WEBVTT - Minisode: Two Open Wounds with Rosebud Baker and Andy Haynes

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to a couple's Counseling with Chelsea.

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<v Speaker 2>I am here with my friends Rosebud Baker and her

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<v Speaker 2>husband Andy Haynes. Hi, Rosebudd and Andy, thank you for

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<v Speaker 2>being here today as a couple. On the subject of

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<v Speaker 2>having a baby, like, I mean, I know you guys

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<v Speaker 2>are married, but there's a level of permanence and that

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<v Speaker 2>comes along with the baby. Yeah, that kind of So

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<v Speaker 2>I'm curious, as somebody who will never be married or

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<v Speaker 2>have a baby, what it does that shift feel like,

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<v Speaker 2>because before you get the baby anyway, I'm.

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<v Speaker 3>Married, just leave.

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<v Speaker 2>And yes, it's it's hard to get a divorce, but

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<v Speaker 2>it's not that hard, right, It's actually not hard.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, anyone can do it. It's achievable.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Well, here's where I stand with it.

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<v Speaker 4>It's like, when Andy and I are having problems, if

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<v Speaker 4>I think like worst case scenario, you know, like, oh

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<v Speaker 4>my god, what if we're gonna what if we get

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<v Speaker 4>a divorce and we have to like split custody of

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<v Speaker 4>like you know and all this shit. Andy's not someone

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<v Speaker 4>that I could ever look at and be like, I

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<v Speaker 4>never want to see you again. There's never you know,

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<v Speaker 4>I married someone and I had a baby with someone

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<v Speaker 4>that I want in my life no matter what, whatever happens.

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<v Speaker 3>So I kind of remind myself of that.

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<v Speaker 4>If there's ever a moment where we're like going through

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<v Speaker 4>a really bumpy period and we're like, oh my god,

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<v Speaker 4>what's gonna happen, you know, you kind of can't live

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<v Speaker 4>in fear of that happening, because if you do, you

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<v Speaker 4>will end up just like committing to a life that

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<v Speaker 4>you don't care if you're happy in or not. You know,

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<v Speaker 4>like you gotta be willing to go, Okay, this could happen,

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<v Speaker 4>but we don't want it to. We're going to work

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<v Speaker 4>towards not letting that happen no matter what. But if

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<v Speaker 4>it were to happen, at least I know like that

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<v Speaker 4>that's happening with him because I love him just as

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<v Speaker 4>a person, you know, like outside of now, I feel

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<v Speaker 4>like I'm getting a little too sweet, but but yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>I want him my life no matter what.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I think also, what you something you said is

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<v Speaker 2>really important is that if you're so working so hard

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<v Speaker 2>to avoid the breakdown of a relationship, it's probably more inevitable.

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<v Speaker 2>You have to work with the notion that if that

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<v Speaker 2>did happen everything would be okay, And I think you

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<v Speaker 2>have a higher chance of survival being a pragmatist about relationships, right,

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<v Speaker 2>Like that way you have a healthy attitude and you're like,

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<v Speaker 2>of course you don't want your relationship to break up,

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<v Speaker 2>but you also can't look at the possibility of that

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<v Speaker 2>as like, you know, ending your life, like it's going

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<v Speaker 2>to ruin everything in your life.

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<v Speaker 1>And I think a lot of couples do that.

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<v Speaker 2>They get so codependent with each other that the thought

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<v Speaker 2>of a breakdown in the relationship is like.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, no, no, no, I'm going to be alone. I'm going

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<v Speaker 1>to be alone. And it's like, no, you're not.

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<v Speaker 2>Everyone's going to Everyone survives, you know, and it's not

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<v Speaker 2>like you're looking forward to it, but it's understanding you

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<v Speaker 2>have the knowledge and like the capability to handle the situation.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it did.

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<v Speaker 5>It did change our relationship immensely though, because.

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<v Speaker 6>When we were you know, like, wait, what did having

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<v Speaker 6>the baby?

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<v Speaker 5>Oh for sure, because like I commuted to London for

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<v Speaker 5>six months the end of twenty twenty two and I

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<v Speaker 5>would be in London for four.

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<v Speaker 6>Weeks to six weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>What were you doing there?

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<v Speaker 5>I worked for a soccer team doing like making content

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<v Speaker 5>for a soccer team and then doing comedy over there,

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<v Speaker 5>and we wouldn't talk for four days, you know, sometimes

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<v Speaker 5>like and we had a kind of relationship where it

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<v Speaker 5>wasn't like I mean, I didn't love not talking to her,

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<v Speaker 5>but I wasn't worried, and we had a relationship where

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<v Speaker 5>we could check in, you know, shoot a text every

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<v Speaker 5>couple of days, and I wasn't like, oh, what's happening

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<v Speaker 5>with us? And I remember when Rosebud told me she

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<v Speaker 5>was pregnant. I was like getting ready to go back

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<v Speaker 5>over to Europe and do a bunch of stuff. And

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<v Speaker 5>it was like and I hadn't told her everything, like

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<v Speaker 5>my because it wasn't even like that.

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<v Speaker 6>Our marriage wasn't like where will you be?

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<v Speaker 3>Then?

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<v Speaker 6>Where will you be? Like that?

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<v Speaker 5>And now it's like where are you going to be

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<v Speaker 5>at two pm?

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<v Speaker 6>Today?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, like we can't leave the house without checking in

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<v Speaker 4>with each other. That was like a huge And I

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<v Speaker 4>don't know why I didn't even think about that.

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<v Speaker 6>I didn't either, I don't think.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think most people think about it because you're

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<v Speaker 2>pregnant for nine months, but you're not the day you

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<v Speaker 2>bring that baby home, You're You're never leaving your house again.

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<v Speaker 2>It was so nine months isn't really enough of a preparation.

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<v Speaker 2>I know you wanted it to be shorter because your

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<v Speaker 2>pregnancy you were dying in the end, but like it's

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<v Speaker 2>just not enough time to prepare, no, to have a

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<v Speaker 2>baby in your house and you can never fucking do

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<v Speaker 2>anything again without checking.

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<v Speaker 4>You make sure there's no there's literally nothing that can

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<v Speaker 4>prepare you for it. I just was like, I guess

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<v Speaker 4>I thought both of us were like we thought like, oh,

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<v Speaker 4>we'll have a baby there, but like we can just

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<v Speaker 4>like do whatever we were doing before.

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<v Speaker 3>We just have a baby, comedy class.

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<v Speaker 4>It's not even It's so crazy how I can't even

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<v Speaker 4>focus on what the thing that I want to focus

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<v Speaker 4>on if she's around, because I'm just like watch her

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<v Speaker 4>and laughing.

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<v Speaker 2>And do you feel like you've had to make a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of sacrifices since you've had the baby with your

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<v Speaker 2>like personal lives or.

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<v Speaker 4>I was saying last night if we went to I

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<v Speaker 4>was like, if if somebody thinks that they're ready to

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<v Speaker 4>have a kid, they should bring they should go to

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<v Speaker 4>a nice restaurant with their significant other and bring a

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<v Speaker 4>bat on a leash. Yeah, yeah, And just see how

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<v Speaker 4>that goes.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, go to a movie theater with a dog that

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<v Speaker 5>you give a cup of coffee.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, it's like it's just it's NonStop, and it's the

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<v Speaker 5>best way to describe it is it's the best thing

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<v Speaker 5>I've ever done, and it also ruined my life, you

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<v Speaker 5>know what I mean, Like it's like that kind of juxtaposition.

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<v Speaker 3>It like ruined our lives for the better.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but it fucking there's days where it sucks ass,

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<v Speaker 4>and then there's days where it's like, oh my god, like.

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<v Speaker 6>That's the coolest thing and it's the best.

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<v Speaker 3>Thing I've ever seen.

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<v Speaker 4>And it's not even like it's just cool to us,

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<v Speaker 4>it's not cool to anyone else. So there's something that

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<v Speaker 4>there's something about that that like I feel like so

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<v Speaker 4>much closer to him based off of that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know, I can see that it's like trauma bonding.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it is trauma bonding. Yeah, for sure.

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<v Speaker 6>I'll tell you this. I've learned that I was doing

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<v Speaker 6>this selfishly.

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<v Speaker 5>But all the women in marriages with babies, you should

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<v Speaker 5>know that if your husband is offering to do a

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<v Speaker 5>lot of errands and chores, it's actually it's a hack.

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<v Speaker 3>They already know that. They already know that.

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<v Speaker 6>Okay, I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, everyone knows that you guys aren't doing chores. No,

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<v Speaker 3>we are doing You're doing it to get a vacation.

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<v Speaker 6>You're doing chores, but I get to leave you.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 4>I was so fucking furious. That drove me fucking crazy.

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<v Speaker 4>His errand running, Oh my god. He'd be like, I

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<v Speaker 4>have to move the car. I'm like, I'm moving the car.

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<v Speaker 4>I just started taking his errands.

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<v Speaker 5>That's the number one thing I miss about La is

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<v Speaker 5>what running errands? Just getting in a car doing a

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<v Speaker 5>bunch of shit.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, I love running errands really target.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh oh yeah, so you must be so fucking organized, right,

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<v Speaker 2>house is so organized.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, He's always like taking ship out of drawers.

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<v Speaker 5>And it's funny because Rosebuddy is also organized, but it's

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<v Speaker 5>all surface. Like you'll open a drawer and it'll just

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<v Speaker 5>be like an old Nabisco's bag and a bubblegum and

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<v Speaker 5>her underwear nine iPhones ago, my underwear probably after it's

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<v Speaker 5>doing in the drawer for a little while. Yeah, if

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<v Speaker 5>we're getting to the pudding blow.

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<v Speaker 2>Job, I mean I think you guys are going to

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<v Speaker 2>do the toffee pudding.

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<v Speaker 1>Someone's gonna get it. We just don't know who.

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<v Speaker 3>It's going to be a.

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<v Speaker 2>Really nice white You have to wait for you at

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<v Speaker 2>a hotel situation. You don't do that at your own

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<v Speaker 2>Obviously she was in a car, so that's cleanable, right.

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<v Speaker 5>We need some kind of booth situation where we can

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<v Speaker 5>use the shower attach.

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<v Speaker 4>That's never Let me tell you something that's never gonna

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<v Speaker 4>happen in your life.

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<v Speaker 3>Whatever Chelsea just suggested. It's never nice.

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<v Speaker 6>I know it's not.

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<v Speaker 2>I should have suggested it before you had a baby

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<v Speaker 2>and before you like hit your one year anniversary.

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<v Speaker 3>Still wouldn't have. I wouldn't have.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm going to do it to something. If you drink

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<v Speaker 1>it's great.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, give somebody a.

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<v Speaker 2>Toffee blowjob and poor toffee and ice cream on their

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<v Speaker 2>dick while you're I mean, that's so nice. It was

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<v Speaker 2>like a toffee pudding situation. But it fell out of

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<v Speaker 2>the cop and I just thought, this is going to

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<v Speaker 2>inspire millions, Like so many women are going to want

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<v Speaker 2>to do that.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, and I'm not like you know, I mean.

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<v Speaker 2>Well you gotta find yeah, I gotta find someone that

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<v Speaker 2>like you know that you really want a pleasure that.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a very nice idea for sure.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a really nice thing because think about what would

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<v Speaker 2>happen if somebody was on the receiving end of a blowjob,

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<v Speaker 2>a toffee putting blowjob.

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<v Speaker 1>That would be like one of the best days of

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<v Speaker 1>your life.

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<v Speaker 4>You didn't get you get a Willy Wonka Golden ticket

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<v Speaker 4>and a toffee toffee pudding blowjob.

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<v Speaker 6>Just something for you guys.

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<v Speaker 1>To think about.

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like all couples need to think about it,

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<v Speaker 2>and that's why I'm introducing it.

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<v Speaker 3>We'll revisit when she moves out.

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<v Speaker 6>Okay, yeah, god.

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<v Speaker 2>If you even still have a penis at that point.

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<v Speaker 2>So what are your next steps and moving forward with

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<v Speaker 2>your family? Are you guys like focusing on are you

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<v Speaker 2>done or you want to have more children?

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<v Speaker 1>Like what do you have any plans? Or you just

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<v Speaker 1>being in the moment.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm I'm being in the moment.

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<v Speaker 4>But also I feel like this is I think we're

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<v Speaker 4>one and done. Yea, I think we're one and done. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>it's it is an impossible job.

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<v Speaker 5>It's also like I think it's like if we stay

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<v Speaker 5>in New York, it's so much different. You know, if

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<v Speaker 5>you can go someplace where like it's normal to have

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<v Speaker 5>three and four bedrooms, but Manhattan is just like it's

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<v Speaker 5>And it's also like I take her out and it's

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<v Speaker 5>like it's already I.

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<v Speaker 6>Have a wild animal.

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<v Speaker 5>And then it's like a guy's smoking crack and another

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<v Speaker 5>guy's shitting in the corner.

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<v Speaker 6>It's a lot.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, And it feels like I didn't want to like

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<v Speaker 4>completely give up our lifestyle when we when we got pregnant,

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<v Speaker 4>I was like, look, I don't want to forget myself.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't want to forget what makes me happy. I

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<v Speaker 4>don't want you to forget what makes you ha. And

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<v Speaker 4>I want to keep doing the things that like fill

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<v Speaker 4>us up so that our daughter isn't like being raised

0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:11.760
<v Speaker 4>by two shells, you know. So I just want to

0:10:11.800 --> 0:10:17.360
<v Speaker 4>like do a great job now and if at some

0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:20.160
<v Speaker 4>point we're like, oh, I think we actually could do

0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:20.800
<v Speaker 4>this again.

0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:24.320
<v Speaker 5>We have six baby girls in a freezer somewhere down

0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:24.960
<v Speaker 5>the embryos.

0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.199
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, so we can six girls.

0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:29.120
<v Speaker 1>That's the high number of girls.

0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:31.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you're from a family of girls, and you're from

0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:32.120
<v Speaker 2>a family of girls.

0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:34.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I guess that does add up.

0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:37.200
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but I think we're good with one.

0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:39.960
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I think it's just we want to do our jobs.

0:10:40.000 --> 0:10:42.080
<v Speaker 5>I think we're just like, we spent the year getting

0:10:42.160 --> 0:10:43.880
<v Speaker 5>used to this, and then now I think now we

0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:46.640
<v Speaker 5>want to do our jobs so that our daughter sees

0:10:46.679 --> 0:10:49.520
<v Speaker 5>two really happy parents. I think that's kind of the goal,

0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:51.760
<v Speaker 5>you know, and whatever that means.

0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:53.440
<v Speaker 6>I don't. I don't know where we'll live. I don't.

0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:55.640
<v Speaker 6>That's the nice thing about it, And I don't know.

0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:57.960
<v Speaker 1>What would you ever consider moving out of New York?

0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:01.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we've thought about it. Every time we come back.

0:11:01.320 --> 0:11:04.880
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, I'm not leaving, and then every time we leave,

0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:06.680
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, I'd think about it.

0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:10.559
<v Speaker 2>So it's everywhere I go. I think about living every

0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:12.480
<v Speaker 2>fucking place I go. I'm like, I could live here.

0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:14.360
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, I don't know.

0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:18.439
<v Speaker 1>I don't live in Napa. Yeah, yeah, Yildsburg. I love Yieldsburg.

0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:19.480
<v Speaker 4>Man.

0:11:19.760 --> 0:11:22.440
<v Speaker 6>I'm just like, I love outdoor stuff. So it's really

0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:24.080
<v Speaker 6>hard sometimes with New York.

0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:27.120
<v Speaker 3>But Andy loves imagining a life somewhere else.

0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:28.760
<v Speaker 6>It is everywhere now.

0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:30.880
<v Speaker 2>I think that's what we're drilling down on, is that

0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:33.680
<v Speaker 2>all everyone is always fantasizing about what it would be like.

0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:35.680
<v Speaker 5>But we did go to Seattle and it was like

0:11:35.720 --> 0:11:38.360
<v Speaker 5>we got off the plane and it was like so clean,

0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:40.880
<v Speaker 5>and I was just like, oh my god, like because

0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:42.880
<v Speaker 5>I'm from there, and it was just like, oh, this

0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:44.800
<v Speaker 5>is like what air used to be.

0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:48.280
<v Speaker 2>Like Yeah, yeah, the Pacific Northwest is where it's at

0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:51.560
<v Speaker 2>for the clean air and for the toffee pudding blow chops.

0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:53.600
<v Speaker 6>Is that where the book takes We're.

0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.640
<v Speaker 2>Gonna we're gonna end on that. No, we're going to

0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:58.320
<v Speaker 2>end you guys. This was very sentimental. I really enjoyed it.

0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:00.360
<v Speaker 3>Was it too Barbara Walters at all?

0:12:00.440 --> 0:12:03.040
<v Speaker 2>Because you know what, sometimes they're ridiculous and sometimes they

0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:04.960
<v Speaker 2>get serious. It's kind of good to have it all

0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:06.920
<v Speaker 2>over the good it's all out of care. Is that

0:12:06.960 --> 0:12:07.600
<v Speaker 2>it's sincere?

0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:08.079
<v Speaker 3>Okay?

0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.120
<v Speaker 1>You know, no, not at all? Yeah?

0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:10.560
<v Speaker 3>All right?

0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:10.800
<v Speaker 2>Good?

0:12:10.880 --> 0:12:12.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, like two open wounds.

0:12:12.600 --> 0:12:14.000
<v Speaker 1>I know, I love it. I love it.

0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:16.640
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, Thank you guys for doing it. I appreciate

0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:18.440
<v Speaker 2>thank you for being open enough to come and do it.

0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:20.080
<v Speaker 2>I mean, not like it's a real therapy session, but

0:12:22.120 --> 0:12:23.840
<v Speaker 2>you are talking about your dirty laundry.

0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:24.880
<v Speaker 6>Yeah.

0:12:24.920 --> 0:12:26.960
<v Speaker 1>And that's all for this week with Rosebud and Andy.

0:12:27.160 --> 0:12:31.360
<v Speaker 2>Tune in next time as we continue couples Counseling with Chelsea.

0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.760
<v Speaker 2>You can check out Rosebud and Andy's podcast. It's called

0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:36.760
<v Speaker 2>Find Your Beach Andy. It will be on tour in Dallas,

0:12:36.800 --> 0:12:40.960
<v Speaker 2>Oklahoma City, and Tulsa in September, Amsterdam on October twenty fifth,

0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:44.079
<v Speaker 2>and then he has two dates in Milwaukee in December,

0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:47.240
<v Speaker 2>so check out his Instagram and TikTok at I'm Andy

0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:51.400
<v Speaker 2>Haynes h y Nes for tickets to those dates and

0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:53.800
<v Speaker 2>for more, and you could find both Andy and Rosebud

0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:54.720
<v Speaker 2>on YouTube.

0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:56.240
<v Speaker 1>Rosebud will be taping her.

0:12:56.120 --> 0:12:58.679
<v Speaker 2>New special on September sixteenth in New York at the

0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:00.480
<v Speaker 2>Village Underground and you can get to us to this

0:13:00.559 --> 0:13:03.400
<v Speaker 2>and more of her dates at Rosebudbaker dot com and

0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.720
<v Speaker 2>you can find her on Instagram and TikTok at rosebud Baker.

0:13:07.360 --> 0:13:10.199
<v Speaker 2>Upcoming shows that I have. I'm coming to Texas, I'm

0:13:10.200 --> 0:13:12.600
<v Speaker 2>coming to Saint Louis and Kansas City, and then I

0:13:12.640 --> 0:13:15.880
<v Speaker 2>will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater

0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:19.440
<v Speaker 2>inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York

0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:23.640
<v Speaker 2>at the King's Theater on November eighth, and I have

0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:27.520
<v Speaker 2>tickets on sale throughout the end of the year. In December,

0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:31.920
<v Speaker 2>so if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem

0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:36.040
<v Speaker 2>or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check Chelseahandler

0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:37.520
<v Speaker 2>dot com for tickets okay