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Speaker 1: Family Secrets is a production of I Heart Radio. Hey,

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Speaker 1: they are Family Secrets listeners. It's Danny here with some

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Speaker 1: thoughts to share with you on Thanksgiving, because Thanksgiving and

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Speaker 1: family secrets go together like well, like turkey and stuffing,

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Speaker 1: sweet potatoes and marshmallows, cranberry sauce, and I'll stop there.

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Speaker 1: I don't even like cranberry sauce. I think it's safe

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Speaker 1: to say that Thanksgiving stirs up a lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: from many of us. I mean, why do you think

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Speaker 1: there are so many movies and so many novels that

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Speaker 1: are dysfunctional family stories said at the Thanksgiving table or

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Speaker 1: over Thanksgiving weekend. I know a few people who don't

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Speaker 1: feel anything but joy as the holiday's approach. People who

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Speaker 1: have easy, blessed, open, completely unconditionally loving relationships with all

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Speaker 1: their relatives. People who bound out of bed on Thanksgiving

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Speaker 1: morning in their homes where family members who have already

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Speaker 1: gathered from far and wide are in the kitchen, coffee

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Speaker 1: mugs in hand, dressing the turkey, pre heating the oven

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Speaker 1: to four fifty, playing scrabble or what have you. And

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Speaker 1: I'm happy for these people, I really am. But many

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Speaker 1: of us have slightly more complicated situations. For some of us,

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Speaker 1: there's loss. For instance, my husband's father died two years

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Speaker 1: ago just after Thanksgiving, and let's just say he had

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Speaker 1: a very large presence. So when we gathered today, there

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Speaker 1: will be a sense of absence, of loss, of things

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Speaker 1: left unseid and undone. When my mother was living, the

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Speaker 1: holiday was incredibly fraught for me. I was her only child,

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Speaker 1: and I felt I had to be with her, though

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Speaker 1: I really didn't want to be. One year, my husband

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Speaker 1: and I hosted a huge friends giving just so there

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Speaker 1: would be enough people at the table to absorb my

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Speaker 1: mother's toxicity. Seventeen people around the table at our small

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Speaker 1: apartment in the York City. After the holiday, our friends

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Speaker 1: escorted my mother the few blocks back to her building.

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Speaker 1: I was doing the dishes when the phone rang. It

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Speaker 1: was my mother and she was at the hospital. She

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Speaker 1: had fallen on the sidewalk just outside her apartment building

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Speaker 1: and was in the emergency room. She was still in

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Speaker 1: her fancy designer dress when we rushed to the e

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Speaker 1: r and when I walked in, I swear she looked

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Speaker 1: almost triumphant. She had gotten all the attention after all.

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Speaker 1: She looked at me gestured to her dress and asked,

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Speaker 1: is there blood on my unaro? Then she said, you

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Speaker 1: can't use that? Well here, I am sorry, but I'm

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Speaker 1: using it. It's just too good. This year, I've heard

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Speaker 1: so many family secrets. People listen to this podcast or

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Speaker 1: read my memoir Inheritance, and they tell me there's I've

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Speaker 1: heard from people who have discovered secrets were kept from them,

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Speaker 1: and I've heard from the secret keepers. I've heard from

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Speaker 1: people who feel liberated, ashamed, confused, people who are grieving,

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Speaker 1: are still in shock, or don't know what to do

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Speaker 1: with what they've learned. In one of my bonus episodes

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Speaker 1: last season, I spoke with the author and therapist Laurie Gottlieb,

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Speaker 1: and I asked her the question, do you think there's

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Speaker 1: ever a good reason to keep a secret? And Laurie's

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Speaker 1: answer was ultimately no, that no matter how difficult, shocking,

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Speaker 1: or painful, ultimately we're better off knowing. I think I

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Speaker 1: agree with this, because one way or another, were shaped

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Speaker 1: by the secrets we keep or the secrets that are

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Speaker 1: kept from us, whether we're aware of it or not.

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Speaker 1: I do think, though, that there's a time and a

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Speaker 1: place for secrets to be revealed, and so I'd like

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Speaker 1: to humbly suggest that perhaps Thanksgiving isn't the time or

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Speaker 1: place emotions are running high. There's all the cultural and

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Speaker 1: societal pressure, all the Instagram posts of glowing candles and

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Speaker 1: brisk outdoor walks and perfect pumpkin pies, and many of

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Speaker 1: us find ourselves on edge. Whatever is going on inside

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Speaker 1: of us, it tends to be heightened, like the dial

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Speaker 1: inside of us that regulates our emotions got turned up

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Speaker 1: a few notches. So, my friends, right now, as you're

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Speaker 1: listening to this, stop for a moment. Just stop. Take

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Speaker 1: a breath, Take a deep breath. You can do this

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Speaker 1: wherever you're listening, in a car, in bed, in your kitchen,

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Speaker 1: while you're sticking that turkey in the oven, or facing

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Speaker 1: a sink full of dishes, while your family is all

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Speaker 1: around you. You can feel yourself breathing in, breathing out.

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Speaker 1: Get in touch with your own body, your own self,

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Speaker 1: your own heart. You've got this, And don't forget the

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Speaker 1: reasons all these people tend to push our buttons, trigger us,

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Speaker 1: make us feel all the feels. It's because there are family,

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Speaker 1: and whether we like them or not, we love them.

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Speaker 1: They're hours and also don't forget what this holiday is

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Speaker 1: really supposed to be about, giving thanks. I am thankful

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Speaker 1: to all of you. I never dreamt i'd create a podcast,

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Speaker 1: much less one that has found so many devoted listeners.

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Speaker 1: So here's to you. As I work on season three,

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Speaker 1: which will launch in early February, I'm incredibly grateful that

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Speaker 1: I get to do this work and have the privilege

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Speaker 1: of hearing so many of your stories. Speaking of which,

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Speaker 1: if you'd like to call in and record your story

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Speaker 1: for possible bonus episode of Listeners Stories, please call one

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Speaker 1: eight eight Secret zero. That's one eight secret and the

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Speaker 1: number zero. We would love to hear from you. Happy

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Speaker 1: holidays all, mm hmmmm. For more podcasts for my Heart Radio,

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Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever

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Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.