1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: You have a distorted view of men and what they 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: what the role in a relationship should be. You could 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: see men in a light where they you're going to 4 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 1: look for someone that's an over protector. You're gonna look 5 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,239 Speaker 1: in a light where you don't trust any of them. 6 00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 1: You're gonna look in a light that maybe it's okay 7 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 1: to be open about not trusting. But either way, this 8 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: story points you in a direction where you have a 9 00:00:28,480 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: blurred line of what a man is in your life. 10 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 1: Don't fall for that trap. What's up everybody? Welcome to 11 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: the podcast, Episode one hundred and seventy seven. Got my 12 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,800 Speaker 1: buddy Bernie with me one seventy seven. That's incredible, man, 13 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 1: What are we cooking up for two hundred because I 14 00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 1: feel like it's a big milestone Pastor Chad coma, Yeah, y'all. 15 00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,319 Speaker 1: I just by the way, I just saw Pastor Chad 16 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:09,120 Speaker 1: in Montana, went up there and visited him and he's 17 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 1: doing great. I miss having him on here. He's going 18 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: to start coming more often, hopefully back to Texas and 19 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,360 Speaker 1: he'll have to get on here. So maybe we'll do 20 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:20,520 Speaker 1: an episode two hundred's that's creeping up man, it is 21 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,959 Speaker 1: and the live one we talked about last year, maybe 22 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:28,679 Speaker 1: two hundreds A live one. Man, I'm really excited about 23 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,840 Speaker 1: that idea. Yeah, do so. We would like to take 24 00:01:32,880 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: this podcast live, me and Bernie in front of a 25 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:40,120 Speaker 1: live audience where you stand up, we passed around microphones, 26 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 1: we record it, and you ask in real time. Now 27 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 1: we do this without notes or preparing, so that there 28 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:50,560 Speaker 1: would be no difference. We would just go for it. 29 00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 1: I think that would be incredible. So if you're listening 30 00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,680 Speaker 1: on a place that allows you to comment, like YouTube, 31 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: let me know in the comments a city for Bernie 32 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:02,120 Speaker 1: Night to go to. That'd be awesome. They will do 33 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: a little tour, like a podcast tour, like three or 34 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:08,560 Speaker 1: four days. Love it go hit three or four cities. Yeah, 35 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:11,920 Speaker 1: some applause after we're done would actually feel kind of nice. 36 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,920 Speaker 1: It's really it's just quiet in here, guys, so quiet. 37 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: See you next time. Crickets podcast tour. I like this idea. 38 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: We could jump on Southwest airlines, hit some Southwest cities 39 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: like maybe Austin would be one, Maybe Houston, Dallas. What 40 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 1: if we go to monta city, What if we go 41 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,760 Speaker 1: to Montana to Chad, Yeah, that could be one. Well, 42 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: Bozeman is now Southwest City. Well, not that it has 43 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 1: to be that airline. We can go to Kalispell, we 44 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,560 Speaker 1: can go to We got to hit the west coast, 45 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 1: got to hit the east coast, got to hit the south. 46 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,079 Speaker 1: Comment below where do you think we should go? Can't 47 00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 1: forget the Midwest? To do it? Ohio or Michigan in 48 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 1: there somewhere do three or four man? It would be 49 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 1: really cool. Yeah, I love it. Okay, So things coming? 50 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,280 Speaker 1: Yeah twenty three Griz. What we do here? In case 51 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 1: you're just like, what are they talking about? We answer 52 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 1: your questions. You email Grangersmith Podcast at gmail dot com 53 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: and we walk through them like we're just sitting around 54 00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:15,040 Speaker 1: a campfire. Okay, So first question here, subject line says, 55 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:20,920 Speaker 1: what do I do about nursing school? Hey Granger, I 56 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 1: lost my time right here. Maybe I'm not a bit Bernie. 57 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:29,520 Speaker 1: You give me bad luck on tiers. I'll just keep 58 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 1: track of this. Got it says, Hey Granger. My name 59 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:34,840 Speaker 1: is Cheyenne. I'm twenty two, currently struggling with the decision 60 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:38,840 Speaker 1: to finish nursing school. I'm about halfway done, but I 61 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 1: keep getting this feeling that's not what I'm meant to do. 62 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: My anxiety gets worse when I'm at school or clinical. 63 00:03:46,440 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 1: I broke down while at the hospital rotation. I prayed 64 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 1: about this a lot, and my husband is very supportive 65 00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,160 Speaker 1: and whatever I decide, We've had many talks about this 66 00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 1: and we've prayed together as well. But I know a 67 00:03:57,560 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: lot of people in my life won't agree or will 68 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 1: I have something to say if I decide to leave. 69 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: I feel confused and lost. Any advice, thank you? Okay. 70 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:13,600 Speaker 1: So I believe that the human experience is very much 71 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 1: layered with so many different circumstances and influences, and so 72 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:20,600 Speaker 1: at a glance, I know there may be something that 73 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:24,040 Speaker 1: you're not putting here that would if I knew that, 74 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 1: I would be like, yeah, you maybe need consider quitting. 75 00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:29,800 Speaker 1: But if I'm only going on what you've said here, 76 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: you got to finish. Like I feel like people I 77 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 1: know are and myself are doing really hard things right now, 78 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,480 Speaker 1: and they're getting into it and they're like, this is 79 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 1: so hard. I'm thinking about quitting, and I'm like, don't quit. 80 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: Finish what you start. Yeah, there's so much growth that 81 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:53,239 Speaker 1: we can gain, and you don't even get that until 82 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 1: you get to the place where you want to quit. 83 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,479 Speaker 1: And then you keep going, and then you keep going 84 00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 1: a lot of personal growth there. So I say, keep going, 85 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,120 Speaker 1: you'll get done and be very glad that you finished it. 86 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,360 Speaker 1: I don't have much to add to that, and I 87 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:09,599 Speaker 1: totally agree, Cheyenne. Let's sit with you just for a 88 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: second and just say, yeah, get it, get it. Life 89 00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 1: comes at you fast. Sometimes sometimes you bite off more 90 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 1: than you could chew. You sign up for something that 91 00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: you didn't think it was going to be that hard. 92 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:25,680 Speaker 1: You're twenty two, you're newly married. Probably you got a 93 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:29,279 Speaker 1: lot of things going on besides nursing school. I'm sure 94 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,159 Speaker 1: you're praying about this. You've got a great supportive husband, 95 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:37,760 Speaker 1: which is amazing. Me and Bernie are saying, don't quit. 96 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 1: You don't have to be a nurse. You don't have 97 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: to take this as a career, but I think you 98 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:47,159 Speaker 1: do have to finish school. What's interesting about anything like 99 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:51,520 Speaker 1: this is to think how special it would be to 100 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,520 Speaker 1: be a nurse and to be helping others, and to 101 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:58,120 Speaker 1: be pouring into these lives and helping heal people and 102 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 1: give them, give them relief from their pain or or 103 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 1: some kind of you know, anecdote for their struggle. You 104 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:10,039 Speaker 1: get that with being a nurse. Did you think it 105 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:13,359 Speaker 1: was going to be easy to have that kind of responsibility? Right? 106 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 1: Do you think anyone could just sign up for that 107 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: the responsibility a nurse has, and God bless all of 108 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:21,839 Speaker 1: y'all listening that are nurses. The responsibility that you have 109 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:24,919 Speaker 1: to people in a community. Do you think that's just 110 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,240 Speaker 1: handed out freely? Or do you think that's something that 111 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:32,800 Speaker 1: you study and toil over and lose sleep over and 112 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: have panic attacks sometimes because it's so much on you 113 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,919 Speaker 1: and in order to earn that certificate so that you 114 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,880 Speaker 1: could pour into the community. Aren't we glad that there 115 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:47,839 Speaker 1: is a gatekeeper for our nurses so that no one 116 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:51,480 Speaker 1: could just sign up and anyone could be a nurse, right? 117 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 1: You put your life. They're sticking needles in you. Yeah, 118 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:56,680 Speaker 1: and they're like, yeah, I filled out a form and 119 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 1: then they gave me this job. I would be like, well, 120 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,279 Speaker 1: you're not touching me. Yeah. It makes you think that 121 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 1: everyone that sticks you with the needle. You go, was 122 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 1: nursing school tough? And they look at you and go, yeah, 123 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:09,039 Speaker 1: it was really tough. It took everything I had just 124 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 1: to finish. In fact, I wanted to quit and then 125 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 1: we all collectively say thank you for not quitting, because 126 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 1: now you're serving the community. So Cheyenne, don't quit. Yeah, 127 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:26,560 Speaker 1: not dismissing at all the difficulty and if and there's 128 00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 1: also something to be you didn't say this, but like 129 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 1: if you had a relative that you know became sick 130 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, you have to like your 131 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: your time and attention from outside forces all of a 132 00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 1: sudden was like taken somewhere, Like you need your bandwidth 133 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 1: to really go serve something that just happened in your 134 00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 1: family or your community. That's a totally different thing. Then yes, 135 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:52,560 Speaker 1: this is just it's harder than I thought. Not dismissing 136 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,560 Speaker 1: that feeling of it being harder than you thought. But 137 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:58,040 Speaker 1: I think, like Granger said, you gotta keep at it. 138 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,800 Speaker 1: You're gonna you're gonna be really thinking that you did. 139 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: In the end, I think, yep, you are. Let's go 140 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 1: to the next question subject line, help me move on. 141 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 1: Hey Grangdarmin. Name is Hannah. I'm nineteen just started listening 142 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:11,880 Speaker 1: to your podcast. I really enjoy it. Thank you for 143 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 1: the encouragement. And I recently when I was says when 144 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,680 Speaker 1: I was around age of seven, my older brother started 145 00:08:20,720 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 1: sexually assaulting me and it lasted for four years. When 146 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 1: he finally confessed to my parents, I thought that I 147 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: was free and something would be done to help me 148 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:34,600 Speaker 1: and him. My dad did nothing for years. He let 149 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,840 Speaker 1: my brother live there, and after he moved out, he 150 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,360 Speaker 1: came back home after two years, let him stay and 151 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,079 Speaker 1: acted as if it was normal. I found out a 152 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: couple years later that shortly after confessing, my mom had 153 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:50,960 Speaker 1: found out my brother in a closet. Had found my 154 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:55,080 Speaker 1: brother in a closet attempting to commit suicide. My dad 155 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 1: later said that the reason for his guilt and why 156 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,080 Speaker 1: he couldn't kick him out, that was the reason for 157 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:06,240 Speaker 1: his guilt because he tried to commit suicide. You going 158 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 1: to say I need to forgive, and I'm going to 159 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: I just heard your latest podcast about forgiveness, and I'm 160 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:16,040 Speaker 1: having trouble doing that. Thank you. My question is this 161 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,120 Speaker 1: was my dad in the right to let my brother 162 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: live around me and not protect me or my sisters 163 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: even after he had turned eighteen. Am I in the 164 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,839 Speaker 1: wrong for hoping that my dad would kick him out 165 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:36,320 Speaker 1: and try his best to protect us there. I hope 166 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,960 Speaker 1: you can help me. I get my comfort from the Lord, 167 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:44,920 Speaker 1: but it still upsets and hurts me. Thanks again, Hannah, 168 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,040 Speaker 1: that one took a deep, dark turn that I was 169 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: not expecting. We don't read these emails before, so that yeah, 170 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:58,160 Speaker 1: that took a dark turn. And you're still young, Hannah nineteen, Well, 171 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 1: let's do a quick recap here. When you're around the 172 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 1: age of seven, your older brother started sexually assaulting you, 173 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 1: and that happened for four years. He confessed from guilt 174 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 1: to your parents. At that point, you thought, okay, good, 175 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: this is over. Something could be done to help us now, 176 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,839 Speaker 1: but your dad did nothing. After the confession, your dad 177 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 1: did nothing and continue to let your brother live you 178 00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:31,560 Speaker 1: with you. Then fast forward a little bit of time 179 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:37,679 Speaker 1: two years, your mom finds him trying to commit suicide 180 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 1: in a closet. Your dad says that right there, like 181 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,880 Speaker 1: that attempted suicide was the reason I didn't kick him 182 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,839 Speaker 1: out of the house because I'm adding this, because I 183 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: thought that would make things worse and he would go 184 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,000 Speaker 1: commit suicide somewhere else. You say, I need to forgive, 185 00:10:55,360 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: and I'm going to not yet you're implying how do 186 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:03,560 Speaker 1: I do that? And then your question, your main question 187 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 1: is was my dad in the right to let my 188 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 1: brother live around me parentheses. I'm adding because he thought 189 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:17,200 Speaker 1: he might commit suicide somewhere else and not protect me 190 00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 1: or my sisters even after he turned eighteen. Am I 191 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:21,959 Speaker 1: in the wrong for hoping that my dad would kick 192 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,800 Speaker 1: him out and try to protect his family? All Right, 193 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,920 Speaker 1: that's a lot. That's a lot to unpack. His lot, 194 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 1: not not only information, but just emotionally, it's a lot. 195 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:38,679 Speaker 1: Hannah was her name, Hannah? Yeah, Hannah, so sorry to 196 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 1: hear this, Like, man, this is just heartbreaking and yeah, 197 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:50,360 Speaker 1: just a reminder of how broken our world really is. Yeah, Hannah. Also, 198 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: you're not alone in this situation. It's not the first 199 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: time I've heard something like this. In fact, it's not 200 00:11:57,160 --> 00:11:59,960 Speaker 1: the first time I've read something like this on this podcast. 201 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 1: You are not alone. There are a lot of people 202 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: involved in situations like this. I don't want to say 203 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 1: it's common, but it's more prevalent than we could possibly 204 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,200 Speaker 1: even imagine because most people don't say it out loud, 205 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:22,600 Speaker 1: but they're part of this sibling, weird sexual thing that, 206 00:12:23,520 --> 00:12:25,760 Speaker 1: like Bernie said, because we live in a broken world, 207 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 1: that stuff does exist, and most people just suppress it 208 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: move on. They get to be adults and they just 209 00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: hope that they don't think about it, but it matters 210 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:43,040 Speaker 1: and it still churns inside us. So you're fresh out 211 00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 1: of this or kind of, but I just want to 212 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,959 Speaker 1: tell you, like Bernie said, first of all, I'm so sorry. 213 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:51,520 Speaker 1: And second of all, you're not alone. There's people listening 214 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,720 Speaker 1: right now. I promise you right now that go yep, Hannah, 215 00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: that's me, or that was me thirty years ago, or 216 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 1: that's me right now. You are not alone in this. Yeah. 217 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: The first, before we start to attempt to answer these 218 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:11,920 Speaker 1: questions of rights and wrongs, if you have not seen 219 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:18,120 Speaker 1: or pursued like professional counseling and therapy, I would highly 220 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,560 Speaker 1: recommend that a Christian counselor if you say that, I 221 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:26,440 Speaker 1: think she said she's a belie. Lord. Okay, there's a 222 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:32,040 Speaker 1: lot of trauma that you have endured, and I think 223 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 1: in order for you to ever get to a place 224 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:40,000 Speaker 1: of forgiveness and understanding grace and understanding what happened and 225 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:46,840 Speaker 1: how it affected you, this is so dark and so 226 00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:55,720 Speaker 1: deep that I would highly recommend licensed professional Christian counselor. 227 00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:00,719 Speaker 1: Not that me and Griz aren't great, but you need 228 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:04,080 Speaker 1: a pro to like help you process some of this 229 00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: stuff for sure. Yep. So that being said, we'll try 230 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 1: to dig into it with you, and the answers to 231 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:14,560 Speaker 1: your questions are very easy. But you already know that 232 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 1: you know that you asked us softball questions, so we'll 233 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:24,280 Speaker 1: try to go beyond it. Your first question, was my 234 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:28,160 Speaker 1: dad in the right to let my brother live around 235 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 1: me and not protect me or my sisters? No? No, 236 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,960 Speaker 1: not at all. The fact that you have to ask 237 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 1: the question means that your dad didn't go above and beyond, 238 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,160 Speaker 1: like I know either one of us would do to 239 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 1: make our daughters feel safe one hundred percent. Yeah. The 240 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 1: next part says, am I in the wrong for hoping 241 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 1: my dad would kick him out and try its best 242 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:56,320 Speaker 1: to protect us. Man, That just that hurts my heart, Hannah. 243 00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 1: It hurts me because not only just for you, but 244 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 1: because I know that that's truly what you feel, and 245 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 1: and that so many other people deal with this kind 246 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:12,560 Speaker 1: of thing, where you would think it's just common knowledge 247 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:15,360 Speaker 1: that a daddy is going to protect his little girl. 248 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,960 Speaker 1: You just think that that's, oh, that's just a thing, 249 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,120 Speaker 1: like that's what daddies do. They protect a little girl 250 00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:25,120 Speaker 1: at all costs. That's what we're here for, to protect 251 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 1: our little girls. But because we live in a fallen world, 252 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 1: and because there's broken men, and because we have weak men, 253 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 1: and because not everyone has the Lord, there's there's a 254 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:43,440 Speaker 1: breach in that. And you are not wrong and thinking 255 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: that your daddy should protect you, and you're not wrong 256 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,560 Speaker 1: in hoping that he would, and then he would kick 257 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:53,840 Speaker 1: somebody out, including a family member, including a suicidal family member. 258 00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:57,920 Speaker 1: You would think that a dad would say, look, I 259 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 1: love my son, I always love my son, and then 260 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 1: he's suicidal. I don't want to lose him, but I'm 261 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 1: still gonna separate him from my daughters because he's sick 262 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: right now. Not necessarily because my son is an evil person, 263 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,320 Speaker 1: but because he's actually sick and he needs help and 264 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:18,080 Speaker 1: he can't be around the drug right now. He's an attic. 265 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna get him out and I'm going to 266 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,520 Speaker 1: live with him, or I'm gonna or his mom's going 267 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,760 Speaker 1: to live with him, or his uncle's going to live 268 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:28,720 Speaker 1: with them, and then I'm gonna live with my daughter. 269 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna separate them. You would think that that's just 270 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 1: a normal thought from a man, but it's not. Yeah, instead, 271 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:43,520 Speaker 1: this guy says, I hope it just goes away. Yep. 272 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:53,960 Speaker 1: But I do believe that in God's providence, you will 273 00:16:54,040 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 1: be one of the most protective friends Mom's spouses because 274 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 1: this feeling of unprotection has been so exposed to you, 275 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 1: and I know that it's really hard, and this is 276 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:12,639 Speaker 1: where you're gonna get. You're gonna have to do the 277 00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:16,159 Speaker 1: work to maybe get here with a counselor and unpack this, 278 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,400 Speaker 1: to mentally really get to a place where you can 279 00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:25,159 Speaker 1: see that God is using this for Him to be 280 00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 1: glorified some way through this broken story of yours, that 281 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,639 Speaker 1: others may look at you and glorify him, be like, Wow, 282 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 1: what a miracle God has done in your life, not 283 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,119 Speaker 1: by a human hands alone, Like you have not done this. 284 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,520 Speaker 1: I can tell because I hear your story, and I'm like, 285 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:48,440 Speaker 1: there's no way somebody does and lives the way you're 286 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:52,879 Speaker 1: living without the Holy Spirit and man that can be 287 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:56,639 Speaker 1: true about your story. It really can. I think that 288 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,640 Speaker 1: there's some work you're gonna need to do before that. 289 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:04,000 Speaker 1: But I'm just thinking of that Taylor three King's book 290 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,440 Speaker 1: that you sent me and that I read twice because 291 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:10,560 Speaker 1: it was so good. It's like we sometimes we are. 292 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:15,600 Speaker 1: We're just not aware of, you know, the sauls in 293 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:19,800 Speaker 1: our lives and our own you know, tendency to be 294 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:23,959 Speaker 1: a saul until he is put in our lives. And 295 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 1: so this, you know, she she has the choice to 296 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,800 Speaker 1: be you know, her dad, or she has the choice 297 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,879 Speaker 1: to be her and who God wants her to be 298 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 1: and be a protector. And yeah, move forward that way. 299 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,199 Speaker 1: So I don't know if that's I think it's. So 300 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:46,240 Speaker 1: there's a couple of things you're gonna go. You're gonna 301 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,960 Speaker 1: seek some professional help, like Bernie said, You're gonna use this. 302 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 1: This pain is going to become a purpose for you 303 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:56,320 Speaker 1: to become a protector, to spread the message of others 304 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,920 Speaker 1: for protecting. But but I want to say something, you know, 305 00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: I want to say this because in a situation that's 306 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,560 Speaker 1: really dark, and we don't want to deny that this 307 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,119 Speaker 1: is a dark situation for you and hurtful for you. 308 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:15,919 Speaker 1: Things in life could always get worse, and I do 309 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:20,280 Speaker 1: believe this kind of story, Hannah hear me has a 310 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:26,440 Speaker 1: tendency to get worse. Here's how you're nineteen. Now you're 311 00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:31,239 Speaker 1: being courted by men. You have a distorted view of 312 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:36,240 Speaker 1: men and what their role in a relationship should be. 313 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:39,920 Speaker 1: You could see men in a light where they you're 314 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 1: going to look for someone that's an overprotector. You're going 315 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:44,960 Speaker 1: to look in a light where you don't trust any 316 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,000 Speaker 1: of them. You're going to look in a light that 317 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 1: maybe it's okay to be open about not trusting. But 318 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:55,680 Speaker 1: either way, this story points you in a direction where 319 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:59,400 Speaker 1: you have a blurred line of what a man is 320 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:04,960 Speaker 1: in your life. Don't fall for that trap. That's so good, 321 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:08,719 Speaker 1: that's so good. I hope you're nineteen. I'm hoping you're 322 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:12,280 Speaker 1: getting this. You get this message in time. I hope 323 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 1: the mail gets delivered at your house in time before 324 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:19,320 Speaker 1: you have this boyfriend that becomes the monster that your 325 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:24,399 Speaker 1: brother or your dad was either weak or overly obsessive 326 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:29,600 Speaker 1: or addictive or controlling. Either way, please get my message, Hannah. 327 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:36,080 Speaker 1: If it's not too late, have discernment. In fact, be 328 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:39,680 Speaker 1: single for a while. You you are someone that should 329 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 1: be single for a while. Oh for sure. There. Yeah, 330 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,280 Speaker 1: there's a Like I said, there's a lot of work 331 00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:53,280 Speaker 1: to do, and I'm I'm completely confident and just sharing 332 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:56,280 Speaker 1: with you guys that I'm personally work with a counselor 333 00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 1: in therapy. I've been through some things in my life 334 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,440 Speaker 1: that I need help kind of from a Christian world view, 335 00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 1: like unpacking and understanding, like what was God doing in 336 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 1: this preparing me for what is next? And maybe you're 337 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 1: listening to this and your story is not as traumatic. 338 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,840 Speaker 1: Maybe there's some sense of abuse, maybe there's some sense 339 00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: of distortion of you know, male female identity, or the 340 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: role of a man and a woman in a marriage 341 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:33,119 Speaker 1: or relationship, or a father or a mother. Yeah, I 342 00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 1: feel like we just need to like be okay with 343 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 1: taking a minute and thinking and maybe become a little 344 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: more self aware and humble enough to accept that isn't 345 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:50,919 Speaker 1: something we just shake off and say, oh, you know, 346 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:53,679 Speaker 1: that was not I gotta be tough. I gotta just 347 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,119 Speaker 1: like move on. Okay, there's a there is a sense 348 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,800 Speaker 1: of some things we just we have to like move 349 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:05,679 Speaker 1: forward forward. But if you're not taking the time to 350 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,440 Speaker 1: kind of process those things, I think, like Granger said, 351 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,040 Speaker 1: you could be just headed down a path that will 352 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:16,159 Speaker 1: become more and more destructive. And not just for Hannah, 353 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 1: but for anybody listening. Like, man, there is just life 354 00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,280 Speaker 1: and hope out there for all of us. If we're 355 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,200 Speaker 1: willing to just kind of stop, have some self reflection, 356 00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 1: let the Holy Spirit speak to us, and then be 357 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:33,840 Speaker 1: willing to like maybe go into those places. Yeah, Hannah, 358 00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:37,800 Speaker 1: we just yeah, our hearts are breaking for you. Yeah, 359 00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:41,919 Speaker 1: and we really hope that you can get to a 360 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,760 Speaker 1: place of forgiveness. Yeah. Yeah, we love you and thank 361 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:53,920 Speaker 1: you for sharing. We'll be right back. Thanks for listening 362 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,600 Speaker 1: to the podcast. Guys, if you want to talk to me, 363 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:58,720 Speaker 1: you want to reach out to me, you want me 364 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,679 Speaker 1: to give you a video map of me saying anything 365 00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 1: to anybody. Maybe it's a happy birthday, or happy anniversary, 366 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 1: or Merry Christmas, whatever it might be, that whatever time 367 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 1: of year it is. I could do this through cameo 368 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,200 Speaker 1: dot com. You just go to cameo dot com search 369 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,560 Speaker 1: for me Grangersmith. I think it's cameo dot com slash 370 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: granger Smith texts you right to it. You could also 371 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:23,399 Speaker 1: download the app, the Cameo app c A M EO 372 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,400 Speaker 1: and search for me Granger Smith. And I'm making any 373 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 1: message you want. It's really cool. I sit here on 374 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,840 Speaker 1: my phone and turn on my camera and I'll send 375 00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:35,520 Speaker 1: you a message exactly like you want me to say it. 376 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: So you're like, hey, can you tell my wife Brenda 377 00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 1: that a lover and that I'm so sorry for screwing 378 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 1: everything up this year whatever it might be. And then 379 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,280 Speaker 1: I send you a message. I'm like, hey, Brenda, I 380 00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:50,760 Speaker 1: just heard from Mike and I says he loves you 381 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: and he's just really sorry he screwed everything up, and 382 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,720 Speaker 1: I hope you get back with him or whatever it 383 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,440 Speaker 1: might be. You come up with the message and I'll 384 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:07,160 Speaker 1: say it for you. Cameo dot com slash Granger. All right, 385 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 1: back to the podcast. If you have a question for 386 00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:12,160 Speaker 1: me or Bernie, email Grangersmith podcast at gmail dot com. 387 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,199 Speaker 1: We're gonna just talk through it like we're in the 388 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,359 Speaker 1: cab of a truck or sitting around a campfire. This one. 389 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:22,160 Speaker 1: I'm just going through these. I have no They're totally random. Okay, 390 00:24:22,359 --> 00:24:24,840 Speaker 1: no subject. It says, Hey Granger, please keep me anonymous. 391 00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 1: I'm twenty years old. I have grown to hate my job. 392 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 1: I've been on the hunt for a new job for 393 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 1: right around a year. I know what I would like 394 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,600 Speaker 1: to do for a career, and it's one that my 395 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 1: dad and uncle is involved in. They have all the 396 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 1: connections to get me a job, but they won't help 397 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,680 Speaker 1: me anytime I bring it up to either one of them. 398 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:49,680 Speaker 1: I'm just ignored. I've been trying to reach out to 399 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:53,200 Speaker 1: different places and put out my application at a dozen 400 00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,000 Speaker 1: places with no response. Should I keep trying by myself 401 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:58,880 Speaker 1: or bring it up to my dad and uncle? Thanks 402 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:03,280 Speaker 1: for your advice. Loving music. That's interesting. I wonder if 403 00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:07,560 Speaker 1: it's law enforcement because they don't want him to get 404 00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:09,640 Speaker 1: into that because they know how difficult it is. Yeah, 405 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 1: your dad was a police officer, so I kind of 406 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,560 Speaker 1: bring it up. Yeah, I'm trying to think. What could 407 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 1: it be that they Yeah, that would be tough because 408 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 1: if I would have told my dad I was going 409 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,680 Speaker 1: into you know, police academy and law enforcement, he had 410 00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:26,240 Speaker 1: been like fired up. He gave his life to it. Yeah. 411 00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: Or maybe the Sun is just kind of like lazy 412 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 1: and dumb and they're like, I can't I can't get 413 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,560 Speaker 1: you a job. You're getting out for you man, you're 414 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 1: gonna make a reputation and make us look bad. Well 415 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 1: for our purposes, Burns, we don't have a it's not 416 00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,480 Speaker 1: the information's not here, so we got to move on 417 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:49,159 Speaker 1: and give him what we know without that information. Okay, 418 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:54,360 Speaker 1: he's anonymous. He's anonymous, and can we name him Johnny? Yeah, 419 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:58,000 Speaker 1: we'll name him Johnny. Sure, all right, john Johnny. I 420 00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:02,919 Speaker 1: don't I don't like to see email me and I 421 00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,400 Speaker 1: don't like I don't like your tone. Man, I don't 422 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,760 Speaker 1: like your tone. I love I love hey man, my 423 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:11,119 Speaker 1: dad and my uncle. You see, they won't They just 424 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,679 Speaker 1: won't give me the job. Come on, come on, So 425 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,440 Speaker 1: I don't I love everybody at emails. Okay, I love 426 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,600 Speaker 1: you guys, so don't hear me wrong, But I'm just 427 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 1: don't like your email. I don't like your tone. Can 428 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: that be the intro that you put out on TikTok 429 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,840 Speaker 1: for to promote this one? I love you guys, but 430 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:31,840 Speaker 1: I like your email. So and let me read it back. 431 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,320 Speaker 1: Sometimes you got to hear what you said back to you, 432 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:36,439 Speaker 1: like I want to turn the mirror on you. And 433 00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,359 Speaker 1: you hear it and you go, oh, yeah, you said, 434 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:48,439 Speaker 1: I growing to hate my job. Yeah they have I 435 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,040 Speaker 1: like this, Senate. This is the one that gets me. 436 00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,639 Speaker 1: They have all the connections to get me a job, 437 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:58,400 Speaker 1: but they won't help me. It's like that just kind 438 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,840 Speaker 1: of defines a culture that we live in where the 439 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 1: first thing I would ask is, hey, Johnny, do you 440 00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:09,520 Speaker 1: need their help? Are you a little boy? Because you 441 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 1: said you said you're twenty, Do you need their help 442 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:15,760 Speaker 1: to get the job? Are you gonna go do it yourself? 443 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,879 Speaker 1: What if your dad and your uncle are thinking that, Like, 444 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 1: let's see how bad he wants this, it's a good point. 445 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,200 Speaker 1: He goes and he pours himself into it. He goes 446 00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,440 Speaker 1: out and puts himself out there and works hard and 447 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,800 Speaker 1: earns his rights for this kind of job. Then we 448 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:32,040 Speaker 1: step in and go, yeah, he wants it, will vouch 449 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 1: for him. But it sounds like you're saying they got 450 00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:38,920 Speaker 1: all the connections and they won't even help me anytime 451 00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:41,879 Speaker 1: I bring it up, they just ignore me. Like this 452 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:48,399 Speaker 1: sounds so Johnny. I'm saying that this is gonna come 453 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 1: down to you having a man to man discussion with 454 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:56,040 Speaker 1: your dad, and it's time. You're twenty, He say, Dad, 455 00:27:57,680 --> 00:28:01,720 Speaker 1: can I talk to you about something? I admire you 456 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,680 Speaker 1: and your brother so much. In fact, I've watched y'all 457 00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:10,399 Speaker 1: for years, and I've watched you succeed in this career, 458 00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:13,679 Speaker 1: whatever it might be, and I want to emulate that 459 00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:17,719 Speaker 1: because I admire you so much, Dad, I want to 460 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:22,080 Speaker 1: do that. My question is what are the steps I 461 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 1: need to take for this career? What could I do 462 00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:27,480 Speaker 1: on my own? What kind of skill sets could I 463 00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:31,600 Speaker 1: start earning and growing and learning? Do you have any 464 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:35,040 Speaker 1: advice for me? You notice I'm not asking for help 465 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: from him this whole conversation. I'm not saying, can you 466 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:43,560 Speaker 1: call somebody and set up a job interview? You're just saying, Dad, 467 00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:46,959 Speaker 1: what could I do? Please give me advice on what 468 00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,560 Speaker 1: I could do to earn my way into this kind 469 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: of position. That's a much different place. That's a humility 470 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,520 Speaker 1: that you're not showing on the email I that I 471 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:02,520 Speaker 1: would like to see from you. And also maybe ask hey, Dad, 472 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:04,440 Speaker 1: is there a reason that you wouldn't want me to 473 00:29:04,480 --> 00:29:08,200 Speaker 1: do this? Yeah? If it is, maybe it's law enforcement. 474 00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: Let's just hypothetically say that maybe there's things that you 475 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 1: don't know about it that your dad and your uncle know, 476 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:20,120 Speaker 1: but maybe they just haven't communicated it to you, maybe 477 00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,920 Speaker 1: because you haven't asked or you're not showing. Maybe in 478 00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 1: that conversation, be like, hey, want to be like you 479 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,160 Speaker 1: let me know, what what do you advise that I 480 00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:31,200 Speaker 1: can do to like kind of pursue down this path 481 00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:32,960 Speaker 1: and Is there anything that I need to know about 482 00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,840 Speaker 1: this that a reason you wouldn't want me to do this? 483 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:39,280 Speaker 1: Like what do you think, Dad? So here's another example, 484 00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:43,400 Speaker 1: like those King Crab guys, those Alaskan King Crab guys, 485 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:49,360 Speaker 1: Like that's a dangerous job. Maybe maybe be in a 486 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:53,520 Speaker 1: prison guard dangerous job. Maybe being in the Marine Corps, 487 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 1: be in law enforcement. Maybe anything that the dad thinks 488 00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:01,840 Speaker 1: to himself, I wouldn't I would not want my son 489 00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:04,760 Speaker 1: to sign up for something like this. Okay. So maybe 490 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,320 Speaker 1: that's the question Bernie would like you to ask him, 491 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,520 Speaker 1: and maybe he sees himself in you and then opens up. 492 00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,800 Speaker 1: Let me put myself in this situation, okay. Music business. 493 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:18,880 Speaker 1: My son Lincoln, he's sitting around one day and he goes, Dad, 494 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:19,960 Speaker 1: I want to be I want to be in the 495 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,600 Speaker 1: music business. And I'm like, Okay. In my mind, I'm like, man, 496 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,120 Speaker 1: this took me a long time. That took me a 497 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:30,080 Speaker 1: lot of toil and hard work and sweat and pain 498 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 1: and tears and success and failure, failure, failure, tiny success, failure, failure, failure. 499 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 1: It's hard on the heart. And so my son Lincoln says, Dad, 500 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:40,240 Speaker 1: I want I want to be in the music business. 501 00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,400 Speaker 1: Can you make some phone calls for me? And I'm 502 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: thinking maybe I'm not calling anybody. You got to show 503 00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:52,160 Speaker 1: me if I'm going to call somebody first, I need 504 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,880 Speaker 1: to know that you're ready for this kind of pain. 505 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:59,200 Speaker 1: You're ready for this kind of sacrifice and failure and 506 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:03,520 Speaker 1: minimal success and minimal money to pay the bills and 507 00:31:03,760 --> 00:31:06,640 Speaker 1: unstable family that if you get married, I want to 508 00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 1: know that you want to push through all that. Then 509 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:13,720 Speaker 1: I'll make some calls. It's kind of the same thing 510 00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:16,400 Speaker 1: you're saying. And I'm the dad in the situation, So 511 00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,840 Speaker 1: hate me or not. Lincoln could hate me or not. 512 00:31:18,960 --> 00:31:21,800 Speaker 1: You could hate your dad or not. It doesn't come 513 00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:26,240 Speaker 1: from a place of us not wanting the best for you. Yeah, 514 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:29,880 Speaker 1: I think if Lincoln came to you, it was like, Dad, 515 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:34,160 Speaker 1: I love playing music, I've watched your career. Tell me, 516 00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,920 Speaker 1: tell me the highs and lows of everything you've been through. 517 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,080 Speaker 1: What did it take for you to because he only 518 00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:43,720 Speaker 1: knows you know the good stuff, tell me all the stuff. 519 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,280 Speaker 1: It might actually he may be like, I don't want 520 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:49,320 Speaker 1: to do that. Yeah, that's not where I'm not going 521 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,480 Speaker 1: to have that level of sacrifice commitment because what you're 522 00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 1: talking about. Doesn't look and sound as you know, glamorous, 523 00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,760 Speaker 1: as you know the photos that I see on the 524 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:02,720 Speaker 1: wall of you at these big concerts. It sounds like 525 00:32:02,880 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 1: a lot of not that. So that's why I think 526 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,320 Speaker 1: you got to talk to him like he's got the 527 00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:13,840 Speaker 1: experience doing what you want to do, and maybe that 528 00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:20,800 Speaker 1: would change your mind about the whole thing. Absolutely all right. 529 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 1: How about this one subject line X and I dated 530 00:32:23,080 --> 00:32:27,120 Speaker 1: two years blindsided breakup. Hey Granger, my name is Jared. 531 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:29,600 Speaker 1: I'm twenty eight from Michigan, Love your Music. Was in 532 00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,360 Speaker 1: a relationship and we had what seemed to be a healthy, 533 00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:37,440 Speaker 1: good and fun one came home from a trip blindsided 534 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:42,680 Speaker 1: and broken up, with her explanation being I didn't know 535 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:48,400 Speaker 1: how to love her and she wasn't healed from a past. X. Okay, 536 00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:50,840 Speaker 1: I get it. I didn't know me, I didn't know 537 00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,080 Speaker 1: how to love her, and she wasn't healed from a 538 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:56,240 Speaker 1: past X and learned to resent me because of this. 539 00:32:57,120 --> 00:33:00,400 Speaker 1: I wasn't one hundred percent perfect, but she had been 540 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,720 Speaker 1: seeing a therapist but never communicated this topic to me. 541 00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:07,480 Speaker 1: Only had two decent talks and never we never fought 542 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:11,160 Speaker 1: or argued. Okay, I'm trying to follow this email, and 543 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,959 Speaker 1: she said that she would have cut it off sooner 544 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,800 Speaker 1: and given me no second chances. I'm struggling now because 545 00:33:17,800 --> 00:33:21,120 Speaker 1: we talked about marriage and kids and building a house 546 00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,160 Speaker 1: and building a life together as well as she mentioned 547 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:28,000 Speaker 1: marriage to my friends and hers. Was this because of 548 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:32,560 Speaker 1: a therapist interjecting do I move on, work on myself 549 00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:39,480 Speaker 1: and wait? Much love God bless with a lowercase gee? Okay, 550 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:41,680 Speaker 1: we got to recap this one for a second. Sorry, 551 00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:43,880 Speaker 1: I always got to get my brain. I read this 552 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:46,360 Speaker 1: for the first time ever with you guys live and 553 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:52,920 Speaker 1: then Jared, you're twenty eight Michigan boy love Michigan. You 554 00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,880 Speaker 1: were in a good relationship. How long, Bernie? Does it 555 00:33:56,000 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 1: say two years? And isn't it in the title ex 556 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,680 Speaker 1: of two years? Yes? Yeah, you're right, two years in 557 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:07,600 Speaker 1: the title? Okay, good, healthy, fun relationship, not many fights? 558 00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:12,920 Speaker 1: She boom, she breaks up with you. Her reason for 559 00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:17,919 Speaker 1: breaking up is you didn't love her and she wasn't 560 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,239 Speaker 1: healed from a pass ax, so she learned to resent you. 561 00:34:21,600 --> 00:34:26,160 Speaker 1: Because of that, she was going to a therapist. You 562 00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:31,560 Speaker 1: didn't know about it. Now you're struggling because you talked 563 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 1: about marriage talked about kids, talked about building a house, 564 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:37,160 Speaker 1: a life, she talked about marriage to your other friend. 565 00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:40,959 Speaker 1: You're a little bit embarrassed, probably, And so the first 566 00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:43,880 Speaker 1: question you have, out of the thousands that come out 567 00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:46,960 Speaker 1: of your brain right now, because you're going through heartbreak 568 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:50,720 Speaker 1: and you one of your questions is was it the therapist. 569 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,720 Speaker 1: Maybe the therapist said something that just changed her mind. 570 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,360 Speaker 1: Let's start with that. No, he also said something in 571 00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,759 Speaker 1: there though that jumped out to me. He just kind 572 00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:02,040 Speaker 1: of sl looked it in like I wasn't one hundred 573 00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:06,200 Speaker 1: percent perfect. Yeah, you did say that. I want to 574 00:35:06,200 --> 00:35:08,319 Speaker 1: tug at that threat a little bit. I don't know 575 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,520 Speaker 1: what you meant by that. If it was like your 576 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,800 Speaker 1: way of being humble, being like, hey this isn't this 577 00:35:13,239 --> 00:35:16,880 Speaker 1: wasn't all all her, but also like a lot of 578 00:35:16,920 --> 00:35:19,960 Speaker 1: it was her, or if it was like, hey, like 579 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:24,400 Speaker 1: I did this other stuff, but you know, Yeah, he 580 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,719 Speaker 1: didn't want to like put that in the email. It 581 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,840 Speaker 1: just in the flow of the email. It felt just 582 00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:32,279 Speaker 1: kind of like slid in. And then move back on 583 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:35,799 Speaker 1: to her therapist. Yeah, Jared, she had a therapist. You 584 00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,759 Speaker 1: have me and Bernie. Yes, you got a therapists too. 585 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:43,359 Speaker 1: Kind of So what are you saying, does he does 586 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:48,279 Speaker 1: he stay or go? This is so so easy, This 587 00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,280 Speaker 1: is so so but so much information and it's so easy. 588 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 1: She she had a change of heart. You got to 589 00:35:55,640 --> 00:36:01,040 Speaker 1: move on, yep, And you say work on myself and wait, 590 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:05,040 Speaker 1: I don't know, that's just that's like an Instagram tag 591 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:09,080 Speaker 1: work on yourself and weight. I don't know. What I 592 00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:12,719 Speaker 1: do know is you move on and you look at 593 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:16,399 Speaker 1: this as something you learn. You chalk off your loss 594 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:19,719 Speaker 1: and say I learned something from this and I wasn't 595 00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:21,680 Speaker 1: one hundred percent. Maybe I'll try a little bit better 596 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:25,680 Speaker 1: next time in the next relationship, learn some move on. 597 00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:31,799 Speaker 1: This is just a classic heartbreak and and heartbreak a 598 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,080 Speaker 1: there's a million reasons and explanations, and she's gonna give 599 00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,160 Speaker 1: you all this stuff like, well, I didn't feel like 600 00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:41,480 Speaker 1: you loved me, and oh and also my past X 601 00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:44,839 Speaker 1: you know it wasn't totally healed, and so I learned 602 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,799 Speaker 1: to resent you because of them. So sure, she might 603 00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,400 Speaker 1: have learned that kind of language from a therapist, but 604 00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,000 Speaker 1: she didn't go to the therapist say that and then 605 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:56,120 Speaker 1: realize she needs to break up with you. The girl's 606 00:36:56,160 --> 00:37:00,000 Speaker 1: got problems, don't we all and she doesn't love you. 607 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,000 Speaker 1: It's time to move on. Yep, time to move on, 608 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,400 Speaker 1: and time for us to move on to the next question. 609 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,960 Speaker 1: I saw an interesting subject I'd like to read for you, Bernie, 610 00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:12,600 Speaker 1: because you are good at this kind of stuff. The 611 00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:16,879 Speaker 1: subject line says teaching Sunday school and divided church. They're 612 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:20,520 Speaker 1: going Your name is Stephanie. I'm for Berlin, Pennsylvania. First 613 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,239 Speaker 1: of all, PA, A huge fan of everything you do. 614 00:37:23,320 --> 00:37:26,440 Speaker 1: My family and I have seen you twice, and my 615 00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:28,560 Speaker 1: boys always ask me when the next best time is. 616 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:31,919 Speaker 1: That's our meet and greet. I have two questions. First off, 617 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:34,560 Speaker 1: my sister in law, Lacey, and I teach first and 618 00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:39,360 Speaker 1: second grade students in our Sunday school. What Bible do 619 00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:42,799 Speaker 1: you recommend for that age group and where would you 620 00:37:42,840 --> 00:37:46,520 Speaker 1: suggest we start to teach them about the importance of it. 621 00:37:47,560 --> 00:37:50,000 Speaker 1: We have struggled with the curriculum and most of the 622 00:37:50,040 --> 00:37:53,279 Speaker 1: time it is above what they can comprehend and they 623 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,360 Speaker 1: lose interest right away. My second question is our church 624 00:37:56,360 --> 00:37:59,480 Speaker 1: has been struggling for a few years and I'm afraid 625 00:37:59,560 --> 00:38:02,319 Speaker 1: of its I grew up there and I hate seeing 626 00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:05,800 Speaker 1: the numbers continually drop. We have not had a regular 627 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:10,360 Speaker 1: pastor quite some time. We're a small church that consist 628 00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:15,520 Speaker 1: of mostly older population who do not like change. This 629 00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:18,120 Speaker 1: has made it hard to find the right pastor, and 630 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:21,240 Speaker 1: therefore our youth have not been interested in participating anymore. 631 00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,040 Speaker 1: Any suggestions on how to bring our church back to life. 632 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,000 Speaker 1: We have quite a few youths if we can get 633 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:30,680 Speaker 1: them here again. Thanks for your time, Stephanie. I always 634 00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:32,920 Speaker 1: wonder when I read an email from a fan that 635 00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:36,200 Speaker 1: actually listens and goes to meet and greets, how it 636 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:43,239 Speaker 1: must feel randomly listening to the podcast And yeah, oh man, 637 00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:46,680 Speaker 1: I don't That's not lost on me, y'all. It's not 638 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,680 Speaker 1: lost to me. And I try to always keep that 639 00:38:48,760 --> 00:38:52,440 Speaker 1: kind of perspective that I'm not reading just stuff on 640 00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,680 Speaker 1: my phone. I'm reading real life stories from real people 641 00:38:55,880 --> 00:38:58,839 Speaker 1: that are potentially really listening to me as I say it, 642 00:38:59,080 --> 00:39:02,040 Speaker 1: and it potentially means a lot that me and Bernie 643 00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:06,200 Speaker 1: are gonna dive into their moment in time, So it's 644 00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:08,040 Speaker 1: not lost on me, and I just I love you 645 00:39:08,080 --> 00:39:14,280 Speaker 1: guys for that. We'll start with her first question, and 646 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:16,719 Speaker 1: did you have something else? No, no, no no, I was 647 00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:20,799 Speaker 1: just gonna comme in on the first part. So I 648 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:25,400 Speaker 1: taught elementary did you know this? Like I was? I 649 00:39:25,480 --> 00:39:30,799 Speaker 1: was a long term substitute teachers Austin. Yeah. That meant 650 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:33,960 Speaker 1: that I had like kindergarteners and all the way through 651 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,120 Speaker 1: fifth grade. Yeah, And I got to say, like the 652 00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,640 Speaker 1: younger kids, I would want to pull my hair out, 653 00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,200 Speaker 1: like I don't know if anything can keep their attention, 654 00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:45,520 Speaker 1: like so as far as like what to teach them 655 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:48,680 Speaker 1: and like them be able to comprehend, I'm gonna have 656 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,000 Speaker 1: to take a pass on that because I have I 657 00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:52,320 Speaker 1: really have no idea. I know. I have the storybook 658 00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:55,520 Speaker 1: Bible that my son's in kindergarten, and he loves that. 659 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,520 Speaker 1: He actually like what We've read through it many many times, 660 00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:02,080 Speaker 1: and he'll like, remember sometimes, if I'm honest, I try 661 00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,040 Speaker 1: to like, Okay, let's just get to the point, and 662 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,040 Speaker 1: I'll like, you know, leave out one little line of 663 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,520 Speaker 1: it and he's like, well, Dad, wasn't there also three boats? 664 00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:14,600 Speaker 1: Like Okay, yeah, there was three boats, but that one 665 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,080 Speaker 1: I feel like they can comprehend and it all points 666 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,760 Speaker 1: to Jesus. I think that's a good one to start. Maybe, Man, 667 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,520 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say the same thing. I'm gonna I'm gonna 668 00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:25,840 Speaker 1: take a pass on this too. And here's the reason. 669 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:28,719 Speaker 1: Partly because you know, we could talk about it, we 670 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,879 Speaker 1: could really dig into it. We could direct you maybe 671 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:34,160 Speaker 1: to some websites that show you. But here's the thing 672 00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:36,960 Speaker 1: that this is a this is a problem that's stemming 673 00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:40,320 Speaker 1: from your second question. Yeah, you don't have a lead pastor. 674 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:42,920 Speaker 1: You don't have a lead teaching pastor. You don't have 675 00:40:43,000 --> 00:40:46,720 Speaker 1: a leader of the church. Without that, he's the guy 676 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:50,640 Speaker 1: that's gonna give the kids the curriculum, and he's gonna 677 00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:54,759 Speaker 1: he's gonna make that and and shape that and pull 678 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:59,800 Speaker 1: that from the denomination or that they're you're there, greater 679 00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:02,120 Speaker 1: organization that you're a part of. He's going to pull 680 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,920 Speaker 1: that so that it feeds into his style of teaching. 681 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,880 Speaker 1: And that is something only he could do. And so 682 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,200 Speaker 1: when you don't have that, this is one of the 683 00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:14,439 Speaker 1: many problems you have in a church without a lead 684 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:17,279 Speaker 1: pastor that makes those kind of decisions. I got a 685 00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:20,640 Speaker 1: country singer and his friend on a podcast cannot speak 686 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,760 Speaker 1: and should not speak into a small church in Pennsylvania 687 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,640 Speaker 1: about what to teach their kids. For sure, we could 688 00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:30,319 Speaker 1: have opinions, but that I don't think it's right to 689 00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:36,480 Speaker 1: do that. And to your second question, this is really 690 00:41:36,880 --> 00:41:40,560 Speaker 1: we talk about a lot of sensitive topics and it's 691 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,000 Speaker 1: strange to think of this one as really sensitive, but 692 00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:49,280 Speaker 1: it actually is. Because me speaking in any way into 693 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,800 Speaker 1: the leadership of a church that I am not connected 694 00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:56,680 Speaker 1: with at all is it's a dangerous territory. But I'm 695 00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:01,080 Speaker 1: going to try. So please use that as a just 696 00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:06,360 Speaker 1: kind of just know that this is maybe not completely 697 00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:08,040 Speaker 1: wise of me, and so just take that with a 698 00:42:08,080 --> 00:42:09,960 Speaker 1: grain of salt, that this is a friend at all. 699 00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,560 Speaker 1: This is a friend at a campfire, and not any 700 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,640 Speaker 1: kind of leadership speaking into you. But it sounds like 701 00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:22,759 Speaker 1: your church is in really bad trouble and without a 702 00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:27,919 Speaker 1: leader you cannot continue to exist in this way for 703 00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:31,879 Speaker 1: all kinds of reasons. So I would need to sit 704 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,480 Speaker 1: with you and say, what you know, what denomination are you? What? 705 00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:37,880 Speaker 1: What is your greater organization that you're a part of. 706 00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:41,880 Speaker 1: For instance, like if it was a Southern Baptist convention, 707 00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,839 Speaker 1: you could you could reach out to someone there. If 708 00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:49,719 Speaker 1: it was like the Greater uh ARC churches or a 709 00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:53,080 Speaker 1: Methodist organization or the Lutherans, what you could always reach 710 00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:54,719 Speaker 1: out that way. So I don't know what you are. 711 00:42:56,480 --> 00:42:59,920 Speaker 1: Maybe you're totally independent, which which would make things way worse, 712 00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:03,920 Speaker 1: because then you're really in trouble. This might be a 713 00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:10,200 Speaker 1: situation where you bring your members together and you call 714 00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:13,520 Speaker 1: a member meeting and you, guys are gonna give yourself 715 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:17,399 Speaker 1: to another church in your community, and you're gonna say, 716 00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:19,960 Speaker 1: and this happens. I've actually seen it happen specifically in 717 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:23,399 Speaker 1: this town where I live. You say, you say, we 718 00:43:23,880 --> 00:43:27,400 Speaker 1: don't have a leader, we cannot exist. An army can't 719 00:43:27,440 --> 00:43:30,879 Speaker 1: exist without a leader. Nothing can. So we're gonna give 720 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:34,040 Speaker 1: our body, our resources, our building if you need it, 721 00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:37,960 Speaker 1: our youth group, our hymnals, everything, We're gonna give it 722 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:42,880 Speaker 1: to you. We're gonna join forces if your congregation makes 723 00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:47,120 Speaker 1: a vote and says yes, we will accept this church 724 00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,960 Speaker 1: and merge with us. Now you're gonna have to find 725 00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:53,640 Speaker 1: the right one, the right the right pastor, the right 726 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,799 Speaker 1: lead pastor, and that you might go down several of 727 00:43:56,840 --> 00:44:00,440 Speaker 1: these and I think a lot of coffee meetings and 728 00:44:00,480 --> 00:44:02,000 Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of prayer and a lot 729 00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,960 Speaker 1: of meeting with these pastors. It's very possible that one 730 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:08,640 Speaker 1: of them says, yeah, we got our doors open. We 731 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:12,839 Speaker 1: would love for you thirty eight people or fifty four 732 00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:15,400 Speaker 1: p However many there are to just come right in 733 00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:19,239 Speaker 1: here and we'll sell your building or give up the 734 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:23,040 Speaker 1: lease on it or whatever. But but this, I think 735 00:44:23,080 --> 00:44:26,279 Speaker 1: that that is a better solution. Then you're looking for 736 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,320 Speaker 1: another pastor to come in and fix everything that's wrong. 737 00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:33,520 Speaker 1: So what do you do? What was her name, Stephanie? Yeah? Okay, 738 00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:36,239 Speaker 1: So what do you do when Stephanie goes to the 739 00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:43,959 Speaker 1: member meeting and it's a whole lot of old people. Yeah, 740 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,840 Speaker 1: very possible that she's like she said, yeah, that they're like, 741 00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:51,359 Speaker 1: we're not doing that. Okay, now this is the way 742 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:56,480 Speaker 1: they're they're kind of like stuck in and without having 743 00:44:56,520 --> 00:44:59,279 Speaker 1: Stephanie here to be able to ask like, what does 744 00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,200 Speaker 1: the you know, the eldership of their church look like? 745 00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:04,560 Speaker 1: What kind of influence has is there any elders? Like 746 00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,879 Speaker 1: or how are you current? How long have you been 747 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:12,040 Speaker 1: looking for a lead pastor how all of those questions? 748 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,400 Speaker 1: Like if you go and you just say, hey, she 749 00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:16,640 Speaker 1: has this idea to do this, I think if you're 750 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:22,520 Speaker 1: maybe a younger congregation that really is more active and 751 00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:27,440 Speaker 1: wanting to flourish and grow, and I think they could 752 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,040 Speaker 1: be it more open. But what do you say to 753 00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:32,600 Speaker 1: her if she says, hey, Grangeery, I went and I 754 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:35,640 Speaker 1: did that, here's what I got. What what do you 755 00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:38,160 Speaker 1: think I should do next? Yep, yeah, here's here's my 756 00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:41,600 Speaker 1: thought on that. I would. I would go out with 757 00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:45,160 Speaker 1: a small team people that agree with you, a small 758 00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:49,319 Speaker 1: team and try to find some really good options that 759 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:54,520 Speaker 1: then you bring with you to the greater group. Here's 760 00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,319 Speaker 1: here's the perfect, the ideal scenario that's in my head 761 00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:01,120 Speaker 1: for you, Stephanie. There is a church in your community 762 00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:05,440 Speaker 1: that is just now planting or about to break apart 763 00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:10,560 Speaker 1: and plant. And there's a new pastor that's about to 764 00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:15,600 Speaker 1: start teaching in the junior high gymnasium or the movie theater, 765 00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:20,080 Speaker 1: or he already is in a rented space, and he 766 00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:23,520 Speaker 1: has twelve, fifteen, twenty five brand new members. He just 767 00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:26,040 Speaker 1: started three months ago or maybe during COVID, and things 768 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:28,239 Speaker 1: have been hurting, and you go to him and you 769 00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:31,600 Speaker 1: love him and you pray with him, and you see 770 00:46:31,640 --> 00:46:34,000 Speaker 1: his vision and you say, look, we have a building. 771 00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:37,680 Speaker 1: Would you like to come and take over our building 772 00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:41,279 Speaker 1: with your people? And he goes. Obviously, you know through 773 00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,240 Speaker 1: the appropriate prayer. He goes, yeah, I think that would 774 00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:46,600 Speaker 1: think that would be incredible. He say, Okay, first first 775 00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,320 Speaker 1: matter is you got to come to our old people 776 00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:52,600 Speaker 1: and you got to make the pitch win them over. 777 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:56,000 Speaker 1: You got to win them over, and a good pastor 778 00:46:56,000 --> 00:46:58,560 Speaker 1: could easily do that. Say absolutely, my heart is for 779 00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:00,600 Speaker 1: these people. So he comes in and he says, this 780 00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:02,479 Speaker 1: is who I am, this is what I could bring. 781 00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:05,279 Speaker 1: I'm bringing seventeen people with me and we would love 782 00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,960 Speaker 1: to use your building. Yeah, and I'm not trying to 783 00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:13,440 Speaker 1: change you. I'm trying to help you flourish. Yep. Yeah, yeah, 784 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:17,120 Speaker 1: I saw this exact thing play out, and so it 785 00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:20,800 Speaker 1: is possible. Everything is possible with God. I do not 786 00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:25,040 Speaker 1: think you should continue on in this pastor search thing. 787 00:47:25,719 --> 00:47:28,080 Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like it's going very well and you 788 00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:33,279 Speaker 1: can't continue without a leader. Yeah. Yeah, it's all tell 789 00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,000 Speaker 1: me again. Thanks for having me man, Love you bro. 790 00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:38,520 Speaker 1: Good to be back, see you guys, see you next Monday. Yay. 791 00:47:38,920 --> 00:47:41,960 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me on the Grangersmith podcast. I appreciate 792 00:47:42,160 --> 00:47:44,160 Speaker 1: all of you guys. You could help me out by 793 00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:48,080 Speaker 1: rating this podcast on iTunes. If you're on YouTube, subscribe 794 00:47:48,120 --> 00:47:51,480 Speaker 1: to this channel. Hit that little like button and notification 795 00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:55,480 Speaker 1: spell so that you never miss anytime I upload a video. 796 00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:57,440 Speaker 1: If you have a question for me that you would 797 00:47:57,440 --> 00:48:01,600 Speaker 1: like me to answer, email Granger Smith Podcast at gmail 798 00:48:01,960 --> 00:48:03,600 Speaker 1: dot com. Ye ge