Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, I got some show dates and I want
Speaker 1: you to come and see me to give you the
Speaker 1: details so you can get tickets and make plans. On
Speaker 1: November five, I'll be in Ben Salem, Pennsylvania at Parks
Speaker 1: Casino basically Philly, but like Ben Salem. Then from November
Speaker 1: eleven to thirteen, I'll be in Tacoma, Washington. That's Super
Speaker 1: Funny Comedy Club. That's the name of it. It's a
Speaker 1: super funny comic club. Next up, I'll be in Portland,
Speaker 1: Oregon at Helium Comedy Club from November eighteen to one
Speaker 1: night only. I'll be in Calgary at Southern Alberta Jubilee
Speaker 1: Auditorium on November for a cool night. It's a fundraiser
Speaker 1: for the Owen Heart Foundation, Brett Hart's brother who passed away.
Speaker 1: And it's it's gonna be a great time. I'm doing
Speaker 1: my whole new act. You're gonna love it. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm doing my whole new act everywhere, but this is
Speaker 1: a special thing. And from December nine through the twelve,
Speaker 1: I'll be in Sacramento at the punch Line in California.
Speaker 1: More shows are always being at it, so just keep checking.
Speaker 1: Russell Peters dot com or my Instagram at Russell Peters.
Speaker 1: Follow me as well because it's free. All right, you
Speaker 1: freaking now enjoy the shop? Oh my god? So are
Speaker 1: you happy the pandemic is nearing a close? We hope,
Speaker 1: so you could go back on the road or are
Speaker 1: you like yuck? I've been on the road now for
Speaker 1: the past year and it's been great. Yeah. You still
Speaker 1: get that thing from the audience that you don't have
Speaker 1: internally because you're an empty No, because I just feel
Speaker 1: like I've got things I want to say. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not really about the acceptance anymore. It's more about there's
Speaker 1: some ship I want to get off my chest nowadays.
Speaker 1: What do you like talking about? Now? Now? I'm really
Speaker 1: talking about millennials and Gen zs and cancel culture and
Speaker 1: woke culture. And see, I enjoy the millennials and the wokeness. Well,
Speaker 1: I I'm shipping on them, but I'm I'm shod where
Speaker 1: I am identifying that it's our generation that caused their problem.
Speaker 1: And I think also millennials what they have, not millennials,
Speaker 1: but the one, what's the later one? Those people are
Speaker 1: the ones who are actually going to change things, and
Speaker 1: they're going to fix with the monnails are breaking right,
Speaker 1: like every Black Lives Matter protest, I went to the
Speaker 1: good ones were run by teenagers or early twenties, and
Speaker 1: it's like, no, And by the way, my generation fucking sucks.
Speaker 1: People over sixty or douche bags considered a yuppy. I'm
Speaker 1: considered a baby boomer, but the last year you could
Speaker 1: be one. So I hate my age group because how
Speaker 1: old are you guys something? How could I be the
Speaker 1: best looking one? It just astounds me in every room.
Speaker 1: I'm dude, Can I tell you about Bunyan's They're horrible.
Speaker 1: People think it's a corn it's a bone spur and
Speaker 1: it don't get the operation, man, because I had to
Speaker 1: do it. Dude, it grew back. She's really be bastard
Speaker 1: and she was one of your people to her, so
Speaker 1: I thought she was very responsible. I judged her on
Speaker 1: race alone, which I should not. You know, that's one
Speaker 1: book you shouldn't have judged. No, I should not have no,
Speaker 1: but it's it's wild, man. I'm not getting no more operations.
Speaker 1: I got the weight loss surgery and that was it.
Speaker 1: Did you do the skin? Uh? I didn't have to,
Speaker 1: thank God because of my height. I think. I think
Speaker 1: my brother's got a lot of floppy skin now and
Speaker 1: he wants to do it. He should do it. But
Speaker 1: they say it's painful and you could burst open and
Speaker 1: go septic on you because they're literally, you know, giving
Speaker 1: you a seam. That's true, Teddy Barry. But what are
Speaker 1: you gonna what are you gonna like walk around with
Speaker 1: your flabby skin hanging out? Broads don't like that. I
Speaker 1: mean he's married, he doesn't. Yeah, he has low self esteem.
Speaker 1: He could deal with that. I'm just assuming he does,
Speaker 1: because everyone does. I mean it doesn't talk about it,
Speaker 1: so he may. We don't know. Yeah, yeah, but I
Speaker 1: mean if he wants to do it, I got I
Speaker 1: always see him with Louis, but Tom pers so I'm suspicious.
Speaker 1: He likes nice things, my brother. I really used to too.
Speaker 1: I kept one nice thing. I got rid of everything else.
Speaker 1: I kept with this Cardier watch, and I'll tell you why,
Speaker 1: because it was a gift from a movie I did
Speaker 1: badly called what was it called? It was definitely a
Speaker 1: Foxworthy yeah, and it was something about the war. I
Speaker 1: can't remember. If somebody could look up my IMDb, um,
Speaker 1: it was something about it was a pun about the military.
Speaker 1: So I was on this movie and they gave every
Speaker 1: listen to this wrestle you love this because our manager
Speaker 1: at the time was this roll baller named JP Delta
Speaker 1: Delta that really wasn't Larry the cable guy movie? Yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: I would lie to you. So Larry JP gave everybody,
Speaker 1: all the stars of the movie these beautiful car Williams Williams,
Speaker 1: so he gave everybody's beautiful I know everybody's done with him.
Speaker 1: Gave him the watch. I didn't get a watch because
Speaker 1: I had like four lines. So I was in this
Speaker 1: in the office is one day and those are beautiful watches.
Speaker 1: And he goes he was such a big shotter. He
Speaker 1: thought he was such I mean, he would really like
Speaker 1: to treat people who he liked at the time. And
Speaker 1: he goes, hey, run over, get Lisa one too. So
Speaker 1: I'm like, that's the watch I saved. And also, I mean,
Speaker 1: it's nice right. Also, I have this badass bracelet that
Speaker 1: says you know what that says on it does say addicted.
Speaker 1: It says abdicate means I abdicated my throne as the
Speaker 1: Queen of mean and it's to keep me humble and
Speaker 1: remember that I'm not better than anyone except Russell. Right now,
Speaker 1: who do you think? It's fact? I was gonna say,
Speaker 1: who did you? Who do you think who was the
Speaker 1: heir to your throne? Oh? Yes, I love her. She's
Speaker 1: a good girl. Ever, Yes, I've heard this horrible you do.
Speaker 1: And I always tell her, go, NICKI I'm sure you've
Speaker 1: got great feature goes, Oh, you have no idea how
Speaker 1: bad they are? And I go, how bad can they be?
Speaker 1: And then she showed me go, holy funk, they're terrible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: her and George Decay have the worst feet in Hollywood.
Speaker 1: Not at the same time, not at the same time,
Speaker 1: but yeah, she I feel you know what. I like
Speaker 1: her too. She has mad respect for me, and that
Speaker 1: always wins me over when somebody loves me so much.
Speaker 1: She contends that she m seed for me at Stanford
Speaker 1: and Son's down in Casey, right when I was getting
Speaker 1: famous and she was just sort of a local chick
Speaker 1: and I was always and she goes, I knew to
Speaker 1: leave you alone. I knew to not say hi. But
Speaker 1: you were so nice to me, dude, I don't remember,
Speaker 1: but I imagine I'm shocked I was nice to anyone
Speaker 1: at the time. I'm always so angry. I never see
Speaker 1: I never I always looked at you your anger as
Speaker 1: as a character. I never looked at well. I think
Speaker 1: I always felt like I knew Lisa and Lisa Lampanelli
Speaker 1: went on stage. Now you're right, Lisa Lamponelli was like
Speaker 1: ten percent of my personality, but sometimes that did leak
Speaker 1: out into opening acts and also hotel front desk people.
Speaker 1: I remember during the last three years of my career,
Speaker 1: I was working on my anger a lot, and I
Speaker 1: would check into hotels and goes go did you check
Speaker 1: me in before? And if they said yes, I'd say,
Speaker 1: do I owe you an apology from last time? Because
Speaker 1: I used to just scream at them because everything. I
Speaker 1: was so tired all the time, and I had such
Speaker 1: huge emotional anger because of you know, my mother was
Speaker 1: a rage of holic. She yelled. I just learned it
Speaker 1: as a behavior and I did all a lot of
Speaker 1: people apologies. There's a lot of gift back baskets. You
Speaker 1: gotta buy one, bitch I got. I bought her a
Speaker 1: thousand dollars worth of massages. That's how bad, I yelled, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's not good. My friend of mine said, why
Speaker 1: don't you just stop yelling. You'll have to buy way
Speaker 1: less massages. And I said, this makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 1: This was a trained behavior, learned behavior. I think what
Speaker 1: happened was my mother, bless her heart, she was role
Speaker 1: modeled anger from her mom. I was role modeled from her.
Speaker 1: You didn't know how to be vulnerable and just cry.
Speaker 1: And today, I'll be honest, A little tear came to
Speaker 1: my eye when I complained to something about the at
Speaker 1: the front desk about something, and I said, I said,
Speaker 1: you see, I'm getting emotional, and I'd rather do that
Speaker 1: than yell, because it has to the emotion has to
Speaker 1: with me come out somehow. And I would rather that
Speaker 1: gay gentleman because I know he's a gay, because he's
Speaker 1: a fan of mine. I'd rather go around saying Lampanelli
Speaker 1: cried a little at the front desk than she screamed
Speaker 1: at me, Like I just until I could be so
Speaker 1: evolved that I could just be even. I'd rather they
Speaker 1: see the vulnerable than the other. It just doesn't hurt
Speaker 1: as much to them. So I'm just trying to not
Speaker 1: to leave shrapnel wherever I go, and I'm trying not
Speaker 1: to also let everybody fucking suffer for how I was
Speaker 1: brought up, you know, like that my mom wasn't a
Speaker 1: cry or she was a yeller, and ultimately it's the
Speaker 1: same thing. He was so humble and nice, greatest guy,
Speaker 1: even tempered, even keel Len Len Len Lampanelli, Len Lampanelli.
Speaker 1: It's not a Leonardo Leonard. And he also retired when
Speaker 1: he was sixty two. So I had a good role
Speaker 1: model on So was the Italian Italian or like a
Speaker 1: garden Italian. He was more like second or third generation,
Speaker 1: so not really. I think in our house we pretended
Speaker 1: to be white. I really do. We were kind of
Speaker 1: like thought we were white. My sister to this day,
Speaker 1: where's vineyard vines? And you know, it's what we'd like.
Speaker 1: We're not that white, I mean, but we're kind of white. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I wish we'd learn to have like the Italian curse
Speaker 1: words and oh, I wish we had all that, but
Speaker 1: we didn't. I always looked at you as an Italian girl,
Speaker 1: But then I realized when I think back, wasn't jimmy Italian? Yeah?
Speaker 1: He was way more Italian than me. Cannazar, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and he had the family who had that typical Italian stuff.
Speaker 1: But hey, I didn't get that gift. I didn't get
Speaker 1: the sopranos gift. I wish I did. You were allowed,
Speaker 1: like an Italian totally man battle acts in Connecticut. Yeah.
Speaker 1: That that that's that's funny too. Associate with New York.
Speaker 1: I know, I just assumed New York all time, and
Speaker 1: then New York comedy ish, but definitely connected. When you
Speaker 1: started what year, uh, right after the boom? I started?
Speaker 1: Stop after the boom? I started? I started eight nine,
Speaker 1: so I know exactly what you're talking about. And I
Speaker 1: said that was the best time to start because nobody
Speaker 1: was paying attention to comedy. We make all the mistakes
Speaker 1: you wanted, and nobody gave a ship. You're doing comedy, Yeah,
Speaker 1: who cares? Nobody cares. Well. Also, I was smart enough
Speaker 1: not to be seen in the city till I was good.
Speaker 1: I was doing comedy seven years before I was seen
Speaker 1: in New York or l A. Because I'm like, I
Speaker 1: don't want to be seen as an amateur or an
Speaker 1: open micer. So I was like, oh, when you go
Speaker 1: onto the scene in the city and they're like, who's that,
Speaker 1: She's doing something different? Because I was like the only
Speaker 1: woman who was kind of doing that stuff because Joan
Speaker 1: Rivers kind of was different and she was way back,
Speaker 1: so I was pretty cool. I see. We viewed it
Speaker 1: a little bit as a science too, not just in art.
Speaker 1: We knew how to like work some ship. Yeah, people,
Speaker 1: I think nowadays gone, I think I'm pretty funny, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna do stand up or I'm like, I don't. If
Speaker 1: you think you're funny, don't just stand up. That's true,
Speaker 1: But you wonder what the best part of stand up
Speaker 1: ever was, And that's why I like recreating it now
Speaker 1: and what I do I when I retired goes. When
Speaker 1: was I actually happy doing comedy, Like really happy was
Speaker 1: when I was open micing and all the comics would
Speaker 1: go to the diner after and just throw around jokes.
Speaker 1: And the rule was if you don't do it in
Speaker 1: a month, I'm doing it. Like that's a good joke. No. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So now doing the podcast with these guys shameless second
Speaker 1: plug losers with a dream available everywhere, make Lisa famous
Speaker 1: again hashtag I don't need to bring it up. Yes,
Speaker 1: I know, I don't worry ash you warn everything in that,
Speaker 1: But then sitting and writing jokes with these guys and
Speaker 1: going truly, I see they have a future. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm able to do stuff from the
Speaker 1: cute parts of my life versus that stuff that became
Speaker 1: very upsetting and just too much for me. Think you
Speaker 1: the outlet for a lot of people in what way
Speaker 1: you were. You were saying the things that everybody was
Speaker 1: too scared to say. You had the anger that everybody
Speaker 1: was too scared to. I do get a lot of
Speaker 1: in the old days, and you were voice for them. Well,
Speaker 1: but a lot of it is that women who are like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I could never stick up for myself
Speaker 1: or yell at somebody you're handle a heckler, or I
Speaker 1: could never like speak my mind. And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: so I hoped you find a voice that's good. Hopefully
Speaker 1: it was a good voice and not a fucking weird
Speaker 1: Q and on drump voice. Hopefully it was a democratic
Speaker 1: voice that showed everybody is equal. But you know, I
Speaker 1: can't control who my fans are either. I think most
Speaker 1: of them got it for the right reasons, since so
Speaker 1: many people of different races, as you know with your shows,
Speaker 1: they're the ones who show up when it's mostly different
Speaker 1: people than white people. You know you're doing it right.
Speaker 1: I'm finding more white people showing up on my shows nowadays,
Speaker 1: which is interesting. Test to make sure that there are
Speaker 1: democrats before you let them in, because I would, um, well,
Speaker 1: we live in a weird time where the things I'm
Speaker 1: saying are like, these people agree, and then those people
Speaker 1: agreeing on like, it's interesting. How did I get these
Speaker 1: people who agree on this? Well, that is good because
Speaker 1: the liberals that are that are are are not the
Speaker 1: flaky snowflake liberals. Well, that's the good ones, the ones
Speaker 1: who didn't go too far, like the ones Bill Maher
Speaker 1: really likes, like love one Bill Maher talks about, like
Speaker 1: the right kind of liberals, and then the ones who
Speaker 1: are going, you know, we should have separate um dorms
Speaker 1: for black students. It's awful to national anthems, all that bullshit.
Speaker 1: He's like, separate but equal is a bad thing. So
Speaker 1: we get those liberals, which I liked, but I didn't
Speaker 1: like that at the end of every show, towards the end,
Speaker 1: I had to do a big thing about don't come
Speaker 1: up to me at the end because I've had this
Speaker 1: happen and say, oh, I really love them. You jokes
Speaker 1: if you're picking out one group you don't like, you
Speaker 1: don't belong in the audience, get the funk out right now.
Speaker 1: So I would have to like address these people who
Speaker 1: might actually be racist. And I hated it, you know,
Speaker 1: but again, what did you do that at the end
Speaker 1: of the show? I did it after every show or
Speaker 1: at the end of every I made it funny, you know,
Speaker 1: but I always address it. And I also did this too.
Speaker 1: I would always say, and don't come up to me
Speaker 1: after this is how you knew I was annoyed. I'd
Speaker 1: always go and don't come up to me and asked
Speaker 1: for an autograph. You want something, you fucking buy some ship.
Speaker 1: I got a fat husband and to goddamn dogs to feed.
Speaker 1: I'm the only income. Don't fuck it. And you know
Speaker 1: everybody bought you after that if you warn them and
Speaker 1: have to take notes on this one. Yeah, I hate that.
Speaker 1: Eddie is my assistant, but he seems to think he's
Speaker 1: just my T shirt sellers. Yeah, yeah, I don't do that.
Speaker 1: Don't do that. You know how he sells T shirts.
Speaker 1: He literally does this. He holds it up. Oh hey, guys,
Speaker 1: T shirts. No. I used to frock. I used to
Speaker 1: have an opening act would promote and would freaking work it.
Speaker 1: But I think what you do is to warn people
Speaker 1: what you don't like and how you don't like to
Speaker 1: be treated. I didn't like when they'd come up to
Speaker 1: me and say, good show, Lisa, and I'd say during
Speaker 1: that into the show, I going don't come up to
Speaker 1: me and call me by my first name either. It's
Speaker 1: miss lamp and Ellie. Do you I'm better than you
Speaker 1: and Richard and I have more money and more fans,
Speaker 1: and I hate you die. Call me miss lamp and Ellie.
Speaker 1: Do you know Miss lamp and Ellie may I? I
Speaker 1: love that ship. Oh I should, actually you know. I'm
Speaker 1: glad you brought all this up. I'm going to make
Speaker 1: the guys on the podcast call me Miss lamp and
Speaker 1: ell from now on. Do they think they are bou
Speaker 1: McDowell and Nick Scope They are no Scopelletti. Of course
Speaker 1: you have to have an Italian in there. And their
Speaker 1: two comics been doing this about three years and again. Yeah.
Speaker 1: The reason it occurred because they were so funny that
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I like this, and they can
Speaker 1: talk about deep issues and not shy away because of
Speaker 1: their age. People my age won't go on and be
Speaker 1: vulnerable and talk about things like fear of success, acceptance,
Speaker 1: daring to be bad at something like, all these deep
Speaker 1: things that everybody wrestles with. Millennials will talk about. So
Speaker 1: that's why I like them, because they're not all closed
Speaker 1: up as men. I can't believe straight guys will go
Speaker 1: deep about subjects, So that's why we do the podcast.
Speaker 1: Then I get to make fun of them a little bit. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you get to mock them a little bit. That's always
Speaker 1: well and always then then I helped them. That's how
Speaker 1: I am. I'm gonna give a God damn if I'm
Speaker 1: not giving sexually for the past seventeen years. Now it's seventeen,
Speaker 1: I might as well give these guys. Yeah, yes, there
Speaker 1: up there, wait a minute, but yeah, I'm very proud
Speaker 1: of it. I just go it's me being me at
Speaker 1: my best. I think until ten years from now, where
Speaker 1: I'm like now in the ballroom dancer and Dancing with
Speaker 1: the stars. I'm just putting out there. If you listen,
Speaker 1: you cast me in that you'd be good on Dancing
Speaker 1: with the Stars. I could be the world's oldest winner.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, you know, they didn't they have somebody
Speaker 1: on it was like one it though she didn't say
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. Remember when Jeff Ross broke his hip
Speaker 1: and I was like, why you really do want to
Speaker 1: be an old cat skull coment, don't you? That was awesome?
Speaker 1: That was roast man. They're not as good anymore, huh
Speaker 1: that I don't find them as as good? Little and
Speaker 1: I'm saying that after you and Giralda, I was like,
Speaker 1: man and Patrese only got to do one. Well, Patrese,
Speaker 1: he was mean Patrese's I mean, I love patres and
Speaker 1: I used to sleep on his and Keith Robinson's couch
Speaker 1: back in the Who Meanest People to Live with? But
Speaker 1: Keith isn't mean. Keith is fucking hilarious. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I was so thin skinned. IM problems with all those
Speaker 1: guys because I was so thin skinned. And I do
Speaker 1: blame myself fifty because I can. I'm an insult comic
Speaker 1: who can't take a joke. That's like being a porn
Speaker 1: star that's allergic to see man. I get it. That's
Speaker 1: like being a pedophile who doesn't like children's parties. Okay,
Speaker 1: we get at least to take a joke. But I literally,
Speaker 1: I literally was so thin skinned that I thought they
Speaker 1: all hated me. But also like I just could like,
Speaker 1: I'm not mean off stage, so I couldn't understand why
Speaker 1: they were sparring off stage. I was like, you guys,
Speaker 1: they in my head, I was going, why not just
Speaker 1: limited to the stage? Like if I walked in here
Speaker 1: today and you were just like, hey, making fun all
Speaker 1: the time, You'll be like, oh my god, Russell, get
Speaker 1: more stage time, you fucking douche. You know. So I
Speaker 1: always thought they hated me. If they did, they did,
Speaker 1: that's fine, But I do blame myself for being so
Speaker 1: I mean, even now I'm super thin and skinned, like
Speaker 1: I just really I mean, not about stuff I can accept.
Speaker 1: Like I can accept I'm getting older, so age jokes
Speaker 1: don't bother me. But if somebody like comments me with
Speaker 1: stuff I'm really insecure about, it really hurts. I get that.
Speaker 1: I got people saying the wrong thing to me online,
Speaker 1: and I immediately block them. See that's smart. I just
Speaker 1: don't read and stuff. I'm like, oh, really, is that
Speaker 1: what you want to think? They're smart? Fuck? And then
Speaker 1: I I removed them as a follower, and then I
Speaker 1: blocked them. I go there you go, motherfucker, I gotta
Speaker 1: do more of that because I don't have too many
Speaker 1: people doing that since I retired. But I remember I
Speaker 1: went to the This is definitely a humble brag. I
Speaker 1: was invited to the opening night of Hamilton's. So I
Speaker 1: was a big shot back then, so you got to
Speaker 1: every celebrity was still a big shot. Well, I'm an
Speaker 1: addicated big shot. So what ends up happening? This Hamilton's,
Speaker 1: as you know, the best biggest hit ever. So I'm
Speaker 1: on the red carpet. For some reason, I got picked
Speaker 1: as one of the best dressed, and I will admit
Speaker 1: I looked really good. Well, I'm off in and my
Speaker 1: dresses beautiful. I'm so happy. Well I get all these
Speaker 1: great comments and one moment goes, yeah, you look good
Speaker 1: from the neck down, but you're you really need to
Speaker 1: do some surgery on your face, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: I just don't believe in a day Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: just go, wow, isn't it interesting how that didn't hurt
Speaker 1: my feelings because I accept my face. But if she
Speaker 1: had said, oh, I bet you're going to get fat again,
Speaker 1: I would have had hurt feelings. So the things we
Speaker 1: can't control and the things I can't control anything, but
Speaker 1: the things we feel we should be able to control,
Speaker 1: like our body or our career. Those are the things
Speaker 1: get hurt that don't I look like agether. I should
Speaker 1: have played her sister, and you still can. I told
Speaker 1: you late to the party always. I had that idea
Speaker 1: to be these Falco sister after the Sopranos was done.
Speaker 1: To ever tell you I was in a movie David Chase, made,
Speaker 1: the creator of the Sopranos, made a movie about his
Speaker 1: life called Not Fade Away, and he asked me as
Speaker 1: his to play one of his aunts because I reminded
Speaker 1: him of her. Dude. After that, this is before my
Speaker 1: fabulous two Broke Girls experience. Dude, I came home every
Speaker 1: day sobbing. It was the best movie ever. It's such
Speaker 1: a good movie. I was so bad, or I thought
Speaker 1: I was so bad, and I put so much pressure
Speaker 1: on myself that I came home sobbing every day and said,
Speaker 1: you suck. David Chase did not smile once. Fast forward
Speaker 1: twelve years later, I read David Chase never smiles. He
Speaker 1: has resting bitch face. I took it personally, so I
Speaker 1: think I should not. I should have asked him, Hey,
Speaker 1: David Chase, am I doing good? And he would have
Speaker 1: said yes, or you're cut out of the movie. Was
Speaker 1: so listen. I think the lesson we have here is
Speaker 1: don't judge yourself harshly. If you think someone hate, you
Speaker 1: asked them, do you hate me? If it's you, my
Speaker 1: Jewish friend, They're gonna say yes. Me and Russell people
Speaker 1: will probably like us and they'll say no, I just
Speaker 1: have rest gun face. I have resting gun face. But
Speaker 1: isn't it terrible to make? That's in right there? Look
Speaker 1: he never smiled. He's with Candelfinie the greatest actor except
Speaker 1: for Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert Downey Jr. Who I think
Speaker 1: are fantastic. I think the Caprio is the best, isn't he?
Speaker 1: I think he's fucking incredible. He is so good, departed
Speaker 1: at my right everything, catch me if you can catch me,
Speaker 1: if he can. Do you cry when you see that?
Speaker 1: I cry? I never cried, but I just really enjoyed
Speaker 1: the movie. Wow at the end, the thing with the Father.
Speaker 1: I just always I'm like, wow, yeah the Father stuff
Speaker 1: will get me sometimes, you know, movie made me cry.
Speaker 1: Fucking click Adam Sandler movie we had the remote and
Speaker 1: he could fast forward his life. I don't watch I
Speaker 1: don't watch these things. Well, no, he had. There was
Speaker 1: a scene if the New York Times doesn't like it,
Speaker 1: I don't watch it. I'm classy. He fast forward it through,
Speaker 1: fast forwarded through his life, and he went to the
Speaker 1: future and his dad was dead, and he was like,
Speaker 1: where's my dad? And he was like, he died. You
Speaker 1: were mean to him, and I was like, wow, that
Speaker 1: is sad. And then I was like, my dad just
Speaker 1: died at that time, and I was like, there, it's circumstantial.
Speaker 1: This sucks. You never go on antidepressants and it was
Speaker 1: just because you were supposed to be sad, Like I
Speaker 1: was such an idiot. I I fully appreciate that people
Speaker 1: now embrace their mental help, they take meds. I think
Speaker 1: it's all fantastic for me though I was never clinically depressed.
Speaker 1: But I decided, wait, I'm a little sad my father died.
Speaker 1: I'll go on lexa Pro. What a fucking idiot I was.
Speaker 1: I didn't need it. It didn't make me less sad.
Speaker 1: What I did was, do you know how hard it
Speaker 1: is getting off lexapro? Once you're on it, it's literal
Speaker 1: detox and so it took me six months to get
Speaker 1: it makes you have an imbalance. Yeah, but a friend
Speaker 1: of mine used to do a joke about, um, what's
Speaker 1: the other antidepressant the first x X? What was the
Speaker 1: first first one that everybody was paxel It begins with
Speaker 1: a P. I think it was bantidepressants. Well, no, no,
Speaker 1: that it was like get the smile on David Chase.
Speaker 1: By the way, that's a nondepressed human being, right there, Eddie.
Speaker 1: We don't need you trying to read right now. It
Speaker 1: was you know, I think the girl has to look
Speaker 1: at them, That's what it was. Yeah, they're all the same.
Speaker 1: He used to do a joke he said, this is me,
Speaker 1: this is my life before prozac. My life sucks. This
Speaker 1: is me on prozac. My life sucks. Yes, yes, your circumstances,
Speaker 1: you're still your life still sucks, you're just happier about it.
Speaker 1: A lot of us men have been conditioned to be
Speaker 1: these tough guys, stiff upper lip types who hold in
Speaker 1: our feelings like they're a burgeoning fart in an elevator.
Speaker 1: But it's not healthy to hold in your feelings, guys,
Speaker 1: so please don't let it keep you from seeking the
Speaker 1: mental health you need. I'm not ashamed to say that
Speaker 1: talking to a therapist has really helped me through some
Speaker 1: tough times, and my only regret is waiting as long
Speaker 1: as I did to start. Just like it helps to
Speaker 1: hire personal trainer when you're working on your physical health,
Speaker 1: the same is true about meeting with a therapist to
Speaker 1: work on your mental health. Talk Space makes it possible
Speaker 1: to speak with a license therapist right from your phone, tablet,
Speaker 1: or computer. It could not be easier, and unlike traditional therapy,
Speaker 1: you can message your therapist any time via text, video,
Speaker 1: or voice. It's secure and stigma free, the way therapy
Speaker 1: should be. I know starting something new can be hard,
Speaker 1: but I promise you talk Space makes the whole process
Speaker 1: incredibly simple. It's one of the most hassle free, easy
Speaker 1: to use services I've ever encountered so far, ast which
Speaker 1: is not always true of traditional in person therapists. Talk
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Speaker 1: of setting appointments and waiting a week or more between conversations.
Speaker 1: Whether you struggle with anxiety, depression, self doubt, or anything else,
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Speaker 1: with a single message. Just visit talk space dot com
Speaker 1: and get one hundred dollars off your first month when
Speaker 1: you use promo code peters a sign up that's one
Speaker 1: off at talk space dot com promo code peters. I
Speaker 1: just really approve of people being on it who need it.
Speaker 1: I never needed it, and I was such an idiot.
Speaker 1: And then this past summer, by the way, during the pandemic,
Speaker 1: I call a friend and it was a really tough
Speaker 1: summer from me because I was doing all this trauma therapy.
Speaker 1: I've never had a trauma with a capital T, but
Speaker 1: lots of small T dramas like all of us. So
Speaker 1: I'm doing all this drama work. It's all really intense.
Speaker 1: So pick a pandemic to do it during. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: a good idea, got time. Yeah, so I did. That
Speaker 1: was why I call a friend. I'm crying. I'm like, dude,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I didn't even know why I'm hearing anymore.
Speaker 1: I mean I have no hobbies. I'm useless. I really
Speaker 1: didn't didn't do anything for the world. And you know,
Speaker 1: you just go through that and uh, you know it's
Speaker 1: gonna pass. But at the time it feels real. Shels
Speaker 1: to me. Just take lex a pro and I'm like,
Speaker 1: but I think I called the wrong friend because this
Speaker 1: wasn't right for me. It works for her. But no,
Speaker 1: get on drugs. You'll feel so much about now. And
Speaker 1: I'm not a drinker. I don't like booze. I never
Speaker 1: liked the pot. I've never tried a hard drug. He
Speaker 1: laughed at the pot, and so I just there's And
Speaker 1: by the way, when you ask your brother, that former
Speaker 1: fat fuck, ask him, I love him. He always treated
Speaker 1: me nice. Now we don't have food to go to?
Speaker 1: What do you do with your feelings? Like? I got
Speaker 1: what do I do? I don't f I don't eat.
Speaker 1: What do I do? How can't I yell and cry
Speaker 1: at the front staff at the Peninsula? I love the
Speaker 1: Peninsula because I steal her towks have a big p
Speaker 1: on them. Can I tell you what they'll do for you?
Speaker 1: By the way, if you say they're a lot so
Speaker 1: you don't have to, could you live here Peninsula. Literally,
Speaker 1: if you bring your dogs, there's an embroidered towel with
Speaker 1: the dog's name on it. There's a doggy menu. And
Speaker 1: they once had my sheets embroidered with Queen of Mean
Speaker 1: that's badass. I saved that ship, like I threw out
Speaker 1: a lot of my memorabilia, but I'm saving those sheets.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding? Because for the clan rally j J
Speaker 1: K J Kally in Glorious Bastard. Oh my god, Russell,
Speaker 1: what is the world coming to? I'm so glad I
Speaker 1: did your podcast because I thought they said Russell brands
Speaker 1: and I said, look at this. He has eighty million downloads,
Speaker 1: he's got a hundred and seventy two thousand reviews. He
Speaker 1: has aunt though, no, I don't know him. I'm just kidding,
Speaker 1: is he? I'm no kidding. I have no problem saying it.
Speaker 1: That's good. So I'll tell you what. Let me tell
Speaker 1: you why, because let's hear this like one years ago, specifically,
Speaker 1: when I was in England, he was an open mic
Speaker 1: open micro and I would do all these I was
Speaker 1: doing all these sets to get ready for Edinburgh at
Speaker 1: the time, because I was doing Edinburgh that year, and
Speaker 1: he would always be doing these open mics and it
Speaker 1: was it was always very nice and like and he
Speaker 1: was like, hey, Russell, I do and it's Russell Brandon.
Speaker 1: And when we did the gig and I go, hey, dude,
Speaker 1: man go to see it and he hit like a
Speaker 1: tan so I was like, are you sure you're not
Speaker 1: sucking like half Indian or something. No, No, I'm just
Speaker 1: English and I'm like, okay, cool and uh. Then he
Speaker 1: started making it and doing movies and becoming famous and
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, I remember that kid. That's so awesome.
Speaker 1: I was so happy for the guy. I'm at the
Speaker 1: grove here in l A and I see him and
Speaker 1: I go, hey, Russell, I'm excited to see the guy
Speaker 1: going and Russell. He goes, how you doing, mate, and
Speaker 1: I go, no, it's Russell Peters. He goes, you're nice
Speaker 1: to meet you, and I'm like, yeah, I go nice
Speaker 1: to me. We used to do We should do gigs together,
Speaker 1: like back in two thousand and Madam Joejoe's and all
Speaker 1: these places in London. He goes to be honest with you,
Speaker 1: I don't really remember much from back then, always probably
Speaker 1: and I go yeah, yeah, But I was like but
Speaker 1: still a dick move. Yeah, And I was like, I
Speaker 1: was like really, and he's like, good luck, man, good luck.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I'm like, fuck you, pal. And then
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, So I've seehim at the
Speaker 1: comedy store again one night, maybe about it a year
Speaker 1: and a half later, two years later, maybe a few
Speaker 1: years later. And I had my Rolls Royce with me
Speaker 1: at the time, and I and I'm and I'm standing
Speaker 1: by my car and I go and I see him
Speaker 1: and I go, oh, might, and he goes, oh, there's
Speaker 1: an englishman over there. And then I go, how you
Speaker 1: doing man? He goes, hey, mate, nice to meet you.
Speaker 1: And I'm like and I was like, fuck you, Pal,
Speaker 1: I don't. And then let me tell you something. Here's
Speaker 1: one thing I like about you. I have. There's many
Speaker 1: things I like about you, but one is that you're
Speaker 1: actually happy for people when they make it. You could
Speaker 1: be just play acting that, but you really present and
Speaker 1: I'm pretty good at reading it's bullshit. I think you
Speaker 1: actually were happy for him, and you're happy for others
Speaker 1: that we've talked about. So that's a very rare quality.
Speaker 1: By the way, in mixing, and we have to fight
Speaker 1: being competitive. It's really tough to but you fight it
Speaker 1: and you were legit happy for him. What was so funny?
Speaker 1: I had a similar incident and it didn't end as
Speaker 1: badly with Jim Gaffigan. Because my appearance has changed so
Speaker 1: much people don't recognize me anymore. But I used to
Speaker 1: live on the Upper West Side. I saw him walking
Speaker 1: and I was like, Jim, and he's like, hey, how
Speaker 1: you doing. And I was like, thinking, I'm a fan.
Speaker 1: He no, dude, Lapelli. He's like, holy sh it. But
Speaker 1: you almost get in the mindset of this is just
Speaker 1: a fan coming up to me. So he quickly got
Speaker 1: out of it. This Russell didn't even like freaking didn't
Speaker 1: even you have to. And by the way, gaff Agan
Speaker 1: always was. I don't know him well at all, but
Speaker 1: I do remember when we were open micing together, like
Speaker 1: legit Connecticut open micing, not even the city. My first
Speaker 1: joke ever that I ever did is still one of
Speaker 1: my funniest and I love it. It's just it's so
Speaker 1: so silly. But Gaffigan always said it was his favorite
Speaker 1: joke ever, and I was always just honored that he
Speaker 1: liked it so much. Well back then I was just
Speaker 1: doing it. Was an open mic. I was just doing five.
Speaker 1: My first five minutes was about food and weight and diets.
Speaker 1: So I remember when um I had a joke during
Speaker 1: my first little five minutes at where I got up.
Speaker 1: I just recently watched this because I made my podcast
Speaker 1: buddies watch it, and they were like, wow, you were
Speaker 1: good even back then. So I said something like, you know,
Speaker 1: I really hate when I go and people have to
Speaker 1: always comment on my weight. I go, I go into
Speaker 1: work the other day and I'm seven minutes late, seven
Speaker 1: minutes late. So my boss goes Lisa and it's gonna
Speaker 1: not land. Well, he's seven minutes late. She goes Lisa,
Speaker 1: here's seven minutes later. I go, you're saying I'm fat.
Speaker 1: So that's like, that's a good joke, okay. And then
Speaker 1: I had a call back at the end, and Gaffigan
Speaker 1: loved because that's the way his style. It's clean. And
Speaker 1: by the way, speaking of clean, that's the worst advice
Speaker 1: I ever got in comedy, but from the best intentionally
Speaker 1: nineties that's all you gotta go clean barrow. Guess who
Speaker 1: told me that? Riggles. This made me laugh so hard.
Speaker 1: And what a gentleman though, because he's the Friar's Club
Speaker 1: set me up to meet him because they knew he
Speaker 1: was my hero and I did insult comedy. So I
Speaker 1: meet him and it's old school, it's Atlantic City, and he's,
Speaker 1: you know, after the show, he's in his talks, takes
Speaker 1: off the jacket, has a robe over the tucks, you know,
Speaker 1: that whole thing. So he goes to me and he's
Speaker 1: the best. He goes, so I here, you know, you
Speaker 1: do that kind of thing that I do. That's great,
Speaker 1: good that dad. Just do yourself a favor. Stay clean,
Speaker 1: work clean. And at the time it's was cunn concun
Speaker 1: all the time. He goes, because you'll get this because
Speaker 1: you'll work everywhere. So I go, oh my god, thank you,
Speaker 1: Mr Rickles. I will I leave, and I go on
Speaker 1: on my one off to do a fucking bar Men's Phil.
Speaker 1: I'm saying what I want, but in my heart I
Speaker 1: knew I should. I didn't mind the Rickles gave me
Speaker 1: the advice because that's his journey and his path. But
Speaker 1: I hated when comics who weren't successful yet and had
Speaker 1: like one TV special or not not not a special,
Speaker 1: or when TV deal that never happened. I would say
Speaker 1: you know, there was this one guy who had a
Speaker 1: deal out of Montreal TV show never got made. Huh
Speaker 1: he said to me, He goes, look, I like what
Speaker 1: you do. I forget his name. I like what you do.
Speaker 1: But you know what saying those ethnic slurs the kids,
Speaker 1: she does not say those, And I don't know. Man,
Speaker 1: It's fucking great. I love it because people love me
Speaker 1: of those persuasions and they get it and you don't.
Speaker 1: And you're white. So if I want career advice, I'll
Speaker 1: have somebody with a career like I literally knew what
Speaker 1: I wanted so bad and knew I was right that
Speaker 1: I didn't mind being that insulting to him. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: why would people give unsolicited advice? Like did I ask
Speaker 1: this white motherfucker? No, Riles Rickles, I'll take it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the white guy who's TV show never got made and
Speaker 1: you had two minutes at Entrey. He grew You grew
Speaker 1: up with the Rickles, didn't you? Rickles and the New
Speaker 1: Heart Kids. Yeah. Wow. When I first met Rickles and going, hey,
Speaker 1: don I'm Russell Peters. I'm a commediy goes, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: the Indian kid, Indian kid, right, He remembers oh wow.
Speaker 1: And he was like, you know, don't use f and
Speaker 1: s and and cute and don't hurt feelings. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't hurt feelings, but the F and s is
Speaker 1: are kind of inevitable, and ces and fear me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the ces and the peace and we'll let you guess
Speaker 1: what the P is. But I think two with Riggles,
Speaker 1: you respected it because it was old fashioned, old school
Speaker 1: and because we all looked up to him. Of course
Speaker 1: we still do. And I think what's funny about Riggles
Speaker 1: is his legendary offstage warmth. And I actually was like,
Speaker 1: I wonder if he really is. And then I just
Speaker 1: witnessed the second time I showed up at his book signing.
Speaker 1: I didn't be like, oh hi, it's Lisa, remember me.
Speaker 1: He fucking just remembered. And I'm like, here's an eighty something,
Speaker 1: you're old guy who remembers who you are and was
Speaker 1: so kind and come on, Tony, get the picture with
Speaker 1: me in her. She does I love goes. She does
Speaker 1: the thing I do. I'm like, yeah, I do fu. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if I want to steal from anyone to do so.
Speaker 1: I just think sometimes the old school ones just knew
Speaker 1: how to live their lives better. They got it, but
Speaker 1: they came from we I mean, they came from more
Speaker 1: struggle than we came from. We came from a different struggle.
Speaker 1: And then I just saw something on Instagram that that
Speaker 1: made a lot of sense. Uh this there was some
Speaker 1: TikTok post some guy posted. But he said, um my,
Speaker 1: so my grand my grandfather walked ten miles to work.
Speaker 1: My father walked five miles to work. I walked two
Speaker 1: miles to work. My son drives to work in a
Speaker 1: in a in a car. My grandson drives to work, Uh,
Speaker 1: in a corvette. My great grandson drives to work in
Speaker 1: a Ferrari. My great great grandson will walk to work.
Speaker 1: He said, because the more you struggle, the more you
Speaker 1: learn how to make it, and the less you struggle,
Speaker 1: the more you're gonna end up being fucked in the
Speaker 1: long run. Like you know what, I ended up feeling
Speaker 1: sorry and compassion for rich kids because I remember I
Speaker 1: worked at Spy magazine. Remember, yeah, this guy's pit pitiable,
Speaker 1: um pitiable, Remember, but he's honestly the coolest. Have you
Speaker 1: had therapy he could work on yourself? Because I remember,
Speaker 1: like I worked at Spy when it was a start up.
Speaker 1: I was a journalist before I was a comic, so
Speaker 1: it was a magazine, very hip, cool, well you know,
Speaker 1: lots of money behind it, like JFK Jr. On the front,
Speaker 1: and um all these rich, rich, rich Harvard kids worked there.
Speaker 1: And I was like, how did I get this job?
Speaker 1: I did a one eight week, six week program during
Speaker 1: the summer at Harvard where you can actually just buy
Speaker 1: your way into a six week program. And I was
Speaker 1: like they kind of I tricked them into thinking I
Speaker 1: was smart. So I was like, okay, but I met
Speaker 1: a lot of rich kids and I was like, I've
Speaker 1: never been around that at all. I mean, we were
Speaker 1: up really so middle class, lower middle class, even it
Speaker 1: was your family. One of my family was one of
Speaker 1: those ones that if somebody had air conditioning in their car,
Speaker 1: were like, wow, yeah, no, we didn't have it my parents.
Speaker 1: Guess what my parents got home air conditioning was when
Speaker 1: I moved back with them when I start in the
Speaker 1: comedy for a year, and they felt sorry for me
Speaker 1: sweating my cunt off upstairs, and my father was like, Gloria,
Speaker 1: we really got to get the A C for Lisa.
Speaker 1: So anyway, but these kids at this spy. I was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: their parents leave them alone. They went to boarding school.
Speaker 1: I thought it sounds like the saddest life. And then
Speaker 1: they were telling me about their drug and alcohol struggles
Speaker 1: and they're sober, thank God, and this and that, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, you had it much worse than anybody
Speaker 1: growing up middle class and the trauma of whatever. There's
Speaker 1: their problems were harder to fix. Ours were motivation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we were motivated, and they were like they were struggling
Speaker 1: to try and reach that level that their parents had
Speaker 1: made right. Well, like, look, who who you feel sorry
Speaker 1: for is? Uh the kids of um Woody Allen and
Speaker 1: Me and Pharaoh, Like that's some crazy fucking ship. And
Speaker 1: they didn't want for anything of material wise, but they
Speaker 1: were all left up. So you just go, nobody really
Speaker 1: has it easy. You know. It's about perspective, it really is.
Speaker 1: I just wish that. Oh. I just love the parents
Speaker 1: that my brother and my sister are, Like, they've just
Speaker 1: made themselves into really good parents. And I think it's
Speaker 1: because of who they picked of their They were smart
Speaker 1: enough to be attracted to the right qualities in a person.
Speaker 1: I just never was. And that's the one UM regret.
Speaker 1: I have not not having kids because I never wanted kids.
Speaker 1: It never occurred to me. I'm such a badass that
Speaker 1: if it occurs to me, I get it. Drinking never
Speaker 1: occurred to me. Terrible, hated it. I started drinking. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know what I do regret is this not
Speaker 1: having grandkids. Like I say to you, that's the shift
Speaker 1: it took. I went to a shrink once we're talking
Speaker 1: about loss and regret, and she's like, well, why don't
Speaker 1: you just pretend that your nieces and nephews are your grandkids.
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck, yeah. So I spoiled them and it's fun,
Speaker 1: and it's like, now that they're having kids, I'm expecting
Speaker 1: my first great whatever. Just Greg grant something this week
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, I can spoil, make that little
Speaker 1: one into a spoilt to My brother used to work
Speaker 1: for ESPN. He was a producer of Sports Center Now,
Speaker 1: so he's a sports guy from way back and he
Speaker 1: just retired, so that's cool. My sister started off get
Speaker 1: this stockbroker, and then she was like fuck this became
Speaker 1: a school teacher. Now she works in the school, which,
Speaker 1: trust me, I have never thought of her as patient.
Speaker 1: She got a job we're going to at this freaking
Speaker 1: high school for kids with like social anxiety and ship
Speaker 1: like all of them have special challenges. She's the most
Speaker 1: patient person. I know what the and I'm like, what
Speaker 1: the funk happened to you? No? On middle of course,
Speaker 1: you know, we need attention, which is why I'm sitting
Speaker 1: here in your freezing cold outdoor. P I would like
Speaker 1: that heat back, please please, And you got to go
Speaker 1: container over there. I'm getting hungry. What's going on? Food good?
Speaker 1: I might have to have a little nash. We got
Speaker 1: no But I mean, I think we all middle kids
Speaker 1: seem to need some kind of attention. It's either the
Speaker 1: middle kid or the baby. I'm the baby. See my
Speaker 1: brother's the baby, and he needs none and hates any attention.
Speaker 1: He won't even let you book candles on a cake.
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't want to just don't attention. But
Speaker 1: I don't like birthday ship like the happy birthday and
Speaker 1: the cake and on that, And I'm like, just give
Speaker 1: me the cake and SA happy birthday and walk away
Speaker 1: because you're fat. You're just kidding you. You you do
Speaker 1: not look fat. Your face is a bit round. All
Speaker 1: will be. Yeah, that's where it goes to on me.
Speaker 1: That's where it goes to on me. You're lucky. It
Speaker 1: goes there. Well, no, it goes here. But I've been
Speaker 1: dropping again recently against your gun. No wants. It's gone flat.
Speaker 1: It's actually it's kind of nice right now. I've seen worse.
Speaker 1: I've seen worse. H he left up your tits. We
Speaker 1: shouldn't fat, Chaine, but it's so much fun. It's the
Speaker 1: one last thing you can say. And I'm going to
Speaker 1: be canceled by them too, because I got all these
Speaker 1: um fat positivity people. I find knows they won't march.
Speaker 1: They really liked me, I think, until I got weight
Speaker 1: loss surgery. Now I'm a trader, but like I just
Speaker 1: kind of wanted to have a little taste of adulthood
Speaker 1: where I didn't hate how I was from the neck down,
Speaker 1: you know. And also it's a health thing too, Like
Speaker 1: I didn't want to die early. How could I rob
Speaker 1: the world of this gift? That's all I'm saying. How
Speaker 1: can I rob them? I'm gonna quit? That's true too,
Speaker 1: that's true too. Oh my god, So are we guys
Speaker 1: the time to eat? I mean, you want you want
Speaker 1: to get out of here? We can wrap it up.
Speaker 1: But how long we've been? Seriously, not talked this long
Speaker 1: until I will tomorrow at a way better podcast. J
Speaker 1: K love you. No, my podcast is actually called Losers
Speaker 1: with a Dream. Seriously, if you don't mind going deep
Speaker 1: into issues that we all struggle with but then laughing
Speaker 1: about them, you should tune in. Lisa Lampanelli rare formed
Speaker 1: the New lamp and ally suck it, Bitch available. You
Speaker 1: don't have I have on my phone but a drop
Speaker 1: that you did for one of my DJ friends. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, was it racist? It was? He was white?
Speaker 1: Oh no, DJ spen Bad, you did a drop? I did?
Speaker 1: I remember that? I think he had. He asked me
Speaker 1: like twelve times and then I got embarrassed and finally
Speaker 1: did he did? Let me see? I have it here
Speaker 1: on Oh here it is right here. Okay, let's hear it. Hey,
Speaker 1: DJ spen Bad, it's comedies, lovable Queen of Me and
Speaker 1: least Lampanelle. I'm in a room with two Indians, a
Speaker 1: k a. Sand Negroes, three blacks. The other guy who's unidentifiable.
Speaker 1: We're not sure what he did commit a crime? Look
Speaker 1: at him for God's sake. Anyway, you gotta admit this
Speaker 1: ship is better than Larry King's. That old bastard, that
Speaker 1: guy so wold he holds his balls when he takes
Speaker 1: a ship. Okay, and John bon Jovi? Could he be
Speaker 1: more of a stuttering prick, oh my god? Or a retard?
Speaker 1: And what about this Mark hamla way to keep those
Speaker 1: guys up to date? Would you like? Who can we
Speaker 1: it for you? Next melt tour? May fucking Russell Peters
Speaker 1: and hate him love DJ because he had told me
Speaker 1: he goes. I got all these celebrities who gave me
Speaker 1: these drops, and there were three idiots and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: but I was friendly with Larry King from the roast,
Speaker 1: so that's why I had that joke. But I would
Speaker 1: like to put out a retroactive apology for the R word.
Speaker 1: I do not approve of the R word, although it
Speaker 1: is a really fun word, and I'm sorry that the
Speaker 1: world has retarded my growth. And that's the proper use
Speaker 1: of the word. By the way, isn't it terrible? Well,
Speaker 1: you know what, it'll all come back around, just like
Speaker 1: the guy with the kid with the ferrari all that
Speaker 1: it will come back. I'll come back maybe when I'm
Speaker 1: made I'll have burned through my money that my supposedly
Speaker 1: I'm going to outlet her. They say, yeah, and now
Speaker 1: I'll have to come back. But by then they'll be
Speaker 1: starving for Lisa Lamp and Ellie and they'll they'll see
Speaker 1: me on that stage and you know what, they'll say,
Speaker 1: who that's all? I'll say, who's this grumpy old lady?
Speaker 1: Who's this grumpy bitch opening for Russell? You're gonna become
Speaker 1: a throat. You're gonna be like the nineties tours that
Speaker 1: are happening now totally. Oh my god. When you see
Speaker 1: who's coming back, like oh Town and all that crap,
Speaker 1: You're like, how are they even alive? Jefferson Starships doing
Speaker 1: a show. Isn't Grace Slick dead? One of a bunch
Speaker 1: of munch of these reunion shows. I mean, the Eagles
Speaker 1: are on tour and they have Glenn Fry's son as
Speaker 1: the and they have the Sun. It gets little hard,
Speaker 1: although except in one case when Wolfie did Van Halen's
Speaker 1: tour and then Jason Bonham did the Zeppelin. Do you
Speaker 1: know what I want to do? I'm just gonna put
Speaker 1: it out there now, all of you casting people who
Speaker 1: are listening. I think I'm going to say, I'm putting
Speaker 1: it out there as a wish list. I do not
Speaker 1: believe in manifesting by the way that bullshit where they're like,
Speaker 1: speak what you want, you'll get it. No, you won't.
Speaker 1: You're gonna die pennyless. The reason I believe, and I
Speaker 1: just put myself out there, I'm gonna say to all
Speaker 1: you casting people, there's one last thing on my I
Speaker 1: don't have a bucket list. I have a fucket list.
Speaker 1: I will say the one thing I want to do
Speaker 1: is I want to be on the best show ever.
Speaker 1: You know my acting from two Broke Girls and two
Speaker 1: Bad Larry Cable Guy movies and one David Chase bitch
Speaker 1: Face movie. Put me in Cobra Kai as Martin Cove's
Speaker 1: ex wife. I'm telling you, I want to be in
Speaker 1: Cobra Kai. Your filming season five, give Lee's a lamp
Speaker 1: and Elliott Chance. I am Johnny Lawrence in female form
Speaker 1: but not really feminine. Put me on Cobra Kai. Is
Speaker 1: that that the most greatest show that exists? I've actually
Speaker 1: never watched. Here's something more more annoying. I've never even
Speaker 1: watched The Karate Kid. Oh that's okay. Just watched Cobra Kai.
Speaker 1: It is the redemption story of Johnny Lawrence, and that's
Speaker 1: why it makes it good. You're a former TV personality,
Speaker 1: meaning he's done nothing. Now I used to have I
Speaker 1: used to have a show on the Discovery Channel. You
Speaker 1: did what was it Discovering Your penis? Because it doesn't syramids?
Speaker 1: What is it? Point man? It was I went around
Speaker 1: the world and fix things for media. Really sounds fascinating
Speaker 1: and cancelable in the same breath. Two seasons done, two seasons.
Speaker 1: But did you still getting that big Discovery residual? The
Speaker 1: seventeen cents from Ironside was the windfall? I think these
Speaker 1: are three cents? Actually, oh, Discovery Channel money? What what? What?
Speaker 1: That Your father did nets you the most in residuals.
Speaker 1: Charlie's Angels so he gets it from like even the remakes,
Speaker 1: because they stole his idea. He has to go. They
Speaker 1: have to go to him to find it. If it's approved.
Speaker 1: Can't you put me in that absolutely great actress here,
Speaker 1: I'll do my line from Two Broke Girls who would
Speaker 1: go let's go wait, I'm getting in characters. Give a minute, Okay, hey,
Speaker 1: don't touch my hair, I just got it, did okay?
Speaker 1: All right, you're very good I am this morning. So
Speaker 1: where do you keep that emmy? Exactly up, my lady
Speaker 1: on where it belongs? All right, let's get out of here.
Speaker 1: I need Eminem's all right here blood sugars alone. I
Speaker 1: want to thank um my dear friend Clay Roberts for
Speaker 1: being here here. We thank him for nothing. When he
Speaker 1: casts me. You can do the thank you. You can
Speaker 1: thank him then I got to thank him today. Charlie's Angels,
Speaker 1: you don't want? I could be like, is it Bosley?
Speaker 1: I could be his assistant, like the old count who
Speaker 1: takes notes. I could be watching this. Why you be bossy?
Speaker 1: Here's my audition. Be bossy for me to say, hey, Angels,
Speaker 1: only if we can have that as your credit? The
Speaker 1: old look says, if that's just a show we do
Speaker 1: for you, Why are you not doing my audition? Do
Speaker 1: I already have the part? Okay? Yeah, why don't we
Speaker 1: just make me a show takes notes? Who's not watching
Speaker 1: that I'm watching? Should do? Here's what they should do.
Speaker 1: The original Bob Newhart Show with you as the therapist
Speaker 1: or me as Marsha Wallace exactly sitting at the I'll
Speaker 1: play new hard perfect. We could call it don't know
Speaker 1: ship because you as a therapist, I can't even imagine
Speaker 1: you helping anyone up. I give great advice, I don't
Speaker 1: follow it. Then I give great I give great advice,
Speaker 1: and I do the same. I don't follow it, but
Speaker 1: I followed the advice you give to others, which is
Speaker 1: why I'll probably be doing a comedy come back in
Speaker 1: twenty years. Yes, sweet, missing to do it. If you're
Speaker 1: still on the road and I get over, I will
Speaker 1: still be on the road. I literally have been texting
Speaker 1: all day with the guys on my podcast asking about
Speaker 1: my dogs because they're watching my dogs, and I said,
Speaker 1: you kill my fucking dogs, You're dead to me. No podcast,
Speaker 1: No Mark Losers with a dream. Listen every week wherever
Speaker 1: you get your podcast episodes every Monday. Lisa Lampanelli killing
Speaker 1: it as always, fucking awesome woman. I don't even need
Speaker 1: to do the extra, you see, because Lisa just did
Speaker 1: her own extra. This is how I do. We gave
Speaker 1: him his extra. We we only need to have respect
Speaker 1: for him till he gives us his TV show, So
Speaker 1: get going on that and then we'll give you more credits.
Speaker 1: You see, we brought you here to validate you. Clay.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I need that, Clay. I was a little
Speaker 1: nervous about sharing the space with someone, but I talked
Speaker 1: to you more than Russell, which truly makes me feel
Speaker 1: I sensed you have more power than him. It's a jew.
Speaker 1: I knew who to send. I'm not stupid, and I'm
Speaker 1: just a guy in all that purpose. Yeah, he moved
Speaker 1: out of Hollywood. Where are you now, Florida? Why that's
Speaker 1: where they migrate. I don't like that for you. I
Speaker 1: like you here creating opportunities for me and Russell. I'm
Speaker 1: just doing it there for tax reasons. See, boy, they
Speaker 1: know what they're doing. And by they you know who
Speaker 1: I mean exactly. All right, they have to go now.
Speaker 1: I'm very popular. I've got a dinner engagement because I
Speaker 1: have to eat something at your house. First, eat small
Speaker 1: amounts six times a day. Really, you know why your
Speaker 1: brother is you gotta eat these little fucking meals. It's horrible. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you get you can drink soda anymore, right, I do
Speaker 1: it anyway. I don't give a I'm a rule breaker.
Speaker 1: Love take it. Don't miserrom with me, No, seriously, I
Speaker 1: am like a bariatric spokespersonnel, like I do all these
Speaker 1: podcasts for them. Let me tell you. I tell those
Speaker 1: bitches they but you're not supposed to drink soda. I
Speaker 1: drinking on camera. I said, what's it gonna do? I
Speaker 1: kept my weight off eleven years? How much better could I? Lock? Didn't?
Speaker 1: They say? It perforates your You know what they said?
Speaker 1: I asked, the nutrition is recently she goes it? They
Speaker 1: say it may lead to ulcers, sodas, everything, everything else.
Speaker 1: So suck my dick with the soda. That's our final
Speaker 1: sucker dick with the soda in it. That's what the
Speaker 1: name of this episode is called, Suck my dick for
Speaker 1: a diet coke. That's it. We love you, We'll see
Speaker 1: you next time on The Russell Culturally Canceled not the
Speaker 1: Russell not Russell Brand show. Russell Brands mean, he's a
Speaker 1: content I like it. He's out son. Hey, thanks for listening.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this conversation. If you like the podcast,
Speaker 1: please be sure to rate and review it on Apple
Speaker 1: Podcasts so more people can find out about it. And
Speaker 1: if you didn't like it, go fuck yourself and follow us.
Speaker 1: On Instagram and culturally canceled and culturally RP on Twitter.
Speaker 1: We're also on YouTube. If you want to see what
Speaker 1: the backyard kind of looks like. You don't really see
Speaker 1: the backyard looks like. You just see where my smoking
Speaker 1: section looks like, and you can probably sneak a peek
Speaker 1: in the house. You're a weirdo. Also, we have a
Speaker 1: phone line now, so call and leave a message. You
Speaker 1: can ask me about whatever you want to ask me
Speaker 1: about hip hop, parenting, food boxing, mm A, relationships, comedy, sex,
Speaker 1: so I don't give a ship. Ask me whatever you
Speaker 1: want and I'll do my best to answer your question.
Speaker 1: If you want to leave a message, the phone number
Speaker 1: is four to four six six six. That's four to
Speaker 1: four six six six until next week. I'm Murderous of
Speaker 1: the pets five