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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host.

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Speaker 2: And we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 3: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 3: the sponsors that keep the show a lot. I have

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Speaker 3: a tattoo of my female friend. My girlfriend hates it.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know you and Aphrodity were that tight.

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Speaker 3: For this post, I'll call my friend Julia. She'd passed

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Speaker 3: away five years ago. She was my first and best

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Speaker 3: friend growing up. Our families are close, so we've been

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Speaker 3: friends since we were babies. There were no romantic feelings ever,

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Speaker 3: just a best friend slash sister. By the way, this

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Speaker 3: comes from Throwaway, you'd stay and if you want to

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Speaker 3: swim me submit your own stories go to the r

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Speaker 3: slash Okay Storytime suburn it. So we were big fans

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Speaker 3: of punk pop punk alt emo music, specifically the band

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Speaker 3: called The Wonder Years, the last album she was alive

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Speaker 3: to hear was there no Closer to Heaven album? And

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Speaker 3: we both got were no saviors if we can't save

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Speaker 3: our brothers tattooed on us, which is a line set

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Speaker 3: on a couple songs throughout the album. She passed away

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Speaker 3: from a car accident. Saddest moment in my life was

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Speaker 3: hearing that news. I have a lot of tattoos on

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Speaker 3: both of my arms and back. I got her name

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Speaker 3: tattooed with a heart around it and a date. That

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Speaker 3: band has released two albums since Julia's death, and I

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Speaker 3: have gotten lyrics that I feel like she would like

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Speaker 3: the most tattooed. I've been dating my current girlfriend for

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Speaker 3: the last two years and it's been great. I love

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Speaker 3: her a lot. We really work as a couple. She

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Speaker 3: asked me why I have Julia with a heart tattooed

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Speaker 3: on me, and I understand why that would be off putting,

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Speaker 3: Like if she had Steve in a heart, I would

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Speaker 3: be curious as well. I told her about it and

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Speaker 3: she thought it was sweet. But over time I can

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Speaker 3: tell whenever I take my shirt off, she sees that

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Speaker 3: Julia tattoo and it irks her. Last week, The Wonder

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Speaker 3: Years released a new album and I got You're the

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Speaker 3: Reason I Won't Want the World and tattooed. She asked

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Speaker 3: me about it, and I told her about how I

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Speaker 3: have gotten a tattoo for every album they have released

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Speaker 3: since Julia's death. This got her really upset that I

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Speaker 3: am getting cute lyrics tattooed for another woman low key.

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Speaker 2: I feel like this gives off the same vibes as

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Speaker 2: if you like your first wife dies.

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Speaker 3: Yes, no, well absolutely, but even even less that because

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Speaker 3: they weren't even romantically involved or into each other like

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Speaker 3: this is basically his sister. I told her that she

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Speaker 3: was just my friend, but she's upset. The other lyric

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Speaker 3: I have from the album before this is from the

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Speaker 3: ground we look like Lightning. She seemed really put off

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Speaker 3: by this, and I don't know how to explain. Anytime

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Speaker 3: I tell her about how deep our friendship was, she

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Speaker 3: gets more upset. I want to mend this problem, but

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Speaker 3: it also has me worried about our future relationship. Now

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Speaker 3: is this going to be a deal breaker in the future.

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Speaker 3: Julia was my best friend and it was never romantic.

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Speaker 3: She would make handcrafted necklaces and jewelry and I have

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Speaker 3: one of them hanging from my mirror in my car,

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Speaker 3: and I don't think that's weird. My girlfriend is very

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Speaker 3: understanding usually, so her reacting this way is new to me.

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Speaker 3: It's making me wonder if doing this is a bad thing,

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Speaker 3: and there isn't at it actually stored at it. I

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Speaker 3: have a lot of tattoos and tattoos for other friends

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Speaker 3: that passed away as well, and just general tattoos. My

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Speaker 3: back and arms are covered at it too. I have

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Speaker 3: a similar tattoo tradition with a male friend that overdosed

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Speaker 3: in high school and it is an update.

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Speaker 2: So he does it for everyone. This is sort of

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Speaker 2: his way to honor the deck. Oh yes, that made

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Speaker 2: me feel okay. Yeah, this is like if you passed

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Speaker 2: away and I decided to get ah some tofu on

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Speaker 2: my leg.

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Speaker 3: So it's like, ah, Sophia, think of that tofu tofu

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Speaker 3: on mondays just for Sophia.

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Speaker 2: Nice, you know that that makes sense. But if it's

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Speaker 2: like I have a shrine of you in my room

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Speaker 2: after you pass, like he's that crossing the line.

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Speaker 3: I think there are ways that you can kind of

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Speaker 3: not go overboard, but that you can be lost within

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Speaker 3: grief where you're not over that person and it's like

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Speaker 3: an unhealthy amount. Like you know, we see stories where

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Speaker 3: a person is not over their partner and they shouldn't

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Speaker 3: be in a relationship because they aren't over that loss.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that's it for OPI at all. I

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Speaker 3: think he has you know, he's trying to honor this

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Speaker 3: person in a way he does for all of the

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Speaker 3: people in his life that he's lost. Even if it

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Speaker 3: wasn't all of the people, if it was just her,

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Speaker 3: I think that would still be fine. But there is

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Speaker 3: an update. I know this sub doesn't like people post

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Speaker 3: and updates. Yanda, YadA, YadA. I want to clear up

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Speaker 3: a misconception. I am not a constantly mournful person that

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Speaker 3: thinks about passed away friends and self harm all the time.

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Speaker 3: The Wonder Years do make music that is mainly about

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Speaker 3: losing friends, but it is cathartic. I have tattoos for Julia,

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Speaker 3: passed away family members, and my other close friend that

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Speaker 3: passed in high school. But I'm not just living in

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Speaker 3: the past all the time. I get a tattoo when

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Speaker 3: the Wonder Years drops an album, which isn't often since

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Speaker 3: you're passing. They have two albums and they've been making

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Speaker 3: music since I was like thirteen. They even said this

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Speaker 3: could be the last album. I don't have a body

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Speaker 3: full of lyrics. I have my male friend who passed

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Speaker 3: tattooed on me with his name and a heart as well.

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Speaker 3: I have a similar lyric tradition with him, but a

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Speaker 3: different band. My girlfriend is a very understanding person and

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Speaker 3: great I love her to death, and this isn't how

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Speaker 3: she usually reacts to things. My friends and these tattoos

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Speaker 3: are very important to me. I got my first The

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Speaker 3: Wonder Years tattoo with Julia in twenty fifteen when we

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Speaker 3: had just graduated high school. We both got we're no savior.

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Speaker 3: We're no saviors if we can't save our brothers, So

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Speaker 3: getting a new tattoo whenever they drop is important to me.

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Speaker 3: I was going to stand my ground on that. Julia

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Speaker 3: was my best friend and sister. Our families are close

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Speaker 3: even to this day. I go to her parents' house

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Speaker 3: and go to their family events frequently, and I am

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Speaker 3: like a son. We were literally in the crib together

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Speaker 3: as babies. There was no romance. My girlfriend told me

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Speaker 3: that she had been cheated on or didn't know information

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Speaker 3: in past relationships, so this was a sore spot for her.

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Speaker 3: You can't be cheated on with the person who's not alive.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't make like she's like, oh, I've I've had

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Speaker 3: experiences where I've changed on, but like.

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Speaker 2: I just really have a messed up thing in my

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Speaker 2: head where like there is a way, uh, but yeah,

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Speaker 2: I know, there's like she passed before you guys got together.

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Speaker 2: He's not honoring her.

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Speaker 1: He literally cannot cheat on you.

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Speaker 3: With this person. Yeah, so she didn't really know about Julia.

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Speaker 3: She knew I had lost friends, but I don't live

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Speaker 3: in the past and talk about people who passed away

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Speaker 3: all the time. My back and arms are full of tattoos,

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Speaker 3: and I have a bunch on my chest too, So

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Speaker 3: I haven't told her the meeting behind every tattoo. She noticed,

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Speaker 3: I got the you're the reason I don't want the

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Speaker 3: world to end newly tattooed and asked me about this,

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Speaker 3: and that started that. I think that if I had

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Speaker 3: told her earlier on about my tattooed tradition with lyrics,

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Speaker 3: she would have understood. But just that tattoo for another

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Speaker 3: woman with noxt I completely get why she was upset.

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Speaker 3: I told her that I understand now it looks, but

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Speaker 3: Julia was my best friend. I see comments about her

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Speaker 3: being in competition to me, that's like if I had

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Speaker 3: a sister and someone said that my girlfriend was in

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Speaker 3: competition with my sister. Just sounds effing weird to me.

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Speaker 3: So many offensive Lol. You walk around with a passway

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Speaker 3: girl on your arm when in the post I talked

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Speaker 3: about how I have the same tradition with a male friend,

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Speaker 3: but that isn't considered weird. It's crazy that male and

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Speaker 3: female friendships are not seen as equal. If she was

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Speaker 3: a passed away male friend that was memorialized with tattoos

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Speaker 3: or in her own way, I wouldn't care. But I'm

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Speaker 3: biased because I've lost many friends. When my good friend

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Speaker 3: passed in high school, Julia got his name in a

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Speaker 3: heart tattooed on her as well. Anyway, I've been talking

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Speaker 3: to her and telling her that I understand how she feels,

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Speaker 3: but this is something I have to stand my ground on.

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Speaker 3: Tattoos are just a thing I get to. When I

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Speaker 3: got my first car, someone broke into my car once

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Speaker 3: and stole the bare change I had in my center console,

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Speaker 3: and I got.

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Speaker 1: A tattoo of a broken window. It's just fun to me.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, like some people, some people use tattoos

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Speaker 3: as kind of a like their body is a canvas,

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Speaker 3: and yeah, like it's very common to get something like

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Speaker 3: It doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful, but sometimes it is.

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Speaker 3: You know, It's it's creative expression. And for someone to

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Speaker 3: say you can't do that, or you have limits to

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Speaker 3: what you can do, especially when they're as ridiculous is

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Speaker 3: saying you can't like put your you know, you can't

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Speaker 3: like have a memorial for your friends.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like he has on the same page. You might not.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I think that maybe she's not understanding fully, Like maybe

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Speaker 3: he hasn't explained to him, explained to his girlfriend what

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Speaker 3: their tradition is, So maybe we start there. My girlfriend

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Speaker 3: called me like an hour ago and told me that

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Speaker 3: she listened to the Landis album from The Wonder Years

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Speaker 3: and that it made her cry completely Okay, so she's

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Speaker 3: taken some interest. She also listened to the songs from

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Speaker 3: previous albums that I have tattooed on me. She just

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Speaker 3: told me, I get it. The few fans of The

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Speaker 3: Wonder Years that found my post got it. If you've

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Speaker 3: listened to the band, they have so so very few

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Speaker 3: romantic songs. Most of their songs are about friends passing

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Speaker 3: away or just being anxious about the future and bad

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Speaker 3: things happening. My favorite line from them is you start

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Speaker 3: remembering the anniversaries of bad things. My girlfriend is not

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Speaker 3: into emo and alt culture, but she listened to the

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Speaker 3: album that they just put out. She said after one

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Speaker 3: song she was crying and that what she heard the

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Speaker 3: context of You're the reason I don't want the world,

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Speaker 3: and she realized how unromantic it is and how it

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Speaker 3: makes sense. She was at work and on break, but

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Speaker 3: we spent time talking about things I don't talk about.

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Speaker 3: I you know what, really quick, I think we're going

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Speaker 3: in a great direction. I do think he just didn't

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Speaker 3: explain well. I think he just like she was totally

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Speaker 3: under a misconception of what these tattoos meant and who

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Speaker 3: they were four And I feel like now he's finally

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Speaker 3: actually explaining them. I told her about Julia and some

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Speaker 3: other dark experiences and other losses I've had growing up.

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Speaker 3: We have a good and healthy relationship. This experience taught

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Speaker 3: me that it's better if I was more open to

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Speaker 3: the people close to me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it probably would.

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Speaker 3: I mean, like, obviously, talking about loss is hard, but

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Speaker 3: I probably would have avoided a lot of these or

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Speaker 3: this whole situation if she knew more about Julia. This

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Speaker 3: wouldn't have been a problem. From her perspective. It's just

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Speaker 3: an old friend that passed that I have a tattoo

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Speaker 3: in a heart. But when I explained it more, she understood.

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Speaker 3: So that is my fault for not explaining Julia well

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Speaker 3: to her. When she asked early on in the relationship,

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Speaker 3: I just said my best friend that passed away. I guess,

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Speaker 3: in avoiding trying to be the downer guy, I left

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Speaker 3: a lot up to her own interpretation. So she did ask,

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Speaker 3: and he just didn't really go into it. I also

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00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,520
Speaker 3: explained to her my other tattoos for my other friend

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Speaker 3: with lyrics, and he is one I hardly talk about.

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Speaker 3: Julia was like my sister and her life was suddenly

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Speaker 3: cut off, so it's nice to talk about the past

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Speaker 3: with my friend that passed. He struggled with sobriety since

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Speaker 3: like age ten, oof in and out of reabs and

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00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,480
Speaker 3: would be found passed out somewhere miles from home. His

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00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:18,000
Speaker 3: life was hard, so I rarely ever talked about him.

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Speaker 3: He was the friend you always knew would pass away someday.

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Speaker 3: But it opened up dialogue and she's more understanding now.

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00:11:24,880 --> 00:11:28,120
Speaker 3: I explain the LGFU a d let's get fed up

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Speaker 3: and pass away. The future freaks me out, and I

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00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,280
Speaker 3: like the universe tattoos too that I have in his.

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Speaker 1: Memory as well.

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Speaker 3: Things are better, we are already we were already close.

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Speaker 3: But it feels like this was something that needed to

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Speaker 3: happen someday. Anyway, I don't appreciate the comments calling my

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Speaker 3: girlfriend harsh names. A lot of comments also seemed very insensitive.

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Speaker 3: From childhood to now, I probably have lost half of

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Speaker 3: my friends from substance abuse, accidents, self harm, and I

241
00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:01,440
Speaker 3: don't have all of them tattooed. A lot of replies

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00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:04,480
Speaker 3: felt like, yeah, you've got dramatic loss, but Luel removed

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Speaker 3: the tattoos.

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Speaker 2: Who cares? Whatever you post on Reddit post and you

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Speaker 2: just skim through the losers and you talk and you

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Speaker 2: look at the insightful ones.

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Speaker 1: Yes, exactly. It's a little bit left to the story.

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Speaker 2: How do you have a girlfriend and not have deep

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Speaker 2: conversations with him about these things?

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,480
Speaker 2: That just seems to be like something you'd bring up.

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Speaker 3: I think he is very like guarded about these emotions

253
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Speaker 3: and stuff, and I think, yeah, I think that's like

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Speaker 3: something that he needs to go to therapy for. I

255
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:39,120
Speaker 3: think she probably needs to go to therapy for trauma

256
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Speaker 3: from like cheating and stuff, cheating on you and not

257
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Speaker 3: saying it's like super you know, like a super huge

258
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Speaker 3: problem because it does seem like they solved it with communication.

259
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:49,760
Speaker 3: But I think both of them probably would benefit from

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Speaker 3: some therapy. Things are better, and I think this experience

261
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:56,080
Speaker 3: is overall good for our relationship. I feel more open

262
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Speaker 3: than I have ever been. I always received a lot

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Speaker 3: of doubt that the one years do not make only

264
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Speaker 3: traumatic songs, and then I must be over exaggerating. This

265
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,160
Speaker 3: song best describes the content of like seventy percent of

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Speaker 3: their music.

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Speaker 2: This is all an ad for music for another u

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Speaker 2: T video.

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Speaker 3: Edits Also, the lyric tattoos are based on lyrics they

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Speaker 3: liked slash I thought they'd like the most, not what

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Speaker 3: makes me think of them the most.

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Speaker 1: I'm not getting Let's get fed up and die going

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Speaker 1: like this was our friendship.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I uncovered my wife's previous conversations. She's admitting she

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Speaker 2: hasn't attracted to me.

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Speaker 1: This is law and order attractive.

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Speaker 2: I've been background me and my wife. We are not married.

278
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Speaker 2: I just don't like to call her my partner or girlfriend.

279
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:43,960
Speaker 2: Are both in our late thirties. We've been together for

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Speaker 2: ten years and have two year old, and my partner

281
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Speaker 2: is currently pregnant with another boy, so they're practically married.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from negotiation okay fifty two

284
00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:54,840
Speaker 2: and a few in us to be your own stories.

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Speaker 2: What you are saw show okay story, So I'm s

286
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,320
Speaker 2: so I wrote it. So for the most part, our

287
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:01,600
Speaker 2: relationship has been great. We'vet her ups and we've had

288
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,200
Speaker 2: her downs, just like most couples, but we are mostly

289
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:08,000
Speaker 2: good friends and great partners in life. However, there has

290
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:11,720
Speaker 2: always been a thing in our relationship in the past

291
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:16,160
Speaker 2: last couple of months have been bothering me our spicy

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00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:22,720
Speaker 2: sleep lot. In the first years, everything was fine. I

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00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:26,640
Speaker 2: would say we were huge spicy related couple. But we

294
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,120
Speaker 2: did it a few times. But we did it a

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00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:31,440
Speaker 2: few times a week and it was fine. Year three

296
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,280
Speaker 2: in our relationship, we were living together for a while

297
00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:39,720
Speaker 2: and we started to get and we started to get pregnant. Unfortunately,

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00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:43,600
Speaker 2: we weren't having much success, so we went to the doctors.

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00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:47,600
Speaker 2: The next year's our spicy sleep life change. It almost

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00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,760
Speaker 2: became something mechanical. We had to do it at specific

301
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,920
Speaker 2: times in a specific way, test tests and more tests.

302
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,760
Speaker 2: Month after month of disappointment, and to be honest, it

303
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,880
Speaker 2: was no longer fun. We then did two cycles of

304
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:05,880
Speaker 2: IVF in biltrow in vitro in vitro, which were not successful.

305
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,720
Speaker 2: At this time, I would say we had spicy sleep

306
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,000
Speaker 2: once or twice a month. Luckily, we eventually got pregnant

307
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:16,000
Speaker 2: naturally and we were both over the moon. But there

308
00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,560
Speaker 2: was a lot of stress and we had lost a

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00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:21,600
Speaker 2: girl before, so during this time I didn't bush too

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Speaker 2: much on our spicy sleep life, and I believe we

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00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,640
Speaker 2: only had spicy sleep a couple of times. When our

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00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:30,000
Speaker 2: baby was born. Well, most of you know how newborns are,

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00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,520
Speaker 2: so in between work, stressed, sleepless nights, and well opportunity,

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Speaker 2: we didn't have any spicy sleep for the first year

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00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,360
Speaker 2: of the kid. After that we started having spicy sleep again,

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00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,920
Speaker 2: but I always felt that it was mostly a duty

317
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,560
Speaker 2: for my wife. I always had to slowly seduce her

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00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:51,040
Speaker 2: for one to two weeks until she eventually was in the.

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00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:56,880
Speaker 1: Mood day two weeks. It's a long long time to

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00:15:57,720 --> 00:16:00,520
Speaker 1: begin the seduction process again.

321
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,720
Speaker 2: Luckily, we got pregnant a few months ago, and again

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00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:07,600
Speaker 2: our spicy sleep life stopped. A couple of times I

323
00:16:07,640 --> 00:16:11,080
Speaker 2: tried to initiate, the wife was always not in the

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00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:15,120
Speaker 2: mood or tired or too much pregnant. As I want

325
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,760
Speaker 2: to not be the a hole, kind of backed off,

326
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:21,640
Speaker 2: stop trying. Everything was fine. I kind of have accepted.

327
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,560
Speaker 2: For the next month, spicy sleep was off. But last

328
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:30,040
Speaker 2: month something happened that has made me rethink everything. My

329
00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 2: son still wakes up a lot during the night, and

330
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:36,080
Speaker 2: most nights my wife goes to sleep with him, almost

331
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,440
Speaker 2: always on the clock. At five am, the kid wakes

332
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,440
Speaker 2: up for good and wants to go play and watch

333
00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 2: some cartoons. I usually go with him while my wife sleeps.

334
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,520
Speaker 2: A couple of hours before Christmas, I gave my wife

335
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:50,160
Speaker 2: a new phone and his old one because the phone

336
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:54,280
Speaker 2: the kid watched for cartoons. I know we shouldn't, And

337
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 2: one early morning I grabbed the phone, open Google and

338
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,240
Speaker 2: on the main page there were a peer there is

339
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:06,240
Speaker 2: the recent visited site. There appears recent visited sites, and

340
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:10,639
Speaker 2: one site was on corn I know it wasn't me,

341
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,359
Speaker 2: shock well my kid. I knew it was my wife,

342
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,760
Speaker 2: probably on her new phone because it still has her

343
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:19,959
Speaker 2: Google account linked on the old phone, so it sinks.

344
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,359
Speaker 2: To be honest, I just laughed a bit, deleted the

345
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:27,439
Speaker 2: site from recent history, and business goes as usual, I

346
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:30,399
Speaker 2: didn't think too much of it. Maybe some friend of

347
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,880
Speaker 2: her had some specific video, or better, maybe she got

348
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,720
Speaker 2: horny and didn't want to bother me. A couple of

349
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:42,400
Speaker 2: days later, same thing happened, and this time, well, curiosity

350
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,159
Speaker 2: took the best of me, so I checked her browser history.

351
00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:49,080
Speaker 2: Found out she was basically watching Corn two or three

352
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:52,000
Speaker 2: times a week after I went to bed early. I

353
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,120
Speaker 2: was mad, but a bit disappointed, but still I try

354
00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,679
Speaker 2: to put myself in her shoes. Maybe she isn't feeling

355
00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 2: spicy or doesn't have the energy for spicy sleep and

356
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:06,320
Speaker 2: relieves herself with Corn. I didn't say anything, but for

357
00:18:06,480 --> 00:18:09,880
Speaker 2: the next thing that was always on my mind, I've

358
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 2: gained some weight. Maybe she wasn't attracted to me anymore.

359
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,000
Speaker 2: And I did a thing that I'm very ashamed of.

360
00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:18,880
Speaker 2: Because her account was still linked to that phone, her

361
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:22,600
Speaker 2: social networks were as well, so I went into a

362
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,359
Speaker 2: rabbit hole. My worst fear was that she was having

363
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:30,119
Speaker 2: an affair, but I think she isn't, as there is

364
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:33,560
Speaker 2: no recent chats or messages from any recent guy.

365
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,400
Speaker 1: Uh oh, we're going in a great direction.

366
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:42,159
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, So I feel like sort of a

367
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:47,440
Speaker 2: conversation at this point, out of curiosity, searched my name.

368
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 2: As expected, A lot of results appeared, but one message

369
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:55,159
Speaker 2: kind of stood out to me. It was basically, Ope,

370
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 2: it's kind of ugly, but I like them oo. I

371
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:02,200
Speaker 2: opened it and it was a chat with a girlfriend

372
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,800
Speaker 2: from ten years ago. We met each other and we're

373
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 2: still friends.

374
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,960
Speaker 1: Like super tough to hear you still, I don't think

375
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:11,400
Speaker 1: it's yeah.

376
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,880
Speaker 3: I don't think it's like the This was ten years ago,

377
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,639
Speaker 3: probably when she first started seeing you.

378
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 1: I don't think that's like the smoking pew pew.

379
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:21,440
Speaker 2: You know, it's happened ten years ago. I read a

380
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,399
Speaker 2: few more messages, and it was like the one two bag.

381
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:27,320
Speaker 2: She was basically telling her friend that I was ugly

382
00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:29,240
Speaker 2: and that I didn't have a good of a body

383
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:31,920
Speaker 2: as the other guy, but I was a nice guy.

384
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 2: I searched who the other guy was and I discovered

385
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 2: it was a guy she was with for a few

386
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,640
Speaker 2: months before me, and that before him, she was with

387
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 2: her official ex. When we started our relationship. He told

388
00:19:46,840 --> 00:19:49,440
Speaker 2: me that she was single for two years. Now. I

389
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,679
Speaker 2: discovered that in the twelve months before me, she was

390
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,600
Speaker 2: with at least two guys. I took the chats with

391
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 2: Uri and her ex and found out they were still

392
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:02,800
Speaker 2: talking for the first two three years of our relationship.

393
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,240
Speaker 2: I checked the chats with my girlfriend and her ex,

394
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,679
Speaker 2: found out they were still talking for the first two

395
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,680
Speaker 2: or three years of our relationship.

396
00:20:10,920 --> 00:20:11,320
Speaker 1: Not good.

397
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 2: To be honest, conversations were not that interesting. But maybe

398
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 2: it's in my head. But I kind of kind of

399
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 2: the hint of flirting here and there. Another thing that

400
00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 2: bothers me is that reading a bit of the chat

401
00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:31,359
Speaker 2: with that girlfriend, she looks more spicy related than she

402
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,400
Speaker 2: is in our ten years. She talks all the marathons

403
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:40,160
Speaker 2: she does and the position she tries even but something

404
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,320
Speaker 2: she told me was off limits. Maybe it's girl talk.

405
00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 2: I don't know. With all this, my self esteem plummeted,

406
00:20:47,320 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 2: feel ugly attractive, betrayed to be honest, used to be honest.

407
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,200
Speaker 2: These last few year weeks, I've tried to be alone

408
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,880
Speaker 2: as much as possible. I've been staying late at work,

409
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 2: I've woke up more in the middle of the night

410
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 2: and moved to the sofa. I really don't know what

411
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:05,199
Speaker 2: I'm going to do. The only good part of this

412
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 2: that I've kind of felt a nerge to get back

413
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,919
Speaker 2: in shape. And hitting the gym more often. Thanks a

414
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 2: lot for taking the time to read. What do you

415
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,280
Speaker 2: do in the situation? Dude? We got an update?

416
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:16,919
Speaker 1: Talk to your partner.

417
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:20,840
Speaker 3: Yes, you found out that they like had probably lied

418
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,919
Speaker 3: to you about you know, the fact that they had

419
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:25,720
Speaker 3: been in a relationship more recently.

420
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 4: Yeah.

421
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 3: Uh, you found out that their spicy kind of ality

422
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 3: has changed over the course of ten years, which is

423
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:39,640
Speaker 3: pretty normal. And also she had two children. Obviously there

424
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 3: are a lot of secrets that she's you know, maybe

425
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,840
Speaker 3: keeping from you, and you ever right to be hurt.

426
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 1: But why are we talking?

427
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're married, Well you're not married to her, but

428
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 3: you know you've been in a relationship with her for

429
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:50,879
Speaker 3: ten years and you have kids.

430
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 1: Talk to her.

431
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 2: Okay, update the day I did the post. The day after,

432
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:59,800
Speaker 2: it's probably extra down, and my partner noticed it, kept

433
00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:03,480
Speaker 2: asking me what was wrong. At night, after our boy

434
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,960
Speaker 2: went to sleep, she asked again, and I could no

435
00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 2: longer hold it in. I told her what I did

436
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 2: and what I found. It wasn't pretty. She started crying

437
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 2: and basically yelling at me about how I'm going through

438
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,679
Speaker 2: her phone, which I understand. She never talked about what

439
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 2: I found, just about how mad and disappointed she was

440
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,919
Speaker 2: with me. Since she's pregnant and she was getting stressed

441
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 2: and nervous, I didn't push too much. She went to

442
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: bed afterwards and I stayed in the couch the next

443
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,040
Speaker 2: twenty four hours. She didn't talk much to me the

444
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 2: next day, and again at night. I pushed the subject again.

445
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 2: I told her we should talk. She agreed, she told me.

446
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,439
Speaker 2: I assuming that her mind would be comforting, but it

447
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,800
Speaker 2: was far from it. Long story short, She basically told

448
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 2: me that she when she broke up with her longtime

449
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,360
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend of about three years before we met, which

450
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,919
Speaker 2: I kind of knew, she felt free and decided to

451
00:22:55,920 --> 00:22:59,640
Speaker 2: explore the world. Therefore, she had several relationships and short

452
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:03,879
Speaker 2: romance answers with other guys, but she knew how society

453
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 2: saw that and decided not to tell me about it.

454
00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:09,040
Speaker 2: She then told me that after she broke up with

455
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,360
Speaker 2: the last guy I read the messages about, she decided

456
00:23:12,440 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 2: she was done with playing around decided to settle down.

457
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,560
Speaker 2: I asked her if I was that just the guy

458
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 2: she was settling with. She answered that I was much

459
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 2: better than those guys because I had my life on track.

460
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 2: I had goals I was financially secure.

461
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:32,440
Speaker 1: Oh, I don't think that's like a bad thing. I

462
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 1: think those are all like she's saying, like she.

463
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:39,000
Speaker 3: Was with people who were like really fun maybe but

464
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 3: not at all serious and weren't ready for like a

465
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:43,840
Speaker 3: committed relationships, and she wanted someone who was ready for

466
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 3: a committed relationship.

467
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: I don't think that's necessarily about it.

468
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 2: I just didn't read the part you were handsome, you're

469
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 2: so good looking. You're like, yeah, that's not what I saw.

470
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 2: That's why I was like, Yo, Yeah, couldn't like I

471
00:23:55,359 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 2: got money, not because I look good.

472
00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that sucks to hear.

473
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:05,399
Speaker 2: I pushed a little farther, asked her I was not

474
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 2: stable she had ever had anything to do with me?

475
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 2: She answered she probably wouldn't, but I.

476
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:17,359
Speaker 3: Don't know that feels again, I totally understand. Oh, I

477
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 3: totally understand of Op is like again, like, I understand

478
00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:22,639
Speaker 3: why Op is upset about this, and I think he

479
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,159
Speaker 3: is right too. But I think that a lot of

480
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,479
Speaker 3: people go for people who are like financially stable, Like

481
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 3: I probably would not go for a person who had

482
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:34,680
Speaker 3: like tons of debt and was like hot, not going Yeah,

483
00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:36,359
Speaker 3: I probably wouldn't go for a person who was just

484
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,800
Speaker 3: hot but like a mess.

485
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 1: I don't think I would go for a person who was.

486
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:46,439
Speaker 2: A mess but hot, like doctor who hot? Which doctor

487
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 2: the one you're thinking about? She again started to cry

488
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 2: and confess that although she loves me, who was never

489
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,400
Speaker 2: physically attracted to me like she was with the other men.

490
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,880
Speaker 2: After all the problems we had trying to have children,

491
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:08,520
Speaker 2: she now saw that spicy sleep is more like a tax,

492
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,160
Speaker 2: like a task, than a pusure.

493
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:13,640
Speaker 3: Okay, well yeah, so then now we're at the point

494
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,400
Speaker 3: where she doesn't actually she's not really like, it doesn't

495
00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 3: seem like she's romantically attracted to you. I think that

496
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 3: her love is like, you know, more of a roommate

497
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:27,439
Speaker 3: friendship co parent situation, and at that point, it's.

498
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:28,199
Speaker 1: Like, why are we together?

499
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:31,639
Speaker 2: At this point, I was passing away inside, but I

500
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 2: kept a straight face. She asked me to go sleep

501
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 2: with her, but I told her I needed some time

502
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 2: to process, and I stayed on the sofa. Again. I

503
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,000
Speaker 2: didn't sleep at all during the night. I think I've

504
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 2: accepted that I'm the person I fell in love with

505
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 2: is just an illusion.

506
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 1: Oh yeah.

507
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 2: The next morning I went to work but was able

508
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 2: to make an apartment with my family lawyer. I was

509
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 2: honest with them and told him that I still was

510
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,320
Speaker 2: unsure what to do, but I needed to know financially

511
00:25:58,680 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 2: what were my options and responsibilities. He told me, by

512
00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 2: a default or country laws assigned fifty to fifty co

513
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 2: parenting unless there were some violence or parent agreement otherwise,

514
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:12,359
Speaker 2: and that if both parents are working, there was no

515
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 2: payments to be done to each other for the new

516
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 2: boy in the court would probably mandate that the baby

517
00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 2: must stay with the mother in the first months, but

518
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,360
Speaker 2: the father must have visiting time, and after the first

519
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 2: six months fifty to fifty co parenting regardless of the finances.

520
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 2: Since we both kept most of our bank accounts and

521
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:34,120
Speaker 2: assets separated, we wouldn't need to split. We would only

522
00:26:34,160 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 2: need to split the house and the cars if the

523
00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:39,320
Speaker 2: one didn't get an agreement on one buying the other.

524
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 2: Part Here I would lose since most were paid by me,

525
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 2: but we would need to split fifty to fifty. I

526
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 2: stayed working late that day, slapped on the sofa again,

527
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,680
Speaker 2: and the next day, before leaving for work, I told

528
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 2: my partner that I needed some time. I would be

529
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 2: staying a couple of days at a hotel. During this time,

530
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 2: my partner kept calling and sending me messages, but I

531
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 2: just told her we would talk in a few days.

532
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 2: To be honest, I just need some time alone to

533
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:10,720
Speaker 2: get wasted and sleep. When I got back home a

534
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:13,520
Speaker 2: few days later, we talked again. I told her that

535
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 2: I knew what I did was wrong, and that I

536
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:17,919
Speaker 2: have no problem with her having a bit of a

537
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 2: fun phase, but that I was really hurt about she

538
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:26,760
Speaker 2: not getting attracted to me just being a stable guy. Ugh,

539
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:32,160
Speaker 2: she just used me for my big check my big paychecks.

540
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 3: I don't even know if it's like necessarily op he's

541
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 3: got like a bunch of money. I think it's just

542
00:27:37,359 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 3: she had this idea, probably of a person who wanted

543
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:42,200
Speaker 3: to have his life together or had his life together,

544
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:45,359
Speaker 3: which doesn't necessarily mean that he is a bunch of money.

545
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: It just means that probably has a good credit score,

546
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 1: is you.

547
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:52,920
Speaker 3: Know, ready to commit to someone wants to have kids?

548
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,159
Speaker 3: Like she's placed all of this stuff on him, But

549
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,159
Speaker 3: that does not mean that it's not gonna be like

550
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:03,400
Speaker 3: totally disrespectful for him to find out that she never

551
00:28:03,600 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 3: like was attracted to him. Like, you don't get to

552
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:11,360
Speaker 3: just like take whatever you want from a partner, yeah,

553
00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:14,719
Speaker 3: and be like deceptive, you know, you know, like, yeah,

554
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:15,560
Speaker 3: it's not okay.

555
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,960
Speaker 2: I also told her that I still hadn't our story,

556
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: that I still hadn't decided what to do, but for

557
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,160
Speaker 2: the time being, I couldn't see her as my loving

558
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 2: partner anymore. But if she was okay with it, we

559
00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 2: can start counseling and see where things go in the future.

560
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,359
Speaker 2: So this is our current situation. We had been in

561
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:37,240
Speaker 2: two sessions now and to be honest, they haven't helped much,

562
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 2: but we will continue. Do you think they just leave abandonedship?

563
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 3: I honestly, well, Jem says, how about counseling. I think

564
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 3: in general counseling is good if your parents, you know,

565
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 3: so you can be co parents and stuff. However, I

566
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 3: don't think that you can fix this because she's never

567
00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 3: loved him, she's never been attracted to him. I don't

568
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 3: think that's something that you can generate if it never existed.

569
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 3: It's not like it like left because of the kids

570
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 3: coming or you know, changes in financial like that. It's

571
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 3: not something that they hit hard times and then it

572
00:29:11,080 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 3: went away and they could bring it back.

573
00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 1: It never existed.

574
00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:17,400
Speaker 2: Last little bit here. My partner have tried to be

575
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 2: more affectionate and tried a few times to have spicy sleep,

576
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:23,160
Speaker 2: but I decline and hold her. I was not ready

577
00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:23,440
Speaker 2: for it.

578
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: Yeah.

579
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 2: I've also started to spend more time away from home,

580
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,520
Speaker 2: spending more time in the gym, having fun with my boy,

581
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,400
Speaker 2: going to dinner with friends and colleagues. I still love

582
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 2: my partner, but I can't look her to the same

583
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,680
Speaker 2: our newborn as June for early April. I know this

584
00:29:36,720 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 2: will be a big test for our relationship, but to

585
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 2: be completely honest, at the moment, I'm kind of accepting

586
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 2: we're done. Do you guys have any advice on how

587
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 2: to move forward? Thanks for everyone and your kind words.

588
00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 3: Tattoo Manius says, I disagree she doesn't have to be

589
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,040
Speaker 3: attracted him to love him. I agree with that, and

590
00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 3: I think she did say she loves him. However, ohp

591
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 3: he wants something else. He wants physical attraction.

592
00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 1: And that's okay.

593
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:07,240
Speaker 3: That's what she kind of insinuated that she, you know,

594
00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:10,960
Speaker 3: had for him, And he's been kind of deceived and

595
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 3: lied to for ten years, and it's totally okay for

596
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 3: him to want to feel wanted in that way, and

597
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,040
Speaker 3: if she's lied about that and then it comes out

598
00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:23,440
Speaker 3: that she's never actually felt that way, then it's okay

599
00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 3: for him to leave. Because I think that people have

600
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:29,520
Speaker 3: different relationships, of course, and like some people who are

601
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,800
Speaker 3: like a romantic race sexual still have a lot of

602
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 3: love for their partner, but there is no physical side

603
00:30:34,240 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 3: to it. But this is not that's not what this was.

604
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 3: This was they went into an agreement, into a relationship

605
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:44,520
Speaker 3: where he thought that she loved him, was physically attracted

606
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,680
Speaker 3: to him, romantically into him, and that was not the case.

607
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 1: Heye, Sam, your og host.

608
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 3: Here, we're gonna get back to the stories, but here's

609
00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 3: three minutes of ads from our sponsors. My friend is

610
00:30:54,640 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 3: having a baby at the same time as me, and

611
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 3: I hate.

612
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: A topy cat. Oh my god God.

613
00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,680
Speaker 3: I feel like a terrible person for feeling that way.

614
00:31:03,840 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 3: I hate everything about it and it makes me a

615
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 3: very bad friend. By the way, this comes from Throway

616
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 3: five three two seven zero, and if you want to

617
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 3: spend your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

618
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 3: storytime suvered it. So here is some context. My friend

619
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,040
Speaker 3: and I always had the same interest in many things.

620
00:31:21,280 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 3: He also always has a financial situation better than mine

621
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 3: and loves to have nice things. This creates situations where

622
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 3: whenever I have something, he has the better one. Like,

623
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,280
Speaker 3: for example, I just bought a good computer. A couple

624
00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 3: months later, he shows up with a better one. A

625
00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:38,840
Speaker 3: nice great camera with a nice lens. He'll get the

626
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 3: new or more advanced one. Anything i'll have, he'll have

627
00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 3: it too, but just better. I don't want to believe

628
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 3: he does it on purpose. We just have the same

629
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 3: interests and he has more money, so it does just

630
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 3: make sense.

631
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 1: Anyway.

632
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 3: This became a running joke between my wife and I

633
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,760
Speaker 3: for a long time. I was having a successful relationship

634
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 3: with my with my hr and he was struggling to

635
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 3: keep a girl friend. So when he finally found the

636
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 3: one ten months ago, we joked about it because she

637
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 3: was a single mom with a five year old daughter.

638
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 3: So we joked that, okay, he had to one up

639
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 3: you on this as well. You're married to me, so

640
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:14,760
Speaker 3: he had to find someone that would push him to

641
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 3: the next step immediately. And so that was the joke

642
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,239
Speaker 3: for everything, and it was just a joke. When we

643
00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,600
Speaker 3: decided to try for a baby, we joked about it too.

644
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 3: You'll see that when I'm when I'm pregnant, he'll show

645
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 3: up with twins. Well, you read the title. When I

646
00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 3: knew I was going to be a dad, I was

647
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 3: very excited and I told him the news. I was

648
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 3: feeling great about it. I was thinking this would be

649
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:40,200
Speaker 3: an amazing moment. Him and his girlfriend asked questions, she

650
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 3: gave us advice. They were great, and at some point,

651
00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 3: well he or She's gonna have a friend, I guess,

652
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 3: And now I hate myself for the following. I was

653
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 3: crushed inside. It was no longer a special announcement. It

654
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,959
Speaker 3: became another thing we'd have in common. I stayed polite

655
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 3: and played along, but I was not happy at all

656
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,960
Speaker 3: about it. They didn't plan to do it. They didn't

657
00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 3: do it just because we wanted one. It just happened.

658
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,360
Speaker 3: And yet I have this feeling that it's exactly what happened.

659
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 3: He went, in his thirties, with no stable relationship, met

660
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:15,600
Speaker 3: someone just to move in with her kid three months later,

661
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 3: than have a kid with her not even a year

662
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 3: into the relationship. I hate every single word that I

663
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:23,040
Speaker 3: wrote in this post. Since he announced the news to me,

664
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 3: I don't want to speak.

665
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:25,240
Speaker 1: About it at all. With him.

666
00:33:25,480 --> 00:33:27,240
Speaker 3: I barely want to talk to him, and I'm just

667
00:33:27,280 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 3: focusing on my wife and my future kid.

668
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 1: I put all my energy into her.

669
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:34,000
Speaker 3: Just I don't have anyone to share my joy with now,

670
00:33:34,040 --> 00:33:34,920
Speaker 3: and it's my fault.

671
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:35,880
Speaker 1: Now.

672
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 3: He comes up to tell me everything he plans, the

673
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 3: shopping he's going to do for the baby, the doctor's appointments,

674
00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,080
Speaker 3: and I don't want to tell him what I'm doing

675
00:33:44,160 --> 00:33:46,440
Speaker 3: or what we're planning, because that's going to be something

676
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,840
Speaker 3: he'll compare and common about. Just yesterday, he told me

677
00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 3: that it looked like I didn't care about the first

678
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,080
Speaker 3: ultra sound appointment, just because I said that I cared

679
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 3: more about knowing that the baby is okay than seeing

680
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 3: the pictures, because I don't think I'll be able to

681
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:01,000
Speaker 3: understand what I'll be seeing anyway.

682
00:34:01,320 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: I took it.

683
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 3: Very wrong and blocked him. WHOA, there's an edit and

684
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:12,200
Speaker 3: an update. Oh Pie's needs he needs therapy or to

685
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 3: have a conversation with his friend, one of those. We're

686
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:15,720
Speaker 3: both probably both.

687
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 1: Yeah.

688
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,879
Speaker 3: Well, the thing is that I think, to a certain extent, oh,

689
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 3: he is right to be like ah yeah, like literally

690
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 3: every time I bring you know, I get something he

691
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 3: has to get something better. But I think at a

692
00:34:28,160 --> 00:34:32,880
Speaker 3: certain point he's kind of like assigned that to everything

693
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 3: that feeling, to everything that his friend does. So it's

694
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:38,920
Speaker 3: like now his friend cannot do anything right. So before

695
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:41,440
Speaker 3: it might have been a reasonable, you know, a reasonable

696
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 3: complaint about his friend, but now it's just like his

697
00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 3: friend is literally having.

698
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 1: A kid, and he's like, well, yeah, a kid. At

699
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:49,719
Speaker 1: the same time like.

700
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think he knows that, yeah, which is

701
00:34:53,160 --> 00:34:54,880
Speaker 4: you know why I think he needs to have a

702
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:56,120
Speaker 4: conversation with his friend.

703
00:34:56,239 --> 00:35:00,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean I kind of get it.

704
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 4: I remember, like in when I was in middle school,

705
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 4: I was gonna go on like a family trip out

706
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,400
Speaker 4: of the country and we like, first of all, I've

707
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 4: never been out of the country. Second of all, rarely

708
00:35:09,520 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 4: did family trips. And I like was so excited, like

709
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,600
Speaker 4: told my friends it was like, oh my gosh, like

710
00:35:14,239 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 4: guess what, guys, I'm gonna go to Sweden this summer.

711
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:18,479
Speaker 4: And then one of the other friends was like, oh, yeah,

712
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 4: me too, and I was like.

713
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: That was supposed to be.

714
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, because she she said it's like so nonchalantly, and

715
00:35:26,719 --> 00:35:27,759
Speaker 4: she didn't know me that well.

716
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,480
Speaker 1: We were also in middle school, but.

717
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,120
Speaker 4: Like, but it was like crushing because I was like,

718
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 4: I wanted to be so excited about it, and you

719
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 4: were acting so normal about it, and I was very

720
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 4: I the one who went to Sweden. Sure enough, she

721
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,400
Speaker 4: stole my phone going to Sweden too. Yeah, and I

722
00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:48,200
Speaker 4: was definitely forgotten clearly. So it's like I get that,

723
00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:52,120
Speaker 4: but but yeah, I think some some self reflecting, maybe

724
00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:55,280
Speaker 4: separate yourself, tell some other people that aren't having children

725
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 4: and get excited that way, and yeah, come back and

726
00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 4: reading through the comments here really helped me get back

727
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 4: to reality.

728
00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 3: I'm gotta have a kid. One of the best advice

729
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,040
Speaker 3: I've read here was that I do not have a

730
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,799
Speaker 3: do over on this. This is my one and only

731
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 3: time that I'm going to have my first kid, and

732
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 3: I'm totally ruining my experience with these thoughts. I'll speak

733
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:17,080
Speaker 3: to my therapist for sure, but you guys have already

734
00:36:17,120 --> 00:36:20,399
Speaker 3: helped me a lot. Thanks and comments. Dana twenty nine

735
00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 3: says comparison is the thief of joy. Mouthful Peach says,

736
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:25,320
Speaker 3: you got a wife and you're gonna be a dad.

737
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:26,879
Speaker 3: Why are you bothering with this?

738
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 1: Oh?

739
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 3: He says, exactly a pocket starkly says, I mean, if

740
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,799
Speaker 3: you want to test the theory, you could always tell

741
00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 3: him you and your wife are separating because you got

742
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:37,720
Speaker 3: yourself a hot young girlfriend and see what he does.

743
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 1: I'm very obviously kidding.

744
00:36:39,520 --> 00:36:41,560
Speaker 3: For real, though, your life is going to change so

745
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,240
Speaker 3: much with this baby, and I think that you'll actually

746
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 3: come to appreciate that you'll have someone you can share

747
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 3: the experience with. Aside from your wife. Obviously you will

748
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 3: know what you're going through and can offer advice or

749
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,000
Speaker 3: just an ear when things get difficult. As for your issues,

750
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,439
Speaker 3: I can only beg you to focus on the joy

751
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,400
Speaker 3: in your own life and stop looking at his. Focus

752
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 3: on your family your happiness. Constantly comparing with him will

753
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 3: only destroy you, and I guarantee he doesn't give it

754
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:12,360
Speaker 3: a second thought. Just focus on being the best husband, father,

755
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,919
Speaker 3: and version of yourself you can be, and you won't

756
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 3: even have time to think about him.

757
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:16,919
Speaker 2: Yeah.

758
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 1: Great comment, that's really good advice. Yeah, I totally agree. Yeah,

759
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 1: there is an update.

760
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,000
Speaker 3: But I think also it's just you know, it can

761
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 3: be a little bit of a blessing in disguise, kind

762
00:37:26,040 --> 00:37:28,600
Speaker 3: of like this commoner is saying, because now you know

763
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 3: you got your friends, can I mean, your kids could

764
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 3: be friends.

765
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:32,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's exciting.

766
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:36,080
Speaker 3: Like you know, I think a lot of friends love

767
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:39,360
Speaker 3: it's their dream to have kids kind of at the

768
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,879
Speaker 3: same time. Yeah, dude, that so fun.

769
00:37:42,760 --> 00:37:43,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. Update.

770
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 3: Yesterday I made a post about how I was feeling

771
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 3: like a terrible person for not being happy for my

772
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,880
Speaker 3: friend having a kid in the same time than me.

773
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:54,799
Speaker 3: The TLDR of this post is that I always had

774
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 3: the probably false impression that he was trying to one

775
00:37:57,120 --> 00:37:59,239
Speaker 3: up me on everything, and even though I knew this

776
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,399
Speaker 3: was probably not the here, something inside me screamed that

777
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:06,359
Speaker 3: this was the final straw. Commoners helped me a lot

778
00:38:06,400 --> 00:38:09,279
Speaker 3: to bring me back to reality. Judgments were made about me,

779
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,000
Speaker 3: Some were wrong, but most of them were true. I

780
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:14,920
Speaker 3: already planned to take an appointment with my therapists before posting,

781
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 3: but I took it right after. In the meantime, I

782
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,160
Speaker 3: couldn't speak to my friend about it because I felt

783
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:22,160
Speaker 3: too ashamed of my behavior and maybe some things are

784
00:38:22,200 --> 00:38:23,160
Speaker 3: better left unsaid.

785
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 1: No, you blocked him. I think you have to address

786
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:28,400
Speaker 1: that if you notice.

787
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, however, I did apologize to him for my recent behavior.

788
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:34,359
Speaker 3: Other events had occurred that made me cold towards him,

789
00:38:34,400 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 3: and I explained myself, that's good. He appreciated my apologies

790
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,920
Speaker 3: a lot, and that I acknowledged that I wasn't a

791
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:43,239
Speaker 3: good friend. I spoke to my wife about it, and

792
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:45,840
Speaker 3: she was very supportive. I told her basically what you

793
00:38:45,880 --> 00:38:48,040
Speaker 3: guys told me, that I was going to have a kid,

794
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:49,960
Speaker 3: that I didn't have a do over on this one,

795
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 3: and that I didn't want to completely miss the moment

796
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:54,920
Speaker 3: just because my mind was not in a good place.

797
00:38:55,480 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 3: I told her that I booked an appointment to the

798
00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,880
Speaker 3: therapist in order to refocus on our kid. She appreciated this,

799
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:04,400
Speaker 3: even though she wasn't as brutal as you guys. She

800
00:39:04,480 --> 00:39:07,360
Speaker 3: agreed with all of your advice. She didn't see the post.

801
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 3: I just told her the lessons I learned from it.

802
00:39:09,560 --> 00:39:10,880
Speaker 3: There is a little bit left.

803
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 1: To this story. Do you have any final thoughts?

804
00:39:12,760 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 4: Well, the blind One sent five dollars and said, I

805
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:18,439
Speaker 4: have a family member like this, and I feel Opie's paint. Yeah,

806
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 4: I feel like I honestly understand him. Like I feel

807
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:26,040
Speaker 4: like after some time that would get annoying, especially if

808
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 4: it comes off across at first kind of like you

809
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:30,920
Speaker 4: were saying, like it maybe at first it was a

810
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:34,799
Speaker 4: bit stronger, like the appearance of this seeming like a

811
00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 4: one upping kind of thing. Maybe that was a lot

812
00:39:37,040 --> 00:39:38,840
Speaker 4: stronger at first, and then over time it just like

813
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 4: you never really dealt with that feeling, and it just

814
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:41,760
Speaker 4: got worse.

815
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 1: But I kind of get that.

816
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:47,120
Speaker 4: I think I think, yeah, it's something too addressed inside

817
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 4: of you, something to work through, kind of like what

818
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:53,720
Speaker 4: we've been saying, I guess, but it could be annoying

819
00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,120
Speaker 4: if he is actually doing that.

820
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,520
Speaker 3: It really depends on if he's doing it or not.

821
00:39:57,760 --> 00:40:01,280
Speaker 3: And I think that can be solved with the conversation, yeah,

822
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,359
Speaker 3: because you can say, like, I just felt, you know,

823
00:40:03,600 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 3: and maybe this is totally wrong, but it felt like

824
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 3: you were doing this, and then that kind of created

825
00:40:09,880 --> 00:40:12,239
Speaker 3: this sicky feeling of justice, you know, yeah, Like and.

826
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 4: You have that conversation, yeah, and maybe when you're like

827
00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 4: saying that that's how it feels, maybe don't use the

828
00:40:16,840 --> 00:40:19,680
Speaker 4: baby as like an aga, but use like the shopping

829
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:21,799
Speaker 4: around the baby or something like that. Like, especially if

830
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:24,719
Speaker 4: he's saying that you didn't care about the ultrasound just

831
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,799
Speaker 4: because you said that you didn't. You just care that

832
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,279
Speaker 4: the baby's healthy rather than the pictures you know, Yeah,

833
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,759
Speaker 4: that is actually a thing to be addressed, Like he's

834
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:34,640
Speaker 4: kind of insulting you in a way, or at least

835
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 4: I would probably be insulted by that. So so yeah,

836
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 4: bring up some of those other examples of me like, hey,

837
00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 4: like I don't know if this is how it means

838
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,200
Speaker 4: or this is how you mean it to sound, but

839
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:46,320
Speaker 4: this is how I've been taking Yeah exactly.

840
00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:50,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you can move on through it. But there's

841
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:51,520
Speaker 1: a little bit left to this story.

842
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 3: Also, yesterday something very important happened, the first ultrasound appointment.

843
00:40:56,719 --> 00:41:00,640
Speaker 3: This was incredible. Beforehand, I was not a specially excited

844
00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:02,880
Speaker 3: about it because I had a misconception of what it

845
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:04,879
Speaker 3: would be. I thought I was just going to see

846
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,240
Speaker 3: a few still pictures of the embryo that I wouldn't

847
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,640
Speaker 3: be able to understand because I thought it'd be three

848
00:41:09,719 --> 00:41:12,360
Speaker 3: blurry pixels in front of a noisy background.

849
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: However, this was much more than this.

850
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 3: This was a live video of those three blurry pixels

851
00:41:19,440 --> 00:41:23,879
Speaker 3: where the doctor could explore in three dimensions. I saw

852
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 3: it alive. I saw his heart beating, we measured it,

853
00:41:26,719 --> 00:41:29,320
Speaker 3: and we heard his heart. What can I say? Nothing

854
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:31,560
Speaker 3: else matters now, I don't care about my friend's actions.

855
00:41:31,719 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 3: My baby's in good shape, my wife is healthy, and

856
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,920
Speaker 3: that's all that matters. He's the only thing on my

857
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 3: mind now after ecography.

858
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 1: Aw, that's so exciting. Yeah.

859
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:43,840
Speaker 3: I still go to my therapist, But the heartbeat I

860
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 3: saw and heard yesterday, I already accomplished so many things.

861
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,520
Speaker 3: Thanks for your honesty, Thanks for those many quotes that

862
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 3: I'll remember. Sometimes we are not the good, the best

863
00:41:53,560 --> 00:41:55,720
Speaker 3: person in the room, but we can try to be better.

864
00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,280
Speaker 3: And that's the end of that story.

865
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 1: My friend wants to give me two hundred thousand dollars.

866
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:05,919
Speaker 4: I don't know where it came from, and we don't

867
00:42:05,960 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 4: ask questions. John and I have been best friends and

868
00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 4: neighbors for twelve years. Often when growing up, I would

869
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:14,319
Speaker 4: spot John for things when we would when we went

870
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:16,960
Speaker 4: out with our friends, going out to eat, movie tickets,

871
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:18,800
Speaker 4: et cetera. He didn't make as much money at his

872
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 4: job as I did, and he spent a lot of

873
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 4: his money alleviating the burden on his family, who have

874
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 4: always struggled financially. He'd put most of every paycheck to groceries,

875
00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:30,120
Speaker 4: a utility bill, or some maintenance in his family's home.

876
00:42:30,520 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 1: By the way.

877
00:42:31,000 --> 00:42:33,520
Speaker 4: This comes from a friend rich throw and if you

878
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:35,160
Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories, go to the our

879
00:42:35,200 --> 00:42:38,640
Speaker 4: slash Okay storytime except bred it. So I always tried

880
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,880
Speaker 4: my best to communicate that it was never a burden

881
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 4: for me. I always offered before he could ask, and

882
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:45,680
Speaker 4: I wanted him to come with us to events and

883
00:42:45,719 --> 00:42:47,640
Speaker 4: hang out with us. If it cost me a few

884
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,279
Speaker 4: extra bucks, it's no problem at all. I think this

885
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 4: was certainly preferable to him missing out on everything, but

886
00:42:53,640 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 4: I think sometimes he felt like a burden to me.

887
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 4: At some point during our senior year in high school,

888
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:02,880
Speaker 4: he came into started making or otherwise gained access into

889
00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 4: insane amounts of money.

890
00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: He didn't hang.

891
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:08,240
Speaker 4: Out at all for two weeks because of family stuff,

892
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 4: and on the day he came back, he picked me

893
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,800
Speaker 4: and our friends up from school in a rented Mustang.

894
00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:15,279
Speaker 4: He insisted on all of us just enjoying ourselves and

895
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:17,880
Speaker 4: dismissed any questions about how he had gotten any of

896
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 4: the money that he spent that day. He drove us

897
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 4: in the Mustang to skydiving and then steak dinner on

898
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:24,560
Speaker 4: a cruise boat in the Bay.

899
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 1: It was insane.

900
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:29,759
Speaker 4: That day must have cost two grand on occasion. From

901
00:43:29,760 --> 00:43:32,400
Speaker 4: then on, he'd invite us to do something extravagant, but

902
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,839
Speaker 4: most of the time it was the same, except he

903
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,319
Speaker 4: paid for his own crap. But he didn't go to

904
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:41,319
Speaker 4: university after graduating he originally planned to. He told me

905
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 4: that he didn't need to, implying that the money that

906
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 4: he had was enough to live the rest of his life.

907
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:49,640
Speaker 1: On where the f did it come from? John? His

908
00:43:49,760 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 1: family is pretty open about the fact that they are

909
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 1: better off. Interesting.

910
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 4: They bought a new TV recently and replaced many of

911
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,560
Speaker 4: their appliances with shiny new ones. Their sandwich meat is

912
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:02,000
Speaker 4: fresh Deli meat instead of the packaged crap that they

913
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:04,000
Speaker 4: used to buy. I suspect that the money is some

914
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,839
Speaker 4: insane inheritance, and John doesn't want to admit that he

915
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 4: didn't work for the money. On to the actual problem.

916
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,360
Speaker 4: This past weekend, John and I were talking and I

917
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 4: mentioned that I had delayed my graduation date to do

918
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 4: a co op, which was a recurring and longer internship

919
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 4: plus conversion plan with the company near my university, which

920
00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:24,920
Speaker 4: would help me pay for it. It was I was

921
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:28,240
Speaker 4: bothered that it would postpone my graduation date, though John

922
00:44:28,440 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 4: offered to cover the rest of my college education. Like

923
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,400
Speaker 4: immediately he wrote the check and left it with me

924
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:36,760
Speaker 4: when I said I would really need to think about an.

925
00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:40,480
Speaker 1: Offer like that. The check is two hundred thousand dollars,

926
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:43,560
Speaker 1: which could cover all of my university expenses for the

927
00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:47,080
Speaker 1: next three years. I listen, how much money did this

928
00:44:47,120 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: guy get? I know, with like he's saying that he

929
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 1: doesn't need to work.

930
00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:53,960
Speaker 4: For the rest of his life, but if he's eighteen,

931
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 4: he can't be spending this money like this.

932
00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:00,799
Speaker 3: Well I'm also interested because well, okay, because I'm like,

933
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 3: if it was an inheritance. A lot of times it

934
00:45:03,960 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 3: comes in installments, but maybe it was like a thing

935
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,400
Speaker 3: of like when he turned eighteen.

936
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,279
Speaker 1: He got access to the inheritance.

937
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, Dakota loves Stele a pain princess, substance lord or

938
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:14,920
Speaker 3: like in.

939
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 1: A couple of people was saying, I was, I don't too,

940
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 1: I don't think.

941
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:23,240
Speaker 3: I don't think that would be possible. I mean, obviously

942
00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:26,760
Speaker 3: it's possible. I feel like that is an insane amount.

943
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 3: I mean I don't obviously know a lot about like substances,

944
00:45:30,239 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 3: you know, being you know, having, you know, selling that

945
00:45:32,680 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 3: and stuff. But I feel like that's an insane amount

946
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 3: of money. Yeah, to just get from like selling substances

947
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:43,000
Speaker 3: or even stealing. When his parents seemingly know about all this,

948
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 3: you know, yeah, and they're spending the money. Shoot exactly,

949
00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 3: So I feel like this is some sort of inheritance.

950
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 3: Someone said lottery maybe yeah, maybe at which is another

951
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 3: good idea.

952
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, because I feel like a.

953
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 4: Lot of times too with the lottery, Like people don't

954
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:56,360
Speaker 4: really say that they won the lottery because then obviously

955
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 4: people will like come still, so maybe maybe.

956
00:45:59,280 --> 00:45:59,880
Speaker 1: That did happen.

957
00:46:00,160 --> 00:46:04,440
Speaker 4: Under possible consequences, John's reaction to my accepting or declining

958
00:46:04,480 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 4: his offer will be important to him. It's possible that

959
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 4: he doesn't have that much money and immediately regretted the

960
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 4: offer after making it. He may resent me if I

961
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:16,440
Speaker 4: attempt to deposit his check. This may also be John's

962
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:19,239
Speaker 4: way of validating himself. He felt dependent on me for

963
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 4: a long time, and after this he'll feel that he

964
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:23,719
Speaker 4: has repaid me and much much more.

965
00:46:24,239 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 1: Some comments say it sounds like he won the lottery.

966
00:46:27,120 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 3: No.

967
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 4: Really, One of the smartest things to do when you

968
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 4: win the lottery is to tell no one exactly. It

969
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 4: sounds like they came into money and are quickly enjoying it.

970
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 4: You've shown this guy kindness before and he wants to

971
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:41,280
Speaker 4: reciprocate it. I would personally negotiate a smaller, more realistic

972
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:44,319
Speaker 4: amount while humbly letting him know how grateful you are.

973
00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 4: Maybe arrange it as alone instead of a gift if

974
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:50,319
Speaker 4: you really feel uncomfortable about it. If he insists, though,

975
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:53,759
Speaker 4: definitely handle it with a professional, at least an accountant

976
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 4: and possibly a lawyer. There's a minimum amount that you

977
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 4: can deposit at a bank before automatically investigated by the

978
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 4: IRS and you start paying taxes. I believe I want

979
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 4: to say, five thousand dollars it is. Yeah, h congratulations

980
00:47:09,920 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 4: on having such a generous friend.

981
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:15,399
Speaker 3: I think that's probably a great idea. As someone said

982
00:47:15,400 --> 00:47:18,040
Speaker 3: in the chat that because it's a check, probably legal,

983
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 3: which is good.

984
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 4: True.

985
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, I feel like, because it's such a

986
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 3: large amount, you don't want it to get like taxed

987
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 3: or anything.

988
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

989
00:47:27,280 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 4: So it's a shame that he didn't just give you

990
00:47:28,920 --> 00:47:31,840
Speaker 4: a suitcase of cash. Yeah, and then you would have

991
00:47:31,840 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 4: been good.

992
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 3: I'm wondering though, how that works, because I don't personally

993
00:47:35,520 --> 00:47:37,840
Speaker 3: know how the because if it was like a lottery,

994
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 3: it would have already been taxed if it wasn't inheritance.

995
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:45,120
Speaker 3: I don't believe that it gets taxed. I think that's

996
00:47:45,120 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 3: like there's some rules about that.

997
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 1: I don't know.

998
00:47:46,680 --> 00:47:48,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess maybe it depends on maybe there's an

999
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 3: inherent Well, I think there's specifically an inheritance tax. Actually,

1000
00:47:51,680 --> 00:47:54,879
Speaker 3: oh really, but I think yeah, I think there's an

1001
00:47:55,040 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 3: there's a specific inheritance tax, and then the lottery money

1002
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:03,400
Speaker 3: gets taxed. So I'm wondering if he gives it to

1003
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:06,360
Speaker 3: someone because it's already been taxed, does to get taxed

1004
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 3: again if it's a gift.

1005
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,200
Speaker 4: Compegere number two says, there are many things to consider

1006
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:12,600
Speaker 4: if you decide to take this money. Do not cash

1007
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:15,120
Speaker 4: the check. Get professionals involved. You need to have a

1008
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:18,240
Speaker 4: contract that states exactly what your obligations are. The whole

1009
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:20,520
Speaker 4: thing needs to be optimized by a tax expert, or

1010
00:48:20,600 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 4: otherwise you'll have to pay an insane amount of taxes

1011
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:25,319
Speaker 4: on it. For instance, it might be possible to set

1012
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:27,319
Speaker 4: up a charity that holds the money and grants it

1013
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:30,040
Speaker 4: to you as a scholarship. But again, talk to experts.

1014
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:32,840
Speaker 4: If you just cash the check and make a mistake

1015
00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 4: with the taxes on it, This could literally set you

1016
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 4: up for a lifetime of problems. Remember that in most countries,

1017
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:41,520
Speaker 4: absolutely nothing other than a deal with the tax agency

1018
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:44,640
Speaker 4: can remove a tax debt. Not even bankruptcy gets you

1019
00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 4: off the hook. If you take it, you will forever

1020
00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:49,880
Speaker 4: owe him a huge debt. Nothing, ever, truly comes with

1021
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:53,400
Speaker 4: no strings attached. If this money is somehow from criminal activities,

1022
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:54,399
Speaker 4: you could end up in.

1023
00:48:54,360 --> 00:48:55,160
Speaker 1: A lot of trouble.

1024
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 4: It's very possible that he can't give you this money,

1025
00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:00,520
Speaker 4: and his parents may object. If the money is not

1026
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,960
Speaker 4: his to manage, criminal charges may be filed against you

1027
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 4: if things go wrong somehow. Commentary number three says, put

1028
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 4: the brakes on. He and his family seem to be

1029
00:49:08,840 --> 00:49:12,280
Speaker 4: blowing through this money really fast and honestly as generous.

1030
00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:12,359
Speaker 1: As it is.

1031
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:15,640
Speaker 4: Him carelessly giving you a two hundred thousand dollars check

1032
00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:18,920
Speaker 4: without thinking twice isn't smart. They grew up struggling, so

1033
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:22,240
Speaker 4: their spending habits are acclimated to not having liquid cash

1034
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:24,440
Speaker 4: on hand. Now they suddenly have a ton of it,

1035
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 4: and they're going to rush to spend everything that they

1036
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 4: always wanted to In a year, it'll be completely gone.

1037
00:49:30,160 --> 00:49:32,439
Speaker 4: So who knows, a year from now, maybe he'll resent

1038
00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:34,600
Speaker 4: giving you that check. They need to speak with a

1039
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:37,719
Speaker 4: financial advisor. And it's also why is your schooling going

1040
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:40,320
Speaker 4: to cost two hundred thousand dollars? That is extremely steep.

1041
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 4: That person is not from America. I'm sorry, what why dude?

1042
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 4: But I do wonder though, because OPI did say, like, uh,

1043
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 4: it sounded like op was already kind of in college

1044
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,400
Speaker 4: a little bit, like he's postpoting his graduation day.

1045
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 1: I thought that meant, I think high school call it.

1046
00:49:58,760 --> 00:50:01,360
Speaker 1: I didn't know. How why do you to never mind?

1047
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:03,200
Speaker 1: I guess yeah he was.

1048
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,480
Speaker 4: I just was confused why he was like postponting his

1049
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,799
Speaker 4: high school graduation day because of an internship. That just

1050
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,719
Speaker 4: didn't seem oh right, But you can't postpone your yeah,

1051
00:50:12,719 --> 00:50:14,959
Speaker 4: because you can't really do that, But postponting your college

1052
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:15,799
Speaker 4: graduation you can.

1053
00:50:16,200 --> 00:50:17,399
Speaker 1: I don't know. That's a good point.

1054
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:19,400
Speaker 4: So like maybe he I don't know, getting a master's

1055
00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:22,160
Speaker 4: or something after or or is a bunch of debt.

1056
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:25,840
Speaker 3: Yeah maybe maybe, yeah, but either way, that comment is

1057
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:27,400
Speaker 3: non American.

1058
00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, so for the taxes, he had already discussed the

1059
00:50:30,680 --> 00:50:33,279
Speaker 4: possibility of giving me this money with his lawyer long

1060
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 4: before he wrote me the check. He budgets for fifty

1061
00:50:35,719 --> 00:50:38,280
Speaker 4: K a year when he could be spending three hundred

1062
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 4: and twenty K. Yes, those numbers are actual fing numbers.

1063
00:50:41,719 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 4: He has over twenty million dollars. What kind of money

1064
00:50:45,560 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 4: is this? I've been curious about it since he got

1065
00:50:48,239 --> 00:50:50,720
Speaker 4: the money, But after showing me his budget and balance,

1066
00:50:50,800 --> 00:50:53,200
Speaker 4: I'm considering, oh, and considering I would be connected to

1067
00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:55,520
Speaker 4: the money if I accepted his offer. I had to

1068
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,840
Speaker 4: fing no, I asked him and got this story. In

1069
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,000
Speaker 4: middle school, he used to go grocery shopping with his

1070
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:03,799
Speaker 4: mom every Sunday. The lottery ticket booth was right next

1071
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:05,879
Speaker 4: to the checkout line, and he always asked his mom

1072
00:51:05,880 --> 00:51:08,440
Speaker 4: why she didn't buy one, given how much they struggled

1073
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:11,080
Speaker 4: with money. She dismissed it, of course, but the idea

1074
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 4: still seemed appealing to him. When he got his job

1075
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 4: in high school, he would put a fourth of the

1076
00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:19,799
Speaker 4: cost of a lottery ticket down every paycheck and buy

1077
00:51:19,840 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 4: one monthly as a kind of escapism. Then in December

1078
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 4: he won. I literally couldn't believe it, like someone has

1079
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:31,240
Speaker 4: to win. I guess right, I mean, Shee's and Rice,

1080
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:36,520
Speaker 4: what are the odds. According to him, his money is

1081
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:38,920
Speaker 4: only a portion. He gave the rest to his family.

1082
00:51:39,239 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 4: No one outside of his immediate family has been told,

1083
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:44,360
Speaker 4: and he intends for it to stay that way, with

1084
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 4: the exception of me. He consulted his family before telling me. Oh,

1085
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 4: what does he expect after giving me the money? He

1086
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:52,320
Speaker 4: says that he wants to give you the money because

1087
00:51:52,320 --> 00:51:54,879
Speaker 4: he's got my back. I covered him at events, drove

1088
00:51:54,960 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 4: him to the grocery store in doctor's office, helped him

1089
00:51:57,520 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 4: and his family repair their house, et cetera since we

1090
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:03,359
Speaker 4: were in elementary school. Now that he has the chance

1091
00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,400
Speaker 4: to cover my back, he wants to take it.

1092
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:08,840
Speaker 1: Without this, I will graduate deeply in debt.

1093
00:52:09,120 --> 00:52:11,920
Speaker 4: He feels like time is more valuable than money, and

1094
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:15,799
Speaker 4: afterward we wouldn't even be balanced, let alone should I

1095
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:17,640
Speaker 4: feel indebted to him? There is a little bit more

1096
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 4: to the story, but yeah, we got our lottery answer.

1097
00:52:20,239 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 1: Yeah that was pretty obvious.

1098
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:24,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, it makes sense house, So he's the only one that.

1099
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:28,560
Speaker 1: Besides Yeah, I hope he might be putting John blast

1100
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:30,280
Speaker 1: right now. I don't think.

1101
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:32,439
Speaker 3: That's super smart, but I do appreciate that you've given

1102
00:52:32,480 --> 00:52:33,280
Speaker 3: us this good story.

1103
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 1: Yep, hopefully this is a different name.

1104
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:41,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it seems like honestly I would accept it. Would

1105
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:43,680
Speaker 3: I definitely like go through the lawyer route, make sure

1106
00:52:43,719 --> 00:52:46,719
Speaker 3: that you've got all everything covered. But U this, you know,

1107
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,440
Speaker 3: he's paying you back for being a great friend.

1108
00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:53,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, because two hundred thousand dollars in debt is so insane. Yeah,

1109
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 4: that just sparks a whole nother question in my brain

1110
00:52:57,680 --> 00:52:59,760
Speaker 4: about college and all that stuff.

1111
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:02,319
Speaker 1: But you know, yeah, that's another conversation.

1112
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:06,880
Speaker 4: But John seems like a great person. Yes, good, are

1113
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:08,960
Speaker 4: you very generous? But there's a little bit more into

1114
00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:10,279
Speaker 4: a story. Let's wrap this up.

1115
00:53:10,320 --> 00:53:11,040
Speaker 1: So resolution.

1116
00:53:11,320 --> 00:53:13,239
Speaker 4: I told John that I would take the money if

1117
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:16,879
Speaker 4: he considered us even Neither he nor I should feel

1118
00:53:16,880 --> 00:53:19,120
Speaker 4: indebted to one another. We have each other's backs because

1119
00:53:19,160 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 4: we're friends, and that's all there is to it. I

1120
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,160
Speaker 4: made sure that he understood how much I appreciated it,

1121
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:25,319
Speaker 4: how much it meant to me.

1122
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,720
Speaker 1: He agreed, and we've.

1123
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 4: Scheduled another meeting with his lawyer to finalize the deal.

1124
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:33,840
Speaker 4: John is awesome. Final comment says, Dang, dude, it's almost

1125
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 4: like you hit a jackpot of your own. It's awesome

1126
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:38,319
Speaker 4: that you have such a good friend and awesome that

1127
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:40,759
Speaker 4: you aren't trying to take advantage of him. Both of

1128
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:44,280
Speaker 4: you are awesome friends. Oh and now you have cool, rich.

1129
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 1: Friend for the rest of your life. Yeah, that's fun.

1130
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:49,279
Speaker 1: That's great. Here's John, you og host.

1131
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:49,400
Speaker 3: Here.

1132
00:53:49,440 --> 00:53:50,800
Speaker 4: We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a

1133
00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:52,879
Speaker 4: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

1134
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:56,320
Speaker 3: I lost motivation to do favors for my friend's daughter

1135
00:53:56,800 --> 00:53:58,040
Speaker 3: because she's ungrateful.

1136
00:53:58,120 --> 00:53:59,560
Speaker 1: Well, then she doesn't deserve it.

1137
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:02,400
Speaker 3: I run a small family party business from my home

1138
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:05,160
Speaker 3: as a second job. My co worker is a single

1139
00:54:05,200 --> 00:54:07,760
Speaker 3: mom with five kids. Over the years, I have offered

1140
00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 3: a few times to make party favors and decorations for

1141
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:13,680
Speaker 3: her kids' parties as a gift. Things are struggle for

1142
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:15,880
Speaker 3: her and I just wanted to do something nice for

1143
00:54:15,960 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 3: her kids. By the way, this comes from Aunt Sam's

1144
00:54:19,239 --> 00:54:21,560
Speaker 3: Mom twenty five and if you want to spent your

1145
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:23,480
Speaker 3: own story, go to the r slash Okay story time.

1146
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:27,440
Speaker 3: Separate it so I buy all of the supplies and

1147
00:54:27,480 --> 00:54:30,160
Speaker 3: my labor is free and is their gift. The scale

1148
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:33,319
Speaker 3: and cost of everything changes depending on the event. I

1149
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:35,560
Speaker 3: do this for my nieces and nephews as well. I

1150
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:38,240
Speaker 3: enjoy doing it and I think it makes people happy.

1151
00:54:38,640 --> 00:54:41,040
Speaker 3: A few weeks ago, I offered to make Sweet sixteen

1152
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 3: favors and some decorations for a small restaurant party for

1153
00:54:44,760 --> 00:54:47,799
Speaker 3: my coworker's daughter. One night, I FaceTime with the mother

1154
00:54:47,880 --> 00:54:50,479
Speaker 3: and the daughter and we were discussing colors. She picked

1155
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:53,319
Speaker 3: light blue and light pink as her color scheme. That's

1156
00:54:53,360 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 3: not colors I normally would associate with the Sweet sixteen,

1157
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,400
Speaker 3: and I mentioned it to her that I was concerned

1158
00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 3: it would look more like a baby shower. She snapped

1159
00:55:01,120 --> 00:55:03,560
Speaker 3: at me and said, I want light blue and light pink.

1160
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 3: A few days later, I'm speaking to the mother that

1161
00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:09,320
Speaker 3: I wasn't finding a lot of sweets Sweet sixteen items

1162
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:12,000
Speaker 3: in that color scheme. She picked up the phone and

1163
00:55:12,040 --> 00:55:15,880
Speaker 3: calls her daughter on speakerphone and explains to her the issue.

1164
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:18,560
Speaker 3: The daughter abruptly said, what part of light pink and

1165
00:55:18,680 --> 00:55:21,319
Speaker 3: light blue does she not understand? I know she's a

1166
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:25,200
Speaker 3: child and has had a rough road, but am I

1167
00:55:25,239 --> 00:55:27,239
Speaker 3: the ale for not going the extra mile for them?

1168
00:55:27,800 --> 00:55:28,960
Speaker 1: Extra mile making them?

1169
00:55:29,080 --> 00:55:31,080
Speaker 3: I offer to make favors and I will make sure

1170
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 3: they are beautiful, But any joy making them is totally gone.

1171
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:37,799
Speaker 3: Normally I would do a couple of surprises along with

1172
00:55:37,840 --> 00:55:39,920
Speaker 3: the favors, but I just don't have it in me,

1173
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:42,680
Speaker 3: and I feel terrible for being upset at a child.

1174
00:55:42,719 --> 00:55:45,520
Speaker 3: I feel like such a terrible person. Any advice on

1175
00:55:45,560 --> 00:55:49,640
Speaker 3: what I should do consensus not the ale. Though commenters

1176
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:52,400
Speaker 3: tell OP to be more assertive, some also say they

1177
00:55:52,400 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 3: would have not done anything for her coworker and the

1178
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:59,240
Speaker 3: daughter anymore, and OP is more gracious than advised comments

1179
00:55:59,239 --> 00:56:02,320
Speaker 3: by Ope. Here are some answers to a few questions.

1180
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 3: When the daughter snapped at me, the mother half heartedly

1181
00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:08,879
Speaker 3: apologized to me, saying, you understand teenagers, and I do

1182
00:56:09,000 --> 00:56:12,760
Speaker 3: understand teenagers. Normally, when I offer to do favors for someone,

1183
00:56:12,800 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 3: we discussed the colors and what I can offer for

1184
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:17,760
Speaker 3: the party. I will give the person my honest opinion

1185
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 3: and make sure they're aware that I might not have

1186
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:23,320
Speaker 3: exactly what they want. She wanted things that said sweet

1187
00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:26,680
Speaker 3: sixteen in her specific color choice light blue and light pink.

1188
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 3: I was unable to find that I can find pink alone,

1189
00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 3: but not the combo. I wanted to make sure she understood,

1190
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:35,960
Speaker 3: not to criticize her, but just to make sure she

1191
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:37,920
Speaker 3: was aware it might not be exactly what she was

1192
00:56:37,960 --> 00:56:40,360
Speaker 3: looking for. It's not worth my time to make something

1193
00:56:40,360 --> 00:56:43,239
Speaker 3: for someone if it's not exactly what they want. I

1194
00:56:43,520 --> 00:56:46,560
Speaker 3: ask clients and family members to make sure I understand

1195
00:56:46,560 --> 00:56:50,040
Speaker 3: what they want. I have no personal opinion of any kind.

1196
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:53,080
Speaker 3: I could care less what colors people pick or theme

1197
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 3: they use. Not my business, but I'm not going to

1198
00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:58,920
Speaker 3: shy away from being honest. I will explain to them

1199
00:56:58,960 --> 00:57:01,799
Speaker 3: the situation and issue you and let them decide what

1200
00:57:01,840 --> 00:57:04,879
Speaker 3: they want. I've offered my services for free for one

1201
00:57:04,960 --> 00:57:09,560
Speaker 3: million events, school events, team fundraisers, nursing home gifts, and

1202
00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:13,080
Speaker 3: thousands of raffle baskets, all for free. Remember this is

1203
00:57:13,120 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 3: my second job. Money is tight. If I offer something,

1204
00:57:16,160 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 3: it's with a whole heart. I've known this child since

1205
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:21,680
Speaker 3: she was an infant, and I'm upset.

1206
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 1: I want to do.

1207
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 3: Something beautiful for her, but I can't get over the

1208
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:27,400
Speaker 3: fact that she was just so rude. I feel the

1209
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:30,520
Speaker 3: mother should have corrected her so many comments. Maybe daughter

1210
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:32,920
Speaker 3: is non binary and wanted to come out at the party.

1211
00:57:33,520 --> 00:57:36,560
Speaker 3: My husband asked me the same thing. Honestly, I don't

1212
00:57:36,560 --> 00:57:40,160
Speaker 3: think so. That's a really random I feel like it's

1213
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:43,560
Speaker 3: a really random idea, but maybe yeah.

1214
00:57:43,720 --> 00:57:46,600
Speaker 4: I also doesn't really too, because like if the baby

1215
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 4: blue and baby pinker like part of the tran Yeah,

1216
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 4: flag too. Oh that's true, you know what I mean.

1217
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:52,920
Speaker 4: I was like wondering like if it was part of that.

1218
00:57:53,000 --> 00:57:55,600
Speaker 4: But at the same time, does excuses well, yeah that.

1219
00:57:56,080 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 3: My point is like, that's like a really random It's like,

1220
00:57:58,600 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 3: oh that maybe that's why she.

1221
00:57:59,760 --> 00:58:03,680
Speaker 1: Was like yeah, yeah, definitely, Yeah, doesn't excuse that.

1222
00:58:03,720 --> 00:58:05,320
Speaker 3: I think if she wanted to do that, I think

1223
00:58:05,320 --> 00:58:07,640
Speaker 3: the mother would be open to that. I definitely would

1224
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:10,120
Speaker 3: be open and would be excited to do that for

1225
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:13,040
Speaker 3: her if that was her choice. I can get random

1226
00:58:13,080 --> 00:58:16,760
Speaker 3: pink and blue sixteen items on Amazon and in one day.

1227
00:58:16,880 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 3: That is correct, but that's not what she was looking for.

1228
00:58:19,920 --> 00:58:21,880
Speaker 3: She showed me a couple of items that she liked

1229
00:58:21,880 --> 00:58:24,640
Speaker 3: on Pinterest, and those specific items do not come in

1230
00:58:24,760 --> 00:58:28,320
Speaker 3: light pink and blue. Most of the items she was

1231
00:58:28,360 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 3: looking for were only offered in hot pink, gold, black

1232
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:35,480
Speaker 3: and gold, and pink and white. I can totally add

1233
00:58:35,520 --> 00:58:37,560
Speaker 3: blue into the bag, but her mother said she didn't

1234
00:58:37,600 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 3: like that. I offered to do half blue bags, half

1235
00:58:40,360 --> 00:58:42,120
Speaker 3: pink bags, and once again not what.

1236
00:58:42,120 --> 00:58:42,800
Speaker 1: She was looking for.

1237
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:46,200
Speaker 3: She was looking for a specific friendship bracelet that said

1238
00:58:46,240 --> 00:58:49,960
Speaker 3: Sweet sixteen squad a very specific travel cup that I

1239
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:52,480
Speaker 3: can cricket, but they are not offered in those colors.

1240
00:58:52,560 --> 00:58:56,080
Speaker 3: I'm not a manufacturer. I'm a party planner. I can't

1241
00:58:56,120 --> 00:58:58,840
Speaker 3: make the items come in those colors. My lack of

1242
00:58:58,880 --> 00:59:01,840
Speaker 3: suggestions and ideas is not the issue. She wants something

1243
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:04,040
Speaker 3: they don't make, and there is an update.

1244
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:08,400
Speaker 1: Uugh, yeah, yeah, I.

1245
00:59:08,480 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 4: Just like, there are such easy compromises to this. Yeah,

1246
00:59:11,880 --> 00:59:13,960
Speaker 4: get the separate pink and blue. Put them in the

1247
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 4: same bag. That's all you gotta do.

1248
00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:18,080
Speaker 1: There we go. If you want them to both be

1249
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:19,200
Speaker 1: on something.

1250
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:22,720
Speaker 4: Then you like understand the situation and don't just be

1251
00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 4: like like, oh, just because I want this means that

1252
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,480
Speaker 4: I can have Like it can happen exactly how I

1253
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:30,120
Speaker 4: expect it to.

1254
00:59:30,200 --> 00:59:32,800
Speaker 1: It's like, no, things don't work like that, my guy.

1255
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:36,760
Speaker 3: Things just don't. But there is an update six days later.

1256
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:39,920
Speaker 3: Last week, I was looking for advice on a situation.

1257
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 3: I run a small party business from my home. As

1258
00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:45,560
Speaker 3: a second job. I had offered to make Sweet sixteen

1259
00:59:45,600 --> 00:59:48,040
Speaker 3: favors for a coworker's daughter who was having a small

1260
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:51,120
Speaker 3: restaurant party. I was paying for all the supplies and

1261
00:59:51,160 --> 00:59:53,520
Speaker 3: the favors were my gift. My co worker is a

1262
00:59:53,560 --> 00:59:56,520
Speaker 3: single mom with five kids. I really offered because of

1263
00:59:56,560 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 3: my relationship with the mother. We work together. We have

1264
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:02,200
Speaker 3: worked together for twenty years, and I really do love her.

1265
01:00:02,560 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 3: She's aid a very hard road the last few years,

1266
01:00:05,040 --> 01:00:08,640
Speaker 3: two really crappy husbands and honestly terrible taste in men.

1267
01:00:09,040 --> 01:00:11,440
Speaker 3: I was discussing the color scheme with the daughter and

1268
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:14,640
Speaker 3: mom over FaceTime, and she had mentioned that she wanted

1269
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:17,520
Speaker 3: light blue and light pink as her colors. I don't

1270
01:00:17,560 --> 01:00:20,800
Speaker 3: typically associate those colors with a sweet sixteen I was

1271
01:00:20,840 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 3: slightly concerned it might look like a baby shower. She

1272
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:25,919
Speaker 3: was not happy with that statement and repeated light pink

1273
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:28,840
Speaker 3: and light blow in a super harsh tone. A few

1274
01:00:28,880 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 3: days later, I spoke to the mother and explained to

1275
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 3: her I was having issues finding what her daughter wanted

1276
01:00:33,920 --> 01:00:37,000
Speaker 3: in those colors. She called her on speakerphone with me

1277
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 3: in the room, and the daughter said, loudly, what part

1278
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:42,640
Speaker 3: of light pink and light blue does she not understand?

1279
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,919
Speaker 3: I walked away, super upset. I had planned on making

1280
01:00:46,000 --> 01:00:48,080
Speaker 3: her favors and then surprising her with going to the

1281
01:00:48,120 --> 01:00:52,360
Speaker 3: restaurant before the party and using matching tablecloths, chair covers,

1282
01:00:52,400 --> 01:00:55,640
Speaker 3: and fancy balloon centerpieces. The mother and I had talked

1283
01:00:55,640 --> 01:00:57,920
Speaker 3: about this, but the daughter did not know it was

1284
01:00:57,960 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 3: going to be a surprise. I just didn't feel like

1285
01:01:00,880 --> 01:01:04,200
Speaker 3: doing the extra work after she acted like that. Now,

1286
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:06,640
Speaker 3: to answer all the questions that came in, the daughter

1287
01:01:06,680 --> 01:01:09,200
Speaker 3: absolutely knew that this was my free gift to her.

1288
01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 3: She knows there's no charge for this. She knew that

1289
01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:14,880
Speaker 3: I was on the call both times. A number of

1290
01:01:14,880 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 3: people thought I was rude for saying I don't like

1291
01:01:16,720 --> 01:01:20,040
Speaker 3: the color scheme. Unfortunately, I'm a doormat. The daughter set

1292
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:22,120
Speaker 3: the tone of the conversation early on, and there was

1293
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:25,080
Speaker 3: no way to get it on a positive tone. All

1294
01:01:25,120 --> 01:01:26,680
Speaker 3: I could think is that she didn't like having a

1295
01:01:26,720 --> 01:01:29,120
Speaker 3: small party and that she wanted something much bigger, but

1296
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:31,919
Speaker 3: her mother cannot afford it. A number of people thought

1297
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:34,040
Speaker 3: that this might be a coming out party of some kind.

1298
01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:36,600
Speaker 3: I know that's not it. A number of people thought

1299
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:38,800
Speaker 3: I was being too sensitive, that I needed to get

1300
01:01:38,840 --> 01:01:42,000
Speaker 3: over rude sixteen year old. I deal with rude people

1301
01:01:42,040 --> 01:01:44,720
Speaker 3: every day, and I do it with smile. Honestly, it's gift.

1302
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:47,240
Speaker 3: Being rude just means you're not happy. But I was

1303
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,640
Speaker 3: upset because I've known this child since the day she

1304
01:01:50,720 --> 01:01:53,600
Speaker 3: came home from the hospital. I would have hoped I

1305
01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:55,480
Speaker 3: meant a little more to her. I don't think it's

1306
01:01:55,520 --> 01:01:57,800
Speaker 3: wrong for OP to be upset that this you know,

1307
01:01:57,920 --> 01:02:00,720
Speaker 3: sixteen year old is rude to her, Like it totally

1308
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:01,400
Speaker 3: matters to her.

1309
01:02:01,640 --> 01:02:04,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, you could be upset even when a child

1310
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:05,120
Speaker 1: is mean.

1311
01:02:05,560 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like the only reason of the child

1312
01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:12,439
Speaker 4: thing would like come into play is for forgiveness. Yeah,

1313
01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:14,600
Speaker 4: Like it doesn't mean you have to forgive her like

1314
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:16,520
Speaker 4: right away and not be upset, Like you can still

1315
01:02:16,560 --> 01:02:20,400
Speaker 4: be upset, but kind of you know, be understanding is like, Okay,

1316
01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:23,480
Speaker 4: she's a teenager right now, not making the best decisions,

1317
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:26,960
Speaker 4: but you know the mom needs to parent her still

1318
01:02:27,200 --> 01:02:30,000
Speaker 4: and still be like, hey, you can't talk to people

1319
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:32,320
Speaker 4: like that. So I think it's like when like a

1320
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 4: you know, a younger child like hits you or something

1321
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,560
Speaker 4: like her and you're like, oh, like it still hurts

1322
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:40,320
Speaker 4: even though they're a child, right Like, obviously you're not

1323
01:02:40,320 --> 01:02:42,440
Speaker 4: gonna be like how.

1324
01:02:42,120 --> 01:02:43,400
Speaker 1: Like you're going to jail.

1325
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, you've committed a crime, like you know that they're

1326
01:02:46,880 --> 01:02:49,520
Speaker 3: a child, but there's still like consequences.

1327
01:02:49,600 --> 01:02:50,200
Speaker 1: They've got you.

1328
01:02:50,880 --> 01:02:54,000
Speaker 3: Apparently I was incorrect. I know better now. A number

1329
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:56,360
Speaker 3: of people thought the mom was not was wrong for

1330
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:59,800
Speaker 3: not correcting the daughter immediately. Sadly, I agree. It was

1331
01:02:59,840 --> 01:03:03,320
Speaker 3: so such an uncomfortable conversation. She apologized for her being

1332
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:05,560
Speaker 3: a teenager when we got off the phone. I thought

1333
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:07,680
Speaker 3: it was a cop out. I definitely think the daughter

1334
01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:10,400
Speaker 3: has the upper hand and the mother daughter relationship. Getting

1335
01:03:10,440 --> 01:03:13,919
Speaker 3: me involved is just awful. Lastly, so many people told

1336
01:03:13,960 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 3: me not to make the favors, to tell the daughter

1337
01:03:15,880 --> 01:03:17,640
Speaker 3: that I was unable to find what she wanted and

1338
01:03:17,760 --> 01:03:20,320
Speaker 3: unable to make them. I'm gonna make the favors, but

1339
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:23,320
Speaker 3: I'm not doing anything else. I had budgeted one hundred

1340
01:03:23,360 --> 01:03:25,920
Speaker 3: and fifty to make the eighteen favors. To be honest

1341
01:03:25,960 --> 01:03:29,200
Speaker 3: with you, I'm broke. One hundred and fifty dollars is

1342
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:31,960
Speaker 3: definitely something I don't need to spend, especially on a kid.

1343
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:35,400
Speaker 3: It was extremely rude. I totally offered, and I will

1344
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:37,960
Speaker 3: absolutely make them, but I'm not gonna do anything else.

1345
01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:41,440
Speaker 3: Let's explain me. I can't help volunteering, no matter what

1346
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:44,080
Speaker 3: it is. I'm the first one to volunteer. I offer

1347
01:03:44,120 --> 01:03:47,480
Speaker 3: my time and my party supplies way too easily. I'm

1348
01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:50,320
Speaker 3: at the point now where I do more free labor

1349
01:03:50,320 --> 01:03:53,040
Speaker 3: work than I get paid. Even if somebody pays for

1350
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:56,400
Speaker 3: the supplies, it never covers the whole thing. It always

1351
01:03:56,440 --> 01:03:58,880
Speaker 3: cost me something. I have to start working on getting

1352
01:03:58,880 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 3: paid parties unless free stuff. But I'm really having a

1353
01:04:01,920 --> 01:04:04,360
Speaker 3: hard time with so many people who are so used

1354
01:04:04,400 --> 01:04:07,200
Speaker 3: to getting my services for free. Last week, a woman

1355
01:04:07,280 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 3: asked me to make favors for her daughter's college bed party.

1356
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:12,480
Speaker 3: In the past, she had paid for only my supplies.

1357
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:15,000
Speaker 3: I explained to her that I could no longer do it,

1358
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 3: but I would have to charge her and give her

1359
01:04:16,760 --> 01:04:18,960
Speaker 3: a good discount. She was totally upset that I had

1360
01:04:18,960 --> 01:04:21,040
Speaker 3: the nerve to ask her to pay. I've done four

1361
01:04:21,120 --> 01:04:22,840
Speaker 3: or five things for her for free in the past,

1362
01:04:22,920 --> 01:04:24,960
Speaker 3: but for some reason she felt I was in the wrong.

1363
01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:27,960
Speaker 3: She witched so many people about me. How dare I

1364
01:04:28,080 --> 01:04:31,200
Speaker 3: charge her? Meanwhile, we're not even close friends. Yeah. The

1365
01:04:31,280 --> 01:04:33,479
Speaker 3: thing is, like I think a lot of people who

1366
01:04:33,680 --> 01:04:36,520
Speaker 3: are in the business of I don't know, like just

1367
01:04:36,560 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 3: any sort of labor that they're doing, like if you're

1368
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:41,160
Speaker 3: doing art or something or.

1369
01:04:41,440 --> 01:04:42,560
Speaker 1: Any sort of creative thing.

1370
01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:45,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, you start off doing it for free because you

1371
01:04:45,680 --> 01:04:48,520
Speaker 3: want people to, you know, get your name out there.

1372
01:04:48,600 --> 01:04:50,000
Speaker 1: You want to show that you can do this.

1373
01:04:51,200 --> 01:04:54,080
Speaker 3: But then at a certain point you've gotten good at

1374
01:04:54,120 --> 01:04:57,880
Speaker 3: it or you need to start charging things because you

1375
01:04:57,960 --> 01:05:01,480
Speaker 3: financially can afford it. Yeah, and people get upset about

1376
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,080
Speaker 3: that because they just expect that you should.

1377
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:07,120
Speaker 1: Give them free stuff and that's not the case. Yeah, exactly,

1378
01:05:07,440 --> 01:05:09,520
Speaker 1: Like I feel like, I don't know.

1379
01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:13,080
Speaker 4: At first, I was kind of like, you know, with

1380
01:05:13,120 --> 01:05:16,200
Speaker 4: her saying I can't help volunteering.

1381
01:05:16,240 --> 01:05:18,240
Speaker 1: I was kind of thinking that at first, Like she.

1382
01:05:18,240 --> 01:05:20,320
Speaker 4: Was like earlier in the story, like this is my

1383
01:05:20,440 --> 01:05:24,120
Speaker 4: second job, but I offer free services to things like

1384
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:25,320
Speaker 4: you know, friends.

1385
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:27,120
Speaker 1: Birthday parties, school events.

1386
01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:31,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, like football games, like all these other things. And

1387
01:05:31,360 --> 01:05:34,440
Speaker 4: I'm like, so can you call this a job? Like

1388
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:37,360
Speaker 4: that's this is kind of a hobby for you. I

1389
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:39,600
Speaker 4: think a piece too, like.

1390
01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:44,720
Speaker 3: Nice or to kind of a pushover, because if this

1391
01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:46,320
Speaker 3: is a job, you should get paid for it.

1392
01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:47,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1393
01:05:47,080 --> 01:05:49,400
Speaker 4: So and you're allowed to ask for money, yeah, like

1394
01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:51,320
Speaker 4: you can start calling it a job, and I think

1395
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:53,920
Speaker 4: she knows that, like she says she can't help volunteering.

1396
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:58,800
Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean friends that don't understand that, like,

1397
01:05:58,840 --> 01:06:02,480
Speaker 4: your services cost money, not good friends. Not good friends,

1398
01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:04,400
Speaker 4: especially if you're not even that close anyway. It's like

1399
01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:08,880
Speaker 4: that's totally on them, not fair at all. It costs money,

1400
01:06:09,200 --> 01:06:13,840
Speaker 4: Your time costs money. Mm hmm, yeah, so agreed. Yeah,

1401
01:06:14,360 --> 01:06:16,800
Speaker 4: but uh, folks, there's a little bit more to the story.

1402
01:06:16,960 --> 01:06:19,200
Speaker 4: Let's get all into it. My Reddit family is a

1403
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:22,400
Speaker 4: harsh judge. You have given me some perspective to realize

1404
01:06:22,400 --> 01:06:25,040
Speaker 4: that all of this is absolutely my fault, that I

1405
01:06:25,040 --> 01:06:27,280
Speaker 4: allowed my friend's daughter to talk to me that way,

1406
01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:30,880
Speaker 4: and that I'm stupid for making the favors. I just

1407
01:06:30,920 --> 01:06:32,600
Speaker 4: don't have it in me to not make them.

1408
01:06:32,800 --> 01:06:33,680
Speaker 1: But it's really.

1409
01:06:33,480 --> 01:06:36,400
Speaker 3: Pushing me to take a stand and set some kind

1410
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:38,320
Speaker 3: of boundaries because I can't keep.

1411
01:06:38,160 --> 01:06:40,680
Speaker 1: Giving away for free. It's gonna be the end of me.

1412
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:44,280
Speaker 3: I'm way too stressed about meeting dines for people for

1413
01:06:44,320 --> 01:06:47,520
Speaker 3: free and not taking on more paid work. Wish we

1414
01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:52,840
Speaker 3: luck and there is a consensus saying that though Opie

1415
01:06:52,880 --> 01:06:54,880
Speaker 3: is still not the a hole, commoners start to feel

1416
01:06:54,880 --> 01:06:56,680
Speaker 3: like opia is the a hole because she is such

1417
01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:59,880
Speaker 3: a dormat. They also said it's hard giving her advice

1418
01:07:00,040 --> 01:07:02,680
Speaker 3: because she won't take it. And there is an update

1419
01:07:03,320 --> 01:07:04,240
Speaker 3: twenty one days later.

1420
01:07:04,360 --> 01:07:05,640
Speaker 1: Interesting, Yeah I could.

1421
01:07:05,680 --> 01:07:08,760
Speaker 4: I could see her still doing the party favors and

1422
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:13,040
Speaker 4: stuff like, uh, maybe less for the daughter but more

1423
01:07:13,080 --> 01:07:15,400
Speaker 4: for her friend. Yeah, and be like, yeah, like to

1424
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:18,479
Speaker 4: help you out, I'll help your daughter with this, but like, yeah,

1425
01:07:18,520 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 4: I think it feels like she's learning where she needs

1426
01:07:22,880 --> 01:07:23,920
Speaker 4: to set boundaries.

1427
01:07:24,200 --> 01:07:26,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, we just haven't put it into practice, just exactly,

1428
01:07:26,640 --> 01:07:28,960
Speaker 1: and let's start putting it to practice. Please.

1429
01:07:29,200 --> 01:07:32,280
Speaker 3: There is a second update, so let's get into it

1430
01:07:32,320 --> 01:07:35,400
Speaker 3: twenty one days later. As I explained before, I really

1431
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:37,840
Speaker 3: didn't care what color she picked. I was just worried

1432
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:39,840
Speaker 3: it looked like a baby shower. We had one more

1433
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:43,840
Speaker 3: negative interaction and I decided to do the favors I promised,

1434
01:07:43,880 --> 01:07:46,439
Speaker 3: but not do anything extra. I was thinking of going

1435
01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:49,840
Speaker 3: to the restaurant and setting up tablecloths and chair covers.

1436
01:07:49,960 --> 01:07:52,520
Speaker 3: I know this child. I've known this child since the

1437
01:07:52,600 --> 01:07:54,840
Speaker 3: day she came home from the hospital. I was very

1438
01:07:54,880 --> 01:07:58,360
Speaker 3: upset about our interactions. She knew this was free and

1439
01:07:58,400 --> 01:08:00,720
Speaker 3: that it was my gift to her. So the party

1440
01:08:00,800 --> 01:08:03,200
Speaker 3: is this weekend, and I brought the favors to work today.

1441
01:08:03,520 --> 01:08:06,160
Speaker 3: I made twenty four pink gift bags with blue tissue

1442
01:08:06,160 --> 01:08:10,840
Speaker 3: paper and matching wired ribbon. Each bag has chocolate covered pretzels,

1443
01:08:10,920 --> 01:08:15,720
Speaker 3: chocolate oreos, and chocolate marshmallows, labeled chapsticks, cute pink sunglasses,

1444
01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:18,679
Speaker 3: but the birthday girl's name on the side. My friend

1445
01:08:18,840 --> 01:08:20,920
Speaker 3: thinks her daughter is going to love them, which I'm

1446
01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:24,000
Speaker 3: happy to hear. As I walk away, she asked me

1447
01:08:24,080 --> 01:08:26,800
Speaker 3: if I can do one more favor her. She wants

1448
01:08:26,800 --> 01:08:29,160
Speaker 3: me to make a favor bag for her boyfriend's daughter's

1449
01:08:29,280 --> 01:08:30,200
Speaker 3: bed party.

1450
01:08:30,640 --> 01:08:36,599
Speaker 1: No, no, oh, pie, this is a test. You're being tested,

1451
01:08:36,680 --> 01:08:40,439
Speaker 1: o pee. Chance to put your new skills into practice.

1452
01:08:40,479 --> 01:08:43,080
Speaker 3: Bed party is for high school senior girls. The friends

1453
01:08:43,080 --> 01:08:45,880
Speaker 3: bring them swag from the college they were accepted and

1454
01:08:46,040 --> 01:08:48,280
Speaker 3: decorate her bed with the school colors. There is a

1455
01:08:48,360 --> 01:08:52,639
Speaker 3: little bit left to this story. Uh no, a pea, stop, stop,

1456
01:08:52,720 --> 01:08:54,880
Speaker 3: you're walking into a trap. Don't fall for it.

1457
01:08:55,280 --> 01:08:58,639
Speaker 4: Yeah, like, there's such an easy way to go about it.

1458
01:08:58,760 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 4: Just be like, hey, I would love to do that,

1459
01:09:01,520 --> 01:09:03,679
Speaker 4: but unfortunately, Yeah, I'm broke.

1460
01:09:03,800 --> 01:09:07,080
Speaker 1: I am so busy. I have had other.

1461
01:09:06,960 --> 01:09:09,240
Speaker 4: Problems with like friends asking too much and freaking out

1462
01:09:09,240 --> 01:09:10,080
Speaker 4: when I asked them to pay.

1463
01:09:10,120 --> 01:09:12,679
Speaker 1: But I do need to start charging for this stuff.

1464
01:09:12,800 --> 01:09:15,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's totally fair, And any of your friends who

1465
01:09:15,880 --> 01:09:17,920
Speaker 3: have a problem with that are not your real friends.

1466
01:09:18,120 --> 01:09:21,320
Speaker 1: Boom exactly. But folks, we got a little bit left

1467
01:09:21,439 --> 01:09:24,800
Speaker 1: to this story. Let's see if OP puts her new

1468
01:09:24,840 --> 01:09:25,559
Speaker 1: skills to work.

1469
01:09:25,840 --> 01:09:29,439
Speaker 3: Honestly, I was floored. I have never met this girl.

1470
01:09:29,520 --> 01:09:31,439
Speaker 3: And no, my friend did not offer to pay for

1471
01:09:31,479 --> 01:09:35,360
Speaker 3: the papers. I told her, I'm sorry, but unfortunately I can't.

1472
01:09:35,840 --> 01:09:38,400
Speaker 3: She said she understood. But for the last few hours

1473
01:09:38,439 --> 01:09:41,320
Speaker 3: things have been weird between us. The old me would

1474
01:09:41,320 --> 01:09:44,240
Speaker 3: have been making these favors. The new me says no.

1475
01:09:45,400 --> 01:09:47,880
Speaker 3: I have to remember no is a word. I've been

1476
01:09:47,880 --> 01:09:50,960
Speaker 3: pretty good about saying no to people since my last post.

1477
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:53,439
Speaker 3: The only thing I have agreed to do is to

1478
01:09:53,680 --> 01:09:57,280
Speaker 3: raffle baskets or a child with fundraiser and two baskets

1479
01:09:57,280 --> 01:10:00,160
Speaker 3: for my kids' school fundraiser. Those ones are fair, I'll

1480
01:10:00,160 --> 01:10:00,479
Speaker 3: give you that.

1481
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:01,160
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1482
01:10:01,280 --> 01:10:03,360
Speaker 3: I know I'm a work in progress, but today my

1483
01:10:03,360 --> 01:10:05,559
Speaker 3: friend reminded me that I need to think of me first.

1484
01:10:05,840 --> 01:10:08,639
Speaker 3: Consenza's commoners are proud of her and baffled by her

1485
01:10:08,680 --> 01:10:09,879
Speaker 3: coworkers entitlement.

1486
01:10:10,160 --> 01:10:13,360
Speaker 1: Very true. Wow, that's the end of that. This is

1487
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:14,960
Speaker 1: the end of that one goodness, that