WEBVTT - Livin' Life To The Fullest with Stephen Jackson 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:03.960 I'm a little Duval and this is conversations with the podcast. 0:00:05.040 --> 0:00:05.760 What Up. 0:00:05.840 --> 0:00:09.040 It's Moore a Little Duval Live and direct on the 0:00:09.039 --> 0:00:12.240 Black Bet. I got my man on the motherfucking live 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:14.239 with me. And for those of y'all that don't know, 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:16.279 and for those of that do, you know, my show 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:18.400 is like a therapy for everybody, you know what I'm saying, 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:21.160 because people come to me all the time off offline 0:00:21.200 --> 0:00:24.160 and ship, talking to me, giving me their problems and ship, 0:00:24.200 --> 0:00:25.600 and they come to me and try to figure out 0:00:25.600 --> 0:00:28.240 how to get out of it. So I figured I 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:30.319 share some of this after the world into some of 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:32.919 my partners and ship. And one of my partners right here, 0:00:32.960 --> 0:00:35.520 he a legend himself, and he's doing this motherfucking thing 0:00:35.920 --> 0:00:38.199 even though you're ugly. But he's a good guy, you 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:42.880 know what I'm saying. He's a great guy. My nigga, 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:47.000 my nigga, Jackson. 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:49.720 Don't start. Don't start that ship. 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.720 But hey, hey, yeah you just got back walking, my nigga, 0:00:54.240 --> 0:00:56.080 don't make a nigga clip your hands round. 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.080 Hey you clip me, You're going to jail because I'm 0:00:59.080 --> 0:01:03.080 pressing jun Ain't they with that bullshit? I done got 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:05.440 hurt before and that ship that should ain't nothing to 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:06.760 be bullshit with. 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:07.279 Nigga. 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:09.880 Nah, glad, glad, glad to see you back on your 0:01:09.880 --> 0:01:12.080 thing doing anything. You know, we missed you out here, nigga. 0:01:12.360 --> 0:01:15.240 Hey, man, hey, you know what I I from this excellent. 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:18.000 I got a full appreciation for athletes after this ship, 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:21.959 because especially football players, because like the should I go 0:01:22.160 --> 0:01:24.400 the ship like the extent I had, and then I 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:26.480 seeing how people that be in them games, they just 0:01:27.160 --> 0:01:29.160 get hurt, like they're jump back in the game. 0:01:30.319 --> 0:01:32.640 They ain't supposed to be doing that this. Nah. 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:35.039 You know, they be taking all kinds of shots. But 0:01:35.160 --> 0:01:37.720 you know, you you got a chance to experience that rehab. 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:41.960 Yeah, the rehab. But they doing even quicker because man, 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:44.680 they said, man was pointed. But then I see other athletes, 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:46.720 y'all be coming back in like a week or two 0:01:47.280 --> 0:01:47.760 less than that. 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:49.520 I'm like, how the fuck is they doing? 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:49.640 This? 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:49.960 Ship? 0:01:50.200 --> 0:01:52.480 Well, it's something you know, like if you play us 0:01:52.480 --> 0:01:54.320 for for so long, you work out for so long 0:01:54.440 --> 0:01:56.680 as you know, just like you do with with with 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:59.400 with your profession in your space, you great at it 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:02.120 because you work at it for so long. A lot 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:05.440 of those guys' bodies are built so they've been working there, 0:02:05.480 --> 0:02:07.919 so when they get injured, it won't take them as. 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:10.600 Long because they're so strong. You ever heard something. 0:02:11.360 --> 0:02:15.120 Uh, the only thing I ever brought was uh, my pinky, 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:17.360 and I broke both my feet before I made it 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:19.160 to the lead. But that that's because I was born 0:02:19.200 --> 0:02:22.320 with stress fractics. But uh, the only thing I broke 0:02:22.440 --> 0:02:23.760 while I was playing with my pinky. 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:25.800 Oh, I was gonna ask you how it was the 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:26.679 healing process. 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:30.160 Nothing nothing serious, bro nothing serious. Thank god, I never 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:31.200 had no serious issuers. 0:02:31.760 --> 0:02:32.639 That's what's up, man. 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:35.880 That was the tree. That was the what the tree? 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:39.400 The weed? Yeah you think the weed helped you? 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:42.720 Yeah, you know it's not you know what I'm tell you, man, 0:02:43.080 --> 0:02:44.280 I don't think the weed helped me. 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:47.359 It helped me for the simier fact that while those 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:50.480 other guys was putting peels and all this stuff in 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:52.760 their system. You know what I'm saying, they were there 0:02:52.840 --> 0:02:54.839 was they were, They was depending on that ship where 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:59.240 when they retired, and while they was playing a lot 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:01.880 of niggas came got ammune to the ship that they 0:03:01.960 --> 0:03:03.760 was taking. So once they got ammune to it, it was 0:03:03.800 --> 0:03:05.480 nothing for them to take so they couldn't play. 0:03:05.800 --> 0:03:07.520 See me the tree all the tree did. 0:03:07.600 --> 0:03:09.120 I didn't take it to play, I tell I took 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:11.280 it to come down so after games I could relax 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:13.800 and sleep and get the proper rest to play again. 0:03:14.160 --> 0:03:15.280 You know what I'm saying, I ain't have to take 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:15.800 no drugs. 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:18.680 Not the motherfuckers when they retired, they need the drugs 0:03:18.720 --> 0:03:20.639 and they ain't got no insurance, nothing to get them. 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:23.440 You know what I'm It's people out here now that 0:03:23.560 --> 0:03:25.560 you know that they didn't do it, that they are 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:27.720 like they out of shape and fucked up. 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:28.680 They body fucked up. 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:32.280 Not because of that, it's a lot of it's more 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:36.000 players that's like that than players that got their life together. 0:03:36.080 --> 0:03:36.240 Bro. 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:38.440 It's sad to say, you know what I'm saying, and 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:40.640 not not not to talk down on nobody, but yeah, bro, 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:42.920 it's way more players that's out of there than players 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:44.360 that took care of their business. 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:47.560 Is it because they just couldn't take care of their money? 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:49.120 Just didn't make that the money? 0:03:50.120 --> 0:03:53.360 You know, we all make bad decisions, bro. 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:56.400 I paid a lot of bad decisions with money, and 0:03:56.440 --> 0:03:59.040 you know that that that come from not having the 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:00.839 thing you can get it all at one time. Once 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:02.600 you get some money. You know what I'm saying. They 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:06.080 ain't realistic. But I caught myself before it's too late. 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:08.440 A lot of guys don't have a support system. A 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.880 lot of guys know how people around them to to 0:04:11.880 --> 0:04:13.680 to get to them, to to to put a life 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:15.839 over in the head, to start saving for a randy day. 0:04:16.200 --> 0:04:18.440 A lot of guys don't know about that. So I 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:20.920 had a great support system. I made a lot of mistakes, 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:23.560 but I had a great support system. Baby Mama, drama 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:25.320 childs for all kind of shit, But I was. I 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:27.799 still was smart enough, you know what I'm saying, to 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:29.520 to to put something away from myself. 0:04:29.920 --> 0:04:30.520 Who gave you? 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:34.200 That? Was it? People you looked up to you? What 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:35.919 you know? 0:04:36.200 --> 0:04:40.320 I mean, I would have to say bro that from 0:04:40.360 --> 0:04:42.239 seeing my mama struggle so much. 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:45.120 What I'm saying, growing up, we mama. 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:47.920 I was born in third Wall, Houston, Texas, same hood 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:52.120 George Floyd from Port I moved to Port douxin when 0:04:52.160 --> 0:04:52.599 I was five. 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:54.280 Oh okay, okay, okay, okay. 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:54.920 Yes I was. I was. 0:04:54.960 --> 0:04:58.920 I was raising for Doutha and just seeing my mama 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:00.839 with two kids and seeing and the man she was 0:05:00.880 --> 0:05:02.800 married to steal from and we go without. 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:03.640 You know what I'm saying. 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:05.920 He kicked out, eviction and all this shit to having 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:08.600 to go stay with my grandmother like and to see 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:10.320 her work so hard. You know, my mom was one 0:05:10.360 --> 0:05:12.400 of those women who work from six in the evening 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:15.120 to six in the morning. So when we get out 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:17.359 of school, she going to work, you know what I'm saying. 0:05:17.720 --> 0:05:19.360 By the time we get up and go to school, 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:21.320 she's just getting home. So the whole time she home, 0:05:21.360 --> 0:05:23.760 we had school sports all that. So we all to 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:25.560 see my mom, We see my grandma. So I've seen 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:28.080 him what she sacrificed, bro. And the first thing I 0:05:28.120 --> 0:05:29.840 did was I got some money. I built her house 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:32.359 on my grandmother house. So I think seeing them go 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.360 without and see how all my grandfather worked to take 0:05:35.360 --> 0:05:35.880 care of everybody. 0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:37.160 Game, That's all I asked you. 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:39.039 There had to be a male figure in that too, 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:41.560 So yeah, grandfather, my grandfather. 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:43.920 Name is Jesse Jackson. My name is Steven Jesse Jackson. 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:46.080 Don't laugh my middle name. But yeah, uh. 0:05:46.320 --> 0:05:51.680 That's hard though, that's hard. Yes, motherfucker Jackson. I'll calling 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:54.280 you that from now on, Jess every time I seen 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:55.520 you say sill, say come. 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:57.800 On with jack A nigga can't be seeing with you 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:00.760 at no fucking time. I got crazy. 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:04.080 It works with what you're doing in life. Now, you 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.440 see what I'm saying, because ship you here for the 0:06:06.520 --> 0:06:08.719 people too. You know what I'm saying. I love probably 0:06:08.760 --> 0:06:10.640 more than just But that's a whole other story. But 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:14.520 the same thing with me. I'm my family is real talking, 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:17.680 my grandun's hair talking. So it kind of makes sense. 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:19.960 And how we who we are as a person? Now 0:06:20.080 --> 0:06:22.800 I said there they're sis if it's right up there 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:28.200 and statue up there, and and in Pensylvania, my name right. 0:06:28.080 --> 0:06:30.919 There on the stone under all her A family, a 0:06:31.000 --> 0:06:31.880 family treat. 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:36.800 No wow, bro, Yeah, but it all, it all goes 0:06:36.839 --> 0:06:38.320 in the place with why who we are. 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:42.400 As a person? Now? You see what I'm saying. It's why. 0:06:42.600 --> 0:06:44.640 It tells you why you have that driving you to 0:06:44.760 --> 0:06:46.000 want to do five people? 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:47.160 You know what I'm saying. 0:06:47.920 --> 0:06:52.920 My ground, My grandfather raised nine kids. My grandmother never worked, 0:06:52.920 --> 0:06:54.320 never drove a car in her life. 0:06:55.200 --> 0:06:59.400 They kept about when we wake up for school, it's 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:00.880 eight grade and kids and there. 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:05.240 Looks like a granddaddy in the face now, bro, telling you, 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:07.919 telling you, Bro, you're supposed to be here for a 0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:10.600 long time to take care of the people they woke. 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:20.600 Nah for real, Oh man, it's all making sick. Look 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:24.960 at me, Look a look at this bray in my face. Bro, 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:28.360 I'm telling you I'm manly to be the only dug 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:29.120 I'm supposed to be. 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:31.800 We woke this. 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:34.160 I'm just gonna be attractable nigga. You're gonna be a 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:37.280 funny looking old nigga, but it's gonna be roll. 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:48.040 Of a love bad love bad man love bad Ah. 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:49.520 This dude's sick man. 0:07:50.400 --> 0:07:52.160 Now for real, Man, I'm just saying. 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:54.200 I mean, I'm bory shamed, but I'm serious though, Like 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:57.080 it just says how we because like it's when I 0:07:57.120 --> 0:07:59.880 found out about then it was like, damn, that's why 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:02.480 give a fuck so much? Because I really because you 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:04.320 know how sometimes you give a fuck to the nigga 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:06.080 you be like, then fuck these niggas, you. 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:06.600 Know what I'm saying. 0:08:06.960 --> 0:08:09.120 But then it goes back to like why do I 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:10.920 give a fuck so much? And then when I found 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:13.040 that out, it all started making sense. Then I look 0:08:13.080 --> 0:08:15.840 at my grand my granddaddy, how he was so much 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.280 in the community and I just watched just fu you 0:08:18.320 --> 0:08:19.600 are what you see, you know what I'm saying, a 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:22.560 little shit like that, and just my other granddaddy in 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:24.920 the Bahamas, just watching him with the business. How he 0:08:25.560 --> 0:08:27.120 my other grand dad in the Obama. He was like 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:29.720 one of the first black millionaires in the Bahamas. He 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:31.640 had the lump of y'alls and all that shit there. 0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:34.280 But then the kids under him was all girls. They 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:36.160 fucked the money up and then we end up voting 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:39.160 so so this but my point is it just shows 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:41.760 me what what got in me, what I got in 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:43.679 stealed to me, and what you got to steal to you. 0:08:43.679 --> 0:08:45.600 You know what I'm saying that, Nigga. 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:47.880 I remember when the old George Floyd thing happened by 0:08:47.920 --> 0:08:50.400 and told me. He was like, Bro, everything that you've 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:54.439 been through in your life was meant was everything he'd 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:56.040 been through in your life built you for this moment. 0:08:56.080 --> 0:08:56.760 And I think about it. 0:08:56.800 --> 0:09:00.320 I hate when people call him active is because I'm not. 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:01.360 I'm not real close to it. 0:09:01.400 --> 0:09:03.600 I would never put myself in the same category with 0:09:03.640 --> 0:09:07.079 Tamika Mallaby or Kimberly Letrees Drawnes. They do this every day, 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:09.800 every week. You know what I'm saying, So that was 0:09:09.880 --> 0:09:12.280 my own boy. You know what I'm saying. I'm a 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:15.000 good I'm a lawyer, homeboy. I'm my brother's keeper. So 0:09:15.040 --> 0:09:17.559 I'm just a homeboy that rode for his friend. I 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:20.320 would never put myself in the category of those great women. 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:24.079 But what I will say is I just deal with 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:24.920 any homeboy. 0:09:25.480 --> 0:09:27.400 Would do. You know what I'm saying, you ride for 0:09:27.480 --> 0:09:28.040 your dog. 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:30.679 And everything I've been through from losing my older brother 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.199 when I was sixteen and being five minutes away while 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:36.040 he was getting beat up and shit, all that shit 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:37.719 bothered me to this Day's the same reason why I 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:40.400 ran in the stands were rod. You know what I'm saying, 0:09:40.440 --> 0:09:41.760 all that shit. You know what I'm saying, I got 0:09:41.800 --> 0:09:43.040 to beat up with my brother. I you know what 0:09:43.080 --> 0:09:45.960 I'm saying, So I wouldn't change now. 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:49.120 I don't feel like that's a fault, though, Lord to 0:09:49.200 --> 0:09:51.600 a fault, yeah, because I feel like it's a fault. 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:54.360 Like it too, because I know a lot of people 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:55.719 that I rode for wouldn't ride for me. 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:59.520 Shit, your brothers, like you just said, your brothers and 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:01.959 all them. So you did it for the right people 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:04.360 at the right time. So I mean, and even if 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:06.440 they wouldn't, you do it because who you are as 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:07.920 a person. You know what I'm saying. That's why I 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:10.320 do shit, because if you do stuff thinking people gonna 0:10:10.320 --> 0:10:11.880 get it back, you're always gonna be let down. 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:12.880 You know what I'm saying. 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:15.839 Like if you thought you got over on me, I 0:10:15.920 --> 0:10:17.920 don't know how because I didn't even think about it 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:18.319 after that. 0:10:18.400 --> 0:10:18.880 You know what I'm saying. 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:21.079 When I do shit, I just do it because I 0:10:21.240 --> 0:10:22.760 just want to do it. I don't even look the 0:10:22.800 --> 0:10:25.400 shit after that after return, even motive. 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:26.240 Huh. 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:28.200 A lot of people do shit with motives. 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:31.040 Sometimes they do shit with motors because that program to 0:10:31.120 --> 0:10:33.559 do that, because we're taught if you do something good 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.280 and something gonna come back and return, you hope and 0:10:37.000 --> 0:10:38.959 and that's what you're hoping, because so you're doing it, 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:41.480 which is still bad intention, you see what I'm saying. 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:43.839 So if you do it, just just stiff it because 0:10:43.880 --> 0:10:45.079 that's who you are as a person. 0:10:44.960 --> 0:10:47.400 Just what you want to do it. If it come 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:48.720 back cool, If it don't, you don't. 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.520 You ain't even thinking about it, because you ain't blaming 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:53.600 that shit because you ain't even thought about that shit. 0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:58.040 You know what I'm saying. Facts, So tell me a 0:10:58.080 --> 0:10:58.520 little bit. 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:01.040 About what's going on with you, man, and how you 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:03.840 doing in life, man, Because like I said, man, I'm 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:05.640 just here to try to get people to be happy, 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:06.480 like Black Duvau. 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:08.120 You know what I'm saying, because life is. 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:11.360 Like for me, Bro, and I wouldn't talk. I wouldn't 0:11:11.400 --> 0:11:14.240 say this to you if you were my real partner, 0:11:14.320 --> 0:11:18.560 But it's easy to see on me. I'm I'm going 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:22.520 through a lot with losing my little brother, my little sister. 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:25.079 I bury my little sister, my little brother at the 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:27.640 end of the year in October November, back to back months. 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:31.760 M my sister was a year young, sister was a 0:11:31.880 --> 0:11:33.559 year younger than me, and my little brother was three 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:37.880 years younger than me. And uh, I'm having a hard 0:11:37.960 --> 0:11:39.920 time dealing with that. Bro, I can't lie. You know, 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:42.040 I'd be a man, say I cry every day. I'd 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:44.719 be riding just any moment of the day. You know 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:47.319 what I'm saying, because especially with my little brother, like 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:48.600 I never pictured. 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:51.440 Life without him. You know what I'm saying. We've been 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:53.480 in the same house, under the same roof, under the 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:54.760 same rules, doing. 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:57.760 The same things. My whole life. You know what I'm saying. 0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:00.319 I was that was my best friend. So my brother 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:02.800 got killed when I was sixteen. We got the same dad, 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:05.240 but we was close, but we didn't live together. So 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:09.439 it's still I still feel that pain from him. 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:12.480 You know what I'm saying, different pain but being. 0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:16.800 Little brother man like, it's a big difference, man, and 0:12:17.040 --> 0:12:19.599 I'm having a hard time dealing with that. 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:22.600 That's why I stay business, stayed doing shit, but because 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:24.040 I worry about my have you. 0:12:24.080 --> 0:12:26.559 Said back by yourself and just chilled somewhere with you 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:29.319 and your old lady somewhere and just like why be 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:31.160 in I lived in the house. I don't know if 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.319 you know, I'll be over there behamas I'm killing over there. 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.680 And that's why I go to get away from everything 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:37.800 and just be at peace with my own self. It 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:39.720 ain't too much like I'm like a like. I mean 0:12:39.800 --> 0:12:42.000 that it's meditating on the grass some ship, which I 0:12:42.040 --> 0:12:44.240 could be if I feel give a fuck, But it's 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:47.000 my own peace. You see what I'm saying and what 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:52.480 I do. I always I always see everybody I loved. 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:55.559 I always prepared myself like this person's gonna die, You 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:58.079 see what I'm saying. I always did that since my 0:12:58.200 --> 0:13:01.760 first my best friend died like by fifteen years ago, 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:02.920 that because he came out. 0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:04.920 He just died out of nowhere, and I was just 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:05.840 I mean, he got killed. 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:08.280 You know what I'm saying. I wouldn't. I never thought 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:09.000 he was gonna die. 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:11.439 I thought, of course I was young, I was in 0:13:11.480 --> 0:13:13.559 my twenties, but I thought like he was gonna go 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:16.240 to jail for he died, and so that that kind 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:18.920 of that. Then my my first grandma was she died. 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:22.040 That kind of showed me that death is real. So 0:13:22.600 --> 0:13:25.560 everybody around me always saying, man, they gonna die, they 0:13:25.679 --> 0:13:27.600 gonna die, they gonna die. And then when my man 0:13:27.720 --> 0:13:30.080 kool Ay died, the good thing was I ain't gonna 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:32.160 say it's a good thing, but it kind of he 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:34.000 knew it because he had canceled, you get know what 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:34.480 I'm saying. 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:35.880 So it kind of prepared me. 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:38.599 So that that kind of prepared me to how to 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:42.280 love on a person while they're here so when they 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:45.160 do go. Because I always prepared myself, even my kid, 0:13:45.360 --> 0:13:48.800 my daughter, I'm I even programmed myself to God forbid 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:52.040 it happened, but I know it could happen because I've 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:54.679 had people that I know who you gotta think it's 0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:57.920 people older than us, people eighty years old, my grandma 0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:00.520 Peter seen people die that that. So if they can 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.600 handle it and be happy in that piece, we got 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:05.320 to too, you know what I'm saying. 0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:07.640 And it just is, It's just what it is. 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:11.160 That's how I look get ship. That's how programm I said, 0:14:11.200 --> 0:14:13.960 don't don't get twisted. I cry all the time. I cried, 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:16.000 wake up every morning thinking about Clay. You know what 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:16.360 I'm saying. 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:17.079 That shit just that. 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:20.320 But I still understand what life is and I understand 0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:22.520 what it is. I keep moving, I keep killing. If 0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:25.480 I want to cry, I cry and move on. You 0:14:25.560 --> 0:14:28.320 know what I'm saying, because it's therapeutic. Because I don't 0:14:28.400 --> 0:14:31.360 cry because he don't. I cry because I'm like, damn, 0:14:31.400 --> 0:14:32.920 this is my nigga. You see what I'm saying. This 0:14:33.080 --> 0:14:35.640 was my now on my niggas, like my oldest brother. 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:37.200 You see what I'm saying. Like he was the brother 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:40.160 that I want my real brother to be. You know 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:43.760 what I'm saying. But yeah, I appreciated him why he 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:47.040 was there too. So with that, with that, it made 0:14:47.080 --> 0:14:49.920 me understand how to appreciate that nigga. And when he 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:52.760 left it because he left the day after my I 0:14:52.800 --> 0:14:56.440 got off my crush. Then I got my crush and croak. 0:14:56.760 --> 0:15:00.480 But it was unexpected. But it was like damn f lifted. 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:03.440 It was like God kept me here. Just seems like 0:15:03.480 --> 0:15:05.960 out on my feet, get up out of here, you 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:09.320 know what I'm saying. So that's how that's how I 0:15:09.360 --> 0:15:11.840 heed the death, because you ain't got no choice but 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:12.680 the hands of that ship. 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:15.480 Yeah, and and and they say, and they say, when 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:19.200 when you more than you miss somebody and you get 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:21.440 to you crying tears. 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:26.720 Tears is just the love, the love you have for them. 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:28.280 You have no where to show us, so the tears 0:15:28.360 --> 0:15:29.680 just come out your eyes. You can't give it to 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:31.720 them all, you know. That's all we can show them 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:34.120 love by crying for them. So I get it, man, 0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:36.560 And and and I don't mind crying, dog. It's just 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:40.120 that it's just that when you when you build the 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:46.479 barn with somebody, and you don't just set out a friendship. 0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:49.960 You know, we and my little brothers set out a 0:15:50.120 --> 0:15:51.840 life long like you know what I'm saying, Like we 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:55.600 had a life playing. We didn't just plan uh a 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:57.560 friendship with just being here a couple of years and 0:15:57.640 --> 0:15:59.600 just acting like no, that was my best friend. 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:02.400 Like we we built a life plan, so to wake 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:05.560 up for him not to be here and not being 0:16:05.560 --> 0:16:06.160 able to shadow. 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:07.680 You know what I'm saying, the things I worked off on, 0:16:07.800 --> 0:16:09.960 the things we talked about that we're gonna be able 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:12.160 to do for our MoMA, for our families. 0:16:11.760 --> 0:16:14.000 And shit like that. Dog, that's shit. It just it 0:16:14.200 --> 0:16:14.880 just bothers me. 0:16:15.000 --> 0:16:15.200 Dog. 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:19.080 And how they passed too. You know, my sister went 0:16:19.120 --> 0:16:21.320 in for a surgery. They fucked the surgery up. They 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:23.440 got to go back in and that's how she passed. 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:25.840 And my little brothers just just hard, just stopped on 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:26.400 the way home. 0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:29.240 So like, we gotta keep going. Man, we don't have 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.600 no rules or how we die. You know, we ain't 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:34.200 got no rules. You gotta keep going, bro. 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:35.560