing ever 194 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:45,680 Speaker 2: turns out the way that we plan. It's an amazing read, 195 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 2: especially if you're someone who deals with a lot of 196 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,440 Speaker 2: analysis paralysis. I think I just loaned it to my 197 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 2: friend Kate because it was so good, so I would 198 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:58,080 Speaker 2: highly recommend. But you know, the paradox of choice is 199 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 2: why you find it hard to make decision. We also 200 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 2: tend to catastrophize more than we should, especially if you're 201 00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 2: someone with an anxious mind. You're an overthinker, you're an overachiever, 202 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 2: you're a perfectionist. And what that means is that you know, 203 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:17,199 Speaker 2: when we have to make a choice, when we have 204 00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:20,200 Speaker 2: to do something that's hard, we imagine that it's going 205 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 2: to turn out way way worse than it does. One 206 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:28,199 Speaker 2: of the best mindset shifts that I've ever adopted ever, 207 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:32,600 Speaker 2: is that When my brain is catastrophizing, it is doing 208 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 2: so to protect me, not to scare me, not to 209 00:13:37,280 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 2: make me fearful. It's not logical, it's just a suggestion. 210 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:46,000 Speaker 2: It's just my brain trying to worry for me so 211 00:13:46,040 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 2: that I won't eventually come across the situation I'm not 212 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:53,960 Speaker 2: prepared for. How I see it is that this instinct, 213 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:59,439 Speaker 2: this mental experience, is testing me to see if I'm capable, 214 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:04,439 Speaker 2: and just by acknowledging the potential worst case scenario but 215 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,439 Speaker 2: choosing to proceed anyway, I am proving that I am 216 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,719 Speaker 2: capable because I've acknowledged it and I've accepted it that 217 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:13,160 Speaker 2: that is something that could happen. But I'm going to 218 00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,719 Speaker 2: go forward anyways. The other thing that I realize is that, 219 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 2: and this is something that's important. If you catastrophize a lot, 220 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 2: If you're faced with a bunch of decisions and you're like, well, 221 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 2: I fit choose this one, it's going to turn out 222 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:27,240 Speaker 2: terribly if I you know what I mean, If you catastrophize, 223 00:14:27,480 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 2: I want you to remember, not all of your worst 224 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:35,200 Speaker 2: case scenarios can possibly come true. It's so interesting. Our 225 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,480 Speaker 2: brain often gives us like a million different situations that 226 00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 2: could happen a million different equally terrible hypotheticals. They can't 227 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:46,560 Speaker 2: all come true, and yet we're feeling the fear of 228 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,440 Speaker 2: them all. You really have to be able to distinguish 229 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:54,960 Speaker 2: in those moments between a fear based hypothetical and a 230 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:59,880 Speaker 2: practical assumption that will help you. It's interesting because res 231 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,120 Speaker 2: published in the Harvard Business Review I think last year 232 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,680 Speaker 2: suggests that we tend to catastrophize because it is a 233 00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 2: way to regain control in an uncertain world or in 234 00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:16,400 Speaker 2: an uncertain time by trying to predict as best as 235 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,120 Speaker 2: we can what might come next. So you know, if 236 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 2: you're at a crossroads in your life, that is a 237 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 2: very uncertain time for you, but by catastrophizing kind of 238 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 2: makes it feel like you have a bit more control 239 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 2: than you do. But these doomsday scenarios in which we 240 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:35,880 Speaker 2: lose everything, we fail miserably, we end up alone, we 241 00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 2: ruin our life. It's really just our brain's limbic system 242 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 2: trying to alert us to any and all potential dangers, 243 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 2: including those that are literally never going to happen, because 244 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,360 Speaker 2: you know, our brain is like, but what if they do? 245 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,960 Speaker 2: What if the zero points zero zero zero, zero, zero 246 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 2: one percent occurs, well, at least I'll know I'll be 247 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 2: mentally prepared, or at least I'll think that I'm mentally prepared. 248 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,280 Speaker 2: Our choice to catastrophize when it comes to hard decisions 249 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 2: it also isn't random, right, It's a learned behavior that 250 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,320 Speaker 2: has its roots in anxiety and also in past trauma, 251 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 2: in perfectionist tendencies and our need for control. People who 252 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:24,560 Speaker 2: have this tendency to catastrophize, we often put a lot 253 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 2: of pressure in ourselves to achieve an outcome that is 254 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:34,040 Speaker 2: perfect or that is going to reflect very favorably on us, 255 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:38,440 Speaker 2: and unconsciously, actually, it's not that we want the best outcome. 256 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 2: It's that we're terrified of an imperfect outcome. We're terrified 257 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,920 Speaker 2: with how we're going to be able to cope at 258 00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 2: some stage. What we've learnt as well is that thinking 259 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:53,880 Speaker 2: about a decision and a problem repetitively without actually doing 260 00:16:53,920 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 2: anything is quite self soothing, because we feel like we're 261 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:02,239 Speaker 2: doing something about a problem or situation by over analyzing 262 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 2: it without actually having to do anything. And that is 263 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 2: the real tricky thing to remember. You think you're doing something, 264 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 2: you think that you're helping yourself by doing all your 265 00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:16,280 Speaker 2: pros and cons list, you're actually not. It's become part 266 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:20,399 Speaker 2: of our emotional toolkit. If we are feeling stressed or 267 00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:23,399 Speaker 2: overwhelmed by a decision, if we think about it for 268 00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:27,080 Speaker 2: as long as possible, when we come up with every alternative, well, 269 00:17:27,119 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 2: then of course there's no way that we're going to 270 00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:32,159 Speaker 2: get it wrong. It's interesting to me to consider this 271 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:36,479 Speaker 2: as a offshoot of anxiety because we know that the 272 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:40,360 Speaker 2: opposite of anxiety is actually trust. When we trust ourselves 273 00:17:40,480 --> 00:17:43,159 Speaker 2: enough to know that whatever happens we will be okay, 274 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 2: we can make those hard decisions quicker. We know that 275 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 2: we can trust ourselves that if we lose that relationship, 276 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 2: we're going to be okay. If that job is not 277 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 2: what we really wanted, we trust ourselves to be able 278 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,200 Speaker 2: to find something better. If that does decision turns out 279 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 2: absolutely horrifically, terribly wrong, we trust ourselves that we will 280 00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,520 Speaker 2: make it work, and that is what gives us the 281 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:13,159 Speaker 2: courage to really go after what we truly want. So 282 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 2: if you are struggling with making hard decisions, it's probably 283 00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:20,280 Speaker 2: because at some point that self trust was injured or damaged. 284 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:25,119 Speaker 2: For me, I remember when my self trust was basically 285 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 2: you know, blown to smithereens. It was this one big 286 00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 2: failure that I had when I was younger, and I 287 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,480 Speaker 2: felt so judged and I could see that I'd done 288 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 2: something wrong, and it just made me feel like, you know, 289 00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:47,119 Speaker 2: I could never trust myself again because in that moment, 290 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,720 Speaker 2: I believed that I was doing the right thing and 291 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 2: that wasn't true. You know, for others, your self trust 292 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:58,840 Speaker 2: may be injured by excessive criticism or having a really 293 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:04,360 Speaker 2: overbearing parent, boss, friend who corrects everything that you do. 294 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:08,399 Speaker 2: And basically that external criticism is taken on board by 295 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 2: our inner critic and it's spoken back to us in 296 00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 2: our own voice becomes self imposed trauma and betrayal as well. 297 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:21,120 Speaker 2: That is something that really leaves you doubting your own 298 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 2: ability and capability. It also has this secondary influence on 299 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:30,479 Speaker 2: self esteem as well. There's a really fascinating study that 300 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,679 Speaker 2: was conducted in twenty eighteen and they got over one 301 00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:38,040 Speaker 2: hundred individuals to complete a self esteem and a self 302 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:42,880 Speaker 2: trust scale basically saying how do you feel about yourself 303 00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,640 Speaker 2: and do you trust yourself? And then they got them 304 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 2: to basically participate in this experimental would you rather situation 305 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 2: where they were asked to choose between three scenarios, one 306 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 2: which was really really risky. You think the payoff although 307 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,000 Speaker 2: the likelihood of the good option happening was twenty percent, 308 00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:06,199 Speaker 2: one which was somewhat risky that was around fifty percent, 309 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 2: and one that was completely it just wasn't a risk 310 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,480 Speaker 2: at all. It was a certain outcome. The people who 311 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:18,600 Speaker 2: had reported that they had poorer self esteem and that 312 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:23,359 Speaker 2: they trusted themselves less, they would choose the sure option 313 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:30,120 Speaker 2: almost every single time they were They literally would never 314 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:35,679 Speaker 2: even consider taking the risk because they didn't trust themselves. 315 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 2: They didn't trust themselves that if the risky decision outcome 316 00:20:40,359 --> 00:20:42,679 Speaker 2: did happen, that they would be able to go on. 317 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:49,640 Speaker 2: Even in the situations and the circumstances where the risky decision, 318 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 2: the one with the twenty thirty percent and the fifty 319 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:56,800 Speaker 2: percent likelihood were going to provide them with much bigger payoffs, 320 00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,640 Speaker 2: they wouldn't do it. I think that that really applies 321 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:06,160 Speaker 2: to real life as well, to everyday situations where you're 322 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 2: going to really struggle making a hard choice in your life, 323 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:12,560 Speaker 2: and a hard decision if you don't trust that no 324 00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,479 Speaker 2: matter what happens, no matter the unknowns, You're still going 325 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:20,440 Speaker 2: to be okay. One final reason that I found from 326 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:24,200 Speaker 2: experience that we struggle making hard decisions during this decade 327 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,679 Speaker 2: is because of a conflict or attention as well, between 328 00:21:27,680 --> 00:21:31,640 Speaker 2: passion and practicality. Feels like this generation is divided into 329 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:35,920 Speaker 2: people who take career progression really seriously, who are very 330 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,680 Speaker 2: financially stable and cautious and happy working their nine to 331 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:43,119 Speaker 2: five and want that security, versus this other group of 332 00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 2: people who are very committed to seeing there's seven wonders 333 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,840 Speaker 2: of the modern world, to starting businesses and brands and 334 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,719 Speaker 2: changing jobs and careers when they feel like it, putting 335 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:57,000 Speaker 2: everything into their dream taking their time. Neither is better 336 00:21:57,119 --> 00:22:00,119 Speaker 2: or worse than the other. And some might say it's personality, 337 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:03,720 Speaker 2: but I actually think, you know, each of us has 338 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,720 Speaker 2: it in us to pursue the risky path and to 339 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,600 Speaker 2: do and to make the decision to you know, not 340 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:13,200 Speaker 2: necessarily follow our dreams, but to put everything on the line. 341 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,600 Speaker 2: But there is this tension and a personal battle we 342 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 2: all face between what we're really passionate about and what 343 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:26,199 Speaker 2: we know is practically necessary to have a successful life. 344 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 2: Who do we want to be, Which path do we 345 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 2: want to choose. That is the other reason that it's 346 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 2: hard to make big life choices are the going to 347 00:22:34,080 --> 00:22:36,479 Speaker 2: dictate where you're going to end up, because there are 348 00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:41,560 Speaker 2: these like two really big desires within us for two 349 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 2: very different different lives. So what I want to discuss 350 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 2: next is how to cut through the noise and really 351 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,280 Speaker 2: tell what you want, really be able to determine what 352 00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 2: path is right for you, and have the courage to 353 00:22:55,119 --> 00:22:58,600 Speaker 2: follow through whatever it may be. All of that and 354 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:06,680 Speaker 2: more after this short break. When it comes to making 355 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:10,240 Speaker 2: hard decisions, there are a couple of strategies that people 356 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 2: will kind of always throw your way, like, let me 357 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,080 Speaker 2: think the classic ones are make a pro cons list, 358 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:20,400 Speaker 2: talk to people you trust, do a cost benefit analysis. 359 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,440 Speaker 2: These are very very useful, and I do think they'll 360 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:27,119 Speaker 2: get you closer to a decision. But sometimes these decisions 361 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:30,880 Speaker 2: aren't something that we can really be rational about. There's 362 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,520 Speaker 2: something that we can't hear other people's opinions about. We 363 00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,119 Speaker 2: need to trust ourselves. Well, it is my belief that 364 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,160 Speaker 2: deep down we all kind of know what we want 365 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 2: our desired outcome choice, dream life, dream choice. It's already 366 00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 2: in us. It's just that it's shrouded in these clouds 367 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:54,280 Speaker 2: in this mist of self doubt, of fear, of expectation, 368 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:57,440 Speaker 2: of what's safe, what we think we should be doing. 369 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,240 Speaker 2: Think about the decision to break up with a long 370 00:24:01,359 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 2: term partner. That's a very hard decision some of us face. 371 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,840 Speaker 2: On the surface, you might think, you know, they are 372 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 2: such a good person, all of my friends like them. 373 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:16,160 Speaker 2: It would be so hard to start dating again. I'm 374 00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:20,919 Speaker 2: scared I'll ever find anyone. But when you wigdhe through 375 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 2: all these fear based thoughts at your care, you know 376 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,640 Speaker 2: what you want. You know what you want. That's why 377 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:30,720 Speaker 2: you're trying to give yourself excuses, because you know that 378 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,200 Speaker 2: once you decide, it's going to be really, really difficult. 379 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,399 Speaker 2: In fact, I think if you're asking the question, some 380 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,879 Speaker 2: part of you already has the answer. If you're asking yourself, 381 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,760 Speaker 2: should I move overseas, you know I have the opportunity. 382 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,800 Speaker 2: Should I do it? You already know the answer. Should 383 00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:49,200 Speaker 2: I quit my job and take this new opportunity, even 384 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 2: if it's a bit scary, you already know the answer. 385 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:56,440 Speaker 2: In psychology, we often conceptualize this part of us as 386 00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:59,879 Speaker 2: the subconscious. It's the part of us that holds out 387 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:07,560 Speaker 2: well purest emotions are purest desires needs. It's the most unadulterated, real, 388 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:12,879 Speaker 2: true version of us. The subconscious knows, and that means 389 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 2: that you know, deep down you do. So how do 390 00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:19,040 Speaker 2: we tap into that? Well, the first exercise I want 391 00:25:19,080 --> 00:25:22,960 Speaker 2: you to try is what I call the wisest self scenario. 392 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:27,480 Speaker 2: It's as it sounds. Imagine yourself in the future, ten 393 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 2: twenty thirty years down the line as the wisest version 394 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,280 Speaker 2: of you and who you could become. Picture yourself having 395 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:42,480 Speaker 2: lived through challenges, learn from mistakes, and gain just invaluable experience. 396 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 2: That future self has clarity, they have patience, they have 397 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:51,880 Speaker 2: a deep understanding. You trust them, Remember you trust them. Now, 398 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:55,720 Speaker 2: ask this version of you, what would you have me 399 00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:59,280 Speaker 2: do right now? What choice should I make? What's your advice? 400 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:05,720 Speaker 2: By consulting your wisest self, you tap into a perspective 401 00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:10,119 Speaker 2: that really transcends the current emotions or pressures that are 402 00:26:10,119 --> 00:26:14,560 Speaker 2: clouding your decision making. This exercise allows you to kind 403 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:18,400 Speaker 2: of step out of the present day stress and connect 404 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 2: with the version of you who you know doesn't have 405 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,280 Speaker 2: anything to do with that right now, who doesn't really care. 406 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 2: A version of you who has lived through it. Knows 407 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,840 Speaker 2: you'll survive and who can kind of come back and 408 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,680 Speaker 2: tell you what you really need to do. And this 409 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:37,600 Speaker 2: method works because of something called psychological distancing. You put 410 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,560 Speaker 2: space between your emotions and the decision so that you 411 00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:44,400 Speaker 2: can identify what you really want. Another reason is that 412 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,359 Speaker 2: you know. The reason it helps us make not only 413 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 2: a decision, but the right decision comes down to this 414 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 2: concept called future self continuity, and this basically says that 415 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:59,080 Speaker 2: people who feel more connected to their future selves are 416 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:03,320 Speaker 2: more likely to make decisions that benefit in long term wellbeing. 417 00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:07,879 Speaker 2: Visualizing yourself is a wiser version. It also promotes empathy 418 00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:12,800 Speaker 2: and kindness and love towards your current self, who's really 419 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:14,639 Speaker 2: gone through it, who has really got a lot of 420 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,080 Speaker 2: wild thoughts going on, And that enhances your self trust 421 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:21,520 Speaker 2: because you kind of if you trust this future version 422 00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:25,440 Speaker 2: of yourself, you have to trust that right now you 423 00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,959 Speaker 2: you know, you are the foundation of that future wise 424 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 2: version of you. You're the one who's going to become them, 425 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 2: and so they cannot be wise without you making choices. Right, 426 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,120 Speaker 2: Does that kind of make sense? Like they cannot be 427 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,479 Speaker 2: they could not be as wise as they are if 428 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,359 Speaker 2: you didn't trust yourself, right, now, and if you weren't 429 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:47,199 Speaker 2: capable of getting to that point, if this isn't your 430 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:49,680 Speaker 2: cup of tea, I totally get it. Another version of 431 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,880 Speaker 2: this that I love, in which my own incredible therapist 432 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 2: introduced to me few years back, is the ten ten 433 00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:59,120 Speaker 2: ten rule. It's pretty simple. Say you have two three 434 00:27:59,160 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 2: decisions your content plating. Should I move to a new 435 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 2: city even though I don't know anyone, or should I 436 00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 2: stay here where I'm comfortable. H I don't really know 437 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,679 Speaker 2: what to do. Do I stay safe or do I 438 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:14,040 Speaker 2: stretch out my comfort zone? I want you to ask yourself, 439 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,480 Speaker 2: how are you going to feel about either decision in 440 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,160 Speaker 2: ten days, in ten months, and ten years from now. 441 00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:25,760 Speaker 2: In ten days, when the initial anxiety has passed, What 442 00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:28,960 Speaker 2: do you think you'll feel in ten months? How much 443 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,920 Speaker 2: do you think you will have grown in either environment? 444 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:36,520 Speaker 2: In ten years? Could either of these decisions become a 445 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:39,720 Speaker 2: regret for you? Will it be a turning point for you? 446 00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,280 Speaker 2: Will it be something that you look back on and say, Gosh, 447 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,800 Speaker 2: I just wish that I gone with my gut and 448 00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:50,760 Speaker 2: done the hard thing and done the scary thing. Regret 449 00:28:51,080 --> 00:28:54,600 Speaker 2: like this kind of regret factors into decision making more 450 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,360 Speaker 2: than we realize because we are kind of haunted by 451 00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:00,520 Speaker 2: this understanding that we can't go back. We can't go 452 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,720 Speaker 2: back and change the decisions from our past. There is 453 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 2: no time machine, and that works both ways. We can't 454 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:09,200 Speaker 2: go back and tell ourselves what we know now and 455 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:12,400 Speaker 2: prevent a bad choice, but we also can't go back 456 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:15,680 Speaker 2: and change our trajectory to a better course. How I 457 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,880 Speaker 2: like to frame this is what is the risk of 458 00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:23,120 Speaker 2: trying compared to the risk of doing nothing. I'm just 459 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 2: going to say it one more time. What is the 460 00:29:24,760 --> 00:29:29,400 Speaker 2: risk of trying versus the risk of doing nothing? Often 461 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 2: we get stuck indecision out of fear of making the 462 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,760 Speaker 2: wrong choice, But in reality, there is often a much 463 00:29:35,880 --> 00:29:41,400 Speaker 2: greater risk contained in staying stagnant and staying the same. 464 00:29:42,120 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 2: The risk of doing nothing can lead to missed opportunities, 465 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,880 Speaker 2: can lead to regret and a lack of growth. The 466 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:53,040 Speaker 2: risk of trying, even if it leads to failure, we'll 467 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:58,720 Speaker 2: still bring about learning experiences, the possibility of success. When 468 00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:02,240 Speaker 2: we frame decisions this way, becomes clear that taking action, 469 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:07,400 Speaker 2: no matter how uncertain, often outweighs the regret of never 470 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:10,400 Speaker 2: knowing what could have been if you have a decision 471 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 2: that is bugging you, that is weighing heavily on your 472 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:18,360 Speaker 2: mind and your heart. Please prioritize action over inaction every time, 473 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 2: as the saying goes, you want to feel the fear 474 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,400 Speaker 2: and do it anyways. And I reflect on so many 475 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:25,320 Speaker 2: examples of this in my own life and in my 476 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:28,000 Speaker 2: own timeline. You know, the time I moved away from 477 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 2: university at seventeen, the time I quit my full time 478 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,400 Speaker 2: job to do the podcast full time. The time I 479 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:39,400 Speaker 2: moved to Sydney fresh out of a relationship, more lonely 480 00:30:39,440 --> 00:30:42,240 Speaker 2: than I've ever been, and I had so many doubts 481 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,800 Speaker 2: and I was so terrified, and I did it anyways. 482 00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,120 Speaker 2: And you know what, things did go wrong. Things did 483 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 2: go wrong, and I was lonely, and I did struggle 484 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 2: and it was really, really hard. But there is not 485 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,160 Speaker 2: a single day in any of those scenarios that I 486 00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,320 Speaker 2: would go back and tell myself. I tell my past self, no, 487 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 2: just sit tight, don't do anything here. This isn't your 488 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 2: time to make a change, because every single time, I'm 489 00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:08,640 Speaker 2: so glad that I did it. I'm so glad that 490 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:11,760 Speaker 2: I chose action over inaction. On that note, I also 491 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,200 Speaker 2: think we can benefit from reflecting on previous times where 492 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 2: you felt paralyzed and you've made a decision. Anyway, think 493 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 2: really hard about a decision that you've previously made and 494 00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:27,400 Speaker 2: all the catastrophes that your brain cooked up beforehand. You know, 495 00:31:27,440 --> 00:31:31,680 Speaker 2: when I moved to Sydney, I can distinctly remember worrying about, 496 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:33,400 Speaker 2: Oh my god, what if I have to move back? 497 00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:36,480 Speaker 2: What if I never meet anyone? What if I run 498 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:39,280 Speaker 2: out of money? That spiraled into you know, what if 499 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,960 Speaker 2: I lose touch with all my friends? What if I 500 00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:44,640 Speaker 2: end up alone? And the ball just kept rolling and 501 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 2: rolling and rolling, and none of those things came true. 502 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:54,600 Speaker 2: Our own experiences are our best teacher because we lived 503 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,840 Speaker 2: through it. We have the evidence right there. And this 504 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 2: brings about such a crucial perspective to your choices. If 505 00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 2: it's fear that is holding you back, remember that fear 506 00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:09,360 Speaker 2: is natural and a protective response, but it's also inaccurate. 507 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,200 Speaker 2: And you have seen many times before the ways in 508 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 2: which fear may have kept you small, or fear was 509 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 2: trying to lie to you. Finally, and I promise I'll 510 00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:20,760 Speaker 2: wrap it up soon, but just I love talking about this, 511 00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:23,480 Speaker 2: and this is my final piece of advice. For the day, 512 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:27,800 Speaker 2: I promise, And it might sound very counterintuitive to everything 513 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,960 Speaker 2: that we've discussed so far, but I just want to say, 514 00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:34,680 Speaker 2: don't worry too much about the big decisions. Don't let 515 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,959 Speaker 2: them get any bigger than they deserve. There are very 516 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 2: very few choices we can make in a single day 517 00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:43,720 Speaker 2: or on the spot that is irreparably going to alter 518 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:46,560 Speaker 2: our life. You know, maybe like drunk driving, or like 519 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:49,640 Speaker 2: doing something dangerous or criminal, that's one of them. But 520 00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:54,360 Speaker 2: you know, other huge, ginormous decisions. A lot of those 521 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,600 Speaker 2: choices can be undone. We can find our way back, 522 00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:02,160 Speaker 2: we can always course correct. What's more valuable actually is 523 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,880 Speaker 2: the small, everyday decisions that build our life kind of 524 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:10,360 Speaker 2: stone by stone, brick by brick, our daily habits, our 525 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:14,960 Speaker 2: small moments where it became it becomes easier, and where 526 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,479 Speaker 2: we push ourselves and where we just stay curious to 527 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 2: what is possible. Our life is really made in the 528 00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,480 Speaker 2: small choices, and yet we spend so much time worrying 529 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 2: about the big things, often not focusing on the small 530 00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 2: ways in which we have, you know, chosen to stay stagnant, 531 00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:37,800 Speaker 2: the small decisions that, on the other hand, completely alter 532 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:41,320 Speaker 2: our life. So don't get too caught up in the 533 00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 2: big things. Don't rush them either, But don't you know, 534 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:48,520 Speaker 2: be spending weeks and months considering, because by the time 535 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 2: you might be ready, the opportunity could have passed. Remember 536 00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:56,360 Speaker 2: action over inaction. Remember to be able to identify when 537 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:59,400 Speaker 2: you were catastrophizing and when it is a fear based 538 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:04,400 Speaker 2: thought while rather than a practical thought. And above or else, 539 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:10,440 Speaker 2: please trust yourself. Trust yourself. The root of indecision is 540 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:14,040 Speaker 2: a lack of self trust, and you can counter that 541 00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:18,319 Speaker 2: by allowing yourself to make mistakes and allowing yourself to 542 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:22,000 Speaker 2: just go with your gut instinct and affirming time and 543 00:34:22,040 --> 00:34:25,319 Speaker 2: time again, no matter what happens, I am going to 544 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:29,320 Speaker 2: be okay, because that is the truth. I want to 545 00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:32,600 Speaker 2: thank you all for listening to today's episode. I know 546 00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:36,600 Speaker 2: that these decisions can feel excruciatingly large, but the fact 547 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,440 Speaker 2: that you care enough about your future to be thinking 548 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,920 Speaker 2: about it at all, it's a good sign that you're 549 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:43,640 Speaker 2: going to be totally fine. You're going to make the 550 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:45,600 Speaker 2: right choice, You're gonna be able to figure it out 551 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:48,600 Speaker 2: whatever happens. If there is someone in your life who 552 00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:52,319 Speaker 2: you think needs to hear this episode, please send them 553 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:55,239 Speaker 2: a link, make sure that you are following along for 554 00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,719 Speaker 2: future episodes, and if you would like to leave a 555 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,399 Speaker 2: five star review, if you feel called to do so, 556 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:05,920 Speaker 2: it would be greatly greatly appreciated. We read every single 557 00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 2: one and it's just so amazing the community that we 558 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,319 Speaker 2: are building. If you have a future suggestion, you can 559 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,760 Speaker 2: send that to me on Instagram at that Psychology Podcast 560 00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,319 Speaker 2: just slide into the DMS. We do take a lot 561 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:21,279 Speaker 2: of inspiration from you guys to listeners, so we would 562 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:22,600 Speaker 2: love to hear from you and make sure that you 563 00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:26,760 Speaker 2: are following us over there. Until next time, Stay safe, 564 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,360 Speaker 2: stay kind, be gentle to yourself. Make that hard decision. 565 00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 2: You've got it. I know you can do it, and 566 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,399 Speaker 2: we will talk very very soon.