1 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:07,520 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome to stuff. 2 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:20,040 Speaker 1: I never told your production of iHeartRadio. And today we 3 00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,640 Speaker 1: have a classic that was mentioned in a recent episode 4 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:26,640 Speaker 1: on Daddy Issues because we were talking about the whole 5 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 1: internet phenomenon of daddy I embarrassed myself quite a bit, 6 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: I think, but you know, I wanted to talk about it, 7 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: learn more about it, and we are going to talk 8 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:39,480 Speaker 1: about this more in our some of our upcoming Last 9 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:42,920 Speaker 1: of Us React podcast because I didn't really talk about 10 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: like the the kind of softening of the like, oh 11 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:49,040 Speaker 1: now we're hearing these jokes and this music and all 12 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:51,560 Speaker 1: this stuff in the spectoria. But we will we will 13 00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:55,320 Speaker 1: talk about it. But in the meantime, please enjoy this 14 00:00:55,320 --> 00:01:02,840 Speaker 1: classic episode. Hey, this is Annie and this is Samantha, 15 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 1: and welcome to stuff. I never told you. A protection 16 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:17,560 Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio's house to works in our continuing 17 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: discussions around sexuality. Today, we have one that Samantha and 18 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 1: I we came up with while we were having some drinks. 19 00:01:26,959 --> 00:01:29,800 Speaker 1: Of course, yeah day, every day, every time. Yes at 20 00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:34,920 Speaker 1: my ideas spawn from cheese, adult beverages and or adult beverages, 21 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 1: and it is daddy issues. Daddy issues because we were 22 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: talking about fetishes and we were trying to come up 23 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,959 Speaker 1: with because we felt like there weren't that many female 24 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: fetishes right in pop culture, right or that's referenced yeah, yeah, 25 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: And somehow that turned into what about daddy right. I 26 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 1: think we were just talking about some ideas or some uh, 27 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: what you would say, stereotypes for women, and especially when 28 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 1: it comes to sexuality, Yeah, and their sexuality or whatever 29 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: or from her person who is female. So that's one 30 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:13,079 Speaker 1: of those daddy issues comes out a lot. Yeah, I've 31 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:16,040 Speaker 1: seen it a lot in men's columns, like in men's magazines. 32 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,839 Speaker 1: Ye were weird. Yes. When I was researching this, most 33 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:25,800 Speaker 1: of the top results were like questionable soil websites being 34 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:31,360 Speaker 1: like does your good friend signs of daddy issues? Exactly? 35 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 1: Do you need to get out exactly? When I say 36 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 1: daddy issues, what do you think of? Samantha? So when 37 00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:41,120 Speaker 1: I think of daddy issues, I'm actually just thinking in general, 38 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:45,640 Speaker 1: like people who are seeking their father's approval essentially and 39 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,440 Speaker 1: or seeking a father's figure because there was a lack 40 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: of one or a lack of males in their lives. 41 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,639 Speaker 1: And I think that goes either way for males or females. 42 00:02:56,040 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: I think it translates differently in each one. When it 43 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,079 Speaker 1: comes to stereotypes, I think of men mate being angry 44 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:06,679 Speaker 1: and resentful, and then I think of women as being 45 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: insecure and needy. And these are just the stereotypes once again. 46 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: Oh sure, yes, but that's what I think of. Um, 47 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 1: I think of strippers, and I know that's terrible. I 48 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,919 Speaker 1: know it's terrible, but I think it is a running joke. 49 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 1: It is and a lot of pop culture that I 50 00:03:23,240 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 1: have consumed that. You know, if you see the stripper, 51 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:29,640 Speaker 1: she's got daddy issues, like her dad wasn't there, and 52 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 1: that's why she became a stripper. As I'm rewatching thirty Rock, 53 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 1: that was literally one of the scenes between Tracy Morgan's 54 00:03:37,440 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: character who loves going to strip clubs, and one of 55 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 1: the things the stripper is like, oh you have daddy 56 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 1: issues or I think tating the face character says something about, yeah, 57 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 1: you with all these daddy's issues, these women blah blah 58 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 1: blah blah very yeah, telling him that that's what the 59 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,240 Speaker 1: culture things. Yeah, And I feel like it was in 60 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,040 Speaker 1: what is that called lampshaded. I don't know if that's character. 61 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 1: It means when it's like played on. Um, people know 62 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: that you think this, and then they kind of reverse. 63 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: I feel like they did that Independence Day, but it's 64 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:11,280 Speaker 1: been a long time since I've seen that. Um. Yes, 65 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 1: because Will Smith's wife is a stripper. Oh they did that, 66 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:19,960 Speaker 1: I think in UM New Girl Gotta watch way too 67 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 1: many second Um, but they nick. The nick character dates 68 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,159 Speaker 1: a stripper who wants to be a stripper, and takes 69 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: on the fact that she's a stripper. But of course 70 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,520 Speaker 1: she's plays the bad girl, you know, like a rebellious individual, 71 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 1: hard girl. But yeah, it kind of flips onto the 72 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:38,680 Speaker 1: fact that she's not doing it for ABC's this is 73 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:42,039 Speaker 1: her job and she enjoys it. Yeah, which you know what, Yeah, 74 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 1: go for it. Yes, if it's done legally with consent, 75 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,840 Speaker 1: M go for it absolutely. Um. When I do think 76 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:51,440 Speaker 1: about it a bit longer, I think I have a 77 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,840 Speaker 1: similar I kind of come more on your track. Um. 78 00:04:54,839 --> 00:04:58,040 Speaker 1: I have used the phrase jokingly to refer to anyone 79 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 1: who has a problic problematic relationsh ship with their father right, 80 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 1: and I often comes up again with d D world. 81 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 1: Um our entire everyone playing in our campaign has difficulties 82 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: with their fathers. Shall we say absent fathers, murderer fathers. Wow, 83 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,279 Speaker 1: got one next step? Yeah, like where will father? It's 84 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:27,920 Speaker 1: every single character has something going on with their dad. 85 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: And this might be a podcast idea for later on. 86 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 1: But I was just recently thinking with all of them, 87 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: I guess dramatizing and or romanticizing up serial killers right now? Yeah? Sure? 88 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 1: I wonder how this affects the women in these serial 89 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: killers lives, you know what I mean? Like what happens 90 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,480 Speaker 1: to them? How does it follow them? Do they have 91 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 1: to like change their identity? What happens to the children 92 00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,920 Speaker 1: that are involved? But like I'm like talking about daddy 93 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 1: issues right there? That's true? Or no, you know what 94 00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 1: I mean? But I think it's something we should search. Yeah, 95 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 1: cast either. Um My, my father is not a serial killer. 96 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,039 Speaker 1: I'm going to put that out there, but I do 97 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,960 Speaker 1: have a problematic relationship with him, and I think that 98 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 1: probably some men I have dated have secretly thought to themselves, right, 99 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:23,839 Speaker 1: that's a serial killer? Why children don't know? Samantha, Okay, 100 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,560 Speaker 1: I don't put that idea in my head, because I 101 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: will I'll be trying to sleep at night. I'll be like, 102 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: where was the night of this? I watched too many 103 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 1: horror fies. Well, you know that's where it goes. It 104 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 1: kind of comes down with people don't know. Sometimes this 105 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:44,559 Speaker 1: is true anyway, I won't be able to stop thinking 106 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,480 Speaker 1: about for me, I think, and for my own relationships. 107 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 1: I have a great relationship with my adoptive father. Um, 108 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:57,240 Speaker 1: I don't have great relationships with men in general and trust. 109 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,520 Speaker 1: But I don't think I've ever thought been thought of 110 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,040 Speaker 1: as having daddy issues as much as being just a bitch. 111 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 1: Is that daddy issues? I think that it can be. 112 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 1: I think it can be. We'll get into some popular 113 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 1: definitions in a second. Um. It is in a lot 114 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,880 Speaker 1: of our pop culture. It's the name of a movie. 115 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:20,160 Speaker 1: There's so many. I think it was like two point. 116 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 1: It was the name of a band. A Lana del 117 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 1: Ray song. Also apparently Lana del Rey has daddy issues herself. 118 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:34,120 Speaker 1: I don't know. Um. A Demi Levado song, a once 119 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 1: popular dance party in la Um. The title about twenty 120 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:42,200 Speaker 1: eleven episode of The Vampire Diaries, and I'm sure countless 121 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 1: and counts so many other things. Um. And it got 122 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: me to thinking about this whole joke. That's really really 123 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:51,560 Speaker 1: sad when you pause to think about it for two seconds, 124 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: but the whole thing of my dad left for cigarettes 125 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 1: and never came back. Yes, in thirty Rock they have 126 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: this whole somewhat racist. There be sessions based off those. Um, okay, okay, 127 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 1: but let's get all right, no no off check with 128 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,120 Speaker 1: pop culture. So culture is always welcome here, dated pop 129 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:17,920 Speaker 1: culture especially welcome. Dictionary dot com defines daddy issues as 130 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: an informal phrase for the psychological challenges resulting from an 131 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: absent or abnormal relationship with one's father, often manifesting in 132 00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: a distrust of or sexual desire for men who act 133 00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:36,240 Speaker 1: as father figures. Indeed, according to most things I saw 134 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 1: on the internet, daddy issues refers to a woman who 135 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:43,840 Speaker 1: is yeah, and usually as a weird sexualized component, because, 136 00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 1: of course, because women are involved, yeah exactly. Most of 137 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,599 Speaker 1: these definitions come from men trying to diagnose their girlfriends 138 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,720 Speaker 1: daddy issues like we were talking about earlier, and according 139 00:08:54,720 --> 00:09:00,920 Speaker 1: to them, the signs are sexual aggressiveness, excessive flirting, clingingness, 140 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:09,320 Speaker 1: sometimes delusionally overly confident I'm sorry, you're not sorry? Is 141 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:13,800 Speaker 1: that just like another word for confidence? The same confidence 142 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:19,200 Speaker 1: that men have in general, Mediocre men have probably totally 143 00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:23,079 Speaker 1: confident if you actually like yourself delusionally, so yes, yes, 144 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: don't like yourself? Yeah, And now that we're going to 145 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 1: talk a little bit about the popular definition. Here's the 146 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:32,120 Speaker 1: Urban Dictionary, because you know, they got some good stuff. 147 00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:36,559 Speaker 1: Their definition is whenever a female has a sub relationship 148 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:39,000 Speaker 1: with her father or absence of a father figure during 149 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: her childhood, it tends to spill into any adult relationship 150 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,840 Speaker 1: they embark on, and when usually to the chagrin of 151 00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:51,160 Speaker 1: any poor male in their life. So the sentence comes with, geez, 152 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:53,880 Speaker 1: I came home one minute late and my old lady 153 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 1: wants me to sleep on the couch. She has some 154 00:09:56,080 --> 00:10:02,280 Speaker 1: serious daddy issues. Okay, okay, I'm like, that's citizen itself 155 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: is absurd. But here ten wars related to the daddy issues, 156 00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:10,880 Speaker 1: according to again Urban Dictionary, which includes slut, sluts, cougar, 157 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: I didn't know that, douche. That's interesting, sugar, daddy at tension, 158 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: wore bitch, modern women modern We're just gonna put all 159 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:24,240 Speaker 1: that out there. Ohmsa meter, I don't know if that is. 160 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,000 Speaker 1: I think we need to look that up. And slag, 161 00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 1: which is a British English term. I said, hi hair 162 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:36,240 Speaker 1: often um but yeah, I don't know what I own sameter. 163 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:41,719 Speaker 1: It's an older man who has high sexual attraction. Oh 164 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:47,439 Speaker 1: really yeah older. It's a gauge women measure in their 165 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:50,640 Speaker 1: own mind when considering sleeping with and or admiring the 166 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:54,559 Speaker 1: sexual attractedness of an older man. Usually, this gauge is 167 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,719 Speaker 1: called the msameter and is finally boosted by how much 168 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 1: money power of fame this older man has. Do not 169 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:05,240 Speaker 1: mistake this for a sugar day. Poor older men can 170 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:16,200 Speaker 1: possibly have hell, do not mistake you, fool, you fool? 171 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:20,719 Speaker 1: How dare you? Um? Were the olmsa originated from Oh, 172 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 1: I'm just going on the whole other issue now, But okay, 173 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: well olmsa meter. Well, I'm gonna put that in my 174 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 1: pocket somewhere. I'm gonna completely forget about it the second 175 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 1: we move on. Nah, I'm gonna remind you. Please, how 176 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:41,199 Speaker 1: about him? I'd be like, no, neither none. We need 177 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: to go see how much money he makes. So we 178 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,840 Speaker 1: need to go up and ask yes, tell me what's 179 00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 1: your yes? What plan? Do you own a home? And 180 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,960 Speaker 1: then be taking like studious notes, what is your percentage 181 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:59,080 Speaker 1: rate in your UM in your credit card debt and 182 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 1: your mortket the APR. I'm sorry, all very important. And 183 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,840 Speaker 1: then we'll be like, you have homes, you're on the 184 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 1: holmes the meter. I guess, the higher the better, I 185 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:12,040 Speaker 1: guess well, And then they'll they'll wonder, why is this 186 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,520 Speaker 1: these random women coming up to me asking me very 187 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:18,079 Speaker 1: personal financial question. I'll be like Urban Dictionary. One guy 188 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:19,920 Speaker 1: got on here and said this is related. So I'm 189 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:22,440 Speaker 1: wanting to know if the men were right. But you're not, 190 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:24,680 Speaker 1: sugar daddy. Well, that's why I'm like, I have to 191 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 1: categorize you could properly, because that's what we need. Category. 192 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna put a name tags on people with it 193 00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:40,599 Speaker 1: the meter or sugar daddy. Oh my goodness, okay, oh 194 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 1: me all moving on, Moving on and the LGBTQ plus community. 195 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,199 Speaker 1: Daddy issues is sometimes applied to gay men, and sometimes 196 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: to refer to a man in a relationship with an 197 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: older man. Yeah, and I know there's a category for 198 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 1: gay men daddies. Yes, you know. I just take daddies again. 199 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:02,600 Speaker 1: Why do I watch so much thirty Rock Alec Baldwin, 200 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 1: his character refers himself as a daddy. Oh no, oh yeah, 201 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 1: because he's talking to a gay man apparently, But like 202 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 1: he's like, I'm a daddy, a daddy bear. I like 203 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,760 Speaker 1: your Alec Baldwin impression he gets because he got he 204 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,400 Speaker 1: has those piercing blue eyes. But it's real serious, right, 205 00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,840 Speaker 1: I know how this works. Um, Yeah, but I'm with 206 00:13:23,880 --> 00:13:26,520 Speaker 1: all of that again. I've also related it to men 207 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:28,440 Speaker 1: who are afraid of either turning out to be like 208 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:32,719 Speaker 1: their fathers or terrified of being fathers. So these are 209 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:37,840 Speaker 1: like actual daddy issues, like literal dad issues, right. I know. 210 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: It's often used to shame people who are single parents, 211 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:44,360 Speaker 1: and specifically used as an argument of having children outside 212 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 1: of the marriage. Like I saw a random um article 213 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 1: written in a political blog, so an old school political blog, 214 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: talking about how these daddy issues these are these are 215 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 1: not complete nuclear family and so therefore we're creating chaos 216 00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 1: outside of the perfect family because oh, you know, if 217 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 1: there's not a father in the figure, causing more problems 218 00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 1: and you're going to have more issues and these kids 219 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,400 Speaker 1: are bad kids or whatever however it might be noted. 220 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 1: So daddy issues links to problematic children or problematic futures 221 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:25,880 Speaker 1: and dissatisfied futures because there's no true male figure in 222 00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 1: their lives. So I've seen that too, which is weird 223 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:31,880 Speaker 1: in itself, I guess, because apparently there's only one way 224 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 1: to have a family. Apparently, all said with a sarcasm. 225 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:42,840 Speaker 1: It is a popular phrase in the fetish or king community. 226 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,560 Speaker 1: A twenty eighteen study found that women who grew up 227 00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 1: disappointed in their fathers are more likely to interpret interactions 228 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:54,040 Speaker 1: with men as sexual. Other studies have linked a daughter's 229 00:14:54,080 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 1: poor relationship with fathers to hire instances of unplanned pregnancy 230 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 1: and divorce. And then you gotta think about this, when 231 00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:05,040 Speaker 1: we say disappointed and their father's there's some things that 232 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,960 Speaker 1: were not completely noting, such as like abuse within relationships, 233 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,680 Speaker 1: abuse between like stepfather or you know, an uncle, those 234 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 1: strong male figures, which probably made the statistics higher. And 235 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 1: I'm thinking that's probably who they kind of get the 236 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:23,400 Speaker 1: research based on, mainly because they're more accessible, like based 237 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,880 Speaker 1: on like police reporting and blah blah blah blah blah. Right, 238 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 1: So I think that that needs to be noted as well, 239 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:32,240 Speaker 1: because this is not just a number random amounts. I 240 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,400 Speaker 1: don't think. I think you have to look at the 241 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:41,160 Speaker 1: background of what disappointment means, right well, and also as always, 242 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 1: so you got you can't causality and correlation or different things, 243 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 1: and so many different factors going into people. People are complex, 244 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 1: so always you know, got in mine. Another study, yeah, 245 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:58,400 Speaker 1: found no link at all between daddy issues in quotes 246 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:01,000 Speaker 1: and attachment styles in regards to in dating older men. 247 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: They found no difference between women in significant age gap 248 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,400 Speaker 1: relationship which means men who are ten years older at 249 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:12,680 Speaker 1: least and those not in significant age gap relationships. In fact, 250 00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:16,120 Speaker 1: seventy four percent of women in significant age gap relationships 251 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:20,400 Speaker 1: were securely attached according to the study. Note these were 252 00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 1: all heterosexual relationships. I believe thanks, you're about mature man. 253 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:31,360 Speaker 1: I guess my parents were eleven years apart. But we 254 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 1: have some history about this phrase. But first we're gonna 255 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: pause for a quick break for word from our sponsor, 256 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 1: and we're back. Thank you sponsor, and we're back with 257 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 1: some history. Some history daddy issues goes back to Carl 258 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:02,440 Speaker 1: Young's idea of electric complex, which is the flip side 259 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:05,880 Speaker 1: of the coin of the Oedipus complex, suggesting women compete 260 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:08,640 Speaker 1: with their mothers for the attention of their fathers. It's 261 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:13,919 Speaker 1: a young woman's subconscious attraction to her father. If you're wondering, 262 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,639 Speaker 1: because I kind of got to wondering. The sexualized context 263 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:20,320 Speaker 1: of daddy came about into the twentieth century, especially in 264 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:24,879 Speaker 1: the b DSM Gay in prison communities community. Yes, the 265 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 1: related phrase daddy's girl goes back to nineteen twenties, right, 266 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,399 Speaker 1: It is a fairly recent term entering the records in 267 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:36,400 Speaker 1: the nineteen nineties, and Charles Skulls nineteen ninety two book Fathers, 268 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:40,000 Speaker 1: Sons and Daughters discussed it, quote, power and authority are 269 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:43,120 Speaker 1: daddy issues inside the bedroom as well as out. The 270 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 1: first man a girl flirts with is her father? Is 271 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:51,200 Speaker 1: her daddy? What gross gros I'm sorry, this is some 272 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,760 Speaker 1: like freud nonsense that he's trying to put back in 273 00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,920 Speaker 1: the well. I guess one nineteen nineties. But that's absurd. 274 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 1: Oh what was its research based on? I don't know. 275 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,880 Speaker 1: I don't know that there was research. Maybe his own 276 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: Oh no, oh no. The more acceptable psychological term is 277 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,200 Speaker 1: father complex, which both women and men can have. Some 278 00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:19,879 Speaker 1: psychotherapists say that in hetero relationships, a daughter's observance and 279 00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,680 Speaker 1: understanding of how a father treats her mother is one 280 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,560 Speaker 1: of the most formed of things, or it can be 281 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 1: in the daughter's future relationships. Can impact self esteem as well. 282 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,360 Speaker 1: If the mother puts up with a less than ideal 283 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,760 Speaker 1: situation or less than ideal treatment, a daughter can internalize 284 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:38,919 Speaker 1: this as how women behave and what they're expected to 285 00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 1: take in relationships. Soun's will experience the same thing in 286 00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:46,119 Speaker 1: this case that men treat women less than ideally and 287 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,239 Speaker 1: that's normal and right. I think we've said before, like 288 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:52,399 Speaker 1: the tools you get, the tools you learn from your 289 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,239 Speaker 1: parents are often you find yourself using those tools in 290 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:59,200 Speaker 1: your relationships. It just makes sense. It's like observing early 291 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,440 Speaker 1: and that's the idea that is cyclical whom it comes 292 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 1: to abuse. So women who are involved in domestic violence 293 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:08,439 Speaker 1: who allow that children expect this is the rest of 294 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,200 Speaker 1: their life and this is normal, This is normalized behavior. 295 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,560 Speaker 1: So it becomes a cyclical thing where children after children, 296 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:18,199 Speaker 1: generation after generation. It goes through the same process that 297 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 1: they go through the same types of relationships. And it's 298 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,760 Speaker 1: the same way for men where they see this and 299 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 1: even if they're very very protective, like I've seen that 300 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,440 Speaker 1: a lot where the boys want to be protective about 301 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: the mother, but because they don't understand exactly what's happening, 302 00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 1: they internalize anger and we act that way because that's 303 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,399 Speaker 1: what they learn. Like we saw that with Chris Brown. 304 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:40,439 Speaker 1: He came from a very abusive relationship, talked about it 305 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,199 Speaker 1: on Oprah, cried about it, and now we see all 306 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:48,879 Speaker 1: of these really disturbing behaviors from him. Because not completely obviously, 307 00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 1: but there are some ideas like this is a linkage 308 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,800 Speaker 1: and that you can't ignore that. Yes, and how to 309 00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 1: break that cycle. Yes, because that is an important point 310 00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,320 Speaker 1: to emphasize it can be broken. Yes. Um. In a 311 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:05,760 Speaker 1: nineteen ninety five interview, playwright Tony Kushner said, my anger 312 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,120 Speaker 1: maybe at a pool mommy and daddy issues, but it's 313 00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:13,640 Speaker 1: politically and dramatallurgically useful, and we've seen it in pop 314 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,240 Speaker 1: culture several times. One of the most notable instances was 315 00:20:16,359 --> 00:20:19,720 Speaker 1: in the poem Daddy by Sylvia Plath, and the poem 316 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,239 Speaker 1: she declares she is over her daddy issues after she 317 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,720 Speaker 1: kills them. At the end of the poem, I guess 318 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:27,639 Speaker 1: spoiler alert alert, I'm so sorry. I do love some 319 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,720 Speaker 1: Sylvia Plath. Look. I was like emo girl, feeling my 320 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:36,399 Speaker 1: feeling not really emotionally because I was I was about 321 00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,439 Speaker 1: to be like, oh, I was dark. I had a 322 00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:40,200 Speaker 1: lot like if you looked at my poems from the past, 323 00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 1: they're all about death. Oh man, we should bring in 324 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:45,919 Speaker 1: our poem My mothers I literally read one and she 325 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,720 Speaker 1: got really concerned. She's like, are you okay? What's wrong 326 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:51,200 Speaker 1: with you? I'm like, this is how I think. I 327 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 1: remember I was crying because she was really worried, and 328 00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:55,560 Speaker 1: I was like, no, no, no, this is how I 329 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,000 Speaker 1: express things. And when I'm sad, this is what I 330 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,480 Speaker 1: have to do. So nothing, and I'm like, things really 331 00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:02,160 Speaker 1: good in here. I do have some god ones in there. 332 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: I think from a religious days. Oh I'm a bad poet. 333 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 1: Though after I looked back, I was like, oh bad, 334 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,439 Speaker 1: that's what makes them fun. Now I'm just saying we 335 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 1: should have a poetry a police though my phase is 336 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 1: already turning a red with that thought. You if we're 337 00:21:19,040 --> 00:21:21,159 Speaker 1: gonna do speed dating, then we're gonna do poetry. Now 338 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:24,320 Speaker 1: that's going down. Don't can we do it while we're 339 00:21:24,359 --> 00:21:28,840 Speaker 1: speed dating? Oh, that's that's gonna get all. Everybody's going 340 00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 1: to want to datas After that, everybody, I'm gonna just 341 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 1: do dramatic readings. Bill sit down and I'll be like 342 00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:36,560 Speaker 1: I kind of want you to take excips of your 343 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 1: fan fiction too at the same time, just out of 344 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,480 Speaker 1: I have a real witness, just put all of that 345 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: to them and just stare at them intently in the eyes, 346 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,000 Speaker 1: just as you're reading this out loud. Yes, And every 347 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 1: time they try to interrupt, I'm like, ah, not done, 348 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:58,360 Speaker 1: not done, rude, rude. I am a catch. Yes you are. 349 00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,440 Speaker 1: In the show How I Met Your Mother, Barney describes 350 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: the perfect one night stand as a woman with daddy issues. 351 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,719 Speaker 1: And it's meant to be kind of a joke, right, um, 352 00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,800 Speaker 1: And we wanted to touch on briefly here. Um, the 353 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:15,760 Speaker 1: Mama's Boy the male equivalent, although really anyone can have 354 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 1: daddy issues, it's just generally assumed to be a woman. Um, 355 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:24,840 Speaker 1: compared to daddy issues, Mama's Boy doesn't necessarily have to 356 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 1: be a bad thing, right, but it does emasculate a 357 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:31,920 Speaker 1: man as where other sexual like highly sexual. Yeah, terms, 358 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:36,720 Speaker 1: this is now a pansy essentially, right. I don't believe 359 00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:40,880 Speaker 1: that I'm just saying that, right, right, right, right? Um? Yeah, 360 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,800 Speaker 1: I feel like you know, in our in our culture 361 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: than being more feminine, being emasculated is bad, right, But 362 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 1: I do think that, um, it can have kind of 363 00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:54,920 Speaker 1: aspects of it can be good, like oh, he's just 364 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 1: you know. But you know what, I even see that 365 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 1: turned on women as well, because the mom due a 366 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:05,720 Speaker 1: mom is the one that was overly protected and didn't 367 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 1: want to share him with anyone and make sure that 368 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,359 Speaker 1: no other woman is as good as her. That's true, 369 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,600 Speaker 1: and that's used in like the mother in law context 370 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,880 Speaker 1: as well. But yeah, even with this, even though it's 371 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,280 Speaker 1: supposed to be about a boy, and it's still not awful, 372 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,359 Speaker 1: the mom, the female, the mother figures the one that 373 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 1: still comes out as a monster. Isn't that interesting? M 374 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:33,640 Speaker 1: I've never heard mommy issues used in conversation to my recollection, 375 00:23:34,080 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 1: but it does exist and refers to emotionally unavailable men 376 00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:42,439 Speaker 1: without the sexualized connotation of daddy issues exactly exactly. I 377 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,720 Speaker 1: have also heard this as an excuse of the failing 378 00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 1: of the nuclear family once again. Yeah, this whole idea 379 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,359 Speaker 1: that without a father and the family just it fails 380 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 1: somehow to teach the daughter or soon how to be 381 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:56,480 Speaker 1: normal and well well adjusted. And we can argue how 382 00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:01,679 Speaker 1: inaccurate normal is in the ideation of Yeah, so I 383 00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,120 Speaker 1: think this is why they use this as an argument 384 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:08,080 Speaker 1: in the LGBTQ not being allowed to adopt, saying that 385 00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,960 Speaker 1: this is not a Christian family, which we're seeing a 386 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:15,679 Speaker 1: turn right now with Trump trying to allow adoption agencies 387 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:21,639 Speaker 1: to deny gay and lesbians of the LGBTQ will allow 388 00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 1: to be adopt children, which is which again is ironic 389 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:32,240 Speaker 1: in comparison with the whole fetus life idea in taking 390 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,399 Speaker 1: care of children, because I will say, from the d 391 00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 1: years of working in this field, that is seriously sad um. 392 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:43,880 Speaker 1: But anyway, yeah, so I think a lot of that 393 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:47,160 Speaker 1: has to do with this whole idea of Okay, if 394 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,879 Speaker 1: there's no mother figure to balance this out or a 395 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,159 Speaker 1: father figure to balance this out, this is not going 396 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,040 Speaker 1: to be healthy for this child and they're going to 397 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:59,280 Speaker 1: turn gay. That's my other favorite dumbass argument. But I 398 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:05,680 Speaker 1: hear which I am passionate about advocating for those because 399 00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,879 Speaker 1: as a person who has adopted myself, and as a 400 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 1: person who sees so many kids in the foster home 401 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 1: that needs someone just to care. So it makes me 402 00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 1: really angry that we would deny the children to have 403 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:24,760 Speaker 1: a saving, happy home. Absolutely, and I think that when 404 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,560 Speaker 1: we hear the phrase daddy issues and we see it 405 00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 1: thrown about in our pop cultures so much it is 406 00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,400 Speaker 1: easy to kind of dismiss it as though this is just, 407 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:39,719 Speaker 1: you know, a silly, silly thing, But it touches on 408 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:45,400 Speaker 1: things undercurrents in our belief systems, right, what our society 409 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 1: is built on, that point to very real problems that 410 00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:55,359 Speaker 1: are impacting. Right, that people that literally deny people happiness 411 00:25:55,960 --> 00:26:00,240 Speaker 1: and deny people some rights essentially because of an idea 412 00:26:00,359 --> 00:26:06,680 Speaker 1: that's not really proven. Yeah. Yeah, so it's it is important, um, 413 00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:10,480 Speaker 1: more important than perhaps I would think, or you would 414 00:26:10,520 --> 00:26:13,920 Speaker 1: think at first hearing Daddy Issues. It's kind of it's 415 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,800 Speaker 1: a joke to a certain extent, and apparently mentally believe this, 416 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,560 Speaker 1: I guess. So, like I said, all the first page 417 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,000 Speaker 1: of Google search results was Yeah, I think that's all 418 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:26,680 Speaker 1: like GQ and the Little Muscle magazines or whatever, all. 419 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,480 Speaker 1: Just like Cosmo has ten tips to have great sex, 420 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:32,840 Speaker 1: it's like ten tips to see if you're not Daddy 421 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:39,160 Speaker 1: issues you y'all. Uh, we do have a little bit 422 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,080 Speaker 1: more touching on that, but first we have one more 423 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:57,480 Speaker 1: quick break forward from our sponsor and we're back, thank 424 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:04,480 Speaker 1: you sponsor. So we have some concluding thoughts on Yes, 425 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:09,960 Speaker 1: clearly on daddy issues, and I feel like we were 426 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 1: talking about um a bit earlier. It's another way of 427 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 1: putting men's failings on women, blaming women, right, they're all 428 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:23,119 Speaker 1: crazy men exactly um or. I mean I've even heard 429 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:26,480 Speaker 1: and I know we've seen this in our pop culture too, 430 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:33,520 Speaker 1: but like the wife in this very nuclear family UM context, 431 00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:37,920 Speaker 1: she's the reason that the father figure cheated or left 432 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:42,960 Speaker 1: or the daughter is like, it's not his fat as. 433 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,879 Speaker 1: In fact, you paint these women as being uh oh 434 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:54,320 Speaker 1: like like essentially this herpy type of um nag essentially, 435 00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:57,520 Speaker 1: and they're always that way, Like even when you know 436 00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:00,600 Speaker 1: that this is not you still have the feeling of 437 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:03,520 Speaker 1: I don't like you, you know what I mean, Like, um, 438 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:09,879 Speaker 1: what is the old school show Raymond? Yeah, the wife 439 00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,960 Speaker 1: was portrayed that way. Yeah, I think that was like 440 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:13,480 Speaker 1: I think they ended up be in a good relationship, 441 00:28:13,520 --> 00:28:16,320 Speaker 1: but it still was like, uh yeah. I got really 442 00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: turned off from sitcoms like that for a while because 443 00:28:18,520 --> 00:28:22,719 Speaker 1: I noticed, like it was always a husband who Chamberlain 444 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: wasn't that attractive, right, oh, Always that was the formula, 445 00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 1: the super particulously hot wife that that doesn't make sense 446 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,720 Speaker 1: and he is like screwing up and never around right 447 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,920 Speaker 1: and painting her as yeah, being shrill or annoying. Right, 448 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:40,719 Speaker 1: she's like, you need to come home and take care 449 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,680 Speaker 1: of the kids while holiday, you'd be late, and he's like, 450 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:47,800 Speaker 1: I'm just having my fun, yeah, being nice, or that 451 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:52,400 Speaker 1: same trope of men being forgetful but being forgiven, and 452 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,560 Speaker 1: she's being overly thoughtful but at the same time demanding. Yeah, 453 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:57,479 Speaker 1: it's kind of just the over the top. You're like, 454 00:28:57,920 --> 00:28:59,800 Speaker 1: why is it always that the mom has to be 455 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,960 Speaker 1: bad guy? Yes, the same thing with um. This is doubtfire. 456 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:08,400 Speaker 1: The perfect example. Sally Fiels is painted as and she 457 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,360 Speaker 1: says it, I am always a bad guy because I 458 00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,200 Speaker 1: have to be responsible. And he's doing all these things 459 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,920 Speaker 1: without talking to her, and he seemed like the victim. 460 00:29:16,320 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 1: You have the sad picture of him the entire time, 461 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:24,280 Speaker 1: as if he's being persecuted. Yes, she's asking me to 462 00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:29,520 Speaker 1: do the dishes, right, not true? Right, I can't keep 463 00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 1: a job. How dare you be that demanding and you 464 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,000 Speaker 1: have the better job that takes your time because I 465 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:38,280 Speaker 1: don't have a job. Yeah, man, I die hard too. 466 00:29:38,440 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 1: It is a lot a lot anyway. Pop culture time, 467 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:49,280 Speaker 1: culture time all all the references in this episode specifically, 468 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,280 Speaker 1: that's what we're here for. If a woman has issues 469 00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:55,160 Speaker 1: because of their father, it is somehow their false and 470 00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,960 Speaker 1: excusing bad fathers and turning it around with the daughters 471 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:02,040 Speaker 1: is kind of the I would say of daddy issues. 472 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:04,960 Speaker 1: It's that it's also or the mother's fault. Yeah, it's 473 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:08,360 Speaker 1: one of the female's faults for sure. Throw them away, right. 474 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,440 Speaker 1: It's kind of an equivalent to shutting down women for 475 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 1: being hysterical or emotional, kind of a way of gaslighting. Also, 476 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:20,720 Speaker 1: the narrative of absent fathers creating daddy issues suggest a 477 00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:24,360 Speaker 1: father is necessary to grow up without such issues. She 478 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,600 Speaker 1: ignores non hetero couples, single mothers, so many others, so 479 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:33,400 Speaker 1: many other experiences, and again single parents, all the rock stars. 480 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,840 Speaker 1: That's all I have to say. When you keep that 481 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,040 Speaker 1: money going and keep the house going and keep the 482 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:44,280 Speaker 1: kids saying wonderful. I Also, I do feel like daddy 483 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:47,560 Speaker 1: issues is frequently used to shut down kinks and sexual 484 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:51,479 Speaker 1: interest a woman might have. The daddy fetish is more 485 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:55,160 Speaker 1: about authority and power play, just a fire right, and 486 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:59,840 Speaker 1: they need to be watched over. Yes, and we're gonna 487 00:31:00,200 --> 00:31:03,400 Speaker 1: touch on that a bit sure episodes, you have some 488 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: good stuff coming. We do. If you think you do 489 00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:10,440 Speaker 1: have a father complex, experts recommend therapy if possible, and 490 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:13,440 Speaker 1: if not, taking time alone to do some introspection, take 491 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,360 Speaker 1: stock of any relationship patterns, and learning to be okay 492 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: with yourself in general. I think that's good advice, right. 493 00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think I have daddy issues, but 494 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,280 Speaker 1: I definitely have parent issues, you know what I mean. 495 00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:25,959 Speaker 1: We were talking about one of the big things for 496 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:30,080 Speaker 1: me as my families political opinions and mine are very 497 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:33,480 Speaker 1: extreme and sometimes it is a little difficult. Especially I 498 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: am an adopted careeran girl, so therefore I'm a brown 499 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:41,880 Speaker 1: girl in a white family, and it becomes problematic because 500 00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,400 Speaker 1: of the way I see the world and the way 501 00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,120 Speaker 1: they see the world are two different perspectives. And that 502 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:47,880 Speaker 1: has nothing to do with the fact that I had 503 00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:52,040 Speaker 1: daddy issues. It's just parent issues. Yeah, that's most people. Yeah, 504 00:31:52,080 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 1: And I say this as I agree. You don't have 505 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:55,840 Speaker 1: to say you have a father complex. If you say 506 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,440 Speaker 1: you have issues with your parents, with your father, with 507 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 1: your father, whatever, you need to get araby because therapy 508 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:11,520 Speaker 1: is wonderful. So we all amen, Hallelujah. We don't get 509 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 1: any sponsorship, don't get any referral fees, mysterious therapy, a 510 00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,080 Speaker 1: counsel that's paying us to say this, it does not exist, 511 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:26,800 Speaker 1: it doesn't know. Or counsel yourself with your friends. Yeah. Yeah, 512 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,000 Speaker 1: And I do think that you can have a lot 513 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:34,320 Speaker 1: of growth by especially if you've ever had a relationship 514 00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 1: that lasted for a while and like, and I'm just 515 00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:43,520 Speaker 1: a nerd, but like I would suggest to look at 516 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:48,440 Speaker 1: what why it failed or it didn't work out right, um, 517 00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:50,440 Speaker 1: and then just see. I think a lot of for 518 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 1: me is watching other people's relationships as well, and and 519 00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:58,800 Speaker 1: talking to other people because I get generally confused about 520 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 1: how it works. Sure anything long term doesn't seem real 521 00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:08,200 Speaker 1: to me anyway, one of my mini issues. So, but talk, 522 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,560 Speaker 1: being able to talk to friends who have experienced good 523 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,560 Speaker 1: relationships or even bad relationships really helpful. You start like 524 00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:17,760 Speaker 1: understanding a little more about the individual tracks and like 525 00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:20,720 Speaker 1: watching from the outside of the different perspectives and voices. 526 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 1: I think it's important too. Yeah yeah, so, and I 527 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,280 Speaker 1: feel we all reach that point when we get older 528 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: where we do see ourselves making the mistakes that our 529 00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,040 Speaker 1: parents made and we just didn't realize it right. Maybe 530 00:33:35,080 --> 00:33:36,920 Speaker 1: I'm over generalizing, but I feel like me and a 531 00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:42,360 Speaker 1: lot of my friends experienced that. Yeah. So instead of thinking, oh, 532 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,800 Speaker 1: I've got daddy issues, yeah, you just I mean, honestly, 533 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:50,680 Speaker 1: my sister used to get whatever, she used to get 534 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:52,600 Speaker 1: flack for the fact that she had a really great 535 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:56,680 Speaker 1: relationship with our father, and therefore she wanted to have 536 00:33:56,760 --> 00:33:58,880 Speaker 1: a relationship like her mom and dad. Like her mom 537 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,600 Speaker 1: and dad, because they're very as a couple, they're amazing, 538 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,920 Speaker 1: And I think, is that a daddy issue? I guess, 539 00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:08,120 Speaker 1: so you can't win for losing because they have a 540 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,200 Speaker 1: healthy relationship. They really do, and they're really close. And 541 00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:12,839 Speaker 1: I said, I have a good relationship with my dad 542 00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:15,080 Speaker 1: as well. We may not agree on things, but he's 543 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,960 Speaker 1: very understanding to a certain degree. At least we talked 544 00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:22,600 Speaker 1: things through. That's what we can do. And for my mother, 545 00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:25,640 Speaker 1: for my father and my sister, they really really close. 546 00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:28,520 Speaker 1: He's a cuddler. He will always hug you. He makes 547 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,000 Speaker 1: you to tell you I love you every time he 548 00:34:30,040 --> 00:34:32,520 Speaker 1: sees you like he's one of those I went away. 549 00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:35,719 Speaker 1: This is really dorky. I went away across the country 550 00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:39,319 Speaker 1: for two years, and he would be like, Okay, when 551 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,319 Speaker 1: you see the moon. No, I'm looking at the same 552 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,000 Speaker 1: moon too, and I'm thinking how much I love you 553 00:34:43,000 --> 00:34:45,480 Speaker 1: and how proud of you I am. That's my dad, 554 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,160 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. But the fact is she 555 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:52,080 Speaker 1: got flat for being too healthy in that relationship and 556 00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,200 Speaker 1: actually caring about our father's opinions and or going to 557 00:34:55,239 --> 00:35:01,000 Speaker 1: our father for opinions and for encouragement and love. So 558 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:03,839 Speaker 1: even though you can't win, yeah, you really can't win. 559 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:10,359 Speaker 1: I personally feel like it's just another kind of misogyny 560 00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,279 Speaker 1: generally right, misogyny rearing its ugly ahead and shutting down 561 00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:17,879 Speaker 1: women for what X, y Z whatever reason exactly. Yeah, 562 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:19,600 Speaker 1: I can't connect with you till that means you have 563 00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:24,080 Speaker 1: daddy issues. Those are our thoughts, but we would love 564 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:27,640 Speaker 1: to hear your thost listener, Please indust your thoughts because 565 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:29,320 Speaker 1: we're gonna be in our own heads or talking on 566 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,359 Speaker 1: the mic about it. Yes, we keep put some facts 567 00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:35,040 Speaker 1: in here though we did, We did, and we would. Yeah, 568 00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:37,239 Speaker 1: we would love to hear anybody what your take on 569 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,799 Speaker 1: daddy issues is. We would love to hear from you. 570 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:43,960 Speaker 1: You can email us at Stuffmedia Mom, Stuff at iHeartMedia 571 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:48,480 Speaker 1: dot com. Anything sent to the multitudes multiple old email 572 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:51,640 Speaker 1: address as I cannot keep track. It should all arrive 573 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:56,440 Speaker 1: to this final destination, so don't worry about that. You 574 00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: can also find us on Twitter at mom Stuff Podcasts 575 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:01,440 Speaker 1: and on Instagram at Stuff I've Never told you, And 576 00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:04,120 Speaker 1: I do have a quick announcement quick announcement. Yes some 577 00:36:04,239 --> 00:36:07,200 Speaker 1: of you know. I am also on the podcast saver 578 00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:09,560 Speaker 1: all about food and drink and we are going to 579 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:14,320 Speaker 1: Hawaii for not one but two weeks. Yes, that's okay. 580 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:16,840 Speaker 1: I don't get to go, so I'm really better. Is 581 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:20,959 Speaker 1: a very bitter, very strong cup of tea over there. 582 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 1: So I just want to put that out there because um, 583 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 1: there's a rush to get a lot of stuff done 584 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,600 Speaker 1: before I go, and I think we'll manage it. But 585 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,239 Speaker 1: if if there are a couple more classics, then you'll 586 00:36:36,239 --> 00:36:38,840 Speaker 1: know why. You'll know why because I am in Hawaii 587 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,879 Speaker 1: and I refuse to work while she's on the beach. Yes, 588 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,160 Speaker 1: you're just gonna protests at my desk even though I'm 589 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:48,840 Speaker 1: not there. I'm just gonna start putting like random fishes 590 00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:55,919 Speaker 1: on your desk. Yes, I told you the plan. Oh no, 591 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,560 Speaker 1: you're always doing that. You're always telling me the plan, 592 00:36:58,640 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 1: but it somehow still works, So I guess you're you're 593 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:04,359 Speaker 1: doing something right. I'm just a little bitter. Thanks, as 594 00:37:04,440 --> 00:37:08,319 Speaker 1: always to our super producer Andrew Howard was also leading me. 595 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:13,480 Speaker 1: Yes like you either. Thanks to you for listening. Thank you, guys. 596 00:37:13,719 --> 00:37:16,200 Speaker 1: Stuff Mom Never Told You's a production of iHeartRadio's House 597 00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:19,560 Speaker 1: Stuff Works. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, 598 00:37:19,600 --> 00:37:22,000 Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.