Speaker 1: Welcome to Checking In with Michelle Williams, a production of
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Oh lord, I have no
Speaker 1: idea how this episode's gonna turn out. I know it's
Speaker 1: gonna turn out great, but I am anticipating the jaw
Speaker 1: dropping moment my brother, social media influencer, podcast host, b
Speaker 1: side app owner, author, Oh child, he be upsetting the ground, y'all,
Speaker 1: y'all better get ready. Tim Ross is in the building, y'all.
Speaker 1: I'm excited because we've got somebody who is literally shaking
Speaker 1: the okay, upsetting the gram, upsetting the world in a
Speaker 1: good way, a curious way. Some people are mad even
Speaker 1: though he is not pastoring or ministering in the traditional
Speaker 1: way in the pool pit. That's who he is. An
Speaker 1: amazing podcast the Basement author. That book is coming out.
Speaker 1: It is February twenty seventh. Welcome to the Basement, y'all.
Speaker 1: Y'all recognize his voice already, y'all give it up for
Speaker 1: my friend since twenty seventeen, Tim Ross.
Speaker 2: Y'alli, Timmy, I love you, tt.
Speaker 1: I love you. I love you. I don't even know
Speaker 1: like yes, I have an official rundown and because of
Speaker 1: the time, I'm not gonna get comfortable in common with you.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be official, we're gonna be professional. But y'all,
Speaker 1: my friend, my brother is here.
Speaker 2: Y'all.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, those of us that are close to you, those
Speaker 1: of us who just love you, who get a seat
Speaker 1: to see everything that you're doing, We've seen you evolve
Speaker 1: and pivot. How are you feeling. Have you been able
Speaker 1: to kind of be on the outside and take a
Speaker 1: look at what you've been able to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah? I was able to do that last July. So
Speaker 2: July twenty twenty three, the seventh month of every year
Speaker 2: is my sabbventh month, so I take the whole month
Speaker 2: off and we spent it in Australia, and I just
Speaker 2: got to reflect on, like everything that we have done
Speaker 2: since July fixed of twenty twenty two. And when I
Speaker 2: came back from that trip in August of twenty three,
Speaker 2: I literally said to myself, I think I finally figured
Speaker 2: out what the he I'm doing. A lot of times
Speaker 2: you step into whatever you feel like God's telling you
Speaker 2: to do, and you step in out of obedience, right like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm doing what it is that I felt like God's
Speaker 2: telling me to do. But you don't know what you're doing,
Speaker 2: and don't like you have no idea, like you said
Speaker 2: yes and you started it, but you don't. You have
Speaker 2: no idea what you're actually doing, what the impact is.
Speaker 2: And so if you would have asked me any time
Speaker 2: before August of twenty twenty three, hey, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: I would have been like a podcast, like you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like I'm just doing a podcast. And
Speaker 2: after August of twenty three, I really was able to
Speaker 2: like process, like, oh, I'm helping people live life in
Speaker 2: a completely different way, Like I'm giving people permission that's
Speaker 2: to be authentically themselves in their own skin. And I've
Speaker 2: and God has allowed me to create this safe space
Speaker 2: where people can give us the gift of their vulnerability,
Speaker 2: be seen, heard, known, and still loved, even if they're
Speaker 2: not still agreed with. And that's when I knew we
Speaker 2: got something special here. We have something special and sacred here,
Speaker 2: and we don't do what everybody else does, like I'm
Speaker 2: not against what everybody else does. I'm not for what
Speaker 2: some of the people do, but I'm not against what
Speaker 2: nobody else does. But this is sacred and we're gonna
Speaker 2: run this play. This is the play We're gonna run here.
Speaker 1: Where did the boldness and the audacity come for you
Speaker 1: to not be with the normal? You said something so powerful.
Speaker 1: I want people to be seen, known, heard, loved, even
Speaker 1: if they're not agreed with.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, because we live in a culture where we only
Speaker 2: like people who think like us. We only embrace people
Speaker 2: who think like us, or believe people or believe like us. Right,
Speaker 2: So in my mind, I'm like, listen, what every human
Speaker 2: being needs at a basic level is to be seen, heard, known,
Speaker 2: and loved, even if they're disagreed with. And so the greatest,
Speaker 2: the most one of the most extravagant gifts you can
Speaker 2: give anybody is the gift of your ears. Like, just
Speaker 2: listen to them. Don't cut them off, don't let them
Speaker 2: disregulate you, don't let them anger you. You a racist?
Speaker 2: Go tell us why?
Speaker 1: Tell us why? And y'all listen. Go to the B side.
Speaker 1: It's Tim Ross's app and you are going to be
Speaker 1: able to listen to the most thought provoking, jaw dropping
Speaker 1: conversations that he is having. That most people who are
Speaker 1: born in the church, raising the church still work in
Speaker 1: the church. They wouldn't touch certain people with a two
Speaker 1: foot poll and have a freaking conversation. Sometimes I think
Speaker 1: we wouldn't have war if we could just have a conversation.
Speaker 2: All wars start when conversation cease, and all wars stop
Speaker 2: when conversations start. Divorces start when conversations stop. Love starts
Speaker 2: when conversations start. Hate starts when conversations stop. Everything is
Speaker 2: built off a word. What if the first thing that
Speaker 2: we know about God Genesis chapter number one, that he spoke.
Speaker 2: That's the first thing we know about God that he spoke?
Speaker 2: And when did sin come into the world when people
Speaker 2: stop speaking? Yep? So conversations are literally how God designed
Speaker 2: us to communicate. And whenever there's a breakdown in the conversation,
Speaker 2: that's when friction, frustration, anger, hate, bitterness, envy, stripe, jealousy.
Speaker 2: Everything comes from the lack of being able to communicate.
Speaker 2: You show me a marriage that's in distress. I'll show
Speaker 2: you people that don't know how to communicate with each other.
Speaker 2: You show me a parent and a child relationship and
Speaker 2: it's afraid. It's all because they're missing each other in communication.
Speaker 2: So everything rises and falls on communication.
Speaker 1: Y'all, we just had a whole master class on communication.
Speaker 1: We can stop. Let's press stop, We're done. Thank y'all
Speaker 1: so much for checking in. Is Welcome to the Basement,
Speaker 1: Cetuary twenty seven. I pre ordered my copy. Go get yours, Tim,
Speaker 1: We thank you so much for being here. Oh my god.
Speaker 1: Conversation okay, okay, okay, conversations. Do you think have you
Speaker 1: I mastered the art of communication or you think it's
Speaker 1: just something. As long as we're living breathing, we will
Speaker 1: always be in school.
Speaker 2: Yeah, as long as we're living in breathing, we'll always
Speaker 2: be in school. I haven't mastered it. I will say
Speaker 2: that I have more control over myself when I'm in
Speaker 2: conversations because what I realized is that when it comes
Speaker 2: to communication, I am not responsible for how the other
Speaker 2: person walks away with my words. I am responsible with
Speaker 2: the way I communicate them. So I just try to
Speaker 2: stay in control of what I can control. You can
Speaker 2: say the nicest thing to somebody, if their heart is
Speaker 2: set on the fence, they're going to be offended. Yeah.
Speaker 2: What I want to be able to do is walk
Speaker 2: away saying I thought about the words before I spoke.
Speaker 2: I was intentional with my words. I was intense, as
Speaker 2: you know, with the timing, and I was intentional with
Speaker 2: my tone. That's the only thing I can respond that
Speaker 2: I'm responsible.
Speaker 1: Yeah, timing and tone. Tim You have no idea how
Speaker 1: many of my friends my dms they be sending me
Speaker 1: clips of what you be saying. I'm like, first of all,
Speaker 1: I asked my brother, and yes I have. And I'm
Speaker 1: so glad you discovered him because I've seen you when
Speaker 1: I'm scrolling on Instagram. I've seen you pop up on
Speaker 1: the explorer page and people, some meaning people who aren't
Speaker 1: even following you get to see something you've said, then
Speaker 1: they hit the follow. But I love that when I
Speaker 1: see something you post, Like my best friend doctor Amira Ogule,
Speaker 1: she'd be liking, I'm like, oh my god, Kelly has
Speaker 1: send me something? Be like did you see this? Already
Speaker 1: saying to sus you know, so, I am just excited
Speaker 1: because you just someone who we knew you came out
Speaker 1: you were a youth pastor. You just were in so
Speaker 1: many ministries, then pastored your own church, and then decided
Speaker 1: you want to do something different, meaning you feel like
Speaker 1: it's okay to upset people, to break down barriers, and
Speaker 1: you've already just kind of answered the first question I
Speaker 1: had about how do you do that without offending someone
Speaker 1: to the point where they don't listen. And the reason
Speaker 1: why I went to what you're saying because a lot
Speaker 1: of people send me clips of you talking about relationships. Yeah,
Speaker 1: one of the coolest people who loves God, loves the
Speaker 1: Lord Jesus Christ knows that Bible. But you know how
Speaker 1: to relate to the person who don't know anything, and
Speaker 1: you hit the heart. You've helped restore relationships. So the
Speaker 1: first question is we were kind of already going somewhere.
Speaker 1: You were saying about the intention of your tone and
Speaker 1: timing that may help somebody listen to you. How did
Speaker 1: you how did you do that? Growing up?
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm the middle child. I'm kind of a
Speaker 2: middle firstborn. My older brother's ten years older than me,
Speaker 2: then it's me, and then my younger brother is seventeen
Speaker 2: years seventeen months younger than me. And so when you're
Speaker 2: the middle child, you become the mediator, right, You're the arbitrator,
Speaker 2: the mediator of the family. And so I'm translating what
Speaker 2: my older brother's saying as to how it impacts me,
Speaker 2: and then I'm translating from my younger brother to my parents,
Speaker 2: and so communication was just always something that I that
Speaker 2: I really paid attention to. I started rapping when I
Speaker 2: was nine. I started battle rapping when I was thirteen.
Speaker 2: Word I fell in love with words. I fell in
Speaker 2: love with rhyme schemes. I fell in love with the
Speaker 2: meaning of words. I'm a literalist, right, so when I
Speaker 2: use a word, I try to use the word literally.
Speaker 2: And so because words have power, and so when I'm
Speaker 2: when I'm sitting with somebody and I'm talking with them,
Speaker 2: I'm trying to use words that will unlock them. I'm
Speaker 2: not trying to use words that will lock them up.
Speaker 2: And So what I realized is in the space that
Speaker 2: I'm in now, like with the podcast and all that,
Speaker 2: is that when I when I communicate, I'm communicating to
Speaker 2: a certain group of people. I loved my season in
Speaker 2: ministry preaching all that kind of stuff, but I realized
Speaker 2: that when I became a podcaster, I felt like in
Speaker 2: order for me to reach who I felt like my
Speaker 2: targeted audience, is that I had to stop code switching.
Speaker 2: Oh Like, I could not code switch if I was
Speaker 2: going to reach who I was supposed to reach. And
Speaker 2: so a big part of the impact that I've had
Speaker 2: both positive and negative. Is actually around the fact that
Speaker 2: I don't code switch.
Speaker 1: So good again. But that's why you're able to reach
Speaker 1: who you are reaching the old, correct, the middle, the young,
Speaker 1: the preached, the unpreached. So many clips have gone viral
Speaker 1: to the point people are excited, then you get people
Speaker 1: who are mad and offended. Who do you pay attention
Speaker 1: to the most?
Speaker 2: I pay attention to my wife, my best friends, you,
Speaker 2: the people that are in my that are in my
Speaker 2: inner circle, Like if you ever sent me a voice
Speaker 2: not to call FaceTime text and was like, hey, I
Speaker 2: saw a clip. I felt like it was out of pocket.
Speaker 2: I take it down in a heartbeat. But I don't
Speaker 2: read my comments section, so I don't know what they say.
Speaker 1: Ah, so good, so good.
Speaker 2: I meant what I said when I said it, and
Speaker 2: only those that are in my circle get to tell
Speaker 2: me if it was bad.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And if you know Tim Ross, I promise you
Speaker 1: you will learn. He said what he said.
Speaker 2: I promise you. I did. I promise you I did
Speaker 2: and did not stutter.
Speaker 1: You know what, I don't know if I ever see
Speaker 1: you stutter.
Speaker 2: I don't study my older brother. My older brother stuttered,
Speaker 2: my younger brother stuttered, and my daddy stuttered, and like,
Speaker 2: for real, that's another reason, you know what tt I've
Speaker 2: never even made this connection into until right now. I
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm so glad I'm talking to you
Speaker 2: right now. I've never made this connection unto right this minute.
Speaker 2: I think another reason this would have been at a
Speaker 2: subconscious level. But this is a discovery that I've never
Speaker 2: had over the years. Because my father stuttered, because my
Speaker 2: older brother stuttered, and because my younger brother stuttered, it
Speaker 2: was very important to me to be patient as a listener,
Speaker 2: like I'm about to cry, yo, Like I didn't even
Speaker 2: think about this, like for real, like like I never
Speaker 2: wanted my dad, my older brother, my younger brother to
Speaker 2: look at my face and it looked like like hurry up,
Speaker 2: like say what you're trying to say, or to cut
Speaker 2: them off. And I think that's why I became a
Speaker 2: good listener. It is because the three minim of my
Speaker 2: life they stuttered, and so I wanted them to know
Speaker 2: I'm patient with you, like get it out, like I'm
Speaker 2: not trying to rush you, like like say what you
Speaker 2: got to say and get it out, and then like
Speaker 2: I'm here, like I'm locked in I'm like, I'm focused
Speaker 2: on you, I hear you, and then I wanted to
Speaker 2: make sure I was clear of my communication back, but
Speaker 2: that I wind up speaking on behalf for them a
Speaker 2: lot because of their stuttering. And so I think, now, dang,
Speaker 2: I've never even thought about this. I think now, in
Speaker 2: this season in my life, I'm speaking for a lot
Speaker 2: of emotional stutterers. I'm speaking for a lot of relational stutterers.
Speaker 2: Come on, I am speaking for a lot of religious stutterers.
Speaker 2: And I think that's why the clips go viral. TT
Speaker 2: is because they're like, this is what I've been trying
Speaker 2: to say. You give language, he said, yeah, Yeah, it's
Speaker 2: not just I said what I said. They're like, he
Speaker 2: just said what I said, or he just said what
Speaker 2: I'm thinking.
Speaker 1: Oh oh, so meaning you can only give language if
Speaker 1: you listen. It's like a therapist, you Timros being the therapist,
Speaker 1: a therapist who has been able to give me language
Speaker 1: to stuff that I didn't know. Oh, this is why
Speaker 1: I respond this way. Oh, this is why I'm triggered
Speaker 1: when I feel this PTSD. This is why i'm single.
Speaker 3: Oh you gave me language because you listen, Because you listen,
Speaker 3: communicating the foundation got to be if you listen to
Speaker 3: what the other person say, you might not even need
Speaker 3: a rebuttal.
Speaker 2: That's exactly right, that's exactly right there. I have some
Speaker 2: friends in Atlanta that set up what they called a
Speaker 2: debate with a young lady who has a very very
Speaker 2: different approach to relationships and men and all this kind
Speaker 2: of stuff. And they wanted it to be a debate,
Speaker 2: and it wasn't because I let her finish her sentence.
Speaker 1: I saw it just listening, and you can understand so
Speaker 1: much more when absolutely you let a person process. I
Speaker 1: believe some healing took place in that person. By the way,
Speaker 1: that's just me a scene.
Speaker 3: But I do believe my God today.
Speaker 1: Okay, y'all, Oh, y'all have never heard that side of me.
Speaker 2: I do bring it out, y'all.
Speaker 1: I promise you, I promise you. This is why Tim
Speaker 1: Ross is needed in the earth. This is why you pivot.
Speaker 1: This is why you just say you could have just
Speaker 1: been comfortable in the church that you had.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. I love that church.
Speaker 1: You know that at least minimum few hundred that's your audience.
Speaker 1: That's who you're gonna listen to. The people that are
Speaker 1: streaming you have a built an audience. You decided because
Speaker 1: now we're going to transition into the people who you're
Speaker 1: known for one thing, but now you have to start
Speaker 1: from the bottom. Now you're here.
Speaker 2: Yep. In another way, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1: If you go to Tim Ross's Instagram page, upset the graund,
Speaker 1: they posted me and Tim's conversation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we were.
Speaker 1: Talking about transition and the reason why some people are
Speaker 1: afraid to transition is because of fear. It is lack
Speaker 1: of faith. Yep, how did you just say okay, y'all,
Speaker 1: I'm out, pop. Yeah, you transitioned it. You transitioned that.
Speaker 1: You transition You handed the church over very well. It
Speaker 1: took you. You did it very well over time. You
Speaker 1: just didn't wake up and say I'm done. But again,
Speaker 1: it's to the person listening. They're known for one thing,
Speaker 1: they're a teacher, they're a chef, but they feel like
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to do something else. Now where do you start?
Speaker 2: You start with understanding that who you are is not
Speaker 2: what you do, and that you should you should never
Speaker 2: fall more in love with what you do than who
Speaker 2: you are. And so I think the reason why I
Speaker 2: can be a podcaster right now and feel just as
Speaker 2: good in this season as being a pastor in the
Speaker 2: last season. Is because I never made my title my idol.
Speaker 1: Bars.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my title has never been my idol. And so
Speaker 2: I believe that my name Timothy, which is one of
Speaker 2: the few Greek names that has a reciprocal meaning, it
Speaker 2: means honoring God and it means honored by God. I
Speaker 2: believe that that my name is how I'm supposed to
Speaker 2: move around the earth, not my title.
Speaker 1: That's good.
Speaker 2: And so I could do this podcast for another three, four, five, seven,
Speaker 2: eight years whatever he wants me to do. And then
Speaker 2: if he wants me to be a regional manager at
Speaker 2: AT and T, I'll probably cry a little bit. And
Speaker 2: then I'm gonna go run that AT and T store.
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, Like, I'm gonna go handle
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go handle the DFW market, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. I'm gonna sell more phones than anybody, you know,
Speaker 2: so upgrade exactly exactly I'm giving. I'm giving everybody special.
Speaker 2: So I just feel like the seasons that we're in
Speaker 2: we're meant to learn something and we're meant to contribute something.
Speaker 2: And so I learned a lot in ministry almost thirty
Speaker 2: years as a preacher. As a teacher, but I'm telling
Speaker 2: you podcasting now, you couldn't pay me to go back
Speaker 2: to being a pastor. What I'll miss it at all?
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, what.
Speaker 2: You couldn't pay me to go back?
Speaker 1: Listen? He has been married to somebody super sweet, gifted,
Speaker 1: creative Juliet since nineteen ninety one, right, nineteen, yeah, nineteen
Speaker 1: ninety nine, yeah, twenty five years, two sons. Okay, okay again.
Speaker 1: So now you've got family, you got a wife. We're
Speaker 1: gonna speak to somebody who's like, wait a minute, that baby, Now,
Speaker 1: what you're doing pays the bills? You sure God told
Speaker 1: you to do something else?
Speaker 2: Yep?
Speaker 1: Is it because you built up trust over the years
Speaker 1: in the relationship or some women be like, I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna fo following the husband? Will you talk a lot
Speaker 1: about relationships? Submission? Why she won't submit?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Absolutely? Yeah.
Speaker 1: He even talked about one day, I'm whispering. He even
Speaker 1: talked about how she might have to put up with
Speaker 1: something that's not quite an adam comically please see in
Speaker 1: her side?
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, yeah, yes I did talk about that, and
Speaker 2: so many men got mad.
Speaker 1: But why for.
Speaker 2: Well, let me. Let me just take a detour right there,
Speaker 2: just to say that I really have grown tired of
Speaker 2: men bodies shaming their wives when they the majority of them,
Speaker 2: have nothing that they contributed to, even aspiring their wife
Speaker 2: to be fit or whatever. This dude got a gut
Speaker 2: and a four inch pen that he can't change, Like,
Speaker 2: he can't grow it, he can't make it do anything
Speaker 2: more than what it already is. She could lose fifty
Speaker 2: pounds if she wanted to, or she could put on makeup,
Speaker 2: or she could get hair extended. There's a lot of
Speaker 2: stuff a woman can do. It can, but you can't
Speaker 2: grow your pin. So if she's like settled on four
Speaker 2: inches but she dated seven and a half with a
Speaker 2: hook in college, what are you gonna do? Like, what
Speaker 2: can you say? And if she did say something about
Speaker 2: the man, he would never recover. Most men's egos are
Speaker 2: so fragile that if a woman kept it a buck
Speaker 2: with the husband the way the husband is always talking
Speaker 2: about the wife, they would never recover. They would just
Speaker 2: feel devastated and have low self esteem for the rest
Speaker 2: of their life. And so I was just trying to
Speaker 2: bring some equality to the conversation and remind these men
Speaker 2: like bro, that woman is being very gracious to you.
Speaker 2: If she did lose fifty pounds and go do squats
Speaker 2: in the gym, her options would increase drastically, and you
Speaker 2: would still have male pattern baldness, like you would still
Speaker 2: not be able to have an edge up without getting plugs.
Speaker 1: He's not trying to read the room, y'all. He not
Speaker 1: trying to read you your rights. He's not trying to
Speaker 1: read you at all. It's fat, y'all. I don't even
Speaker 1: know how we got here, but we did, y'all. I
Speaker 1: have stuff so much paper towels in my mom because
Speaker 1: I just don't know what to do or say. I
Speaker 1: just don't know, my God. But these are the kinds
Speaker 1: conversations that my friend has been having that has been
Speaker 1: blowing up. Meaning there are people in marriages who say,
Speaker 1: I can wreck your whole life right now. But because
Speaker 1: I got fruit of the spirit, I'm gonna use wisdom.
Speaker 1: Timing and tone, Yep. I want to talk a little
Speaker 1: bit on this relationship thing. Timing and tone. Should somebody
Speaker 1: bring that up, how would a woman bring that up?
Speaker 1: How would you like to be on the receiving end
Speaker 1: of that conversation?
Speaker 2: If I was on the receiving end of the conversation,
Speaker 2: I would want my wife to be very graceful. I'm
Speaker 2: a church guy, so let me use it a scripture
Speaker 2: real quick, just to contextualize what I'm about to say.
Speaker 2: Jesus came full of grace and truth. Now, what I
Speaker 2: know as a believer in Jesus is that Jesus is
Speaker 2: actually the truth. So he's not a truth, he's not
Speaker 2: telling a truth. He's actually the embodiment of truth. He
Speaker 2: is the truth. But he understands that what he has
Speaker 2: to have in front of him is grace. Yes, because
Speaker 2: truth without grace will crush you, and grace without truth
Speaker 2: won't keep you. So you actually need both. And so
Speaker 2: he comes full of grace and truth. Grace is the
Speaker 2: buffer that makes truth manageable. This is why I use
Speaker 2: a lot of humor whenever I'm communicating, because a spoonful
Speaker 2: of sugar makes the medicine go down. Medicine go down,
Speaker 2: medicine go down. So so I like to give people
Speaker 2: grace and humor before I give them a hard truth,
Speaker 2: because I know it's going to stink. And in the
Speaker 2: same way, I would want my wife not that she
Speaker 2: has to make a humor sting, but just to say, like, hey, Tim,
Speaker 2: I want to have a conversation with you, and I
Speaker 2: know it's going to hurt your feelings. Like, first of all,
Speaker 2: calibrate me to the xpectation. If you think it's going
Speaker 2: to hurt my feelings, just say it, Like, tell me
Speaker 2: up front. I know that what I'm going to say
Speaker 2: is going to probably hurt your feelings. You most likely
Speaker 2: would be offended with me. But I so desperately want
Speaker 2: to have intimacy with you that I want to be
Speaker 2: able to tell you your.
Speaker 1: Breastake your breasts.
Speaker 2: Okay, is it I need? I need you to use
Speaker 2: a tongue scraper, right, So calibrate me first, right, let
Speaker 2: me know, Hey, I went and got some prescription mouthwash.
Speaker 2: Your gums bleed and that leads to halatosis. When blood
Speaker 2: and saliva mix, you get dookie and we don't want
Speaker 2: we don't want it. Well, we don't want we don't
Speaker 2: want dookie mouth. And so you're you're my guy forever.
Speaker 2: I'm not trading you in for nothing, but like we're
Speaker 2: going to collab on getting this right.
Speaker 1: And then you say, but man, that chicken soup, that
Speaker 1: homemade chicken soup you cooked last night. That matter of fact,
Speaker 1: I'm going to get me a bowl right now.
Speaker 2: Right, So so you So communication is like you are
Speaker 2: only as intimate as the information you share with a person.
Speaker 2: I get people. I give people that that that I
Speaker 2: used to do pre medical counselor for they already been
Speaker 2: They already been dating each other for you know, two
Speaker 2: or three years, have already lived together, cohabitated, had sex
Speaker 2: a bunch of times. And then we go through the
Speaker 2: pre marital counseling process, and uh, they either don't make
Speaker 2: it through my pre marital because I try to break
Speaker 2: people up in my premarital they're not even meant to
Speaker 2: survive it. That means if they do, they probably won't
Speaker 2: get a divorce. Wow, So I actually actually try to
Speaker 2: break them up with their knowledge. I'll let them know
Speaker 2: up front, I'm trying to break y'all up because if
Speaker 2: I can, then you're not supposed to get married. But
Speaker 2: if you if you get through this, then you probably
Speaker 2: won't get a divorce. But I've seen so many people
Speaker 2: get married after having this long dating process and then
Speaker 2: get divorced in like two years. And it's because the
Speaker 2: light of marriage is different than the light of babies.
Speaker 2: It's just a different light that's on you, and the
Speaker 2: communication is different. And so a lot of people have
Speaker 2: brought their bodies together, but they haven't brought their words together,
Speaker 2: they haven't brought their minds together, they haven't aligned in
Speaker 2: these other ways. And so I'm always helping people understand,
Speaker 2: like where the alignments are, because the best sex in
Speaker 2: the whole world comes from exclusivity in marriage, and it
Speaker 2: comes through great communication. The greatest sex comes at on
Speaker 2: the heels of really great communities.
Speaker 1: So you've been teaching the single people, Okay, you can
Speaker 1: bring your bodies together and it can be the bomb.
Speaker 1: But then y'all realize you're boring in.
Speaker 2: Conversation, actually correct or you don't tell each other the truth.
Speaker 2: You spare each other's feelings about stuff that really really
Speaker 2: hurts you and impacts you. You don't know how to
Speaker 2: fix your face when you talk. You have the right words,
Speaker 2: but you have the wrong tones. You have the right tone,
Speaker 2: but you have the wrong body language. And so they
Speaker 2: don't they don't understand fifty five thirty eight seven right
Speaker 2: that that that fifty five percent of communication is body language,
Speaker 2: thirty eight percent is toned and seven percent is the
Speaker 2: actual words. Okaysh seven percent is the actual word, y'all.
Speaker 1: I'm writing it to that down like I'm in school.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you better do it. That's the encouragement I
Speaker 2: try to give people. And those that take it all,
Speaker 2: they excel, and those that don't, they they flil.
Speaker 1: Yes, ooh, ooh, ooh ooh. Your book is coming out
Speaker 1: and what we call the month of Love, Yes, where
Speaker 1: you demonstrate how much you love someone. The book is
Speaker 1: called Welcome to the Basement. Now I already got my copy.
Speaker 1: I showed him I got my copy because people be
Speaker 1: talking and lying. The book an upside Down the great
Speaker 1: is Welcome to the Basement forwards done by his close friend,
Speaker 1: my new buddy, Mike Todd. Yep, all right now in
Speaker 1: this book an upside Down Guide to Greatness. Why upside down?
Speaker 2: Well, I feel like the Bible is the most upsetting
Speaker 2: book that's ever been written. Jesus lived the most upsetting
Speaker 2: life that's ever been lived, and on January fourteenth of
Speaker 2: nineteen ninety six, I had my life turned upside down
Speaker 2: by the message love of hope, love and hope of
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ. Upset isn't doesn't mean get angry or get
Speaker 2: pissed off. Upset literally by definition, means to turn upside down. Yeah,
Speaker 2: to turn over. And so I don't believe anybody that's
Speaker 2: had a true encounter with Jesus has still been left
Speaker 2: right side up. They've been turned upside down. And because
Speaker 2: the kingdom's upside down, I believe that only with an
Speaker 2: upset life can one actually live right side up right
Speaker 2: in the Kingdom. The way end is out, the way
Speaker 2: up is down. The way to get us to give,
Speaker 2: the way to live is to die. And so when
Speaker 2: you're understanding these principles, they're all countercultural. So the way
Speaker 2: secular society seems like we're supposed to approach the world
Speaker 2: like we need to go up a corporate ladder where Well,
Speaker 2: in scripture it says that God does the promoting. He
Speaker 2: doesn't have a ladder. He has a hand. Oh, he
Speaker 2: raises people up and lets other people down. So the
Speaker 2: Kingdom life is the most beautiful life that could ever
Speaker 2: be lived. Like I'm sitting here as a result of that.
Speaker 2: And so at every stage of my life there's been
Speaker 2: this level of beauty, no matter how much bitterness may
Speaker 2: be going on, no matter how gloomy it is. The
Speaker 2: sun is still out somewhere, and at some point those
Speaker 2: rays will penetrate the haze and you'll see clearly. But
Speaker 2: it's a beautiful life to be lived. And this book
Speaker 2: has now become the owner's manual for people that want
Speaker 2: to metabolize the philosophy of what it means to be
Speaker 2: a basement dweller.
Speaker 1: M okay, I loved your story about the basement. Why
Speaker 1: you didn't call it, y'all? Welcome to the pent house?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: You said, welcome to the basement. If I'm not mistaken,
Speaker 1: did I have something to do with humility? Keep yourself low,
Speaker 1: not keep yourself low as in low self.
Speaker 2: Esteem, but just right. Yeah. So I got an open
Speaker 2: vision when I was thirty years old. It's still to
Speaker 2: this day, the most sobering vision that I've ever had,
Speaker 2: and the only vision that I've ever had. But once
Speaker 2: the vision was over, what the Holy Spirit asked me was,
Speaker 2: if Jesus Christ is the chief cornerstone, what floor would
Speaker 2: you want to live on. My answer was, I want
Speaker 2: to be as close to Him as possible, and outside
Speaker 2: of the foundation, the closest thing is a basement. Wow,
Speaker 2: I don't want to be one hundred stories away from
Speaker 2: my Rabbi. I don't want to go far that far up.
Speaker 2: Like my mom said something. My mom's a Southern beale
Speaker 2: from Birmingham, Alabama. She used to make this statement. And
Speaker 2: because I see everything in pictures, such a beautiful visual
Speaker 2: for me to this day, she said, Baby, no matter
Speaker 2: how high the Lord takes you, just remember you'll always
Speaker 2: be at his feet.
Speaker 1: You'll always be almost calibrating, be at his feet. Should
Speaker 1: always stay at his feet.
Speaker 2: That's right. No matter how high he takes you, you're
Speaker 2: going to always be at his feet. You don't get
Speaker 2: above him, and so it should be. It doesn't matter
Speaker 2: how much success you've received, no matter how many accolades
Speaker 2: have been ascribed to you. When you look up, you
Speaker 2: should see the bottom of his feet, and that should
Speaker 2: be a calibrating thing for you. Like you know what,
Speaker 2: I'm still at the Master's feet. The success don't mean nothing,
Speaker 2: best seller don't mean nothing. There are indications that that
Speaker 2: you've done something, but it's also an indication that I'm
Speaker 2: still at his creat I'd rather be here at his
Speaker 2: feet than to be h.
Speaker 1: This conversation, y'all that we're having is a great indicator
Speaker 1: to of how comfortable Tim is in his skin. Y'all,
Speaker 1: we've talked about some of everything, no offense taken. We
Speaker 1: have laughed, I've darned near cried just based off of
Speaker 1: some of the bars that you have dropped. I love
Speaker 1: that one of the points of the book Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Basement, it says it will help you discover that
Speaker 1: you are God's masterpiece, called to a great identity and
Speaker 1: a great mission. Is that what we should be focused
Speaker 1: on before we try to get in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Absolutely so. If he's two ten in the NFT says
Speaker 2: we are god masterpiece, created anew in Christ Jesus so
Speaker 2: that we could do the good things He planned for
Speaker 2: us long ago. Do you know how many people cannot
Speaker 2: receive the words masterpiece. We cannot receive the words that
Speaker 2: we are His masterpiece, one of the greatest compliments that
Speaker 2: we're given in all of scripture. And we can't even
Speaker 2: handle it because the first thing we'll say is, well,
Speaker 2: you know, the Lord's still working on me, and I
Speaker 2: got some places that the Lord.
Speaker 1: Why do we do that? Is that called false humility?
Speaker 1: Or just what is that called?
Speaker 2: No? That's low self esteem, that's not false humility. They
Speaker 2: we literally have a very difficult time seeing ourselves as Jesus.
Speaker 1: Is that the church's fault or your minister's fault.
Speaker 2: I think all of us contribute to it. I don't
Speaker 2: think it's the church's fault and the minister's fault. It's
Speaker 2: our fault too, well, don't We don't start. We don't believe. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we don't believe what he says. And so I remember
Speaker 2: when I gave my life to Jesus on January fourteenth,
Speaker 2: ninety six. I was made righteous that day. I have
Speaker 2: never been more righteous than the day that I got saved. Like,
Speaker 2: I haven't grown in righteousness, I've grown in freedom. I
Speaker 2: haven't grown in righteousness. I was put in right standing
Speaker 2: with God, Yes, on January fourteenth of nineteen ninety six.
Speaker 2: On that day, I was still a porn at it.
Speaker 2: On that day, I was his masterpiece.
Speaker 1: And people don't understand. How can that both exist?
Speaker 2: Y'all?
Speaker 1: He just said something so amazing. I was still but
Speaker 1: I'm still a masterpiece. I'm a mess. I yell at people.
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I have depression blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. But I'm still his masterpiece. And
Speaker 1: that's okay, but it's not but okay, okay, And.
Speaker 2: I'm on a crusade. This is like a low key crusade.
Speaker 2: Maybe this should be a different book. I don't know,
Speaker 2: but like I'm on a crusade to get rid of
Speaker 2: people's butts no butts, yes, yes, because there are a
Speaker 2: few exceptions where but is the appropriate word. But the
Speaker 2: right word is the conjunction.
Speaker 1: And oh it's called no butts allowed. You know how
Speaker 1: you go to certain restaurants and instead of them saying
Speaker 1: no smoking because they mean cigarette butts, be you t
Speaker 1: t yes, no butts allowed?
Speaker 2: No b you tas right? Because here's the thing I
Speaker 2: was saved on that day. And still a point at it. Okay,
Speaker 2: the church can't really handle people's ands. We don't hold
Speaker 2: the tension of and correctly. We do it for like
Speaker 2: a lot of people in the Bible. We do it
Speaker 2: for Abraham. He was He was the father of our
Speaker 2: faith and a liar like Moses was deliverer and murderer.
Speaker 2: David was a man off the guys on heart and
Speaker 2: an adult room. Right. And if you think that all,
Speaker 2: you just in the Old Testament giving up all these
Speaker 2: words cool. Jesus is lying, and Lamb he is alpha,
Speaker 2: and Omega he is beginning, and in he is first
Speaker 2: and last.
Speaker 1: Listen, you're talking heavy talking right as they say, he.
Speaker 2: Died for jew and gentile, so the and fully expresses
Speaker 2: who we are. I'm God's masterpiece and I still need
Speaker 2: to have my flesh crucified to the cross because I
Speaker 2: got to enter Cat Williams that would love to sit
Speaker 2: down with a little brown drink and scorch the earth.
Speaker 2: I would love to do it. I would love to
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 1: Did he not scorch the earth or not?
Speaker 2: He scorched the earth? Right? I gotta enter Cat Williams too,
Speaker 2: and I keep them crucifiers across.
Speaker 1: Listen. Oh my gosh, there's this letter going around that
Speaker 1: apparently a church wrote to a member and gave sent
Speaker 1: them a five hundred dollars check. It was like a check,
Speaker 1: like I'm sending you your tithes back. Somewhere in the
Speaker 1: letter it says, basically, you haven't been following your husband,
Speaker 1: you haven't been following the advice of this church. You're
Speaker 1: dating another man. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah, the letter went on to say your life
Speaker 1: is a mess, and basically it was a sind off
Speaker 1: and it had the letterhead of an actual church. I
Speaker 1: was like, this seems like it's real and I'm hearing
Speaker 1: you say. And so it's like, yes, she might be
Speaker 1: a mess, and so you would think the same church
Speaker 1: where all of us who are a mess can go.
Speaker 1: You gave her a letter and kicked her out. Where
Speaker 1: is that ever?
Speaker 2: Okay, there actually is places for biblical excommunication in church,
Speaker 2: but yeah, there is. And so I don't have all
Speaker 2: the context based on what you said, but there are
Speaker 2: times where because I had to, I had to when
Speaker 2: I was a lead pastor, I had to excommunicate somebody
Speaker 2: from our church. Oh and it's not done. It feflictitly,
Speaker 2: it is not done. It is not done like in
Speaker 2: a in a very hasty way. There's a lot that
Speaker 2: goes into it before you step into that.
Speaker 1: Okay, action the letter did say, But the letter definitely did. Basically,
Speaker 1: it was like, we have tried to help, and you
Speaker 1: want to do things your own way, and you're you're
Speaker 1: exhausting us.
Speaker 2: And that's and that's actually biblical because in first in
Speaker 2: First Corinthians chapter number five, Paul h endorses the excommunication
Speaker 2: of a church member in corinth who was sleeping with
Speaker 2: his step mom.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, bye, yes it okay, y'all. I don't have
Speaker 1: enough to see. That's why I got I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: ahead and receive. I like the part of of the Corinthians.
Speaker 1: Where's life his patient, love is kind and all the
Speaker 1: ooey gooey stuff. But I didn't.
Speaker 2: Readwhere that's thirteen I'm talking about fat. He kicked somebody
Speaker 2: out before he started talking about all that love.
Speaker 1: He kicked somebody out before he grew in his patients.
Speaker 2: But think about it.
Speaker 1: Paul was upset, and in his day he was upset
Speaker 1: in the ground he was.
Speaker 2: He was, He absolutely was, and I don't think anybody
Speaker 2: would would be able to concur with that more than
Speaker 2: the Corinthian Church. His tone to the Corinthians was much
Speaker 2: different than it was in his other letters, whether it
Speaker 2: be Ephesus, Philippi, coloss Desalonika, Rome. And so I've actually
Speaker 2: told people that, you know, the people that are shocked
Speaker 2: about some of the stuff I'm talking about now as
Speaker 2: a podcaster, I let them know. When I was a
Speaker 2: lead pastor. Consider that my book the Feesians. Okay, you
Speaker 2: go listen to all of my messages. I'm in the
Speaker 2: Book of Ephesians. That was the tone of my of
Speaker 2: me as a pastor, as a podcaster. I'm speaking to Corinthians.
Speaker 1: Love it.
Speaker 2: Corinthians needed straight no chaser.
Speaker 1: As they said. And you need a little straightening.
Speaker 2: You need a little straightened.
Speaker 1: Okay, that that's that, and me goes Thomas. We're just
Speaker 1: doing a little group. We're just doing a little straightening.
Speaker 1: Just look, just a little straightening, just a little straighten.
Speaker 1: But like you said, you need a little blue magic
Speaker 1: on your roots and a little like you said, a
Speaker 1: little press and calm to straighten the edges. How on
Speaker 1: not straight straightened them straight? I'm straighten them. And that
Speaker 1: you have done with us for us, Tim, Please don't
Speaker 1: go anywhere. Please don't go to a T and T
Speaker 1: just yet.
Speaker 2: Stick around. Lord.
Speaker 1: Please don't call them the AT and T. Please don't
Speaker 1: call them there. Please don't call them there. But y'all,
Speaker 1: my friend, Tim, I didn't intend to keep you this long,
Speaker 1: but I'm thankful for you, y'all. The B Side app
Speaker 1: is where it's at, the B Side app. Download the app.
Speaker 1: There is so much there for every part of your life.
Speaker 1: The practical part this conversation is well balanced. We talked
Speaker 1: about a lot, but that's who Tim is. His b
Speaker 1: side app Welcome to the Basement is coming out February
Speaker 1: twenty seventh. I promise you, as they say, I present
Speaker 1: to some introduced to others. Y'all, this has been my
Speaker 1: friend Tim Ross.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: For being here.
Speaker 2: I love you.
Speaker 1: I love you. Tell Juliet I said, hello, that's my dog.
Speaker 1: That's my dog. I love you. Thank you so so much, y'all,
Speaker 1: we finally got it done. We've been trying to get
Speaker 1: Tim for a while and I'm excited that he's here today.
Speaker 1: He ooh, I oh, what do you say after that? See,
Speaker 1: we could have better relationships if we're honest in those relationships,
Speaker 1: or it is sift the relationships we need versus the
Speaker 1: relationships we don't want. Because if a person I can't
Speaker 1: handle your honesty, if they can't handle the truth spoken
Speaker 1: in love. Yeah, you wasted my time, You wasting my bandwidth.
Speaker 1: You you're wasting my breathing capacity because I'm spending time
Speaker 1: on Yeah. Yeah. He says things that if you are
Speaker 1: in church, you might not agree with maybe how he
Speaker 1: said it or what he said, but you know and
Speaker 1: deep down in your heart that it needs to be said,
Speaker 1: and if it needed to be said, just drop some
Speaker 1: fire in my DMS. If you like man, Michelle, He's
Speaker 1: given me language to what I've always been wanting to say.
Speaker 1: Matter of fact, let him know, let him know. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. All right, y'all. Let me tell you. How
Speaker 1: much you're loved is because of the folks that we
Speaker 1: decide to bring in. The folks that we say, I
Speaker 1: know they've got something amazing to share, whether it's through humor,
Speaker 1: being serious, whether they drop a scripture or prayer or not.
Speaker 1: It's like, Oh, we've got some something we've been trying
Speaker 1: to cook up together for a very long time, and
Speaker 1: I'm hoping we see it through. In twenty twenty four,
Speaker 1: all right, Mother Williams Loveship, Mother, Love You. Checking In
Speaker 1: with Michelle Williams is a production of iHeartRadio and The
Speaker 1: Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.