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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, I'm Kaylie Shore, and this is too much

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Speaker 1: to say asking questions it out you, okay. So an

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Speaker 1: unintended thing that happens as a result of having your

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Speaker 1: own podcast is you have to listen to yourself through

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Speaker 1: studio quality headphones. And it's to ensure that the audio

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Speaker 1: is good for you guys, that my like vocal is

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Speaker 1: at the right volume, that I'm not backing away from

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Speaker 1: the mic too much, and um, just to you know,

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Speaker 1: be focused on it. But it means that I here,

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Speaker 1: my mouth noises really loudly, and like, by the time

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Speaker 1: you guys get the audio uploaded to the podcast platform

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Speaker 1: that you're listening on, it's not this loud or clear.

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Speaker 1: It gets compressed and whatnot. But it's like kind of

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Speaker 1: painful sometimes. And I really hate mouth noises. I hate

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Speaker 1: people who like, well I don't I'm not like hurt people,

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Speaker 1: but like, I strongly dislike when people chew with their

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Speaker 1: mouths open audibly, Like it's not so much like seeing

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Speaker 1: somebody eat or whatever, like, and if you talk with

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Speaker 1: your mouthful, it's really difficult not to do that and

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Speaker 1: to like chew thoroughly, Like I was got really stressed

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Speaker 1: out on dates, and that's why like ordering a salad

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Speaker 1: to look cute doesn't really work because you're like shoving

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Speaker 1: in fork fools of of lettuce and then it's just

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Speaker 1: you're chewing and it's awkward and like you're just much

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Speaker 1: better off like ordering something that's anyways. I feel strongly

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Speaker 1: about that. But it's like it's not the like watching

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Speaker 1: somebody do it. It's like the audible like mouth noises,

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Speaker 1: and it's like I hate it. I hate it so much.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes like watching videos of people singing like whatever

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Speaker 1: they're recording on, like if it's like a like a

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Speaker 1: studio mike to a TikTok, you can hear things sometimes

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Speaker 1: and I'm just like, oh, so, anyways, so I had

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Speaker 1: some mouth noises this morning that made me really uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: But it's all right, we're over that. We're gonna get

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Speaker 1: to the episode. So this week's episode is on anger issues. Um,

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Speaker 1: I have an interesting relationship with them. I never really

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Speaker 1: thought I had them until I started dating a peacekeeper

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Speaker 1: and uh, somebody who really needs everyone to be okay

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Speaker 1: with everyone at all times, because I don't at all.

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Speaker 1: I think that it's a form of self protection to

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Speaker 1: not be okay with people. Um, I think it's it's

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Speaker 1: setting boundaries, like I can, you know, I can see

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Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend out or you know whoever like my

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Speaker 1: ex best friends and like say hi and have a

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Speaker 1: conversation with them. Maybe maybe I won't be able to

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Speaker 1: do if they ever listened to my podcast, but um,

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Speaker 1: you know and like say hey, I to see you whatever.

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Speaker 1: But it doesn't mean I have to let them back

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Speaker 1: in my life. And so that's what not being okay

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Speaker 1: with somebody is, Like I don't like the feeling of

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Speaker 1: seeing somebody and having to duck out of the room,

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Speaker 1: Like that's ikey and awkward, and I just never really

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Speaker 1: want to be on those terms with people. But if

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Speaker 1: they make it difficult and they make me feel, you know,

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Speaker 1: unsafe in the sense that like anything I say to

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Speaker 1: them could be twisted and told to five different people,

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Speaker 1: then yeah, I'm and have some pretty rigid boundaries around

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Speaker 1: that person. So as a child, I remember so many

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Speaker 1: of my like really thorough thought processes from when I

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Speaker 1: was a kid, probably because I journaled and wrote songs

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Speaker 1: a lot, but I remember having these things and honestly,

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Speaker 1: like I can trace things back to the moments I

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Speaker 1: internalized them, which is bizarre. It's probably helpful, you know,

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Speaker 1: like therapy has probably made that accessible to me. But

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Speaker 1: I remember seeing um people in my family who had

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Speaker 1: really bad not even anger, but like rage issues and

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Speaker 1: really really mean and awful, And like I remember viewing

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Speaker 1: anger is this very weak emotion, Like there's kind of

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Speaker 1: this misconception that anger is powerful and it can be

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Speaker 1: like righteous anger it's very powerful and can drive you

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Speaker 1: to do great things, but arbitrary anger that's misdirected towards

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Speaker 1: the wrong people. It's you're throwing a fucking tantrum. And

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Speaker 1: I remember like looking at these people yelling at me

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Speaker 1: and always understanding when one of my parents was screaming

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Speaker 1: at me because I've actually done something wrong that had

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Speaker 1: put myself in danger, or when they were just taking

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Speaker 1: things out on me, like I knew that as a kid,

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Speaker 1: And like Sam and I were having a hypothetical conversation

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Speaker 1: about the children we may or may not have in

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Speaker 1: like years, no thank you, not going to rush um

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Speaker 1: where he was like, well, do you think you'd spank

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Speaker 1: your kids? And I was like, I don't know. I mean,

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Speaker 1: like I think that you your kid, you catch them,

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Speaker 1: you know, playing with the stove and something catches on fire,

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Speaker 1: or they run into traffic, or they have scissors and

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Speaker 1: they're like gonna, you know, they are about to hurt

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Speaker 1: themselves with them, and like they don't get hurt. Maybe

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Speaker 1: you need to tell make them associate with that thing

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Speaker 1: with pain, I suppose. I don't know. I don't have

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Speaker 1: a fully formed opinion on this yet, but that makes

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Speaker 1: sense to me. But as a kid, like I always

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Speaker 1: knew when like my parents were frustrated in general and

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Speaker 1: I was getting spanked as the result of it, and

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Speaker 1: it felt different, it hurt different, and um, yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: probably around the time I sort of does as anything.

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Speaker 1: But I so I always just like viewed it as

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Speaker 1: this kind of weak thing. I was like, well, that's

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Speaker 1: like so stupid and kind of primitive to misassign anger

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Speaker 1: to the wrong people, especially a kid who, by all

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Speaker 1: intents and purposes is rather innocent. Maybe annoying it sometimes,

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Speaker 1: but so I always viewed it like that. And so

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Speaker 1: when I'm dealing with a situation where I have a

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Speaker 1: lot of anger, my first move is to run away.

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Speaker 1: Um it's not because I don't like confrontation. I will

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Speaker 1: I will make myself accessible later. But my preferred way

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Speaker 1: of dealing with anger is always too Like if I

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Speaker 1: had if every situation went the way I wanted it to,

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Speaker 1: I would be able to have twenty minutes to go

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Speaker 1: sit alone in my room, get my rage crying out,

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Speaker 1: and sit down and write down the fifteen things I

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Speaker 1: want to say to that person and then figure out

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Speaker 1: the three that I need to that actually convey how

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling that aren't projecting anything else onto the situation.

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Speaker 1: And recently, in this upheaval of of friends and whatnot

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Speaker 1: I've had in the past year, there are a lot

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Speaker 1: of situations where I wasn't able to have that processing period,

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Speaker 1: and it's on me to learn how to sign that

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Speaker 1: calm and find that that piece in those really hard moments,

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Speaker 1: Like that's what healing and bettering yourself is is being

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Speaker 1: able to not default to your your default emotion. And

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Speaker 1: I do think my default emotion is anger, Like that's

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Speaker 1: the first place I go. And but I remember always

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Speaker 1: hearing my parents say things that were really harsh and

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Speaker 1: untrue and just unkind. And then after you know, there

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Speaker 1: was a cooling off period, I stormed off to my

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Speaker 1: room or whatever, I got grounded they come back and

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Speaker 1: they like, I'm so sorry that I said this and

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Speaker 1: this and this. I didn't mean it, And that always

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Speaker 1: just really struck me as something so fucking stupid. I

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Speaker 1: was like, well, why would you say it if you

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Speaker 1: didn't mean it? And so that was like something I

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Speaker 1: internalized was taking the time to start through my feelings

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Speaker 1: so I don't say something I regret, because when I

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Speaker 1: get caught up in anger and I say something I

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Speaker 1: regret to somebody I love, I really hate that. I

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Speaker 1: hate that feeling so much. And me and my high

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Speaker 1: school boyfriend, we're going through all these things with our parents,

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Speaker 1: and we're taught to be very volatile and hadn't you know,

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Speaker 1: yet experienced healing or therapy or whatever, and we were

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Speaker 1: very similar, and it would just constantly be this battle

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Speaker 1: of like getting angry, saying things we didn't mean and

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Speaker 1: would later regret to each other, apologizing, making up for it,

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Speaker 1: what not. And as I started to get better with it,

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Speaker 1: he didn't catch up as quickly, and then the hurt

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Speaker 1: became so much more apparent to me because I wasn't

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Speaker 1: also involved in it um as much, and so I

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Speaker 1: was able to just like be on the receiving end

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Speaker 1: truly and be like, fuck, this sucks, and so I

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Speaker 1: try really hard not to do that, but it secks

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Speaker 1: to get back into requid. So the way I have

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Speaker 1: handled anger as an adult is um bizarre. At times,

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Speaker 1: like something triggers me that should make me super angry,

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Speaker 1: and I'm sure somewhere deep inside me it does. And

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Speaker 1: I either laugh at it because it's so fucking ridiculous,

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Speaker 1: or I just like, you know, fight flight or freeze,

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Speaker 1: and I'm a big flight and freezer. I don't know

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Speaker 1: I do all three. I'm reading this book about UM

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Speaker 1: complex post traumatic stress disorder and it talks about the

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Speaker 1: different like reaction types and I feel like I'm all

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Speaker 1: of them, so TBD. I haven't got to the end

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Speaker 1: of the chapter. But I don't know how likely that is,

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Speaker 1: but I am very like I think across the board,

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Speaker 1: I fight flight and freeze, but I think this is, yeah,

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Speaker 1: this is an example of freeze. But so when my

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Speaker 1: ex boyfriend told me cheated on me, it was, UM.

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Speaker 1: I came back from the road and sat down and UM,

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Speaker 1: ironically something had happened that weekend that I needed to

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Speaker 1: tell him about, and it was like, I just I

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Speaker 1: just wanted. I just like to communicate. Like Sam and

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Speaker 1: I kind of have these rules, like where if we're

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Speaker 1: at a bar and there's somebody that he's like, let's

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Speaker 1: just say dated, um before they're like, I want him

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Speaker 1: to tell me because I hate when people know something

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Speaker 1: I don't know and I'm on the outside of an

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Speaker 1: inside joke about me, Like I fucking hate that, and

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Speaker 1: maybe that's not how the person is viewing it, but

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Speaker 1: I really hate and like, for example, Amy, this is

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Speaker 1: one time that I kind of confronted her way before

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Speaker 1: the song when I first got the like into intuitive

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Speaker 1: thought that her and my ex boyfriend had hooked up. Um,

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Speaker 1: I saw on her bar he was using her as

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Speaker 1: a pawn and this I don't know. He's clearly using

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Speaker 1: her to make jealous And that was what made me realize, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: something happened with them, And so I marched across a

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Speaker 1: bar and say something there or whatever. But earlier in

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Speaker 1: the night she'd been looking at me when we were

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Speaker 1: talking a she told me she got her haircut to

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Speaker 1: match mine, which was fucking weird. Um. I was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm like you're sure. She's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I saw yours and it looks super cute and I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, um, I don't have any skin

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Speaker 1: for you to put on, so sorry about that. But anyways,

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Speaker 1: so she was looking at me with this like look

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Speaker 1: in her eye and it's very powerful when you can

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Speaker 1: recognize when someone is doing this to you, because it'll

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Speaker 1: stop you from being the fucking butt of the joke.

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Speaker 1: But she's looking at me and they're just like this

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Speaker 1: like sparkle. I don't know how to describe it, but

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Speaker 1: it's like this glint in someone's eye when they're talking

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Speaker 1: to you and they they're just ever so patronizing, but

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Speaker 1: you might mistake it for kindness if you're not careful.

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Speaker 1: But you you look at them and you're like they

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Speaker 1: know something I don't know. And I hate that feeling.

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Speaker 1: And so I, you know, it across the bar and like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I think I said something. I said like, Amy,

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Speaker 1: there is a chess match being played right now, and

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Speaker 1: you are not on either side of the board. You

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Speaker 1: are on the board, like you're upon get it? Like okay,

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Speaker 1: drunk Kaye really showed her. I mean it wasn't like

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Speaker 1: the worst line. I mean, like as far as like

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Speaker 1: having shower arguments and things you wish you said to people.

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Speaker 1: I'm sure that would have come up. So I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, man, no, UM, so that was one way

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Speaker 1: I handled anger, But um, I don't like when people

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Speaker 1: know something I don't know. So all of that being said,

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Speaker 1: which is applicable, But going back to how I reacted

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Speaker 1: when I was told I was cheated on, I told

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Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend about something that had happened because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I would want to know if that happened to you, um,

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Speaker 1: involving this person and whatnot. So I'm like, hey, I

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Speaker 1: need to talk to you about something, and he goes, well,

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Speaker 1: actually I need to talk to you about something too,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, okay, do you want to go first?

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Speaker 1: And he's like yeah. So um I got really drunk

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Speaker 1: and made out with that girl I work with, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay, mine is really not quite um

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Speaker 1: that level. Um, so let's just unpack your words really quickly.

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Speaker 1: But I just I froze, and I walked around our

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Speaker 1: kitchen island for maybe an hour, like I don't even

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Speaker 1: think it felt that long, Like I think that's literally

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Speaker 1: how long. I walked in circles around the kitchen counter

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Speaker 1: and like he wouldn't. He was trying to get me

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Speaker 1: to talk to him, and I just couldn't do it,

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Speaker 1: Like I was just like stuck on this mental loop

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Speaker 1: and processing and whatever. And UM, I got angry when

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Speaker 1: he tried to touch me because I was like, I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't want your hands on me right now. They

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Speaker 1: were on somebody else. Um. And then I did what

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Speaker 1: an adult does and I went to therapy and talked

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Speaker 1: to my therapist about it and blended, which is what

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Speaker 1: I talked about on last week's episode. Um, so that

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Speaker 1: was you know, that was a phreeze and I think

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Speaker 1: that was a responsible way to react to that. Um

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Speaker 1: apparently wasn't good enough for him. So um. Then after that,

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Speaker 1: when I had a lot of friendships that I lost

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Speaker 1: because they you know, we're somewhere crawling up his as

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Speaker 1: or whatever. UM, I would like, you know, I'd hear

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Speaker 1: something that they said about me behind my back, and

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Speaker 1: I'd confront them about it. I don't think confrontation should

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Speaker 1: have such a negative connotation to it, Like to confront

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Speaker 1: an issue is positive, So why is confrontation always negative?

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Speaker 1: Like if somebody says something about me behind my back,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to talk about them to their face, because

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Speaker 1: I think that's polite. But I get branded as somebody

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Speaker 1: who's constantly angry because I will confront those things and

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Speaker 1: it's like, well, she there's always something with her. It's like, no,

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Speaker 1: there's always something with you, but you're a little fucking

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Speaker 1: bitch baby about it, and you can't say it to

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Speaker 1: my goddamn face. So I will do us both the

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Speaker 1: favor of being an adult, and you can jump on

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Speaker 1: board the adult train or just decide to rip up

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Speaker 1: your ticket. I don't do whatever you want to do.

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Speaker 1: And so when I was losing these friends, like they

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Speaker 1: easily one of my closest friends on the planet, Like

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Speaker 1: I had kicked my boyfriend out because he had cheated

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Speaker 1: on me and then put his hands on me. So

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Speaker 1: that feels like a pretty good reason to kick somebody

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Speaker 1: out right, And um, he went to stay with her.

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Speaker 1: And the time I was like, Okay, well, you know,

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Speaker 1: he's a really good friend. He needs somewhere to go.

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Speaker 1: I want him to have a support system. I don't

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Speaker 1: want him to be completely abandoned by these people. Well,

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Speaker 1: little did I know, he had literally nothing to worry about,

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Speaker 1: and so he's living with them, um, so I can't

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Speaker 1: go over her house, and then that means every single

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Speaker 1: day like she's getting his side of the story, which

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Speaker 1: is just completely unfactual, not factual, whatever the word is

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Speaker 1: for that, Like it's just complete lies. And as time

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Speaker 1: has gone on and I've heard what he said to people,

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Speaker 1: it's just sucking lies. And so, um, she was talking

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Speaker 1: to our friends and was being super fucking passive and

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Speaker 1: was like, I just don't know why Kaylee would kick

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Speaker 1: him out, like she can't pay her rent without him.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, Okay, you have no fucking clue

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Speaker 1: what my financials situation is. And to be honest, at

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Speaker 1: the time, I was doing really well. I had a

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Speaker 1: publishing deal, I was touring all the time, and I

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Speaker 1: most certainly could afford my rent. Was I excited to

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Speaker 1: have my rent double because I kicked out my ABUTSI boyfriend. No,

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Speaker 1: could I do it? Appster fucking lutely, And it was

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Speaker 1: just so petty and passive and like kicking somebody when

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Speaker 1: they're down kind of thing, like I'm sorry, your friend

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Speaker 1: just went through this, and you're going to comment on

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Speaker 1: her financial situation like you. It was just so gross,

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Speaker 1: and so I talked to her and confronted her about it,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, hey, um, this is after she

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Speaker 1: forced me and him to go to her birthday party

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Speaker 1: while we were in the process of breaking up, which

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Speaker 1: is a whole other thing. But I was like, hey, um,

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Speaker 1: I really don't like the way that you talked about me,

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Speaker 1: and I think I'm gonna need to take some space

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Speaker 1: away from our friendship. Like that's like how I said it,

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Speaker 1: like that mature leader, I called her um. But the

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Speaker 1: breaking point to get to that phone call was I

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Speaker 1: had seen her post a video of a party I

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Speaker 1: wasn't invited to at her house that had my ex

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Speaker 1: boyfriend and the girl he was seeing there, as well

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Speaker 1: as all my other old friends, and I was just like,

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Speaker 1: they're all fucking hanging out without me, and no one's

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Speaker 1: making an effort to see me. They all have just

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Speaker 1: completely turned their backs on me for this fucking piece

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Speaker 1: of ship guy. And it's horrible, right, It's just absolutely horrible.

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Speaker 1: So I tried to come to that, like with a

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Speaker 1: really calm conversation, but the problem was, like I took

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Speaker 1: that space and the person just kept doing things and

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Speaker 1: I kept reacting because that's what you do when people

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Speaker 1: hurt you, and then all of a sudden, I'm running

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Speaker 1: grey crazy bitch. So it's like, am I always angry?

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Speaker 1: Or am I just never passive? Like I understand? I think,

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Speaker 1: especially in my relationship with Sam, I have a habit

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Speaker 1: of getting angry with him for things he didn't do

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Speaker 1: what reminded me of um. And it's not under the

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Speaker 1: same circumstances, But that's a trigger response, as a trauma response,

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Speaker 1: and I'm working on it. I don't like how I

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Speaker 1: feel when I lose my temper at him. I don't

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Speaker 1: like how I feel when I'm looking at him and

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Speaker 1: I see somebody other than him, and that's what I'm

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Speaker 1: talking to in the moment. And that's also a really

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Speaker 1: important thing to do. And like I was talking about

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Speaker 1: what I did as a kid, is when somebody's directing

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Speaker 1: this anger towards you, it's really important to ask yourself

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Speaker 1: are they talking to me? Or are they talking to

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Speaker 1: somebody else? And in the midst of all my friend drama,

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Speaker 1: earlier this year, I had like a guy friend who

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Speaker 1: just went fucking batshit crazy. I don't know how to

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00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:42,919
Speaker 1: describe it. And he just started like yelling at me,

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00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,600
Speaker 1: and I was like, who is this? Who is he

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00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,679
Speaker 1: talking to you? Because there's no reason he should be

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00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:54,480
Speaker 1: this angry at me for pretty much nothing, like literally

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00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:59,320
Speaker 1: objectively nothing. And I was like, oh, he's talking to

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Speaker 1: his ex girlfriend, So there's that um and you just

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00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:03,879
Speaker 1: you kind of have to figure out who people are

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00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,880
Speaker 1: talking to, and I have to figure out who I'm

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00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,960
Speaker 1: talking to. So when I look at Sam and he's

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00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:11,359
Speaker 1: done something that's irritated me but doesn't warrant that much anger,

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Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, well who am I talking to? So

347
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:16,160
Speaker 1: that's something great that you can do on both sides.

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00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,199
Speaker 1: So whether you're talking to somebody, who am I talking to?

349
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,399
Speaker 1: Or whether someone's talking to you, who are they talking to?

350
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:24,640
Speaker 1: And if it's not you and it's not them, then

351
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,639
Speaker 1: you gotta figure out who you're talking to, because that's

352
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:32,000
Speaker 1: why you're really mad at and misdirected anger is how

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00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,360
Speaker 1: is the root of all bad things relationship wise? I mean,

354
00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:40,040
Speaker 1: also many other things, but there's lots of them. There's

355
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:42,600
Speaker 1: also things that could go wrong in relationships clearly. So

356
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Speaker 1: I feel like there's this little bit of a dichotomy

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Speaker 1: with me between my really pissy angry songs like every

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Speaker 1: Forever and um amy and then this I don't know

359
00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:59,520
Speaker 1: I'm quoting somebody else, but like effervescent personality. And when

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Speaker 1: I was doing the Radio Disney show, I feel like

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00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:04,479
Speaker 1: I kind of defaulted to that, like, hey guys, I'm

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Speaker 1: Kayleie Shore and you're listening to Radio Disney. And it

363
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,320
Speaker 1: was not a character. It was a side of my personality.

364
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Speaker 1: But I was kind of defaulting to that really often.

365
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,760
Speaker 1: And the way I talked to you guys on the

366
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 1: podcast is so much more who I am and I

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Speaker 1: don't have to censor myself or filter myself or anything.

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Speaker 1: And Radio Disney was a job. I was hosting a

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Speaker 1: show talking about other people, like it was not my thing,

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00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,560
Speaker 1: but um like it was not. It was not the

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Speaker 1: Kaylee Short Show at all. That's not what it was called.

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Speaker 1: This is quite literally kaylor Short Show. But um, I

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Speaker 1: I had to kind of water I don't want to

374
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:43,160
Speaker 1: say water myself down, but maybe like, um, just filter

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Speaker 1: myself a lot. And so it's been really freeing to

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00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,800
Speaker 1: have this podcast and to put out open book and

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00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:50,639
Speaker 1: put out I got here by accident and be just

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Speaker 1: a present my authentic self, and it's been really really

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Speaker 1: helpful in um learning who I am, and so I

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00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,080
Speaker 1: think a little bit of that super bubbly personelity he

381
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,040
Speaker 1: has faded away with age, and the older I get,

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00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:07,640
Speaker 1: the I don't want to say, the more I hold

383
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:12,200
Speaker 1: on to anger from a like grudge perspective, because I'm

384
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:13,800
Speaker 1: sure to a lot of people looks like a grudge,

385
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,239
Speaker 1: but to me, it feels like a boundary or a

386
00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 1: wall or you know, taking away someone's access to me,

387
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,119
Speaker 1: because that feels that that's the thing that makes me

388
00:20:24,119 --> 00:20:27,000
Speaker 1: feel powerful. When somebody really really fucking hurts me, is

389
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 1: me taking away their access to me because they can't

390
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 1: do it again. And it's really sad when someone can

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00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,520
Speaker 1: do that to other people. Um, after you, that's what

392
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 1: really really sucks. But the first step is taking away

393
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 1: your access to them. And uh yeah, I mean I

394
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,919
Speaker 1: don't want to like run around and sabotage people Like

395
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 1: I had somebody asked me about my ex best friend

396
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:55,480
Speaker 1: the other day, and um it was somebody that they

397
00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 1: worked with professionally, and I was like, they had asked

398
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:01,480
Speaker 1: about them, and um, in this group of friends, I'd

399
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:04,439
Speaker 1: had somebody in the exact same situation say like, well,

400
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,720
Speaker 1: Kayleie doesn't talk to me anymore. So blah blah blah blah,

401
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:08,719
Speaker 1: like in a work setting, and I was like, Oh,

402
00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,920
Speaker 1: that's gross. So when I was presented with the same scenario,

403
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,360
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, like I think they're doing this, like, um,

404
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:17,879
Speaker 1: she seems super happy, like yeah, she couldn't be here

405
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,159
Speaker 1: tonight because she's out of town whatever, like we're at

406
00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:21,960
Speaker 1: this party, and um. I was really proud of how

407
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,160
Speaker 1: he handled that. But that being said, I can be

408
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:29,200
Speaker 1: fucking polite and still take away that person's access to me.

409
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:33,679
Speaker 1: So I think that anger is a complicated emotion. I'm

410
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,920
Speaker 1: reading this book called the Conscious Angiogram, and it talks

411
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 1: about rewiring your neural pathways, and I think that my

412
00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:45,480
Speaker 1: first emotion almost always is anger, and usually it's it's

413
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:49,159
Speaker 1: frustration that looks like anger, But that's still kind of

414
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,199
Speaker 1: the same thing, Like it's still in the amygdala, it's

415
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 1: still the reptile brain, you know. And I want to

416
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:55,960
Speaker 1: get better at that, And I want to be able

417
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,480
Speaker 1: to name the emotion and not have to call it

418
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 1: anger first and then trans light it to what it

419
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 1: actually is. I want to get to the point where

420
00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 1: I can just go straight to sadness or go straight

421
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:09,119
Speaker 1: to hurt. Or go straight to um even guilt, you know,

422
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 1: like I mean, people project anger on other people at

423
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 1: the time. I've absolutely been known to do that. I'm

424
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 1: fucking human. It's part of what we do. And I

425
00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,520
Speaker 1: want to get better rewiring those neural pathways, because it's

426
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 1: like if you're you have two cabins in the woods,

427
00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 1: and you walk to one cabin a lot more than

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00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 1: the other, and so of course that pathway that you

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00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 1: walk every single day, like you know, you're going to

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00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,240
Speaker 1: clear the sticks out of the way just by walking

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00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 1: on it. You're gonna flatten the surface. You're going to

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00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 1: create this little path from dragging your boots through it.

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00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 1: And when you're presented with an option of which cabin

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00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 1: to go do and you need to get there really fast,

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00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:48,040
Speaker 1: you're probably gonna pick the one that has the really

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00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:52,040
Speaker 1: easy path. So it's not it's not a simple thing,

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00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 1: and it's not an overnight thing to go visit the

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00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 1: other cabin, which honestly has better things, because yes, it's

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00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 1: easier to get to the first one, but this second one,

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00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,359
Speaker 1: with a little bit of work, will benefit you a

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00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:03,840
Speaker 1: lot in the long run, and you'll have a way

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00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 1: better cabin to go to. So that's my metaphor for

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Speaker 1: the day. Thank you guys so much for listening. I'm

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00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,520
Speaker 1: Kaylie shot and this is too much to say. I'll

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00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: see you next Wednesday. Don't go asking questions. Soon I'm

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00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:24,120
Speaker 1: going to us say now, turn it out you