1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,840 Speaker 1: Buggle up and hold on tight. We got it, Paul 2 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 1: you here It is the Strawberry letter, Thank you nephew. 3 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: Subject should I love him or leave him? Dear Stephen Shirley. 4 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,559 Speaker 1: I met an older guy and I was attracted to him, 5 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,560 Speaker 1: but played hard to get. He begged me for a 6 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: first date, and I eventually agreed to go out with him. 7 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: He asked me to pick him up, and I didn't 8 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:22,799 Speaker 1: think much about it since his house was on the 9 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 1: way to the restaurant. When I got to the house, 10 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,680 Speaker 1: he came out, and so did a much older lady. 11 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 1: He got in my car and told me that was 12 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,240 Speaker 1: his mother. That was his mom, and that he lived 13 00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 1: with her. At this point, I had an opportunity to 14 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,639 Speaker 1: tell him that I was not interested, but I went 15 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:42,560 Speaker 1: out to dinner with him anyway. At dinner, he told 16 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 1: me that he's a convicted felon, but that was years 17 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:47,879 Speaker 1: ago and he's got a great job and a new 18 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 1: life now. I kept seeing this man and eventually went 19 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 1: to his home, well his mom's house, and saw how 20 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: filthy his room was. And I also noticed that his 21 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,360 Speaker 1: mom's yard was unkept and there was trash lying around 22 00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,840 Speaker 1: the driveway and porch. There were these were red flags, 23 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,919 Speaker 1: and I told him he should do better at helping 24 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: his mom out around the house. Then I invited him 25 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 1: to my house to meet my two children. I know 26 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:18,000 Speaker 1: he talks really hood and street, but I thought he 27 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,880 Speaker 1: would do better when he met my children, he did not, 28 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:24,760 Speaker 1: and my kids asked him why he was talking like 29 00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 1: a rapper. He kept commenting on how nice I kept 30 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:32,240 Speaker 1: my house, and after the visit, his conversations turned to 31 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: us making a commitment. He suggested moving in with me 32 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 1: so we could be closer and he could help me 33 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: out around the house. I was excited at first because 34 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,200 Speaker 1: I really liked this man, but then I thought I 35 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:48,000 Speaker 1: was being naive and he could just be using me. 36 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 1: Although he has some character flaws. Could I work on 37 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: this fixer upper and be happy? Or should I leave 38 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:59,640 Speaker 1: this man at his mama's house? Please advise, run, run, 39 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 1: run as far away from this man as you possibly can. 40 00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 1: I mean, you got to leave this man alone, please. 41 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,920 Speaker 1: I mean, when you see red flags, don't ignore them. 42 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: That's what red flags are for. Okay, let's go through him. 43 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 1: He lives with his mom, all right. The yard is nasty, 44 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,640 Speaker 1: his room is nasty. He has no car, he doesn't 45 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: know how to be a good role model in front 46 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:28,959 Speaker 1: of your children. And if he's got such a nice job, 47 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,160 Speaker 1: in a great job and all this stuff like you 48 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 1: see in the letter, why doesn't he save his money 49 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: and get an apartment. There was no discussion about that 50 00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: in this letter. And you know it wasn't until after 51 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: he saw your place, after he came over there, that 52 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: he started, you know, like kind of pressuring you to 53 00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,720 Speaker 1: move in and to be committed. He said he would 54 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:53,239 Speaker 1: help you around the house. Oh really, you would help her, 55 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 1: but you're not. He'll help you, but he's not gonna 56 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,680 Speaker 1: help his own mom around the house. He could at 57 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 1: least clean up the yard. And what about his room. 58 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:04,040 Speaker 1: Come on, I don't get this. I say, don't let 59 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:07,360 Speaker 1: him uh in your house? Uh in this kind of 60 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:09,359 Speaker 1: a way. Don't let him move in? Please, this is 61 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: not how you want to live. You have two kids 62 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 1: to think about. I think if he was and you 63 00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,840 Speaker 1: didn't mention you know, what he was incarcerated for or 64 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:20,040 Speaker 1: anything like that, You just said he's out. That was 65 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:22,080 Speaker 1: years ago, and he has a great job in a 66 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,240 Speaker 1: new life now. But it just doesn't look like it 67 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: or seem like it. You know, yeah, he could be 68 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,360 Speaker 1: using you, but I say no, it's too soon to 69 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: move in. Don't let him do it. Steve, I'm I'm confused. 70 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:44,480 Speaker 1: I really am huh about Why Why is she writing us? Yeah? 71 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:48,160 Speaker 1: What is the purpose of this letter? I don't even 72 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: know why? Why are we Why are we talking to 73 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:58,000 Speaker 1: her about? Who? Who are we talking about? Everything in 74 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 1: this letter screams what? Yeah, I mean the whole damn Lena, 75 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 1: let's start. Stephen Shirley. I met an older guy. I 76 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:15,040 Speaker 1: circled that I was attracting him, but I played hard 77 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 1: to get. He begged me for a first date. I 78 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,880 Speaker 1: eventually agreed to go out with him. He asked me 79 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 1: to pick him up. I circled that everything I circle 80 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: is screaming what. I ain't think much about it since 81 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,160 Speaker 1: his house was on the way to the restaurant. When 82 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,359 Speaker 1: I got to the house and he came out, and 83 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 1: so did a much older lady, I circled that, who 84 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 1: is this old ass lady? He got in my car 85 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 1: and told me that this was his mom and he 86 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: lived with her. I circled that, let's go back, older guy, 87 00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 1: you had to pick him up, he's this old lady 88 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 1: stay there, and you found out his mama. At this 89 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: point I had an opportu tunity to tell him I 90 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:03,919 Speaker 1: was not interested, but I went out to dinner with 91 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 1: him anyway. I circled that. The question I'm begging everybody 92 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 1: to ask yourself is why is you at dinner with 93 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,240 Speaker 1: this old ass man to stay at the house with 94 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:15,600 Speaker 1: his mama that you had to pick up. That's all 95 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:19,159 Speaker 1: I'm ask At dinner, he told me he was a 96 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:24,719 Speaker 1: convicted felon. This whole letter is going to hell. But 97 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 1: I kept seeing the man why. Eventually I went to 98 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,080 Speaker 1: his house where his mom's house. So I circled that 99 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,599 Speaker 1: because it took you two visits to get it. The 100 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 1: first time you pulled up. Next time you went to 101 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: the damn house and found out it wasn't mama's house. 102 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 1: Stretch yelled on in blue plates, leaning up against the 103 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:47,840 Speaker 1: wall on the fireplace and had that big wooden spoon 104 00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,760 Speaker 1: and fox set hanging on the damn wall, that picture 105 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,320 Speaker 1: of the white Jesus, mar Luther King and John F. Kennedy. 106 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:59,000 Speaker 1: And I noticed that his mom's yard was unkept and 107 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 1: it was trashla and around. I circled that czy he 108 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,840 Speaker 1: don't give a damn by his mama. Trash laying around 109 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 1: the driveway and the porch that's where he eats. These 110 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,599 Speaker 1: were all red flags, And I told him he should 111 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,719 Speaker 1: do better helping out his mom around the house. You 112 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,040 Speaker 1: know what Judge Lynn told her told me one time 113 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:24,880 Speaker 1: on the show What Steve. She said, women should stop 114 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: collecting red flags. Ye, women should stop collecting red flags time. 115 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you use that on Ready for Love 116 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: this year. Women should stop collecting red flags. I told 117 00:06:43,040 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: him he should do better helping his mom out around 118 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,600 Speaker 1: the house. Then I invited him to my house to 119 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:52,039 Speaker 1: meet my two children. I circled this, why is he 120 00:06:52,240 --> 00:06:59,200 Speaker 1: meeting your damn kids? Exactly what redeeming quality has he exhibited? 121 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 1: Where you think it's time for him to meet your 122 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:06,839 Speaker 1: damn kids? Now he talks real hood in street. I 123 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 1: circled that he stay at home with his mama. Is 124 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 1: mama old? You had to pick him up? He lived 125 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:16,560 Speaker 1: with his mama. You went out to dinner anyway here 126 00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:20,000 Speaker 1: convicted felling. You went to his mama's house. His room 127 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 1: is filtered, it's translating around the driveway in the porch. 128 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 1: I invited him your house to meet the two kids, 129 00:07:26,120 --> 00:07:29,080 Speaker 1: and he talked real hood in street. This whole letter 130 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 1: is just going to hell. But I thought he would 131 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: do better when he met my children. He did not, 132 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 1: And your kids asked him why was he talking like 133 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: a rapper? You know why, because your kids know his 134 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: whole ass should be talking better than one of their 135 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 1: damn piers. Your kids know that, but you don't. So 136 00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 1: I circled that. He kept commenting on how nice I 137 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 1: kept my house. Hell yeah, hell yeah, you just described 138 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: in Mamma's house. And after the visit, his conversations turned 139 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:15,000 Speaker 1: to us making a commitment, a commitment to what he suggested, 140 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 1: moving in with me so he could be closer and 141 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: he could help out round the house. He don't help 142 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 1: out round the house. He don't help out round the house. 143 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: He don't help out in his filthy ass room. He 144 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,520 Speaker 1: don't help out with nothing on the poach, He don't 145 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: help out with nothing but the driveway. Where do he 146 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: clean up at? So he fitdn't help you. Well, I 147 00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:41,440 Speaker 1: was excited at first because I really liked this man. 148 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,400 Speaker 1: What is it you like? You ain't saying nothing in 149 00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:48,480 Speaker 1: the letter? You like your whole letter? Is you just 150 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:52,079 Speaker 1: disappointed you on this man. Then you sound really like him. 151 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,840 Speaker 1: You like what you must not. You ain't never handle 152 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: man before, you never had a good man before. Because 153 00:08:59,760 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: if this is what you like, I show what hate 154 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 1: to see the one you got rid of, the one 155 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:09,199 Speaker 1: you had them two kids by lady, you need to 156 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,800 Speaker 1: up your up your game. I really like this man, 157 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 1: But then I'd have thought I was being you naive 158 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 1: and he could be using me. Although he had some 159 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 1: character flaws, character flaws. He old his hell That ain't 160 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,680 Speaker 1: a character flaw. He ain't got a car. That ain't 161 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 1: a character flaw. He stayed with him mama. That ain't 162 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:37,400 Speaker 1: a character flaw. He's a convicted felon. That ain't a 163 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:41,240 Speaker 1: character flaw. His room is filtered. That ain't a character flaw. 164 00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 1: It's chanced on the driveway in the porch. That ain't 165 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 1: a character flaw. He wants to move in with you 166 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,400 Speaker 1: so he can help out around the house. Here, damn 167 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: lie Run all right, Steve got run. Post You're coming 168 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,000 Speaker 1: some Today's Strawberry Letter on the Instagram at Steve Harvey 169 00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: fm dot com, and check out the Strawberry Letter podcast 170 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: on demand. You're listening to this Dave Harvey Morning Show,