WEBVTT - Sincerely, Janney: Let Go and Let God

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, guys. I was sitting here recording episodes of Dear

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<v Speaker 1>Cheekys and Cheeky's and Chill and I just had to

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<v Speaker 1>take a time out and purge my thoughts and feelings

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<v Speaker 1>here on sincerely Jane, because I've been so emotional lately,

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<v Speaker 1>you guys. I had the plan of coming in and

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<v Speaker 1>talking about something completely different, and I woke up great,

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<v Speaker 1>I was good. And then I don't know what happened.

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't know if you guys have been experiencing this,

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<v Speaker 1>but a lot of people around me have been feeling

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<v Speaker 1>the same way. I don't know what is happening, guys.

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<v Speaker 1>I know there's a lot going on in the world

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<v Speaker 1>for me personally, watching all of these videos you know

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<v Speaker 1>that are coming up on my feed, I had to

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<v Speaker 1>just stay off, you know, and ugh, but the immigration

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<v Speaker 1>thing and ice and all this stuff has been very

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<v Speaker 1>heavy on me and just so much that's happening. And

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<v Speaker 1>I just said, you know what, I'm not going to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about these other topics. I'll get to those later.

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<v Speaker 1>I just want to talk to my people from the heart.

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<v Speaker 1>And I don't even know exactly what I'm gonna say

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<v Speaker 1>right now. I really don't. I just know that it's

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<v Speaker 1>been very, very hard lately. I have good days and

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<v Speaker 1>then all of a sudden, I don't, and I have

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<v Speaker 1>been going through some things, and I've been telling Emilio,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so tired. My soul is tired. And I think

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<v Speaker 1>more than anything, what I want to show you guys

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<v Speaker 1>with this episode is that I am just like you guys.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm human. I as much as I want to be

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<v Speaker 1>positive and I do my best to be a positive

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<v Speaker 1>light and a light in the world, I go through

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<v Speaker 1>things myself. I have bad days and sometimes it's a

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<v Speaker 1>struggle for me. And that's why this podcast has been

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<v Speaker 1>such a blessing, because not only am I helping you guys,

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<v Speaker 1>but it's also a reminder to myself. And it's been

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<v Speaker 1>really tough, and I'm trying to figure out exactly what

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<v Speaker 1>it is. And I hope I'm not a downer. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to be a Debbie downer in your day,

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<v Speaker 1>because I hope you're having an amazing day. I hope

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<v Speaker 1>you are listening to music and dancing and working and

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<v Speaker 1>cleaning or whatever it is that you're doing, and it's

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<v Speaker 1>sunny outside and you're just happy. I just don't know

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<v Speaker 1>if maybe on the other end there is someone that

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<v Speaker 1>has been going through it like I have, and I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like the only way to continue is to be

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<v Speaker 1>completely honest and vulnerable, and that's what I just want

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<v Speaker 1>to do right now. I don't even know if this

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<v Speaker 1>episode will come out. I just wanted to talk to

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<v Speaker 1>you guys and just this algatam you know, and you

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<v Speaker 1>know I always say my podcast is like a form

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<v Speaker 1>of therapy for me. And I'm starting with a new

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<v Speaker 1>life coach soon. I'm really excited about that. Actually, she's

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<v Speaker 1>been on the podcast. Her name is Maury. And anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>what was I saying? Okay, so I don't know. I

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<v Speaker 1>think you know what it is that I had this plan.

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<v Speaker 1>I had a plan right of what I wanted this

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<v Speaker 1>year to look like, and I felt like, I'm going

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<v Speaker 1>to do everything that I need to do to make

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<v Speaker 1>sure that I accomplish this one particular thing, which is

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<v Speaker 1>making a baby. And it hasn't been as easy as

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<v Speaker 1>I had a thought. And I planned my whole year

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<v Speaker 1>around this. And I have not lost faith. I know

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<v Speaker 1>God is a good God, and I know if it's

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<v Speaker 1>meant for me, it's going to happen, especially if it

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<v Speaker 1>happened last year, and the one year anniversary was on

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<v Speaker 1>June first of the miscarriage, and I think I had

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<v Speaker 1>been putting it to the side and not wanting to

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<v Speaker 1>think about it. But then I found the folder. And

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<v Speaker 1>then the folder was the ultrasound of when Emilia and

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<v Speaker 1>I went to the doctors and to come, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>to get the confirmation that we were pregnant. And so

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<v Speaker 1>I asked Emilia I was cleaning things out, like should

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<v Speaker 1>I what do I do with it? Should we keep it?

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<v Speaker 1>He's like, yeah, of course, And I'm like, okay, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you're right, like we'll keep it. I think I had

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<v Speaker 1>just been trying to not bury it. No, not that

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know what, it's just kind of like at

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<v Speaker 1>a sight out of mind. So anyway, I think it's

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<v Speaker 1>been that it's been a series of things. You know.

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<v Speaker 1>I really thought this year was going to be just

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<v Speaker 1>just different, Like we all start the year and we're like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>it's gonna be better, and as we should, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>we're not gonna be like, oh, yeah, this year's gonna suck,

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<v Speaker 1>you know. But I just had a different plan and

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<v Speaker 1>I've been doing everything and like I stopped my tour

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm changing my music, and I think it's just

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<v Speaker 1>so much change at once that it was just a

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<v Speaker 1>reminder to me of like, Okay, you can have your plans, Janey.

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<v Speaker 1>You can plan all you want, but at the end

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<v Speaker 1>of the day, God has a plan for you, and

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<v Speaker 1>you need to trust that plan and just lean on

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<v Speaker 1>him and take some of the weight off of yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>And I just did that like a few days ago,

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<v Speaker 1>where I'm like us always trying to control things, and

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<v Speaker 1>that's been my nature because I'm an older sister, because

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<v Speaker 1>I had so much responsibility since I was young that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, Okay, let me try to control the narrative.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's like God saying, uh, it's not on your time,

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<v Speaker 1>it's on my time. And it shook me, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>because I like the changes right that that I'm making

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<v Speaker 1>in every way. But changes is hard, change is difficult,

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<v Speaker 1>and I find myself kind of missing my old life,

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<v Speaker 1>my old self. But I'm happy where I'm at. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know if that makes sense, but I was looking

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<v Speaker 1>at pictures of my tour and I'm like, shit, I

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<v Speaker 1>miss going on tour. I miss getting all dressed up

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<v Speaker 1>and dulled up and singing and all these things and

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<v Speaker 1>I miss it. It's weird. It's like I miss her,

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<v Speaker 1>but I like who I am. But it's hard because

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<v Speaker 1>we're not exactly where I want to be yet. So

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<v Speaker 1>I'm in that middle stage, and that's where it gets

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<v Speaker 1>freaking difficult, especially right now because I'm fasting. My birthday's

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<v Speaker 1>around the corner, and I know that when you're fasting

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of temptation, I know a lot of things

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<v Speaker 1>come your way in order to knock you off of

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<v Speaker 1>what you're doing the focus, and I'm experiencing that. And

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<v Speaker 1>one thing I wasn't expecting this year was I knew

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<v Speaker 1>a shift was coming. We talked about the shift last

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<v Speaker 1>year here on the But what I wasn't expecting was

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<v Speaker 1>that I was going to be in this weird place

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<v Speaker 1>with my siblings. We're good, we're not mad, we're not fighting.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just different now, and I think I'm mourning what

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<v Speaker 1>we had, what we were, what I wanted us to be. Again.

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<v Speaker 1>God is showing me stop trying to control the narrative,

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<v Speaker 1>Stop trying to always be the glue. Let me be

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<v Speaker 1>the glue. Let me show you, you know. And it's hard.

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<v Speaker 1>It's so hard, and so many other things guys going on.

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<v Speaker 1>I got an email yesterday about my uncle, Oh my gosh,

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<v Speaker 1>about the whole Abbajrena song. And I don't know if

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<v Speaker 1>we've talked about it on the podcast, but that's a

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<v Speaker 1>whole other thing. And I'm just like, I don't have

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<v Speaker 1>the energy to fight. I don't want to fight. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to have issues. I don't want to be

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<v Speaker 1>in legal battles. I just want peace and I don't

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<v Speaker 1>even know what that's gonna look like. And I I'm

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<v Speaker 1>just I'm going through it, guys, and we're just gonna

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<v Speaker 1>trust that God has the blueprint to our to our life,

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<v Speaker 1>and we're gonna trust that instead of trying to control

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<v Speaker 1>and maneuver, and sometimes we just need to sit. And

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<v Speaker 1>that's what I'm doing right now. And it's difficult for me.

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's sit and let things happen and let

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<v Speaker 1>things fall into place, not trying to be the one

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<v Speaker 1>moving everything and putting in place. Just sit be I'm

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<v Speaker 1>a very structured person. I'm very disciplined, pretty consistent, and

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<v Speaker 1>I have a little bit of OCD and I know

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<v Speaker 1>we probably all say that, but I like, I want

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<v Speaker 1>to like everything to be in its place, and I

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<v Speaker 1>think what I need to do right now is just

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<v Speaker 1>let things just be messy a little bit and ravel

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<v Speaker 1>and let it be so that the dust can settle

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<v Speaker 1>and everything just sits and just trust that. And I

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<v Speaker 1>think I just needed to just talk on the microphone

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<v Speaker 1>to just process my feelings and process what I'm feeling

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<v Speaker 1>and process what I'm thinking my thoughts actually, and you

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<v Speaker 1>guys are helping me without knowing you're helping me because

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<v Speaker 1>I'm just talking to you and you're listening, and I

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<v Speaker 1>thank you. And it's that because I don't know, maybe

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<v Speaker 1>someone's going through it like I am, and I just

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to remind us that that's part of life. And

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<v Speaker 1>we talk about seasons a lot on the podcast, and

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<v Speaker 1>this is a season. Some seasons are brighter and greater

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<v Speaker 1>and you're like, hell yeah, I'm on my I'm on

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<v Speaker 1>the top of it, like I'm on freaking on my

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<v Speaker 1>a game right now, like everything's great, and then there

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<v Speaker 1>are times like these for me where things seem a

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<v Speaker 1>little unclear. If you would have I mean, two months ago,

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, Okay, I know what I'm doing. Heck yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>like boom boom boom, I'm making the changes. I'm doing

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<v Speaker 1>what I gotta do, and now I feel like I'm

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<v Speaker 1>in the middle stage of like, oh shit, now what Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not happening. Things aren't going the way I thought.

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<v Speaker 1>What is the rest of the year gonna look like?

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<v Speaker 1>Like this is the halfway point? And I think that's

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<v Speaker 1>why probably I'm feeling this. I always have a plan, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>always I have a vision board. I don't have a

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<v Speaker 1>vision board this year. I don't know if I've told

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<v Speaker 1>you guys that this is the first time in like

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<v Speaker 1>fifteen years that I don't have a vision board, that

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<v Speaker 1>I have not made a vision board for this year.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think it's on purpose. Now that everything is

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<v Speaker 1>kind of like making a little bit of sense. Now,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, Okay, I don't have a vision board because

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<v Speaker 1>God wants me to just trust for once, just trust

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<v Speaker 1>because I am the person that has everything, Like I

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<v Speaker 1>have a plan, or the album comes out this day,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna start my tour, I'm gonna do this that

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<v Speaker 1>blah blah blah blah. Like right now, it's kind of

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<v Speaker 1>like up in the air, and I'm saying no to

0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:49.079
<v Speaker 1>a lot of things, even if I want to say yes.

0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:50.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, no, I need to sit my ass down.

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<v Speaker 1>I need to just remember what I felt last year

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<v Speaker 1>and embrace this time of silence and sometimes silence, no

0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:02.480
<v Speaker 1>not sometimes always silent, lets us really hear our inner

0:11:02.559 --> 0:11:06.000
<v Speaker 1>voice and the things that we really need to focus on.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's not always nice, it's not always pretty, and

0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:23.199
<v Speaker 1>that's what I'm going through right now. I just wanted

0:11:23.200 --> 0:11:26.280
<v Speaker 1>to talk about it and tell you guys. So maybe

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<v Speaker 1>maybe in a couple months things will be better, but

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<v Speaker 1>right now I am in the middle stage. And if

0:11:30.800 --> 0:11:32.760
<v Speaker 1>you are also in the middle stage, don't give up,

0:11:33.480 --> 0:11:35.720
<v Speaker 1>don't go backwards. Don't say okay, I'm gonna go back.

0:11:36.160 --> 0:11:38.080
<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna go back to whatever makes me feel good,

0:11:38.120 --> 0:11:42.280
<v Speaker 1>whatever's comfortable, because I'm happier there. Just stick it out,

0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:47.040
<v Speaker 1>stick it out, hold the line, and just keep pressing forward.

0:11:47.120 --> 0:11:50.679
<v Speaker 1>Just keep on swimming. Like Dori said, just keep swimming,

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<v Speaker 1>Just keep swimming. We're gonna keep swimming. We're gonna go

0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.520
<v Speaker 1>even if it's against the current. We're gonna keep going.

0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:58.760
<v Speaker 1>We're gonna press forward because everything is gonna be okay,

0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:02.040
<v Speaker 1>and we're gonna look back at these moments and say, ah,

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<v Speaker 1>this is why I was going through that very foggy

0:12:06.679 --> 0:12:12.000
<v Speaker 1>time in my life because of this beautiful, bright, flowery,

0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:17.559
<v Speaker 1>blissful time that I'm living. It's just life. It's the

0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:19.720
<v Speaker 1>ying and the yang. It is what it is, guys.

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<v Speaker 1>It's part of it, and we have to stick through it.

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<v Speaker 1>It can't always be pretty. It can always be peaches

0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:28.400
<v Speaker 1>and roses and air preaches and cream and butterflies and

0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:31.880
<v Speaker 1>bees and the whole beautiful part of it. There also

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<v Speaker 1>has to be that other side to learn, to grow,

0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:41.240
<v Speaker 1>to mature, to change, to become, to rebirth all these things.

0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:45.040
<v Speaker 1>There are cycles, and I think we are going through

0:12:45.040 --> 0:12:48.000
<v Speaker 1>a huge cycle. I think the world because the people

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<v Speaker 1>that I talk to. I just got my hair done

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<v Speaker 1>right now, and she's like, I am so sad, And

0:12:53.840 --> 0:12:55.800
<v Speaker 1>I said, oh my gosh. She's like, I've been so sad.

0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:58.520
<v Speaker 1>I don't even know why. I might girl me too,

0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:00.960
<v Speaker 1>And we just hugged and I hugged her and I said,

0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:03.800
<v Speaker 1>you're not alone. I understand. There's nothing wrong with you.

0:13:03.840 --> 0:13:06.480
<v Speaker 1>There's nothing wrong with us. There's a lot going on

0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:08.600
<v Speaker 1>in the world, guys, a lot of things that are

0:13:08.600 --> 0:13:11.480
<v Speaker 1>out of our control. That this is where faith comes in,

0:13:12.000 --> 0:13:14.920
<v Speaker 1>and this is where we have to hold on. And

0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:18.280
<v Speaker 1>this is why I know God exists. God exists because

0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:22.600
<v Speaker 1>I've been through this before, years ago, and I came

0:13:22.640 --> 0:13:25.240
<v Speaker 1>out of it and it was beautiful and I stuck

0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:28.800
<v Speaker 1>it through and I got a reward at the end.

0:13:29.760 --> 0:13:32.480
<v Speaker 1>Like they always say, after the rain comes a rainbow,

0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:34.880
<v Speaker 1>and if you follow that rainbow and you stay diligent,

0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:37.440
<v Speaker 1>there's a prize. There is a pot of gold. So

0:13:37.600 --> 0:13:40.400
<v Speaker 1>we're gonna look at it that way, okay, and hopefully

0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:42.720
<v Speaker 1>at the other end of that rainbow there's a cute

0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:45.400
<v Speaker 1>little rainbow baby for me. And it's gonna be God's

0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:47.600
<v Speaker 1>plan and we're just gonna let it be, and we're

0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:51.920
<v Speaker 1>gonna just pray our way through everything because I think

0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:55.360
<v Speaker 1>it's something that's going on in the world as a whole,

0:13:55.840 --> 0:13:58.559
<v Speaker 1>because there's a lot of stuff going on, and I'm

0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:02.400
<v Speaker 1>not gonna get into politics, but the leader of our country,

0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:05.760
<v Speaker 1>I think, has just brought a lot of just confusion

0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:08.120
<v Speaker 1>and stuff, and I don't know, there's a lot people

0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:11.640
<v Speaker 1>are arguing that's just too much. And sometimes we just

0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:14.480
<v Speaker 1>got to shut that shit out and just focus inward

0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:17.840
<v Speaker 1>and just say, Okay, what can I do to stay

0:14:17.920 --> 0:14:20.760
<v Speaker 1>in peace? And make a heavenly make paradise in my

0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:22.920
<v Speaker 1>mind and in my heart and in my house and

0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:26.680
<v Speaker 1>in my space what I do have control of, because

0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:28.480
<v Speaker 1>if we focus too much on the things that we

0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:31.160
<v Speaker 1>don't have control of, that's when we lose control in

0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:35.120
<v Speaker 1>every other area, especially in our hearts. Peace can't live

0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:38.200
<v Speaker 1>like that. Yesterday I just sat in the sun and

0:14:38.240 --> 0:14:41.000
<v Speaker 1>it felt so good. Guys. I was like, I just

0:14:41.040 --> 0:14:43.880
<v Speaker 1>need to soak up and slow the f down and

0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:47.640
<v Speaker 1>really just sit here and enjoy, enjoy the sun, and

0:14:47.760 --> 0:14:50.600
<v Speaker 1>enjoy the things that are for free and that God

0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:53.800
<v Speaker 1>has given us that we just overlook because we're so busy.

0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:56.080
<v Speaker 1>And that was what I last year. I overlooked so

0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:58.640
<v Speaker 1>many beautiful things. And now is the time to just

0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:07.840
<v Speaker 1>sit and enjoy and analyze and reflect and appreciate a

0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:12.920
<v Speaker 1>thank you. Hopefully again, I'm not a Debbie downer. I'm

0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.120
<v Speaker 1>just processing my feelings and my thoughts here with you, guys,

0:15:15.160 --> 0:15:18.080
<v Speaker 1>and I thank you for listening, and hopefully in some

0:15:18.160 --> 0:15:20.840
<v Speaker 1>way I'm able to help you out. And if this

0:15:20.880 --> 0:15:22.720
<v Speaker 1>is not the episode for you, don't worry. Maybe you

0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:25.880
<v Speaker 1>know someone that is going through it and you can

0:15:25.920 --> 0:15:29.480
<v Speaker 1>share it. Share this episode now I feel better now.

0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:32.400
<v Speaker 1>I talked about it with you guys, and now I'm

0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:33.880
<v Speaker 1>going to have a better day. So I hope you

0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:35.640
<v Speaker 1>have a better day, and I hope that this week

0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:39.160
<v Speaker 1>is amazing and everything's going to be okay. This too

0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:42.280
<v Speaker 1>shall pass. Sincerely, Jinney