Speaker 1: You have a distorted view of men and what they
Speaker 1: what the role in a relationship should be. You could
Speaker 1: see men in a light where they you're going to
Speaker 1: look for someone that's an over protector. You're gonna look
Speaker 1: in a light where you don't trust any of them.
Speaker 1: You're gonna look in a light that maybe it's okay
Speaker 1: to be open about not trusting. But either way, this
Speaker 1: story points you in a direction where you have a
Speaker 1: blurred line of what a man is in your life.
Speaker 1: Don't fall for that trap. What's up everybody? Welcome to
Speaker 1: the podcast, Episode one hundred and seventy seven. Got my
Speaker 1: buddy Bernie with me one seventy seven. That's incredible, man,
Speaker 1: What are we cooking up for two hundred because I
Speaker 1: feel like it's a big milestone Pastor Chad coma, Yeah, y'all.
Speaker 1: I just by the way, I just saw Pastor Chad
Speaker 1: in Montana, went up there and visited him and he's
Speaker 1: doing great. I miss having him on here. He's going
Speaker 1: to start coming more often, hopefully back to Texas and
Speaker 1: he'll have to get on here. So maybe we'll do
Speaker 1: an episode two hundred's that's creeping up man, it is
Speaker 1: and the live one we talked about last year, maybe
Speaker 1: two hundreds A live one. Man, I'm really excited about
Speaker 1: that idea. Yeah, do so. We would like to take
Speaker 1: this podcast live, me and Bernie in front of a
Speaker 1: live audience where you stand up, we passed around microphones,
Speaker 1: we record it, and you ask in real time. Now
Speaker 1: we do this without notes or preparing, so that there
Speaker 1: would be no difference. We would just go for it.
Speaker 1: I think that would be incredible. So if you're listening
Speaker 1: on a place that allows you to comment, like YouTube,
Speaker 1: let me know in the comments a city for Bernie
Speaker 1: Night to go to. That'd be awesome. They will do
Speaker 1: a little tour, like a podcast tour, like three or
Speaker 1: four days. Love it go hit three or four cities. Yeah,
Speaker 1: some applause after we're done would actually feel kind of nice.
Speaker 1: It's really it's just quiet in here, guys, so quiet.
Speaker 1: See you next time. Crickets podcast tour. I like this idea.
Speaker 1: We could jump on Southwest airlines, hit some Southwest cities
Speaker 1: like maybe Austin would be one, Maybe Houston, Dallas. What
Speaker 1: if we go to monta city, What if we go
Speaker 1: to Montana to Chad, Yeah, that could be one. Well,
Speaker 1: Bozeman is now Southwest City. Well, not that it has
Speaker 1: to be that airline. We can go to Kalispell, we
Speaker 1: can go to We got to hit the west coast,
Speaker 1: got to hit the east coast, got to hit the south.
Speaker 1: Comment below where do you think we should go? Can't
Speaker 1: forget the Midwest? To do it? Ohio or Michigan in
Speaker 1: there somewhere do three or four man? It would be
Speaker 1: really cool. Yeah, I love it. Okay, So things coming?
Speaker 1: Yeah twenty three Griz. What we do here? In case
Speaker 1: you're just like, what are they talking about? We answer
Speaker 1: your questions. You email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com
Speaker 1: and we walk through them like we're just sitting around
Speaker 1: a campfire. Okay, So first question here, subject line says,
Speaker 1: what do I do about nursing school? Hey Granger, I
Speaker 1: lost my time right here. Maybe I'm not a bit Bernie.
Speaker 1: You give me bad luck on tiers. I'll just keep
Speaker 1: track of this. Got it says, Hey Granger. My name
Speaker 1: is Cheyenne. I'm twenty two, currently struggling with the decision
Speaker 1: to finish nursing school. I'm about halfway done, but I
Speaker 1: keep getting this feeling that's not what I'm meant to do.
Speaker 1: My anxiety gets worse when I'm at school or clinical.
Speaker 1: I broke down while at the hospital rotation. I prayed
Speaker 1: about this a lot, and my husband is very supportive
Speaker 1: and whatever I decide, We've had many talks about this
Speaker 1: and we've prayed together as well. But I know a
Speaker 1: lot of people in my life won't agree or will
Speaker 1: I have something to say if I decide to leave.
Speaker 1: I feel confused and lost. Any advice, thank you? Okay.
Speaker 1: So I believe that the human experience is very much
Speaker 1: layered with so many different circumstances and influences, and so
Speaker 1: at a glance, I know there may be something that
Speaker 1: you're not putting here that would if I knew that,
Speaker 1: I would be like, yeah, you maybe need consider quitting.
Speaker 1: But if I'm only going on what you've said here,
Speaker 1: you got to finish. Like I feel like people I
Speaker 1: know are and myself are doing really hard things right now,
Speaker 1: and they're getting into it and they're like, this is
Speaker 1: so hard. I'm thinking about quitting, and I'm like, don't quit.
Speaker 1: Finish what you start. Yeah, there's so much growth that
Speaker 1: we can gain, and you don't even get that until
Speaker 1: you get to the place where you want to quit.
Speaker 1: And then you keep going, and then you keep going
Speaker 1: a lot of personal growth there. So I say, keep going,
Speaker 1: you'll get done and be very glad that you finished it.
Speaker 1: I don't have much to add to that, and I
Speaker 1: totally agree, Cheyenne. Let's sit with you just for a
Speaker 1: second and just say, yeah, get it, get it. Life
Speaker 1: comes at you fast. Sometimes sometimes you bite off more
Speaker 1: than you could chew. You sign up for something that
Speaker 1: you didn't think it was going to be that hard.
Speaker 1: You're twenty two, you're newly married. Probably you got a
Speaker 1: lot of things going on besides nursing school. I'm sure
Speaker 1: you're praying about this. You've got a great supportive husband,
Speaker 1: which is amazing. Me and Bernie are saying, don't quit.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be a nurse. You don't have
Speaker 1: to take this as a career, but I think you
Speaker 1: do have to finish school. What's interesting about anything like
Speaker 1: this is to think how special it would be to
Speaker 1: be a nurse and to be helping others, and to
Speaker 1: be pouring into these lives and helping heal people and
Speaker 1: give them, give them relief from their pain or or
Speaker 1: some kind of you know, anecdote for their struggle. You
Speaker 1: get that with being a nurse. Did you think it
Speaker 1: was going to be easy to have that kind of responsibility? Right?
Speaker 1: Do you think anyone could just sign up for that
Speaker 1: the responsibility a nurse has, and God bless all of
Speaker 1: y'all listening that are nurses. The responsibility that you have
Speaker 1: to people in a community. Do you think that's just
Speaker 1: handed out freely? Or do you think that's something that
Speaker 1: you study and toil over and lose sleep over and
Speaker 1: have panic attacks sometimes because it's so much on you
Speaker 1: and in order to earn that certificate so that you
Speaker 1: could pour into the community. Aren't we glad that there
Speaker 1: is a gatekeeper for our nurses so that no one
Speaker 1: could just sign up and anyone could be a nurse, right?
Speaker 1: You put your life. They're sticking needles in you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, I filled out a form and
Speaker 1: then they gave me this job. I would be like, well,
Speaker 1: you're not touching me. Yeah. It makes you think that
Speaker 1: everyone that sticks you with the needle. You go, was
Speaker 1: nursing school tough? And they look at you and go, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was really tough. It took everything I had just
Speaker 1: to finish. In fact, I wanted to quit and then
Speaker 1: we all collectively say thank you for not quitting, because
Speaker 1: now you're serving the community. So Cheyenne, don't quit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: not dismissing at all the difficulty and if and there's
Speaker 1: also something to be you didn't say this, but like
Speaker 1: if you had a relative that you know became sick
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, you have to like your
Speaker 1: your time and attention from outside forces all of a
Speaker 1: sudden was like taken somewhere, Like you need your bandwidth
Speaker 1: to really go serve something that just happened in your
Speaker 1: family or your community. That's a totally different thing. Then yes,
Speaker 1: this is just it's harder than I thought. Not dismissing
Speaker 1: that feeling of it being harder than you thought. But
Speaker 1: I think, like Granger said, you gotta keep at it.
Speaker 1: You're gonna you're gonna be really thinking that you did.
Speaker 1: In the end, I think, yep, you are. Let's go
Speaker 1: to the next question subject line, help me move on.
Speaker 1: Hey Grangdarmin. Name is Hannah. I'm nineteen just started listening
Speaker 1: to your podcast. I really enjoy it. Thank you for
Speaker 1: the encouragement. And I recently when I was says when
Speaker 1: I was around age of seven, my older brother started
Speaker 1: sexually assaulting me and it lasted for four years. When
Speaker 1: he finally confessed to my parents, I thought that I
Speaker 1: was free and something would be done to help me
Speaker 1: and him. My dad did nothing for years. He let
Speaker 1: my brother live there, and after he moved out, he
Speaker 1: came back home after two years, let him stay and
Speaker 1: acted as if it was normal. I found out a
Speaker 1: couple years later that shortly after confessing, my mom had
Speaker 1: found out my brother in a closet. Had found my
Speaker 1: brother in a closet attempting to commit suicide. My dad
Speaker 1: later said that the reason for his guilt and why
Speaker 1: he couldn't kick him out, that was the reason for
Speaker 1: his guilt because he tried to commit suicide. You going
Speaker 1: to say I need to forgive, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: I just heard your latest podcast about forgiveness, and I'm
Speaker 1: having trouble doing that. Thank you. My question is this
Speaker 1: was my dad in the right to let my brother
Speaker 1: live around me and not protect me or my sisters
Speaker 1: even after he had turned eighteen. Am I in the
Speaker 1: wrong for hoping that my dad would kick him out
Speaker 1: and try his best to protect us there. I hope
Speaker 1: you can help me. I get my comfort from the Lord,
Speaker 1: but it still upsets and hurts me. Thanks again, Hannah,
Speaker 1: that one took a deep, dark turn that I was
Speaker 1: not expecting. We don't read these emails before, so that yeah,
Speaker 1: that took a dark turn. And you're still young, Hannah nineteen, Well,
Speaker 1: let's do a quick recap here. When you're around the
Speaker 1: age of seven, your older brother started sexually assaulting you,
Speaker 1: and that happened for four years. He confessed from guilt
Speaker 1: to your parents. At that point, you thought, okay, good,
Speaker 1: this is over. Something could be done to help us now,
Speaker 1: but your dad did nothing. After the confession, your dad
Speaker 1: did nothing and continue to let your brother live you
Speaker 1: with you. Then fast forward a little bit of time
Speaker 1: two years, your mom finds him trying to commit suicide
Speaker 1: in a closet. Your dad says that right there, like
Speaker 1: that attempted suicide was the reason I didn't kick him
Speaker 1: out of the house because I'm adding this, because I
Speaker 1: thought that would make things worse and he would go
Speaker 1: commit suicide somewhere else. You say, I need to forgive,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to not yet you're implying how do
Speaker 1: I do that? And then your question, your main question
Speaker 1: is was my dad in the right to let my
Speaker 1: brother live around me parentheses. I'm adding because he thought
Speaker 1: he might commit suicide somewhere else and not protect me
Speaker 1: or my sisters even after he turned eighteen. Am I
Speaker 1: in the wrong for hoping that my dad would kick
Speaker 1: him out and try to protect his family? All Right,
Speaker 1: that's a lot. That's a lot to unpack. His lot,
Speaker 1: not not only information, but just emotionally, it's a lot.
Speaker 1: Hannah was her name, Hannah? Yeah, Hannah, so sorry to
Speaker 1: hear this, Like, man, this is just heartbreaking and yeah,
Speaker 1: just a reminder of how broken our world really is. Yeah, Hannah. Also,
Speaker 1: you're not alone in this situation. It's not the first
Speaker 1: time I've heard something like this. In fact, it's not
Speaker 1: the first time I've read something like this on this podcast.
Speaker 1: You are not alone. There are a lot of people
Speaker 1: involved in situations like this. I don't want to say
Speaker 1: it's common, but it's more prevalent than we could possibly
Speaker 1: even imagine because most people don't say it out loud,
Speaker 1: but they're part of this sibling, weird sexual thing that,
Speaker 1: like Bernie said, because we live in a broken world,
Speaker 1: that stuff does exist, and most people just suppress it
Speaker 1: move on. They get to be adults and they just
Speaker 1: hope that they don't think about it, but it matters
Speaker 1: and it still churns inside us. So you're fresh out
Speaker 1: of this or kind of, but I just want to
Speaker 1: tell you, like Bernie said, first of all, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: And second of all, you're not alone. There's people listening
Speaker 1: right now. I promise you right now that go yep, Hannah,
Speaker 1: that's me, or that was me thirty years ago, or
Speaker 1: that's me right now. You are not alone in this. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The first, before we start to attempt to answer these
Speaker 1: questions of rights and wrongs, if you have not seen
Speaker 1: or pursued like professional counseling and therapy, I would highly
Speaker 1: recommend that a Christian counselor if you say that, I
Speaker 1: think she said she's a belie. Lord. Okay, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of trauma that you have endured, and I think
Speaker 1: in order for you to ever get to a place
Speaker 1: of forgiveness and understanding grace and understanding what happened and
Speaker 1: how it affected you, this is so dark and so
Speaker 1: deep that I would highly recommend licensed professional Christian counselor.
Speaker 1: Not that me and Griz aren't great, but you need
Speaker 1: a pro to like help you process some of this
Speaker 1: stuff for sure. Yep. So that being said, we'll try
Speaker 1: to dig into it with you, and the answers to
Speaker 1: your questions are very easy. But you already know that
Speaker 1: you know that you asked us softball questions, so we'll
Speaker 1: try to go beyond it. Your first question, was my
Speaker 1: dad in the right to let my brother live around
Speaker 1: me and not protect me or my sisters? No? No,
Speaker 1: not at all. The fact that you have to ask
Speaker 1: the question means that your dad didn't go above and beyond,
Speaker 1: like I know either one of us would do to
Speaker 1: make our daughters feel safe one hundred percent. Yeah. The
Speaker 1: next part says, am I in the wrong for hoping
Speaker 1: my dad would kick him out and try its best
Speaker 1: to protect us. Man, That just that hurts my heart, Hannah.
Speaker 1: It hurts me because not only just for you, but
Speaker 1: because I know that that's truly what you feel, and
Speaker 1: and that so many other people deal with this kind
Speaker 1: of thing, where you would think it's just common knowledge
Speaker 1: that a daddy is going to protect his little girl.
Speaker 1: You just think that that's, oh, that's just a thing,
Speaker 1: like that's what daddies do. They protect a little girl
Speaker 1: at all costs. That's what we're here for, to protect
Speaker 1: our little girls. But because we live in a fallen world,
Speaker 1: and because there's broken men, and because we have weak men,
Speaker 1: and because not everyone has the Lord, there's there's a
Speaker 1: breach in that. And you are not wrong and thinking
Speaker 1: that your daddy should protect you, and you're not wrong
Speaker 1: in hoping that he would, and then he would kick
Speaker 1: somebody out, including a family member, including a suicidal family member.
Speaker 1: You would think that a dad would say, look, I
Speaker 1: love my son, I always love my son, and then
Speaker 1: he's suicidal. I don't want to lose him, but I'm
Speaker 1: still gonna separate him from my daughters because he's sick
Speaker 1: right now. Not necessarily because my son is an evil person,
Speaker 1: but because he's actually sick and he needs help and
Speaker 1: he can't be around the drug right now. He's an attic.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna get him out and I'm going to
Speaker 1: live with him, or I'm gonna or his mom's going
Speaker 1: to live with him, or his uncle's going to live
Speaker 1: with them, and then I'm gonna live with my daughter.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna separate them. You would think that that's just
Speaker 1: a normal thought from a man, but it's not. Yeah, instead,
Speaker 1: this guy says, I hope it just goes away. Yep.
Speaker 1: But I do believe that in God's providence, you will
Speaker 1: be one of the most protective friends Mom's spouses because
Speaker 1: this feeling of unprotection has been so exposed to you,
Speaker 1: and I know that it's really hard, and this is
Speaker 1: where you're gonna get. You're gonna have to do the
Speaker 1: work to maybe get here with a counselor and unpack this,
Speaker 1: to mentally really get to a place where you can
Speaker 1: see that God is using this for Him to be
Speaker 1: glorified some way through this broken story of yours, that
Speaker 1: others may look at you and glorify him, be like, Wow,
Speaker 1: what a miracle God has done in your life, not
Speaker 1: by a human hands alone, Like you have not done this.
Speaker 1: I can tell because I hear your story, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: there's no way somebody does and lives the way you're
Speaker 1: living without the Holy Spirit and man that can be
Speaker 1: true about your story. It really can. I think that
Speaker 1: there's some work you're gonna need to do before that.
Speaker 1: But I'm just thinking of that Taylor three King's book
Speaker 1: that you sent me and that I read twice because
Speaker 1: it was so good. It's like we sometimes we are.
Speaker 1: We're just not aware of, you know, the sauls in
Speaker 1: our lives and our own you know, tendency to be
Speaker 1: a saul until he is put in our lives. And
Speaker 1: so this, you know, she she has the choice to
Speaker 1: be you know, her dad, or she has the choice
Speaker 1: to be her and who God wants her to be
Speaker 1: and be a protector. And yeah, move forward that way.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if that's I think it's. So
Speaker 1: there's a couple of things you're gonna go. You're gonna
Speaker 1: seek some professional help, like Bernie said, You're gonna use this.
Speaker 1: This pain is going to become a purpose for you
Speaker 1: to become a protector, to spread the message of others
Speaker 1: for protecting. But but I want to say something, you know,
Speaker 1: I want to say this because in a situation that's
Speaker 1: really dark, and we don't want to deny that this
Speaker 1: is a dark situation for you and hurtful for you.
Speaker 1: Things in life could always get worse, and I do
Speaker 1: believe this kind of story, Hannah hear me has a
Speaker 1: tendency to get worse. Here's how you're nineteen. Now you're
Speaker 1: being courted by men. You have a distorted view of
Speaker 1: men and what their role in a relationship should be.
Speaker 1: You could see men in a light where they you're
Speaker 1: going to look for someone that's an overprotector. You're going
Speaker 1: to look in a light where you don't trust any
Speaker 1: of them. You're going to look in a light that
Speaker 1: maybe it's okay to be open about not trusting. But
Speaker 1: either way, this story points you in a direction where
Speaker 1: you have a blurred line of what a man is
Speaker 1: in your life. Don't fall for that trap. That's so good,
Speaker 1: that's so good. I hope you're nineteen. I'm hoping you're
Speaker 1: getting this. You get this message in time. I hope
Speaker 1: the mail gets delivered at your house in time before
Speaker 1: you have this boyfriend that becomes the monster that your
Speaker 1: brother or your dad was either weak or overly obsessive
Speaker 1: or addictive or controlling. Either way, please get my message, Hannah.
Speaker 1: If it's not too late, have discernment. In fact, be
Speaker 1: single for a while. You you are someone that should
Speaker 1: be single for a while. Oh for sure. There. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's a Like I said, there's a lot of work
Speaker 1: to do, and I'm I'm completely confident and just sharing
Speaker 1: with you guys that I'm personally work with a counselor
Speaker 1: in therapy. I've been through some things in my life
Speaker 1: that I need help kind of from a Christian world view,
Speaker 1: like unpacking and understanding, like what was God doing in
Speaker 1: this preparing me for what is next? And maybe you're
Speaker 1: listening to this and your story is not as traumatic.
Speaker 1: Maybe there's some sense of abuse, maybe there's some sense
Speaker 1: of distortion of you know, male female identity, or the
Speaker 1: role of a man and a woman in a marriage
Speaker 1: or relationship, or a father or a mother. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like we just need to like be okay with
Speaker 1: taking a minute and thinking and maybe become a little
Speaker 1: more self aware and humble enough to accept that isn't
Speaker 1: something we just shake off and say, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: that was not I gotta be tough. I gotta just
Speaker 1: like move on. Okay, there's a there is a sense
Speaker 1: of some things we just we have to like move
Speaker 1: forward forward. But if you're not taking the time to
Speaker 1: kind of process those things, I think, like Granger said,
Speaker 1: you could be just headed down a path that will
Speaker 1: become more and more destructive. And not just for Hannah,
Speaker 1: but for anybody listening. Like, man, there is just life
Speaker 1: and hope out there for all of us. If we're
Speaker 1: willing to just kind of stop, have some self reflection,
Speaker 1: let the Holy Spirit speak to us, and then be
Speaker 1: willing to like maybe go into those places. Yeah, Hannah,
Speaker 1: we just yeah, our hearts are breaking for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and we really hope that you can get to a
Speaker 1: place of forgiveness. Yeah. Yeah, we love you and thank
Speaker 1: you for sharing. We'll be right back. Thanks for listening
Speaker 1: to the podcast. Guys, if you want to talk to me,
Speaker 1: you want to reach out to me, you want me
Speaker 1: to give you a video map of me saying anything
Speaker 1: to anybody. Maybe it's a happy birthday, or happy anniversary,
Speaker 1: or Merry Christmas, whatever it might be, that whatever time
Speaker 1: of year it is. I could do this through cameo
Speaker 1: dot com. You just go to cameo dot com search
Speaker 1: for me Grangersmith. I think it's cameo dot com slash
Speaker 1: granger Smith texts you right to it. You could also
Speaker 1: download the app, the Cameo app c A M EO
Speaker 1: and search for me Granger Smith. And I'm making any
Speaker 1: message you want. It's really cool. I sit here on
Speaker 1: my phone and turn on my camera and I'll send
Speaker 1: you a message exactly like you want me to say it.
Speaker 1: So you're like, hey, can you tell my wife Brenda
Speaker 1: that a lover and that I'm so sorry for screwing
Speaker 1: everything up this year whatever it might be. And then
Speaker 1: I send you a message. I'm like, hey, Brenda, I
Speaker 1: just heard from Mike and I says he loves you
Speaker 1: and he's just really sorry he screwed everything up, and
Speaker 1: I hope you get back with him or whatever it
Speaker 1: might be. You come up with the message and I'll
Speaker 1: say it for you. Cameo dot com slash Granger. All right,
Speaker 1: back to the podcast. If you have a question for
Speaker 1: me or Bernie, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1: We're gonna just talk through it like we're in the
Speaker 1: cab of a truck or sitting around a campfire. This one.
Speaker 1: I'm just going through these. I have no They're totally random. Okay,
Speaker 1: no subject. It says, Hey Granger, please keep me anonymous.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty years old. I have grown to hate my job.
Speaker 1: I've been on the hunt for a new job for
Speaker 1: right around a year. I know what I would like
Speaker 1: to do for a career, and it's one that my
Speaker 1: dad and uncle is involved in. They have all the
Speaker 1: connections to get me a job, but they won't help
Speaker 1: me anytime I bring it up to either one of them.
Speaker 1: I'm just ignored. I've been trying to reach out to
Speaker 1: different places and put out my application at a dozen
Speaker 1: places with no response. Should I keep trying by myself
Speaker 1: or bring it up to my dad and uncle? Thanks
Speaker 1: for your advice. Loving music. That's interesting. I wonder if
Speaker 1: it's law enforcement because they don't want him to get
Speaker 1: into that because they know how difficult it is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: your dad was a police officer, so I kind of
Speaker 1: bring it up. Yeah, I'm trying to think. What could
Speaker 1: it be that they Yeah, that would be tough because
Speaker 1: if I would have told my dad I was going
Speaker 1: into you know, police academy and law enforcement, he had
Speaker 1: been like fired up. He gave his life to it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Or maybe the Sun is just kind of like lazy
Speaker 1: and dumb and they're like, I can't I can't get
Speaker 1: you a job. You're getting out for you man, you're
Speaker 1: gonna make a reputation and make us look bad. Well
Speaker 1: for our purposes, Burns, we don't have a it's not
Speaker 1: the information's not here, so we got to move on
Speaker 1: and give him what we know without that information. Okay,
Speaker 1: he's anonymous. He's anonymous, and can we name him Johnny? Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll name him Johnny. Sure, all right, john Johnny. I
Speaker 1: don't I don't like to see email me and I
Speaker 1: don't like I don't like your tone. Man, I don't
Speaker 1: like your tone. I love I love hey man, my
Speaker 1: dad and my uncle. You see, they won't They just
Speaker 1: won't give me the job. Come on, come on, So
Speaker 1: I don't I love everybody at emails. Okay, I love
Speaker 1: you guys, so don't hear me wrong, But I'm just
Speaker 1: don't like your email. I don't like your tone. Can
Speaker 1: that be the intro that you put out on TikTok
Speaker 1: for to promote this one? I love you guys, but
Speaker 1: I like your email. So and let me read it back.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you got to hear what you said back to you,
Speaker 1: like I want to turn the mirror on you. And
Speaker 1: you hear it and you go, oh, yeah, you said,
Speaker 1: I growing to hate my job. Yeah they have I
Speaker 1: like this, Senate. This is the one that gets me.
Speaker 1: They have all the connections to get me a job,
Speaker 1: but they won't help me. It's like that just kind
Speaker 1: of defines a culture that we live in where the
Speaker 1: first thing I would ask is, hey, Johnny, do you
Speaker 1: need their help? Are you a little boy? Because you
Speaker 1: said you said you're twenty, Do you need their help
Speaker 1: to get the job? Are you gonna go do it yourself?
Speaker 1: What if your dad and your uncle are thinking that, Like,
Speaker 1: let's see how bad he wants this, it's a good point.
Speaker 1: He goes and he pours himself into it. He goes
Speaker 1: out and puts himself out there and works hard and
Speaker 1: earns his rights for this kind of job. Then we
Speaker 1: step in and go, yeah, he wants it, will vouch
Speaker 1: for him. But it sounds like you're saying they got
Speaker 1: all the connections and they won't even help me anytime
Speaker 1: I bring it up, they just ignore me. Like this
Speaker 1: sounds so Johnny. I'm saying that this is gonna come
Speaker 1: down to you having a man to man discussion with
Speaker 1: your dad, and it's time. You're twenty, He say, Dad,
Speaker 1: can I talk to you about something? I admire you
Speaker 1: and your brother so much. In fact, I've watched y'all
Speaker 1: for years, and I've watched you succeed in this career,
Speaker 1: whatever it might be, and I want to emulate that
Speaker 1: because I admire you so much, Dad, I want to
Speaker 1: do that. My question is what are the steps I
Speaker 1: need to take for this career? What could I do
Speaker 1: on my own? What kind of skill sets could I
Speaker 1: start earning and growing and learning? Do you have any
Speaker 1: advice for me? You notice I'm not asking for help
Speaker 1: from him this whole conversation. I'm not saying, can you
Speaker 1: call somebody and set up a job interview? You're just saying, Dad,
Speaker 1: what could I do? Please give me advice on what
Speaker 1: I could do to earn my way into this kind
Speaker 1: of position. That's a much different place. That's a humility
Speaker 1: that you're not showing on the email I that I
Speaker 1: would like to see from you. And also maybe ask hey, Dad,
Speaker 1: is there a reason that you wouldn't want me to
Speaker 1: do this? Yeah? If it is, maybe it's law enforcement.
Speaker 1: Let's just hypothetically say that maybe there's things that you
Speaker 1: don't know about it that your dad and your uncle know,
Speaker 1: but maybe they just haven't communicated it to you, maybe
Speaker 1: because you haven't asked or you're not showing. Maybe in
Speaker 1: that conversation, be like, hey, want to be like you
Speaker 1: let me know, what what do you advise that I
Speaker 1: can do to like kind of pursue down this path
Speaker 1: and Is there anything that I need to know about
Speaker 1: this that a reason you wouldn't want me to do this?
Speaker 1: Like what do you think, Dad? So here's another example,
Speaker 1: like those King Crab guys, those Alaskan King Crab guys,
Speaker 1: Like that's a dangerous job. Maybe maybe be in a
Speaker 1: prison guard dangerous job. Maybe being in the Marine Corps,
Speaker 1: be in law enforcement. Maybe anything that the dad thinks
Speaker 1: to himself, I wouldn't I would not want my son
Speaker 1: to sign up for something like this. Okay. So maybe
Speaker 1: that's the question Bernie would like you to ask him,
Speaker 1: and maybe he sees himself in you and then opens up.
Speaker 1: Let me put myself in this situation, okay. Music business.
Speaker 1: My son Lincoln, he's sitting around one day and he goes, Dad,
Speaker 1: I want to be I want to be in the
Speaker 1: music business. And I'm like, Okay. In my mind, I'm like, man,
Speaker 1: this took me a long time. That took me a
Speaker 1: lot of toil and hard work and sweat and pain
Speaker 1: and tears and success and failure, failure, failure, tiny success, failure, failure, failure.
Speaker 1: It's hard on the heart. And so my son Lincoln says, Dad,
Speaker 1: I want I want to be in the music business.
Speaker 1: Can you make some phone calls for me? And I'm
Speaker 1: thinking maybe I'm not calling anybody. You got to show
Speaker 1: me if I'm going to call somebody first, I need
Speaker 1: to know that you're ready for this kind of pain.
Speaker 1: You're ready for this kind of sacrifice and failure and
Speaker 1: minimal success and minimal money to pay the bills and
Speaker 1: unstable family that if you get married, I want to
Speaker 1: know that you want to push through all that. Then
Speaker 1: I'll make some calls. It's kind of the same thing
Speaker 1: you're saying. And I'm the dad in the situation, So
Speaker 1: hate me or not. Lincoln could hate me or not.
Speaker 1: You could hate your dad or not. It doesn't come
Speaker 1: from a place of us not wanting the best for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think if Lincoln came to you, it was like, Dad,
Speaker 1: I love playing music, I've watched your career. Tell me,
Speaker 1: tell me the highs and lows of everything you've been through.
Speaker 1: What did it take for you to because he only
Speaker 1: knows you know the good stuff, tell me all the stuff.
Speaker 1: It might actually he may be like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to do that. Yeah, that's not where I'm not going
Speaker 1: to have that level of sacrifice commitment because what you're
Speaker 1: talking about. Doesn't look and sound as you know, glamorous,
Speaker 1: as you know the photos that I see on the
Speaker 1: wall of you at these big concerts. It sounds like
Speaker 1: a lot of not that. So that's why I think
Speaker 1: you got to talk to him like he's got the
Speaker 1: experience doing what you want to do, and maybe that
Speaker 1: would change your mind about the whole thing. Absolutely all right.
Speaker 1: How about this one subject line X and I dated
Speaker 1: two years blindsided breakup. Hey Granger, my name is Jared.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight from Michigan, Love your Music. Was in
Speaker 1: a relationship and we had what seemed to be a healthy,
Speaker 1: good and fun one came home from a trip blindsided
Speaker 1: and broken up, with her explanation being I didn't know
Speaker 1: how to love her and she wasn't healed from a past. X. Okay,
Speaker 1: I get it. I didn't know me, I didn't know
Speaker 1: how to love her, and she wasn't healed from a
Speaker 1: past X and learned to resent me because of this.
Speaker 1: I wasn't one hundred percent perfect, but she had been
Speaker 1: seeing a therapist but never communicated this topic to me.
Speaker 1: Only had two decent talks and never we never fought
Speaker 1: or argued. Okay, I'm trying to follow this email, and
Speaker 1: she said that she would have cut it off sooner
Speaker 1: and given me no second chances. I'm struggling now because
Speaker 1: we talked about marriage and kids and building a house
Speaker 1: and building a life together as well as she mentioned
Speaker 1: marriage to my friends and hers. Was this because of
Speaker 1: a therapist interjecting do I move on, work on myself
Speaker 1: and wait? Much love God bless with a lowercase gee? Okay,
Speaker 1: we got to recap this one for a second. Sorry,
Speaker 1: I always got to get my brain. I read this
Speaker 1: for the first time ever with you guys live and
Speaker 1: then Jared, you're twenty eight Michigan boy love Michigan. You
Speaker 1: were in a good relationship. How long, Bernie? Does it
Speaker 1: say two years? And isn't it in the title ex
Speaker 1: of two years? Yes? Yeah, you're right, two years in
Speaker 1: the title? Okay, good, healthy, fun relationship, not many fights?
Speaker 1: She boom, she breaks up with you. Her reason for
Speaker 1: breaking up is you didn't love her and she wasn't
Speaker 1: healed from a pass ax, so she learned to resent you.
Speaker 1: Because of that, she was going to a therapist. You
Speaker 1: didn't know about it. Now you're struggling because you talked
Speaker 1: about marriage talked about kids, talked about building a house,
Speaker 1: a life, she talked about marriage to your other friend.
Speaker 1: You're a little bit embarrassed, probably, And so the first
Speaker 1: question you have, out of the thousands that come out
Speaker 1: of your brain right now, because you're going through heartbreak
Speaker 1: and you one of your questions is was it the therapist.
Speaker 1: Maybe the therapist said something that just changed her mind.
Speaker 1: Let's start with that. No, he also said something in
Speaker 1: there though that jumped out to me. He just kind
Speaker 1: of sl looked it in like I wasn't one hundred
Speaker 1: percent perfect. Yeah, you did say that. I want to
Speaker 1: tug at that threat a little bit. I don't know
Speaker 1: what you meant by that. If it was like your
Speaker 1: way of being humble, being like, hey this isn't this
Speaker 1: wasn't all all her, but also like a lot of
Speaker 1: it was her, or if it was like, hey, like
Speaker 1: I did this other stuff, but you know, Yeah, he
Speaker 1: didn't want to like put that in the email. It
Speaker 1: just in the flow of the email. It felt just
Speaker 1: kind of like slid in. And then move back on
Speaker 1: to her therapist. Yeah, Jared, she had a therapist. You
Speaker 1: have me and Bernie. Yes, you got a therapists too.
Speaker 1: Kind of So what are you saying, does he does
Speaker 1: he stay or go? This is so so easy, This
Speaker 1: is so so but so much information and it's so easy.
Speaker 1: She she had a change of heart. You got to
Speaker 1: move on, yep, And you say work on myself and wait,
Speaker 1: I don't know, that's just that's like an Instagram tag
Speaker 1: work on yourself and weight. I don't know. What I
Speaker 1: do know is you move on and you look at
Speaker 1: this as something you learn. You chalk off your loss
Speaker 1: and say I learned something from this and I wasn't
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. Maybe I'll try a little bit better
Speaker 1: next time in the next relationship, learn some move on.
Speaker 1: This is just a classic heartbreak and and heartbreak a
Speaker 1: there's a million reasons and explanations, and she's gonna give
Speaker 1: you all this stuff like, well, I didn't feel like
Speaker 1: you loved me, and oh and also my past X
Speaker 1: you know it wasn't totally healed, and so I learned
Speaker 1: to resent you because of them. So sure, she might
Speaker 1: have learned that kind of language from a therapist, but
Speaker 1: she didn't go to the therapist say that and then
Speaker 1: realize she needs to break up with you. The girl's
Speaker 1: got problems, don't we all and she doesn't love you.
Speaker 1: It's time to move on. Yep, time to move on,
Speaker 1: and time for us to move on to the next question.
Speaker 1: I saw an interesting subject I'd like to read for you, Bernie,
Speaker 1: because you are good at this kind of stuff. The
Speaker 1: subject line says teaching Sunday school and divided church. They're
Speaker 1: going Your name is Stephanie. I'm for Berlin, Pennsylvania. First
Speaker 1: of all, PA, A huge fan of everything you do.
Speaker 1: My family and I have seen you twice, and my
Speaker 1: boys always ask me when the next best time is.
Speaker 1: That's our meet and greet. I have two questions. First off,
Speaker 1: my sister in law, Lacey, and I teach first and
Speaker 1: second grade students in our Sunday school. What Bible do
Speaker 1: you recommend for that age group and where would you
Speaker 1: suggest we start to teach them about the importance of it.
Speaker 1: We have struggled with the curriculum and most of the
Speaker 1: time it is above what they can comprehend and they
Speaker 1: lose interest right away. My second question is our church
Speaker 1: has been struggling for a few years and I'm afraid
Speaker 1: of its I grew up there and I hate seeing
Speaker 1: the numbers continually drop. We have not had a regular
Speaker 1: pastor quite some time. We're a small church that consist
Speaker 1: of mostly older population who do not like change. This
Speaker 1: has made it hard to find the right pastor, and
Speaker 1: therefore our youth have not been interested in participating anymore.
Speaker 1: Any suggestions on how to bring our church back to life.
Speaker 1: We have quite a few youths if we can get
Speaker 1: them here again. Thanks for your time, Stephanie. I always
Speaker 1: wonder when I read an email from a fan that
Speaker 1: actually listens and goes to meet and greets, how it
Speaker 1: must feel randomly listening to the podcast And yeah, oh man,
Speaker 1: I don't That's not lost on me, y'all. It's not
Speaker 1: lost to me. And I try to always keep that
Speaker 1: kind of perspective that I'm not reading just stuff on
Speaker 1: my phone. I'm reading real life stories from real people
Speaker 1: that are potentially really listening to me as I say it,
Speaker 1: and it potentially means a lot that me and Bernie
Speaker 1: are gonna dive into their moment in time, So it's
Speaker 1: not lost on me, and I just I love you
Speaker 1: guys for that. We'll start with her first question, and
Speaker 1: did you have something else? No, no, no no, I was
Speaker 1: just gonna comme in on the first part. So I
Speaker 1: taught elementary did you know this? Like I was? I
Speaker 1: was a long term substitute teachers Austin. Yeah. That meant
Speaker 1: that I had like kindergarteners and all the way through
Speaker 1: fifth grade. Yeah, And I got to say, like the
Speaker 1: younger kids, I would want to pull my hair out,
Speaker 1: like I don't know if anything can keep their attention,
Speaker 1: like so as far as like what to teach them
Speaker 1: and like them be able to comprehend, I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to take a pass on that because I have I
Speaker 1: really have no idea. I know. I have the storybook
Speaker 1: Bible that my son's in kindergarten, and he loves that.
Speaker 1: He actually like what We've read through it many many times,
Speaker 1: and he'll like, remember sometimes, if I'm honest, I try
Speaker 1: to like, Okay, let's just get to the point, and
Speaker 1: I'll like, you know, leave out one little line of
Speaker 1: it and he's like, well, Dad, wasn't there also three boats?
Speaker 1: Like Okay, yeah, there was three boats, but that one
Speaker 1: I feel like they can comprehend and it all points
Speaker 1: to Jesus. I think that's a good one to start. Maybe, Man,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say the same thing. I'm gonna I'm gonna
Speaker 1: take a pass on this too. And here's the reason.
Speaker 1: Partly because you know, we could talk about it, we
Speaker 1: could really dig into it. We could direct you maybe
Speaker 1: to some websites that show you. But here's the thing
Speaker 1: that this is a this is a problem that's stemming
Speaker 1: from your second question. Yeah, you don't have a lead pastor.
Speaker 1: You don't have a lead teaching pastor. You don't have
Speaker 1: a leader of the church. Without that, he's the guy
Speaker 1: that's gonna give the kids the curriculum, and he's gonna
Speaker 1: he's gonna make that and and shape that and pull
Speaker 1: that from the denomination or that they're you're there, greater
Speaker 1: organization that you're a part of. He's going to pull
Speaker 1: that so that it feeds into his style of teaching.
Speaker 1: And that is something only he could do. And so
Speaker 1: when you don't have that, this is one of the
Speaker 1: many problems you have in a church without a lead
Speaker 1: pastor that makes those kind of decisions. I got a
Speaker 1: country singer and his friend on a podcast cannot speak
Speaker 1: and should not speak into a small church in Pennsylvania
Speaker 1: about what to teach their kids. For sure, we could
Speaker 1: have opinions, but that I don't think it's right to
Speaker 1: do that. And to your second question, this is really
Speaker 1: we talk about a lot of sensitive topics and it's
Speaker 1: strange to think of this one as really sensitive, but
Speaker 1: it actually is. Because me speaking in any way into
Speaker 1: the leadership of a church that I am not connected
Speaker 1: with at all is it's a dangerous territory. But I'm
Speaker 1: going to try. So please use that as a just
Speaker 1: kind of just know that this is maybe not completely
Speaker 1: wise of me, and so just take that with a
Speaker 1: grain of salt, that this is a friend at all.
Speaker 1: This is a friend at a campfire, and not any
Speaker 1: kind of leadership speaking into you. But it sounds like
Speaker 1: your church is in really bad trouble and without a
Speaker 1: leader you cannot continue to exist in this way for
Speaker 1: all kinds of reasons. So I would need to sit
Speaker 1: with you and say, what you know, what denomination are you? What?
Speaker 1: What is your greater organization that you're a part of.
Speaker 1: For instance, like if it was a Southern Baptist convention,
Speaker 1: you could you could reach out to someone there. If
Speaker 1: it was like the Greater uh ARC churches or a
Speaker 1: Methodist organization or the Lutherans, what you could always reach
Speaker 1: out that way. So I don't know what you are.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're totally independent, which which would make things way worse,
Speaker 1: because then you're really in trouble. This might be a
Speaker 1: situation where you bring your members together and you call
Speaker 1: a member meeting and you, guys are gonna give yourself
Speaker 1: to another church in your community, and you're gonna say,
Speaker 1: and this happens. I've actually seen it happen specifically in
Speaker 1: this town where I live. You say, you say, we
Speaker 1: don't have a leader, we cannot exist. An army can't
Speaker 1: exist without a leader. Nothing can. So we're gonna give
Speaker 1: our body, our resources, our building if you need it,
Speaker 1: our youth group, our hymnals, everything, We're gonna give it
Speaker 1: to you. We're gonna join forces if your congregation makes
Speaker 1: a vote and says yes, we will accept this church
Speaker 1: and merge with us. Now you're gonna have to find
Speaker 1: the right one, the right the right pastor, the right
Speaker 1: lead pastor, and that you might go down several of
Speaker 1: these and I think a lot of coffee meetings and
Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of prayer and a lot
Speaker 1: of meeting with these pastors. It's very possible that one
Speaker 1: of them says, yeah, we got our doors open. We
Speaker 1: would love for you thirty eight people or fifty four
Speaker 1: p However many there are to just come right in
Speaker 1: here and we'll sell your building or give up the
Speaker 1: lease on it or whatever. But but this, I think
Speaker 1: that that is a better solution. Then you're looking for
Speaker 1: another pastor to come in and fix everything that's wrong.
Speaker 1: So what do you do? What was her name, Stephanie? Yeah? Okay,
Speaker 1: So what do you do when Stephanie goes to the
Speaker 1: member meeting and it's a whole lot of old people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: very possible that she's like she said, yeah, that they're like,
Speaker 1: we're not doing that. Okay, now this is the way
Speaker 1: they're they're kind of like stuck in and without having
Speaker 1: Stephanie here to be able to ask like, what does
Speaker 1: the you know, the eldership of their church look like?
Speaker 1: What kind of influence has is there any elders? Like
Speaker 1: or how are you current? How long have you been
Speaker 1: looking for a lead pastor how all of those questions?
Speaker 1: Like if you go and you just say, hey, she
Speaker 1: has this idea to do this, I think if you're
Speaker 1: maybe a younger congregation that really is more active and
Speaker 1: wanting to flourish and grow, and I think they could
Speaker 1: be it more open. But what do you say to
Speaker 1: her if she says, hey, Grangeery, I went and I
Speaker 1: did that, here's what I got. What what do you
Speaker 1: think I should do next? Yep, yeah, here's here's my
Speaker 1: thought on that. I would. I would go out with
Speaker 1: a small team people that agree with you, a small
Speaker 1: team and try to find some really good options that
Speaker 1: then you bring with you to the greater group. Here's
Speaker 1: here's the perfect, the ideal scenario that's in my head
Speaker 1: for you, Stephanie. There is a church in your community
Speaker 1: that is just now planting or about to break apart
Speaker 1: and plant. And there's a new pastor that's about to
Speaker 1: start teaching in the junior high gymnasium or the movie theater,
Speaker 1: or he already is in a rented space, and he
Speaker 1: has twelve, fifteen, twenty five brand new members. He just
Speaker 1: started three months ago or maybe during COVID, and things
Speaker 1: have been hurting, and you go to him and you
Speaker 1: love him and you pray with him, and you see
Speaker 1: his vision and you say, look, we have a building.
Speaker 1: Would you like to come and take over our building
Speaker 1: with your people? And he goes. Obviously, you know through
Speaker 1: the appropriate prayer. He goes, yeah, I think that would
Speaker 1: think that would be incredible. He say, Okay, first first
Speaker 1: matter is you got to come to our old people
Speaker 1: and you got to make the pitch win them over.
Speaker 1: You got to win them over, and a good pastor
Speaker 1: could easily do that. Say absolutely, my heart is for
Speaker 1: these people. So he comes in and he says, this
Speaker 1: is who I am, this is what I could bring.
Speaker 1: I'm bringing seventeen people with me and we would love
Speaker 1: to use your building. Yeah, and I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: change you. I'm trying to help you flourish. Yep. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I saw this exact thing play out, and so it
Speaker 1: is possible. Everything is possible with God. I do not
Speaker 1: think you should continue on in this pastor search thing.
Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like it's going very well and you
Speaker 1: can't continue without a leader. Yeah. Yeah, it's all tell
Speaker 1: me again. Thanks for having me man, Love you bro.
Speaker 1: Good to be back, see you guys, see you next Monday. Yay.
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate
Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by
Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe
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Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would
Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Granger Smith Podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. Ye ge