Speaker 1: The nick A Gliser Podcast.
Speaker 2: Niki Glaser.
Speaker 1: Here's Nikki. Hello here, I am welcome to the show.
Speaker 1: It's the Nicky Glazer Podcast. I'm coming at you from
Speaker 1: but chunga Casino live in the Inland Empire to Mecula, California.
Speaker 1: Sunday Is it Sunday? Yes, Sunday Morning. Had a show
Speaker 1: here last night, and I've got a big week ahead
Speaker 1: of me. So I'm we're doing a couple episodes ahead
Speaker 1: of time. Yeah, I'm I'm like an hour to the
Speaker 1: side of San Diego. I don't know what side. I
Speaker 1: guess it would be the east because San Diego is
Speaker 1: on the coast.
Speaker 2: But yeah, you'd be in the Pacific.
Speaker 1: I mean, I could be casinos are just all the
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I would just have to do that
Speaker 1: gig and then no other gigs because I would pay
Speaker 1: so much.
Speaker 2: They would pay you forty yeah.
Speaker 1: Like what Chappelle gets for one Netflix special. How are
Speaker 1: you guys where you're I was in Arizona, pregnant as hell. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had a baby shower yesterday. You're gonna say I
Speaker 1: had a baby yesterday? Your baby shower yesterday? Yeah? Oh
Speaker 1: my god? How was it? Like? Who came like, do
Speaker 1: you friends in Arizona? Yeah? You do? Actually, yeah, I
Speaker 1: have friends. When you met in that parking lot the
Speaker 1: first day you met, moved there the parking lot friends.
Speaker 3: So they held the party for me, which was great
Speaker 3: because my friend Gail, she was like, you don't have
Speaker 3: to think of anything, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: You don't have to get anything. We plan this for you.
Speaker 1: So I just got to show up, which was nice.
Speaker 1: That's so nice. Yeah, and then I had a couple
Speaker 1: of friends from jiu jitsu come, that's so freaking nice
Speaker 1: that you didn't have to do anything, so you just
Speaker 1: showed up. Was it? Did they like have penis cupcakes
Speaker 1: or I guess that's not for that's for weddings, that's
Speaker 1: for we have What were the games? So we did
Speaker 1: play some games.
Speaker 3: The first one was you have to create a bait
Speaker 3: like as many girl baby names because we're having a
Speaker 3: girl out of the phrase Noah and Avi are having
Speaker 3: a baby, and whoever makes the most wins And then
Speaker 3: the next game was with the yarn, like whoever can
Speaker 3: get the yarn as close like around my stomach the
Speaker 3: length of it by guessing wins.
Speaker 1: So just to make you feel real fat.
Speaker 3: O my god, Yes, was there a weight guessing game
Speaker 3: or no?
Speaker 1: No, no weight guessing, but you guys can guess how
Speaker 1: much weight? No, I'm just kidding. I mean it's okay.
Speaker 1: That's the only time where it's okay to be like
Speaker 1: talk about your friends gaining weight is when they're pregnant.
Speaker 1: You can like acknowledge it because it's just it is
Speaker 1: the truth, and they're carrying a baby, so they should
Speaker 1: be gaining weight to be weird if they didn't, I know.
Speaker 3: But everyone has their own special way of letting me
Speaker 3: know that I've gained weight.
Speaker 1: Oh it's a little bit annoying, Like what do we
Speaker 1: Let's talk about the different ways.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, you know one of them is just like
Speaker 3: glaring at my stomach and like saying how much I've
Speaker 3: changed and grown?
Speaker 1: And oh, you're like not emotionally because you're just that's
Speaker 1: not what they're talking physicoutly. You're just so emotionally present
Speaker 1: and you're like sobbing because you're fat. No. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: they're just, oh, you've grown so much. That's such bullshit.
Speaker 1: No woman wants to hear she's grown at all.
Speaker 2: No ever.
Speaker 3: Other the other one is talking about like the height
Speaker 3: of my stomach.
Speaker 2: The height like if you lay on the ground flat.
Speaker 3: Just while I'm standing looking at the shelves at CVS,
Speaker 3: so someone.
Speaker 1: Said that you're the height of your the you mean
Speaker 1: like the width?
Speaker 3: No, So it's like how high my big stomach is
Speaker 3: because according to the weak that I am. So everyone
Speaker 3: has their opinion of where my stomach should be.
Speaker 1: Is it annoying to go out very pregnant because everyone
Speaker 1: has to comment on it. It's like whatever I walk,
Speaker 1: I want me to compare it to this. But it's truly.
Speaker 1: Whenever you carry an instrument onto a plane, and it's
Speaker 1: obviously an instrument, I would say eight out of ten times,
Speaker 1: someone either in the front steatet a passenger or the
Speaker 1: flight attendant will say, are you going to entertain us?
Speaker 1: And it is without question eight out of ten times
Speaker 1: that will happen. Oh my gosh, it's yeah. So do
Speaker 1: the people ask you to entertain them when it's pregnant? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's essentially what they're doing. Will you entertain me for
Speaker 1: a second so I can talk to you about what
Speaker 1: my experience was with pregnancy or yeah, just project all
Speaker 1: the shit that I am felt about it onto you.
Speaker 1: And usually they're like in the depths of raising a teenager,
Speaker 1: so they resent their child so much, so they're just
Speaker 1: like they're only going to have a negative perspective. Do
Speaker 1: a lot of people give you positive ones, like, oh,
Speaker 1: I remember it was so fun.
Speaker 3: I have to just remember that whoever makes a comment
Speaker 3: is usually you know, like they're they're smiling and stuff.
Speaker 3: It's not it's not like anything negative. I have to
Speaker 3: just remember they're coming from a good place. They're trying
Speaker 3: to relate to me through their experience, like you said,
Speaker 3: and I just have to just kind of.
Speaker 2: Like, you have a baby in there.
Speaker 3: Well I haven't. I haven't gotten that. But it is
Speaker 3: interesting because I do have one person in my life
Speaker 3: who doesn't have a close relationship with her kids.
Speaker 1: So her.
Speaker 3: Expressions to me are a little bit kind of like negative.
Speaker 3: So I have to try to figure out how to
Speaker 3: like cut the conversation. Okay, Like the last thing was
Speaker 3: just talking about, you know, we're probably just gonna have
Speaker 3: one kid. But she was saying how her Oh god,
Speaker 3: I hope she never hears this.
Speaker 1: But I hope.
Speaker 3: So she was saying how her daughter was telling her
Speaker 3: how like you know, she she regrets being an only
Speaker 3: child and this and that, and I'm just like, Okay,
Speaker 3: she was a kid. She she didn't know this, you know,
Speaker 3: so just kind of going off about that and then.
Speaker 2: Just how her dumb ass. My mom was a principal
Speaker 2: for thirty five years, and I asked her this. I
Speaker 2: asked her, did you notice if there was a difference
Speaker 2: between kids who were only children and kids who were
Speaker 2: siblings in terms of how they were raised, what students
Speaker 2: they were. And she said, over my thirty years of teaching,
Speaker 2: I can honestly say that without a doubt, the only
Speaker 2: children were superior to the ones that had siblings. They
Speaker 2: were always better, well behaved, they always got better grades,
Speaker 2: They were better students, they were kinder, they were more attentive.
Speaker 2: And that's what you get when you have two parents
Speaker 2: who were able to give full attention to one child
Speaker 2: as opposed to, you know, letting them beat the shit
Speaker 2: out of each other on the bus like me and
Speaker 2: my brother did. Hmmm.
Speaker 1: The one thing I hear about only kids is that
Speaker 1: they wish they had someone to talk about how crazy
Speaker 1: their parents were with, like to talk about their experience.
Speaker 1: But if you just if I had an only kid,
Speaker 1: I would just make sure that they had a place
Speaker 1: to bitch about me, you know, like I want people
Speaker 1: to pross us how annoying I am that either have
Speaker 1: to work with me, or have to be friends with me,
Speaker 1: or have to date me, or have to be my
Speaker 1: mom or dad. Like I don't want anyone to just
Speaker 1: struggle with that alone. Like that's why when Chris, like
Speaker 1: Chris doesn't have anyone that he like that I know
Speaker 1: of that he really talks to about how like tough
Speaker 1: it can be dating me, Like he doesn't invent that
Speaker 1: to anyone, or at least he used to not. And
Speaker 1: then I was like, you need that, Like you need
Speaker 1: to call me a bitch to someone on a golf course,
Speaker 1: Like I want that for you because I am a
Speaker 1: bitch sometimes, and like I want you to be able
Speaker 1: to say it to someone. And and even even if
Speaker 1: that person then has a negative view of me, that.
Speaker 3: Is so.
Speaker 1: You know, just charged from just all of this information
Speaker 1: that is only coming from a spiteful place and they're
Speaker 1: not hearing my side of things. I don't really give
Speaker 1: a fuck what that guy thinks, Like I don't you
Speaker 1: should have an outlet for these for me to be
Speaker 1: just villainized to someone.
Speaker 2: Does he has empty coffee can that he screams into.
Speaker 1: You would never do that. He hates coffee, he hates
Speaker 1: the smell of it. He needs Yeah, like you need
Speaker 1: to complain about me, like you need to tell Like
Speaker 1: even when I would catch my sister and my mom
Speaker 1: complaining about me, and I would like hear it in
Speaker 1: the laundry room and I would be behind a wall,
Speaker 1: like it didn't bother me because I just I want
Speaker 1: someone to be able to because I know what it
Speaker 1: means to get it off my chest when I complain
Speaker 1: about someone really viciously without any empathy or like care
Speaker 1: that Yeah, just you just need to get it out.
Speaker 1: I want people to be able to call me that like,
Speaker 1: to talk to vent about me behind my back. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's because I have the old thing of like, if
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to do it, they should be able to
Speaker 1: do it about me. Like That's kind of what I
Speaker 1: realized when I was like, people might not like me.
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, if I don't get to like, if
Speaker 1: I get to not like people, I need to be
Speaker 1: able to be someone that's not like to And I
Speaker 1: enjoy not liking people so much.
Speaker 3: See I'm wondering how that plays into your insecurity about
Speaker 3: people you like with your Instagram posts and all that stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just assume it's happening all the time. Maybe
Speaker 1: that's why I struggle with it, because I know it's
Speaker 1: happening because I expect it to and I want it to,
Speaker 1: so I so I think that already. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but I don't really I don't really care what people
Speaker 1: think on Instagram, though maybe I do. Maybe I'm not
Speaker 1: like I just I kind of let that one go
Speaker 1: because I don't check likes and stuff like that. I
Speaker 1: just I don't want to look ugly on Instagram. And
Speaker 1: that's maybe for like one or two people, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Oh got or it's it's usually not
Speaker 1: for like everyone. But and then I, yeah, I don't,
Speaker 1: but I think that, Yeah, that's important. No, you'll be good.
Speaker 1: If you have an only child, you'll you'll make sure
Speaker 1: that they have space to complain about you to someone.
Speaker 1: I know you will. Yeah, she and Auvey will just
Speaker 1: be bitching about it. No, No, it can't be that.
Speaker 1: It has to be you have to find like a
Speaker 1: cousin or a just to get them friends. They need to,
Speaker 1: you know, and the friend needs to witness you being
Speaker 1: a bitch, like they need to, Like, there needs to
Speaker 1: be someone else that experiences the annoying cards of you
Speaker 1: as a mom so that that person can have a
Speaker 1: witness because that's oftentimes like I almost yeah, I want
Speaker 1: Chris to have like footage of me to play for
Speaker 1: someone so that they can see it and know that
Speaker 1: it's not just him making.
Speaker 2: This up least giving a cat or a hamster or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, like a dog.
Speaker 2: Kid can look at and be like, can you believe
Speaker 2: this bitch? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But I do think that only kids are more well
Speaker 1: behaved and just like they bet they're more mature.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, absolutely.
Speaker 1: Their company as adults.
Speaker 2: My mother's my mom's husband, Dominic has a family member
Speaker 2: who is from I don't know, Sweden or something or
Speaker 2: Italy and they have an only child. And every time
Speaker 2: I see this child, I cannot believe how smart she
Speaker 2: is and how kind she is. And she just she's
Speaker 2: like eight and she talks to you like she's in college.
Speaker 2: Basically she's like, oh, Brian's good to see you again. Oh,
Speaker 2: how is your how are your teeth? You know, like
Speaker 2: shit like that, like and she's like, I'm gonna go sit.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna go in the other room and read my books.
Speaker 1: It's like, what the fuck that's having a little girl too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a little girl. Also, if it was a
Speaker 2: little boy, he'd probably be hitting me with a bow
Speaker 2: staff or something. I mean, yeah, for boys do I
Speaker 2: thought it was just you know, specific boys, But I'm
Speaker 2: learning pretty quickly that almost all boys are little monsters.
Speaker 1: They really are different than girls. I mean, no, uh no,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Poppy just like wants to watch Taylor Swift
Speaker 1: and sometimes she wants to play house, which is exhausting.
Speaker 1: I just know I could never be a mom because
Speaker 1: I can't play. I just don't have the imagination for
Speaker 1: it or something. But she's like, I remember playing house
Speaker 1: as a kid and being very good at it, but
Speaker 1: now I just you just lose that. What is laying house?
Speaker 1: She explained it to me. I go, okay, So she
Speaker 1: was like, Nikki, will you play house? And it's like
Speaker 1: so sad when they ask you and then you say no,
Speaker 1: which I've started doing and I see them once every
Speaker 1: three weeks and I still am like, no, will you
Speaker 1: push me on the swing? I literally said no, the
Speaker 1: other day and because I was just really comfortable sitting
Speaker 1: I just don't want to have to do everything they
Speaker 1: want and they go make your own fun. You that's
Speaker 1: why you have brothers and sisters? Yeah, why do adults
Speaker 1: have to provide everything for you? And I know that
Speaker 1: that's My sister has never once said no to anything
Speaker 1: that they will, but ye're yeah.
Speaker 3: I mean it's really important to have kids have their
Speaker 3: autonomy from a very young age and just learn how
Speaker 3: to entertain themselves, and no is like a very important
Speaker 3: word to teach kids.
Speaker 1: She just went on to my mom and goes, well,
Speaker 1: you push me on this swing, and it just felt
Speaker 1: so sad that she just like gave up on me.
Speaker 1: She just took my no as a no, you know,
Speaker 1: like it wasn't like please, you know, like I love
Speaker 1: you and I want She was just like, no, Nikki's
Speaker 1: no fun. And it was just like, oh wow, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't believe I just said no to pushing on
Speaker 1: our swing, which is like five feet away, and I
Speaker 1: just don't want to go do it. I could continue
Speaker 1: having the conversation that I am not even having. I
Speaker 1: was just sitting there listening to people's conversations, but I
Speaker 1: was so tied and I hadn't been with them for
Speaker 1: I'd been with them for like thirty minutes. It wasn't
Speaker 1: like it was like I'm just worn out from these kids. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I just don't have so Anyway, she asked me
Speaker 1: to play house. This is days before, and I wasn't.
Speaker 1: I hadn't said no yet to her, so I hadn't
Speaker 1: learned the power of that. But I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what's what is that? What are we going to? How
Speaker 1: do we do that? And she was like, will you
Speaker 1: be one of us is the baby, one of us
Speaker 1: is the mommy, and one of us is the Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift like she knows how to get me. And I go, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm listening. And I was like, she was like, you
Speaker 1: can be the Taylor Swift. And I was like, I
Speaker 1: can't wait to play house. This is awesome. That's all
Speaker 1: I've ever wanted. Did I tell this already?
Speaker 2: No? So, so what's the Taylor Swift for the house?
Speaker 1: Do sophone? Oh? I thought, like like a karaoke mic,
Speaker 1: what did you say? No?
Speaker 3: I thought mom and Taylor Swift have an affair? Oh
Speaker 3: my god, that's what my version of playhouse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't even know what I think. She just
Speaker 1: saw the deadness in my eyes as she said one
Speaker 1: of us is the mommy, one of us is the baby,
Speaker 1: and then she added one of us as the Tailor
Speaker 1: Swift like she's trying, she's manipulating me, and she she
Speaker 1: got it because my eyes lit up and I said, okay,
Speaker 1: but I didn't want to ask for the role of
Speaker 1: Taylor Swift. She was like, you'll be Tailor Swift and
Speaker 1: I was like yes, and then she handed me a microphone. Poppy,
Speaker 1: by the way, is four. She hands me this like microphone,
Speaker 1: this karaoke my parents have, and she goes, no, actually
Speaker 1: I want that one. And I'm like, okay, why do
Speaker 1: you need it? You're the mommy or the baby we
Speaker 1: haven't determined yet, but I haven't wasn't really listening when
Speaker 1: you gave.
Speaker 2: Yourself well, because I think I need the better microphone.
Speaker 1: Now, Like, why do you need to be amplified. You're
Speaker 1: just a struggling mother or a baby that can't really talk,
Speaker 1: or you know already has good acoustics because you don't
Speaker 1: have tension in your body. That's why babies are did
Speaker 1: you know that's why babies are so loud is because
Speaker 1: they carried they don't have any stress of the world yet,
Speaker 1: and stress of the world tightens your whole body, and
Speaker 1: that your muscles and your body don't reverberate as loudly.
Speaker 1: But when babies are relaxed, like, that's why when you're singing,
Speaker 1: you need to be relaxed, because if your body's relaxed,
Speaker 1: your whole body just like vibrates with the sound wave.
Speaker 1: But when you're tense and you're singing, your body is
Speaker 1: just like screaming into a rock and so it doesn't
Speaker 1: reverberate and you sound like shit. Yeah, And that's the
Speaker 1: difference between good singers and bad singers. And that's why
Speaker 1: babies are so fucking loud because they're just relaxed wailing.
Speaker 1: They're not like I'm embarrassed to be crying. They're just
Speaker 1: like and it's their Their bodies are like one of
Speaker 1: those little bowse speakers you buy for your shower. They're
Speaker 1: so little, but they can really make a lot of noise.
Speaker 1: So anyway, Poppy is like, you have the microphone, and
Speaker 1: then she goes, no, I want the microphone. I go okay,
Speaker 1: that's fine, I'll just use this pen or whatever as
Speaker 1: my microphone. And then she was like, actually I wanna.
Speaker 1: I think I should be the Tailor Swift and I
Speaker 1: was like, actually, I'm not with any game where Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift is involved. I can still do this if I
Speaker 1: get to watch Tailor's So yeah, immediately, that's what Poppy does,
Speaker 1: Like she will, She'll want you to play with her.
Speaker 1: You'll do something that looks a little fun, and then
Speaker 1: she'll steal that role from you or that baby doll
Speaker 1: or whatever you're playing with, and then you end up
Speaker 1: just having to watch her play and then and be quiet.
Speaker 1: So I then she was like, let's just you watch
Speaker 1: me be Taylor and I was like that's fine. I
Speaker 1: would that's you know, almost as good. So I watched
Speaker 1: her and then I was singing along and she said, no,
Speaker 1: you just listen, and then she was singing.
Speaker 2: Is this good for a kid to learn? Like to
Speaker 2: that that she got control every single thing that happened.
Speaker 1: I'm not her parent, though, this is the way she
Speaker 1: this is how she is, Okay, So I just go
Speaker 1: with the flow, like her being bossy because if you
Speaker 1: say no, I want to sing tears, crying like no,
Speaker 1: hitting like it's just not like you know, I get
Speaker 1: that they don't understand empathy, they don't understand other people
Speaker 1: have needs. I think they're supposed to around this age,
Speaker 1: and I did just say sposed, So I think they're
Speaker 1: supposed to around this age have that kind of stuff
Speaker 1: coming on, but hers isn't developing.
Speaker 2: This is why I cannot. Once I know I would
Speaker 2: just let the kid. I would say, fine, like you
Speaker 2: can't get whatever you want all the time, and I would.
Speaker 1: Know I would do the same thing. But until you
Speaker 1: have kids twenty four to seven and you finally give
Speaker 1: up because you can't listen to screaming anymore, so we
Speaker 1: think we would know what we do. But I'm speaking
Speaker 1: to all the parents that are listening. I know why
Speaker 1: you give in and give them the candy that they're
Speaker 1: crying about, and don't put your foot down because you
Speaker 1: will end up like hitting them or something because of
Speaker 1: how loud and annoying they are. So it's just easier
Speaker 1: to give them the candy than to like screen.
Speaker 2: I know that we can't hit kids, okay, of course not,
Speaker 2: we can't, but there needs to be something else that
Speaker 2: can be done to make a kid stop crying. That's
Speaker 2: that they don't like, that's not traumatizing to them. And
Speaker 2: because the other the other way you can do it
Speaker 2: is you can be like evilly manipulative also and tell
Speaker 2: them a fucked up thing that will make them upset.
Speaker 1: Well, that's what my mom used to do, is just
Speaker 1: anytime I would because she was worried that I would
Speaker 1: run off and do things that would end up getting
Speaker 1: me hit by a car or drowning or like you know,
Speaker 1: wandering off on my own, so she would tell me
Speaker 1: everything would kill me. And you'll never see mommy and
Speaker 1: daddy again if you go outside the driveway or if
Speaker 1: you go down the street by yourself, you'll never see
Speaker 1: them again. Like it's not even like an issue of
Speaker 1: like you might be kidnapped, you will be. So I
Speaker 1: don't recommend that, because you'll become a stand up comedian
Speaker 1: because you have entile life until someone hands you a microphone,
Speaker 1: and then you'll let all your anger out about your
Speaker 1: repressed rage at being told lies when you were a
Speaker 1: kid into a microphone.
Speaker 2: Exactly, wouldn't it have been better if they just hit you?
Speaker 1: I remember one time they used to like spank us gently,
Speaker 1: and I just remember being like not good. You're a pussy,
Speaker 1: Like this isn't Like I remember thinking like you could
Speaker 1: go harder and you're not, and this is just embarrassing
Speaker 1: and kind of like sexual, Like there's something about it,
Speaker 1: like on your butt too, that is like it's not
Speaker 1: good to spank kids on their butt, especially little girls,
Speaker 1: like you're bent over. There's something. I couldn't place it
Speaker 1: in my head when I was little, but like that's
Speaker 1: my no no area and you're like hitting me in it.
Speaker 1: Your butt is your bathing suit area. It's like where
Speaker 1: people aren't supposed touch you. You're told that, and then
Speaker 1: your dad's banking you on it while you're over his knee,
Speaker 1: like I didn't. I haven't seen porn at that point
Speaker 1: in my life, but I would in the future. And
Speaker 1: that is one hundred percent of porny thing to do.
Speaker 1: And it's not like I'm calling my dad porn. Like
Speaker 1: most parents, that's how they spank their kids is on
Speaker 1: the butt. I think it's gross to do. I don't
Speaker 1: like it. And one time my dad almost hit me
Speaker 1: as a teenager, and and I was old enough to
Speaker 1: know that, Like I think I probably told this on
Speaker 1: the podcast before, but I was just like, do it.
Speaker 1: I go. If you do it, Dad, everything will change.
Speaker 1: And I could tell he wanted to so bad, just
Speaker 1: slap me in the face, because I fucking deserved it too.
Speaker 1: I was being, you know, the most petulant. I already
Speaker 1: I knew what I was doing. I deserved to be hit.
Speaker 1: If I hadn't been hit, we'd be fine. But I said, Dad,
Speaker 1: everything will change out to this, I'll never ever respect
Speaker 1: you again. Like I went even harder, and I could
Speaker 1: see him just like y and he didn't do it.
Speaker 1: And then god he didn't because I really think it
Speaker 1: would have changed everything. Your parents hitting your face.
Speaker 2: No, it's not good. I don't advocate it at all. No,
Speaker 2: but I do have a solution, I think. Okay, you
Speaker 2: should have.
Speaker 1: Wait, we had to go to break. Come back with
Speaker 1: your solution after the break. Hold on to it. Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll be back right after this with Brian's solution to
Speaker 1: not hitting your kids. All right, we're back, Brian, What
Speaker 1: do you do instead of hit your kids?
Speaker 2: In the house and maybe every room of the house,
Speaker 2: there should be a life size replica of the child,
Speaker 2: and when the child acts out, you should beat the
Speaker 2: shit out of that replica. Yeah, and then the child's like, no,
Speaker 2: my effigy, and maybe that will send the message.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was some you know what, Okay, it's not
Speaker 1: it's obviously a joke idea because that would be harming
Speaker 1: to the child because it would be representing them and
Speaker 1: you would see your parents' rage coming out and it
Speaker 1: just wouldn't be good. But I will say that there
Speaker 1: was like some kind of TikTok video where it was
Speaker 1: like the kids were supposed to clean the room and
Speaker 1: they didn't, so the dad was throwing the toys in
Speaker 1: the fireplace. But they were like it wasn't real or whatever,
Speaker 1: but the kids thought it was real. And I remember
Speaker 1: reading the comments and hearing that that's very harmful that
Speaker 1: that person like your father doesn't respect your thing or
Speaker 1: things that represent who you are and make you happy,
Speaker 1: and like that's not a way to punish kids who
Speaker 1: the fuck knows, No.
Speaker 2: I mean not joke solutions. What if it's rewards based.
Speaker 2: So you have a jar of money or candy or whatever,
Speaker 2: and it's in the it's on display in the kitchen,
Speaker 2: and every time you at the end of the week,
Speaker 2: you get whatever's in the jar. But every time you
Speaker 2: do something wrong, a little piece gets taken out and thrown.
Speaker 1: In the better. Okay, well, let me just tell you
Speaker 1: what would happen with Arlo and Poppy with that happening.
Speaker 2: Yeh, that's what would happen.
Speaker 1: If you took out something for things wailing.
Speaker 2: Don't you think they'd learn eventually?
Speaker 1: So Poppy is apped, give me that microphone, here's yours.
Speaker 1: You also, when I would sing along, stop singing, and
Speaker 1: I go, what songs do you know? And she can't
Speaker 1: really come off at any off the top of her head,
Speaker 1: but she literally knows every Taylor Swift song that I know,
Speaker 1: And so I go, do you want to put on eras?
Speaker 1: And we can sing too, And then that's what we did,
Speaker 1: and it was the best time I've ever had in
Speaker 1: my life. I just sat there and watched Poppy sing
Speaker 1: two eras into a fake microphone that's amplified. But she's
Speaker 1: like hurting the mic, like deep throating the microphone. Sorry
Speaker 1: to put that image into it with a four year old,
Speaker 1: but she's literally has sucking on the microphone, ruining it
Speaker 1: as it's on, singing Taylor Swift into the microphone, and
Speaker 1: then she sounded like really good, especially when she was
Speaker 1: like relaxed and wasn't focused on me watching her, which
Speaker 1: is what I've learned in singing lessons is when you're relaxed,
Speaker 1: you sound better. And so, but she was really quiet.
Speaker 1: You could tell she like didn't have a lot of
Speaker 1: confidence in her voice, and I was like poppy, like,
Speaker 1: I go, that sounds actually really good. And then she
Speaker 1: would get like a little bit like louder, and then
Speaker 1: I was I go yeah, oh yeah, Like she would
Speaker 1: hit a note and I go yeah, and then she
Speaker 1: goes stop saying yeah. So what just is like yelling
Speaker 1: at me to stop singing? Stop saying yeah. You just
Speaker 1: watch easiest game of house I've ever played. So I'm
Speaker 1: just sitting in this lazy boy chair, lean back, filming her,
Speaker 1: watching her sing. And then I was like sing louder,
Speaker 1: and then I just started being dance mom. I was like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm actually gonna like I don't care if you're telling
Speaker 1: me that I shouldn't coach you, because you are really
Speaker 1: good and I believe in you. And I was doing
Speaker 1: exactly what I would have wanted someone to do when
Speaker 1: I sang when I was little, because I also had
Speaker 1: a good voice when I was little, but whenever my
Speaker 1: dad would be like that, zunds great, Nick, I would
Speaker 1: get really nervous. And then the pressure was suddenly on
Speaker 1: and I knew everyone was now listening and like making
Speaker 1: sure I was great because my dad just said I
Speaker 1: was great. And if now if I'm not great, I'm like,
Speaker 1: there's nothing worse than someone being like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that was a really good impression. You just did do
Speaker 1: it again, and then I do it again and people
Speaker 1: are kind of like waiting for it to be good.
Speaker 1: That is like, my fucking That's why I hate improv.
Speaker 1: It's like on the spot and people are expecting something
Speaker 1: of you. If I have a plan, then I know
Speaker 1: it's gonna go well. But if there's no plan, fuck that, dude,
Speaker 1: I can't handle it. So instead I was like, Poppy,
Speaker 1: that sounds really good. Oh my god. And then even
Speaker 1: if it didn't sound good, I just kept saying it
Speaker 1: sounded good, So there was I didn't allow myself to
Speaker 1: be like, no, go back to the way you were
Speaker 1: doing it. And then by the end of it, she
Speaker 1: was like hitting all of these notes and yes, I
Speaker 1: posted it on my Instagram and I did get notes
Speaker 1: of like, hey, you shouldn't have a little girl sing
Speaker 1: that song because she was like, in the middle of
Speaker 1: the night in my dreams, you should see the things
Speaker 1: we do, baby, And I'm like, you know what she
Speaker 1: could be talking about, like they are jumping fences and
Speaker 1: breaking in and like, you know, getting a candy jar.
Speaker 1: That could be the things you're doing in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night. Like it could be like we're doing
Speaker 1: bad things. Like it doesn't have to be sexual.
Speaker 2: No, they made it sexual.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah and so and that's like the most sexual
Speaker 1: song of Taylor song gets like what can we just
Speaker 1: please have it? But anyway, I told I walked into
Speaker 1: the kitchen and I said, Lauren, this Childi's singing lessons.
Speaker 1: We need to start her now. Like I think I
Speaker 1: want her to be a singer. I mean, I think
Speaker 1: she wants to be a singer. I meant to say
Speaker 1: it the other way. I think this is her deep
Speaker 1: desires to be a famous singer. And my sister goes,
Speaker 1: it's a little young for to start singing lessons and
Speaker 1: I go, okay, I go I'll pay for and she
Speaker 1: was like she was like, I don't know, what does
Speaker 1: she want to And then I kind of just the
Speaker 1: conversation changed, and then later on Lauren was like, and
Speaker 1: Poppy's doing dance again, and I go, is isn't for
Speaker 1: too young to start dancing? I like, god, bitchy, I
Speaker 1: was like, isn't for too young to play soccer? Isn't
Speaker 1: for too young to do tumbling?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Why can't she sing? To Like? She likes singing, she's
Speaker 1: good at it, And I hate to like make her
Speaker 1: my child or my little project, but I know that
Speaker 1: she likes it, and I know that she loves Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift and she could be Taylor Swift if we get
Speaker 1: in early. And I don't want to make it, doesn't
Speaker 1: want to be, but I am going to pay for
Speaker 1: her lessons.
Speaker 3: Since since you're doing it, you understand like the value
Speaker 3: of starting her so young, Yes, and that will get
Speaker 3: her some discipline, like through music.
Speaker 1: And confidence, and she is she is really good. And
Speaker 1: if you learn to sing at that age, it's just
Speaker 1: a gift that will go through the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: And so much of singing as I've learned, and I
Speaker 1: know that she likes singing as much as I did
Speaker 1: at that age. If you have any moment of feeling
Speaker 1: like you're not a good singer at a formidable age.
Speaker 1: You will not You'll struggle the rest of your life
Speaker 1: to get it back. It's like you get broken really young.
Speaker 1: Your spirit can be broken so early with the smallest
Speaker 1: little thing, and then you won't And it's just a
Speaker 1: And singing is your voice, and especially for little girls,
Speaker 1: like even if your daughter. I would recommend singing to
Speaker 1: anyone who has small kids, because it's teaching you how
Speaker 1: to be loud and heard, even if you suck. And
Speaker 1: I would recommend kids getting in some kind of choir.
Speaker 1: I think that's like just as good as like learning
Speaker 1: how to use your body and express with dancing. Why
Speaker 1: do all little girls do dancing, which is a focus
Speaker 1: on your body that's in a leotard where you look
Speaker 1: sheer leggings perform like you know, which is important to
Speaker 1: use your body. But what about voice? Let's get kids singing? Yeah,
Speaker 1: but anyway, I still don't want kids. And it was
Speaker 1: fun to playhouse. And I love my niece and nephew
Speaker 1: so desperately I can't even stand it, and I'm so
Speaker 1: fused for them. I always just yeah, nephews. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: still on the fence about forest. Forest is just now
Speaker 1: he's amazing he's the one that sees ghosts. Did I
Speaker 1: tell you guys that that he sees ghosts? No, he
Speaker 1: says ghosts. Well, the thing is, he started pointing out ghosts,
Speaker 1: and we don't know where he learned about ghosts, Like
Speaker 1: my sister can't identify where he saw a ghost and
Speaker 1: was like, that's a ghost, and now I'm going to
Speaker 1: point out ghosts. We think he just might be able
Speaker 1: to see some kind of dead people, which but he's
Speaker 1: not scared of them. And what we do now is
Speaker 1: just go are there ghosts here? And he goes no ghosts?
Speaker 1: Like he just he'll he'll very he'll confirm yes or
Speaker 1: no ghosts, as if it's like is you know, is
Speaker 1: the water is the room flooding? Like he's just like no, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's two years old. No guests, yeah too.
Speaker 2: The spirits of his past life. Actually there are people
Speaker 2: he used to say that. I interviewed a couple of
Speaker 2: people who talked about when you're a young baby, you
Speaker 2: still are connected to your past lives and you sometimes
Speaker 2: retain memories, but they fade away over time because you're kind.
Speaker 1: Attention, Like your body is like receptive to all things
Speaker 1: because of that, like your muscles aren't just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I gotta get up on Monday and go to that
Speaker 1: thing and I have to send that email. Like you're
Speaker 1: not filled like a You're not like an old tree
Speaker 1: that's just like battered and bruised and stiff and like
Speaker 1: kind of creaking in the wind. You're just like a
Speaker 1: flowy bugs. Yeah, you're like still, you're like a sponge
Speaker 1: and you're just like malleable and and open and easy
Speaker 1: and damp and smelly. God, kids are just they just
Speaker 1: they don't smell because they all smell really good, but
Speaker 1: they just are so sticky. You know, you just can't
Speaker 1: wear nothing you wear around them will ever be nice.
Speaker 1: You can wear black and they'll get that dirty. You
Speaker 1: can wear white. I mean that's just you're fucked.
Speaker 2: Tied.
Speaker 1: I is maybe your safest bet because they might you know,
Speaker 1: it will look like intention.
Speaker 2: That they put so and it was just so care.
Speaker 1: They don't care that they have stickiness on them, so
Speaker 1: they just accrue it. You know, like when you get
Speaker 1: we all get stuff sticky on us and then we
Speaker 1: wipe it off because they're like yuck. But the kids
Speaker 1: aren't just like they're not aware of like feeling things.
Speaker 2: Be older. That's what I say to children, Well, be older.
Speaker 1: Well here's the thing about ghost kid. I was getting
Speaker 1: on a plane a couple of weeks ago, and I
Speaker 1: was like having anxiety about it. There was just some
Speaker 1: I guess. I was really depressed that morning and I
Speaker 1: said on girls' chet that I hope my plane crashes.
Speaker 1: So that was probably started. It was that, Like I
Speaker 1: literally earlier that morning was so depressed. I wanted my
Speaker 1: plane to crash, and I literally was like tempting fate
Speaker 1: by saying, like, please God, crash my plane. You put
Speaker 1: it out into the universe. Yeah, I put it out there,
Speaker 1: which you know, I believe in manifestation, but at the moment,
Speaker 1: I really did want it to crash. I'm sorry for
Speaker 1: everyone else on that plane. I wasn't thinking of you.
Speaker 1: I was in a really bad state. But I did
Speaker 1: put it out in the universe. And then later that
Speaker 1: day I like wasn't in the mood to die anymore.
Speaker 1: Like I by the time the plane was like at
Speaker 1: the airport, I was like, Okay, things are better. You know,
Speaker 1: I'd had enough caffeine, I'd smoked a little weed, like
Speaker 1: I had, Like things just seemed okay, Like on the
Speaker 1: up and up, and but then the weed I think
Speaker 1: was making me a little bit like overly sensitive to
Speaker 1: like feelings of dread. And then I was starting to
Speaker 1: ruminate on oh my God, I put that out on
Speaker 1: the air, and so I was like talking to God,
Speaker 1: like please, I don't want my plane to crash. But
Speaker 1: I was just having a sense of like this isn't good,
Speaker 1: like you shouldn't get on this plane. And I don't
Speaker 1: know what. I've had that sense a little bit in
Speaker 1: my life, but I've I've never I know that there's
Speaker 1: some people that have it when they get on a
Speaker 1: plane and then they go like I gotta get off
Speaker 1: this plane, and it's just the plane ever crashes. It's
Speaker 1: just like your anxiety, Like we all have that feeling
Speaker 1: at some point where this isn't right. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: but you don't. You can't really there's no evidence for it, right,
Speaker 1: Like if I saw like the wing wobbling off, yes,
Speaker 1: get off the plane. If the door seems like it's
Speaker 1: gonna fall off, get off the plane. If there's someone
Speaker 1: who is actively talking about hijacking plane, get off. But
Speaker 1: like when you're just having a spidey sense, I can't
Speaker 1: be one of those people that gets off a plane
Speaker 1: because I'm just like, I don't know, I just have
Speaker 1: a feeling. No, I am not that person. I'd rather
Speaker 1: die than be that person because you let in, they're
Speaker 1: going to always intercept my life.
Speaker 2: Yes that's true. But man, if you're on that plane,
Speaker 2: you have a feeling, you say, I'm staying on and
Speaker 2: then it crashes.
Speaker 1: I had to show that night. I didn't have an option.
Speaker 1: I would have had to get on the next plane,
Speaker 1: and then what if that plane crashes? Like what if
Speaker 1: God's you know, like ironic, right, So I just couldn't.
Speaker 1: So anyway, I'm on this plane and I'm like I'm
Speaker 1: then they go, this is a very It's gonna be
Speaker 1: an empty flight, folks. So there should be no one
Speaker 1: in any middle seat. No one needs to be in
Speaker 1: the middle seat.
Speaker 2: This is something people will die if this plane.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this isn't going to really it'll make the news.
Speaker 1: Will it make an impact? Will it be remembered by
Speaker 1: its flight number in casual conversation? No, do you ever
Speaker 1: do that with your flight number where you're like, this
Speaker 1: sounds like a famous flight number. Does anyone do that
Speaker 1: where like if your flight is like flight four seventeen,
Speaker 1: like United flight for seventeen. You're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that kind of sounds like a famous tragic flight as
Speaker 1: opposed to like four twelve doesn't like always lands, like
Speaker 1: think about the flights that have gone down, like boat,
Speaker 1: like American Airline seventy seven, like or whatever, like it
Speaker 1: just nine flight seventy seven or what's the one that
Speaker 1: went down? Like they just always sound famous and this
Speaker 1: is all just in my head, and they.
Speaker 2: Sound famous now because they've been made famous.
Speaker 1: Right right, But sometimes there are like we're talking about
Speaker 1: my like Nicki and Sarah sounds better than Sarah and Nicky.
Speaker 1: Like sometimes a flight number just sounds catchy in a way,
Speaker 1: tragically catchy. I never saw her, but I will mar.
Speaker 1: I know. I'm sorry to make anyone get this in
Speaker 1: people said, but this is a good ending. Okay. So
Speaker 1: I'm on the plane and I'm having anxiety. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you idiot, like you're having thoughts that
Speaker 1: this is going to go down. You fly all the time,
Speaker 1: and you never get that, you don't you rarely, I
Speaker 1: would say one in two hundred flights. I'm like, I'm
Speaker 1: kind of nervous about this flight for some reason, and
Speaker 1: it never has happened. But so I'm on the flight,
Speaker 1: and then my sister. Oh, So then they go, there's
Speaker 1: no middle seats on this flight. Everyone should be a
Speaker 1: aisle or window. I'm in the very front of the
Speaker 1: plane because if the plane goes down, I just want
Speaker 1: to die quickly. I don't want to be in the
Speaker 1: back where I'm just like kind of like writhing around.
Speaker 2: You.
Speaker 1: If you ever are in a plane crash, you have
Speaker 1: a better chance of surviving the back, but you know
Speaker 1: you're not going to. So it's like I would just
Speaker 1: sit in the front mostly if you're ever scared about dying,
Speaker 1: because it'll be quicker. So I so I'm sitting in
Speaker 1: the front. A guy's on already on the aisle. I
Speaker 1: get the window seats, so like we're good. The second
Speaker 1: they say there's no middle seats, a woman plops down
Speaker 1: in our middle seat and is like, I almost didn't
Speaker 1: make it. They are the security and that she's she's
Speaker 1: talking right away. So I'm putting in my earpod AirPods,
Speaker 1: putting down my eyemask, like I'm not talking to this
Speaker 1: insane woman. She starts going and they got the flight
Speaker 1: number wrong. They keep saying for seventeen, but it's not
Speaker 1: it's five thirty two. I don't know why they're saying
Speaker 1: the wrong and so I'm starting to be like what
Speaker 1: and then I go, well, let me look at is
Speaker 1: this a Is this one of those airmaxs seven or
Speaker 1: eights that are the ones that everyone say are bad,
Speaker 1: which they aren't. Really, It's like, this is just the
Speaker 1: chances of dying in a plane crash, even in one
Speaker 1: of those that you know, there's been a slightly more
Speaker 1: things going on with those, it's still you have a
Speaker 1: better chance of dying falling off a balcony when you're
Speaker 1: hanging out at a party or something.
Speaker 2: Especially if the balcony was made by Airmax bowing. Sorry,
Speaker 2: did you.
Speaker 1: There was a really funny thing I got to do
Speaker 1: a shout out on The Daily Show. John Stewart was
Speaker 1: hosting what he did. He was talking about what wait, oh.
Speaker 2: You're shouting out the Daily Show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sotting out like a really funny thing that
Speaker 1: I saw Jordan Klepper. John Stuart was talking to Jordan
Speaker 1: Clepper about like, hey, you've got great shows this week, Jordan,
Speaker 1: because you know, John only does Monday and Jordan was
Speaker 1: going to do the rest of the week. And so
Speaker 1: Jordan's like, yeah, actually, I'm not going to be here.
Speaker 1: I'm actually quitting the Daily Show and I'm going onto
Speaker 1: something bigger, And it sounded like it was actually happening,
Speaker 1: and John's like, wait what, and everyone's like the audience
Speaker 1: is kind of He's like, I am, I'm going to
Speaker 1: go off and I'm going to be the CEO of Boeing.
Speaker 1: And John's like, well, do you have any experience in
Speaker 1: engineering or aeronautical like technicians even like business And he's
Speaker 1: like no, But I went to the interview and I
Speaker 1: brought this. He had, like a big wrench and John
Speaker 1: and John's like what he goes and they saw this
Speaker 1: and they go, that is exactly what we've been looking for.
Speaker 1: It was just such a funny line that that's what
Speaker 1: they're looking for. Is this is just a big, like
Speaker 1: kind of cartoonish wrench anyway, Okay, So then I go, waitet,
Speaker 1: maybe I'm on a Max seven or eight. So I
Speaker 1: look for the pamphlet in front of in the pocket
Speaker 1: where the barf bag is to go like, what is
Speaker 1: this plane model? And my my thing is missing, the
Speaker 1: whole the whole fold, that little folder thing, yeah, everything,
Speaker 1: And then I look in the woman's pocket. Now it's
Speaker 1: gonna get hers. But then that would spark up a
Speaker 1: conversation with her, so I'm like, okay, so now I'm
Speaker 1: not even allowed to know if this is an Air
Speaker 1: seven or Aramax eight. And also, like on her card,
Speaker 1: it was just below it, so I couldn't read it.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh my god, this is God fucking
Speaker 1: with me, like he's letting me know, get off this
Speaker 1: plane or whatever my version of God is. And I'm
Speaker 1: starting to panic. And then here's the clincher. My sister
Speaker 1: texts me a video of Forest and she goes, NICKI,
Speaker 1: he just started talking about you, like out of the blue.
Speaker 1: And so she sends me this video and Forrest, she
Speaker 1: she's in the kitchen right and she's filming because she
Speaker 1: wants to catch him just mumbling to himself in the
Speaker 1: next room. And then she goes and you just hear
Speaker 1: him mumbling, and she goes, what'd you say? And then
Speaker 1: the camera like turns and it goes into where he's playing,
Speaker 1: and he just turns the camera and goes by Niki.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, and she goes, what do you say?
Speaker 1: And he goes, bye Niki and he's two you guys,
Speaker 1: like it doesn't even say it sounds like bye Naca
Speaker 1: by ying me and she goes by Nicki and he
Speaker 1: goes yeah, and she goes, where's she going? And he
Speaker 1: starts mumbling and I'm trying to make it out, like
Speaker 1: where am I going? Like does he know? And he's
Speaker 1: just he's waving to the camera and then he's waiting.
Speaker 1: She goes, he was waving out the window to you,
Speaker 1: bye bye, Nicki, And which made me feel special because
Speaker 1: he hasn't really talked about me when I'm not there before.
Speaker 1: This is like a new thing, and that's very sweet.
Speaker 1: And I had been there the day before and I
Speaker 1: had said goodbye to him and we made kind of
Speaker 1: a thing of it, so maybe he was holding onto
Speaker 1: that like bye Niki, but it was But then I
Speaker 1: said to my I was just like, should I tell
Speaker 1: my sister that I'm having these things? And like should
Speaker 1: I check with because we haven't followed up on the
Speaker 1: ghost thing. The ghost thing happened like a month before,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, can he still see ghosts? Like is
Speaker 1: this is this kid? Like so I said to her.
Speaker 1: I was like, ah, I was like, hey, uh, do
Speaker 1: you know, like why he's saying bye to me? Like
Speaker 1: were you guys talking about me? Were you saying bye
Speaker 1: Nikki and some And she was like no, it's just
Speaker 1: out of the blue. And I was like, okay, because
Speaker 1: I'm a little nervous. I'm on a plane that I'm
Speaker 1: having like some bad feelings about and like is is
Speaker 1: does Forrest? Can he like see I should read this conversation?
Speaker 1: I go, okay, you see the future because my sister
Speaker 1: was so not helpful. This is so ridiculous. Okay, so
Speaker 1: hold on, let me just find it. I know this
Speaker 1: is okay, Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: So she sends this to me. It's twelve sixteen pm
Speaker 1: March twenty second she says, he keeps talking about you
Speaker 1: by Niki Buy Nikki. It's the video. I said, oh
Speaker 1: my god, that's so cute. I wonder what he's trying
Speaker 1: to say. So this is me being like, can you
Speaker 1: tell me what he's trying to say? Because afterwards she's like,
Speaker 1: why are you saying by? And he's like, as a
Speaker 1: visa and then she goes what he does as a
Speaker 1: visit a? So he says the same mumbling thing twice.
Speaker 1: He was trying to communicate something, but it doesn't. So
Speaker 1: it's you know when like a kid says something mumbly
Speaker 1: and you're like it could be anything, but they say
Speaker 1: the same mumbling thing twice and you're like, that needs something.
Speaker 1: Message just don't know what it is. So I said,
Speaker 1: I wonder what he's trying to say, because I'm like,
Speaker 1: can you decipher it? But I don't want to let
Speaker 1: her know what. I'm scared yet because I know my
Speaker 1: sister like might co sign on my fear. She said,
Speaker 1: I just heard him sing the I just heard him
Speaker 1: from the other room start start saying bye Nikki. I said, Jesus,
Speaker 1: that's scary from the kid who sees ghosts, I said,
Speaker 1: And I'm about to take off on a plane. She said, haha.
Speaker 1: But he was looking out the window like he remembered
Speaker 1: seeing you leave. It's not an omen, I said, or
Speaker 1: he saw my ghost. I says, Forrest knows things we don't. Lol.
Speaker 1: I threw an lol just to be like right, I
Speaker 1: literally did throw an that was intentional. I go, I
Speaker 1: just keep having weird things happened before this flight that
Speaker 1: make me superstitious, and this is the icing on the cake. Baby.
Speaker 1: I'm also trying to be like this is icing on
Speaker 1: the cave, like we're still joking, even though I am
Speaker 1: literally quaking in fear and like questioning getting off, even
Speaker 1: though I will not make my show if I take
Speaker 1: a later flight. She said, oh no, maybe you're right.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, what else? Get off now?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: And I go, Lauren, I can't. We are on the
Speaker 1: runway and I have a show. I said, this stuff
Speaker 1: is not real. She said, I know you'll be fine.
Speaker 1: Don't psych yourself out. I said, I felt this in
Speaker 1: my uber too, thought something bad would happen there too.
Speaker 1: It's one of those days. She said, Do you normally
Speaker 1: have these days? I said, not really. But I can't
Speaker 1: be someone who gets off a plane because of omens.
Speaker 1: That's a person with mental health issues. This is so wild.
Speaker 1: She goes, I don't think so. Sometimes you just have intuition.
Speaker 1: She goes, no, I don't think you're crazy. I think
Speaker 1: sometimes you just have intuition. And I go I am
Speaker 1: mostly on an empty Southwest flight, and the flight attendant
Speaker 1: said many times that no one has to be in
Speaker 1: a middle seed. And a woman sits down between me
Speaker 1: and the ile guy. And now she's picking her handskin
Speaker 1: and biting it and flicking off the skin. Like this
Speaker 1: woman was ripping at her skin and it was bleeding,
Speaker 1: and she's picking the skin off and then flicking and
Speaker 1: it was flying on me.
Speaker 2: And so obviously the plan deserves to go down now.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's right, last Woman movie thing that you're
Speaker 2: late to the flight and you get on it, and
Speaker 2: that's the one that's gonna crash. Yeah, Like and now
Speaker 2: you're disgusting and horrible, and it's like, well, the more
Speaker 2: those on the flight, then the more likely it is
Speaker 2: that God will strike it with a light.
Speaker 1: He's like trying to tell me, like, get off this,
Speaker 1: like I'm putting this woman next to you. There's you
Speaker 1: don't belong like this is you're too many weird things happening.
Speaker 1: Get off. But I can't switch my seats at this
Speaker 1: time because it's about we're almost about to take off,
Speaker 1: you know, like they're shutting the overhead bins. So that's
Speaker 1: not a time to be like I'm gonna switch my seat.
Speaker 1: And it would have been very obvious to those women
Speaker 1: like I can't take your shit, you know, And I
Speaker 1: didn't want to be that way. So instead I took
Speaker 1: a picture of her picking her skin and sent to
Speaker 1: my sister. So that's nice, right, She said, oh, you
Speaker 1: gotta move. I said, I don't want an I don't
Speaker 1: want an aisle because that's always And I said, I
Speaker 1: think all the windows are taken. I said, it's wild.
Speaker 1: She's twitching, this poor lady. I should be nice. She's
Speaker 1: just crazy. She said, you'd rather have her than an aisle.
Speaker 1: And I go, I think it would just be as
Speaker 1: hassle and everyone is seated and it would cause a
Speaker 1: scene and then then nothing. And then I protected her.
Speaker 1: I landed and I said, forrest esp was off. She said,
Speaker 1: so glad you're alive. So but I just you know,
Speaker 1: it's these moments in your life where you go like,
Speaker 1: am I gonna let my mental illness? Cause that is
Speaker 1: mental illness to think that you know better than facts,
Speaker 1: and like you're like this that you're getting this feeling.
Speaker 1: But it's also not because we also get told like
Speaker 1: go with your gut, you know, like trust your instincts,
Speaker 1: Like if you get a weird feeling about a guy,
Speaker 1: don't like go on into a second location with him.
Speaker 1: And it's like is it that I have a weird
Speaker 1: feeling about him, or is it like I ate something
Speaker 1: weird earlier, or is it that, like, how often do
Speaker 1: you trust this instinct? Because how ridiculous is it if
Speaker 1: I get off that plane, I miss my flight because
Speaker 1: Nikki had a bad feeling it was gonna crash even
Speaker 1: though it totally didn't, and then it lands, and then
Speaker 1: I miss my show, Like I I can't do that,
Speaker 1: And I know that there's I know we have besties
Speaker 1: who have anxiety and who have definitely missed out on
Speaker 1: things because of this bad feeling before. And I've heard
Speaker 1: stories of people actually getting off planes because they just
Speaker 1: have a weird feeling. And I honor that and I
Speaker 1: have been that person in certain circumstances. But sometimes you
Speaker 1: just got to die in a plane crash because you
Speaker 1: got to show in Gary, Indiana that night.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know what, thank you for texting your
Speaker 2: sister that you had a feeling, because if the plane
Speaker 2: did crash, then we'd have that great story.
Speaker 1: Yes, Brian, that is exactly this is okay. Thank you
Speaker 1: for saying that. This is what I'll end it with.
Speaker 1: If you are someone out there who has these feelings
Speaker 1: sometimes and you feel like, oh my god, I'm going
Speaker 1: to cause such a scene and if I die, I
Speaker 1: might die in this. But I also really don't have
Speaker 1: a lot of facts to back it up. Then I'm
Speaker 1: going to die and I'm scared. Text someone your anxieties
Speaker 1: have a record of it, because if you do die,
Speaker 1: people will be like it will be you will be
Speaker 1: famous for predicting it, Like it will be the biggest
Speaker 1: story in the world, and so there'll be some kind
Speaker 1: of like make sure you get it out there, because
Speaker 1: the worst thing that would happen would be for you
Speaker 1: to have these premonitions to die and then no one
Speaker 1: knows about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: So that gave me some kind of control in it
Speaker 1: that I was if God was going to take my
Speaker 1: life away in that moment because I was ignoring his signs.
Speaker 1: He would actually have to deal with the fact that
Speaker 1: people are gonna know he exists or something, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like because of my intuition, like he
Speaker 1: was going to out himself because I had I had
Speaker 1: blown his cover with my sisters, like texting her or
Speaker 1: he could have just killed her. I got you got
Speaker 1: all right, We're gonna go to break come back after
Speaker 1: this we will come back. You can too. Oh, I
Speaker 1: have such a busy week ahead of us.
Speaker 2: Can you talk about what's going on?
Speaker 1: Which can you tell us so much? Lovers and Liars
Speaker 1: is premiering, so I have some pressed to do for that.
Speaker 1: So that's April eleventh. The first episode is out right
Speaker 1: now on the c w app great reviews. I saw
Speaker 1: Benedict last night from the show. He came and opened
Speaker 1: for me in Pachanga and he's the lead of that, yeah,
Speaker 1: the Honka Casino, which, by the way, I went to
Speaker 1: the Pachanka Casino in two thousand and seven because I
Speaker 1: was friends with Doug Benson and Doug Benson was opening
Speaker 1: for Sarah Silverman here Wow in two thousand and seven,
Speaker 1: and so he brought me along because I was staying
Speaker 1: at his house when I was visiting La or his apartment,
Speaker 1: and so he was like, do you want to go
Speaker 1: with us to see Sarah Silverman at Pachanka? And I
Speaker 1: was like, drive down to San Diego with Sarah Silverman
Speaker 1: in a car with us three. She was my Taylor
Speaker 1: Swift at that time. People don't know this, but I was.
Speaker 1: I had posters of Sarah Silverman on my wall I
Speaker 1: had bought every then. This was two thousand and six
Speaker 1: and seven, so it's like the Internet wasn't as like
Speaker 1: full of stuff of people, but I had to like, yeah,
Speaker 1: order these shirts and posters like II.
Speaker 2: It was so much better.
Speaker 1: Yeah. To be as a Silvery or whatever I was
Speaker 1: back then took a lot of effort. I would like
Speaker 1: buy magazines on Kebay with a little article about her
Speaker 1: that would say, like what her favorite book was, and
Speaker 1: then I would buy that book and read it like
Speaker 1: I just wanted to be I was. I was just
Speaker 1: as obsessed. I went to see Jesus Magic on opening
Speaker 1: day in the theaters and I was on the edge
Speaker 1: of my seat, and I remember my parents looking at
Speaker 1: me like I was gay, you know, like our daughter
Speaker 1: loves this woman too much, and I probably was. So
Speaker 1: when two thousand and seven rolls around, I go to LA.
Speaker 1: I'm friends with Doug Benson because I met him on
Speaker 1: Last Comic Standing when I went to I made it
Speaker 1: to the semi finals. When I was still in college.
Speaker 1: I went to LA. I already knew Doug Benson from
Speaker 1: Best Week Ever. I was a huge fan, and then
Speaker 1: he was in the semi finals too. At Best week
Speaker 1: ever or at last Comic Standing.
Speaker 2: So I'm a college student.
Speaker 1: I mean, I would have signed up for that. I
Speaker 1: loved that show so much. But I saw him and
Speaker 1: I saw Tig at this hotel that I was checking
Speaker 1: into for my first time in la as like a performer,
Speaker 1: and I was checking in to be on the show.
Speaker 1: And I'm still in college and I'm like in over
Speaker 1: my head and there's forty comedians and Doug Benson is
Speaker 1: at the front desk and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I love you Doug Benson. And I was like, I
Speaker 1: had just made a list at school of my top
Speaker 1: ten favorite comedians. I was working this like telemarketing job
Speaker 1: and I was bored, and I was like, I'll make
Speaker 1: a list of my top ten friend favorite comedians. And
Speaker 1: he was number eight and I told him that, And
Speaker 1: you shouldn't tell someone their number eight, even though that
Speaker 1: is a great spot to have on I just remember
Speaker 1: he was eight, and remember he was kind of annoyed
Speaker 1: that I told him that. But he and I go,
Speaker 1: what are you doing here? I just was like, why
Speaker 1: are you at this Glendale hotel in you know, in
Speaker 1: near Pasadena. And he was like, oh, I'm I'm doing
Speaker 1: Last Coming Standing. I was like, what, I'm competing against
Speaker 1: number eight in the world and I've been doing comedy
Speaker 1: for eight months. I was just like, oh God. But anyway,
Speaker 1: we became really good friends while doing that little show.
Speaker 1: He started having me on the road with him. The
Speaker 1: first time I went on the road with him, I
Speaker 1: flew out to LA and before we went on the
Speaker 1: road together, I just was hanging out in La, crashed
Speaker 1: on his couch and he was like, do you want
Speaker 1: to go tonight to go with Sarah and me to
Speaker 1: Pachanga to Temecula. I'm like, yeah, is she okay? So
Speaker 1: I'm in the back seat of Sarah like Taylor Swift's
Speaker 1: car pretty much, I am in the back seat of
Speaker 1: it on the way down. We drive down there. At
Speaker 1: one point i'd met her once before, so the first
Speaker 1: I don't want to make this story too long, but
Speaker 1: when I first got into town, when I landed, I
Speaker 1: get to Doug's apartment and he's like, tonight we're gonna
Speaker 1: go to Jimmy's show and Sarah's gonna pick us up.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't even know what these
Speaker 1: names are, Like, I don't understand what she's saying he's like,
Speaker 1: we're going to Jimmy Kimmel's show.
Speaker 2: Kimmel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Jimmy party was a part of my the story
Speaker 1: as well. But I We're gonna go to Jimmy Kimmel's
Speaker 1: show and Sarah's gonna pick us up. This was Sarah
Speaker 1: and Jimmy were dating, and I'm like, what, like, what
Speaker 1: is my life? And then I remember getting in her
Speaker 1: car and I remember her like beautiful pony like I
Speaker 1: was looking at her ponytail and that was in the
Speaker 1: back of her sob and we were driving to Jimmy
Speaker 1: Kimmel and then we went. It was amazing. It was
Speaker 1: the night where she debuted I'm Fucking Matt Damon, you
Speaker 1: know that song that was like huge. It was the
Speaker 1: night that debut. I think it was like Jimmy's birthday
Speaker 1: or something. It was huge and it was such a
Speaker 1: party and Jimmy Kimmel live back then it was like
Speaker 1: two thousand and six or and this was two thousand
Speaker 1: and six actually, So then later that summer, I think
Speaker 1: was when we went to Puchong and I met her
Speaker 1: that night obviously, but then this was like a road
Speaker 1: trip with her and she was talking about some interviews
Speaker 1: she did when we were in the car, and she
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, I just did. She was like, it's
Speaker 1: so crazy how you like forget what you've done or
Speaker 1: like what your old jokes were. She was talking about
Speaker 1: like just you know how long it's been she's been
Speaker 1: doing it and kind of doesn't remember how she started
Speaker 1: or whatever. And she said some interview a guy had
Speaker 1: asked her when did you start doing music in your
Speaker 1: comedy and she was like, and I didn't know what
Speaker 1: to say. I don't even know when I started. And
Speaker 1: I was like the first time you went on stage.
Speaker 1: I'm in the backseat. I'm like, I think, like the
Speaker 1: first time you went on stage, didn't you sing uh uh?
Speaker 1: Like a parody of the song memories, but it was
Speaker 1: about your boobs and it was like called memories. She
Speaker 1: just remember. She was just slowly turned around. She goes,
Speaker 1: how do you know that? And she was just like
Speaker 1: what And I just said, I think I know more
Speaker 1: about you than you know about yourself. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm really like a huge fan. And so we went
Speaker 1: to Patona and I remember being at the same stage
Speaker 1: I was on last night. I remember being side stage
Speaker 1: being like, oh my god, this is so big and
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, it was really sold well. Last night anyway,
Speaker 1: Benedicta was on the show. He was so fun and
Speaker 1: so funny and we had a good time and did
Speaker 1: you guys.
Speaker 2: Do anything Lovers and Liars related. No.
Speaker 1: He talked a lot about his experience on the show.
Speaker 1: Was really funny about how he lost twice on f
Speaker 1: Boy Island and he's back for the show, and how
Speaker 1: he had a funny bit about being with all these
Speaker 1: like hot guys on this show and he's like, I
Speaker 1: went in like and to pursue like love, and he
Speaker 1: was like, and I came out gay. I think I'm
Speaker 1: like in love with men because I'm around these like adonises,
Speaker 1: of which he is won by the way Benedicta is
Speaker 1: like so hot. But he also was like, you know,
Speaker 1: he's talking about like his insecurities. It's so funny when
Speaker 1: like hot people talk about being and I've been one
Speaker 1: of them before where I've looked really hot and I've
Speaker 1: been like I'm ugly and people are like it does
Speaker 1: not connecting, girl, But people don't know that how benedict
Speaker 1: feels naturally, you know. But he's like I've gotten hair plugs,
Speaker 1: these are this is fake? This is He was talking
Speaker 1: about all the fake things on him, kind of like
Speaker 1: the way I do. It was really refreshing. Anyway, we
Speaker 1: had a good time. The show is he's watched Lovers
Speaker 1: and Liars. I haven't yet because I don't like watching myself,
Speaker 1: but I hear it's the first episode. It's really funny
Speaker 1: and really good, and I know the season is going
Speaker 1: to be incredible. So check that out on the CW.
Speaker 1: So I'm doing a lot of press for it this week.
Speaker 1: Final thought, I also am filming a game show and
Speaker 1: filming seven episodes of a game show that this just came. Dude,
Speaker 1: I thought it was one episode, right, like I thought
Speaker 1: when I said yes to this, which I was happy
Speaker 1: to do one episode. But now it's because I really
Speaker 1: like the people involved, I like the production company, I
Speaker 1: like the title of the show. I like every table.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: But I can't wait to like can because it's so exciting,
Speaker 1: you guys. So anyway, I was instantly like, yes, I
Speaker 1: want to do this. I was like the most excited
Speaker 1: I've ever been to say yes to something. And you know, besties,
Speaker 1: you can figure out what it might have something to
Speaker 1: do with like you know. So I'm like yes, and
Speaker 1: I'm like I'm gonna do one episode, and then it
Speaker 1: comes back like you're doing seven episodes. Because then I
Speaker 1: was like, oh shit, I have to find seven different outfits.
Speaker 1: I mean, that is a lot of work to like
Speaker 1: look ahead to toe perfect for TV. So then I'm
Speaker 1: scrambling to find seven outfits, to even come up with
Speaker 1: the money to buy seven apps, to not buy seven outfits,
Speaker 1: but to get them styled, And like, I'm getting paid
Speaker 1: this much for the show, but I have to pay
Speaker 1: this much for styling. Do I really spend fifty percent
Speaker 1: of what I'm making on the show so I can
Speaker 1: look good enough for the show? Like, yeah, God you do.
Speaker 1: The answer is yes. But then they told me you
Speaker 1: only have to wear one outfit for all seven episodes.
Speaker 1: We dry clean it between the days, So I'm taping
Speaker 1: like three three episodes on one day, four on the other.
Speaker 1: So they're long ass days, but we're banging out some
Speaker 1: TV and I'm doing that on Tuesday and Wednesday. I
Speaker 1: rehearsal for that tomorrow and so that's why we've had
Speaker 1: to change the podcast schedule around and do it early
Speaker 1: and then and then I'm on the road next week, insane,
Speaker 1: you know, Minneapolis, then New Orleans, then Houston, and then
Speaker 1: and then there's another big thing that's going on in
Speaker 1: my life that I'm preparing for. So it's just a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff piling up at the same time. And
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm just like and then there's also my my
Speaker 1: special is coming out, and they're sending me the trailer
Speaker 1: for it, and they're sending me like the the key art,
Speaker 1: which is like the poster that you see and like
Speaker 1: what it's going to look like on HBOS. I don't
Speaker 1: even think see that, Like, I don't know what's going
Speaker 1: to happen if I do, but I just want.
Speaker 2: To people will be excited about it. Yeah, what a crime.
Speaker 2: It's really I make the announcement because we don't want
Speaker 2: anyone to know about it until we want people to
Speaker 2: know three minutes.
Speaker 1: Don't understand. Yeah that's true. Like someone don't have to
Speaker 1: really listen pretty hard into this to get it. But anyway,
Speaker 1: I'm at a casino now, I'm fine. And oh this
Speaker 1: is the added thing I said yes to do a
Speaker 1: show that this woman asked me to do a show.
Speaker 1: All the time when I'm in LA and I'm never
Speaker 1: available for her show. She's really nice and really cool,
Speaker 1: and finally she asked me to do one, and I go,
Speaker 1: oh my god, yes, this is Sunday. After I get
Speaker 1: I get to LA to my hotel and I'll go
Speaker 1: do this show. Fine, finally I can like do a
Speaker 1: solid for this lady who's been asking me for so much.
Speaker 1: I say yes to it. Weeks ago. She texted me
Speaker 1: yesterday being like, all right, see tomorrow, your set's at three.
Speaker 1: Get there a three twenty five. You're sets at three
Speaker 1: thirty five. I'm like, what it's during the day. I
Speaker 1: did look at her text and she said it was
Speaker 1: a matinee. But I don't think of matinee as like
Speaker 1: that early.
Speaker 2: I don't know, at like noon in on Broadway.
Speaker 1: Yeah I didn't. Wouldn't you specify the time a little
Speaker 1: bit more than just saying matinee? I don't know. I
Speaker 1: was just reading a text quickly, and I've never once
Speaker 1: done a show during the day. Yeah, so I I
Speaker 1: that's yeah, that's not true. I've done many many shows
Speaker 1: during the day, but not in LA for like, so anyway,
Speaker 1: it's for a charity and I have to go do that,
Speaker 1: and so that kind of threw a wrench in my day,
Speaker 1: and then I have a zoom call for this game
Speaker 1: show I'm doing today, and then I also I'm trying
Speaker 1: to keep up with Pilates, which, by the way, last
Speaker 1: night on SNL, a lot of best sent me a
Speaker 1: plate sketch. It's so funny. It's like, oh, it's a
Speaker 1: fake horror movie where it's like almost like it's it's
Speaker 1: like a trailer almost yeah, girl moms, Yeah. And it's
Speaker 1: like these girls going to a plate studio where it's
Speaker 1: like a plates class where it's dark and they have
Speaker 1: like a neon sign on the wall that's like you've
Speaker 1: got it. And then it's like, now this is the Reformer.
Speaker 1: It's a machine that looks like a torture device slash
Speaker 1: like a sex machine. And there's always one gay guy
Speaker 1: in the class who's wearing two short of shorts, and
Speaker 1: then there's one woman who's like eleven months pregnant who's
Speaker 1: nailing everything. And then and they also did a part
Speaker 1: where and Kristen Wigg is the instructor who's just like
Speaker 1: very positive but like kind of a psycho bitch that's
Speaker 1: like making you do torturous things. And these two girls
Speaker 1: are going into it like I don't know what's scared,
Speaker 1: and one's like it's okay, and the other one's you know,
Speaker 1: really not good at it's it totally is what pilates is.
Speaker 1: And then there's one part that I really loved because
Speaker 1: she was like, how long have we been doing this?
Speaker 2: Is it? Like?
Speaker 1: Is this like been like four hours? And she's like
Speaker 1: it's been eleven seconds and that's like that is what
Speaker 1: is Like everything feels so long, and it was really funny.
Speaker 1: And I send it to my Plates girls this morning
Speaker 1: and they were like, you've got it. Mama's like that
Speaker 1: was the thing. They kept saying, like, good job, mamas
Speaker 1: have a.
Speaker 2: Separate Plates Girls Chat with with new people in it.
Speaker 1: No, this is the first time I've actually incorporated both
Speaker 1: of my Plate's instructors into one chat. They work at
Speaker 1: the same studio and they work closely together. But I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, I think.
Speaker 2: It's theirs chat.
Speaker 1: No, oh, no, this is separate from girls. Yeah, Kristen
Speaker 1: is a Plate's instruct Kristen and Halla are Plates instructors.
Speaker 1: They are on girls Chat. They are not my instructors
Speaker 1: because one lives in Arkansas and one lives in Kansas City.
Speaker 1: But I have my two plates instructors. And that's another thing,
Speaker 1: Like when you are working on consistently and your schedule
Speaker 1: gets really busy, you have to just stop working out
Speaker 1: because you truly can't fit it in. And I know
Speaker 1: that's like there's always little things you can tell and
Speaker 1: you can buy the bands and you can just even
Speaker 1: sitting on a plane, you can do the bands, and like,
Speaker 1: but I'm not gonna do that, so like it's just
Speaker 1: you can't. You can't do it all. And I'm just
Speaker 1: feeling that pretty hard right now. But it's nice to
Speaker 1: get a podcast and we're gonna get another one and
Speaker 1: I think tonight, and so we'll be done with that
Speaker 1: for the week. Even though this is the the easiest
Speaker 1: of all the things I have to do, where I
Speaker 1: can just kind of be myself. A lot of besties
Speaker 1: came to the shows this weekend, thank you so much,
Speaker 1: and we have lots of shows coming up in April
Speaker 1: and then all through the summer. Yeah, I'm just uh,
Speaker 1: but it'll be okay. Everything will be fine because we.
Speaker 2: Can at least tell the audience what the show is
Speaker 2: not named. Okay, so it's not named bigger and blacker, right.
Speaker 1: I oh, speaking of bigger and blacker, I am getting
Speaker 1: I well, not speaking of it, but I do want
Speaker 1: to say I am trying a new thing where I'm
Speaker 1: trying to embrace the pale beyond the pale. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to just be a pale girl and like my
Speaker 1: not think of my skin tone as like a bad thing,
Speaker 1: because I feel disgusting without a spray tan, Like I
Speaker 1: really feel. It's the way girls feel they get manicures
Speaker 1: all the time, and then you don't have the manicure,
Speaker 1: Like that's the way. I don't ever feel that way
Speaker 1: about my hands because I don't get manicures enough. But
Speaker 1: I can imagine if you're a manicure girlly, when you
Speaker 1: have just regular hands, they're disgusting to you and you
Speaker 1: can't picture your life without them. I'm trying to ease
Speaker 1: into being showing my body off, like I have no
Speaker 1: problem being completely naked when I like and being like
Speaker 1: wearing I could wear pasties on stage when I have
Speaker 1: a spray tan. I have a lot of body confidence
Speaker 1: when I have a spray tan, a ton of it,
Speaker 1: almost too much. But when I am pale, I have
Speaker 1: zero body confidence and it's really hard for me. But
Speaker 1: this weekend I just didn't want to get a spray
Speaker 1: tand because I'm doing this game show, right and I
Speaker 1: want to be really spray tand for that, So I
Speaker 1: can't get a spray tan on Friday for my Friday
Speaker 1: and Saturday show because then by Tuesday, when I tape
Speaker 1: the thing, it's it's sluffy, right, it's falling off, and
Speaker 1: you can't take it off faster and then put a
Speaker 1: new one on. It has to fall off naturally, so
Speaker 1: I have to time it perfectly. So I was forced
Speaker 1: this weekend to just be pale as shit, and I
Speaker 1: didn't paint my body, which I usually do. If I
Speaker 1: can't spray tan, I usually just put on the paint,
Speaker 1: but that makes me feel sticky, and so I was like,
Speaker 1: let me just try to not SPRAYTND and I think
Speaker 1: it went okay. I haven't seen the pictures yet, but
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just am just gonna try this. And
Speaker 1: because Taylor Swift does it, she's not always spray tanned, no,
Speaker 1: and she looks great, but I'm wondering if she's like
Speaker 1: twenty pounds lighter than me because spray cans do make
Speaker 1: you look thinner. There is no question. They instantly seem
Speaker 1: to take off ten to fifteen pounds of your body.
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry to say that it just is the
Speaker 1: way it is. And so I wonder if like you
Speaker 1: have to be so much more thin to look normal.
Speaker 1: Tant like this is just my dumb brain talking, but
Speaker 1: it is true when you get a spray tand people
Speaker 1: think you lose weight. And so I just have to
Speaker 1: be comfortable looking the wait I am and not doing
Speaker 1: an optical illusion. But I did go on stage last night,
Speaker 1: and I was wearing a crop top tank top, but
Speaker 1: I did wear pants. I didn't expose my pale legs yet,
Speaker 1: because that's my biggest fear is that people won't say
Speaker 1: I have good legs anymore because that's what I get. That's
Speaker 1: the one thing I consistently get accolades on that I
Speaker 1: don't have to really try for. I know, I do pilates,
Speaker 1: but I already have good legs even if I don't
Speaker 1: do polotates, just because and it's not because I did
Speaker 1: anything special, it's just luck. I have my dad's legs.
Speaker 1: I have dadbod and I'm worried that those compliments will
Speaker 1: stop if they're not tan. Like it's almost predicated on
Speaker 1: being tan. So I'm a little scared to show those
Speaker 1: please don't slide in my dms and be like, we
Speaker 1: love you no matter what. I know you do. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for saying that preemptively ghosts. But I
Speaker 1: just I'm like predicting what people are not They're like,
Speaker 1: we weren't even going to but yeah, I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: going to challenge myself to start being like a pale
Speaker 1: girlie and like, because I never think people look bad pale.
Speaker 1: It's only me, so is great.
Speaker 2: I love pale. Really, yeah, I prefer pale. I like
Speaker 2: it's good to mix it up. I think it's sometimes
Speaker 2: you're pale, sometimes you're not.
Speaker 1: But it's so fucked up that white women are desperately
Speaker 1: trying not to be white to look as hot as
Speaker 1: they can be, and yet when it comes to like
Speaker 1: you know, having a privileged life, white is like no
Speaker 1: one can deny being white as like an easier life
Speaker 1: or like, I'm not saying I don't have the experience
Speaker 1: of not being white, so I don't know, but I've
Speaker 1: heard rumors that being white is like it just things.
Speaker 1: It's a privileged life, but then we're us. White ladies
Speaker 1: are fighting it constantly, And if I was someone who
Speaker 1: had a naturally bronze complexion, I would be fucking calling
Speaker 1: out white bitches so much for being like, oh, you
Speaker 1: like your when you're white, when it gets you more
Speaker 1: money and jobs and opportunities and everything, But god, you
Speaker 1: want to be us when it comes to looking fuckable,
Speaker 1: don't you what? I like if I was a stand
Speaker 1: up girl, If I was a stand up girl, I
Speaker 1: just think I think someone needs to make that connection
Speaker 1: between and I've tried it before a little bit of
Speaker 1: like I am doing, Like when girls get a spray
Speaker 1: tann it's black face, but it's like for women who
Speaker 1: are Brazilian. You know what I'm saying, Like, why are
Speaker 1: we not getting called out for like literally darkening our
Speaker 1: skin tone? Why? Why is that? Why are we being
Speaker 1: canceled for that? I think we should because then I.
Speaker 2: Don't have to do it tually. You could get it
Speaker 2: tan naturally and become that color, but you're never gonna
Speaker 2: become black, not that color. Man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I used to get very tan as
Speaker 1: a child, but I would if I was a naturally
Speaker 1: if and there's no I don't please don't misconstrue my
Speaker 1: words and think that I think I'm privileged because I'm white.
Speaker 1: I'm just based on things i've heard. You know, I'm
Speaker 1: not speaking out of turn here, right, Like.
Speaker 2: This is insane, nicky. Are you saying that white people
Speaker 2: have privileges that, yeah people don't have.
Speaker 1: Yes, I've heard that we do, and I don't like that.
Speaker 1: I don't want to have that. But it's so funny
Speaker 1: to me that white people are constantly trying not to
Speaker 1: be white and yet it's it's just I would call
Speaker 1: it out. And I definitely think there's going to be
Speaker 1: a wave of like backlash in the future of girls
Speaker 1: getting really dark spray t hands, where we like really
Speaker 1: shame them and be like, I can't believe we thought
Speaker 1: this was acceptable at one point. And I think I'm
Speaker 1: going to be front and center in that, in that backlash,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to lose my tonight show that I'm
Speaker 1: about to get because they'll be like, did you see
Speaker 1: these these resurface pictures of Nikki doing bronze face? And
Speaker 1: I'm going to be canceled because it taunt Yeah, dude,
Speaker 1: all I can say right now, as we go is
Speaker 1: that everyone needs to go look up the Kirsty Ally
Speaker 1: story of her telling Barbara Walters in the nineties about
Speaker 1: her parents' car crash. Her parents both died in a
Speaker 1: car crash. It's so tragic, but I cannot believe this
Speaker 1: clip just surfaced. It's talk about what a different time
Speaker 1: it was, and I'm not saying it was a better time.
Speaker 1: It's completely fucked up. What was acceptable? Barbara Walters is
Speaker 1: asking her, Brian, I don't think you're going to believe this.
Speaker 1: I don't think you're ready.
Speaker 2: I don't know the whole story, so I don't know
Speaker 2: even what this.
Speaker 1: Barbara Walters is talking to Christy Alley and she says, like,
Speaker 1: tell me about the story about your parents passing, And
Speaker 1: she's like, I found out about it, and obviously I'm
Speaker 1: at the hospital. They said your dad is dead and
Speaker 1: your mom is going to die, and maybe it was
Speaker 1: the other way around. And I'm at the hospital. I'm
Speaker 1: with all my siblings and we're sobbing and crying, and
Speaker 1: I go, where were they going? And my sister said
Speaker 1: a Halloween party? And I said, and she goes, And
Speaker 1: I don't know why I even said this. I don't
Speaker 1: even know why I thought it, but I said, what
Speaker 1: what were they dressed as? And my sister said the
Speaker 1: odd couple? And I go, oh, you know, like Walter
Speaker 1: Mathol and whoever. And she said, no, your mom was
Speaker 1: dressed as a black girl and your dad was dressed
Speaker 1: as a Ku Klux Klan member.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I.
Speaker 1: Just thought in that moment, that is the greatest gift
Speaker 1: to get. Is that so funny? Like like she's like,
Speaker 1: she's like it was she I forget what she says,
Speaker 1: but she said it was like a sign that it
Speaker 1: was like her parents were walking like but likes. I mean,
Speaker 1: I can only assume the Marbara Walters is not stunned
Speaker 1: by this revelation, like it was not. This did not
Speaker 1: resurface until now, Like no one at the time was
Speaker 1: like what off look like this was the nineties and
Speaker 1: that was for some reason acceptable to go in black face.
Speaker 1: She thinks, Okay, I have to go because the people,
Speaker 1: but you guys go look up that cool clip. It's
Speaker 1: Rob Hubel and Paul Sheer are watching it. I think
Speaker 1: that's how it resurfaced, is them commenting on it. It's enough,
Speaker 1: So I'll leave you on that we'll see you tomorrow
Speaker 1: on the podcast. Thank you for listening, Bye, and don't
Speaker 1: be care Bye guys.