WEBVTT - All Eyez On Sammy: Motherf*ckin Mini Episode

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<v Speaker 1>Well, motherfucking many year sold, motherfucking many episode. Yep, yep,

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<v Speaker 1>there it is. There it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to another phenomenal Many episode, motherfucking many episode of My

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<v Speaker 1>Mama Told Me, the podcast where we died Deep Deep,

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<v Speaker 1>so deep put your asked to sleep into the pockets

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<v Speaker 1>of black conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove

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<v Speaker 1>the conspiracies that you, the listeners have at home. I

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<v Speaker 1>am not in my home. I am in a hotel.

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<v Speaker 1>It's Chicago that charges me twelve dollars for the WiFi

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<v Speaker 1>every single day. I'll never forgive these motherfucker's. Do I

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<v Speaker 1>have a conspiracy about that? Nope, it's just capitalism at work.

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<v Speaker 1>You pieces of ship. Wife. I should be free like

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<v Speaker 1>water and uh in toilet paper and tampons. There's a

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<v Speaker 1>bunch of stuff that should be free. And I don't

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<v Speaker 1>have a funny list here. I'm just irritated at the

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<v Speaker 1>fact that I need to pay somebody for some ship

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<v Speaker 1>that I could go get at a Starbucks, and frankly,

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<v Speaker 1>I desperately need in order to talk to you, the listeners.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so excited to be here despite my anger about

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<v Speaker 1>the WiFi because I have some fun ship to unpack today.

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<v Speaker 1>Usually I really try to take on a brand new

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<v Speaker 1>subject every time, but occasionally people bring me responses to

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<v Speaker 1>some of the episodes that we've recorded. They send me

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<v Speaker 1>new ideas, they send me new complaints, they send me nasty,

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<v Speaker 1>long letters about how they wanna do terrible things to

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<v Speaker 1>my body. That has nothing to do with the episodes.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just things that people email a very public uh

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<v Speaker 1>email space. I don't know why they would presume I'm

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<v Speaker 1>the only person reading it, but they're absolutely have been

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<v Speaker 1>some some slutty responses to these podcasts. What about black

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<v Speaker 1>people suffering and and being scammed out of their money

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<v Speaker 1>and their comfort makes you horny? I'll never know, but

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<v Speaker 1>I'm grateful. I gotta be honest, I'm grateful. If you're horny,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm grateful. That's that's just who I am. I'm never

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<v Speaker 1>gonna have sex with you. I'm I'm obligated to a

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<v Speaker 1>very nice lady. But I'm grateful that you want a

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<v Speaker 1>part of my penis. And I hope that comes across

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<v Speaker 1>in every episode. No hope every episode you listen to,

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<v Speaker 1>you go, you know this guy is he's he's skeptical,

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<v Speaker 1>he's questioning, and most importantly, he wants me to have

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<v Speaker 1>some of that dick. He's grateful for it. And and

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<v Speaker 1>you know what it means the world to me that

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<v Speaker 1>you would even think that my dick matters. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>think all dicks matter. I think some dicks probably don't matter.

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<v Speaker 1>That's the stance that I'm willing to take. And I'm

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<v Speaker 1>grateful to have a dick that matters. But that's neither

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<v Speaker 1>here nor there, because we have a conspiracy to dig

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<v Speaker 1>back into. This comes to us from a lady named Sarah.

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<v Speaker 1>Sarah sent me a message and I'm going to play

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<v Speaker 1>it for you now, High lank Ston. Uh, this is Sarah.

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<v Speaker 1>I just finished listening to your minisode about if dogs

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<v Speaker 1>are Racist, and you bring up black dog syndrome, which

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<v Speaker 1>is about how black dogs are adopted less or purchase

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<v Speaker 1>less whatever in the dog owning world. And what I

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<v Speaker 1>have heard about that is a big reason that that

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<v Speaker 1>happens with rescues and everything, is that black dogs don't

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<v Speaker 1>photograph well. You can't see the details in their cute

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<v Speaker 1>little doggie faces. And the reason for that is because

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<v Speaker 1>that photography has always been racist. The way that photographers

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<v Speaker 1>have to accommodate for skin tones and stuff. It isn't

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<v Speaker 1>really supported by the film or the digital hammers that

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<v Speaker 1>we use, although it's getting somewhat better at this point,

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<v Speaker 1>but um, just another layer of conspiracy on top of

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<v Speaker 1>the original conspiracy. Well, Sarah, first of all, thank you

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<v Speaker 1>so much for making that conspiracy a little bit sadder.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for coming in with a little extra pizzas

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<v Speaker 1>of sadness to add to the conspiracy that already made

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<v Speaker 1>a bunch of people feel not great. We love you

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<v Speaker 1>dearly for sending this. Sarah. First, let's just unpack a

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<v Speaker 1>few things that are troubling in your observation. Number one, Basically,

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<v Speaker 1>what you're suggesting is a bunch of people are adopting

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<v Speaker 1>dogs and being like, well, I want a slave, but

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want a slave I can't take pictures with.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want a slave that doesn't photograph. Well, I

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<v Speaker 1>need a slave that looks miserable when they take a

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<v Speaker 1>picture next to me, and it's a sharp, precise photo

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<v Speaker 1>of them looking sad, not just a slave that disappears

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<v Speaker 1>into the background. And furthermore, we gotta get back to

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<v Speaker 1>putting makeup on dogs. Do you know what I mean, Sarah.

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<v Speaker 1>If you got a black dog and that dog ain't

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<v Speaker 1>showing up on camera, contour their doggy faced. Put that dog,

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<v Speaker 1>give that doggie some some edge, give them a few

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<v Speaker 1>white lines so that they stand out on camera. We

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<v Speaker 1>can't let these slave dogs go un photographed. Furthermore, here's

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<v Speaker 1>my biggest issue with it. And obviously I'm joking about

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<v Speaker 1>contouring the doggy faces. I don't need any of you

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<v Speaker 1>writing letters about how I secretly support Laurel and Estate

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<v Speaker 1>Lauder and all these other makeup companies who I know

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<v Speaker 1>experiment on animals, despite the fact that they tell me otherwise.

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<v Speaker 1>There's no way you can convince me that you don't

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<v Speaker 1>occasionally pick up a monkey just to try out some

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<v Speaker 1>chemicals real quick. But that's neither here nor there. Also,

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<v Speaker 1>you can't sue me. I called no sue rules right

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<v Speaker 1>before the podcast started. You didn't hear it, but I

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<v Speaker 1>said no sue me. And and if I say that legally,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm safe anyway, Sarah. One of the more troubling parts

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<v Speaker 1>of this is that just the entire culture of photo

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<v Speaker 1>graphing animals in the first place. Let's move on from

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<v Speaker 1>photographing animals It's just another way for the government to

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<v Speaker 1>be tracking you. The n s A is using your

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<v Speaker 1>dog pictures to figure out where you are. What you're doing.

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<v Speaker 1>You're taking your dog to some park and thinking you're

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<v Speaker 1>taking a charming photo of old whiskers. I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>why you called your dog Whiskers. You're a weird motherfucker,

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<v Speaker 1>but you named your dog Whiskers, and you took a

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<v Speaker 1>picture of him in the park. And then some governor's

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<v Speaker 1>daughter turns up face down in the in the pond

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<v Speaker 1>in that park with a syringe in her arm. And

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<v Speaker 1>now suddenly you're a suspect. You're a whisker snitched on you,

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<v Speaker 1>and you were a accomplice in the crime. This is

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<v Speaker 1>just another way for us to be tracked, to be

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<v Speaker 1>falsely accused. I don't support it. Stop taking pictures of

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<v Speaker 1>your dog rubbed their bellies. They don't give a funk

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<v Speaker 1>about Instagram. That is what I say to you, Sarah.

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<v Speaker 1>I hope that that is I don't imagine it could

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<v Speaker 1>have possibly have been helpful, but I do think it

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<v Speaker 1>was at least accurate, with zero details uh that need

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<v Speaker 1>to be questioned or corrected. I think I nailed it

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<v Speaker 1>a hundred percent absolutely didn't miss a thing. Now, another

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<v Speaker 1>fun thing that tends to happen on this podcast is

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<v Speaker 1>that a lot of people send me ship that is

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<v Speaker 1>almost too insane to even look up. People send me

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<v Speaker 1>conspiracies that are so insane that they truly don't even

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<v Speaker 1>show up on Google searches. There's no way for me

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<v Speaker 1>to find real information about these things. And what I

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<v Speaker 1>would like to do is read you an example of

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<v Speaker 1>one of those today. It's a fun one from a

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<v Speaker 1>person named Nikolai. Nikolai sent me a message that had

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of very glowing compliments and also some suggestions

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<v Speaker 1>about some books that I can read. This motherfucker don't

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<v Speaker 1>get me at all. I ain't reading ship, but I

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<v Speaker 1>told him I would. I like to pander to my

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<v Speaker 1>in so I don't want to hold Nikolai to think

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm a complete piece of ship. If I'm being honest, Nikolai,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not buying these books. The point is at the

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<v Speaker 1>end of that message, one of the things that Nikolai

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<v Speaker 1>says is that he thinks that Sammy Davis Junior's glass

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<v Speaker 1>I was actually a piece of Israeli spywear. That's right.

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<v Speaker 1>He believes that the glass eye that sits in Sammy

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<v Speaker 1>Davis Juniors, formerly a live face, was actually implanted by

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<v Speaker 1>Israel as some version of spying on I guess America,

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<v Speaker 1>I guess popular music in the nineteen sixties and seventies.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not quite sure exactly why he thinks Israel is spying,

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<v Speaker 1>but he says that that is true. Now, I want

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<v Speaker 1>to be clear. First of all, let's unpack a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit about Sammy Davis Junior. Sammy Davis Junior is arguably

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<v Speaker 1>the greatest disabled performer of all time. I I think it.

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<v Speaker 1>It goes maybe without question, the only person closes the

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<v Speaker 1>glover because that motherfucker has been fifty five for seventy

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<v Speaker 1>four years now. I don't know how he does it.

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<v Speaker 1>It is it's some version of Benjamin Button disease. But

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<v Speaker 1>it ain't Benjamin Button. It's more like Bradley Button, you

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<v Speaker 1>know what I mean, Just like a offshoot cousin of

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<v Speaker 1>of Benjamin Button, where you don't grow younger, you just

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<v Speaker 1>stay the age of a very tired man for the

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<v Speaker 1>remainder the whole of your life. Truly, the point is

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<v Speaker 1>Sammy Davis Jr. This man was a brilliant performer, a

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<v Speaker 1>singer and actor, a dancer, uh some call a coon.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know he did it all. But Sammy Davis

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<v Speaker 1>Junior lost his eye. And this is something I didn't realize.

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<v Speaker 1>Sammy Davis Junior lost his eye in a car crash

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<v Speaker 1>in fifty four, a near deadly carc crash, when his

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<v Speaker 1>face hit a button on the steering wheel, a bullet

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<v Speaker 1>shaped button on the steering wheel of his Cadillac, because

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<v Speaker 1>back then Cadillacs and ninety four Cadillacs had a signature

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<v Speaker 1>steering wheel where literally there was a metal like protrusion

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<v Speaker 1>in the middle of the steering wheel. I guess for

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<v Speaker 1>impaling people. I'm not really sure what the function was

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<v Speaker 1>meant to be. Truly, how insane is it that we

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<v Speaker 1>think we're like this advanced society and literally, fifty seventy

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<v Speaker 1>years ago we were creating vehicles with a fucking spear

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<v Speaker 1>pointed at our hearts the entire time we drive. We're

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<v Speaker 1>not advanced as a society. We're not good. People were

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<v Speaker 1>fucking idiots, and every day we learn a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>more of how stupid we are. That said, after the accident,

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<v Speaker 1>Sammy was later fitted with a glass eye which he

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<v Speaker 1>kept for the remainder of his life. Now, Sammy, as

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<v Speaker 1>I mentioned earlier, shortly after the accident, also converted to Judaism.

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<v Speaker 1>He often cited that car crash as the thing that

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<v Speaker 1>pushed him in his seeking out other forms of religion.

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<v Speaker 1>He I guess felt like the Black Church and Catholicism.

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<v Speaker 1>I think he grew up Catholic at one point wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>answering the questions that he needed, and therefore he turned

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<v Speaker 1>to Judaism and felt like Judaism offered some solutions that

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<v Speaker 1>I guess these other religions didn't. Now, Sammy does have

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<v Speaker 1>a history of aligning himself with the white devil. Many

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<v Speaker 1>of you are familiar with the fact that he was

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<v Speaker 1>a member of the rat Pack, a group of all

0:11:30.400 --> 0:11:34.240
<v Speaker 1>white men, mostly alcoholics and singers to gang bangers. But

0:11:34.360 --> 0:11:38.080
<v Speaker 1>they made some hits, They made some goddamn classics, and

0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:41.200
<v Speaker 1>I really like that Frank Sinatra and that Dean Martin,

0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:43.960
<v Speaker 1>those guys at at all. Uh. He also hung out

0:11:43.960 --> 0:11:48.120
<v Speaker 1>with Elvis, known steeler of black culture. He maintained multiple

0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:53.440
<v Speaker 1>very public relationships and even married white women, and most importantly,

0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:58.080
<v Speaker 1>he supported known racist president Richard Nixon, much to the

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<v Speaker 1>chagrin of the Black munity at the time. I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's more than fair that instead of looking at this

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<v Speaker 1>in terms of some sort of Israeli spyware, based off

0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:12.720
<v Speaker 1>of this information, that it's more likely that that glass

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<v Speaker 1>eye was in fact a Caucasian infiltration system. That's right,

0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:20.480
<v Speaker 1>I believe, and this is my theory, So fuck your theory,

0:12:20.559 --> 0:12:25.400
<v Speaker 1>Nikolai Papa's stepping in. He's taken over. I believe that

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<v Speaker 1>white people knew that Sammy Davis Jr. Would find his

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<v Speaker 1>way back into Black lives. That Black people are very

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<v Speaker 1>forgiving of our celebrities. Look at Greasy, look at Tory Lanes,

0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:41.000
<v Speaker 1>look at uh who's another one? If Isaiah Washington ever

0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:43.520
<v Speaker 1>gets this ship together, we'll probably forgive him. Who knows.

0:12:43.840 --> 0:12:46.800
<v Speaker 1>The point is, Black people are always forgiving our celebrities

0:12:46.840 --> 0:12:49.120
<v Speaker 1>for the dumb ship that they do. And with that,

0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:52.160
<v Speaker 1>white people knew that Sammy Davis Jr. Would find his

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<v Speaker 1>way back, and so they put a spy system in

0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:57.560
<v Speaker 1>that eyeball so that he could pick apart all of

0:12:57.559 --> 0:13:01.120
<v Speaker 1>our our progress and our secrets. Sammy Davis Jr. This

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<v Speaker 1>is something that many people don't know actually participated in

0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:08.800
<v Speaker 1>the nineteen sixty three March on Washington alongside Dr King.

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<v Speaker 1>What a perfect opportunity if you ask me for the

0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:15.920
<v Speaker 1>c i A or the FBI or that bitch flow

0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:19.839
<v Speaker 1>from progressive to try and infiltrate and destroy what little

0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:23.760
<v Speaker 1>power we as black people have been building this entire time.

0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:27.480
<v Speaker 1>Sammy Davis Jr. Did did He didn't have to work

0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:30.880
<v Speaker 1>for Israel. In fact, a lot of Jewish people of

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<v Speaker 1>America don't even support Israel. We're in the middle of

0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:36.760
<v Speaker 1>a very tense time in this country and need to

0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:39.400
<v Speaker 1>be clear about that. My dad is Jewish. You don't

0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:42.319
<v Speaker 1>support Israel. He fluxed with good filth fish and that's it.

0:13:42.720 --> 0:13:47.040
<v Speaker 1>That motherfucker is disinterested in the rest of all their shenanigans.

0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:49.440
<v Speaker 1>But the point is, Sammy Davis Junior didn't have to

0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:52.960
<v Speaker 1>align himself with Israel. He already had the white man

0:13:53.559 --> 0:13:55.800
<v Speaker 1>on his belt buckle, he had the white man in

0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:59.640
<v Speaker 1>his eyeball, and because of that, he became a weapon,

0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:06.079
<v Speaker 1>a goddamn super spy, a robot for the Nixon administration,

0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:10.280
<v Speaker 1>and I assume many administrations to follow. So Nikolai, I

0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:13.960
<v Speaker 1>hope you learned your lesson. I hope you go out

0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:16.560
<v Speaker 1>into the world from this point on, and you say, damn,

0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:20.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm a fucking idiot and length sense. Right, He's brilliant.

0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:23.480
<v Speaker 1>He really picked it all apart anyway, all right, I

0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:26.680
<v Speaker 1>rambled for quite a bit, and most of this felt

0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.360
<v Speaker 1>like nonsense. But I bet you'll enjoy some of it.

0:14:30.080 --> 0:14:32.440
<v Speaker 1>Not all of it, that's almost certain, not all of it.

0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:34.680
<v Speaker 1>But yeah, I bet you enjoyed some of it. And

0:14:34.720 --> 0:14:37.360
<v Speaker 1>if you enjoyed any of it, which I take full

0:14:37.400 --> 0:14:39.960
<v Speaker 1>credit for, if you enjoyed any of it, you owe

0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:42.480
<v Speaker 1>me money. But the point is, if you enjoyed any

0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:44.040
<v Speaker 1>of it, I would love for you to send me

0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:47.400
<v Speaker 1>more conspiracies, more of your thoughts and feelings and dumb

0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:50.440
<v Speaker 1>ship that you come up with, like Nikolai and like Sarah,

0:14:50.720 --> 0:14:54.160
<v Speaker 1>send it to my mama pod at gmail dot com.

0:14:54.200 --> 0:14:56.760
<v Speaker 1>I would love to hear from you and berade you

0:14:57.120 --> 0:15:00.880
<v Speaker 1>in front of I assume fifteen less nurse every week.

0:15:01.080 --> 0:15:04.400
<v Speaker 1>That's about where I imagine we land in terms of

0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:08.560
<v Speaker 1>the numbers. But yeah, okay, sending that stuff by bitch,

0:15:12.160 --> 0:15:23.880
<v Speaker 1>motherfucking Minia. So many episodes, motherfucking Mini, ever so motherfucking Mini,

0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:29.760
<v Speaker 1>ever so many episodes, motherfucking Mini episod