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Speaker 1: Welcome one and all to the Professional Homegirl Podcast. Before

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Speaker 1: we begin today's episode, we want to remind you that

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Speaker 1: the views and opinions expressed on this podcast are those

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Speaker 1: of the host and guests and are intended for educational

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Speaker 1: and entertaining purposes. In this safe space, no question is

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Speaker 1: off limits because you never know how someone's storyline can

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Speaker 1: be your lifeline. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is here to

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Speaker 1: celebrate the diverse voices, stories and experiences of women of color,

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Speaker 1: providing a platform for authentic and empowering conversations. There will

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Speaker 1: be some key king, some tears, but most importantly a

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Speaker 1: reminder that tough times don't last, but professional homegirls do

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Speaker 1: enjoy the show.

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Speaker 2: Hello, professional Homegirls, issue your ebine here, and I hope

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Speaker 2: all is cute now. In this special episode of the

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Speaker 2: Professional Homegirl Podcast, I am joined by one of my

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Speaker 2: favorite people in the whole wide world, my very own therapist,

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Speaker 2: as we revisit my top five episodes from season two. Now,

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Speaker 2: these aren't just your favorite episodes, but these are episodes

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Speaker 2: that also made me really think deeper and reflect on

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Speaker 2: my own journey as a podcaster. So from raw conversations

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Speaker 2: to life altering moments, my therapist brings her professional lens

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Speaker 2: to the table, offering thoughtful reflections on some of the

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Speaker 2: biggest themes that we tackle on this podcast, such as grief,

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Speaker 2: boundaries and of course, mental health. So, whether you're tuning

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Speaker 2: in for the first time, hey girl, hey, or have

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Speaker 2: you been rocking with me since day one? Okay, hold

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Speaker 2: me down, don't hold me up. This episode peels back

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Speaker 2: the layers and gives you a behind the scenes look

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Speaker 2: at the emotional weight and purpose behind the podcast. So

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Speaker 2: get ready because my therapist reacts. My top five episodes

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Speaker 2: from season two starts now. All right, to my guests,

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Speaker 2: thank you so much for coming back on the show. Oh,

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Speaker 2: how are you doing, How are you feeling?

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Speaker 3: Thank you for having me. I feel like I'm like

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Speaker 3: the big og of the show and I've just been

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Speaker 3: doing great. Just moved into a new home, just doing

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Speaker 3: more business, healing more hearts. Okay, just all of that

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Speaker 3: all the time.

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Speaker 2: Well, if you are new to the show, my guest

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Speaker 2: who is also my therapist, Dina, she's been on the show.

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Speaker 2: I think this is your third time now, right, yes, yes, okay, cool, cool, cool,

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Speaker 2: So telling people what you've been up to. Congratulations on

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Speaker 2: your new home. She's up healing hearts everyone. She definitely

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Speaker 2: healed my little little, tiny black heart.

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Speaker 3: What have I been up to while I'm in a

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Speaker 3: doctoral program now, because I feel like that's the next

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Speaker 3: step in my life. I'm always trying to learn, So

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Speaker 3: it's been amazing. It's also been a bit stressful, but

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Speaker 3: also in my private practice, just still taking on clients

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Speaker 3: and you know, working with people through some of the

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Speaker 3: traumatic experiences childhood trauma, relationship trauma, which is something major

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Speaker 3: and also something that I'm probably gonna do my dissertation on,

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Speaker 3: and just kind up trying to have a good work

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Speaker 3: life balance.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, I'm super excited that we

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Speaker 2: did that, we are doing this. I'm surprised we haven't

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Speaker 2: thought about this sooner because I think this will be

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Speaker 2: so cool, especially with the type of episodes or the

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Speaker 2: type of conversations that I have, for a licensed therapist

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Speaker 2: to come on and to provide insight on how to navigate,

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Speaker 2: because there are a lot of people who can relate

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Speaker 2: to these stories, hence the reason why the show is

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Speaker 2: so popular. So I really appreciate you for coming on

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Speaker 2: and sharing your expectise for us.

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Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you. It was so much fun, just

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Speaker 3: kind of getting the opportunity to listen to each episode

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Speaker 3: but also use my therapist's brain because I'm always like

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Speaker 3: yelling at the TV when I'm watching TVs, I'm like trauma,

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Speaker 3: you know. And when I was able to actually do

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Speaker 3: that as I listened to the episodes and like shot

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Speaker 3: down some notes too. So if you see me looking

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Speaker 3: down it, because I was definitely trying to take some

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Speaker 3: notes to be like, this was out of this world? Right.

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Speaker 2: So, as a therapist, when you hear stories like this,

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Speaker 2: how do you process it?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 2: Because I can only imagine, like you constantly hearing about

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Speaker 2: trauma over and over and over again. So what does

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Speaker 2: that processing look like for you?

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Speaker 3: It looks different now than what it looked like ten

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Speaker 3: years ago. So I've been at private practice now over

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Speaker 3: twelve thirteen years, and I remember in the beginning having

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Speaker 3: stories like this where I would be like is this real?

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Speaker 3: Like is this person you know being boozling me? Like?

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Speaker 3: And do I not know enough to be able to

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Speaker 3: read between the lines. But the more I became more

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Speaker 3: experienced and just read more and you know, had more

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Speaker 3: of these stories. They're absolutely true and I don't get

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Speaker 3: the like, oh, you know factor when it happens. Oftentimes

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Speaker 3: I feel more empathy. Sometimes I've feel much, you know,

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Speaker 3: like a great deal of sadness, you know, for my

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Speaker 3: clients when it's happening, and I'm able to like help

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Speaker 3: them because I've had so many of these stories at

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Speaker 3: this point.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I feel like I'm pretty good.

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Speaker 2: Like it takes a lot to me to be like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, but with the stories we picked today,

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Speaker 2: I was just like, oh my goodnessness, Like I just

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Speaker 2: could not believe some of the things that I was hearing.

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Speaker 2: We're gonna start with the first episode was my father

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Speaker 2: mistress killed my mother. And I don't know if I

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Speaker 2: shared this with you, but that was one of my

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Speaker 2: most difficult conversations I ever had since I started the podcast. Like,

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Speaker 2: I was gonna put this episode out.

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Speaker 3: Okay, what made that difficult for you? Was it more

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Speaker 3: of the kind of childhood experience she had, or like,

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Speaker 3: because there was so many layers to this story.

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Speaker 2: Right, I think for me is when she started to

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Speaker 2: tell us more about what happened to her mother her

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Speaker 2: to me, it's like her voice change. It sounds like

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Speaker 2: she reverted back to talking as if she was a

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Speaker 2: child because she was reliving that moment as she was

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Speaker 2: sharing the story.

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Speaker 3: Did you catch that in some ways I kind of

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Speaker 3: felt like she reverted to that. But I think in

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Speaker 3: some ways, and with all due respect to her, I

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Speaker 3: think she's never actually got out of that childhood face, right.

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Speaker 3: And whenever, you know, we go through trauma, whatever year

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Speaker 3: that is, right, whatever age you are, oftentimes the mind

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Speaker 3: stops growing, right, and you can continue to have these

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Speaker 3: childlike behaviors, right. Well, It's why in some of her instances,

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Speaker 3: you know, it may have seemed like she went into

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Speaker 3: this childhood place, but I think in totality, she has

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Speaker 3: not really grown mentally, you know, to be a full adult. Right.

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Speaker 2: It's like she stopped at a certain age. Yes, Because

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Speaker 2: I was just like, I don't know, it was so hard,

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Speaker 2: and I remember having a conversation with my network and

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Speaker 2: I was like, I don't think I'm gonna put this

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Speaker 2: episode out because it was just a lot on. It

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Speaker 2: was just so many different las when it came to

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Speaker 2: her story, and just beyond the title of it, with

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Speaker 2: her mom being a focal post, but her just going

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Speaker 2: through abuse and stuff, and then her being who she

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Speaker 2: is now as a fifty year old woman, I was

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Speaker 2: just like girl. So as a therapist, how do you

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Speaker 2: hold space for a story that's so layered with grief,

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Speaker 2: trauma and betrayal.

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Speaker 3: I mean, for me, I definitely try to meet a

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Speaker 3: client where they are in that moment and sometimes to

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Speaker 3: think about being in a therapeutic relationship with clients or

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Speaker 3: starting their therapy journey, I would say more so they

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Speaker 3: may start with like talking about this one story, but

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Speaker 3: because it's so layered, you really can't get to like

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Speaker 3: the meat of it or like the deeper part of it.

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Speaker 3: So you know, and you've experienced this with me. Sometimes

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Speaker 3: we'll have you know, and I call myself sort of

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Speaker 3: therapyist conversational style, Like we'll have these conversations and then

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Speaker 3: something will come up and then I'll start to say, Okay,

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Speaker 3: tell me a little bit more about that because that's

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Speaker 3: standing out to me. Which will you know, unpeel another layer.

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Speaker 3: So for me, I try to definitely create a safe

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Speaker 3: space for them, but I'm also not trying to push

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Speaker 3: them and say, you know, well, next week we're going

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Speaker 3: to start right here again. They may not be there

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Speaker 3: next week, right, but if we have that therapeutic relationship.

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Speaker 3: We're going to get to it at some point. And sometimes,

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Speaker 3: just as crazy as this may sound, sometimes a lot

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Speaker 3: of it may not be mattering in their life at

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Speaker 3: that point until like in her situation, you know, maybe

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Speaker 3: she's talking about like the sexual side. She can't really

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Speaker 3: be intimate, right, So that's when we'll go into like

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Speaker 3: more of your childhood stuff. What has happened in your

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Speaker 3: childhood that has created this avoidance or you know, this

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Speaker 3: feeling that you don't have the desire for sex. But

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Speaker 3: let's say two sessions before that, we were just talking about,

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Speaker 3: you know, her having a bad day at work. I'm

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Speaker 3: not going to relate that to that, so calling space, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I'm trying to be there with her in that moment,

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Speaker 3: not force her and not push her, you know, talk

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Speaker 3: about things that's relatable to where she is that in

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Speaker 3: that time.

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Speaker 2: I was just thinking, like, girl, what was me having

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Speaker 2: a bust of nut got to do with me? I

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Speaker 2: want to be at work exactly right.

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Speaker 3: But you have some therapists and I think, you know,

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Speaker 3: in the style of therapy where they just want to

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Speaker 3: kind of continue on, right. So we talked about this,

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Speaker 3: and I've been in therapeutic situations like that too, because

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Speaker 3: I'm a big advocate for therapy and have been in

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Speaker 3: therapy so long in my life and if things come

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Speaker 3: up today, I'm like calling my old therapists, like, hey,

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Speaker 3: we need to have a session, right because this is

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Speaker 3: fact in my life. And some therapists will like continue

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Speaker 3: on right the next time you meet them. So let's

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Speaker 3: pick up where we left off at more psychoanalytical, but

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Speaker 3: mine is a combinational style.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So what were some key moments for you when

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Speaker 2: you were listening to this episode and then when you

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Speaker 2: when once you got done with the episode, maybe when

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Speaker 2: you saw the title, Like what were your thoughts about,

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Speaker 2: Like were you shocked or were you like girl, like.

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Speaker 3: To be very honest, the episode was heavy for me,

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Speaker 3: Like I was just and I think more of it

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Speaker 3: was her childhood trauma. I really relate to a childhood

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Speaker 3: trauma because I've experienced my own. You know, most of

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Speaker 3: my clients that I work with in therapy have experienced

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Speaker 3: childhood trauma. It is my love, Like I really love

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Speaker 3: helping people to like dive deep into that trauma so

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Speaker 3: that their lives can be fulfilled today. So when she

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Speaker 3: started talking about like the sexual abuse. Also, like no

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Speaker 3: one even told her that her mom died like that.

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Speaker 3: You know, that is insane to me, and it is

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Speaker 3: one of the reasons why right people don't heal, because

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Speaker 3: you don't sit down and have that age appropriate conversation

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Speaker 3: that this person has left their you know, they've moved on,

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Speaker 3: they've died, they whatever, they've moved to a different place.

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Speaker 3: You know, families don't know how to do that, especially

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Speaker 3: in the black and brown community. I think we oftentimes,

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Speaker 3: and we're much better at that, I think in some

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Speaker 3: ways now today, But in the past, I think it

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Speaker 3: was so much easier to just let this child like

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Speaker 3: roam around the house and just feel like her mom

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Speaker 3: is coming back, as they had crazy and I was

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Speaker 3: just like, hello, can someone just tell her sit down

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Speaker 3: with her? Right? Hey, this is her mom, This is

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Speaker 3: her mom, This is an influential person in her life,

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Speaker 3: and she's never coming back, Like did anybody ever think

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Speaker 3: about But I also thought about the layers of the

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Speaker 3: grandfather being abused, right, and him being too afraid, you know,

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Speaker 3: the aunt being abusive, and the brother being abusing. I

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Speaker 3: was just like, this is so much like it was

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Speaker 3: very happy and.

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Speaker 2: You know, normally for obviously because I have I experienced

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Speaker 2: my own childhood trauma, so certain episodes that revolve around

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Speaker 2: that it is a little triggering for me. But that

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Speaker 2: one took the cake. I was like, yeah, this is

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Speaker 2: a lot. Like I was trying my best during that

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Speaker 2: episode not to like, you know, not to show too

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Speaker 2: much emotion and get too invested in the story because

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Speaker 2: I don't want to trigger myself. But man, once I

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Speaker 2: got done with that recording, I think I started it

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Speaker 2: was just two yeah much.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah. I definitely had to go off and like

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Speaker 3: do some meditation, some releasing because and it was weird

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Speaker 3: because at first I was like, why do I feel

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Speaker 3: so heavy? Like I listened to it early in the day,

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Speaker 3: and then I was like going about my day, you know,

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Speaker 3: listening to it in a car, and by the end

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Speaker 3: of the day I really felt like this deep sadness.

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Speaker 3: And then I had to sit down and kind of

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Speaker 3: do a meditation. I was like, oh, it's this episode.

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Speaker 3: It is the things that are coming up from this episode.

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Speaker 3: Damn my bad, Dina, That's okay, that is totally okay.

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Speaker 3: You know. One of the things I also felt really

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Speaker 3: sad about for her is no one protected her right,

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Speaker 3: no one listened to her, And that is so prevalent

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Speaker 3: in children's lives, not even just the Black community, but

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Speaker 3: in the Latin community, right, and a child's life all

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Speaker 3: over this world, children are being abused and no one's listening,

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Speaker 3: no one's hearing, no one's protecting.

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Speaker 2: So what would you say are some coping strategies for

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Speaker 2: survivors of family related trump?

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Speaker 3: I think my main hoping strategy is therapy always, like

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Speaker 3: I feel like, you know, and and finding the right one.

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Speaker 3: Like in my own therapeutic journey, I've done EMDR, I've

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Speaker 3: done psychoanalytical right, and I think, you know, going into

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Speaker 3: that deeper childhood trauma to be able to one validate

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Speaker 3: that I'm feeling this way, right, validate that that person

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Speaker 3: is feeling that way, and that these things happened a way,

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Speaker 3: you know, the way they believe they happened. Now, of course,

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Speaker 3: as a therapist, you know sometimes you're not only just

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Speaker 3: taking things as face value, you're digging deeper. But you

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Speaker 3: want to feel validated that I'm not crazy, that I

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Speaker 3: was afused that no one protected me. The other thing,

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Speaker 3: I think us they're going along in their therapeutic journal

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Speaker 3: is you know, journaling their own feelings and you know,

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Speaker 3: really getting their feelings out, whether it's an audio journal,

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Speaker 3: whether it's writing it down. Also, right, investing in nurturing

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Speaker 3: trusting friendships, right, people that are different from what you

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Speaker 3: experienced as a child. Oftentimes we grow up and we

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Speaker 3: continue these toxic relationships that just continue to make us

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Speaker 3: feel unheard, right, make us feel like invalidated. But as

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Speaker 3: you go through your therapeutic journey and healing through this trauma,

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Speaker 3: you want to start nurturing some better relationships, some better

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Speaker 3: friendships that can be loving. Because I can probably in

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Speaker 3: my mind guarantee that she married a man that was

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Speaker 3: not listening, not nurturing any of these things. Yes, she

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Speaker 3: has the beautiful childs out of this.

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Speaker 2: She married what she knew from her past.

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Speaker 3: She married what she knew, which just perpetuates, you know,

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Speaker 3: all of those feelings of abuse.

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Speaker 2: Now, before we move on to our next episode, I

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Speaker 2: know grief is grief, right, But how does grief do

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Speaker 2: to valient laws show up differently than any other types

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Speaker 2: of grief? Because I feel like when the laws is

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Speaker 2: like very intense and valid, I feel like it may

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Speaker 2: show up and to pack the person way differently than

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Speaker 2: how like with my grief would losing my grandmother?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, is you know, because it's like violent and

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Speaker 3: it's unexpected, right. I think the grief is so much

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Speaker 3: more deeper because it is unexpected, and it does affect

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Speaker 3: people so much more because they're thinking like what could

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Speaker 3: I have done different that day? You know, how could

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Speaker 3: I have changed that situation? There's so much anger towards

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Speaker 3: the perpetrator, right, that person. So it's so many layers

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Speaker 3: to it. It's not like losing your grandmother. You're not

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Speaker 3: like the nurses, you know, the nurses they did this,

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Speaker 3: unless it was a situation like that, if it's from

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Speaker 3: old age or like, you know, she's lived a full life.

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Speaker 3: At some point we knew this was going to happen, right,

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Speaker 3: the expectation. But when it's expected, there's all of this.

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Speaker 3: There's anger, there's shame, there's you know, all of this

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Speaker 3: guilt that's also in it, that's involved in that, which

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Speaker 3: creates a different type of grieving process. Right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So next up, my ex was a serial killer.

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Speaker 2: So what was going through your mind as you heard

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Speaker 2: this story? Thought, God, I.

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Speaker 3: Have to start with I love her personality. I think

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Speaker 3: that she definitely isn't a place in her life where

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Speaker 3: she understands that it's not her fault. Right. There were

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Speaker 3: all of these reasons why she got into it, but

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Speaker 3: as I was listening to it, you know, at one

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Speaker 3: point she definitely said, you know, I came from a

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Speaker 3: I believe, a two parent household, like a Christian household,

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Speaker 3: things like that. I always tell people, don't believe the hype, right,

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Speaker 3: coming from a two parent household, right, a Christian household.

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Speaker 3: They have trauma too, right, they got abuse, they got

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Speaker 3: all of that. The dynamics and relationships right where you

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Speaker 3: sometimes see the dad comes home, we don't talk to nobody,

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Speaker 3: the dad, you know, the mom and the dad don't talk.

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Speaker 3: And maybe I have a great relationship with my dad,

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Speaker 3: but my dad doesn't show anybody else love in the house.

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Speaker 3: And again, we attracted what we know. We tolerate what

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Speaker 3: we know, right, So I think some of that in

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Speaker 3: that relationship was tolerance based on her own ability to

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Speaker 3: handle certain dynamics of relationships. You know. The other thing

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Speaker 3: I think she mentioned earlier on is like everybody was

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Speaker 3: saying to her, like when are you getting married? When

329
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Speaker 3: you get married, you know, society precious women especially, and

330
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Speaker 3: we have this biological clock that's always ticking right, and

331
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Speaker 3: we want these things, children, in marriage, all of that

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Speaker 3: where sometimes you get to the point in your life

333
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Speaker 3: where you're like, I have to make this work right.

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Speaker 3: He has, you know, some of the qualities, but I

335
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,080
Speaker 3: have to make this work right. And you know, when

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00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,280
Speaker 3: I talk to clients, I'm like, no, no, no, you need

337
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:36,320
Speaker 3: your list of non negotiables. What's your ideal person? Because

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Speaker 3: how do you know if this person is even someone

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Speaker 3: that you can remotely date if you don't even know

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Speaker 3: what you're looking for, right, And when we don't know

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Speaker 3: what we're looking for, it's how we get into these relationships,

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Speaker 3: right with someone that's just good enough?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because that was crazy.

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Speaker 3: I was like, girls, insane.

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Speaker 2: It looked like nothing, she said. The sense is horrible.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, what are we doing here?

347
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Speaker 3: And at some point you gotta ask you so? And

348
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Speaker 3: I've been there, done that. At some point you got

349
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Speaker 3: to ask you, so, why why am I doing this?

350
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Speaker 3: Why am I doing it? What am I really getting

351
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Speaker 3: out of this? And do I not love myself an

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Speaker 3: inkling of enough to continue to put myself in these situations?

353
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Speaker 3: Like at some point we got to have those conversations

354
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Speaker 3: where we're getting that ick in the middle of our

355
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Speaker 3: stomach that's saying, you know, he ain't about not saying

356
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Speaker 3: the sex ain't good. I don't feel like he's really

357
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Speaker 3: dating me, courting me. Like what am I doing this for? Like?

358
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Speaker 2: What is right? But I feel like a lot of times,

359
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Speaker 2: like for me, disappointment is a really hard pill for

360
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Speaker 2: me to swallow. So what would be your advice to that?

361
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Speaker 2: Because I feel like with her it wasn't more so him,

362
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Speaker 2: It was more so her decision on allowing him to

363
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Speaker 2: be in this space with her, and then she had

364
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Speaker 2: a kid with him.

365
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Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, for him, So what was this.

366
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Speaker 2: Kind of betrayal due to someone's ability to trust themselves?

367
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Speaker 3: Again, the major thing I tell people is reflect on

368
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:09,520
Speaker 3: where you were when you started, right, Because if I

369
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,960
Speaker 3: started with this person five years ago, and five years ago,

370
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Speaker 3: I was desperate, right. One of the episodes was like

371
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Speaker 3: I was desperate, you know, I was desperate. I really

372
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Speaker 3: wanted something to work. You know. I was just you know,

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Speaker 3: in a place where I was holding on for dear life.

374
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Speaker 3: But let's say five years four, where I am today?

375
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Speaker 3: I love myself I know I'm not going to do that.

376
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Speaker 3: I can't judge myself where I am today twenty twenty

377
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Speaker 3: five from what I did in twenty twenty, because in

378
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,399
Speaker 3: twenty twenty, I didn't have the knowledge right right, or

379
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Speaker 3: that experience to actually say I could have made the

380
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Speaker 3: same decision. So you know, people always like hindsight is

381
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Speaker 3: twenty twenty. Yeah it is, But also looking back then,

382
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Speaker 3: I didn't have the knowledge to make that better decision

383
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:57,200
Speaker 3: twenty twenty, right, So one look at where you were

384
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Speaker 3: in that time and really reflect on, well, of course

385
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 3: I would have made that decision because this is all

386
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 3: the thoughts that I was thinking, because everything that I

387
00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:07,959
Speaker 3: was going through. Then when you do that, you allow

388
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,239
Speaker 3: yourself to race, right, you allow yourself to say, you know,

389
00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,000
Speaker 3: you allow yourself to be like, I'm not going to

390
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,639
Speaker 3: blame me, right, I know where I was, and it

391
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,919
Speaker 3: was inevitable if I didn't attract him, I was going

392
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,600
Speaker 3: to attract another hymn that was very similar to him. Right,

393
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 3: But today I know that I would never be in

394
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,680
Speaker 3: a situation like that because I know too much. I've

395
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,440
Speaker 3: done too much. So one really starting to validate right

396
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,359
Speaker 3: where you were back then, can really really support you

397
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 3: in trusting who you are today and moving forward.

398
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Speaker 2: But is there a thin line between not knowing and

399
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Speaker 2: ignoring your intuition?

400
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:52,439
Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely right, not knowing as I actually just didn't

401
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,919
Speaker 3: know right that I could that this person could be

402
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,680
Speaker 3: like this, Right, they weren't showing me any signs. Right,

403
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:00,800
Speaker 3: Maybe he was going to work, can come at home

404
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,840
Speaker 3: and doing all these things and to hear of the

405
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 3: household and loving and kind. Right, And you have situations

406
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:08,840
Speaker 3: like that too, right, Will people really keep up the

407
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,919
Speaker 3: front the whole time until everything explodes? But when you

408
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,320
Speaker 3: get those little, you know, proms along the way of

409
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 3: this person kind of doing things, then this is you

410
00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:22,479
Speaker 3: really not wanting to addhere that the mouse is coming

411
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,760
Speaker 3: right eating up the cross. You don't want to adhere

412
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:29,679
Speaker 3: to that, right And oftentimes because I'm afraid of what

413
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,280
Speaker 3: is to come, right, maybe I'm afraid of that conflict

414
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:36,359
Speaker 3: with that person and I don't have enough support. The

415
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,880
Speaker 3: other thing about that is, you know, you have to

416
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,359
Speaker 3: be able or willing to let someone in the system, right,

417
00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:44,640
Speaker 3: the police department, which some of those things she did,

418
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,560
Speaker 3: family members, right, But some of it is also just

419
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 3: getting yourself out and just being safe. And I always

420
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 3: say it's better to ask for forgiveness than you know,

421
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,880
Speaker 3: say i'm sorry in the beginning, right, or whatever it is,

422
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 3: Get away as far as you can, and then you

423
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 3: talk about it later, right, because family members will adhere

424
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 3: to you being gone. Right, they're like, Oh, she's so

425
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 3: afraid she had to leave, versus sometimes you're talking to

426
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 3: them and they're like, oh, I don't believe that because

427
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:11,720
Speaker 3: he's such a nice guy.

428
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, So how would you help someone unpack and release

429
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,680
Speaker 2: the guilt they feel for not seeing the danger because

430
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Speaker 2: I can only imagine how this can affect somebody's psyche

431
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,439
Speaker 2: for being in love with somebody as dangerous as he was,

432
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Speaker 2: and then also taking his son's life, which was also

433
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 2: her son.

434
00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,080
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, one, we are going to talk about where

435
00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 3: were you when you started? Like what was some of

436
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:36,000
Speaker 3: the thoughts, right, some of the beliefs that you had

437
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:39,520
Speaker 3: when you started. We are going to go into childhood trauma, right,

438
00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 3: we are going to go into family dynamics. What was

439
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,160
Speaker 3: your family dynamics? Like right, like you you know, we

440
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,639
Speaker 3: saw that she was like my father was really supportive,

441
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,120
Speaker 3: you know, blah blah blah. But I have to say

442
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 3: this and with all due respect, where was your father

443
00:22:54,520 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 3: in the beginning? Right? How was your relationship with your

444
00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,600
Speaker 3: father super good? And then this is the type of

445
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:05,800
Speaker 3: situation that came in your life, right, Like I personally

446
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 3: can and this is no judgment to her or anyone.

447
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 3: I can't imagine having this loving, kind relationship with your dad, right,

448
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 3: very open and warm and all of these things with

449
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,879
Speaker 3: your dad and your mom. And then you have a

450
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,160
Speaker 3: situation like this and you either can't talk to them,

451
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,680
Speaker 3: they don't believe you. They're not telling you, yo, let's

452
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,840
Speaker 3: get your stuff, like I've seen parents, right, and I've

453
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:30,880
Speaker 3: had my own parents come and pack my stuff up,

454
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,840
Speaker 3: like we going. You're not living anymore. I don't care

455
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,120
Speaker 3: what you say. You're not talking to me not living here, right,

456
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:39,200
Speaker 3: because they know the dangers. So I have to question

457
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,240
Speaker 3: a little bit of that too. What was the dynamics

458
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,840
Speaker 3: of those relationships? And I would do that with a client.

459
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, And in the fact that he rapes her sister,

460
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 2: I was like this nigga was wildent.

461
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 3: Yes, he was just on his own a rampage and

462
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 3: your family, but I'm also thinking, like where where was everybody? Right,

463
00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 3: it's happening.

464
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,280
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie. With that particular episode, I was

465
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:14,360
Speaker 2: thinking about a lot of different things. One like how

466
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 2: you mentioned how society really put a crazy amount of

467
00:24:18,600 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 2: pressure on women to feel the need to either get

468
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 2: married or to have babies and all this other stuff,

469
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 2: and kind of like, I feel like she it really

470
00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:28,400
Speaker 2: forces her hand and this is how she got into

471
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,920
Speaker 2: this unfortunate situation. But then I also feel like this

472
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 2: episode made me realize that we have a really unhealthy

473
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,960
Speaker 2: relationship with trauma porn. And the reason why I say

474
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,840
Speaker 2: that is because obviously in her book she is very

475
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 2: details about detail about every single thing. But for me,

476
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 2: I feel like I've been in a shift where like

477
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 2: I don't want to always talk about or display trauma.

478
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 2: Like I understand that the nature of the conversation, but

479
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 2: like I don't think that I need to ask somebody

480
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,399
Speaker 2: who lost her child, how did her child die? Yes,

481
00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:02,199
Speaker 2: that is something that a lot of people like you

482
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:03,879
Speaker 2: didn't go into that park with details, And I'm like,

483
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 2: why do I need to go into details a child

484
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 2: is did yes?

485
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 3: Yes, right, And that's the same thing that I would

486
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:13,200
Speaker 3: do in therapy too, Like there's some things I don't

487
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:16,240
Speaker 3: need to know and I will say to a client,

488
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 3: is that something that you want to talk about? Right?

489
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 3: And if they say no, I'm leaving it like that,

490
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 3: right because I don't need I can get my answers

491
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:28,400
Speaker 3: to help you heal in other ways, I don't have

492
00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 3: to go into that day and all of those things

493
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 3: that happen that day, right, I can take it for

494
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 3: face value. Also, you know, am emotionally intelligent enough to

495
00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 3: know the emotions that come with you losing a child

496
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,879
Speaker 3: would probably led up to it. But some people are

497
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:44,560
Speaker 3: really quick to just be like, well, tell me what

498
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 3: happened that day? Yeah, you know how right?

499
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:48,680
Speaker 1: Right?

500
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 3: Like that.

501
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 2: I just thought that was just so crazy because I

502
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,719
Speaker 2: can't you cannot even imagine how many people hit me up.

503
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:56,200
Speaker 2: And it was like, hey, like why you never asked

504
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,119
Speaker 2: her like what happened? And I'm like, so by her book,

505
00:25:58,280 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 2: support her.

506
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,760
Speaker 3: Read the book, you know, fake the book up and

507
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,000
Speaker 3: then you'll be able.

508
00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,679
Speaker 2: To know, right, Okay, next conversation. This was part of

509
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,399
Speaker 2: the Men series, which I absolutely love the fact that

510
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 2: we have the Men's series. Now. I was sexually abused

511
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,960
Speaker 2: by a woman. What were your thoughts on that one?

512
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 3: I was a little I don't know, if he had

513
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:26,440
Speaker 3: a lot of nervous energy because it was it didn't

514
00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 3: feel to me as serious as it really is. And

515
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 3: maybe because he was younger and all of this, you know,

516
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:37,399
Speaker 3: had happened when he was young, when he was younger.

517
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:40,640
Speaker 3: No judgment to him, but it just felt like it

518
00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 3: was kind of a matter of fact, which led me

519
00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 3: to believe it's because society treats it as it's a

520
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 3: matter of fact. Right, a man is assaulted by a woman,

521
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 3: So how could this man really grieve this and really

522
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 3: feel the intricacies and you know, shame and guilt and

523
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 3: all of that that a woman often sometimes can't feel either,

524
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 3: but it's more accepted when she gets raped or sexually assaulted.

525
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 3: It's because society didn't accept it, right, so he has

526
00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 3: to see it more lighthearted, you know, than what we

527
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 3: would see it if we were being interviewed.

528
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, so, what are some misconceptions people have about

529
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,400
Speaker 2: male survivors? Because I do feel like when a man

530
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 2: is sexually abused by a woman, it is not taken seriously.

531
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 2: And I do feel like now a lot of men

532
00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:28,000
Speaker 2: are starting to come out and share their stories, which

533
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 2: is forcing society to reshape the narrative around survivors and

534
00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:33,800
Speaker 2: what it looks like.

535
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,320
Speaker 3: I mean, aud, I mean, I still don't feel like

536
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,400
Speaker 3: society is reshaping it. I think we have a group

537
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 3: of people that's yelling right that this is happening, but

538
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:45,880
Speaker 3: I don't think we have enough people to actually say

539
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,399
Speaker 3: this is serious, right. And some of the misconceptions is

540
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,159
Speaker 3: that you know, men overpower women. So how did you

541
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,639
Speaker 3: let that happen? Right now? Let that happen? And I

542
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 3: found myself, honestly too, in one moment, I'm like, why

543
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 3: you just didn't like push to to door? And then

544
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 3: I had to think to myself, One, he sounds like

545
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 3: he was really raised well by a mother who was like,

546
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:10,480
Speaker 3: don't hit women, right, don't you know, get into those situations.

547
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 3: He was also in the military, so I know he

548
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 3: was like, I'm not trying to lose my military, you know,

549
00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,920
Speaker 3: career right by putting hands on this woman and it's

550
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,199
Speaker 3: her word against mind. You know. I also had to

551
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,119
Speaker 3: think of his childhood trauma too. But you know, I

552
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 3: feel like, one we think that men should overpow women.

553
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 3: I think one we think, and this was mentioned in

554
00:28:31,840 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 3: your episode, that you know men always want sex, right,

555
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,919
Speaker 3: They're always gonna want sex and this is going to happen.

556
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 3: The other thing is, I don't think people understand when

557
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:47,320
Speaker 3: you're being sexually assaulted, rapes or whatever. Your body sometimes

558
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 3: gives into this thing. It doesn't mean this act, It

559
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 3: doesn't mean you want it, but the body is going

560
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 3: to do what it does. Right, So sometimes people bere like,

561
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 3: well they gave in, right, they must have wanted it. No, no, no,

562
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 3: you're respond to it.

563
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:01,080
Speaker 1: Right.

564
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 3: Your body still responds to being touched. Right, Physically touched

565
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 3: in certain places doesn't mean when you're done you don't

566
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 3: get a feeling disgusting and horrible, right, So I think

567
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 3: those are some of the misconceptions. Of course, society feels

568
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 3: like men always want sex. Their mind is always on sex.

569
00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 3: You know.

570
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 2: That's why I love law and order.

571
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 3: Me.

572
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 2: So, my girl Olivia, she taught me that, Like she

573
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,720
Speaker 2: was talking to one of the rape victims, and she

574
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,040
Speaker 2: was pretty much telling her, like, your body was responding

575
00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 2: to it. That doesn't mean that you want it. It's

576
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 2: just that's just how the body operates.

577
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:39,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I didn't know me neither. I never knew that.

578
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:43,400
Speaker 3: And then I started researching more, especially doing more trauma research.

579
00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 3: And I was like, wow, it's so true. Even with women,

580
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 3: like they'll feel like, well, you know, I got aroused,

581
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,120
Speaker 3: but I didn't want it. You know, your body is

582
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 3: going to respond and react. But again, you know, because

583
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:58,560
Speaker 3: society feels like men always want sex, they're always thinking

584
00:29:58,560 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 3: about sex, and we don't have to even really take

585
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:06,080
Speaker 3: this that serious. It's so funny. My husband and his friends,

586
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 3: I used to always think the same way. I'm like,

587
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 3: men always talking about sects, and they together, they're talking

588
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 3: about women, they bodies, whatever. And I remember being around

589
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,720
Speaker 3: him and his friends one day and I go down

590
00:30:15,760 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 3: to like peak like in the basement to see what

591
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:24,840
Speaker 3: they doing. You yes, I'm always nosy, asking questions, doing things,

592
00:30:24,880 --> 00:30:27,240
Speaker 3: and they down there like playing their video games. They

593
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 3: haven't like rat battles, right, They all in their forties now,

594
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,280
Speaker 3: and they're having a rat battles and they're drinking their

595
00:30:33,320 --> 00:30:36,240
Speaker 3: beers and they're talking, and I text my girlfriend. I'm like,

596
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 3: you know, men they always talking about sex and they together.

597
00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,959
Speaker 3: I'm like, these mother folks down here having rat battles

598
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 3: like in my base, you know. And from then I realized, like,

599
00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 3: you know, men enjoy each other's company, especially when they're

600
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 3: you know, healthy men together. You do have that group

601
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,640
Speaker 3: of men that is talking about women and bodies and stuff,

602
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,120
Speaker 3: but you have the most of you know, a majority

603
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,520
Speaker 3: of men that are healthy and really just enjoyed the

604
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 3: camaraderie of friendships, right and talking about other things. Yeah.

605
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 2: So waite, So before we started recording, y'all, she was

606
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:08,320
Speaker 2: we was going to keep keep it. I was like, no,

607
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 2: let's just save it for the episode. Is this the

608
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 2: episode that you listen to with your husband?

609
00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 3: I listened to the next one? Woman?

610
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,720
Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, okay, okay okay. So, how can we

611
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,000
Speaker 2: or even therapists or friends or partners, like, how can

612
00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 2: we minimize male trauma? Because I like, I think you

613
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,240
Speaker 2: make a good point and especial with society, Like we

614
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 2: always say when men want sex, are you sure that's

615
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,760
Speaker 2: what men do? That's what boys do? And it's like, no,

616
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,120
Speaker 2: you were sexually abused. You was taking advantage of So

617
00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 2: how can we encourage more men to like speak up

618
00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 2: for themselves and to share their stories?

619
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 3: Number one, being a mother of a thirty year old

620
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 3: male and I'm a male cousin he's thirty, I have

621
00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 3: a ton of male cousins and my family, and I

622
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 3: truly love to create a safe environment for them where

623
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 3: they understand that their feelings are valid. You know, they

624
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 3: can talk and I'll get a text from my little

625
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 3: cousin at like eight point thirty like when you get up,

626
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 3: you need to text me, you call me, and they'll

627
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 3: tell me about situations with them and a female and

628
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 3: what should they do and blah blah blah. And I

629
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,440
Speaker 3: first let them know, like, your feelings are valid, right,

630
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 3: and don't feel like you're being a punk or you

631
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 3: know anything, because you have these emotions like they're real,

632
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 3: they're valid. So I think first creating those relationships where

633
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 3: men actually feel comfortable talking to you, whether you're their

634
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 3: sister or their friend, you know, their colleague, whatever, and

635
00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 3: not having the wow factor like you know sometimes And

636
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 3: I got to do this too. I be like Dina,

637
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 3: watch your face, watch your face right when people say thanks,

638
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 3: you know me, making sure that you're not like, you

639
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 3: know when they tell you this happened to me, because

640
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,640
Speaker 3: that face right just really shuts people down to or

641
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 3: that body language. So really helping them to know that

642
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:57,280
Speaker 3: whatever experiences, whether they're sad they had a break up,

643
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 3: you know whether they felt rejected or abandoned. All of

644
00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 3: that right is valid the same way you would do

645
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 3: for your female counterparts, do the same for your male counterparts.

646
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 3: So I let them know that all of this is

647
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:13,600
Speaker 3: normal feelings to have, and I think we have to

648
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 3: start there. Once they start there, then they feel open

649
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 3: coming to us having these conversations. The other thing is

650
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,960
Speaker 3: not believing, you know, going into it with you know,

651
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 3: these preconceived notions that we have about the world. Well,

652
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:29,160
Speaker 3: you sure you didn't go over there one and that right, right,

653
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 3: You wouldn't say that to your friend, You wouldn't say

654
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,560
Speaker 3: that to your girlfriend, so you wouldn't want anybody to

655
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,560
Speaker 3: say that to you. So asking questions right like, well,

656
00:33:38,600 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 3: you know, did it feel like you were being overpowered?

657
00:33:41,280 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 3: Did this feel like this was happening? Like give me

658
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 3: your words right of what happened that day? And then

659
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:50,959
Speaker 3: also asking people how can I support you? Right? What

660
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 3: would you like me to do? I always say to

661
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 3: my little cousins and my son, I'm like, Okay, now

662
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 3: that you've told me all of this, what do you

663
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 3: feel like you need? And they'll say, well, I just

664
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 3: needed to talk about it, or sometimes they're like well,

665
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 3: I need someone to help me do something about this.

666
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 3: And then I'm like, okay, how can we do that?

667
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,839
Speaker 3: So the biggest thing too, is asking people how can

668
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 3: I support you? What would you need from me? What

669
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:15,960
Speaker 3: is your goal after all of this? Sometimes we just

670
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 3: jump in and we want to help, right, We're like, oh,

671
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 3: you need to call the police, so you need to

672
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,920
Speaker 3: do this, or you need to tell somebody. They may

673
00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:23,719
Speaker 3: not want to do any of that, right, And you

674
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 3: don't know that because you're just trying to create solutions.

675
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, because one of my solutions was I was like,

676
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:28,879
Speaker 2: you ain't got.

677
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 3: No female cousins. I did hear you say that?

678
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:34,080
Speaker 2: Put the shorty up?

679
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 3: Like I know that is crazy? Yeah? Yeah? And I also,

680
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,600
Speaker 3: you know, when I think of that too, I wonder

681
00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 3: with his relationship with his mom too, Like, you know,

682
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,239
Speaker 3: my son is thirty and he was in a relationship

683
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 3: that was kind of tumultuous too, And I was being

684
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 3: very honest with him. I'm like, that relationship is not healthy.

685
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's not healthy. This is what it is

686
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:00,839
Speaker 3: doing to you, right, this is who you or before that,

687
00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:04,799
Speaker 3: this is who you are today. And I can't tell

688
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 3: you what to do. But I can tell you how

689
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:10,239
Speaker 3: this is gonna turn out. And I wasn't condoning that.

690
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:12,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, don't I don't want them at my house.

691
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 3: I don't want you guys together and pretending like everything

692
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:19,200
Speaker 3: is okay, and this is a toxic relationship. Someone's gonna

693
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:23,200
Speaker 3: get hurt. I also involved the mother of that person.

694
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 3: I'm like, we need to be involved as a family,

695
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,600
Speaker 3: Like what's going on in this relationship? You know? Now

696
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,399
Speaker 3: fast forward, they've both gotten therapy, they moved out from

697
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 3: each other, they worked on themselves, and they're now in

698
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:36,319
Speaker 3: a place where they're both really good. But we had

699
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,040
Speaker 3: to all as a family get involved. You guys love

700
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 3: each other, but you got some toxic behaviors that are

701
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,840
Speaker 3: going on, and we together as the family, need to

702
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,520
Speaker 3: support If you feel like you want this to work.

703
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:49,239
Speaker 2: Out, right, you play no games now.

704
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:51,200
Speaker 3: I'm just having meetings with them. I was like, Okay,

705
00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 3: we're going to dinner, you know, we let's sit down.

706
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:55,759
Speaker 3: And I was being honest with her, I'm like, so,

707
00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:58,160
Speaker 3: whin are you going to therapy? Like, so you talk

708
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,400
Speaker 3: about your family and it thinks that you see in

709
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 3: your family. This is some of the reasons why these

710
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 3: behaviors are happening. I also am very clear with my son.

711
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 3: I have my son at nineteen, and at nineteen I

712
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,880
Speaker 3: wasn't who I am today, right, So I'm sure I

713
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 3: always tell him, I'm sure I fucked you up in

714
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 3: some ways. So I'll say to him, too, right, some

715
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 3: of these behaviors that you're doing, I think it's because

716
00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 3: of my own childhood experiences that you had, you know,

717
00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:25,759
Speaker 3: at one years old, two years old was around, And

718
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,520
Speaker 3: I'll say to him too, we need to get you

719
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,360
Speaker 3: in therapy too, right. I can be your only loss

720
00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 3: of conversation. You need to be with someone that can

721
00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:36,759
Speaker 3: actually unpack these things right that you're feeling. Yeah?

722
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. And last, not at least for this for this episode.

723
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 2: How can survivors reclaim their identity and masculinity after an

724
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:45,640
Speaker 2: experience like this?

725
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 3: I think one again reflecting on like where was I

726
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:53,839
Speaker 3: during this time and what happened, but also like being

727
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:57,800
Speaker 3: able to forgive right, forgive yourself and work on yourself.

728
00:36:57,880 --> 00:37:00,520
Speaker 3: I noticed he said they did like mandatory therapy, but

729
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:05,200
Speaker 3: they didn't really continue it, right, He himself should want

730
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:08,320
Speaker 3: to continue it because what happens. He also talked about

731
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 3: he still was having these types of relationships as he

732
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:15,640
Speaker 3: moved forward. So, you know, a major thing is having

733
00:37:15,680 --> 00:37:18,320
Speaker 3: the courage to put a holt in your dating life,

734
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:21,560
Speaker 3: right in your life and saying, Okay, something's off. And

735
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 3: if I'm continuously in these relationships that are abusive and

736
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 3: toxic and you know, being sexually assaulted, maybe somewhere inside

737
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 3: of me I'm attracting or entertaining. And I'm not going

738
00:37:33,960 --> 00:37:36,240
Speaker 3: to say attract, because I think we all attract certain

739
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 3: types of people. It's who we actually entertain that affects

740
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:42,200
Speaker 3: our lives so much deeper. You know, you have to

741
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 3: put a holt in your life and say, I need

742
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 3: to figure out what's going on. I need to figure

743
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:50,279
Speaker 3: out why I'm entertaining these situations and continuously, you know,

744
00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:52,640
Speaker 3: being in some of these situations, even though I don't

745
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 3: ask for it, is what is leading to. And I

746
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 3: think once you start doing that, then you start to

747
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:01,799
Speaker 3: reflect on what's going on. Where's the breakdown right in

748
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:05,240
Speaker 3: my life? What is the emotional damage that has happened?

749
00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:07,440
Speaker 3: And you start to heal through that. And I'll go

750
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 3: back to an earlier comment I made. Starting to nurture

751
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:14,200
Speaker 3: better relationships with your self Number one and the people

752
00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:15,040
Speaker 3: around you.

753
00:38:15,400 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, listen, y'all get some free therapy advice.

754
00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:23,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, Dianamlina dot com.

755
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:27,480
Speaker 2: Okay, make sure you give my girl a donation. Leave

756
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 2: me a five star review, baby, because Dina and not

757
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:30,839
Speaker 2: cheap chat.

758
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:32,799
Speaker 1: All right.

759
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:36,359
Speaker 2: Next episode, one of my favorites. It just came out,

760
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 2: I accidentally took someone's life. This is the one that

761
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 2: you and your husband was listening to. What were your thoughts?

762
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 2: Did anything surprise you on this one?

763
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 3: My heart went outside from the beginning, you know. One

764
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,360
Speaker 3: of the reasons. And this was later in the episode

765
00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 3: when she got arrested and you were like, you know, dang,

766
00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:57,160
Speaker 3: you could have beat that. You couldn't have taken to trial,

767
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,720
Speaker 3: And she's like, I don't have no more money. Right.

768
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:04,880
Speaker 3: The system like our system. This woman who was involved

769
00:39:04,880 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 3: in this accident, right, No, one couldn't even give her

770
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,840
Speaker 3: the financial assistance to be able to support that. Because

771
00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:16,840
Speaker 3: I also remember Brandy, remember back in the days, was

772
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:19,799
Speaker 3: in a very similar situation where she was in a

773
00:39:19,840 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 3: car accident and someone died. She did zero time, right,

774
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 3: she did zero time. And that's because of who she

775
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 3: is and the amount of money she has. So this

776
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:32,840
Speaker 3: woman could have definitely done zero time too, right, because

777
00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,759
Speaker 3: you know, if she would have had the finances, But

778
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 3: she just seemed like the homegirl that you want to

779
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,239
Speaker 3: be with, Like her spirit was so you know, just

780
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:45,799
Speaker 3: jove you. But my heart went out to her, you know,

781
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:48,400
Speaker 3: and when she first got into the accident and was

782
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 3: like flipped out of the car right the adrenaline where

783
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,520
Speaker 3: she got up and she was walking and then again

784
00:39:53,680 --> 00:39:56,279
Speaker 3: found herself in a helicopter and had to go through

785
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:59,879
Speaker 3: that year time of being in the hospital. That number

786
00:39:59,880 --> 00:40:02,840
Speaker 3: one one. My husband also went through a very similar

787
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:04,839
Speaker 3: situation where he was in the hospital for a year

788
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 3: and lost his leg, and some of the conversations we

789
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,920
Speaker 3: have you know today, he was just like, you know,

790
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 3: I was just in a place where I was just

791
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 3: so depressed, like you know, things like that, and I

792
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:18,560
Speaker 3: had to you know, people were coming to see me

793
00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 3: to try to lift my spirits and then having to

794
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:23,560
Speaker 3: come home and now go to she had to go

795
00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 3: to jail. Like he was able to come home and

796
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,560
Speaker 3: start to heal from that place, but then she had

797
00:40:28,600 --> 00:40:31,320
Speaker 3: to go to jail as a disabled person.

798
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, did this episode trigger him or like didn't make

799
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:35,240
Speaker 2: him reflect?

800
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 3: No? No, he's like, you know, that happened when he

801
00:40:38,680 --> 00:40:42,160
Speaker 3: was young, young, and now I mean he's also married

802
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:44,360
Speaker 3: to a therapist, so we talk about a lot of

803
00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,760
Speaker 3: his trauma often a lot of both of our traumas.

804
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 3: Often we've created that space in our household, were able

805
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:54,680
Speaker 3: to do that. But when he was listening to it,

806
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 3: he was just like one. He was like Ebeney definitely

807
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 3: answered all the questions. You know, he first came in,

808
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:02,319
Speaker 3: he was like, that's up in the head. I was like,

809
00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,319
Speaker 3: this is this and he was like, oh my god.

810
00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 3: So he started that. He said she had all the questions.

811
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 3: That was just one point. I loved the interview so much.

812
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:11,800
Speaker 3: But he was also like, you know, that's so sad

813
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 3: that she had to go do that and be in

814
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 3: a place where you know, disabilities weren't even really you know, respected,

815
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,440
Speaker 3: like not being able to get to some of the

816
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 3: programs and things like that she wanted. But also people

817
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,799
Speaker 3: don't get that when you kill someone right, and so

818
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 3: many people in this world are like, I would have

819
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 3: just killed him, okay, but then how do you think

820
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 3: your life changes that emotional exactly, that you took a

821
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 3: life right and someone's blaming you. But taking a life.

822
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 3: I ain't gonna lie.

823
00:41:52,719 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 2: This was one of those episodes because I was doing

824
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:57,240
Speaker 2: my research whatever, and I was like, wait a minute,

825
00:41:57,239 --> 00:42:00,080
Speaker 2: something just not adding up. Like I hate when I

826
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:02,279
Speaker 2: have to pull in the race card, but I was

827
00:42:02,320 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 2: just something just not adding up. But the other platforms

828
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:07,799
Speaker 2: that she was a part of, for the most part,

829
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,640
Speaker 2: that I saw were all white men. So I was like,

830
00:42:10,680 --> 00:42:13,480
Speaker 2: I gotta ask the question. And when I asked her

831
00:42:13,760 --> 00:42:16,439
Speaker 2: about this person's race, that person's race, and the person

832
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:20,360
Speaker 2: who passed away, I was like, damn, that was it was.

833
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:24,839
Speaker 2: It was really heartbreaking because this was a citizen who

834
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:27,160
Speaker 2: works for the law, which was crazy to me.

835
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:32,279
Speaker 3: And the man who originally created the whole accident. You know,

836
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:35,359
Speaker 3: I can imagine he just lied to the police officers, right,

837
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 3: and probably was like I just I just seen it,

838
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:40,640
Speaker 3: you know, I just seen the accident happening. I know

839
00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:44,319
Speaker 3: he also, I feel like I wanted to feel like

840
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:49,040
Speaker 3: he also is living with some guilt because you could

841
00:42:49,080 --> 00:42:52,319
Speaker 3: lie all day long, unless at the end of the day, right,

842
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:55,960
Speaker 3: unless you're a demon, or you're a sociopath or a psychopath, right,

843
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 3: you you you have to look yourself in the mirror.

844
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,359
Speaker 3: Every day. You have to lay down with yourself at night,

845
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:06,439
Speaker 3: and that accident replays and replays, right, and you have

846
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:08,840
Speaker 3: to know at some point, I mean, God is gonna

847
00:43:08,880 --> 00:43:11,640
Speaker 3: let you know at some point you are a part

848
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 3: of that situation and you created that. So he may

849
00:43:15,040 --> 00:43:17,720
Speaker 3: have bypassed jail and things like that, but I'm sure

850
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:22,200
Speaker 3: emotionally mentally he also have gone through some trauma. Again,

851
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:24,440
Speaker 3: unless he's a psychopath.

852
00:43:24,120 --> 00:43:27,560
Speaker 2: Or a demon. Oh, you know, you bring up a

853
00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 2: good point about how unfortunately these situations are so common,

854
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,200
Speaker 2: because we did hear by Brandy and so many other

855
00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:35,799
Speaker 2: people who have been in these unfortunate situations. So how

856
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 2: do you help someone forgive themselves after unintentionally causing harm?

857
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 3: Well, we'll talk about the entire situation. Right, what was

858
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 3: that day? Like? Right, what was the decision that they made?

859
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:53,320
Speaker 3: Why did they make that decision? Right? Like, her decision

860
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:58,399
Speaker 3: to veer out of her lane into another lane was impulsive, right,

861
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,640
Speaker 3: and she couldn't have thought of you know, we do

862
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:03,759
Speaker 3: that every day. Right. If you're on the highway and

863
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:07,320
Speaker 3: someone you know, you New York traffic, Jersey traffic, things

864
00:44:07,360 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 3: like that, Right, you're driving, someone pressed the brake, you

865
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:14,040
Speaker 3: decide to jump out. If you would have known that

866
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 3: things would have been different and it would have turned

867
00:44:16,280 --> 00:44:19,400
Speaker 3: out to be different, you would have made a different choice. However,

868
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 3: you didn't have that ability to do that. Right, maybe

869
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 3: moving forward, but also we might always make that same

870
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,719
Speaker 3: choice because we're thinking of our own lives, right, because

871
00:44:29,719 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 3: I was mashed into the back of a car. So

872
00:44:32,040 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 3: I try to go through detail by detail of what

873
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:39,880
Speaker 3: created that opportunity right to make that decision in that moment,

874
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 3: And in clients seeing that, right or working through that,

875
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 3: they realize, you know, it wasn't a fault of mine, right,

876
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:52,920
Speaker 3: this was it was just what happened in that day, right, Like,

877
00:44:53,400 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 3: she wasn't the person that thought because many times when

878
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,399
Speaker 3: you're going to cut someone off, you think about let

879
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 3: me cut let me turn here. His thought was to

880
00:45:01,320 --> 00:45:03,600
Speaker 3: do that. Her thought was to save a life, right,

881
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:06,319
Speaker 3: which was her own. So I try to help them

882
00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:08,680
Speaker 3: to like go through those details, to go through those

883
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 3: stories to see how this was instinctual for her right

884
00:45:12,719 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 3: to move and not something that she chose. And and

885
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:20,839
Speaker 3: people realizing that it wasn't a choice, forgiveness starts to happen.

886
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and not to only imagine a role that

887
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:27,960
Speaker 2: guilt and forgiveness played in the process of.

888
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:32,239
Speaker 3: Feeling absolutely and then we'll definitely do like, you know,

889
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:34,960
Speaker 3: some daily activities when you wake up in the morning,

890
00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:38,520
Speaker 3: because for some reason, mornings are the hardest when people

891
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 3: deal with grief, they deal with trauma, you know, when

892
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 3: they deal with unforgiveness. It's like when you first wake

893
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:48,640
Speaker 3: up in the morning, everything hits you and given clients

894
00:45:48,640 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 3: some types of like, you know activity. So when you

895
00:45:51,239 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 3: wake up in the mornings, you know, you'll sit with

896
00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:57,160
Speaker 3: yourself in some quiet time, reminding yourself of decisions that

897
00:45:57,200 --> 00:46:00,719
Speaker 3: you've made, things like that, reframing you know, some of

898
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:04,120
Speaker 3: the negative talk that's in your mind that will create

899
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 3: a long day of you just belitting yourself or you know,

900
00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 3: talking down to yourself, suicidal thoughts. Right to be intentional

901
00:46:13,480 --> 00:46:17,520
Speaker 3: with their days until this becomes like natural for them,

902
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 3: So really reframing those narratives that they've been told to

903
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,320
Speaker 3: because I'm sure her being in court, you know, reading

904
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 3: the newspapers, reading the media, things like that, people like

905
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 3: she's such a monster, right, this is what she did.

906
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 3: They make it sound like she intended to create this

907
00:46:32,840 --> 00:46:36,239
Speaker 3: entire you know situation when she was really just like

908
00:46:36,400 --> 00:46:40,960
Speaker 3: a pawn in like the entire you know, game that

909
00:46:41,080 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 3: was played that.

910
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 2: Day, and the fact that she was on her way

911
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 2: to work. Child, it's a CEO.

912
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:49,040
Speaker 3: It's crazy, It's absolutely crazy. The other thing I was

913
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:52,320
Speaker 3: thinking is, you know, as the CEO, she should have

914
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 3: had legal you know, they should have given her some

915
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 3: type of legal support in that, you know, like.

916
00:46:57,520 --> 00:47:00,080
Speaker 2: Thinking they're like, why did they not support you?

917
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:03,359
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, And sometimes we don't know that we even

918
00:47:03,400 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 3: have some of those supports, you know, even when I

919
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 3: talk to clients, I'm like, you know, your insurance comas

920
00:47:07,480 --> 00:47:09,680
Speaker 3: blah blah blah, And I'm like, no, no, one never

921
00:47:09,719 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 3: told me. I'm like, yeah, they're not gonna put that

922
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:13,320
Speaker 3: on the website. You got to call and ask questions.

923
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:16,919
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you know, I definitely think that therapy would

924
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 2: definitely help somebody separate their identity from this incident, because

925
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 2: I think that once somebody loses their life, I can

926
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 2: see how it can be so easy for somebody to

927
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 2: just get so swallowed up by the unfortunate circumstances instead

928
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:31,960
Speaker 2: of realizing like it was truly an accident.

929
00:47:32,880 --> 00:47:36,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so that is so important that you say

930
00:47:36,040 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 3: that like we when we get into these incidents, in

931
00:47:38,680 --> 00:47:44,040
Speaker 3: these situations serial killer, you know, husband, boyfriend, our identity

932
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 3: to become that, right, I married a serial killer, our

933
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 3: identity to become I was sexually assaulted by a woman, right,

934
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:54,680
Speaker 3: as opposed to you know, I, you know, didn't really

935
00:47:54,680 --> 00:47:58,720
Speaker 3: have a choice in this situation sometimes, Right, this happened

936
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:02,080
Speaker 3: to me. So when we do, you know, separate ourselves

937
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 3: from those incidences, we do actually realize, you know, that

938
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:10,280
Speaker 3: we're not that right. I'm not just this this actually

939
00:48:10,360 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 3: happened to me. Right. I had a you know, situation

940
00:48:13,600 --> 00:48:16,279
Speaker 3: with someone that was talking about someone who you know,

941
00:48:16,840 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 3: betrayed them and lied to them and stole from them

942
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:22,040
Speaker 3: and all of these things. And they just kept saying,

943
00:48:22,080 --> 00:48:24,799
Speaker 3: I'm just so stupid, and I'm like, you're not right

944
00:48:25,000 --> 00:48:29,200
Speaker 3: that person did that thing to you. Don't ever forget that, Right,

945
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,480
Speaker 3: I'm a person here being trusting and someone hurt me.

946
00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 3: That's not who I am, right, That's what happened to me.

947
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 3: And I'm trying to help clients, you know, and I

948
00:48:39,040 --> 00:48:42,279
Speaker 3: do help clients to understand this thing happened to me.

949
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:44,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, But I think you make a good point about

950
00:48:44,640 --> 00:48:47,320
Speaker 2: just how how we speak to ourselves. Is very important

951
00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 2: because I know when I before I started with therapy,

952
00:48:49,600 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 2: I used to say I was a part er. I

953
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:53,680
Speaker 2: did this a while and I'm like, no, girl, that's

954
00:48:53,680 --> 00:48:56,200
Speaker 2: not the case. Like you do not have a choice

955
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:56,400
Speaker 2: in this.

956
00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:01,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, and people do it to us. We get these

957
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:04,280
Speaker 3: you know, think about when we're born into this world

958
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:07,360
Speaker 3: where like this white sheet, right, we're born, we're innocent,

959
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:09,719
Speaker 3: we don't have any of these things. And as we

960
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:12,600
Speaker 3: continue yet we're like a white sheet, right, And as

961
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,359
Speaker 3: we continue to walk through life, people are penning these

962
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:18,440
Speaker 3: little labels on us, right, penning just a bunch of

963
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:21,879
Speaker 3: little labels before you know it, but just filled with posts, right,

964
00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:25,720
Speaker 3: with labels on us, beliefs on us. And it's really

965
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 3: up to us to start taking off those posters and

966
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:31,160
Speaker 3: say this is not me, right, this is what happened

967
00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 3: to me, This is what someone said about me, but

968
00:49:33,360 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 3: it is not who I am.

969
00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:38,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, and last but not least, this is hands down

970
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 2: one of my favorite series, my.

971
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:42,360
Speaker 3: Skaaky series, my favorite right.

972
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:46,600
Speaker 2: I love the spooky series. Oh and my producer, shouts Taylor,

973
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:50,280
Speaker 2: He's just does an amazing job with the sound effects

974
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 2: and stuff like so good so from the spooky series

975
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:57,200
Speaker 2: My Journey with My Grandfather's Ghost. What were your thoughts

976
00:49:57,239 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 2: about this episode?

977
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 3: First, I love the guests. He was just so like

978
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 3: fool and you know, yes, this one really also resonated

979
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:11,479
Speaker 3: with me a lot because he's biracial and I'm biracial too,

980
00:50:11,840 --> 00:50:15,239
Speaker 3: and you know something like that, Yes I am. I

981
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:17,360
Speaker 3: mean my mother be like, your dad is black. My

982
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:19,560
Speaker 3: dad is Puerto Rican, My mother is black. My mother

983
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 3: be like we all black, right, you know I'd be like, ma, okay,

984
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 3: like I know, but he is Puerto Rican and you're

985
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 3: black and growing up in the hood. I grew up

986
00:50:28,920 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 3: in Brooklyn Best Star and I was one in the seventy. Yes,

987
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:35,880
Speaker 3: I grew up writ in Roosevelt Projects. I was like

988
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:39,240
Speaker 3: one of the very few biracial kids in my area.

989
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:42,840
Speaker 3: And it was so hard to be accepted by people.

990
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 2: Right, you're not so resonated with you for real.

991
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 3: Yes, you're not black enough right to be one of us.

992
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:54,279
Speaker 3: You're very different. You look different. The other thing was

993
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:57,480
Speaker 3: I wasn't Puerto Rican enough. I didn't know Spanish right,

994
00:50:57,520 --> 00:50:59,440
Speaker 3: and if I did speak a little bit of Spanish,

995
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:02,040
Speaker 3: I didn't have the accent. So It's weird being in

996
00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:06,879
Speaker 3: my father's family because they didn't see me as Puerto Rican, right.

997
00:51:07,640 --> 00:51:10,239
Speaker 3: I was the black kid in their family, And then

998
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:12,759
Speaker 3: in my own family, I was the life skinned kid,

999
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:15,520
Speaker 3: and now my family loved me. I was still different

1000
00:51:15,560 --> 00:51:19,279
Speaker 3: from most people in my family just by complexion and

1001
00:51:19,320 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 3: things like that, and in my neighborhood it was horriboy.

1002
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:26,480
Speaker 3: I was boyed terribly in my schools and things like that.

1003
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:29,279
Speaker 3: My mom tried really hard to like transfer me out

1004
00:51:29,360 --> 00:51:31,399
Speaker 3: and put me into different schools, but you just don't

1005
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 3: fit in. There's no way to put you right.

1006
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:37,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, I really enjoyed this conversation. And I don't know

1007
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 2: if I showed this on the episode afterwards or whatever

1008
00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:43,359
Speaker 2: or just to my listeners, but I was low key

1009
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:45,399
Speaker 2: nervous to have this conversation with him because of who

1010
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 2: he is, because he is a I always say, a

1011
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:51,120
Speaker 2: world renowned seeing and journalist, so I was like, I

1012
00:51:51,160 --> 00:51:53,399
Speaker 2: got to make sure my questions is on point all

1013
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 2: this other stuff. So I'm really happy that you enjoyed

1014
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:57,840
Speaker 2: this conversation. I really enjoyed this. Like I think that

1015
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,360
Speaker 2: his story was just so so so amazing on so

1016
00:52:01,440 --> 00:52:04,360
Speaker 2: many different levels. When it came to race, when it

1017
00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,920
Speaker 2: came to me, to health, when it came to just

1018
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:10,800
Speaker 2: the times, like I love having a conversation that involves history.

1019
00:52:11,400 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 2: And then also like he's I think he said he's

1020
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 2: friends with him and Kamala Harris have mutual friends.

1021
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,120
Speaker 3: And I was like, yeah, yeah, right, he really enjoyed

1022
00:52:19,160 --> 00:52:23,040
Speaker 3: talking to you. You were like definitely. I was like, yes,

1023
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:25,919
Speaker 3: get a girl, because you definitely showed that you read

1024
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 3: the book, but you didn't just come with like basic questions,

1025
00:52:29,280 --> 00:52:32,279
Speaker 3: like you really had him thinking about like how these

1026
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:35,440
Speaker 3: things affected him and felt for him. And he played

1027
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:37,480
Speaker 3: that out a couple of times like oh yeah, you

1028
00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 3: really read the book.

1029
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:40,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you know what, his book actually had me

1030
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:44,959
Speaker 2: crying and it actually made you want to. I think

1031
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 2: his book because we I think after the conversation we had,

1032
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:50,400
Speaker 2: we was talking like an hour and some changed later,

1033
00:52:50,800 --> 00:52:53,120
Speaker 2: and I would say that he's probably one of the

1034
00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:56,239
Speaker 2: main people who encouraged me to start having that relationship

1035
00:52:56,280 --> 00:52:56,880
Speaker 2: with my father.

1036
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 3: Oh wow, Yeah, we was talking about amazing.

1037
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:02,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, we was talking about that, and he was like,

1038
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:05,880
Speaker 2: you know, buy tape, record and record everything. Because I

1039
00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:07,719
Speaker 2: was just sharing with him about my goals and stuff

1040
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 2: and It's so funny because the podcasting has really changed

1041
00:53:10,480 --> 00:53:13,600
Speaker 2: my life and the different type of people that I've

1042
00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:15,759
Speaker 2: been so fortunate to me because of the podcast and

1043
00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 2: has just been like like sometimes it really makes me

1044
00:53:18,680 --> 00:53:20,959
Speaker 2: appreciative and emotional because it's like wow, like who would

1045
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:24,879
Speaker 2: have thought just talking to people would be so influential,

1046
00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 2: But yeah, he was. I love talking to him and

1047
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:29,600
Speaker 2: to this day we still keep in contact.

1048
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:33,360
Speaker 3: I like, I like that. I like that. Yeah, his

1049
00:53:33,880 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 3: whole story. I mean, he he really didn't share time

1050
00:53:37,080 --> 00:53:39,520
Speaker 3: because I think because of the book, right, I noticed

1051
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 3: when you have people with the book, they kind of

1052
00:53:41,320 --> 00:53:43,480
Speaker 3: like give you a little bit, but they like buy

1053
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 3: the book right for the book. But you got so

1054
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:50,360
Speaker 3: much from his story about like his dad and you

1055
00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 3: know also how his dad doesn't date black women now,

1056
00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:56,320
Speaker 3: like his dad was definitely like you don't date black women.

1057
00:53:57,400 --> 00:53:58,240
Speaker 2: That was crazy.

1058
00:53:58,320 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 3: It's been hard for him and then his mom having schizophrenia. Yeah, yeah,

1059
00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 3: he had a lot of a lot of layers there.

1060
00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 2: Ghosts. You see your white racist granddaddy's ghosts.

1061
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:16,480
Speaker 3: Exactly coming back, you know, And and what's his grandfather

1062
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:19,680
Speaker 3: like sitting with him or or talking to him, like

1063
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:21,920
Speaker 3: because ghost could be in so many things. You know,

1064
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:24,400
Speaker 3: when I talk to clients sometimes they do talk about

1065
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:28,319
Speaker 3: like dreams and ghosts and things like that, and you know,

1066
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 3: we'll talk about like, you know, have you seen them?

1067
00:54:31,360 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 3: Are they talking to you? I love that side of therapy.

1068
00:54:35,120 --> 00:54:37,879
Speaker 3: But I tell you, don't let my clients show I'm

1069
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:39,919
Speaker 3: talking about they had a dream. I'm like, oh, let's

1070
00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 3: talk about this dream research, yes, because I also have

1071
00:54:46,239 --> 00:54:48,479
Speaker 3: a lot of like dreams and stuff like that, which

1072
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,800
Speaker 3: I think is weird. I dated some well. My son's

1073
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:55,400
Speaker 3: father was big into like visions and dreams when he

1074
00:54:55,520 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 3: was younger, and I feel like from being around him,

1075
00:54:59,640 --> 00:55:02,799
Speaker 3: I came more in tune with like my visions and

1076
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:05,719
Speaker 3: my dreams. So throughout life, I always know when I'm

1077
00:55:05,760 --> 00:55:08,480
Speaker 3: like not in my spirituality because I don't have any

1078
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:11,360
Speaker 3: dreams that I remember. But I try to stay like

1079
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 3: in my spirituality. I try to stay prayed up and

1080
00:55:13,760 --> 00:55:16,520
Speaker 3: things like that because I love to remember my dreams

1081
00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:19,759
Speaker 3: in the morning. And my family is always like, girl,

1082
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:21,640
Speaker 3: please don't tell me your dreams. I'm like, no, You're

1083
00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:24,880
Speaker 3: gonna know, and I'll have dreams of like I had

1084
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:28,240
Speaker 3: a dream years ago. One of my friend's husbands was cheating,

1085
00:55:28,719 --> 00:55:33,320
Speaker 3: and I told her, told her, I, in my visions

1086
00:55:33,480 --> 00:55:36,040
Speaker 3: at times, I can see everything. I can see me

1087
00:55:36,160 --> 00:55:39,480
Speaker 3: what they're doing, what they're wearing, you know where they're at,

1088
00:55:39,640 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 3: you know, things like that. So I told her and

1089
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,960
Speaker 3: she didn't believe me. Two years later, the entire incident

1090
00:55:45,080 --> 00:55:49,239
Speaker 3: happened the same way I told her. It happened. Yes,

1091
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:52,000
Speaker 3: And I've had like visions of things that happened in

1092
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:55,319
Speaker 3: my life like before time. Now I know how to

1093
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:57,439
Speaker 3: control it. Before I would just be like, oh, it's

1094
00:55:57,440 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 3: like a de ja vou. But now I'll say, you know, God,

1095
00:56:00,680 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 3: just give me the strength whenever that you know, whenever

1096
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 3: that situation is going to happen, let me know how

1097
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:08,280
Speaker 3: to handle that. And then when it comes, I exactly

1098
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 3: know how to handle it. But I still get that

1099
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:13,480
Speaker 3: flash of like you've been here before, you knew what

1100
00:56:13,560 --> 00:56:14,000
Speaker 3: this was.

1101
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:14,319
Speaker 1: Going to be.

1102
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 2: Same, I have the same thing. Like a lot of times,

1103
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 2: like I feel like God has shown me so much,

1104
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 2: Like sometimes it just feels like a lot of downloads

1105
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:24,279
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I know it's going to happen, I

1106
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:25,840
Speaker 2: just don't know when it's going to happen. One of

1107
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:27,320
Speaker 2: the things that I think I told you about this,

1108
00:56:27,480 --> 00:56:29,719
Speaker 2: like I had dreams about you know, I knew when

1109
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 2: my grandmother was going to pass, Like I remember that dream.

1110
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:34,600
Speaker 2: I had dreams with me joining this network, like I

1111
00:56:34,640 --> 00:56:37,640
Speaker 2: have such vivid dreams. And I'm like, and I think

1112
00:56:37,640 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 2: that's sometimes the reason why I don't get excited about

1113
00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:41,440
Speaker 2: a lot of things, because I'm like, I already saw

1114
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:41,920
Speaker 2: it before.

1115
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 3: Mm hmmmmmm. But you got to still get excited about

1116
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:49,200
Speaker 3: it even even though you saw it before, because the

1117
00:56:49,600 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 3: vision that you're getting is just that this thing is

1118
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:55,080
Speaker 3: going to happen, but the journey is then actually happening,

1119
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:56,960
Speaker 3: which is where the excitement comes from.

1120
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:58,600
Speaker 2: Oh maybe I get it, you know it is it's

1121
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:01,880
Speaker 2: a delayed excitement, like I should be excited when it happens,

1122
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 2: but it probably don't hit me into like a week later,

1123
00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:05,920
Speaker 2: like oh shit, bit you really did it?

1124
00:57:06,360 --> 00:57:09,480
Speaker 3: Yeah for you, like me knowing you, I think because

1125
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:12,120
Speaker 3: you worked so hard to get to these places and

1126
00:57:12,200 --> 00:57:15,800
Speaker 3: you truly manifest these things. Like I remember first talking

1127
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:17,520
Speaker 3: to you our first couple of meetings. She was like,

1128
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:19,480
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be on her network. I'll be doing right,

1129
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:24,160
Speaker 3: And I was like, what, you know, I was like, Okay,

1130
00:57:24,160 --> 00:57:26,880
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be in this journey with her. And when

1131
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:31,240
Speaker 3: it happened, I think because you manifest this it like

1132
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 3: the first happen Like the first happenings of it, you're

1133
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:37,560
Speaker 3: not super excited, but as you're on the journey, you're

1134
00:57:37,600 --> 00:57:40,320
Speaker 3: excited about it because you knew it was gonna happen,

1135
00:57:40,400 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 3: like you created this thing.

1136
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:45,720
Speaker 2: And yes, I never get excited until a year later

1137
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh shit.

1138
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:50,200
Speaker 3: Huh, or somebody remind you, like, oh my god, you're

1139
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:52,800
Speaker 3: doing this. You're like, yes, I actually am right.

1140
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:53,760
Speaker 2: That's a fact.

1141
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:54,440
Speaker 1: Did it did?

1142
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:56,080
Speaker 2: We've been doing this for a long time.

1143
00:57:56,720 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 3: Yes we have, Yes, we have.

1144
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,960
Speaker 2: So how do you distinguish between spiritual encounters and mental

1145
00:58:03,000 --> 00:58:04,520
Speaker 2: health concerns without judgment?

1146
00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:09,280
Speaker 3: So mental health is different, like you know from what

1147
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:11,680
Speaker 3: we know about mental health, Like if someone is the

1148
00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:14,560
Speaker 3: envisions and things like that, it's gonna come with a

1149
00:58:14,640 --> 00:58:18,520
Speaker 3: ton of other things like erratic behavior, right, manic behavior.

1150
00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:21,880
Speaker 3: So if someone comes to me and i'd like to

1151
00:58:21,920 --> 00:58:25,280
Speaker 3: say that, you know, I have really good relationships with

1152
00:58:25,600 --> 00:58:27,920
Speaker 3: all of my clients unless you're new and we just

1153
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:32,080
Speaker 3: didn't really start yet, so I usually know their behaviors. Right,

1154
00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 3: Like when a client gets on a call with me,

1155
00:58:34,840 --> 00:58:37,000
Speaker 3: and most of mine is on zoom. Unless a client

1156
00:58:37,080 --> 00:58:39,840
Speaker 3: is doing something, I can already tell their mood when

1157
00:58:39,880 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 3: they get on the fall. Sometimes I can even feel

1158
00:58:43,720 --> 00:58:48,520
Speaker 3: very though I believe I am too, and I feel

1159
00:58:48,520 --> 00:58:52,320
Speaker 3: like I can feel their anxiety sometimes through a zoom call. Right,

1160
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I feel your anxiety. What's happening?

1161
00:58:55,520 --> 00:58:55,640
Speaker 1: Right?

1162
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:58,120
Speaker 3: And they're like, hey, okay, let's just get into it.

1163
00:58:58,440 --> 00:59:01,640
Speaker 3: So I think when it comes to mental illness, you're

1164
00:59:01,680 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 3: gonna get all these other signs, right, manic behavior, you're

1165
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:07,320
Speaker 3: gonna get depression, you're gonna get anxiety, You're gonna get

1166
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:12,840
Speaker 3: erratic behaviors, right, decisions, that's erratic, right, people, that's impulsive

1167
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:16,800
Speaker 3: things like that. When it's spiritual, it's much more calm, right,

1168
00:59:16,960 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 3: Like a person can come to you and say I

1169
00:59:19,040 --> 00:59:21,240
Speaker 3: had this dream and you know, I really don't know

1170
00:59:21,280 --> 00:59:23,880
Speaker 3: how to decipher it, and we'll talk about it. There's

1171
00:59:23,920 --> 00:59:27,240
Speaker 3: no erratic behavior, there's no haste in it, right, it's

1172
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:31,800
Speaker 3: just really really calm working with the client that has,

1173
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:35,320
Speaker 3: you know, more spiritual spirituality, I would say, like a

1174
00:59:35,360 --> 00:59:40,440
Speaker 3: deeper spirituality. They're more open to talk about like the

1175
00:59:40,720 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 3: unseen right. And this is a part of my therapeutic

1176
00:59:44,440 --> 00:59:48,040
Speaker 3: journey that I wanted as a therapist, want to incorporate

1177
00:59:48,120 --> 00:59:53,360
Speaker 3: and have been incorporated in more just religion and you know,

1178
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:56,920
Speaker 3: faith because I feel like, you know, a lot of

1179
00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,400
Speaker 3: clients that I've worked with, it is very hard for

1180
00:59:59,480 --> 01:00:03,240
Speaker 3: me to say to you, Okay, so we can't see

1181
01:00:03,280 --> 01:00:06,439
Speaker 3: that there's a possibility that things can get better, right

1182
01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:10,240
Speaker 3: if you don't believe that there's a higher being, a

1183
01:00:10,320 --> 01:00:14,080
Speaker 3: higher power in this world of this world. Right. So

1184
01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 3: that has been hard in my journey as a therapist.

1185
01:00:16,920 --> 01:00:20,840
Speaker 3: And I'm now I'm feeling like just much more comfortable

1186
01:00:20,920 --> 01:00:23,439
Speaker 3: talking about that. Like I'm not going to say to you, girl,

1187
01:00:23,480 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 3: believe in Christ, right, because that's what I do. But

1188
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:30,400
Speaker 3: I will say Christ right. I will say, well, what's

1189
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:33,640
Speaker 3: your spirituality, Like, what's your spiritual belief? Do you believe

1190
01:00:33,680 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 3: that there's a higher power that is, you know, above

1191
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:41,040
Speaker 3: and beyond us? And when they say yes, my mind

1192
01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:44,560
Speaker 3: is like yes, you know, because now we can really say, okay,

1193
01:00:44,640 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 3: let's talk about faith. And you know, when you can't

1194
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:51,120
Speaker 3: do something, when you can't forgive, when you can't it's

1195
01:00:51,160 --> 01:00:54,920
Speaker 3: so deep in your soul and heal right, how do

1196
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:57,960
Speaker 3: we get this to happen with God? Right? How do

1197
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:00,960
Speaker 3: we get this to happen with faith? And it just

1198
01:01:01,040 --> 01:01:06,200
Speaker 3: feels so much more like me, like my world, and

1199
01:01:06,240 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 3: I enjoy clients that can do that. Of course, I

1200
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 3: still have some clients that's like I don't believe in nothing.

1201
01:01:11,920 --> 01:01:13,320
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, I'm going to meet you where you're

1202
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:16,080
Speaker 3: at too. But I think that's you know, how I

1203
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:19,600
Speaker 3: tell the difference to based on your spirituality and our

1204
01:01:19,720 --> 01:01:21,960
Speaker 3: spiritual connection that we can have.

1205
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 2: That's why I love your former therapy in a way

1206
01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:29,360
Speaker 2: you approach it because you you include so many different techniques,

1207
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:32,240
Speaker 2: Like I feel like you got the obviously from Brooklyn,

1208
01:01:32,280 --> 01:01:34,440
Speaker 2: so you got the around the way energy, but then

1209
01:01:34,520 --> 01:01:38,800
Speaker 2: you got the obviously you are professionals. We went to

1210
01:01:38,840 --> 01:01:41,640
Speaker 2: school for this, so you have the therapy and the

1211
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:44,120
Speaker 2: tools and the things that you learned in school, but

1212
01:01:44,160 --> 01:01:47,920
Speaker 2: then you also have like a Your approach just always

1213
01:01:47,920 --> 01:01:49,760
Speaker 2: made me feel comfortable, and I feel like you do

1214
01:01:49,800 --> 01:01:53,600
Speaker 2: a really good job with combining them but also navigating

1215
01:01:53,840 --> 01:01:56,280
Speaker 2: to alter how it would feel for that particular client.

1216
01:01:56,680 --> 01:01:58,160
Speaker 2: I think that's really dope because I feel like some

1217
01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:00,160
Speaker 2: people just have one type of technique, but that one

1218
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 2: technique may not always be the best for every single

1219
01:02:03,000 --> 01:02:04,840
Speaker 2: client that you encounter with.

1220
01:02:05,760 --> 01:02:08,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, thank you for saying that. You know. One

1221
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:10,320
Speaker 3: of the things I always joke about is like I

1222
01:02:10,360 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 3: was a therapist since I was like seven, you know,

1223
01:02:13,800 --> 01:02:16,160
Speaker 3: I was. You know, it was my way of finding

1224
01:02:16,280 --> 01:02:19,400
Speaker 3: peace with friendships. Like you know, I trauma bonded with

1225
01:02:19,440 --> 01:02:22,480
Speaker 3: a lot of people, but in a way where we

1226
01:02:22,600 --> 01:02:25,760
Speaker 3: talked about like our trauma. But I always had solutions

1227
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:27,520
Speaker 3: for people. I was like, well did you try this?

1228
01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:30,400
Speaker 3: And I try this? And you know, my mother and

1229
01:02:30,440 --> 01:02:32,240
Speaker 3: my grandmother used to always be like I was very

1230
01:02:32,280 --> 01:02:34,880
Speaker 3: wise for my age, and you know I would I

1231
01:02:34,880 --> 01:02:37,000
Speaker 3: would also sit down and talk to my mother about

1232
01:02:37,040 --> 01:02:40,480
Speaker 3: things like, you know, things that hurt, and you know,

1233
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:43,040
Speaker 3: all of those kind of aspects. So I feel like

1234
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:46,240
Speaker 3: a lot of my experience came from just life, even

1235
01:02:46,320 --> 01:02:49,280
Speaker 3: though I have the education behind it, because you know,

1236
01:02:49,320 --> 01:02:51,160
Speaker 3: you can't walk in the door trying to do nothing

1237
01:02:51,160 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 3: if you ain't got this education right, right. But a

1238
01:02:54,680 --> 01:02:58,000
Speaker 3: lot of it too is like you having spirituality, you know,

1239
01:02:58,160 --> 01:03:00,400
Speaker 3: you being able to see people where they are, you

1240
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:04,440
Speaker 3: having experiences you know, I've also studied in different countries

1241
01:03:04,480 --> 01:03:07,200
Speaker 3: and done you know a lot of volunteer experience in

1242
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 3: other countries around other races and cultures. And that also supports,

1243
01:03:11,560 --> 01:03:15,080
Speaker 3: you know, being able to help a regular client from Brooklyn, right,

1244
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:18,080
Speaker 3: because I can see things in a very much different way.

1245
01:03:18,560 --> 01:03:21,360
Speaker 3: So I think that also supports me being able to

1246
01:03:21,400 --> 01:03:24,440
Speaker 3: have like all these different forms and techniques and things

1247
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:27,080
Speaker 3: like that. I'm also not afraid to get outside of

1248
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:29,720
Speaker 3: the box, like I may not look like your normal therapists,

1249
01:03:29,960 --> 01:03:32,320
Speaker 3: you know. Like a client and I were talking yesterday.

1250
01:03:32,400 --> 01:03:33,760
Speaker 3: She was saying it was her birthday. I was like,

1251
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:35,240
Speaker 3: you know, I really want to be that therapist that

1252
01:03:35,280 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 3: sends people a postcard. It's just like, well, what do

1253
01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:39,840
Speaker 3: you think do you think people would feel like that's,

1254
01:03:39,880 --> 01:03:42,080
Speaker 3: you know, acrossing their bounties. I'm like, I don't know.

1255
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:44,640
Speaker 3: The clients that I have, they would be like, oh

1256
01:03:44,640 --> 01:03:47,920
Speaker 3: my gosh, you remembers my birthday, right, And I'm like,

1257
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,160
Speaker 3: I mean your dental office will send you one, right,

1258
01:03:50,200 --> 01:03:52,240
Speaker 3: your doctor's office will send you on Why not the

1259
01:03:52,280 --> 01:03:56,240
Speaker 3: person who knows your inner deeper secret, right, that is

1260
01:03:56,640 --> 01:03:59,800
Speaker 3: one of your biggest cheerleaders in life. Why not them

1261
01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:03,959
Speaker 3: saying happy birthday. I've witnessed your journey over this year.

1262
01:04:04,080 --> 01:04:06,120
Speaker 3: I think to me, that would be so much more

1263
01:04:06,160 --> 01:04:09,240
Speaker 3: amazing than getting a damn car from your dental office. Right.

1264
01:04:09,320 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 3: You know, somebody doesn't know.

1265
01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:12,320
Speaker 2: You like, it's that you care.

1266
01:04:13,120 --> 01:04:15,520
Speaker 3: It shows that you care. And I always want clients

1267
01:04:15,560 --> 01:04:18,080
Speaker 3: to know that I care. I'm a human and you're

1268
01:04:18,080 --> 01:04:21,080
Speaker 3: a human, And though you're sitting here, you know, telling

1269
01:04:21,120 --> 01:04:23,720
Speaker 3: me all your deepest secrets, I don't want you to

1270
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:26,160
Speaker 3: ever feel like, well, I don't know her, right, I don't.

1271
01:04:26,200 --> 01:04:28,320
Speaker 3: I don't know this person. I'm just talking to her.

1272
01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:30,680
Speaker 3: She's just giving me solutions. I want us to know

1273
01:04:30,760 --> 01:04:42,320
Speaker 3: each other, and that's how healing happens, you know.

1274
01:04:42,440 --> 01:04:45,160
Speaker 2: To wrap up this episode, you know, I really enjoy

1275
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:47,600
Speaker 2: my Spooky series. So Spooky series come out every October

1276
01:04:47,600 --> 01:04:50,720
Speaker 2: because you know, I love scary shit. But I also

1277
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:53,000
Speaker 2: think that with this series, you know, it adds such

1278
01:04:53,000 --> 01:04:55,120
Speaker 2: a more of a deep emotional layer when it comes

1279
01:04:55,160 --> 01:04:58,160
Speaker 2: to the storytelling. So what message do you think listeners

1280
01:04:58,160 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 2: should really take away from the Spooky series when it

1281
01:05:00,800 --> 01:05:04,360
Speaker 2: comes to stories like these, Because the forgiveness with the

1282
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:07,320
Speaker 2: whole racism, with his grandfather's goals Like that was just

1283
01:05:07,440 --> 01:05:11,120
Speaker 2: so crazy to me. Like that, hands down, that was

1284
01:05:11,160 --> 01:05:13,160
Speaker 2: like one of my favorite episodes from Spooky series.

1285
01:05:13,800 --> 01:05:17,000
Speaker 3: Yeah. I think when it comes to like you know,

1286
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:20,920
Speaker 3: family members, ancestors, you know, things like that showing up

1287
01:05:21,080 --> 01:05:25,480
Speaker 3: or you constantly thinking about them, you really reflecting on

1288
01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:27,840
Speaker 3: why do I think this might be coming up in

1289
01:05:27,880 --> 01:05:31,000
Speaker 3: my life? You know, Like sometimes when clients talk about

1290
01:05:31,040 --> 01:05:34,080
Speaker 3: a dream, I'm like, okay, Like, so, what's going on

1291
01:05:34,240 --> 01:05:37,600
Speaker 3: in your awake life that might be bringing up you know,

1292
01:05:37,720 --> 01:05:40,080
Speaker 3: these things in your your when you're sleep and your

1293
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:43,640
Speaker 3: most vulnerable. So I would definitely say to clients like, really,

1294
01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:46,880
Speaker 3: question why is this coming up? Right? Why am I

1295
01:05:47,000 --> 01:05:49,920
Speaker 3: dreaming about this? Why am I Why am I possibly

1296
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:53,880
Speaker 3: seeing this person? Is there some unresolved issues there? Right?

1297
01:05:53,920 --> 01:05:57,520
Speaker 3: Am I not getting something in certain relationships that I

1298
01:05:57,760 --> 01:06:00,560
Speaker 3: that I'm in? And it's why I'm dreaming about these things? Like,

1299
01:06:01,000 --> 01:06:03,919
Speaker 3: you know, don't feel embarrassed about it, right, sit down

1300
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:07,680
Speaker 3: with yourself and ask yourself these questions, because these things

1301
01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:11,880
Speaker 3: show up for a reason, these spirits, right ghost quote unquote, right,

1302
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:14,560
Speaker 3: you know, these things show up for a reason in

1303
01:06:14,600 --> 01:06:17,880
Speaker 3: your life, and it's usually to tell you something and

1304
01:06:17,960 --> 01:06:20,960
Speaker 3: don't be afraid of that, Like because of society and

1305
01:06:21,080 --> 01:06:23,720
Speaker 3: movies and stuff, we get so embarrassed like oh my god,

1306
01:06:23,720 --> 01:06:26,480
Speaker 3: I'm seeing this spirit right or I'm having these dreams,

1307
01:06:26,600 --> 01:06:28,280
Speaker 3: and then we don't want to We don't really want

1308
01:06:28,320 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 3: to think about it, we don't want to process it.

1309
01:06:30,600 --> 01:06:33,240
Speaker 3: But that's what keep it coming back, right, or that's

1310
01:06:33,280 --> 01:06:36,560
Speaker 3: what keeps unresolved issues like don't be afraid to have

1311
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:39,080
Speaker 3: these things come up in your life. They're happening for

1312
01:06:39,160 --> 01:06:40,000
Speaker 3: a reason.

1313
01:06:40,120 --> 01:06:43,520
Speaker 2: Right right. Okay, So we almost finished a couple more questions,

1314
01:06:43,800 --> 01:06:46,200
Speaker 2: So what advice would you give to listeners who might

1315
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:49,120
Speaker 2: be triggered by these episodes? And the reason why I

1316
01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:52,280
Speaker 2: ask is because, as you know, I've been having five

1317
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:55,200
Speaker 2: point stars on Apple podcasts. Please make surely with five

1318
01:06:55,240 --> 01:06:58,520
Speaker 2: points star review and I dropped down to four point

1319
01:06:58,680 --> 01:07:03,120
Speaker 2: nine because this girl gave me I think she even

1320
01:07:03,120 --> 01:07:05,280
Speaker 2: gonna wanted to start review. And she was pretty much

1321
01:07:05,280 --> 01:07:09,120
Speaker 2: saying how she feels as if the question why why

1322
01:07:09,160 --> 01:07:09,760
Speaker 2: are you looking like that?

1323
01:07:10,920 --> 01:07:11,080
Speaker 1: Right?

1324
01:07:11,240 --> 01:07:11,479
Speaker 3: Okay?

1325
01:07:11,560 --> 01:07:15,120
Speaker 2: And she feels that's the way I ask questions can

1326
01:07:15,160 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 2: be very insensitive. So she's referring to a conversation that

1327
01:07:18,240 --> 01:07:22,640
Speaker 2: had with my guests. Who who who got herpies from

1328
01:07:22,640 --> 01:07:23,240
Speaker 2: her stepfather?

1329
01:07:23,320 --> 01:07:23,480
Speaker 3: Right?

1330
01:07:23,880 --> 01:07:26,480
Speaker 2: So that was a really amazing conversation. But you know,

1331
01:07:26,560 --> 01:07:28,280
Speaker 2: like we I feel like I have a really good

1332
01:07:28,320 --> 01:07:30,440
Speaker 2: relationship with my guests where you know, we can have

1333
01:07:30,480 --> 01:07:32,840
Speaker 2: these kinds of conversations and it may come off as

1334
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,520
Speaker 2: being direct, but that's not the case. And I was

1335
01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:37,000
Speaker 2: just like, wow, like I really felt a way that

1336
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:39,640
Speaker 2: Shorty gave me a one star. But then when I

1337
01:07:39,680 --> 01:07:41,520
Speaker 2: was talking to my guests, because I was like, hey, that, like,

1338
01:07:41,520 --> 01:07:44,080
Speaker 2: did I make you feel uncomfortable or anything? And she

1339
01:07:44,120 --> 01:07:45,640
Speaker 2: was like, girl, no, Like this was hands down one

1340
01:07:45,640 --> 01:07:47,640
Speaker 2: of the best interviews. But she was like, now you

1341
01:07:47,680 --> 01:07:51,040
Speaker 2: have to understand you probably trigger her when you asked

1342
01:07:51,080 --> 01:07:54,120
Speaker 2: that question. So what is your advice to listeners who

1343
01:07:54,120 --> 01:07:56,280
Speaker 2: may listen to these episodes but it's like it may

1344
01:07:56,280 --> 01:07:58,400
Speaker 2: be triggering for them, and they don't give me no

1345
01:07:58,640 --> 01:07:59,080
Speaker 2: one star?

1346
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:04,200
Speaker 3: I mean, don't listen. The thing about podcast and I

1347
01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:06,400
Speaker 3: hate to be insensitive, but we live in a world

1348
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:11,160
Speaker 3: where there's so much information around us, right, and we

1349
01:08:11,160 --> 01:08:13,680
Speaker 3: we don't understand that we have a choice, right, So

1350
01:08:13,840 --> 01:08:16,599
Speaker 3: if this triggers me the way this person is asking

1351
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:22,000
Speaker 3: questions there's another Homegirls situation podcasts out there that you

1352
01:08:22,040 --> 01:08:24,879
Speaker 3: could listen to that's right for you. There are millions

1353
01:08:24,920 --> 01:08:28,719
Speaker 3: of podcasts out there, right, Or if that episode triggered,

1354
01:08:28,760 --> 01:08:31,920
Speaker 3: you don't listen to that episode. Right. The other thing

1355
01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:34,720
Speaker 3: I would say, more clinical side, is sit back and

1356
01:08:34,760 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 3: ask yourself wise trigger me? Right? So did I go

1357
01:08:39,080 --> 01:08:41,280
Speaker 3: through situations in my life where I felt like people

1358
01:08:41,280 --> 01:08:44,720
Speaker 3: were being insensitive you know, to me, or no one

1359
01:08:44,840 --> 01:08:47,640
Speaker 3: was hearing me or invalidating me. Does it feel like

1360
01:08:47,800 --> 01:08:51,120
Speaker 3: something that I've had, you know, in a situation in

1361
01:08:51,160 --> 01:08:54,120
Speaker 3: my life that I've had before, And if it is,

1362
01:08:54,360 --> 01:08:56,519
Speaker 3: I need to work through that, Like, it ain't your fault,

1363
01:08:56,560 --> 01:08:59,639
Speaker 3: It ain't this woman's for why you are being triggered.

1364
01:09:00,520 --> 01:09:04,519
Speaker 3: Your triggers are yours because you've had situations. That's one

1365
01:09:04,560 --> 01:09:07,559
Speaker 3: thing we don't get either. It's like when we're triggered, right,

1366
01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:11,719
Speaker 3: that person might be triggering us, but that that wound

1367
01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:14,960
Speaker 3: is our own, right, It is our own wound that

1368
01:09:15,040 --> 01:09:17,760
Speaker 3: needs to be healed, you know. The last thing I'll

1369
01:09:17,800 --> 01:09:20,960
Speaker 3: say is sometimes we have to think about like when

1370
01:09:20,960 --> 01:09:26,320
Speaker 3: these situations happen. You know, it's not meant for you

1371
01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:29,680
Speaker 3: to be joking, like what I'm trying to say is

1372
01:09:29,720 --> 01:09:31,920
Speaker 3: like when when you're listening to a podcast like this,

1373
01:09:32,320 --> 01:09:35,519
Speaker 3: and let's say you're, you know, having jokes and ki

1374
01:09:35,600 --> 01:09:38,280
Speaker 3: ki and and things like that, it doesn't mean you're

1375
01:09:38,320 --> 01:09:42,639
Speaker 3: being disrespectful. It's your style of interviewing, right. And that

1376
01:09:42,720 --> 01:09:46,080
Speaker 3: person who came on your show has listened to all

1377
01:09:46,120 --> 01:09:48,680
Speaker 3: of your interviews before that some of them, and have

1378
01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:52,120
Speaker 3: chosen to be on your show, so they already know

1379
01:09:52,280 --> 01:09:55,040
Speaker 3: how you're going to interact with them, right, and they've

1380
01:09:55,080 --> 01:09:58,000
Speaker 3: accepted that by coming on your show. So I can't

1381
01:09:58,000 --> 01:09:59,920
Speaker 3: get mad at you saying you key can with the

1382
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:02,920
Speaker 3: this person being insensitive. These people do their work before

1383
01:10:02,920 --> 01:10:06,240
Speaker 3: they get on your show. Hopefully they do right right, right,

1384
01:10:06,400 --> 01:10:09,960
Speaker 3: They know your style. Like if Barbara Walter is someone

1385
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:12,200
Speaker 3: back in the days, we're gonna interview somebody, they know

1386
01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:14,559
Speaker 3: she getting your business or she used to, right, So

1387
01:10:14,600 --> 01:10:16,640
Speaker 3: they had to listen to that and think about that

1388
01:10:16,680 --> 01:10:20,320
Speaker 3: before they accepted that time Oprah Oprah ask you all

1389
01:10:20,400 --> 01:10:24,160
Speaker 3: kind of questions. She don't care. Oprah gets in it right.

1390
01:10:24,280 --> 01:10:26,439
Speaker 3: And before a person goes on an Oprah show, they

1391
01:10:26,479 --> 01:10:29,600
Speaker 3: better be ready and their PR team better say you

1392
01:10:29,680 --> 01:10:32,840
Speaker 3: better be ready for her style of interviewing. But I

1393
01:10:32,880 --> 01:10:35,160
Speaker 3: think you know, what I go back to is her

1394
01:10:35,200 --> 01:10:38,640
Speaker 3: original responsibility to self. If you got on here and

1395
01:10:38,720 --> 01:10:41,840
Speaker 3: you felt like this podcast does not take people's you

1396
01:10:41,880 --> 01:10:44,480
Speaker 3: know stuff, seriously, stop listening.

1397
01:10:44,560 --> 01:10:47,320
Speaker 2: Right, right, and then go work on your trauma, because

1398
01:10:47,320 --> 01:10:49,320
Speaker 2: to me, they listen, you feel they lets me know

1399
01:10:49,320 --> 01:10:50,920
Speaker 2: that your trauma has been on process.

1400
01:10:51,680 --> 01:10:54,519
Speaker 3: Yeah. That's like when I see people give a one

1401
01:10:54,560 --> 01:10:57,680
Speaker 3: star review on Amazon or something, and then you read

1402
01:10:57,720 --> 01:11:01,519
Speaker 3: the review, They're like, I never got my product. You didn't.

1403
01:11:02,200 --> 01:11:07,280
Speaker 3: This is a review of the product you if anything,

1404
01:11:07,600 --> 01:11:11,000
Speaker 3: DM you and say, hey, this is what I've been thinking.

1405
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:13,840
Speaker 3: I chose not to leave a review because I feel

1406
01:11:13,880 --> 01:11:15,560
Speaker 3: this way about the situation.

1407
01:11:16,200 --> 01:11:18,080
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. I really felt the way I

1408
01:11:18,120 --> 01:11:21,040
Speaker 2: was like, girl, I could have five point oh stars

1409
01:11:21,080 --> 01:11:21,920
Speaker 2: for six years.

1410
01:11:21,960 --> 01:11:26,679
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, what do I know? I mean, you're

1411
01:11:26,680 --> 01:11:29,320
Speaker 3: gonna give ones, you know, at one time or another,

1412
01:11:29,600 --> 01:11:32,680
Speaker 3: but you have to take those with the fives, you know,

1413
01:11:32,800 --> 01:11:36,400
Speaker 3: as you move along, and also remind yourself, right or

1414
01:11:36,520 --> 01:11:39,760
Speaker 3: you I think also reflect on why she said this, right,

1415
01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:42,920
Speaker 3: This is her responsibility to take care of herself too,

1416
01:11:43,479 --> 01:11:46,600
Speaker 3: right If this was not her type of episode, or

1417
01:11:46,680 --> 01:11:50,479
Speaker 3: type of podcast. It's her responsibility. She really you know,

1418
01:11:50,800 --> 01:11:53,920
Speaker 3: I mean, it's not your responsibility, because you already say

1419
01:11:54,040 --> 01:11:56,719
Speaker 3: in the beginning, this is this type of podcast. We kiki,

1420
01:11:56,800 --> 01:11:59,280
Speaker 3: we laugh, we cry, we do all of this. You

1421
01:11:59,320 --> 01:12:01,960
Speaker 3: say that in that's all I say.

1422
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:05,000
Speaker 2: So, for someone who doesn't have access to a therapist,

1423
01:12:05,080 --> 01:12:07,840
Speaker 2: what tools or practices would you recommend? I feel like

1424
01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:10,439
Speaker 2: therapy is so affordable now, like you should. People shouldn't

1425
01:12:10,439 --> 01:12:12,240
Speaker 2: be able to have access to therapy right.

1426
01:12:12,320 --> 01:12:14,360
Speaker 3: Me too. Even if you want to work with that

1427
01:12:14,479 --> 01:12:17,479
Speaker 3: favorite therapist and their price is way too high for you,

1428
01:12:17,760 --> 01:12:20,720
Speaker 3: ask them, can they refer you to someone else? You know?

1429
01:12:20,800 --> 01:12:25,920
Speaker 3: For someone who don't have they're not in therapy, it's

1430
01:12:25,960 --> 01:12:28,320
Speaker 3: really hard for you to heal through things unless you

1431
01:12:28,360 --> 01:12:33,959
Speaker 3: are super diligent about reading right, reading books, doing research

1432
01:12:34,000 --> 01:12:37,800
Speaker 3: about trauma, like the web has a blesor of information.

1433
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:43,000
Speaker 3: You know, do the work, read research right, find follow

1434
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:46,599
Speaker 3: things on social media that give you information, also being

1435
01:12:46,640 --> 01:12:48,880
Speaker 3: aware that not all of that that you read and

1436
01:12:48,920 --> 01:12:51,280
Speaker 3: you you know the people you follow are always going

1437
01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:54,240
Speaker 3: to be effective. The reason why therapy is so effective

1438
01:12:54,520 --> 01:12:57,679
Speaker 3: is because of conversations right now you're having with someone

1439
01:12:58,000 --> 01:13:00,280
Speaker 3: you know, when you're just reading and you're taking and

1440
01:13:00,320 --> 01:13:02,800
Speaker 3: you don't have anybody that's really being accountable to you,

1441
01:13:02,880 --> 01:13:05,559
Speaker 3: but you so you want to also have the therapy

1442
01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:08,400
Speaker 3: side of things. But if you can't, I don't want

1443
01:13:08,400 --> 01:13:09,800
Speaker 3: to say it can't afford it, because you can get

1444
01:13:09,880 --> 01:13:13,439
Speaker 3: therapy for twenty five dollars nowadays on different sites. You know,

1445
01:13:13,479 --> 01:13:17,240
Speaker 3: if you can't insurance many insurances, therapy is free. If

1446
01:13:17,240 --> 01:13:21,639
Speaker 3: you can't do that research, you know, look online, follow

1447
01:13:21,640 --> 01:13:24,720
Speaker 3: people on social media that's talking about the thing that

1448
01:13:24,880 --> 01:13:28,080
Speaker 3: really resonates with you, the healing that you need to

1449
01:13:28,120 --> 01:13:31,240
Speaker 3: be doing, and then also do the damn work. Like

1450
01:13:32,000 --> 01:13:33,880
Speaker 3: you know, people want to take it things and have

1451
01:13:34,040 --> 01:13:37,080
Speaker 3: conversations like yes, I was triggered and I have trauma

1452
01:13:37,160 --> 01:13:39,439
Speaker 3: and all of that, But are you really doing the

1453
01:13:39,520 --> 01:13:43,240
Speaker 3: work right when you get triggered? Are you just lashing

1454
01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:46,519
Speaker 3: out right or are you sitting back and saying, wow,

1455
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:49,559
Speaker 3: it's triggered. I wonder really where that's coming from. How

1456
01:13:49,600 --> 01:13:52,519
Speaker 3: do I work that? Maybe let me journal, maybe let

1457
01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:56,200
Speaker 3: me pray, and let me talk to someone. Right, it's

1458
01:13:56,240 --> 01:13:59,120
Speaker 3: not just about the talk, it's about also doing the work.

1459
01:13:59,479 --> 01:14:02,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know who therapy therapy they can get for

1460
01:14:02,040 --> 01:14:03,160
Speaker 2: twenty five dollars.

1461
01:14:04,520 --> 01:14:11,400
Speaker 3: No no, no, I used to. I remember I started.

1462
01:14:11,520 --> 01:14:14,000
Speaker 3: I started with twenty five dollars an hour.

1463
01:14:14,439 --> 01:14:16,920
Speaker 2: Yeah that's so funny.

1464
01:14:16,920 --> 01:14:20,080
Speaker 3: You're like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no more.

1465
01:14:20,640 --> 01:14:23,559
Speaker 2: What makes you hopeful about listening to these stories or

1466
01:14:23,600 --> 01:14:25,400
Speaker 2: just the podcast it stuff? Because I feel like you

1467
01:14:25,520 --> 01:14:28,640
Speaker 2: have definitely been one of my biggest supporters since the

1468
01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:32,640
Speaker 2: Yes I started the podcast when I was with you, Yes.

1469
01:14:32,600 --> 01:14:33,040
Speaker 3: You did.

1470
01:14:33,479 --> 01:14:34,840
Speaker 2: I did.

1471
01:14:34,960 --> 01:14:37,240
Speaker 3: When I met you it was doing your last Yes

1472
01:14:37,520 --> 01:14:40,599
Speaker 3: we were at that We was at that like event together,

1473
01:14:40,720 --> 01:14:43,559
Speaker 3: like a women's event, and I met you. Yeah. You know,

1474
01:14:43,640 --> 01:14:46,640
Speaker 3: one thing I'll say is you never changed, like you

1475
01:14:46,760 --> 01:14:50,240
Speaker 3: never not that you you haven't grown, but your personality

1476
01:14:50,280 --> 01:14:53,439
Speaker 3: have never changed. Some people, when you see them in

1477
01:14:53,479 --> 01:14:55,800
Speaker 3: the beginning and then where they are, where they're you know,

1478
01:14:55,880 --> 01:14:59,400
Speaker 3: quote unquote successful and doing all lads being seen by people,

1479
01:14:59,800 --> 01:15:02,800
Speaker 3: they change. They don't remember you, they don't talk to you,

1480
01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:05,120
Speaker 3: they don't talk about their you know, the things that

1481
01:15:05,160 --> 01:15:08,120
Speaker 3: they've done their journey. They're just a different person. You

1482
01:15:08,320 --> 01:15:11,879
Speaker 3: have been ebanated from day one, right, the same person

1483
01:15:12,160 --> 01:15:14,559
Speaker 3: that I've seen in my office, that I met at event.

1484
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:17,080
Speaker 3: You know, things like that, You've been the same person

1485
01:15:17,479 --> 01:15:20,280
Speaker 3: and the same positive person even in the midst of

1486
01:15:20,280 --> 01:15:22,360
Speaker 3: some of the things that you dealt with. You've always

1487
01:15:22,360 --> 01:15:26,879
Speaker 3: seen things through a glast half full. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1488
01:15:27,120 --> 01:15:30,439
Speaker 3: I feel like when I listen to your podcast, it

1489
01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:35,400
Speaker 3: gives people a space that is not always one hundred

1490
01:15:35,439 --> 01:15:41,599
Speaker 3: percent heavy and tearful and er feel Yes, I think

1491
01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:45,599
Speaker 3: your space is needed for people who have worked through

1492
01:15:45,680 --> 01:15:49,320
Speaker 3: their trauma. It's still working through it, but don't see

1493
01:15:49,320 --> 01:15:53,920
Speaker 3: themselves as victims, right, And you have those podcasts where

1494
01:15:53,960 --> 01:15:57,479
Speaker 3: people are still victims, right, and you know they see

1495
01:15:57,520 --> 01:16:00,400
Speaker 3: themselves in that victim state, and you know they don't

1496
01:16:00,479 --> 01:16:03,720
Speaker 3: trust and life has not moved forward for them. But

1497
01:16:03,840 --> 01:16:07,000
Speaker 3: your podcast is different because people have gone through it,

1498
01:16:07,160 --> 01:16:09,320
Speaker 3: they've worked through it, they're working through it, and they

1499
01:16:09,680 --> 01:16:12,480
Speaker 3: moved forward in their lives. They're getting married, they're engaged,

1500
01:16:12,760 --> 01:16:15,240
Speaker 3: they have children, you know, all of these things and

1501
01:16:15,720 --> 01:16:18,439
Speaker 3: they're working through it. And that's why I really really

1502
01:16:18,479 --> 01:16:20,480
Speaker 3: love your podcast.

1503
01:16:20,760 --> 01:16:23,280
Speaker 2: Me too, And I feel like the podcast is just

1504
01:16:23,320 --> 01:16:25,200
Speaker 2: a testament of the things I went through of just

1505
01:16:25,200 --> 01:16:27,960
Speaker 2: being in some really fucked up situations and thinking that

1506
01:16:28,000 --> 01:16:30,240
Speaker 2: it was going to never end, but it always ends.

1507
01:16:30,280 --> 01:16:33,320
Speaker 2: Tough times don't last, but professional homegirls do. So I

1508
01:16:33,400 --> 01:16:37,559
Speaker 2: really love the stories that I showcase on the podcast

1509
01:16:37,600 --> 01:16:39,759
Speaker 2: because I really feel like this is like the peak

1510
01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:41,160
Speaker 2: print to black womanhood.

1511
01:16:42,040 --> 01:16:45,559
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it is right, Yes it is. Yes.

1512
01:16:46,600 --> 01:16:49,479
Speaker 2: Now, last, but not least, Which story impacted you the

1513
01:16:49,520 --> 01:16:52,160
Speaker 2: most of all the episodes that we discussed and why.

1514
01:16:52,800 --> 01:16:56,719
Speaker 3: The one that impacted me the most, I would say

1515
01:16:57,360 --> 01:16:59,800
Speaker 3: is the first one. Again, I'll go to the first

1516
01:17:00,280 --> 01:17:03,800
Speaker 3: because of the childhood trauma, and you know, it's so

1517
01:17:04,040 --> 01:17:08,960
Speaker 3: representative of the black community, you know, like people not

1518
01:17:09,160 --> 01:17:13,120
Speaker 3: listening to you, validating your trauma, not even helping you

1519
01:17:13,160 --> 01:17:16,320
Speaker 3: to feel like trauma exists. You know, we sweep it

1520
01:17:16,360 --> 01:17:18,439
Speaker 3: under the rug and we just think that it's going

1521
01:17:18,479 --> 01:17:21,559
Speaker 3: to go away. However, years later it shows up in

1522
01:17:21,640 --> 01:17:24,360
Speaker 3: all your relationships in your life. And I think that

1523
01:17:24,439 --> 01:17:27,920
Speaker 3: resonated with me so much because it's still happening today.

1524
01:17:28,360 --> 01:17:31,120
Speaker 3: You know, even though this woman has moved forward through

1525
01:17:31,160 --> 01:17:33,960
Speaker 3: all of this, I think that therapy could really really

1526
01:17:34,000 --> 01:17:37,480
Speaker 3: help her to have some of the most fulfilling relationships

1527
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:40,200
Speaker 3: in her life, you know, to feel loved again, to

1528
01:17:40,360 --> 01:17:45,240
Speaker 3: experience intimacy, sexual intimacy, all of these different things that

1529
01:17:45,439 --> 01:17:49,680
Speaker 3: was stripped away from her so young, and when I

1530
01:17:50,120 --> 01:17:52,800
Speaker 3: you know, she the reason why I do this work, right,

1531
01:17:52,920 --> 01:17:56,240
Speaker 3: because when we were children, right, someone told us we

1532
01:17:56,240 --> 01:17:59,080
Speaker 3: were not enough. Someone showed us that we were not enough.

1533
01:17:59,439 --> 01:18:01,880
Speaker 3: You know, we were abuse and neglected and all of

1534
01:18:01,880 --> 01:18:04,760
Speaker 3: these things that make us feel like adults that have

1535
01:18:04,880 --> 01:18:09,960
Speaker 3: no choices in their lives. And that resonated for me,

1536
01:18:10,200 --> 01:18:12,040
Speaker 3: and it is the reason why I do the work

1537
01:18:12,120 --> 01:18:14,679
Speaker 3: on myself and others every single day.

1538
01:18:14,960 --> 01:18:17,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's so funny because she that episode, everything

1539
01:18:17,760 --> 01:18:19,160
Speaker 2: that you said, that was the reason why I put

1540
01:18:19,160 --> 01:18:21,160
Speaker 2: it out because she reminded me of my why when

1541
01:18:21,160 --> 01:18:23,680
Speaker 2: it came to the professional homegirl and I was like, yeah,

1542
01:18:23,680 --> 01:18:24,679
Speaker 2: I have to put this out.

1543
01:18:25,680 --> 01:18:30,519
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I love too that you always stay to them. Therapy, Yeah,

1544
01:18:30,760 --> 01:18:33,479
Speaker 3: you know, get therapy. Therapy's got out because even though

1545
01:18:33,520 --> 01:18:37,280
Speaker 3: people you don't get through some of these situations, you know,

1546
01:18:37,439 --> 01:18:40,000
Speaker 3: I think still just having someone to talk to, whether

1547
01:18:40,040 --> 01:18:42,680
Speaker 3: it's once a month, whether it's once every two months, right,

1548
01:18:42,880 --> 01:18:46,320
Speaker 3: like to be able to continue this growth and it's

1549
01:18:46,360 --> 01:18:50,559
Speaker 3: healing because though we healed through childhood trauma, it's always

1550
01:18:50,600 --> 01:18:52,679
Speaker 3: going to show up at some place in your life, right,

1551
01:18:52,920 --> 01:18:56,080
Speaker 3: some little part of it always lies dormant at some

1552
01:18:56,240 --> 01:18:59,080
Speaker 3: place in your life, and you could be the person

1553
01:18:59,080 --> 01:19:01,479
Speaker 3: who's been in therapy for years and it takes one

1554
01:19:01,520 --> 01:19:05,200
Speaker 3: thing sometimes to happen with that situation comes back up.

1555
01:19:05,240 --> 01:19:07,920
Speaker 3: So I love that you make that, you know, just

1556
01:19:08,080 --> 01:19:11,679
Speaker 3: key in your conversations with people, but also like you're

1557
01:19:11,720 --> 01:19:16,040
Speaker 3: so free about it, right, especially with black people. You're like, listen, therapy,

1558
01:19:16,160 --> 01:19:19,320
Speaker 3: go to therapy because you're respected in this community and

1559
01:19:19,360 --> 01:19:22,439
Speaker 3: people need to hear that. The most respected people like

1560
01:19:22,560 --> 01:19:25,639
Speaker 3: Charlemagne and people like that have done therapy are doing

1561
01:19:25,680 --> 01:19:28,280
Speaker 3: therapy and it is so freeing.

1562
01:19:28,960 --> 01:19:31,519
Speaker 2: Don therapy change my life. I'll always give you your credit,

1563
01:19:31,680 --> 01:19:34,880
Speaker 2: like Dina has definitely changed my life. Dina has been

1564
01:19:34,920 --> 01:19:38,360
Speaker 2: a therapist, a sister sometimes a mother, Like I know

1565
01:19:39,520 --> 01:19:41,200
Speaker 2: I ain't gonna to get that one time, I just

1566
01:19:41,280 --> 01:19:42,800
Speaker 2: knew we was going to have a good session. He

1567
01:19:42,880 --> 01:19:43,920
Speaker 2: was like, what the hell are you doing?

1568
01:19:45,000 --> 01:19:51,000
Speaker 3: I was like sometimes with clients, I'm like, okay, I

1569
01:19:51,040 --> 01:19:53,160
Speaker 3: got to put the clinical side of me on the

1570
01:19:53,320 --> 01:19:58,200
Speaker 3: side right now and say to you what are you doing?

1571
01:19:58,680 --> 01:20:01,160
Speaker 3: They just like, oh my god, you know what? They

1572
01:20:01,200 --> 01:20:04,880
Speaker 3: start crying. I'm like, girl, like, how are you not

1573
01:20:05,000 --> 01:20:07,560
Speaker 3: seeing that? This person is trashed.

1574
01:20:07,640 --> 01:20:10,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, she helped me get out of a relationship like

1575
01:20:10,400 --> 01:20:13,360
Speaker 2: DNA has been so instrumental in my growth. So I

1576
01:20:13,400 --> 01:20:16,400
Speaker 2: am super excited that we were able to do this. Like,

1577
01:20:16,439 --> 01:20:18,400
Speaker 2: I think this is definitely gonna bless a lot of

1578
01:20:18,439 --> 01:20:21,680
Speaker 2: people and encourage people to start therapy.

1579
01:20:22,280 --> 01:20:25,719
Speaker 3: To start therapy. There's so many ways to get into therapy.

1580
01:20:26,000 --> 01:20:29,240
Speaker 3: And you don't have to do it every single week, right,

1581
01:20:29,640 --> 01:20:31,960
Speaker 3: do it twice a month, you know, get in there.

1582
01:20:32,120 --> 01:20:35,720
Speaker 3: Give somebody all of those you know, intricate things that

1583
01:20:35,800 --> 01:20:38,320
Speaker 3: have happened to you. Give it to someone else that

1584
01:20:38,400 --> 01:20:41,240
Speaker 3: can support you through that, that can hold back for you.

1585
01:20:42,080 --> 01:20:45,200
Speaker 3: I'm one percent sure people are tied and carrying around

1586
01:20:45,520 --> 01:20:49,000
Speaker 3: this load, you know of heavyweight. Yeah, it's time to

1587
01:20:49,040 --> 01:20:51,840
Speaker 3: give it to someone else. Second handler, Well, Dan, thank

1588
01:20:51,880 --> 01:20:52,120
Speaker 3: you so.

1589
01:20:52,120 --> 01:20:53,840
Speaker 2: Much for coming on the show. Tell you well, I

1590
01:20:53,880 --> 01:20:55,760
Speaker 2: can follow you out how they can support you, maybe

1591
01:20:55,800 --> 01:21:00,400
Speaker 2: book a consultation with you or book a service like information.

1592
01:21:01,520 --> 01:21:04,240
Speaker 3: Well, first, thank you for having me. I love spending

1593
01:21:04,280 --> 01:21:06,720
Speaker 3: time with you and being on here. We have our

1594
01:21:06,760 --> 01:21:10,320
Speaker 3: little joke that we have sisters. I definitely love that

1595
01:21:10,479 --> 01:21:13,160
Speaker 3: and I love being able to talk about these stories

1596
01:21:13,160 --> 01:21:16,280
Speaker 3: from a therapeutic standpoint, because even though people you know,

1597
01:21:16,439 --> 01:21:19,640
Speaker 3: tell their stories, I think it's you know, it's so

1598
01:21:19,800 --> 01:21:23,080
Speaker 3: much more. I don't know, like it just helps people

1599
01:21:23,160 --> 01:21:26,760
Speaker 3: to understand that people have trauma right. They didn't just

1600
01:21:27,160 --> 01:21:30,599
Speaker 3: not see something right, They didn't just willingly walk into

1601
01:21:30,640 --> 01:21:34,240
Speaker 3: these situations. Our trauma makes decisions for us when we

1602
01:21:34,400 --> 01:21:36,760
Speaker 3: haven't worked through it. And how you can find me

1603
01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:42,120
Speaker 3: is so simple. Dinamlina dot com my website. Though I'm married,

1604
01:21:42,160 --> 01:21:44,479
Speaker 3: I kept my name because I know that people just

1605
01:21:44,479 --> 01:21:46,720
Speaker 3: be like, go to our website dinamline dot com and

1606
01:21:46,760 --> 01:21:50,960
Speaker 3: you can request the consultation. My consultations are free and

1607
01:21:51,560 --> 01:21:53,160
Speaker 3: we'll just kind of get in there and talk a

1608
01:21:53,240 --> 01:21:55,759
Speaker 3: little bit about what is bringing you to therapy. People

1609
01:21:55,840 --> 01:21:59,240
Speaker 3: usually too, are afraid of consultations because they think that

1610
01:21:59,280 --> 01:22:00,960
Speaker 3: when we get in there, I'm going to be like, well,

1611
01:22:01,000 --> 01:22:03,519
Speaker 3: tell me your first experience as a kid. I just

1612
01:22:03,560 --> 01:22:05,360
Speaker 3: really want to know what's bringing you to therapy. You

1613
01:22:05,360 --> 01:22:07,280
Speaker 3: could even be like, I don't really know, right, I

1614
01:22:07,400 --> 01:22:10,040
Speaker 3: just need somebody to talk to let me figure out

1615
01:22:10,240 --> 01:22:12,479
Speaker 3: what that's gonna look like when you get in here.

1616
01:22:13,520 --> 01:22:16,120
Speaker 3: But I think, you know, get a consultation going and

1617
01:22:16,160 --> 01:22:19,080
Speaker 3: then let's chat about what are some goals in your

1618
01:22:19,120 --> 01:22:21,559
Speaker 3: life and what what spaces do you feel like you're

1619
01:22:21,600 --> 01:22:22,000
Speaker 3: stuck in?

1620
01:22:22,439 --> 01:22:24,560
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, thank you so much. Man, we gotta do

1621
01:22:24,640 --> 01:22:27,960
Speaker 2: this every season like this was so I love that.

1622
01:22:28,080 --> 01:22:30,120
Speaker 3: I love doing a recap. We could do a recap

1623
01:22:30,200 --> 01:22:32,679
Speaker 3: of all of your stuff. We can talk about Yes,

1624
01:22:32,720 --> 01:22:36,160
Speaker 3: traumatic events. Yes, thank you so much.

1625
01:22:36,200 --> 01:22:38,799
Speaker 2: And to the listeners, if you have any questions, comments

1626
01:22:38,800 --> 01:22:40,960
Speaker 2: and concerns, please make sure to email me a hello

1627
01:22:41,160 --> 01:22:46,960
Speaker 2: at thephgpodcast dot com and until next time, you all

1628
01:22:47,080 --> 01:22:58,640
Speaker 2: later later. The Professional Homegirl Podcast is a production of

1629
01:22:58,680 --> 01:23:02,480
Speaker 2: the Black Effect Podcast Network. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio,

1630
01:23:02,720 --> 01:23:05,720
Speaker 2: visit the iHeartRadio app, app a podcasts, or wherever you

1631
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:08,559
Speaker 2: listen to your favorite shows. Don't forget to subscribe and

1632
01:23:08,760 --> 01:23:11,120
Speaker 2: rate the show, and you can connect with me on

1633
01:23:11,200 --> 01:23:13,400
Speaker 2: social media at the PHG Podcast