WEBVTT - Best Of Dear Chelsea: Matthew McConaughey 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:04.360 Hi Catherine, Oh hi Chelsea, guys, guess what it's our 0:00:04.400 --> 0:00:08.000 season finale. It's our season finale. What season are we in? 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:11.480 Technically three, but it was sort of like a twice 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:12.640 as big season as. 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:13.480 The last season. 0:00:13.560 --> 0:00:13.760 Yeah. 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:15.440 Yeah, we just decide when the seasons. 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:17.400 Are going to be over. Yeah, podcasting is a wild West. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:18.400 You can kind of do whatever you want. 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:21.640 With climate change, it's everything is so unpredictable. So we're 0:00:21.720 --> 0:00:25.759 applying that line of thinking to podcasting exactly. Yes, this 0:00:25.880 --> 0:00:28.720 is our last episode of this season and then we 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:33.440 will be back shortly for season four or yeah, okay, wow, 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:38.560 what a success you guys, it's as success. Yes, four seasons, 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:40.479 that's yes, Chelsea. 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:41.560 What do you love about the show? 0:00:41.920 --> 0:00:44.920 There's a lot I love. Oh okay, well, why don't 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:45.720 you start. 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:46.320 I'll start. 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:49.640 You know, it's really become this cool show where like 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:54.080 people's lives are being changed, like people are making better choices, 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:58.880 we're breaking people up, Like it's so wonderful to see 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:02.880 people bond with like you helped me to you know, 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:06.240 move my life into a better direction, or you know, 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:09.039 get that job, or you know, say no to that 0:01:09.080 --> 0:01:11.839 mother in law or whatever it is. People are really 0:01:12.040 --> 0:01:15.119 being filled with joy and also connecting because of the show. 0:01:15.200 --> 0:01:16.080 It's so exciting. 0:01:16.200 --> 0:01:18.520 Yes, and it's very nice what Catherine does goes the 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:21.479 extra mile above and beyond for a lot of our callers. 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:25.280 You know, when somebody reaches out and is interested in 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:29.160 hearing more about a certain issue or recommendations, like you 0:01:29.240 --> 0:01:31.320 really do go the extra mile to make sure people 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:33.840 feel like, Okay, we're all in this together and we're 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:36.360 helping people, which is so nice. Yeah, I feel the 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:39.679 same way. I'm just so happy that people are so impact. 0:01:39.680 --> 0:01:41.240 I can't tell you how many people come up to 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:45.000 me talking about my podcast and saying or our podcast, 0:01:45.040 --> 0:01:47.440 i should say, saying just how their lives have changed, 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:49.520 and that they listen every week. And it's also a 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:53.440 really great reminder about humanity and that everybody just really 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:56.520 wants needs a little push at some point in their lives. 0:01:56.640 --> 0:01:59.520 Everybody does, and that's essentially what this is as a 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:02.000 shove in the it's like a pep talk. You're getting 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:03.880 a pep talk when you're on the fence about something 0:02:03.960 --> 0:02:06.360 or getting advice about how to handle, you know, a 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:09.040 difficult situation in your life. And I think the more 0:02:09.160 --> 0:02:13.000 adept we become at handling difficulty, the better we are 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:14.600 at helping others handle difficulty. 0:02:15.240 --> 0:02:17.799 Yeah, and so many of these are universal truths, Like 0:02:18.240 --> 0:02:20.040 you know, you can hear something that might not be 0:02:20.080 --> 0:02:22.399 exactly your situation, but you're able to take a life 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:24.800 lesson from that and bring it into your relationship or 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.400 bring it into your life in a way that's really beneficial. 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:28.880 I just think that's really wonderful. 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:31.400 Yeah, And I like helping people. It makes me feel 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:33.760 like I have a purpose. Even though I feel like 0:02:33.800 --> 0:02:35.920 I do have a purpose, it's nice that this is 0:02:36.000 --> 0:02:37.040 part of my purpose. 0:02:37.240 --> 0:02:37.480 Yes. 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:40.760 My dad always says that we're blessed to be a blessing. 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:44.080 And when you have this sort of like overflowing wealth 0:02:44.120 --> 0:02:48.000 of knowledge or wisdom or whatever, it's really nice that 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:48.680 you can share it. 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:51.400 Yeah, I read. Oh, I remember were talking about quote 0:02:51.400 --> 0:02:53.960 a couple of weeks ago on the podcast, something about 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.440 being a teacher, like when you need the lesson, the 0:02:56.480 --> 0:02:58.680 teacher will show. When the student needs the lesson, the 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:01.240 teacher will appear. Yes, And when the student has learned 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:04.120 the lesson, the teacher will disappear. It was something along 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:05.600 the line that line. I don't know if it was 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:09.000 roomy or if it was someone else, but anyway, that's 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:10.880 a very good way to look at people coming in 0:03:10.919 --> 0:03:13.120 and out of your life. You know, sometimes it takes 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:15.480 you a couple times to learn a lesson, and sometimes 0:03:15.480 --> 0:03:17.520 you can learn it the first time. And so my 0:03:17.639 --> 0:03:19.920 goal moving on in life is to learn things the 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:22.320 first time, the new lessons, not to have to do 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:25.520 things on repeat. Yeah, because then you offer yourself up 0:03:25.560 --> 0:03:27.280 to a new experience the next time and you don't 0:03:27.320 --> 0:03:28.079 have to repeat that. 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:29.040 Absolutely. 0:03:29.560 --> 0:03:33.320 I used to go to this reiky lady in Oswego, Illinois, 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:35.839 and she had said, you know, when you get those 0:03:35.880 --> 0:03:38.040 taps on the shoulder of a lesson that you're supposed 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:41.360 to be learning, that is, you know, your guardian angels 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:44.080 trying to help you learn the lesson, and if you 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:46.200 don't get it, they're going to tap you a little harder, 0:03:46.240 --> 0:03:48.280 and they're gonna tap you a little harder, and then 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.120 eventually it's going to be the tube wife or that 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:52.200 you know, sort of hits the upside the hat exactly, 0:03:52.480 --> 0:03:54.600 and it's just it's sort of how life works. So 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.000 I love that learning the lesson the first time. 0:03:56.920 --> 0:03:59.120 Right, Well, when we're young and stupid, it's hard to 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:00.480 know that you're even learning a lesson. 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:02.480 You just feel the two by four. 0:04:02.760 --> 0:04:04.680 You're just like, why does this keep happening to me? 0:04:04.800 --> 0:04:06.400 Why does this keep happening to me? And it's like, no, 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:09.160 it's not happening to you. You're happening to it, you know, 0:04:09.400 --> 0:04:11.760 like you're not changing the way you're thinking about something. 0:04:12.040 --> 0:04:14.520 So yes, these are all good things to keep in mind. 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:17.080 And I want to thank everybody for being such loyal 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:19.359 listeners and from your calls and all of it. We 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:21.080 just love it, and I'm down. 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:23.159 This audience is particularly awesome. 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:25.240 Yeah they are. They are, but that's you know what. 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:28.000 I have to credit myself with that because my audience 0:04:28.040 --> 0:04:30.960 has been fucking awesome my whole career. Just bad ass 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:34.120 fucking women. Gay men and the straight men that are 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:36.400 on board are really on board, and they're the cool 0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:38.680 kind of straight men, so I'm down with them too. 0:04:39.000 --> 0:04:41.640 And of course black men. I'm always down with black men. 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:43.760 I don't know how many black straight guys are listening, 0:04:43.760 --> 0:04:48.000 but if you are, hit me up. So what's going on, Catherine? 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:51.080 I actually just spent yesterday at Disneyland, so I am. 0:04:51.120 --> 0:04:55.279 Oh, you know what, go fuck off. I am honest say, 0:04:55.440 --> 0:04:58.640 I am so sick of your shit, first the Eggs 0:04:58.640 --> 0:04:59.520 and now Disneyland. 0:04:59.640 --> 0:04:59.920 I know. 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:02.240 And I even wore my new little Mickey shirt that's 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:03.920 actually cute, cute. 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:08.359 We're at home instead, I'm wearing it. Brad, did you 0:05:08.400 --> 0:05:10.040 go with her? Are you an accomplice? 0:05:10.200 --> 0:05:10.600 I did? 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:14.360 I am. Yeah, we took our nieces. That's not an 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:17.760 excuse you guys. You can try, you can use them escapegoats, 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:19.960 but obviously you both wanted to be there. Oh how 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:20.520 is your niece? 0:05:20.520 --> 0:05:20.719 Goat? 0:05:20.800 --> 0:05:22.279 How's it going so good? 0:05:22.480 --> 0:05:24.920 I think you having nice conversations with her. Yeah, we're 0:05:24.920 --> 0:05:27.599 having a really nice time. There are two nieces here, 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:31.080 one is fourteen and one is sixteen, and all you 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:32.520 have to do is be like, so, what's going on 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:33.159 with your friends? 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:34.760 And then they go off for an hour on their 0:05:34.800 --> 0:05:35.520 friend drama? 0:05:36.000 --> 0:05:36.200 Yeah? 0:05:36.400 --> 0:05:36.640 Great? 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:37.360 Right? Right? 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:39.640 I kind of like hearing about that drama. 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:42.200 Yes, And one of my nieces she's had a new 0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:46.160 little girlfriend and she's talking all about her relationship and 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:48.520 she's so happy and in love, and it's just it's 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:49.320 really sweet. 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:50.320 It's wonderful. 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:53.200 I mean, honestly, I'm just glad they're past the phase 0:05:53.279 --> 0:05:58.480 where they only eat macaroni and cheese because some delicious 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:02.360 street tacos. Yeah, it's cute. They're loving street tacos here 0:06:02.360 --> 0:06:02.720 in La. 0:06:02.800 --> 0:06:05.640 Well, what's not to love about tacos? Oh my god, 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:06.520 it's the best. 0:06:07.080 --> 0:06:09.560 I'm so excited. So no, we're having a wonderful time 0:06:09.560 --> 0:06:10.360 with well. 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:13.480 My lesbian sister and I she's gonna be a lesbian. 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:16.680 When I got done with her, just planned our honeymoon 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:20.839 portion of our vacation. I was like, we're all on 0:06:20.920 --> 0:06:23.800 this email with our Safari guide planning like our African 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:27.240 trip because we're taking all our nieces and my ski buddy, Kelly, 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:30.760 a different ski buddy than Lindsay. We're taking my ski 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:33.880 buddy Kelly and her two twins. I forget their names 0:06:33.920 --> 0:06:37.600 right now, even though they're my daughters. No one is 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:40.679 called Jesse and the other one is called Katie. Anyway, 0:06:40.680 --> 0:06:43.920 we're all going Charlie, Seneca and Jordan, my three nieces, 0:06:43.960 --> 0:06:46.760 and my sister, Simone and Kelly and her two girls. 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:48.600 And so we're going for two weeks. We're going to 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:52.280 Kenya and Tanzania, and then we're Simone and I are 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:54.080 going on to a lover's week. It's just the two. 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:55.839 She goes, I have a week off after that, do 0:06:55.839 --> 0:06:57.440 you want to do something? And I was like, you bet, 0:06:57.480 --> 0:06:59.800 I do. So we're gonna go to Cape Town and 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:03.159 we're gonna go to Zanzibar a couple of nights. Very 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:06.160 fun and exotic, I know. And she keeps like that. 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:08.160 He's like, Okay, here's a villa. I'm like, we don't 0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:10.400 need a villa for the two of us. She's like, yes, 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:19.080 we do. Stay away from me. I make to differing incredible. 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:21.760 So I'm excited. I'm going to have a big summer 0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:23.920 of travel. So we're gonna have to We're gonna have 0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:25.200 to bank a lot of episodes. 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:27.040 Yes, we will do that. 0:07:27.560 --> 0:07:30.720 Okay. So our next guest is an Academy Award winning 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:33.480 actor and the number one New York Times best selling 0:07:33.520 --> 0:07:37.200 author of Green Lights, Matthew McConaughey. 0:07:37.000 --> 0:07:39.360 Are we in line and on time? 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:41.080 Yeah? 0:07:41.240 --> 0:07:41.640 We are. 0:07:42.240 --> 0:07:46.440 Hi, Matthew, I'm great. How are you doing? This is 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:48.000 my co host Catherine. 0:07:48.080 --> 0:07:50.880 Hi, how are you? 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:52.480 I'm pretty good? 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:53.200 Good? 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:58.520 Great, great, Matthew. I am in a state of being 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:02.560 blown away because I read your book in the last 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:05.080 twenty four hours. I'll be honest, I got it months 0:08:05.120 --> 0:08:08.600 ago and everybody was talking about it, and just like 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:12.160 you describe in the book when you were accusing somebody 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:15.920 of not being interested in something, because it was a success, 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:18.680 it was popular, everyone was talking about it, and I 0:08:18.760 --> 0:08:21.960 was like, oh, fuck it, I'll read this later. And 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:25.320 I read this yesterday in a day. It is so 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:29.720 fucking impressive. I am so blown away by the depth 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:32.720 of your humanity, about the depth of your soul searching. 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:36.600 It's so a nice for a woman to be able 0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:38.760 to read a man who speaks and thinks the way 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:42.160 that you do. We need more of that, absolutely, and 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:44.200 the fact that you are just so in touch with 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.600 yourself is really remarkable. 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:51.120 Wow. Cool, Thank you. That feels good to hear that. Uh, 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:51.560 thank you. 0:08:51.720 --> 0:08:52.160 I bet. 0:08:52.920 --> 0:08:53.120 Yeah. 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:55.440 The success of your book must have been a huge 0:08:56.200 --> 0:08:59.520 boon to you to get all of this out on paper. 0:08:59.640 --> 0:09:01.679 I mean, how did it feel to get that kind 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:05.000 of feedback and that kind of reaction from everything. 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:07.400 Well, you know, you put something out, you don't know 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:08.400 if it's going to stick or not. 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:12.360 And I remember when I started writing it, I was 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:17.160 actually found myself writing to try and impress you or 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:19.400 an audience right, And then all of a sudden, after 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:21.319 a couple of weeks, I was like, that's not the. 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:23.640 Way I got to do it. 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:27.440 Make this personal for me as possible, and hopefully it 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:29.880 make it as entertaining as well, and then if it sticks, 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:33.200 it sticks, and I got lucky. 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:36.040 It hit a nerve with some people. 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:39.880 So the reactions that I've found in travels and emails 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:42.080 I've gotten from around the world to say, hey, I 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.920 saw myself and your stories. Hey, I'm taking more risk 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:47.160 to do things in my life that I was afraid 0:09:47.200 --> 0:09:50.120 to take before. Hey, I'm going to laugh this time 0:09:50.160 --> 0:09:52.400 when I step in shit instead of thinking, oh my god, 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:53.319 it's a crisis. 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:55.160 I'm want to come across. 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:57.880 Some cautions in life and I'm going to blow through 0:09:57.920 --> 0:10:01.160 them when I should not give a CRISI so much credit. Well, 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:03.840 I'm gonna slow down and take a little inventory, just 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:04.880 to hear the feedback. 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:07.800 It was. You know, when you put something out you 0:10:07.880 --> 0:10:10.000 have in your mind which you hope a reaction will be, 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:12.800 and if someone says it, you don't say that loud, 0:10:12.800 --> 0:10:15.440 but if someone says that back to you, You're like, yes, 0:10:15.720 --> 0:10:17.360 that's what I was hoping, And I got a lot 0:10:17.400 --> 0:10:20.200 of that from the book, and that that felt really cool. 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:23.120 I mean, the writing of it for me was, I'm 0:10:23.120 --> 0:10:24.800 not a guy who looks in the past. 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:27.240 I like to go forward and hey, what's in the background, 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:29.240 what's behind the review mirors and the review mirror. So 0:10:29.320 --> 0:10:31.480 to go back and look at who I was and 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:33.800 now I got here, it was fucking embarrassing. 0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:37.320 I was. I had a lot of shame. I was like, 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:39.520 oh my god, I can't believe you did that, this 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:40.160 and that and the other. 0:10:40.200 --> 0:10:42.960 But after a few weeks writing, I started to laugh 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:46.520 at that shit and started gigging and was like going, well, no, shit, man, 0:10:46.800 --> 0:10:48.640 you know he's perfect. Yeah, you screwed up. Put that 0:10:48.679 --> 0:10:51.680 one in there too, put that story in there. And 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:53.920 that turned out to be some of people's favorite stuff, 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:57.040 is when I'm writing about me stepping and shit, me 0:10:57.080 --> 0:10:57.680 eating Kroll. 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:00.880 You know, yeah, because I think it's very very attractive 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:03.719 when people are able to not take themselves so seriously, 0:11:04.200 --> 0:11:07.840 especially in our industry, because it's a byproduct, right, you 0:11:07.880 --> 0:11:09.679 have to take yourself seriously at times if you want 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:11.440 to get serious about working, or you want to get 0:11:11.480 --> 0:11:15.960 serious about accomplishing whatever your goals may be so to 0:11:16.000 --> 0:11:18.400 take yourself seriously and also at the same time not 0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:22.480 take yourself seriously enough that you can't expose the shortcomings 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:25.840 or the embarrassments or the self recrimination. 0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:28.840 Yeah. Yeah, I like a call that. 0:11:29.080 --> 0:11:31.559 Hey, I think we should take it all seriously, especially 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.960 the comedy, especially the screw ups. Take them seriously, do 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:36.880 and just own them and go, Yeah, I take that, 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:39.520 you know, the comedy of my own life seriously. 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:40.679 Do, So let's put that up. 0:11:40.720 --> 0:11:44.079 I take the times when I eat cro or follow 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:46.800 my ass pretty seriously too, and let's just put that 0:11:46.840 --> 0:11:47.560 out there as well. 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:50.480 It was it. Look, it was you've written, you put 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:55.160 something down on a page, and you're directing your writing. 0:11:55.679 --> 0:12:01.400 You're the main character. It's cleansing, I mean, you kind of. 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:03.120 It clears up a lot of things. 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.480 I found out that I remembered a lot more than 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:07.560 I gave myself credit for. 0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:08.800 Meaning. 0:12:08.920 --> 0:12:10.920 I saw things that I wrote down when I was 0:12:10.920 --> 0:12:13.800 fifteen twenty twenty five and was going like, oh, you're 0:12:13.880 --> 0:12:18.360 essentially the same guy, the same person. You've evolved, I believe, 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:20.920 I hope so McConaughey, But you're essentially the same person. 0:12:21.000 --> 0:12:23.040 Oh you do remember that even though I always like 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:24.600 to see this. I write things down so I can 0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:27.320 forget them, so they'll be there. You never do that 0:12:27.360 --> 0:12:29.400 at the dinner table, and I know when I pull 0:12:29.480 --> 0:12:30.840 up my phone and I always have to go, hey, 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:33.080 I'm not writing somebody else that's not here. I'm actually 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:35.440 writing a note of something you just said. And then 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:36.880 I'll show it to you and you go, Chelsea, did 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:39.079 you say that? And You're like, yeah, I did. I'm 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:41.920 writing that down so I can forget it and be 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:44.440 present in the situation again, because if I don't write 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:46.360 it down, I'm gonna be thinking the whole dinner. 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:48.600 Don't forget that thing she said, don't forget that thing 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:49.079 she said. 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:52.080 And so there was a lot of freedom for me 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.400 in writing the damn thing and putting it out there. 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:57.840 Matthew, are you sitting in front of two flags right now? 0:12:58.440 --> 0:13:01.640 Yes, we have an America and flag and a Texas flag. 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:04.600 I love it. I love it. 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:04.800 Well. 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:06.679 You were supposed to become the governor of Texas at 0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:07.640 some point, right. 0:13:08.040 --> 0:13:11.360 Was supposed to become I considered considered getting in that run. 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:14.679 And then decided no, not for you, No, no. 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:16.240 No, I don't think that's where I can be most useful. 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:17.920 Right now, I'm having too good of a time. 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.559 I got three kids fourteen, thirteen, ten, and the adventures 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.120 were going on. I'm not going to get them again, 0:13:24.679 --> 0:13:29.640 and right now I'm enjoying being a dad, family man. 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:32.959 Everyone says it, but it's true. I got seven more 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:35.719 years and then they're out on their own, hopefully, And 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:38.080 then everyone says, get what you can while they're in 0:13:38.080 --> 0:13:38.640 the house. 0:13:38.440 --> 0:13:41.040 Because it doesn't come back. You don't get the time again. Yeah. 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:43.000 Well, one of the things that you talk about very 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:45.920 emphatically in your book is becoming a father. That was 0:13:45.960 --> 0:13:48.679 one thing you knew about yourself, you say, is that 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:51.040 you knew you wanted to be a father. And that's 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:53.280 also a very nice thing to hear a man say, 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:56.120 to be that passionate about it. And when you talk 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:58.680 about your family, it feels like, you know, we have 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:01.240 our first nature, our personality that we're born with, and 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:03.560 then we have our second nature, our experiences and the 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:07.840 people who raise us and your family sounds a fucking 0:14:07.920 --> 0:14:11.760 fun and be like, you'll never get away from them 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:16.160 for your life. You are part of that ecosystem. Yeah, 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:19.880 And that it had such such huge influence on you. 0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:23.560 Your father, your values, your morals, your mother, everything that 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:26.520 you've been through, and now as a parent, to try 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:30.560 and redistribute that right, that wealth of knowledge, but in 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:32.800 a better way. I'm assuming, right, you think you can 0:14:32.840 --> 0:14:36.000 do almost a better job. Try and see how is 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:37.080 that going for you. 0:14:37.600 --> 0:14:39.720 I'm happy to say I think it's going pretty well. 0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:42.920 Not making straight a's, but I think it's going pretty well. 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:47.080 I've got some considerate children. Hopefully they can get out 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:49.120 of the house confident, having an idea of who the 0:14:49.160 --> 0:14:51.760 hell they are and who they're not. Hopefully they can 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:54.600 be conscientious. We I'd like to talk about being a 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:58.240 renaissance man or a renaissance woman to my daughter, but hey, 0:14:58.720 --> 0:15:02.960 you know, serveing them morning, conduct the orchestra at night, 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:06.680 be able to go from shirtless and no shoes in 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:09.240 the mud to a tuxedo in the same. 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:11.320 Day and feel at home in both those places. 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:14.640 We're filling their passports, which, as you know, I think 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:17.360 is one of one of the best resumes someone can have. 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:18.560 You see a full. 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:20.840 Passport, you got a pretty good idea that that person 0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:23.480 has some wisdom of how the world works and how 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:28.080 humanity rolls. You know, we got like I said, fourteen, thirteen, ten, 0:15:28.200 --> 0:15:29.880 we're just getting into those teen years. 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:33.560 That's a whole new roller coaster. You know, more rhyme, 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:34.920 no less reason. 0:15:35.400 --> 0:15:37.520 And then when you have kids, I noticed early on 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:41.000 that it's more DNA than I thought, meaning I thought. 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:41.880 It was before I had kids. 0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:44.640 I thought it was more the second thing, environment, culture, 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:47.840 what you're raised around. And I noticed early on that, oh, 0:15:47.880 --> 0:15:50.760 these these young people are who they are. I can 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:53.040 shepherd them, I can nudge them, I can put in 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:55.320 front of them with lights their fire and try to 0:15:55.400 --> 0:15:58.800 keep them from hurting themselves too bad. But other than that, 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:01.280 they are who they are. And so I've had to 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:04.280 you know, I use this line when it comes to 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:06.360 discipline the family. I'll treat you all fairly, but I'm 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:08.240 not going to treat you all the same. And it's 0:16:08.280 --> 0:16:10.760 a pretty fun one. We have a good time with 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:12.600 the fourteen and thirteen. I'm getting to that age where 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:14.880 I'm starting to become their buddy a little bit which 0:16:14.920 --> 0:16:15.680 is cool. 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:17.760 Meaning like my daughter will call me over and go. 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:19.320 Hey, why I want to talk to you about this thing, 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:21.960 and we can just talk where I'm not teaching, I'm 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:24.360 not talking as the parent we're just jiving where my 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:27.920 son can go flipped on like an NPR the other 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:29.320 day and didn't want to listen to music. I want 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:31.840 to listen to I'm at fourteen. I'm like, going, and 0:16:31.920 --> 0:16:34.000 what do you get out of this this talk? He's 0:16:34.000 --> 0:16:35.360 listening to podcasts and stuff. 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:39.520 I'm going, okay, okay. So I'm becoming buddies with the 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:41.360 older two right now, which is nice. Yeah. 0:16:41.360 --> 0:16:43.200 I think that's the thing that always has scared me 0:16:43.200 --> 0:16:45.480 about parenting is having to be a teacher for so long. 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:48.640 That always has been like, oh god, so many questions 0:16:48.640 --> 0:16:50.720 that I probably don't have the accurate answers to. 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:51.840 Well. 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:53.320 And the other thing is you get that thing that 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:57.080 happens as parents is they'll ask you that question. Like, 0:16:57.160 --> 0:16:58.480 for instance, I got one of the book where my 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:00.520 eldest son comes to me and goes, why is before 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:01.400 Camilla and I were married? 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:04.520 He comes to mean goes, why isn't mama Alma Conaughey. Well, 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:06.119 those are those questions where as a parent, you know, 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:09.760 I better have a fucking good answer for this because. 0:17:09.440 --> 0:17:11.560 What I say right now is going to be branded 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:14.200 in their mind. Or they ask you a big world 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:17.040 question and you go as a parent, and you may 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:17.680 be tired. 0:17:18.320 --> 0:17:20.200 May you may have had a couple of drinks. It's 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:22.440 late at night, and you go like, whoop, I better 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:24.280 have a good answer for this one, because what I 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:26.520 say right now they're going to remember forever. 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:29.920 And the good answer, well, the good parenting is actually 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:32.600 going and finding that answer, which resulted in you marrying 0:17:32.640 --> 0:17:36.560 your wife, right because had he not positive that question 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:38.520 to you, who knows when you guys would have gotten 0:17:38.520 --> 0:17:40.320 married if maybe ever or not ever. 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:44.000 I might have might have sat there and stayed in 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:46.600 neutral and not set a date. But that did give 0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:48.920 me a kick in the backside to go, you know what, 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:51.720 everything's going great right now, but let's gold and take 0:17:51.720 --> 0:17:54.160 this to another level and started starting a new commitment 0:17:54.160 --> 0:17:55.040 and adventure together. 0:17:55.359 --> 0:17:58.520 Yeah, okay, Well with this book has led to a 0:17:58.640 --> 0:18:01.840 very unexpected event, probably unexpected for you too to a 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:05.520 certain degree. You're doing a live event with Tony Robbins 0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:08.680 and some other people, Tony Robbins being probably the most 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:12.280 notable one. And it's called the Art of Living. So 0:18:12.400 --> 0:18:14.280 let's talk about it. What are you. 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:17.040 Gonna be on the end? Because life's subverb. 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:20.040 That's right, Yeah, that's how we say it now living living, 0:18:20.200 --> 0:18:21.000 not living. 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:27.720 Yeah. So Tony and Dean read the book, liked the 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:29.840 approach and came to me and said, look, it's a 0:18:29.880 --> 0:18:32.119 great approach book. Do you want to dig deeper and 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:36.320 maybe make it more show the process so people can 0:18:36.359 --> 0:18:38.600 more personally may have some transformation. And I was like, 0:18:38.640 --> 0:18:42.040 I'd love to And they're great at that. So that's 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:42.560 what we're doing. 0:18:42.560 --> 0:18:44.920 On April the twenty fourth, we're going to go live 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:48.480 the two of them, myself, Trent Shelton, Mary for Lee, 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:51.040 and we're gonna get under the hood of green lights. 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:54.840 How share how you can if anyone out there can 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:57.080 make it personal to their lives, how they can we 0:18:57.119 --> 0:19:00.199 can understand if we're at a green light on our 0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:02.440 highway of life, you know, when things are rolling and 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:05.119 we can't do no wrong, how do we trust that 0:19:05.160 --> 0:19:07.280 green light that it's one that's gonna that that's one 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:10.920 that's gonna last longer and feed us for longer. 0:19:11.119 --> 0:19:13.120 What do we do with a yellow light? Those pauses 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:15.720 in life where we're like, I gotta I gotta hitch 0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:17.879 in my giddy up a little bit, I gotta reconsider 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:20.359 what do we do? Do we do we pause and 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.440 have a look over our shoulder and go, I'm gonna 0:19:22.480 --> 0:19:24.040 have a look for the first time. Why I keep 0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:27.320 stepping in that same pile of shit? Or do we 0:19:27.359 --> 0:19:28.359 say no, I'm gonna blow this. 0:19:28.359 --> 0:19:29.880 I'm gonna put the pedal to the metal and blow 0:19:29.920 --> 0:19:31.600 this yellow light life because I'm not gonna give the 0:19:31.640 --> 0:19:34.480 crisis credit because what comes after the yello the red light, 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:38.359 and that's the big crisis is like pain, loss, Things suck, 0:19:38.880 --> 0:19:42.359 They feel like that ends. I have learned, and I 0:19:42.359 --> 0:19:45.160 think it's true for everybody that there is a gift 0:19:45.200 --> 0:19:48.119 in those red lights. I'm sure y'all get in times 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:51.760 your life fore like there is nothing I can get this, 0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:55.159 this sucks. There's no lesson in this when you're in it, 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:58.119 and then later on go, oh I did get something 0:19:58.200 --> 0:19:59.000 from that red light. 0:19:59.400 --> 0:20:00.800 Oh there was a gift in that. 0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:02.479 So we're going to get under the hood of all 0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:06.520 that to make that practical for people to go, how 0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:09.440 do I assess my green, yellow, and reds in life? 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.800 We're going to talk about defining more. You know, you 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:14.480 hear it all the time people I want more, I 0:20:14.520 --> 0:20:17.480 want more, but we kind of we forget to say more. 0:20:17.520 --> 0:20:20.600 What you know, it's like we want to be relevant, 0:20:20.960 --> 0:20:25.760 relevant for what define our more. First, admit some some truths, 0:20:25.880 --> 0:20:28.280 admit some lies that we that we tell and we 0:20:28.320 --> 0:20:31.080 believe in our lives, so we can kind of be 0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:32.960 more ourselves. 0:20:33.280 --> 0:20:36.159 Which you've done a really great job of that, Chelsea. 0:20:36.280 --> 0:20:39.160 I mean you've gone said it seems from the outside 0:20:39.200 --> 0:20:41.440 that you've done a really good job of being yourself. 0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:43.920 So by hook or by crook, whether what you put 0:20:43.920 --> 0:20:48.200 out considered works or doesn't is seen or sells or does, 0:20:48.200 --> 0:20:50.320 it doesn't seem like you've been someone who's like, well, 0:20:50.320 --> 0:20:51.919 I sold out and I took a chance and I 0:20:51.960 --> 0:20:55.880 was somebody I wasn't And that always feels better, I know. 0:20:55.880 --> 0:20:57.600 For me, and I think it does for everybody. If 0:20:57.600 --> 0:21:01.480 you can do something authentically as you're if it works out, 0:21:01.760 --> 0:21:05.439 hell yeah great. But if it doesn't, you don't feel 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:08.440 like like you sold out to try and sell something 0:21:08.440 --> 0:21:10.960 that wouldn't ourselves. So we're going to talk about all 0:21:11.000 --> 0:21:12.800 those kind of things and trying to make them practical, 0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:14.280 transformational for people. 0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:14.600 Yeah. 0:21:14.640 --> 0:21:16.640 I related to so much of everything that you wrote 0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:18.760 in the book because you have honored yourself in so 0:21:18.840 --> 0:21:21.879 many different ways in your career and your personal life, 0:21:21.880 --> 0:21:25.080 with your relationship with your family, and that honor, that 0:21:25.160 --> 0:21:28.480 kind of self value, self honor, self respect and respect 0:21:28.480 --> 0:21:30.640 for others, because I don't really think you can respect 0:21:30.680 --> 0:21:34.879 other people until you truly respect yourself, right, And I 0:21:34.920 --> 0:21:37.680 think that the way that you demonstrate in the book, 0:21:37.720 --> 0:21:40.679 like the times were like, as one example, just walking 0:21:40.680 --> 0:21:44.120 away from romantic comedies, which was a fruitful and money 0:21:44.320 --> 0:21:46.760 and everything that you could ask for that would make 0:21:47.000 --> 0:21:49.920 a regular person, would make them think that they could 0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:51.520 be happy and exist on that for the rest of 0:21:51.560 --> 0:21:54.560 their life, eating popcorn and not desiring anything beyond that popcorn. 0:21:54.800 --> 0:21:57.119 And you said no, and you were offered lots of money, 0:21:57.119 --> 0:21:59.240 and you still said no, I'm not doing that anymore. 0:21:59.320 --> 0:22:01.760 I'm not doing that. And you waited, and you waited. 0:22:01.880 --> 0:22:05.639 And I think the key ingredient for so many people 0:22:05.680 --> 0:22:08.480 who want to take risks, who don't think they have 0:22:08.560 --> 0:22:10.440 the courage or the balls or whatever you want to 0:22:10.480 --> 0:22:14.480 call it, is because it's just patience, you know, it's 0:22:14.600 --> 0:22:18.840 really it takes balls, but it takes patience and knowing 0:22:19.320 --> 0:22:22.800 that you have to trust yourself, knowing that you are 0:22:22.840 --> 0:22:24.240 the person that you can trust. 0:22:24.720 --> 0:22:27.960 Yeah, can you believe in those times? That time is 0:22:28.000 --> 0:22:29.160 actually on your side. 0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:33.679 It's tough. Yes on the clock's taken, man. And then 0:22:33.720 --> 0:22:35.359 we make these plans. 0:22:35.600 --> 0:22:38.720 And then you have babies that you have to support and. 0:22:38.680 --> 0:22:41.000 They're going or I have a friend who's like to 0:22:41.040 --> 0:22:43.200 get it planned out. At thirty, I'm going to meet 0:22:43.600 --> 0:22:45.480 the woman for me. At thirty five, I'll be married 0:22:45.480 --> 0:22:48.000 and have kids. At forty, they'll be here thirty. He 0:22:48.000 --> 0:22:50.639 didn't meet the girl thirty five, he didn't have the family. 0:22:50.640 --> 0:22:53.879 He started getting anxious. You know, I write about it 0:22:53.880 --> 0:22:56.960 in the book. Before I met Camilla, I was on 0:22:57.000 --> 0:22:59.800 the hunt. I was looking for the possibility of my 0:23:00.280 --> 0:23:03.520 at every red light, in every produce section. Oh there's 0:23:03.520 --> 0:23:06.439 an angle maybe. And I was trying. I was not 0:23:06.640 --> 0:23:10.040 being myself. I was not content with myself to be patient. 0:23:10.680 --> 0:23:14.760 And then once I became that man and sat back 0:23:14.800 --> 0:23:17.600 and trusted and was patient that, hey, I don't have 0:23:17.720 --> 0:23:20.399 to keep looking. I'll find it if I quit looking 0:23:20.440 --> 0:23:23.640 so hard. Well, that's when she showed up. I mean, 0:23:23.800 --> 0:23:26.040 with the career that two years that I took off, 0:23:26.480 --> 0:23:28.359 I got wildly. I'd like to say it. 0:23:28.440 --> 0:23:30.760 That old bottle of my favorite spirit over there on 0:23:30.800 --> 0:23:32.760 the counter started looking a little bit better. Earlier in 0:23:32.800 --> 0:23:35.320 the day, I was like, I would lack purpose, I 0:23:35.320 --> 0:23:36.480 didn't have significance. 0:23:36.760 --> 0:23:37.800 I was like, what am I doing. 0:23:38.320 --> 0:23:41.679 I considered other vocations, like maybe I wrote a one 0:23:41.720 --> 0:23:42.280 way ticket. 0:23:42.119 --> 0:23:42.800 Out of Hollywood. 0:23:43.119 --> 0:23:46.679 I got to find another job, another career, and I 0:23:46.760 --> 0:23:49.280 hung in there. Luckily I had Camilla by my side, 0:23:49.320 --> 0:23:51.880 sitting and going like, this is non negotiable. We made 0:23:52.000 --> 0:23:54.920 this choice, and we know it's true to your soul, 0:23:55.000 --> 0:23:56.720 so we're not going back. And there was never a 0:23:56.800 --> 0:24:00.880 choice of going back, but it was. It was spooky, 0:24:01.280 --> 0:24:04.240 and then all of a sudden that patience paid off. 0:24:04.280 --> 0:24:07.120 All of a sudden, I was gone from Hollywood enough 0:24:07.160 --> 0:24:10.119 to become a new good idea for the dramas I 0:24:10.119 --> 0:24:11.879 wanted to do in the phone rang for that, and 0:24:11.920 --> 0:24:14.640 all of a sudden went and did all the things 0:24:14.680 --> 0:24:16.600 that I'd been wanting to do that that the Hollywood 0:24:16.840 --> 0:24:18.800 was not offering me years before. 0:24:19.160 --> 0:24:23.399 Yeah, we got the maconnaissance. Yeah, the maconnaissance. That's great? 0:24:23.480 --> 0:24:24.120 Is that a term? 0:24:24.240 --> 0:24:25.280 Or Oh? 0:24:25.320 --> 0:24:28.960 No, I wish I had probably People magazine or something. 0:24:29.160 --> 0:24:30.760 I tell you the story about that. 0:24:31.200 --> 0:24:33.080 No, tell us check this out. 0:24:33.960 --> 0:24:40.520 This jeez. It was some self marketing. So I'm gonna 0:24:40.520 --> 0:24:43.119 tell you ride and I think I was there with 0:24:43.160 --> 0:24:43.560 the movie. 0:24:43.560 --> 0:24:47.440 I'd done mud and something else, and uh, the guy 0:24:47.440 --> 0:24:49.639 in this interview is going, I mean that you're you're. 0:24:49.560 --> 0:24:52.560 Like a really roll right now. Man? You did this 0:24:52.600 --> 0:24:54.960 and this this is like it needs a name or something. 0:24:55.280 --> 0:24:57.080 I went, yeah, you know, I was talking to this 0:24:57.119 --> 0:25:00.480 guy a minute ago and he actually called it the mcconaugh's. 0:25:01.520 --> 0:25:02.160 Incredible. 0:25:02.440 --> 0:25:05.040 I threw it out there right and he goes, manaissance. 0:25:05.400 --> 0:25:08.520 I love that you like that. Yeah, it sounds good man. 0:25:08.680 --> 0:25:13.320 So I snuck it. Then some abition didn't stick. I've 0:25:13.320 --> 0:25:15.879 made that up in one interview, and it's stuck. I 0:25:15.960 --> 0:25:18.440 gave it at a little song title, a little album. 0:25:18.960 --> 0:25:21.400 I like the idea of coining a phrase about yourself. 0:25:21.480 --> 0:25:22.280 I like that a lot. 0:25:23.640 --> 0:25:26.000 I was like, most people can't give themselves a nickname, 0:25:26.080 --> 0:25:27.680 but no, you deserve. 0:25:27.400 --> 0:25:30.520 Beyond stuck the I got the wine. 0:25:31.080 --> 0:25:31.480 Love it. 0:25:31.520 --> 0:25:33.920 Okay, Well, Matthew, first let me ask you something before 0:25:33.920 --> 0:25:37.440 we start with our callers. Have you been to therapy? 0:25:37.840 --> 0:25:40.680 No? Wow, I have not been to therapy. I got 0:25:40.680 --> 0:25:44.000 nothing against therapy. You know, I was writing about this yesterday. 0:25:44.520 --> 0:25:46.680 So we go to therapy and again I had nothing 0:25:46.760 --> 0:25:49.159 against it. I've seen it really work for people, and 0:25:49.280 --> 0:25:51.160 I might want to go and need to go later 0:25:51.160 --> 0:25:51.720 in my life. 0:25:52.160 --> 0:25:53.840 But we go to therapy and we learned to get 0:25:53.840 --> 0:25:56.800 objective about ourselves, right, We go to therapy and we 0:25:56.880 --> 0:25:58.920 learn to see, like, hey, or who we think we are, 0:25:58.960 --> 0:26:01.560 what we're actually putting out is what we're putting out there? 0:26:01.680 --> 0:26:03.399 Is that what the world's receiving or is there a 0:26:03.400 --> 0:26:04.639 big gap between those? 0:26:04.760 --> 0:26:07.160 You know what I mean? Are we living a life 0:26:07.200 --> 0:26:10.440 where the rubber meets the road. And it's great because 0:26:10.440 --> 0:26:13.000 you get an objective sort of third eye, a Google 0:26:13.040 --> 0:26:15.080 eye to the world of what we're doing. 0:26:15.520 --> 0:26:19.160 But I do think we have to watch with too 0:26:19.280 --> 0:26:23.600 much objectivity of awareness of like, well, how is what 0:26:23.640 --> 0:26:27.239 we're doing landing? Well, how is it being is it 0:26:27.240 --> 0:26:30.480 being received? We have to watch because it's. 0:26:30.359 --> 0:26:33.360 Good if it leads us back to being more subjective. 0:26:34.040 --> 0:26:37.200 Meaning what's great is when you just you're not even 0:26:37.200 --> 0:26:39.199 being objective at all. You're just being the subject in 0:26:39.200 --> 0:26:40.919 your life and you're just doing it and it happens 0:26:40.960 --> 0:26:41.880 to be reciprocating. 0:26:42.520 --> 0:26:44.600 That's green lights in life. You know, that's great when 0:26:44.640 --> 0:26:47.600 it rolls that way and we all need to hop 0:26:47.640 --> 0:26:49.520 back and go, hey, let's be considerate and have a 0:26:49.520 --> 0:26:53.440 little check out context to the situation. That's that awareness 0:26:53.440 --> 0:26:54.320 of objectivity. 0:26:54.359 --> 0:26:56.439 But I do think we have to watch the rabbit 0:26:56.440 --> 0:26:58.879 hole of going and trying to be too objective for 0:26:58.920 --> 0:27:02.440 too long forget to be the subjects in our life. 0:27:03.080 --> 0:27:05.800 So if therapy leads us back to being a better subject, 0:27:05.880 --> 0:27:10.760 a better, better individual without being sort of eating conscious 0:27:10.800 --> 0:27:13.440 of what we're doing or what we're what we're doing, 0:27:13.600 --> 0:27:15.880 how it's landing, I think it's I think it's very helpful. 0:27:16.160 --> 0:27:18.040 Yeah, I hear what you're saying, because when you have 0:27:18.080 --> 0:27:21.359 too much self awareness, it's almost like you're not even 0:27:21.359 --> 0:27:25.159 in the moment because you're analyzing everything you're doing and 0:27:25.160 --> 0:27:28.280 how it's being perceived by others. That's definitely a struggle 0:27:28.280 --> 0:27:30.280 I had coming out of therapy. I'm like, fuck, I mean, 0:27:30.320 --> 0:27:31.880 when am I going to be able to go back 0:27:31.920 --> 0:27:35.000 to me instead of making sure I'm making sure everyone's 0:27:35.040 --> 0:27:36.640 okay around my behavior? 0:27:37.280 --> 0:27:41.200 It can just be paralysis of analysis almost. It can 0:27:41.200 --> 0:27:42.600 immobilize us, you know. 0:27:42.920 --> 0:27:47.359 I mean, look, I got a mother who ninety one, 0:27:47.840 --> 0:27:51.760 and she's a great example of the value of denial. 0:27:51.920 --> 0:27:56.200 If you actually commit to it. Okay, if you really 0:27:56.280 --> 0:27:59.560 commit to it. She looks. She's not shallow. She is 0:27:59.640 --> 0:28:02.480 not a yellow person. But I asked her about four 0:28:02.560 --> 0:28:06.440 years ago. She's wild ass, rebel, outlaw, and she was. 0:28:06.400 --> 0:28:08.879 Doing all these things that were the opposite of what 0:28:09.000 --> 0:28:10.760 she had raised me and my two. 0:28:10.600 --> 0:28:13.240 Brothers to do. We're like, I was like, mom, come on, 0:28:13.640 --> 0:28:16.159 no one forgives you themselves quicker than you. I was like, 0:28:16.200 --> 0:28:17.520 don't you have anything at the end of the night, 0:28:17.600 --> 0:28:19.800 we like you go, oh, I need to do that better. 0:28:19.840 --> 0:28:22.200 I need to work on that. And she was like, oh, honey, 0:28:22.200 --> 0:28:25.600 every night I go through a mental list twenty five things, 0:28:25.960 --> 0:28:28.240 the things that I could do better, things that I 0:28:28.280 --> 0:28:31.520 want to improve on. I go, oh, okay, good, she goes, 0:28:31.720 --> 0:28:33.600 you know, Matthew, But the thing is, when I wake 0:28:33.680 --> 0:28:37.960 up in the morning, I forgot them all. She just 0:28:38.240 --> 0:28:40.720 rolls like that, And like I said, she's. 0:28:40.480 --> 0:28:44.720 Not shallow, but she's there's a beauty in her inconsideration. 0:28:45.280 --> 0:28:49.280 What bruises others tickles her, and she she is proof 0:28:49.320 --> 0:28:52.000 that there's a loophole in the Golden rule. Doing others 0:28:52.040 --> 0:28:53.640 you'd have been doing to you. Well, not everyone wants 0:28:53.680 --> 0:28:55.360 to do what you want to do. But she just 0:28:56.000 --> 0:28:58.080 ninety one. She just rolls, and she's been doing that 0:28:58.160 --> 0:29:00.520 kind of all her life. And it's pretty awesome to 0:29:00.560 --> 0:29:03.880 see that simplicity because she's not objective at all. She 0:29:04.040 --> 0:29:07.720 takes no context, she has no a lack of consideration, 0:29:07.960 --> 0:29:10.040 and it could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, 0:29:10.200 --> 0:29:12.640 but ninety percent of the time it's like, go, girl, 0:29:12.960 --> 0:29:15.120 go get it, keep doing what you're doing. 0:29:15.560 --> 0:29:18.800 Yeah, she's a real renegade, as your father was as well. 0:29:19.360 --> 0:29:23.400 Yeah yeah, Okay, So on that note, we are going 0:29:23.440 --> 0:29:25.480 to Catherine. You're gonna tell help what we have in 0:29:25.520 --> 0:29:27.000 store for Matthew today. 0:29:27.640 --> 0:29:31.360 Absolutely, we've got some crises of conscience in here. We've 0:29:31.400 --> 0:29:34.800 got some confidence issues, some what am I doing next 0:29:34.800 --> 0:29:36.880 in my life? Okay, So we'll take a quick break 0:29:36.880 --> 0:29:43.520 and we'll be right back, and we're back. 0:29:43.880 --> 0:29:44.680 We're past. 0:29:46.760 --> 0:29:47.080 Well. 0:29:47.160 --> 0:29:48.480 Our first question. 0:29:48.320 --> 0:29:53.400 Comes from Sage. Sage says, dear Chelsea, I am desperate 0:29:53.480 --> 0:29:55.640 for your help. I feel like I've been stuck in 0:29:55.680 --> 0:29:58.880 this identity crisis for years. I've lost sight of not 0:29:58.920 --> 0:30:01.760 only who I am, but what's important to me. I 0:30:01.760 --> 0:30:04.400 feel like I spend every day going through the motions, 0:30:04.480 --> 0:30:07.360 then all of a sudden years have passed. I came 0:30:07.360 --> 0:30:09.560 to the realization the other day that I don't actually 0:30:09.640 --> 0:30:10.440 enjoy my life. 0:30:10.520 --> 0:30:13.320 I just get through the days. I feel like I'm. 0:30:13.200 --> 0:30:15.840 Waiting for that light bulb moment or some type of 0:30:16.080 --> 0:30:19.040 epiphany to wake me up. But I also understand that's 0:30:19.040 --> 0:30:22.640 not realistic. How do I start enjoying life again, liking 0:30:22.680 --> 0:30:26.280 who I am, not caring what others think, taking chances, 0:30:26.320 --> 0:30:29.360 and living a life of happiness and purpose. I suppose 0:30:29.400 --> 0:30:32.240 I don't even know where to start. I'm twenty seven now, 0:30:32.600 --> 0:30:34.680 and I know that I'm wasting my youth being lost, 0:30:34.680 --> 0:30:36.920 and I don't want any more excuses. I'm ready to 0:30:36.960 --> 0:30:39.040 live a life I'm proud of and that's true to me. 0:30:39.440 --> 0:30:41.880 But how do I figure out what that is? Thanks 0:30:41.880 --> 0:30:43.720 in advance stage, I'm going. 0:30:43.640 --> 0:30:45.200 To let Matthew take this from the top because he 0:30:45.240 --> 0:30:47.120 seems to be on a real role, and then I'll 0:30:47.160 --> 0:30:50.280 follow up after. I just want to say everyone feels 0:30:50.280 --> 0:30:51.880 like this at some point in their life, if not 0:30:51.960 --> 0:30:55.320 multiple times in their life, so just know A this 0:30:55.400 --> 0:30:58.400 is not uncommon and you are not alone. Matthew. Why 0:30:58.400 --> 0:30:59.640 don't you go first? 0:31:00.240 --> 0:31:02.959 Well, thanks for saying that first, Chelsea, because that is 0:31:03.040 --> 0:31:08.120 such we bypass that as far as helping somebody out 0:31:08.400 --> 0:31:12.520 by going hey, just to know it's not a singular experience. 0:31:12.920 --> 0:31:16.600 Just to know that, oh hey, me too, helps so much. 0:31:16.640 --> 0:31:19.320 It sort of just flattens the everything and takes the 0:31:19.320 --> 0:31:20.360 air out of the pressure. 0:31:20.440 --> 0:31:23.640 So way to start that office saying hey, you're not alone. Look, 0:31:23.680 --> 0:31:26.000 I'd say this a lot of this. We all want 0:31:26.040 --> 0:31:29.400 to talk about who am I, what's my purpose? What 0:31:29.440 --> 0:31:32.360 am I going to do? And we're trying to look 0:31:32.400 --> 0:31:36.720 for that first. Don't look for that first, start with 0:31:36.840 --> 0:31:40.080 something much easier. Because knowing who you are is fucking hard. 0:31:40.280 --> 0:31:43.440 Knowing who you're not is easier. So start off with 0:31:43.600 --> 0:31:47.200 process of elimination. Start eliminating the things in your life. 0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:51.480 Says that don't pay you back, the people, the places. 0:31:51.080 --> 0:31:53.480 The things that you're doing, what do you eat, drink, 0:31:53.520 --> 0:31:56.320 whatever your habits that you know what. They may feel 0:31:56.320 --> 0:31:57.600 good at the moment, but the. 0:31:57.560 --> 0:31:59.480 Next day they kind of give you a hangover, or 0:31:59.480 --> 0:32:00.600 they didn't pay you back. 0:32:01.000 --> 0:32:02.880 You were in the debit section the next day, you 0:32:02.920 --> 0:32:03.880 felt like less. 0:32:04.120 --> 0:32:06.520 After you left that group of friends that maybe talked 0:32:06.560 --> 0:32:09.200 about certain things that well maybe we're funny at the time, 0:32:09.240 --> 0:32:10.880 it made you feel like a heel when you left. 0:32:11.000 --> 0:32:14.280 Start eliminating those things. So by process of elimination, when 0:32:14.280 --> 0:32:16.080 we get rid of the things in our life that 0:32:16.120 --> 0:32:18.960 don't pay us back, that don't feed more of who 0:32:18.960 --> 0:32:22.000 we are by sheer mathematics, you end up with more 0:32:22.080 --> 0:32:24.520 room for the things that will feed you and we'll 0:32:24.520 --> 0:32:25.080 pay you back. 0:32:25.240 --> 0:32:27.760 Line up in front of you. So start with eliminating 0:32:27.760 --> 0:32:29.320 who you're not to get to who you are. 0:32:30.240 --> 0:32:32.440 Yeah, I like that a lot. I also would like 0:32:32.480 --> 0:32:34.840 to say, you know, when you're having all these kinds 0:32:34.840 --> 0:32:39.760 of feelings that aren't giving you positive vibes, right, the 0:32:39.800 --> 0:32:42.040 important thing, I think the first thing that you need 0:32:42.080 --> 0:32:44.040 to do is learn how to get really still and 0:32:44.080 --> 0:32:47.680 get really quiet so that you can understand exactly what 0:32:47.720 --> 0:32:50.960 your desires are and what and how you want to. 0:32:51.000 --> 0:32:54.440 You know, what makes you excited, what gets your part 0:32:54.480 --> 0:32:57.440 rate up, what gives you excitement when you think about fashion, 0:32:57.640 --> 0:32:59.800 or do you think about television, or you think about 0:33:00.560 --> 0:33:04.920 like what is your retail, whatever it is, there's no 0:33:05.080 --> 0:33:08.520 judgment on it. It's whatever your desire is. What draws 0:33:08.560 --> 0:33:12.440 your attention, what keeps you interested, what helps you stay 0:33:12.440 --> 0:33:15.280 focused when you're on that subject matter, Like, those are 0:33:15.320 --> 0:33:18.200 the things that you need to find out about yourself. 0:33:18.240 --> 0:33:20.240 And the way to do that is to really kind 0:33:20.280 --> 0:33:23.280 of go within. You have to be still with yourself. 0:33:23.320 --> 0:33:26.480 You have to give yourself like space and time to 0:33:26.560 --> 0:33:29.320 be quiet, to not have noise around you, to not 0:33:29.400 --> 0:33:33.960 have influence around you, to really sit down with a book, 0:33:34.280 --> 0:33:37.720 sit down by yourself, sit down to reflect, to meditate, 0:33:37.760 --> 0:33:40.320 however you want to frame that. But it's about the 0:33:40.400 --> 0:33:42.800 inner desires because your body will speak to you. You 0:33:42.840 --> 0:33:45.040 will speak to yourself when you've given the time to 0:33:45.080 --> 0:33:47.600 do that, Like it's a matter of self respect in 0:33:47.640 --> 0:33:50.000 a way, you're allowing your body and your mind to 0:33:50.000 --> 0:33:51.840 tell you what they want. And this is all going 0:33:51.920 --> 0:33:54.600 to sound very spiritual and big worldy to you if 0:33:54.640 --> 0:33:57.080 you haven't done this yet, but I promise you, if 0:33:57.120 --> 0:33:59.560 you make this a practice of just trying to get 0:33:59.560 --> 0:34:02.320 in touch with yourself, there will be a voice inside 0:34:02.360 --> 0:34:04.040 your head that is on your team, that is going 0:34:04.120 --> 0:34:06.880 to direct you and tell you. Just like there's always 0:34:06.880 --> 0:34:08.880 a voice telling you that you're not good enough, that 0:34:08.920 --> 0:34:11.440 you're not smart enough, that you're not brave enough. There's 0:34:11.440 --> 0:34:15.000 a voice your real voice that is centered, that will 0:34:15.040 --> 0:34:18.200 guide you. And you have to trust that that intuition, 0:34:18.480 --> 0:34:21.120 that self, knowing it's there for each one of us. 0:34:21.360 --> 0:34:24.280 And the only times we get separated from that voice 0:34:24.640 --> 0:34:27.719 is when we're not focused and we're not centered, and 0:34:27.760 --> 0:34:30.960 it's easy to disengage, but it's it's easy also to 0:34:31.040 --> 0:34:34.000 get back on the track. You know, it doesn't take 0:34:34.040 --> 0:34:36.319 that as much as you think it's going to take. 0:34:36.680 --> 0:34:38.960 And obviously I can't tell you what your purpose is. 0:34:38.960 --> 0:34:40.600 You're going to have to find out what your purpose 0:34:40.680 --> 0:34:43.920 is for yourself. But the more time you spend with 0:34:44.000 --> 0:34:47.719 yourself with less noise around you, the more in tune 0:34:47.800 --> 0:34:50.080 you're gonna get with yourself and you're going to understand 0:34:50.400 --> 0:34:52.600 what you need to do to move the ball forward 0:34:52.640 --> 0:34:55.160 in a direction that's going to make you excited about 0:34:55.160 --> 0:34:58.440 your life. And also understand that you're not always going 0:34:58.480 --> 0:35:00.640 to be excited about your life, but you want to 0:35:00.680 --> 0:35:03.080 be optimistic about your life, and you want to be 0:35:03.520 --> 0:35:06.640 you know, challenging yourself and going to new areas and 0:35:06.680 --> 0:35:09.120 doing things that scare you or that you can't and 0:35:09.200 --> 0:35:11.680 taking risks. You know, all of these things are part 0:35:11.719 --> 0:35:14.719 of the equation. So I would start by doing that. 0:35:14.840 --> 0:35:17.280 You know, if it's meditation, then make it a meditation. 0:35:17.520 --> 0:35:20.160 But give yourself some time each morning or each day 0:35:20.200 --> 0:35:24.000 whenever you can, twenty minutes and just be still and 0:35:24.120 --> 0:35:27.400 sit in a garden or buy trees in nature and 0:35:27.640 --> 0:35:30.719 just sit with yourself. And you're going to come up 0:35:30.760 --> 0:35:33.359 with more answers than you would ever even believe that. 0:35:33.440 --> 0:35:36.759 Twenty minutes if you hadn't done it. It feels like 0:35:37.080 --> 0:35:40.080 hours when you first start. But don't pull the parachute. 0:35:40.080 --> 0:35:43.120 Don't back out. What Chelsea says, right, stick with it. 0:35:43.120 --> 0:35:44.560 It gets easier and easier. 0:35:44.960 --> 0:35:46.640 But when you first do it, you will not like 0:35:46.719 --> 0:35:49.200 the company. Every time I go off on the mown, 0:35:49.360 --> 0:35:52.000 I do not like the company. I cannot stand the 0:35:52.320 --> 0:35:54.640 dialogue that's going on, man, But be stick with it 0:35:54.680 --> 0:35:55.920 through that time. 0:35:56.280 --> 0:35:57.160 What do you end up realizing? 0:35:57.160 --> 0:36:00.560 You realize that you're the best company. You're the only 0:36:00.600 --> 0:36:01.920 company that can't get rid of. 0:36:02.040 --> 0:36:04.920 So we've been trying to freaking get alone. 0:36:05.480 --> 0:36:08.759 Yeah, yeah, totally so fun. It's so true, it's so 0:36:08.920 --> 0:36:11.600 fucking true. I mean, I can't tell you how noisy 0:36:11.640 --> 0:36:13.799 my life was for so long until I did this, 0:36:13.920 --> 0:36:17.839 and I hated the company. I was like, you're so annoying, ugh, 0:36:18.040 --> 0:36:20.240 this this, and then I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. 0:36:20.440 --> 0:36:22.640 I only want to hang out with you, like you're 0:36:22.680 --> 0:36:25.160 the best company, you know what I mean. Even when 0:36:25.200 --> 0:36:27.000 I go skiing. Now, I'm like, I try not to 0:36:27.040 --> 0:36:29.240 let my friends know, Like when I'm in my skills, 0:36:29.360 --> 0:36:31.239 I try not to let my friends know because I 0:36:31.239 --> 0:36:33.440 want at least a few runs by myself. And they 0:36:33.480 --> 0:36:35.759 can never understand why I want to ski alone. I'm like, 0:36:36.040 --> 0:36:39.240 because it's fucking more fun to be by myself sometimes 0:36:39.280 --> 0:36:43.239 than to be around other people. So anyway, start doing 0:36:43.280 --> 0:36:46.319 that stage stage right, yes see, yes, keep in touch 0:36:46.360 --> 0:36:48.839 with us and connect with us. And when you've had 0:36:48.880 --> 0:36:51.400 a little bit of an awakening, I guarantee you it's coming. 0:36:51.800 --> 0:36:54.520 Just have faith in the knowledge of yourself and just 0:36:54.600 --> 0:36:58.080 start practicing some alone time and real thoughtfulness, and I 0:36:58.160 --> 0:36:59.960 promise you you're gonna get where you want to go. 0:37:00.239 --> 0:37:00.600 Yeah. 0:37:00.640 --> 0:37:03.359 Absolutely, Like this is what happens at times in your life, 0:37:03.360 --> 0:37:06.759 but especially when you're twenty seven. Like twenty seven, everybody 0:37:06.800 --> 0:37:09.800 feels this way because you're in this like croux between 0:37:10.080 --> 0:37:12.400 the young adulthood that you've just been in and like 0:37:12.480 --> 0:37:16.160 adult adulthood, and it's just a weird flection point where 0:37:16.160 --> 0:37:17.520 you feel so much change. 0:37:17.640 --> 0:37:20.479 And I think all the sevens are like that. Twenty seven, 0:37:20.560 --> 0:37:23.359 thirty seven, forty seven, there's something about and I think 0:37:23.640 --> 0:37:27.800 in Judaism. Yeah, seven is a number where pivotal things happen. 0:37:28.239 --> 0:37:31.960 So it's it's all good run towards it. It's all good, 0:37:32.000 --> 0:37:33.840 exciting because new things are going to happen. 0:37:34.120 --> 0:37:34.400 Yep. 0:37:35.120 --> 0:37:39.880 Well, our next question comes from Sean. Sean says, dear Chelsea. 0:37:40.320 --> 0:37:43.680 I'm a thirty seven year old flight attendant from Kansas City, Missouri. 0:37:44.000 --> 0:37:46.479 It goes without saying that I am, of course gay. 0:37:47.360 --> 0:37:49.800 I've been a flight attendant for five years and people 0:37:49.840 --> 0:37:52.239 always say, oh, what a dream job, or that's what 0:37:52.320 --> 0:37:54.560 you were meant to do. I enjoy the perks of 0:37:54.600 --> 0:37:56.960 my job, but have you met people? I have to 0:37:57.000 --> 0:37:59.360 deal with almost three hundred of them for eight hours 0:37:59.360 --> 0:38:02.160 inside in a lowe when I'm can No one dreams 0:38:02.200 --> 0:38:05.920 about that. Sure, being in Paris or Amsterdam weekly is great, 0:38:05.960 --> 0:38:08.240 but I know this is not viable for the long term. 0:38:08.520 --> 0:38:11.000 I've thought about taking flight lessons to become a pilot, 0:38:11.200 --> 0:38:14.480 but that still feels like settling several years ago, some 0:38:14.600 --> 0:38:17.280 friends who did stand up informed me that I was funny. 0:38:17.600 --> 0:38:20.239 I legitimately had no idea due to my penchant for 0:38:20.239 --> 0:38:23.239 thinking I have no valuable skills. They asked me to 0:38:23.239 --> 0:38:25.800 do a little set at their show and I agreed. Well, 0:38:25.920 --> 0:38:27.840 I killed it. I felt like I was in the 0:38:27.920 --> 0:38:30.600 right place For the first time, they laughed when they 0:38:30.600 --> 0:38:31.200 were supposed to. 0:38:31.360 --> 0:38:31.920 They clapped. 0:38:31.960 --> 0:38:34.319 It was amazing. I did it again and I didn't 0:38:34.320 --> 0:38:37.160 do as well, but still pretty good. Now it's been 0:38:37.239 --> 0:38:39.319 years since I've done it. Because I'm so scared of 0:38:39.360 --> 0:38:42.399 being disliked, I would be stuck doing open mic nights 0:38:42.400 --> 0:38:45.680 in Kansas City. I'm scared of not only doing poorly, 0:38:45.840 --> 0:38:48.160 but I'm also nervous about the rednecks hating me just 0:38:48.200 --> 0:38:50.759 because I'm gay. Plus I'm burnt out, so I just 0:38:50.840 --> 0:38:53.719 don't feel funny or creative. How do I move through 0:38:53.760 --> 0:38:55.719 the stress and bullshit to get back to a place 0:38:55.719 --> 0:38:58.279 where I can be funny and confident. I know I'm 0:38:58.320 --> 0:39:00.200 still young, but I would hate to look back on 0:39:00.239 --> 0:39:03.520 my life and regret never doing anything that was actually difficult. 0:39:03.920 --> 0:39:07.040 I just finished Your Special Revolution, available now on Netflix, 0:39:07.280 --> 0:39:09.520 and it just solidified that I want to do what 0:39:09.560 --> 0:39:12.160 you do, Chelsea. I want to make people laugh and 0:39:12.200 --> 0:39:14.799 find a way to find humor in this craziness. Thank 0:39:14.880 --> 0:39:16.680 you for being you, and I promise you really are 0:39:16.800 --> 0:39:17.520 changing the world. 0:39:17.719 --> 0:39:21.359 Sean Hi, Sean Hi Hi. 0:39:21.480 --> 0:39:23.520 Our special guest today is Matthew mccaughaughey. 0:39:23.560 --> 0:39:29.200 What a shree Oh my gosh, him, I know, I know. 0:39:29.480 --> 0:39:30.680 Look how cute you look too. 0:39:30.800 --> 0:39:31.319 How are you? 0:39:32.000 --> 0:39:32.399 My god? 0:39:32.480 --> 0:39:33.439 Thank you so much. 0:39:34.760 --> 0:39:35.879 Get this gorgeous hair. 0:39:36.560 --> 0:39:37.000 I'm great. 0:39:37.040 --> 0:39:37.800 How are you guys? 0:39:38.080 --> 0:39:40.799 Yeah, I'm great. You met Catherine obviously, this is I'm 0:39:40.840 --> 0:39:44.319 my co host. Well, it's nice to meet you, you too, 0:39:44.520 --> 0:39:48.000 Thank you. I'm going to go first, Matthew. Okay, I'm 0:39:48.000 --> 0:39:49.800 going to just since this is a stand up comedy 0:39:49.880 --> 0:39:53.280 question and you just watched my special, and I've felt 0:39:53.560 --> 0:39:56.279 like you before at different times in my life where 0:39:56.320 --> 0:39:58.680 I'd had no creativity, I didn't know if I was funny, 0:39:58.680 --> 0:40:01.120 I didn't care, I didn't want to work, blah blah blah. 0:40:01.160 --> 0:40:03.920 I understand what you're feeling. You have to understand a 0:40:04.120 --> 0:40:06.439 how lucky and fortunate you are to know what lights 0:40:06.480 --> 0:40:09.400 you up. That's what every person is looking for. Our 0:40:09.480 --> 0:40:12.200 last caller was trying to find that light. You know 0:40:12.280 --> 0:40:14.920 what lights you up, you know what makes you feel 0:40:14.920 --> 0:40:17.160 something that you really want to feel in this life. 0:40:17.680 --> 0:40:19.719 And that's the biggest thing, you know what I mean? 0:40:19.800 --> 0:40:21.600 You know that now you just have to walk that 0:40:21.640 --> 0:40:24.600 avenue to get where you're going. And that's easier than 0:40:24.640 --> 0:40:27.160 you ever thought it was. Yes, you're gonna bomb, You're 0:40:27.160 --> 0:40:30.200 gonna do badly. People aren't gonna always like you. That's 0:40:30.239 --> 0:40:32.400 not the point. The point isn't to get everybody to 0:40:32.480 --> 0:40:34.640 like you or to succeed all the time, because there's 0:40:34.640 --> 0:40:37.319 no growth or learning in either of those things. That's 0:40:37.440 --> 0:40:39.960 just a cherry, you know, like that's oh great, I 0:40:40.040 --> 0:40:43.320 have that moment. It also doesn't last forever. The idea 0:40:43.520 --> 0:40:47.000 is to get really just better incrementally at something, And 0:40:47.000 --> 0:40:48.839 in order to get better at something and to make 0:40:48.920 --> 0:40:50.560 a career out of it, you need to fucking start 0:40:50.560 --> 0:40:54.040 doing it. So you have to start performing. It doesn't 0:40:54.040 --> 0:40:57.439 matter if there are rednecks, It doesn't matter. If there 0:40:57.480 --> 0:41:00.120 are people that don't like gay people. It does does 0:41:00.160 --> 0:41:02.560 it matter? You know, that's even a better challenge to 0:41:02.600 --> 0:41:06.160 get the people that won't necessarily be predisposed to liking 0:41:06.200 --> 0:41:08.200 you to like you. You know what I mean, you're 0:41:08.200 --> 0:41:10.320 gonna be surprised. A lot of those people are gonna 0:41:10.400 --> 0:41:13.319 like you, and you're not gonna believe it. But in 0:41:13.440 --> 0:41:15.400 order to do that, you just have to start the action. 0:41:15.600 --> 0:41:17.719 And you're a flight attendant. It's a great way to 0:41:17.719 --> 0:41:21.239 practice material on people. You have new people revolving through 0:41:21.239 --> 0:41:24.320 your door or your aluminum can, as you say, which 0:41:24.360 --> 0:41:26.359 is very apt description. I don't know how the fuck 0:41:26.360 --> 0:41:30.759 you guys do that. But you have an audience to 0:41:30.800 --> 0:41:33.040 play with at all times, so you can be practicing 0:41:33.040 --> 0:41:35.640 your material at all times. Like you have all these advantages. 0:41:35.680 --> 0:41:38.040 I think that you're looking at as disadvantages and they're 0:41:38.080 --> 0:41:38.879 not right. 0:41:39.280 --> 0:41:40.760 That makes sense, Sean. 0:41:41.480 --> 0:41:43.799 Where Chelsea is saying you've got an audience on that 0:41:43.880 --> 0:41:47.720 aluminum can, sounds like you also have a huge source 0:41:48.239 --> 0:41:49.680 of your particular comedy. 0:41:50.040 --> 0:41:53.520 I mean you're opening question. You know, I'm a fly 0:41:54.080 --> 0:41:55.799 and I'm on an aluminic can. I served three hundred 0:41:55.800 --> 0:41:59.120 people instead of still can and without saying yes, I'm gay. 0:41:59.280 --> 0:42:02.319 That's already so I was already laughing at that. Just 0:42:02.360 --> 0:42:05.120 your delivery of how you wrote the question, those three 0:42:05.239 --> 0:42:09.200 hundred people, the different idiosyncrasies or the shit they do, 0:42:09.680 --> 0:42:12.360 and you're like, are you kidding me? That sounds like 0:42:12.440 --> 0:42:17.280 great material where you're getting new material with every flight, right, 0:42:17.400 --> 0:42:19.720 So it sounds like maybe just keep an ear open 0:42:19.760 --> 0:42:21.600 for every one of those things. When you get annoyed 0:42:21.840 --> 0:42:25.160 at somebody in seventeen a clockett Ooh, that's gonna be 0:42:25.160 --> 0:42:25.640 a good job. 0:42:25.840 --> 0:42:28.359 Ooh, that's gonna be a good turn of phrase. Oh 0:42:28.360 --> 0:42:31.200 that's I'm gonna use that every time you get annoyed 0:42:31.800 --> 0:42:34.080 at somebody, look at it and go, how could that 0:42:34.120 --> 0:42:34.640 be funny? 0:42:34.800 --> 0:42:35.279 Or how could that? 0:42:35.600 --> 0:42:38.080 That actually could be funny if I'm telling someone else, 0:42:38.080 --> 0:42:38.840 because someone's. 0:42:38.640 --> 0:42:40.799 Gonna go, no shit, I know people do do that. 0:42:41.280 --> 0:42:43.280 They're going to go I didn't know people do that really? 0:42:43.320 --> 0:42:45.880 Oh shit, I think you got great source material in 0:42:46.239 --> 0:42:47.640 all thirty having many. 0:42:47.480 --> 0:42:50.800 Rows of people those three hundred people are sitting in 0:42:52.200 --> 0:42:53.560 That makes sense, Matthew. 0:42:53.640 --> 0:42:56.320 Do you also have some advice on like how Sean 0:42:56.360 --> 0:42:58.960 can reclaim that confidence that he felt the first time 0:42:58.960 --> 0:42:59.520 he performed? 0:43:01.480 --> 0:43:03.879 How do you reclaim account? Look some of it. 0:43:04.080 --> 0:43:05.560 I'm gonna go back to what I was talking about 0:43:05.560 --> 0:43:08.200 my mom with being a queen of denial. A lot 0:43:08.239 --> 0:43:12.040 of it is look I've had thousands of days at 0:43:12.040 --> 0:43:14.759 work where I'm not confident and I'm like, I'm just 0:43:14.760 --> 0:43:17.360 gonna blow through it. I'm gonna make sure one and 0:43:17.600 --> 0:43:20.040 I have to convince myself that eighty percent of me 0:43:20.440 --> 0:43:23.640 doing the job can showing up and just get in there. 0:43:23.640 --> 0:43:25.960 And I've had some of my better performances when I 0:43:26.080 --> 0:43:29.520 was not confident walking the razors bed going man I 0:43:29.560 --> 0:43:33.560 am and then found it in the performance. But showing 0:43:33.680 --> 0:43:36.320 up and going and doing record and what Chelsea was saying, 0:43:36.440 --> 0:43:38.560 you gotta bomb uh huh, no. 0:43:38.600 --> 0:43:40.960 Shit, you know you're gonna have lines of Man. When 0:43:40.960 --> 0:43:43.280 I rehearsed that, I was right on the money. 0:43:43.360 --> 0:43:45.600 Everybody and I and I and I and I waited 0:43:45.600 --> 0:43:48.280 too long or I or I got I got excited 0:43:48.320 --> 0:43:50.759 and I blew through the paws that set up the punchline. 0:43:51.520 --> 0:43:54.200 So what do it the next time? But it's just 0:43:54.320 --> 0:43:57.480 I think getting back out there and doing it and 0:43:57.480 --> 0:43:59.440 doing it the next time and doing it the next time, 0:43:59.760 --> 0:44:02.719 and by practice, when I find you build confidence, when 0:44:02.719 --> 0:44:05.040 you start to get a little better at something you know, 0:44:05.360 --> 0:44:07.160 or even you start to feel a lot of people 0:44:07.200 --> 0:44:10.120 say I don't like what I'm doing, you can start 0:44:10.160 --> 0:44:12.600 to dig it by just purely getting better at something. 0:44:13.120 --> 0:44:16.319 It's fun to get better at something, to improve and 0:44:16.360 --> 0:44:18.319 become more confident in it something you know. 0:44:18.640 --> 0:44:21.040 It's also fun to flip the script of your attitude 0:44:21.040 --> 0:44:24.080 towards it, Like your nervousness can be excitement, you know 0:44:24.160 --> 0:44:26.240 what I mean. You can be like, oh, this is great. 0:44:26.600 --> 0:44:29.160 My very first jokes were about waiting tables. When I 0:44:29.160 --> 0:44:32.000 started doing stand up because I was I got a dui. 0:44:32.880 --> 0:44:34.759 I had to go to dui class where they made 0:44:34.760 --> 0:44:37.400 everybody get up and give a speech about their dui. 0:44:37.440 --> 0:44:40.600 And I was so scared shitless of public speaking that 0:44:40.640 --> 0:44:42.279 I would hide in the back of the class, hoping 0:44:42.280 --> 0:44:44.439 this guy wouldn't call on me, And when he did, 0:44:44.520 --> 0:44:46.120 I got up and told my dui story. I was 0:44:46.120 --> 0:44:49.880 twenty one years old, and the whole place was dying laughing, 0:44:50.239 --> 0:44:52.319 and I didn't get off stage. I was like, Oh, 0:44:52.440 --> 0:44:54.920 this is fun. And then the dui guy came up. 0:44:54.920 --> 0:44:57.000 He's like, hey, listen, this isn't stand up, Like, this 0:44:57.040 --> 0:44:59.640 isn't a comedy club. Get off the stage. And everyone 0:44:59.719 --> 0:45:01.120 was like, you got to be a stand up comedian 0:45:01.160 --> 0:45:03.840 And I was like, oh, that sounds scary, and I 0:45:03.880 --> 0:45:05.319 was like, but I guess I have to. I had 0:45:05.600 --> 0:45:07.360 what are my other options? I mean, what was I 0:45:07.400 --> 0:45:09.040 going to do? I didn't know. I just thought I 0:45:09.080 --> 0:45:12.520 had to be a public person. So I My whole 0:45:12.560 --> 0:45:15.399 material was like people asking me what the specials were 0:45:15.440 --> 0:45:18.600 and me actually saying what I wanted to say to people, 0:45:18.719 --> 0:45:21.280 you know, like as if you're going to even remember 0:45:21.320 --> 0:45:23.439 this fucking meal in seven days, Who gives a shit 0:45:23.480 --> 0:45:26.000 what the specials are? Figure something out? You know, my 0:45:26.200 --> 0:45:28.360 ass in your face is the special Like, I just 0:45:28.400 --> 0:45:32.120 had a whole slew of material about waiting tables. You 0:45:32.120 --> 0:45:34.799 can do exactly the same thing that Matthew said to 0:45:35.000 --> 0:45:37.960 start and launch your creativity, and you're going to naturally 0:45:38.000 --> 0:45:41.040 move and flow and ebb and flow and all the 0:45:41.120 --> 0:45:43.600 things and bomb and succeed. You're gonna have it all, 0:45:43.880 --> 0:45:46.400 but go into it knowing that it's a full breadth 0:45:46.440 --> 0:45:50.640 experience and don't expect everything to just go well. That's 0:45:50.680 --> 0:45:52.839 not the way we grow, right. 0:45:53.960 --> 0:45:57.000 I think that's what's scary is than not doing well. 0:45:57.560 --> 0:46:00.719 It's I think because the first time I did stand up, 0:46:00.840 --> 0:46:03.360 they introduced me and the crowd was applotting, and I 0:46:03.400 --> 0:46:05.960 got up on stage and the very first thing I 0:46:06.040 --> 0:46:08.320 said was I kind of expected that to last a 0:46:08.360 --> 0:46:10.760 little bit longer, and they like started up plotting again, 0:46:11.200 --> 0:46:11.640 and I was. 0:46:11.640 --> 0:46:13.719 Just like, oh shit. They like they're doing what they 0:46:13.760 --> 0:46:14.280 tell them. 0:46:14.160 --> 0:46:17.440 To do, and so it's like this high and I'm like, 0:46:17.480 --> 0:46:19.279 I don't want to like what if I would have 0:46:19.280 --> 0:46:21.680 said that? And then they were just like, yeah, well 0:46:21.719 --> 0:46:22.760 it's not gonna last longer. 0:46:23.320 --> 0:46:25.760 Yeah, but what if? Because there's there's so many millions 0:46:25.800 --> 0:46:29.160 of other people that have your desire and are doing it, 0:46:29.440 --> 0:46:31.840 do you know what I mean? Maybe not millions, but 0:46:32.080 --> 0:46:34.959 thousands definitely that are doing it. Yes. 0:46:36.200 --> 0:46:38.160 How much of stand up is entertaining yourself? 0:46:39.239 --> 0:46:41.440 A lot? A lot. 0:46:41.480 --> 0:46:44.759 I mean when you think that joke's funny by hook 0:46:44.880 --> 0:46:47.040 by crook f then the crowd they laugh or not 0:46:47.520 --> 0:46:49.280 a lot of times it becomes funnier to them because 0:46:49.280 --> 0:46:50.520 you enjoyed that joke. 0:46:50.600 --> 0:46:53.080 You think it's funny, right, Yeah, for sure. 0:46:53.040 --> 0:46:54.759 It's hard to if you don't get the reaction. It's 0:46:54.760 --> 0:47:00.520 hard to relax and go yes, yeah, well clap from 0:47:00.520 --> 0:47:03.600 a center whatever that is. You know. I mean, how 0:47:03.680 --> 0:47:05.600 much is a lot of it is entertaining yourself? 0:47:05.880 --> 0:47:07.799 Well, a lot of it's entertaining yourself. But it's also 0:47:07.840 --> 0:47:09.960 a practice of like I tell stories all the time 0:47:10.000 --> 0:47:11.520 in my personal life, and when I see that they 0:47:11.560 --> 0:47:13.320 get a big reaction, I'm like, oh, that's a story 0:47:13.320 --> 0:47:16.000 for the stage. If you know, my stand up is 0:47:16.080 --> 0:47:19.000 very personal, Your stand up may be very joke oriented, 0:47:19.040 --> 0:47:21.720 but I think anything that comes from your personal truth 0:47:22.560 --> 0:47:25.960 is valuable to creativity. You don't want to pretend you're 0:47:26.000 --> 0:47:29.120 someone you're not you. Obviously, being a stand up relies 0:47:29.160 --> 0:47:32.120 on the audience laughing at some point. You know that 0:47:32.320 --> 0:47:34.919 is part of it. So yes, you want to get there. 0:47:34.960 --> 0:47:37.319 But you know, Matthew and I discussed this a little 0:47:37.320 --> 0:47:40.360 bit earlier. We touched on not taking yourself too seriously. 0:47:40.440 --> 0:47:44.920 You want to take everything seriously. But any moment like 0:47:45.000 --> 0:47:48.400 that is not a life altering changing moment in a 0:47:48.440 --> 0:47:51.120 negative way. It can always be a life altering changing 0:47:51.239 --> 0:47:54.759 moment in a positive way. But a moment on stage 0:47:54.960 --> 0:47:57.799 is just never going to crush you the way that 0:47:58.000 --> 0:48:02.080 you are fearing, like your fear, you're letting you yourself 0:48:02.120 --> 0:48:05.120 be led by fear. Instead, you got to be like 0:48:05.239 --> 0:48:07.879 bring it on, Like, let's bring it on, Let's get 0:48:07.880 --> 0:48:10.600 the scary parts over with, Like the sooner you get 0:48:10.640 --> 0:48:13.400 on stage, and the more you get on stage, the 0:48:13.520 --> 0:48:15.359 quicker all of that stuff is going to be out 0:48:15.440 --> 0:48:18.760 the back door. So like get moving. Yeah that makes sense, 0:48:19.239 --> 0:48:20.840 you know what I mean? Like, is there somewhere you 0:48:20.880 --> 0:48:23.160 can go do a set like stand up comedy club 0:48:23.160 --> 0:48:23.640 where you live? 0:48:24.320 --> 0:48:26.640 Yeah, there's a ton of places here in Kansas City 0:48:26.680 --> 0:48:29.560 that have like there's like a week open nights and stuff. 0:48:29.640 --> 0:48:32.120 Yeah, yeah, do it. Just start doing it. Makes you 0:48:32.440 --> 0:48:34.439 make us a commitment that you're gonna do it. What 0:48:34.800 --> 0:48:37.280 this week? Next week? When can you get on stage? 0:48:37.640 --> 0:48:39.200 Yeah? I can, I can do next week. 0:48:39.280 --> 0:48:41.680 All right, make that commitment to us and yourself and 0:48:41.719 --> 0:48:42.319 go do it. 0:48:42.640 --> 0:48:45.000 Okay, let me tell you one thing that my mentor 0:48:45.080 --> 0:48:48.400 pinial and my greatest mentor this this woman of nineteen 0:48:48.480 --> 0:48:51.400 years told me, and it was so liberating. Before I 0:48:51.560 --> 0:48:54.080 go every day to every job and then every every 0:48:54.080 --> 0:48:54.560 morning at work. 0:48:54.600 --> 0:48:57.479 But I tell myself, I tell myself, kin, I dare 0:48:57.520 --> 0:49:00.560 you to screw up. Go, I dare you to screw up. 0:49:01.520 --> 0:49:05.080 Dare yourself to screw up. Watch how I found that 0:49:05.120 --> 0:49:08.120 I screwed up less when I dared myself to screw up. 0:49:08.320 --> 0:49:10.319 I dare you to eat shit here. It just kind 0:49:10.320 --> 0:49:12.240 of like pop the bubble and all so much pressure 0:49:12.360 --> 0:49:15.120 is off. I'll give myself there, so try and screw 0:49:15.200 --> 0:49:17.600 up there. I like that. 0:49:17.760 --> 0:49:20.239 Yeah, even if it goes badly, it's five minutes in 0:49:20.280 --> 0:49:21.959 the beginning, so it doesn't matter. 0:49:22.600 --> 0:49:25.440 It's just the only thing that matters is you making 0:49:25.440 --> 0:49:27.239 the step in the right direction of what's going to 0:49:27.280 --> 0:49:29.440 really fill your soul up. And it sounds like you 0:49:29.480 --> 0:49:31.600 know what that is. Look at that as a gift 0:49:31.640 --> 0:49:34.480 instead of a negative, and just run towards it, you know, 0:49:34.760 --> 0:49:37.280 And anytime you have a bad set, that's like great, 0:49:37.320 --> 0:49:39.239 because if when you have a bad set, the next 0:49:39.239 --> 0:49:44.200 one's always the best one. I speak from experience. Yeah 0:49:44.280 --> 0:49:49.759 you do, okay, thanks for calling Sean. Good luck break 0:49:49.760 --> 0:49:52.080 a leg, I mean, sorry, good luck. 0:49:55.000 --> 0:49:55.839 Thank you so much. 0:49:55.920 --> 0:50:03.440 By We have one other caller. Her name is Carrie. 0:50:03.960 --> 0:50:06.759 A friend of about sixteen years has recently professed his 0:50:06.800 --> 0:50:09.120 love for me. I've known he's had a crush on 0:50:09.160 --> 0:50:11.319 me for a long time. He always tells me I'm 0:50:11.320 --> 0:50:14.200 his type. With his recent admission of being in love 0:50:14.200 --> 0:50:16.480 with me, I thought, sure, why not, let's try it. 0:50:16.800 --> 0:50:18.719 I warned him that he's setting himself up to get 0:50:18.800 --> 0:50:20.640 hurt and that I may never get the feelings for 0:50:20.719 --> 0:50:23.480 him he has for me, but he wants to try anyway. 0:50:23.640 --> 0:50:25.319 I told him I can't just flip a switch from 0:50:25.360 --> 0:50:27.960 friendship to relationship, so I asked him to court me, 0:50:28.080 --> 0:50:31.000 and he's been trying really hard. The trouble is he's 0:50:31.040 --> 0:50:33.680 not my type. I don't really have a strong physical 0:50:33.680 --> 0:50:36.400 attraction toward him, but the person he is in the 0:50:36.440 --> 0:50:39.200 time we spend together I love. I'm a bit of 0:50:39.200 --> 0:50:41.520 a disaster with dating and have been single most of 0:50:41.560 --> 0:50:44.719 my life. I'm forty eight. My longest relationship of three 0:50:44.760 --> 0:50:46.360 and a half years, was with a woman. Though I 0:50:46.360 --> 0:50:48.640 don't identify as a lesbian, it just felt right at 0:50:48.640 --> 0:50:50.919 the time. I don't know what it is with men. 0:50:51.040 --> 0:50:52.759 I just seem to find fault in all of them 0:50:52.840 --> 0:50:56.000 and end up breaking up with them. So Carrie told 0:50:56.040 --> 0:50:58.279 me that they dated for about a month and she 0:50:58.400 --> 0:51:01.160 finally kissed him or they can and she got the 0:51:01.200 --> 0:51:04.680 ick and didn't want to continue. But I think the 0:51:04.719 --> 0:51:07.759 bigger issue that came out of the conversation is that 0:51:08.239 --> 0:51:12.000 Carrie's having trouble finding chemistry in general with other people 0:51:12.000 --> 0:51:14.080 that she's dating, so I thought we could explore that, 0:51:14.200 --> 0:51:17.160 explore what's wrong with the vibes and what's going on there. 0:51:17.400 --> 0:51:22.480 Okay, yeah, hi Carrie, Hi, Hi there. This is Matthew mccontay. 0:51:22.600 --> 0:51:23.960 He's our special guest today. 0:51:24.120 --> 0:51:24.279 Hi. 0:51:24.600 --> 0:51:26.200 Hi, nice to meet you. 0:51:26.880 --> 0:51:29.600 Hiar And you know Catherine, obviously you guys have spoken. 0:51:29.719 --> 0:51:33.320 Yeah, yeah, yeah for sure. So yeah, so she told 0:51:33.360 --> 0:51:34.640 you that it went sideways. 0:51:35.400 --> 0:51:37.879 Well, you had a kiss, right, that was it? 0:51:38.719 --> 0:51:42.320 Yeah, So we dated for almost six weeks. We tried 0:51:42.360 --> 0:51:44.759 the dating thing, and he was doing because I asked him. 0:51:44.800 --> 0:51:47.600 I told him he has to court me because you know, 0:51:47.800 --> 0:51:50.000 I'm not just going to date him for no reason. 0:51:50.719 --> 0:51:54.160 And yeah, he finally asked me on Valentine's can we kiss? 0:51:54.920 --> 0:51:58.120 And I said sure, And honestly, it was like kissing 0:51:58.920 --> 0:51:59.800 a family member. 0:52:02.440 --> 0:52:05.359 Okay, well, let's go back. You said that you have 0:52:05.440 --> 0:52:08.640 problems with intimacy with men, right, is that what you said? 0:52:08.840 --> 0:52:11.239 Is it men or you don't have problems like that 0:52:11.320 --> 0:52:11.760 with women? 0:52:12.800 --> 0:52:16.080 Well, it's not so much with all men. I'm kind 0:52:16.120 --> 0:52:18.759 of more of the I like the wine, not the 0:52:18.840 --> 0:52:22.319 label kind of thing that said. I've dated way more 0:52:22.360 --> 0:52:25.719 men than women, So I think with men it's just 0:52:25.840 --> 0:52:28.600 I do have some trust issues with men, so it 0:52:28.640 --> 0:52:31.520 is harder for me to get closer to them. I 0:52:31.560 --> 0:52:35.520 also find men over forty extremely needy, and that is 0:52:35.560 --> 0:52:40.640 like one of my least like it's so unattractive to me, 0:52:41.080 --> 0:52:42.759 so that part is hard as well. 0:52:43.560 --> 0:52:48.239 Well. I think if you have self admittingly that you 0:52:48.400 --> 0:52:51.319 have a lot of guardrails up, it's very hard to 0:52:51.440 --> 0:52:53.920 break those down. And I think that should be your 0:52:54.040 --> 0:52:57.640 number one objective right now, because I don't think you 0:52:57.680 --> 0:53:01.400 can probably clearly even kiss this guy while you're looking 0:53:01.440 --> 0:53:04.560 for excuses to not like him, you know what I mean. 0:53:05.239 --> 0:53:08.279 And I had the last guy I dated, I was 0:53:08.320 --> 0:53:12.600 friends with for fifteen years and was never attracted to him, 0:53:12.840 --> 0:53:14.759 And it took a long time and I did. I 0:53:14.760 --> 0:53:17.239 fell in love with him. I became attracted to him. 0:53:17.680 --> 0:53:20.239 I couldn't even believe it, you know. I said, there's 0:53:20.280 --> 0:53:23.040 no way, there's no way, and then it happened. So 0:53:23.520 --> 0:53:26.680 I don't think a kisses definitively the end or the 0:53:26.680 --> 0:53:29.520 beginning of anything. I think that you have some work 0:53:29.560 --> 0:53:33.520 to do about being open, and not every guy is 0:53:33.520 --> 0:53:37.320 that needy, not every guy is anything. Look at Matthew McConaughey. 0:53:37.320 --> 0:53:39.160 He's sitting here. He just wrote this book. Well, he 0:53:39.160 --> 0:53:41.120 didn't just write this book, but he wrote a book 0:53:41.120 --> 0:53:43.600 that you should read called green Lights. I read it. 0:53:43.760 --> 0:53:47.839 Oh oh great, right, so then you know about green lights, 0:53:47.920 --> 0:53:50.320 yellow lights exactly. 0:53:50.760 --> 0:53:52.960 Yeah, you're a yellow light right. 0:53:52.800 --> 0:53:54.480 Now, Yeah, exactly. 0:53:54.760 --> 0:53:55.279 That's all right. 0:53:55.719 --> 0:53:58.279 It's nice to hear that, you know, because I know 0:53:58.360 --> 0:54:00.439 with you and Joe you were friends for a long 0:54:00.520 --> 0:54:03.200 time and then so how long did it take for 0:54:03.280 --> 0:54:05.040 you be able to be able to look at him 0:54:05.080 --> 0:54:05.560 that way? 0:54:05.960 --> 0:54:09.040 Well, it's funny you say that because in therapy, when 0:54:09.040 --> 0:54:11.720 I was wrapping up therapy because I needed a break, 0:54:12.160 --> 0:54:13.960 I said, am I supposed to be in a relationship? 0:54:14.000 --> 0:54:16.080 I just don't feel like the relationship type like that. 0:54:16.600 --> 0:54:19.440 It's not I've never been boy crazy, you know. I 0:54:19.480 --> 0:54:21.960 don't go god, you know, like when I'm single, I 0:54:22.080 --> 0:54:24.439 like it. I'm not trying always to find a guy. 0:54:25.080 --> 0:54:27.879 And I just thought, maybe something's off with me. And 0:54:28.080 --> 0:54:30.480 he said, you have too many barriers up. You just 0:54:30.520 --> 0:54:33.000 have roadblocks all around you, he said, and you have 0:54:33.040 --> 0:54:35.480 to strip those away until you're going to see somebody 0:54:35.800 --> 0:54:38.600 for who they are, not what they represent, you know, 0:54:38.800 --> 0:54:42.160 not the fact that he's wearing Prada jumpsuits that make 0:54:42.200 --> 0:54:44.680 me sick, or if we're driving around in Ferraris that 0:54:44.719 --> 0:54:47.040 makes me cringe. Just I had to get past all 0:54:47.120 --> 0:54:51.160 of my bullshit and finally just see him for who 0:54:51.200 --> 0:54:53.880 he was, which is a real person, you know, And 0:54:53.960 --> 0:54:56.440 those things don't define a person. And I understand if 0:54:56.480 --> 0:54:58.400 you don't feel like you have chemistry when you kiss somebody, 0:54:58.400 --> 0:55:01.160 it's hard to even think about kissing them again or 0:55:01.360 --> 0:55:04.360 anything like that. But this feels like it's a good 0:55:04.440 --> 0:55:08.799 opportunity for growth for you in terms of really kind 0:55:08.800 --> 0:55:11.320 of trying to strip away your layers and go into 0:55:11.360 --> 0:55:13.919 things that make you uncomfortable. Not to a degree where 0:55:13.920 --> 0:55:15.319 you have to go of sex with somebody that you're 0:55:15.360 --> 0:55:18.240 not interested in, but to a degree where you're pushing 0:55:18.280 --> 0:55:21.239 yourself to perhaps go out with him again and try 0:55:21.239 --> 0:55:24.320 it again, you know, and if it's not him, another 0:55:24.360 --> 0:55:28.000 guy or another woman like whomever. But as a practice 0:55:28.360 --> 0:55:31.960 for yourself, not necessarily to be in a relationship, but 0:55:32.000 --> 0:55:34.640 in a practice of like tearing down the things that 0:55:34.680 --> 0:55:37.279 go ugh to you. When something says ooh to you, 0:55:37.880 --> 0:55:41.120 or you have that feeling, you've got to make a 0:55:41.160 --> 0:55:43.480 note of it and go, oh, oh, that's that's a 0:55:43.560 --> 0:55:45.600 yellow light. Is that about me? Or is that about 0:55:45.680 --> 0:55:47.439 him or her? Right? 0:55:47.960 --> 0:55:48.320 Right? 0:55:48.400 --> 0:55:51.560 And I'm pretty sure it is about me because you know, 0:55:51.640 --> 0:55:54.759 we have all the things in common. I'm like, if 0:55:54.800 --> 0:55:56.920 this doesn't work, how the hell am I going to 0:55:57.040 --> 0:56:00.000 date anybody else that doesn't have all these boxes ticked? 0:56:00.440 --> 0:56:00.720 Right? 0:56:00.760 --> 0:56:03.520 And it was just kind of that all it's lacking 0:56:03.719 --> 0:56:06.560 is that spark, you know when you kiss somebody and 0:56:06.600 --> 0:56:09.000 then you want to sleep with them. And that was 0:56:09.120 --> 0:56:11.080 kind of like, I don't really want to sleep with you. 0:56:11.440 --> 0:56:13.720 That said, I have slept with him in the past, 0:56:13.760 --> 0:56:17.280 so my bad I maybe sent off wrong signals. 0:56:17.440 --> 0:56:20.640 Well you skip that part exactly. 0:56:20.440 --> 0:56:21.880 So you. 0:56:23.880 --> 0:56:26.880 Know, or not your bad one thing. I hear you, 0:56:27.080 --> 0:56:28.640 I hear you. Kind of keep doing this is what 0:56:28.719 --> 0:56:30.759 Chelsea was saying. You said a minute ago, I like 0:56:30.800 --> 0:56:34.160 the wine, not the label. Yes you're but you are 0:56:34.400 --> 0:56:38.920 labeling exactly what you want and you have your own labels, 0:56:39.400 --> 0:56:42.359 which happens all with maturity. As we mature, we get 0:56:42.640 --> 0:56:44.439 kind of set in our ways and know it needs 0:56:44.440 --> 0:56:46.680 to fit this and this is how I this is 0:56:46.680 --> 0:56:48.520 how my life goes, this is what I expect and 0:56:48.920 --> 0:56:52.120 we're less malleable. And what I hear Chelsea saying, which I. 0:56:52.400 --> 0:56:57.480 Second, is relax your own labels on yourself and the 0:56:57.520 --> 0:57:01.200 boxes that he or any other man needs to absolutely 0:57:01.280 --> 0:57:04.520 fit for you. So maybe just enjoy that one without 0:57:04.520 --> 0:57:06.520 looking at the label a little bit. And I think 0:57:06.520 --> 0:57:09.320 that's what Chelsea's saying is if if it's not just perfect, 0:57:09.400 --> 0:57:11.839 to cut yourself before you go. Wait that that didn't fit, 0:57:11.960 --> 0:57:13.680 that didn't fit, that didn't go exactly how I wanted 0:57:13.680 --> 0:57:14.000 it to be. 0:57:14.520 --> 0:57:17.040 That kiss didn't make me want to go further. Well 0:57:17.760 --> 0:57:19.680 maybe that was all it was needed. Right then, maybe 0:57:19.720 --> 0:57:22.080 start Sometimes you get to know, so you already got 0:57:23.000 --> 0:57:25.040 your eye set with this guy, is that you already 0:57:25.080 --> 0:57:25.880 got a friendship? 0:57:26.440 --> 0:57:27.360 Well not anymore. 0:57:28.640 --> 0:57:32.080 It's not there. Yeah, it was there. The last eighteen 0:57:32.160 --> 0:57:35.200 years are not gone. Whatever y'all formed over eighteen years, 0:57:35.520 --> 0:57:37.960 it's not like whiteouts over it. It's still there. You 0:57:38.000 --> 0:57:39.880 want to rekindle that and go you want to pick 0:57:39.960 --> 0:57:41.880 back up and just go have a freaking cup of 0:57:41.880 --> 0:57:44.000 coffee and not kiss. I want to get back and 0:57:44.080 --> 0:57:45.640 doing some things that we like, we used to like 0:57:45.680 --> 0:57:49.280 to do, just together and just maybe that's maybe restarting 0:57:49.360 --> 0:57:52.800 there and if you know that would if the kiss works, 0:57:52.840 --> 0:57:55.680 it'll probably be the time where he doesn't ask you 0:57:55.800 --> 0:57:57.960 or you don't ask him, and it just happens. 0:57:57.800 --> 0:58:00.760 Exactly and when, And to go back when you were 0:58:00.760 --> 0:58:03.040 asking me about person when it happened. For Joe and me, 0:58:03.120 --> 0:58:07.080 we had hung out for over a year before anything happened, 0:58:07.080 --> 0:58:09.200 And when it happened, I made it happen because then 0:58:09.280 --> 0:58:12.120 it had to come from me. And I would suggest 0:58:12.280 --> 0:58:15.120 hanging out with them with first of all, repair the 0:58:15.280 --> 0:58:17.480 whatever damage has been done, which you can easily do 0:58:17.560 --> 0:58:20.480 over an eighteen year relationship, and say, let's just try 0:58:20.520 --> 0:58:23.000 this again as friends. Let's see if it goes anywhere 0:58:23.040 --> 0:58:26.160 in a more natural progression, because I think if he 0:58:26.200 --> 0:58:29.880 ticks all these boxes a it's worth another go. Do 0:58:29.920 --> 0:58:31.840 you know what I mean? You're saying, all he has 0:58:31.840 --> 0:58:34.640 got all these things except for your feelings towards him, 0:58:35.080 --> 0:58:38.080 and that can happen. That comes up for people all 0:58:38.120 --> 0:58:40.040 the time. They fall in love with their friends all 0:58:40.080 --> 0:58:42.800 the time. You can't force it to happen. It has 0:58:42.840 --> 0:58:46.800 to naturally organically happen, and you can continue to spend 0:58:46.840 --> 0:58:48.800 more time together. You don't have to kiss each other 0:58:48.920 --> 0:58:52.040 or fuck each other or whatever, but spend more time 0:58:52.080 --> 0:58:54.320 and see if it happens naturally, and also as a 0:58:54.360 --> 0:58:57.760 test for yourself, also explore that with other people too, 0:58:58.200 --> 0:59:00.280 you know, because I'm glad Matthew said that at the 0:59:00.320 --> 0:59:02.560 wine and the label, because as soon as you made 0:59:02.560 --> 0:59:06.440 that declaration, it was clear that you're doing the opposite 0:59:06.440 --> 0:59:08.320 of what you think you're doing. You don't have to 0:59:08.360 --> 0:59:11.040 make declarations about who you are, you know what I mean. 0:59:11.400 --> 0:59:13.360 So I think that you might think you're looking at 0:59:13.360 --> 0:59:16.600 the wine and not the label, but it's quite the opposite. 0:59:16.240 --> 0:59:19.400 Right, fair enough? I think right now is good that 0:59:19.440 --> 0:59:21.760 this call worked out when it did, because I was 0:59:21.800 --> 0:59:24.280 actually thinking of writing him a letter because right now 0:59:24.320 --> 0:59:27.840 he's just cut me out of his life completely, unfollowed 0:59:27.840 --> 0:59:32.000 me on duo, Lingo and Goodreads and Facebook and all 0:59:32.040 --> 0:59:34.640 the things that we shared common interest in. And I 0:59:34.720 --> 0:59:37.160 text him and I was like, so my biggest fear 0:59:37.240 --> 0:59:39.880 was losing in the friendship. And he just said, I 0:59:39.920 --> 0:59:42.600 can't be friends with you because I'll always want more. 0:59:42.920 --> 0:59:45.360 And I thought, okay, so you're just willing to throw 0:59:45.400 --> 0:59:49.240 away eighteen years of friendship because your feelings are hurt. 0:59:49.720 --> 0:59:52.040 So it's like at this point, is it crossing a 0:59:52.080 --> 0:59:54.520 line to write them a letter and just be like, hey, 0:59:54.880 --> 0:59:57.680 maybe we didn't try long enough or I don't know. 0:59:57.720 --> 1:00:00.840 At this point, sounds like y'all very similar. Maybe just 1:00:01.160 --> 1:00:03.960 simplify a little bit. And then if you do write 1:00:04.000 --> 1:00:06.760 him a letter, which sounds like you should. 1:00:06.440 --> 1:00:08.560 Because about eighteen years you don't want to throw that 1:00:08.600 --> 1:00:10.640 out like that was a nothing part of your life. 1:00:10.640 --> 1:00:12.680 That was real. Whether it works out for you or not, 1:00:12.760 --> 1:00:14.920 that was real. You built that. 1:00:15.880 --> 1:00:18.320 You don't want to throw that out completely. I mean, 1:00:18.760 --> 1:00:20.800 I even if you do write him letter, be considerate. 1:00:21.200 --> 1:00:24.360 I'm sure he feels like he got bruised or lost 1:00:24.440 --> 1:00:27.080 or made an advance and you had it and then 1:00:27.120 --> 1:00:29.320 you were like, Nope, that's it. He probably feels a 1:00:29.320 --> 1:00:32.760 little embarrassed, a little shame, a little loss, a little 1:00:32.880 --> 1:00:36.600 less just maybe as a friend, go, man, this is 1:00:36.600 --> 1:00:39.080 out made you feel. I didn't mean to hurt you, 1:00:39.640 --> 1:00:40.840 but that's how I felt. 1:00:41.120 --> 1:00:43.280 This is all so damn complicated, And you want to 1:00:43.320 --> 1:00:45.680 go back back back a few months before we for 1:00:45.880 --> 1:00:47.600 that kiss and just start with when we were high 1:00:47.600 --> 1:00:49.400 five and and go have a couple of coffee or 1:00:49.400 --> 1:00:51.360 a walk and start right there with some simple ship 1:00:51.440 --> 1:00:53.680 and maybe maybe cuss each other out and go, this 1:00:53.800 --> 1:00:56.280 fucking made me pissed off and this hurt me. That 1:00:56.320 --> 1:00:57.320 could be it could be fun. 1:00:57.360 --> 1:00:57.560 You know. 1:00:58.200 --> 1:01:00.360 Yeah, yeah, I agree with that, and I think you 1:01:00.400 --> 1:01:03.280 should definitely write him a letter, but also acknowledge his feelings. 1:01:03.800 --> 1:01:06.120 Definitely acknowledge the fact that he with the way he 1:01:06.160 --> 1:01:08.680 may be feeling right now. But you know, as an 1:01:08.720 --> 1:01:12.200 effort to retain this friendship, you can say, in the 1:01:12.240 --> 1:01:14.640 hopes I want to have these feelings for you, I'm 1:01:14.640 --> 1:01:17.560 willing to like try this again, but we also have 1:01:17.600 --> 1:01:20.080 to be adults, and if it doesn't work out, then 1:01:20.240 --> 1:01:22.720 it doesn't work out. People have been turned down before 1:01:22.800 --> 1:01:24.680 and been able to maintain friendships. 1:01:24.840 --> 1:01:25.000 You know. 1:01:25.080 --> 1:01:26.840 Obviously he needs a little bit of time to get 1:01:26.840 --> 1:01:29.600 over what he's dealing with. But I think that you 1:01:29.640 --> 1:01:32.120 should really definitely focus on some of the things that 1:01:32.160 --> 1:01:35.680 we said to you about looking within yourself and figuring out, 1:01:35.920 --> 1:01:38.720 you know, what your stipulations and kind of roadblocks have 1:01:38.800 --> 1:01:41.160 been and kind of just try to open them up 1:01:41.520 --> 1:01:44.200 and just kind of be open to whatever. Don't have 1:01:44.280 --> 1:01:46.120 it in your head the way that it looks needs 1:01:46.200 --> 1:01:50.560 to look perfectly right absolutely. 1:01:50.520 --> 1:01:52.000 Well, Carrie, let us know how it goes. 1:01:52.040 --> 1:01:56.520 Okay, for sure, Thanks, Okay, good luck. Forty eight's great. 1:01:56.560 --> 1:01:58.320 I just turned forty eight, and I'm for. 1:02:01.400 --> 1:02:03.280 Yeah, I'm kind of at that age where it's like, 1:02:03.960 --> 1:02:06.000 you know, I'm not one of those people that is 1:02:06.120 --> 1:02:09.200 desperate to be in a relationship. I actually quite like 1:02:09.320 --> 1:02:13.240 being single. And that's probably part of my problem with dating, 1:02:13.400 --> 1:02:15.400 is like I'll start dating and then I'm like, we're 1:02:15.440 --> 1:02:16.120 actually singles. 1:02:16.160 --> 1:02:16.760 Not so bad. 1:02:18.400 --> 1:02:21.600 So yeah, I'm definitely at forty eight. I'm not even 1:02:21.600 --> 1:02:23.280 at forty eight. I'm not in a rush to get 1:02:23.320 --> 1:02:26.600 into any sort of relationship, but would be nice. 1:02:26.920 --> 1:02:29.240 Okay, take care, nice to speak with you. 1:02:29.800 --> 1:02:30.600 Thanks. 1:02:30.920 --> 1:02:33.160 Okay, we're running out of time, so we're going to 1:02:33.240 --> 1:02:39.960 take a quick break and we'll be right back. And 1:02:40.000 --> 1:02:40.520 we're back. 1:02:41.120 --> 1:02:41.840 We're back. 1:02:42.120 --> 1:02:47.120 That was awesome. Matthew McConaughey, you were great. Has predicted. Yes, 1:02:47.200 --> 1:02:50.800 thank you. I'm predicted. So to this event. To Matthew's 1:02:50.800 --> 1:02:54.920 event that he's hosting with Tony Robbins. It is a 1:02:55.040 --> 1:02:58.960 virtual event. It's called Art of Living Live on April 1:02:59.040 --> 1:03:00.120 twenty four. 1:03:00.400 --> 1:03:04.480 Right, so you can go online and register at artoflivinevent 1:03:04.680 --> 1:03:07.680 dot com and sign up. It's actually free to attend, 1:03:07.840 --> 1:03:09.080 so go check it out. 1:03:09.160 --> 1:03:12.320 Oh yeah, that's awesome. It matter So it's all free. 1:03:12.440 --> 1:03:14.760 Yeah, it's all free. Oh great and online. 1:03:14.760 --> 1:03:18.560 Okay, awesome. Thanks for sharing today, Thanks for being here, 1:03:18.840 --> 1:03:20.680 Thanks for giving advice to our callers. 1:03:21.120 --> 1:03:22.600 Appreciate it. I enjoyed that. 1:03:22.920 --> 1:03:24.080 Okay, enjoy that sign. 1:03:24.760 --> 1:03:26.360 I have badass today, Matte met too. 1:03:26.520 --> 1:03:26.960 Bye. 1:03:27.600 --> 1:03:31.240 Oh real great episode, fabulous and don't forget everybody. My 1:03:31.320 --> 1:03:36.400 new special Revolution is now streaming on Netflix and it's badass. 1:03:36.520 --> 1:03:38.560 And then I'm doing a tour a little Big Bitch store. 1:03:38.880 --> 1:03:40.920 Go to Chelsea Hamma dot com for tickets. I've added 1:03:40.960 --> 1:03:43.439 some new dates. I added a date in Monticello, New York. 1:03:43.800 --> 1:03:47.600 I'm coming to Colorado to Red Rocks Amphitheater. I'm coming 1:03:47.640 --> 1:03:49.440 to calum the Zoo, and then I'm coming to a 1:03:49.480 --> 1:03:53.400 bunch of places in Tennessee, Memphis, Knoxville, and Chattanooga. That's 1:03:53.440 --> 1:03:56.520 May nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty first. And then I'll be 1:03:56.520 --> 1:03:58.720 in Atlantic City June tenth, which is almost sold out, 1:03:58.720 --> 1:03:59.720 So get your tickets. 1:04:00.080 --> 1:04:02.440 If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email. 1:04:02.480 --> 1:04:05.520 At Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be 1:04:05.560 --> 1:04:08.600 sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited 1:04:08.640 --> 1:04:12.280 and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine Law and 1:04:12.360 --> 1:04:14.760 be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot 1:04:14.800 --> 1:04:17.360 com