WEBVTT - Mary’s Journey: The Costs of Caring for a Loved One in Prison 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:03.320 Dear let you know USA listener. 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:06.280 Before we start, you should know that if you want 0:00:06.320 --> 0:00:10.480 to listen to this episode, add free. Just join Plus 0:00:10.960 --> 0:00:13.320 and you can join for as little as seven dollars 0:00:13.360 --> 0:00:17.400 a month. Joining also gets you behind the scenes access 0:00:17.480 --> 0:00:21.479 and yes, some cheese may so click the link in 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:25.760 the episode description and after you do that, then click play. 0:00:26.160 --> 0:00:26.800 Let's go to the. 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:38.800 Show, Dear listener, I hope you enjoyed the holiday with 0:00:38.960 --> 0:00:42.640 your loved ones. It's such a special time, but you know, 0:00:43.320 --> 0:00:47.720 many people simply can't do that, people like Mary Estrada, 0:00:47.840 --> 0:00:52.120 for example, and that's because Mary's husband, Robert, is in prison. 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:56.280 And it's often women like Mary who carry the burden 0:00:56.320 --> 0:01:01.080 of taking care of their incarcerated loved ones. Since we 0:01:01.240 --> 0:01:05.920 first aired this story in twenty twenty three, Mary has 0:01:05.959 --> 0:01:07.880 suffered another loss. 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:10.640 And I just got telling her, I'm here, Mom's here, 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:15.640 How Mom's going to fix it? And I couldn't fix it. 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:19.680 We'll tell you more about that and how Mary's doing 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:27.160 today at the end of our show. From Fudro Media, 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:32.800 It's Latino USA II Mariegnosa Today Mary's Journey, an intimate 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:36.720 look at the financial and emotional burden that women carry 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:44.120 when they have the loved one behind bars. One in 0:01:44.360 --> 0:01:47.600 four people in the United States have a family member 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:52.800 behind bars, and those carrying this financial and emotional weight 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:56.600 are disproportionately women who are not white. 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:05.920 Good morning, How are you mat her thirty? That's fine. 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:08.360 You wouldn't tell how early in the morning it is. 0:02:08.400 --> 0:02:11.680 By the way Mary Estrada looks, she has a perfect 0:02:11.720 --> 0:02:15.560 blowout with some waves framing her round, delicately made up face. 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:18.200 It is cold, yeah, very cold. 0:02:18.320 --> 0:02:21.120 I can hardly see her dark eyes under the extra 0:02:21.240 --> 0:02:22.880 large eyelash extensions. 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:27.080 So today is Sunday. It is six forty one in 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:30.720 the morning. We're in Pomona, California, leaving my house to 0:02:30.760 --> 0:02:34.120 go visit my husband in San Diego at R. J. 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:35.200 Donovan Prison. 0:02:36.600 --> 0:02:39.280 Mary is fifty seven years old and she's been with 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:43.400 Robert Estrada since they were teenagers. She started visiting her 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:47.280 husband in prison some forty years ago. Robert has been 0:02:47.320 --> 0:02:49.560 in and out of prison all of his adult life. 0:02:50.400 --> 0:02:54.320 This is what most weekends look like for Mary. On Saturdays, 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:57.480 she gets on a video call with Robert. On Sundays, 0:02:57.600 --> 0:03:00.400 she drives one hundred and thirty five miles each way 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:01.640 to see him in prison. 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:05.880 So this is my ritual when I go see my husband, 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:09.560 sect to get about three o'clock in the morning, just 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:12.520 to make sure you get their own time. If there's 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:16.960 no traffic, because I'm drive fast, I get there about 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:20.400 I would say an hour and twenty minutes. But if 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:21.919 I go with the speed limit, I'll get there in 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:24.760 two hours. So today I'll go with the speed limit. 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:30.920 Robert is currently being held at Richard J. Donovan Correctional 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:34.400 Facility in San Diego, where he's serving a forty two 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:37.080 year sentence involving the use of a gun during a 0:03:37.200 --> 0:03:41.640 robbery and voluntary manslaughter. We won't get into details about 0:03:41.680 --> 0:03:44.240 his case because that's not what this story is about. 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:48.480 It isn't about the harsh experience of being incarcerated either, 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:52.040 and we're not trying to undermine their reality or compare 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:55.680 it with that of their partners outside. Robert has served 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:58.720 eleven years so far, and he's expected to stay in 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:03.560 prison until at least thirty seven. Mary is wearing what 0:04:03.640 --> 0:04:07.360 she calls her prison clothes. Dress code is very strict 0:04:07.400 --> 0:04:11.960 for prison visitors. The California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation, 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:18.320 or CDCR, advises to dress conservatively and modestly, which means 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:22.080 no short skirts, no tight pants, no blue jeans or 0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:25.960 hair extensions. Mary wears an airy white dress with some 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:29.640 embroidered flowers below the knee and a black V shaped sweater. 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:34.440 On her chest hangs a silver crucifix. Her nails are 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:38.280 extra long and Barbie pink with glitter butterflies on her 0:04:38.320 --> 0:04:39.080 ring fingers. 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:42.840 Nails look great, Oh thank you. I took them off 0:04:42.960 --> 0:04:46.560 for like about two weeks and I couldn't even type. 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:49.520 And I told my husband. I just said, oh, you're 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:52.719 working on a car again. He calls my hands mechandicts 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:56.240 when I don't have nails on. But yeah, I have 0:04:56.279 --> 0:05:01.520 to have my nails on. I think I'm a diva. 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:05.039 I mean, you can't lose yourself to this life. It's 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:07.880 like you still have to get up and get ready. 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:12.520 After many years working as an accountant for private companies, 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:15.880 Mary recently started working for the County of Los Angeles. 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:18.960 She hasn't told her colleagues that Robert is in prison yet. 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.440 For Mary, being able to take care of Robert was 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:24.680 always above any job requirement. 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.039 I've always told them during my interviews, I need to 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:30.680 take phone calls when it comes in. There's no way 0:05:30.680 --> 0:05:33.680 can I miss those phone calls. And I have to 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:36.600 take certain days off. And if you guys can't meet that, 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:38.600 please let me know now, and I won't take the job. 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:42.160 Mary says she turned down at least two jobs for 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:45.960 that reason. Starty from the se Justice Group, a nonprofit 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:50.000 supporting women with incarcerated loved ones, found that nearly half 0:05:50.160 --> 0:05:52.359 of the women who are taking care of someone in 0:05:52.400 --> 0:05:56.120 prison changed their personal plans and careers to support their 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:59.440 loved ones needs. Many of them end up working more 0:05:59.480 --> 0:06:02.320 hours or switching jobs so that they can pick up 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:06.359 their calls or visit them often. So tell me what 0:06:06.440 --> 0:06:07.240 are we looking at? 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:10.160 So we're looking at my photo album. 0:06:09.839 --> 0:06:12.479 On the glass table in Pomona, where Mary lives with 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:16.400 her sister and her dog. There are three fat photo albums. 0:06:16.760 --> 0:06:20.800 And these are pictures YouTube in the prison. Yes, and 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:23.760 the visits. Oh my god, there's so much, so many. 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:30.640 Mary was born in the Philippines, but she grew up 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:33.960 in Los Angeles. She went to high school with Robert's sister. 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.800 Robert is two years younger than Mary. They were both 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:40.960 teenagers when they started dating, but they would break up 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:42.440 and get back together often. 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:47.840 I was a troubled child, rebellious. I didn't complete high school. 0:06:48.279 --> 0:06:50.839 I was molested, and it just took a lot out 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:51.080 of me. 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:55.160 Mary started drinking when she was twelve years old. At 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:58.200 the same age, a family member introduced her to drugs. 0:06:58.560 --> 0:07:03.000 She smoked PCP or angel dust. She also did cocaine, 0:07:03.240 --> 0:07:07.000 acid snorted heroin. She spent two nights in jail for 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:09.520 the first time at the age of eighteen for stealing 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:11.120 clothes at them all. 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:13.120 I think with the drugs, I just buried my pain 0:07:13.200 --> 0:07:16.280 in there, and every time I thought of my childhood, 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.080 it just, you know, it ripped me apart, and it 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:18.640 still does. 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:25.520 Robert's childhood wasn't easy either. He grew up in the 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:29.760 San Fernando Valley, a majority Latino area. His mother is Mexican, 0:07:30.040 --> 0:07:31.840 his father is Italian Mexican. 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:36.520 His mother, she had custody of him, but she wasn't nurturing. 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:39.960 His father introduced him to drugs at the age of ten. 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:44.080 So my husband was like a throwaway kid, and he 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:47.920 just he grew up in the streets just doing drugs. 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.440 So everybody could tell me, why are you with him, 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:53.680 He's bad news. Leave him. I didn't see that in him. 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:55.680 I saw a kind gentleman. 0:07:56.520 --> 0:08:00.920 Robert joined a gang, he started selling drugs, doing carjack strawberries. 0:08:01.680 --> 0:08:03.840 When he was eighteen, he went to prison for the 0:08:03.880 --> 0:08:07.280 first time as an adult. He ended up in solitary 0:08:07.280 --> 0:08:11.880 confinement for about a week, so they couldn't talk, and 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:15.160 Mary missed him. She says that's the moment she realized 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:18.320 she was in love with him. I've never not had 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:21.560 a boyfriend, and with him, it was just so different. 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:26.480 There was a connection that I can't even explain. It's 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:27.840 like this guy took my heart. 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:31.120 I knew that I was going to be with him 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:33.160 for the rest of my life, whether he was out 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:34.040 here or in there. 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:38.240 Mary started spending most of her weekends as an adult 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:41.520 visiting Robert in prison. She would go wherever he was 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:45.160 being held, like Sacramento, which was a nine hour drive 0:08:45.240 --> 0:08:46.400 for Mary. 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:47.959 What would your family. 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:50.720 Or your friends say that I was stupid for doing 0:08:50.720 --> 0:08:53.720 this journey, for visiting him. They said that I could 0:08:53.800 --> 0:08:57.760 do better, But he can't control what your heart feels, 0:08:57.800 --> 0:08:59.439 and this is who my heart wanted. 0:09:01.200 --> 0:09:04.280 Mary's family would organize trips every once in a while 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:09.559 to Hawaii to Memphis to visit Graceland Elvis's house, but 0:09:09.760 --> 0:09:11.440 Mary refused to join them. 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:14.400 Because I didn't want to leave my husband behind. He 0:09:14.520 --> 0:09:16.400 can't go, So if he can't go, then why am 0:09:16.400 --> 0:09:18.800 I going to go. I'm not gonna have fun. I'm 0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:21.840 just gonna think about him. So I'd rather be here 0:09:21.880 --> 0:09:24.640 with him where I could visit him. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, 0:09:24.679 --> 0:09:25.240 and Sunday. 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:28.199 Mary was working three jobs at the time, and she 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:31.040 would juggle her schedules around so that she could leave early. 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:34.480 It was always on his schedule. It was about him. 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:38.120 And you know what, ninety nine percent of the prison 0:09:38.160 --> 0:09:41.440 community with the wives and the girlfriends, are the same way. 0:09:42.360 --> 0:09:44.840 We have to get those phone calls, we have to 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:46.960 get those appointments, we have to see them. 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:50.440 Flipping through the albums, I see a photo where Mary 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:51.760 and Robert are kissing. 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:54.440 Oh that one. Yeah, that's when kissing was allowed and 0:09:54.559 --> 0:09:59.040 now they don't allow it. It's not here's one of us. 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:03.640 Here's one of us making out. Oh who uses that word? God, 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:06.120 it was so long. This is in nineteen ninety two, 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:11.800 November ninety two. That's his writing, his nice penmanship. This 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:13.200 when I was pregnant. 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:17.120 Mary had her daughter Samantha at twenty five years old, 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:20.800 and she gave birth on her own. California is one 0:10:20.840 --> 0:10:25.559 of only four states that still allow conjugal visits. For Samantha, 0:10:25.800 --> 0:10:28.640 growing up while her dad was in prison was tough. 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:31.720 All she remembers is going to visit him there. 0:10:32.320 --> 0:10:35.160 She because you stole my childhood away from me, and 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:37.800 I felt bad. I felt bad. She didn't have a 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.800 relationship with her dad for a long time. She hated him. 0:10:40.800 --> 0:10:43.480 She wouldn't speak to him because of what he's put 0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:44.000 me through. 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:52.720 The year nineteen ninety six was a turning point for Mary. 0:10:53.440 --> 0:10:57.720 She spent four months in jail on drug charges. Mary 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.640 felt the only way she could work on herself and 0:11:00.760 --> 0:11:05.640 get sober was to leave Robert, who was still using drugs. 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:10.199 They were apart for ten years, then in two thousand 0:11:10.240 --> 0:11:13.200 and six, she visited him in prison and decided to 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:17.000 get back together. Things got better over time with Samantha 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:20.240 as well. She has three children, and Mary says they 0:11:20.280 --> 0:11:23.600 visit Robert in prison when they're in California. 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:25.680 Everybody tells me it's you put your life on hold, 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:27.880 and it's still on hold. When are you gonna live? 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:30.800 But this is living for me. I can't see my 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:32.880 life without him. Speak of the devil. 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:36.160 Well, I'm talking to Mary in her home. She gets 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:39.839 one of those phone calls that puts everything on hold. Hello, 0:11:40.400 --> 0:11:45.960 you have from Robert and Mary chat about the problems 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:49.680 with the food sold by the prison cafe. Families could 0:11:49.720 --> 0:11:53.319 only buy their fresh foods for their overnight visits also 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.800 known as family visits. From one bender. 0:11:57.280 --> 0:11:59.719 You can't be. 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:04.199 I'm taking great Here. 0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:04.280 We go. 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:08.640 Married team tap with several other women to complain about 0:12:08.640 --> 0:12:11.840 the food vender. They say he was selling them rotten 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:15.920 and expired food. They also point out that his prices 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:18.120 are higher than at regular source. 0:12:18.679 --> 0:12:19.719 Yeah. 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:22.960 Robert tells Mary that the news about the food complaints 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:24.800 have spread inside Donovan as well. 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:28.480 Okay good. 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:32.360 Mary is the one leading this movement, as she calls it. 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:36.720 Advocacy is a big part of Mary's life. She manages 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:40.319 several Facebook groups for families of the incarcerated in California, 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:43.640 and two of them are dedicated to R. J. Donovan, 0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:47.160 the San Diego prison. Mary says there are more than 0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:50.520 three hundred and thirty people in the Donovan group and 0:12:50.559 --> 0:12:51.120 they're all well. 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:53.599 That has to change as well, because the food is 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:55.920 rotten in there, and then like when you guys have 0:12:56.000 --> 0:12:59.560 power outages, those machines go down, so all that melted 0:12:59.600 --> 0:13:03.040 ice cream is still sitting there, and then we're purchasing it. 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:04.640 Why do you think I never eat the ice cream? 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:07.040 I tell you to stop eating it. 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:10.520 Mary created a food committee with six other women from 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:13.400 her Facebook group. They reached out to the Department of 0:13:13.440 --> 0:13:17.200 Corrections and other agencies to complain about the vendor and 0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.319 ask if he was authorized to sell fresh food to families, 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:24.000 among other issues. It's not the first time Mary's being 0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:28.040 vocal about the problems at Donovan. She's organized protests in 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.920 front of the prison and talked to the media about 0:13:31.000 --> 0:13:34.960 Donovan's mismanagement during the pandemic. She has served as a 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:38.240 family representative at the prison, and she speaks regularly with 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:42.280 see the headquarters, and all of that affects Robert too. 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:46.800 But Robert is very proud of Mary and her advocacy 0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:50.360 for the families. He says Mary is the only good 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.160 thing that's ever happened to him, and that men at 0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:56.240 Donovan want their wives to be more like Mary, the 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:58.880 way she's always there for him and fighting to make 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:03.120 things better. Last Christmas Robert painted a portrait of Mary 0:14:03.240 --> 0:14:06.480 as a gift for her. In the painting, Mary wears 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:09.880 a white hat with a blue ribbon that reads masterpiece. 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:15.760 And I'm sorry because I know that this also puts you, 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.160 like in a position. I'm not trying to get anybody 0:14:18.200 --> 0:14:19.880 in trouble. I just want what's right. 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:20.760 You had six. 0:14:22.360 --> 0:14:28.360 I love you, all right, Yeah, I'm fine. 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:29.480 Dark at the picture. 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:35.320 Shut up with you in your stupid picture. I know, 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:42.680 I think I love you. I love you, God, bless you, bye, 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:50.120 honey God. I hate that prison always something. I'm sorry. 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:55.600 I just get so passionate about it. You can call 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:58.320 it puppy love. But he is my true love. He's 0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:01.760 my best friend. Even though he's in there, I can 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:06.080 depend on him for anything. He's my backbone. He really is. 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:07.520 I'm gonna get try. 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:19.760 Coming up on Latino, USA, we continue our journey with 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:23.840 Mary to our J. Donovan Correctional facility, and along the 0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:26.960 way we meet another woman who's learning the ropes of 0:15:27.040 --> 0:15:47.040 being married to someone in prison. Stay with us, hey, 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:51.880 we're back. Before the break. We began our journey to 0:15:51.920 --> 0:15:55.320 accompany Mary Estrada in one of her visits to R. J. 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:58.800 Donovan that's the prison in San Diego where her husband, 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:02.560 Robert is being held. Mary's been visiting and taking care 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:06.920 of Robert in prison for forty years. Latino USA Senior 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:10.400 producer Marta Martinez is back in the car with Mary. 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:11.800 And we're going to join them now. 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:16.240 Next to her car seat, Mary has a tiny plastic 0:16:16.280 --> 0:16:19.880 purse full of meds and doctor's notes. One of those notes, 0:16:19.920 --> 0:16:22.840 for example, states that she needs a special diet which 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:25.960 allows her to bring her own food for family visits. 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.720 Several women from Mary's Facebook group have doctor's notes too. 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:33.720 How cones of heart failure six seven months ago. I 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:36.400 went to go visit him and I felt really off. 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:38.680 So when I got to my visit, my husband was 0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:41.480 worried because I kept dozing off. Then I ended up 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:44.360 my visit earlier, but I couldn't even drive out, So 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:46.560 when I went to the doctor, it showed that I 0:16:46.600 --> 0:16:47.840 had a mild heart attack. 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:49.560 Wow. 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:53.960 Having a loved one in prison damagist women's emotional and 0:16:54.000 --> 0:16:57.760 physical health. According to a study by the sy Justice Group, 0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:01.120 more than ninety percent of the way whose partners are 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:08.080 incarcerated reported feeling anxiety, depression, migraines, insomnia, fatigue, and all 0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:10.280 of that can lead to more serious conditions in the 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:11.399 long term too. 0:17:11.720 --> 0:17:16.119 I tell everybody this journey is not easy. Evaluate or 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:20.080 reevaluate your lives before you do this journey, because there's 0:17:20.160 --> 0:17:23.959 no going back. It's time consuming, it's expensive. 0:17:25.240 --> 0:17:28.879 Mary says she makes seventy thousand dollars a year. It 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:31.479 took her years to get out of debt keeping up 0:17:31.480 --> 0:17:34.920 with the costs of supporting Robert. A third of families 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:37.440 who have a loved one in prison go into debt 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:40.600 when they support them financially, according to a report of 0:17:40.640 --> 0:17:43.879 the Elebaker Center for Human Rights, a nonprofit group that 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:47.240 focuses on organizing black, brown and low income people. 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:50.600 He goes full store, it's two forty a month. 0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:53.720 Every month, Mary puts two hundred and forty dollars in 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:57.200 Robert's commissary account so that he can buy additional food 0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:01.720 like soups, tortillas, packaged meat, to keys, and hygiene products. 0:18:02.520 --> 0:18:05.320 Mary says food serve that the prison is not enough 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:09.880 and it's often unhealthy. No fresh fruits or vegetables, sometimes 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:14.119 even expired or rotten. So many incarcerated people rely on 0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:18.040 commissary food for their diets. Mary worries about Robert sayet 0:18:18.160 --> 0:18:21.520 a lot because she says he has stage four cirrhosis 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:23.240 and stage three kidney failure. 0:18:25.320 --> 0:18:27.280 I buy his quarterly packages. 0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:31.840 Families can send care packages whenever they want. They can 0:18:31.880 --> 0:18:35.280 only do that every three months, but there's a catch. 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:39.320 These packages can only be bought through third party vendors 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:43.720 authorized by the prison. Through them, families are allowed to 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:47.320 buy essentials like pre good foods and hygien products, but 0:18:47.440 --> 0:18:53.280 also clothes, electronics, and even wedding rings. But the items 0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:56.440 in these catalogs are often more expensive than they would 0:18:56.480 --> 0:19:00.600 be at a regular supermarket, sometimes even double like the 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:05.280 pre cooked Spanish rise Robert Blakesweet, Mary and other women 0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:07.919 told me they spend between two hundred and four hundred 0:19:07.920 --> 0:19:09.720 dollars on each quarterly package. 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:13.240 And then you have to pay for the phone calls. 0:19:13.600 --> 0:19:16.760 Before it was just straight collect calls, so when he 0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:19.920 was in County jail, a fifteen minute phone call would 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:22.080 be like almost twenty five dollars for me. 0:19:25.119 --> 0:19:27.520 Phone calls are one of the biggest money drains for 0:19:27.640 --> 0:19:31.520 families in California. At the start of twenty twenty three, 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:35.159 phone calls became free of charge for people incarcerated in 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:40.400 state prisons. Before then, families were paying an estimated sixty 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:44.760 eight million a year in prison phone calls. California is 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:47.439 only one of four states in the country which have 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:51.439 made state prison calls free. The Prison Policy Initiative, a 0:19:51.480 --> 0:19:55.800 nonprofit research group, estimated that families across the US spend 0:19:56.000 --> 0:20:00.639 nearly three billion dollars yes with a B every year 0:20:00.880 --> 0:20:05.720 in commissary fees and phone calls. And then of course 0:20:05.880 --> 0:20:07.920 Mary has to pay for the gas to go visit 0:20:08.000 --> 0:20:10.520 Robert every weekend, and the food she'll get from the 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:13.239 vending machine there because they aren't allowed to bring their 0:20:13.240 --> 0:20:16.159 own food. A hamburger, for example, is eight. 0:20:16.040 --> 0:20:20.680 Dollars, So on an average a month, I would spend 0:20:21.000 --> 0:20:23.679 maybe like a little over fifteen hundred, plus I have 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:26.160 to pay what I have here, so it's been hard. 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:29.440 Mary lives with her sister. They own the house in Pomona, 0:20:29.560 --> 0:20:31.960 so she doesn't have to pay rent, but she still 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:35.280 has to pay for her own expenses, her car, her dog, 0:20:35.920 --> 0:20:39.359 all of that, making seventy thousand dollars a year. For 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:42.639 a long time, Mary also took care of their daughter, Samantha. 0:20:43.119 --> 0:20:46.400 Seventy percent of women who have incarcerated loved ones are 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:49.000 the only breadwinners in their families. 0:20:49.000 --> 0:20:52.399 And there were times where I couldn't go because I 0:20:52.440 --> 0:20:54.199 didn't have any money, and he would just tell me, 0:20:54.359 --> 0:20:56.119 I don't have to eat, just come and see me 0:20:56.160 --> 0:20:58.760 because I want to see you. So we would do that. 0:20:59.200 --> 0:21:02.720 If that wasn't enough. In the majority of cases, it's 0:21:02.760 --> 0:21:05.640 women who end up paying for their loved ones restitution. 0:21:06.200 --> 0:21:07.480 Restituition is no joke. 0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:12.639 Restitution is the money convicted people have to pay back 0:21:12.840 --> 0:21:15.959 for the damage they caused, both to the victims and 0:21:16.000 --> 0:21:19.639 to the state. The way California collects that money is 0:21:19.680 --> 0:21:22.760 that they take fifty percent of the money family's food 0:21:22.840 --> 0:21:26.040 in the incarcerated person's account, like the money they use 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:28.120 for the prison store or commissary. 0:21:29.280 --> 0:21:32.040 So I would have to put five hundred dollars every 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:35.240 three weeks for him to get full store. So a 0:21:35.240 --> 0:21:38.320 lot of the families couldn't afford that. That's highway robbery. 0:21:39.000 --> 0:21:41.919 It took me, I want to say, six years to 0:21:41.920 --> 0:21:42.960 pay off his restitution. 0:21:46.000 --> 0:21:50.680 Robert's restitution was ten thousand dollars. The average dead families 0:21:50.760 --> 0:21:53.760 end up with for court related fines and fees is 0:21:53.800 --> 0:21:57.760 close to fourteen thousand dollars. Mary would often max out 0:21:57.840 --> 0:21:59.960 her credit cards without telling Robert. 0:22:00.520 --> 0:22:02.640 But all the money that I put into my husband 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:05.720 from the age of eighteen till now, I'd be a 0:22:05.800 --> 0:22:06.800 multi millionaire. 0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:11.560 Family visits are another expensive piece of the relationship puzzle, 0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:14.719 but also one of the most coveted because it's the 0:22:14.760 --> 0:22:18.000 only time spouses can be together with their family members 0:22:18.359 --> 0:22:22.639 for two days and nights without supervision. Mary says she 0:22:22.720 --> 0:22:25.920 usually spends more than five hundred dollars on a family visit, 0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:29.520 the food, the gas, and she has them every three 0:22:29.560 --> 0:22:31.880 months or so. 0:22:32.200 --> 0:22:33.880 But what are we going to do? Because we want 0:22:33.880 --> 0:22:36.760 to be there and the families will pay that price. 0:22:40.920 --> 0:22:43.760 Less than an hour after starting our drive south, we 0:22:43.880 --> 0:22:46.240 take an exit into another suburban area. 0:22:46.760 --> 0:22:49.000 We're also on the way to pick up my carpooler 0:22:49.040 --> 0:22:52.840 who is also going to RG Donovan. Her name's Yvette. 0:22:53.280 --> 0:22:56.880 Yvette Carrion is also a member of Mary's Facebook group 0:22:57.080 --> 0:22:59.480 and one of the youngest wives in it. She's thirty 0:22:59.520 --> 0:23:00.240 five years old. 0:23:01.320 --> 0:23:02.600 She is I hae it. 0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:06.919 She's a second generation Latina. Her family is from the 0:23:06.920 --> 0:23:08.280 Mexican state of Sinaloa. 0:23:08.640 --> 0:23:11.520 Okay, So I'm trying there's new growndy marys, so you know, 0:23:11.760 --> 0:23:15.120 just in case. Okay, Well it's wireless, but it has 0:23:15.240 --> 0:23:16.840 the pastic clips around the straps. 0:23:16.960 --> 0:23:18.320 Yes, will it set off teller? 0:23:19.640 --> 0:23:21.040 No, A lot of girls wear on home. 0:23:21.160 --> 0:23:21.640