WEBVTT - Ep. 36 — Tiffany makes a baby decision. Mandi makes a big move. 0:00:17.560 --> 0:00:21.440 Happy Mother's Day. I know it's like pose Mother's Day, 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:23.479 but it doesn't feel like it. I had such a 0:00:23.480 --> 0:00:26.040 good Mother's Day weekend. I know, Brown Ambition, we're back. 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:27.920 I just want to wish a happy Mother's Day to 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:29.960 the mom. The Brown Ambition Mom's out there. 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:35.000 Yes, I was a My mom doesn't live anywhere near me, 0:00:35.080 --> 0:00:36.720 so I had to always send her gifts, and I 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:40.120 totally screwed up this Mother's Day. I like sent the 0:00:40.240 --> 0:00:43.159 gift to She's moved twice in the last year, and 0:00:43.240 --> 0:00:45.920 I found out that I sent it to the old address. Oh. 0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:49.760 Some really sweet lady emailed the company that my mom's 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.199 gift came from and told them. She was like, I 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:54.279 have this person's gift. How do I get it to her? 0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:59.640 Oh that's Wisconsin for you. That's nice though, Yeah, super sweet. 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:00.880 That wouldn't top a to New York. 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:04.520 I know they'd be like, oh, these these chocolates are yummy. 0:01:04.560 --> 0:01:06.880 Exactly exactly. 0:01:07.400 --> 0:01:11.240 I had a good Mother's Day. My sister, she has 0:01:11.280 --> 0:01:13.679 a seven month old and she had like a baby 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:17.040 dedication at church. So I was like, who picked this day? 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:19.280 She's like he did. Her husband. I guess he didn't 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:23.080 realize it was Mother's Day. Yeah, when they decided on 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:25.880 the date, so like my family when his family was there, 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:28.280 so it actually was really nice. And then we went 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:30.600 back to her house and like you know, ate, his 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:33.119 family's Jamaican and his mom is like, oh my god, 0:01:33.360 --> 0:01:36.080 the best cook in the world. Like my mom's an 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:38.960 amazing cook, like for African food, but his mother is 0:01:39.000 --> 0:01:41.440 like the best cook for Jamaican food, and like together, 0:01:42.120 --> 0:01:45.760 what they're like a force to be reckoned with. And 0:01:46.040 --> 0:01:48.040 I have to say, I don't know, like how much 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:50.840 you've hung out with like your your booze, your fiancee's family, 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:53.080 but this is the first time that we hung out 0:01:53.120 --> 0:01:55.320 as like blended family that didn't didn't feel like a 0:01:55.320 --> 0:01:56.080 blended family. 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:58.680 Oh yeah, that's fun. Yeah. 0:01:58.880 --> 0:02:01.040 I was like wow, cause you know, usually, I mean 0:02:01.160 --> 0:02:03.360 we've always gotten along, but you know, it's like, well, hey, 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:05.960 how are you. I'm fine, every it's all formally. The 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:08.000 first time that I was like, wow, this is just 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:10.760 our family. We were laughing, joking, his mom and my 0:02:10.800 --> 0:02:13.560 mom were like it just it was so nice. Honestly, 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:16.359 I was like, wow, look at us, one big, happy family. 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:18.639 That sounds so nice. I hope we have that one 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:21.760 day you will. My mom actually just met my future 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:24.120 mother in law for the very first time in April 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:27.200 when we came when they came to like do my 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:31.200 come for my first dress fitting or you know, shopping experience. 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:33.760 So I had like, you know, fiance's mom and my 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:36.480 mom and my sister, and I had my one I picked, 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:38.880 like my one friend who can you know, talk to 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:41.720 a tree and have a whole conversation like just somebody 0:02:41.760 --> 0:02:45.440 I knew could keep things from being too awkward, and 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:47.520 it went okay. But yeah, you know, it's obviously it's 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:49.560 well not only is it just the awkwardness of meeting 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:51.240 someone new, but it's like they also there's also a 0:02:51.240 --> 0:02:55.320 big language barrier because his mom doesn't speak any English 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:58.600 and my mom speaks no Spanish. So I don't know 0:02:58.600 --> 0:03:01.560 if that was like to our it like helped us 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:02.959 or everyone was a negative thing. 0:03:05.360 --> 0:03:06.040 Do you speak anything? 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:07.880 I speak a lot of Spanish. Yeah, it's pretty I'm 0:03:07.880 --> 0:03:12.160 pretty good. Oh really, but my mom, she was towards 0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:15.040 the end of the experience, you know, and my fiance's 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:17.000 mom is really sweet, but she's like a you know, 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:19.400 a Latina mom. She just like speaks her mind and 0:03:19.440 --> 0:03:21.520 there's some things that you say in Spanish that sound 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:24.760 horrible when you translated. But one of the dresses I 0:03:24.840 --> 0:03:28.080 put on, she was like, oh, Mandy, you look fat 0:03:28.080 --> 0:03:32.359 in that. She's just and well in Spanish like you, 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:34.560 I don't know, you say gorda, gorda, you like that 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:36.400 kind of stuff. You know, it just you know, it 0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:39.200 sounds much worst in English and my mom My mom 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:41.360 didn't know the word, but she kind of got contextually 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:43.440 what she was saying, and she was like, what did 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:46.800 she say to you? I was like, no, it's fine, 0:03:46.840 --> 0:03:50.360 it's fine, it's just funny, haha, fine, Oh my gosh. 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:54.880 That is always the worst. It's like, oh, it's because 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:57.160 you know, it's really award especially wedding time. It was like, 0:03:57.200 --> 0:03:59.640 I'm not gonna lie with my sister's wedding. They were 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:02.800 played some contentious like because there's certain things that we 0:04:02.840 --> 0:04:05.160 wanted to do culturally or she wanted to do, and 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:07.480 you know, he didn't necessarily feel comfortable with, which I 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:09.560 can understand because it's like, well, I'm not Nigerian, you know, 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:12.720 and so there's definitely some awkwardness there. But I have 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:15.080 to say now the parents have have now that they've 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:17.600 had a baby. The parents are on one side, like 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:20.919 the like the older parents are on one side, and 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:23.520 then them her and her husband on the other because 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:25.560 you know, the parents are like, why are you not 0:04:25.600 --> 0:04:27.440 feeding the baby? This? Do this for the baby, because 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:29.080 you know they've all had kids. And now like my 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:31.359 sister and her husband are like, leave us alone. They're like, 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:35.000 you're starving him, which was now. I said, oh, I'll 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:37.080 look at you guys bonding over fighting over with your 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:41.839 fighting over your kids and your grandchild. Exactly. They're like, 0:04:41.920 --> 0:04:45.080 my grandbaby's hungry, you're starting him. I told her I 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:47.239 had five kids. She's like, I've had two. They had none. 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:51.279 This is their first. They know nothing about children. Carol 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:56.000 was just My sister was just like but I told her, 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:58.000 I was like, you know what, I'm sure everyone has 0:04:58.000 --> 0:05:00.240 that when you have your first kid and like your 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:02.360 mom or your dad or like other people with kids 0:05:02.360 --> 0:05:04.359 try to tell you stuff and you just feel like, no, 0:05:04.520 --> 0:05:06.040 that's not how I want to raise my baby. Even 0:05:06.040 --> 0:05:07.280 though you've never had a baby. 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:11.400 Before, I'm already dreading it. I mean I'm not dreading 0:05:11.480 --> 0:05:13.000 it in the sense that I'm really I feel really 0:05:13.000 --> 0:05:15.680 grateful to know what's that ever happens if we have 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:17.880 a kid, then we can just like his mom is 0:05:18.400 --> 0:05:21.760 local and she will gladly take the baby forever if 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:25.880 we wanted to, And that's all good. But yeah, I'm 0:05:25.960 --> 0:05:30.040 dreading like the over the over zealous grandparenting. 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:33.680 What especially grandparents not from the country, because like what 0:05:34.080 --> 0:05:38.120 they're like, give him cornmeal, porridge, give him Like my 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:39.800 sister's like, no. 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:44.440 Talking about two months, just meush it up a little bit, 0:05:44.600 --> 0:05:48.680 like Nigeria Bostona is. Just put it in a bottle exactly. 0:05:48.279 --> 0:05:50.360 Exactly because we eat so many similar feods, Like what's 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:54.560 a little goat meat between friends? You're like really, so 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:57.159 like that's the part that she's just like they don't 0:05:57.240 --> 0:05:59.760 understand that, like you have to be careful with babies 0:05:59.760 --> 0:06:02.160 and allergies that I didn't understand why. I'm like, well, 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:03.960 why can't he have that? She was like, because if 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:06.920 you mix in the beginning, you give babies, I guess 0:06:06.960 --> 0:06:11.000 like peas or carrots or rice, because if you mix 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:13.440 things together, you never know what they're allergic to. So 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:15.400 if they have an allergic reaction to porridge, you don't 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.719 know is it the brown sugar? Is it the oatmeal 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:20.240 is it the So it's just best to like introduce 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:23.680 one one fruit or vegetable or whatever. At the time, 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:25.320 I was like, oh that makes sense. 0:06:25.560 --> 0:06:26.960 It's just so much. I don't know. 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:29.280 I know me either well, and I mean, why baby 0:06:29.320 --> 0:06:31.320 to him, which I'm kind of sad because it's come 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:33.600 to an end. Her her husband's done with this part 0:06:33.640 --> 0:06:36.320 of medical school, so he's off now. He's like, oh, 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:38.719 I've got the baby now Tuesdays and Thursday mornings. I 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:41.960 was like, no, because you could still come by and visit. 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:44.840 I'm like, I know, but it's not the same with 0:06:45.040 --> 0:06:48.279 just me and him. So today they were like, well, 0:06:48.320 --> 0:06:52.120 you know, have your own card. No, but they were 0:06:52.160 --> 0:06:54.479 teasing me like tip because I was like resting. They're like, 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:57.240 are your feet swolen? Are you feeling tired? I'm like, 0:06:57.279 --> 0:07:00.720 I'm not leave me alone. But it made me one 0:07:01.000 --> 0:07:03.080 this mother's They actually made me. Usually I'm not one 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:05.640 of those I want to have a kid girls, but 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:07.000 I don't know, I'm not going. 0:07:06.920 --> 0:07:09.520 To lie overrestarted tingling a little bit. Uh lit. 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:10.440 I couldn't believe it. 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:14.400 I was like, your hips spread out just a little, 0:07:14.760 --> 0:07:15.320 just a little. 0:07:16.480 --> 0:07:19.320 I was like, I was telling my own my boyfriend, 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:21.400 I was like, you know what I think. Like, I 0:07:21.440 --> 0:07:23.520 was always like fifty to fifty, like if I have 0:07:23.520 --> 0:07:24.880 a kid, I don't have a kid. I'm like, you know, 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:27.080 on the fan, But today I would have to say, 0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:31.239 I'm like sixty five seventy ish almost seventy is thirty 0:07:31.880 --> 0:07:32.800 about having a kid. 0:07:33.240 --> 0:07:35.679 One of the earliest shows we did on Brown Ambition, 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:39.480 you talked about like how you were finally starting to 0:07:39.560 --> 0:07:43.000 weave like having a kid into your future business plan 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:46.800 and kind of setting up your business for that. So 0:07:46.840 --> 0:07:48.680 maybe then you were like, ten, it isn't. Yeah, So 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:50.600 thirty five episodes later. 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:53.320 I know because you know what it is, And then 0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:56.920 I wasn't. I wasn't sure, but I knew that, you 0:07:56.960 --> 0:07:59.920 know what, let me at least start preparing myself business 0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:02.120 just in case I feel sure. I don't want to, 0:08:02.200 --> 0:08:04.320 like cause you know, it's not a big deal to 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:06.800 like switch things up in your business slowly but surely 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:09.640 and then make a decision like okay to physically have 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:10.080 a baby. 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:10.560 You know. 0:08:10.680 --> 0:08:13.520 So, but as far as now, it's like the emotional 0:08:13.560 --> 0:08:15.080 side is starting to catch up. That was just me, 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:17.720 Like my mentally, I was like Okay, let me prepare 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:19.800 for like what that might look like. But now I'm like, oh, 0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:21.560 I kind of whatever. A baby. 0:08:22.520 --> 0:08:24.480 Well for you, It's like, on the one hand, great, 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:27.000 you're your own boss. You can give yourself as much 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:28.480 time off as you need. But on the other hand, 0:08:28.520 --> 0:08:31.200 it's like, you're, you know, one of the only employees. 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:32.640 It's not like you have a ton of people to 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:34.400 back you up. So that must take a lot of 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:35.640 consideration and planning. 0:08:35.920 --> 0:08:38.320 Oh for sure, I just I don't. Honestly, I don't 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:40.080 know how. For sure, I don't know how moms do it. 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:42.920 Just as a mom, like see my nephew, I'm like, 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:45.680 oh my gosh, Like how do you do this twenty 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:48.199 four hours today? And then on top of that moms 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:50.079 who work, and then on top of that moms who 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:52.440 work and then work for themselves. I'm like, hats off 0:08:52.480 --> 0:08:55.480 to all moms period. I don't care if you stay home, 0:08:55.840 --> 0:09:00.160 Like even me, three hours with him by myself. I'm like, uh, 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:02.880 I think I'm ready for a nap. He's like not yet, No, no, 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:07.079 we're up. So I have to really salute all moms, 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:09.520 whether you stay home, whether you work, whether you own 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:12.080 your own business. It is like the hardest thing ever. 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:14.199 And I'm just an auntie, so I can't even imagine 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:15.160 the fact. 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:17.840 That I've been I was thinking, like from the beginning, 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:21.240 you are so terrified to keep this baby alive. You 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:24.240 have to keep this person alive. But then I'm thirty 0:09:24.320 --> 0:09:26.600 years old, so for thirty years my mom has been 0:09:26.640 --> 0:09:29.400 worried about keeping me alive. Yes, and like stuff that 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:33.320 I do to endanger my life on purpose, like skydiving 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:36.960 and traveling by myself. Like I almost want to say, sorry. 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:40.240 Yeah, go wait until you have a kid. 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:41.160 I know it'll be so much. 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:44.880 Oh god, what Like my like my best friend Drina 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:48.079 has a baby and then my sister. So Drina was like, honestly, 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:50.400 I just look at my mom and I'm just like, 0:09:50.520 --> 0:09:53.120 I'm so sorry. I was just like, you did all 0:09:53.160 --> 0:09:54.320 of this, and I talk back to you. 0:09:55.559 --> 0:09:56.439 I'm so sure, bruh. 0:09:56.720 --> 0:09:58.760 I know you don't realize because you're just like whatever, 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:00.800 they have to keep you alive. They're like, they really don't. 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:03.480 They tried, but they really don't. 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:06.360 There are some really nice I read a really nice 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:08.480 article on elle dot com. I think like Elle is 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:10.600 one of my favorite women's magazines. They still do like 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:13.319 good content. I feel like and they you know Melissa 0:10:13.360 --> 0:10:16.200 Harris Perry who was at MSNBC now she's an editor. 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:18.160 I think she's an editor at large there. I forget 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:21.040 what her exact role is, but that was her next move. 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:23.079 She did a really well, it's not a mom related post. 0:10:23.080 --> 0:10:26.480 She wrote a good story for Malia. Everyone after Malia 0:10:26.559 --> 0:10:28.680 now she was going to Harvard either wrote about the 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:31.720 gap year thing or about the racist who were saying 0:10:31.760 --> 0:10:33.960 that like Malia didn't deserve it because she was black 0:10:34.040 --> 0:10:37.400 or whatever. She went and found like some really high 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:39.800 some women black women who had gone to Harvard and 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:41.800 asked about, like what is it like to go to 0:10:41.800 --> 0:10:45.000 Harvard with your advice for Malia? So I encourage everyone 0:10:45.000 --> 0:10:47.640 to go read that. But this other story about moms, 0:10:47.800 --> 0:10:50.880 it's by a writer named Maddie con and it's what 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:53.080 it's like to be a working mom at the White House. 0:10:53.520 --> 0:10:56.640 And she actually interviews five women in the President's inner 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.360 circle on what it's like to work there, what it 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:01.760 was like to plan having a baby while you're like 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:06.160 on the National Security Council, and and like the myth 0:11:06.200 --> 0:11:08.079 of the balance. And I thought it was a really 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:09.760 good I really feel like everyone should go read it 0:11:09.840 --> 0:11:11.319 what It's Like to be working mom at the White 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:14.040 House on l dot com. And it's cool because I 0:11:14.040 --> 0:11:19.080 didn't realize that after Obama was elected, he changed the 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:21.320 maternity policy at the White House. I'm not sure what 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:23.559 it was before. But for the first time, women have 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:25.080 twelve weeks of paid leave. 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:26.720 Wow. That's great. 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:30.680 Yeah. And like Valerie Jarrett, who's like his number one, 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:34.520 you know, one of his closest advisors, was a part 0:11:34.559 --> 0:11:36.439 of that, and she's the boss of some of the women, 0:11:36.440 --> 0:11:39.200 including this article, and it's it's interesting. A lot some 0:11:39.280 --> 0:11:41.040 women didn't want to take the job. Like when you 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:43.040 get the call by the President, you know, come beyond 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:46.079 my National Security Council. Some women said they didn't want 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:47.839 to because, you know, they had just had a kid, 0:11:47.880 --> 0:11:49.280 or they were just about to you know, they were 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:52.240 four months pregnant, and they were worried about work life balance. 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:54.400 One of them even turned down the job, and then 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:56.240 President called her back and he was like, we're going 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:57.760 to make it work out. Don't worry. 0:11:58.120 --> 0:12:01.760 Wow. Yeah, just gave me chill. That's amazing. 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:04.040 That's the kind of that's the kind of leading by 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:05.880 example that we need because you know, I don't know, 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:08.400 I probably say this a lot, but in America, it 0:12:08.480 --> 0:12:10.640 is not the law for you to have twelve paid 0:12:10.840 --> 0:12:14.720 twelve weeks paid leave. Yeah, you get twelve weeks unpaid leave, 0:12:15.480 --> 0:12:16.960 which a lot of moms can't afford. 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:19.720 Yeah, exactly. I mean, like my sister's back to work. 0:12:19.760 --> 0:12:21.760 I mean she didn't want to. Remember, she was really 0:12:22.200 --> 0:12:24.000 upset about having to go back to work. And if 0:12:24.040 --> 0:12:26.600 it wasn't for the fact that they made a strategic move. 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:31.160 Her husband's mother actually has like a three family house, 0:12:31.360 --> 0:12:33.520 so they made a move to live in one of 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:35.680 the three family like the brother lives in one of 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.559 the houses, her husband live and her she lived in 0:12:38.600 --> 0:12:40.640 the other. And the mother listened so literally like living 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:43.720 with family and knowing that like Okay, I could drop 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:45.360 the baby off at grandma's house and I have to 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.360 go back to work and my sister can watch them 0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:50.160 when Grandma can't, And like that wasn't easy because she 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.800 had to go back to work, you know, And I 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:54.400 know she was really just like she would have loved 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.079 to stay home. You know. I remember the first day 0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:59.120 she called me like hell is I was like, he's fine, 0:13:00.040 --> 0:13:02.640 He's fine, because she's like, I want to be home, 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:05.280 and you're right, everybody just does it. And what do 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:08.040 you do if you don't have a sister who works 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:11.880 for herself and a grandmother who's retired, you know, like 0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:14.079 you have to be like Drina, who actually had to 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:16.280 put her baby in daycare, and she did not want to. 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:18.080 She wanted to wait at least until he was like 0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:21.480 one and a half two. But she's a working mom 0:13:21.679 --> 0:13:24.400 and her boyfriend works and she's just like, well, I 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:26.200 have to, like, someone has to watch the baby. I 0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:26.920 can't be home. 0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:30.079 You know, my coworkers baby was in daycare because she 0:13:30.120 --> 0:13:32.760 only what do we get Yahoo's policy? You know, Yeahoo's 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:34.520 you know, say what you want about Yahoo, but we 0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:38.120 have an amazing parental leave policy. I think it's sixteen 0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:41.439 weeks for moms and eight weeks for dads, and the 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:43.640 dads can take that eight weeks anytime during the year. 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:45.959 So if the mom takes off, you know, well, I 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:48.079 don't know, never mind. If you're like, if you happen 0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:50.920 to be a married spouse at Yahoo, you could take 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:53.600 up to twenty four weeks, But my coworker took her, 0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:56.439 you know, four months off her whole maternity leave and 0:13:57.480 --> 0:13:59.520 her so her baby's been in daycare since he was 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:00.559 four months, which. 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:01.960 Is just like hard. 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:04.680 In last week, she got a text from the daycare 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:07.240 saying that it just for some reason, there's like a 0:14:07.440 --> 0:14:09.880 there's a something wrong with the plumbing and they have 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.440 to shut down for a week. Good luck, you're on 0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:13.880 your own basically. 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:16.200 And that happens, and you're like, what do I do? 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:19.120 Yeah? So, and you know, luckily we have our managers 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:23.200 are fairly understanding. There's one anecdote in this story though 0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:24.960 that I wanted to mention because I just think it's 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:27.840 just it's representative of you know, we feel like we're 0:14:27.880 --> 0:14:30.080 making progress when it comes to working moms and we're 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:33.120 in the workplace, but there's still this perception of moms 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:35.520 being like, oh, as soon as you get knocked up, 0:14:35.560 --> 0:14:37.960 you're going to quit your job, and you know, go 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:40.400 on attorney believe and then knock them back. And one 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:43.760 of the women, her name is Jensaki, she's on the 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:46.440 National Security Council, talks about being eight and a half 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:49.040 months pregnant and she was, you know, with a in 0:14:49.080 --> 0:14:51.320 a meeting with the White House Press Secretary and this 0:14:51.400 --> 0:14:55.680 correspondent from this media on this broadcast station. She doesn't mention, 0:14:56.200 --> 0:15:00.720 and the whole meeting, the guy the press secretary kept 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:03.560 trying to deflect questions to Jen. He was like, Jen 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:05.480 knows the answer, as gen, Jen might be the right 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:07.680 person to ask Jen. And at the end of the meeting, 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:10.120 she was like, Yo, I'm happy to talk to you. 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:11.680 Is this is not her words, I'm happy to talk 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:13.680 with you. You know, let me know what questions you have. 0:15:13.760 --> 0:15:15.920 And he told her, well, I just don't know if 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:16.960 I'll ever see you again. 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:22.520 Oh my gosh, Like what because when you have a baby, 0:15:22.600 --> 0:15:24.480 did you know you die afterwards? That's happening. 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:26.480 Yeah, I'm just going to be a wife. 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:29.800 I know, your career to everything dies. You just have 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:32.440 a baby, and then you are erased from the from 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:34.760 the history of the planet. Like that's just the dumbest thing. 0:15:34.840 --> 0:15:36.920 I think. It's so crazy. It's like, yo, dude, you 0:15:36.920 --> 0:15:39.120 know you came from from a vagina, like your mom 0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:44.240 gave birth to you and somehow she's here still. But 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:45.800 I'm just saying, it's just so crazy to me when 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:49.280 people act as if like they were never want children, 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:52.040 they weren't born of a woman, Like what you don't 0:15:52.080 --> 0:15:55.600 have sisters, aunts, like other women in your life. I 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:57.520 just I don't understand where you think all of these 0:15:57.560 --> 0:15:58.240 things come from. 0:15:59.280 --> 0:16:02.040 Just you know, the man we pick up the pieces 0:16:02.040 --> 0:16:03.960 while you women go have babies. That's what it is. 0:16:04.200 --> 0:16:05.840 It's not just dudes either. I know we were talked 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:08.040 up at this for a while, sure should, but it's 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:09.920 not just guys. I feel like women. I was talking 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:11.680 to a friend who was at a bachelorette and she 0:16:11.800 --> 0:16:14.080 was talking about how disappointing it was. A lot of 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:17.880 the girls there were complaining about women at their office 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:20.400 taking maternity leave and how you know it's not fair, 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:22.880 Like we talked about that last week. Yeah, I'm like, 0:16:22.920 --> 0:16:24.920 can you support yourself? I know we don't have to 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:27.160 support each other because just because we're women, but like, 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:28.400 come on, I. 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:30.720 Don't think people see what it is. Like. I remember 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:32.800 I went with my sister to a Lama's class, and 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:35.000 I remember the doctor at the Lamas classes like, just 0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:37.640 so you know, the first three or four months of 0:16:37.680 --> 0:16:41.080 your baby's life outside of you is literal hell, don't 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:44.520 He was like, don't look forward to be easy, don't 0:16:44.520 --> 0:16:46.440 think like oh you know, She's like, no, no, it 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:49.000 is literal hell. This human being need to be fed 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:51.520 every two hours and you will never sleep. You will 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:55.000 just like And I remember being like what and then 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:56.000 seeing my sister. 0:16:56.000 --> 0:16:59.080 I love you that. She said that in Lama's class. 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:03.040 And I'm looking at her, like months two visiting, and 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:08.800 I was like, yo, she looked crazy. I've never seen 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.239 my sister. She looked like like the Walking Dead. She 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:13.520 looked like a zombie. She just was literally sitting there. 0:17:13.560 --> 0:17:16.080 I'm like, I, you know, because she was so exhausted. 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:19.240 She was just a boo a boo pumping machine. I'm 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:21.000 here to just bring my boombaut when this thing says 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:22.760 he wants something. I don't even know who you are 0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:24.439 at this moment. I was just she just sat in 0:17:24.480 --> 0:17:28.840 a chair staring off at the space, and I was like, ah, okay, 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:33.919 and so that's what maternity leave looks like. Okay, So 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:36.080 if you'd like to be that, if you like to 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.120 be the milk machine sitting in the corner looking at 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:39.119 the wall, you could do that. 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:42.520 My favorite instagram, if you guys want to go follow it. 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:44.720 It's by a real sympol the magazine, but it's called 0:17:44.720 --> 0:17:47.600 Women in Real Life Women IRL, and it is just 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:50.280 photos of like moms and just real women on their 0:17:50.320 --> 0:17:52.160