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Speaker 1: My fiance just realized she's bisexual and insists she needs

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Speaker 1: to see other women now. I want to postpone our wedding, insists, insists.

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Speaker 1: Betty twenty seven female and I thirty mail got engaged

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Speaker 1: in January after dating for a couple of years. Our

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Speaker 1: plan was to get married next year when we have

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Speaker 1: saved enough money for the wedding. Shortly after getting engaged,

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Speaker 1: we moved in together at the end of January. In May,

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Speaker 1: Betty was a bridesmaid for one of her friends. I

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Speaker 1: was unable to attend due to my job and the

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Speaker 1: fact that it was a five day trip. Betty had

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Speaker 1: a great time reconnecting with some of her old friends,

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Speaker 1: but a couple of weeks after she got back, she

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Speaker 1: became moody and withdrawn. I was relieved when she made

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Speaker 1: an appointment with the therapist since she hadn't opened up

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Speaker 1: to me about what was troubling her. By the way

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Speaker 1: this comes from, I can touch the ground on the

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Speaker 1: best of editors updates subriddit. So after about five or

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Speaker 1: six sessions, she sat me down one Saturday morning so

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Speaker 1: we could talk. Betty had been raised in a very

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Speaker 1: conservative household and had to suppress her desires until she

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Speaker 1: moved out to go to college. Even then, certain ideas

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Speaker 1: she denied and refused to embrace. At the wedding, she

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Speaker 1: was introduced to the wife of one of her girlfriends

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Speaker 1: from college, and it triggered a lot of repressed desires.

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Speaker 1: Over the days they all hung out before the wedding.

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Speaker 1: She told me she felt romantic and sexual attraction to

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Speaker 1: women as well as men and realized she was bisexual.

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Speaker 2: Found it there, it is, there it is.

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Speaker 1: I told her. I was happy she finally felt safe

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Speaker 1: in sharing this with me, and it didn't change how

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Speaker 1: I felt about her. It was a very emotional moment.

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Speaker 1: She asked me how I felt about her exploring her

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Speaker 1: sexuality now that it was out in the open. I said,

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Speaker 1: I was open to exploring it with her and possibly

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Speaker 1: having a threesome with another woman to let her have

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Speaker 1: that experience, which is that's very open of aped.

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Speaker 2: There you go, you know, could work.

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Speaker 1: Out, could work out, possible, be totally fine. She wanted

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Speaker 1: a one on one experiences with another woman and felt

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Speaker 1: she couldn't do that with me present Cay.

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Speaker 2: Guys we had away.

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Speaker 1: I told her that sounded more like an affair. And

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Speaker 1: something I wasn't comfortable with. I asked her if she

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Speaker 1: wanted to cancel the wedding and maybe separate while she

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Speaker 1: figured out what she wanted to do. Okay, she was

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Speaker 1: adamant that was not what she wanted, and she was

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Speaker 1: still very much in love with me and still wanted

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Speaker 1: to get married, but she felt like she had to

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Speaker 1: explore these feelings she was embracing before we settled down together.

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Speaker 2: I just want to cheat on you. Is that so bad?

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Speaker 1: She's like, I'm just asking for your permission for me

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Speaker 1: to cheat on you.

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Speaker 2: Let me just let me do it. That's what I want.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I asked her if she had done anything

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Speaker 1: inappropriate at the wedding and cheated on me, because she

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Speaker 1: did come back pretty pretty changed, right. You don't just

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Speaker 1: go to a I don't know, I.

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Speaker 2: Sit down and have a good old talk, a good

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Speaker 2: old talk with.

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Speaker 1: A lesbian couple, and you're like, well that's me. Oh bye.

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Speaker 1: I asked if she had someone in mind or had

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Speaker 1: been talking to someone since she came back. She admitted

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Speaker 1: to dancing with a girl at the reception and they

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Speaker 1: kissed at the end of the night, but nothing else happened.

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Speaker 1: That's that is cheating.

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Speaker 3: These there were tongue involved. That's definitely way more than

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Speaker 3: just kissing.

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Speaker 1: Second agree, but she denied talking to anyone or pre

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Speaker 1: planning anything. She knows this was a lot to throw

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Speaker 1: on my plate all at once, and she didn't expect

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Speaker 1: an answer right away. She just asked that I keep

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Speaker 1: an open mind and keep talking about it.

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Speaker 2: I didn't plan to cheat. It just happens. I'm I'm

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Speaker 2: not one of those.

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Speaker 1: Wasn't pre meditated?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, come on.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't promise anything, but I agreed to do some

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Speaker 1: research and talk to a workmate that has an open

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Speaker 1: marriage to see how they cope. I did warn her

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Speaker 1: if I found out she lied or was doing anything

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Speaker 1: behind my back, there would be no second chances and

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Speaker 1: I would leave. My workmate has been super helpful and

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Speaker 1: open about the relationship. My brother got me into a

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Speaker 1: support group that has helped me come to terms with

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Speaker 1: our relationship changes. I'm burning my way through my second

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Speaker 1: book and sat Betty down Thursday night to check in

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Speaker 1: and talk about moving forward. I found us a couple's therapist.

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Speaker 1: I gave her the book I finished, and I told

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Speaker 1: her we should postpone the wedding for six months and

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Speaker 1: then decide if that's the path we're still on. I

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Speaker 1: was on her roll when she stopped me and asked

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Speaker 1: me if I was planning on dating other people like

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Speaker 1: that never occurred to her that I would be dating

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Speaker 1: as well. She kind of shut down after that, barely

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Speaker 1: giving one word answers when I would ask her something.

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Speaker 1: I think the longest sent since I got was I

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Speaker 1: just don't know. She's been like that for twenty four

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Speaker 1: hours now, like she's lost in a fog. I'm just

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Speaker 1: bracing myself for the inevitable flood of emotions. I would

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Speaker 1: have thought she would be happy that I was considering

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Speaker 1: opening our relationship. She just wants a one sided open relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, she was like, wait.

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Speaker 1: A minute, opening a relationship means that you would be

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Speaker 1: dating people too.

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Speaker 2: I want to just like be able to like do

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Speaker 2: whatever I want and then like not like tell you

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Speaker 2: about them, just kind of like do whatever and then

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Speaker 2: have you like be there. So that way I can

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Speaker 2: have you and have all the supportive relationship. But then

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Speaker 2: I can go and like sleep with anyone away.

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Speaker 1: And you can't do any of that.

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Speaker 2: Let's just do that.

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Speaker 1: It's an open relationship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's open for me.

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Speaker 1: It's like one of those doors that's locked on one side.

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Speaker 2: Every lock has a key. What the alpha podcasters say

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Speaker 2: or whatever. Oh yeah, that's stupid analogy.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I would have thought she would be happy that

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Speaker 1: I was considering opening our relationship. Add On, my brother

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Speaker 1: came out as gay when I was sixteen, and my

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Speaker 1: parents were very supportive, so I grew up in a

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Speaker 1: very different household than my girlfriend. Apology. The second half

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Speaker 1: of my post was written much later than the first half,

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Speaker 1: and after a few drinks, rereading it made it clear

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Speaker 1: I should have waited till the morning before posting it. Sorry.

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Speaker 1: Update Saturday night, her fog lifted and things got pretty deeded.

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Speaker 2: Ooh.

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Speaker 1: She said that the open relationship was my way of

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Speaker 1: punishing her and being vindictive by dating at the women.

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Speaker 2: How how has that ven? It's a solution to your want?

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Speaker 1: She was just asking for some grace to explore her feelings.

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Speaker 1: What and he said he wasn't comfortable with eh, And

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Speaker 1: then you kept like She kept pushing and so he

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Speaker 1: was like, fine, we can open relationship and she was like, no,

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Speaker 1: not that either. I replied that she showed almost no

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Speaker 1: remorse for cheating on me and instead expected an open

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Speaker 1: ended hall pass to do so again. I told her

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Speaker 1: our friends had told me. She asked them not to

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Speaker 1: say anything about what happened at the wedding, so I

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Speaker 1: would probably never know the full truth and just had

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Speaker 1: to accept it was worse than she admitted to. I

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Speaker 1: asked if she thought it was fair to go have

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Speaker 1: spicy sleep with other people while I waited by the door,

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Speaker 1: like some love sick puppy who was expected just to

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Speaker 1: wag his tail when she decided to come home and

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Speaker 1: show me some attention. It devolved after that, and some

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Speaker 1: hurtful things were said by us both. I finally gave

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Speaker 1: her three options. If she wanted to move for monogamy,

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Speaker 1: postpone the wedding and go to couples counseling, no experimenting

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Speaker 1: when we get to a good place, then go ahead

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Speaker 1: with the wedding with a prenup to protect me if

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Speaker 1: she changes her mind and or cheats again. Two open relationship.

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Speaker 1: We can both date who we want, and she can

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Speaker 1: figure out her sexuality on her own terms. In a

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Speaker 1: year or so, we can see if marriage still seems

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Speaker 1: like a good option. If we're still together three full separation,

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Speaker 1: she moves out, and we can each be free to

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Speaker 1: live our lives as we see fit. If sush when

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Speaker 1: she decides she wants monogamy with me, if I haven't

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Speaker 1: moved on, then we can try option number one, but

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Speaker 1: it would be a new beginning, not just picking up

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Speaker 1: where we left off. She decided she needs some time

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Speaker 1: to think things out and is going to stay with

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Speaker 1: friends for a couple of days. I told her before

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Speaker 1: she left that if she accidentally cheated while she was gone,

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Speaker 1: to not come back except.

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Speaker 2: To pick up the rest of her things accident.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if she accidentally cheated, I honestly think those are fair.

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Speaker 1: Those are fair solutions.

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Speaker 2: Op is like very much like, Okay, let me think

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Speaker 2: it all through. Let me let me come up with

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Speaker 2: solutions that try to respect and adhere to your request

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Speaker 2: without disrespecting myself exactly.

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Speaker 1: And she asked to the fact that she's not, you know,

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Speaker 1: listening to you and doesn't really seem to care about

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Speaker 1: your feelings, like is putting so much pressure and blame

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Speaker 1: on you, saying, oh, well, you're not respecting my u

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Speaker 1: you need to explore my sexuality. But she's not respecting

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Speaker 1: literally any of the boundaries of your relationship, your feelings. Nothing.

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Speaker 2: We literally skirted over the thing of her like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I just like danced and made out with with with

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Speaker 2: another girl. Yeah, like, what are we doing?

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Speaker 1: Honeybee says, But it's what she wanted. Am I missing something?

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Speaker 1: She wants to be able to see other people and

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Speaker 1: not have OPC anyone and OP saying it would have

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Speaker 1: to be two sided.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: This morning I got a text from her. I'm so sorry.

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Speaker 1: She didn't answer when I asked her what she meant?

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Speaker 1: Did she freaking cheat? Did you freaking cheat again? And

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Speaker 1: my call went to voicemail. I'm not going to reach

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Speaker 1: out to her again and I will wait to let

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Speaker 1: her contact me when she is ready. And there are

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Speaker 1: some relevant comments and an updates.

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Speaker 2: What a cliffhanger, ooh boy, I think she cheated? Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think she cheated. You know what? I think she cheated.

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Speaker 2: She did more than what she was tricking. Yeah, she

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Speaker 2: did more because she was like, oh, kiss, but.

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Speaker 3: Just a kiss.

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Speaker 2: Kiss. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't buy it. I don't buy it.

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Speaker 2: I don't buy it either.

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Speaker 1: But there are some relevant comments. Oh says, looks like

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Speaker 1: your partner has been a bit self centered about this.

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Speaker 1: Good idea to take your time regarding your engagement. The

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Speaker 1: death of exclusivity, even as a hypothetical, can be a

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Speaker 1: pretty destabilizing thing for an established mono relationship. Keep talking,

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Speaker 1: you seem to be handling this very well, somewhat better

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Speaker 1: than her, I think, Opie says, I've tried to handle

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Speaker 1: this respectfully, but it seems fair to her to have

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Speaker 1: an open pass for her, but not for me. I'm

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Speaker 1: expected to support her while she has spicy sleep and

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Speaker 1: possibly develops feelings for someone else and just smile and nod.

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Speaker 1: And then she got upset when I had to remind

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Speaker 1: her she was the one that cheated. I just finished

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Speaker 1: printing out cards to send to everyone we sent the

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Speaker 1: save the date notices to advising them we are canceling

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Speaker 1: the wedding. Oh Auchi.

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Speaker 2: That sucks.

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Speaker 1: That freaking secks.

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Speaker 2: That sucks.

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Speaker 1: Not sure how I'm going to respond when they start

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Speaker 1: asking why the cards I'm sending out just have due

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Speaker 1: to new circumstances on them. Ringo Johnny says, if the

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Speaker 1: person asking is part of the group who withheld information

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Speaker 1: from you, consider telling them the truth that your fiance

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Speaker 1: cheated on you, and her friends colluded to keep it

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Speaker 1: from you. Consider telling that friend what you think of

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Speaker 1: them for not having your back at such an important moment.

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Speaker 1: And OPI says, I had that conversation with the friend

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Speaker 1: who confirmed what Betty had told me. When I questioned

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Speaker 1: him later, he said Betty had made them promise not

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Speaker 1: to tell me. On the trip back home, he and

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Speaker 1: his wife and one of the other bridesmaids were the

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Speaker 1: only ones that saw them kissing. He also told me

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Speaker 1: who the other woman was. She lives in a different state.

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Speaker 1: And there is an update.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how long this marriage is gonna last.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's not even they're not not even

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Speaker 2: married yet, this engagement engagement engaged. Yeah, I think, like, okay,

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Speaker 2: so question, So Opie's put out all these like potential solutions,

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Speaker 2: she's just shooting down every single one. Do we just

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Speaker 2: go straight to prevorse?

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Speaker 1: Honestly, Yeah, if she's not willing to, you know, agree

246
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Speaker 1: to any of these solutions, there isn't really a point.

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Speaker 1: It seems like she's just very self centered.

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Speaker 2: Its yeah, like he's literally done. I feel like, yeah, honestly,

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Speaker 2: a pretty great job, Like really thinking through, like, Okay,

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Speaker 2: how can I find something to, you know, make this

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Speaker 2: work for both of us? And she just shot down

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Speaker 2: every single one try to turn the blame on him.

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Speaker 2: She hasn't even apologized cheating, right, she didn't apologize for it. Yeah,

254
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Speaker 2: so it's like, what are we doing? I feel like

255
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Speaker 2: it's just not worth it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think so. It shouldn't be that hard.

257
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Speaker 1: But there's an update.

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Speaker 2: There's an update.

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Speaker 1: August eighteenth, twenty twenty four. Previously, my fiance announced she

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Speaker 1: was bisexual and had made out with a woman at

261
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Speaker 1: her friend's wedding. On Wednesday, Betty went to her previously

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Speaker 1: scheduled appointment with her therapist and told her what happened

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Speaker 1: between us. Not sure what all was said, but she

264
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Speaker 1: called me on the way to her friend's house, apologizing

265
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Speaker 1: for some of the things she said and wanted to

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Speaker 1: come home and talk things out. I told her to

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Speaker 1: stay at her friend's house tonight and think about what

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Speaker 1: she wanted, and she could come home Thursday and we

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Speaker 1: could sit down and work things out. On Thursday, we

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Speaker 1: met at the house and talked over dinner. We both

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Speaker 1: apologized for getting heated and saying some unfair things to

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Speaker 1: each other. After talking to her therapist and having several

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Speaker 1: conversations with her best friend over the last few days,

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Speaker 1: she has decided not to explore bisexual urgis.

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Speaker 2: Funny, Oh write this story.

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Speaker 1: The idea of a truly open relationship where I was

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Speaker 1: free to sleep with other people terrified her and getting

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Speaker 1: married was more important than chasing the rainbow. Okay, lucky

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Speaker 1: charms me pot of gold. Her original idea had been

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Speaker 1: just a free past to see if she was missing

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Speaker 1: something in her life and how important it was to her.

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Speaker 1: But that the idea of like like the idea of

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Speaker 1: her missing something in her life just feels souding.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's like, am I You're not enough? You

285
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Speaker 2: know I do? There is the thing of like, Okay,

286
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Speaker 2: she she had this like repressive upbringing. She's like just

287
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Speaker 2: now understanding this about herself, which is fair. I think

288
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Speaker 2: that's fair. But it's like that doesn't give you the

289
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Speaker 2: license to kurt you can you can even I think

290
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Speaker 2: she can express that, she could talk about it. She

291
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Speaker 2: can say like, hey, like I'm I don't know. I

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Speaker 2: feel like she I feel like she can like talk

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Speaker 2: him through it, but you can't, Like she can't demand

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Speaker 2: that yes, yeah, and demand cheat on him.

295
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,040
Speaker 1: I asked if she was asking for her one night stand,

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Speaker 1: just dating a woman, or having a full relationship. She

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Speaker 1: couldn't tell me exactly what she wanted. I said, that

298
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Speaker 1: didn't sound very monogamous to me or.

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Speaker 2: Very fair uh D all of the above.

300
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Speaker 1: She agreed, and that was why she was giving up

301
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,840
Speaker 1: on exploring those feelings. Next, she brought up the notes

302
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,400
Speaker 1: I sent out, canceling or saved the eight notes notices

303
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,680
Speaker 1: for her wedding day. She said she was getting all

304
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,320
Speaker 1: kinds of calls about what happened and was caught unaware

305
00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:43,280
Speaker 1: about what they were even talking about. At first, she

306
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:45,800
Speaker 1: was upset I did that without talking to her. First.

307
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,720
Speaker 1: I reminded her that she lobbed two grenades in my

308
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,360
Speaker 1: lap coming out as bisexual and then and that she

309
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Speaker 1: cheated on me, then left and wouldn't talk with me

310
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Speaker 1: except for a cryptic I'm so sorry text followed by silence.

311
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Speaker 1: M Well, I never said anything other than we were

312
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,600
Speaker 1: having issues and had to postpone the wedding. Evidently there

313
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Speaker 1: was speculation.

314
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Speaker 2: That she had cheated on me. Well, she did, so

315
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:11,320
Speaker 2: speculation was correction correct.

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Speaker 1: She switched gears and said we could still get back

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Speaker 1: on track and get married next spring. Now, because now,

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Speaker 1: when one of us is out of town, my mind

319
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:24,040
Speaker 1: will be thinking about you cheating again, especially after coming

320
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Speaker 1: out and wanting to have an affair to explore your sexuality.

321
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Speaker 1: I said, maybe after couple's therapy we could get back

322
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Speaker 1: to a good place again, but not by the end

323
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Speaker 1: of the year, and it would be foolish to start

324
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Speaker 1: planning and making financial commitments before we even knew if

325
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:41,560
Speaker 1: therapy was going to work. Plus, I wanted a prenup

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Speaker 1: to protect everything I brought into the marriage, as well

327
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,800
Speaker 1: as my future retirement savings. Plus she would forfeit any

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Speaker 1: equity if we bought a house. When she protested, I said,

329
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Speaker 1: if you plan to be faithful and not change your

330
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Speaker 1: mind later, then it would never be a thing, just

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Speaker 1: something to give me some peace of mind. It's been

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Speaker 1: an ongoing conversation for the last few days. Betty wants

333
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,120
Speaker 1: to rug sweep the incident at the wedding and move

334
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,800
Speaker 1: forward with our wedding. Exploring her sexuality is not worth

335
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:12,400
Speaker 1: sacrificing our relationship, in her opinion. For now, we are

336
00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,440
Speaker 1: back together and planning on counseling soon. In a post

337
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:19,240
Speaker 1: clarity moment, I realized I rushed to embrace the idea

338
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,760
Speaker 1: of an open relationship to allow Betty the freedom to

339
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,880
Speaker 1: explore her new feelings, and I'm not as willing now

340
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:29,640
Speaker 1: to consider that option. I think separation is the better option.

341
00:16:29,880 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 1: Breaking up if you will, if you will, till we

342
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:36,240
Speaker 1: both decide what direction our future lies, and if it

343
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,960
Speaker 1: is with each other. It's not what I want, But

344
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,640
Speaker 1: I also don't want to spend the next three to

345
00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,160
Speaker 1: five years together only for her to change her mind

346
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:46,200
Speaker 1: or cheat on me one day. And there are some

347
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 1: relevant comments, But what do you think, John, I want

348
00:16:49,840 --> 00:16:50,800
Speaker 1: your relevant comments?

349
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Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I was ope. I think was doing

350
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:58,960
Speaker 2: a excellent job, like again, trying to come up with solutions,

351
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,240
Speaker 2: bringing them to the table. One thing I actually wanted

352
00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:05,800
Speaker 2: to ask you, Dare I say a real question?

353
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:06,400
Speaker 1: Yes?

354
00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:12,800
Speaker 2: Is he sent out the cancelations without telling her? Yeah?

355
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,919
Speaker 1: I actually was thinking about that. I feel like I

356
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:18,040
Speaker 1: would have told her. I would have said he I

357
00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 1: understand that. Like his excuses, Well, you weren't there, Like

358
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,960
Speaker 1: I was trying to call you and you left. But

359
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,440
Speaker 1: I don't know if I would have done that right away.

360
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,000
Speaker 1: I think I would have tried to get in contact

361
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:29,680
Speaker 1: a little bit more.

362
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like, do we know how many months out

363
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,520
Speaker 2: it was At that point, I'm like, I'm in my mind,

364
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,800
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm gonna I'm going to push it off

365
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,760
Speaker 2: as long as i can, to wait and see if

366
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,480
Speaker 2: I get and I will call if you don't pick

367
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:50,159
Speaker 2: up voicemail, text everything, Hey, I want to And it's like,

368
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,600
Speaker 2: if you don't get back to me, I'm just gonna

369
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,680
Speaker 2: do it. But you I would have I would have

370
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,080
Speaker 2: mentioned it. You have to at least mention it at

371
00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,320
Speaker 2: the barest minimum. You say, I am doing this even

372
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:01,040
Speaker 2: if she doesn't get back.

373
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're in the doghouse. You can't be silent.

374
00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:06,600
Speaker 1: Yeah you got a bark, mark, bark, bark. But there

375
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,600
Speaker 1: are some releman comments. Op clarifies the chasing the rainbow

376
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,000
Speaker 1: comment and if he has a problem with her sexuality,

377
00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:16,080
Speaker 1: Chasing the rainbow was her analogy, not mine, and I

378
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,119
Speaker 1: didn't have a problem with their sexuality. The problem I

379
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,960
Speaker 1: had was she cheated. Granted she only made out with

380
00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:24,359
Speaker 1: someone and wanted permission to have a spicy sleep with

381
00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:28,159
Speaker 1: someone else, male or female. That is unacceptable in what

382
00:18:28,240 --> 00:18:31,879
Speaker 1: I thought was our monogamous relationship. Being bisexual doesn't give

383
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,680
Speaker 1: you the right to have spicy sleep with someone else

384
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:37,040
Speaker 1: while you are already in an exclusive relationship. It just

385
00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,359
Speaker 1: means you're attracted to twice as many people. And I

386
00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:42,399
Speaker 1: do want to be with her and support her, but

387
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:44,720
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean I support her dating other people to

388
00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:49,680
Speaker 1: explore her sexuality while in a relationship with me. Exactly

389
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,280
Speaker 1: m hm op on the best scenario is breaking up.

390
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,720
Speaker 1: Most of the scenarios in my head end up in disaster.

391
00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,879
Speaker 1: Breaking up and letting her find her center might be

392
00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 1: the best option. If in three to six months we

393
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,280
Speaker 1: both find we want to start over, then maybe it

394
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,720
Speaker 1: stands a better chance than us trying to just move

395
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 1: forward the way we are now. But in three to

396
00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:12,159
Speaker 1: six months, I think I will have moved on to

397
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,080
Speaker 1: something less complicated. The fact that she thought I wouldn't

398
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,320
Speaker 1: be enough and had to go experience something different to

399
00:19:17,359 --> 00:19:20,480
Speaker 1: fulfill herself could be a deal breaker for me. And

400
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,080
Speaker 1: final comment from op we have counseling scheduled to see

401
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:27,520
Speaker 1: what is best for us. Until we firmly resolve this issue,

402
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,640
Speaker 1: we won't be getting married. I don't want to have

403
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,240
Speaker 1: to deal with cheating or her wanting to open the

404
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:36,440
Speaker 1: marriage years down the line and then possibly getting divorced.

405
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:41,080
Speaker 1: And there is another update whoa man.

406
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,560
Speaker 3: Man, This sounds like a huge trust issue.

407
00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, she cheated in them.

408
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:48,280
Speaker 2: It seems insurmountable. Yeah. Yeah, just like like he said,

409
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:50,640
Speaker 2: he's like, I don't know if all I'm going out

410
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,679
Speaker 2: of town for a thing, are you gonna you know,

411
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,679
Speaker 2: run it? Yeah, cheat on me again? And it's like

412
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,560
Speaker 2: it's about the cheating, you know. And I think because

413
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:02,040
Speaker 2: he gave so many options and solutions, like this isn't

414
00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:04,720
Speaker 2: about her being bisexual, this isn't about him trying to

415
00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:08,119
Speaker 2: control her. She's like, Hey, I had this expectation. I

416
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:11,480
Speaker 2: want to monogamous relationship. I'm willing to try these other things,

417
00:20:11,920 --> 00:20:14,159
Speaker 2: but like, you can't just go around and keep cheating

418
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 2: on me. What are we talking about?

419
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,200
Speaker 1: Yeah? No, I think the separating and then rethinking is

420
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,000
Speaker 1: maybe the best.

421
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 2: Just gotta do it. Yeah. I feel like op's like

422
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:27,880
Speaker 2: something about him is holding like he hasn't just done

423
00:20:27,880 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 2: it yet. Yeah, you know what I mean? I don't know,

424
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,359
Speaker 2: I don't know what's I mean. He thought he was

425
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:33,160
Speaker 2: gonna marry this person.

426
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was they. He had a really

427
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 1: close relationship with her and everything kind of really quickly changed. Yeah,

428
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 1: but there is an update. Oh what a crappy week.

429
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,679
Speaker 1: Counseling started badly. Walked into the office and saw a

430
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,879
Speaker 1: large Pride flag on the wall. Our therapist was a

431
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,840
Speaker 1: very biased towards my girlfriend. Predicament lost right over the

432
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,919
Speaker 1: cheating and into how I need to support Betty's journey,

433
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,640
Speaker 1: Betty's awakening and support her journey to blah blah blah.

434
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,880
Speaker 1: Betty is the one who's confused, and I'm not giving

435
00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 1: her a safe place to explore who she is. This

436
00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 1: therapist seems dude, this is a terrible therapist. Sad nothing

437
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:15,080
Speaker 1: about my feelings or needs was addressed. To make matters worse.

438
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 1: When the therapist was piling on me, I looked for

439
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,879
Speaker 1: Betty to stand up or say something positive for me,

440
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:24,280
Speaker 1: and I got nothing. The part hurt That part hurt

441
00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 1: me the most, and I pretty much shut down for

442
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 1: the remainder of the session. Toward the end, the therapist

443
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:32,080
Speaker 1: did try to engage with me, because you could tell

444
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:35,480
Speaker 1: she knew she had completely lost me. But on the

445
00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:37,840
Speaker 1: drive home, Betty tried to talk to me, and I

446
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:43,400
Speaker 1: gave her the three answers I kept repeating to the therapist, sure, nope, and.

447
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 2: Maybe sign of a great conversation.

448
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 1: And you can always say sure it's joining us live

449
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:54,440
Speaker 1: on YouTube every week d PMPST just top our profile.

450
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 1: But you can't say noper. Maybe you can't say no. Oh,

451
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,360
Speaker 1: And there is a little bit more. Do have any

452
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,560
Speaker 1: more thoughts before we finished this story off?

453
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 2: It's not about the sexuality, Like, let's stop conflating her

454
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 2: sexual identity with the fact that she's broken the trust.

455
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 2: It doesn't relationship, it's not related, and you know what,

456
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 2: she deserves a lot of space to be able to

457
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,959
Speaker 2: think through that and like understand. And I think there

458
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 2: should be like an open dialogue between the two of

459
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,720
Speaker 2: them where she could safely express like, you know, maybe

460
00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 2: I do feel like I'm and maybe I am scared

461
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,239
Speaker 2: that I'm like missing out on this, like maybe I

462
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,400
Speaker 2: want to be with a woman and I just repressed

463
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 2: it and didn't understand till now. Something like that. That

464
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,520
Speaker 2: is totally something that they should talk about and that

465
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 2: I think op should be willing to sit down and

466
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:45,520
Speaker 2: just listen because she's understanding and is probably all repressed

467
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:46,600
Speaker 2: and you know all that stuff.

468
00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,640
Speaker 1: But the problem is that conversation happened after she had.

469
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,159
Speaker 2: Already exactly you you hurt.

470
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:56,440
Speaker 1: First, You're done.

471
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 2: Undred bro. This therapist is terrible, terrible.

472
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:04,200
Speaker 1: When you're terrible looking part you should be anyone gonna

473
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 1: you're help me.

474
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,560
Speaker 2: No, we're all just getting gang up at you. There

475
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 2: we go.

476
00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,919
Speaker 1: This was the therapist. Her individual therapist recommended us to

477
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 1: go to the Next day, I got a call from

478
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:18,400
Speaker 1: Betty's mom at my work, wanting to know why we

479
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 1: were postponing the wedding and that her family and friends

480
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,760
Speaker 1: had already started making plans. Well, stop making those plans.

481
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 1: I told her she needed to take that up with

482
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 1: her daughter. She get badgering me until I finally told

483
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,680
Speaker 1: her Betty made out with someone at her friend's wedding

484
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 1: and that was why things were on hold. And then

485
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 1: I hung up on her.

486
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 2: Which is bad because I think her parents are maybe

487
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 2: homophobic or well, I don't.

488
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:43,359
Speaker 1: Think he specified that she kissed. Yeah, she kissed a girl.

489
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,159
Speaker 1: I think she's like she kiss someone, which yeah, if

490
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 1: she if he had been like, oh, she gets the girl,

491
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: that would have been super a whole movie. But yeah,

492
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 1: less than an hour later, I got a call from

493
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,160
Speaker 1: Betty demanding to know what I told her mom. I said,

494
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:57,840
Speaker 1: you kissed someone at a wedding and we were trying

495
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,720
Speaker 1: to work through it, and then I didn't mention Betty

496
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 1: coming out to me. I told her she needed to

497
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: sit her mom down and tell her the whole truth.

498
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to hold my breath. So I

499
00:24:07,040 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: get this text from her mom telling me I need

500
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 1: to suck it up and move past this, and that

501
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 1: I might even be at fault for not going to

502
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 1: the wedding with her. Uh crazy crazy, Okay, huge text

503
00:24:19,480 --> 00:24:21,479
Speaker 1: giving me what for and trying to tell me what

504
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,439
Speaker 1: I need to do. I showed the text to Betty

505
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,040
Speaker 1: when she got home from work and said she needed

506
00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 1: to do something about her mom or I would enlighten

507
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,600
Speaker 1: her with the full story of our of all our problems.

508
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 1: The next time she tried to tear me a new one.

509
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 1: Betty said she would handle her mom and made me

510
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,399
Speaker 1: promise to give her some time to tell her mom everything.

511
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,920
Speaker 1: Don't I don't know if I would be rushing the

512
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 1: I'm going to tell your mom everything?

513
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,320
Speaker 2: Yeah don't, yeh, I don't do that, I would.

514
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 1: Say, like, I'm going to just block her mom. Yeah, Like,

515
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 1: if you don't want her badgering, you just block her mom.

516
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,959
Speaker 1: I don't think that's your place to tell the mom anything.

517
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 2: Oh rush her because this isn't said explicitly, but that

518
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,280
Speaker 2: to me sounds like that it was a woman basically

519
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:02,640
Speaker 2: like outing her as bisexual.

520
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what it sounds like he wants. That's what

521
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:05,840
Speaker 1: he was gonna do.

522
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like it either.

523
00:25:08,760 --> 00:25:12,640
Speaker 1: Also, this week, Betty has gotten very protective of her phone. Yeah,

524
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,919
Speaker 1: major red flag. I went to charge my phone and

525
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 1: unplugged hers to plug mine in, and she almost flew

526
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,720
Speaker 1: across the room to practically snatch her phone out of

527
00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,280
Speaker 1: my hand. I was able to sneak a look at

528
00:25:25,280 --> 00:25:27,480
Speaker 1: her phone later while she was asleep, only to find

529
00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 1: she had changed her access code, something which she hadn't

530
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 1: done since we had been together.

531
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:33,000
Speaker 2: Wow.

532
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,520
Speaker 1: I went online and looked at her phone bill and

533
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:38,359
Speaker 1: there were many lengthy calls to a Colorado area code,

534
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,280
Speaker 1: which I found out is where the girl she kissed

535
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,720
Speaker 1: was from. Yeah, I mean you're already leaving this relationship,

536
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 1: just leave, souper. I am just mentally exhausted at this point,

537
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:56,120
Speaker 1: the gaslighting, lying, and just feeling like I'm treading water

538
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 1: all the time. Lately when we've been intimate, there's a

539
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,520
Speaker 1: lack of passion in her that was there before all

540
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,359
Speaker 1: of this. I feel love bomb without the feeling.

541
00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:08,560
Speaker 2: I feel like I feel love bomb without the love. Yeah,

542
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:09,640
Speaker 2: I just feel bombs.

543
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:14,360
Speaker 1: Feel balm, feels like just hollow words and empty gestures.

544
00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 1: Tomorrow we are going to a cookout at her parents' house.

545
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to try and keep my cool and not

546
00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:23,520
Speaker 1: say anything crossing my fingers. But when we get back,

547
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 1: I'm telling Betty I'm done. I'll give her the choice

548
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,960
Speaker 1: of keeping the apartment or moving out. She will be

549
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: free to explore and find what truly makes her happy.

550
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 1: It just won't be me. I came clean with my

551
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,919
Speaker 1: parents and a few friends about this whole mess. My

552
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:40,080
Speaker 1: tribe is ready to help support me and help with

553
00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:43,560
Speaker 1: the move when I need them. Dad vetoed mom's offer

554
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,960
Speaker 1: to move back home and said what I really needed

555
00:26:46,359 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: was a new puppy. Definitely too old to live with

556
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: my retired parents. Yeah, just get a dog, that's the solution.

557
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 3: To you know.

558
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's good.

559
00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 1: Feels weirdly peaceful now that I've made my mind up

560
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,480
Speaker 1: to all of you, to all of you who told

561
00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 1: me so, you were right, Yes, time to move on

562
00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 1: with my life.

563
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:08,120
Speaker 2: It is beyond beyond.

564
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:14,359
Speaker 1: Time, beyond a place beyond time. This is the twilight.

565
00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 1: So yeah, man, oh Man's kind of funny. He's like, yeah,

566
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:25,639
Speaker 1: I'm going to the family barbecue where you're having to go.

567
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:30,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is too much. Yeah, you're already.

568
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,440
Speaker 1: Gonna break up with her? Like why why why put

569
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 1: yourself through that?

570
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 2: Imagine, imagine there's like another up to He's like, you know,

571
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 2: I was eating some ribs and I really got to thinking,

572
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,160
Speaker 2: you know, like I might.

573
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:44,960
Speaker 1: As well get married, you know, And the rest of

574
00:27:45,040 --> 00:27:48,960
Speaker 1: element comments who Molecular says, I'd be tempted to leave

575
00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:51,439
Speaker 1: a review on the therapist somewhere, something short like my

576
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 1: fiance cheated on me at a wedding and continues to

577
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 1: call the person she cheated with, and this therapist told

578
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: me I needed to support my fiance's exploration of other

579
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:03,640
Speaker 1: people rather than addressing the betrayal. At the very least,

580
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 1: I'd want to make sure that therapist knew this would

581
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 1: be why we wouldn't be coming back. Therapists can't improve

582
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:12,440
Speaker 1: without knowing when they've left up, and I guarantee you

583
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 1: this therapist left up anyone in your personal life. You

584
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:19,560
Speaker 1: tell about the infidelity, I'd recommend clarifying that it wasn't

585
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,080
Speaker 1: just a one time thing and that she continued to

586
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,679
Speaker 1: call and have an emotional affair with the person. Sorry,

587
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:28,679
Speaker 1: that your fiance is literally actively having an emotional affair

588
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:32,080
Speaker 1: with it right now, an emotional affair right this very moment.

589
00:28:32,680 --> 00:28:35,840
Speaker 1: And the therapist you were sent to was the wrong choice.

590
00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:39,800
Speaker 2: I wish you luck. I love how they somehow found

591
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 2: like the rarest therapist possible, pro clear and pro cheating.

592
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were like stand Opie says, I like your review,

593
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,200
Speaker 1: but I'm unsure where I would post it. Our therapist

594
00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,480
Speaker 1: definitely had an agenda. But if we don't show up

595
00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 1: for the next session, she already knows the reason. After

596
00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 1: browbeating me for most of the session, she realized I

597
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: checked out and spent the last ten to fifteen minutes

598
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: trying to get me to re engage. She tried to

599
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 1: shake my hand as I left, but I just silently

600
00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 1: got up and left her office. Barn, I haven't confronted

601
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 1: Betty about the phone calls yet, but I plan to

602
00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 1: ask her about them tonight before I tell her we're done.

603
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 1: My family and friends, who I told yesterday know about everything,

604
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 1: including the calls.

605
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 2: For now.

606
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: Anyway, my stress levels are surprisingly low now that I

607
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:30,240
Speaker 1: know what I want to do. My sister will be

608
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 1: at my house when we get back and plans to

609
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,760
Speaker 1: stay at least the night while I tell Betty my decision.

610
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 1: And there is another update.

611
00:29:39,120 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 2: I am conspiracy theorizing what do youse? Is not going

612
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 2: to take it? Well?

613
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: No, I think Betty's I haven't what I mean. You

614
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 1: told me that we were just gonna we were gonna

615
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 1: get married.

616
00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 2: Still, Yeah, I think I think she might go a

617
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 2: little unhinged.

618
00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: I think so too. I think so too. Yeah, I

619
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: don't trust it.

620
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 2: I don't trust it either.

621
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,320
Speaker 1: Betty and I returned early from a cookout at her parents' house.

622
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:08,320
Speaker 1: I had planned for my sister to be at her

623
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,880
Speaker 1: house when we got back as a witness, but had

624
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:13,080
Speaker 1: to wait a couple of hours for her to show up.

625
00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:15,520
Speaker 1: I got us all in the living room and told

626
00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:18,440
Speaker 1: Betty I couldn't do it anymore and was throwing in

627
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 1: the towel. I said I had lost all trust in

628
00:30:22,040 --> 00:30:24,080
Speaker 1: her and couldn't see a way forward, and that the

629
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,760
Speaker 1: best choice was to just go our separate ways. Betty

630
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 1: couldn't answer what I was saying, and that she had

631
00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 1: been honest since her confession about what happened at the wedding.

632
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:36,040
Speaker 1: I asked if she had been in contact with the

633
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 1: girls she kissed at the wedding, and she denied it.

634
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 2: There you go, that's ridiculous.

635
00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 1: How are you still lying? Stop lying?

636
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:50,920
Speaker 2: Just like like cheat on you, just like freaking stop it.

637
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: Please let me cheat on you. I asked to see

638
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,840
Speaker 1: her phone, and she refused, saying it would violate her

639
00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 1: privacy and the privacy of the people she had talked to.

640
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:01,880
Speaker 1: The woman that you talked.

641
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 2: To in Colorado.

642
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, fine, so who did you call with a seven

643
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 1: two zero area code? And maybe I should call and

644
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:14,760
Speaker 1: see who answers. Doesn't really matter because it proves my point.

645
00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: I gave her a choice of moving out or staying,

646
00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: and I would move out. I also said I would

647
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 1: give her what she had contributed to our savings account

648
00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,760
Speaker 1: for the wedding. She tried to get my sister to

649
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,440
Speaker 1: leave or get me alone to talk, but I told her.

650
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:30,280
Speaker 1: I had been advised to have a witness present just

651
00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: in case she went from crying to being angry, and

652
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 1: after an hour and a half she finally had a

653
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 1: calm conversation about everything. We talked until almost midnight. This morning.

654
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 1: Betty decided to move back to her parents temporarily, and

655
00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 1: the three of us packed up all of her things,

656
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 1: and while we waited for her dad and brother to

657
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 1: come get her things, she tried to get me to

658
00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 1: go to a different counselor and give therapy another chances.

659
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 2: Throwing the hel there.

660
00:31:57,520 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 1: Wait what, I've got another fare best we can try? Yeah,

661
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 1: and he's They're gonna be great. I promise you they

662
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:06,600
Speaker 1: won't even side with me about anything.

663
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:09,160
Speaker 2: I also just had a crazy conspiracy theory that I

664
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 2: just thought of. She was hooking up with a therapist.

665
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 1: No, the therapist was like, yeah, you should be more supportive.

666
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: Crazy If she wants an open relationship, you should totally

667
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 1: be down with that. I would be down with that.

668
00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 2: Actually, I'd be so in fact so down with that.

669
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 2: I'll throw my hat at the ring. You know, I'd

670
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 2: even lie.

671
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:32,120
Speaker 1: You know, just so we have like a non bias party.

672
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 1: Maybe I should I should do it.

673
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:36,720
Speaker 2: She's gonna cheat on someone, might as well be someone

674
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:37,520
Speaker 2: you know and trust.

675
00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 1: You're welcome. I'm actually a professional. I said it was

676
00:32:40,680 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 1: a waste of time. I could never trust her again

677
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:45,800
Speaker 1: and that was no way to live. Not much of

678
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 1: an ending. And there are some relevant comments.

679
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think uh took a long time, Propey to

680
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 2: realize it. Finally did smart to have the sister as

681
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 2: a witness. I think so too.

682
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, so, just so, because I feel like the family

683
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 1: is really involved, Like everyone's family is really involved in this. Yeah,

684
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:05,840
Speaker 1: because you have Betty's parents who are like, you know,

685
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:08,160
Speaker 1: you should stay with him or stay with Betty and

686
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 1: stuff blah blah blah blah blah, and like she didn't

687
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 1: you know, mean to do that or whatever. And then

688
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 1: you have the therapist who's on her side. I think

689
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 1: you just need you need a third party who's gonna

690
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,520
Speaker 1: tell you, like, hey, you're doing the right thing. She's crazy?

691
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we need some some some sane like your ally.

692
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 2: Am I a maniac? Or is everyone else everyone else crazy?

693
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 2: Everyone else everyone else?

694
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 1: Sometimes sometimes you know, I actually didn't have a good

695
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, you're the you're the grinch. But

696
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,880
Speaker 1: like everyone in the who Bill is crazy.

697
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 2: I don't know why, but I love I absolutely love

698
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:51,000
Speaker 2: that analogy, but I appreciate it. Yeah, I think it

699
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 2: was it was a smart move to do that. She's

700
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 2: obviously trying to throw a hail.

701
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: Mary yea, but she I don't know, she like it's

702
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 1: just weird. We could she's trying to save the relationship

703
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:06,960
Speaker 1: after like, but the originally when op was trying to

704
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:09,320
Speaker 1: offer solutions, she was so against everything, and now it

705
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:10,359
Speaker 1: was realizing that.

706
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 2: It's Yeah, I think she wanted to have Keon's cake

707
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 2: and eat it too.

708
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:19,719
Speaker 1: True. Their original decision was to see if they could

709
00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: figure it out, and so she was under the impression

710
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: that they were going to try and figure it out

711
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:26,799
Speaker 1: and then proceeded to emotionally cheat.

712
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, when they originally going like going into therapy, yeah,

713
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:32,440
Speaker 2: and everything was like, Okay, we're gonna.

714
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,200
Speaker 1: We're gonna try and figure it out, and then she

715
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:38,040
Speaker 1: was still cheating, yes, and then is like flabbergasted that

716
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 1: he's like this isn't working. I'm leaving. Yeah, it just

717
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: doesn't make sense, girl.

718
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:46,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, do we think She moves out and gets with

719
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:47,200
Speaker 2: the color.

720
00:34:47,200 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 1: Goes to Colorado? Honestly, she better.

721
00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:53,840
Speaker 2: Like might as well, might as well.

722
00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:56,799
Speaker 1: You've sacrificed everything about here for this Colorado girl.

723
00:34:56,960 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, would you would be something special? Like low key?

724
00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 2: Is it all? Wells like more frustrating if she doesn't

725
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 2: go and because like, okay, well, at least it wasn't

726
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 2: all for nothing. You know, at least you're like actually

727
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:09,880
Speaker 2: like exploring what it is to be with a woman

728
00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:10,960
Speaker 2: and and all that.

729
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 1: Like, she better, she better go find all of those

730
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,240
Speaker 1: women that she wants to explore.

731
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 2: Go ahead, go go to the queer bars, do it,

732
00:35:20,640 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 2: bring your bring your flags.

733
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,840
Speaker 1: But there are some realman comments, let's let's get it thoughts, Riley,

734
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 1: Do you have any thoughts?

735
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's tough. I think I understand that she

736
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 3: wants to stay this because of how stable everything is,

737
00:35:34,920 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 3: and that's the only thing that she doesn't want to lose.

738
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,319
Speaker 3: And I do think it's best that she, you know,

739
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,640
Speaker 3: figure out this new exploration of herself.

740
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:46,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, do it, do it, that's what she wanted.

741
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:51,919
Speaker 1: Relevant comments just to do it from en z maybe

742
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:56,080
Speaker 1: New Zealand, bloody hell, yeah, it's from New Zealand. It's

743
00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,359
Speaker 1: so hard to believe that your wife continued to lie

744
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,640
Speaker 1: to you to the very end, and I asked that

745
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 1: once she calmed down and talked to almost midnight, did

746
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,759
Speaker 1: she ultimately tell you the truth and confess everything she's

747
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,959
Speaker 1: been doing since the kiss? If so, how on earth

748
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:11,200
Speaker 1: did she try to justify to you all the lies

749
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,600
Speaker 1: she's been telling you, or at least tell you why

750
00:36:13,640 --> 00:36:17,040
Speaker 1: she has lied to you all this time? Opie says, girlfriend,

751
00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: not wife. That's a yeah, Yeah, that's what the whole

752
00:36:20,719 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 1: story is about. Yeah, she never did come completely clean.

753
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 1: I think she's holding on to hope that I will

754
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:29,960
Speaker 1: change my mind. She's confused and conflicted. If she told

755
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:31,839
Speaker 1: me the truth, then I think she's afraid I would

756
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,879
Speaker 1: leave her for sure. Her words were, I only had

757
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 1: things to protect your feelings.

758
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:37,799
Speaker 3: I did to protect you.

759
00:36:37,920 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 1: I freaking hate people like this, okay. Capital two two

760
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 1: Fai zero says, have you spoke to her dad and

761
00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 1: brother or the friends that covered for her to see

762
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,720
Speaker 1: what she's been telling them and what they think of everything.

763
00:36:52,160 --> 00:36:53,799
Speaker 1: I'd hate for her to paint you like the bad

764
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:55,720
Speaker 1: guy and claim this is all because of the kiss

765
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:58,359
Speaker 1: and not because of anything else. Opie says, I did

766
00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 1: not talk with her brother. Or her dad when they

767
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 1: came over. The friends that covered for her know almost

768
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:05,920
Speaker 1: everything from my point of view. Betty hasn't talked with

769
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 1: them much since the wedding. The husband was especially upset

770
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:11,320
Speaker 1: that she had remained in touch with the woman she kissed,

771
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 1: and his wife has been consoling, saying it was lucky

772
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:17,919
Speaker 1: I found out now rather than later. It still sucks

773
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 1: that those friends were hiding all that.

774
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that come on.

775
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 1: Also, going back to the oh, I did it to

776
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,319
Speaker 1: protect you. I hate when people use that of like

777
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,239
Speaker 1: they don't tell you something to protect you, because it's

778
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:30,880
Speaker 1: just no, it was because.

779
00:37:30,600 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 2: You're selfish exactly. Yeah, that is not to protect you.

780
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,799
Speaker 2: That's to protect you.

781
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,879
Speaker 1: Your feelings, not me. Yeah, op on trying to save

782
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: the relationship. At first, I thought this was just a

783
00:37:43,719 --> 00:37:46,400
Speaker 1: speed bump and something we could get past, but it

784
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:51,200
Speaker 1: became a sinkhole that just got deeper and deeper. I

785
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 1: believe her first therapist got her started down the wrong path,

786
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 1: but in the end she just became selfish and self absorbed,

787
00:37:57,719 --> 00:38:01,359
Speaker 1: which really turned me off. It kills me to think

788
00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 1: she threw away what we had in all the plans

789
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,840
Speaker 1: we made. It was like she had become a completely

790
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:09,360
Speaker 1: different person in such a short time, and OPI on

791
00:38:09,480 --> 00:38:12,719
Speaker 1: his relationship with her parents and changing the locks and

792
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:16,080
Speaker 1: the friends group. I had a great relationship with her

793
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:18,040
Speaker 1: family until her mom was like, just.

794
00:38:18,000 --> 00:38:22,040
Speaker 2: Get over it. Yeah, just sucks.

795
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 1: Looks it went south with her mom when I postponed

796
00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:28,040
Speaker 1: the wedding. Her mom was all wrapped up and planning

797
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 1: the wedding and was almost too involved. So when I

798
00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:35,840
Speaker 1: pulled the plug, she took it hard, almost personally. I

799
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:39,400
Speaker 1: got everything changed, but the loocks waiting on the landlord

800
00:38:39,440 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: for that. Definitely culling some friends after this. That makes

801
00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 1: sense because your friends were not there for you. M Yeah,

802
00:38:47,360 --> 00:38:50,040
Speaker 1: most of my core group has been pretty solid through

803
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,640
Speaker 1: all of the drama. More on cutting back the friend

804
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 1: group No, no, no, not completely. They are part of

805
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,799
Speaker 1: a larger friend group. I keep my distance but try

806
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,799
Speaker 1: to remain polite. The rest of the group knows they

807
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 1: kept the secret from me, and they have gotten some

808
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 1: grief over it. They both have been remorseful and have

809
00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:10,799
Speaker 1: supported me as things have played out. The wife was

810
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 1: friends with Betty and still talks with her quite a bit.

811
00:39:13,560 --> 00:39:15,640
Speaker 1: The husband and I were really close, but I don't

812
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:19,000
Speaker 1: engage with him anymore unless it's in the group setting.

813
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,560
Speaker 1: That sucks that you were super close with him, but

814
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,399
Speaker 1: because his wife is friends with Betty, the pals can't

815
00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 1: be pals.

816
00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, pals.

817
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 1: Final comments from Ope. I dropped a box with some

818
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 1: of her things we missed and some of her mail

819
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:37,439
Speaker 1: at work today. She wanted to talk and possibly meet

820
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 1: for dinner to talk, but I told her we just

821
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:42,440
Speaker 1: need to move on and left. I have blocked her

822
00:39:42,480 --> 00:39:45,040
Speaker 1: on everything and just want to put everything behind me.

823
00:39:46,080 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 1: And well, she is gone for good. All of her

824
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 1: stuff is out of the apartment and she got her

825
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:53,720
Speaker 1: part of the money we were saving for the wedding.

826
00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:56,840
Speaker 1: I blocked her on everything and have no plans to

827
00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:01,760
Speaker 1: contact her again. I don't need closure, Geez were explanations.

828
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,840
Speaker 1: She has made several attempts to reach out to me

829
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 1: through friends, friends, and at work. The people at work

830
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 1: know not to bother me and don't even take messages

831
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:14,359
Speaker 1: from her anymore. The friends I politely tell why I

832
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 1: won't take her back and they understand and drop it.

833
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 1: Usually I've had to block a couple people who keep

834
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:23,280
Speaker 1: after me to talk with her. Why is everyone so involved, dude?

835
00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:24,800
Speaker 2: Stop being so involved?

836
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:28,160
Speaker 1: Just leave them alone. Like, who would do that? Why

837
00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 1: would you like go go around and be like, hey,

838
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:30,799
Speaker 1: take her back, dear.

839
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,239
Speaker 3: I know you're allerged to shrimp, but just tag another bike.

840
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:34,920
Speaker 2: Just do it, Just do it.

841
00:40:35,840 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 1: But that is the end of that story.

842
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 2: Wow man, oh man. Wow.

843
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:45,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it seems like okay, what seems like your friends,

844
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:47,640
Speaker 1: you've you've hashed it out with your friends.

845
00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:52,800
Speaker 2: I feel like, yeah, we finally basically resolved to a resolution.

846
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, Betty's not in your house anymore, she's gotten all

847
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 1: her stuff back. You don't have to talk to her

848
00:40:58,360 --> 00:40:59,040
Speaker 1: mom anymore.

849
00:40:59,360 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 2: Nope.

850
00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 1: The only bad part is that you lost your your

851
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 1: guy friend who you were close with. Sucks, but there's

852
00:41:05,640 --> 00:41:07,640
Speaker 1: sacrifices that you have to make for a peaceful life.

853
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 2: Sacrifices you have to make a little bit more.

854
00:41:10,280 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 3: No, it just basically like I think she got sounds

855
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:14,480
Speaker 3: like she got put into a psychiatric award.

856
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:15,239
Speaker 1: Oh damn.

857
00:41:15,560 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, just okay, hi, mate, just checking in on you,

858
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,360
Speaker 3: someone says, and it says she just got released after

859
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:25,440
Speaker 3: a patric psychiatric evaluation after an incident the landed that

860
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,080
Speaker 3: landed her in the hospital. Of course, her mom blames

861
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 3: me for not being supportive enough. I've tried to maintain

862
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:33,800
Speaker 3: no contact and doing better for the most part. Still

863
00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 3: have moments of doubt that I did the right thing,

864
00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:38,920
Speaker 3: but it's getting easier trying to stay on a steady

865
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,439
Speaker 3: schedule at the gym. I got a new trainer last week.

866
00:41:41,560 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 3: Other than that, it's just getting up and getting through

867
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:44,800
Speaker 3: the day.

868
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:47,640
Speaker 1: That's tough. But OPI, you were not in the wrong

869
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 1: for that.

870
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta you know, Opie's doing what he should

871
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 2: be doing. It's like, hey, let me focus on my life,

872
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:57,000
Speaker 2: you know, make myself happy. Improve It's like.

873
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 1: It's it's yeah, it's not your responsibility.

874
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, your hands, you know, you truly. I one thing

875
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 2: I will applaud Op four is like they think at

876
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 2: every most every turn, he really sat down and was like, Okay,

877
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:11,439
Speaker 2: how can I try to make this work? She has

878
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 2: these once and needs. How can I try to acquiesce

879
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:19,920
Speaker 2: without disrespecting or hurting myself too much in the process.

880
00:42:19,960 --> 00:42:21,600
Speaker 1: Now, I think op approached it really well.

881
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 3: Two more comments. Her story about the wedding never changed

882
00:42:25,239 --> 00:42:28,040
Speaker 3: after the first confession. She did admit that the girl

883
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,280
Speaker 3: she made out with had been talking and they wanted

884
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,839
Speaker 3: to plan a visit, but she was holding off until

885
00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 3: she could do without going behind my back. Whether or

886
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 3: not that is the whole truth, I'll never truly know.

887
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 3: I would like to think that if she had been

888
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:43,239
Speaker 3: honest with me in the first place, we could have

889
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 3: worked something out. But with a lying, manipulation and selfishness,

890
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 3: I just lost all trust with her and I couldn't

891
00:42:49,160 --> 00:42:51,360
Speaker 3: commit to a marriage with someone who treated me like that.

892
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:53,640
Speaker 3: I have had to cut her and a few friends

893
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:55,600
Speaker 3: out completely out of my life. In the long run,

894
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:57,200
Speaker 3: I think that's what's best for me.

895
00:42:57,600 --> 00:42:59,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so too.

896
00:42:59,480 --> 00:42:59,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

897
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,719
Speaker 3: Her mom had blasted me for breaking her by not

898
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:04,919
Speaker 3: being there for her. I told her the story from

899
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 3: my side, and she didn't have much to say. The

900
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 3: wife of the couple that covered for her for her

901
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 3: was one of her close friends. She mentioned supportive. She

902
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 3: remained supportive of her and was critical of the way

903
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:21,440
Speaker 3: I handled things. Even though the husband and I were

904
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,920
Speaker 3: good friends. I had to cut them off completely do

905
00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:26,799
Speaker 3: the wife's attitude and consistently trying to get me to

906
00:43:26,840 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 3: reverse my stance on the relationship.

907
00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 2: Honestly, while it sucks to lose your friend, it might,

908
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:39,680
Speaker 2: all things considered, be for the best if you're constantly

909
00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 2: going to have to be dealing with his wife who's like,

910
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,239
Speaker 2: no change every time they go. He goes over to

911
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 2: hang out, she'd.

912
00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:49,560
Speaker 1: Be like, oh no, yeah, you don't want that. You

913
00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 1: don't want that.

914
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 2: He needs to get as far away from all that

915
00:43:54,120 --> 00:43:57,920
Speaker 2: as possible. So that is just some unfortunate collateral damage.

916
00:43:57,920 --> 00:43:59,680
Speaker 2: I feel like it is sucks though.

917
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 1: AX to lose your friends, but sex worst to use

918
00:44:03,239 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 1: your lose your piece.

919
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 3: Oh wow, that was deep.

920
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:15,080
Speaker 2: That was that was deep. Philosopher, so Focrates, Sophocrates, Socrates

921
00:44:15,160 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 2: over here call me so Fato philosophy and all over

922
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 2: the place.

923
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the last of the updated new comments.

924
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:24,560
Speaker 2: Well there we go.