Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. Hey,
Speaker 1: they are Family Secrets listeners. It's Danny here with some
Speaker 1: thoughts to share with you on Thanksgiving, because Thanksgiving and
Speaker 1: family secrets go together like well, like turkey and stuffing,
Speaker 1: sweet potatoes and marshmallows, cranberry sauce, and I'll stop there.
Speaker 1: I don't even like cranberry sauce. I think it's safe
Speaker 1: to say that Thanksgiving stirs up a lot of stuff
Speaker 1: from many of us. I mean, why do you think
Speaker 1: there are so many movies and so many novels that
Speaker 1: are dysfunctional family stories said at the Thanksgiving table or
Speaker 1: over Thanksgiving weekend. I know a few people who don't
Speaker 1: feel anything but joy as the holiday's approach. People who
Speaker 1: have easy, blessed, open, completely unconditionally loving relationships with all
Speaker 1: their relatives. People who bound out of bed on Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: morning in their homes where family members who have already
Speaker 1: gathered from far and wide are in the kitchen, coffee
Speaker 1: mugs in hand, dressing the turkey, pre heating the oven
Speaker 1: to four fifty, playing scrabble or what have you. And
Speaker 1: I'm happy for these people, I really am. But many
Speaker 1: of us have slightly more complicated situations. For some of us,
Speaker 1: there's loss. For instance, my husband's father died two years
Speaker 1: ago just after Thanksgiving, and let's just say he had
Speaker 1: a very large presence. So when we gathered today, there
Speaker 1: will be a sense of absence, of loss, of things
Speaker 1: left unseid and undone. When my mother was living, the
Speaker 1: holiday was incredibly fraught for me. I was her only child,
Speaker 1: and I felt I had to be with her, though
Speaker 1: I really didn't want to be. One year, my husband
Speaker 1: and I hosted a huge friends giving just so there
Speaker 1: would be enough people at the table to absorb my
Speaker 1: mother's toxicity. Seventeen people around the table at our small
Speaker 1: apartment in the York City. After the holiday, our friends
Speaker 1: escorted my mother the few blocks back to her building.
Speaker 1: I was doing the dishes when the phone rang. It
Speaker 1: was my mother and she was at the hospital. She
Speaker 1: had fallen on the sidewalk just outside her apartment building
Speaker 1: and was in the emergency room. She was still in
Speaker 1: her fancy designer dress when we rushed to the e
Speaker 1: r and when I walked in, I swear she looked
Speaker 1: almost triumphant. She had gotten all the attention after all.
Speaker 1: She looked at me gestured to her dress and asked,
Speaker 1: is there blood on my unaro? Then she said, you
Speaker 1: can't use that? Well here, I am sorry, but I'm
Speaker 1: using it. It's just too good. This year, I've heard
Speaker 1: so many family secrets. People listen to this podcast or
Speaker 1: read my memoir Inheritance, and they tell me there's I've
Speaker 1: heard from people who have discovered secrets were kept from them,
Speaker 1: and I've heard from the secret keepers. I've heard from
Speaker 1: people who feel liberated, ashamed, confused, people who are grieving,
Speaker 1: are still in shock, or don't know what to do
Speaker 1: with what they've learned. In one of my bonus episodes
Speaker 1: last season, I spoke with the author and therapist Laurie Gottlieb,
Speaker 1: and I asked her the question, do you think there's
Speaker 1: ever a good reason to keep a secret? And Laurie's
Speaker 1: answer was ultimately no, that no matter how difficult, shocking,
Speaker 1: or painful, ultimately we're better off knowing. I think I
Speaker 1: agree with this, because one way or another, were shaped
Speaker 1: by the secrets we keep or the secrets that are
Speaker 1: kept from us, whether we're aware of it or not.
Speaker 1: I do think, though, that there's a time and a
Speaker 1: place for secrets to be revealed, and so I'd like
Speaker 1: to humbly suggest that perhaps Thanksgiving isn't the time or
Speaker 1: place emotions are running high. There's all the cultural and
Speaker 1: societal pressure, all the Instagram posts of glowing candles and
Speaker 1: brisk outdoor walks and perfect pumpkin pies, and many of
Speaker 1: us find ourselves on edge. Whatever is going on inside
Speaker 1: of us, it tends to be heightened, like the dial
Speaker 1: inside of us that regulates our emotions got turned up
Speaker 1: a few notches. So, my friends, right now, as you're
Speaker 1: listening to this, stop for a moment. Just stop. Take
Speaker 1: a breath, Take a deep breath. You can do this
Speaker 1: wherever you're listening, in a car, in bed, in your kitchen,
Speaker 1: while you're sticking that turkey in the oven, or facing
Speaker 1: a sink full of dishes, while your family is all
Speaker 1: around you. You can feel yourself breathing in, breathing out.
Speaker 1: Get in touch with your own body, your own self,
Speaker 1: your own heart. You've got this, And don't forget the
Speaker 1: reasons all these people tend to push our buttons, trigger us,
Speaker 1: make us feel all the feels. It's because there are family,
Speaker 1: and whether we like them or not, we love them.
Speaker 1: They're hours and also don't forget what this holiday is
Speaker 1: really supposed to be about, giving thanks. I am thankful
Speaker 1: to all of you. I never dreamt i'd create a podcast,
Speaker 1: much less one that has found so many devoted listeners.
Speaker 1: So here's to you. As I work on season three,
Speaker 1: which will launch in early February, I'm incredibly grateful that
Speaker 1: I get to do this work and have the privilege
Speaker 1: of hearing so many of your stories. Speaking of which,
Speaker 1: if you'd like to call in and record your story
Speaker 1: for possible bonus episode of Listeners Stories, please call one
Speaker 1: eight eight Secret zero. That's one eight secret and the
Speaker 1: number zero. We would love to hear from you. Happy
Speaker 1: holidays all, mm hmmmm. For more podcasts for my Heart Radio,
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.