WEBVTT - How to ‘have it all’ 0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:06.720 Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:13.960 Good Morning. This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:18.000 Today's tip is to stop thinking of work and life 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:21.680 as being in opposition. There is enough space in the 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:25.000 sixty eight hours we all have each week to devote 0:00:25.040 --> 0:00:29.360 plenty of time to anything that matters. By telling ourselves 0:00:29.360 --> 0:00:33.400 a story of time abundance, it becomes far more possible 0:00:33.720 --> 0:00:37.720 to make work in life fit together. Because I write 0:00:37.720 --> 0:00:41.440 about issues of careers and families, I often use the 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:45.400 phrase work life balance. That's the term that people search for, 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:48.440 so it makes sense to use it, but I've really 0:00:48.479 --> 0:00:52.360 never liked the phrase. The implication is that work and 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:56.000 life are on opposite sides of the scale, hence the 0:00:56.000 --> 0:00:59.639 balance metaphor, for one to go up, the other must 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:02.960 go down out. It seems like a zero sum game, 0:01:03.480 --> 0:01:05.959 but it really isn't, or at least not within the 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:10.039 categories that people usually care about. Here's the statistic to 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:14.600 ponder as we celebrate International Women's Day this weekend. Time 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:17.600 Diary studies find that women spend more hours working for 0:01:17.640 --> 0:01:21.959 pay now than they did in nineteen This makes sense. 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:25.240 The entrance of women into the paid labor force is 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:28.480 one of the major social changes of the last fifty years. 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:32.520 But time diary studies find that women are also spending 0:01:32.560 --> 0:01:35.760 more hours interacting with their children than they did in 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:40.360 nineteen sixty. How is this possible? How can women spend 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:45.559 more hours working for pay and more hours with their kids. Well, 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.480 it turns out that work and childcare are not the 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:52.280 only thing that women do. In the nineteen sixties, women 0:01:52.320 --> 0:01:55.520 spent quite a bit of time on housework, and this 0:01:55.600 --> 0:01:59.400 number has fallen as hours devoted to child care and 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:03.360 work have risen. You can even see this changing emphasis 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:06.960 reflected in the language. In the nineteen sixties, people talked 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:11.200 about housewives with the emphasis on the house. Now we 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:14.880 talk about stay at home moms. Even the trade offs 0:02:14.919 --> 0:02:19.120 involved with big, demanding careers are often different than the assumption. 0:02:19.800 --> 0:02:21.720 A few years ago, I wrote a book called I 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:24.480 Know How She Does It that looked at how successful 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:28.080 women spent their time. I collected time diaries from women 0:02:28.160 --> 0:02:30.800 earning over a hundred thousand dollars a year who are 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:35.079 also raising children. I found these women worked, on average 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:38.600 about forty four hours a week. The average woman with 0:02:38.639 --> 0:02:41.359 a full time job who earns about forty dollars a 0:02:41.480 --> 0:02:45.040 year works somewhere around thirty seven hours a week, and 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:48.600 they turned out to be huge financial payoffs to considering 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:51.760 careers that require a few extra hours per week on 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:55.320 the margins. So this seven or so our gap isn't 0:02:55.360 --> 0:02:58.400 nothing between about forty four hours and thirty seven hours, 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:03.320 but it didn't require sacrificing much time with kids. In general, 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:06.160 it came out of leisure time. The people in my 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:08.920 study watched four point four hours of TV a week, 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:12.280 which is about eight hours less than the average woman 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:14.799 with kids in a job. And yes, it turns out 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:18.160 these hours could be substituted. I found about half the 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:20.800 women I studied worked sometimes after their kids went to 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:24.160 bed that time frame when a lot of people watch TV. 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:28.840 In other words, work and family weren't on opposite sides 0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:32.679 of the scale. Work and Netflix were on opposite sides 0:03:32.720 --> 0:03:35.000 of the scale, and that's a trade off that a 0:03:35.040 --> 0:03:38.320 lot of people thought was worth making. Now, none of 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:40.200 this is to say that there won't be day to 0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:43.760 day choices or that nobody faces work life conflict. Clearly 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:46.880 people do, people do all the time. But the bigger 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:50.080 issue is that when we tell ourselves stories that work 0:03:50.160 --> 0:03:53.880 and life are naturally in opposition. We start to believe it. 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:57.440 We lament the volleyball game missed because of a meeting, 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:01.560 but not the volleyball game missed because another child has 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:04.960 a swim meet at the exact same time. People look 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.800 at the first scenario and decide they must dial down 0:04:07.920 --> 0:04:11.080 or scale back or opt out. But no one looks 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:13.680 at the second hard choice moment and says, you need 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:16.720 to get rid of the other kid. That's the result 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:20.120 of our stories. So today, think about the work and 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:23.480 life stories you're telling yourself and figure out how you 0:04:23.560 --> 0:04:27.440 can reframe them. So you worked late and missed bedtime 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:30.440 on Monday and TUESI this week, Well, is that horrible? 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:34.479 Is something amiss? Perhaps? Or you could tell yourself that 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:36.600 there are seven days in a week and you are 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:40.880 home for five. That sounds fairly balanced, like you're rocking 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.800 it at work and at home. When we reframe our stories, 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:47.520 we see that not only can people have it all, 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:52.880 often we already do. In the meantime. This is Laura. 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:56.039 Thanks for listening, and here's to making the most of 0:04:56.040 --> 0:05:05.719 our time. M Hey, everybody, I'd love to hear from you. 0:05:05.720 --> 0:05:08.600 You can send me your tips, your questions or anything else. 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:12.960 Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram at 0:05:13.000 --> 0:05:18.520 Before Breakfast pod. That's B the number four, then Breakfast 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.640 p o D. You can also shoot me an email 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:25.560 at Before Breakfast podcast at i heeart media dot com 0:05:25.560 --> 0:05:28.080 that Before Breakfast is spelled out with all the letters. 0:05:28.680 --> 0:05:30.760 Thanks so much, I look forward to staying in touch. 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:39.680 Before Breakfast is a production of I heart Radio. For 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:42.839 more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the i heart 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:46.280 Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:47.000 favorite shows.