1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 1: M blute force. If it doesn't work, you're just not 2 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:25,440 Speaker 1: using enough. You're listening to Software Radio Special Operations, military 3 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:41,040 Speaker 1: news and straight talk with the guys in the community. 4 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,760 Speaker 1: Good afternoon, and welcome to Software Radio. I'm Software Editor 5 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 1: in Chief Sean Spens. I'm filling in for Steve Balustrade today, 6 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,199 Speaker 1: who is recovering from minor surgery, so he's gonna be 7 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 1: just fine. Don't worry about him today. Our guest is 8 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:01,160 Speaker 1: Taylor Gregen and Taylor is a former aviation rescue swort 9 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 1: and he's made a documentary called Hell or High Water, 10 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:10,119 Speaker 1: which is about his post military service journey from PSD 11 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:14,600 Speaker 1: to recovering and healing. It's um It's a really fascinating story, 12 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:21,479 Speaker 1: much like Homer's Homer's epic poem The Odyssey about the 13 00:01:21,480 --> 00:01:25,840 Speaker 1: the King of Ithaca. He was the h he was 14 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 1: Disseus was the King of Ithaca, and he made a 15 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 1: journey that took I think about a year coming back 16 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: from the Siege of Troy. And the journey that Eric 17 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 1: and his um sorry Taylor and his shipmates made took 18 00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:44,040 Speaker 1: him from Pensacola, Florida, all the way to Cape Horn 19 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: on the southern tip of South America, one of the 20 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: most treacherous places for mariners in the entire world. It's 21 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,480 Speaker 1: the reason they built the Panama can Now. It was 22 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,400 Speaker 1: because so many people and ships were lost trying to 23 00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: sail Cape Horn. I'm particularly happy to be doing this 24 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: interview today with Taylor because I was an aviation rescue 25 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:08,800 Speaker 1: where cremin myself. So to to meet another one, to 26 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,920 Speaker 1: talk to another one, it's such a rare thing. There's 27 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 1: so few of us, uh in the Navy. You almost 28 00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 1: never see another one. So Taylor, welcome to Software Predio. 29 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:19,760 Speaker 1: We're very happy to have you. Thanks man. Yeah, it's cool, 30 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: it's cool. Indeed, it is rare. Right, we're like unicorns. 31 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 1: It's like you get another one, you go. You are 32 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: sour Slember, no kidding, And I guess I think we 33 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 1: talked when we were talking before. I've only ever met 34 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,400 Speaker 1: one other guy in like twenty five years that was 35 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 1: a rescue swimmer like like you and I were. It 36 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:43,040 Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, and kind of funny thing. Uh. 37 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,520 Speaker 1: I asked him. He was with an HSC squadron like 38 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,799 Speaker 1: you were, which is a C control squadron for those 39 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:52,360 Speaker 1: of your uninitiated to see control squadrons are the almost 40 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 1: a dedicated combat social missus squadrons in the Navy, and 41 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 1: that it's differentiated from the H cell squadrons, which tend 42 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 1: to do more any summery warfare off of frigates and destroyers. 43 00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 1: And what I told him, I was an NHS cell guy. 44 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 1: He goes, oh, you must have got good grades in 45 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:12,240 Speaker 1: a school. It was just kind of true because if 46 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,440 Speaker 1: you were like, didn't get good grades in a still, 47 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 1: you ended up with the H three squadron, you know, 48 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 1: the the HS squadross and stuff. So you have to 49 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,799 Speaker 1: you have to pick your orders based on their class standing. 50 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 1: And if you don't know this, are publisher Brandon Webb, 51 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 1: who is a Navy seal. He started as a as 52 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:30,960 Speaker 1: a a via sue rescue swimmer as well, and he 53 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: was an HS quadreds. He was on the Kiddie Hawk 54 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 1: and he was on the Able Lincoln and then went 55 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 1: over to the Navy Seals. Used to be that the 56 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,080 Speaker 1: number one rating for guys to transition over the seal 57 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 1: teage was searching rescue guys. They always were looking for 58 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 1: some other thing. So let's talk a bit about your background. 59 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: You grew up in you grew up in East Texas, 60 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: Galveston Bay Area, moved around a little bit. Tell us 61 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: a little bit about that you were you were born? 62 00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 1: Why how old are you now? Yeah, twenty nine and 63 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:07,120 Speaker 1: what are you Okay? So my grandparents had a place 64 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: in Galison, we'd go stay with him. My dad he 65 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: lived in Dickinson. What's where I live now? And then 66 00:04:13,880 --> 00:04:16,479 Speaker 1: we'd lived we lived in in Huntsville, and then a 67 00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,039 Speaker 1: little town called Malacough out in East Texas. And then 68 00:04:19,160 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 1: uh family had some landed in sant Angelo. We got 69 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:24,359 Speaker 1: to and now all my most all of my family 70 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,920 Speaker 1: lives out in Santonio. Um, and that's where I led 71 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 1: whenever I got out of the Navy, it was in 72 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,479 Speaker 1: San Antonio before I went to Sacola. I've been out 73 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:35,480 Speaker 1: that way, beautiful town San Antonio. Spent a little time 74 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: on a ranch out in Bandera, which is you know, 75 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,160 Speaker 1: out even further west of View and that part of 76 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,600 Speaker 1: the home country just gorgeous there. Yeah. You decide you 77 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:45,360 Speaker 1: want to be a decide you want to be a swimmer. 78 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,440 Speaker 1: You wanted to join a swim team. The documentary talks 79 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: a little bit about that. You Uh, you walked down 80 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 1: your full of pisto vinegar, I'm gonna just take this 81 00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 1: pool and had got a got a rid awake, and 82 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 1: you tell us about that. Yeah, I shut up to 83 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,480 Speaker 1: the swim tryout sous when we lived in College Station, 84 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: Um and showed up to their high school swim team 85 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 1: tryouts wearing swim trunks. You know, that's how that's out 86 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: of place. I was so that day that coached the 87 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: coach cut me, Um. You know, it's like, you're just 88 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: not good enough, man. But he told me I got 89 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,560 Speaker 1: some of the club team, and that's what I ended 90 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 1: up doing. It's been a semester swimming with all the 91 00:05:23,480 --> 00:05:26,200 Speaker 1: eight year olds there until I could hold myself above 92 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:29,839 Speaker 1: the water enough to finish practice. And yeah, it's a 93 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 1: real discipline. It beat you up morning morning practices twice 94 00:05:34,640 --> 00:05:37,520 Speaker 1: a day before school. After school. You spend something like 95 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:39,360 Speaker 1: four or five hours in the water. It's funny because 96 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 1: I swim too. I was in a youth swimmer in Miami. 97 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 1: Grown up. And then you didn't just like get on 98 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,279 Speaker 1: the team. You like you were the team captain. You 99 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,920 Speaker 1: were all American. You broke county records and all this stuff, 100 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 1: and I mean you were sort of like a comfrom 101 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: behind kid. Yeah, I had a good had a good team. 102 00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: It was one of those things. She had a lot 103 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: of good people around you, and we definitely did. Our 104 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,360 Speaker 1: team was pretty awesome and I'll kind of push each other. 105 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,880 Speaker 1: So give a shout out here to your high school 106 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:06,880 Speaker 1: and I and you're in your high school from too. 107 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,680 Speaker 1: I'm sure they're probably still talking about you now. So 108 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: what was the name about of high school? It was 109 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: an Enmity. This is a and M Consolidated high School 110 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,279 Speaker 1: and College Station of Texas. And uh yeah, coach he's 111 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:19,359 Speaker 1: he's in the film and I think he says pretty 112 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:23,039 Speaker 1: cool stuff about that time together. Yeah, he's a good dude. 113 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:26,120 Speaker 1: He's awesome. Still friends today. So you graduated from high 114 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,400 Speaker 1: school at what year and two thousand and ten and 115 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,520 Speaker 1: then joined the Navy right after that? You go it 116 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,560 Speaker 1: was delayed your programs? You have to wait or did 117 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,359 Speaker 1: you go ready? I was in debt the debt program 118 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 1: for I think four months. Yeah, it's because that A 119 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 1: w saw our community is so small. If there's almost 120 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 1: always a wait to get in, they have to like 121 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: put you in the pipeline. But there's a lot of attrition. 122 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,600 Speaker 1: The Navy recruiting commercials always show a guy jumping out 123 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,720 Speaker 1: of the helicopter in the water, But the fact is 124 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,120 Speaker 1: the attrition rate is murderous and pipeline for training it's 125 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: like a team most to two years of training before 126 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:05,200 Speaker 1: you're actually reach an operational squadron, and they might lose 127 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: eighty and nine percent of the people who sign up 128 00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:10,560 Speaker 1: because there's just so many places where you get dropped. 129 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: It's medical that water goes up your nose and you 130 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: can't help it, or you freak out in the altitude chamber, 131 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,960 Speaker 1: or you'll lose your mind and the heal or dunker 132 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:21,560 Speaker 1: or academics. You can't you can't cut the academics. So 133 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 1: to spend two years just going from step to step, 134 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,160 Speaker 1: just trying to stay in the program, and and they 135 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,120 Speaker 1: don't want you. They're make it very clear that they 136 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:32,800 Speaker 1: don't want you go leave. It need you, So you 137 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: have to. You have to beg to stay, you have 138 00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 1: to earn it. Every day. They act like you're leaving 139 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: is no big deal. The Navy is not going to 140 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 1: go out of business because you flipped out of Star school. 141 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: So so you probably remember the graduating class you you 142 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 1: went to start school with was probably the third to 143 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 1: half of the guys that that ended up that starting. 144 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,080 Speaker 1: So my original classes started with you started with thirty 145 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:57,679 Speaker 1: three people, and we graduated with three of those four total, 146 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:01,200 Speaker 1: including me um that started together. And then we had 147 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,960 Speaker 1: a couple of guys that like had fractures for failed 148 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 1: rolled back in our class and graduated with us. But 149 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: we had as four of us from our original class. 150 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: But it all the way through. You know, it's funny 151 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:13,920 Speaker 1: even going back because I went through in the it 152 00:08:14,040 --> 00:08:16,240 Speaker 1: was August at three. I went through Source School at 153 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 1: it just won Jacksonville and they run it now out 154 00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:21,880 Speaker 1: of Pensacola. But injuries were very common. A lot of 155 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: guys went out went out with with broken bad joints, elbows, wrists, knees, 156 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 1: fresh leaves. There's a lot of especially knees. Yeah. I 157 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,120 Speaker 1: think I think they roll you out now for like 158 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: shin splints, right, Yeah, see, I ran I ran through 159 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: shin splints. The whole time we did. That was like 160 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: not a thing. Since this was not a thing, they 161 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 1: were like just get over, you know, get some ass 162 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 1: for you know, They're just like you gotta deal with it. Yeah. 163 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 1: I did a lot of the the boot camp and every 164 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,760 Speaker 1: time I did any like, you do a lot of 165 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: running in Source School, least do a lot of right 166 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 1: in Sour School. It's a different program um than say 167 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 1: Navy Seals. You don't tend to build guys up really big. 168 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,240 Speaker 1: Source school really about endurance. It's about having a body 169 00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: that can go and go and go and go and go, 170 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 1: not not being able with three hundred pounds. It's it's 171 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 1: more about being able to live a hundred pounds three 172 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,679 Speaker 1: hundred times. So they really they told us, don't w 173 00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:16,959 Speaker 1: waights run swim? Uh being an endurance athlete and when 174 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 1: you get out you're in phenomenal shape. I mean, you're 175 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 1: just like miracle things busting a mile and under six 176 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 1: right without even really breaking a sweat, do a mile 177 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:31,600 Speaker 1: swim and it's a mild inconvenient. You like go back 178 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: to work the rest of your day and you know, 179 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,679 Speaker 1: finish out your day at the squider. And so I 180 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,960 Speaker 1: kind of take it for granted. What you what you do. 181 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,440 Speaker 1: So you go to aircrew air go to boot camp 182 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 1: in Great Lakes? Right, do you get the summertimes? You 183 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 1: get a winner? Did you get a winner? Call for that? Dude? 184 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 1: Know I was there in Chicago in the winter, and uh, 185 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 1: they got hit by this. They called it a ten 186 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: near the ten near snowstorm And we're out shoveling snow 187 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 1: until in the morning, and it was piling up over 188 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 1: us before we get shovel it all out. And I 189 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 1: was like, that was the moment when I realized I 190 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 1: don't ever want to live in the north. They still did. 191 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 1: They still do the fire drills at three in the 192 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: morning and make you run outside in the cold or 193 00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,319 Speaker 1: just a blanket on call out all eight games, standing 194 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,360 Speaker 1: there shivering and your skimpies and the cold. They used 195 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 1: to do that. We didn't have to do that now, 196 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: thank yeah, no we didn't, Thank god. It's like, the 197 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,960 Speaker 1: worst point of boot game was the fire drills at 198 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,960 Speaker 1: three in the morning and the cold weather, standing there 199 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 1: in your skimpies with a blanket while they call off 200 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,680 Speaker 1: all the names. I'm like, I hope we don't have 201 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:33,320 Speaker 1: a lot of long names in the unit, you know, 202 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:36,080 Speaker 1: because if one guy missed it, missed a call, they 203 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: start over from the beginning again. So if one guy 204 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:41,040 Speaker 1: didn't didn't answer up, they start from the very beginning. 205 00:10:41,559 --> 00:10:46,480 Speaker 1: But all right, so then on a bus, um on 206 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:49,199 Speaker 1: a bus probably or plane they fly down Tipetzykoa for 207 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 1: flow down the Pensacola and then UM went through beautiful Base. 208 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, the best best challenge in eighty used to 209 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:03,600 Speaker 1: be still is a way Yeah, Pensilo. They still do, Yeah, 210 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:07,640 Speaker 1: they still do. So hair Crewman candidate school is all 211 00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:10,760 Speaker 1: about the environmental stuff to make you and your crewman. 212 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: It's altitude um chamber training, it's parachute many training, it's 213 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: injection seat training, Halo dunker deep Yeah, Halo dunker deep 214 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:21,200 Speaker 1: water environment and surviva training. You do a mile swims 215 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: all dressed out in your flight here and everything. Steel 216 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,600 Speaker 1: chilled boots, those were those are murdered. And you spent 217 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: a lot of time in Pensacola Bay. Uh, they used 218 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:33,080 Speaker 1: to spent a lot of time in Pensacola Bay and 219 00:11:33,080 --> 00:11:35,319 Speaker 1: you took up sailing there while you were up where 220 00:11:35,360 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: you are. You two went to your San Diego that's how. Yeah, 221 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:40,199 Speaker 1: so Acre school and then you go to a rest 222 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,640 Speaker 1: of Stummer school and then UM and then you go 223 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:44,559 Speaker 1: to your A school and that's all in Pensacola. And 224 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: once you finish your A school, you go to San 225 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,319 Speaker 1: Diego and that's when you learned to be at rest. 226 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:51,920 Speaker 1: You swimmer in a helicopter. So you spent about a 227 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,640 Speaker 1: year then in Pensacola if you put it all together, yeah, 228 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 1: all over the year, and then just under your year 229 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,959 Speaker 1: in San Diego to finish the training and then the replacement. Yeah, 230 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 1: earn your wings, right, could your gold wings? Getting eight 231 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: tops qualified? Uh? That changed like just before I got 232 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: out there. She used to get your wings. Now now 233 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: it's you get your wings when you get out to 234 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:17,679 Speaker 1: your squadron and you go through their utility crewmen um syllabus. Yeah. 235 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,319 Speaker 1: So I didn't get my wings until after my first deployment. 236 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:23,160 Speaker 1: He used to take a well did you get there? 237 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,320 Speaker 1: And you think, okay, here I am. I'm at the spot, 238 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,880 Speaker 1: and then you're like, no, Now you gotta earn your wings. 239 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 1: You gotta qualify as a plane captain. You gotta do it. 240 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 1: Your back to being a nobody again. So you're always 241 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,959 Speaker 1: starting from zero or a place you go, which I 242 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:37,720 Speaker 1: think it's fair because I didn't know anything when I 243 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,160 Speaker 1: first got out to my squadron. I don't know. There's 244 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,880 Speaker 1: no way I should have one wings. Said now, did 245 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,880 Speaker 1: you have funny the Hilo Duncker? Yeah, Helo Duncker is 246 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,400 Speaker 1: a blast man. Uh, I'll just kind of sit back 247 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 1: and let people knock each other out and they're kicking 248 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: and get out. It's always kind of funny. So the 249 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:59,400 Speaker 1: Helo Dunker is a big appliance that seats six to 250 00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:03,680 Speaker 1: eight people. Was configured like a helicopter and it's basically 251 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 1: sitting above a pool and they strap you in full 252 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 1: flight gear, four point restraints and they drop it in 253 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,319 Speaker 1: the water and they rotated upside down and they sink 254 00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:15,240 Speaker 1: it and then you have to basically under your harness 255 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 1: and anything in either exit out the window or exited 256 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,280 Speaker 1: mass out the door. Um. We used to say you 257 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,640 Speaker 1: could really tell the sea dogs in the heel of doctors. 258 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:25,360 Speaker 1: The guys who are comfortable in the water, they were fine. 259 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,200 Speaker 1: But but the guys who were kind of new to it, 260 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:29,960 Speaker 1: you could see the wide eyed stairs. There was a 261 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: terror in their eyes. And strap me in a chair 262 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 1: and drown me. Okay, okay, they have divers. They're there 263 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,760 Speaker 1: to kind of, you know, keep you safe. But some 264 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 1: guys balked not doing it. The freak. Then you have 265 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: to do it blindfolded, three times, you have to do it. 266 00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:50,840 Speaker 1: Were blacked out. Speed O goggles. So I'm glad they 267 00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:53,120 Speaker 1: still do that training because it saves your life. It 268 00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:57,640 Speaker 1: really does. That saves your life. So, um, you've got 269 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:01,160 Speaker 1: some airtime, you go out to your sandego, arrive at 270 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 1: the squadron and they're gonna deploy to land bases and 271 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 1: to um amphibious landing vessels and stuff like them. Um. 272 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,200 Speaker 1: So when I was in San Diego, that was just 273 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,839 Speaker 1: when I was at the rack Agency three. And once 274 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: I finished that, I was deployed to Agency twenty five 275 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 1: and that's in Guam. And once I got there, from there, 276 00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 1: I deployed to the ships it and uh and then 277 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: we do Station SAR there in Guam. Bam is a 278 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 1: very nice place. It's a beautiful island. Used to be 279 00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,400 Speaker 1: used to repetition for being kind of sharky in the water, 280 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: and you still have that. Yeah, oh yeah. Um, there's 281 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:39,360 Speaker 1: a lot of sharks in blom So we'd fly over 282 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,840 Speaker 1: the beach all the time and you just see sharks 283 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 1: swimming right in between people regularly. I mean every since. 284 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:46,080 Speaker 1: There was never a day where you don't see sharks 285 00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: swimming in the tween people. I have no idea. Yeah, 286 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,640 Speaker 1: you have a different sense of the ocean. After being 287 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:52,960 Speaker 1: a riskuer requipment for a while watching the sharks swimming 288 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,120 Speaker 1: that close to batas Yo there have a different view 289 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 1: about going to the beach and going out into the 290 00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 1: water much more than waist high. You're like out there, 291 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 1: there are sharks every day San Diego to we'd fly 292 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 1: over Imperial Beast down there. Just see sharks your time. 293 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,560 Speaker 1: They got seals in the water. They got seals, like 294 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 1: in San Diego, not in not in Guam. No, So 295 00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,080 Speaker 1: that means you have great whites that they have seals. 296 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: There's a lot of great whites in San Diego for sure. 297 00:15:20,360 --> 00:15:24,960 Speaker 1: That's cold water too, man, he goes the Pacific's cold everywhere. 298 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 1: So the air rescue responsibilities you guys would you guys 299 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 1: were primary search and rescue UM responders in Guam. Was 300 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 1: the Coast Guard there as well? Yeah, so there was 301 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 1: a Coastguard base where they didn't have a helicopter assets. 302 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 1: So our main duty when we were in Guam was 303 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,640 Speaker 1: search and rescue. So we'd work with we'd work with 304 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: the Coast Guard, and we'd work with bomb fire rescue 305 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:53,520 Speaker 1: and we we just stand sorry stand star rotations go 306 00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:55,920 Speaker 1: as a detachment. How many birds that they send out 307 00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 1: to two three in Guam and non tin helicopters out 308 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: there in Guam went out. There's a squadron that okay, yeah, 309 00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 1: I was stationed. Yeah, I was there for a little 310 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: over four years. And then from Lawn we'd get if 311 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,800 Speaker 1: we weren't on deployment, and just in Walmar, main duty 312 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: was Star star duty and training for deployment, and so 313 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:20,000 Speaker 1: when we got deployed, we'd go out with three two 314 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,000 Speaker 1: or three helicopters, depend on what ship we were on. 315 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 1: My first deployment was on the bottom of shard about 316 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:30,040 Speaker 1: fire in San Diego. Yeah, yeah, Yeah, she's like she's 317 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: a total right off. Now they're they're gonna she is, 318 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,920 Speaker 1: she's down, she's down here in Texas stuff, and they're 319 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,640 Speaker 1: they're taking her apart um down around the border. There's 320 00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,160 Speaker 1: a report out about that. There was a whole just 321 00:16:41,240 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 1: a mess of failures that go all the way up 322 00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,880 Speaker 1: to the front office right down to like the E two, 323 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 1: E three guys that were making the ship. It was 324 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 1: just a disaster. But well, I mean, you could get 325 00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:52,640 Speaker 1: a piece of her now if you want. You could 326 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:54,120 Speaker 1: go over there and say, hey, like I sailed on 327 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:55,960 Speaker 1: this ship. I'd like the chunk of it. You know, 328 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,600 Speaker 1: I did try. I I contacted the contra actor that 329 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,520 Speaker 1: has running taking apart down there, and he said, we've 330 00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,399 Speaker 1: got a lot of these requests and we can't. We 331 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 1: just can't let people come in and see your kids. 332 00:17:07,880 --> 00:17:10,359 Speaker 1: And all right. He did say that they're gonna melt 333 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 1: down a bunch of the steal and make challenge coins. 334 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 1: So okay, okay, okay, that's pretty cool. So did you 335 00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:20,800 Speaker 1: say you spent four years in Guam? That's really something. Yeah, 336 00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:25,240 Speaker 1: that's not bad duty actually Quam. I mean that's not bad. Yeah, 337 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,400 Speaker 1: it's not bad. For like six months and then you're 338 00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:30,760 Speaker 1: on an island that's twenty miles long for four years. 339 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,720 Speaker 1: Did you get back stateside? Very often you'll be six 340 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:38,760 Speaker 1: months or so come out. You just didn't, uh plane 341 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,160 Speaker 1: tickets for like twenty three hundred bucks eighteen hundred bucks 342 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,760 Speaker 1: to get back. And there's there's a lot more money 343 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 1: than I could afford. What about space A little space 344 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,760 Speaker 1: A I could never rely on space out there, man, 345 00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 1: I just I mean, the Guam just doesn't have resources 346 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,000 Speaker 1: you do back in the States, so it's really hard 347 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,159 Speaker 1: to get back. And eight hundreds of big is a 348 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,120 Speaker 1: big amount of money, that's all. That's a big job. 349 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,439 Speaker 1: How many rescues did you end up doing? Igua? In 350 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:08,760 Speaker 1: the documentary we talk about, Um, it's a different kind 351 00:18:08,760 --> 00:18:11,560 Speaker 1: of rescue than than the normal. If he has your 352 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,439 Speaker 1: riscue for a profile, what should be to cover a 353 00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 1: pilot who's ejected Our search numbers going over overboard. Um, 354 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:20,520 Speaker 1: you're doing rescues of civilians, which would be boats and 355 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:23,840 Speaker 1: probably some suicide attemps. Sometimes some people just sw have 356 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,440 Speaker 1: to see sometimes I want to end it all. Uma 357 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,399 Speaker 1: was it was? It pretty busy out there. It's a 358 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:34,400 Speaker 1: riscue it from Yeah, it's extremely busy. Um we'd get yeah, 359 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:40,400 Speaker 1: tween sixt eight calls rescues a year, and the meta 360 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,680 Speaker 1: metavacs we'd have at least one a week at least 361 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:48,439 Speaker 1: Because um, the other islands in the Mariana Silence, they 362 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,200 Speaker 1: don't have any kind of medical facilities. Mcaham was the 363 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,640 Speaker 1: only major hospital area, So if somebody got seriously hurt 364 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 1: on like c I paid, we'd have to fly out 365 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 1: to the road and we'd have to fly out there 366 00:18:57,760 --> 00:18:59,320 Speaker 1: and pick him up and stabilize them on the way 367 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:01,600 Speaker 1: to the hospital. Back in Guam. That was a lot 368 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 1: of that was a lot of calls. I had a 369 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 1: lot of matavacs out there, and then I had had 370 00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 1: six good rescues in Guam and the three of them 371 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,040 Speaker 1: were two of them were hikers who fell off a 372 00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:17,199 Speaker 1: cliff and Guam, and I have a I'd have a 373 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: couple more, That's what I was thinking about. I have 374 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 1: a couple more calls like that. But people wouldn't get 375 00:19:21,359 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 1: in the helicopter. So so like the family would call 376 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,760 Speaker 1: and they were lost for a day, we go out 377 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,600 Speaker 1: there and find them, and then they wouldn't want to 378 00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:33,560 Speaker 1: get rescued. Yea, yeah, So what are you do in 379 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:37,560 Speaker 1: a situation like that? Yeah, I didn't know how. I 380 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,040 Speaker 1: didn't know how it worked at all. Um try and 381 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: tell them, like do you're clearly gonna die? Um? Died 382 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 1: rated having any food in a couple of days now, 383 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:49,639 Speaker 1: even sweating like squams and it's a tropical jungle, you know, No, 384 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:51,520 Speaker 1: I can't. I can't go back. So you call the 385 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,359 Speaker 1: pilots specking the HeLa and we're like, hey, this guy's 386 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,120 Speaker 1: not coming in, Like well, we can't force them. So 387 00:19:56,359 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 1: they just picked me back up on the on the 388 00:19:57,840 --> 00:20:00,439 Speaker 1: wire I mean the SMT the M A couple of 389 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 1: models come a couple of water bottles and say, yeah, 390 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:05,640 Speaker 1: we would we left them. I actually left one guy 391 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:10,040 Speaker 1: with our camel back. I'd haven't gotten that back, he 392 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,040 Speaker 1: still has it. Um. Yeah, But the other two I 393 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: had on land they fell off hiking on mount land 394 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,000 Speaker 1: land out there. Those are pretty those are pretty common 395 00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:21,399 Speaker 1: land rescues people with hike and fall off a cliff 396 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,080 Speaker 1: and break their legs or something. We might to go 397 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:27,720 Speaker 1: get them. That's importing. That's a pretty gnarly injury too. Yeah. Especially, Yeah, 398 00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 1: a lot of pain and blood and lots of things 399 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:34,520 Speaker 1: can happen, and they've really bashed themselves up. Shock. Um, 400 00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 1: did you lose anybody? No? I did have two recovery 401 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:42,640 Speaker 1: missions though, where they were already then by the time 402 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,120 Speaker 1: I got there. Um, but that you know, what I'm 403 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:47,199 Speaker 1: saying is we're not we're not corners. We can't we 404 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 1: can't pronounce people dead. So um, you have to try 405 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 1: and do everything you can until you get the hospital. 406 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:56,240 Speaker 1: But yeah, that's that's tough. You go out there hoping 407 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:57,800 Speaker 1: to rescue someone, then you get out there you find 408 00:20:57,840 --> 00:21:03,120 Speaker 1: them gone. That's that's a that's a heartbreaking there was. Indeed, 409 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:07,120 Speaker 1: how did when did you get out? Oh? The other thing, Wait, 410 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go back to this. You know, in fact, 411 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 1: the life of being a risk here of proving is 412 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 1: we lose people in operational accidents. That Roosevelt just lost 413 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,480 Speaker 1: a full almost a full crew of guys one one 414 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 1: crewmen survival, other five of ground. Um that in such 415 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,720 Speaker 1: a small community, when you lose people, you end up 416 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,879 Speaker 1: knowing them or somebody knew them. Um while you were 417 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,399 Speaker 1: in did that happen much? We had a bunch of 418 00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:36,320 Speaker 1: crashes while I was in, like eleven mishaps in like 419 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,600 Speaker 1: four years. Um did you did you have those kinds 420 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:42,639 Speaker 1: of experiences as well? Yeah? Um, the big one with 421 00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: the Marines that crashed off of Hawaii, that that kind 422 00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 1: of hit us all when of rows out there? Um. 423 00:21:48,359 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 1: And then I mean recently the one that just crashed 424 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:56,680 Speaker 1: off of San Diego. Well eight that went down we 425 00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 1: all knew them. Um. Yeah every time, Like you said, 426 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 1: it's super small community. Every time, every time something like 427 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,800 Speaker 1: that happens, you definitely know someone or went through training 428 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,720 Speaker 1: with them at some point, and it's easy to see 429 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,720 Speaker 1: yourself in that in that same spot, like you always 430 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,359 Speaker 1: feel like you've rolled the dice. Every time you go 431 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,960 Speaker 1: open the aircraft. You think, I didn't come up sneake 432 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 1: eyes today, but you could come up sneak eys in 433 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:21,119 Speaker 1: the afternoon. You're always eating wait your turn. You know 434 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,040 Speaker 1: you're waiting in turn. That's the best way to screen. 435 00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:25,920 Speaker 1: It really is a roll of dice. Dude. Just like 436 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,760 Speaker 1: you said, every time you see like that happened, you 437 00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,359 Speaker 1: have been in that scenario before where that could have 438 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 1: happened to you, and you're like, thank God, Like it's 439 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: just pure luck that that we didn't crash um over 440 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:40,560 Speaker 1: and over again. I think that's the fire concept. We 441 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:42,800 Speaker 1: had a fire in the aircraft one time and come 442 00:22:42,840 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 1: back at night and we had an electrical fire in 443 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 1: the panel and lost the lights interior, and that was 444 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:53,280 Speaker 1: a When you smell things burning in an aircraft, that's 445 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 1: a very disconcerting thing and you just have to sit 446 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,399 Speaker 1: there right. You get the fire extinguisher out and you're 447 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:02,880 Speaker 1: waiting for the lames to blow and things to shut down, 448 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,359 Speaker 1: and we're hundred miles from the ship and we're like, God, 449 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,399 Speaker 1: I was like getting into my gear. I was like 450 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,480 Speaker 1: I was getting into my gear. Told the pilots of 451 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,480 Speaker 1: somebody to get my wes. You dont case, you have 452 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,639 Speaker 1: to go the water, and I'll have the rafts and 453 00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:18,000 Speaker 1: I'll try and get you guys out and we'll get 454 00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: our strokes and our radios up, and you know, the 455 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:21,719 Speaker 1: ship will be a couple of hours, but they'll get 456 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,160 Speaker 1: to us, and you know, just just relax and refine service. 457 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 1: I'm gonna put on my I'm gonna put on my 458 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:31,879 Speaker 1: WI gear anyway, So started opening up the doors so 459 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:35,440 Speaker 1: you can get out. Yeah, doing all that, doing all that, 460 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:38,160 Speaker 1: all that dish preparation, we're doing, you know, digital any 461 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 1: checklist and everything, and and then the ship turned the 462 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:43,440 Speaker 1: lights on for us and we're like to thank God, 463 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,359 Speaker 1: we're gonna get back on deck. And the thing about 464 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,560 Speaker 1: crashes are the usually very simple things are not like 465 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,679 Speaker 1: things you could predict. They end up being these small 466 00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 1: takes a month to figure out what it was, and 467 00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:58,840 Speaker 1: when they do, you go, that's what brought down the helicopter. Jeez, 468 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,600 Speaker 1: you know, Tom, it doesn't end up being a big thing, 469 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 1: ends up being something relatively minor. And you think it 470 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 1: took this whole aircraft there so um and you do 471 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:12,600 Speaker 1: you feel it every every major incident is a result 472 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:16,120 Speaker 1: of Swiss cheese effect, where its four small things coming 473 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: in line to cause the problem. It's not one major thing. Yeah, 474 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:22,080 Speaker 1: and you just sit there and the aircraft and have 475 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,399 Speaker 1: to like wait for it to happen or not happen. 476 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,240 Speaker 1: But it's always there in your head. You always feel 477 00:24:27,240 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 1: great when you get back on the deck. You are 478 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:31,440 Speaker 1: that you're feeling when the rotors turned down. All you 479 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:34,159 Speaker 1: hear is just the whine of the headphones. It's like 480 00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,200 Speaker 1: dead silent. You have to take kind of a minute 481 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,919 Speaker 1: to just because you're have that whole thing of noise 482 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,160 Speaker 1: and vibration and all of that, and it's like dead 483 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,879 Speaker 1: quiet except just for a little feedback in the in 484 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 1: the headphones of your helmet. There's I still remember that feeling. 485 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:50,920 Speaker 1: It's like it's always like thirty seconds or so. We 486 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:55,119 Speaker 1: just kind of sit there and yeah, we did it. 487 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:58,520 Speaker 1: We're not dead today. Good job, sir, you didn't kill 488 00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,520 Speaker 1: us all. That's a concept that had a hard time 489 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:04,760 Speaker 1: explaining when I got back. It's like flying a helicopter. 490 00:25:04,840 --> 00:25:07,880 Speaker 1: Strate everytime you fly, and it's and you always think 491 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,120 Speaker 1: you're gonna die. And it's different because it's not like, oh, 492 00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,920 Speaker 1: I'm gonna die right now. It's like you have a 493 00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,720 Speaker 1: solid forty minutes to an hour thinking about how you're 494 00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:19,159 Speaker 1: gonna die. That sucks with you. I don't know, imagine 495 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 1: just spending for an hour straight on th I'm gonna die. 496 00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,359 Speaker 1: I have a long time to think about that. That 497 00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:27,080 Speaker 1: that'll bess ship. Yeah, it's like getting a death sentence 498 00:25:27,119 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 1: and a reprieve every day. Right, the governor calls and 499 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:31,560 Speaker 1: tells you you don't have to you know, like an 500 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:34,520 Speaker 1: electric cute too. But you're right because all the losses 501 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:37,240 Speaker 1: tend to be at takeoffs and landings. It's once you're 502 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:40,200 Speaker 1: in the air, usually you're okay. It's the landings and 503 00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,320 Speaker 1: the takeoffs where it all seems to go bad, and 504 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,200 Speaker 1: and it goes bad very quickly. Um. I used to 505 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,439 Speaker 1: just tell myself, please just tell let me get knocked out, 506 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:52,280 Speaker 1: please let me be conscious. I can get out if 507 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,760 Speaker 1: i'm if I'm awake, I can get out. And um, 508 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,000 Speaker 1: but yeah, you're right, because you bad weather on the ship, 509 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,399 Speaker 1: you're gonna be taking off and you're like, okay, I 510 00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:03,920 Speaker 1: gotta be sweating mess and the landing's gonna takeoff, is 511 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,600 Speaker 1: gonna be okay, are we minimals on the weather? We 512 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,480 Speaker 1: okay on the weather in the wind, and you know, 513 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:10,639 Speaker 1: we'll be our eyes. You're gonna be sleep, you know, 514 00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,160 Speaker 1: and then you're coming back bad weather, safe thing at night, 515 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,440 Speaker 1: dexk pitching and you're sweating that for forty minutes. How's 516 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:19,160 Speaker 1: the landing gonna be? We're gonna be all right, We're 517 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,639 Speaker 1: gonna do it. Yeah, it's a it's a big relief 518 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: when you finally get on the deck and you're like 519 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 1: and then it's like, I'm on the flight schedule again 520 00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:30,480 Speaker 1: for the morning. Try yeah, try and go and get 521 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 1: four hours of sleep after that and then go flying it. Yeah. 522 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:35,639 Speaker 1: It's like sticking your head in the mouth of the 523 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,880 Speaker 1: line and like, okay, see you tomorrow. Right now we'll 524 00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,920 Speaker 1: be doing this all over again. Well I'm just getting 525 00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,040 Speaker 1: over surviving the last one and we gotta go right 526 00:26:42,080 --> 00:26:44,680 Speaker 1: back down. It is it's a it's a it's a 527 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:49,440 Speaker 1: you becoming near to certain risks, and after you get out, 528 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,480 Speaker 1: you and engage in risky behaviors because I think a 529 00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:54,480 Speaker 1: lot of times we have a hard time identifying real 530 00:26:54,640 --> 00:27:01,919 Speaker 1: risk and um motorcycles, you know, drinking more alcohol than 531 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 1: we should driving our cars too fast, getting into some 532 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,840 Speaker 1: like extreme sports and stuff. I mean, we're we're looking. 533 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,120 Speaker 1: We find a certain sense of meaning and in living 534 00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:15,600 Speaker 1: in that develope of danger and it's almost like you 535 00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,200 Speaker 1: get hooked on. It takes a while to get over it. 536 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:20,000 Speaker 1: It does. It takes a while, and it took a 537 00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: while for you. When you get out. You left the 538 00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:26,160 Speaker 1: you left the Navy. You decided not to relist. So yeah, 539 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:30,120 Speaker 1: tell me what tell me what shape you're thinking on that? Uh? Yeah, 540 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:34,000 Speaker 1: one one and done for me. Um, there's a couple 541 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,879 Speaker 1: of couple. Two of the biggest factors that made the 542 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,479 Speaker 1: decision for me was one my back was shot, dude. Um, 543 00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 1: my back was done by the time I got out. 544 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:44,120 Speaker 1: So two of those rescues I had were pretty big 545 00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 1: tomorrow guys and carrying them in a litter sint over 546 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 1: in the back of a helicopter, and that just did 547 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,080 Speaker 1: I felt that as soon as I picked them up 548 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,119 Speaker 1: as my backs now, So customer, I don't know if 549 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:56,560 Speaker 1: we can do that with this audience, but um, you 550 00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:00,480 Speaker 1: could come back. Yeah, my back was screwed. Um, it hurt, 551 00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:03,080 Speaker 1: It still hurts today. Um. And I was like, I 552 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,520 Speaker 1: can't do another two or flying and these things, and 553 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:09,720 Speaker 1: then two was um well am was well? Was? It 554 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,399 Speaker 1: was not fun? Man? I think I was out there 555 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:13,680 Speaker 1: with a lot of good guys. A lot of the 556 00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,199 Speaker 1: swimmers were good, but our command was terrible. We had 557 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:20,240 Speaker 1: a really terrible command. I guess for context. One time 558 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,480 Speaker 1: I put in for leave, it was denied eleven times, 559 00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:23,760 Speaker 1: and then we got to go and leave. I still 560 00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:28,040 Speaker 1: have all those eleven denials. Um, just because they would 561 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,400 Speaker 1: say we didn't have the meaning. We were undermanned out there, 562 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: so you didn't get to take leave out there, man. 563 00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,119 Speaker 1: And that's yeah. I've talked to that when we do 564 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:37,920 Speaker 1: these screenings. I brought that up. People like, no, you 565 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,760 Speaker 1: you're you're supposed to require to let people take leaving. Like, 566 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:43,080 Speaker 1: I don't know what to tell you, dude, When you're 567 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 1: that far away from the sea wall, when you're at 568 00:28:45,560 --> 00:28:47,360 Speaker 1: you're have a CEO that can just run with it 569 00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: ever he wants. You're not taking leave if he needs 570 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:52,920 Speaker 1: you there, you're not leaving. And I took leave twice 571 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:56,360 Speaker 1: a whole time I was out there, and that's not 572 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,480 Speaker 1: for not putting it in. So I was I was 573 00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:01,520 Speaker 1: pretty burnt out. It's burnt out that command and from 574 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,280 Speaker 1: my body didn't even give you a leave on the base. 575 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 1: They wouldn't even give you a cheo week break on 576 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: the base. You couldn't just like check into a hotel 577 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:10,480 Speaker 1: and and take two weeks to send yourself on the 578 00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,800 Speaker 1: beach in Spearfish. They wouldn't. They wouldn't grant leave. That's amazing, 579 00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 1: that's amazing. That's absolutely incredible. It could be just because 580 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 1: you're the up tempo of war. So they're like, hey, 581 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:26,120 Speaker 1: we got to see control squadrons and Afghanistan doing stuff 582 00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,640 Speaker 1: and we gotta put out just as hard. And but 583 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 1: also I think about cuts to the Navy because the 584 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:37,720 Speaker 1: personnel cuts to equipment. Um, they're shorter people. They're shorter people. 585 00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:42,680 Speaker 1: That sucks, man, because from what I can tell of you, 586 00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:44,400 Speaker 1: I think you're a great guy and the name shouldn't 587 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,320 Speaker 1: have done some more things to keep you around. They 588 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,320 Speaker 1: do burn guys out, so that's what Yeah, that's what 589 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,640 Speaker 1: we're trying to fix now, is make sure you guys 590 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,040 Speaker 1: don't get burned out and we keep assets in the military. Now, 591 00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,120 Speaker 1: there was there a sense of things to where you 592 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: kind of said yourself, Okay, I proved to myself what 593 00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:07,480 Speaker 1: I wanted to prove to myself by coming year. Maybe 594 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:09,400 Speaker 1: not in that respect. I mean I saw what it 595 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,400 Speaker 1: was about, and I felt like I did my time. 596 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 1: There's more along lines like I didn't. I feel like 597 00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,160 Speaker 1: I didn't need to I didn't need to do anything else. 598 00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:20,240 Speaker 1: You'll tell me earlier that you learned. You learned to 599 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:23,280 Speaker 1: sail in San Diego by taking boats out on the 600 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,320 Speaker 1: recreation side of the base. There's a couple of bucks 601 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:29,000 Speaker 1: in an hour after to go out and sail boat sailing, 602 00:30:29,120 --> 00:30:31,800 Speaker 1: help sailing, help you. And did you do a little 603 00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 1: that in Guam too? Was it? For sure? Yeah? I 604 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 1: learned to sail in San Diego the MWR program. You 605 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 1: can rent boats super cheap and they teach you to sail, 606 00:30:39,800 --> 00:30:41,760 Speaker 1: and you can do that with the buddies on the weekends. 607 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,880 Speaker 1: And then when I got to Guam, i'd still do that. 608 00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,080 Speaker 1: And then those two times I took leave um I 609 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,080 Speaker 1: went to Thailand and then Australia, and I'd sail as 610 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:53,480 Speaker 1: much as I could when I was out there. And 611 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:55,840 Speaker 1: then when we were stationed in Japan. So before we 612 00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:58,000 Speaker 1: go into ployments, we live in Japan. We were station 613 00:30:58,040 --> 00:31:02,280 Speaker 1: in Uikuni at the Wrine Air stationed down there. I'd 614 00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:04,840 Speaker 1: sail out of there a lout a bit, which is beautiful. Man. 615 00:31:04,880 --> 00:31:08,280 Speaker 1: I didn't know Japan had such beautiful islands out there. Yeah, 616 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,840 Speaker 1: they're gorgeous. Um, they've had a lot of time to 617 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:15,719 Speaker 1: rebuild them since since the work. Um. When you got 618 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:19,880 Speaker 1: out of the navy, what year was that seen? Similar 619 00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:25,240 Speaker 1: to L sixteen so and that would have put you gosh, 620 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:27,280 Speaker 1: you were twenty two, twenty three years old. Then right, 621 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:32,080 Speaker 1: you come back to Texas, back to the home country. Yep, 622 00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 1: back to the motherland. Um. Yeah, and then um, about 623 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:42,080 Speaker 1: to two months out, Um, I started noticing my body 624 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: was was was weird man. Um. So when I was 625 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,240 Speaker 1: in I never had any of these issues. Um. And 626 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:51,280 Speaker 1: I always felt like I could keep my mind and 627 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,200 Speaker 1: my body compartmentalized. I mean you full, you'd have that 628 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:56,600 Speaker 1: saying all the time and compart compartmentalize everything going on 629 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:58,040 Speaker 1: around you, what you did the day before so you 630 00:31:58,040 --> 00:32:00,040 Speaker 1: can focus on your flight. And then I think and 631 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,760 Speaker 1: I got out, it finally all kind of caught up 632 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:04,800 Speaker 1: to me, and that hit me in about the two 633 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:08,280 Speaker 1: month mark. Um, I would be sitting around not doing 634 00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,160 Speaker 1: anything at all, and nobody would be around me. I 635 00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:12,040 Speaker 1: wouldn't be in a store with a house or driving 636 00:32:12,160 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 1: or something. And for no reason at all, adrenaline and 637 00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,160 Speaker 1: just started running through my body. And and I didn't 638 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:19,400 Speaker 1: I didn't know why. Um. That happened a couple of 639 00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,880 Speaker 1: times and I was like, this is this is problem. 640 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,200 Speaker 1: So this never used to happen to me. Um, some 641 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:29,680 Speaker 1: your your body is still on your flight schedule. Yeah, yes, 642 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:33,280 Speaker 1: since takeoffs and landings and like giving the adrenaline of 643 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:36,080 Speaker 1: the racing heartbeat, we're about to take off. So yeah, 644 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:39,360 Speaker 1: so there we actually did a lot of Stephen did um. 645 00:32:39,560 --> 00:32:41,920 Speaker 1: Stephen the guy I did the trip with Hillar I 646 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:46,760 Speaker 1: sees um. His whole academic career was based on combat 647 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: veterans returning back to the States, what the bodies go through. 648 00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,640 Speaker 1: So he had his PhD in that. Yeah, and and 649 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,160 Speaker 1: um all the research he did, and it really shows 650 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:58,560 Speaker 1: that when your body operates on that level level for 651 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:00,920 Speaker 1: years on and always thinking you're in and die, right, 652 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 1: and that a bunch of journaling run through your body, 653 00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,920 Speaker 1: it doesn't just turn off. So when you go live 654 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,720 Speaker 1: a slower pace, your body is still used to operating 655 00:33:08,800 --> 00:33:11,880 Speaker 1: at that tempersso will still release journaling for no reason 656 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,360 Speaker 1: at all, because that's what it used to do to 657 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,840 Speaker 1: keep you alive. Uh, I had no idea, and that's 658 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,960 Speaker 1: scart to ship out of me. And and then with 659 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:22,080 Speaker 1: that and you know, then you're getting mad paste off 660 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:25,240 Speaker 1: all time and you had had a real problem come 661 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 1: back Veneran. Suicide in this country is a major issue, 662 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:34,040 Speaker 1: um upwards, with twenty two veterans a day commit suicide 663 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,240 Speaker 1: every every day in this country, and are an awful 664 00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,480 Speaker 1: lot of organizations that are working to try and mitigate 665 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:47,400 Speaker 1: and reduce that reduced that risk of suicide among former citiers, 666 00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,400 Speaker 1: and that wasn't any different for you. Tell at one 667 00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,880 Speaker 1: point you had a very very bad day and you 668 00:33:55,000 --> 00:34:01,160 Speaker 1: put a gun to your head and you pulled the trigger. Yeah, 669 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:05,920 Speaker 1: I got there. Um, I'm not proud of it. And 670 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:09,879 Speaker 1: it's still especially when these screenings and relive the most 671 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,360 Speaker 1: embarrassing norment of your life over and over again. It sucks. 672 00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:15,880 Speaker 1: But um, when I got there, when I got that 673 00:34:16,000 --> 00:34:20,319 Speaker 1: low dude, I'm just I broke down in tears because 674 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,040 Speaker 1: I didn't want like John and Cal and had my buddies. 675 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:25,720 Speaker 1: I was overseas with the field that alone like they didn't. 676 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:32,120 Speaker 1: There was no other way to live through this. Yeh yes, 677 00:34:32,200 --> 00:34:35,279 Speaker 1: So that's so that's how Hell I See started, and 678 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:37,920 Speaker 1: that's why we set off for Cape Horn to kind 679 00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:40,800 Speaker 1: of document what was going on with my body and 680 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,080 Speaker 1: when I was so they could see that they were alone, 681 00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:48,400 Speaker 1: and a minor miracle um when you pulled that trigger, 682 00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 1: there was some sort of misfire and malfunction. The primer 683 00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,920 Speaker 1: did not actually that charge, and it did not put 684 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:58,200 Speaker 1: a bullet into your head, and you had a moment 685 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,480 Speaker 1: to pause and think about what you were going to 686 00:35:01,560 --> 00:35:03,960 Speaker 1: do going forward after this sort of second chance was 687 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:09,120 Speaker 1: given to you by divine providence or by pure, pure 688 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,680 Speaker 1: happenstance and luck, because I assume you know how to 689 00:35:12,719 --> 00:35:15,120 Speaker 1: take care of a weapon. It should have gone off right, 690 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:20,560 Speaker 1: it should something should have happened. So something saved you, 691 00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:24,040 Speaker 1: and you decided, Okay, if I'm not going to die, 692 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:28,680 Speaker 1: I better get on with living. And you decided to 693 00:35:28,719 --> 00:35:31,799 Speaker 1: buy a sailboat. You bought a put twenty grand into 694 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:36,000 Speaker 1: a used sailboat and decided you were in sail around 695 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:41,200 Speaker 1: Cape Horn in it, which is like suicide by another means. 696 00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,719 Speaker 1: As I've watched the original part of the digres, like, Okay, 697 00:35:44,840 --> 00:35:47,239 Speaker 1: he's just gonna kill itself a different way trying to 698 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:50,640 Speaker 1: do this. What what was it about Cape Horn that 699 00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,759 Speaker 1: excited your imagination and made you say, this is the 700 00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,080 Speaker 1: quest I have to I have to fulfill. I've got 701 00:35:56,160 --> 00:36:00,280 Speaker 1: to go to the forest and of South America between 702 00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,480 Speaker 1: between the Devil and Deep Blue Sea or so to 703 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 1: find my find my life again. Tell me about that, Yeah, 704 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,800 Speaker 1: to bring it back a few steps. I didn't. I 705 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,360 Speaker 1: still after the round didn't go off, I didn't. I 706 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,080 Speaker 1: didn't give a shit about living. I don't care about 707 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,400 Speaker 1: being in this world more. That didn't change. So it 708 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:20,279 Speaker 1: wasn't It wasn't like a I need to start living 709 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,719 Speaker 1: now kind of thing. And I wasn't happy. I wasn't 710 00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:26,080 Speaker 1: happy that I didn't go off. It really wasn't genuinely, 711 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:29,400 Speaker 1: and but I I I wanted to make sure that 712 00:36:30,120 --> 00:36:32,759 Speaker 1: that the guys didn't go through that. That was the 713 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:35,239 Speaker 1: only thing that I came away from that with was 714 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:37,360 Speaker 1: I wanted to make sure nobody else ended up like 715 00:36:37,480 --> 00:36:43,279 Speaker 1: that and felt that way because you feel pretty funck alone. Yeah, so, 716 00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:48,279 Speaker 1: um Stevens actually one that who kept me alive? Man. 717 00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:50,040 Speaker 1: I credit that to him for sure, because I call 718 00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:53,200 Speaker 1: him and talk about his research and um, everything he's 719 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,600 Speaker 1: seen with the comment bets, he's he's interviewed coming back 720 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:58,680 Speaker 1: and he's like, dude, everything you're saying, he's exactly what 721 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:02,000 Speaker 1: every single person of every need and said, what's happening 722 00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:05,120 Speaker 1: in your body where your mind's at. It's like, what 723 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:07,239 Speaker 1: the what the hell dude, how come we don't know this? 724 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 1: You know? How come this isn't common knowledge that this 725 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:10,759 Speaker 1: is what it's going to be like when you get out. 726 00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:16,120 Speaker 1: And so that's when the conversation started, was like, well, 727 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:19,719 Speaker 1: let's use this and reach every guy getting out of military, 728 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,200 Speaker 1: and um, that's what we kind of decided was the 729 00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:24,719 Speaker 1: only way to do that this day and age is 730 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:29,160 Speaker 1: through through media, through film. Um, So we decided to 731 00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:31,759 Speaker 1: do something in this world that we could film and 732 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,680 Speaker 1: talk about PTSD and how to fix your body on 733 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 1: a physiological level. And we're like, well, if we're gonna 734 00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:42,160 Speaker 1: film something, it's got to be pretty badass and people 735 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:43,480 Speaker 1: are gonna have to want to watch it if they're 736 00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,399 Speaker 1: gonna pay atention. And so we're like, well, you see, 737 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,560 Speaker 1: they're gonna be Mount Everest or Cape Horn and they're like, 738 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:50,520 Speaker 1: well amount Everest. You know, you pay some money to 739 00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:51,920 Speaker 1: carry your stuff at the top of the mountain and 740 00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,680 Speaker 1: you take a month off and go do it. I 741 00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:57,600 Speaker 1: think it's gonna be Cape Horn. So we decided on 742 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:00,279 Speaker 1: Cape Horn. And yeah, then that's when I got the 743 00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:06,239 Speaker 1: boat and picture up, cinematography, start filming. Yeah, the cinematography 744 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:09,040 Speaker 1: is beautiful. Some of the footage you captured the wave 745 00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:12,560 Speaker 1: actually was just I mean my head was rocket. I 746 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,960 Speaker 1: felt myself like, you know, leaning into the leaning into 747 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:19,160 Speaker 1: the into the c state there. Uh. Your footage in 748 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:22,200 Speaker 1: Patagonia was beautiful. I was like, it looks like Norway, 749 00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:24,800 Speaker 1: you know, like the glaciers in the fields. It was like, 750 00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:27,680 Speaker 1: look sudden Norway. It was. It was absolutely gorgeous. But 751 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,400 Speaker 1: you had on this journey. It took you. It was 752 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:35,759 Speaker 1: over a year, wasn't it. Yeah, just almost two years. Yeah, 753 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:40,239 Speaker 1: and I left in two nineteen and this was the 754 00:38:40,280 --> 00:38:45,000 Speaker 1: biggest boat you would ever sailed. But yeah, I guess 755 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,480 Speaker 1: that's fair, say yeah, yeah, So those of you, those 756 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,880 Speaker 1: of you are listening, you have what amounts to a 757 00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:55,960 Speaker 1: novice sailor taking a fiberglass bottom boat, and normally you 758 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,360 Speaker 1: would want it to meet up steal rocks and wave 759 00:38:59,440 --> 00:39:02,760 Speaker 1: action that batter a boat like that to two pieces. 760 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,840 Speaker 1: And he sailed at and he sailed at six thousand miles. 761 00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:10,880 Speaker 1: He said about the about the milet six under just 762 00:39:11,120 --> 00:39:14,359 Speaker 1: under ten thousand miles through probably what is the most 763 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:19,160 Speaker 1: treacherous passage of water in the entire world. And I 764 00:39:19,239 --> 00:39:23,080 Speaker 1: gotta tell you it's an amazing fee. I wonder if 765 00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:25,360 Speaker 1: you still understand just what an incredible thing it was 766 00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:29,200 Speaker 1: that you guys actually pulled off, because I watched the documentaries, like, 767 00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,560 Speaker 1: I don't think they understand what they just did. They 768 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:36,200 Speaker 1: just sailed thousand miles on a rich cracker around around 769 00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:41,040 Speaker 1: Cape Born and lived. It's absolutely amazing. I kept thinking 770 00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:45,920 Speaker 1: watching in the documentary, folks is UM, Hello High Seas, 771 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:50,360 Speaker 1: and we're gonna arrange for screening some of our members 772 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:53,960 Speaker 1: for you guys to watch this UM and I've been 773 00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,360 Speaker 1: working with your people on this. We're gonna range for 774 00:39:56,400 --> 00:40:00,320 Speaker 1: a screening. Tails also got a veterans organization or he 775 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,880 Speaker 1: is wanted to take veterans coming back out of the 776 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,280 Speaker 1: militarian and help them in their transition back to civilian 777 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:12,680 Speaker 1: life by adventure therapy UM by sailing. And also I 778 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:15,520 Speaker 1: think there's a sense of crew that that you miss 779 00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:18,520 Speaker 1: when you get out of the military, very close relationships 780 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:20,640 Speaker 1: among the guys we serve with, and when when you're 781 00:40:20,680 --> 00:40:22,279 Speaker 1: cut off from him, you're cut off him. It's like 782 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:25,200 Speaker 1: when you step off, you step outside the veil again, 783 00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:28,840 Speaker 1: you're a civilian. They're still in and there's a divide 784 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:34,600 Speaker 1: there and it's a it's a weird feeling. Um. So 785 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:38,120 Speaker 1: having that sort of crew of guys of who are 786 00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:41,399 Speaker 1: veterans to reassociate with and and rebuild yourself around your 787 00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,000 Speaker 1: tribes and speak, I think it's a very important part 788 00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,759 Speaker 1: of that veterans transition. So I can see what you're 789 00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:49,480 Speaker 1: doing is is going to be very helpful to guys. 790 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:51,719 Speaker 1: So we'll be looking to raising modest sum of money 791 00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,120 Speaker 1: to help his help this organization. You also have a 792 00:40:54,200 --> 00:40:57,879 Speaker 1: lot of tequila out um that you guys are doing, 793 00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,880 Speaker 1: which I'm surprised it isn't wrong giving your sailors. It 794 00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:05,200 Speaker 1: really should be. It should be rung. Yeah, tell us 795 00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,919 Speaker 1: the name of the tequila where people can get it. Yeah, 796 00:41:07,960 --> 00:41:11,600 Speaker 1: it's called Cape Porn Tequila. And uh, it's not on 797 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:13,920 Speaker 1: the shelf yet, So my bottles are stuck in that 798 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:18,719 Speaker 1: traffic jm Off, California. Uh, look at December tenth is 799 00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:20,400 Speaker 1: our day is supposed to be November one, but we 800 00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:22,719 Speaker 1: got pushed back a month before. We get bottles here 801 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:26,560 Speaker 1: um and you're usually the proceeds of that to fund 802 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:28,840 Speaker 1: the proof. Oh yeah, man, Yeah, that was one of 803 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,759 Speaker 1: the biggest things on our expedition was let's keep it 804 00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,480 Speaker 1: at going. So we had a lot of we had 805 00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:36,359 Speaker 1: a couple of sponsors that we were out there kind 806 00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:38,200 Speaker 1: of left the high dry and we were in a 807 00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:40,120 Speaker 1: bad spot. So when we were down around Cape Horn, 808 00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:42,279 Speaker 1: you know, another one of those moments you know when 809 00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:44,440 Speaker 1: you're flying you think you're gonna die. We were on 810 00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:46,600 Speaker 1: a boat and we're all we're pretty sure we're gonna die, 811 00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:49,080 Speaker 1: and we're like, well, if we may get back live, 812 00:41:49,120 --> 00:41:51,320 Speaker 1: what are you canna do? And ron was was to 813 00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:54,200 Speaker 1: keep these going and start a company to do that. 814 00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:57,400 Speaker 1: And so that's the Cape Porn Tequila and funds are 815 00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:00,279 Speaker 1: veteran expeditions. Once we get him on the shelves, you 816 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,520 Speaker 1: guys have really you've got to watch this document because 817 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:05,600 Speaker 1: I'm a sailor myself. I began sailing in middle school 818 00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:09,439 Speaker 1: in Miami and coconut growth and crewede on a boat 819 00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:13,600 Speaker 1: that sailed in the in the Bbahama Islands for oh gosh, 820 00:42:13,640 --> 00:42:16,239 Speaker 1: I just three different summers I spent out there and 821 00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,359 Speaker 1: there were some moments of your journey there where I thought, 822 00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,839 Speaker 1: I know, they're not going to die, but they really 823 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:25,040 Speaker 1: should die because they're doing something that is like super dangerous. 824 00:42:25,520 --> 00:42:27,279 Speaker 1: You know, the jib boom break for you had to 825 00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:29,839 Speaker 1: ascend the mask to the Poston's chair in a high 826 00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:33,279 Speaker 1: sea state, adding about a hundred eighty pounds the top 827 00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,440 Speaker 1: weight to the top of your mask. While you were 828 00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,200 Speaker 1: securing that jim boo. When I was like, okay, this 829 00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:40,400 Speaker 1: is dangerous, you got thrown. You guys got thrown overboard 830 00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:43,480 Speaker 1: at one point where where the nose died into a wave. 831 00:42:43,600 --> 00:42:46,080 Speaker 1: You you and your the other stars from you guys 832 00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,879 Speaker 1: were out. There's two stars froms you know in that movie. 833 00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:51,600 Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, it's like I've seen 834 00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:56,160 Speaker 1: and you guys got washed off the boat at one 835 00:42:56,200 --> 00:42:57,719 Speaker 1: point I think you were trying to secure the jib 836 00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:01,240 Speaker 1: or something with Joe Mainzel try put down front a storm, 837 00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:03,400 Speaker 1: and you guys pulled yourself back in. You had a 838 00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,040 Speaker 1: harrowing experience with pirates in the middle of the night 839 00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:11,880 Speaker 1: where a a storm basically rolled over you, the clouds 840 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:14,640 Speaker 1: covered the moon, and I mean there's some like great 841 00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:18,160 Speaker 1: stuff in this that you had. This incredible I mean, 842 00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:20,040 Speaker 1: the only thing that didn't happen, you didn't get run 843 00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:23,239 Speaker 1: over by a tanker. It was like, I was like, 844 00:43:24,680 --> 00:43:27,160 Speaker 1: we had a couple of those close calls. You had 845 00:43:27,239 --> 00:43:31,000 Speaker 1: the Homebolt Kurt track seven miles out into the Pacific 846 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:33,520 Speaker 1: off of Chile E and I was like, that's a 847 00:43:33,600 --> 00:43:35,960 Speaker 1: long way to be in that boat because what was that? 848 00:43:36,080 --> 00:43:42,400 Speaker 1: What was the boat? And in the video, dude, it 849 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:44,480 Speaker 1: just looks like a bathtub on those ways. I mean, 850 00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:46,920 Speaker 1: it is such a spec The drone foot that you 851 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,960 Speaker 1: guys had was great, um, because I was like, this 852 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:52,279 Speaker 1: gut to be drowning foots a drone the Flying Mother. 853 00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:56,319 Speaker 1: You guys run out of food, you run out of water, Um, 854 00:43:57,320 --> 00:43:59,319 Speaker 1: you gotta you had a You did a go fund 855 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:02,600 Speaker 1: me when you were basically stranded, and gosh, you raised 856 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:04,920 Speaker 1: your goal in like a week. People through the money. 857 00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:07,520 Speaker 1: People were at you there to help you get you know, 858 00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:10,160 Speaker 1: to keep your going. It was really there was really 859 00:44:10,200 --> 00:44:14,920 Speaker 1: an incredible outpouring of support from the people watching you 860 00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:18,080 Speaker 1: on the journey. A lot of active duty guys contributed 861 00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:20,279 Speaker 1: to that, and then a lot of our community in 862 00:44:20,440 --> 00:44:24,680 Speaker 1: Santonio and UM College Station and UM and well met 863 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,440 Speaker 1: well Med's this healthcare group. They they're one of our 864 00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:31,440 Speaker 1: big sponsors as well. That's that was one of the 865 00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:33,360 Speaker 1: coolest moments of the triple seeing everybody kind of come 866 00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,800 Speaker 1: together and realized that this needed to be done. You 867 00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:39,080 Speaker 1: need to be talked about. You have a pt you 868 00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:42,600 Speaker 1: have a PTSD diagnosis. I'm assuming with the v A. 869 00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:46,800 Speaker 1: I'm assuming you probably also have some disability because of 870 00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,120 Speaker 1: your back also with the v A. Do you want 871 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:50,800 Speaker 1: to talk about a little bit about dealing with the 872 00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,480 Speaker 1: VA and how that experience has been, any anything you 873 00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:57,080 Speaker 1: can tell people about listens learning about things that they did. 874 00:44:58,000 --> 00:44:59,640 Speaker 1: I don't know have anything good to say about the 875 00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:05,520 Speaker 1: VA if you're looking for that. That was part of 876 00:45:05,560 --> 00:45:08,600 Speaker 1: the problem. Man. Whenever I got to Pensacola, M and 877 00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,640 Speaker 1: I started going through all this and I had a problem. 878 00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:12,000 Speaker 1: I went to the v A and I checked in 879 00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:17,239 Speaker 1: and I saw a psychiatrist and UM diagnosed me and said, well, 880 00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:19,320 Speaker 1: the next time we can get you in is in 881 00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,879 Speaker 1: four or six months, and I was like, I've told 882 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:24,680 Speaker 1: her in that moment, I was like, what the hell 883 00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:27,880 Speaker 1: am I gonna do myself in four six months? For real? Well, 884 00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,919 Speaker 1: what's gonna happen? You know? Um? So I left, Dude, 885 00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,319 Speaker 1: I got out of there, and VA is not gonna help, 886 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:37,920 Speaker 1: you know, we gotta do this ourselves. And and kind 887 00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:41,319 Speaker 1: of not related, but that's kind of what I think. 888 00:45:41,400 --> 00:45:44,279 Speaker 1: When you see all these nonprofits popping up to stop 889 00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:46,719 Speaker 1: energy side PTSD, it's not because they want to do 890 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:49,400 Speaker 1: it's because there's a need, because guys who killed themselves 891 00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,439 Speaker 1: and nothing's being done because there's a six month weight 892 00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:54,239 Speaker 1: at the VA to get help. Uh. I think that 893 00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:56,920 Speaker 1: says it in itself. How how much the VA is lacking. 894 00:45:57,040 --> 00:45:58,759 Speaker 1: And I don't think it's the people that worked there. 895 00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,880 Speaker 1: People that I worked that I worked with are awesome, 896 00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:05,280 Speaker 1: are great. It's overwhelmed, man. They got there's nineteen million 897 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,400 Speaker 1: veterans in the States. How many of the A stations 898 00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:12,400 Speaker 1: are there. It's ridiculous solutions around the country and they 899 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:14,719 Speaker 1: don't seem to be able to see anybody, which is like, 900 00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:19,080 Speaker 1: how what are they doing? Still? I have that in Houston, Dude. 901 00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:20,800 Speaker 1: It's one of the big ones. I went to Houston, 902 00:46:21,200 --> 00:46:23,600 Speaker 1: like for my back. For instance, I went to I 903 00:46:23,680 --> 00:46:25,239 Speaker 1: know where just bitching. Now. I don't hate doing this, 904 00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:30,160 Speaker 1: but I think guys they get out. So I went 905 00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,840 Speaker 1: to get a m r A Um, I think the 906 00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:36,520 Speaker 1: Baky down downtown Houston, and they said, okay, you can 907 00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,600 Speaker 1: come up with three months while I have opening for you. Okay, 908 00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,239 Speaker 1: So so I don't. I don't want to go already, right, 909 00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,920 Speaker 1: Samantha UM just telling me. She's like, you need to go, 910 00:46:44,080 --> 00:46:50,000 Speaker 1: and you go get it. Um, yeah, sorry, And you 911 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:51,440 Speaker 1: know she's she doesn't want to pushing me to go 912 00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:52,719 Speaker 1: to v A. I don't want to work with the 913 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:55,839 Speaker 1: v A because it's always been a negative experience. So like, okay, fine, 914 00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:57,600 Speaker 1: all right, I'll go get a set up. I'll go 915 00:46:57,920 --> 00:47:00,200 Speaker 1: go through the process. They're like, okay, three months, got 916 00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:04,200 Speaker 1: you That day comes, dude, well there was the day 917 00:47:04,239 --> 00:47:06,000 Speaker 1: before I was supposed to go. I get a letter 918 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,600 Speaker 1: and mail it says my employments canceled for no reason. 919 00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:11,399 Speaker 1: He just says, applotment's canceled. I've been waited for three months. 920 00:47:11,440 --> 00:47:14,280 Speaker 1: Go to say, um, there was no explanation or anything. 921 00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:18,080 Speaker 1: So I haven't I haven't tried again since then. Um, 922 00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:21,760 Speaker 1: it's a it's a mess. So that's why I'm pretty adamant. 923 00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:23,800 Speaker 1: I'm doing this ourselves and taking care of guys ourselves, 924 00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:25,239 Speaker 1: and then it needs to be done because there's a 925 00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:27,799 Speaker 1: lot of guys like that that just getting pushed under 926 00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:30,399 Speaker 1: and not get any help. There's a suddinly the things 927 00:47:30,480 --> 00:47:32,239 Speaker 1: that veterans are the guys who should be doing that, 928 00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:35,799 Speaker 1: because yeah, because we have an insight into this, that's 929 00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:40,560 Speaker 1: that's very different than the especially when you've experienced I 930 00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:42,759 Speaker 1: gotta make a confession. And we talked about this a 931 00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:45,640 Speaker 1: bit before the break, but when I was in the military, 932 00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:51,480 Speaker 1: PTSD existed and we did not um acknowledge it for 933 00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:54,839 Speaker 1: what it was, and it was downplayed. You were living 934 00:47:54,880 --> 00:47:56,719 Speaker 1: in a culture in which you just couldn't say no 935 00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,439 Speaker 1: to things. You didn't show any fear, you didn't balk 936 00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:03,200 Speaker 1: at anything, You charged straight ahead and whatever the challenge was, 937 00:48:03,880 --> 00:48:07,239 Speaker 1: you went after it. And if somebody, if somebody got 938 00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:11,680 Speaker 1: a little um a wobble, as we used to say, um, 939 00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:14,120 Speaker 1: we looked at that as being well, the guy just 940 00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:18,640 Speaker 1: can't hack. And that's that's still a problem today. And 941 00:48:18,960 --> 00:48:22,960 Speaker 1: it's not about weakness it's about. And then I told 942 00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:26,319 Speaker 1: you I I had nightmares for a couple of months 943 00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:27,960 Speaker 1: after I got it was a recurring nightmare of the 944 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:30,040 Speaker 1: aircraft crashing in the water and I couldn't get out 945 00:48:30,520 --> 00:48:32,800 Speaker 1: and I would wake up. I never knew that to 946 00:48:32,880 --> 00:48:35,120 Speaker 1: be what I thought it was. I mean, I never 947 00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:36,840 Speaker 1: knew what it was. I just knew I'd had these 948 00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:40,319 Speaker 1: nightmares and I didn't shuffle them and drink a little 949 00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:43,640 Speaker 1: harder about your motorcycle a little faster, and I hope 950 00:48:43,680 --> 00:48:46,759 Speaker 1: it doesn't come back. And then it did. Subsided And 951 00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:49,200 Speaker 1: about twenty years later, somebody sent me a video very 952 00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,279 Speaker 1: very hard landing of a helicopter in bad weather and 953 00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:57,200 Speaker 1: I had a full blown, cold, sweat, heart racing, short 954 00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:59,239 Speaker 1: dis breath. Thought I was having a heart attack and 955 00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:01,719 Speaker 1: didn't know what it us, and then realized what it was. 956 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:05,839 Speaker 1: I was having a flashback to that experience. My body 957 00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:08,680 Speaker 1: was reacting to the video as if I was going 958 00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:11,239 Speaker 1: through the experience again, and it was very disorienting for 959 00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:14,279 Speaker 1: about two minutes while I thought what is happening? And 960 00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:17,360 Speaker 1: the way I got through is I kept watching the 961 00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:19,960 Speaker 1: video over and over and over to sort of like 962 00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:23,600 Speaker 1: make it go away, and I would each time the 963 00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:26,040 Speaker 1: symptoms would get lower and lower and lower to where 964 00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:28,400 Speaker 1: I can watch it now without this lump in my 965 00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:31,719 Speaker 1: chest and this fear, because you do you feel it. 966 00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:34,839 Speaker 1: I could feel myself in that aircraft trying to make 967 00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:37,719 Speaker 1: that landing and thinking you're gonna die. This is not 968 00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:40,960 Speaker 1: going to go well, and they're filming it, so you're 969 00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,600 Speaker 1: gonna die and it's going to be a movie. Um. 970 00:49:44,600 --> 00:49:49,239 Speaker 1: And now I have a different appreciation for for PTSD. 971 00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:52,040 Speaker 1: But there is a culture. It's not just in It's 972 00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,920 Speaker 1: not just in civil society where people don't say a 973 00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:56,680 Speaker 1: lot of times in the military, we don't understand it either. 974 00:49:57,360 --> 00:50:00,040 Speaker 1: We see it right in front of us, and and 975 00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:03,520 Speaker 1: we don't They don't react properly to it. We don't 976 00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:06,759 Speaker 1: get these guys help and treatment. Um. I want to 977 00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,719 Speaker 1: go into something else here, because you know, standing on 978 00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:12,040 Speaker 1: the outside as a spectator in your life public life, 979 00:50:12,120 --> 00:50:15,480 Speaker 1: now you have a very public life. The movie Hell 980 00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:19,040 Speaker 1: of High Water is brutally honest. I mean, you're not 981 00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:24,640 Speaker 1: holding anything back. It's very very personal and even intimate. 982 00:50:24,680 --> 00:50:27,239 Speaker 1: I feel like I know you, even though I don't, um, 983 00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:30,200 Speaker 1: but I do know what it's like. To be you 984 00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:34,840 Speaker 1: in the context being a rescued and getting out of 985 00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:39,680 Speaker 1: the Navy is a journey from military serrespect to surveillan life. 986 00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,040 Speaker 1: And as I watched that movie in the aftermath of 987 00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:46,000 Speaker 1: what happened, I see you like going from I'm going 988 00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:49,080 Speaker 1: to drink this bottle of tequil and shoot myself to 989 00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:53,600 Speaker 1: I've sailed the Horn of Africa. I have a successful 990 00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:57,920 Speaker 1: foundation to help other metrics. I'm married, I have a 991 00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:02,280 Speaker 1: two year old daughter. Dude, you you've you've made the journey. 992 00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:04,480 Speaker 1: You're you're back. Do you feel that way? Do you 993 00:51:04,560 --> 00:51:08,920 Speaker 1: feel like you're back? I want to live in this 994 00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:12,239 Speaker 1: world again. I'm for sure. I still have my days. 995 00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,680 Speaker 1: That's that's uh, that's I don't think that's gonna go away. 996 00:51:15,719 --> 00:51:18,359 Speaker 1: But I know that this world's worth living in again. 997 00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,480 Speaker 1: And I learned that on the trip. And that's why 998 00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:23,520 Speaker 1: I started the Sailing Foundation because I want other guys 999 00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,600 Speaker 1: to see that. But when you live in those storms 1000 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,719 Speaker 1: and then you see sunrise come out, or you go 1001 00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:31,600 Speaker 1: hike some glacier that nobody's ever seen before in their life, 1002 00:51:32,800 --> 00:51:34,680 Speaker 1: makes you want to live, makes you want to be 1003 00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:36,839 Speaker 1: a part of this world again. I found that out 1004 00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:40,000 Speaker 1: there so well. Now you get that. Now you get 1005 00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:43,120 Speaker 1: that two year old man right, and to her, you 1006 00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:47,400 Speaker 1: are the world. You know, you are the world. Yeah, No, 1007 00:51:48,440 --> 00:51:51,520 Speaker 1: I gotta say I know. I gotta say that. So 1008 00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:55,279 Speaker 1: much of the coverage of post traumatic stress disorder and 1009 00:51:55,400 --> 00:52:00,160 Speaker 1: veterans issues is about the guys who die, and but 1010 00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:02,640 Speaker 1: I think there needs to be more emphasis placed on 1011 00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:05,120 Speaker 1: the guys who live, the guys who walk up to 1012 00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:07,000 Speaker 1: the edge of that cliff and decide not to step 1013 00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:10,279 Speaker 1: off of it, turn their lives around and get on 1014 00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:13,160 Speaker 1: with living and make the best of their lives. And 1015 00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:17,560 Speaker 1: I think given the challenges and struggles that that you've 1016 00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:21,320 Speaker 1: dealt with, I wish I could shake your hand and 1017 00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:24,480 Speaker 1: give your best, because you've you're doing it. Man. You 1018 00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:27,960 Speaker 1: step back away and you're you're on the right, you're 1019 00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:31,680 Speaker 1: back on course again. Rights that you're out of that 1020 00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:35,160 Speaker 1: duld room, and you've got a purpose and meaning, you've 1021 00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:37,360 Speaker 1: got wind in your sales again, and you've got a 1022 00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,080 Speaker 1: sense of direction and purpose back in your life. And 1023 00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:42,600 Speaker 1: so many guys don't get that. And you see him, 1024 00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:46,320 Speaker 1: you know, sitting in their garage just drinking beer and 1025 00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:48,920 Speaker 1: not living, and you're out there getting after it, and 1026 00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:52,200 Speaker 1: you know from from one sword or another man, I'm 1027 00:52:52,239 --> 00:52:55,120 Speaker 1: just like, you're doing a good thing. You're doing great 1028 00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:59,160 Speaker 1: and I'm proud of I'm proud of what you've been 1029 00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:00,960 Speaker 1: able to do, what you've been able to accomplish. And 1030 00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:03,600 Speaker 1: I think there's more there for you. I think there's 1031 00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:07,480 Speaker 1: more coming from you. Um we I'll get you a 1032 00:53:07,520 --> 00:53:09,600 Speaker 1: link to high Mountain Heroes. We did a documentary on 1033 00:53:09,719 --> 00:53:12,920 Speaker 1: quick Guys in the Alps, very similar to the same 1034 00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,160 Speaker 1: kind of experiences for the same reasons you know about 1035 00:53:15,160 --> 00:53:21,400 Speaker 1: reconnecting to living again through through nature. So uh, I 1036 00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:22,759 Speaker 1: don't want to keep it too long. I know your 1037 00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:25,760 Speaker 1: daughter is napping, she's gonna pop any minute, and started 1038 00:53:25,880 --> 00:53:28,720 Speaker 1: saving off. I just want to say what a pleasure 1039 00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,479 Speaker 1: that has been to um to talk with you today. 1040 00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:33,920 Speaker 1: And I hope our hope, our readers come away with 1041 00:53:34,040 --> 00:53:36,520 Speaker 1: a better understanding of who you are. And it's just 1042 00:53:36,600 --> 00:53:39,239 Speaker 1: really had to PTSD and how to come back from 1043 00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:42,400 Speaker 1: that and how to rearrange your life find that redirected 1044 00:53:42,440 --> 00:53:45,600 Speaker 1: purpose towards living. Don't be one of those twenty two. 1045 00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:49,160 Speaker 1: Be one of the tens of thousands like Taylor who's 1046 00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,399 Speaker 1: who's back on course. Again and sailing into a nice 1047 00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:56,120 Speaker 1: into a nice southerly tack. I want us to stay 1048 00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:58,920 Speaker 1: in touch. I want us to say in touch. And 1049 00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:01,239 Speaker 1: you have an open vitation from me as editor in 1050 00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:04,160 Speaker 1: chief if you want to write anything for us, we'd 1051 00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:07,239 Speaker 1: be we'd be happy to publish it all right on man, 1052 00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:12,120 Speaker 1: Yeah Houston, right, yeah, I will. I have your email 1053 00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:16,359 Speaker 1: on your your cell phone. UM, I've got your stuff. 1054 00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:18,480 Speaker 1: I'll make sure you get a free UM hook up 1055 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,759 Speaker 1: with software UM as well so that you can you 1056 00:54:21,840 --> 00:54:27,480 Speaker 1: can be Yeah, and when that tequila arrives, let us 1057 00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:29,160 Speaker 1: know how we can you know, get a boller too 1058 00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:30,640 Speaker 1: it if I get one for me, I want you 1059 00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:33,800 Speaker 1: once you to sign it for me. Definitely it'll be 1060 00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:37,919 Speaker 1: it'll be a trophy edition from us, definitely. So ladies 1061 00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:40,400 Speaker 1: and gentlemen, we're going to complete the broadcast today. This 1062 00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,719 Speaker 1: is Software Radio. I am your stand in host, Shaun 1063 00:54:43,760 --> 00:54:47,480 Speaker 1: Spoon's editors in chief of Software and on behalf of 1064 00:54:47,520 --> 00:54:50,000 Speaker 1: all of us here. We just want to thank Taylor 1065 00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:53,520 Speaker 1: again for coming his fine movie, UM Hell of high 1066 00:54:53,520 --> 00:54:57,520 Speaker 1: Water available. I'm sorry, Hell of high Seas come. Hell 1067 00:54:57,520 --> 00:55:00,400 Speaker 1: of high Water is the phrase you know, never high sees. 1068 00:55:00,680 --> 00:55:03,520 Speaker 1: There's a website. Hella, I see dot com. It's a 1069 00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:06,320 Speaker 1: beautiful movie. You really have to see this. Um and 1070 00:55:06,440 --> 00:55:10,040 Speaker 1: what's this? What's this very personal journey of a veteran 1071 00:55:10,120 --> 00:55:12,680 Speaker 1: coming out of a military service and reconnecting back with 1072 00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:17,120 Speaker 1: his life and his humanity, which is the other thing 1073 00:55:17,160 --> 00:55:19,080 Speaker 1: I think you you really found out there too, is 1074 00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:22,560 Speaker 1: your sense of company. So congratulations on your fine film 1075 00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:25,840 Speaker 1: and your progress here coming out of the services, you 1076 00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:29,279 Speaker 1: transition back to civilian life, your beautiful family, and uh, 1077 00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:31,359 Speaker 1: I can't wait till we get a chance to talk again. 1078 00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:34,399 Speaker 1: You're welcome here anytime, Me too. Man, this is a great, 1079 00:55:34,440 --> 00:55:36,600 Speaker 1: great chat. Thank you for having me. It's really cool. 1080 00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:57,840 Speaker 1: Thank you use them listening to self reply M