1 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff 2 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:20,280 Speaker 1: I've never told your production of High Radio. Today is Thursday, 3 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:26,640 Speaker 1: which means it's time for another happy hour. Yes, I 4 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: just it's exciting here because this could just be a 5 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:35,440 Speaker 1: one off. But it's chillier here in Atlanta today. Um, 6 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:39,839 Speaker 1: we're both wearing hoodies. Yes, yes, and I'm excited. I 7 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:43,320 Speaker 1: don't know how long I'll be saying that, but for now, No, 8 00:00:43,520 --> 00:00:46,199 Speaker 1: the fall is perfect. So I'm very excited because that 9 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:48,479 Speaker 1: means I can get away with all of my Grandma Cardigan. 10 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,199 Speaker 1: The poncho I've been wearing all summer and dying, is 11 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 1: now going to be comfortable. So excited about this, as 12 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 1: well as the fact that all of my air is 13 00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:58,959 Speaker 1: off because I can just open a window to get 14 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 1: that bad that last night, so I had to get 15 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: out my comforter, y'all. I had to get out my 16 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,880 Speaker 1: comforter Buffy Comforter, which we've had for a while now, 17 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 1: and I still love that. Was not trying to be 18 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: a promotion or anything, but all have to say is 19 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 1: I love fall. I hate winter. Mm hmm. That should 20 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 1: be stated. Yeah, you do not like cold. I know 21 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:24,720 Speaker 1: that I do. Have my electric blanket in the ready, 22 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: like it's next to me in a chair, plugged up, 23 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:31,120 Speaker 1: ready to go. I love when I You've told me 24 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,520 Speaker 1: more than once that that is your like most treasured 25 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:40,360 Speaker 1: purchase with the comfort. When I talk Peaches that you 26 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: were like, here's the electric blanket, and it was like, summer. 27 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:49,080 Speaker 1: I don't know what you mean. I don't know you're 28 00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 1: talking about. It was very kind. It was the beginning 29 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: of one season. It was still kind of cold and nights. 30 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 1: That's true, that's true. I appreciate it. Nonetheless, maybe next time, 31 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:06,840 Speaker 1: maybe next time. So what are you sipping on Savantha today? 32 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:10,359 Speaker 1: Because I am filling this nice chill in the air 33 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 1: and we are wearing hoodies. I decided to go with 34 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,280 Speaker 1: my red wine. It's just very fall and so I 35 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: didn't want eating iced right now. And this is kind 36 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: of a delight for me. So I went back to 37 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 1: my first love, which is a classic key anti. Yeah, 38 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,799 Speaker 1: that's kind of love the deep and bold. Yeah, me too, 39 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:33,200 Speaker 1: And that's kind of, you know, unfortunately or fortunately silent. 40 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 1: Some of the lambs really popular. So I went to 41 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,280 Speaker 1: Tuscany after I graduated college and really loved everything. Of course, 42 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,960 Speaker 1: this is not necessarily Tuscany wine because it lighter typically, 43 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: But all of that made me fall in love with 44 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 1: Italian wines and Italian reds. So pretentious right now, but 45 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,480 Speaker 1: I can't help it. I loved it. No, that's what 46 00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: you love, got great wine. I do love Italian wines. 47 00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: I love most if it's I'm more of like a 48 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 1: flavor note person. So if it's like a bold, a 49 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 1: bold rid, then I'll probably like it. I am drinking 50 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 1: grapefruits and gin and easel and sparkling water. It's very nice. 51 00:03:21,320 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 1: It's very taright though. It's it's doing that mouth watering 52 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: thing that we've done before. So wait, did you just 53 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 1: make a yub? No? Mostly, but I didn't put it 54 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 1: doesn't have nearly nearly as much jin now. Normally I 55 00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: just put two shots of gin in that. This is 56 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: one shot healthy. I do that for you. Um, and 57 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 1: also doesn't have pepper in it, which I normally put in. Ye, yes, 58 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: much will fall asleep faster if people to have a 59 00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: fun time. I want people to have a fun time. 60 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:58,840 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to get anybody. Yeah, no, I really 61 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 1: am not. I've learned my listen on that and by 62 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,240 Speaker 1: that I say, I just mean like sometimes you forget, 63 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: You're like, oh, a shot is this much? But you 64 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: should adjust it for the taste of the people around you. 65 00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: People around you. Yes, uh So this is a kind 66 00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:18,080 Speaker 1: of lighthearted followup because we've been doing some tough episodes 67 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 1: lately and they've been great and they're so worthwhile to 68 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: talk about. But in particular, this one is kind of 69 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: a follow up to the whole not pretty enough thing 70 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:31,039 Speaker 1: about sexual assault that we did for a Monday mini 71 00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: and so many of you were so kind that you 72 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:36,719 Speaker 1: wrote in, and we're probably going to feature some of 73 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:42,360 Speaker 1: those replies and a future listener mail episode, but kind 74 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: of lighten things up a bit. I wanted to talk 75 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:51,839 Speaker 1: about ugly pictures. Let's go. I know, I'm so excited 76 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 1: because you immediately had like a different avenue and I'm 77 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,479 Speaker 1: so I can't wait to talk about it. But I 78 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,279 Speaker 1: was thinking about how fun and kind of empowering it 79 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 1: can be to take like the ugliest picture possible, and 80 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:07,000 Speaker 1: often when I'm talking about this, because I do want 81 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,560 Speaker 1: to be clear that this is usually in in what 82 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,359 Speaker 1: I'm thinking of specifically for you, um, you can post 83 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,480 Speaker 1: it if you want. I have a friend who has 84 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,440 Speaker 1: a whole account that's just ugly pictures and it's beautiful 85 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 1: and I love it. But this is different than like 86 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:26,920 Speaker 1: when the internet tears a part of woman for having, like, 87 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 1: my god, the smallest amount of fat or whatever that 88 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: that is not. That's not even an ugly picture. But 89 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 1: it's different than what I'm talking about. I'm talking about 90 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 1: when you like make the grossest face and getting the 91 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:46,279 Speaker 1: worst light, trying to really make just the best ugly picture. 92 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: And when I say it's empowering, I think it is 93 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,039 Speaker 1: because a lot of the times for women, we feel 94 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 1: a pressure like you've got to look good and your 95 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: beauty is your value, and if you don't look good, 96 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 1: like everyone's gonna be calling you names or whatever it is. 97 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 1: But when you just lean in and they're like, you 98 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 1: know what, I don't care, We're gonna take it's really 99 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: ugly picture, it could be surprisingly powerful liberating. Uh. That's 100 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,600 Speaker 1: how I always take pictures. I am not a fan 101 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: of pictures in general, but I will say that for me, 102 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 1: I love the scrunching of the face and the weird 103 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,800 Speaker 1: books and those are my will health, Like that's what 104 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,359 Speaker 1: I will do. And I think any of the listeners 105 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,840 Speaker 1: who have seen some of the pictures of you and 106 00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:37,320 Speaker 1: I that is the face I typically make because it 107 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:41,800 Speaker 1: just makes me happy. Yes, yeah, but that means that's 108 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,960 Speaker 1: about you. I guess that's kind of the point. Is 109 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: it makes you happy so much of what we do 110 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,039 Speaker 1: or what I mean, I will say most women, but 111 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: particularly me. I don't want to say for everybody, but 112 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:07,880 Speaker 1: it is even if you don't want it to be, 113 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 1: it is about like other people, and particularly maybe the 114 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: male case. And this is so not and it feels 115 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,280 Speaker 1: so fun. I a couple of years ago, me and uh, 116 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: some good friends of mine spent hours laughing and taking 117 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,080 Speaker 1: the ugliest pictures possible, and like later you'd open your 118 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 1: phone and somehow they've gotten into it and like a 119 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: picture and you open it and it was so fun 120 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: and so funny, and it was it is this like 121 00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:42,760 Speaker 1: trust you place in someone else and his vulnerability. But 122 00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,240 Speaker 1: instead of being like, oh, let's disgusting, you're like, oh, 123 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: this is a beautiful woman that I love and she's 124 00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 1: so funny. Like I don't know, it's it's hard to describe, 125 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 1: but I just it's hard. I couldn't have told you 126 00:07:57,560 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 1: why it was so funny. And fun. It did feel 127 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: kind of like an act of defiance. It did feel 128 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,000 Speaker 1: like this beautiful moment of trust between all of us 129 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 1: because we all knew, like, no one's going to post 130 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:11,360 Speaker 1: that picture without you wanting to. No one's gonna say like, 131 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 1: oh wow, how ugly you are, unless it's like an 132 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,239 Speaker 1: impressed like how ugly you were able to make your face. 133 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:21,680 Speaker 1: It's it's more about like being silly and kind of 134 00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 1: struggling off this pressure to feel beautiful all of the time. 135 00:08:28,520 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: And I do think this is also so many things 136 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,520 Speaker 1: we talked about. I get I hesitate because I feel 137 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:38,679 Speaker 1: like I have to put Astrix Astrix asterix after everything, 138 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: because I do get like the difference between taking a 139 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,040 Speaker 1: purposely ugly picture, maybe because you think like you can't 140 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 1: take a pretty picture. It's kind of a security measure, um, 141 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 1: and you feel like you're going to be judged, so 142 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: you might as well take kind of a silly picture. 143 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:58,720 Speaker 1: And also just like taking a picture of yourself and 144 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: thinking like, oh, I'm the ugly, like feeling it in 145 00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 1: your soul. And we've all had that horrifying moment when 146 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 1: you open your phone and the camera is facing you 147 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:13,320 Speaker 1: and not like, oh, gosh. So that's you know, that's 148 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,400 Speaker 1: different than what I'm talking about, And those are issues 149 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: that we have discussed and probably will discuss again because 150 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:22,000 Speaker 1: it doesn't impact all of us. But I'm talking about, like, 151 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: you know, just going out and just taking this really 152 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:32,400 Speaker 1: purposefully ugly, silly picture for you and for your friends, right, 153 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:36,680 Speaker 1: which I think is fantastic. Yeah, And I did mention 154 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 1: to you about the name, but I think it was 155 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 1: just I have a lot of photos that people tag 156 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,240 Speaker 1: me in, but I'm like, I don't like that photos, 157 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:48,559 Speaker 1: so I'm going to hide it essentially, And the like 158 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:52,240 Speaker 1: they said Libra seasons here, which means, oh, I do 159 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 1: not like this photo. It will stay hidden like that 160 00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,440 Speaker 1: was the me was like, okay, that's a little too real. 161 00:09:56,720 --> 00:10:00,199 Speaker 1: I don't think a judgment. I choose what I'll want 162 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: to be photoed. I have a weird thing with photos 163 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,959 Speaker 1: so in general, which is hilarious because my partner is 164 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: a photographer and I'm like, don't you dare, I will 165 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: kill you. That is interesting. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like 166 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: a lot of the pictures I have of you, you 167 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: are making kind of a snark. You face are a 168 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 1: weird like horror face. Well, and what's so funny is 169 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: in my so the ones that I'm being tagged in 170 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,520 Speaker 1: oftentimes just because I'm not in the photo, I'm behind 171 00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,439 Speaker 1: the camera because they know I won't don't want to 172 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 1: be in the pictures. I'm like, here, here, here, let 173 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: me let me take a picture for you. I got you, 174 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:36,240 Speaker 1: I got you, And they call me the photographer because 175 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,079 Speaker 1: I'm like not, this is the best way of not 176 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:45,079 Speaker 1: being in any other unless I could be really silly. Yes, 177 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: I mean yeah, there is definitely an aspect of of 178 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: feeling like, you know what, if I'm going to be 179 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:56,200 Speaker 1: in a picture because I feel like my thing is 180 00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: a lot of times when I think I've taken a 181 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: good picture or a sexy picture of Heaven for it, 182 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 1: it's not. And so a silly picture is that? All right? 183 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:09,119 Speaker 1: I will say, I don't know if I've ever attempted 184 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 1: to do a sexy picture like that's not in my 185 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:15,480 Speaker 1: little house to me, even especially if someone tells me 186 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:19,439 Speaker 1: to be sexy, I automatically stop and I say that 187 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:22,000 Speaker 1: in no one's ever like. So we did a photo 188 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 1: shoot in our photographer. He was wonderful, He was so 189 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,560 Speaker 1: great and he was willing to meet me where I 190 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,600 Speaker 1: was because he was like, you're a goofy and I'm 191 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 1: trying to figure out in my past. I'm like, I 192 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,480 Speaker 1: wonder how really he was, like why can't you just 193 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:37,280 Speaker 1: be still? But like if he had at any point 194 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 1: try to tell me to be sexy, I think I 195 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 1: would have just sat there and the most like party 196 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,840 Speaker 1: scrunched up triple chin face that I could make, or 197 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:48,720 Speaker 1: maybe even go into the grudge level of like, oh, 198 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,720 Speaker 1: here we go. I want to scout everybody instead of 199 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,960 Speaker 1: trying to be sexy, because that, to me is just 200 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,840 Speaker 1: such a weird. Not because I think it's weird to 201 00:11:56,880 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 1: take sexy pictures for me and myself missues that doesn't 202 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:06,000 Speaker 1: exist in me. So my automatic self deprecating mechanism is 203 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: to be as silly as possible, to the point that 204 00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,560 Speaker 1: people will get annoyed when they were like, I just 205 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,600 Speaker 1: want a good picture, I'm like, but I don't. I 206 00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,839 Speaker 1: don't want to begin this picture. I don't know how 207 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 1: to tell you this. I feel like a lot of 208 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 1: times I'll get so self conscious when people are taking pictures, 209 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 1: and I'll think, you know about everything every fall that 210 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 1: I see, and every time I've tried I mean, my 211 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:47,840 Speaker 1: sexy pictures are so when I say that, it just 212 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 1: means like I try to look sexy in my face. 213 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 1: But I have taken what I consider sexy cosplay photos. 214 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:58,320 Speaker 1: But I do like every time it never looks how 215 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 1: I think it's gonna look. And that makes me wonder 216 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:06,320 Speaker 1: if I'm trying to emulate something that doesn't work for me, because, 217 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,440 Speaker 1: like like you were saying, I think there's an authenticity 218 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 1: that works in photos, Like if if the photographer was like, oh, 219 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 1: I can see your goofy, and that's going to be 220 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: a better photo than like trying to force something that 221 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,679 Speaker 1: you don't feel or makes you uncomfortable. So I mean, 222 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: all that makes sense to me, and I think that 223 00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: you know, being photographed can be just a stressful experience anyway. 224 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 1: I hate it. I will be very conchy and just 225 00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 1: when something is pointing like a screen is pooring thing 226 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 1: towards me. A partner would just try to like take 227 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,080 Speaker 1: pictures in order to get a balance and just to 228 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 1: see the lighting, and I will scream out because I 229 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:52,200 Speaker 1: don't I don't want to have anything out there and 230 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,560 Speaker 1: God forbid, like even to the point that having a phone. 231 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,000 Speaker 1: So we talked about sex before we've talked about all 232 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,719 Speaker 1: of these things, and like having relationships with people, a 233 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:03,719 Speaker 1: long disiness relationships and what people would do. I'm like, 234 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 1: I would struggle. That wouldn't be a thing that I 235 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:09,120 Speaker 1: can do. Like I it's just there's no such picture 236 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,080 Speaker 1: of me out there. And of course maybe it's because 237 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,680 Speaker 1: I've heard all the horror stories, um, and I'm like, 238 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:16,760 Speaker 1: hell nah, but I don't feel sexy, so I don't 239 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:19,000 Speaker 1: feel like that's the way, you know, I would say, 240 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:21,720 Speaker 1: I think my sexiness is sending a picture, so that 241 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:25,080 Speaker 1: all of that is like ingrain. Of course, again, this 242 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,160 Speaker 1: is everything to do with self esteem more so than 243 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 1: anything else, and I completely admit that, but again it 244 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:36,520 Speaker 1: is also a self defense mechanism in order to get 245 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 1: past this and not even have to address it in general, 246 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 1: Like I just don't want that to be associated with me, 247 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 1: not because I think it's shameful, but more so that 248 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 1: I am ashamed of my self as being in that direction. 249 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 1: And and that's a whole bigger conversation that I'm taking 250 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 1: it to a darker place, I know, But there is 251 00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 1: a layered bit of there's so much to this that 252 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 1: has everything to do with what I see myself and 253 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:05,960 Speaker 1: what people have said of me, and so I can't 254 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: let that go, whether it's being thick or you know, 255 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:13,160 Speaker 1: any of those things. Being Asian even to me, had 256 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,360 Speaker 1: a whole different connotation of being uh, not as sexy, 257 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 1: not as glamorous, or being too sexy and completely sexualized. 258 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 1: And so it's kind of like both of those things, 259 00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:25,320 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't know what to do, So 260 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,400 Speaker 1: therefore I'm going to do this instead and be as 261 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:33,520 Speaker 1: ugly as I can be. But making a joke, right, Yeah, 262 00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,800 Speaker 1: now that again, that all makes perfect sense to me. 263 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 1: And you know, I meant, I meant for this to 264 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 1: be a light art one. It has, but there is 265 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 1: so much There is so much stuff like that, and 266 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: when you're talking about photography or or someone seeing this 267 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,600 Speaker 1: image of you, like you can't control how they consume 268 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,840 Speaker 1: it and what they attached to you. And a lot 269 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 1: of times that does have to do with how we've 270 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 1: been socialized, or cultural norms or the Patriot key or 271 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,800 Speaker 1: white supremacy all that stuff. You can't control that, and 272 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:11,560 Speaker 1: that especially for women in any marginalized intersection, marginalized people, 273 00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:16,080 Speaker 1: it can feel like it just puts more in your 274 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,800 Speaker 1: head than like taking a simple photo. It's another thing 275 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,240 Speaker 1: that you have all of these other considerations going on 276 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,760 Speaker 1: in your head, and it does I mean, what we've 277 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,840 Speaker 1: been talking about is you know, you're feeling this really 278 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,440 Speaker 1: self conscious and that kind of reminds me again of 279 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,760 Speaker 1: like when I step outside and I just immediately feel 280 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: like this weight of the male gaze. It's the kind 281 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 1: of the same thing of that feels like it's out 282 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:45,040 Speaker 1: of mind control, right, and honestly, in this world of 283 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 1: social media, and we talked about it a little before, 284 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: but typically any of this and we talked about with 285 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 1: the facial recognition as well, the type of technology that 286 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,640 Speaker 1: is used for our phones and for photography is for 287 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:03,000 Speaker 1: white people. And so if you've never had a really 288 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,640 Speaker 1: good photo based on because it doesn't pick up your pigment, 289 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:09,480 Speaker 1: or it doesn't do the justice that it needs to, 290 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,600 Speaker 1: or people don't take the effort to find the right lighting, 291 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,640 Speaker 1: you don't want that. You don't want that to be 292 00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: a thing. And then also having that standard culture, Like 293 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,800 Speaker 1: again we talked a little bit about how whiteness is 294 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:27,200 Speaker 1: so favored, especially in Korean cultures typically and you see 295 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 1: it with the pop stars and I'll um. And I 296 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,920 Speaker 1: love K pop, don't get me wrong, but they definitely 297 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 1: lean into the white skin and being idolizing that level 298 00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:41,440 Speaker 1: of pigment, and so therefore you don't love it as much. 299 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 1: Of course, I did grow up in the South where 300 00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,959 Speaker 1: the white women all wanted to be tan, and you know, 301 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,320 Speaker 1: did their microaggression towards me because I was automatically browner 302 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 1: than them no matter what. Um, And that was my 303 00:17:54,880 --> 00:17:57,679 Speaker 1: contribution of being worth of something is because I was 304 00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,600 Speaker 1: able to tan easily for the Southern women. It would 305 00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:03,880 Speaker 1: trying to say anybody, right, So I have, like, of course, 306 00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,120 Speaker 1: a different accnotation of it what I grew up with, 307 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 1: But there is this level of trying to fit into 308 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,199 Speaker 1: that narrative and then having this kind of juxtaposition of 309 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: being not so serious and something that's supposed to be fun, 310 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 1: but it's not created for fun for you or your culture, right, 311 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,840 Speaker 1: I'm taking it really into a dark path. I am 312 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 1: so sorry. This is flying people just kidding all we're 313 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 1: talking about. And that's why, like I said, Asterix aster Sastrix, 314 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 1: because nothing is you know, so simple, and and that's 315 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:41,880 Speaker 1: why I like I recommend, you know, go purposefully take 316 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: an ugly photo and do it with friends that you 317 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:48,680 Speaker 1: really trust. But yeah, I wouldn't share it. Like the internet, again, 318 00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:51,919 Speaker 1: you can't control who will take it. And you know, 319 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:56,400 Speaker 1: scarily enough now people can put can like photoshop things 320 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: and edit things and just always be aware of what 321 00:18:58,640 --> 00:19:01,439 Speaker 1: your post. I hate that we have to worry about that. 322 00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:04,680 Speaker 1: I don't want to sound like a fearmongerer, but we do. 323 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,120 Speaker 1: But yeah, it can be. It can be really fun 324 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:10,280 Speaker 1: and liberating to just kind of like let all that 325 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:14,480 Speaker 1: go for just a minute and take a really really 326 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:17,640 Speaker 1: see how ugly you can go. It was fun and 327 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,919 Speaker 1: again on the deeper note, for me, is about controlling 328 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,479 Speaker 1: the narrative and taking that whole power away from others 329 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,199 Speaker 1: and putting it to my own power. And I am 330 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:30,840 Speaker 1: a bit of a controlling person, so there that is 331 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:34,520 Speaker 1: I mean I am as well, and I really do 332 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,480 Speaker 1: think that makes sense. This would not be nearly as 333 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 1: fun if I hadn't had this idea, when I hadn't 334 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,040 Speaker 1: had friends who were like enjoyed it and thought it 335 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,880 Speaker 1: was funny and knew me and just for like, oh yeah, 336 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:52,159 Speaker 1: that's very almost like impressed what you can do. That 337 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,920 Speaker 1: being said, I do have a bunch and I'm gonna 338 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,720 Speaker 1: look through them. If I can find one, maybe I'll 339 00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 1: post one. I think we need to post some of ours, 340 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,119 Speaker 1: and then, listeners, we need you to those yours. I 341 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 1: love the good photos. Gimme yes, but only if you're 342 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:11,880 Speaker 1: comfortable with happy exactly exactly. People know though, they know 343 00:20:12,119 --> 00:20:17,160 Speaker 1: literally because I love myself. Here you go. Yes, Yes, 344 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 1: it's an act of low so listeners, you know. However, 345 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:24,520 Speaker 1: you want to get those to us if you feel 346 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:28,199 Speaker 1: comfortable you can. You can email us at Stephania mom 347 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:30,360 Speaker 1: Stuff at I heart media dot com. You can find 348 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:33,080 Speaker 1: us on Twitter and mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram 349 00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:35,119 Speaker 1: at stuff I've Never told you I thinks it's always 350 00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,800 Speaker 1: to our super producer, Christina, one of the best. Yes, 351 00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 1: and thanks to you for listening. Step Under told you 352 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:42,840 Speaker 1: his protection. To I Heeart Radio for more podcast on 353 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,159 Speaker 1: my heart Radio to be a Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, 354 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.