WEBVTT - Finally, a Medical Issue! 0:00:01.160 --> 0:00:02.280 Hi, I'm Kate Berlance. 0:00:02.360 --> 0:00:05.840 I'm Jacqueline Novak, And this is poog, an ongoing conversation 0:00:05.920 --> 0:00:10.040 about wellness between two obsessive friends, two untamable intellects. This 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:11.880 is our hobby, This is our hell, This. 0:00:11.840 --> 0:00:15.080 Is our naked desire for free products. This is POOG. 0:00:15.320 --> 0:00:21.240 Today's topics, loosely speaking, distension one thousand millileters classically haunted. 0:00:25.840 --> 0:00:30.159 Hi, coffee, Wow, coming in coughing is great? Well, it 0:00:30.200 --> 0:00:33.280 is going to be an exciting episode. I'll say off 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:36.239 the top, I'm in the throes of my first syndrome, 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:39.680 which we'll get to. 0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:41.760 But I've already been told to be clear. 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:45.559 If anyone's wondering why I'm not gasping, should I just 0:00:45.560 --> 0:00:46.400 go right into it? 0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:50.440 Fuck? Uh's so funny preface. It was saying I'm so sorry. 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:53.480 The coffee will stop or it won't, but I'll deal 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:56.160 with it. Oh, I'll prepose it was saying I'm really fine. 0:00:56.480 --> 0:01:00.960 First of all, your voice don't say that it's almost upsetting. 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:01.760 Are you serious? 0:01:02.200 --> 0:01:05.040 No, I don't mean like you're like perminally temporary. 0:01:05.080 --> 0:01:05.840 It's temporary. 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:08.440 Yeah, No, that's what I mean. I mean like you've 0:01:08.480 --> 0:01:09.759 been diminished by illness. 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:10.400 Yeah. 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:15.840 Yeah, PA preface all by saying I'm fine. It's funny. 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:17.800 I wasn't. I wasn't at first. I thought I was 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:20.399 not gonna talk about the sampook for whatever reason. It's 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:23.640 a semi loaded subject. But I I did undergo egg 0:01:23.720 --> 0:01:31.160 freezing as a careerist or right. I'm also, as I've said, 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:33.679 I may not have kids. I don't know, but I thought, 0:01:34.280 --> 0:01:37.560 you know, something I've struggled with for years. I struggle 0:01:37.600 --> 0:01:40.200 with for years is too dramatic or something I've been like, 0:01:40.319 --> 0:01:43.440 will I uh, and then you know, put a little 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:46.480 savings aside. It is, of course a procedure. 0:01:49.360 --> 0:01:54.080 IM Sorry, I'm just not interrupting because I'm loving watching 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:57.280 you work through like the money kind of the loaded 0:01:57.400 --> 0:01:59.920 like nature of the topic, Like were you about to say, like, 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:04.160 of course some well to be able. 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:07.520 It is a privilege because it is expensive and it's 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:10.359 it's also kind of a funny thing to do when 0:02:10.360 --> 0:02:12.560 you're also not fully sure if you're gonna have kids, 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:15.680 Like if you're like, all, I want our children, Yeah, 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:17.359 it makes more sense, but I can't do it yet 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:19.520 or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I'm just like I don't know, 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:23.040 but you know, I've had. I had the downtime. I 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:24.640 was like, I'm just gonna fucking do it. And I 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:26.760 was very you know, I already a highly I'm already 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:30.320 anxious person, specifically very medically anxious person. I had this 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:32.160 like a morphous fear that I would do it and 0:02:32.200 --> 0:02:34.720 something horrible would happen or or like never recover. 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:35.040 You know. 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:36.840 It's like these like fears out. 0:02:36.639 --> 0:02:39.840 Of just I was like, because there's a choice to 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:41.400 be made, like do it should I? Or should I 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:43.639 not do this? You can't but think like that it's 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:44.440 a fork in the road. 0:02:44.840 --> 0:02:48.840 Yeah, definitely choices, And like the hormone element is like 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:51.680 scary to me, and of course people like it's this thing, 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:53.440 and I understand people like don't know what the fuck 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:55.120 they're talking about, and they say crazy shit to you, 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:59.360 like you know, or it's like like someone like dear friend. 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:02.480 A dear friend was like, yeah, you might want to 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:04.680 talk to my friend. She said, like freezing your eggs 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:08.120 like increases your chances of cancer by forty percent, like 0:03:08.160 --> 0:03:11.520 and apparently it's true, yeah, forty literally, And I was like, 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:14.960 m and then she said, apparently it's true. Oh my 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:18.680 friend said this, and apparently it's true, and I was like, well, 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:20.760 it fucking can't be true, and like, of course it's not. 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:22.440 So it's apparently it's true. 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:25.000 It's funny because we say that a lot, Like people 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:26.280 say that, right, and like. 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:26.799 What does it mean? 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:29.079 It means like it's apparent. 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:31.440 Like so it's like and we like regularly say that. 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:33.640 It's like literally, like we regularly say it. Almost to 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:34.440 me the opposite of. 0:03:34.360 --> 0:03:36.960 That, yeah, yeah, totally apparently. 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:39.960 Must mean appearing right, it appears to be true, And. 0:03:40.000 --> 0:03:43.320 So I was like, to be true, okay, so you know, 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.000 and it's not true. And of course it's like whatever. 0:03:46.120 --> 0:03:48.320 There's a million it's a very it's a loaded topic 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.400 for a million reasons. And I sort of was like 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:53.080 I could see myself not doing it because of some 0:03:53.280 --> 0:03:56.520 amorphous medical fear that I'll do it, it'll trigger some again, 0:03:56.600 --> 0:03:59.920 this is all made up, It'll trigger some crazy autome 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:01.560 in response, I'll never be the same, and like what 0:04:01.720 --> 0:04:03.760 did I do? You know, so all these fears and 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:05.920 then I kind of in the spirit of like fuck 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:09.400 it or something like just do it. And I, you know, 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:11.480 it's aligned with a doctor who I'm so. 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:15.600 Sorry, aligned with the aligned with a doctor fundy way 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:18.560 with a doctor aligned people say. 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:23.279 No, no, no, that's so funny. I don't know. I 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:25.719 went with this doctor who I was like, okay, like some. 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.400 Like you know, even let's just take him a second 0:04:28.440 --> 0:04:33.840 with it, right, Yeah, because nine were on I talked to. 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:38.760 Exactly audition six yeah, five back for the call for 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:40.719 the house. Well, just I guess I say aligned with 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:43.320 because I got in if you know what I mean, 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:43.920 you know. 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:47.840 Yeah, like it wasn't guaranteed they were going to take 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:48.640 on your case. 0:04:48.960 --> 0:04:52.160 Yeah, really booked up, really booked up. And by the way, 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:53.920 it's so funny too, because as soon as I was 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:56.479 like okay, I'm doing it, you know, going buying like 0:04:56.560 --> 0:05:01.400 preatal vitamins, like already treated myself like I'm pregnant, Like hm, anyway, 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:03.320 so I go and. 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:06.920 You when you bought the prenatal vitamins like place them 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:08.799 down on the counter and then like check the gaze 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:13.120 of the person behind the you kind of just yeah, 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:13.359 it was. 0:05:13.360 --> 0:05:19.960 Like prenatal vitamins, Vitamin D cook ten yeaeah bra And 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:22.840 I will say I was walking the aisles kind of 0:05:22.880 --> 0:05:25.880 like I'm different now with my basket just wait, distributed 0:05:25.920 --> 0:05:26.640 slightly differently. 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:28.800 I was like, I have. 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:32.440 Kids, wait, but work nights. 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:38.640 Yeah yeah. So and by the way, I'll say when 0:05:38.640 --> 0:05:42.200 I first the doctor, Joe, but from a million years ago, 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:45.360 I have a daughter. Yeah. Well, you know what's something 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:47.160 that's crazy that's emerged through all this. 0:05:47.279 --> 0:05:49.800 I mean, I couldn't vote or whatever. I couldn't vote. 0:05:49.839 --> 0:05:50.400 I have a daughter. 0:05:51.279 --> 0:05:52.039 Remember I don't. 0:05:52.320 --> 0:05:55.880 I love that you remember my act more than I do. Yeah, 0:05:54.680 --> 0:06:00.680 that's funny. Yeah, you're okay. Some I think that's emerged 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:02.919 from this. I no longer have an abject fear of 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:05.080 having a son. Is that interesting? 0:06:10.560 --> 0:06:10.720 Well? 0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:15.480 Wait told me what never heard about this having a son? 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:16.719 Or you're joking? 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:18.560 I am not joking. 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:21.279 Well, because I've always I've always been like daughter daughter only. 0:06:21.440 --> 0:06:23.240 I mean you always say my daughter, you know, and 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:26.720 that's just like I always think you're one talking. 0:06:26.520 --> 0:06:27.680 About me, you know what I mean? 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:30.320 And then I am but and you're just like not 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:34.159 visualizing a son. But you know you don't have to. 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:38.360 Who cares, right, No, I've had like sun baggage. I've 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:41.000 had like, oh god, have a son, like I've had. 0:06:40.839 --> 0:06:41.760 This is it the whole? 0:06:41.920 --> 0:06:43.440 Like like what is it? 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:47.039 Actually? I don't know how to raise that. 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:50.000 Yeah, yeah, it's a little bit that. It's a little 0:06:50.040 --> 0:06:53.760 bit like but but it's just dissolved. It wasn't even 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:56.200 like intellectually I came to some new conclusion. It just 0:06:56.240 --> 0:06:57.520 like changed, Okay, whatever. 0:06:57.800 --> 0:06:59.760 But you don't want to speak about why I was loaded, Okay, 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:01.039 that's fine, Like you. 0:07:01.480 --> 0:07:04.440 Know, no, I think because like I have I know, 0:07:04.760 --> 0:07:06.760 I have a weird thing and I'm not proud of it. 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:10.240 It's like like little boys are like pathetic to me 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:12.440 or something. I can't describe it. I'm like, get it together, 0:07:12.720 --> 0:07:14.920 Like it's like a weird thing. Like I don't like 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:17.840 like women fonding over like little boys something about it. 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.920 I just I've always been like, oh god, yeah, and 0:07:21.000 --> 0:07:27.480 like women like mother relationship with the sun classically haunted. 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:31.040 It's like I've always just been like I don't want 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:34.440 to like enter into that dynamic. I don't know, but 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:38.080 I realized now I was a fool. The medicine, the 0:07:38.120 --> 0:07:40.440 medicine and of course, and I'm only going to feel 0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:45.000 the heal the father run through the sun. But I 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:48.640 don't know. But here's all to say the process which 0:07:48.640 --> 0:07:50.800 I've been writing, of the injections because you're giving yourself 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:54.200 some days up to three injections in the abdomen, and 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:55.760 I always thought I would have to have someone else. 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:58.760 I did them all myself, Like, I mean, I have 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:00.880 a loving, supporting, supportive partner, which is part of the 0:08:00.920 --> 0:08:03.560 reason I was even like wanting to need us to 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:06.120 support yourself. Yeah, yeah, I needed that anchor. 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:09.640 But it's true and like anyway, so I mean I 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:12.640 actually need to do it to be clear alone in 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:14.880 the bottom of a you know, a cave. 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:18.000 Jackline was with Jacqueline was with me the first night 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:21.120 of injections or second night, Yeah, no, no, no, sorry, it 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:22.120 was one of It was one of the first things 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:23.880 I had to mix something. And I'll say this this, 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:27.200 I'll say for people considering this, the fear of the 0:08:27.200 --> 0:08:30.960 injections and the discomfort the injections themselves are fine. I 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:33.360 had a lot of hell around. There's a couple you 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:36.319 have to mix where it's like you're pulling a needle 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:38.840 out and you're like, how the fuck am I expected 0:08:38.920 --> 0:08:39.240 to do this? 0:08:39.480 --> 0:08:42.640 Well, I recall like being like, it's not intravenous, like, 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:44.440 so you don't have to be that worried about the bubbles. 0:08:44.600 --> 0:08:45.560 Yeah, because there's bubbles. 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:46.800 It's like it's sub cutaneous. 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:51.080 It's scary. But all that was really fine. I'll say 0:08:51.200 --> 0:08:54.480 I barely had any like mood reaction whatsoever to the hormones. 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:56.440 Like I really kind of was myself the last couple 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:58.679 of days. I was like bloated and in pain because well, 0:08:58.679 --> 0:09:03.720 here's the thing. So what I have is ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome. 0:09:04.280 --> 0:09:07.280 I have a mild case, which is still I kind 0:09:07.320 --> 0:09:09.440 of can't believe this is mild, but it is. But 0:09:10.240 --> 0:09:13.040 it's not to be a bitch, but it's something that 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:15.120 tends to happen when you have a lot of eggs. 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:22.000 It is it's like punishment for the fertile. And so 0:09:22.200 --> 0:09:25.560 I was like very I had no idea my account 0:09:25.640 --> 0:09:28.000 or anything, but I was kind of surprised or just 0:09:28.120 --> 0:09:32.240 learning going in like oh, I'm already kind of batting 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:33.120 a high average. 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:33.760 Yeah. 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:36.880 And then and my doctor part of the reason I 0:09:36.880 --> 0:09:39.120 went with her, she's very conservative with hormones. She didn't 0:09:39.120 --> 0:09:41.000 put me on birth control. She didn't, you know. So 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:42.640 I was like, Okay, she's not gonna just pump me 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:44.880 full of hormones. Whatever. Did you tell me? 0:09:44.920 --> 0:09:46.280 The thing about the birth control they do it so 0:09:46.280 --> 0:09:47.400 they can play on their vacations. 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:50.760 Yeah, well literally, because oh literally, because I went talk 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:53.079 to someone very reputable doctor who's gonna put me on 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:55.200 birth control, and I brought this up with my current 0:09:55.240 --> 0:09:57.199 doctor and she was like, yeah, you know why they 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.440 do that. And I said why, She's like, because they 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:01.679 want to plan the retrievals. They don't want to work 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:04.600 on weekends, they don't want to like have I was like, 0:10:04.800 --> 0:10:09.839 holy shit. So anyway, I kind of was like I'm 0:10:09.840 --> 0:10:11.679 in the clear, because I will say last couple days, 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:14.440 I was very uncomfortable because I was fucking walking around 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:17.720 with like buckets of eggs and it's like driving in 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:21.000 a car. Was uncomfortable. I was helping big like, I 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:21.920 was like, what's going on? 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:24.880 I really tried to refrain it said like barely visible 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:27.199 by the human eyes. So I was like, okay, well, 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:29.400 it's the ovaries that are so I'm not. 0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:31.360 I'm not. I just wanted a visual. 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:34.199 I just no, totally no, no, the eggs myselves. 0:10:34.720 --> 0:10:37.480 No, the eggs, the eggs themselves, yeah, the follicles, but 0:10:37.520 --> 0:10:41.760 the ovaries whatever. So I was uncomfortable. I only had 0:10:41.760 --> 0:10:44.240 one kind of micro melt on my estrogen of course 0:10:44.400 --> 0:10:46.600 was through the roof, and like there was one night 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:48.440 I kind of had a micro melt down because the 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:49.840 other thing with the shots is you have to do 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:52.120 that in exactly the same time every night. And then 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:55.600 there's this one shot called the trigger shot, terrifying trigger shot, 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:58.000 which you have to do exactly thirty six hours before 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:00.040 your retrieval, like to the. 0:11:00.080 --> 0:11:03.760 Minute, and did that fucking like instruction, who were you 0:11:03.840 --> 0:11:05.199 like thirty six. 0:11:05.240 --> 0:11:08.640 Well, thank god they're telling you everything obviously like you're 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:11.720 not up to your But it's the stuff where it's like, okay, 0:11:11.720 --> 0:11:13.360 here's the shot and it comes in this package and 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:15.760 then it's like the packaging is confused and like wait 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:17.400 do I take this off? And it's like do not 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:20.199 take this off. If you do, the you know, plunger 0:11:20.240 --> 0:11:21.680 will lock and you will not get them. Like it 0:11:21.720 --> 0:11:23.839 was just so terrifying, and I had like five minutes 0:11:23.840 --> 0:11:27.080 and thank god I called the hotline and got someone, 0:11:27.120 --> 0:11:30.920 but I was like shaking, my teeth were chattering. I 0:11:31.000 --> 0:11:33.160 was so stressed out and afraid that I was like 0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:36.400 which I've had I've had are like a couple of 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:38.400 times in my life. Yeah, but like like yeah, just 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:39.360 involuntary shake. 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:40.920 I can't remember when that's happened to me, and like 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:44.640 doing the shot as I'm like involuntarily shaking like wild. 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:49.800 Yeah, it was just so intense. Huge shout out. I've 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:53.760 been so lucky because also shout out to Meredith, I 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:58.160 love you, who I've been harassing texting her all hours 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:00.480 of the night. Thank God. I don't know what I would 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:03.000 have done without just constantly like, oh God, like can 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:04.800 I cross my legs, like because it's all this stuff, 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:06.839 you can't twist your overas, you can't. All you can 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:09.440 do is walk like you really can't exercise. You can't 0:12:09.800 --> 0:12:14.960 take baths, which is devastating. I'm all over the place, 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:17.600 but listen. So the point is I was kind of like, Okay, 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:20.920 I'm doing well. Retrieval was the day before my birthday, 0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:23.640 which of course I was like, well, cosmically that makes sense. 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:28.520 Very you have to go under, which is like spiring that. 0:12:28.880 --> 0:12:30.920 I know. Yeah, it's very what you. 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:33.640 To like sort of like require meaning around that. 0:12:34.960 --> 0:12:38.640 Yeah, No, I had to so needless to say for 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:41.080 like the two weeks basically of injections, You're not you're 0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:44.520 living a very simple life. You're not having a cocktail 0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:49.760 you're not having a one milligram gummy. But so I uh, 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:53.800 day of the retrieval. You know, they put you under, 0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:55.680 which I've only been under for my wisdom teeth. Have 0:12:55.720 --> 0:12:58.959 you been under I think once for something. I think 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:02.160 I was half under for my Yeah, and I was 0:13:02.280 --> 0:13:04.679 nervous going in and it is the thing of like 0:13:05.200 --> 0:13:07.319 the joke or they come in and they're like, Okay, 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:11.400 we're gonna relax you. I was very nervous, sweating, and 0:13:11.440 --> 0:13:12.600 I was like saying to everyone, I was like, I'm 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.240 very nervous. You know, I'm very nervous. And and and 0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:17.600 like the ane sees allog just comes in. I'm like, 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:19.960 you know, like he look like Griffin Dunn. No, you know, yeah, 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:23.000 we're like he's like not down to chat because they're moving, 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.120 like they got to move, like he was lovely. 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:26.760 But in the room or a small room. 0:13:27.120 --> 0:13:31.920 So they prep you. It looks like whatever. Like when 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:34.120 you're prepped and you're in your gown, it's like there's 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:36.080 just curtains divide you. It's like a factory. 0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:37.160 Yeah yeah. Yeah. 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:39.599 Like there was one other woman who and here's what 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:41.760 was well was I heard her being prepped and then 0:13:41.800 --> 0:13:43.600 I was waiting long enough to the same come back 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.280 after Yeah, a sense to be the same thing. And 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:49.200 she was like wow, like I feel great like and 0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:50.280 I was like, okay, cool. 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:52.880 So did they give you blue socks? 0:13:53.600 --> 0:13:56.079 Yeah, they gave me booties that I were over my socks. 0:13:56.480 --> 0:13:59.079 Fuck no, but they said, you know, they're like when 0:13:59.120 --> 0:14:01.600 you come in like no products, no face products, no makeup, 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:04.200 no lotions, like nothing, because the oar has to be 0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:07.320 like sterile anyway, So it did happen where I go 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:09.800 in and I just was there and he was like, Okay, 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:11.040 we're going to give you something. I was like, I'm 0:14:11.080 --> 0:14:12.880 very nervous. He's like, we're going to give you something 0:14:13.040 --> 0:14:14.960 to relax. You'll feel it in a couple of seconds. 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:18.920 Oh my, Like instantly, I'm like whoa wow. And then 0:14:19.280 --> 0:14:23.320 I asked to hold someone's hands, so weird nurse held 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:25.760 my head. And then what's funny is I remember it 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:28.440 really helped what I remember. I actually had a flash. 0:14:28.560 --> 0:14:29.240 I would hate it. 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:32.600 I'd be like oh, I was like, I would be like, yeah, 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:35.480 I really wanted to hold someone's hand. And then I 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:37.680 actually days later because I was watching something on TV 0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:39.760 where there was a surgery recalled him saying I'm going 0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:42.280 to give you oxygen. But I didn't remember at the time. 0:14:42.440 --> 0:14:44.320 But the point is, you know, I came out and 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:46.600 it was like it's done, and here's what's the funniest 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:48.440 thing that has maybe ever happened to me. 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:51.920 So and my reaction diminished because I'm realizing I've heard this. 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:52.800 I know. I'm sorry. 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:53.960 I don't know. I can't fake it. 0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.600 I can't. Don't you know it's not for you, so 0:14:56.680 --> 0:14:59.880 you already just have to you whatever. Yeah, so ann sa, 0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:03.720 I'm coming out and by the way, wait sorry yeah. 0:15:03.720 --> 0:15:05.160 So it was like you're gonna feel listening to it 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:06.520 and like I'm giving you some oxygen. 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:08.120 It's like you did great. 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:13.120 Yeah, literally, it's like immediately, unimaginable, just immediate great. Did 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:16.160 you did great? Oh wow? They're wheel me back. They 0:15:16.160 --> 0:15:17.200 go great job. 0:15:17.880 --> 0:15:38.560 I open my eyes and I go, I'm gay. 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:37.920 Keep going, keep going, and then we can go. So 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:40.800 then the nurse there's like a nurse maybe too, and 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:44.760 they're like, oh, like okay, like and then and then 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:47.160 and then I go, you're all amazing. And then I 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:50.760 remember saying this is a privilege. No, no, no, this 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:52.080 is a privilege. 0:15:54.040 --> 0:15:56.800 What do you think that was coming out of this 0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:59.120 is a pretty that was coming out of my guilt 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:01.040 of like doing this as like a rich bitch thing. 0:16:01.480 --> 0:16:05.200 And two of them specifically where you like, I'm imagining 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:07.680 that you were feeling like these nurses can't afford this 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:12.000 ship in a nurse's salary. They're hating me, and I 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:16.960 stream about that. I'm aware or or it's like Eddie Redmaind. 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:19.440 Yeah, yeah, it's just it was Eddie Redmaind. 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:21.480 You know, the good nurse. 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:24.160 Oh, the good nurse. Hey, no, the nurses. Everyone was 0:16:24.160 --> 0:16:27.000 so lovely like like but yeah, I don't know exactly 0:16:27.040 --> 0:16:28.960 what it was. But I also was feeling that truly 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:31.720 like there was a privileged thing because I have That's why, 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:34.000 Like I was like, this is outrageous that I can 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:37.080 do this, Like science is shocking, Like my mother couldn't 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:39.080 do this, my grandmother, you know. I just like this 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:41.360 is fucking cool. Like now I'm like full science go 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.720 like everyone's you know, like surrogates or whatever. I'm like, yeah, 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:47.360 who fucking cares, freeze my putting a surrogate b on 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:50.080 the treadmill, you know, Like I don't know, I'm sort 0:16:50.120 --> 0:16:50.960 of like you start out. 0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:54.080 You start out like a career of staremaster use like 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:57.200 you just like you just you should tell b flex 0:16:57.240 --> 0:17:00.840 and a staremaster, following up with a treadmill for just 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:04.880 direct unidirectional hammering of the same muscle groups. 0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.760 The dream. Wait, so I come out, I go, I'm gay. 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.200 And then when I start laughing a couple I started 0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.520 laughing because I was like if I like, it's it's 0:17:16.640 --> 0:17:17.280 very kind of. 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:18.800 Cloudy, right right. 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:22.280 But I was like, but I'm not fucking, I'm not exaggly. 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:24.439 I just wonder if they were loud basically like the 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:27.120 first thing, Wow, No, I just like, like, it's even 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:29.040 than I think. Then I went, well, you know what 0:17:29.080 --> 0:17:32.200 I mean, like, yeah, I don't know. It was just 0:17:32.280 --> 0:17:35.920 kind of like a conversation. And then and then it's 0:17:35.960 --> 0:17:38.239 even worse. And then and then this is again right no, no, 0:17:38.280 --> 0:17:40.639 and then I said something like, well, you know, I'm 0:17:40.720 --> 0:17:44.000 maybe fluid, so so no, no, yeah, it's even worse, 0:17:44.640 --> 0:17:49.679 searching their eyes for like for uh, yeah, I don't know. 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:54.639 And here's what's funny. I I held back saying like 0:17:54.880 --> 0:17:57.920 I think, Josh hartne it's gorgeous because I had thought 0:17:57.920 --> 0:17:59.840 about it. Yeah, I thought I was saying it something like, 0:17:59.840 --> 0:18:04.000 but Josh Hartnett walked in here. I mean, no one's 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:09.000 from you, so pathetic. So anyway, so then. 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:10.760 You remember the joke in the chamber. 0:18:11.480 --> 0:18:13.679 Ever, so I was starting to become conscious enough to 0:18:13.680 --> 0:18:16.040 have something in the chamber and say don't let it out. 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:19.199 So then my my doctor came in and she was like, 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:20.879 we did great, my doctor. 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:24.200 The way cap ber Lance says my doctor is so specific. 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:28.359 Really you just love the word doctor. I love a doctor. 0:18:28.440 --> 0:18:30.160 All right, yeah, there is my doctors. 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:33.840 So so and then she came in and she was like, 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:36.600 we did great, like you know, she's giving me some stats. 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:43.399 And then I go, I'm gay and okay, so again, 0:18:43.480 --> 0:18:45.760 so she's coming in now, I say together to her. 0:18:46.200 --> 0:18:49.160 She goes just kind of like nice smile. She goes, 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:52.639 I know, you know she's met my partner, like she 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:53.760 knows my life. 0:18:54.720 --> 0:18:57.639 Like I love like the She's like, I know, I 0:18:57.680 --> 0:18:59.840