1 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: So one of my most popular episodes of Just Be 2 00:00:17,880 --> 00:00:20,799 Speaker 1: was when I talked about my divorce, and not in 3 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:26,479 Speaker 1: a salacious aspect, not for gossip's sake, to explain what 4 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 1: a person can go through, the the amount of strife 5 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:34,880 Speaker 1: and stress and emotional duress that someone can go through 6 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 1: during a divorce. I happen to have what I call 7 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,400 Speaker 1: Hall of Fame divorce that lasted about nine and a 8 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 1: half years on a two year marriage. But I do 9 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:50,879 Speaker 1: consider myself an expert in this area. Why because I 10 00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,040 Speaker 1: have probably been to court over twenty times. I am 11 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: a student of everything that I do, so I listen, 12 00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: I learn, I research, I'm organized. I have been through 13 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: every aspect of a divorce as it pertains to different 14 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:17,040 Speaker 1: legal nuances, stalking, harassment, being followed, organizing notebooks, custody issues, 15 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 1: changing custody issues, laws, just so many different things that 16 00:01:21,760 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 1: I've been through. So I want to help other people 17 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: by giving them advice and sharing what I've been through, 18 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:31,959 Speaker 1: not my own personal gossip, but tools for them so 19 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:37,240 Speaker 1: they don't go through what I went through financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically. 20 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 1: It almost killed me too. So it's my job to 21 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,039 Speaker 1: help people to not go through what I went through, 22 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: or to really mitigate that, to minimize that. And basically 23 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: we laugh sometimes here and we talk about celebrities and 24 00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 1: uh gossip. It's not really what the show is about 25 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 1: at all, but sometimes I'll dabble and talk about different 26 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 1: public figures. But I really don't like to talk about 27 00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 1: public figures unless there's some lesson, there's something we can 28 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,799 Speaker 1: learn about ourselves. So while I've joked about Julia Fox 29 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 1: and Kanye and her being in sort of a cheer 30 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:12,919 Speaker 1: relationship or one day he just decided he was going 31 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:18,200 Speaker 1: to make her the girl in Hollywood, and I've talked 32 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:21,320 Speaker 1: about the success of the Kardashians and Kale being a 33 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:24,640 Speaker 1: Kale Dashian and all the stupid things I'd say, I 34 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:28,480 Speaker 1: want to talk about popular culture as it pertains to divorce. 35 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:32,239 Speaker 1: So I watch people that are very successful and very 36 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:41,519 Speaker 1: famous get into relationships, gush, flaunt, express post filter show, 37 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 1: elaborate gifts and vacations and this person loves me so 38 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 1: much and it's my soul mate, and just going on 39 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:51,800 Speaker 1: and on, and then if they break up, which sadly 40 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,200 Speaker 1: and not to be the doomsayer or more than uh 41 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 1: of divorce, more than sixty percent of marriages end up 42 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:02,679 Speaker 1: in divorce, then please, can you respect our privacy during 43 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,119 Speaker 1: this very difficult time? And I always think, well, why 44 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: don't you want us to respect your privacy during this 45 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,520 Speaker 1: very easy time, Because you can't have it both ways. 46 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: You can't invite us into your life and the gifts 47 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 1: and the flowers and the romance and the story and 48 00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:20,240 Speaker 1: all of that if you don't expect us to be 49 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,560 Speaker 1: invested in the demise. We heard the whole story, we 50 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,600 Speaker 1: now want to know how it unfolded. So I've been 51 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:29,079 Speaker 1: thinking about Kim and Kanye as their divorce plays out 52 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:34,480 Speaker 1: in the public. So Kim and Kanye were married for 53 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: several years. It seems that they were friends for a 54 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 1: really long time, that he really adored her, uh, that 55 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:45,680 Speaker 1: they got together and he was extremely generous, elaborate gifts 56 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 1: and stocks and Cartier and air mes and diamonds and 57 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:53,360 Speaker 1: all these things. That we saw this amazing public proposal 58 00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 1: in uh a baseball stadium near San Francisco, I believe, 59 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 1: and her gorgeous wedding and her dress and uh John 60 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: Legends song, uh all of me and you know, it 61 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:13,240 Speaker 1: was amazing. And then he invited her into his fashion 62 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:17,080 Speaker 1: style and world and to the met Ball, and she 63 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,160 Speaker 1: became this fashion icon in her own right. But they 64 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,919 Speaker 1: both elevated each other. It seemed like him as a 65 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 1: really respected artist. They the sum was greater than their parts, 66 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,359 Speaker 1: and they both really thrived, and they both became billionaires 67 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 1: in the process. And they have this beautiful family and 68 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: this great life, and things then unraveled as relationships do. 69 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:40,360 Speaker 1: It happened to me, it happens to everyone. We were 70 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:44,520 Speaker 1: on that ride. So now the public is involved in 71 00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:50,720 Speaker 1: their divorce. But Kanye obviously in particular, is really really 72 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,919 Speaker 1: shedding a light on his divorce. And he's talking to 73 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 1: the court of public opinion instead of talking to the 74 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 1: court of the custody of your children. So now is 75 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 1: where I'm getting into what really matters if you ever 76 00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:09,080 Speaker 1: are dealing with a custody situation or a divorce. So 77 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:13,160 Speaker 1: here's the deal. Judges want what's best for the children. 78 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,320 Speaker 1: All they care about is what's best for the children. Now, 79 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,080 Speaker 1: Kanye has been talking about how he doesn't want his 80 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 1: daughter who's eight on TikTok, and he didn't approve this. 81 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,800 Speaker 1: He's asking all of us to rally around him and 82 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:28,120 Speaker 1: vying for our attention. Um, that's gonna be a really 83 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:31,480 Speaker 1: hard argument for him because he participated in a reality 84 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:35,680 Speaker 1: show and a lifestyle that showed their children photos, group 85 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: Halloween costumes, all of this stuff. I've experienced this myself. 86 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 1: You can't endorse it when you're a part of it 87 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,560 Speaker 1: and then denounce it when you've walked away from it. 88 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,280 Speaker 1: You can't have it both ways. So had he been 89 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 1: a person that was very protective over the kids and 90 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,480 Speaker 1: their families privacy the whole way and discussed that with 91 00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,720 Speaker 1: his wife while married, then that might hold water. That's 92 00:05:57,720 --> 00:05:59,720 Speaker 1: also like something that you talk about in the beginning. 93 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,680 Speaker 1: You're Jewish, I'm Catholic. Can we get through that? You 94 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: want to have kids? I don't. Can we get through that? 95 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,880 Speaker 1: Whatever the situation is, these are issues that are discussed 96 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: in the beginning. But from my perspective, the Kardashians is 97 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,000 Speaker 1: a very very public show and empire. Social media is 98 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 1: a bigger empire than the Kardashians show, and the kids 99 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,040 Speaker 1: have shown up on social media everywhere and been, you know, 100 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: out with the paparazzi and celebrated. So Kanye can't now 101 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:28,159 Speaker 1: come and rally for people to think that his child 102 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,919 Speaker 1: should be off social media when she was literally born 103 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,600 Speaker 1: into that world. Whether you like that or not, it's 104 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 1: not our business. It's just a fact. You Also, he 105 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 1: could say, and probably will, that when they were younger, 106 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: they didn't have a choice and they didn't know what 107 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:43,920 Speaker 1: they were doing, and they would just babies. And now 108 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,359 Speaker 1: it's different. But still I stand by the fact that 109 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: the entire family and all the siblings and all the 110 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,719 Speaker 1: kids are part of this machine. So he can't say that. 111 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:56,040 Speaker 1: But more importantly, he's coming to the public and trying 112 00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:00,159 Speaker 1: to get the court of public opinion on his side. 113 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:06,719 Speaker 1: Nothing pisces a judge off more than side shows, circuses, 114 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: spectacles there there for the child. So while the judge 115 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 1: personally may not agree with a child being born into 116 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 1: and living this in you know, very public lifestyle, they 117 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 1: won't be able to speak to whether that's the best 118 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 1: for a child. They would have a forensic psychologist analyze 119 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,440 Speaker 1: whether that's the best for a child. Now that this 120 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:28,120 Speaker 1: may never get there, because I don't I think they'll 121 00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 1: probably settle at some point, but a judge won't decide. 122 00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: He would have a he or she would have an opinion, 123 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,600 Speaker 1: but they won't just decide whether that's what's best. But 124 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: what they do know for sure that's not best is 125 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:46,680 Speaker 1: that fighting over a child in a custody battle is 126 00:07:46,720 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: like watching your child drown at the end of a dock, 127 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,960 Speaker 1: calling you to save them, and you're just standing there 128 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,840 Speaker 1: watching them. So that's what's really bad for a child 129 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 1: them watching this go back and forth, and again, remember 130 00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 1: ivan experience this. I know what this is all like. 131 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 1: The court isn't necessary evil. Divorce lawyers are necessary evil. 132 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 1: You can't just go rogue and do things on your 133 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,040 Speaker 1: own way. So you can't Kanye your way out of 134 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: a divorce and go public unless it's a tactic to 135 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:17,640 Speaker 1: shake down the other side for public reasons, and that 136 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:21,640 Speaker 1: they'll just sort of fold because you're publicly making this 137 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: a court issue. But if this ends up going to court, 138 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 1: or if there's a judge involved in anything, they're not 139 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: going to like side shows. They're not going to like 140 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,480 Speaker 1: a child being utilized as a tool for the media. 141 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:38,440 Speaker 1: That's something that I can absolutely be certain of, so 142 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 1: I would suggest And also when I say side shows, 143 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: I mean people, when you're getting divorced, you think every 144 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 1: dumb thing matters. Every Oh my god, I can't believe 145 00:08:47,559 --> 00:08:49,280 Speaker 1: you just said that to me. Someone just said something 146 00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 1: nasty to you or something you don't understand. Judges see 147 00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 1: parents that put lit cigarettes out on their children. Okay, 148 00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:59,440 Speaker 1: they see serious abuse. They say see very major issues. 149 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 1: They don't really make massive moves unless major stuff is happening. 150 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 1: So when you're going through a divorce and some bad, mean, 151 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:10,440 Speaker 1: nasty comment comes through, or something is bad, or someone 152 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: did something appalling at your kid's recital, it may be bad. 153 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: They may be an asshole, whether man or woman, but 154 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:20,840 Speaker 1: being an asshole is not a reason to start sending 155 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:23,360 Speaker 1: emails and telling lawyers. It's just a way for you 156 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,719 Speaker 1: to waste your money. And also, people always think they're 157 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 1: smarter than the process. They think, Okay, well, I know 158 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 1: we're talking about this one issue and we're talking about 159 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:34,080 Speaker 1: splitting custody, or we're talking about this other thing. But 160 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 1: let me just let the judge know that this this 161 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,320 Speaker 1: partner of mine or ex partner mine did this other 162 00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: thing just to prove what a bad person they are. 163 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,360 Speaker 1: Judges don't give a shit. They're focused on the main 164 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: issue at hand. We're talking about this one issue. Is 165 00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 1: it sixty custody? Is it fifty fifty is a visitation? 166 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,719 Speaker 1: Is it? Uh? Someone is going to live in one 167 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 1: state or another state. They're focused on the one issue. 168 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:02,199 Speaker 1: You start bringing inside shit and they it derails the process. 169 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,920 Speaker 1: It's so tempting. And those of you who have gone 170 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 1: through a divorce, or are going through a divorce, or 171 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,280 Speaker 1: are thinking about going through a divorce know what I'm 172 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 1: talking about. Because you are tempted by the side show. 173 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: Avoid the side show. There's just no upside to it. 174 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: You have to be a snail in a marathon when 175 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: you're going through a divorce. You have to go one 176 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: step at a time, one foot in front of the other. 177 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 1: I think Kanye is a very talented artist. I think 178 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,040 Speaker 1: he seems like he has a good heart and loves 179 00:10:31,120 --> 00:10:34,680 Speaker 1: his kids and is emotional and is feeling helpless because 180 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 1: when you're in a divorce, in the divorce process, you 181 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,160 Speaker 1: feel helpless. If you're a person is used to getting 182 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 1: what you want and you are successful and you just 183 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 1: know how to make everybody hop to it and finish 184 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 1: across the finish line, this is going to be very difficult. 185 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 1: Kanye gets what Kanye wants, and Kim gets what Kim wants, 186 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 1: So for him. He is a genius. He has a 187 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: musical genius. He's done incredible things in the fashion world. 188 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,160 Speaker 1: He's a billionaire. It's not that easy to understand. Wait 189 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 1: a second, I want to see this. I want to 190 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:04,319 Speaker 1: see my kids every day of the week, or I 191 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 1: want to see him on a Tuesday. If it's not 192 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: your day, it's not your day. If it's not your 193 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,719 Speaker 1: custody time, it's not your custody time. They may be 194 00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:13,800 Speaker 1: in the purgatory before somebody has mandated some sort of structure. 195 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: But the structure really does help because then it gives 196 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 1: you the guidelines and then you can then ask the 197 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:21,480 Speaker 1: other person, which is often someone who doesn't want to 198 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: give you what you want at all, and then you 199 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,960 Speaker 1: just have to stick to what it is like. It's 200 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,240 Speaker 1: just there's a discipline to it. But my advice to 201 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,560 Speaker 1: Kanye it would be you have to stay the course 202 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: and the way that you one day long time ago 203 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:39,600 Speaker 1: weren't successful and had to just take it one step 204 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:41,600 Speaker 1: at a time and take wins one step at a 205 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 1: time and losses one step at a time. That's what 206 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: the divorce process is. Love your kids, trust the process, 207 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:51,200 Speaker 1: be proactive, be organized, but you cannot go rogue and 208 00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:54,440 Speaker 1: take matters into your own hands when it comes to 209 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 1: the divorce and custody process, it will only hurt you. 210 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:15,559 Speaker 1: I have to tell you that I have literally hysterically 211 00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:19,880 Speaker 1: cried because I could never have my daughter for one 212 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 1: second that I wasn't legally allowed to. If I had 213 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:27,559 Speaker 1: an opportunity in Australia that I knew about a year ahead, 214 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:32,400 Speaker 1: I couldn't get a minute changed. Okay. So sometimes there's 215 00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 1: a loophole in a custody agreement where you literally because 216 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:39,440 Speaker 1: Thanksgiving falls next to the other person's two days or something, 217 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,760 Speaker 1: and there's some loophole that a lawyer didn't see, and 218 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 1: you could be away from your child for nine to 219 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,960 Speaker 1: eleven days when they're two years old. And when I 220 00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:50,120 Speaker 1: tell you that breaks your heart or something falls and 221 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 1: you try to make Thanksgiving on a Tuesday, you're like, Okay, 222 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 1: I know it's not my day. So Thanksgiving is in 223 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,199 Speaker 1: my year. This year it's Tuesday on Thanksgiving, and someone 224 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: on my team made a mistake at the schedule and 225 00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,600 Speaker 1: I was literally in a movie with my child trying 226 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 1: to market Thanksgiving as a Tuesday. I had a bunch 227 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 1: of people coming to my house. I was cooking a 228 00:13:07,920 --> 00:13:12,800 Speaker 1: whole Thanksgiving dinner and uh, my child was literally pulled 229 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:16,240 Speaker 1: out of my arms and demanded to go home immediately. 230 00:13:16,240 --> 00:13:17,559 Speaker 1: We're in the middle of a movie. We had to 231 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,880 Speaker 1: walk out of a movie. I was hysterically crying, sobbing, 232 00:13:21,360 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: ruined my Thanksgiving. All the people came over, didn't even 233 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 1: do the dinner. Was drunk and sitting crying and sobbing 234 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,360 Speaker 1: with swollen face to my friends. The next day, I 235 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: walked into the ocean. It was November, right before Thanksgiving. 236 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 1: I mean, I have been through the most dreadful experiences 237 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 1: in going through the custody process. I cannot explain. Not 238 00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:45,680 Speaker 1: everyone is going to make you go to the letter 239 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: of the law and use a custody agreement against you. 240 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,200 Speaker 1: That's another thing I want to mention. Custody agreements are guidelines. 241 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,600 Speaker 1: They're designed to protect the child. The whole custody process 242 00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:57,560 Speaker 1: is designed not for you, and that you get what 243 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 1: you want and that you funk over your ex now 244 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 1: so you win, not so it's a competition. Custody agreements 245 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:07,480 Speaker 1: are designed to protect a child. The custody process designed 246 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: to protect a child. If you always think, and this 247 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: is another piece of advice for Kanye and for Kim, 248 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 1: for both of them, if you always run everything through 249 00:14:17,679 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 1: the filter truthfully, not the marketing filter. The true filter 250 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 1: is this what's best for this child for now and 251 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:27,720 Speaker 1: going forward. And it could be a tough decision. It 252 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:29,840 Speaker 1: could be that your child spends more time with the 253 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: other parent than you. It could be that they spend 254 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 1: less time. Whatever it is, it's not about you. It's 255 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:39,120 Speaker 1: always about the child. So a custody agreement is supposed 256 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:41,120 Speaker 1: to be used for the benefit of the child. It's 257 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:44,000 Speaker 1: a structured contract. I've had contracts with business partners that 258 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,200 Speaker 1: we don't always go by. They tell me that they 259 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,880 Speaker 1: want me to post an in feed post twice a month, 260 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: and then you're annoying the customer and it's doing damage. 261 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,000 Speaker 1: You call the partner, you tell them, They say, fine, 262 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,280 Speaker 1: we don't need you to do that. That happens all 263 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,240 Speaker 1: the time. A custody agreement is not supposed to be 264 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 1: used to torment the the person. It's not supposed to 265 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 1: be Ah Tuesday's it's at four. So no, you can't 266 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 1: have them at four, even if you're taking them to 267 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,080 Speaker 1: a special experience with your parents, like some people will 268 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 1: do that use it as a weapon. Judges don't like that. 269 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:16,320 Speaker 1: Judges don't like people playing games. They've seen it all. 270 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:21,720 Speaker 1: They understand the mental warfare, they understand the manipulation, they 271 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 1: understand parental alienation. They understand all of it. And yes, 272 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 1: judges are people and they read the press too, so 273 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 1: they know about antics across the board. Uh So the 274 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 1: custody process just never forget. It is always designed to 275 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 1: help the child, what is best for the child, and 276 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 1: they can't always know should kids be on social media? 277 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: A forensic psychologist says, we don't actually know. We don't know. 278 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:51,280 Speaker 1: It hasn't been around long enough to see the after effects, 279 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,240 Speaker 1: the negativity. They don't know. We can. Everyone can speculate 280 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 1: it may be terrible, but they don't know, so they 281 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 1: don't just speak out of their ass because we all 282 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:01,120 Speaker 1: think we're experts and we don't think the kids should 283 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 1: be all over social media, or we don't think relationships 284 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,440 Speaker 1: to be publicized so greatly. Whatever we think, we don't 285 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 1: necessarily know, but we have to be good parents and 286 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 1: go with our gut instinct. Another thing I want to 287 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: mention lawyers are only as good as their clients. It's 288 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,840 Speaker 1: like so many other things. Talent agents are only as 289 00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:25,520 Speaker 1: good as their clients. They're not gonna majestically present things 290 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,000 Speaker 1: to you. They're going to change your life. You have 291 00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: to work it. Television shows reality television shows only as 292 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 1: good as the people on them. I made my own 293 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 1: opportunities out of that opportunity, so listen to me about 294 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 1: this divorce. Lawyers are only as good as their clients. 295 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:44,480 Speaker 1: I think there was a saying that one said, oh, 296 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:48,960 Speaker 1: something about only a fool would have themselves as a 297 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,840 Speaker 1: client or something like that, right, meaning only a fool 298 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:56,800 Speaker 1: would represent themselves. So the reason that I was able 299 00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:00,880 Speaker 1: to be heard in my person of struggles during my 300 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:09,280 Speaker 1: divorce was because I was intensely organized, calm, strategic. I 301 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,679 Speaker 1: really kept my cool. I played chess, not checkers. You 302 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:15,680 Speaker 1: can't just be some dumb dumb that lets some lawyer 303 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,920 Speaker 1: charge you and just go figured out for themselves. They 304 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:23,400 Speaker 1: don't understand. My lawyers told me, and one of them said. 305 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:24,680 Speaker 1: One of them left the firm and said to me, 306 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 1: or the smartest client we've ever had. Because I would listen, 307 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:31,120 Speaker 1: I would take their advice, but I also would stick 308 00:17:31,119 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 1: to my guns if there was something that I knew, 309 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,199 Speaker 1: and I would paint for them what my reasoning was. 310 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,359 Speaker 1: And often I had I thought of things that they 311 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 1: would say, Nope, that's not for now, that's over there, 312 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:43,000 Speaker 1: put this over there, that's for later. But you have 313 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 1: to create your own strategy like everything else, and understand 314 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,920 Speaker 1: what your goal is because the whole thing can get derailed. Divorced. 315 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,399 Speaker 1: Lawyers are money makers. They've got multiple cases. They're not 316 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,320 Speaker 1: focusing on your case except for when they're going into court. 317 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,560 Speaker 1: They write an email, they forget about it. You have 318 00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: to remind them of it a year later. You're piecing 319 00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:06,840 Speaker 1: together your own case. You're keeping copious notes, You're you 320 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 1: have folders, you have categories, you have sections. It will 321 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,480 Speaker 1: build up. It's like a project. It's like trying to 322 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:14,879 Speaker 1: do your thesis overnight. You have to be organized, be 323 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 1: able to back things up and make things thematic and 324 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 1: make them make sense. It's like you're presenting an organized 325 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:28,479 Speaker 1: body of information to your lawyers and crystallizing it so 326 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:33,960 Speaker 1: they then can use that to argue whatever point they 327 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:36,399 Speaker 1: need to make. But trust me, you hand them a 328 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,400 Speaker 1: big fucking mess left and right, tell them a bunch 329 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,880 Speaker 1: of different things. They're not going to do a good job. 330 00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,600 Speaker 1: I could just promise you that they're only as good 331 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 1: as their client is organized, thorough, calm, patient, and strategic. 332 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:54,119 Speaker 1: Another thing is, don't ever assume anyone is smarter than you. 333 00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:58,159 Speaker 1: Don't assume that your lawyers because they tell you know 334 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:02,160 Speaker 1: you're not allowed to buy an their apartment because all 335 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,679 Speaker 1: the money hasn't been sorted yet. If you're in an 336 00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,720 Speaker 1: emotional situation and you need to get out of a 337 00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:10,440 Speaker 1: place to live, and you're being told for logistical legal 338 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,280 Speaker 1: reasons that you can't, you just have to be backed up. 339 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 1: You can't just like be rogue and walk out. You 340 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,080 Speaker 1: have to have a plan. You have to have a 341 00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:22,600 Speaker 1: plan that's supported by evidence. While you need to make 342 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,720 Speaker 1: a different move that a lawyer tells you not to do, 343 00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,600 Speaker 1: and you need to be able to support that. You 344 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: need to be able to communicate that. And it happened 345 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 1: to me. I moved out of a house. I was 346 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: told that you weren't supposed to move out until things 347 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 1: are resolved. If you're living in a very tortuous environment, 348 00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:41,479 Speaker 1: you need to take measures, but you need to do 349 00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,320 Speaker 1: the methodically. And what ended up happening, as a judge said, 350 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:47,440 Speaker 1: finally someone had the sense to do what was best 351 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 1: for the child and move out of that environment, because 352 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,400 Speaker 1: people get caught up in battling each other and not 353 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 1: thinking of what's best for the child. So if your 354 00:19:57,119 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 1: reason for moving out of a place when being advised 355 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:04,639 Speaker 1: against by a lawyer is because it's best for the child, 356 00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:08,200 Speaker 1: be able to back that out. Another time, I was 357 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,160 Speaker 1: told I wasn't allowed to spend money and buy another property. 358 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,560 Speaker 1: You're not allowed to do that, your money is tied up. 359 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,520 Speaker 1: My reasoning was, it's what's best for my child. This 360 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:19,879 Speaker 1: I'm doing because it's what's best for my child. If 361 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,720 Speaker 1: you're doing what's best for you, it will not work. 362 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 1: You also cannot be angry at or hate the other 363 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:32,159 Speaker 1: person more than you love your child. You have to 364 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: put your child first in every situation, and you have 365 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,680 Speaker 1: to get clarity on what that means. Fucking over your 366 00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 1: ex is not loving your child. I tweeted that I 367 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,360 Speaker 1: was going to jump through my phone if Teresa Giu 368 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 1: DJ does not sign a prenup because she said on 369 00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:02,080 Speaker 1: Andy Cohen show Watch What Happens Live that she wasn't 370 00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:03,679 Speaker 1: signing a prenup and her daughter was like, what does 371 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,520 Speaker 1: she need? To sign a prenup for like, that's a 372 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,439 Speaker 1: dumb and dumber conversation. I mean, you have to have 373 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,240 Speaker 1: a prenup. It doesn't matter if you're a billionaire the 374 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 1: other person is a popper. You're the popper, they're the billionaire. 375 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,639 Speaker 1: Let's just get the ship straight. We don't go into 376 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:19,280 Speaker 1: business deals. And I know people say, well, it's love 377 00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: and it's not a business deal. Well, you know what, 378 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,199 Speaker 1: it becomes a business deal if you break up. You 379 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,840 Speaker 1: want to be with someone that you want to be 380 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,800 Speaker 1: able to divorce kindly with. And I say that and 381 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:33,400 Speaker 1: that sounds unromantic, But guess what, getting divorce is not romantic. 382 00:21:33,480 --> 00:21:37,080 Speaker 1: And if six people are getting divorced, like you, you 383 00:21:37,119 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: don't have to go to Harvard. I didn't go to 384 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,399 Speaker 1: have it or nothing. But I mean, I just know 385 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,840 Speaker 1: that if six people are getting divorce, I'm telling Teresa G. 386 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:46,400 Speaker 1: D J. Sign a fucking prenup. Get organized. It's uncomfortable. 387 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:52,640 Speaker 1: It's a big girl conversation. That's uncomfortable. But anything can 388 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:56,520 Speaker 1: happen in a courtroom, in a relationship in life. Know 389 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 1: what's going on is state planning pren ups. These are 390 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:05,360 Speaker 1: adult business person conversations. It does not mean you don't 391 00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,199 Speaker 1: trust the person you're with. Have you never been in 392 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,240 Speaker 1: an argument with someone? Have you never seen that someone's changed, 393 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,080 Speaker 1: not been who you thought they were? Have you never 394 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,760 Speaker 1: had a dispute with someone that everything was peachy keen 395 00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,680 Speaker 1: when it started out, whether business or otherwise, and then 396 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,439 Speaker 1: you find yourself in a conflict with them something that 397 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:26,920 Speaker 1: has to be settled or negotiated or terminated. I mean, 398 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:29,639 Speaker 1: this is just life and acts of mind used to 399 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,760 Speaker 1: say most things don't happen, meaning everything we worry about 400 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:36,160 Speaker 1: doesn't happen. But why not be prepared God forbid something 401 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:40,160 Speaker 1: happens to you. You have insurance. You don't get insurance 402 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:43,480 Speaker 1: because you think you're going to fall into a ditch. 403 00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: You you don't get insurance because you think your house 404 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:50,720 Speaker 1: is going to burn down or flood or be blown 405 00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:54,240 Speaker 1: away in a hurricane or an earthquake. But you're happy 406 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,919 Speaker 1: you had it if your house blows away in an 407 00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:00,680 Speaker 1: earthquake or a tornado or a hurricane. You get insurance 408 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,720 Speaker 1: because you're not a dumbass. You have health insurance because 409 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 1: you're not a dumbass. Prenup is relationship insurance. Just do it. 410 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 1: Listen to Nike. Teresa, sign a prenup. Have the conversation. 411 00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 1: If someone you're with is pressuring you because you're negotiating 412 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:20,880 Speaker 1: with them in a prenup, it's okay. It's then don't 413 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:22,199 Speaker 1: You don't have to get married. You can be a 414 00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,159 Speaker 1: life partner. If you're gonna get married, you need to 415 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,399 Speaker 1: be responsible to take care of yourself and your family 416 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 1: if the ship goes sideways. Everybody's nice when they have 417 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:35,359 Speaker 1: their new car smell. Everything is going well during the 418 00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 1: honeymoon stage. And I love my fiance Paul, and I 419 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 1: am not bitter, and I have let go of every 420 00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,879 Speaker 1: ounce of anger because holding on to anger is drinking 421 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,959 Speaker 1: poison and hoping the other person dies. But I'm still smart, 422 00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:53,639 Speaker 1: and I've realized that relationships, when signing a contract with 423 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:57,240 Speaker 1: someone in a relationship sucks, So I need to make 424 00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,399 Speaker 1: that very clear. Being in a business negotiate asition with 425 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:04,120 Speaker 1: someone that you love sucks so bad. It is poison 426 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,920 Speaker 1: injected into a relationship. So I'm going to say that 427 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 1: Teresa has kids, they're grown, she's happy, she has her 428 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:16,440 Speaker 1: own career, she represents all of us. I'm not really 429 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,719 Speaker 1: making us about Teresa. I don't talk about people unless 430 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,240 Speaker 1: they illustrate something that I think we can all learn from. 431 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 1: But if she wants to get married, which is something 432 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:29,280 Speaker 1: legally binding. By getting married, you are legally bound to someone. 433 00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:32,160 Speaker 1: So if you're getting into a marriage and you are 434 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:36,040 Speaker 1: going to be legally up legally bound to someone, and 435 00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:39,760 Speaker 1: you've signed documents and had witnesses and gone to that 436 00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:43,080 Speaker 1: state and gone to court to do it, that means 437 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:46,119 Speaker 1: you've entered into an agreement with them. That means you 438 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: have to have a prenup associated with it. Frankly, people 439 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,760 Speaker 1: should not be allowed to be legally married to one 440 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:57,640 Speaker 1: another unless they have a legal document explaining that bind. 441 00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:04,159 Speaker 1: So Teresa can be emotionally married and lifetime committed to 442 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:06,359 Speaker 1: that person the way Kurt Russell and goldiehon did it 443 00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,199 Speaker 1: for so many years and and other people have done it. 444 00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 1: But if she or you are going to be legally 445 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,919 Speaker 1: bound to someone in a way that you can't just 446 00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:18,399 Speaker 1: waltz on out, just like a contract in business, you 447 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 1: need to have a prenup, and it fucking sucks. So 448 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,399 Speaker 1: as you and and as we, as we get deeper 449 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,920 Speaker 1: into relationships and we don't have kids, you may want 450 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,399 Speaker 1: to get married because you feel that it's going to 451 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,639 Speaker 1: give you some sort of a protection. When you have kids, 452 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,520 Speaker 1: that changes laws. And you may think that if you're 453 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,960 Speaker 1: getting older and you're working on your partner's business, that 454 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 1: you may want to get married because you want some 455 00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:46,960 Speaker 1: sort of legal documents saying that you're bound to each other. 456 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:50,960 Speaker 1: And then there are laws that protect that. But as 457 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,520 Speaker 1: a woman who is older and has kids and works 458 00:25:55,960 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 1: and has been divorced, if you're going to be legally bound, 459 00:26:00,240 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 1: you must have a document to coincide with that in 460 00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 1: case that legal agreement is broken. Another thing I want 461 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,920 Speaker 1: to mention on the divorce and custody process is that 462 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 1: people way importance on the things that aren't necessarily the 463 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 1: most important. The minutia doesn't matter. I've said this before. 464 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,320 Speaker 1: All the little things you think are so important that 465 00:26:22,359 --> 00:26:24,880 Speaker 1: you have to fight and you have to tell lawyers 466 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,800 Speaker 1: about and you just got to dig in on may 467 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,159 Speaker 1: not really be the things that matter, just they're just 468 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,720 Speaker 1: not going to be. For example, people worry about custody 469 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:35,359 Speaker 1: time a lot, the time spent, how much time spent 470 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:37,040 Speaker 1: with your kids. You get more time and the other 471 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:40,760 Speaker 1: person you get full You get primary custody time. Time time. 472 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,200 Speaker 1: Wild time is great. As kids get older, they're spending 473 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,600 Speaker 1: time with their friends, they're going to soccer games. You 474 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,160 Speaker 1: have careers, you want to do what you want to do, 475 00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:52,600 Speaker 1: and time can be divided so many different ways. Meaning 476 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 1: you could have your child all the time, but then 477 00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 1: you have to work so you're not spending all the 478 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 1: time with them anyway. Or you need to get child's care, 479 00:26:58,840 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 1: so then you've fought to have the time, but it's 480 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,920 Speaker 1: not it's time with a childcare professional. I've never had 481 00:27:03,920 --> 00:27:06,440 Speaker 1: a nanny, so that's always been it's always been a 482 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,920 Speaker 1: lot of really good quality time. But then people fight 483 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 1: for the pennies on the six seventy thirty. What could 484 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,920 Speaker 1: matter is that it's not that you need more time, 485 00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,240 Speaker 1: but that you need to know that you are with 486 00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:23,639 Speaker 1: someone or divorcing someone or separating from someone. That would 487 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 1: be flexible, meaning you could have swing days, switch days, 488 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,639 Speaker 1: just say okay, I don't know, I'll take fifty fifty, 489 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,080 Speaker 1: but I just want to know that two days a 490 00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:34,600 Speaker 1: month I can say I need to make a switch 491 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:36,800 Speaker 1: and you'll accommodate. I mean, there are many ways to 492 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,480 Speaker 1: do this. It's like contracts in business. There's so many 493 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,159 Speaker 1: ways to do it, but people get caught up on 494 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:45,159 Speaker 1: just the math of the time. It could matter to 495 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:50,240 Speaker 1: you because sixty verst fifty does change child support and 496 00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,440 Speaker 1: that could really matter. That's something that's interesting that it 497 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,000 Speaker 1: could be one or two more days and then it 498 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,159 Speaker 1: changed child support. Um oh okay. So another thing is 499 00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,080 Speaker 1: people think about time. I want to be my child more. 500 00:28:01,119 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 1: It's traumatizing to think about less time when especially when 501 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:08,080 Speaker 1: they're very young, and um, how you spend your time 502 00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:10,560 Speaker 1: is very important. So that could be as important as 503 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,880 Speaker 1: who has more or the percentage. But I'll say something 504 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:17,520 Speaker 1: that people don't talk about as much as time is 505 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:23,400 Speaker 1: decision making. Sometimes people will have fifty fifty custody on time, 506 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:28,439 Speaker 1: but one person makes the decision. So this is really 507 00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:31,479 Speaker 1: an important thing. We talk about money in pre nups. 508 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,960 Speaker 1: I don't know why possible divorce terms aren't discussed in 509 00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:40,080 Speaker 1: pre nups because that's important stuff. If we are going 510 00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,640 Speaker 1: to we're getting married, we're going to have a child. 511 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,040 Speaker 1: What would happen if this didn't work out? People talk 512 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 1: about it financially all the time. I just thought of that, 513 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:50,920 Speaker 1: like it should be a child nup, a custody nup, 514 00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,880 Speaker 1: what's what's the custody situation going to be if we 515 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 1: broke up? Would you do fifty? Because if you're gonna 516 00:28:57,360 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 1: come to me and say to me that you're only 517 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,000 Speaker 1: gonna you're gonna want to any thirty, I don't want that. 518 00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:02,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to have a child with you. Or 519 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,360 Speaker 1: what what is your stance on religion for the child, 520 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 1: or private versus public school or after school activities? What 521 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 1: would you think if our child horseback road? Is that 522 00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,000 Speaker 1: something you don't find safe? What if they want to 523 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 1: get into a race car? Why don't we Why don't 524 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:21,280 Speaker 1: we only talk about pre nups as pertains to money. 525 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 1: The custody stuff is the major stuff. I'm not gonna 526 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,680 Speaker 1: lie money. You could be figured out with a freaking 527 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:30,040 Speaker 1: calculator and and a forensic accountant. The custody stuff gets real. 528 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:34,960 Speaker 1: So also, decision making is more important than time. Why 529 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 1: what if your child has a medical issue. What if 530 00:29:37,560 --> 00:29:40,200 Speaker 1: there's an education issue. What if a school needs to 531 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,040 Speaker 1: be switched. What if there's a big decision to be made. 532 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,080 Speaker 1: Your child needs to be taken out of high school 533 00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:51,120 Speaker 1: because they're a gifted professional athlete, They're going to be homeschooled. Well, 534 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 1: one person, they think that's preposterous, that will never happen. 535 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,480 Speaker 1: What if the kid takes acting lessons, becomes uber famous, 536 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,880 Speaker 1: and then one parent decides they don't want the other 537 00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:02,959 Speaker 1: that they don't want the child to be homeschool they 538 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:06,760 Speaker 1: don't believe in this. From a principal standpoint, two years old, 539 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,120 Speaker 1: you can't decide whether you'd be into your fourteen year 540 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:14,840 Speaker 1: old having a twenty million person TikTok following go giving 541 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,080 Speaker 1: up high school and wanting to be a professional uh 542 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:22,560 Speaker 1: skateboarder or a professional instagrammer. You can't know, So these 543 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 1: things need to be discussed ahead of time. From a 544 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,800 Speaker 1: principal standpoint, would you allow your partner to put your 545 00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,760 Speaker 1: kid on reality TV? That's a very Kim Kanye thing. 546 00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:34,800 Speaker 1: Are we agreeing together? And decision making is important when 547 00:30:34,800 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 1: it comes to those matters. Who's going to make the 548 00:30:37,160 --> 00:30:40,400 Speaker 1: decision about which college we're gonna choose. It's cute that 549 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:42,200 Speaker 1: you think that both parents are gonna agree, but that's 550 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,240 Speaker 1: gonna be a lot of fighting. Where are the kids 551 00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:45,880 Speaker 1: going to spend their times in the summer? Are they 552 00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:48,720 Speaker 1: going to camp? What if there's a psychological issue, a 553 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,360 Speaker 1: drug problem, a kid needs to go away to be 554 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 1: in some sort of like rehab high school. Someone has 555 00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:57,960 Speaker 1: to be put on medicine on adderall has has a 556 00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,840 Speaker 1: d h D. One person thinks issue be on on 557 00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:04,240 Speaker 1: a medication, the other doesn't. You have a special needs child? Like, 558 00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:06,680 Speaker 1: how are you handling that You're going through the public 559 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:10,040 Speaker 1: school school system in that or are you having or 560 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 1: you're moving to a place that has special programs. These 561 00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,000 Speaker 1: are the issues that are really important and no one 562 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:19,000 Speaker 1: is talking about them. It's about pre nups because of money, 563 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:23,040 Speaker 1: but it's not about how people align as it pertains 564 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,320 Speaker 1: to all the other issues that come up. And here's 565 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:30,920 Speaker 1: the thing, I've been through all of them. Of them 566 00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,280 Speaker 1: I've been through, so I think it's important to share 567 00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: and to educate and to help change the way things 568 00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:41,440 Speaker 1: are done. Let me be the guinea pig who went 569 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:45,480 Speaker 1: through almost a decade of nightmares to help you not 570 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:50,080 Speaker 1: go through them. Just Be is hosted by me Bethany Frankel. 571 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,880 Speaker 1: Just Be as a production of the Real productions I 572 00:31:53,080 --> 00:31:56,680 Speaker 1: Heart Radio and Blue Duck Media. Are EPs are Morgan Levois, 573 00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,240 Speaker 1: Antonio Enriquez, and Kara hit To catch more moments from 574 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,520 Speaker 1: the show, follow us on Instagram and just be with 575 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 1: Bethany