1
00:00:01,040 --> 00:00:04,840
Speaker 1: Call It what It Is with Jessica Capshaw and Camil Luddington,

2
00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:06,760
Speaker 1: an iHeartRadio podcast.

3
00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:22,560
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello Call It crew, and welcome to

4
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:25,520
Speaker 2: another episode of Short and Sweet.

5
00:00:26,480 --> 00:00:30,800
Speaker 1: We have another episode about parenting, just the trials and

6
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:35,480
Speaker 1: tri relations, the things that come with it and how

7
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,320
Speaker 1: it all shakes down.

8
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:41,120
Speaker 2: This all spurred a little bit because I sent a

9
00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:45,320
Speaker 2: link to Jessica and I couldn't believe this. The US

10
00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:50,240
Speaker 2: Surgeon General had issued an advisory on parents' mental health,

11
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:55,040
Speaker 2: and to sum it all up, this is what they said.

12
00:00:55,360 --> 00:00:56,680
Speaker 1: I don't know why I took them as long.

13
00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:02,720
Speaker 2: According to the advisory, at this forty eight percent of

14
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:08,200
Speaker 2: parents say most days their stress is completely overwhelming. Compared

15
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:13,600
Speaker 2: to twenty six of other adults without kids. Forty eight

16
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:18,200
Speaker 2: percent of parents say they're stressed most days is completely overwhelming.

17
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:20,959
Speaker 2: It's that to me, when I honestly read that, I

18
00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:22,080
Speaker 2: thought that was horrifying.

19
00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:24,800
Speaker 1: Well, I think, I think, yeah, because I think it's

20
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:30,600
Speaker 1: the overwhelming part. It's it's that being overwhelmed is not

21
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,720
Speaker 1: good for anybody. Right, you're under it. You don't have

22
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,280
Speaker 1: a chance to come a prairie. You're not You're you're

23
00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:40,320
Speaker 1: completely submerged in whatever you know it is, and in

24
00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:44,560
Speaker 1: this case, it's stress, and it's stress specifically about parenting.

25
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:49,040
Speaker 1: It's stress about your kids. Do you were your parents

26
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:50,800
Speaker 1: stressed when you were growing up? Do you remember that?

27
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:53,120
Speaker 3: So stressed? Extremely stressful.

28
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,440
Speaker 2: But one thing that they're talking about in this article

29
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:59,640
Speaker 2: is not only like financial difficulties. Those are conversations that

30
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:01,720
Speaker 2: I heard my parents having as I was growing up,

31
00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:05,800
Speaker 2: But now there's also the social media issues with kids,

32
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,320
Speaker 2: which we've we've i mean, we've talked about this before,

33
00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:13,800
Speaker 2: but that statistic just sounded insane. And what they're saying

34
00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,359
Speaker 2: is is that parents tend to focus on their kids'

35
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,360
Speaker 2: health and well being. But there's also this sense of

36
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:23,360
Speaker 2: shame and guilt sometimes around being a struggling parent. So

37
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:27,320
Speaker 2: parents aren't typically talking about how much they're struggling, right.

38
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,959
Speaker 1: Because it's meant to look like it's a big deal.

39
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,840
Speaker 3: Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got it all.

40
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:36,680
Speaker 1: Well, because yeah, there's this like movie like quality to

41
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,880
Speaker 1: parenting things that happen on social media, and you're thinking like,

42
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,280
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, if someone's making, you know, a movie

43
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:46,320
Speaker 1: that's actually compelling about how to pack lunch, then I'm

44
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,120
Speaker 1: getting this wrong because I'm about to die. Well, I

45
00:02:49,320 --> 00:02:52,200
Speaker 1: pack this second lunch, not packing any more lunches. I

46
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,120
Speaker 1: don't want to pack one more lunch. That's just that's

47
00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:59,560
Speaker 1: an imagined conversation. That's not a conversation I've hashed with myself.

48
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,720
Speaker 2: It's really funny that we are having this conversation because

49
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:08,080
Speaker 2: this weekend there was a point where Hayden said something

50
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,240
Speaker 2: It bugged the crap out of me, and I was

51
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:15,640
Speaker 2: so lost in the moment. I had my instinct, my

52
00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:18,239
Speaker 2: my own instinct on how I should deal with it right,

53
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:21,440
Speaker 2: but all it's crazy, And I actually talked about this

54
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:25,320
Speaker 2: in therapy. All of these voices in my head from

55
00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:29,600
Speaker 2: all the social media doctors were like, you can't say that,

56
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:32,560
Speaker 2: that's projecting, or you can't say this because it's this,

57
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:35,160
Speaker 2: and you can't. So I think, what when I told

58
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,640
Speaker 2: Natt I was I said, I just need five minutes

59
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:41,000
Speaker 2: to like step away and gather my own thoughts. I

60
00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,000
Speaker 2: think as parents now, what we get that was not

61
00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:49,280
Speaker 2: happening before is so many cooks in the kitchen. Everyone

62
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,800
Speaker 2: has an opinion on how we should parent, and it's

63
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,000
Speaker 2: not just coming from like our parents anymore. It's coming

64
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,000
Speaker 2: from all the experts that you can find in two

65
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,760
Speaker 2: seconds on your phone. You're not even looking for advice,

66
00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,720
Speaker 2: and suddenly you're scrolling and it's like, this is why

67
00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,320
Speaker 2: you shouldn't feed them this or talk to them this way,

68
00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,800
Speaker 2: or mention this thing. And so I'm to the point

69
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:15,080
Speaker 2: where I'm overly advised. Yeah that I'm that there are

70
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,880
Speaker 2: days where I lose my own instinct on what like

71
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,120
Speaker 2: we I do know how this is my kid. I

72
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,159
Speaker 2: do know in this moment what I should be saying

73
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:26,320
Speaker 2: and doing, But there's an over analyzing of our parenting

74
00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,000
Speaker 2: now that was not happening.

75
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,880
Speaker 1: No, I agree, I agree, And there's you know, there's

76
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:34,840
Speaker 1: someone and and And it's funny because I actually, as

77
00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:38,520
Speaker 1: someone who goes online and has benefited so greatly from

78
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,120
Speaker 1: some of the people you're talking about, I've learned so

79
00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:44,560
Speaker 1: much from you know, a Berne Brown or a doctor

80
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:48,920
Speaker 1: Becky or and not necessarily maybe with my own instance

81
00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,640
Speaker 1: or they haven't been describing exactly what's going on for me,

82
00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:55,760
Speaker 1: but it's been them naming the challenge and then you know,

83
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,080
Speaker 1: a strategy or a way to think about it. And

84
00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:01,960
Speaker 1: I felt so helped by that. At the same time. Yeah,

85
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,920
Speaker 1: it's another voice in your head, which sort of makes

86
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,800
Speaker 1: me think that whenever things get overwhelming, right, which is

87
00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:10,640
Speaker 1: I think what we're talking about in that forty eight percent,

88
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,000
Speaker 1: that that forty eight percent feel that their stress is

89
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:17,320
Speaker 1: completely overwhelming. Whenever I feel overwhelmed. You hear me say

90
00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,960
Speaker 1: this a lot. I love to hit the reset button,

91
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,880
Speaker 1: and or I do like to take that five minute

92
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,840
Speaker 1: time out, and or I do like to check in

93
00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:27,440
Speaker 1: with myself and get real, real simple, where's it come from?

94
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,200
Speaker 1: That might tell me why I do it? And then

95
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:31,560
Speaker 1: what am I gonna do about it? And what's my

96
00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:35,039
Speaker 1: next best step? And one of the things I saw

97
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,120
Speaker 1: this somewhere where someone said, you know, what's your best

98
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,839
Speaker 1: shot at being honest? Just telling the truth. Yea, So

99
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,240
Speaker 1: if in your moment as a parent, you're just telling

100
00:05:44,279 --> 00:05:47,400
Speaker 1: the truth. I mean, I do think that kids can handle.

101
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,800
Speaker 1: They're so resilient, and you know, they're half you, and

102
00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:56,200
Speaker 1: they're half you know your partner's genetics in a lot

103
00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:02,320
Speaker 1: of cases, right, so they they will be compassionate towards

104
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,000
Speaker 1: your perspective and your opinion, and they will understand it

105
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:07,120
Speaker 1: on some level because they are partly you and I

106
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,320
Speaker 1: think that sometimes when I feel stressed and overwhelmed, I

107
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,760
Speaker 1: really too have to like go like, oka, I'm gonna

108
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,960
Speaker 1: get really simple, and you know, one of my kids

109
00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,120
Speaker 1: just said something super annoying and either I need that

110
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:18,680
Speaker 1: five minutes or in that moment I can say and

111
00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:22,560
Speaker 1: I have that was really annoying, Like I felt, I

112
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,160
Speaker 1: experienced that is really annoying. Yeah, And I mean, obviously

113
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,600
Speaker 1: they're a little bit older in this case, but like

114
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:32,120
Speaker 1: they can say why or what do you mean or whatever?

115
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,880
Speaker 1: And I think that when I tell the truth, I'm

116
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,200
Speaker 1: always happier with the outcome.

117
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:55,800
Speaker 2: I do think that there's a little too much there's

118
00:06:55,839 --> 00:07:00,159
Speaker 2: a little too much educating parents on social media on

119
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:04,120
Speaker 2: every element of parenting. I think we can find out.

120
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,480
Speaker 2: You know, it's like if you sleep train your kid,

121
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,960
Speaker 2: there's a reason why that's going to be traumatizing later on.

122
00:07:09,120 --> 00:07:11,320
Speaker 2: Now you're feeling guilty about sleep training, right, And if

123
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,240
Speaker 2: you don't sleep training them and they're in your bed,

124
00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,400
Speaker 2: there's gonna be a reason that that's terrible, and now

125
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,120
Speaker 2: you're not helping them in this way, right. So I

126
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,400
Speaker 2: just feel like a lot of times as a parent

127
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,400
Speaker 2: will be we're being fed so much information, some of

128
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:26,440
Speaker 2: its contradictory, and you're and you're losing sight a little

129
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,800
Speaker 2: sometimes of being like, wait, this is my household, these

130
00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:33,280
Speaker 2: are my kids. What do I feel like is best

131
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:36,080
Speaker 2: for my particular child? Because by the way, what's good

132
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,920
Speaker 2: for Hayden isn't good for Lucas. I'm going to communicate differently,

133
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,040
Speaker 2: and and I think that that's on top of financial

134
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,280
Speaker 2: stress and all the other things that are happening in

135
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,000
Speaker 2: the world right now. I mean I and I did

136
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:53,400
Speaker 2: live in a household that had, you know, financial stressful

137
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,200
Speaker 2: situations growing up, and the doors were open for those

138
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,120
Speaker 2: conversations and sometimes I wish they were closed, and it

139
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:03,960
Speaker 2: was overwhelming as a kid. But how I guess I

140
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:07,200
Speaker 2: guess my question for us and I don't know the

141
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:09,560
Speaker 2: answer to this, but how do how do we as

142
00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:14,640
Speaker 2: parents feel less stressed? How can it be a smaller

143
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:18,040
Speaker 2: percentage of that or not feeling this every day? Is

144
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:21,120
Speaker 2: it having converse? I do think it really helps to

145
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:24,280
Speaker 2: have conversations with other parents and be really honest because

146
00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 2: when I'm like Hayden's do or Lucas is doing this,

147
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,120
Speaker 2: and I'm just I don't know how to handle or

148
00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:32,320
Speaker 2: I'm feeling so stressed out in this moment, and then

149
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,800
Speaker 2: another parent says, oh my god, my kid's doing the

150
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 2: same thing, or I've been through this too. It helps

151
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,360
Speaker 2: so much for sure.

152
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,920
Speaker 1: I Mean, the number one way to feel less stressed

153
00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:47,920
Speaker 1: and understand your para sympathetic system and everything else is

154
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:51,000
Speaker 1: to not be alone. Like even just like saying this

155
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,319
Speaker 1: is by this was on an episode of Grades and

156
00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:56,199
Speaker 1: not to me that when you're super stressed, to stimulate

157
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,079
Speaker 1: your parasympathetic nervous.

158
00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:00,079
Speaker 3: System, Well, what is it? What do you do?

159
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:05,120
Speaker 1: You hug them? That having your whole body hugged creates

160
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:11,600
Speaker 1: a response within your parent sympathetic Okay, that calms you.

161
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,880
Speaker 1: And so just the fact that you're not alone changes

162
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:17,680
Speaker 1: your neurobiology.

163
00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:21,199
Speaker 2: Are you saying hug If somebody hugs you, you hug them.

164
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:24,640
Speaker 2: Is it like a self like wrapping your arms around yourself?

165
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:27,040
Speaker 3: How did we do it on the show. I'm so

166
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,679
Speaker 3: interested when we talked about this.

167
00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,559
Speaker 1: We had a character who came on the show and

168
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:35,920
Speaker 1: she was this is going back into the like, I

169
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:36,840
Speaker 1: think I was a guest star.

170
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:38,120
Speaker 2: She was.

171
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,240
Speaker 1: I think she was on the spectrum and she was

172
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,680
Speaker 1: a doctor and she was having a flip out and

173
00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,199
Speaker 1: they were like hugger and Sandra had to hugger and

174
00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,400
Speaker 1: she was like, what are you talking about? Why am

175
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,360
Speaker 1: I hugging this doctor? She had to hugger in order

176
00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:56,400
Speaker 1: to calm her system down. But to get to my

177
00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,600
Speaker 1: point about this, I think that when we are feeling overwhelmed,

178
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:01,520
Speaker 1: it helps a lot to know that we're not alone.

179
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,120
Speaker 1: And sometimes that's physically whether or not it's your partner

180
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:08,480
Speaker 1: or your friend, but truly like stimulating their nervous system,

181
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:13,120
Speaker 1: their parasympathetic responses by hugging them. And I think that

182
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,760
Speaker 1: when you're not in the same space as someone talking

183
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,920
Speaker 1: about it, I think that you know, there's a lot

184
00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:24,440
Speaker 1: of understanding what your own particular brand of decompression or releases, right, Like,

185
00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:26,560
Speaker 1: what is that? I mean? I don't know. It's sometimes

186
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,840
Speaker 1: I've heard people I don't meditate, but I know so

187
00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,320
Speaker 1: many people who have whose lives have been changed by meditation,

188
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,160
Speaker 1: having moments of peace, going for a walk, having these,

189
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:38,200
Speaker 1: you know, open conversations with your partner. And I'm not

190
00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,040
Speaker 1: trying to hide it, not trying to act like, oh,

191
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,920
Speaker 1: I've got it all figured out, but saying I'm struggling

192
00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:44,880
Speaker 1: and allowing yourself to get help.

193
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:48,280
Speaker 2: I think that piece is so important, Jess. I think

194
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,640
Speaker 2: that piece is so important being able to I don't

195
00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,120
Speaker 2: think we need to be acting like we have.

196
00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,280
Speaker 3: It all together, No at all.

197
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,920
Speaker 1: Those people are annoying by the way.

198
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,760
Speaker 3: Those people don't have it all together.

199
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,120
Speaker 1: Now, No, they don't. Nobody does. I mean some people

200
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:06,760
Speaker 1: have together better, I get. I mean, you know whatever,

201
00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:10,440
Speaker 1: there's the spectrum of everything, but nobody has it completely together.

202
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:11,440
Speaker 2: Hello.

203
00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,760
Speaker 1: All we do is watch TVs and film about how

204
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,040
Speaker 1: you think one thing, and that it's completely different, not

205
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:19,800
Speaker 1: the surface. No, here's the other thing that needs to happen.

206
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,240
Speaker 1: And it's not going to happen by us talking about it.

207
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,360
Speaker 1: But maybe it will end up happening because we talk

208
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,000
Speaker 1: about it here and then other people talk about it

209
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:31,320
Speaker 1: somewhere else, and then we start to actually demand that

210
00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:37,080
Speaker 1: it happened. Is that in our country we do not

211
00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:42,360
Speaker 1: demand or ask for extended family leave, paid family leave.

212
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:47,640
Speaker 1: We have a healthcare system that's really struggling and doesn't

213
00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:50,880
Speaker 1: allow for all the things that might help parenting be

214
00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:53,439
Speaker 1: a little bit less stressful. I mean, people are parents,

215
00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:55,520
Speaker 1: you know, the parents are stressing. These forty eight percent

216
00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,360
Speaker 1: are saying that they're overwhelmed because of the demands on

217
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:02,200
Speaker 1: their time, sometimes their children health, sometimes they're children's safety,

218
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:05,800
Speaker 1: they're feeling the parents are feeling alone and lonely because

219
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:07,840
Speaker 1: they don't have community because all they're doing is working

220
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,000
Speaker 1: and then going home to their kids. And then you

221
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,400
Speaker 1: added the piece where it's technology and social media, where

222
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,439
Speaker 1: it's like it used to be that you'd worry about

223
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:16,360
Speaker 1: leaving your kids at the playground because you know there

224
00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,000
Speaker 1: might be a threat. They're a physical threat, but now

225
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,719
Speaker 1: the threat is everywhere because of technology. I mean, it's

226
00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,679
Speaker 1: it's it's in this tiny little phone, but it's you know,

227
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:29,240
Speaker 1: the like the world, like it's Pandora's box. There's a

228
00:12:29,240 --> 00:12:31,560
Speaker 1: million things that can hurt them, and you can't unring

229
00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,680
Speaker 1: a bell. And once you see something, you've seen something,

230
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:37,640
Speaker 1: and so you're also really I think, I mean I

231
00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:41,240
Speaker 1: am particularly, I definitely know that I have been stressed

232
00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:43,760
Speaker 1: that there's something that I'm not gatekeeping, something that I'm

233
00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,000
Speaker 1: not doing well, that that my kids have too much

234
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,679
Speaker 1: screen time, or they're going to have access or they're

235
00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:51,240
Speaker 1: going to find something that's going to make them different.

236
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,640
Speaker 1: Because we've all heard the stories of the kids that

237
00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:56,640
Speaker 1: are made different again. I mean, I'm amping myself up

238
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:57,160
Speaker 1: here right now.

239
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:58,000
Speaker 3: But it's the stress.

240
00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,200
Speaker 1: It is it's the stress, it's the you know, once

241
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:03,719
Speaker 1: you get into the world of having teenagers, there's if

242
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:05,920
Speaker 1: you go looking for them, there's enough stories of just

243
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:10,000
Speaker 1: you know, kids that were just completely unwitting and online

244
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,480
Speaker 1: and thinking that they were you know, ordering some anti

245
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,920
Speaker 1: anxiety medication and the next thing you know, it's fentanyl. Right,

246
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,240
Speaker 1: And we're living in a really really scary time and

247
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:23,120
Speaker 1: I don't think it gets less scary. I think we

248
00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:25,560
Speaker 1: get more able to deal with it. But right now

249
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:28,000
Speaker 1: we're having we're living in a moment of crisis, which

250
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,040
Speaker 1: is why I think that the you know, US Surgeon

251
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,120
Speaker 1: General has is speaking to this because we need help

252
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:35,120
Speaker 1: and we need to be talking about it, and we

253
00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:36,880
Speaker 1: need to figure out how to help each other, and

254
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,520
Speaker 1: we need to figure out how to ask for help

255
00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:42,720
Speaker 1: with it on the regulatory basis, with our government and

256
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:46,600
Speaker 1: our communities. I particularly again you can laugh at me

257
00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,280
Speaker 1: and my you know, in the middle of the field

258
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:50,480
Speaker 1: with my horse, but actually, when you know, when we

259
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,480
Speaker 1: go to school, we have a pretty small community, and

260
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,720
Speaker 1: I'm really grateful for that. Like there's there's people around

261
00:13:56,720 --> 00:13:59,200
Speaker 1: every corner. Like you know, if your kid, you know,

262
00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:01,560
Speaker 1: went to a soccer game and acted like an asshole,

263
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,679
Speaker 1: or was you know, hanging out with the wrong situation,

264
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,400
Speaker 1: or you know doing something that was you know something.

265
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,640
Speaker 1: I mean again, it's community. It's community, community, community, So

266
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,160
Speaker 1: wherever that is. If you live in a big city

267
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,040
Speaker 1: and it's in your smaller community, or if it's in

268
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,120
Speaker 1: your small town, who knows.

269
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,400
Speaker 2: It's interesting because one of these statistics in here also

270
00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,440
Speaker 2: says that three out of four parents are worried about

271
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:38,440
Speaker 2: their kid having anxiety depression and a lot of this

272
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,880
Speaker 2: comes from social media.

273
00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:41,360
Speaker 1: Right.

274
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:48,360
Speaker 2: There's this new sort of thing called pledge. Wait until

275
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,560
Speaker 2: eighth Wait until the eighth, Yeah, wait until the eighth.

276
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,440
Speaker 2: And it's basically a pledge that you can make as

277
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,160
Speaker 2: a parent, and you can send it to other parents,

278
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,560
Speaker 2: you can get a group together, and it's basically that

279
00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,840
Speaker 2: your kid, you know, it can your kid can get

280
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,120
Speaker 2: a phone that can make calls and texts and stuff,

281
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:05,000
Speaker 2: but they don't have access to social media until they're

282
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:06,000
Speaker 2: in eighth grade.

283
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,560
Speaker 1: The aim is to let their neurobiology catch up a

284
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:11,840
Speaker 1: little bit more. Yes, like be able to understand not

285
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:16,040
Speaker 1: as much sort of like the immediate responses to the

286
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,600
Speaker 1: liking or the hitting that that dopamine hit that they

287
00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,360
Speaker 1: get from, you know, having access to the entire world

288
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 1: Wide Web, which again seems just absolutely preposterous, right, which

289
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:27,960
Speaker 1: I imagine would be if you weren't thinking that they

290
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,840
Speaker 1: had the world in their pocket, you might be a

291
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,520
Speaker 1: little bit less stressed, right, Yeah, I think that, And

292
00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:35,480
Speaker 1: I think that that might be a way if people

293
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,880
Speaker 1: are listening and wondering, like God, the whole phone thing,

294
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,080
Speaker 1: and I have kids growing up, maybe there's a way

295
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,440
Speaker 1: to get other parents together to have this conversation. And

296
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,320
Speaker 1: so it's a whole You can look it up and

297
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:47,440
Speaker 1: you can pass it out to other parents, and you

298
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,520
Speaker 1: can sign it, or maybe you create something of your

299
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:50,040
Speaker 1: own that.

300
00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,200
Speaker 2: Feels right for you in your community. But I think

301
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,760
Speaker 2: there's safety and numbers in this situation. And yet it

302
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,280
Speaker 2: actually did make me feel I signed it. Hayden's gonna have,

303
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:05,000
Speaker 2: you know, a landline until she's twenty five, But no,

304
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,120
Speaker 2: I think it's I think that those things all help

305
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,240
Speaker 2: each other. That you know, group of moms got together

306
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,520
Speaker 2: and discussed all that and sent it out, and I

307
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,040
Speaker 2: was totally on board.

308
00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:16,560
Speaker 1: And that other thing that really helps in terms of

309
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:20,800
Speaker 1: like in terms of the stress is every if you

310
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,600
Speaker 1: do have a kid that has a smartphone, every smartphone

311
00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:27,280
Speaker 1: has screen time limits and you can you can control

312
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,520
Speaker 1: you know when they can be on, when they can

313
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:30,400
Speaker 1: be off when.

314
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:32,440
Speaker 2: What does that mean though? What does that look like

315
00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,480
Speaker 2: if you set a limit on a phone. I'm so

316
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,640
Speaker 2: curious right now does a phone shut off? Like they

317
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,160
Speaker 2: can't use the Internet after a certain amount of time? Ayeah?

318
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:41,960
Speaker 3: Interesting?

319
00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:46,120
Speaker 1: In every smartphone there is a screen time limits part

320
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:49,080
Speaker 1: of it, and you can you can set time limits

321
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:51,920
Speaker 1: on every app that's on the phone. So if you

322
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,040
Speaker 1: if a kid has Pinterest or Snapchat, they can they

323
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,640
Speaker 1: can use their maybe they you can use their phone

324
00:16:56,640 --> 00:16:58,560
Speaker 1: all day long, but they can only use Snapchat for

325
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,200
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes and then it literally just shuts it off

326
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:03,600
Speaker 1: and the screen time limit has gone off. And they

327
00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:05,520
Speaker 1: can ask you for more time, or they can ask

328
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:10,359
Speaker 1: the administrator the parent for more time, but it's done.

329
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,120
Speaker 1: It's closed off.

330
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,399
Speaker 3: Could they go into their own phone and change it

331
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:16,280
Speaker 3: or no? It's something that you Yeah.

332
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,600
Speaker 1: So I do find that it reduces stress in order

333
00:17:18,640 --> 00:17:21,000
Speaker 1: to again, if we're going off of the fact that

334
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,920
Speaker 1: neither one of us, nor should anyone want to see

335
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:29,160
Speaker 1: forty eight percent of parents expressing feeling overwhelmed by stress.

336
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,359
Speaker 1: There are ways in which you can help yourself. Taking

337
00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,200
Speaker 1: care of yourself is a very, very very key part

338
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:40,040
Speaker 1: of managing stress. Being in connection with other parents and

339
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,679
Speaker 1: other caregivers in your own family if they're helping you

340
00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,199
Speaker 1: out with your family. Definitely making sure that you are

341
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:49,119
Speaker 1: supported by your insurance and that you have access to

342
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,240
Speaker 1: mental health care, and then understanding that you're not alone.

343
00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:56,280
Speaker 1: That mental health challenges affect everyone. Some of them are

344
00:17:56,640 --> 00:18:00,280
Speaker 1: more diagnosed, some of them are just feelings. None of

345
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,320
Speaker 1: them are any less valid. So if you are feeling

346
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,639
Speaker 1: like you need help, then please please ask for it.

347
00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:07,160
Speaker 1: I actually feel like this is such a huge topic

348
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:08,920
Speaker 1: and it can be really overwhelming, and that can make

349
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:13,760
Speaker 1: me feel sad or depressed or even more worried or

350
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:17,040
Speaker 1: a little anxious. And so what I like to do

351
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,840
Speaker 1: when I'm feeling all those things is laugh. How about you?

352
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:20,480
Speaker 2: Yeah?

353
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,600
Speaker 1: Always, so I want to go to our friend Kelly.

354
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:26,800
Speaker 3: Let's do it. Let's end on Kelly.

355
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,000
Speaker 1: Let's end on Kelly, because a little laugh at the

356
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:33,080
Speaker 1: end of all the things that can go wrong while

357
00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:37,080
Speaker 1: parenting might be welcome. Kelly wrote in and said, I'm

358
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:40,840
Speaker 1: just going to say it. I hate PTA, I hate

359
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,120
Speaker 1: team moms, I hate parental get together I hate all

360
00:18:44,160 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 1: of it.

361
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,439
Speaker 3: Now that I got that off my chest, how do

362
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:49,320
Speaker 3: I get over the guilt of this.

363
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,240
Speaker 2: I'm just not that type of parent. It gives me

364
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,920
Speaker 2: anxiety and stresses me out.

365
00:18:54,280 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 1: I don't have time to be at all these places

366
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:59,920
Speaker 1: and pretend I enjoy the mom get togethers.

367
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 2: I feel this pressure that I need to be infested

368
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:08,200
Speaker 2: in all aspects of being a parent together. Now, Hell,

369
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:13,239
Speaker 2: this is hard because I you know, I do have

370
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:16,480
Speaker 2: a group of moms I absolutely adore at my school,

371
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,000
Speaker 2: and they would make the PTA meetings really fun. But

372
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:22,160
Speaker 2: that's because they're my vibe and that I'm just lucky.

373
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,080
Speaker 2: I have also been in situations where I've been with

374
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:28,320
Speaker 2: moms that are not my vibe, and those things grind

375
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:31,760
Speaker 2: on me. And so I think it's okay. I think

376
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,640
Speaker 2: it's I don't think this isn't high school. You don't

377
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 2: have to find a click. The clicks are annoying anyway.

378
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:40,359
Speaker 2: I think if you're not vibing with the moms, it's

379
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,240
Speaker 2: totally fine. Yeah.

380
00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

381
00:19:43,160 --> 00:19:44,760
Speaker 1: Again, I'm a parent of four, so I'm at a

382
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 1: lot of these things. A lot of the times I

383
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 1: would rid yourself. Top note of that guilt. Do you

384
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:50,960
Speaker 1: not feel guilty about this? We already have enough on

385
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,960
Speaker 1: our plate. You don't need to add feeling guilty about

386
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,240
Speaker 1: any of this. If you enjoy it, great, if it's

387
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:59,080
Speaker 1: your jam, great If you don't, great, Like, it's all fine.

388
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,560
Speaker 1: Your children are all all gonna be who they are,

389
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 1: and you know, I mean, I would say, like, if

390
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,640
Speaker 1: you really hate it, make yourself do something else right,

391
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:09,000
Speaker 1: like a drop off, identify one other person that looks

392
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,040
Speaker 1: like your jam, and be like, hey, you want to

393
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 1: grab a drink, you want to grab a coffee, you

394
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,000
Speaker 1: want to do you want to have a plate? Eate,

395
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,359
Speaker 1: like something right? Like I wouldn't side stuff it all

396
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 1: together because I think there's a lot of nourishment in that.

397
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 1: But if you're not into the forced, forced fun, no

398
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:28,679
Speaker 1: can I say I I had. I don't think it

399
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 1: affects your kid. I mean, maybe some people will disagree

400
00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:33,320
Speaker 1: with me, but I grew up with a mom that

401
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:36,879
Speaker 1: was never at any PTA meeting. There was no she

402
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,959
Speaker 1: didn't have time. There was not time. She wasn't like

403
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:42,520
Speaker 1: making the cookies. She wasn't friends with the moms. I

404
00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,359
Speaker 1: think she probably hated all the moms. She was not

405
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 1: friends with anybody. She couldn't pick anyone out of a lineup.

406
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 3: That was my mom.

407
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 2: I had the best social life. It didn't affect me

408
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,679
Speaker 2: at all. I didn't care. It was totally fine.

409
00:20:57,600 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think when they're younger. It came only because

410
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,080
Speaker 1: it happened to me once where I just wasn't on

411
00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:03,920
Speaker 1: top of it, and I think I had just another

412
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: baby and another baby and another baby, and so I

413
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,400
Speaker 1: wasn't on I wasn't on my front foot about playdates,

414
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:11,240
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, Luke's best friend got a

415
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 1: new best friend, and I was like, well, how did

416
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:17,040
Speaker 1: that happen? And it was evidently playdates scheduling place.

417
00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,520
Speaker 2: Yes, maybe when they're when they're more little, but still,

418
00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:22,120
Speaker 2: you know what, they have siblings.

419
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:25,880
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, for sure that your kiddos have siblings. Oh

420
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,080
Speaker 3: my gosh, Josie.

421
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,320
Speaker 1: I gotta get her out of the house. She's much

422
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 1: rather stay at home. Yeah, we're fun.

423
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 2: Yeah. So anyway, long story short, I get it, and

424
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,679
Speaker 2: it doesn't it really doesn't matter, and don't feel guilty

425
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:37,119
Speaker 2: about it.

426
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:40,800
Speaker 1: No, And also, guess what, We're all in it. We're

427
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 1: all in it. So phone a friend and let's let

428
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 1: let's let's actually make a conscious choice to change this.

429
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,400
Speaker 1: Let's stop being so stressed.

430
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:49,760
Speaker 3: Let's just let that.

431
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,920
Speaker 1: Let's let that go, let that shit go. That's hard,

432
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: I know, but you see how I'm trying to just

433
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:55,400
Speaker 1: turn that though.

434
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 2: I yeah, no, but I think the intention is right. Yeah,

435
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:01,199
Speaker 2: life is hard to begin with, and it's like, you know,

436
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 2: we got to shake some of the shit off that

437
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 2: we can. Yeah, anyway, this will, this will be a

438
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,520
Speaker 2: conversation that will never stop because we're always all in

439
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:11,080
Speaker 2: the thick of it.

440
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 1: No, And you know what, I actually really do want

441
00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:14,639
Speaker 1: to know. And I don't know if this will if

442
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,120
Speaker 1: this sounds interesting to anyone. I'm just floating it out there.

443
00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 1: I know we have a lot of listeners that are

444
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,400
Speaker 1: in their teenage years. I would love to hear from

445
00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: you about your parents and how your parents can better

446
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 1: manage their stress or their worry. I hear a lot

447
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: from teenagers like you're worried about things that are never

448
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,359
Speaker 1: going to happen. And I remember being a teenager and

449
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 1: being like, that's never going to happen, and then it

450
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:40,879
Speaker 1: does and you're like, oh, I guess it could. But

451
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,879
Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you all, so please

452
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: please teenagers way and on this.

453
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I would love to hear from anybody. You know,

454
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,880
Speaker 2: we didn't grow up with social media, we didn't have smartphones. Well,

455
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,479
Speaker 2: jess my in high school, right, so I want to know,

456
00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:57,400
Speaker 2: you know, if you're in your twenties, even like looking back,

457
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 2: or if you're a teen, what age do you think

458
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,359
Speaker 2: kids should have phones. I'm curious, would you go back

459
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:05,240
Speaker 2: in time and say, like, God, I wish I kind

460
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:08,680
Speaker 2: of had been made to wait until X age. I'm

461
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 2: very curious about people.

462
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they're out there giving their truth all right,

463
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,800
Speaker 1: a delight as always, even through the hard stuff.

464
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 2: And we will call this the end of the episode.