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Speaker 1: Hi, guys. I was sitting here recording episodes of Dear

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Speaker 1: Cheekys and Cheeky's and Chill and I just had to

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Speaker 1: take a time out and purge my thoughts and feelings

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Speaker 1: here on sincerely Jane, because I've been so emotional lately,

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Speaker 1: you guys. I had the plan of coming in and

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Speaker 1: talking about something completely different, and I woke up great,

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Speaker 1: I was good. And then I don't know what happened.

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Speaker 1: And I don't know if you guys have been experiencing this,

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Speaker 1: but a lot of people around me have been feeling

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Speaker 1: the same way. I don't know what is happening, guys.

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Speaker 1: I know there's a lot going on in the world

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Speaker 1: for me personally, watching all of these videos you know

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Speaker 1: that are coming up on my feed, I had to

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Speaker 1: just stay off, you know, and ugh, but the immigration

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Speaker 1: thing and ice and all this stuff has been very

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Speaker 1: heavy on me and just so much that's happening. And

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Speaker 1: I just said, you know what, I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: talk about these other topics. I'll get to those later.

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Speaker 1: I just want to talk to my people from the heart.

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Speaker 1: And I don't even know exactly what I'm gonna say

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Speaker 1: right now. I really don't. I just know that it's

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Speaker 1: been very, very hard lately. I have good days and

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Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, I don't, and I have

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Speaker 1: been going through some things, and I've been telling Emilio,

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Speaker 1: I'm so tired. My soul is tired. And I think

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Speaker 1: more than anything, what I want to show you guys

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Speaker 1: with this episode is that I am just like you guys.

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Speaker 1: I'm human. I as much as I want to be

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Speaker 1: positive and I do my best to be a positive

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Speaker 1: light and a light in the world, I go through

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Speaker 1: things myself. I have bad days and sometimes it's a

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Speaker 1: struggle for me. And that's why this podcast has been

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Speaker 1: such a blessing, because not only am I helping you guys,

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Speaker 1: but it's also a reminder to myself. And it's been

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Speaker 1: really tough, and I'm trying to figure out exactly what

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Speaker 1: it is. And I hope I'm not a downer. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be a Debbie downer in your day,

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Speaker 1: because I hope you're having an amazing day. I hope

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Speaker 1: you are listening to music and dancing and working and

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Speaker 1: cleaning or whatever it is that you're doing, and it's

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Speaker 1: sunny outside and you're just happy. I just don't know

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Speaker 1: if maybe on the other end there is someone that

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Speaker 1: has been going through it like I have, and I

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Speaker 1: feel like the only way to continue is to be

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Speaker 1: completely honest and vulnerable, and that's what I just want

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Speaker 1: to do right now. I don't even know if this

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Speaker 1: episode will come out. I just wanted to talk to

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Speaker 1: you guys and just this algatam you know, and you

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Speaker 1: know I always say my podcast is like a form

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Speaker 1: of therapy for me. And I'm starting with a new

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Speaker 1: life coach soon. I'm really excited about that. Actually, she's

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Speaker 1: been on the podcast. Her name is Maury. And anyway,

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Speaker 1: what was I saying? Okay, so I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: think you know what it is that I had this plan.

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Speaker 1: I had a plan right of what I wanted this

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Speaker 1: year to look like, and I felt like, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to do everything that I need to do to make

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Speaker 1: sure that I accomplish this one particular thing, which is

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Speaker 1: making a baby. And it hasn't been as easy as

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Speaker 1: I had a thought. And I planned my whole year

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Speaker 1: around this. And I have not lost faith. I know

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Speaker 1: God is a good God, and I know if it's

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Speaker 1: meant for me, it's going to happen, especially if it

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Speaker 1: happened last year, and the one year anniversary was on

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Speaker 1: June first of the miscarriage, and I think I had

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Speaker 1: been putting it to the side and not wanting to

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Speaker 1: think about it. But then I found the folder. And

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Speaker 1: then the folder was the ultrasound of when Emilia and

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Speaker 1: I went to the doctors and to come, you know,

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Speaker 1: to get the confirmation that we were pregnant. And so

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Speaker 1: I asked Emilia I was cleaning things out, like should

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Speaker 1: I what do I do with it? Should we keep it?

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Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, of course, And I'm like, okay, yeah,

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Speaker 1: you're right, like we'll keep it. I think I had

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Speaker 1: just been trying to not bury it. No, not that

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Speaker 1: I don't know what, it's just kind of like at

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Speaker 1: a sight out of mind. So anyway, I think it's

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Speaker 1: been that it's been a series of things. You know.

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Speaker 1: I really thought this year was going to be just

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Speaker 1: just different, Like we all start the year and we're like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be better, and as we should, you know,

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Speaker 1: we're not gonna be like, oh, yeah, this year's gonna suck,

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Speaker 1: you know. But I just had a different plan and

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Speaker 1: I've been doing everything and like I stopped my tour

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Speaker 1: and I'm changing my music, and I think it's just

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Speaker 1: so much change at once that it was just a

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Speaker 1: reminder to me of like, Okay, you can have your plans, Janey.

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Speaker 1: You can plan all you want, but at the end

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Speaker 1: of the day, God has a plan for you, and

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Speaker 1: you need to trust that plan and just lean on

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Speaker 1: him and take some of the weight off of yourself.

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Speaker 1: And I just did that like a few days ago,

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Speaker 1: where I'm like us always trying to control things, and

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Speaker 1: that's been my nature because I'm an older sister, because

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Speaker 1: I had so much responsibility since I was young that

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, let me try to control the narrative.

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Speaker 1: And it's like God saying, uh, it's not on your time,

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Speaker 1: it's on my time. And it shook me, you know,

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Speaker 1: because I like the changes right that that I'm making

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Speaker 1: in every way. But changes is hard, change is difficult,

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Speaker 1: and I find myself kind of missing my old life,

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Speaker 1: my old self. But I'm happy where I'm at. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if that makes sense, but I was looking

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Speaker 1: at pictures of my tour and I'm like, shit, I

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Speaker 1: miss going on tour. I miss getting all dressed up

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Speaker 1: and dulled up and singing and all these things and

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Speaker 1: I miss it. It's weird. It's like I miss her,

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Speaker 1: but I like who I am. But it's hard because

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Speaker 1: we're not exactly where I want to be yet. So

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Speaker 1: I'm in that middle stage, and that's where it gets

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Speaker 1: freaking difficult, especially right now because I'm fasting. My birthday's

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Speaker 1: around the corner, and I know that when you're fasting

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Speaker 1: a lot of temptation, I know a lot of things

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Speaker 1: come your way in order to knock you off of

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Speaker 1: what you're doing the focus, and I'm experiencing that. And

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Speaker 1: one thing I wasn't expecting this year was I knew

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Speaker 1: a shift was coming. We talked about the shift last

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Speaker 1: year here on the But what I wasn't expecting was

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Speaker 1: that I was going to be in this weird place

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Speaker 1: with my siblings. We're good, we're not mad, we're not fighting.

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Speaker 1: It's just different now, and I think I'm mourning what

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Speaker 1: we had, what we were, what I wanted us to be. Again.

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Speaker 1: God is showing me stop trying to control the narrative,

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Speaker 1: Stop trying to always be the glue. Let me be

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Speaker 1: the glue. Let me show you, you know. And it's hard.

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Speaker 1: It's so hard, and so many other things guys going on.

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Speaker 1: I got an email yesterday about my uncle, Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: about the whole Abbajrena song. And I don't know if

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Speaker 1: we've talked about it on the podcast, but that's a

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Speaker 1: whole other thing. And I'm just like, I don't have

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Speaker 1: the energy to fight. I don't want to fight. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to have issues. I don't want to be

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Speaker 1: in legal battles. I just want peace and I don't

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Speaker 1: even know what that's gonna look like. And I I'm

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Speaker 1: just I'm going through it, guys, and we're just gonna

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Speaker 1: trust that God has the blueprint to our to our life,

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna trust that instead of trying to control

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Speaker 1: and maneuver, and sometimes we just need to sit. And

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm doing right now. And it's difficult for me.

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Speaker 1: I think it's sit and let things happen and let

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Speaker 1: things fall into place, not trying to be the one

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Speaker 1: moving everything and putting in place. Just sit be I'm

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Speaker 1: a very structured person. I'm very disciplined, pretty consistent, and

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Speaker 1: I have a little bit of OCD and I know

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Speaker 1: we probably all say that, but I like, I want

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Speaker 1: to like everything to be in its place, and I

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Speaker 1: think what I need to do right now is just

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Speaker 1: let things just be messy a little bit and ravel

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Speaker 1: and let it be so that the dust can settle

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Speaker 1: and everything just sits and just trust that. And I

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Speaker 1: think I just needed to just talk on the microphone

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Speaker 1: to just process my feelings and process what I'm feeling

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Speaker 1: and process what I'm thinking my thoughts actually, and you

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Speaker 1: guys are helping me without knowing you're helping me because

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Speaker 1: I'm just talking to you and you're listening, and I

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Speaker 1: thank you. And it's that because I don't know, maybe

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Speaker 1: someone's going through it like I am, and I just

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Speaker 1: wanted to remind us that that's part of life. And

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Speaker 1: we talk about seasons a lot on the podcast, and

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Speaker 1: this is a season. Some seasons are brighter and greater

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Speaker 1: and you're like, hell yeah, I'm on my I'm on

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Speaker 1: the top of it, like I'm on freaking on my

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Speaker 1: a game right now, like everything's great, and then there

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Speaker 1: are times like these for me where things seem a

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Speaker 1: little unclear. If you would have I mean, two months ago,

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Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I know what I'm doing. Heck yeah,

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Speaker 1: like boom boom boom, I'm making the changes. I'm doing

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Speaker 1: what I gotta do, and now I feel like I'm

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Speaker 1: in the middle stage of like, oh shit, now what Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's not happening. Things aren't going the way I thought.

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Speaker 1: What is the rest of the year gonna look like?

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Speaker 1: Like this is the halfway point? And I think that's

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Speaker 1: why probably I'm feeling this. I always have a plan, guys,

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Speaker 1: always I have a vision board. I don't have a

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Speaker 1: vision board this year. I don't know if I've told

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Speaker 1: you guys that this is the first time in like

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Speaker 1: fifteen years that I don't have a vision board, that

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Speaker 1: I have not made a vision board for this year.

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Speaker 1: And I think it's on purpose. Now that everything is

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Speaker 1: kind of like making a little bit of sense. Now,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I don't have a vision board because

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Speaker 1: God wants me to just trust for once, just trust

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Speaker 1: because I am the person that has everything, Like I

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Speaker 1: have a plan, or the album comes out this day,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna start my tour, I'm gonna do this that

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Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah. Like right now, it's kind of

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Speaker 1: like up in the air, and I'm saying no to

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Speaker 1: a lot of things, even if I want to say yes.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I need to sit my ass down.

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Speaker 1: I need to just remember what I felt last year

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Speaker 1: and embrace this time of silence and sometimes silence, no

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Speaker 1: not sometimes always silent, lets us really hear our inner

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Speaker 1: voice and the things that we really need to focus on.

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Speaker 1: And that's not always nice, it's not always pretty, and

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Speaker 1: that's what I'm going through right now. I just wanted

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Speaker 1: to talk about it and tell you guys. So maybe

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Speaker 1: maybe in a couple months things will be better, but

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Speaker 1: right now I am in the middle stage. And if

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Speaker 1: you are also in the middle stage, don't give up,

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Speaker 1: don't go backwards. Don't say okay, I'm gonna go back.

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go back to whatever makes me feel good,

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Speaker 1: whatever's comfortable, because I'm happier there. Just stick it out,

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Speaker 1: stick it out, hold the line, and just keep pressing forward.

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Speaker 1: Just keep on swimming. Like Dori said, just keep swimming,

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Speaker 1: Just keep swimming. We're gonna keep swimming. We're gonna go

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Speaker 1: even if it's against the current. We're gonna keep going.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna press forward because everything is gonna be okay,

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Speaker 1: and we're gonna look back at these moments and say, ah,

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Speaker 1: this is why I was going through that very foggy

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Speaker 1: time in my life because of this beautiful, bright, flowery,

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Speaker 1: blissful time that I'm living. It's just life. It's the

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Speaker 1: ying and the yang. It is what it is, guys.

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Speaker 1: It's part of it, and we have to stick through it.

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Speaker 1: It can't always be pretty. It can always be peaches

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Speaker 1: and roses and air preaches and cream and butterflies and

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Speaker 1: bees and the whole beautiful part of it. There also

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Speaker 1: has to be that other side to learn, to grow,

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Speaker 1: to mature, to change, to become, to rebirth all these things.

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Speaker 1: There are cycles, and I think we are going through

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Speaker 1: a huge cycle. I think the world because the people

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Speaker 1: that I talk to. I just got my hair done

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Speaker 1: right now, and she's like, I am so sad, And

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Speaker 1: I said, oh my gosh. She's like, I've been so sad.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know why. I might girl me too,

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Speaker 1: And we just hugged and I hugged her and I said,

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Speaker 1: you're not alone. I understand. There's nothing wrong with you.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with us. There's a lot going on

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Speaker 1: in the world, guys, a lot of things that are

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Speaker 1: out of our control. That this is where faith comes in,

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Speaker 1: and this is where we have to hold on. And

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Speaker 1: this is why I know God exists. God exists because

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Speaker 1: I've been through this before, years ago, and I came

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Speaker 1: out of it and it was beautiful and I stuck

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Speaker 1: it through and I got a reward at the end.

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Speaker 1: Like they always say, after the rain comes a rainbow,

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Speaker 1: and if you follow that rainbow and you stay diligent,

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Speaker 1: there's a prize. There is a pot of gold. So

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Speaker 1: we're gonna look at it that way, okay, and hopefully

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Speaker 1: at the other end of that rainbow there's a cute

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Speaker 1: little rainbow baby for me. And it's gonna be God's

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Speaker 1: plan and we're just gonna let it be, and we're

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Speaker 1: gonna just pray our way through everything because I think

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Speaker 1: it's something that's going on in the world as a whole,

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Speaker 1: because there's a lot of stuff going on, and I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna get into politics, but the leader of our country,

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Speaker 1: I think, has just brought a lot of just confusion

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Speaker 1: and stuff, and I don't know, there's a lot people

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Speaker 1: are arguing that's just too much. And sometimes we just

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Speaker 1: got to shut that shit out and just focus inward

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Speaker 1: and just say, Okay, what can I do to stay

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Speaker 1: in peace? And make a heavenly make paradise in my

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Speaker 1: mind and in my heart and in my house and

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Speaker 1: in my space what I do have control of, because

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Speaker 1: if we focus too much on the things that we

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Speaker 1: don't have control of, that's when we lose control in

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Speaker 1: every other area, especially in our hearts. Peace can't live

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Speaker 1: like that. Yesterday I just sat in the sun and

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Speaker 1: it felt so good. Guys. I was like, I just

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Speaker 1: need to soak up and slow the f down and

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Speaker 1: really just sit here and enjoy, enjoy the sun, and

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Speaker 1: enjoy the things that are for free and that God

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Speaker 1: has given us that we just overlook because we're so busy.

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Speaker 1: And that was what I last year. I overlooked so

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Speaker 1: many beautiful things. And now is the time to just

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Speaker 1: sit and enjoy and analyze and reflect and appreciate a

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Speaker 1: thank you. Hopefully again, I'm not a Debbie downer. I'm

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Speaker 1: just processing my feelings and my thoughts here with you, guys,

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Speaker 1: and I thank you for listening, and hopefully in some

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Speaker 1: way I'm able to help you out. And if this

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Speaker 1: is not the episode for you, don't worry. Maybe you

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Speaker 1: know someone that is going through it and you can

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Speaker 1: share it. Share this episode now I feel better now.

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Speaker 1: I talked about it with you guys, and now I'm

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Speaker 1: going to have a better day. So I hope you

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Speaker 1: have a better day, and I hope that this week

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Speaker 1: is amazing and everything's going to be okay. This too

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Speaker 1: shall pass. Sincerely, Jinney