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Speaker 1: Kay, Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a

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Speaker 1: weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the

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Speaker 1: small decisions we can make to become the best possible

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Speaker 1: versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard and Bradford,

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Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or

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Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website

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Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope

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Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it

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Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with

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Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so much

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Speaker 1: for joining me for session one forty one of the

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Speaker 1: airp for Black Girl's podcast. Today, we'll be chatting about

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Speaker 1: some of the intricacies that might come along with being

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Speaker 1: in a situation ship. For those who might be unfamiliar

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Speaker 1: with this term, a situation ship is basically the updated

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Speaker 1: version of friends with benefits. This is someone you're physically

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Speaker 1: intimate with, but for one reason or another, you're not

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Speaker 1: in a committed, monogamous relationship. And while it can be

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Speaker 1: fun in games, there are definitely some things you want

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Speaker 1: to be aware of. So that's what we'll be digging into.

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Speaker 1: Today some considerations on whether a situation ship is right

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Speaker 1: for you, and some tips for managing them. So, the

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Speaker 1: first thing that I think is important when you're deciding

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Speaker 1: about whether a situation ship is a good fit for

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Speaker 1: you is that you have to be really honest with yourself.

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Speaker 1: You know yourself better than anyone, so you know whether

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Speaker 1: or not you're cut out for this type of no

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Speaker 1: strains attached relationship. The next thing I think is important

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Speaker 1: to consider is who this person is. A situation ship

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Speaker 1: with the X you broke up with three months ago

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Speaker 1: might not be the best idea. And this is where

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Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people go wrong with

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Speaker 1: situation ships. For a lot of people, a situation ship

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Speaker 1: evolves with an X because somebody or both parties isn't

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Speaker 1: quite ready to let go. And I want to warn

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Speaker 1: you that this is where feelings can get really hurt.

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Speaker 1: Let's say your X ended it three months ago, but

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Speaker 1: you'll still been in contact and sleeping together every now

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Speaker 1: and then, but there has been no conversation about whether

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Speaker 1: you're getting back together or what's even happening. And it's

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Speaker 1: likely you're afraid to even ask the questions because deep

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Speaker 1: down you know the truth, they're not interested in resuming

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Speaker 1: the relationship, but y'all are familiar. Sex might be good

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Speaker 1: and it works as long as you don't take it

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Speaker 1: the wrong way. Undoubtedly, before too long, you're gonna have

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Speaker 1: to face the truth about what this situation really is.

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Speaker 1: So I want you to think long and hard about

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Speaker 1: whether an X or someone you've had significant feelings for

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Speaker 1: it is the best person for a situation ship. In

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Speaker 1: terms of being honest with yourself, beyond even deciding who

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Speaker 1: might be a good match for a situation ship, I

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Speaker 1: think it's also really important for you to be honest

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Speaker 1: with yourself about what you really desire. If what you

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Speaker 1: really want is to date someone seriously, don't feel like

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Speaker 1: you have to be in a situation ship just because

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Speaker 1: you think it's all you can find right now, or

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Speaker 1: it feels like it's what everybody else is doing. It's

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Speaker 1: totally okay for you to desire something different if you like.

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Speaker 1: On the flip side, if you found that you're someone

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Speaker 1: who really enjoys situation ships and they work for you,

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Speaker 1: that's okay too. Don't feel pressured to be in something

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Speaker 1: more serious if it's not what you really want. The

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Speaker 1: next thing that's really important in a situation ship is

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Speaker 1: making sure that there is active communication and discussions about

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Speaker 1: expectations and boundary setting. Even though a situation ship might

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Speaker 1: not be a committed, monogamous relationship, it's still a relationship,

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Speaker 1: and in any relationship, communication is important, and it's really

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Speaker 1: important to ask the tough questions. Do you want them

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Speaker 1: spending the night at your place? Are y'all going to

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Speaker 1: act like strangers in public? Do friends know what's going on?

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Speaker 1: What happens when somebody becomes interested in perhaps dating someone else.

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Speaker 1: It's important to be able to express what kinds of

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Speaker 1: things are okay are not okay for you, and vice versa.

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Speaker 1: And it's really important that everyone has an understanding that

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Speaker 1: these things might change, which is why it's important to

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Speaker 1: continue to check in with one another to make sure

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Speaker 1: that you're still on the same page. Another consideration I

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Speaker 1: think is really important to keep in mind is what

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Speaker 1: happens when the situation ship ends. These relationships can run

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Speaker 1: their course for lots of different reasons, and what I

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Speaker 1: found is that a lot of times people are shocked

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Speaker 1: about the magnitude of their feelings about the ending of

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Speaker 1: situation ships, and they don't quite know how to process it,

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Speaker 1: even if you didn't want anything serious. When you're used

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Speaker 1: to being around someone and they've become a part of

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Speaker 1: your life, it's hard when the relationship ends. So first,

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Speaker 1: I don't want you to downplay the validity of your

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Speaker 1: feelings just because it wasn't a committed relationship. Your feelings

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Speaker 1: are still valid, and if it hurts, it hurts, it's

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Speaker 1: okay to give yourself time and space to feel these

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Speaker 1: feelings and to move through them. Another piece that's important

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Speaker 1: in processing your feelings when the situationship ends is finding

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Speaker 1: the right people to support you. This may be complicated,

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Speaker 1: especially if the relationship wasn't something that a lot of

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Speaker 1: people knew about, but it's a portant to find someone

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Speaker 1: who won't make you feel silly for whatever you're feeling,

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Speaker 1: and who can allow you the space to work through

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Speaker 1: whatever you're feeling. If no one in your circle fits

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Speaker 1: the bill, then getting some support from a therapist might

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Speaker 1: be really helpful in processing how you're feeling and giving

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Speaker 1: you some strategies on how to support yourself with your feelings. Finally,

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Speaker 1: I think it's really important for you to note that

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Speaker 1: despite all of your best efforts and all the best

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Speaker 1: communication and boundary setting. Sometimes you thought you were signed

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Speaker 1: enough for a situation ship and somebody changes their minds.

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Speaker 1: Maybe spending time with this person allows you to see

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Speaker 1: us side of them you hadn't before, or maybe they

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Speaker 1: now have deeper feelings for you. The important thing here

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Speaker 1: is to be honest with one another and talk about

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Speaker 1: whether exploring something more serious is something either of you

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Speaker 1: is willing to consider. It may be a no, but

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Speaker 1: the worst thing to do is to pretend as if

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Speaker 1: the feelings don't exist. So I want to know what

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Speaker 1: kinds of things do you consider when deciding whether a

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Speaker 1: situation ship is right for you. Do you have tips

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Speaker 1: on how to set expectations or things you've learned after

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Speaker 1: a situation ship ended. I'd love to continue this conversation

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Speaker 1: with you on social media, so be sure to share

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Speaker 1: your thoughts with us on either Twitter or Instagram using

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Speaker 1: the hashtag tv G in session, And don't forget to

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Speaker 1: share this episode with two of your girls so that

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Speaker 1: they can join us in the conversation as well. If

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Speaker 1: you're looking for a therapist, be sure to check out

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Speaker 1: our therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com,

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Speaker 1: slash directory and If you want to continue digging into

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Speaker 1: this topic and meet some other systerms in your area,

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Speaker 1: come on over and join us in the Yellow Couch Collective,

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Speaker 1: where we take a deeper dive into the topics from

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Speaker 1: the podcast and just about everything else. You can join

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Speaker 1: us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y

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Speaker 1: c C. Thank y'all so much for joining me again

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Speaker 1: this week. I look forward to continue in this conversation

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Speaker 1: with you all real soon. Take good care,