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Speaker 1: I guess what decision we're about to make. Horrible Decisions. Hey, everybody,

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Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode of Horrible Decisions, the podcast

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Speaker 1: where we are normally super disgusting and we're gonna get there.

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Speaker 1: But we are going to put a little bit of

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Speaker 1: a trigger warning on the top of this episode. If

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Speaker 1: you click on the description of the bio, we will

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Speaker 1: put the minute marks UM of where you can listen

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Speaker 1: again where it won't be triggering for you, because we're

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Speaker 1: going to be discussing sex trafficking, sex slash, sex slavery,

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Speaker 1: UM and listening to our guest story about it today.

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Speaker 1: I also think this is amazing. So for those of

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Speaker 1: you who are also not aware, April is Sexual Assault

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Speaker 1: Awareness Month, So there are a lot of uh things

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Speaker 1: in which you can do in your community or see

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Speaker 1: certain advocate groups that UM you know are openly having

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Speaker 1: these type of conversations within your community. UM. By the

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Speaker 1: at least in the descriptions this episode, I'll put a

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Speaker 1: link again April of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and so

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that you can learn about it.

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Speaker 1: I think on this podcast to UM and even in

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Speaker 1: just the journey of us talking about sex we've gotten

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Speaker 1: through discussing all of the different forms of assault. Um,

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Speaker 1: we now even just how to call guests today and

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Speaker 1: as something as small in quotes if you're not watching

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Speaker 1: this on video of removing a condom was something that

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Speaker 1: I shared on this podcast and it wasn't until we

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Speaker 1: were able to attach a word, the word celthing and

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Speaker 1: having these conversations deeper that we realized it was a

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Speaker 1: form of violation and a form of assault. UM. And

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Speaker 1: so if you don't mind, I would love for you

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Speaker 1: to introduce we do have a guest with us today,

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Speaker 1: UM to share a bit of her story. We have London,

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Speaker 1: who by the way, UM, it's also a sub and

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Speaker 1: a hoo. I'm gonna hope if you listen to the show. Um,

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Speaker 1: we got uh d M from Jet setting Jasmine shout

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Speaker 1: out to jeestsating Jasmine. Yeah, she was like, UM, I

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Speaker 1: have someone that would be great on your show. And honestly, London,

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Speaker 1: I know you have so much stropes ship going on,

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Speaker 1: but this is super important for us to talk about

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Speaker 1: because even after six years, we've never had someone that's

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Speaker 1: been through someone like something like this that's discussed it fully.

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Speaker 1: So UM, yeah, I would love if you could just

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Speaker 1: walk us through, like you know how that started, Like

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Speaker 1: how old you were, you know, yeah, so I was

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Speaker 1: very young. Um, I was around um and how I started.

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Speaker 1: I was in a really like low place, you know.

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Speaker 1: I was living in New York. I was a stripper,

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Speaker 1: not saying that, you know, strippers are a little space

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Speaker 1: but at the time, that's when a stripper strike was

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Speaker 1: going on, and which we did have um here on

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Speaker 1: the pod to discuss that. So it was like we

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Speaker 1: were working in the same club together. Um. Actually the

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Speaker 1: club changed like three times, all of them. But man,

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Speaker 1: but like you know, black strippers, you know, we were

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Speaker 1: going through it. Like the money was very different. I

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Speaker 1: was damning, a homeless, was very vulnerable and just got

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Speaker 1: a relationship. And I was like, you know what, let

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Speaker 1: me just stay single and try to find myself being

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Speaker 1: somebody always say that I'm somebody who is a suburban

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Speaker 1: girlhood influence. You know. I came from Long Island, but

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Speaker 1: the Bronx adopted me, and yeah, okay, ship like they

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Speaker 1: sometimes I missing. I mean, hey's a whole lot of

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Speaker 1: gang ship. Um. But so um, after my relationship, I

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Speaker 1: was just like, you know what, I need to find

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Speaker 1: myself as a black woman. I don't know myself. I

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Speaker 1: keep attracting these abusive relationships. Something needs to change. So

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Speaker 1: I started like looking up all these like documentaries about

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Speaker 1: black people. I found Hidden Colors, and I was just

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Speaker 1: like found out about all different types of African spirituality

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Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So I came back because I

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Speaker 1: went to Atlanta to visit um my mom, and I

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Speaker 1: came back to make some money. I'm like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'm not to live in Atlanta. And this girl that

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Speaker 1: I was making money with, we I'm talking, we used

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Speaker 1: to travel the States because you know, New York was

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Speaker 1: not was not doing it for us. And I started,

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Speaker 1: I came back on something like Yo, I'm black, I'm

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Speaker 1: proud of this, I'm that. And she's like, hey, I

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Speaker 1: know a guy who could teach you some things. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like she's black too, Yeah, she's black. But the

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Speaker 1: thing she like disappeared for a while, kind of like

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Speaker 1: I disappeared. I disappeared for a while. She came back thick,

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Speaker 1: and I'm just like, we where you came from and

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Speaker 1: came back thick as gained weight or came back thick

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Speaker 1: as got work done, gained weight, like and I say

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Speaker 1: that because, um, I came back thicker because I was

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Speaker 1: pregnant and I didn't have the baby. Um, So I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm saying this because I have a feeling like she

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Speaker 1: was also sex traffics. She sexed sex traffics me to

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Speaker 1: the man, and and um, who's supposed to be teaching

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Speaker 1: me about spirituality and teaching me about you know, different

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Speaker 1: things that I did not know. I came from a

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Speaker 1: Christian home, a Jamaican Christian home, so it's very like,

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Speaker 1: you know, very different from what I'm used to, and

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Speaker 1: I knew nothing. So when he came it, it the

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Speaker 1: the sex lavery started immediately. Can I ask when he

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Speaker 1: got into the picture, outside of teaching about spirituality, what

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Speaker 1: else did he offer? Was he offering how board? Was he?

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Speaker 1: Was he helping you make more money? What else drew

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Speaker 1: you to him to really stick with him for for

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Speaker 1: for the time that you did. It was literally me

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Speaker 1: wanting to learn about spiritual So let me ask this

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Speaker 1: because I feel like, and I apologize if it's like

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Speaker 1: it sounds like a dumb question, but I when you

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Speaker 1: hear these stories, I feel like you could either think,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, someone grabbed me put me in a bag,

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Speaker 1: through me in a cave, and I started like, you

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Speaker 1: never know, right. But when we had Zola on from

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Speaker 1: the movie and she said she was sex trafficked, I

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Speaker 1: watched that whole movie and didn't even think of it

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Speaker 1: like that, right, because I'm making her into this situation.

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Speaker 1: I didn't realize backpage could be sex trafficking when you

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Speaker 1: say you went to this man, Like how does it go?

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Speaker 1: You went to his house and never left. You thought

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Speaker 1: you'd move in, Like what did that mean? So sex

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Speaker 1: trafficking could be so many different ways. It's not like

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Speaker 1: the movie Taken and you're like locked. They could be,

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Speaker 1: but it was completely manipulation, you know. Um not to

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Speaker 1: go too deep into like the um the details of it,

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Speaker 1: but like it would be like little things like if

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Speaker 1: you leave like your parents, your family will be cursed.

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Speaker 1: And obviously I know nothing about spirituality, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: oh my God, like I can't if you leave? What if?

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Speaker 1: What was in terms of spirituality? Then it wasn't what

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Speaker 1: was he doing voodoo? Like what what what? He wasn't

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Speaker 1: doing a damn thing? And it was so it all

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Speaker 1: just kind of because I was very vulnerable and I

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Speaker 1: got you and very young, and I knew nothing, and

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Speaker 1: he's somebody he picked up on that, yeah, and somebody

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Speaker 1: who you know, from the sense of it, this is

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Speaker 1: a person that targets sex workers, you know, strippers that

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Speaker 1: are down and out. Because you know, going back thinking

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Speaker 1: about like him trying to get me to, you know,

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Speaker 1: have other female friends to come in for him, it

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Speaker 1: was just like, I'm like, I don't have any friends

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Speaker 1: that are like me. Because he thought that I was

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Speaker 1: somebody who didn't have I was. I had, but I

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Speaker 1: was very proud. You know, I'm somebody who was a

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Speaker 1: stripper who was making mad money too, didn't make any money,

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Speaker 1: and I'm homeless, so I'm not going to go to

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Speaker 1: my family, you know, and ask for help or live

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Speaker 1: with him. Immediately, I didn't even live with him. I

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Speaker 1: didn't even live with him. So a lot of people

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Speaker 1: talk about like grooming, What was his grooming like with you?

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Speaker 1: Because he starting dates first and you felt for him,

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Speaker 1: like how it was strictly like because he knew I

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Speaker 1: was so adamant about learning about spirituality, it was strictly like, okay,

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Speaker 1: you can't do this. It was certain things that I

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Speaker 1: was not allowed to do, like I was not allowed

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Speaker 1: to have sex. I was not allowed to touch myself. Um.

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Speaker 1: It was for like a year and some change that

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Speaker 1: I did not touch myself and have sex. It was

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Speaker 1: just every now and then he would, you know, do

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Speaker 1: certain things. When I started like kind of like falling back,

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Speaker 1: he introduced me to somebody like a Bible law to

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Speaker 1: actually get an actual reading. So a Bible lau is

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Speaker 1: a UM, I don't know the actual like definition, but

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Speaker 1: it's a spiritual Um. He's somebody who gives readings in

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Speaker 1: the community. Um, you know, they they in the community.

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Speaker 1: They and again like I don't I'm not within this community,

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Speaker 1: so I can't go too deep into what it is

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Speaker 1: without saying the wrong things. But they tap into your

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Speaker 1: ancestors and they give you readings through through your ancestors.

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Speaker 1: The real quick you you said that for the first

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Speaker 1: year and a half or so, he didn't even allow

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Speaker 1: you to have sex, but you started for the first

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Speaker 1: for the whole two years, I was only having sex

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Speaker 1: with him. But he gave me permission to go back

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Speaker 1: to Atlantic cause my mom got sick, and he gave

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Speaker 1: me permission. And this is where the manipulation comes, you know,

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Speaker 1: because he was you know, telling me things that you know,

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Speaker 1: I was really afraid of. I was terrified, you know,

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Speaker 1: of leaving him. But I didn't know how because I

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Speaker 1: was in so deep and I'm like, all right, what

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Speaker 1: what do I do? So when I left, and I

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Speaker 1: also didn't realize what was happening because I already made

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Speaker 1: a vow to myself that I wasn't gonna, you know,

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Speaker 1: have sex with anybody, because I really just wanted to

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Speaker 1: focus on myself. So I wasn't really trying to date.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't trying to like be around anybody. And when

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Speaker 1: he said that I'm the only person you could deal with,

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Speaker 1: act the only person you could touch. I'm the only

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Speaker 1: person that could hug you, I'm just like, okay, But

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Speaker 1: in New York we're like, we don't hug in New

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Speaker 1: York like that. You know, my friends, we don't do that.

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Speaker 1: So when I moved to Atlanta, I was like, something

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Speaker 1: ain't right. So can I ask you a question? So

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Speaker 1: we we we we did discussed that we were gonna

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Speaker 1: talk about sex trafficking. Sex trafficking, by definition, is the

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Speaker 1: action or practice of illegally transporting people from one country

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Speaker 1: or area to another for the purpose of sexual exploitation.

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Speaker 1: So in terms of you moving in with this man

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Speaker 1: and having to only fun him, is is that where

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Speaker 1: you perceived sex trafficking to be or did eventually get

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Speaker 1: to where he was putting you onto other people? The

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Speaker 1: sex trafficking started when the girl that I worked with

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Speaker 1: gave me like put me to She she was, you

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Speaker 1: know how like a lot of women, even with the

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Speaker 1: that white man that's you know, I forgot his name,

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Speaker 1: that Bill Liionnaire, white man. Yeah, that woman. You know,

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Speaker 1: women they give that that they make you feel comfortable.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, there was. There was a sex cult um.

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Speaker 1: There's a documentary nexium Um. I believe we talked about

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Speaker 1: it on one of our Patreon episodes. But the women

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Speaker 1: were definitely a part of bringing in other women for

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Speaker 1: the head of this quote unquote sex cult. I'm curious

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Speaker 1: to know, then, how would you do differ I I

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Speaker 1: understand like the trauma that ensued during this relationship. However,

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Speaker 1: what would have been the difference than of just stay

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Speaker 1: Wheezy introduced me to a man and that man ended

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Speaker 1: up being manipulating, controlling. I don't know if I would

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Speaker 1: necessarily say that she inserted me into sex trafficking because

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Speaker 1: I was put into this damaging, controlling relationship, especially being

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Speaker 1: because like you replaced her. Yeah, I just want to

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Speaker 1: know the difference between a homegirl hooking you up with

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Speaker 1: a bad man and then you also labing labeling it

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Speaker 1: it's sex trafficking, because those are like it's those to me,

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Speaker 1: are are far from each other. And I just want

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Speaker 1: to know where this derived as sex trafficking or who

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Speaker 1: let you know that this is what actually happened. It's

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Speaker 1: the intention, you know, I feel like because she knew,

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Speaker 1: you know, even when she came back, you know, she

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm in a situation and I want to leave,

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Speaker 1: but I can't. And I'm like, what is it? You know,

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Speaker 1: like you could talk to me like we you know,

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Speaker 1: we we traveled together, like you know, talk to me.

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Speaker 1: She's like, NA, no, I can't. I can't. And I

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Speaker 1: started started sounding like her. Oh you gave her the

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Speaker 1: way out for her to leave was because I replaced her.

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Speaker 1: I have like either I replaced her or he was

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Speaker 1: doing it with multiple people, because it was just I

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Speaker 1: started sounding exactly like her, and then I wasn't and

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Speaker 1: you were supposed to bring girls in, so you know,

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Speaker 1: she wrote you in ya. And then also when I

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Speaker 1: when she put me onto him, she disappeared off the

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Speaker 1: face of the earth. Oh, you're not supposed to speak

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Speaker 1: to my godchildren. You my godchildren are not supposed to

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Speaker 1: communicate with one and then one another. He called you

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Speaker 1: his god jo Yeah, because he was initially a godfather,

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Speaker 1: even though he was sleeping exactly did you weird? But

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Speaker 1: I feel like I need to know because I think

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Speaker 1: it could be helpful for someone that might be in

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Speaker 1: the situation. When you were sleeping with him, did you

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Speaker 1: feel happy about it? Did you like were you feeling

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Speaker 1: like you were connected to this person? And I say

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Speaker 1: that because a lot of people that are in abusive relationships,

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Speaker 1: I want to feel loved from that person. So that's

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Speaker 1: why they enjoy having sex with them, or they're just

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Speaker 1: they'll do whatever they want. Did you ever feel like that? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: I was. It came to a point because I was

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Speaker 1: two years in you know, at first, you know, I

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Speaker 1: always tell people I don't call him by his name.

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Speaker 1: I call him the devil Um. I know I call

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Speaker 1: a few people to devil to children, but for different

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Speaker 1: was like, but I knew what it felt like. I

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Speaker 1: felt like I was in bed, like I looked in

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Speaker 1: his eyes and I saw the devil, but also because

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Speaker 1: it was only him, and then you know, I did

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Speaker 1: get pregnant, and you know, because there's times when he's kind,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's like you're a narcissist, but also it's

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Speaker 1: like you're sweet and whenever I am going through it,

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Speaker 1: you're communicating with me and you're like talking to me

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Speaker 1: and you know, calming me down. But then at the

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Speaker 1: same time, you're also threatening my life and my family's

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Speaker 1: life if I leave you. What was the game that he, Like,

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Speaker 1: I feel like there's something that maybe he had to

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Speaker 1: promise you. Was there ever, like whether it be like

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Speaker 1: a higher level of spirituality, money, safety, what was the

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Speaker 1: thing that he It was all of it, you know,

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Speaker 1: being somebody I was homeless, you know. So it's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, if you gain your spirituality, if you work

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Speaker 1: with me, I am going to you know, make sure

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Speaker 1: that I work with whoever is behind the scenes to

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Speaker 1: make sure you would live a good life, especially on

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Speaker 1: somebody who's behind the scenes. The angels, Like, yeah, he's

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Speaker 1: aid and did he portray himself like God like he

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Speaker 1: could give you these things? Yeah? Was he like it's given,

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Speaker 1: and you don't want makes me ask this because it's

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Speaker 1: like I've heard men talk like this. I won't even

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Speaker 1: say what religious group because feel like niggas sake offense

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Speaker 1: and I know who you're talking about, you do ye.

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Speaker 1: They have come up to me in the street with

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Speaker 1: a pamphlet and they'll maybe say some ship like oh,

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Speaker 1: why you got the brains? Brains? Why you got that?

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Speaker 1: We've like, they'll say some ship to me like that

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Speaker 1: I'm too beautiful for x y Z And I'll be like,

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Speaker 1: the can fuck you? Was he like that type of dude?

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Speaker 1: Like was he giving? You know what I'm saying. Don't

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Speaker 1: get too many details, but don't let's get canceled. I

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00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,760
Speaker 1: want to know it's gonna actually like blow your mind.

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Speaker 1: It was a white man Italian girl. I don't see

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Speaker 1: this coming. Wait wait, wait this man wasn't black? Why

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Speaker 1: was was not a black man? And this is how

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Speaker 1: naive I was, you know, like you let a white man,

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Speaker 1: I let I let a white man the devil. It

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Speaker 1: makes sense now I did not get I'm not gonna

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Speaker 1: put on was black and she told you he was

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Speaker 1: going to teach you about spirituality. Spirituality, but African spirituality. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and he's a white man. He's a white man. And

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Speaker 1: this is why, you know, I didn't know anything about it.

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Speaker 1: He was very like knowledgeable. I wasn't allowed to do research.

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Speaker 1: It's not even about reading books. It's about because even

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Speaker 1: when he introduced me to the bibble Lau, you know

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Speaker 1: he is he's friends with these types of people. But

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00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,000
Speaker 1: so everyone that you met was black, everyone either Hispanic

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00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,280
Speaker 1: or But you know what, the only reason I'm not

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Speaker 1: really shocked at this. I mean, so many white people

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Speaker 1: that are like seriously tapped in with like um Indian

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Speaker 1: like spirituality, whether it be from yoga, um, it just

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Speaker 1: be something like the chakra ship like baby like tapped

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Speaker 1: the funk in and it ain't necessarily their ship. It

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00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:04,520
Speaker 1: as did Ayahuasca when I was living in Mexico and

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Speaker 1: found out the shaman was fucking white, and I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: no white people are listening. Hear me out. I want

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00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,840
Speaker 1: to do Ayahuaska either in Peru obviously where you hear

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Speaker 1: about where the plants from and ship like that, just

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Speaker 1: a place where is the people, uh, their native like

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Speaker 1: they grew up in this, their families tried it. Whatever

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Speaker 1: to me that just seems like it's authentic and real.

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Speaker 1: And when I found out that the person was white,

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Speaker 1: I was like no. And they tried to convince me

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Speaker 1: that he had lived amongst the Mexicans, that we're doing

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Speaker 1: ayahuasca every day and for help and benefits and religion.

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Speaker 1: I was like no, Like give me the authenticy should do?

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Speaker 1: I want to go to Jamaican restaurant where they're gonna

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, yeah, she lived there. I don't give

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Speaker 1: a damn is she Jamaican. And the thing is, I

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Speaker 1: could see how I would maybe believe that someone was

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Speaker 1: tapped into that side, like I actually get it, and

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Speaker 1: I know people might be listening to this like that's

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Speaker 1: fucking crazy, but it's not because initially it is. But

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Speaker 1: like no, I can see that actually want to think

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Speaker 1: about you know how like slavery even happens, and like

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00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:10,920
Speaker 1: right now, like fast forwarding to today, like the type

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Speaker 1: person I am, like, I'm a I'm a spiritual advisor.

336
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:19,160
Speaker 1: I give readings, I provide readings, and I don't teach

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Speaker 1: white people anything about my roots because they use it

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00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:27,119
Speaker 1: and they flip it and they try to force this

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00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:33,440
Speaker 1: into white Jesus. And it's just like the evil that

340
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:37,880
Speaker 1: they that they push on African spirituality or spirituality at all,

341
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:42,320
Speaker 1: or the magic of black people is really the projection

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Speaker 1: of the evil that comes from what these white people

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Speaker 1: would do with it. I can I also say shout

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Speaker 1: out to you for even still being a spiritual advisor

345
00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,840
Speaker 1: only because I feel like when I got into African

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Speaker 1: American studies and when I really saw the misuse of religion,

347
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 1: and it's what it's what's left me to kind of

348
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:07,160
Speaker 1: laugh at religion now and not um convert to any

349
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:11,359
Speaker 1: specific religion because it does bend depending on the person,

350
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,400
Speaker 1: it bends depending on the region you're in. It's it's

351
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,240
Speaker 1: so fluid to me to where I haven't wanted to

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00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:22,840
Speaker 1: just identify it within any sort of religion. Nation sucked

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00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,440
Speaker 1: me up with that when you were talking about, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, just using religion to force Black people into

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Speaker 1: certain things, but not for for spirituality to have been

356
00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,560
Speaker 1: used against you two damn near imprison you and for

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Speaker 1: you to still want to help people have it a

358
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Speaker 1: part of your life is I mean interesting to me

359
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,800
Speaker 1: because there's no way like, once I see the evil

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00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,960
Speaker 1: and something, I'm good on that. But that's why I

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00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,840
Speaker 1: was I felt like, you know, everything happens for a reason.

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Speaker 1: You know. I feel like I went through this and

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00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 1: able for me to spread awaryness of what's going on,

364
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,400
Speaker 1: because there are women out there being trafficked by black

365
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:03,320
Speaker 1: men from this podcast. And that's that's my intention, you know,

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00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:06,920
Speaker 1: because I want people when I do readings, when I

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00:20:07,280 --> 00:20:11,040
Speaker 1: you know, do my guidance, I want people. I pushed me,

368
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 1: I do the readings. I don't tell you what to do.

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00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,159
Speaker 1: I give you tools, and I coach you and guide

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Speaker 1: you through it. I want women, especially Black women, to

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Speaker 1: understand the power that they hold. It's so important because

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Speaker 1: the only reason you know, you asked about the motive

373
00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:34,119
Speaker 1: and his motive is to cripple black women. It's crazy

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00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,159
Speaker 1: that you say that, though too we we we just

375
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:41,120
Speaker 1: had a relationship therapists on here. And so it's odd

376
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 1: because you've also mentioned the N word narcissism and so

377
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:55,239
Speaker 1: but but but the way that a woman period can

378
00:20:55,320 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 1: identify whether she's being manipulated sex traffic, gaslet and really

379
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:04,720
Speaker 1: identifying if she's literally just dealing with a diagnosed, full

380
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:07,320
Speaker 1: on fucking narcissists because they seem to have a lot

381
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:11,800
Speaker 1: of the same qualities. Yeah, honestly, being submissive helped me

382
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:19,639
Speaker 1: with um weaning those narcissisms. See, I know in spirit,

383
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:25,320
Speaker 1: I know, not even like tangible things like right if

384
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:29,160
Speaker 1: someone's at least a three bedroom, um a nice home,

385
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 1: like we always met and we never I've never met

386
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:35,159
Speaker 1: him at the one time I was going to meet

387
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,159
Speaker 1: him at his house. The one time I was going

388
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 1: to meet him at his house was when I decided

389
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,399
Speaker 1: to defy him. You you was dating a man for

390
00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,480
Speaker 1: two years and it had never been to his motherfucking house.

391
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,200
Speaker 1: I mean, well, you're she's not really looking at his dating. Yeah,

392
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I wasn't allowed with this man and weren't

393
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:52,639
Speaker 1: having sex with anyone else but him. I was allowed.

394
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:58,200
Speaker 1: I wasn't allowed to um know anything about him. So

395
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: where where were you having sex? Where you meeting him?

396
00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,720
Speaker 1: Hotels and wait? And he kept you from having sex

397
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:08,399
Speaker 1: with anybody else? Yeah, because initially I didn't want to

398
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:10,480
Speaker 1: when I was living in New York, But it was

399
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,080
Speaker 1: when I moved, and I didn't realize what was happening

400
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,640
Speaker 1: until I moved to New York. At New moves Atlanta.

401
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:18,200
Speaker 1: When I moved to Atlanta, I met somebody and I trauma,

402
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,640
Speaker 1: bonded with him, you know, I like grasped onto him

403
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,280
Speaker 1: and everything he was doing. It was just like, is

404
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: it okay that I give you massage? Is okay that

405
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 1: I do this? He was so like I wasn't. I

406
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,240
Speaker 1: told him. I was like, you know, I'm celibate. You know,

407
00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: I'm just focusing on myself. But in reality, I'm not

408
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,719
Speaker 1: allowed to, you know, deal with you because I had

409
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:38,719
Speaker 1: sex with him. And then I told this guy why

410
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 1: said I didn't know. I wasn't allowed to have sex

411
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,880
Speaker 1: with anybody at the time until you did. Until I did,

412
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 1: And that's when everything changed. Did you get punished? Like?

413
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 1: What was? The reality was like you need to hop

414
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 1: on a plane right now, you need to come here now.

415
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,159
Speaker 1: And then so I hopped on the plane. I was like,

416
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,159
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm so sorry I didn't because we

417
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 1: hopped on a plane. You paid for your own ticket

418
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,200
Speaker 1: and he paid I paid for my own ticket. It

419
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: was terrible. And you know, it's it makes you think

420
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:12,920
Speaker 1: because it's like even pimping, that's that's sex trafficking. Yeah, first,

421
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,200
Speaker 1: when like when you were talking about the girl letting

422
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 1: you in, my brain went to pimping, I'm sure a

423
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,399
Speaker 1: lot of people watching or listening thought the same thing

424
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 1: because I'm like, it's giving. It was giving pimp and

425
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:29,800
Speaker 1: I was giving some it's weird manipulating gas Like yeah,

426
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,520
Speaker 1: definitely sex slavery. I feel like it was sex slavery

427
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 1: and it wasn't because Jasmine was my first Like I

428
00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:39,720
Speaker 1: had a therapy session with her and I had a

429
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 1: podcast and I met her. That was the last episode.

430
00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: It was like a full circle moment, and um, I

431
00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 1: just I was in like a space of like numbness

432
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 1: because being a stripper, like we just worked through our pain.

433
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:56,120
Speaker 1: We just we go to get that bag, we do whatever.

434
00:23:56,359 --> 00:23:58,800
Speaker 1: At the time I was doing, I just tapped into

435
00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 1: doing burlesque and I was just doing I found healing

436
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 1: through everything, sexy, everything, seductive anything since you as a woman,

437
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: let's talk about and even talking about Jazmine, like how

438
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,359
Speaker 1: you got out, Um, how I got out. I was

439
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: with my old co host and I was literally, you

440
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 1: know something, did I feel right? Like it's like my

441
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 1: grandmother's were just like forced. It were just like you're

442
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 1: not going because he was like you have to come

443
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,200
Speaker 1: and you know, I'll help you get a job. You

444
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 1: could you know, stay with me and all that stuff.

445
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:38,439
Speaker 1: Yeah in New York and um, I'll help you get

446
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 1: a job, this, that any other. And I'm just like,

447
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:43,160
Speaker 1: all right, you know, I'll try to fly out. We'll see.

448
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 1: And something I trusted myself at that one moment, something

449
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 1: just was like, don't go. You're not gonna come back alive. Um.

450
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 1: And so even like my my old co host, she

451
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 1: was just like, why you ain't go. I'm like, I

452
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 1: just I just couldn't, you know, I just it just

453
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,480
Speaker 1: didn't feel right. How do you break it? Do you

454
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 1: completely block this person? Do you tell them that you're leaving?

455
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: I got a reading, you know, I had to, Like,

456
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 1: I had to go. And that girl she had, um

457
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 1: she had uh. The only thing I knew was Ifa,

458
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 1: you know, and you know, I was like, all right,

459
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: I trust her. You know, she does not seem like,

460
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 1: you know, weird, she's not in the strip club. She's

461
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,960
Speaker 1: you know, she's just her. So I got a reading,

462
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,119
Speaker 1: and I was just like I just want to know,

463
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:35,680
Speaker 1: like our godfather is supposed to be like having any

464
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 1: type of intimacy with their god children, Like I just

465
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: don't know what's happening. And you know, the guy he

466
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 1: gave me a reading for free because I was I

467
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,240
Speaker 1: was a mess. I started doing research. I started like

468
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:48,240
Speaker 1: reading because all types of stuff, because that's the type

469
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:51,119
Speaker 1: of person I am. I love to read. And I'm like,

470
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 1: I just broke down. And it was October two. Um,

471
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,360
Speaker 1: I just celebrated my two year anniversary this past October,

472
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 1: and I was just like, I just decided to, you know,

473
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 1: leave and not go. And after that, I just continued working.

474
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: I started booking shows and I started dancing, and I was,

475
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 1: you know, put on. I'm an actress. I'm a stage actress.

476
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 1: That's what I do. And one day I was just like, Sunny,

477
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:23,680
Speaker 1: I'm toxic. Like I'm very toxic. I'm not. I'm just

478
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 1: like crying all the time. I don't something's not right.

479
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: And then my this girl that I knew, she was like, yeah, um,

480
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: I got I do therapy with Jasmine. I'm like, I

481
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 1: knew she did therapy. I didn't know she did therapy.

482
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:42,680
Speaker 1: It's a pert and Roquel Savage are two sex workers

483
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:46,360
Speaker 1: that I think are great in providing just that insight

484
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:50,359
Speaker 1: I mean again and having conversations and and and talking

485
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,920
Speaker 1: about therapy. Over the last few years, searching for people

486
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: that can relate. I think it's very important. It's so

487
00:26:55,960 --> 00:27:01,120
Speaker 1: important and so Jasmine. Then what things did she say

488
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:04,600
Speaker 1: that triggered you to realize what exactly was taking place?

489
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,000
Speaker 1: She said it straight up. She was like, you're a

490
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 1: sex slafe that the first time. Yeah, I didn't know

491
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: what I was. I'm like one person was like, oh

492
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 1: your your your your spirit is being sold to like

493
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 1: the Devil's something. I'm like, I'm like going all crazy.

494
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just want somebody to like speak to

495
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: me and not be all and not a healthy person.

496
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:31,840
Speaker 1: What was your last conversation with him? Like, his last

497
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 1: conversation was it's so funny. It's on my old phone

498
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:43,200
Speaker 1: because this was God because my my voicemail recorded our conversation.

499
00:27:43,760 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 1: The voicemail is so weird, it's so weird. And the

500
00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:54,640
Speaker 1: conversation was like, have you touched yourself? So he sent

501
00:27:54,720 --> 00:28:00,280
Speaker 1: me a picture right now and what my my body?

502
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:06,600
Speaker 1: And I was just like, I'm not sending you a

503
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,399
Speaker 1: picture of myself, like because at that time I was

504
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:11,560
Speaker 1: so down that I felt so drained. It's like he's

505
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:15,719
Speaker 1: an energy vampire. You know. Energy vampire vampires are a thing,

506
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:19,240
Speaker 1: like they drained you, and I was like, I feel

507
00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 1: so drained. I feel like I'm not myself. I feel lost.

508
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,360
Speaker 1: I feel I don't feel like myself. I haven't showered

509
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 1: in like two weeks. I'll be honest, I didn't shower

510
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 1: for two weeks. That's how depressed and low I was.

511
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,800
Speaker 1: And I was. He was just like, you're blaming me,

512
00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 1: You're you're blaming me, and I'm like, I'm not blaming you.

513
00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 1: That's how I feel. It's how I felt for the

514
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 1: past two years. And then after that, like, UM he

515
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: called me and I just never answered the phone, and

516
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 1: a part of me I kept my phone number for

517
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 1: a while because a part of me was still attached

518
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:01,880
Speaker 1: to him. UM and Jasmine helped me realize, like, that's

519
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: okay to feel that way. Um our conversation, the conversation

520
00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: between me and Jasmine helped me the most because she

521
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 1: UM helped me recognize my baby. The real loss for

522
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 1: me because I've been you know, sexually assaulted multiple times

523
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 1: before him, and I was kind of numb to it.

524
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 1: The real problem was me for me was I'm a

525
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 1: person who can't wait to be a mom. I I

526
00:29:30,320 --> 00:29:33,400
Speaker 1: can't wait to be a mother, like I'm meant to

527
00:29:34,240 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 1: carry someone's child in my womb, and I had to

528
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,720
Speaker 1: act as if I didn't carry a baby in my

529
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 1: body for almost five months. And she was like, speak

530
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:53,520
Speaker 1: to her, you know, speak to her, acknowledge her. What

531
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 1: was she like? You know? And I had to real No,

532
00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:01,200
Speaker 1: I had I was forced to get an abortion by him. Yeah.

533
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:06,000
Speaker 1: Can I ask you before, Jasmine, had you done any

534
00:30:06,040 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 1: other sort of therapy? And I only asked that because

535
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 1: you just mentioned you being numbed to the fact that

536
00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 1: you have been sexually assaulted prior to this man even

537
00:30:15,800 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 1: entering your life. Was that something you just normalized and

538
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:22,960
Speaker 1: felt was something to expect from men. I don't know

539
00:30:23,040 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: how to say. I didn't know how to say. No.

540
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: My note was taken from me at nine years old.

541
00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 1: It was taken from me at fifteen years old. It

542
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 1: was taken from me when I met him. I did

543
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,440
Speaker 1: it was it was normal to me, you know, I

544
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: was I've always been like this sensual, seductive looking person.

545
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 1: So it's always you. Weren't you weren't that at nine?

546
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: So was Yeah, you can't let that blame you either.

547
00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,000
Speaker 1: But also I've always had, like you know, even when

548
00:30:50,040 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: I look at my knees. I'm like, you're gonna be

549
00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: so sensual when you get older. You could see it,

550
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 1: and you could you could see it in like the

551
00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:00,120
Speaker 1: eyes of a child. It's just like how you are.

552
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 1: That's because I'm a sensualist, you know, I see it.

553
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:07,160
Speaker 1: It runs in our family. But it runs in our family.

554
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: I would also she's young. She's young, but it's just like,

555
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:15,240
Speaker 1: do you what do you think that you're maybe projecting?

556
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: Probably probably not. I have been at one interaction of

557
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 1: a kid. She was like a friend of mine's kid.

558
00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:29,640
Speaker 1: She is super intuitive and very passionate person. Every time

559
00:31:29,720 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 1: she touched talks to me, she touches my hands. But

560
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 1: her mom is like that, they're they're Latina, right, They're

561
00:31:35,080 --> 00:31:39,400
Speaker 1: very loving And I wouldn't describe her that way, but

562
00:31:39,520 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: I would just say, oh, when she gets older, she's

563
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 1: going to be just like her mom. Her mom is

564
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:45,200
Speaker 1: a sexy person. But I didn't think like that. I

565
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 1: just feel like she's warm. Every time she sees me,

566
00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 1: she calls me miss Gila, how ms Gila? Oh, how's

567
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 1: New York? And she's just a very tapping kid. But

568
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 1: I don't take that a sensuality more that I take

569
00:31:56,040 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 1: that as she is just into I think I see

570
00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 1: it as like when I see sensuality, I see like

571
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 1: women's like a woman and a girl's softness. You know,

572
00:32:06,240 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: when I see sensuality, I don't think sex. You know,

573
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 1: see sensuality for you as a as as someone who

574
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 1: was taking advantage of turned into sex. Which is why

575
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: I say when you look at like girls and like,

576
00:32:21,720 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 1: I would just hope that maybe in Jasmine, if you're

577
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 1: listening to this, I would hope that would be a

578
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:30,480
Speaker 1: conversation that you could have because the idea of sensuality

579
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: and you seeing that in young girls and and almost

580
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 1: saying oh, I know how you're gonna be when you

581
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: get older. I know the battles you're gonna deal with. It.

582
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 1: To me, it's it's a it's unfortunate because I mean,

583
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:45,640
Speaker 1: I think, as just a woman with waight who grew

584
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 1: up with weight, my hips looked different to adults than

585
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:54,520
Speaker 1: what other people looks at it, my breast having likest.

586
00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:00,240
Speaker 1: But I think that a child essensual, I think idea

587
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,680
Speaker 1: of sexual they just want a child. I think when

588
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,640
Speaker 1: I see it as because when I say that, it's

589
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 1: it's a form of like me saying like I know,

590
00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,560
Speaker 1: and it's a protection thing for me. You know, when

591
00:33:11,600 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 1: I see my niece, I see, oh, my guy, like,

592
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 1: you're gonna be You're gonna beat, You're gonna have this softness,

593
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,959
Speaker 1: You're gonna have this sensuality that I have, that your

594
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,600
Speaker 1: mother has, that even my mom has, you know, I

595
00:33:23,720 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: see it, and I'm just like, how am I going

596
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 1: to be able to protect you from now? Because I

597
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 1: see us five at five years old? And yes, we

598
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 1: have thick people in our family. You know, we're thick,

599
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 1: we're soft and you know, little girls they have such

600
00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,320
Speaker 1: soft touches and they they're always all over everybody. And

601
00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 1: it's just like every time I see her around it, man,

602
00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just want to grab her. Are over protective?

603
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I probably, I am mama, But

604
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: I also want to share something with you, and I

605
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: haven't shared it on the podcast, but what I see

606
00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 1: of your action and I'm no therapist, however, Um a

607
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 1: cousin of mine, and I thankfully I have a lot

608
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: of kind of cousins, so I can share this. She

609
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: was taking advantage by my uncle. Um, he just did

610
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,239
Speaker 1: ten years, just got out. We're not even gonna talk

611
00:34:16,280 --> 00:34:20,440
Speaker 1: about that, but we of the family were not aware

612
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:24,800
Speaker 1: that she was being molested until she got pregnant and

613
00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 1: found out it was a girl. So I would say,

614
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 1: it's not the sensuality that you see as much as

615
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,320
Speaker 1: it's the fact that she is a girl and a

616
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 1: woman and mate be subjected to the abuse that you took.

617
00:34:38,680 --> 00:34:42,279
Speaker 1: And so too again with what I experienced with with

618
00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:46,879
Speaker 1: with my family and and sexual assault and and melestation

619
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:50,720
Speaker 1: and rape and all of those things. The conversation amongst

620
00:34:50,760 --> 00:34:55,120
Speaker 1: my family was that it turned into the protection of

621
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 1: damn near every woman in the family. It turned into

622
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 1: my dad calling me and was like, he didn't touch you,

623
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 1: did he Okay, he didn't touch your sister, did he? Like?

624
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 1: And it turned into it didn't matter what we looked like,

625
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:09,879
Speaker 1: what hips I had, what tips I had. It turned

626
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 1: in the fact that we were women and we knew

627
00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:15,960
Speaker 1: that he touched my cousin and the family and literally

628
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,440
Speaker 1: none of us, and she wasn't she was maybe twenty one.

629
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:23,000
Speaker 1: We didn't even know until she got pregnant with a girl.

630
00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: And the reason because we all feel like the like,

631
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 1: had she gotten pregnant with a little boy, we don't

632
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: know if we would have ever found out. The reason

633
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:35,959
Speaker 1: we found out was because she was in such fear

634
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: that her daughter would have to live through the same

635
00:35:38,760 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: thing she had to in terms of being leed, in

636
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 1: terms of being molested by our my uncle. So that

637
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,360
Speaker 1: was the only time the entire family found out what

638
00:35:49,480 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 1: she had been going through. She had kept it in

639
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: and it wasn't until someone younger was going to be

640
00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:57,440
Speaker 1: present in her life that she spoke out. And so

641
00:35:57,520 --> 00:36:00,359
Speaker 1: when you look at your knees, you probably look at

642
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 1: not only someone that you love and care about, but

643
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,200
Speaker 1: somebody that you never want to go through what you

644
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,800
Speaker 1: went through. And so I think to almost say she

645
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,000
Speaker 1: has the sensuality that I do, and her mom has

646
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 1: and all of these things. I think what it is

647
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 1: is a deep feeling of you're you're a girl, you're

648
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: a woman, and you may be subjected to the things

649
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: that I have been subjected to by the men in

650
00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: my life. And so I just employ you to maybe

651
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: visit that in therapy, because I don't want you to

652
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:34,320
Speaker 1: even make the excuse of sensuality or the excuse of

653
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,520
Speaker 1: your your thighs or your hips as a woman, because

654
00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:41,440
Speaker 1: I think it's also an excuse like and again. I

655
00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 1: talked about my sexual assault on the train. I had

656
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 1: met in my life at the point that I really

657
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 1: loved and I thought cared about me. And their first

658
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:51,640
Speaker 1: question to me was what was he wearing? Because that

659
00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 1: that asked is that? And so that's why I want

660
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 1: you to maybe be more open to not looking at

661
00:36:59,000 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 1: the sensuality of a young girl and look at the

662
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 1: fact that she's just the girl existing in this world.

663
00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,839
Speaker 1: This ship, I think, and not saying our families ain't ship,

664
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,040
Speaker 1: but like, you know, there was an uncle in our

665
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: family wasn't really uncle, was a grandfather, and I remember

666
00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:16,840
Speaker 1: I think I might have talked about it on Patreon.

667
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 1: At a funeral, he tried to take me to toys

668
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 1: r US and my mom did in front of I didn't,

669
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,520
Speaker 1: and I was so mad at my mom. I didn't understand,

670
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 1: like my mom was in the street, like damn near

671
00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:30,960
Speaker 1: about some you know, fucking stand in front of it.

672
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,000
Speaker 1: So he couldn't drive me to the toy store. And

673
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:34,600
Speaker 1: he did tell me, don't tell anyone I was going

674
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,399
Speaker 1: to get toys, and like it's crazy, right, And then

675
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 1: I think later down the line it turned into I

676
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:47,000
Speaker 1: was wearing, Uh, what was it? You know, when you're

677
00:37:47,080 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: playing with the hose or whatever outside in the grass,

678
00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: like it's they're yelling at her, like what she was

679
00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:53,719
Speaker 1: doing that? What was going on? How did he take

680
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:55,840
Speaker 1: her in the car? Why? And you know we like

681
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:57,960
Speaker 1: it's it's some old ship. I don't know why old

682
00:37:58,000 --> 00:37:59,959
Speaker 1: people felt like this. I feel like we're getting older.

683
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: It's not even old people feel like that. Your mom

684
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 1: may have known that Nigga was inappropriate, even though he

685
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 1: was in family saying well, yes, why why was he

686
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:09,640
Speaker 1: doing this? Did what did you put your kid in?

687
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,879
Speaker 1: They blame the women and not blame the men who

688
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:16,800
Speaker 1: commit the crime. They'd a lot that. I mean, it

689
00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 1: comes and I can always say it. It becuts them

690
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,799
Speaker 1: down from slavery and all that. You know how how

691
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:24,400
Speaker 1: black women always had to have we had to change

692
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:26,600
Speaker 1: the way we dressed, you know, to appease the white woman,

693
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 1: you know, to make her feel comfortable around like her

694
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:33,560
Speaker 1: husband and stuff like that. But you know, it comes

695
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 1: down to like that generational trauma, that womb trauma, you know,

696
00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:39,320
Speaker 1: you know, going back to like what you said, you know,

697
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,800
Speaker 1: taken away and I'm definitely gonna listen to that because

698
00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:44,800
Speaker 1: you know it's a lack of better words, you know,

699
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: and it's who's going to be the person to break

700
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 1: that curse? You know, your your mother probably never went

701
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:55,520
Speaker 1: through it, but your grandmother probably did, or your great

702
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:58,120
Speaker 1: grandmother did, and then now you're having to go through

703
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:00,520
Speaker 1: it because they never healed from it. They never spoke

704
00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 1: up from the family member like your um cousin has.

705
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 1: And she just broke that generational curse for her family.

706
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 1: You know, she's the one that spoke up that a

707
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:12,880
Speaker 1: lot of people probably never did. And now she finally

708
00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:15,359
Speaker 1: spoke up. And it's like the fear of speaking up

709
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:18,839
Speaker 1: and within your family or honestly even me being here,

710
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 1: you know, speaking up because this is my first time

711
00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 1: back to New York since I decided to if I

712
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 1: him wanted to ask you midway, but I didn't want

713
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: to say because I knew you flew from Atlanta to

714
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:30,040
Speaker 1: do this interview, and I'm just thinking, like, because you

715
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: kept saying going to New York, I was like, I

716
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:34,160
Speaker 1: wonder if she like felt I thought about him when

717
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 1: she came to New York, Like oh I did, Like

718
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,600
Speaker 1: it was man, listen, I got my index cards telling

719
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 1: me I'm okay, Like I go real quickly, I do

720
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 1: you don't have these, don't have the pink, don't got

721
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 1: nothing on there. So do you the the words of

722
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 1: you carry these often with you. I made those for

723
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 1: here you, and then I have I have my You're

724
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:58,440
Speaker 1: a really good story. And it's really shocking to think

725
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,279
Speaker 1: you were. You said it twice that you're nervous. Well, yeah,

726
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 1: I'm here's the thing, you know, by the way, I

727
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 1: love this one. This is problem is my favorite things.

728
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:11,360
Speaker 1: Sweet purple unicorns, mermaids, fairies, purtances, fairy tales. So just

729
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: things that make you. Those are things that make me happy.

730
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: Shout out to um my spiritual advisor, Cynthia Roy. I

731
00:40:18,440 --> 00:40:19,560
Speaker 1: don't know if you've ever heard of her, but not

732
00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 1: sent just this huge box. I just remember because I

733
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,880
Speaker 1: just found it. She makes divinity and affirmation cards I love,

734
00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 1: like specifically for black women. And that was my first

735
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,440
Speaker 1: time ever using that not a really bad day, when

736
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:32,680
Speaker 1: I was in a lay and I went through them.

737
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 1: It was and it was stuff like you're the ship right,

738
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,080
Speaker 1: like keep going blah blah blah, and just to see

739
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 1: that you carried him. I'm so conscious of what other

740
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 1: people around me are going to perceive. My anxiety as

741
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,279
Speaker 1: that I try my best not to show it. And

742
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:48,919
Speaker 1: just recently I've talked about like depression and suicidal thoughts

743
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 1: and things like that, and like I felt no fear

744
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 1: from it, but that came after six years of being

745
00:40:54,080 --> 00:40:56,319
Speaker 1: on a mic. Yeah, I can talk about a cream pie,

746
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 1: but for some reason, it's so scary to open up

747
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 1: and say, like, oh, I didn't want to be here anymore,

748
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 1: and that vulnerability is so important. Bro the amount of

749
00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: people that have wrote me like I can only describe

750
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,040
Speaker 1: it like this, and I'm hoping the best for you

751
00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:13,640
Speaker 1: after this episode, because after I came out about depression

752
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 1: and not you know, wanted to be alive. I had

753
00:41:16,920 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 1: so many d ms and people telling me I helped

754
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 1: them that I didn't even I was like, bit, I

755
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 1: can't help myself, so I don't. I don't even want

756
00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: the weight of this. We have a live show, and

757
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 1: Mandy and I talked about it, and I think on

758
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:28,600
Speaker 1: the episode Rorean Mall where this girl wrote me and

759
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:31,720
Speaker 1: was like wheezy, like I almost did something to myself yesterday,

760
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:33,800
Speaker 1: but I wanted to come to the show. I was like,

761
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 1: I don't know how to respond. That meant so much

762
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:38,839
Speaker 1: to me, and then she ended up on the mic.

763
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:42,879
Speaker 1: H but like I didn't even know and she got

764
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 1: on the mic and we have our our team that

765
00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 1: like bets people. She had a story and she literally said,

766
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:52,239
Speaker 1: I wrote both of you guys yesterday, like I wanted

767
00:41:52,280 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 1: to be here so bad and I had these thoughts

768
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,439
Speaker 1: to end my life. But I'm here because I wanted

769
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:58,880
Speaker 1: to be here. So I didn't do it yesterday because

770
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 1: I wanted to be here. And we were on stage like, well,

771
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 1: we're so glad you made it. But like even that

772
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:08,560
Speaker 1: weight on her dealing with depression last year was the

773
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:12,480
Speaker 1: hardest year mentally I've ever dealt with in my entire life.

774
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,520
Speaker 1: And to hear that, you know and that's it's like

775
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:19,040
Speaker 1: you relive it. If that's really what I mean by life?

776
00:42:19,080 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 1: Did you did you like you were reliving? Did you

777
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,880
Speaker 1: feel like you were also reliving anything by just stepping

778
00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:27,600
Speaker 1: back into New York? Yeah, I had to like breathe,

779
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:31,320
Speaker 1: like I had to really take a second because I

780
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 1: was I was shaken, even when the moment I no, no,

781
00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:40,680
Speaker 1: no no, I wanted to I wanted to come because

782
00:42:40,880 --> 00:42:44,240
Speaker 1: I was fearful I missed my best friend's first birth,

783
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:49,520
Speaker 1: like the birth of her first child last year. Girl, no, no, no,

784
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,480
Speaker 1: I wanted to come here. I wanted to come here.

785
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 1: I manifested this, you know, I I said to myself,

786
00:42:56,880 --> 00:42:59,560
Speaker 1: I have a voice, and I knew that. You know,

787
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,040
Speaker 1: there are people that watch me and they see me,

788
00:43:03,120 --> 00:43:05,640
Speaker 1: they see big cat energy, and I'm like, I'm a

789
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 1: little you know, I identify as a little I identify

790
00:43:09,680 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 1: as a kitten. You know what is crazy what you're

791
00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 1: saying this London? Like I was thinking, Um, you do

792
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:18,040
Speaker 1: watch our decisions, yes, all the time, not all the time,

793
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 1: but enough to where you might know the dynamic. Um,

794
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:22,719
Speaker 1: so I a little bit, you know, things to go

795
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 1: through on this outline And I'm like, in the middle

796
00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:26,359
Speaker 1: of you talking, I'm like, I'm not about to bring

797
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,080
Speaker 1: up a news article. This is just not it, right.

798
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,800
Speaker 1: We very rarely have moments where I think we have

799
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:35,520
Speaker 1: conversations so serious and it's really important because you know,

800
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:37,520
Speaker 1: we pride ourselves on the sex said part, but we'll

801
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 1: be talking about dumb ship. But like, you know, this

802
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:40,680
Speaker 1: is just one of those few. We may not have

803
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 1: had an episode like this in years. And seriously, like,

804
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,800
Speaker 1: you really don't know how you might say somebody, And honestly,

805
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,279
Speaker 1: the thing that I'm thinking about too, to the things

806
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:51,239
Speaker 1: that watched this, that may not have to worry because

807
00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:54,920
Speaker 1: men have a less likely chance of being you know,

808
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:57,480
Speaker 1: sold in the sex trafficking or slavery still happens, but

809
00:43:58,000 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: there may be a woman in their life that disappears,

810
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:02,920
Speaker 1: or a sister or a friend, and you just never

811
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:05,919
Speaker 1: fucking know. And like, I do think this is super

812
00:44:06,000 --> 00:44:10,360
Speaker 1: helpful because a lot of the times I was confusing,

813
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:12,879
Speaker 1: even a relationship with the dominant man is like, what's

814
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 1: going on? Am I in the right thing? Like you know,

815
00:44:15,239 --> 00:44:16,840
Speaker 1: sex labor. You always think, oh my god, there's a

816
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 1: bunch of people coming in here and they're making money

817
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:21,399
Speaker 1: off of me. That's what I would think, But you're

818
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 1: your situation is totally different. I think I was gonna

819
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:32,239
Speaker 1: say you wrote that your sub. I would love to

820
00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 1: hear about that, because how the fund could you be

821
00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: a sub now? And how do you still feel not

822
00:44:37,760 --> 00:44:41,160
Speaker 1: only trust people? But we talked about how the subs

823
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 1: have maybe because the subs have technically more power than

824
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:48,640
Speaker 1: the domes, and we've talked about that so and maybe

825
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 1: also in terms of and I would like to know. Yeah,

826
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 1: I guess can you talk about in terms of minute

827
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:56,440
Speaker 1: of this one? Maybe this one has been a good

828
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:59,520
Speaker 1: place to stop talking about it. What part of a

829
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 1: little are you? Because we just had the conversation shout

830
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:06,680
Speaker 1: out to Melan Tea from Limitless lux. We talked about

831
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 1: what big letters a little letters are. Little letters can

832
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 1: be identified as sex, slaves, subs, dolls, Um, give me

833
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 1: some other sub su see could you name some more

834
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:24,000
Speaker 1: things in which subs are normally titled? So um, I've

835
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 1: heard you said beat dolls. Um, um you could you

836
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,080
Speaker 1: could little girl and says you could be Um, you

837
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 1: could be a little like me. I'm I am a

838
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 1: little like I age. I age regress from the ages

839
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:40,880
Speaker 1: four to seven. Oh like I'm I'm a non sexual

840
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:44,439
Speaker 1: little girl. Yeah, I'm a non sexual little I don't

841
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,400
Speaker 1: have a caregiver. Okay, I never heard that non sexual

842
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: little to find that place, So it means that I

843
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 1: don't I don't allow any type of sexual anything because

844
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:56,360
Speaker 1: I age regress from the ages of four to seven,

845
00:45:56,560 --> 00:45:58,920
Speaker 1: and those are the ages that I've never experienced trauma.

846
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 1: I put myself in a little like That's why I

847
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:05,600
Speaker 1: have my unicorn. You know this is not if it's

848
00:46:05,640 --> 00:46:07,759
Speaker 1: non sexual, how is it a part of your Yeah,

849
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:09,640
Speaker 1: and what do the men get from it then as well?

850
00:46:09,840 --> 00:46:15,880
Speaker 1: So you know the caregiver, the caregiver, they literally give guidance.

851
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:17,840
Speaker 1: You know, they take care of you. I like to

852
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:21,000
Speaker 1: call myself a spoiled little because I like nice things

853
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:26,839
Speaker 1: and um, I color I play tea. You they care

854
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,360
Speaker 1: for me. And if I'm somebody who because I'm somebody,

855
00:46:29,360 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 1: I have a big spending habit, you know, initially, if

856
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: I have a caregiver, which I don't. You know, I'm

857
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:39,080
Speaker 1: I'm my own daddy, right she said, she's looking. I'm

858
00:46:39,160 --> 00:46:43,919
Speaker 1: my own daddy. I'm my own daddy right now. That's

859
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:48,200
Speaker 1: the title of this episode. I am my own daddy.

860
00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:51,439
Speaker 1: And it's very important to um. And this is where

861
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,560
Speaker 1: the healing comes from. And this is where I'm I'm

862
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 1: able to say, like I could be a professional submissive

863
00:46:58,000 --> 00:47:01,840
Speaker 1: because I'm able to take care of myself. You know,

864
00:47:01,960 --> 00:47:04,759
Speaker 1: I'm able to, you know, spoil myself the way I

865
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 1: want to be spoiled. I'm able to guide myself the

866
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,359
Speaker 1: way I want to be guided. But there's times where

867
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 1: I just don't want to do ship, Like I just

868
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,759
Speaker 1: want to color and have a tea party, and you

869
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:16,279
Speaker 1: just say that, get up, get dressed, we're gonna go

870
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:19,239
Speaker 1: and get some food and we have like a date.

871
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:21,359
Speaker 1: Think of like the things that I do that makes

872
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:23,560
Speaker 1: me feel good at a child, Like do you have anything.

873
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:29,400
Speaker 1: It's very important to think about new words as a child,

874
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 1: Like I would always like to do the little newspaper thing.

875
00:47:31,800 --> 00:47:32,840
Speaker 1: When I was a kid, I didn't even know what

876
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:36,640
Speaker 1: it meant. I mean, the only thing stuff like to

877
00:47:36,800 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 1: me um, which I'm really excited to actually do it

878
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 1: on my own, is so the building of things makes

879
00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:48,600
Speaker 1: me feel childe. So I just gotta back around Christmas time,

880
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:52,000
Speaker 1: I got this gingerbread house that I'm really excited to build.

881
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 1: Um And then to me, I was big on playing

882
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 1: house the Legos dogs. So anytime I get something and

883
00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 1: I have to build it, it's not even that I

884
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 1: feel like a man. I feel like I'm a child

885
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,120
Speaker 1: building something. That's the only time I can even remember

886
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:08,839
Speaker 1: building ship that's a little space. Is that a little space?

887
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,320
Speaker 1: Like you're putting yourself in a little space. I don't

888
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:13,680
Speaker 1: feel like I'm building like legos or a puzzle like

889
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:15,680
Speaker 1: those are those are my childish things. Or like when

890
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:17,440
Speaker 1: I was with my partner and I used to tell

891
00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 1: you we played games. I love you, you know I

892
00:48:20,719 --> 00:48:27,000
Speaker 1: love game. No, I don't play, but I don't mean

893
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,319
Speaker 1: it depends on how I only played games with him.

894
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:31,040
Speaker 1: I can't tell you if my friends come over that

895
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 1: we sit and play games. I don't play games in parties.

896
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:35,960
Speaker 1: I don't play games at the club. I don't play

897
00:48:36,000 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 1: games when i'm You can play Space. That's not fair, Okay, Space,

898
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:45,280
Speaker 1: space game phase is balance. Space is an adult children

899
00:48:45,320 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 1: were never a lot to play Space. I'm not allowed

900
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 1: to play you know what I mean. Space is an

901
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 1: adult game. But all of those other games or building

902
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:55,120
Speaker 1: of things or putting puzzle pieces together, those to me

903
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:58,520
Speaker 1: are childish things. I remember those from childhood. I think

904
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 1: we think. When I was depressed, and this is a

905
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 1: random thought that came to my mind, I was like

906
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:07,239
Speaker 1: thinking of things I watched as a kid, and I

907
00:49:07,320 --> 00:49:09,080
Speaker 1: had to I watched The Grassy again. Do you remember

908
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 1: anybody remember? Ready or not? All right? I thought you

909
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:19,920
Speaker 1: were about to sing, fucking this so embarrassing, so weird

910
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:27,320
Speaker 1: to you? Yeah, just because there's a great show. Do

911
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:31,000
Speaker 1: you see they're bringing the ending it and they're twenty

912
00:49:31,040 --> 00:49:34,520
Speaker 1: five years They just did the same thing with Proud Family.

913
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 1: No author, they're bringing back the Proud Family, but with

914
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 1: them as adults. And then they also, oddly enough, they

915
00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 1: decided to sexualize and identify everyone, and Doug, really did

916
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:53,320
Speaker 1: you see that recently? So Skeeter, the identified was black,

917
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:57,879
Speaker 1: like is that anybody Patty Mayo like? And they put

918
00:49:57,960 --> 00:50:01,319
Speaker 1: everyone into what their category. I mean, that's kind of fun. Oh.

919
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: I started playing fucking Okay, I'll have y'all guests because

920
00:50:03,680 --> 00:50:06,399
Speaker 1: I love the theme song. La la la la la,

921
00:50:07,160 --> 00:50:10,520
Speaker 1: this is my star. Just hello, you look like you

922
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,439
Speaker 1: know what Daria is. Excuse me. I didn't really watch

923
00:50:13,560 --> 00:50:18,600
Speaker 1: Daria like Daria right now. I'm I'm a I'm a

924
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: Disney girl. I'm a cartoon network girl like Comedy Central.

925
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:24,759
Speaker 1: Daria was I don't remember what it was on. Oh no, no, no,

926
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:29,040
Speaker 1: my daddy was too. She was. I feel like that

927
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 1: was on like or Don't Swim something like TV. Daria

928
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,480
Speaker 1: was my ship, but like anyway, so I started watching

929
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,040
Speaker 1: those things and bro even it's funny because the singing

930
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 1: the songs made me feel better, and watching Arthur just

931
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:45,600
Speaker 1: hearing every day when you walking down the street, the

932
00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:48,040
Speaker 1: fact that they made it a Jamaican song. They played

933
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:51,800
Speaker 1: so much. I think it was reggae beats that was,

934
00:50:53,640 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 1: no doubt was white. I think I was right right.

935
00:50:57,160 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know, but all I do

936
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:00,719
Speaker 1: know is I do love and it does kind of

937
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:03,520
Speaker 1: bring me back childhood, even though it's super adult, big mouth,

938
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:09,560
Speaker 1: but it's a cartoon to me. Cartoons anyways. I don't

939
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 1: know how we got on here. Now we're talking about

940
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:14,040
Speaker 1: being but because we're talking about little spaces and it

941
00:51:14,160 --> 00:51:16,040
Speaker 1: makes it, it takes you back to that, like watching

942
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:17,719
Speaker 1: a show that puts you in the little space like

943
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 1: I was. I was going through it, like you know,

944
00:51:20,360 --> 00:51:22,640
Speaker 1: seeing the depression as the thing, and I say, you

945
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 1: know what, I'm watching nothing but Disney movies and Disney

946
00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:31,600
Speaker 1: TV shows. That's all I'm watching. Zoom zoom, but no girl.

947
00:51:36,760 --> 00:51:39,719
Speaker 1: Guys in fucking succession or some ship is he? I

948
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 1: don't know me neither, but somebody was talking I didn't

949
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:44,320
Speaker 1: make Succession because I don't know what that ship that.

950
00:51:44,640 --> 00:51:46,520
Speaker 1: But I'm sick of paying for these all these guys basics,

951
00:51:48,000 --> 00:51:50,479
Speaker 1: motherfucking ship. I do want to ask you, though, God,

952
00:51:50,600 --> 00:51:54,840
Speaker 1: motherfucking God, motherfuckers ship, um, because it was an interesting

953
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:58,239
Speaker 1: conversation when we had Mistress Marley on the pot. A

954
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:01,399
Speaker 1: lot of people attach b D s M and sex

955
00:52:01,480 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 1: work to sex. So the fact that you were saying

956
00:52:05,200 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 1: you are a little and you don't engage in sex

957
00:52:08,719 --> 00:52:13,239
Speaker 1: as a little, what do the men then require from

958
00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:15,920
Speaker 1: you or ask of you in whatever big letter position

959
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,879
Speaker 1: there and when they meet you? Because as a little

960
00:52:20,480 --> 00:52:23,560
Speaker 1: sex maybe on the table down the line, but it's

961
00:52:23,640 --> 00:52:26,520
Speaker 1: not when you show up as this little so sexually

962
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 1: then what are the how are the men showing up

963
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 1: for you? And what are they what are they asking

964
00:52:32,040 --> 00:52:35,920
Speaker 1: you for? Are they okay? Also with not receiving pussy

965
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 1: mouth hand jobs? Whatever do they get out of it?

966
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,880
Speaker 1: What do they get of um? Honestly, the guys that

967
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,800
Speaker 1: I have met, you know, they really just love my

968
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:49,520
Speaker 1: innocence and the energy that doesn't But it doesn't though,

969
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:52,880
Speaker 1: because it's like it's coming from because coming from a

970
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: grown woman. And also it's like you you have you're needed,

971
00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 1: you know, you're needed by something. There's a lot of

972
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:02,880
Speaker 1: men out there that have a lot of money that

973
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:06,320
Speaker 1: wants to feel needed by somebody. It's not it's no

974
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:09,120
Speaker 1: different you're saying, because this is one of these nasiest

975
00:53:09,120 --> 00:53:11,360
Speaker 1: things I've heard a man tell me. I had a

976
00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:13,880
Speaker 1: man that I was dating who was super rich, and

977
00:53:13,920 --> 00:53:15,759
Speaker 1: I didn't really talk much about on the pod but

978
00:53:16,440 --> 00:53:18,719
Speaker 1: maybe I've referenced him but didn't give a name. But

979
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: he said something to me in a text message that

980
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:23,719
Speaker 1: made me kind of feel like ship. But I was like, wow,

981
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:26,600
Speaker 1: He's like, you're as weak as I need you to

982
00:53:26,680 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 1: be sometimes, and I feel like you know how badly

983
00:53:29,760 --> 00:53:34,640
Speaker 1: I need to be um wanted and needed, and you've

984
00:53:34,760 --> 00:53:36,400
Speaker 1: known how to put that on for me and I

985
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:41,839
Speaker 1: really appreciate it. We we I wrote him back, did

986
00:53:41,920 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 1: you care about words? Real quick? Ringing back? So I

987
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,799
Speaker 1: was like, hell o, L never week, Maybe maybe been

988
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 1: a sub for you hunt and he was like no, no,

989
00:53:51,960 --> 00:53:54,440
Speaker 1: Like I get weak, you get strong for me. And

990
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 1: he was like, but there's times where you know I'm

991
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 1: helpless and you'll find something for me to help you

992
00:53:59,160 --> 00:54:02,120
Speaker 1: with and it's really empowered me. Men love that the

993
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 1: need and they do, and I bring up, now, I

994
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:08,600
Speaker 1: don't know what I really need. Your folks. We got

995
00:54:08,680 --> 00:54:10,560
Speaker 1: the roles, we got the woman iza, and I got

996
00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 1: money girl. So I'm just saying what but I told

997
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:17,359
Speaker 1: you again in the conversation with the therapist that has

998
00:54:17,440 --> 00:54:21,399
Speaker 1: been my problem now with dating men, whether whether they're

999
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 1: rich or not. You want to feel needed, and as

1000
00:54:25,000 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 1: soon as they question what their purposes in your in

1001
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:31,239
Speaker 1: your life, that's where they don't know if this even

1002
00:54:31,320 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 1: makes sense to them. And so you're saying that kind

1003
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:39,680
Speaker 1: of like wheezy, the men just enjoy feeling needed. That's

1004
00:54:39,719 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 1: what I've you know, gathered from it. But also I

1005
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 1: do want to be clear, like I am also identify

1006
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 1: as a kinky kitty and like and like a slutty princess,

1007
00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:52,440
Speaker 1: you know, so I definitely like it's just when I'm

1008
00:54:52,480 --> 00:54:55,880
Speaker 1: in my little space, don't bother me in my little space,

1009
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 1: you know, allow me to be in my little space,

1010
00:54:58,520 --> 00:55:01,439
Speaker 1: create like you know, date nights. And this is even

1011
00:55:01,560 --> 00:55:03,680
Speaker 1: like I'm a lifestyle you know a little bit. I

1012
00:55:03,760 --> 00:55:05,520
Speaker 1: do this on a lifestyle and you know it's very

1013
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:08,279
Speaker 1: hard to find, you know, doms to that you can

1014
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:11,680
Speaker 1: trust to be you know, lifestyle even you know as

1015
00:55:11,719 --> 00:55:15,960
Speaker 1: a professional um submissive. But you know, I love being

1016
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:19,080
Speaker 1: a kinky kitty, I love being like a slutty princess.

1017
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:24,120
Speaker 1: I am definitely a service. Uh, submissive. I love being domesticated,

1018
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 1: you know. I like being a wife. I love checking

1019
00:55:26,680 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 1: in on people. Had daddy, how are you doing? You know?

1020
00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:32,719
Speaker 1: I miss you. I love putting my little voice on

1021
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:35,320
Speaker 1: even when even if I'm not in little space. My

1022
00:55:35,360 --> 00:55:38,399
Speaker 1: little space voice is very tiny. Can we hear it? Oh?

1023
00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:43,880
Speaker 1: Can we hear it? Oh? Okay, but you guys have

1024
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:46,400
Speaker 1: to like I can to look along? No, no, no,

1025
00:55:46,560 --> 00:55:50,719
Speaker 1: you don't have all right, get into get into your

1026
00:55:50,760 --> 00:55:53,799
Speaker 1: talking to a daddy. You've had a really rough day

1027
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:57,759
Speaker 1: and you cannot wait to see him. Okay the scenario, Okay, um,

1028
00:55:58,320 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 1: they call her it's your voice and be like, I'm

1029
00:56:02,040 --> 00:56:04,040
Speaker 1: kind of going into a little space because I'm getting

1030
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 1: shy right now. So okay, Dave, just give her a goal. No,

1031
00:56:09,920 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 1: nigga like, hey, hey baby, how you doing today? I'm good, Daddy.

1032
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:24,040
Speaker 1: I missed you. I miss you. I miss you too.

1033
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:28,920
Speaker 1: I have missed manifest right here, and we're going to

1034
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:34,839
Speaker 1: have it te party and and we're gonna have fun

1035
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:38,560
Speaker 1: and we're going to color daddy. Can't can can we

1036
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:42,399
Speaker 1: go play? Can we go play laser Tag? Today? Yeah?

1037
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:46,400
Speaker 1: We go after work? No, I won't go now right now?

1038
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 1: Uncle right now, right now, bro, this is me when

1039
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 1: a whole when I want a bag. Oh my god,

1040
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:57,520
Speaker 1: she wanted to go to Laser Tag, bro, because I

1041
00:56:57,600 --> 00:56:59,560
Speaker 1: feel like I can get things I want and like

1042
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 1: I can like you'll say yes to me and you

1043
00:57:01,560 --> 00:57:04,400
Speaker 1: could be daddy. If I sound like that, it's like

1044
00:57:04,560 --> 00:57:08,160
Speaker 1: you're saying that that's your body, right and that's what

1045
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:11,680
Speaker 1: you do even even around them. Yeah, I'm trying to

1046
00:57:11,719 --> 00:57:15,200
Speaker 1: get out girl, because if I go to the I

1047
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:18,360
Speaker 1: won't be able to make it home. Why would you?

1048
00:57:18,800 --> 00:57:20,919
Speaker 1: Because then you literally go back to four to seven.

1049
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 1: You don't know how to get around. Um okay, I

1050
00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:29,320
Speaker 1: gotta like so here's take myself out of it because

1051
00:57:29,720 --> 00:57:34,280
Speaker 1: I turned into a four year old. You flew from

1052
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:37,600
Speaker 1: Atlanta to New York to be on horrible decisions, and

1053
00:57:37,680 --> 00:57:40,800
Speaker 1: you just hold an insane story to everyone. You talked

1054
00:57:40,840 --> 00:57:43,200
Speaker 1: about your sex life. Why do you want a bunch

1055
00:57:43,280 --> 00:57:44,840
Speaker 1: of people to hear about you? What do you do now?

1056
00:57:45,000 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 1: Who are you now? How do you? Um? Yeah, how

1057
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 1: do you? How do you do anymore? You're not for

1058
00:57:52,080 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 1: how do you? It's getting a young face? So I

1059
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 1: really I was like you could grow you the way bit.

1060
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:01,240
Speaker 1: But but but you're thirty. At just ten thirty, you've

1061
00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:04,760
Speaker 1: survived a lot. Yes, you now are in control and

1062
00:58:04,840 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 1: consent to the things that you do. You're no longer

1063
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:10,960
Speaker 1: being taken advantage of you. You're here on horrible decisions

1064
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:14,400
Speaker 1: to share your story so that hopefully other people can

1065
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:17,360
Speaker 1: be as strong as you. Yes, that's the intention. So

1066
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:21,360
Speaker 1: what what is your life now like at thirty? Who

1067
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:23,400
Speaker 1: are the people in your circle that make you feel safe?

1068
00:58:23,920 --> 00:58:26,720
Speaker 1: And where are you in your sexual journey and even

1069
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:28,840
Speaker 1: your professional life? Do you still dance? Do you feel

1070
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:33,280
Speaker 1: comfortable dancing? Express Where this entire journey of your life

1071
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 1: has brought you now to being thirty? Um? Thirty, I

1072
00:58:38,880 --> 00:58:44,840
Speaker 1: got grown women fussy, That's right. I know how to

1073
00:58:44,920 --> 00:58:46,920
Speaker 1: work I know how to work it. But you know

1074
00:58:47,200 --> 00:58:50,120
Speaker 1: I'm in my sexual We can start with the sexual

1075
00:58:50,680 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 1: side of things. Um, I'm being more intentional with my

1076
00:58:55,600 --> 00:59:01,000
Speaker 1: sex life. UM tapping into sex man jack a lot.

1077
00:59:01,440 --> 00:59:03,320
Speaker 1: We've heard about that here on the pod. Love me

1078
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:06,240
Speaker 1: some sex magic. What what things do you real quick

1079
00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:09,160
Speaker 1: get into in terms of sex magic? What things are

1080
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:12,880
Speaker 1: are you practicing? Um? Man, listen, I'll fix a candle,

1081
00:59:12,960 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: I'll make a spiritual bath. I love a cad, like

1082
00:59:15,480 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 1: the way I came to Jason Momoa and he went

1083
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 1: back to Lisa Bonne. Apparently it wasn't working for me

1084
00:59:21,720 --> 00:59:24,760
Speaker 1: because they didn't gonna went back after a month of separating,

1085
00:59:24,840 --> 00:59:27,280
Speaker 1: and I was like, my sex magic doesn't work as well.

1086
00:59:27,920 --> 00:59:35,240
Speaker 1: I mean, listen to the name. That's I guess that's true.

1087
00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:38,320
Speaker 1: You know you listen what'slet see. I got it so

1088
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:42,400
Speaker 1: I know exactly what it does. It'll make a mother crazy.

1089
00:59:42,520 --> 00:59:45,040
Speaker 1: If you're not, If you're not killing change my mind.

1090
00:59:46,240 --> 00:59:50,480
Speaker 1: Actually back into our marriage, we're gonna work in hand. Listen.

1091
00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:53,560
Speaker 1: You can manifest so much with your pussy, Like you know,

1092
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,640
Speaker 1: children you can manife. Children are physical manifestations. But like

1093
00:59:56,720 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 1: if you're not, you know, one time, every time I'm pregnant,

1094
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:02,400
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Bro, I got out of that ship

1095
01:00:02,440 --> 01:00:06,680
Speaker 1: because I manifested that baby. Because the science B. Bro,

1096
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 1: Let's tell something. I mean, I was repulating and I

1097
01:00:09,640 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 1: wish I didn't even know. Bro, it's crazy. I do

1098
01:00:13,600 --> 01:00:15,920
Speaker 1: believe that. I think you could I manifested the other

1099
01:00:15,920 --> 01:00:18,680
Speaker 1: way or not. I looked. The reason I popped that

1100
01:00:18,760 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 1: plan B so fucking fast was because I was like,

1101
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:22,480
Speaker 1: oh my god, I was creamy, Like what if I

1102
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:25,800
Speaker 1: was ovulating whatever the fucking plan b don't work if

1103
01:00:25,840 --> 01:00:28,640
Speaker 1: you're actually like really ovulating, Like, yes, it may have

1104
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:33,959
Speaker 1: helped me, but bitch, I was like, I do not really,

1105
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:40,200
Speaker 1: I don't really know this thing. He already got kids,

1106
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:45,800
Speaker 1: he's got great hair, he put out. You're using your

1107
01:00:45,840 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 1: pussy magic. That's listen. Always tell people read through your

1108
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:57,200
Speaker 1: pussy like Keegel. As you breathe, breathe through your path.

1109
01:00:57,440 --> 01:01:00,479
Speaker 1: I gotta feel y'aly breathe when you breathe like keeg

1110
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:03,680
Speaker 1: As you breathing, and think about some ship, think about

1111
01:01:03,720 --> 01:01:05,520
Speaker 1: some money. Why do you think strip was be going?

1112
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:09,240
Speaker 1: What do you think we'll be doing. That's how people

1113
01:01:09,240 --> 01:01:10,720
Speaker 1: were to find me, because they might want a session

1114
01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:14,600
Speaker 1: with some pussy breathing. You could find me at my website.

1115
01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 1: London Bridges down building Bridges, building bridge. I build bridges, bridges, bridges,

1116
01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 1: I build bridges. You know I'm bro somebody's gonna steal.

1117
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:34,680
Speaker 1: That's that's hardest. London Bridges, Building Bridges, London Bridges dot com,

1118
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:37,680
Speaker 1: London Bridges dot CEO. Don't put the m you know

1119
01:01:37,720 --> 01:01:39,880
Speaker 1: I'm gonna see all manifested. I'm just you know that's right,

1120
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:43,680
Speaker 1: good things into it. That's the Corrections Officer CEO of

1121
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:48,720
Speaker 1: I'm a CEO. There we go get help and it

1122
01:01:48,800 --> 01:01:50,720
Speaker 1: won't have that in the description of this episode. So

1123
01:01:50,800 --> 01:01:53,920
Speaker 1: London Bridges Dot CEO and you could find me London

1124
01:01:54,040 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 1: level up everywhere on everything even cash app London level

1125
01:01:59,800 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 1: Up everywhere and you know, definitely look out for you know,

1126
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,720
Speaker 1: I have my afternoon tease parties where it's literally a

1127
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,800
Speaker 1: little space for people to enjoy tea, play dress up

1128
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:12,680
Speaker 1: and you know, do central dancing so that you could

1129
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:15,640
Speaker 1: release any traumas or even just bring in any type

1130
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:19,800
Speaker 1: of manifestation you want. And because I'd be trying to work, like,

1131
01:02:19,880 --> 01:02:21,240
Speaker 1: let me see if I can get these niggas. That's

1132
01:02:21,240 --> 01:02:24,120
Speaker 1: the manifest that I do it, don't seriously, you gotta

1133
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:27,320
Speaker 1: really like you gotta be intentional about it. And also,

1134
01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:30,560
Speaker 1: you know, be intentional with your sex. You know, be

1135
01:02:30,720 --> 01:02:32,520
Speaker 1: intentional with that ship. Like if you want to have

1136
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:35,160
Speaker 1: sex with a person, asked, what's your intentions? What we're

1137
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:39,200
Speaker 1: gonna manifest with this. Let's make some money together. I'm

1138
01:02:39,240 --> 01:02:42,320
Speaker 1: so sorry, I thought I was ignoring it. Let's make

1139
01:02:42,360 --> 01:02:44,840
Speaker 1: some money together, Like, let's how much money you want

1140
01:02:44,840 --> 01:02:47,200
Speaker 1: to make, Let's write it down, let's do some breathing together,

1141
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:50,600
Speaker 1: and let's have an orgasm and and say I'm gonna

1142
01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:55,480
Speaker 1: make fifty dollars and that fuck that fifty dollars and

1143
01:02:55,480 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 1: see your life. I know that's funny. Now we could

1144
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:00,760
Speaker 1: definitely do that. Yeah, I mean so why not? So

1145
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:03,240
Speaker 1: what's your I G? Because my G is London level up,

1146
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:08,000
Speaker 1: London level everywhere it's only fans, London level up, Twitter,

1147
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:12,600
Speaker 1: London level up, Cash, London level up. And again we'll

1148
01:03:12,680 --> 01:03:14,880
Speaker 1: have that in the description of this episode. London. Thank

1149
01:03:14,920 --> 01:03:17,560
Speaker 1: you so very much for joining us today. Um. By

1150
01:03:17,600 --> 01:03:20,800
Speaker 1: the way, guys, if you want some more content of

1151
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:24,320
Speaker 1: Horrible Decisions, we do drop an extra bonus episode every

1152
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:27,160
Speaker 1: week over on our Patreon, so make sure you visit

1153
01:03:27,200 --> 01:03:32,720
Speaker 1: patreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions. We're here. Um, do

1154
01:03:32,760 --> 01:03:35,919
Speaker 1: you have anything else going on? I hate what she says.

1155
01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:37,760
Speaker 1: I mean because I don't want to because I'm gonna

1156
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:40,240
Speaker 1: drop mind, you drop your areas. We're not gonna call

1157
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:43,320
Speaker 1: them church, and now's gonna say anything like brilliant. But yeah,

1158
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:45,800
Speaker 1: a lot of things going on. We're in it. Check

1159
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:48,480
Speaker 1: out w t A Media Studios dot com, Studio A

1160
01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:50,880
Speaker 1: studio B, meet all the people. You're here on the

1161
01:03:50,960 --> 01:03:54,400
Speaker 1: mic and it's in Soho j m Z six a

1162
01:03:54,600 --> 01:03:57,520
Speaker 1: C train. Someone asked me that last night, like how

1163
01:03:57,560 --> 01:03:58,760
Speaker 1: do I get there? And I was like, there's so

1164
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:01,200
Speaker 1: many trains, honey, Google man apps which I would employ

1165
01:04:01,240 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 1: you to use, but I will be professional here since

1166
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:06,280
Speaker 1: you called the phone number and tell you anyway. Yeah,

1167
01:04:06,360 --> 01:04:10,320
Speaker 1: come through and UM listen to horrible decisions on future

1168
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:13,240
Speaker 1: because I'd love to take your money. Yeah. Absolutely, But

1169
01:04:13,360 --> 01:04:16,200
Speaker 1: also guys, make sure you go and check out Official

1170
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:21,800
Speaker 1: box owner dot com. Rebranding and new UM items should

1171
01:04:21,840 --> 01:04:25,320
Speaker 1: be announced soon. I'm super excited. We're liquidating everything that

1172
01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:27,840
Speaker 1: we have now, so if you have the chance, UM,

1173
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:30,920
Speaker 1: all of the Official box Owner products are only ten dollars.

1174
01:04:31,160 --> 01:04:32,960
Speaker 1: So that's right. You can get apple side of vinegar

1175
01:04:33,000 --> 01:04:35,880
Speaker 1: gummies and work as a suppositories for just ten dollars.

1176
01:04:36,200 --> 01:04:38,960
Speaker 1: I'm super excited to bring some his and hers UM

1177
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:43,280
Speaker 1: Libido products to the scene later on this year. But again,

1178
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:46,000
Speaker 1: going over to Official box owner dot com, use promo

1179
01:04:46,080 --> 01:04:50,000
Speaker 1: code w d P for a percentage off. I't even

1180
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:53,120
Speaker 1: remember the percentage, but save on your order. UM and

1181
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:54,800
Speaker 1: make sure you check me every Tuesday and Friday and

1182
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:57,440
Speaker 1: see the thing is podcast as well. Um, anyways, we

1183
01:04:57,520 --> 01:04:59,040
Speaker 1: are going to leave you with a five minute bonus

1184
01:04:59,080 --> 01:05:03,000
Speaker 1: clip you if you're on YouTube, you may or may

1185
01:05:03,080 --> 01:05:05,400
Speaker 1: not get this goddamn clip. If you want to hear more,

1186
01:05:05,480 --> 01:05:09,000
Speaker 1: go to fucking Patreon already, right, I'll got some goddamn

1187
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:13,760
Speaker 1: by it. How about you join us on the ship

1188
01:05:14,080 --> 01:05:17,840
Speaker 1: fucking Patreon. This has been yet another episode of horrible

1189
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:25,600
Speaker 1: decisions by it's bonus bitches, and we bet get gee,

1190
01:05:26,080 --> 01:05:28,360
Speaker 1: it's not gonna be filled with much tea. I already

1191
01:05:28,400 --> 01:05:29,960
Speaker 1: have people like wou did Old Bays say when he

1192
01:05:30,000 --> 01:05:31,720
Speaker 1: heard this bitch? I wouldn't know. I blocked that new bro.

1193
01:05:33,120 --> 01:05:37,840
Speaker 1: I mean, he may have someone giving him the tea anyways,

1194
01:05:38,360 --> 01:05:41,480
Speaker 1: I'm sure, but um, I just thought I guess to

1195
01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:43,520
Speaker 1: give if he knows what he did. When I was

1196
01:05:43,560 --> 01:05:46,160
Speaker 1: in the elevator just coming up to do this episode,

1197
01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:49,880
Speaker 1: um my neighbor, I had a company sent me like

1198
01:05:49,920 --> 01:05:52,520
Speaker 1: a hundred bodies groups maybe forty. I'm not exactly a

1199
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:55,920
Speaker 1: hundred forty by forty right, black ticks. She's next door,

1200
01:05:56,080 --> 01:05:58,000
Speaker 1: so I handed it to her. I was like, oh, here.

1201
01:05:58,040 --> 01:05:59,880
Speaker 1: I got this, you know, in the mail. I wanted

1202
01:06:00,000 --> 01:06:02,240
Speaker 1: them to you because we gotta keep from staying young.

1203
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,160
Speaker 1: She goes, and we gotta keep staying young. And she

1204
01:06:05,280 --> 01:06:07,840
Speaker 1: was like, girl, I'm way older than you. And I said,

1205
01:06:07,880 --> 01:06:09,640
Speaker 1: what she is? Thirty five? I swear on my mom

1206
01:06:09,720 --> 01:06:12,360
Speaker 1: and I thought she was maybe at max like thirty eight.

1207
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:18,040
Speaker 1: She looked really young and she said, I'm fifty. I said, bitch,

1208
01:06:18,120 --> 01:06:21,360
Speaker 1: I know you vegans. That's how it might not even

1209
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:24,840
Speaker 1: be vegan. That's how uh, that's how motherfucker's be treating

1210
01:06:25,040 --> 01:06:29,480
Speaker 1: my ex like my ex does not look fifty at all. No,

1211
01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:31,240
Speaker 1: And I think that's the thing though, when you really

1212
01:06:31,280 --> 01:06:33,520
Speaker 1: take carey body. And don't get me wrong, I only

1213
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:35,080
Speaker 1: know her because she is a dog. So we'd be

1214
01:06:35,120 --> 01:06:37,040
Speaker 1: at the dog park, but she'd be running with the dog,

1215
01:06:37,280 --> 01:06:39,000
Speaker 1: jumping up and off the table like working on like crazy.

1216
01:06:39,000 --> 01:06:40,400
Speaker 1: And I'm like, yo, you know you don't look fifty.

1217
01:06:40,600 --> 01:06:43,200
Speaker 1: So I say all that to say, she said, because

1218
01:06:43,240 --> 01:06:46,760
Speaker 1: I thought about Maggie. Who's the bitch? Obey went and

1219
01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:51,040
Speaker 1: duey and she said, girl, I don't have a concept

1220
01:06:51,120 --> 01:06:53,640
Speaker 1: of time. She said, if you asked me, I'm still

1221
01:06:53,680 --> 01:06:55,840
Speaker 1: sucking the nick I was from high school. She was like,

1222
01:06:55,920 --> 01:06:59,240
Speaker 1: everything feels the same. She was like, I take care

1223
01:06:59,280 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 1: of my body. Was like, and my spirit is like

1224
01:07:01,480 --> 01:07:03,479
Speaker 1: she said, I eat good and I'll tell no lies.

1225
01:07:03,640 --> 01:07:06,920
Speaker 1: I said, I not right, and I really want to

1226
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:10,360
Speaker 1: tell old because this body is fucking crazy. He really

1227
01:07:10,440 --> 01:07:13,320
Speaker 1: really works on his body, but he tells lies and

1228
01:07:13,440 --> 01:07:18,360
Speaker 1: so that's why he's bald. Well Balding is not no balding.

1229
01:07:18,560 --> 01:07:23,960
Speaker 1: I like bir bald is sexy. My ex was bald. Yeah,

1230
01:07:26,120 --> 01:07:28,280
Speaker 1: but I doubt what a lot of diggas was bald.

1231
01:07:29,080 --> 01:07:31,920
Speaker 1: I've had other bald niggas coming suck me down. He

1232
01:07:32,040 --> 01:07:36,680
Speaker 1: like bald players who episode named. Sorry anyways, guys, in

1233
01:07:36,800 --> 01:07:41,640
Speaker 1: this episode is our cinema for the month, and we

1234
01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:45,880
Speaker 1: chose to do Bad Vegan if I'm not a bad

1235
01:07:46,000 --> 01:07:48,960
Speaker 1: Vegan on Bacay Bro. It was good. It was really good.

1236
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,280
Speaker 1: But what's crazy too? I think last month we did

1237
01:07:51,800 --> 01:07:56,600
Speaker 1: The Tender Swindler, so it's very similar in conversations. So

1238
01:07:56,720 --> 01:07:58,880
Speaker 1: I dug in to do some different things. But before

1239
01:07:58,920 --> 01:08:01,280
Speaker 1: we started with with the catch up, I want to

1240
01:08:01,360 --> 01:08:07,760
Speaker 1: know what other TV you were currently watching? Um Jocelyn's Caperette, Honey,

1241
01:08:07,800 --> 01:08:09,040
Speaker 1: I can't wait to see this. He was one on

1242
01:08:09,080 --> 01:08:10,960
Speaker 1: the day. I just I just went to a sant's

1243
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:13,200
Speaker 1: house and he caught me all the way up with it.

1244
01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:18,720
Speaker 1: So I did, what was I gonna say? Um, I've

1245
01:08:18,760 --> 01:08:23,840
Speaker 1: been rewatching girls on HBO and I've been watching what

1246
01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:25,880
Speaker 1: is it that I watched every Sunday? Oh not need

1247
01:08:25,960 --> 01:08:29,080
Speaker 1: a fiance? That ship's getting crazy. Um. I didn't want

1248
01:08:29,120 --> 01:08:33,000
Speaker 1: to make mention. I was in a every week. On

1249
01:08:33,160 --> 01:08:34,960
Speaker 1: Tuesday's we have a staff meeting with all the heads

1250
01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:38,479
Speaker 1: at my job, and two of the departments have to

1251
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:40,920
Speaker 1: do with stuff you watch right, film and TV. And

1252
01:08:41,080 --> 01:08:43,080
Speaker 1: literally one of the girls is like, so and so

1253
01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:45,960
Speaker 1: keeps throwing me a project. But like, by the time

1254
01:08:46,400 --> 01:08:50,439
Speaker 1: we released this on Netflix, they're already gonna be tired

1255
01:08:50,479 --> 01:08:53,840
Speaker 1: of the scamming. She's like, Netflix goes in waves, So

1256
01:08:54,040 --> 01:08:56,000
Speaker 1: right now you've got an LB, then you've got the

1257
01:08:56,080 --> 01:08:58,680
Speaker 1: Tinder Swindler, then you've got Bad Vegan. She's like, we're

1258
01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:01,040
Speaker 1: in a wave of scam am. She's like, we've been

1259
01:09:01,080 --> 01:09:02,920
Speaker 1: in a wave of stand up. We got in a

1260
01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:05,880
Speaker 1: wave of black sheet And She's like, Netflix hits you

1261
01:09:05,960 --> 01:09:07,960
Speaker 1: in ways and keep feeding you. She's like, by the

1262
01:09:08,040 --> 01:09:10,240
Speaker 1: time we acquire this project, the way we'll be off,

1263
01:09:10,280 --> 01:09:13,120
Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, like that is really like

1264
01:09:13,840 --> 01:09:16,679
Speaker 1: Hollywood ship because I don't even I forgot anna delvy

1265
01:09:16,760 --> 01:09:19,120
Speaker 1: to all of them, and now it makes me want more.

1266
01:09:19,280 --> 01:09:22,200
Speaker 1: And of course because you watched blah blah blah, now

1267
01:09:22,280 --> 01:09:26,200
Speaker 1: you like this, so it's like I do enjoy it.

1268
01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:29,439
Speaker 1: And the bad Vegan story was great, but like I

1269
01:09:29,560 --> 01:09:31,960
Speaker 1: want to actually see how long that time. Really It's

1270
01:09:32,000 --> 01:09:35,080
Speaker 1: weird because I really don't think people get sick of it,

1271
01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:37,200
Speaker 1: Like I'm someone and I think I mentioned it on

1272
01:09:37,280 --> 01:09:41,040
Speaker 1: this pod when I'm just like nothing's on TV. I

1273
01:09:41,160 --> 01:09:45,479
Speaker 1: love to binge American greed, which technically is scams maybe

1274
01:09:45,520 --> 01:09:47,479
Speaker 1: a year or two ago. No, no, no, people don't

1275
01:09:47,479 --> 01:09:49,960
Speaker 1: get sick of it. I think they're saying, like the hype. Oh,

1276
01:09:50,120 --> 01:09:52,200
Speaker 1: I mean but even what what was it one or

1277
01:09:52,240 --> 01:09:56,400
Speaker 1: two years ago now? Was Firefest and that had everyone's talking.

1278
01:09:56,560 --> 01:10:00,240
Speaker 1: So I mean, I think that people love watching other

1279
01:10:00,280 --> 01:10:03,080
Speaker 1: people get got over on. I don't know why, but

1280
01:10:03,479 --> 01:10:05,759
Speaker 1: I think it's a thing I think is it's also

1281
01:10:05,880 --> 01:10:08,800
Speaker 1: like the everyday person to all of these people are

1282
01:10:08,960 --> 01:10:11,640
Speaker 1: very unassuming, you know what I mean, Like I think

1283
01:10:11,680 --> 01:10:14,160
Speaker 1: I was talking to Sophia that they're not even unassuming

1284
01:10:14,200 --> 01:10:16,599
Speaker 1: they just white because the way, no, no, no, there

1285
01:10:16,600 --> 01:10:21,000
Speaker 1: could be your everyday persons, crook ass bitches who somehow

1286
01:10:21,120 --> 01:10:23,679
Speaker 1: even just get the access to all this loan money.

1287
01:10:24,160 --> 01:10:26,000
Speaker 1: It's insane, it's insane.