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Speaker 1: This is John.

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Speaker 2: This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and.

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Speaker 1: We have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 2: got a quick cheuming an ad break from a sponsors,

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Speaker 2: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 3: I was rejected from my dream university, and I think

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Speaker 3: my mother is responsible.

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Speaker 1: Mommy, Mommy.

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Speaker 3: My parents were born in Europe. They immigrated to Canada

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Speaker 3: in the seventies and worked really hard to give my

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Speaker 3: sister and me a decent life. Education was their top priority.

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Speaker 3: When I was a child, my parents would send me

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Speaker 3: to Europe for the summer to be with family. It

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Speaker 3: gave me awesome vacations. It made me absolutely love Europe.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Carleen Hot twelve eighty nine.

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Speaker 3: If you want to submit your own stories, go to

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Speaker 3: the art slash Okay Storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 1: I'm Sam, I'm John, and I'm Keon, and we're here.

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Speaker 3: To give good advice goofily, But we don't have all

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Speaker 3: the answers. We only know what we'd do, So let

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Speaker 3: us know what you would do in the comments. I

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Speaker 3: applied to get Portuguese citizenship as eighteen when I was

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Speaker 3: done with high school. I wanted to apply to universities

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Speaker 3: in Europe. We finished high school at sixteen here, so

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Speaker 3: my mom convinced me to stay in Canada till after

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Speaker 3: CEGEP two year transition so I wouldn't be a minor anymore.

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Speaker 1: And I agreed. A year and a half past and

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Speaker 1: I had worked.

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Speaker 3: My sweet booty off at school to get great grades.

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Speaker 3: I was hitting thirty fours on our r cout rate,

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Speaker 3: which is good.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, what is it? Thirty four?

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Speaker 3: I volunteered, worked and did all that I could to

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Speaker 3: be able to study in Europe. I applied to a

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Speaker 3: couple of universities in different countries. The process was expensive

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Speaker 3: and long, but I was pretty sure i'd get into

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Speaker 3: at least one.

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Speaker 1: I also had booked a trip to Portugal for the

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Speaker 1: summer to settle in. I was set.

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Speaker 3: My mother freaked out when she saw I was serious.

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Speaker 3: She started by saying I'd have to pay myself for

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Speaker 3: applications and trips, and that she couldn't afford the study costs.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's expensive over there, that's right.

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Speaker 3: I told her not to worry because I had a

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Speaker 3: plan and I had a cut. By then, my sister

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Speaker 3: was a successful lawyer and she helped me along the process.

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Speaker 3: I was really expecting to get in. As time passed,

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Speaker 3: I got two reduction letters, which bummed me but wasn't

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Speaker 3: too surprising. However, I never got accepted from another university.

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Speaker 3: I told my mom it was weird and that i'd

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Speaker 3: call to see what's happening. She told me to wait

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Speaker 3: till the end of the week. I tried calling, but

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Speaker 3: the time change was really hard, and I'd leave voice

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Speaker 3: messages but I'd never hear back. By the end of

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Speaker 3: the week, I got a letter from the university. I

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Speaker 3: was absolutely sure i'd get in, and I got refused.

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Speaker 3: I was crushed. I applied to Canadian universities and I

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Speaker 3: got in. I still took that trip, but it was bittersweet.

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Speaker 3: So eight years later, I'm married, I have two kids,

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Speaker 3: I'm still in Canada, and I am happy. My mom

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Speaker 3: was emotional yesterday and said something about being so glad

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Speaker 3: she made sure I didn't go away.

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Speaker 1: I asked her what she meant. She just brushed it off.

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Speaker 1: I just had a bad.

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Speaker 3: Feeling mixed with some clues from the past and with

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Speaker 3: my sister sometimes dropping him saying my mom was harmful

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Speaker 3: and manipulated her. I realized at that point my mom

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Speaker 3: probably had something to do with me not being accepted.

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Speaker 3: I asked my sister via text this morning about it,

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Speaker 3: and she said she'd call later, which he hasn't, but

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Speaker 3: basically she admits that I got accepted into one of

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Speaker 3: the schools. I'm pretty sure my sister also has something

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Speaker 3: to do with it. It's a conspiracy. Oh my, a family conspiracy.

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Speaker 1: Everyone's in on this.

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Speaker 3: Everyone's in and on this is crazy because I applied

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Speaker 3: to law and she knew some of the teachers. I'm

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Speaker 3: also wondering if they just faked all the letters. My

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Speaker 3: mom was home all the time, she could have easily

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Speaker 3: kept them. My dad came by this morning for coffee

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Speaker 3: and I told him about it. As I cried, he

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Speaker 3: promised that if this did happen, he didn't know anything

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Speaker 3: about it and that it's horrible.

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Speaker 1: I believe him.

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Speaker 3: Because he was really upset when I didn't get in.

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Speaker 3: I really felt upset, hopeless.

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Speaker 1: And sad.

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Speaker 3: I kind of just need to mourn that feeling of

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Speaker 3: I could have had this but it got stolen away.

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Speaker 3: I know we'll have to confront my mom and my sister.

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Speaker 3: I know both of them will say that it doesn't matter,

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Speaker 3: happy now and you wouldn't have had your kids if

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Speaker 3: you had left.

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Speaker 1: But it's not true. We will never know that.

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Speaker 3: The very worst is that my sister ended up moving

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Speaker 3: away and living her life in a completely different country,

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Speaker 3: and she's now studying again in a prestigious university. I

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Speaker 3: have a family and really can't now decide to just

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Speaker 3: go to England to study again. And I feel she

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Speaker 3: did any advice?

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Speaker 1: Please? You thought it was over? I did? You thought

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Speaker 1: it was done? Through it over?

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Speaker 4: Well?

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Speaker 3: I guess you weren't that cautiouslesslessly, you know, cautious because

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Speaker 3: there's more.

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Speaker 1: There's an update.

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Speaker 3: There's an update in our midst oh, and we're gonna

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Speaker 3: get into it.

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Speaker 1: But John, what should op do? I mean?

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Speaker 5: I think we need to communicate early and often.

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Speaker 1: Oh, all that go to the mom.

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Speaker 5: As early as we found out and say hey, what

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Speaker 5: is because as far as I've seen with the we

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Speaker 5: haven't communicated with We haven't talked to the mom yet.

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Speaker 1: No, I don't.

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Speaker 3: It feels if we've kind of bandied around the bush,

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Speaker 3: and I think we did a dive straight into the bush.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, nineteen seventies porno. Oh oh, indeed, I'll start.

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Speaker 3: By thanking those of you who sent me encouraging words.

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Speaker 3: I read every comment with my husband last night. Thank

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Speaker 3: you for being there. I tried calling my sister several times.

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Speaker 3: She never picked up. My mom also didn't call me

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Speaker 3: or came to see me that day, which is very unusual.

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Speaker 3: My husband got home, I poured my heart out to him.

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Speaker 3: It was a huge mix of emotions. He tried consoling

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Speaker 3: me and giving me advice, but in the end it

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Speaker 3: was too much for him to handle, and he suggested

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Speaker 3: I contact my therapist. So I contacted her at around

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Speaker 3: four pm. The therapist and she asked if we could

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Speaker 3: meet Friday. My husband and I looked through the comments

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Speaker 3: and read it. A lot suggested violence and hatred. My

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Speaker 3: husband pointed out that this isn't me, This isn't the

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Speaker 3: way I deal with things. I can be upset and

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Speaker 3: resentful for a bit, but I don't hold grudges. I learn,

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Speaker 3: I forgive, I move on. I still wanted to wait

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Speaker 3: to talk to my therapist before making any move. I

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Speaker 3: was in bed by nine pm, not feeling great, and

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Speaker 3: then the phone rang.

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Speaker 1: It was my sister.

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Speaker 3: Uh oh, she said it was a very busy day,

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Speaker 3: and then she had no time to call me back.

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Speaker 3: I just said, okay. She started talking about random stuff,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, I don't need all.

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Speaker 1: This touch to my therapist. Let me put you on hold.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, was old, there's someone, there's someone that actually does

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Speaker 3: this for a living, you know about random stuff. And

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Speaker 3: I just said, I don't want to talk to you

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Speaker 3: right now about random sister stuff. She suggested we conference

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Speaker 3: called with my mom.

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Speaker 1: I refuse.

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Speaker 3: The last thing I needed was for both of them

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Speaker 3: to gang up on me while I was already hurt.

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Speaker 3: My mom called maybe five minutes later. She also acted

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Speaker 3: like nothing was up. Asked how the kids were, how

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Speaker 3: my dad been. I told her something like, mom my

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Speaker 3: sister told me that I had gotten accepted at a

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Speaker 3: school I applied to you back when I wanted to

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Speaker 3: go away for university.

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Speaker 1: Does it ring a bell? What do you think, John?

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Speaker 1: Does it? I think it's a ring and ding ding

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Speaker 1: in my ring and ding dingen and sling a sling slinging.

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Speaker 6: Oh god, She said, Oh, I don't know, honey. It's

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Speaker 6: been so long, Mommy, does it remember? I then said,

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Speaker 6: she said, you didn't want me to go? She replied,

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Speaker 6: I didn't. At that point I was ready to cry.

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Speaker 6: I told her that we talk in the morning. She

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Speaker 6: just said, okay, we can maybe talk more than After that,

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Speaker 6: I was a mess of emotions. My husband suggested.

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Speaker 3: I try and get an appointment asap with my therapist.

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Speaker 1: Change baby, Come on, what a baby?

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Speaker 3: Too much tears, not enough therapison call call the cry

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Speaker 3: in the therapist room.

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Speaker 1: Not here, listen, this is my safe space. Baby can't

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Speaker 1: hear it, I can't hear it.

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Speaker 3: Suggested I try to get an appointment with my therapist asap.

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Speaker 3: I ended up calling my therapist at nine point thirty

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Speaker 3: asking for an appointment asap. She said she couldn't book

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Speaker 3: me in for the next day, but she could do

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Speaker 3: a skype session during her lunch break. We did that

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Speaker 3: a couple times before since I moved, and now we're

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Speaker 3: one hour away, and so I gladly agreed. This morning,

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Speaker 3: my mother called. She definitely had a guilty voice and

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Speaker 3: asked me if I was coming over for breakfast.

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Speaker 1: I told her no.

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Speaker 3: She asked if she could take my daughter for the morning.

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Speaker 3: I also said no. It hurts say no.

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Speaker 1: Though.

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Speaker 3: What most of you don't know is that my mom

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Speaker 3: and I never had the ideal situation as I was

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Speaker 3: growing up, but once I became an adult and moved out,

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Speaker 3: we got closer. She's baby set, the kids, helped me

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Speaker 3: out when I had no babyes, hit or cooked for

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Speaker 3: me if I was sick, and kept me and the

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Speaker 3: kids at her house for over six months when we moved.

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Speaker 3: It doesn't excuse what she did, but my point is

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Speaker 3: she's not this horrible human being. She made a huge mistake.

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Speaker 3: She screwed up big time. I don't hate her. I

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Speaker 3: don't want to hurt her on purpose. We talked for

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Speaker 3: a good forty five minutes. She told me something that

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Speaker 3: really stood out to me. She said that I need

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Speaker 3: to know what my end goal is here. We figured

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Speaker 3: together that my end goal was to rebuild a relationship

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Speaker 3: with my mom and my sister, one built on honesty,

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Speaker 3: one built on trust. To do that, first, I'd want

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Speaker 3: to know all the truth, the whole truth, nothing about

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Speaker 3: the truth, what exactly happened, why, and if it was

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Speaker 3: only a one time thing. Second, I'll need to double

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Speaker 3: check these facts myself and go at my own rhythm. Third,

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Speaker 3: I need to make it clear that any other event

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Speaker 3: of the sort will have consequences. So what it sounds

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Speaker 3: like we're doing is we're doing a hey I want

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Speaker 3: I want a relationship with my mom. Yeah, her mom

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Speaker 3: has done a lot and like helped help her with

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Speaker 3: their kids and stuff. The trust is broken, but it

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Speaker 3: is not damaged beyond repair, and it sounds like, oh,

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Speaker 3: he is looking for a way to repair it, and

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Speaker 3: maybe that that way exists. I called my mom and

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Speaker 3: sister and told my mom that I expect her to

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Speaker 3: tell me the truth. I told her that I will

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Speaker 3: contact the schools I applied to and that I will

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Speaker 3: know if they accepted me or not, so she might

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Speaker 3: want to really try. And remember, she asked me if

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Speaker 3: she was going to see me or the kids. I

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Speaker 3: told her that she really needs to first come clean

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Speaker 3: and that then we can see as a family what

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Speaker 3: we do. I left a similar message to my sister.

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Speaker 3: I started digging into what universities I had applied to

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Speaker 3: and emailed to this morning, including the one I was

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Speaker 3: sure I would have gotten into. I have no idea

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Speaker 3: if they keep this type of information so long, but

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Speaker 3: I'm expecting some answer eventually. I've also contacted a school

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Speaker 3: here that apparently I was told I was rejected, but

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Speaker 3: that I never saw any papers they said they checked

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Speaker 3: that one has been over fifteen years. The whole situation

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Speaker 3: is making me rethink everything she and my sister have done.

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Speaker 3: And lastly, a lot of you were saying that in

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Speaker 3: the end it worked out.

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Speaker 1: I agree it did.

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Speaker 3: I'm very happy with my life, and although I don't

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Speaker 3: currently want to move to Europe, I realize that I

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Speaker 3: could always make it happen if I wanted to.

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Speaker 1: That was not at all what I was upset about.

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Speaker 7: Mm.

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Speaker 1: Oh, that that is. That's where it ends. The rest

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Speaker 1: will be talked with the therapist. Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 5: My mother wanted a foster even though we can barely

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Speaker 5: afford to eat.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you could always eat the kids.

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Speaker 5: Oh my so, I and the last one living at home,

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Speaker 5: eighteen female with my single parent mother, who is fifty one.

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Speaker 1: Both of my siblings.

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Speaker 5: Twenty three male and thirty one female, have moved out

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Speaker 5: and have their own relationships, partners and small families.

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Speaker 6: Now.

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Speaker 5: I'm in college full time and work about two to

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Speaker 5: three nights a week at a local fast food restaurant.

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Speaker 5: My mom is doing an online degree full time and

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Speaker 5: works about six hours a day, five days a week.

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Speaker 5: As a cleaner at a school. By the way, this

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Speaker 5: comes from Low Environmental seventy nine forty eight and if

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Speaker 5: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 5: r slash Okay storytime Subrennis.

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Speaker 1: I'm John, I'm Sam, I'm Riley, and.

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Speaker 5: We're here to give a good advice goofully. But we

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Speaker 5: don't have all the answers. We only know what we do,

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Speaker 5: so let us know what you do in the comments below.

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Speaker 5: She's randomly decided that she wants to foster a kid,

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Speaker 5: and I think it's the most bizarre thing ever. First

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Speaker 5: of all, I pay for our phone contracts as she

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Speaker 5: struggles financially.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes I give her about one.

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Speaker 5: Hundred pounds a month, about sixty pounds for the phones

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Speaker 5: and forty pounds for just whatever, which isn't a lot,

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Speaker 5: but it isn't bad considering I'm also paying my share

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Speaker 5: of our next holiday, which is about one hundred and

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Speaker 5: fifty pounds, and I only average four hundred to five

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Speaker 5: hundred pounds a month. That's not a lot of dough

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Speaker 5: to throw around. We used to rely on food banks

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Speaker 5: on occasion, and we'd eat processed stuff as we can't

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Speaker 5: really afford real ingredients.

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Speaker 1: To make proper meals.

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Speaker 5: My dinner is cooking as I write this, processed chicken

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Speaker 5: strips and wrap. She countered this by saying that the

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Speaker 5: government pays for a foster kids cloths, school supplies, and

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Speaker 5: gets her money for them, but it feels a bit

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Speaker 5: wrong having a random kid just for financial gain, which

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Speaker 5: seems a bit like what she is playing.

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Speaker 1: Second of all, there's no time.

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Speaker 5: If I'm not in college, I'm at work, and if

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Speaker 5: I'm not at either I'm studying, gaming, or asleep. She's

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Speaker 5: either at work.

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Speaker 1: Studying, or sleep.

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Speaker 5: So if a young kid is due at school at

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Speaker 5: eight am every morning, I wouldn't be able to take

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Speaker 5: them since I leave for college at that time most days,

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Speaker 5: and she wouldn't be able to either, as she doesn't

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Speaker 5: finish work until eight am. She says she wants a

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Speaker 5: ten to twelve year old, but you'd still have to

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Speaker 5: help them a lot. Oh, she's like, she's like planning, like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 5: we'll get one of those older ones. So it's kind

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Speaker 5: of you know, it's autonomous. You know, I feel like

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Speaker 5: the older ones are harder. It's self parenting. I am

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Speaker 5: also the least empathetic person ever, and she's quite emotionally vulnerable.

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Speaker 5: If she got attached to let's say a six year old,

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Speaker 5: and this child went back to their parents, I would

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Speaker 5: be the one picking up the pieces.

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Speaker 1: I hate change, and so does she.

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Speaker 5: Edit to add I've spoken to my brother and he

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Speaker 5: says that I'm not in the wrong either, and to

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Speaker 5: just ignore her. But it's hard when it gets brought

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Speaker 5: up every ten minutes. I feel bad, but don't agree.

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Speaker 5: Coming to number one says it's a real shame people

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Speaker 5: were foster kids purely for the money, but it's not

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Speaker 5: about that. These children are super fragile and need extra care.

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Speaker 5: And if your mom isn't up to that, definitely tell

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Speaker 5: the social worker when they come over.

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Speaker 1: She's not ready to.

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Speaker 5: I mean comment to number two, Opie, I really think

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Speaker 5: your mom dis stressed that her nest is about to

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Speaker 5: become well truly empty. What's a year to your moving out?

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Speaker 5: Is a lifetime she's given raising kids, then being faced

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Speaker 5: with who she is without kids. The foster money is

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Speaker 5: an excuse. She's at the school working because she's lonely

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Speaker 5: and sees the kids who need a mom that she

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Speaker 5: could be. Instead of a direct opposition, which you've done

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Speaker 5: reasonably and rationally, I'd recommend a less direct root of

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Speaker 5: trying to find out what she really needs. Is it

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Speaker 5: time for her to get some training for a better

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Speaker 5: paying job as a teaching assistant. Maybe after care teacher

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Speaker 5: gets certified to work in daycare. Maybe she could be

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Speaker 5: an adult for kids with needs without taking them into

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Speaker 5: a house. Or they're not better off, I'd say, redirect

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Speaker 5: her lonesome energy for all of your sakes and commage

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Speaker 5: number so he says, stop paying for anything for her

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Speaker 5: and make plans to move out as soon as possible.

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Speaker 5: She wants to vicariously relive being a mom, but act

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Speaker 5: the expectation of dumping it on you, and any government

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Speaker 5: funded fort would require inspections and interviews with the governing

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Speaker 5: authority would absolutely tell them why it's a bad idea.

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Speaker 1: Hope responds, I don't mind paying.

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Speaker 5: One hundred pounds a month as we live in England

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Speaker 5: in the economy is a bit e ft, but I'm

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Speaker 5: going to stop spending money on her, like buying her

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Speaker 5: snacks or clothes or whatever. Ironically, this morning she told

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Speaker 5: me that I'm selfish and don't want to spend my

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Speaker 5: own money. When I asked if she wants to contribute

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Speaker 5: to a cinema trip we had planned as I have

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Speaker 5: other things to buy new passport mainly and we have

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Speaker 5: an update.

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Speaker 1: So originally we got into a.

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Speaker 5: Debate because she wants a foster child, and I told

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Speaker 5: her that we cannot financially afford it despite the government

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Speaker 5: giving her money. We also don't have the time since

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Speaker 5: she's studying a degree and I have my A level

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Speaker 5: exams in May.

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Speaker 1: Today.

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Speaker 5: It kicked off because apparently I don't contribute enough financially,

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Speaker 5: and it's not fair that I buy myself stuff when

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Speaker 5: I get paid. Sam, what do you think about her

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Speaker 5: eighteen year old daughter buying stuff for herself when she

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Speaker 5: gets paid from the money she earned.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I think that is totally fine for young

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Speaker 3: lady to provide for her sale. It doesn't sound like

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Speaker 3: she needs to provide anything for this good for nothing

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Speaker 3: to time and son of a gun.

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Speaker 5: His mom's like, you'll only bring in one hundred dollars

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Speaker 5: a month, this foster kid could bring in two thousand.

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Speaker 5: I see where she's coming from. But I also haven't

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Speaker 5: been buying myself stuff recently.

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Speaker 1: I bought new shoes as mine.

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Speaker 5: Were destroyed, and I was thinking about getting a new

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Speaker 5: PS four game as a reward for upping my grades,

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Speaker 5: but I probably won't now since i'd need somewhere to sleep.

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Speaker 5: She said that if I stay here, I'd have to

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Speaker 5: buy my own shopping. She told me that she pays

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Speaker 5: for the electricity, water, gas rent, et cetera. And I'm

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Speaker 5: aware of that, but I pay for our monthly phone

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Speaker 5: contracts and that's all since I don't make enough to

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Speaker 5: help with the other stuff. I admit, I do feel

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Speaker 5: really bad, but I simply don't work enough. I could

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Speaker 5: increase my hours, but since I'm in education, I wouldn't

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Speaker 5: have time to revise for my A level exams and

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Speaker 5: I need good grades to get into university to escape

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Speaker 5: this household. She keeps bringing up how one hundred pounds

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Speaker 5: a month doesn't go far. But I've asked if she

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Speaker 5: wants or time I get paid, and she says no,

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Speaker 5: to treat myself or save it.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know where this mindset is sprung from.

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Speaker 5: I asked if she wanted my savings three hundred to

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Speaker 5: pay the bills, and as I sent it, she said, no,

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Speaker 5: keep it and treat yourself, and then refuse to give

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Speaker 5: it back. I told her to either use it for

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Speaker 5: the bills or give it back so I could buy

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Speaker 5: my own shopping, like she said, or find a hotel

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Speaker 5: to sleep in for a few nights. She eventually caved,

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Speaker 5: gave it back and told me to f off, and

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Speaker 5: said that she wanted me gone by the time she

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Speaker 5: gets home from work at five tonight.

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Speaker 1: Wait, she's kicking her out, I think so, and this

400
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Speaker 1: is getting This is a terrible situation.

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00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,680
Speaker 5: And it's currently half two, so I guess she has

402
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Speaker 5: like a couple hours. She made me message my dad,

403
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Speaker 5: who I haven't seen for two years and haven't had

404
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,440
Speaker 5: a private conversation within about three to four years. He

405
00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:47,800
Speaker 5: used to be very emotionally harmful and we used to

406
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Speaker 5: argue all the time. I was ironically going to change

407
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Speaker 5: my surname from his to my mom's next week because

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Speaker 5: he's a bad person. He lives in a one bedroom

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Speaker 5: flat which is ridden with dirt and molds, and there's

410
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Speaker 5: nowhere to sleep since his wife disp me, I don't

411
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Speaker 5: think they want an eighteen year old sleeping in their room. Luckily,

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Speaker 5: it's been about thirty minutes and he hasn't answered me,

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Speaker 5: so she might have had a change of heart. I

414
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,960
Speaker 5: don't know why I'm resorting to posting all of us

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Speaker 5: on the internet. I tell the police, but there's not

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Speaker 5: a lot they could do. It's either continue living here

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Speaker 5: or live with my dad. I'd tell my brother, but

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Speaker 5: he lives in a different city and is probably at work,

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Speaker 5: and my sister caves into my mother's manipulation and temper,

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Speaker 5: so I have got nothing to resort to any survival

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00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,960
Speaker 5: advice Internet, mom's, dad's aunts, uncles, etc. We do have

422
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Speaker 5: an update where I believe the mom approaches home, which,

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00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,919
Speaker 5: by the way, reminder, the clock is ticking because Mom

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00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:37,320
Speaker 5: said as soon as I get home.

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Speaker 1: You're to the curb.

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Speaker 5: So she gets home in one hour and I'm sat

427
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Speaker 5: doing homework. My parents have been split up about nine years.

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Speaker 5: But my dad messaged her asking what's happened and probably

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Speaker 5: had a word with her. She said, I can stay

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Speaker 5: for now, but if I get in her way, I'm

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Speaker 5: gone instantly.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So it sounds like sounds like it was a

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Speaker 1: little bit more of an idle threat. Yeah, I said

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Speaker 1: she was bluffing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but I really don't think I feel like you

436
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Speaker 3: should probably just contribute to the I feel like because

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00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,560
Speaker 3: the issue was op he was gonna buy like a

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Speaker 3: gaming console instead of contributing to like the family funds.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, and I think the mom is like, you know,

440
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 5: she's like telling her like, hell, don't get a kid.

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Speaker 1: Da da da da.

442
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,440
Speaker 5: And I think I feel like she's like retaliating against

443
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,000
Speaker 5: her daughter.

444
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, we'll pay for more, yeah, which I

445
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,040
Speaker 1: think is still a little whack.

446
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 3: But I feel the move here is create a plan

447
00:18:28,359 --> 00:18:31,720
Speaker 3: to leave the house, but in the meantime, pay don't

448
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 3: buy the gaming console.

449
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,040
Speaker 5: She could strike a deal in her advance, like, Okay,

450
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,159
Speaker 5: you know what, just like pure dollars and cents, paying

451
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,239
Speaker 5: you something more a month is a lot cheaper than

452
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:42,880
Speaker 5: having to pay for everything on my own and.

453
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,360
Speaker 1: Also paying for your sanity.

454
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,119
Speaker 5: But you know how stressful that it is to be

455
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:48,040
Speaker 5: like I'm gonna have to get kicked out rather Yeah,

456
00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,840
Speaker 5: I at least have time, yes exactly, time and save

457
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,040
Speaker 5: and plan and do some research. Maybe there's some sort

458
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 5: of governmental support thing. Now, because I'm a people pleaser,

459
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,919
Speaker 5: I've cleaned the whole house and plan on just staying

460
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,440
Speaker 5: in my room to revive and watch TV all night.

461
00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:02,480
Speaker 1: Thank you all for the kind words.

462
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,200
Speaker 5: I will definitely be contacting social services if it gets

463
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:05,919
Speaker 5: worse or if.

464
00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:06,560
Speaker 1: She tries to foster.

465
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,920
Speaker 5: And thanks to that one commenter who called me out

466
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,320
Speaker 5: on my career aspirations, and we have a final update.

467
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 5: She got home about an hour ago and stormed upstairs

468
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 5: without talking to me. I made myself some dinner, and

469
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,600
Speaker 5: then she just sat and carried on, shouting and dumping

470
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:23,159
Speaker 5: her finances on me, saying how selfish I am.

471
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,160
Speaker 1: We'll phil here. We got we gotta finish the story.

472
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,320
Speaker 1: That's her. We're almost there. I'm so close.

473
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,719
Speaker 5: So I told her I'm not arguing with her, and

474
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:32,800
Speaker 5: that I'll stop talking about money altogether.

475
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,360
Speaker 1: I'll keep my purchases to myself.

476
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,400
Speaker 5: As she said, it's annoying when I mentioned buying new

477
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,639
Speaker 5: shoes or whatever, because she gets nothing out of her wages.

478
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,680
Speaker 5: Looks like I'll be sleeping here and living here after all.

479
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,280
Speaker 5: But I'm going to do what I did as a

480
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:45,639
Speaker 5: kid and try to stay confined to my room so

481
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,720
Speaker 5: no conflict can punt off.

482
00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:48,880
Speaker 1: I read her messages to.

483
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:50,800
Speaker 5: My dad and she's made up lies to him and

484
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,520
Speaker 5: thinks we're best friends again. I'm just going to keep

485
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 5: out of the way for the.

486
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,760
Speaker 1: Time, probably pro move. Probably the pro move.

487
00:19:58,960 --> 00:19:59,760
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this.

488
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,679
Speaker 1: Let's head to the next one.

489
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,760
Speaker 3: My parents got me weak for wanting to take my

490
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 3: fiance's last name.

491
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:08,640
Speaker 1: You are strong.

492
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 3: I told my parents that my soon to be wife

493
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 3: didn't want to change her last name and didn't bother

494
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,720
Speaker 3: me if we went with her name or mine. I

495
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,560
Speaker 3: brought it up to my parents in the distant hopes

496
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 3: that they would be okay with it, but I already

497
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 3: knew the answer. They were absolutely against the idea, calling

498
00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:28,440
Speaker 3: it attracted to the same gender and the stupidest crap

499
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,760
Speaker 3: we have ever heard. By the way, this comes from

500
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,280
Speaker 3: Competitive Boss forty six to seventy seven, And if you

501
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 3: want to spenit your own stories, go to the art

502
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:36,480
Speaker 3: slash Okay storytime subreddit.

503
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 1: I'm Sam, I'm John, I'm Keon, and we're.

504
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:41,880
Speaker 3: Here to give good advice goofully. But we don't have

505
00:20:42,119 --> 00:20:44,080
Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we would do,

506
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,879
Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

507
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,040
Speaker 3: According to my father, when a man changes his last name,

508
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,080
Speaker 3: it's a sign of weakness and.

509
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,960
Speaker 1: Mean he's a kiddie.

510
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 3: They both told me that any support he would give

511
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 3: me no more. He said he would never approve and

512
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,879
Speaker 3: while he wouldn't got me out of his life, he

513
00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:03,639
Speaker 3: would always think that way about me. I told him

514
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,119
Speaker 3: I just wanted to be happy, and that I didn't

515
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,880
Speaker 3: really care which last name my fiance and I took.

516
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 3: My fiance doesn't have any brothers, which is why she

517
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 3: wanted to take her family name down, and again I

518
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,400
Speaker 3: didn't care if we did. But no, they'd never heard

519
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,640
Speaker 3: of a man taking his wife's last name. I told

520
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:21,879
Speaker 3: him I had, and they then asked, oh, yeah, like who.

521
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,320
Speaker 3: I didn't know anyone personally, but I'd heard of it

522
00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:26,880
Speaker 3: from different places on social media. According to my mother,

523
00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:29,560
Speaker 3: social media is bad for you and if your generation

524
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 3: didn't have phones, the world would be so much better,

525
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,959
Speaker 3: even though she's always on her phone on Facebook or TikTok. Anyway,

526
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,040
Speaker 3: I wanted some advice on how to proceed from there.

527
00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 3: My fiance said she'd take my last name to stop

528
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:44,119
Speaker 3: the drama, but I didn't want her to sacrifice that.

529
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,760
Speaker 3: I just didn't know what to do. There's an update,

530
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 3: But John, Yes, what do you think OP should do?

531
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,919
Speaker 5: While it is sweet of the fiance to say that,

532
00:21:53,240 --> 00:21:54,200
Speaker 5: my question is.

533
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 1: My friends, where's the line? Where's the line? Oh, where's

534
00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 1: the line?

535
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,720
Speaker 5: If we if we give in to this thing and

536
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,919
Speaker 5: just let dad calls it, let them change what we do,

537
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 5: then nah, I want to live my life the way.

538
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:08,360
Speaker 3: Are you in a relationship with your dad and your

539
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:11,199
Speaker 3: fiance or just your fiance or just your dad. My

540
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:15,960
Speaker 3: fiance's mother had the idea of us all sitting down

541
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,879
Speaker 3: to talk about and made sure we were on the

542
00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 3: same page. They included in the talk were my fiance

543
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 3: and me, my mother and father, and my fiance's mother

544
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:27,520
Speaker 3: and my maternal grandparents. We had things we wanted to say,

545
00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:29,879
Speaker 3: like how we wanted to change our name because for

546
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,880
Speaker 3: us in our future and now I didn't really feel

547
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 3: like a member of my family. But apparently I'm letting

548
00:22:35,640 --> 00:22:38,359
Speaker 3: my fiance walk all over me and that it's not

549
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,800
Speaker 3: like me. They don't know what I'm like though, because

550
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:42,919
Speaker 3: they spent most of their time and energy on my

551
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,119
Speaker 3: younger brother, the Golden Child. Also, according to my parents,

552
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 3: I need to grow some balls. According to my paternal grandfather,

553
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 3: I need to get my pants back from my fiance

554
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:55,240
Speaker 3: and stop wearing a dress.

555
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,000
Speaker 1: Well, in the actual help nice.

556
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 3: Something interesting I learned in that talk was that my

557
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,160
Speaker 3: parents tried to drag me onto the right path when

558
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 3: I was younger because I was different from them. I

559
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,320
Speaker 3: grew up a people pleaser, constantly feeling like a disappointment

560
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,080
Speaker 3: and being called lazy growing up, but I tried. I

561
00:23:10,119 --> 00:23:13,879
Speaker 3: graduated high school with a bronze court, something my brother,

562
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 3: the Golden Child, and my younger sister couldn't do. I

563
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:20,200
Speaker 3: graduated with a three point zero GPA, which is pretty good.

564
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 1: When I moved back.

565
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 3: To college and my personality wasn't more in line with theirs,

566
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:26,359
Speaker 3: my parents said, I wish you would have gone to

567
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,280
Speaker 3: college closer to home so you were exposed to all.

568
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,679
Speaker 1: That liberal crab.

569
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 3: But oh well, my fiance and I decided that as

570
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 3: far as everyone else is concerned, we're keeping our last

571
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,520
Speaker 3: names for now, and after we get married, we'll reconvene

572
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 3: and discuss it more. But what we didn't tell our

573
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 3: families is that we're going to decide before the wedding

574
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:45,600
Speaker 3: what we want to do. We also agreed to take

575
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,600
Speaker 3: a break and take our minds off of it, and

576
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,080
Speaker 3: we could cool down while the tempers were high. According

577
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:53,880
Speaker 3: to my father, though, if we don't take my last name.

578
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 1: He's done.

579
00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,640
Speaker 3: I've had enough. I'm not a confrontational guy. I hate

580
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,200
Speaker 3: arguments and get shakey when I'm yelled at, but I'm

581
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 3: sick of it. If they don't like my decisions, fine,

582
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 3: they can hate them for all I care, but they're

583
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,600
Speaker 3: going to respect them, because if they don't, I don't

584
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:10,639
Speaker 3: mind going.

585
00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:12,440
Speaker 1: Coneck.

586
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:15,120
Speaker 3: I don't think my parents, my father especially can handle that.

587
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,760
Speaker 3: We can't stand not having his children's attention. Sorry, this

588
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 3: feels like a rant. I just wanted to post an

589
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,400
Speaker 3: update and put my thoughts into words. And there's another

590
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 3: updates and I'm going to go right into it. In

591
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 3: my last post, I talked about our last names and

592
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,639
Speaker 3: how my fiance and I decided that as far as

593
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 3: anyone is concerned, we're going to keep them. We're going

594
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 3: to decide just us what to do with our last names.

595
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,520
Speaker 3: I told my parents that and they sighed heavily. They asked, really,

596
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 3: but I said, yes, that was it for now. Recently,

597
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 3: my fiancee decided what we are going to do for

598
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 3: food for the wedding, and we gave my family the

599
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:47,600
Speaker 3: job of food, and they decided to cater the reception.

600
00:24:47,680 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 3: But my fiance and I would decide the menu.

601
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,320
Speaker 1: We also started talking about the rehearsal dinner.

602
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:56,640
Speaker 3: My fiance and I wanted something non traditional and intimate,

603
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,800
Speaker 3: so we decided on a pizza party type get together.

604
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,199
Speaker 3: Dad offered to make something to go with the pizza,

605
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 3: since we'd have older guests who might not like pizza,

606
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,160
Speaker 3: and I thought that was a great idea. We even

607
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:10,440
Speaker 3: wanted to do s'mores because we're getting married in March

608
00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:13,040
Speaker 3: twenty twenty four and it'll be a bit cold. My

609
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 3: parents have a stone fire pit that looks okay, so

610
00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:18,399
Speaker 3: I asked if we could do it at their house.

611
00:25:18,520 --> 00:25:19,720
Speaker 1: My mother immediately.

612
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 3: Said no because the fire pit looks ugly and the

613
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 3: paneling on their house is melting and needs to be replaced.

614
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:29,360
Speaker 3: I said okay because she refused and I wasn't going

615
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:29,879
Speaker 3: to push it.

616
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 1: Ah. Oh, timing is impeccable, OPI.

617
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 3: My fiance's grandmother has a nice sized porch and offered

618
00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,440
Speaker 3: to let us host it there with the fire pit nearby.

619
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 3: Guess could go inside, use the bathroom hang out. Then

620
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 3: my brother suggested the same place they used for my

621
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,440
Speaker 3: brother's reearsal. I said, I don't know if I like

622
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 3: that place. Because it's a bar and I'm not a

623
00:25:48,359 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 3: fan of the mostly black background they have since we're

624
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,479
Speaker 3: going for a timeless flooral look with gold, pinks and greens.

625
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 3: She got upset and started listing reasons why we should

626
00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 3: I do it there Because it's easy, it's in side, you.

627
00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:02,640
Speaker 1: Don't know what the weather will be like, we won't

628
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:04,399
Speaker 1: have to clean up. Chest's just going crazy.

629
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:06,960
Speaker 4: Bro Chest's going crazy or he's going crazy at the

630
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:07,560
Speaker 4: same time.

631
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:08,200
Speaker 1: Is everything.

632
00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 5: The floodgates are just fully open right now, not.

633
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,679
Speaker 1: Having to clear up. It's why you always clean up

634
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 1: before you need to clean up.

635
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 3: I eventually gave in and said, fine, we can use

636
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 3: the venue you want, but we get the final sand decoration.

637
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 3: Since she has different taste and would likely add her

638
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,840
Speaker 3: own touches, she responded with, whatever, I tried helping you,

639
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 3: but it's like you don't listen to my suggestions and

640
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 3: get pissed when I try to help.

641
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 1: Fine, you could have.

642
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 3: Your rehearsal in a barn surrounded by cows and crap.

643
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:40,040
Speaker 3: She also said, since I birthed you and raised you,

644
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,360
Speaker 3: you've never really had an opinion about anything, so it's

645
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 3: really weird that you'd have one now. I also also

646
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 3: heard my father in the background say you know what

647
00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 3: f that.

648
00:26:49,320 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 1: I didn't hear anything else.

649
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,639
Speaker 3: She eventually said, we talked about it after the holidays

650
00:26:52,680 --> 00:26:55,120
Speaker 3: and hung up. For those of you wondering why we're

651
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 3: still putting up with them, it's because my fiance bought

652
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 3: her grandmother's house and we're waiting for renovations to finish.

653
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:02,720
Speaker 1: We live there rent free.

654
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 3: We did offer to pay bills multiple times, but we're declined.

655
00:27:05,680 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 3: But it's constantly held over our heads.

656
00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 1: And we got a third update.

657
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,159
Speaker 3: These people, man, screw them, But are you living with them?

658
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,160
Speaker 3: It sounds like they're living with.

659
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,320
Speaker 5: Them, oh, or they're living in that house really grand free.

660
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:17,800
Speaker 5: I would just if they already offered, just pay the

661
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,040
Speaker 5: bills and be like, here's the money.

662
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,600
Speaker 1: Shut up. Yeah, you can't get away from me? What

663
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 1: get away from me?

664
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 3: We got an update three. This is a small edition

665
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:26,919
Speaker 3: to my previous post. A couple of hours ago, my

666
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 3: father called me up and told me, listen for your rehearsal.

667
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,400
Speaker 3: We'll pay for it, but it's going to be how

668
00:27:32,480 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 3: we want it. The groom's family traditionally pays for the

669
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 3: rehearsal and the bride's family does the reception. If Ali,

670
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:41,199
Speaker 3: not her real name, wants her little pizza party, she

671
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:42,640
Speaker 3: can have it for the reception.

672
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:44,920
Speaker 1: But if you don't do what we want, that's fine.

673
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: We won't pay for it. We'll visit for a bit,

674
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 1: but that's it. He added.

675
00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 3: After the holidays, we'll sit and discuss it. But if

676
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,879
Speaker 3: you choose what we want, we can get together and

677
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,240
Speaker 3: look at the menu. And when your mother has suggestions

678
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 3: for decorations, you're going to be nice and encourage her.

679
00:27:57,640 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 3: The only job we gave my parents's food started this

680
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:03,480
Speaker 3: tirade was me saying that I wanted final say in

681
00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 3: the decorations after I had already agreed to have the

682
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 3: rehearsal at their venue of choice. I've got an advice

683
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 3: from friends that the rehearsal isn't as important as the

684
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,240
Speaker 3: wedding and reception, which is why I gave in about

685
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:17,400
Speaker 3: the venue. But they still can't handle me setting boundaries.

686
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 3: Please let me know if I'm acting entitled slash a

687
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 3: groom zilla, so to speak. My fiance, our friends, and

688
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 3: some of her family are on my side. Sounds like

689
00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,199
Speaker 3: your parents are trying to control your wedding. They just

690
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 3: want control, theyn't let them, don't let them.

691
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:34,119
Speaker 5: They're being in law zilla's.

692
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:35,240
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story.

693
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 5: Let's head to the next one.

694
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 2: John here, we're gonna get back to this juicy story.

695
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,560
Speaker 2: But a quick three minute break of ads from our sponsors.

696
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:45,680
Speaker 4: My stepdaughter's turned on me after their real mother came back.

697
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 4: Oh no, reverse undrella. I'm thirty six female and my

698
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 4: husband is forty two male, and he has two daughters

699
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 4: who are sixteen and thirteen. My husband and I have

700
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 4: been together for eight years. For some contacts, the girls

701
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 4: have a mom who's that's not active in their life.

702
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 4: She comes around once a year or every other year,

703
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,240
Speaker 4: stays for two to three months, and then leaves. By

704
00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:10,080
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from user name and if you

705
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 4: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

706
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,240
Speaker 4: slash okay storytime separate it.

707
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 8: I'm Sophia and I'm Savinna, and we're here.

708
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 4: To give good advice. Gooofully, But we don't have all

709
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 4: the answers. We only know what we'd do, So let

710
00:29:21,200 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 4: us know what you would do in the comments. And

711
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:26,760
Speaker 4: OHP says the problem is when she comes to town,

712
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 4: the girls change. For example, after my husband and I

713
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 4: got married. They started calling me mom as they felt

714
00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:36,520
Speaker 4: I was their mom, but when their mom came back,

715
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,240
Speaker 4: they would stop and call her mom and push me

716
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 4: to the side. I understood why they did that then,

717
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 4: as they were young and confused trying to please her.

718
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 4: We put them in therapy and their therapist had them

719
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:51,880
Speaker 4: apologize and try to help them explain it. The next

720
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 4: two times it happened, she told me to try and

721
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 4: have a talk with them. Their mom decided not to

722
00:29:56,720 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 4: come for the next two years, and it was a

723
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,920
Speaker 4: really peaceful too two years. The kids were good, enjoying school,

724
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 4: their new brother, and we're just happy. This year, their

725
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 4: mom decided to come. She arrived in August and stayed

726
00:30:09,720 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 4: until about a week ago. This time, when she came,

727
00:30:12,640 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 4: the girls changed completely. It started with them not calling

728
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 4: me mom, to saying disrespectful things to me and their dad,

729
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 4: to telling their brother that they didn't like him and

730
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 4: that he wasn't their real brother. The main thing they

731
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 4: said that really hurt was that I wasn't their mom,

732
00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 4: that I would never be, and that I'm a bad

733
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,959
Speaker 4: step mom and their mom is their only mom. So

734
00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:38,280
Speaker 4: last week, when their mom left, they slowly tried to

735
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 4: crawl back and start calling me mom again. I told

736
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 4: them that I didn't want them to call me that anymore.

737
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 4: They looked shocked when I said that and asked why.

738
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 4: I told them that they told me multiple times that

739
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 4: I wasn't their mom, that I was a bad step mom,

740
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 4: and that their mom was their only mom. So I

741
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 4: said I no longer view them as my kids. They

742
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 4: looked hurt and went to tell their dad what I said.

743
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 4: He told them it's between us. The therapist thinks I

744
00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:09,479
Speaker 4: was harsh, but I don't. They're old enough to realize

745
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 4: what's right and what's wrong to say. So am I

746
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 4: the a hole? Honestly?

747
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:14,239
Speaker 1: Like?

748
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:17,400
Speaker 4: Yes and no in my opinion, But what do you

749
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 4: think I need some more context? Yeah? I think well,

750
00:31:23,280 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 4: I think if the therapist is telling you that you

751
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 4: were too harsh, they're probably right. They're probably right, But

752
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 4: I don't. I do think that they needed to hear that.

753
00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 4: I just think that, you know, maybe you could have

754
00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 4: made it a little nicer, like talking talking to them

755
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,840
Speaker 4: about how much it hurt you that they said that,

756
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,840
Speaker 4: and now they're coming back to you, you know, asking

757
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 4: you to be the mom again. So just explaining your

758
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 4: feelings about that, rather than just saying you're not my

759
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 4: kids anymore. But I don't think that you're wrong for

760
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:57,840
Speaker 4: kind of, you know, calling them out on it.

761
00:31:58,240 --> 00:31:58,440
Speaker 3: Yeah.

762
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,920
Speaker 8: I think it's kind of like a hard truth. Remember

763
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 8: what you just did to me last week, Like I'm

764
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 8: not just gonna forgive that. Yeah, to do that to

765
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 8: the kids all the time, Yeah, I'm like, yeah, no,

766
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,160
Speaker 8: that's not We're not just gonna like skim over that.

767
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like that was hurtful exactly. But I think she

768
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:15,960
Speaker 4: needed to say that rather than just be like, you're

769
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 4: not my kids. Yeah. Notes. I also want to add

770
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:20,920
Speaker 4: that I don't blame the younger one as much as

771
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,200
Speaker 4: I blame the older one, as she should know better.

772
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 4: I understand things with parents are hard, but I was

773
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,000
Speaker 4: younger than her when I cut my father off and

774
00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 4: he was similar to how their mom is. The rose

775
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:34,600
Speaker 4: colored glasses should be faded or fading by now, as

776
00:32:34,600 --> 00:32:38,480
Speaker 4: she's old enough to understand. Honestly, I think that's kind

777
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 4: of harsh on for op to say. I don't think

778
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 4: like all kids reacted things differently, And I don't think

779
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 4: that you can say a sixteen year old should you know.

780
00:32:47,200 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 8: Behave perfectly because they're sixteen, and also like, I mean,

781
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:54,239
Speaker 8: you're going through a lot in teenage years. Yeah, Like

782
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 8: I feel like that's really hard to like just be like, well,

783
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 8: you know what you said all this stuff like they're

784
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 8: also a teenager.

785
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:04,120
Speaker 4: They're also a teenager. I mean tons of teenagers with

786
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 4: you know, bioparents will say I hate you or not

787
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 4: my mom. Yeah, So I think having a little bit

788
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 4: of sympathy, a little bit of understanding, and not comparing

789
00:33:15,120 --> 00:33:18,600
Speaker 4: your experience with theirs, because it's.

790
00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's tricky to be like, oh, well this is

791
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,520
Speaker 8: how I reacted, But honestly everyone acts different and also

792
00:33:24,960 --> 00:33:28,200
Speaker 8: completely different scenario in very different times.

793
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 4: Agreed comments. Comment one says it sounds like their mom

794
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 4: is in their ear telling them stuff. Probably why we

795
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 4: said about you and their dad, That's what it seems

796
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 4: like is happening. Every time their mom shows up. They

797
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 4: probably miss her in water validation, so they listen to her. Oh,

798
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,800
Speaker 4: he says, I think they're just trying to please her

799
00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:51,960
Speaker 4: in hopes that if they do, she will start meeting

800
00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 4: their needs. Maternal abandonment is damaging in a primal way,

801
00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:00,479
Speaker 4: and for most, even having excellent additional parents. Doesn't erase

802
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 4: the pain and confusion of knowing that someone who made

803
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 4: you wants nothing to do with you. Reply this, they're

804
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 4: kids with attachment issues, having been repeatedly abandoned by their

805
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 4: inconsistent biological mother. Children with attachment issues often lash out

806
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,879
Speaker 4: at those most steady and stable in their life. But they,

807
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 4: just like any children, and actually more than most children,

808
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:26,880
Speaker 4: really really need that stability and love. Of course, so

809
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,879
Speaker 4: he feels hurt. Of course she feels abandoned by them,

810
00:34:30,360 --> 00:34:32,560
Speaker 4: and I think it's reasonable for her to communicate that

811
00:34:32,640 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 4: hurt to them. But she's the adult in this situation,

812
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,480
Speaker 4: and I think she went about communicating her hurt in

813
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:42,360
Speaker 4: an incredibly cruel and destructive way. These kids are in

814
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:46,719
Speaker 4: deep pain from their biomom abandoning them yet again. They

815
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 4: clearly don't have the ability to fully detach from wanting

816
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,920
Speaker 4: their biological mother's love and approval. When kids with abandonment

817
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 4: issues push you away, you can let them know their

818
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:58,360
Speaker 4: actions hurt you, but for God's sakes, don't reply with

819
00:34:58,640 --> 00:35:01,279
Speaker 4: what is essentially you didn't want me, so you know what,

820
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,560
Speaker 4: I don't want you either. That it's going to be

821
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:05,879
Speaker 4: so incredibly damaging to them.

822
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:06,840
Speaker 1: That's kind of.

823
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 4: Where I'm Yeah, I agree.

824
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 8: I don't think like that was the wrong thing to say,

825
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 8: Like you can't you as an adult can like actually

826
00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 8: take like you can take and process and then say like, okay,

827
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:21,000
Speaker 8: this is what I meant or what like she kind

828
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:24,080
Speaker 8: of just was she did exactly kind of what they

829
00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:24,920
Speaker 8: did exactly.

830
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 4: It's like when a kid says like you're stupid, I

831
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 4: hate you. You can't be like, well, you're stupid and

832
00:35:29,160 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 4: I hate you. Right, Yeah, it's not that's not the

833
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:35,919
Speaker 4: adult response. Yeah, reply agree, But I think their dad

834
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,000
Speaker 4: needs to step up and tell the girls that what

835
00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 4: they say and how they treat them is not okay.

836
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 4: He needs to address it when it happens and continue

837
00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 4: to address it every time. Honestly, the bios mom's behavior

838
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,279
Speaker 4: is inexcusable and she is one hundred percent the main

839
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:55,640
Speaker 4: problem and causing this behavior likely, but dad has and

840
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:59,359
Speaker 4: should be shutting it down when it's happening. The girls

841
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:01,879
Speaker 4: need to underst that they can't treat anyone this way.

842
00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 4: It will not serve them well in life if they

843
00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 4: continue this behavior with ope and likely with others. People

844
00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 4: don't like to be disposed of when they are inconvenient

845
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:14,120
Speaker 4: or not needed, and then the people act like nothing

846
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,480
Speaker 4: happen and treat them as usual when they want them

847
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 4: or need something. This is not okay behavior for anyone,

848
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 4: and no one appreciates it. And I understand O peace reaction,

849
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 4: but again, the dad needs to step up and deal

850
00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 4: with this behavior consistently. His daughters need to learn this

851
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:34,399
Speaker 4: is not okay with Opee or with anyone, and they

852
00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 4: may need a different therapist who can help them understand

853
00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:40,759
Speaker 4: why this behavior is not okay, dig into why they

854
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,240
Speaker 4: do this and what the mom is doing or saying

855
00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:46,759
Speaker 4: to cause this behavior towards Ope, their dad and the

856
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:50,400
Speaker 4: girls half brother. And there is an update. But do

857
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 4: you have any other thoughts before we jump in?

858
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,200
Speaker 8: I mean, I just I would have to just agree,

859
00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 8: like yeah, I just think that Ope kind of you

860
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 8: drop the ball in this one, Like I think you

861
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 8: got you're you let your emotions get the best of you,

862
00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:06,359
Speaker 8: and then what happened was you know, like it kind

863
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:07,320
Speaker 8: of like a snowball effect.

864
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

865
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 8: Now it's like a bigger issue that they have to

866
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 8: deal with. And that's like no child ever wants to

867
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 8: hear from like any grown up, Like yeah, like whatever

868
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:19,320
Speaker 8: what like, oh, like, you're not my kids or I

869
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 8: don't want you to call me mom anymore because you

870
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 8: actually not like that is such like yeah, that like

871
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 8: breaks my heart to think of like you're anyone any

872
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 8: like parent figure in your life and them to say

873
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 8: that is like, oh.

874
00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I think there. I understand why you

875
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:44,239
Speaker 4: said what you said, but still can't say that I

876
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:47,240
Speaker 4: have to say it in a little bit more mature way. Yeah,

877
00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 4: but there is an update. I saw a lot of

878
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 4: questions that asked, why do we allow their mother in

879
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:55,680
Speaker 4: their lives. I'm not over that. My husband feels like

880
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:58,920
Speaker 4: it's not on him to keep the girls from seeing her.

881
00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,120
Speaker 4: You will ask if they want to and they say yes.

882
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:04,080
Speaker 4: Another question I saw a lot of was why doesn't

883
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:07,399
Speaker 4: their dad say anything he does. He's taken away their

884
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,800
Speaker 4: things and has tried to have talks with them, and

885
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 4: they just listen and block them out. The reason why

886
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,080
Speaker 4: he stayed out is because whenever they don't like something

887
00:38:15,080 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 4: I tell them, they run to him. He has said

888
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,239
Speaker 4: he does side with me on this, but feels I

889
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:23,200
Speaker 4: was too hard on them. A few days after I

890
00:38:23,239 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 4: posted this, my husband and I sat down with the

891
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:27,520
Speaker 4: girls and I told them that I was sorry for

892
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:28,560
Speaker 4: what I said and that.

893
00:38:28,560 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 8: I worded it wrong. Good, yay, this is awesome. That's

894
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 8: exactly what you needed to do.

895
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:39,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, boom fixed, Oho fixed, Almost not quite. I told

896
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 4: them I still view them as my kids. They just

897
00:38:42,480 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 4: aren't allowed to call me mom anymore and have to

898
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 4: call me by my name now. I also told them

899
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 4: that our relationship is broken and at and break it.

900
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 4: I did help a little, but they broke it and

901
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:55,920
Speaker 4: if they wanted it back to how it used to be,

902
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:58,960
Speaker 4: they would have to rebuild it. I also told them

903
00:38:58,960 --> 00:39:01,839
Speaker 4: that they had to play with their for three hours

904
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 4: and apologize to him. He's four. That's really such a

905
00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:11,760
Speaker 4: specific polishment. Don't play with your brother for three hours

906
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 4: and smile and don't blank, and you're happy about it.

907
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 4: And if he wants to pay play roadblocks, you're playing

908
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:22,600
Speaker 4: watch every second, Watch ever, I don't care. You're playing Roadblocks,

909
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 4: hide and Seek and you're happy about it. They had

910
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 4: a few more punishments, but we did talk to them

911
00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 4: and try to figure out what she says that influences

912
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 4: them so much. We got the answer of I don't know.

913
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 4: We told them that they can't be easily manipulated, and

914
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,720
Speaker 4: especially the sixteen year old with her going to college

915
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 4: soon and trying to drive, so we talked about things

916
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,600
Speaker 4: that could happen with that. We also told them they

917
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:50,480
Speaker 4: can't just say what they want to people and expect

918
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 4: things to stay the same, especially if it's stuff that

919
00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:56,560
Speaker 4: hurts people. They apologize for the things they said and

920
00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:59,120
Speaker 4: how they acted, and said they wanted things to go

921
00:39:59,200 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 4: back to normal. I told them that I would forgive

922
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,520
Speaker 4: them when they did the stuff with their brother first,

923
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,279
Speaker 4: and that if they want things back to normal, then

924
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 4: they would have to work for it. From what they said,

925
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 4: they don't want to see their mom for a long time,

926
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,400
Speaker 4: so they'll go to their therapist soon and talk to

927
00:40:14,440 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 4: her about this. Some final comments comment once says your

928
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,520
Speaker 4: husband has failed as daughters and protecting them from someone

929
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 4: who he knows damages them by continuously building up their

930
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 4: hopes and dreams and crashes them time and time again

931
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:32,840
Speaker 4: by abandoning them. If he absolutely could not bring himself

932
00:40:32,840 --> 00:40:35,560
Speaker 4: to not allow their mom into their lives whenever she pleased,

933
00:40:36,040 --> 00:40:38,600
Speaker 4: he should have been far more vigilant and never allowed

934
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:42,399
Speaker 4: them to be unsupervised with her. He didn't, and now

935
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:43,000
Speaker 4: you're all here.

936
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 1: What a mess.

937
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,719
Speaker 4: I'd maybe cut out their punishment of having to play

938
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:50,319
Speaker 4: with their brother. Definitely keep the punishments for speaking down

939
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 4: to him. Make it clear we do not talk to

940
00:40:52,480 --> 00:40:55,120
Speaker 4: others like that in this household. But don't make him

941
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,640
Speaker 4: the object of their resentment. He deserves better than to

942
00:40:58,640 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 4: be utilized as a tool for punishment. I kind of

943
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,279
Speaker 4: agree with that. Yeah, yeah, you don't want to make

944
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:09,399
Speaker 4: you know, playing with your brother a punishment. Yeah, then

945
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 4: that's what they always will think, like, Oh, I'm in trouble,

946
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:15,960
Speaker 4: but I have to play with little Jimmy. Yeah, oh man,

947
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:20,520
Speaker 4: not roadblocks again. Even if the objective is to create

948
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 4: a better relationship, encourage it, don't harm it by making

949
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:27,080
Speaker 4: it a chore and at it. I've worded myself very wrong.

950
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:30,040
Speaker 4: They have to play with their little brother as an apology. Damn,

951
00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:33,000
Speaker 4: he's four. If they apologize, he's going to say it's

952
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:35,840
Speaker 4: okay and then continue to ignore them. So it's not

953
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:40,319
Speaker 4: a punishment, more of his apology. Yeah, I guess, I

954
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:46,239
Speaker 4: guess that's something. I really don't see it in that way. Yeah,

955
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:51,360
Speaker 4: I guess I see what you're going for. But that's

956
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 4: the end of that story, folks.

957
00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:57,640
Speaker 8: My father disowned me years ago. Now he wants to reconcile.

958
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 4: No take backs. Oh, trigger warning, false accusation.

959
00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 8: I thirty two male, was falsely accused of a serious

960
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 8: crime by my ex girlfriend years ago, and it completely

961
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 8: destroyed my life. She cheated on me, and when I

962
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:16,160
Speaker 8: found out and confronted her, she panicked and told nearly

963
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 8: everyone we knew that I had assaulted her to cover

964
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 8: up her cheating.

965
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:22,239
Speaker 4: Crazy.

966
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 8: By the way, this comes from TA two three four

967
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 8: five four, And if you want to submit your own stories,

968
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,759
Speaker 8: go to the r slash Okay story time subret it.

969
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 8: I am Savannah, I'm Sophia, and we are here to

970
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:39,799
Speaker 8: give you some good advice, good advicefully, but we don't

971
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,759
Speaker 8: have all the answers obviously, so we would love to

972
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,879
Speaker 8: hear what you guys think in the comments, and you're

973
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:48,399
Speaker 8: gonna hear what we have to say about it as well.

974
00:42:49,239 --> 00:42:53,319
Speaker 8: As Opie says. I was taken into custody during the

975
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:58,000
Speaker 8: time of investigation, but later released since there was no evidence. However,

976
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 8: my parents had our He disowned me, and most of

977
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 8: my friends distanced themselves for me. Oh, I mean honestly, though,

978
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:08,040
Speaker 8: like I like yeah.

979
00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:11,239
Speaker 4: I mean it's tough because obviously you want I mean,

980
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:13,840
Speaker 4: there's a whole movement you want to support victims, but

981
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,760
Speaker 4: also you want to make sure that you have evidence.

982
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, you don't want to like victim blame or you

983
00:43:18,719 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 8: don't want to like, you know, take sides obviously, Like

984
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,279
Speaker 8: you know, if you heard this about your family member,

985
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 8: you don't want to believe that. But it's like, yeah, ugh,

986
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:29,600
Speaker 8: I wasn't even declared innocent by a jury.

987
00:43:29,840 --> 00:43:31,719
Speaker 4: Wow, that's crazy.

988
00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 8: Yeah, I wasn't even declared innocent by a jury. So

989
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 8: my parents continued to believe I was guilty and had

990
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:41,399
Speaker 8: just gotten lucky. My best friend was the only one

991
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,839
Speaker 8: who believed me. He secretly helped me behind everyone's back

992
00:43:44,960 --> 00:43:48,319
Speaker 8: until I eventually ran away. I had nothing left to

993
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 8: lose since no one wanted me around, and even my

994
00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:55,400
Speaker 8: college barred me from attending classes. They only emailed me

995
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:58,279
Speaker 8: assignments and allowed me to show up for exams.

996
00:43:58,600 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 4: Wow. Wow.

997
00:43:59,760 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 8: I went as far away from that town as I could,

998
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,320
Speaker 8: working odd community jobs to earn some money and slowly

999
00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 8: stabilizing myself. After some time, I legally changed my name

1000
00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:14,239
Speaker 8: because I couldn't stand looking at it anymore. Oh, my gosh,

1001
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:19,200
Speaker 8: so sad. Yeah, it felt like a part of that old,

1002
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:22,640
Speaker 8: ruined version of me. I don't even know why exactly,

1003
00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 8: but it helped me start fresh.

1004
00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 4: I mean, that's so sad. Yeah.

1005
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,279
Speaker 8: I made a few new friends after enrolling in university again,

1006
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:33,840
Speaker 8: even though I was incredibly poor and buried in debt. Yes,

1007
00:44:34,400 --> 00:44:37,799
Speaker 8: somehow I managed to finish my degree in teaching and

1008
00:44:37,840 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 8: eventually moved across the globe to another country. There I

1009
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:44,279
Speaker 8: found stability. I got a small apartment and started working

1010
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:47,120
Speaker 8: as a teacher. Eventually I met the woman who became

1011
00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 8: my wife. At first, I couldn't bring myself to trust her.

1012
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 8: I would flinch when she tried to touch me and

1013
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 8: get anxious whenever she came close. But her patience broke

1014
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,480
Speaker 8: through my walls. Slowly I fell in love with her.

1015
00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:02,680
Speaker 8: She later I gave birth to our twin, a boy

1016
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:05,000
Speaker 8: and a girl, who are the center of my world.

1017
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:06,719
Speaker 4: Oh.

1018
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 8: I defend them to the edge of the universe, as

1019
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 8: you should. Her family accepted me quickly, even though I

1020
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:15,480
Speaker 8: was a foreigner and an outsider. They treated me with

1021
00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 8: love and respect, and it reminded me what a real

1022
00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:18,640
Speaker 8: family should feel like.

1023
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:19,600
Speaker 4: Oh.

1024
00:45:20,320 --> 00:45:23,360
Speaker 8: For years life was peaceful. We had a cozy home,

1025
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,920
Speaker 8: our kids were happy, and I finally felt like I

1026
00:45:25,960 --> 00:45:29,880
Speaker 8: had rebuilt my life from the ashes. But everything changed

1027
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 8: last night. I was playing PlayStation with my son while

1028
00:45:33,280 --> 00:45:36,279
Speaker 8: my wife and daughter were in the garden cute when

1029
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:39,799
Speaker 8: there was a knock the door. I opened it and

1030
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:40,800
Speaker 8: standing there.

1031
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 4: Was my father. Got the title. That was the problem.

1032
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 4: Yeah it was daddy.

1033
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 8: He smiled weakly and began to speak, but I slammed

1034
00:45:50,040 --> 00:45:53,600
Speaker 8: the door shut in shock, so hard that I scared

1035
00:45:53,640 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 8: my son.

1036
00:45:54,280 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 7: Aw.

1037
00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 8: My hands were shaking as I took him to his room.

1038
00:45:57,640 --> 00:45:59,840
Speaker 8: My wife noticed something was wrong and rushed inside with

1039
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:03,600
Speaker 8: her daughter. My father kept knocking, and I completely broke down.

1040
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:07,399
Speaker 8: My wife comforted me before answering the door herself. When

1041
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 8: she asked who he was, he told her he was

1042
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,520
Speaker 8: my father. I had only given her vague details about

1043
00:46:12,560 --> 00:46:15,600
Speaker 8: my past, but she knew enough to be furious. She

1044
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 8: yelled at him for abandoning me and believing those lies.

1045
00:46:19,160 --> 00:46:21,839
Speaker 8: After she oh, so she knows, Yeah, WELLI she is good.

1046
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 4: Yeah she should know. That's good. Yeah, I'm glad with her.

1047
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:24,800
Speaker 8: He didn't like kids.

1048
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:26,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, I hid it. Ooh.

1049
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:28,799
Speaker 8: After she calmed down, I told her to let him in,

1050
00:46:28,960 --> 00:46:32,000
Speaker 8: but to take the kids upstairs. I sat down with

1051
00:46:32,040 --> 00:46:34,919
Speaker 8: my father and he told me the reason he came here.

1052
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 8: We go buckle up.

1053
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:37,120
Speaker 1: Oh oh.

1054
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 8: She said that while helping my ex girlfriend clear out

1055
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:43,960
Speaker 8: her phone recently, he saw messages between her and the

1056
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 8: guy she cheated on me with. In those messages, she

1057
00:46:47,840 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 8: confessed her guilt, saying she regretted everything, that she had

1058
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 8: ruined my life, and that she wanted to take it

1059
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:58,400
Speaker 8: all back. My father didn't confront her then. He said

1060
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 8: he wasn't ready to reopen old wounds, but reading those

1061
00:47:02,000 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 8: messages made him realize I'd been innocent all along. He

1062
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 8: started searching for me to tell me that he believed me. Now,

1063
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:13,279
Speaker 8: too late, buddy, I have no idea how he found me,

1064
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:17,160
Speaker 8: and now I'm torn. Part of me wants to tell

1065
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 8: him to go back home and never contact me again.

1066
00:47:19,719 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 8: The pain from all those years can't just disappear. But

1067
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,760
Speaker 8: another part of me wonders if I should reconcile, especially

1068
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 8: since he finally believes me and came all this way.

1069
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,239
Speaker 8: I've been walking aimlessly around town all day thinking about

1070
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 8: what to do. I've narrowed it down to two choices.

1071
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 8: Choice number one turn away and tell him to leave

1072
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 8: me alone for good, or choice number two, reconcile with

1073
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:43,480
Speaker 8: him and let my mother know the truth. I don't

1074
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 8: know which is right. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, and still processing

1075
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:48,799
Speaker 8: the fact that after all these years, my father came

1076
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 8: back to me with an apology I never thought i'd get.

1077
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 8: He's staying at an apartment nearby, and I plan to

1078
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,720
Speaker 8: take the day off work tomorrow. Maybe then I'll decide

1079
00:47:56,719 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 8: whether I can forgive him or whether it's too late.

1080
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:03,440
Speaker 8: There is an update. But well, what tank.

1081
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 4: I don't think that you have to forgive him. I

1082
00:48:06,080 --> 00:48:08,960
Speaker 4: don't think you owe him anything. If you want, if

1083
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 4: you feel like you want to have a conversation where

1084
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 4: you say that to him and say you betrayed me.

1085
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:17,400
Speaker 4: I don't know if I can ever get over that.

1086
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:20,879
Speaker 4: You know, I'm glad you came back to tell me this. Now.

1087
00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 4: If you need that foreclosure, do it. But you don't

1088
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,799
Speaker 4: know him a relationship.

1089
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,719
Speaker 8: Yeah, I would say, oh, he would have to just

1090
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:32,920
Speaker 8: figure this out for themselves, because I feel like people

1091
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:35,880
Speaker 8: would be like very indifferent, Like I could see you

1092
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 8: know both sides, because I can see whether you know,

1093
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:42,840
Speaker 8: if you really don't want that relationship, like you know, whatever,

1094
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:45,440
Speaker 8: then we're done and that's it and you have to

1095
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,320
Speaker 8: accept that as well as me. You know, I accected

1096
00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:49,640
Speaker 8: a long time ago, but now you have to like

1097
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 8: leave me alone, you know, like even knowing this information.

1098
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:56,239
Speaker 8: But then on the other half, it's like, you know,

1099
00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 8: I do I did like miss those times, you know,

1100
00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:03,280
Speaker 8: like of like I don't want to have this negative

1101
00:49:03,280 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 8: image of you in my head, but it seems like

1102
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 8: that's you know, that's what it was for years. How

1103
00:49:08,400 --> 00:49:09,719
Speaker 8: am I just supposed to turn that off?

1104
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:11,759
Speaker 4: And maybe? I mean, you know, I feel like you

1105
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 4: have three options kind of here is one you cut

1106
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 4: off contact, say you never talked to me again. Two

1107
00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 4: you say okay, let's try. Or three you say not

1108
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:24,239
Speaker 4: right now, you send it, You send it down the line.

1109
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:25,800
Speaker 4: You say, give me, give me a couple of years,

1110
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 4: give me a year. I don't know. Can I take

1111
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:31,480
Speaker 4: a range, Rainjack, We'll see. I'm not promising you anything,

1112
00:49:31,880 --> 00:49:34,720
Speaker 4: but I'll reach out to you if I ever want that. Yeah,

1113
00:49:34,760 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 4: but we've got an update.

1114
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:37,920
Speaker 8: Yeah, let's let's update.

1115
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:39,320
Speaker 4: Hi everyone.

1116
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,400
Speaker 8: I'm sorry that I haven't said anything recently, but I

1117
00:49:42,440 --> 00:49:46,200
Speaker 8: came to the decision that I would not reconcile with

1118
00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:46,800
Speaker 8: my father.

1119
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:47,320
Speaker 4: Wow.

1120
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,279
Speaker 8: I simply couldn't find it in myself to forgive him.

1121
00:49:50,640 --> 00:49:52,840
Speaker 8: Some of you might want a story, so here is

1122
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:57,680
Speaker 8: how it went down. The date after I made the post, oh,

1123
00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,919
Speaker 8: I visited my father in his hotel and I told

1124
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,399
Speaker 8: that I wouldn't reconcile with him or anything like that.

1125
00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 8: He had tears in his eyes, but was understanding. He

1126
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:08,840
Speaker 8: said he told my mother about her and cut my

1127
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 8: ex girlfriend off from the family entirely. I asked him

1128
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 8: why there was still contact, as many of you questioned,

1129
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:18,400
Speaker 8: and he said that she apparently felt too guilty to

1130
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:22,200
Speaker 8: really let us go. I'm not too inclined to believe it,

1131
00:50:22,440 --> 00:50:25,600
Speaker 8: as were many of you, but it's closure enough for me.

1132
00:50:26,520 --> 00:50:28,719
Speaker 8: Apparently my mother didn't take the news too well and

1133
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:31,040
Speaker 8: tried to get my phone number, but my father didn't

1134
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:34,400
Speaker 8: let in. Not sure what I could really trust given

1135
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:36,680
Speaker 8: that I feel most of it is just deployed to

1136
00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:38,919
Speaker 8: get me back into their lives. But after they threw

1137
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 8: me out onto the streets like a rabid dog, it

1138
00:50:42,520 --> 00:50:46,080
Speaker 8: just makes me sick. My son did end up asking

1139
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:48,120
Speaker 8: who was at the door, but I told him that

1140
00:50:48,200 --> 00:50:51,080
Speaker 8: it was a colleague, my son.

1141
00:50:51,360 --> 00:50:52,360
Speaker 4: Oh.

1142
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:54,759
Speaker 8: I planned to tell both of them what happened to

1143
00:50:54,800 --> 00:50:57,640
Speaker 8: me in the past when they're older or going through

1144
00:50:57,680 --> 00:51:00,319
Speaker 8: tough times, to let them know that I understand we're

1145
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 8: all fine. It shook me up a little bit, but

1146
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:05,280
Speaker 8: I hope I have my father's word in him keeping

1147
00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:08,359
Speaker 8: my new life a secret. If anything else happens, I'll

1148
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,840
Speaker 8: keep you updated, but I think the matter is resolved

1149
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:11,359
Speaker 8: for now.

1150
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:18,719
Speaker 4: Oh. Update two, I think, honestly pretty good start from

1151
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 4: the dad. If he keeps his word and doesn't let

1152
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 4: it like let the mom in, I think that's a

1153
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:25,000
Speaker 4: pretty good start.

1154
00:51:25,160 --> 00:51:27,120
Speaker 8: Build trust back one step at a time.

1155
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:29,880
Speaker 4: I think it's just like keep you keep trying, you

1156
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:33,359
Speaker 4: keep showing that you know, you respect boundaries, but saying like, hey,

1157
00:51:33,400 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 4: I'm here. If you ever change your mind and let

1158
00:51:36,000 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 4: opiece at the pace. Yeah, Like that's what they're most

1159
00:51:38,320 --> 00:51:41,560
Speaker 4: comfortable with. And unfortunately that might mean never, you know,

1160
00:51:41,719 --> 00:51:43,759
Speaker 4: because you did betray umph, so that might mean he

1161
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:45,600
Speaker 4: never up, he never comes back exactly.

1162
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:50,440
Speaker 8: Yeah. Update two, I got closure from my family. Okay,

1163
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:51,320
Speaker 8: seems like a start.

1164
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:53,040
Speaker 1: A month later.

1165
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:56,040
Speaker 8: Whoo, this is my first time posting here. So I'll

1166
00:51:56,080 --> 00:51:58,960
Speaker 8: start with some backstory. I grew up in a perfectly normal,

1167
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 8: middle class family. My parents raised me well and I

1168
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 8: had a good life. Then I got a girlfriend, and

1169
00:52:04,160 --> 00:52:07,239
Speaker 8: at first she was amazing. We shared many hobbies and

1170
00:52:07,280 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 8: got along really well. Then I discovered she was cheating

1171
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 8: on me. Before I could break up with her, she

1172
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:17,040
Speaker 8: threatened to tell everyone that I had graped her. I

1173
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:21,279
Speaker 8: thought she was bluffing, but she actually did it. My

1174
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:24,560
Speaker 8: family disowned me, and although I was released from custody

1175
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:27,800
Speaker 8: due to lack of evidence, I wasn't formally acquitted. Because

1176
00:52:27,800 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 8: of that, my parents still believed I was guilty and

1177
00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 8: thought I had gotten away with it. I decided to

1178
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:34,919
Speaker 8: start fresh. I stayed with my best friend for a while,

1179
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:38,520
Speaker 8: got copies of all my important documents, and ran away.

1180
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:41,320
Speaker 8: I worked hard, earned a degree in teaching, and eventually

1181
00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:43,759
Speaker 8: moved to another country. There, I met my wife and

1182
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 8: we had twin children, a boy and a girl. Life

1183
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:49,040
Speaker 8: was peaceful for years. That was until my father found

1184
00:52:49,040 --> 00:52:51,319
Speaker 8: me again, which started a chain of events leading to

1185
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 8: this post. Recently, my family broke a promise to me

1186
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:59,800
Speaker 8: oh no, and it filled me with anger. After thinking

1187
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:02,480
Speaker 8: about it for a long time, I decided to confront

1188
00:53:02,520 --> 00:53:05,680
Speaker 8: them directly. I flew back to my home country and

1189
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 8: met with everyone involved, my mom, dad, brother, and even

1190
00:53:09,080 --> 00:53:13,520
Speaker 8: my ex, the one who had accused me. Whoa uh oh.

1191
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:16,680
Speaker 8: I was nervous walking into that room, but once I

1192
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:20,640
Speaker 8: saw them, I realized something strange. I didn't really see

1193
00:53:20,680 --> 00:53:21,880
Speaker 8: them as family anymore.

1194
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:22,279
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1195
00:53:22,360 --> 00:53:26,280
Speaker 8: I recognized their faces, but I didn't feel any emotional connection,

1196
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:29,840
Speaker 8: not like the way I felt about my wife, my kids,

1197
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 8: or my in law since so long. Yeah that's good.

1198
00:53:33,640 --> 00:53:34,600
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1199
00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:36,879
Speaker 8: My mother was the first to react. She broke down,

1200
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:39,600
Speaker 8: crying and tried to apologize, but I just felt disgusted.

1201
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:42,520
Speaker 8: My father comforted her, while my brother was the only

1202
00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:45,160
Speaker 8: one composed enough to speak. He asked me how I

1203
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:47,640
Speaker 8: was doing, but I told him to drop the small talk.

1204
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:51,279
Speaker 8: This meeting was on my terms. He was, so, how

1205
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:52,680
Speaker 8: you doing a shut up?

1206
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 4: I'm o to a different country.

1207
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:57,239
Speaker 8: You don't even know my real name. I'm doing I'm

1208
00:53:57,280 --> 00:54:00,760
Speaker 8: doing you don't even know my fake name. I told

1209
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:04,520
Speaker 8: them I wasn't there to reconcile. I only wanted closure.

1210
00:54:04,600 --> 00:54:06,440
Speaker 8: I made it clear that if they ever tried to

1211
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:09,359
Speaker 8: follow me or contact me after this, I would call

1212
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 8: the police. I asked my parents why they had been

1213
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:15,720
Speaker 8: so quick to abandon me, even after the police found

1214
00:54:15,719 --> 00:54:18,239
Speaker 8: no proof. They said they made a rash decision and

1215
00:54:18,280 --> 00:54:20,920
Speaker 8: that seeing me and custody broke their hearts. I called

1216
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:23,040
Speaker 8: them out for lying because they never even tried to

1217
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:25,760
Speaker 8: defend me. Then I asked my father about what people

1218
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:29,359
Speaker 8: had told me earlier. How he supposedly found proof of

1219
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,399
Speaker 8: my ex's lies. He explained that my ex had asked

1220
00:54:32,480 --> 00:54:34,560
Speaker 8: him to clear her phone, and while doing so, he

1221
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:38,399
Speaker 8: found her chat logs. Since he was always good with technology,

1222
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 8: that's how he found him.

1223
00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:44,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, here we go. He's a tech bro tech wiz

1224
00:54:46,200 --> 00:54:48,520
Speaker 4: since he was always good with technology.

1225
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 8: I accepted his answer, even though it didn't make me

1226
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 8: feel any better. Then I turned to my brother. I

1227
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,439
Speaker 8: asked why he never tried to contact me. He looked

1228
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:02,200
Speaker 8: shocked and said that but he did many times. He

1229
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:04,200
Speaker 8: even tried to send me money to help me survive,

1230
00:55:04,719 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 8: but since I never replied, he assumed I hated him

1231
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:11,000
Speaker 8: for what happened. Turns out he was right. My mother

1232
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:13,640
Speaker 8: had blocked my number on all the family phone plans

1233
00:55:13,640 --> 00:55:16,160
Speaker 8: and glinting my brothers since she was still paying for

1234
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:16,680
Speaker 8: his plan.

1235
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:22,920
Speaker 4: Devastating. Wow, devastae This time he thinks like no one's

1236
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:28,120
Speaker 4: on his side, but his brother is devastating. Oh, I

1237
00:55:28,120 --> 00:55:32,879
Speaker 4: would literally never forgive the mom. Yeah, be like mom, boy,

1238
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:35,880
Speaker 4: just because you have an opinion doesn't mean nobody else can. Yeah.

1239
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:39,480
Speaker 8: Wow, So I never got any of us calls or messages.

1240
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:40,440
Speaker 4: Crazy.

1241
00:55:41,320 --> 00:55:46,360
Speaker 8: Finally I faced my ex, Dun dun dumb. I asked

1242
00:55:46,360 --> 00:55:49,279
Speaker 8: her why she had done what she did. She said

1243
00:55:49,320 --> 00:55:51,840
Speaker 8: she was scared of what would happen and claimed that

1244
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 8: she never stopped loving me.

1245
00:55:53,400 --> 00:55:54,640
Speaker 4: Oh shut up.

1246
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:58,120
Speaker 8: She said therapy made her feel guilty because she knew

1247
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 8: her story was fake. She said she hadn't dated anyone

1248
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 8: since then because she hoped I'd come back so she

1249
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:05,359
Speaker 8: could apologize.

1250
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:06,879
Speaker 4: Oh my god, but that.

1251
00:56:06,960 --> 00:56:07,839
Speaker 1: Was another lie.

1252
00:56:08,040 --> 00:56:08,960
Speaker 4: Oh no.

1253
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:14,080
Speaker 8: My father confirmed he had seen messages proving she'd had

1254
00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:17,359
Speaker 8: multiple partners while I was gone. When he said that,

1255
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:21,000
Speaker 8: she broke down, crying and actually tried to hold my hand,

1256
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:22,840
Speaker 8: begging for another chance.

1257
00:56:23,000 --> 00:56:27,720
Speaker 4: Girl, girl, she he's full marry all you do Mary.

1258
00:56:27,800 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 4: I also got him almost arrested and had everyone abandoned him.

1259
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:33,239
Speaker 1: All you do is lie.

1260
00:56:33,640 --> 00:56:35,840
Speaker 4: Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie.

1261
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 4: That was when I snapped, I pulled out my phone

1262
00:56:39,200 --> 00:56:43,759
Speaker 4: and showed them hundreds of pictures my kids, birthdays, family trips, holidays,

1263
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:45,480
Speaker 4: their first days of school, everything.

1264
00:56:45,560 --> 00:56:47,440
Speaker 8: I told her that this was what she could have

1265
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:49,480
Speaker 8: had if she hadn't destroyed everything.

1266
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:51,399
Speaker 4: Okay, well I think that's a little. Yeah, I don't

1267
00:56:51,440 --> 00:56:55,399
Speaker 4: know where we were there, this could have been you weird,

1268
00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:56,400
Speaker 4: that's a little.

1269
00:56:57,000 --> 00:56:59,000
Speaker 8: And to my parents, I said this was what they

1270
00:56:59,040 --> 00:57:01,200
Speaker 8: had missed out on because they chose not to believe

1271
00:57:01,239 --> 00:57:04,160
Speaker 8: in me. That I understand. For a moment, I thought.

1272
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:07,240
Speaker 4: I might have gone too far, but then I realized,

1273
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:09,200
Speaker 4: compared to what they did to me, I haven't even

1274
00:57:09,200 --> 00:57:11,720
Speaker 4: scratched the surface, which is completely true.

1275
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:12,280
Speaker 1: I agreed.

1276
00:57:13,200 --> 00:57:15,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, I honestly don't have any more thoughts. I think

1277
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:19,920
Speaker 4: that OLP. You're very valid in all of your reactions. Yeah,

1278
00:57:19,960 --> 00:57:23,240
Speaker 4: my visit wasn't bad at all. Though I met up

1279
00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:25,280
Speaker 4: with my old best friend and his family. They were

1280
00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 4: genuinely happy to see me, and I'll always be grateful

1281
00:57:27,640 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 4: for how they took me in when everyone else turned

1282
00:57:30,040 --> 00:57:32,520
Speaker 4: their backs. I plan to visit my home country again

1283
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:34,640
Speaker 4: one day to show my kids where half of their

1284
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:37,720
Speaker 4: heritage comes from. But I'll never let them anywhere near

1285
00:57:37,800 --> 00:57:40,760
Speaker 4: my biological family. As far as I'm concerned, my only

1286
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:43,880
Speaker 4: real family is my wife, her family, and our children.

1287
00:57:44,000 --> 00:57:45,960
Speaker 4: Wait wait, wait, wait what about your brother?

1288
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 8: I'd say, all things considered, they went pretty well. Oh edit,

1289
00:57:51,000 --> 00:57:53,000
Speaker 8: as some of you asked, Yes, I've decided to let

1290
00:57:53,040 --> 00:57:55,360
Speaker 8: my brother visit and meet his niece and nephew.

1291
00:57:55,600 --> 00:57:57,760
Speaker 4: For completely forgot to mention that early.

1292
00:57:57,840 --> 00:58:00,400
Speaker 8: Okay, good because I was very where I was like, the.

1293
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:05,000
Speaker 4: Brother don't deserve that. A brother don't deserve that. Brother

1294
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:09,840
Speaker 4: don't deserve that. And that's the end of that. And

1295
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:12,880
Speaker 4: there we go. Uh you know what all is? Well

1296
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:15,760
Speaker 4: that ends well, yeah, he had a tough life, man.

1297
00:58:15,760 --> 00:58:17,520
Speaker 8: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

1298
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:19,000
Speaker 8: to the next one.

1299
00:58:19,240 --> 00:58:21,440
Speaker 3: Hey, it's sam og Host. We're gonnaet back to these

1300
00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:22,440
Speaker 3: delectable stories.

1301
00:58:22,480 --> 00:58:24,520
Speaker 1: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors to

1302
00:58:24,520 --> 00:58:25,320
Speaker 1: help support the show.

1303
00:58:25,880 --> 00:58:30,640
Speaker 4: My stepmother snuck into my workplace and exposed our family's drama.

1304
00:58:30,920 --> 00:58:34,560
Speaker 4: Whoa not at the workplace. It's crazy. My dad has

1305
00:58:34,600 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 4: been married to this woman for twenty plus years. She's

1306
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:42,280
Speaker 4: essentially a gold digger and very very manipulative and very

1307
00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:45,600
Speaker 4: jealous of my relationship with my dad. When I lived

1308
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:48,000
Speaker 4: with them for a year, she did everything she could

1309
00:58:48,080 --> 00:58:50,960
Speaker 4: to try to turn them against me. She would lose

1310
00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:53,960
Speaker 4: things and tell my dad I stole them. She would

1311
00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:56,360
Speaker 4: tell my dad that I took the car without permission,

1312
00:58:56,560 --> 00:58:59,040
Speaker 4: or that she saw me getting into cars with strange

1313
00:58:59,040 --> 00:59:01,160
Speaker 4: men when I was supposed to be at school. By

1314
00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:03,280
Speaker 4: the way, this comes from Ziaki, And if you want

1315
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:05,040
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

1316
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:09,840
Speaker 4: Okay storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia and I'm Severa, and

1317
00:59:09,960 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 4: we're here to give good advice. Goofully, But we don't

1318
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 4: have all the answers. We only know what we'd do,

1319
00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:16,480
Speaker 4: So let us know what you would do in the comments.

1320
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 4: So ohp says her and her children take full advantage

1321
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:24,360
Speaker 4: of my dad as much as possible. My dad paid

1322
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:27,320
Speaker 4: for her daughter's first wedding. He lets her sons use

1323
00:59:27,360 --> 00:59:29,560
Speaker 4: his cars, even though one of them got a dui

1324
00:59:29,640 --> 00:59:32,480
Speaker 4: and totalled one of them. And worst of all, she

1325
00:59:32,560 --> 00:59:35,000
Speaker 4: gambled away all of his savings to the point where

1326
00:59:35,040 --> 00:59:36,800
Speaker 4: all he has to live on is is four oh

1327
00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 4: one K and pension. Despite all of this, I have

1328
00:59:39,840 --> 00:59:42,600
Speaker 4: tried to be civil with this woman for twenty years

1329
00:59:43,240 --> 00:59:45,720
Speaker 4: until two years ago our daughter was getting married again.

1330
00:59:46,200 --> 00:59:49,360
Speaker 4: I missed the bridal shower because I never received an invitation.

1331
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:52,920
Speaker 4: So you didn't miss it, you weren't invited. Yeah, that

1332
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:55,920
Speaker 4: seems like very two different things. Yeah. I was in

1333
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:58,160
Speaker 4: the process of moving at the time, and it probably

1334
00:59:58,440 --> 01:00:02,800
Speaker 4: cut lost in the mail. I don't know. I don't know.

1335
01:00:03,880 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 4: Apparently this was enough of an insult to her that

1336
01:00:06,440 --> 01:00:09,200
Speaker 4: she had my dad tell me on Christmas morning that

1337
01:00:09,280 --> 01:00:12,080
Speaker 4: I would not be welcome to celebrate with them, and

1338
01:00:12,240 --> 01:00:14,400
Speaker 4: being that my dad has no backbone to stand up

1339
01:00:14,440 --> 01:00:18,000
Speaker 4: to her, he did. I didn't care much that I

1340
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 4: wasn't invited, but I was really hurt that my dad

1341
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:23,800
Speaker 4: just went along with it and didn't stand up for me.

1342
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:28,000
Speaker 4: He later apologized. I texted her and told her pretty

1343
01:00:28,080 --> 01:00:30,640
Speaker 4: much every feeling I've ever felt about her for the

1344
01:00:30,720 --> 01:00:34,840
Speaker 4: last twenty years, all the anger and hatred came out.

1345
01:00:35,360 --> 01:00:38,280
Speaker 4: Then I was done with her. I told my dad

1346
01:00:38,280 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 4: I never wanted to speak to her or see her again,

1347
01:00:41,200 --> 01:00:43,320
Speaker 4: and that she was not welcome in my home and

1348
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:46,520
Speaker 4: he is not to bring her around me. Ever, I

1349
01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:49,000
Speaker 4: thought that was the end of it until this weekend.

1350
01:00:49,200 --> 01:00:51,160
Speaker 4: I walked into work to find out that while my

1351
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 4: dad was at my house visiting, my stepmom went out

1352
01:00:54,880 --> 01:00:57,480
Speaker 4: to eat at the restaurant I work at, knowing I

1353
01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:01,760
Speaker 4: wouldn't be there completely on, she decided to vent to

1354
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:04,960
Speaker 4: her server about me, saying that my dad does everything

1355
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:08,720
Speaker 4: for me and I'm ungrateful. Absolutely not true. I love

1356
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:10,880
Speaker 4: my dad and would do anything for him, and that

1357
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,840
Speaker 4: my disabled husband is a useless piece of crap and

1358
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:16,840
Speaker 4: a gold digger also not true. If it weren't for

1359
01:01:16,920 --> 01:01:19,320
Speaker 4: my husband, I would not be alive today, and she

1360
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:22,720
Speaker 4: doesn't understand why I hate her so much, eloel. Really,

1361
01:01:23,400 --> 01:01:26,000
Speaker 4: I won one hundred percent believe she did this to

1362
01:01:26,040 --> 01:01:28,160
Speaker 4: try to get under my skin and piss me off,

1363
01:01:28,520 --> 01:01:30,640
Speaker 4: because that's her only way of lashing out at me

1364
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:33,560
Speaker 4: since I refuse to engage with her. She tries to

1365
01:01:33,560 --> 01:01:35,760
Speaker 4: get my dad to not do things for me or

1366
01:01:35,840 --> 01:01:39,320
Speaker 4: spend time with me, and I believe she's just incredibly

1367
01:01:39,400 --> 01:01:43,040
Speaker 4: jealous and insecure about our relationship. It did initially piss

1368
01:01:43,080 --> 01:01:45,680
Speaker 4: me off because she dragged our drama into my place

1369
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:49,880
Speaker 4: of employment and it could have affected my job, but really,

1370
01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 4: I just find it hilarious. That she's so immature and petty.

1371
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:56,120
Speaker 4: In any case, I'm not really sure what I should

1372
01:01:56,120 --> 01:01:58,520
Speaker 4: do about it. If anything, I kind of want to

1373
01:01:58,600 --> 01:02:01,160
Speaker 4: let my dad know that she's bored relying pestering me.

1374
01:02:01,360 --> 01:02:04,400
Speaker 4: You should. Maybe he doesn't do anything about it, but

1375
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:09,760
Speaker 4: you should, you know, let him know. Yeah, that's especially

1376
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:12,640
Speaker 4: if she's going to your place of work. That's what's crazy.

1377
01:02:12,800 --> 01:02:15,320
Speaker 8: Like I get like, Okay, you could go there and

1378
01:02:15,360 --> 01:02:19,520
Speaker 8: be like, oh, like you know he's like, oh my

1379
01:02:19,520 --> 01:02:22,520
Speaker 8: my stepchild is here, but he works here, blah bla blah.

1380
01:02:22,560 --> 01:02:23,320
Speaker 8: That could have been it.

1381
01:02:23,400 --> 01:02:25,200
Speaker 4: So that's it. You don't have to be like I mean,

1382
01:02:25,280 --> 01:02:29,360
Speaker 4: it's it's insane to go there and complete Yeah, that's

1383
01:02:29,400 --> 01:02:29,840
Speaker 4: too far.

1384
01:02:30,040 --> 01:02:32,040
Speaker 8: I wonder if she was like under the influence or something.

1385
01:02:32,080 --> 01:02:36,280
Speaker 4: I don't know, and just kind of be like but like, yeah,

1386
01:02:36,440 --> 01:02:40,400
Speaker 4: not in my place of work. On my husband says,

1387
01:02:40,440 --> 01:02:42,720
Speaker 4: I should let it go because if my dad says

1388
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:45,240
Speaker 4: something to her about it, she'll thinks she successfully got

1389
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:50,560
Speaker 4: under my skin. Any advice, please and comment Once says,

1390
01:02:50,600 --> 01:02:53,920
Speaker 4: I agree, you shouldn't tell your dad. He's not gonna

1391
01:02:53,920 --> 01:02:56,480
Speaker 4: do anything, and this woman is just looking for reaction

1392
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 4: from you. However, by not reacting. She could be further.

1393
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:03,040
Speaker 4: I don't suppose your workplace would be willing to ban her,

1394
01:03:03,960 --> 01:03:06,360
Speaker 4: Opie says, even if I got the managers to agree

1395
01:03:06,360 --> 01:03:08,920
Speaker 4: that she should not be welcome there, though so too

1396
01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:12,120
Speaker 4: oblivious to recognize her and refuse her service if she

1397
01:03:12,200 --> 01:03:15,120
Speaker 4: does show up, just have a picture of her, have

1398
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:16,880
Speaker 4: a little print out that says, do not let this

1399
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:18,520
Speaker 4: woman in. I love those.

1400
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:21,880
Speaker 8: They're great because they're always like weird, like brainy, survey

1401
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:25,120
Speaker 8: this films, she's see like does this half Yeah, She's like,

1402
01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:26,160
Speaker 8: don't let this movement?

1403
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 4: She's like, yeah, it has. My stepdaughter sucks if she

1404
01:03:33,600 --> 01:03:35,960
Speaker 4: continues to do crap like this. I do think I'll

1405
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:37,800
Speaker 4: look into what I need to do to get a

1406
01:03:37,840 --> 01:03:42,360
Speaker 4: restraining order. Though, and there is an update. Any other

1407
01:03:42,440 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 4: thoughts before we jump in? I mean, I think we

1408
01:03:46,320 --> 01:03:48,800
Speaker 4: said it all. It just seems like her ma or

1409
01:03:48,880 --> 01:03:51,720
Speaker 4: stepmom is just a little off the rocker, a little

1410
01:03:51,800 --> 01:03:56,160
Speaker 4: off kilter. But update says, long story, my dad is

1411
01:03:56,240 --> 01:04:00,040
Speaker 4: essentially disabled after a major stroke. His wife refused, he

1412
01:04:00,120 --> 01:04:02,160
Speaker 4: uses to take care of him properly, and their house

1413
01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:06,600
Speaker 4: is absolutely disgusting. At one point, he fell and cracked

1414
01:04:06,600 --> 01:04:09,600
Speaker 4: his femur. She refused to do anything for him, and

1415
01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:11,800
Speaker 4: even left him a home alone with no food or

1416
01:04:11,840 --> 01:04:14,520
Speaker 4: water for an entire day. Since then, he's been living

1417
01:04:14,520 --> 01:04:17,320
Speaker 4: with us by his own free will. He misses his dogs,

1418
01:04:17,320 --> 01:04:19,880
Speaker 4: but he doesn't want to go back there. She's incredibly

1419
01:04:19,920 --> 01:04:23,800
Speaker 4: pissed about this. Well, that's a solution. Just get her

1420
01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:27,520
Speaker 4: out of there. Here you go, you perfect. Yeah, he

1421
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:29,680
Speaker 4: is in and out of the hospital a lot because

1422
01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:33,040
Speaker 4: we actually take his health issues seriously and get him help.

1423
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:36,080
Speaker 4: After his last day in the hospital, she texted my

1424
01:04:36,200 --> 01:04:38,640
Speaker 4: husband and went on a tirade about how he needs

1425
01:04:38,680 --> 01:04:39,320
Speaker 4: to come home.

1426
01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:42,480
Speaker 7: We're just using him for his money, and we're clearly

1427
01:04:42,560 --> 01:04:45,120
Speaker 7: neglecting him if he's in the hospital all the time.

1428
01:04:45,520 --> 01:04:48,080
Speaker 7: Note that we don't take any money from him. He's

1429
01:04:48,120 --> 01:04:51,560
Speaker 7: occasionally helping us with groceries, but in fact we spent

1430
01:04:51,840 --> 01:04:54,120
Speaker 7: thousands of our own money getting a ramp installed in

1431
01:04:54,200 --> 01:04:56,600
Speaker 7: our house for him. She has threatened to sue us

1432
01:04:56,600 --> 01:05:00,040
Speaker 7: for elder abuse after he passes away. Obviously, she he

1433
01:05:00,080 --> 01:05:01,280
Speaker 7: can't do it now.

1434
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:03,560
Speaker 4: Because we aren't actually abusing him and he is of

1435
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:06,680
Speaker 4: sound enough mind to tell a judge that. I'm pretty

1436
01:05:06,680 --> 01:05:09,240
Speaker 4: sure she's just full of crap, But what can we

1437
01:05:09,280 --> 01:05:13,040
Speaker 4: do to protect ourselves just in case? Also note we

1438
01:05:13,160 --> 01:05:15,760
Speaker 4: have all of her threats and nonsense and text because

1439
01:05:15,800 --> 01:05:23,080
Speaker 4: she's a moron. She's dumb, she freakin indicted herself. We

1440
01:05:23,160 --> 01:05:27,640
Speaker 4: have everything because she's a moron. Of that, Common one says,

1441
01:05:27,680 --> 01:05:30,600
Speaker 4: I'm a former adult protective worker. Keep a binder of

1442
01:05:30,680 --> 01:05:33,720
Speaker 4: dates of appointments you take him to file away any

1443
01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:36,520
Speaker 4: printed record they give you in that binder, and keep

1444
01:05:36,560 --> 01:05:39,400
Speaker 4: a log of when you give him as medications times

1445
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:42,760
Speaker 4: a dosage, name of med That way, if anyone ever

1446
01:05:42,800 --> 01:05:45,960
Speaker 4: comes around from social services, you have a well documented

1447
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:49,120
Speaker 4: binder of his health history and the care you give him.

1448
01:05:49,560 --> 01:05:51,840
Speaker 4: Common two says, if he's a sound mind, you should

1449
01:05:51,840 --> 01:05:55,000
Speaker 4: meet with an attorney and he should designate you as

1450
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:59,959
Speaker 4: is POA. He should also have a will, a health

1451
01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:03,840
Speaker 4: care directive, and other relevant documents. It doesn't sound like

1452
01:06:03,880 --> 01:06:07,360
Speaker 4: she has any evidence of an elder Oh, he says,

1453
01:06:07,400 --> 01:06:09,120
Speaker 4: we already did that when he had his big stroke

1454
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:11,320
Speaker 4: and he was scared he wasn't going to make it.

1455
01:06:11,640 --> 01:06:15,480
Speaker 4: My aunt has POA power of attorney of his finances,

1456
01:06:15,480 --> 01:06:17,560
Speaker 4: and I have POA for his medical With that, do

1457
01:06:17,640 --> 01:06:20,720
Speaker 4: not resuscitate. I'm mostly wondering if there is some way

1458
01:06:20,720 --> 01:06:23,400
Speaker 4: for me to document and prove that we are taking

1459
01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:26,000
Speaker 4: care of him to the best of our ability. He

1460
01:06:26,040 --> 01:06:28,120
Speaker 4: has been notified that his wife is doing this, and

1461
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:31,920
Speaker 4: he doesn't feel the need to do anything about it. Dude,

1462
01:06:32,720 --> 01:06:35,680
Speaker 4: let people take care of you. Stop letting this. This

1463
01:06:35,760 --> 01:06:37,760
Speaker 4: is so frustrating because it seems like he's just kind

1464
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:40,720
Speaker 4: of like putting up with it.

1465
01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:45,800
Speaker 8: Yeah, that's what I'm thinking, because he just literally it

1466
01:06:45,800 --> 01:06:50,360
Speaker 8: seems like he doesn't really care that much about his

1467
01:06:50,440 --> 01:06:53,959
Speaker 8: health and he's like, oh, like you know, like, yeah,

1468
01:06:53,960 --> 01:06:56,280
Speaker 8: thanks for taking care of me, but also like, I'm

1469
01:06:56,320 --> 01:06:58,840
Speaker 8: here with my wife, so it's okay, even though she

1470
01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:02,200
Speaker 8: treats you like crap, like she's all right with me,

1471
01:07:02,600 --> 01:07:05,240
Speaker 8: you know. It kind of just seems like, you know,

1472
01:07:05,520 --> 01:07:07,280
Speaker 8: one side really wants to help him, the other side

1473
01:07:07,320 --> 01:07:08,680
Speaker 8: doesn't want to help him, and then he's in the

1474
01:07:08,720 --> 01:07:09,280
Speaker 8: middle like.

1475
01:07:09,560 --> 01:07:13,560
Speaker 4: Eh, I guess I don't care. Yeah, he's the type

1476
01:07:13,560 --> 01:07:15,880
Speaker 4: to stick his head in the sand and hope things

1477
01:07:16,000 --> 01:07:19,240
Speaker 4: just go away. Yep. Reply, there isn't really a way

1478
01:07:19,440 --> 01:07:22,280
Speaker 4: that doesn't seem calculated. You can take a video. I

1479
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:26,280
Speaker 4: guess there will be medical records and presumably witnesses. He

1480
01:07:26,360 --> 01:07:29,280
Speaker 4: can also file for divorce, which would be the easiest

1481
01:07:29,280 --> 01:07:31,800
Speaker 4: way to cut her off at the pass, as well

1482
01:07:31,840 --> 01:07:35,240
Speaker 4: as settling their finances now rather than after he passes away.

1483
01:07:35,920 --> 01:07:39,160
Speaker 4: This may well go away. It's hard to envision an

1484
01:07:39,200 --> 01:07:44,000
Speaker 4: attorney taking on a completely nonsensical elder case after the

1485
01:07:44,080 --> 01:07:46,960
Speaker 4: elder has passed away. When the wife claims she knew

1486
01:07:46,960 --> 01:07:49,080
Speaker 4: about the absent and did nothing when he was alive,

1487
01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:52,080
Speaker 4: I wouldn't stay up at night worry about it, and

1488
01:07:52,160 --> 01:07:55,240
Speaker 4: OP says, thanks, that's what I thought. We have suggested

1489
01:07:55,280 --> 01:07:58,000
Speaker 4: to him to file for divorce, but he's petty and

1490
01:07:58,040 --> 01:08:00,520
Speaker 4: doesn't want her taking half his stuff even though she

1491
01:08:00,560 --> 01:08:03,400
Speaker 4: already at his house and cars, one of which she

1492
01:08:03,440 --> 01:08:06,440
Speaker 4: gave to her brother. Makes no sense to us. Seems

1493
01:08:06,480 --> 01:08:09,040
Speaker 4: like it would be worth it. As it stands, his

1494
01:08:09,160 --> 01:08:11,960
Speaker 4: financials are set up sixty forty, with myself and my

1495
01:08:12,040 --> 01:08:15,120
Speaker 4: husband getting the sixty. She would get the forty and

1496
01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:17,599
Speaker 4: the house and the cars and whatever trash is in them.

1497
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:20,400
Speaker 4: This is what is written in his will and is

1498
01:08:20,439 --> 01:08:24,639
Speaker 4: also filed with his financial advisor and institution. Comment three says,

1499
01:08:24,680 --> 01:08:27,000
Speaker 4: you really need to have this looked over. By an

1500
01:08:27,160 --> 01:08:30,440
Speaker 4: estate planner. There are a lot of things that bypass

1501
01:08:30,600 --> 01:08:34,839
Speaker 4: probate that the will won't mean anything. For for example,

1502
01:08:34,880 --> 01:08:38,480
Speaker 4: with life insurance and all bank investment accounts, the designated

1503
01:08:38,520 --> 01:08:41,599
Speaker 4: beneficiary gets everything. If his wife is a joint account

1504
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:44,720
Speaker 4: holder on anything, she just becomes the owner of the

1505
01:08:44,760 --> 01:08:47,960
Speaker 4: account and everything in it when he passes. How the

1506
01:08:48,000 --> 01:08:51,000
Speaker 4: deed is recorded determines how the house is handled, et cetera.

1507
01:08:51,560 --> 01:08:54,519
Speaker 4: This is not something you can just handle in a will.

1508
01:08:55,080 --> 01:08:57,880
Speaker 4: Reply says this needs to be highlighted more as it's

1509
01:08:58,000 --> 01:09:01,200
Speaker 4: really important for op and her family to make sure

1510
01:09:01,280 --> 01:09:04,120
Speaker 4: all existing contacts are dealt with while her father is

1511
01:09:04,160 --> 01:09:07,760
Speaker 4: able to actively communicate his legal stance. A will is

1512
01:09:07,800 --> 01:09:11,320
Speaker 4: a last testament, but it does not supersede legal contracts

1513
01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:15,519
Speaker 4: that we're signed into with other parties while while an

1514
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:19,000
Speaker 4: individual was still alive. A will is a way to

1515
01:09:19,240 --> 01:09:23,320
Speaker 4: divide assets left over after all other legalities are settled,

1516
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:28,080
Speaker 4: not the article that divides all assets in possession post mortem.

1517
01:09:28,520 --> 01:09:30,719
Speaker 4: It seems like if he's trying to figure this out,

1518
01:09:31,760 --> 01:09:35,519
Speaker 4: maybe just looking into like legal stuff, getting in contact

1519
01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:38,400
Speaker 4: with a lawyer. Yeah, I think that she's been neglecting

1520
01:09:38,520 --> 01:09:39,240
Speaker 4: her husband.

1521
01:09:39,439 --> 01:09:42,000
Speaker 8: I think this is all like a legal case now,

1522
01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:44,840
Speaker 8: Like it's gone beyond like just trying to be like, oh,

1523
01:09:45,120 --> 01:09:47,160
Speaker 8: just get a divorce or whatever, la la lah. Like

1524
01:09:47,200 --> 01:09:49,719
Speaker 8: it actually now has to do with like assets and

1525
01:09:49,760 --> 01:09:52,599
Speaker 8: like all these other things. So I feel like that's

1526
01:09:52,600 --> 01:09:54,920
Speaker 8: a headache in itself, Op, And I'm sorry that you're

1527
01:09:54,920 --> 01:09:55,479
Speaker 8: going through this.

1528
01:09:55,840 --> 01:09:59,040
Speaker 4: Absolutely I couldn't help you. Yeah, I think getting looking

1529
01:09:59,040 --> 01:10:02,200
Speaker 4: into a lawyer, especially because she's accusing you of like

1530
01:10:02,320 --> 01:10:05,040
Speaker 4: elders and all that. I think that's you know, it's

1531
01:10:05,160 --> 01:10:07,799
Speaker 4: dangerous for you to not have legal protection.