WEBVTT - Minisode: You Can’t Babysit Your Own Kids with Sam Jay and Yanise Monét 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:04.160 Welcome to couples Counseling with Chelsea hand job. I'm here 0:00:04.160 --> 0:00:06.840 with my friends Yah Yah and Sam and we're back 0:00:06.880 --> 0:00:09.119 with Sam and ya Ya for a couples counseling. So 0:00:09.360 --> 0:00:10.640 I have to pick again you guys. 0:00:11.240 --> 0:00:15.440 I yes, yeah, No me and a mean or we're 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:19.079 talking about that because she was just like, yeah, you know, 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:22.279 like you're mean, and I was like, when have I 0:00:22.320 --> 0:00:25.360 ever been mean to? She's like, well, you know you're 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:27.200 coming room and it's like you don't know what you're on. 0:00:27.680 --> 0:00:29.720 You might just come room and say what up and 0:00:29.840 --> 0:00:31.800 just keep it moving. I'm like, so I'm not in 0:00:31.840 --> 0:00:33.840 the move to do more than that that day. I'm 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:36.200 here to do my job. Sometimes you know what I'm saying, 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:38.159 and it's just like, good to see you, but I'm 0:00:38.159 --> 0:00:41.000 in my own those lunch won't do my little one Tuesy. 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:43.800 I'm tired of whatever. I'm out, but I say it up. 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:45.919 It's like, I'm like, why do niggas need that? 0:00:45.960 --> 0:00:46.640 What do you? What do you? 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:49.760 I think it may be because y'all are entertainment too, 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:51.560 that people just expect you to always be on. I 0:00:51.600 --> 0:00:53.240 can't speak for you, but I know for me because 0:00:53.240 --> 0:00:56.080 I'm always like, that's what I always expect me to 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:57.240 be on so I'm. 0:00:57.040 --> 0:00:59.600 Not like you said, And it's like I feel that way. 0:00:59.600 --> 0:01:01.320 I feel like a lot of times when we're running 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:03.520 to other people are like, aren't you supposed to be 0:01:03.520 --> 0:01:05.440 the comment? Aren't you supposed to be the one that's 0:01:05.480 --> 0:01:08.200 like jove y'all and trying to make me laugh and try, 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:11.440 and my lack of interest in doing that makes them 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:14.759 think that I'm like a bitch, and it's like, no, 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:16.600 I'm just why. 0:01:16.400 --> 0:01:17.600 Do I need to do that? 0:01:18.480 --> 0:01:21.760 I don't know, girl, Thanks boy, I don't know, but 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:23.760 you need to make me laugh on the second. 0:01:23.600 --> 0:01:25.679 I do make you laugh all the time. 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:27.080 I laugh right now. 0:01:27.600 --> 0:01:29.760 You're actually my favorite person's entertained. 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:32.440 Okay, well go ahead, Bojangles. Do you think. 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:35.880 That's when I'm happiest. 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:39.680 When I'm in the house alone and your cackling your 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:41.360 ass off, I feel the funniest. 0:01:42.000 --> 0:01:44.120 So, I don't know. I've always liked me being silly 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:44.400 for you. 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:45.959 I like it when you're silly for me. 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:47.600 I always enjoy I like being. 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:50.240 Silly bonding while I'm gone while the counselors at the 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:50.520 back in. 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:52.280 The bathroom, we do better without you. 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:58.360 I know, I'm most couple of Thank you guys for 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:00.960 being so open and sharing so much. I think our 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:03.000 listeners are really going to enjoy it. By the way, 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.360 thank you for my slides, my Louis Vaton slides that 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:08.120 I called Wiki or Fendi or whatever. I want you 0:02:08.160 --> 0:02:10.280 to know that I wear those whenever I get a 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:12.920 pedicure and around my house, and I got and every 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:15.720 time someone sees me and these Louis Vaton slides, they're like, 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:19.040 are you fucking wearing Louis Vaton slides? They're like, Chelsea, 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:21.120 that couldn't be less you. I'm like, I fucking love 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:23.480 these slides. And then I left them in LA and 0:02:23.880 --> 0:02:26.080 realized yesterday I didn't have them in my suitcase, so 0:02:26.120 --> 0:02:29.640 they sent them and I got them today, she takes 0:02:29.639 --> 0:02:32.960 to Mayorca. Yeah, I fucking love them. That's good. 0:02:33.360 --> 0:02:33.840 I'm glad. 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:35.440 And I still have the video of you walking in 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:38.839 with the DHL box at the dinner. Okay, let's talk 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:42.400 speaking of Louis Vaton, let's talk who's in charge of 0:02:42.480 --> 0:02:45.200 the finances and who spends the most money. 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:48.880 Now you already know Sam is in charge of the finances. 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:50.280 In charge or does she make the money and then 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:51.600 you oversee the money? 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:53.360 No, I do not oversee the money. 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.600 Sam has a business manager who oversees the money. 0:02:57.080 --> 0:02:58.799 And how does that work for. 0:02:58.760 --> 0:02:59.119 You, Joe? 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:02.080 So I also I also oversee the money. I'd just 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:03.040 like to put that out there. 0:03:03.280 --> 0:03:04.160 Well, yeah, I'm not saying that. 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:07.799 I'm not saying that I'm also overseeing the money. 0:03:07.840 --> 0:03:09.280 I'm not just letting this guy. 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:11.560 Unlike me, who's not overseeing any of my money. I 0:03:11.560 --> 0:03:14.480 don't know what the fuck is going on. I'm just like, 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:16.200 tell me when I need to work and when I 0:03:16.200 --> 0:03:22.000 cannot work. Okay, So is it an area of discord 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:27.519 between you two? Absolutely, yes it is. What is it? 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:29.240 I mean, it's not for me. 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:30.840 I would say, we. 0:03:30.840 --> 0:03:33.000 Just had a whole therapy session about it. So I 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:35.840 think it's a thing, Okay. I think it's fair to 0:03:35.840 --> 0:03:38.560 say the thing for you, Okay. 0:03:38.720 --> 0:03:39.200 Not for me. 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:41.160 Tell us what you're saying. 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:42.840 I'm saying. I think it is. 0:03:43.000 --> 0:03:46.200 There is a power imbalance that plays out, and I 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:50.440 think it mostly stems from the fact that I am 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:53.120 the sole provider financially, and I think that power in 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:54.320 balance bothers you as well. 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:55.280 Sometimes. 0:03:55.480 --> 0:03:56.960 Yeah, so I can say, I think it is an 0:03:56.960 --> 0:03:58.920 issue for both of us. I think it's an issue. 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:01.720 It's not like a come all, be all think to me. 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:04.560 But I think it is different because we first met, 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.200 I had the money and Sam did not, and I 0:04:07.320 --> 0:04:10.320 was the business owner. And then when we got back 0:04:10.320 --> 0:04:12.640 together this last round, I saw, like I don't have 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:15.080 I sold my business, so I'm totally dependent on Sam. 0:04:15.120 --> 0:04:16.600 So the dynamics are totally different. 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:18.840 Yeah, that must be strange, but I mean. 0:04:18.800 --> 0:04:22.560 The dynamics are also totally They're just totally different, right, 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:25.080 Like because at the time when we first met, I 0:04:25.160 --> 0:04:26.320 wasn't living with you. 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:27.400 You weren't living with me. 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:29.600 You just made more money than me, and like I 0:04:29.640 --> 0:04:31.400 was too broke to take you on dates, so we 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:33.200 would just hang out and fucking your house and like 0:04:33.560 --> 0:04:37.080 that was the extent to which we dealt with money. 0:04:37.360 --> 0:04:40.160 Whereas now we're like living together, paying bills together. That's 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:43.480 like a whole nother you know, cares different. 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:46.680 And do you give her an allowance? Do you have something? 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:47.480 I'm on payroll? 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:50.360 Girl, I worked for my allowance, but you're not gonna. 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:50.279 Do with. 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:54.120 Isn't that a sex worker? 0:04:57.440 --> 0:04:58.000 I said that. 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:00.520 I said that, but I said, I wor for it. 0:05:00.600 --> 0:05:03.320 You don't I do. You're lying I do only. 0:05:03.200 --> 0:05:05.320 Reason you're on payrolls for taxes and you know it. 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:07.120 You don't for I don't. 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:08.159 I don't support you. 0:05:08.160 --> 0:05:10.680 I don't cook, I don't clean. You don't cook or 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:13.720 clean or anything it. Oh I thought yeah I was 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:17.240 a good house. Well, bitch, I thought you said I 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:17.800 don't cook. 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:18.160 I don't. 0:05:18.440 --> 0:05:20.360 I'm saying no, I'm asking her like I don't. 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:21.760 I'm I do. 0:05:22.120 --> 0:05:23.440 I work for my allowance. 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:24.960 That's working for you. 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:26.479 Yes, I work hard. 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:27.080 Yeah? 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:28.599 Are you cooking and cleaning? 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:30.560 That's just like taking care of those. 0:05:30.400 --> 0:05:33.800 Yeah, but that's what that's what she lives there. I know. 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:36.920 But you can't like if I clean my own room, 0:05:37.000 --> 0:05:37.800 I worked. 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:40.359 Well, then go ahead and do it. Go clean. 0:05:41.720 --> 0:05:45.239 We also have made so well, So come. 0:05:45.080 --> 0:05:47.000 On, man, anything, how many do you have? 0:05:47.240 --> 0:05:49.360 Well, they just come clean once to like once af 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:52.599 Now don't really, it's once every two weeks. 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:55.520 She bumped it up. She had to bump it up. 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:57.680 She's like, listen, I'm getting sick of this cleaning. 0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:01.160 I don't think cleaning your own house and cooking food 0:06:01.160 --> 0:06:02.360 in your own house is work. 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:05.679 I'm sorry. I just don't. 0:06:06.839 --> 0:06:08.040 All right, I beg to differ. 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:11.080 But that's not work. You're not working. You're like maintaining 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:11.680 where you live. 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:15.520 I'm maintaining our life where we live. 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:17.560 That's not working. That is work. 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:20.280 You're making your house nice and cozy and comfy so 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:20.960 you can come home. 0:06:21.000 --> 0:06:22.679 And that's not like working. 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:23.400 That is work. 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:24.200 That's maintaining. 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:28.440 Minimizing. That's you know, you're minimizing the whole segment of people. 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:30.599 What about the moms of the world that are home 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:32.680 and and doing stuff. 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:33.679 That's that's work. 0:06:34.000 --> 0:06:36.240 You're not a mom. We have no chance I have. 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:37.960 You have a cat, I have to take care of. 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:40.800 Your cats are gone. It's just what that's your friend, 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:43.400 That's what I'm saying. You're just hanging out with your friend. 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:46.640 You like that's your child, Like fancy. 0:06:46.320 --> 0:06:48.120 You like hanging out him. You don't go to bed 0:06:48.160 --> 0:06:49.400 without calling him and making him come. 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:50.359 But that's your cat. 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:51.600 No, that's our cat. 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:54.599 You rock with him, yes, but I'm so so hanging 0:06:54.600 --> 0:06:57.840 out with your cat is not You can't babysit your 0:06:57.839 --> 0:06:58.279 own kid. 0:07:00.320 --> 0:07:02.839 I'm saying is like you know what I'm saying. 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:05.640 All I'm saying is that' don't minimize what I do 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:07.839 I work on I'm not minimizing it. I think what 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:10.960 you do is absolutely amazing and I really appreciate how 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:12.840 it contributes to our hushold in our life. 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:14.040 And I'm not minimizing. 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:17.960 I'm just saying it's not work, you're just maintaining your life. 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:21.280 It's an interesting debate. I'm sure I really can't weigh 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:23.760 in because I don't have a spouse or a child, 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:26.760 and I don't do anything for myself, so I can't 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:39.160 really weigh in on this. I think it would be nice, 0:07:39.200 --> 0:07:43.000 since we're closing our sessions together to hear your advice 0:07:43.400 --> 0:07:47.160 for people who are getting into relationships. What you think 0:07:47.200 --> 0:07:50.920 it takes to maintain a long term healthy relationship, Like 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:52.560 what is the most important ingredient. 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:57.120 I would say the most important ingredient is communication and 0:07:57.160 --> 0:07:59.960 being vulnerable with your partner, because you have to expose 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:03.200 yourself and it's hard to do that long term because 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:06.160 when you first meet somebody or your first dating, y'all 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:09.120 aren't really being your authentic selves. You're being a version 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:10.960 of the person that you think that they want. And 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:12.920 then once you get to know the person and your 0:08:12.960 --> 0:08:17.280 your most authentic self, you have to let all all 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:19.840 the shit go that you came with, all the baggage. 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:23.240 You got to let that go and just be there 0:08:23.280 --> 0:08:26.280 for your partner and communicate to your part what I'm 0:08:26.320 --> 0:08:29.680 trying to think, Like, no, you're saying right, I mean, 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:31.119 you're saying so dope. 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:33.200 Well you just like just be your bitch. 0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:34.640 Yacause that's what it is. 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.080 You have to communicate and you have to let all 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:38.960 the other shit go. You can't bring in all the 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:41.600 stuff that you went through in your life, because everybody 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:45.040 has traumas and experiences that they bring into a relationship. 0:08:45.080 --> 0:08:47.320 But if you want to have a healthy relationship, you 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:48.959 have to get to the root of all of your 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:51.079 traumas and all the things that fucked you up as 0:08:51.080 --> 0:08:53.520 a person. So you don't bring that into relationship. You 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:55.680 can just be the best version of yourself for that person. 0:08:55.880 --> 0:08:57.560 And do you think you can get rid of that 0:08:57.840 --> 0:08:59.840 and your trauma without therapy? 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:03.640 Absolutely not. I know I couldn't, So I can't. I couldn't, 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:04.959 So I can't speak for anybody else. 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:06.640 I know I could. What about you? 0:09:06.679 --> 0:09:10.800 No, there was definitely voices could I wouldn't have gotten 0:09:10.840 --> 0:09:13.760 too without therapy, And I think I do a lot 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:16.520 of my own work really well. Like I'm one of 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:19.400 those people who maybe three years ago would have been 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:22.400 like you only therapy, spending the time with yourself, you 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:26.400 digging deep enough, you could probably you know, excavate most 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:30.920 of this shit because I've done it. But once I 0:09:30.960 --> 0:09:33.080 did do therapy because of what we were going to 0:09:33.080 --> 0:09:34.760 do in our relationship, I don't think I ever would win. 0:09:34.840 --> 0:09:37.640 Otherwise I never would have went for myself. But you 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.160 saying like, we have to go if we're gonna keep 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.280 doing this was the only reason I even ended up there. 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:46.160 But once I was there, I have to say things 0:09:46.200 --> 0:09:48.240 that I landed on with my brother and all that 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:52.160 I would have never it. Never, I never would have 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:55.320 went there. I don't think my brain would have allowed 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:56.080 me to go there. 0:09:57.280 --> 0:10:00.400 So yeah, and what do you think the most important 0:10:00.400 --> 0:10:04.079 thing to have a long sustainable relationship is patience? 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:05.760 Patience? 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:09.000 If you just patience, It's like, if you're gonna really 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:12.560 be with someone, then you have to accept you're gonna 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:16.280 be multiple versions of them in that time span. Who 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:18.920 they are when you first get together is not who 0:10:18.920 --> 0:10:21.960 they're gonna be later. They're gonna go through things, they're 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:23.760 gonna change as a results of the things that they 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:27.920 go through, they're gonna need different things, And it's like 0:10:28.520 --> 0:10:32.599 giving people space to change. 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:36.280 Like a chance to change or space to change. 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:39.679 Space Like if you're really gonna be with someone forever 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.960 and say they hit a slump, say they hit a depression, 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.840 say something happens in their life, and now you're with somebody, 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.880 and it's like that ain't who you started out with, 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:51.520 and this might not even be a person that you 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:55.520 like that much. If you're gonna be with them, it's 0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:58.280 supporting them and being patient too that so that they 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:02.320 can get to the person that's on the other side 0:11:02.520 --> 0:11:03.719 of whatever that is. 0:11:03.840 --> 0:11:05.439 And that's like giving them space. 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:08.760 It's like not requiring them to hurry up and figure 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:11.960 it out, not requiring them to just go back to 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:15.520 what they were, not requiring them to tell you what 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:17.480 the fuck is wrong, because maybe they don't even all 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:20.760 the way know, but just like allowing them the space 0:11:21.600 --> 0:11:24.560 and being supportive, and sometimes you have to do that 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:28.520 shit from a distance to get there whatever it is 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:31.280 that they're getting, you know, which might be a whole 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:33.720 other person most likely than the person they were before 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:35.280 or the person they are in the shit and then 0:11:35.320 --> 0:11:37.280 it's like patients with that. 0:11:38.000 --> 0:11:40.840 Yeah, because sometimes people can change so drastically within a 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:44.080 relationship that they're not even recognizable to as the person 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:46.640 that they were in the beginning. And in that case, 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:48.960 there could be an argument for like, when you're not 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:53.079 even the same person, it's not like you're there's this evolution, 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:56.079 it's you're a completely different person. Absolutely, you know, because 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:57.440 of whatever circumstances. 0:11:57.679 --> 0:11:59.960 Yeah, absolutely, And what do you. 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.760 Think, y'all? Y'all like if you had to name something 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:09.040 that you've learned through your relationship about yourself, the most 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:12.120 powerful thing you've learned about yourself to adjust your own behavior, 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:14.199 or something that you didn't know you had. 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:15.320 What is that? 0:12:15.920 --> 0:12:17.839 ADHD? 0:12:18.240 --> 0:12:22.360 I'm so serious ADHD. I was diagnosed with ADHD. I 0:12:22.400 --> 0:12:24.840 think that was the most transformative thing for me in 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.760 this relationship. And if she didn't like, I would see 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:29.920 things and be like, oh, I think I got that shit, 0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:34.400 and she'd be like nah, no, maybe, But when she'd 0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:38.480 hit the fan, her saying hey, I think you may 0:12:38.760 --> 0:12:40.920 you may really have that. You may want to go 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:44.240 talk to someone, and me going to see well, talking 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:46.640 to my therapists and then seeing a psychologist and getting 0:12:46.640 --> 0:12:51.040 clinically diagnosed with ADHD. I think was the biggest game 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.280 changer for me because it made me see why I 0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:56.160 was doing things, how I was doing things why, Like 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:59.400 it just everything aligned once I understood that, because I 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:00.800 understood my more. 0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:02.600 And what were the things that you were able to 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:04.840 identify that you were doing as a result of having 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:06.720 an undiagnosed ADHD. 0:13:06.440 --> 0:13:09.880 Well they were first they were misdiagnosed me saying that 0:13:09.920 --> 0:13:12.240 it was a depression or anxiety and this that, and 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:15.680 the third when it was really just untreated ADHD. So 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:17.520 it was like kind of like the same symptoms but 0:13:18.040 --> 0:13:20.840 just in different ways. So even with our house, trying 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:23.280 to complete our house and design our house, I would 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:26.600 start tasks like start wall papering and then do one 0:13:26.679 --> 0:13:28.920 room and then not finish the other room. But it 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:31.200 was just because I got bored because I had already 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:33.319 started that, So then I would just start another task 0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:34.920 in the house. So there it was like a whole 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:37.760 bunch of different tasks that weren't completed. So then me 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:41.280 finding out that I have ADHD, I figured out why 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:43.600 I wasn't completing the task. I was getting bored quickly, 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:46.040 so I'd moved onto something else. So now I just 0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:48.560 make a list and now all the things are completed. 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:49.800 So it works. 0:13:49.880 --> 0:13:51.680 Now, are you on medication for ADHD? 0:13:51.760 --> 0:13:52.120 No? 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:52.600 Oh you're not. 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:53.760 No, I'm not on medication. 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:57.680 Oh okay, So you can combat ADHD without taking. 0:13:57.520 --> 0:13:59.920 Yes, yes you can. You don't have to be on medication. 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:03.400 How well, that's just what works for me and what 0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:06.920 my psychologists and what my therapist felt was best for me, 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:08.280 that I didn't need to be medicated. 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:09.000 I'm not saying all. 0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:10.880 The follow them like workarounds. 0:14:11.120 --> 0:14:13.600 You're like some people are able to develop work around 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:17.120 So what she'll do is just like implement systems around 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:21.480 the house that structure her where the structure doesn't exist, 0:14:22.080 --> 0:14:24.040 which is why I have to clean up after stam 0:14:24.360 --> 0:14:26.400 where I don't see my mess, but I see her 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:28.800 mess because I have to clean it up because I 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:30.760 know the ill pal up if I don't get it 0:14:30.760 --> 0:14:32.000 out the way right. 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:34.600 Have you noticed a big difference between. 0:14:34.520 --> 0:14:37.760 Yeah, she finishes things like before there would just be 0:14:37.880 --> 0:14:41.120 like you know, wallpaper just hanging off different. 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:41.840 Walls all over the house. 0:14:42.480 --> 0:14:44.800 And then I'll know in my heart, like by the 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:46.520 time she gets back to this room, she gonna want 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:49.120 it to be a whole nother wallpaper because she don't dalied, 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:53.600 so like constantly, we weren't having a complete experience. It 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:56.920 was just like everything's going to change, which is wild 0:14:57.040 --> 0:15:00.520 for me because I grew up fucked up, so I 0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:02.680 like consistency because. 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:03.800 I did not have consistency. 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:08.560 So like the constant change for me was like basically 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:11.840 like sowing the feeling of instability, Like I don't even 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:14.840 have a place because everything just changes. And then my 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:17.240 stuff usually is in his closet and I was happy there, 0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:20.000 and now I'm in a closet up in the third floor, 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.560 so it's like damn, so now I get used to that. 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:24.520 Now I'm in a closet downstairs, So I'm like, is 0:15:24.560 --> 0:15:26.640 this really my house? Or do I just get put 0:15:26.680 --> 0:15:28.920 wherever I get put? And I'm not allowed to get 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:32.400 acclimated with anything. And like I was taking that so personally, 0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.040 but I had to realize, like it's not even nothing 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:35.760 to do with me, Like she's just. 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:38.960 Well, that's what my Jenny and Jason, who are doing 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:42.560 this too. Jenny said something which I thought was very profound. 0:15:42.880 --> 0:15:47.000 She was saying, like whatever your partner is upset about 0:15:47.560 --> 0:15:51.000 usually has nothing to do with you, like, even when 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:53.920 they think it's about you, it's really not. And that's 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:57.240 something important to remember because it's so fucking true. The 0:15:57.280 --> 0:15:59.920 whole reason we have any discord is because people take 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:03.000 things personally. Yeah, And if everyone was like, yeah, whatever, 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:05.360 he's in a bad man, he's a fucking asshole, Fine, 0:16:05.400 --> 0:16:08.120 who cares? Like everyone would just be kind of gliding 0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:09.360 around a little more easily. 0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:12.640 Yeah, because it's super not personal, and you know it 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:14.920 isn't personal. And that's why I think it's important to 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:18.480 like tell your person like your trauma, because the truth 0:16:18.520 --> 0:16:20.240 is you're not gonna get rid of it. Like I'm 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:22.240 not ever gonna just be over this shit that happened 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:23.760 to me when I was younger. 0:16:23.800 --> 0:16:25.960 But if I could tell you, like, hey, the. 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:29.760 Reason I react like this over socks isn't like just 0:16:29.800 --> 0:16:32.320 because I'm crazy over socks. It's like some fuzz shapp 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:35.160 to me, YadA. So when you do that it makes 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:38.440 me feel like that. It literally puts me right back 0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:42.640 in that mental space and then I become reactionary from 0:16:42.640 --> 0:16:45.840 that place and that's why it's coming off irrational. 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:48.720 But she also is crazy over socks. 0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:51.880 Let's speak, it sounds like it but that does sound 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:53.040 like a deeper issue. 0:16:53.280 --> 0:17:00.680 You're wild and reckless over socks. Mismatch them, any socks. 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:02.400 You don't care if this socks match. You don't care 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:05.480 about that. You don't care. Don't put a medium like 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:09.679 link sock with a low sack, so it's nuts. 0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:12.480 I'm not don't. We don't wait to handle socks. 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:14.800 We don't have time for this bullshit. I'm not gonna 0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:17.520 sit here and talk about socks. We're gonna wrap it 0:17:17.640 --> 0:17:20.520 up and thank you, yah yah and Sam. Yeah yeah. 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:22.320