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Speaker 1: Hey, what's up is this Charles.

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Speaker 2: Ave It?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 1: This is the gecko guy?

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Speaker 2: What?

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Speaker 1: What the fuck? What's up?

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Speaker 2: Man? Dude? How you doing?

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Speaker 1: I'm doing good? How are you?

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Speaker 3: Uh? I just pulled into the liquor store. I got

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Speaker 3: done grocery shopping.

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Speaker 1: How what did you get?

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Speaker 3: I went to Sam's Club, So just bulk stuff like

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Speaker 3: paper towels and spounges and shit.

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Speaker 1: How many paper towels? Uh? Came in the bulk paper

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Speaker 1: towel unit that you guys?

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Speaker 3: I think it's like a forty pack?

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Speaker 1: Forty pack? How long do you think that'll last you?

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Speaker 2: A year?

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Speaker 3: Probably like three months? Four months?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? What are you using all those paper towels on?

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Speaker 2: Uh?

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Speaker 3: I mean my girlfriend has a really bad habit spilling stuff,

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Speaker 3: so instead of dirty and rags, she just likes to

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Speaker 3: grab paper towels.

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Speaker 1: Do you think the onus of environmental conservation is on

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Speaker 1: the people or or on like the governments and the corporations.

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Speaker 3: I'm not a big paper towel person, but she needs them,

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Speaker 3: so that's why I get them. Same with paper plates.

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Speaker 3: I come home and there's paper plates in the cupboard

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Speaker 3: all the time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. No, I agree with that perspective. Anyway, Charles, your

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Speaker 1: name is Yeah, what's up?

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Speaker 2: Man? What I know?

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Speaker 3: So crazy? I've been listening to you for like since

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Speaker 3: the pandemic. I got into you, and then I showed

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Speaker 3: you to my girlfriend and she listens to you every

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Speaker 3: time you post a new one on her way to

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Speaker 3: work because she works down she like works an hour

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Speaker 3: away from where we live.

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Speaker 1: Cool. Well, what does she do?

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Speaker 3: She's like a Whole Foods like manager person. She works

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Speaker 3: at Whole Foods.

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Speaker 1: Does she come home a lot with like stories of

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Speaker 1: like people being shitty to her at Whole Foods?

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Speaker 2: Uh?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, A bunch of like homeless people too, because it's

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Speaker 3: like right downtown, a bunch of homeless people that like

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Speaker 3: make shit all over the toilet seats and everything. It's

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Speaker 3: pretty gross me and customers. I hear that all the time.

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Speaker 3: Also famous Beeple too tranded, Charlie Day not too long ago?

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Speaker 1: Really?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's pretty cool.

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Speaker 1: Are you guys in Los Angeles?

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Speaker 3: No, man, we're in Utah? Oh yeah, what.

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Speaker 1: Are all these famous people doing in Utah?

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Speaker 3: So surprisingly, there's like quite a bit of films I

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Speaker 3: get filmed around like Salt Lake and and like the

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Speaker 3: mountains and stuff, and like downtown like towards Provo, and

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Speaker 3: a lot of Ogden, like Ogden's where we're from, and

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Speaker 3: like Halloween's been filmed up here. Like, uh, there's this

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Speaker 3: Chivy Chase movie that was also filmed up here. Like

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Speaker 3: a bunch of older like eighties and like mid nineties

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Speaker 3: movies were filmed in Augden. Dumb and Dumber was filmed

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Speaker 3: in Ogden and in Salt Lake.

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Speaker 1: Charles, you sent me a bunch of texts? Can I

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Speaker 1: read a few of them? Is that?

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Speaker 3: Okay? Yeah, that's cool.

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Speaker 1: Oh, some of them are a little uh, some of

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Speaker 1: them are at least a year old. But I'll bring Yeah, dude.

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Speaker 3: I've been trying to I've been I downloaded Twitch so

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Speaker 3: I could like get your messages and then like I

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Speaker 3: was sitting watching that, I'll call and I'll message. So

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Speaker 3: this is actually kind of crazy, man, like not gonna lie.

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Speaker 1: Okay, you know, I'm gonna I'll just start going through

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Speaker 1: the list because there's a lot of stuff here. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 1: first when you text me, was I stuck a knife

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Speaker 1: four inches into my chest last year?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? That did happen?

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Speaker 1: Well, what was up with that?

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Speaker 2: Uh?

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Speaker 3: Let me go through the thought process of it all.

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Speaker 3: So I was in a really bad place in life,

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Speaker 3: and I was a severe, severe alcoholic, Like I like

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Speaker 3: to have a drink every now and then, like it's

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Speaker 3: the weekend, you know, So yeah, I like to have

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Speaker 3: a little bit of whiskey here in there. But I

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Speaker 3: was in a really abusive relationship with my ex and

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Speaker 3: she like beat the shit out of me and just

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Speaker 3: kind of treated me like absolute shit. And I hit

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Speaker 3: a one night there was just like the straw that

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Speaker 3: broke the camel's back. I had a drink like a

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Speaker 3: whole handle a jim Beam, and then like half a

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Speaker 3: big bottle of Nadrill, And I remember laying on the

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Speaker 3: couch and just grabbed the knife and I just kind

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Speaker 3: of like I held it and then just stuck it

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Speaker 3: deep into my chest. I got a giant hole like

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Speaker 3: where it is like when I flexed my peck like

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Speaker 3: an indentse And yeah, I woke up in the ICU.

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Speaker 3: I remember seeing this old lady like telling me I

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Speaker 3: can't leave, and I kept telling her to fuck off,

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Speaker 3: and she's like, no, you can't leave.

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Speaker 2: I was like fuck you.

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Speaker 3: And then yeah, I woke up in the ICU with

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Speaker 3: I got a big zipper from my belly button into

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Speaker 3: my pubiccare from like they had to go there and

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Speaker 3: I got a big scar on my back where they

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Speaker 3: had to take a piece of my lung out everything.

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Speaker 3: It was. It's pretty gnarly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I got a great girlfriend now though, she's very supportive

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Speaker 3: and loving and wonderful person.

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Speaker 1: So you were drunk. So you were drunk and four

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Speaker 1: inches is no fucking joke. I mean that's really that's

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Speaker 1: in you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it was.

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Speaker 3: I punctured my diaphragm and like it was. It was

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Speaker 3: pretty I mean, it's a giant invent in my chest. Man.

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Speaker 1: And you woke up in the end, so somebody called, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it was my ex and do you still have? Like

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Speaker 1: this was okay, So this was two years ago then,

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Speaker 1: because you sent me the text to you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this was almost going on you almost going on

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Speaker 3: three years?

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Speaker 1: Do you uh do you still have? I mean, I

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Speaker 1: know you still have the hole in your chest? Do

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Speaker 1: you are there any other like lasting things?

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Speaker 3: I'm like kind of like I wouldn't say paralyzed, but

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Speaker 3: you know that feeling like when you sit on your

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Speaker 3: hands for too long or something and it goes asleep

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Speaker 3: and sal keenly. Yeah, that effect is still kind of

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Speaker 3: like underneath my bicep and like my peck and everything,

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Speaker 3: and it's like super sensitive to touch. Like my girlfriend

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Speaker 3: will be like laying on me and then like touch

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Speaker 3: it and it kind of like gives me a little jolty,

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Speaker 3: going m hm.

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Speaker 1: You sound like you're you're doing better now than you

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Speaker 1: were when you did that.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, wonderful. Man, I'm kicking ass. I've been at

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Speaker 3: my job for like five years now. I mean me

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Speaker 3: and this girl, my new girl. Uh, we've been together

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Speaker 3: about we're celebrating our two year anniversary coming up here

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Speaker 3: like next week.

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Speaker 2: So that's dope. Cool.

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Speaker 3: We've been trying to do all the fall stuff.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so crazy.

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Speaker 3: I'm on the phone with the gek dude.

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Speaker 2: What's it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you got you guys just like you guys go

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Speaker 1: to like the pumpkin patch and shit.

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Speaker 3: Uh, she wants to go hit up a haunted house

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Speaker 3: tomorrow because we got them local and like corn mazes

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Speaker 3: and shit.

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Speaker 1: That's cool. How old is your girlfriend?

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Speaker 3: She's thirty one and got to be thirty two next months.

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Speaker 3: So early birthdays and I'm I'm I had thirty four.

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Speaker 3: I turned thirty five in May. When did you a

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Speaker 3: little older than most of the people out here on here?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like that. I feel like there's a

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Speaker 1: solid eighteen to forty.

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Speaker 3: Range going on, that's true.

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Speaker 1: When did you meet your girlfriend?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: Where'd you meet her?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: I met her on Hinge?

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Speaker 1: Actually that's cool. I'm yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, yeah.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 3: She's originally from San Jose and she had moved out

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Speaker 3: here because she like was dating some dude and then

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Speaker 3: she moved out to like Salt Lake to be with him.

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Speaker 3: And then I guess he turned out to be a

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Speaker 3: total dirtbag and was kind of a piece of shit.

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Speaker 3: And then I was just I wasn't dating women for

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Speaker 3: a while after all that whole thing with my ex happened.

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Speaker 3: I was kind of like, you know, here and there dating,

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Speaker 3: But I had came across her on Hinge and we

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Speaker 3: like met and hung out and we kept doing that.

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Speaker 3: And then next thing, you know, like we're sitting there

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Speaker 3: talking and she's in a rough pot, like a rough patch,

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Speaker 3: and I was in a little studio and she ended

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Speaker 3: up hating to always stay with me, and she kind

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Speaker 3: of like gracefully moved her stuff in and I was like,

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Speaker 3: I'm cool with it, but I was like telling her, like,

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Speaker 3: you know, I just got out of this nutty, extra

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Speaker 3: like past relationship, so you know, things need to be

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Speaker 3: kind of these are the ground rules of kind of

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Speaker 3: how I am and everything. And she just she was

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Speaker 3: always there for me and just always caring and just

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Speaker 3: whatever I needed to talk like, she was there. And

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Speaker 3: next thing you know, it's like we're full blown living together.

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Speaker 3: And I got a bigger apartment in the same building

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Speaker 3: that we lived in, and we did that for like

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Speaker 3: the rest of my lease, and then just this year

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Speaker 3: we moved into a new two bedroom so it's a

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Speaker 3: bigger place. It's actually a lot nicer. So yeah, things

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Speaker 3: are going great.

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Speaker 1: Bro, that's awesome. I love this. I love I gotta

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Speaker 1: say this podcast is like it's a lot of it

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Speaker 1: is truly therapy for me because I'm I'm I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: terrified of like being I'm like, the idea of being

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Speaker 1: on hinge in my thirties just yeah, that fucking sounds awful.

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Speaker 1: But it worked out. But I'm like, Okay, it worked

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Speaker 1: out for you.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, I feel like, I mean, I'm not to

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Speaker 3: sound conceded or anything. I feel like I'm a decent

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Speaker 3: looking dude. Like I'm six three, like two hundred pounds,

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Speaker 3: like I got green eyes. I'm a pretty decent looking dude.

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Speaker 3: I guess you could say so.

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Speaker 2: But and my girlfriend's beautiful.

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Speaker 3: So, like I said, not just sound conceited or anything,

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Speaker 3: but like the dating apps never really scared me or anything.

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Speaker 3: I'm honestly worse talking on the dating apps than I

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Speaker 3: am in person. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I feel like that's probably most people.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's weird, like you don't have the more context

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Speaker 3: of everything.

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Speaker 1: Well, let's see. Okay, so I'm gonna keep going down

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Speaker 1: the list.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, go ahead.

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Speaker 1: You texted me, Actually, you texted me all these on

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Speaker 1: the same day. You said, my dog is fourteen, and

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Speaker 1: I don't know how I'm gonna handle him passing away.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: We he passed away in March of this year.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

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Speaker 2: Man.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that was my buddy. I got him since he

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Speaker 3: was a puppy.

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

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Speaker 3: It was It was really rough, and luckily Laurna was

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Speaker 3: there with me, so she u helped it with everything,

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Speaker 3: and I got a nice little cedar box and he

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Speaker 3: hangs out in the living room. With us all the time,

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Speaker 3: so it's it's still rough. Sometimes I'll go through pictures

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Speaker 3: and just like, look at all the fun times of

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Speaker 3: him in the in the river and just us hanging out,

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Speaker 3: and we would go to the bars together downtown and everybody,

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Speaker 3: like all the patrons would just love him, and he

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Speaker 3: would just love everyone there. So he was welcoming all

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Speaker 3: the bars downtown.

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Speaker 1: How about this? Uh, I need somebody. Then you then

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Speaker 1: you texted me this three months after texting me those things.

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Speaker 1: You said, I need some advice about being an adult.

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Speaker 3: Oh, well, man, I'm barely remembering any of these honestly. Well,

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Speaker 3: I mean, fuck, are you an adult? I don't. We

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Speaker 3: don't have kids yet or anything, so I don't feel

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Speaker 3: like I'm adulting adult thing. But all my bills are

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Speaker 3: paid and I have a full time job and health

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Speaker 3: and dental and optic like insurance, So I feel like

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Speaker 3: I'm adulting enough at the moment.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm. You know, and you don't remember, Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: am I an adult? No, I feel like you're not

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Speaker 1: a real adult. I feel like the the level of

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Speaker 1: adultness that you are is directly, in my opinion, directly

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Speaker 1: proportional to the amount of things external to you that

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Speaker 1: require you to exist.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean having a child is the biggest one. Like,

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Speaker 3: I got two twin cousins and they're twenty four and

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Speaker 3: one of them already has three children.

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Speaker 1: No shit, that's crazy, that's wild.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, he's already living the dad life at twenty four.

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Speaker 3: And at twenty four I was a major pothead and

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Speaker 3: also kind of a drug user back in the day.

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Speaker 1: So are you planning on having kids? Do you want?

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Speaker 1: Is that something you want? At some point?

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Speaker 3: We have talked about it, actually, you know, because we're

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Speaker 3: not getting any younger, and you know, we're both set

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Speaker 3: up pretty good with like our jobs and everything, and

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Speaker 3: we always want to pursue better like routes and all that.

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Speaker 3: But it's it's been in the it's been in the

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Speaker 3: works talking about it and everything.

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Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm hmm. What did you do You remember anything

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Speaker 1: about what you said you needed advice on for being

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Speaker 1: an adult when you sent this text?

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Speaker 3: I really don't, man, It was probably just one of

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Speaker 3: those like I heard you and I was just like

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Speaker 3: spam texting you. Yeah, so it was probably just one

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Speaker 3: of those stupid things. I don't I honestly never thought

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Speaker 3: I would get a call from the get go. This

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Speaker 3: is pretty nuts, man.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna keep going. You said my girlfriend is

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Speaker 1: a witch?

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Speaker 2: What the fuck? Yeah? I don't remember any of these.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, she kind of can be. This was when I

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Speaker 3: took mushrooms though, I had ate like an eighthick mushrooms,

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Speaker 3: and she had like came home from work and for

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Speaker 3: some reason, just like her whole face kind of like

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Speaker 3: kept morphing into that old witch lady from Snow White

291
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Speaker 3: and the Seven Doors, you know what I'm talking about,

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Speaker 3: with like the ward on her nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 3: she kind of kept morphing into that. So I kind

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Speaker 3: of I kept calling her a witch that night. So

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Speaker 3: I think this was around that time when all this

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Speaker 3: was going down.

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Speaker 2: Hm hmm.

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Speaker 1: You seem like you got a good lie, you know, honestly,

299
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Speaker 1: the fact that you seem like for having gotten drunk

300
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Speaker 1: and I got when you stab when you stab yourself

301
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Speaker 1: with the knife, were you like, were you trying to

302
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Speaker 1: kill yourself or were you just like.

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Speaker 3: I'm oh, yeah I was.

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Speaker 2: I was.

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Speaker 3: No, I was trying to I was trying to end it, man,

306
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:20,320
Speaker 3: like I was. I was done. But then for some reason,

307
00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:23,600
Speaker 3: that old that old fucking lady. Like it was so weird,

308
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:25,600
Speaker 3: Like you know what a ches like a cheese grader,

309
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,719
Speaker 3: a metal cheese grad. Yeah, so you like flip it

310
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:31,360
Speaker 3: on its side and then look in it and it

311
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:32,360
Speaker 3: has all the holes and shit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like I was.

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Speaker 3: I was inside of a fucking cheese grader. And then

314
00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:38,720
Speaker 3: like at the end of it was like this old

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00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,080
Speaker 3: lady and like a black coat and I couldn't really

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Speaker 3: see her face, and she kept telling me I couldn't

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Speaker 3: fucking leave and I kept saying, fuck you bitch, get

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Speaker 3: me out of here. And then yeah, next again, I

319
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:48,240
Speaker 3: woke up in a nice U.

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Speaker 1: So, man, I and what this You were like you

321
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:56,319
Speaker 1: were thirties, thirty one something like that.

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Speaker 3: Ye, so yeah about thirty one.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, man, now you're you seem like you're doing pretty well.

324
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Speaker 1: Now you seem like you don't want to kill your No.

325
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Speaker 3: Man, life's fucking awesome. I've always thought life is beautiful,

326
00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:11,240
Speaker 3: but you know, it can it can be a bitch

327
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Speaker 3: at times. I mean, when isn't it. It's like everyone

328
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:16,199
Speaker 3: has their problems, Like I mean, we just My mom's

329
00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:18,000
Speaker 3: kind of going through a tough time right now. She's

330
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Speaker 3: a she just got out of the ICU yesterday and

331
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Speaker 3: we went down and saw her in Salt Lake. So

332
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,960
Speaker 3: she's not doing so well. So that's another worry to

333
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Speaker 3: my adultingness, I guess.

334
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:31,920
Speaker 1: But still, I mean, you're doing you're doing uh, I

335
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,120
Speaker 1: mean all these things, right, I mean, you tried to

336
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:38,600
Speaker 1: kill yourself three years ago, thirty one. Now you're doing now,

337
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,160
Speaker 1: you seem like you're doing well. You seem like you

338
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,120
Speaker 1: like life. You seem like you're not near doing that again.

339
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:48,160
Speaker 1: Your dog passed away, which was I'm sure tough, but

340
00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,600
Speaker 1: you're still but you're still here. You're still here, You're

341
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,600
Speaker 1: still doing it. I don't know, I'm inspired by your existence.

342
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:56,480
Speaker 1: I really this is one of the things I like

343
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,920
Speaker 1: doing about this show, and maybe one of the reasons

344
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,840
Speaker 1: people like listening to is. I don't know, I just

345
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:06,240
Speaker 1: there's something, really, there's just something reassuring about like observing

346
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:11,640
Speaker 1: a life that's been like lived and and seeing it

347
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,880
Speaker 1: presently just to be like, because because you know, when

348
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,040
Speaker 1: you're in that thing where you want to kill yourself,

349
00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:21,480
Speaker 1: you really you just truly are doing it because you

350
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:27,000
Speaker 1: you you can't bro yeah, you just you just can't

351
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,920
Speaker 1: possibly imagine that there's a future in which you are.

352
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,120
Speaker 1: You don't want it to like fucking kill yourself. And

353
00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 1: so it's yeah, and it's just cool. It's cool talking

354
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,200
Speaker 1: to you and being like, oh, well you know you

355
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:40,560
Speaker 1: there that exists.

356
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Speaker 2: Yeah.

357
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,080
Speaker 3: It was just a whole conglomerate of things that led

358
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,160
Speaker 3: up to that. Like I had just gotten back from Mexico,

359
00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:50,080
Speaker 3: and because I took a week vacation in Mexico, down

360
00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:55,440
Speaker 3: in Guadalaa or yeah, Gudalaa or something Gudala yeah, Guadalajara,

361
00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,600
Speaker 3: and the only ended up my job only paid me

362
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Speaker 3: like three days of vacation pay, and I ended up

363
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,240
Speaker 3: flipping out and like walked out, which is the same

364
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:08,040
Speaker 3: job I'm still at. And I it's funny, I didn't

365
00:16:08,240 --> 00:16:10,280
Speaker 3: ask for my job back. My boss called me literally

366
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:12,120
Speaker 3: like two days after I got out of the hospital

367
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,520
Speaker 3: and asked if I wanted to come back to work,

368
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,160
Speaker 3: and I was like, well, I got a funny story

369
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:18,880
Speaker 3: for you, but just that, and then like I didn't

370
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:20,360
Speaker 3: have a job at the moment, and I didn't want

371
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,360
Speaker 3: to go on unemployment and then I was drinking like

372
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:26,080
Speaker 3: a handle of whiskey a day, like and then just

373
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,800
Speaker 3: completely out of it, and I didn't have a car.

374
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,600
Speaker 3: I felt unmotivated. I felt just like a worthless piece

375
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,920
Speaker 3: of shit that was just like existing and just you know,

376
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,120
Speaker 3: like after my ex was telling me that she was

377
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,040
Speaker 3: fucking the neighbor and then she was fucking this dude.

378
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:44,760
Speaker 3: And I'm just drunk as fuck on whiskey. And I

379
00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,440
Speaker 3: grabbed a big bottle of Benagerial eight half of it

380
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,600
Speaker 3: and then finished it with the rest of my handle

381
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:52,040
Speaker 3: and I went in and grabbed the sharpest chef knife

382
00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,400
Speaker 3: that I have, and I just I sat there for

383
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,080
Speaker 3: a minute and contemplated and contemplated. I was like slashing

384
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,480
Speaker 3: it around my neck, so I kind of got some

385
00:16:58,520 --> 00:17:01,120
Speaker 3: scars on my neck. And then after that, I just

386
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:04,320
Speaker 3: said fuck it and like I like drove it into

387
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:07,879
Speaker 3: my chest and yeah, I remember a bunch of blood

388
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:10,199
Speaker 3: coming out, and I said, I called her name, and

389
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,920
Speaker 3: then next thing and I like blacked out and woke

390
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:17,120
Speaker 3: up to then I see you, man, So yeah, I mean.

391
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:20,440
Speaker 1: Tried, you tried to quit. Yeah, you tried to quit

392
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,200
Speaker 1: your job and quit life and you're yeah, and you're

393
00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:26,120
Speaker 1: and you're employed and alive.

394
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,119
Speaker 3: Still yeah, man, kicking ass like and I got a

395
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,359
Speaker 3: car now too, like and we got a cat. Our

396
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:33,439
Speaker 3: cat's pretty cool. She's an asshole to me, but she

397
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 3: loves her mom.

398
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:35,320
Speaker 2: Man.

399
00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,120
Speaker 1: Wait, so what's up with the drinking? Now?

400
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:37,439
Speaker 2: Are you?

401
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,399
Speaker 1: Are you sober? Are you still? I'm not a beer now?

402
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,199
Speaker 1: And then where you Atah?

403
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like when don't get off work, I'll crack a

404
00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:46,000
Speaker 3: couple of beers. Like I'll have like two or three

405
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,960
Speaker 3: when I get off work because I've been working like

406
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 3: ten twelve hour shifts for the past like two and

407
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:53,000
Speaker 3: a half months now, so it's like, yeah, you get home,

408
00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,159
Speaker 3: I'll crack a beer and then usually on the weekends,

409
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,080
Speaker 3: I'll get like a little bottle of whiskey and then

410
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:58,560
Speaker 3: I'll just like kind of sip on it. Like my

411
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:01,040
Speaker 3: girlfriend got these little ice cubes. Then when you fill

412
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:04,960
Speaker 3: them up, they turned into little bulldogs. So I'll like

413
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,080
Speaker 3: put it in a rock glass with my bulldog ice

414
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:09,800
Speaker 3: cube and then like sip on some whiskey and watch

415
00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:12,520
Speaker 3: some YouTube or podcasts, you know, listening to music.

416
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,919
Speaker 1: But you're not you're not getting dark with it.

417
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,480
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, not anymore.

418
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:20,320
Speaker 1: That's good.

419
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, the mushrooms have really fucking been great to me

420
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:23,760
Speaker 3: as well too.

421
00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:26,719
Speaker 1: Got Yeah, how often you do you do in the shrooms.

422
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:30,480
Speaker 3: I went on a bender two weekends ago where I

423
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:34,399
Speaker 3: took like, I took a couple of grams because we

424
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,760
Speaker 3: went to a concert and I didn't want to be

425
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,880
Speaker 3: all trippy trippy. And then after that I left and

426
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,639
Speaker 3: I went over to my homies and got more and

427
00:18:41,680 --> 00:18:44,639
Speaker 3: then ate him, and then I think it was like

428
00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,920
Speaker 3: the weekend after that, I took like seven grams and

429
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:52,959
Speaker 3: literally had an ego desk and fucking this golden fucking

430
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,439
Speaker 3: flying eagle thing touched my shoulder and sent me on

431
00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:58,040
Speaker 3: another trip to I don't know where the fuck it was,

432
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:03,400
Speaker 3: but it was it was in lightning. M Well, yeah,

433
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,760
Speaker 3: I've slowed I've slowed down on it now because those

434
00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 3: batches are pretty fucking intense.

435
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:08,359
Speaker 2: You know.

436
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,880
Speaker 1: I said this to the last caller, who I like. Okay,

437
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,399
Speaker 1: for purposes of context, I'm probably going to put the

438
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:19,560
Speaker 1: person I talked to before you. I'm actually gonna probably

439
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:23,359
Speaker 1: put that call after this call when I put it

440
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,199
Speaker 1: in the podcast.

441
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:26,240
Speaker 3: But uh oh, it's just going in the podcast.

442
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's going away. Yeah, but it's dope.

443
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 1: I said to him. I guess you'll hear it because

444
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,639
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put after this thing. But I said to

445
00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:40,959
Speaker 1: him that I'm I'm a little bit more afraid of

446
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 1: getting older than I'd like to admit. But it's I know,

447
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:46,440
Speaker 1: you're you're thirty.

448
00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:49,280
Speaker 3: You're about to turn thirty five, right, yeah, thirty five?

449
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:51,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I'm talking like talking to you

450
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 1: and few and hearing like your kind of like life

451
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 1: transformations and that you're like you're here and you're like

452
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:06,120
Speaker 1: present and living and stuff. It's like it's like calming

453
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,920
Speaker 1: to me in a weird way. Does that make sense?

454
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's I mean, that's great to hear, you know.

455
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 3: I mean, I honestly think the way that I kind

456
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 3: of handle things lately, it's going to completely change after

457
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:20,760
Speaker 3: we do have children or a child, Like I can't

458
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 3: be going off on the weekends and doing mushrooms and shit,

459
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:25,680
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Like I won't say when

460
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,960
Speaker 3: a child gets put into the situation, I'm definitely gonna

461
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,200
Speaker 3: have to look at life a little differently. But I've

462
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,800
Speaker 3: been through so many experiences of life where like I've

463
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,880
Speaker 3: been homeless before, like slept on church lawns, and I've

464
00:20:37,920 --> 00:20:40,840
Speaker 3: gone through like a lot of addiction issues and like

465
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,800
Speaker 3: obviously alcohol and heavy drugs when I was way younger,

466
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 3: and just for some reason, man, like, all you gotta

467
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 3: do is just I got. I got a tattoo on

468
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,879
Speaker 3: each one of my butt cheeks. I got a smiley

469
00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 3: face and a frownie face. So like, every time you

470
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,000
Speaker 3: start to have a bad daughter, a bad day, just

471
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,280
Speaker 3: turn the other cheek. You know what I mean as

472
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 3: stupid is that I got that when yeah, I was

473
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:03,919
Speaker 3: I was going. I was liked it be cool to

474
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 3: get a smiley face on one cheek and then a

475
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,680
Speaker 3: frownie paste on the other. So if you're ever having

476
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,359
Speaker 3: a bad day, do you just turn the other cheek?

477
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:15,399
Speaker 1: So what's your what's your like m O these days?

478
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:19,280
Speaker 1: What's what's next for you in life? Uh?

479
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:21,920
Speaker 3: Moving up in the company I work for is definitely

480
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,680
Speaker 3: on that. And then also I paint a lot. I've

481
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 3: been on a painting kick late lately, So cool, do

482
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:32,240
Speaker 3: more paintings. Uh, hang out with a girlfriend, get outside

483
00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,880
Speaker 3: a little more, and then yeah, just keep living.

484
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:37,000
Speaker 1: Dude, are you in Are you in Salt Lake?

485
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:38,119
Speaker 2: No?

486
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:39,480
Speaker 3: We're in Ogden, Oh Town?

487
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:42,199
Speaker 1: Okay? Is that it is that big city or like

488
00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 1: chill town?

489
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 3: It's it's a decent It's better than Salt Lake.

490
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:46,760
Speaker 2: I'll say that.

491
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 3: Everyone talks shit on Ogden because we have a dog

492
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 3: food factory here and you can like smell it sometimes

493
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 3: and people call the dog food town. But it's honestly,

494
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,400
Speaker 3: it's a pretty cool little city. Like I just moved

495
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 3: up here like almost ten years ago. So but yeah,

496
00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:03,680
Speaker 3: I love it up here. She loves it up here.

497
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:06,719
Speaker 3: We got good friends, I mean duck good jobs. Like,

498
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:09,000
Speaker 3: we got a lot of people that we can just

499
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,440
Speaker 3: reach out to and if you want to hang out,

500
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:13,520
Speaker 3: hang out, grab our kayaks and go to Kazi's because

501
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,880
Speaker 3: we got two big lakes literally like twenty minutes away

502
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 3: from us.

503
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:20,320
Speaker 1: So and when you did the knife thing, was that

504
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:22,800
Speaker 1: the first time that you tried to kill yourself or

505
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:24,200
Speaker 1: was there other times?

506
00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:24,800
Speaker 2: Oh?

507
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was like I've had suicidal thoughts before of

508
00:22:28,200 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 3: like overdosing and stuff, like you know, I could just

509
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 3: goog get some Mari whin it overdose I want, but

510
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,879
Speaker 3: I don't know, just I was just not in the

511
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 3: right state of mind and some reason, it just felt

512
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,919
Speaker 3: like a knife was like that's what I had. It

513
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,919
Speaker 3: was sharp as shit, and I just wanted to end

514
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 3: it and I felt like that would have been the

515
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,720
Speaker 3: quickest way to do it. But you know, here I am.

516
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 1: Do you do you have suicidal thoughts ever? Or are

517
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: they gone?

518
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 2: Uh?

519
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:56,160
Speaker 3: No, they've been gone. I actually do see a real

520
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:56,880
Speaker 3: therapist as well.

521
00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:58,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

522
00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, she's pretty cool. So yeah, I mean I've

523
00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 3: never I haven't had suicidal thoughts in a pretty long time,

524
00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,439
Speaker 3: like ever since my girlfriend and I have been together,

525
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 3: they've kind of been non existent.

526
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 2: Cool.

527
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty sweet.

528
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's been awesome. Man.

529
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:15,919
Speaker 1: What do you think?

530
00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 2: Go ahead, what do you think? No, what do you think?

531
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:20,119
Speaker 2: What was?

532
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 1: Oh? What do you think it was?

533
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 3: Of just the no longer suicidal tendencies? Yeah, just the

534
00:23:30,080 --> 00:23:32,880
Speaker 3: fact that, I mean I have such good family and

535
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,639
Speaker 3: such good friends and amazing girlfriends. I mean people at

536
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 3: my job that actually care about me. And just where

537
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:43,000
Speaker 3: we live, like we have mountains every like three sixty

538
00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:46,400
Speaker 3: around here. It's like so beautiful and just believes are

539
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 3: starting to change and like it's just life. Is it

540
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:51,480
Speaker 3: sounds corny?

541
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 2: Dude?

542
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,760
Speaker 3: Life's beautiful man, Like it's not worth you know, it's

543
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:57,080
Speaker 3: not your time when it's not your time?

544
00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 2: So cool?

545
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 3: I like that.

546
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: Thanks for thanks for sharing this with me, Charles, thanks

547
00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: for for this talk. This was cool. I liked to

548
00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:08,080
Speaker 1: talking to you about this.

549
00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:11,360
Speaker 3: No, I appreciate you calling me man. Like I said,

550
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 3: I've been listening to you since around the pandemic. I

551
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,479
Speaker 3: came across to you, and I listened to you when

552
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:18,119
Speaker 3: I'm at work too, like I'll put on some of

553
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:21,400
Speaker 3: your episodes, and that dude with the Hurst honestly pretty dope.

554
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:25,280
Speaker 3: That yeah, that sounds sick. And then also the train

555
00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:29,800
Speaker 3: hopping guy, big inspiration. That guy is. He's a tough one.

556
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 1: That guy is, he's a bonified GAK legends.

557
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:34,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, that dude's a tough one.

558
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a bonified GAK legend. I'm getting, like, you know,

559
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 1: text from people I know being like, oh I listened

560
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 1: to that one.

561
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, that that one really sucks. So that was

562
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,879
Speaker 3: a wholeheartedly great conversation.

563
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 1: Well ship, I'm glad. You know I say this too much,

564
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,560
Speaker 1: but yeah, five years of doing this podcast, I'm glad

565
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,680
Speaker 1: to still be having good calls like this one. So

566
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 1: I appreciate you sharing your story with me. Yeah, Charles,

567
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,400
Speaker 1: is anything else you want to you want to say

568
00:24:58,400 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 1: to the people the computer before we.

569
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:02,800
Speaker 3: Go, No, just keep your head up, man, you know

570
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,200
Speaker 3: you got this ship even though it seems tough.

571
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 2: You got it.

572
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:07,520
Speaker 1: Thank you, Charles, you ever go on?

573
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:09,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, use one man?

574
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 1: That was Charles. I liked Charles. I like, you know, yeah,

575
00:25:20,400 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels like I don't I'm just I don't know.

576
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 1: I just like being candid. But sometimes it feels like

577
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 1: kind of it feels difficult to like do this show.

578
00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,800
Speaker 1: It feels like there's like an oil and it feels

579
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: like oil and water. And then sometimes it just feels

580
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:44,480
Speaker 1: like it feels really natural and good and I'm like

581
00:25:44,520 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 1: inspired by it still to this day, I don't know.

582
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 1: This is like an I have like a nihilistic uh

583
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:55,960
Speaker 1: uh uh pressure in my mind that tells me things

584
00:25:56,000 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: like all war like all conversations have already been ad

585
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 1: or whatever. But I'm still finding I'm finding a lot

586
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 1: of inspiragenum being genuine. I'm finding a lot of inspiration

587
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 1: out of the people, uh that I'm talking to on

588
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:13,800
Speaker 1: here still, and that's that's good. I you know, I

589
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:23,400
Speaker 1: hope people listening are too. Hello, what's up man? This

590
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,160
Speaker 1: is uh the Gecko guy.

591
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 2: Hey, Gecko guy, Lyle, what's uh, what's going on?

592
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: Not much?

593
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 2: Brother?

594
00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:32,720
Speaker 1: What's your name?

595
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 2: My name is Dustin.

596
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 1: Dustin. Have we ever spoken before?

597
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 2: Nope? First time calling in.

598
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 1: Very good, very cool. You know, I'm gonna I'm gonna

599
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 1: tell a story real quick, if that's cool with you.

600
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:53,760
Speaker 1: I tried to record this podcast yesterday and I failed.

601
00:26:54,880 --> 00:27:01,199
Speaker 1: I I was live for maybe five minutes and I

602
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:06,159
Speaker 1: got about two minutes into a call with someone and

603
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,679
Speaker 1: then something in my brain was just like, I can't

604
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 1: do this right now, and so I and I used

605
00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:14,880
Speaker 1: to and this this has been happening to me the

606
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:20,200
Speaker 1: entire five years I've been doing this show, and at

607
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 1: this point I just accepted as a fact of I

608
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,640
Speaker 1: don't fight through it? Are you? Which one?

609
00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 3: Are you? Are you?

610
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 2: Like?

611
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,119
Speaker 1: I mean, it's obviously it's a thing that I guess

612
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: you kind of sometimes have the privilege to do or whatever,

613
00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:34,240
Speaker 1: But like do you do you fight through things or

614
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 1: do you surrender?

615
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 2: I guess it really depends on on the thing and

616
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 2: on like what's happening at the at the time. Yeah, yeah, no,

617
00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:50,240
Speaker 2: that that's uh, it's fine. I was actually watching the

618
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:54,640
Speaker 2: stream when I saw that yesterday, Oh you were I was, yeah,

619
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,080
Speaker 2: And I thought it was really cool because I kind

620
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 2: of I was like, oh, man, is he thinking right

621
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:03,199
Speaker 2: now or is he like taking a beat? And I

622
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:07,320
Speaker 2: thought it was actually really cool that you like recognized

623
00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 2: where you're at and kind of, you know, very politely,

624
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,400
Speaker 2: was just like, hey, I can't do this right now,

625
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:15,680
Speaker 2: but let me make it up to you and walked

626
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 2: away from it. I think that actually ties in really

627
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 2: well to the story that I wanted to share.

628
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 1: You know what, I Dustin, you said your name was, Yeah, Dustin.

629
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: I appreciate that I do because I felt I felt bad.

630
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:32,479
Speaker 1: This happens to me. There's nothing the worst thing that

631
00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,760
Speaker 1: I've one of the worst things I've experienced doing this

632
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 1: is when like I like someone like someone calls in

633
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,040
Speaker 1: and I can tell that they're excited to be on

634
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 1: the show where to talk talk, and I'm just I

635
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 1: just I search inside myself and there's insufficient funds of energy,

636
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,760
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. That's the fucking worst. And

637
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: it feel shitty when it happened. So I appreciate you

638
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:02,960
Speaker 1: saying that you appreciate did that, so so thank you. Anyway,

639
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop talking about myself. I want to hear

640
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:06,560
Speaker 1: about the story you wanted to share.

641
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 2: No, yeah, I'm glad you brought up so so it

642
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 2: actually it ties in well because the end of this,

643
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 2: you know, to jump to the end. I was seeing

644
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 2: this person and was kind of on the fence but

645
00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 2: like and like kind of not seeing it as being

646
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 2: a big thing. But I had friends who were kind

647
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:33,280
Speaker 2: of moving me forward a little bit on like hey, man,

648
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:37,040
Speaker 2: like you sometimes cut things off before you give it

649
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 2: a chance. That was like, okay, let's let's try this.

650
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,920
Speaker 2: Let's try this thing out, and kind of you know,

651
00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 2: focused on communicating what I needed from this person and

652
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 2: like the pace I needed to go at. It seemed

653
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 2: to be going fine, until like all of a sudden,

654
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 2: there was this date that like was she was just

655
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 2: kind of like really focused on any kind of physicality, which,

656
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 2: like you know, of course, yeah, and that's nice, but

657
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 2: when it's like progressively over a few hours, going from

658
00:30:06,480 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 2: like like needing to hold hands at every second to

659
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 2: like me communicating, hey, like can I just have a

660
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 2: few minutes when we eat here, and then like you know,

661
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 2: by hour two or three, it was literally NonStop. The

662
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,200
Speaker 2: only thing that was getting talked about was like, hey,

663
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:30,160
Speaker 2: like I need a moment to just need a little

664
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 2: space at.

665
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: The moment this is I'm this is the first date.

666
00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 2: No, it was like week three with like you know,

667
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:45,040
Speaker 2: like one day to week yeah everything.

668
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 1: And she wanted to always be touching you and you

669
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 1: weren't into that.

670
00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like in this moment where I was like

671
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 2: I want to feel this out. I want to like

672
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 2: just kind of experience what this is and let things

673
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 2: happen naturally. But then it was like kept becoming like

674
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 2: the stated communication, you know, and I'm sorry, sorry, just

675
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 2: when it was like you know, I'm stating like I'm

676
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,360
Speaker 2: giving reasons, you know, and stuff like hey, you know,

677
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:20,320
Speaker 2: I'm not crazy about PDA. I'm not like you know,

678
00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 2: never don't even look my way. I'm not like that.

679
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,240
Speaker 2: But I'm you know, communicating like, hey, you know, I

680
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 2: have some feelings about just like in public, and like,

681
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:30,840
Speaker 2: you know, I don't I don't want to be all

682
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 2: over each other. But like our three of this final

683
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 2: date was like you know, like can I hold your hand?

684
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 2: And I'm like, you know, I just need a moment

685
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 2: right now and let's just talk. And I'm fielding you know,

686
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 2: questions like hey, if you know money's not an object,

687
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 2: anywhere where would you live? You know, and She's dodging

688
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 2: the question to immediately ask again what can I hold

689
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 2: your hand? And why aren't we doing this? And I

690
00:31:53,360 --> 00:31:55,880
Speaker 2: don't understand, and I'm like, okay, let me share my

691
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 2: feelings again on like, you know, the stuff I've shared

692
00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,360
Speaker 2: for the past a few weeks and what I'm feeling

693
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:04,880
Speaker 2: right now in this moment that I would like to

694
00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 2: just kind of be here with you and see what

695
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 2: happens naturally as you okay, okay, okay, but can I

696
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:12,040
Speaker 2: just hold your hand? And I'm like, oh my god,

697
00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 2: like is anything even getting through here?

698
00:32:15,880 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 1: Okay?

699
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 2: And if if I, you know, give an inch take

700
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 2: a mile where, I like, okay, well, let me just

701
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 2: you know. She really she really wants this thing, so

702
00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 2: I just open it up, like okay, yeah, you know,

703
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 2: like well and if I like, you know, come around

704
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:33,200
Speaker 2: the table here and I give you a hug, I'm like, okay, yeah,

705
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 2: I'm checking with myself. That's nice, thank you. And then

706
00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 2: she like dives in to like lick my ear and

707
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 2: I'm like, whoa, okay, hang on, what what the hell?

708
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 1: So so listen, listen, listen, I I uh, this is

709
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,360
Speaker 1: your well the third date with this lady, fourth something.

710
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,719
Speaker 2: Like that, yeah, third or fourth, Okay?

711
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 1: Are you typically like are you typically A because everyone's

712
00:32:56,680 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 1: different on this sort of thing, are you typically A

713
00:33:03,200 --> 00:33:05,920
Speaker 1: let's take it slow before we uh, you know, start

714
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,760
Speaker 1: licking the ears kind of kind of guy.

715
00:33:11,480 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 2: I generally approach it with like, I don't know. I'm

716
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:19,560
Speaker 2: usually I'm usually the follower, Like I'm kind of reading

717
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,360
Speaker 2: the person on how they want to play things and

718
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,480
Speaker 2: doing that. But for me, like if we're talking like

719
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:30,960
Speaker 2: sex and like you know, first date or like what's

720
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 2: the pace of it, I'm I'm more like I like

721
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:37,040
Speaker 2: the passionate, like, oh my god, I just met this person.

722
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 2: Holy crap, and you know, let's see if we're compatible.

723
00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:44,160
Speaker 2: Now we are great. Now it's been the next few weeks,

724
00:33:44,200 --> 00:33:47,080
Speaker 2: Like let's paste this out and let's you know, let's

725
00:33:47,120 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 2: see how we are in like a friendly context. Not no,

726
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:53,760
Speaker 2: that's not the right word, but.

727
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:56,480
Speaker 1: It sounds to me like, yeah, it sounds to me

728
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 1: like you you you like to you like to take

729
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 1: it slow, yeah, And it sounds like this lady is

730
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 1: ready to get.

731
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 2: Down, which wasn't the case until this date. Like there

732
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 2: were there were signs and there was definitely like you know,

733
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 2: other kinds of touch, but like it was yeah at

734
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:28,359
Speaker 2: at this moment was Yeah, it was like a new level.

735
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 1: M I mean that sounds like a hmmm, I'm just

736
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 1: going off of what my gut feeling. It sounds like

737
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 1: a like a like a pretty strong incompatibility, especially if

738
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,640
Speaker 1: you because if you said to her, you're like, hey, listen, uh,

739
00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,120
Speaker 1: I kind of want to take it slow, and she's

740
00:34:50,239 --> 00:34:53,680
Speaker 1: like and look, no fault to either of you, right,

741
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,040
Speaker 1: I mean, some people are like that. They want to

742
00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:59,160
Speaker 1: always be touching the person. There was something like, you know,

743
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 1: they want to always be like holding a hand or

744
00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 1: touching a knee or like that's their way of like,

745
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 1: that's their way of being like, Okay, you like me.

746
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: We can be talking about whatever, but the fact that

747
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 1: you're touching me means that you like me, and if

748
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 1: we're not touching me, is you don't like me. That's

749
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 1: like a language for some people that I don't think

750
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 1: that that's your language. That seems like it's her language.

751
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:28,800
Speaker 1: But I mean, or early on, that just seems like

752
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 1: a strong sign of incompatibility. How does it normally go

753
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:34,840
Speaker 1: on your dates?

754
00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 2: Normally, it's like it's at a really nice pace. You know,

755
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 2: or it's like because I'm not I'm not I'm not

756
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:46,799
Speaker 2: against it. Like, for example, when this first came up

757
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:49,520
Speaker 2: in conversation, we were out at this event as the

758
00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:50,920
Speaker 2: first time where I was like, Hey, meet some of

759
00:35:50,960 --> 00:35:52,480
Speaker 2: my friends and we're gonna go out to the show.

760
00:35:53,760 --> 00:35:57,400
Speaker 2: And as we're at the show, I just kind of

761
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 2: was like off to the side when we had a

762
00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 2: moment with just like, hey, by the way, you know,

763
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 2: like I'm not always nuts about like constant touch, and

764
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:08,320
Speaker 2: she was oh, okay, well, gosh, I you know, I

765
00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 2: don't know how I feel about that, and like we

766
00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 2: were talking about a little bit, but then at the

767
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 2: end of the night she was like, hey, you know,

768
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:18,239
Speaker 2: like when you said that, I wasn't certain that it

769
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:22,600
Speaker 2: was going to work, but then you showed like throughout

770
00:36:22,600 --> 00:36:24,279
Speaker 2: the rest of the night that you would like reach

771
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,360
Speaker 2: for like you know, hand on the knee, hand on

772
00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,359
Speaker 2: the back kind of stuff. And I'm like, yeah, it's

773
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:30,839
Speaker 2: not it's not that I'm against it. It's just that

774
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 2: I like the freedom to be able to initiate that

775
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 2: and to like kind of feel it out as it

776
00:36:37,239 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 2: happens naturally, not like you know, we're walking from this

777
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 2: room to that room and you're like, hey, you have

778
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:46,600
Speaker 2: to hold my hand. I'm like, well, okay, let's just

779
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 2: let it happen, you know, mm.

780
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: Hmmm, okay, So, well, how's your dating? Can I actually, well,

781
00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:00,600
Speaker 1: it's funny I called you back because you you texted me.

782
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:05,319
Speaker 1: Actually a bunch of things, so.

783
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think some of them. Some of them are

784
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:09,719
Speaker 2: over a year or so. Yeah. Yeah, ever like a

785
00:37:09,760 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 2: year or two. Every now and then, I'll I listen

786
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:14,280
Speaker 2: all the time, but every now and then I'm inspired

787
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:16,239
Speaker 2: to send something over.

788
00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: Well can I bring Can I bring up what you

789
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 1: messaged me?

790
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:21,960
Speaker 2: Uh? Yeah, let's do it.

791
00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 1: You said, Hey, Gek, I just turned twenty nine, so

792
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:25,759
Speaker 1: you're thirty now.

793
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 3: Yeah.

794
00:37:29,440 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 1: I don't know how to meet women. I'm interested in

795
00:37:32,840 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 1: lots of close female friends, but struggling. Meanwhile, being single

796
00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: is just not the fun time people keep telling me

797
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: it is. Do you still is that something you still

798
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:43,160
Speaker 1: resonate with?

799
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 2: Not? Really. I was looking at that text when I

800
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,560
Speaker 2: sent you the new one and thought, man, lot a

801
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,359
Speaker 2: lot has changed in the past year.

802
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 1: Ooh, okay, I'm interested in this. Tell me what's changed.

803
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,440
Speaker 2: I think the central.

804
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 3: That I would I d is like the the.

805
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:11,440
Speaker 2: Internal change of like just being more okay with just

806
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 2: where I'm at, And that's not like a surrendery okay,

807
00:38:14,600 --> 00:38:17,640
Speaker 2: that's just like finding the love and like what is

808
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 2: my life and who I am and just like, hey,

809
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 2: let's let's just fucking love this, because that's can totally

810
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:27,840
Speaker 2: be a choice, and why why why not just pick that?

811
00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 1: How the fuck? How the how the fuck do you

812
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:31,840
Speaker 1: do that?

813
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 2: Dude? Looking back? I don't know. That's it? You know,

814
00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 2: one of those things where it's like from one side

815
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 2: of the threshold, it's like, how the fuck do I

816
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 2: get over here? And from the other side, you're like,

817
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 2: I don't know how the fuck I got here?

818
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,480
Speaker 1: Interesting, So you don't even know, and I ask you,

819
00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,640
Speaker 1: how the fuck you I'm I'm impressed by that because

820
00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:55,160
Speaker 1: like to be to be like really candid with you,

821
00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: I've I'm I frequently try to get on that frequency

822
00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: and it's really it's difficult, and you seem as though

823
00:39:06,360 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 1: you were very and I'm very fascinated because it seems

824
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: like you were really not on that frequency a year ago,

825
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:15,000
Speaker 1: and now you are and you're telling me that you

826
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,399
Speaker 1: don't even know how the fuck you got there.

827
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 2: I mean, it's with uh, just living life and trying things,

828
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:30,800
Speaker 2: you know, going to therapy a couple times a month, uh,

829
00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:34,799
Speaker 2: you know, making efforts to like get more stable, and

830
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:42,160
Speaker 2: you know, the logistical life shit, and then some like

831
00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:45,680
Speaker 2: esoteric little switch when you're looking in the mirror and

832
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 2: just going, I'm going to choose to like that.

833
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:52,439
Speaker 1: Wow, okay, well stop me. Stop right there. You look

834
00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:54,320
Speaker 1: in the mirror and you go, I'm going to choose

835
00:39:54,360 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: to like that. Do you mean like you're looking at

836
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:58,360
Speaker 1: your face and you're like, I'm gonna choose to like

837
00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 1: my face?

838
00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, or like you know, body image stuff sometimes has

839
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 2: been it's been a thing for me a lot of

840
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 2: my life, and you know, can become attached with so

841
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:13,520
Speaker 2: much spiraling guilt and anxieties about like, oh man, like

842
00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:15,040
Speaker 2: why the fuck am I not hitting the gym? And

843
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 2: do they really have four pizzas this week? And you know,

844
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:22,200
Speaker 2: and you know sparrows into well the jobs and relationships

845
00:40:22,239 --> 00:40:24,760
Speaker 2: and all this other stuff that is so not actually

846
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 2: related and is also completely like the whole waterfall starts

847
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 2: from comparison, you know, it starts from like what I

848
00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:40,640
Speaker 2: think I should be seeing, or like what I should

849
00:40:40,640 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 2: be living up to or something when.

850
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 1: You look in the mirror, When you look in the

851
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 1: mirror and you're like, I'm going to decide to decide

852
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 1: to like that. What are you talking about? Like your body?

853
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: Like you're like, oh, I'm going to decide to like

854
00:40:53,600 --> 00:40:54,320
Speaker 1: the way I look.

855
00:40:55,760 --> 00:41:01,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, And you've found it, and you found it easy,

856
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:04,840
Speaker 4: and you found it as easy as declaring that you

857
00:41:04,960 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 4: decide that you like that.

858
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 2: I mean as a practice over a lot of time.

859
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:15,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not saying yeah, no, I know you mean,

860
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:19,759
Speaker 1: I know you mean, but.

861
00:41:19,719 --> 00:41:23,000
Speaker 2: I think it's like taking like because we're you know,

862
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 2: we're obviously so inundated with how not just body stuff,

863
00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 2: but like how how we're supposed to be based on

864
00:41:31,560 --> 00:41:35,680
Speaker 2: like advertising and media and social media and all this stuff.

865
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:39,719
Speaker 2: But if you, as an individual decide, like, well, in

866
00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:43,279
Speaker 2: my life, what I'm seeing of myself, that is that

867
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,799
Speaker 2: is the norm? Like that that's the standard. That's the

868
00:41:45,840 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 2: gold standard, you know, like exactly what is and what

869
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 2: I am like, that's that's the gold standard. Hm hm,

870
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:57,720
Speaker 2: you know, actually I think that's like I've been hearing

871
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 2: you on some episodes recently bringing up that your thoughts

872
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,680
Speaker 2: on like the phrase like you are enough sure and

873
00:42:05,920 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 2: and I'm totally like I get your I get your

874
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: thought on it about it's it's proclivity to like leave

875
00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:17,320
Speaker 2: leave you where like you can give up really easily,

876
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 2: or you can be like I'm fucking depressed and what

877
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 2: do you mean that's enough? But yeah, I think I

878
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 2: think of what I'm getting at is kind of the

879
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 2: same idea, but just like phrased in a way, that's

880
00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 2: if you make who you are and everything about you

881
00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 2: like that's that's the standard, then there's you know, that's

882
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:42,719
Speaker 2: that's the you're leveling the ground to build everything on

883
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 2: top of. You know, if you want to do more

884
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:50,920
Speaker 2: with that, great, But you know, I can be a

885
00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:55,320
Speaker 2: real lazy piece of shit sometimes and like not build

886
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:57,280
Speaker 2: anything on that. But I can still be like, hey,

887
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:00,400
Speaker 2: this is this is fine, Like I'm staying alive and

888
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:04,799
Speaker 2: I'm eating food and I'm working at a job and

889
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:06,000
Speaker 2: that's great.

890
00:43:06,760 --> 00:43:08,759
Speaker 1: I'm away by the way, and you know the whole like,

891
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:11,000
Speaker 1: uh yeah, I have been talking about that a lot,

892
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:13,399
Speaker 1: and it's a spectrum. I think. I don't think it's

893
00:43:13,440 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 1: like an either or and then always never you know

894
00:43:17,200 --> 00:43:19,359
Speaker 1: what I mean, I don't believe in either or isn't

895
00:43:19,360 --> 00:43:25,439
Speaker 1: always never's uh, because uh, you know, sometimes you can

896
00:43:25,480 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 1: you are enough yourself into giving up, but then sometimes

897
00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 1: you can you are not enough yourself into a spiral.

898
00:43:32,400 --> 00:43:36,720
Speaker 1: And so uh, you know, like I sometimes life feels

899
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:41,880
Speaker 1: like just a constant balancing act of all those things.

900
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, dude, hmmm you also said here, I.

901
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:52,439
Speaker 2: Mean yesterday, You're you're saying yesterday where you got onto

902
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:54,480
Speaker 2: a call and then you checked in with yourself and

903
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 2: you're like, hey, this isn't it Like that was you?

904
00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 2: That was you. You are enough in yourself and just

905
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:03,440
Speaker 2: like you know, if you weren't, if you you know,

906
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 2: if you weren't making yourself as enough and you you know,

907
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,520
Speaker 2: might have pushed yourself through to something that didn't feel right.

908
00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I came to that. I logically came

909
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,640
Speaker 1: to a place where I was like, if I try

910
00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:22,800
Speaker 1: to record an episode like this, it's just gonna be shitty.

911
00:44:23,160 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna not do it, you know what

912
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:34,839
Speaker 1: I mean? Yeah, you said here, Oh okay, how about this,

913
00:44:36,760 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 1: I'm gonna Actually, you know what, I'm enjoying reading these

914
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:41,080
Speaker 1: texts that you sent me a year and a half ago,

915
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: because it seems you seem to be in a different

916
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 1: headspace and that's that's an interesting thing to explore to me.

917
00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. I never said my text to the therapy keecho

918
00:44:50,680 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 2: to be like a time capsule.

919
00:44:52,719 --> 00:44:57,879
Speaker 1: Right, it's interesting. Yeah you said that. Okay, you said

920
00:44:57,920 --> 00:45:00,520
Speaker 1: I've been on the up from This is from February

921
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:02,120
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty four. This is a year and a

922
00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:04,719
Speaker 1: half ago. I've been on the up and up from

923
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,360
Speaker 1: the lowest points of my life. I'm letting go of

924
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 1: all the friends I've lost over the years. I can't

925
00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 1: stop wishing I could reconnect with my long distance Canadian

926
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:20,120
Speaker 1: girlfriend from nine years ago. Now, let me ask you this,

927
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:24,240
Speaker 1: and we all have that, right, we all have a

928
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:27,640
Speaker 1: person where we're like, oh shit, was that should that?

929
00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 1: Should that have been more of a thing than it was?

930
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:36,839
Speaker 1: And now it's ten years ago, Are you still thinking

931
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,279
Speaker 1: about your long distance Canadian girlfriend?

932
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:43,960
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, definitely shows up time to time. At the

933
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,000
Speaker 2: I think in the moment that I texted, it was

934
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:49,160
Speaker 2: like a real like it felt like something was missing

935
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 2: and something in my brain like you know, subconsciously tried

936
00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:56,400
Speaker 2: to put it was looking for a jigsaw piece and

937
00:45:56,480 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 2: that was her, and was like this is this is

938
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:03,640
Speaker 2: the thing and now she I definitely think about her

939
00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:07,680
Speaker 2: a lot and think about all of that. It's not

940
00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 2: as much of a fervor as it was at the time,

941
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 2: but it was definitely like a really impactful relationship on

942
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:20,920
Speaker 2: my life. And uh yeah that I think about, like

943
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 2: what it meant and like what I valued in that

944
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 2: and how I messed it up too.

945
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 1: I mean you were what were yeah, yeah yeah, what

946
00:46:40,080 --> 00:46:41,359
Speaker 1: kind of impact did it have on you?

947
00:46:45,040 --> 00:46:49,319
Speaker 2: The the the level of like connection and communication that

948
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 2: was there was not something that I experienced before in that,

949
00:46:54,239 --> 00:47:01,239
Speaker 2: like in a romantic level actually maybe at all, And

950
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 2: now like and that became like a defining thing for

951
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 2: what I look for in a romantic relationship is like

952
00:47:08,880 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 2: that level of community.

953
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:20,760
Speaker 1: Oh we're still there. Hello, Hellosa, Hello, Hello, hello Hello.

954
00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:21,479
Speaker 1: Oh you're back.

955
00:47:22,480 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 2: Oh cool. It's funny. I was I was hearing you

956
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:26,120
Speaker 2: the whole time.

957
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:27,439
Speaker 1: What we were saying.

958
00:47:27,480 --> 00:47:30,479
Speaker 4: You were saying, yeah, yeah.

959
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,719
Speaker 2: I was talking about the communication with her and how

960
00:47:33,719 --> 00:47:36,719
Speaker 2: that became like an important part. And I kind of

961
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:38,719
Speaker 2: don't want to pick communication because like I feel like

962
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:43,719
Speaker 2: that it's just like that suggests I'm talking about like

963
00:47:45,200 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 2: the you know, like like setting boundaries and doing kind

964
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 2: of like the the management work on a relationship, but

965
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 2: I just mean like talking and like sharing ideas and like,

966
00:47:56,600 --> 00:47:58,879
Speaker 2: you know, going for a three hour walk where we're

967
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:05,920
Speaker 2: playing out every possible factor of like a zombie apocalypse scenario,

968
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:10,080
Speaker 2: and just like I'd just skin the talk and just

969
00:48:10,120 --> 00:48:11,680
Speaker 2: like go way down the rabbit hole.

970
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:14,840
Speaker 1: So this person impacted you in the sense that she

971
00:48:15,040 --> 00:48:19,680
Speaker 1: set a standard for connection that you hope that you

972
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:23,719
Speaker 1: still to this day are like, Okay, this is the

973
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:26,799
Speaker 1: standard amount of connection that I desire from a relationship.

974
00:48:27,480 --> 00:48:28,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, definitely.

975
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:34,040
Speaker 1: And I mean in the past ten years. God, I

976
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 1: saw I'm afraid to I'm actually afraid to hear your

977
00:48:37,600 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 1: answer to this question. I saw this Instagram meme and

978
00:48:40,680 --> 00:48:42,600
Speaker 1: it's like it was It's not an Instagram meme, it

979
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 1: was like a quote from a movie. Was it before

980
00:48:45,719 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 1: midnight or after midnight? Maybe you'll know what I'm talking about.

981
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,440
Speaker 1: It's like this lady's talking to some guy and she's like,

982
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:55,360
Speaker 1: people think that they'll meet many people that they'll connect

983
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:57,759
Speaker 1: with over their life, but the truth is it's only

984
00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 1: a few. You know what I'm talking about.

985
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:03,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what that's from, but I've heard

986
00:49:03,920 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 2: I've heard stuff like that.

987
00:49:05,600 --> 00:49:07,839
Speaker 1: Do you so, I so, in the past ten years,

988
00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: have you found someone you've connected with as well as

989
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:12,720
Speaker 1: you connected with this lady in Canada?

990
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 2: Well, it's different, right, I think it would be a trap,

991
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:20,719
Speaker 2: Not not that you're setting me up for trap, but

992
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:23,760
Speaker 2: I think it would be like a disservice to myself

993
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:28,279
Speaker 2: to like try and rank it on a scale in comparison.

994
00:49:28,560 --> 00:49:33,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but like I've had yeah, yeah, Like

995
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 5: I've had a significant relationship since then that like was

996
00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 5: definitely founded on like that kind of communication and talk.

997
00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 2: And I often wonder when I think about this, uh,

998
00:49:46,200 --> 00:49:50,719
Speaker 2: this girl from ten years ago, I often wonder if, like, man,

999
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:52,799
Speaker 2: if it was that exact same thing here and now

1000
00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:55,880
Speaker 2: what I actually would it be the same And maybe not,

1001
00:49:56,320 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 2: But like I think just kind of looking for there

1002
00:50:02,320 --> 00:50:08,920
Speaker 2: there's a there's a weird, you know, indescribable feeling that's

1003
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:13,160
Speaker 2: that's attached to like knowing when that's thinking in in

1004
00:50:13,200 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 2: that and it's that level that like is what I

1005
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,640
Speaker 2: look for in conversation and then like you know, talking

1006
00:50:20,640 --> 00:50:24,799
Speaker 2: to people and seeing what it's going to be. I

1007
00:50:24,880 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 2: met fantastic people, were great, and like we spend time together.

1008
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:33,040
Speaker 2: But I think that's one of the things that like

1009
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:36,719
Speaker 2: gets one of the things that gets me prone to

1010
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:41,440
Speaker 2: kind of like chalking up what I think a relationship

1011
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:44,799
Speaker 2: is going to be too early and makes my friends go, hey,

1012
00:50:44,960 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 2: like just try this and don't don't cut it down

1013
00:50:48,120 --> 00:50:49,280
Speaker 2: before it starts.

1014
00:50:50,920 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 1: Oh, because you're like, hm, I'm not getting what I

1015
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 1: feel like I used to normally be getting at this

1016
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:01,840
Speaker 1: point in time, So I'm going to move on. But

1017
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 1: then you have but you have people outside of you

1018
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 1: or check you, or you're like, well give it a second.

1019
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, exactly.

1020
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:13,120
Speaker 1: Interesting. That's interesting. That's one of the that's that's like

1021
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 1: one of the prime things of that's the one of

1022
00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:23,840
Speaker 1: the prime conflicts of not only dating, but like relationships.

1023
00:51:24,800 --> 00:51:28,560
Speaker 1: You know, it starts out when you're dating, of like

1024
00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 1: and do I feel aligned with this person? Okay? If

1025
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:34,200
Speaker 1: I do kind of, I'll keep seeing them, but if not,

1026
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:36,360
Speaker 1: I'll move on. And then it evolves then it's like

1027
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:39,560
Speaker 1: do I enjoy my marriage? Should I get divorced or

1028
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 1: should I stay? You know, I mean that's the prime conflict,

1029
00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:47,440
Speaker 1: I suppose, And I don't know if you ever, I

1030
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:50,760
Speaker 1: don't know if relationships exist where that doesn't come into question,

1031
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:55,480
Speaker 1: even like the best ones. I don't know if anyone

1032
00:51:56,920 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 1: ever gets into a relationship that they don't question. Maybe

1033
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 1: that I don't know, maybe there's somebody listening to this

1034
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:05,880
Speaker 1: right now. That's like I've never I've been with my

1035
00:52:06,680 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 1: you know, boyfriend girlfriend eight years, I've never questioned it.

1036
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 1: That's what we want, right is you want something you want,

1037
00:52:13,680 --> 00:52:15,880
Speaker 1: you want to fuck, You want a whole motherfucking life

1038
00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:18,239
Speaker 1: that you never have to have to question, you know

1039
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:20,880
Speaker 1: what I mean. Isn't it like you're like, I'm everything

1040
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 1: is great. I've never questioned anything ever. I mean, that's

1041
00:52:26,600 --> 00:52:27,480
Speaker 1: an insane.

1042
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:30,680
Speaker 2: Level of that. Yeah, I'm sorry. Uh, there's a I

1043
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 2: think there's a certain level of that that's like, uh,

1044
00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:36,920
Speaker 2: that's it's just too subjective for us to every like

1045
00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,600
Speaker 2: is my green your green? Like you know, I'll never

1046
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 2: know even somebody listening that's like, I've never questioned this relationship,

1047
00:52:46,000 --> 00:52:49,719
Speaker 2: Like okay, Like are you usually an inquisitive person? Or

1048
00:52:49,760 --> 00:52:53,600
Speaker 2: like what is questioning look like to you? Or you know,

1049
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:56,400
Speaker 2: we might be going through the exact same process internally,

1050
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:59,880
Speaker 2: but I'm just like I'm pulling out pieces of it differently,

1051
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 2: and this other person and analyzing those in a different

1052
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:07,040
Speaker 2: way because I'm just prone to analyze the thing. My

1053
00:53:07,040 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 2: my therapist will often say that I has inspired me

1054
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:12,839
Speaker 2: a lot. Is like the point of a first date

1055
00:53:13,239 --> 00:53:14,759
Speaker 2: is to see if there's going to be a second one,

1056
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 2: and that that carries all the way through a relationship.

1057
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:21,480
Speaker 2: That it's all like every day it's like, I know

1058
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 2: how I feel today, I have a guess about how

1059
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 2: I'm going to feel tomorrow, and you know, a pretty

1060
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:27,760
Speaker 2: good guess about how I'm gonna feel for the next

1061
00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:30,800
Speaker 2: week or whatever. But I'm just going to keep renewing

1062
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:31,920
Speaker 2: that all the time.

1063
00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:34,000
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1064
00:53:34,480 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 2: Interesting, which might not be as like Happily ever after

1065
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 2: as I know some people enjoy. But for me, like,

1066
00:53:42,160 --> 00:53:45,680
Speaker 2: I like that because I can get my hands on

1067
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:48,880
Speaker 2: it better, you know, that's more that feels more human

1068
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 2: to me. That feels more like, yeah, like something we

1069
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:54,120
Speaker 2: can't know.

1070
00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 1: That's a lot of work, and a lot of people

1071
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 1: don't want to do that work. And that applies to

1072
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 1: things outside of relationships. I think there's some like Alan

1073
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,759
Speaker 1: Watts quote or whatever, that's like you're under no obligation

1074
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:09,360
Speaker 1: to be who you were five minutes ago. But that's tough.

1075
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:12,080
Speaker 1: That's why I think. That's why I think that's why

1076
00:54:12,080 --> 00:54:14,759
Speaker 1: people don't think of it like that, like that, you know,

1077
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 1: like that could apply to any aspect of your existence, right, like,

1078
00:54:21,000 --> 00:54:24,719
Speaker 1: all right, if I don't like my life today, then

1079
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 1: you know, I could change it tomorrow. But it's but

1080
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:30,120
Speaker 1: you get comfortable. It's a lot of work too, and

1081
00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:33,239
Speaker 1: it's no small and I don't even and I don't even, Bro,

1082
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 1: I don't even know. I like, I used to fucking

1083
00:54:37,040 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 1: be on like a motivational grind and be like, yeah,

1084
00:54:40,520 --> 00:54:43,600
Speaker 1: you should always do that work and not be complacent.

1085
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:47,200
Speaker 1: But but bro, the older I get, the more agnostic

1086
00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:50,040
Speaker 1: I become to these things. I'm like, you know, maybe

1087
00:54:50,520 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 1: maybe you should. Maybe it is better to just stay

1088
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:57,759
Speaker 1: in the shitty in the life that you kind of like,

1089
00:54:58,760 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm probably wrong, I'm probably I'm probably

1090
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:05,799
Speaker 1: uh no, I'm probably I'm probably wrong. It's probably you

1091
00:55:05,840 --> 00:55:08,440
Speaker 1: probably should do stuff, you know what I mean.

1092
00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 2: Well, it's interesting to me that, like your phrasing behind

1093
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:17,759
Speaker 2: it was about like mustering up motivation to change it tomorrow.

1094
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 2: But let me try this one on. What if what

1095
00:55:21,480 --> 00:55:25,279
Speaker 2: if we're just naturally changing like you at rest like

1096
00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:28,840
Speaker 2: sitting around playing video games. Is that like there is

1097
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:33,160
Speaker 2: changing happening because you're getting older and you're having more

1098
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:36,880
Speaker 2: distanced perspective on events in your life. Like we're just

1099
00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:40,880
Speaker 2: naturally changing. And maybe Allen Watts quote is not about like,

1100
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 2: go fucking change, Like I don't think Alan Wats is

1101
00:55:43,920 --> 00:55:46,040
Speaker 2: a rise and grind kind of guy. I think it's

1102
00:55:46,080 --> 00:55:51,240
Speaker 2: more like I attribute it to more about like regret

1103
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 2: and like feeling embarrassed about your past self. Like, dude,

1104
00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:59,319
Speaker 2: if if we had talked, if we had talked last

1105
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:02,080
Speaker 2: year when I said that, then they sent that text,

1106
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:04,960
Speaker 2: and then you brought up the text from like a

1107
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:08,160
Speaker 2: year and a half ago, I probably felt guilty about it,

1108
00:56:08,520 --> 00:56:11,200
Speaker 2: and I probably would have liked, Oh.

1109
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:18,720
Speaker 1: I lost you again, Dustin, He'll come back. They always

1110
00:56:18,760 --> 00:56:22,520
Speaker 1: come back. Hold on, we're gonna get Dustin back.

1111
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:27,400
Speaker 2: Hello.

1112
00:56:27,920 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 1: Hey, Okay, what were you saying if you were talking

1113
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:36,759
Speaker 1: about it? If I had brought up that text from February,

1114
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:38,520
Speaker 1: if I called you a year ago.

1115
00:56:39,880 --> 00:56:42,399
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah. So like when you say that Alan Wats quote,

1116
00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:45,399
Speaker 2: it makes me think about like when you were like, hey,

1117
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:47,440
Speaker 2: can we read some of these old texts? You know,

1118
00:56:47,480 --> 00:56:49,520
Speaker 2: there was a there's an old part of me that

1119
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,719
Speaker 2: was like, no, don't do that. It's gonna be embarrassing,

1120
00:56:51,800 --> 00:56:54,279
Speaker 2: like that's not who you are anymore. But then I

1121
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:56,640
Speaker 2: was like, yeah, fuck it, like let's let's do that,

1122
00:56:56,680 --> 00:56:58,360
Speaker 2: and I can own like, yeah, that's who I was

1123
00:56:58,400 --> 00:56:59,720
Speaker 2: at the time, and that's different.

1124
00:56:59,719 --> 00:57:06,240
Speaker 1: Now I'm inspired talking to you because I'm I'm about

1125
00:57:06,280 --> 00:57:10,120
Speaker 1: to turn twenty eight, and uh, I feel like I

1126
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:12,239
Speaker 1: I'd probably talk about this on the show a lot,

1127
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 1: but I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I'm like,

1128
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:19,840
Speaker 1: you know, decrepit or whatever. And it's cool, and I'm like,

1129
00:57:19,880 --> 00:57:21,960
Speaker 1: I think I'm you know, I don't like to admit it,

1130
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:24,320
Speaker 1: but I'm a f I I don't like to admit

1131
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 1: it because when I was young, I was like, oh,

1132
00:57:27,960 --> 00:57:31,440
Speaker 1: you know whatever, every you're not you know, you're not

1133
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 1: dead until you're dead, right, But now I think, now

1134
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:36,800
Speaker 1: i'm getting a little bit older, I'm approaching thirty, I'm

1135
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 1: like scared. I'm like, I'm like scared of getting older

1136
00:57:39,920 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 1: more than I want to admit, you know. But it's cool.

1137
00:57:44,880 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 1: But the fact that you turn twenty nine and you're

1138
00:57:48,240 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 1: like you were like a little freaked out, and then

1139
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:53,880
Speaker 1: a year later, you're feeling more zen. I'm like, oh,

1140
00:57:53,960 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 1: that's like that's like cool to me. That makes me

1141
00:57:56,600 --> 00:58:01,000
Speaker 1: feel like there's still time to shift and show like

1142
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:02,560
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna die tomorrow, you know what I mean.

1143
00:58:02,560 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 1: There's still time to shift and change, you know, because

1144
00:58:06,440 --> 00:58:08,560
Speaker 1: twenty seven you start to or you know, yeah, I'm

1145
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:09,920
Speaker 1: gonna turn twenty eight, and I start to be like,

1146
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:13,760
Speaker 1: you know, I'm kind of aware of my own brain,

1147
00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 1: and I'm aware of my like patterns and habits and things,

1148
00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:18,959
Speaker 1: and I'm aware of where they've got me thus far,

1149
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:23,439
Speaker 1: and they haven't gotten me to a horrible place thus far.

1150
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:27,000
Speaker 1: I'm doing okay, but part of me is like, oh crap,

1151
00:58:27,080 --> 00:58:28,960
Speaker 1: if he you know, is it gonna keep going? If

1152
00:58:28,960 --> 00:58:32,120
Speaker 1: it keeps going like this, then I don't know where

1153
00:58:32,160 --> 00:58:35,479
Speaker 1: that leads, do you know what I mean?

1154
00:58:36,960 --> 00:58:42,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's and that's like I think it's

1155
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 2: like the human the evolved like pattern recognition that leads

1156
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:50,000
Speaker 2: us to, like, you know, we're so prone to like

1157
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:52,960
Speaker 2: see a pattern and try and analyze where it's going

1158
00:58:53,160 --> 00:58:57,120
Speaker 2: and to be wary of danger in the bushes, and

1159
00:58:57,560 --> 00:58:59,840
Speaker 2: maybe that's the thing that leads us to naturally just

1160
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:02,120
Speaker 2: be like, Okay, well this happened before and this is

1161
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:04,880
Speaker 2: happening now, so obviously this is happening next. And I'm

1162
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:08,040
Speaker 2: just gonna be on this road forever. But it doesn't

1163
00:59:08,400 --> 00:59:13,880
Speaker 2: I have like, it doesn't no, absolutely. I I the

1164
00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:18,920
Speaker 2: first time I ever did acid, I remember sitting sitting

1165
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:23,720
Speaker 2: on a was it Twin Towers just no good Jesus Christ,

1166
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:28,160
Speaker 2: twin twin peaks in uh In in San Francisco and

1167
00:59:28,200 --> 00:59:30,080
Speaker 2: looking over everything, and I just had this thought of,

1168
00:59:30,120 --> 00:59:33,120
Speaker 2: like I love video games, so I'm like, oh shit,

1169
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:37,040
Speaker 2: like we're living in an open world game. It's not it's

1170
00:59:37,080 --> 00:59:38,640
Speaker 2: not a linear thing to it. Like I could I

1171
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:40,600
Speaker 2: could run down there in my underwear if I wanted to,

1172
00:59:40,680 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 2: Like I have every choice available to me. I'm not

1173
00:59:44,560 --> 00:59:48,440
Speaker 2: like destined on this path to you know, be the

1174
00:59:48,480 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 2: same person that I said I was going to be.

1175
00:59:51,320 --> 00:59:53,560
Speaker 2: I mean, if I have massive changes in my life,

1176
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:57,920
Speaker 2: like inspired by you know, I wanted to I want

1177
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:01,800
Speaker 2: to switch. I was like gung ho to be an

1178
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:04,240
Speaker 2: actor for like the better part of my life. And

1179
01:00:04,280 --> 01:00:06,080
Speaker 2: then I hit a point where I was like, I

1180
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:08,760
Speaker 2: don't think I really want to do this anymore. And

1181
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 2: it was hard to let go of that because I

1182
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:13,640
Speaker 2: was like, I felt like I was dishonoring my.

1183
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:15,840
Speaker 1: Whole life but so much identity in that.

1184
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:20,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I had to. I had to. I just

1185
01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:24,600
Speaker 2: had to recognize and respect the fact that like as

1186
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:27,400
Speaker 2: soon as I finally allowed myself to, Like I remember

1187
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:30,000
Speaker 2: one day, I'm toying it over, I'm like not in

1188
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:32,840
Speaker 2: a great place in my life, so I'm like having

1189
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:36,360
Speaker 2: a hard time even considering it. And I remember one

1190
01:00:36,440 --> 01:00:38,960
Speaker 2: day just thinking like, Okay, well let me let me

1191
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:41,240
Speaker 2: put on this idea like a hat, like let me

1192
01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:44,040
Speaker 2: just try it, like let me pretend for a moment

1193
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:47,400
Speaker 2: that this is my new path. And as soon as

1194
01:00:47,440 --> 01:00:49,040
Speaker 2: I did, I felt all of this weight come off

1195
01:00:49,120 --> 01:00:50,560
Speaker 2: me and I was like, oh my god, Okay, I

1196
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:52,760
Speaker 2: got to do something. I gotta I gotta follow that

1197
01:00:52,880 --> 01:00:55,480
Speaker 2: there's something going on here. And I've come back around

1198
01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:56,960
Speaker 2: to it, and I've had friends that are like, hey,

1199
01:00:57,000 --> 01:00:58,200
Speaker 2: do you want to like act in this thing? You

1200
01:00:58,240 --> 01:01:00,440
Speaker 2: want to do this out? I'm like, yeah, sure, great,

1201
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 2: but uh, like I you know, sometimes think about like

1202
01:01:07,040 --> 01:01:09,840
Speaker 2: the inner child and like what what would that kid

1203
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:14,240
Speaker 2: want to look up to and see? Yeah, and that's beautiful,

1204
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:17,439
Speaker 2: but I think there's another side, which is the inner

1205
01:01:17,480 --> 01:01:20,480
Speaker 2: child is a child, and sometimes you have to go, hey,

1206
01:01:20,520 --> 01:01:22,840
Speaker 2: that's great, buddy, but we're doing something different now.

1207
01:01:23,880 --> 01:01:25,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, yeah, you got to look at your inner

1208
01:01:25,640 --> 01:01:27,440
Speaker 1: child and be like, but you're gonna learn how the

1209
01:01:27,440 --> 01:01:29,560
Speaker 1: world works. You know, it's not gonna it's not gonna

1210
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:34,640
Speaker 1: turn out exactly how you expected it to. But uh,

1211
01:01:35,640 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 1: you know, I don't know. Sometimes this is a bad

1212
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:40,640
Speaker 1: way to look at life, I think. But sometimes I look,

1213
01:01:41,120 --> 01:01:42,720
Speaker 1: b this is a bad way to look at life. This,

1214
01:01:42,920 --> 01:01:47,840
Speaker 1: this creeps into this creeps into my head sometimes where

1215
01:01:48,160 --> 01:01:51,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, uh, this is just me being like because

1216
01:01:51,760 --> 01:01:53,480
Speaker 1: I want good things for my life. But I'm also

1217
01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:58,560
Speaker 1: I try to be realistic man, So I'm like I do,

1218
01:02:00,280 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 1: and it also goes against because I do believe in

1219
01:02:02,680 --> 01:02:05,080
Speaker 1: like manifestation in a sense of like your thoughts will

1220
01:02:05,080 --> 01:02:10,120
Speaker 1: become your words, and shit, man, when did the therapy

1221
01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 1: Gecko podcast becomes so therapy anyway? But sometimes I do

1222
01:02:16,360 --> 01:02:20,280
Speaker 1: look at my life and I'm like, I'm like what why.

1223
01:02:20,360 --> 01:02:24,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, why why should nothing bad happen to you?

1224
01:02:24,040 --> 01:02:27,240
Speaker 1: You know, I'm like, why should everything work out for you?

1225
01:02:27,320 --> 01:02:29,840
Speaker 1: Like I walk outside in New York or like I

1226
01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 1: walk around like like when I was in Iraq or

1227
01:02:32,440 --> 01:02:34,440
Speaker 1: like what you know, you just like look you see

1228
01:02:34,480 --> 01:02:38,959
Speaker 1: like everyone's kind of just like surviving and like living

1229
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:42,520
Speaker 1: their life and like whatever, You're not like that special

1230
01:02:42,560 --> 01:02:45,720
Speaker 1: and I'm kind of like why why why should I

1231
01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:48,400
Speaker 1: be amazing and everything works out for me and it

1232
01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:52,840
Speaker 1: is awesome. Again, I don't think that's a healthy way

1233
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:56,600
Speaker 1: to live life, is to think that way, because that's

1234
01:02:56,760 --> 01:03:00,080
Speaker 1: it's really not productive. But I'm just saying that that

1235
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:03,600
Speaker 1: happens to me, that that thought appears in my brain

1236
01:03:03,640 --> 01:03:07,000
Speaker 1: where I'm like, why should everything work out for you

1237
01:03:07,120 --> 01:03:11,760
Speaker 1: all the time? You know, that's like a crazy expectation

1238
01:03:12,040 --> 01:03:12,439
Speaker 1: to have.

1239
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:17,040
Speaker 2: I think it's super valid to to have this. I mean,

1240
01:03:17,160 --> 01:03:19,280
Speaker 2: I think anything that pops in a brain is like,

1241
01:03:20,040 --> 01:03:23,880
Speaker 2: you know, nothing, like it's you know, it's life and

1242
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:26,840
Speaker 2: it's nature. Like something pops in your brain. Okay, like

1243
01:03:26,880 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 2: it's not wrong, but like how we choose to hold

1244
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 2: it and what we choose to do because of it,

1245
01:03:34,000 --> 01:03:36,040
Speaker 2: Like that's that's up to us. Those are things that

1246
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:41,920
Speaker 2: we can make given bad choices on Yeah, thinking about yeah,

1247
01:03:41,920 --> 01:03:43,680
Speaker 2: go ahead, well I was.

1248
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:45,439
Speaker 1: Gonna I was just gonna say I'm gonna I'm gonna

1249
01:03:45,480 --> 01:03:47,640
Speaker 1: I'm gonna challenge I'm gonna challenge that. I'm gonna try

1250
01:03:47,640 --> 01:03:50,200
Speaker 1: to challenge that thought when it comes up and just

1251
01:03:50,280 --> 01:03:53,560
Speaker 1: be like, well, I'm gonna I'm gonna counterpoint myself real

1252
01:03:53,640 --> 01:03:56,919
Speaker 1: quick and just be like, Okay, the sure you can

1253
01:03:56,920 --> 01:03:59,040
Speaker 1: think like that, but it's not help it's not helpful.

1254
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:03,520
Speaker 1: It's it's nihilistic and it's not helpful. And you know,

1255
01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:10,000
Speaker 1: you've your my consciousness has spawned into this brain and

1256
01:04:10,040 --> 01:04:13,520
Speaker 1: this body for whatever cosmic reason that I it's beyond

1257
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:16,760
Speaker 1: me that I'm tired of thinking about uh, And so

1258
01:04:16,840 --> 01:04:20,440
Speaker 1: I'm responding. So, if I only have one goal, it's

1259
01:04:20,480 --> 01:04:23,840
Speaker 1: for me to be responsible for my own like I'm like,

1260
01:04:23,880 --> 01:04:27,520
Speaker 1: I like, I have the bandwidth to care about my

1261
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:31,360
Speaker 1: own happiness. And that's like kind of my job as

1262
01:04:31,360 --> 01:04:34,800
Speaker 1: a human. And so you know, it's you should care

1263
01:04:35,280 --> 01:04:37,800
Speaker 1: about whether or not you hate your you should care

1264
01:04:37,840 --> 01:04:42,040
Speaker 1: about whether or not you're thriving. Like logically speaking, in

1265
01:04:42,080 --> 01:04:44,760
Speaker 1: the same way I come to in the same with

1266
01:04:44,880 --> 01:04:48,400
Speaker 1: the same logic I use to come to this conclusion

1267
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:53,040
Speaker 1: that I shouldn't be happy, I can use to come

1268
01:04:53,080 --> 01:04:55,960
Speaker 1: to the conclusion that I should be happy. Does that

1269
01:04:56,000 --> 01:04:56,439
Speaker 1: make sense?

1270
01:04:58,440 --> 01:05:01,680
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, absolute, Yeah, you're you're something, the something

1271
01:05:01,720 --> 01:05:04,760
Speaker 2: the switch I think I got. I go through a

1272
01:05:04,760 --> 01:05:08,760
Speaker 2: similar process. I just like I don't I don't do

1273
01:05:08,840 --> 01:05:13,080
Speaker 2: great with like good, like uh this this grand good

1274
01:05:13,080 --> 01:05:16,520
Speaker 2: and bad idea In nature, I think that they're like

1275
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:20,640
Speaker 2: placeholder words for things that are or are not effective

1276
01:05:20,680 --> 01:05:25,440
Speaker 2: towards a particular goal. Like murder happens all the time

1277
01:05:25,640 --> 01:05:28,360
Speaker 2: in the animal kingdom, and we're not gonna say that's bad.

1278
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:30,760
Speaker 2: But the reason we say it's bad amongst us is

1279
01:05:30,800 --> 01:05:33,480
Speaker 2: because it's not productive. It doesn't that doesn't help things along,

1280
01:05:33,520 --> 01:05:39,280
Speaker 2: It's unequivocally not helpful. So I've I've come to like

1281
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:42,600
Speaker 2: try and train the words should out of my vocabulary

1282
01:05:42,720 --> 01:05:46,160
Speaker 2: unless I'm very particular about how I'm using it, because

1283
01:05:46,240 --> 01:05:48,040
Speaker 2: I mean, what is what is should? You know? Like

1284
01:05:48,120 --> 01:05:51,400
Speaker 2: we may live in this society that's like structured around

1285
01:05:51,640 --> 01:05:57,600
Speaker 2: particular milestones and goals and metrics metrics of success, but

1286
01:05:57,800 --> 01:05:59,960
Speaker 2: like at the end of the day, I'm just an animal,

1287
01:06:00,280 --> 01:06:05,480
Speaker 2: you know, and so like what what is should? Really there?

1288
01:06:05,920 --> 01:06:09,040
Speaker 2: I can be a good person, and I'd like to

1289
01:06:09,040 --> 01:06:12,160
Speaker 2: be a good person, and I will be a good person,

1290
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:17,959
Speaker 2: but like should should is it should make me claustrophobic,

1291
01:06:18,120 --> 01:06:19,920
Speaker 2: you know, should It's.

1292
01:06:19,760 --> 01:06:25,040
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, this would be an awesome testimony to give

1293
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:29,240
Speaker 1: in court after you murder someone. The way you said,

1294
01:06:29,360 --> 01:06:33,520
Speaker 1: the way you said, I'm an animal, it reminds me.

1295
01:06:33,600 --> 01:06:37,320
Speaker 1: Go on, everyone listening, go on YouTube and search. Hold on,

1296
01:06:37,840 --> 01:06:41,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna find this real quick. Sorry to take us

1297
01:06:41,360 --> 01:06:44,720
Speaker 1: completely off to I think it's Oh, it reminded me

1298
01:06:44,760 --> 01:06:49,200
Speaker 1: of a search up Charles Manson Epic Answer. You ever

1299
01:06:49,240 --> 01:06:53,600
Speaker 1: seen that video where he goes like, uh, yeah, the

1300
01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:55,720
Speaker 1: way he said I'm an animal? Yes, everone on YouTube

1301
01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:59,600
Speaker 1: search up Charles Manson Epic Answer, Like an interviewer is

1302
01:06:59,640 --> 01:07:01,640
Speaker 1: like who are you? And he does a bunch of

1303
01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:05,840
Speaker 1: crazy faces and he goes and he goes, I'm nobody.

1304
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:09,480
Speaker 1: I'm nobody. And you kind of reminded me of that

1305
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:11,680
Speaker 1: just now. I don't think you would murder someone though

1306
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:13,520
Speaker 1: you're you're a nice guy. But I know, I know,

1307
01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:18,160
Speaker 1: I know what you mean. There's no real rules of

1308
01:07:18,520 --> 01:07:20,720
Speaker 1: should and shouldn't you get to Yeah, you get to

1309
01:07:20,800 --> 01:07:22,680
Speaker 1: kind of decide what they are. But then that's a

1310
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:24,680
Speaker 1: that's a that's a big responsibility.

1311
01:07:27,200 --> 01:07:29,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know there again, let's you know, do

1312
01:07:29,400 --> 01:07:32,240
Speaker 2: it today and say promise to do it tomorrow and

1313
01:07:33,000 --> 01:07:36,400
Speaker 2: keep going from there. You got me thinking on I

1314
01:07:36,440 --> 01:07:40,320
Speaker 2: always like to to make the claim that there's the

1315
01:07:40,440 --> 01:07:43,480
Speaker 2: uh you know that for every everything happens for a reason,

1316
01:07:43,880 --> 01:07:46,520
Speaker 2: you know, and it's it can be a real like

1317
01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:49,840
Speaker 2: thoughts and prayers of a statement. Sometimes it's like, well,

1318
01:07:49,840 --> 01:07:52,920
Speaker 2: everything happens for a reason. I think it's bullshit, and

1319
01:07:53,000 --> 01:07:55,720
Speaker 2: I think the I think the main thing I I

1320
01:07:55,800 --> 01:07:59,680
Speaker 2: believe that it's been misunderstood. I think it's the exact

1321
01:07:59,720 --> 01:08:03,880
Speaker 2: same but with a different connotation. I think it's not

1322
01:08:03,960 --> 01:08:07,360
Speaker 2: everything happens for a reason, like towards some end, I

1323
01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 2: think it's everything happens for a reason, like everything happens

1324
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:14,360
Speaker 2: because of something. It's it's it's all about context. It's

1325
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:17,639
Speaker 2: all like you know, particles colliding with each other that

1326
01:08:17,800 --> 01:08:21,760
Speaker 2: create you know, the big bank. I don't know, I'm

1327
01:08:21,760 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 2: not well versed in this, but.

1328
01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:27,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're saying that everything happens for a reason. Is

1329
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:31,120
Speaker 1: a phrase that normally points forward. But you're like, no,

1330
01:08:31,200 --> 01:08:32,799
Speaker 1: I look at that as pointing backward.

1331
01:08:34,040 --> 01:08:36,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, which isn't going to like, you know, that doesn't

1332
01:08:36,760 --> 01:08:40,320
Speaker 2: give you the cozy blanket of assurance that's like, well,

1333
01:08:40,360 --> 01:08:43,599
Speaker 2: this bad thing is gonna end up okay, yeah, as much,

1334
01:08:43,640 --> 01:08:46,760
Speaker 2: but like it does, I think like it for me

1335
01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:50,439
Speaker 2: as like a very anxious person, it gives me context,

1336
01:08:50,439 --> 01:08:54,519
Speaker 2: like it gives me when I'm you know, spiraling out there.

1337
01:08:54,520 --> 01:08:58,240
Speaker 2: It gives me something to like grab onto and be like,

1338
01:08:58,280 --> 01:09:00,519
Speaker 2: well I can understand this now. And that might not

1339
01:09:00,560 --> 01:09:04,240
Speaker 2: be like cozy it's but I get I can get it,

1340
01:09:04,600 --> 01:09:04,800
Speaker 2: you know.

1341
01:09:07,600 --> 01:09:10,920
Speaker 1: I don't. Yeah, I don't like that phrase everything happens

1342
01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:12,759
Speaker 1: for I hate Yeah, I don't like that. That feels

1343
01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:18,439
Speaker 1: uh uh. I don't believe in some form of like

1344
01:09:18,640 --> 01:09:30,559
Speaker 1: external cosmic thing that's like manicuring uh events to happen

1345
01:09:31,600 --> 01:09:35,240
Speaker 1: for certain purposes. I think that's bullshit. Yeah, I'm kind

1346
01:09:35,240 --> 01:09:36,840
Speaker 1: of one of those guys that believes that everything is

1347
01:09:36,840 --> 01:09:44,200
Speaker 1: like a complete like cosmic accident. I'm not like, I

1348
01:09:44,200 --> 01:09:47,400
Speaker 1: think it's like typically like when saren, I believe here's

1349
01:09:47,400 --> 01:09:49,600
Speaker 1: what I like, my the whole, like everything happens for

1350
01:09:49,640 --> 01:09:53,320
Speaker 1: a reason or like serendipity or cosmic this. I think

1351
01:09:53,439 --> 01:10:01,320
Speaker 1: that serendipity is kind of what happens natural truly as

1352
01:10:01,400 --> 01:10:08,400
Speaker 1: a result of you putting forth some effort into the world.

1353
01:10:08,479 --> 01:10:11,160
Speaker 1: I think. I think I've said this before a lot

1354
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:13,080
Speaker 1: and I and I mean it, but I think when

1355
01:10:13,080 --> 01:10:18,599
Speaker 1: you like do stuff, like the universe kind of rewards you,

1356
01:10:18,880 --> 01:10:20,400
Speaker 1: and I don't. I'm not even in like a woo

1357
01:10:20,439 --> 01:10:24,000
Speaker 1: waway just like an a logical way, just because like

1358
01:10:24,000 --> 01:10:25,840
Speaker 1: there's so much like because we live on a in

1359
01:10:25,880 --> 01:10:28,600
Speaker 1: a world with so many like moving fucking parts and

1360
01:10:28,640 --> 01:10:32,200
Speaker 1: so many different people and so much stuff going on

1361
01:10:32,320 --> 01:10:36,320
Speaker 1: that when you decide to like it's like it's like

1362
01:10:36,360 --> 01:10:41,599
Speaker 1: if the world is like a giant spinning tornado of

1363
01:10:41,680 --> 01:10:44,200
Speaker 1: like entery of like and like in there, it's like

1364
01:10:45,080 --> 01:10:47,320
Speaker 1: it's like the Wizard of Oz, Like you know, there's

1365
01:10:47,360 --> 01:10:50,839
Speaker 1: like chairs and Dorothy's and then the can of Witch

1366
01:10:50,880 --> 01:10:52,840
Speaker 1: comes by and all that shit. Right, Like it's like

1367
01:10:52,880 --> 01:10:56,639
Speaker 1: it's a big hurricane of action and things and you're

1368
01:10:56,680 --> 01:10:59,599
Speaker 1: like standing on the sidelines of it. If you toss

1369
01:10:59,640 --> 01:11:04,240
Speaker 1: a fucking ball in there, you know, it'll get swept

1370
01:11:04,320 --> 01:11:06,599
Speaker 1: up in the hurricane and think or if you jump

1371
01:11:06,680 --> 01:11:10,160
Speaker 1: into the fucking hurricane, you're gonna see some shit, you

1372
01:11:10,240 --> 01:11:14,360
Speaker 1: know what I mean, Like you're you just like so

1373
01:11:14,680 --> 01:11:18,000
Speaker 1: much kinetic energy is unfolding everywhere that if you just

1374
01:11:18,080 --> 01:11:22,960
Speaker 1: do something to like leave yourself and interact with it,

1375
01:11:23,640 --> 01:11:27,200
Speaker 1: something something comes back, you know, just lot like logically,

1376
01:11:27,240 --> 01:11:29,360
Speaker 1: I don't even like so when I say like the

1377
01:11:29,520 --> 01:11:31,679
Speaker 1: universal wards you, I don't even mean that, and like

1378
01:11:31,680 --> 01:11:35,439
Speaker 1: like it makes logical sense, especially now with like the Internet,

1379
01:11:35,680 --> 01:11:38,240
Speaker 1: all of our like everything we do is like leveraged,

1380
01:11:39,040 --> 01:11:43,920
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like you do one you know,

1381
01:11:44,080 --> 01:11:46,200
Speaker 1: like like if you like I mean, like look at

1382
01:11:46,240 --> 01:11:48,120
Speaker 1: this podcast right Like if I went if I went

1383
01:11:48,160 --> 01:11:52,280
Speaker 1: out into the into the square in the seventeen hundreds

1384
01:11:52,280 --> 01:11:55,000
Speaker 1: and I just started talking, I'd you know, i'd talked

1385
01:11:55,000 --> 01:11:57,639
Speaker 1: to I'd maybe talk to like three people. But we're

1386
01:11:57,680 --> 01:11:59,840
Speaker 1: gonna have this conversation. There's gonna be a few thousand

1387
01:12:00,040 --> 01:12:03,920
Speaker 1: people that listen to it, and it's leveraged, you know.

1388
01:12:04,240 --> 01:12:07,479
Speaker 1: So we live in a we live in a crazy

1389
01:12:07,560 --> 01:12:09,000
Speaker 1: leverage in the world. I don't know if I don't

1390
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:12,599
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying relates to anything we've been talking about,

1391
01:12:12,640 --> 01:12:15,360
Speaker 1: but it was in my head and I'm.

1392
01:12:15,280 --> 01:12:17,120
Speaker 2: It came up for some reason.

1393
01:12:17,680 --> 01:12:18,120
Speaker 1: It did.

1394
01:12:18,320 --> 01:12:21,599
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think the like the I I get really

1395
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:25,960
Speaker 2: on the perspective and how it's like everything that we

1396
01:12:26,040 --> 01:12:28,000
Speaker 2: are in everything we do and everything we know is

1397
01:12:28,080 --> 01:12:32,559
Speaker 2: reliant on perspective. And it's like the great shame on

1398
01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:35,120
Speaker 2: the shame is not the right word, but the you know,

1399
01:12:35,360 --> 01:12:38,720
Speaker 2: it's the great struggle of our existence is that like

1400
01:12:39,760 --> 01:12:44,640
Speaker 2: we'll never know true objectivity for something. So that tornado

1401
01:12:45,000 --> 01:12:51,240
Speaker 2: from you know, God's eye, it probably is meticulously like intricate.

1402
01:12:51,800 --> 01:12:54,479
Speaker 2: It's you know, you could you could take that tornado

1403
01:12:55,439 --> 01:12:59,000
Speaker 2: in a simulation and study every single particle and like

1404
01:12:59,040 --> 01:13:01,679
Speaker 2: where it's going, and it all has like this path

1405
01:13:01,760 --> 01:13:04,840
Speaker 2: that like from outside of time makes sense. But for us,

1406
01:13:04,880 --> 01:13:06,880
Speaker 2: it's just like I'm hopping in the dam tornado. I

1407
01:13:06,920 --> 01:13:11,760
Speaker 2: have no idea. I'm I'm I'm one thousand percent with

1408
01:13:11,800 --> 01:13:15,479
Speaker 2: you on the agnosticism. And that's exactly where I land

1409
01:13:15,680 --> 01:13:19,519
Speaker 2: on this stuff too, is maybe there's an answer. Maybe

1410
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:22,280
Speaker 2: it might be a guy in a cloud for all

1411
01:13:22,320 --> 01:13:25,439
Speaker 2: I know, But I don't think I'm capable of knowing.

1412
01:13:26,720 --> 01:13:31,760
Speaker 1: Dustin. Yeah, this was a good conversation, Dustin. I'm gonna

1413
01:13:31,760 --> 01:13:36,160
Speaker 1: be honest with you. I yeah, like yesterday, when I

1414
01:13:36,200 --> 01:13:38,760
Speaker 1: shut the laptop off early, I was like expecting that

1415
01:13:38,840 --> 01:13:40,280
Speaker 1: I was like I was, I was kind of nervous.

1416
01:13:40,360 --> 01:13:41,800
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do this. I was nervous that

1417
01:13:41,880 --> 01:13:44,960
Speaker 1: this was going to happen again. But I've thoroughly enjoyed

1418
01:13:44,960 --> 01:13:49,080
Speaker 1: our conversation. So I appreciate you being easy to talk

1419
01:13:49,120 --> 01:13:52,200
Speaker 1: to and and fun to talk to and you know,

1420
01:13:52,280 --> 01:13:53,080
Speaker 1: talking to me today.

1421
01:13:54,600 --> 01:13:55,280
Speaker 2: I appreciate you.

1422
01:13:55,360 --> 01:13:55,519
Speaker 1: Man.

1423
01:13:55,560 --> 01:13:58,760
Speaker 2: It was great to get on and inconnect and sure

1424
01:13:58,800 --> 01:13:59,360
Speaker 2: some ideas.

1425
01:14:00,320 --> 01:14:05,920
Speaker 1: Mmm, is there anything else that you wanted to say

1426
01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:08,960
Speaker 1: or talk about at all before we go, or say

1427
01:14:09,000 --> 01:14:12,719
Speaker 1: to the people of the computer, Are.

1428
01:14:12,640 --> 01:14:16,080
Speaker 2: You gonna go to New Orleans Marty Gras?

1429
01:14:16,439 --> 01:14:17,000
Speaker 1: When is that?

1430
01:14:17,640 --> 01:14:21,480
Speaker 2: Because it's in mid February.

1431
01:14:21,640 --> 01:14:23,080
Speaker 1: Ship that could be kind of very.

1432
01:14:22,920 --> 01:14:27,360
Speaker 2: Awesome to party, Marty Gray, I am.

1433
01:14:27,439 --> 01:14:31,000
Speaker 1: I am Marty Gras. Colors you are.

1434
01:14:31,640 --> 01:14:33,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, a little purple flare there you go.

1435
01:14:34,400 --> 01:14:37,280
Speaker 1: I've never been to New Orleans before. That's like one

1436
01:14:37,280 --> 01:14:40,439
Speaker 1: of the few major cities in the States that I've

1437
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:41,160
Speaker 1: just never been to.

1438
01:14:43,960 --> 01:14:48,320
Speaker 2: It's beautiful. I've gone once, very briefly for a wedding,

1439
01:14:48,439 --> 01:14:51,200
Speaker 2: and now I'm gonna go spend a whole week there.

1440
01:14:51,640 --> 01:14:54,639
Speaker 2: I'm not I'm not always crazy about like big crowd events,

1441
01:14:54,800 --> 01:14:57,440
Speaker 2: but once in a lifetime thing just got to go.

1442
01:14:57,439 --> 01:14:58,360
Speaker 2: Go do it, you know.

1443
01:14:59,160 --> 01:15:01,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm want to try to flash my tits and

1444
01:15:01,720 --> 01:15:02,800
Speaker 1: get some beads.

1445
01:15:04,040 --> 01:15:06,280
Speaker 2: I literally did that last time I was there. It

1446
01:15:06,320 --> 01:15:08,360
Speaker 2: was it was very effective, beautiful.

1447
01:15:08,400 --> 01:15:09,960
Speaker 1: Wait you so you went to Marty gars before?

1448
01:15:11,360 --> 01:15:13,840
Speaker 2: No, just it was just it's still New Orleans.

1449
01:15:14,080 --> 01:15:17,679
Speaker 1: They just wait, they just do that year round, I guess.

1450
01:15:17,760 --> 01:15:21,160
Speaker 2: So. Yeah, just some guys on on a balcony in

1451
01:15:21,200 --> 01:15:21,800
Speaker 2: the French Quarter.

1452
01:15:22,160 --> 01:15:24,200
Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna I'm gonna test that.

1453
01:15:27,040 --> 01:15:30,160
Speaker 3: Hell yeah, well if you go, uh text me, great party.

1454
01:15:31,640 --> 01:15:33,160
Speaker 1: Thank you very much for calling Dustin. I'll see you

1455
01:15:33,160 --> 01:15:33,839
Speaker 1: around the universe.

1456
01:15:35,120 --> 01:15:35,519
Speaker 2: Take care.

1457
01:15:38,840 --> 01:15:45,400
Speaker 1: That was Dustin, nice guy. I liked Dustin. Do I

1458
01:15:45,439 --> 01:15:48,040
Speaker 1: have any other post call thoughts. Marty Garos could be fun?

1459
01:15:52,479 --> 01:15:59,080
Speaker 1: Hmm Yeah. That whole thing about like uh having like

1460
01:15:59,120 --> 01:16:02,920
Speaker 1: a having like I love from a long time ago.

1461
01:16:04,880 --> 01:16:09,439
Speaker 1: I'm curious do you guys have to tell me in

1462
01:16:09,520 --> 01:16:12,680
Speaker 1: the in the comments, do you guys still have like

1463
01:16:13,040 --> 01:16:15,559
Speaker 1: x's or loves that you think about from like a

1464
01:16:15,640 --> 01:16:19,680
Speaker 1: long time ago. It's interesting, I didn't really get to

1465
01:16:19,680 --> 01:16:21,920
Speaker 1: talking about this like twenty to thirty. That's such a

1466
01:16:22,080 --> 01:16:29,639
Speaker 1: huge fucking change. But yeah, I'm curious if anyone else

1467
01:16:29,680 --> 01:16:31,800
Speaker 1: has like loves like that, like from like a long time.

1468
01:16:31,800 --> 01:16:34,439
Speaker 1: Everyone has, you know, people like who've kind of come

1469
01:16:34,479 --> 01:16:36,800
Speaker 1: in and out of their life and shit, but any

1470
01:16:36,880 --> 01:16:39,280
Speaker 1: you know, like from anyone they just really haven't talked

1471
01:16:39,280 --> 01:16:47,719
Speaker 1: to in a while. They're like, I wonder how they're doing. Yeah,

1472
01:16:47,800 --> 01:16:54,559
Speaker 1: let me know. I'm curious. Hello, Okay, Uh. I'm gonna

1473
01:16:54,720 --> 01:16:58,000
Speaker 1: keep doing this thing where I I'm trying to make

1474
01:16:58,040 --> 01:17:02,519
Speaker 1: the episodes a little longer. I know that there's been

1475
01:17:03,400 --> 01:17:06,720
Speaker 1: a lot of ads in the podcast. I'm aware of that.

1476
01:17:06,760 --> 01:17:11,320
Speaker 1: I'm trying to make the podcasts longer so that it

1477
01:17:11,520 --> 01:17:15,120
Speaker 1: feels like you're it's you know, it feels like you're

1478
01:17:15,120 --> 01:17:20,280
Speaker 1: getting some podcasts with your ads. So I'm enjoying doing

1479
01:17:20,320 --> 01:17:25,680
Speaker 1: this thing where I read the viewer mail at the

1480
01:17:25,800 --> 01:17:28,559
Speaker 1: end of the podcast. So I'm gonna I'm gonna do that.

1481
01:17:28,600 --> 01:17:34,439
Speaker 1: I'm gonna read a little handful of viewer mail to

1482
01:17:34,520 --> 01:17:38,120
Speaker 1: bring us on home before we go. I'm also still

1483
01:17:38,200 --> 01:17:40,400
Speaker 1: hyped up. I had a vibe ance and a coffee

1484
01:17:40,439 --> 01:17:43,920
Speaker 1: and so I feel if there if if I were

1485
01:17:43,960 --> 01:17:47,920
Speaker 1: ever in a mood to rant into a microphone about nothing,

1486
01:17:48,520 --> 01:17:50,920
Speaker 1: it would be now. So I'm gonna take advantage of

1487
01:17:50,960 --> 01:17:58,160
Speaker 1: this Okay. This is from uh Kalum subject line fear

1488
01:17:58,280 --> 01:18:02,840
Speaker 1: and loathing in Barnsley. Hi gek, I hope life is

1489
01:18:02,880 --> 01:18:06,240
Speaker 1: treating you well. My name is Calem. I'm twenty nine

1490
01:18:06,520 --> 01:18:12,920
Speaker 1: from Barnsley, South Yorkshire in England. I wanted to reach No,

1491
01:18:13,000 --> 01:18:15,280
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that. I wanted to reach out

1492
01:18:15,600 --> 01:18:18,400
Speaker 1: as I've been going through some real therapy recently, as

1493
01:18:18,439 --> 01:18:21,679
Speaker 1: I was struggling with some self image issues and grief

1494
01:18:22,120 --> 01:18:25,519
Speaker 1: from both grandparents dying and a relationship ending a few

1495
01:18:25,600 --> 01:18:29,320
Speaker 1: years ago. However, I still find myself wondering what's the

1496
01:18:29,360 --> 01:18:33,559
Speaker 1: point in life. I genuinely question myself and wonder why

1497
01:18:33,600 --> 01:18:36,440
Speaker 1: I'm going to work at times, not from a depressive

1498
01:18:36,479 --> 01:18:38,599
Speaker 1: point of view, but more so what do I want

1499
01:18:38,640 --> 01:18:40,920
Speaker 1: to do with my life? I feel like I've got

1500
01:18:40,920 --> 01:18:42,760
Speaker 1: the world at my feet and I don't know where

1501
01:18:42,800 --> 01:18:46,400
Speaker 1: to jump. Over the past few years, I've been well

1502
01:18:46,560 --> 01:18:50,160
Speaker 1: my whole life. Recently, I've been into cars and track days.

1503
01:18:50,680 --> 01:18:53,000
Speaker 1: Track days are where you drive your car around in

1504
01:18:53,080 --> 01:18:56,960
Speaker 1: circles on a racetrack all day. Whilst who I like

1505
01:18:57,040 --> 01:19:01,920
Speaker 1: this use of wilst Whilst it is extremely fun and

1506
01:19:02,120 --> 01:19:04,880
Speaker 1: was my sole motivation for a long period of my life.

1507
01:19:05,360 --> 01:19:09,799
Speaker 1: I now wonder if it's been worth it. I've managed

1508
01:19:09,840 --> 01:19:11,439
Speaker 1: to buy a house, which I know is a real

1509
01:19:11,479 --> 01:19:14,559
Speaker 1: achievement in twenty twenty five, but still feel little achievement

1510
01:19:14,640 --> 01:19:18,360
Speaker 1: for it, and go on vacations around the hobby, visiting

1511
01:19:18,400 --> 01:19:24,639
Speaker 1: the nerber Gring in Germany a few times, as well

1512
01:19:24,640 --> 01:19:27,639
Speaker 1: as going on car related trips. Okay, I'm gonna google

1513
01:19:28,320 --> 01:19:33,200
Speaker 1: what Neurbering is. Oh, then it's like a big ass well,

1514
01:19:33,280 --> 01:19:37,480
Speaker 1: holy fucking shit, it is one hundred and fifty thousand

1515
01:19:37,640 --> 01:19:43,439
Speaker 1: person capacity motor sports complex. That's crazy. That's cool. It's

1516
01:19:43,479 --> 01:19:45,320
Speaker 1: good to have a thing. You gotta have a thing.

1517
01:19:45,439 --> 01:19:47,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not a fan of I don't I

1518
01:19:48,160 --> 01:19:50,160
Speaker 1: you know, it's good to have a thing. I don't

1519
01:19:50,200 --> 01:19:51,720
Speaker 1: need to I was gonna say, I'm not a fan.

1520
01:19:51,720 --> 01:19:55,759
Speaker 1: I don't like fast cars. They scare me. But whatever,

1521
01:19:55,800 --> 01:19:57,280
Speaker 1: this guy's got a thing. It's good to have a thing,

1522
01:19:57,320 --> 01:20:00,840
Speaker 1: especially if the thing gets you around people and you know,

1523
01:20:01,280 --> 01:20:05,479
Speaker 1: visiting Germany. Okay, back to the email. I have a

1524
01:20:05,520 --> 01:20:08,160
Speaker 1: feeling that I need to travel more and experience more

1525
01:20:08,160 --> 01:20:12,639
Speaker 1: of life and people. But doing this I struggle as

1526
01:20:12,640 --> 01:20:15,400
Speaker 1: I'm a single guy. And it's hard convincing friends to

1527
01:20:15,439 --> 01:20:18,400
Speaker 1: come along when the price for trips can be high.

1528
01:20:18,479 --> 01:20:20,799
Speaker 1: I'm lucky enough that I get to travel around Europe

1529
01:20:20,800 --> 01:20:23,080
Speaker 1: for work, and I've been to pretty much every part

1530
01:20:23,120 --> 01:20:26,160
Speaker 1: of Germany with this, but I still find myself wanting

1531
01:20:26,160 --> 01:20:30,439
Speaker 1: to look further Afield so much so I'd argue it's

1532
01:20:30,479 --> 01:20:34,360
Speaker 1: my favorite country to visit. That's cool. I've also started

1533
01:20:34,439 --> 01:20:37,479
Speaker 1: riding mountain bikes, and I love the feeling it gives

1534
01:20:37,520 --> 01:20:39,320
Speaker 1: me when I'm out in the trail and the bonds

1535
01:20:39,400 --> 01:20:41,800
Speaker 1: I share with the friends I do it with. I

1536
01:20:41,800 --> 01:20:44,160
Speaker 1: feel like I want to leave the car stuff behind.

1537
01:20:44,520 --> 01:20:46,920
Speaker 1: As the guys I know from it can be wankers,

1538
01:20:47,320 --> 01:20:49,840
Speaker 1: even though I like them, but they do drag me

1539
01:20:49,960 --> 01:20:53,639
Speaker 1: down at times. I've distanced myself from them, but feel

1540
01:20:53,680 --> 01:20:56,760
Speaker 1: like I've spent less and less time with people. But

1541
01:20:56,880 --> 01:20:59,519
Speaker 1: on the other hand, I feel like the time I'm

1542
01:20:59,560 --> 01:21:03,280
Speaker 1: spending with people is worthwhile and truly enriching my life.

1543
01:21:03,840 --> 01:21:05,840
Speaker 1: Am I just being a drama queen? Or do you

1544
01:21:06,120 --> 01:21:08,800
Speaker 1: see where I'm coming from? I feel like I'm being

1545
01:21:08,840 --> 01:21:12,160
Speaker 1: a typical privileged person and crying about doing things I enjoy.

1546
01:21:13,160 --> 01:21:14,960
Speaker 1: Cheers and keep up the good work. If you ever

1547
01:21:15,000 --> 01:21:17,439
Speaker 1: find yourself wanting to visit Yorkshire and need a place

1548
01:21:17,479 --> 01:21:21,040
Speaker 1: to stay, I'm your man. Thanks, Kalum, Thank you, Kalum.

1549
01:21:21,120 --> 01:21:24,920
Speaker 1: This a nice invitation. Well, first of all, listen, here's

1550
01:21:24,920 --> 01:21:27,479
Speaker 1: the thing about you being a drama queen and whatnot.

1551
01:21:27,640 --> 01:21:32,920
Speaker 1: Is like, listen, everyone's life is relative to theirs, and

1552
01:21:33,000 --> 01:21:35,800
Speaker 1: I've done this thing in my own life where I

1553
01:21:36,479 --> 01:21:38,000
Speaker 1: have the same thoughts as you, where I'm like, am

1554
01:21:38,040 --> 01:21:43,120
Speaker 1: I being a drama queen? Whatever? Whatever? Whatever? Listen completely

1555
01:21:43,200 --> 01:21:47,280
Speaker 1: denying the existence of any of your feelings, because there's

1556
01:21:47,320 --> 01:21:51,880
Speaker 1: people with worse feelings out there. Is it's good to

1557
01:21:53,360 --> 01:21:56,040
Speaker 1: acknowledge that you have it good and whatnot. But at

1558
01:21:56,040 --> 01:22:00,760
Speaker 1: a certain point, it's just like, you know, you're just

1559
01:22:00,800 --> 01:22:05,840
Speaker 1: beating yourself up. It's not like helpful. It's like I

1560
01:22:05,880 --> 01:22:10,040
Speaker 1: fucking said to the caller earlier, where I was like, shit,

1561
01:22:10,120 --> 01:22:12,200
Speaker 1: hold on, I fucking was gonna make a connection and

1562
01:22:12,240 --> 01:22:15,280
Speaker 1: it just left my brain. Oh yeah, that's what I

1563
01:22:15,280 --> 01:22:17,759
Speaker 1: said to the caller earlier, where I was like, I'll

1564
01:22:17,800 --> 01:22:20,120
Speaker 1: have this thought in my head where I'll be like

1565
01:22:20,360 --> 01:22:22,120
Speaker 1: why should I be happy or this or that the

1566
01:22:22,160 --> 01:22:23,760
Speaker 1: other thing, And I don't think that's a productive thing.

1567
01:22:23,840 --> 01:22:25,599
Speaker 1: I have that same thought, and I don't think it's

1568
01:22:25,600 --> 01:22:28,479
Speaker 1: a productive thought to have. So I'm gonna say to

1569
01:22:28,520 --> 01:22:31,599
Speaker 1: you that I don't think it's a productive thought to have.

1570
01:22:33,640 --> 01:22:35,479
Speaker 1: There's definitely people out there who do who I think

1571
01:22:35,600 --> 01:22:39,240
Speaker 1: do need to kind of have some and it's helpful

1572
01:22:39,240 --> 01:22:41,360
Speaker 1: to have some like perspective and be like, well, you know,

1573
01:22:42,400 --> 01:22:44,880
Speaker 1: it's helpful to have some perspective. But you're feeling a thing,

1574
01:22:44,920 --> 01:22:48,320
Speaker 1: and I think it's you know, good to it's okay

1575
01:22:48,360 --> 01:22:55,280
Speaker 1: to validate your own feelings. Anyway. I have a lot

1576
01:22:55,280 --> 01:22:59,240
Speaker 1: of thoughts about this. Yeah, it can be tough if

1577
01:22:59,280 --> 01:23:01,240
Speaker 1: you're like a single and you want to go do

1578
01:23:01,320 --> 01:23:07,320
Speaker 1: shit and you know you're you're kind of navigating, like, bro,

1579
01:23:07,439 --> 01:23:12,480
Speaker 1: this is the this is the the lone wolf ponderer

1580
01:23:13,720 --> 01:23:19,400
Speaker 1: versus the social butterfly kind of a thing. You know,

1581
01:23:22,320 --> 01:23:26,280
Speaker 1: and clearly you've met a lot of friends doing this

1582
01:23:26,400 --> 01:23:29,360
Speaker 1: car stuff. But there also comes a time where you

1583
01:23:29,439 --> 01:23:32,719
Speaker 1: have to look around people you're with and be like, wait,

1584
01:23:32,800 --> 01:23:37,439
Speaker 1: are all my friends fucking complete assholes? And it's hard

1585
01:23:37,439 --> 01:23:39,800
Speaker 1: because sometimes you're sometimes you look around and you're like,

1586
01:23:39,880 --> 01:23:43,519
Speaker 1: oh shit, all of my friends are complete assholes. But

1587
01:23:43,800 --> 01:23:49,160
Speaker 1: they're there. You know, if I call them, they pick up.

1588
01:23:49,360 --> 01:23:52,519
Speaker 1: Are you are your asshole friends? At least there? Because

1589
01:23:52,520 --> 01:23:54,960
Speaker 1: we all have people in our life who were like, yeah,

1590
01:23:55,000 --> 01:24:00,120
Speaker 1: this person kind of sucks, but you know I love them.

1591
01:24:00,720 --> 01:24:04,880
Speaker 1: They pick up the phone when I call them. Uh,

1592
01:24:05,040 --> 01:24:07,960
Speaker 1: they're who's around. They're in my life. They're not like

1593
01:24:08,800 --> 01:24:10,559
Speaker 1: you know, you know, you have you have people who

1594
01:24:10,560 --> 01:24:12,080
Speaker 1: are kind of like on the peripheral and like they

1595
01:24:12,160 --> 01:24:13,880
Speaker 1: kind of have their own life and they're doing that

1596
01:24:13,920 --> 01:24:16,600
Speaker 1: and you see them, and if those people are assholes,

1597
01:24:16,640 --> 01:24:20,840
Speaker 1: then it's like, well, that's who cares. You know, I'm

1598
01:24:20,840 --> 01:24:21,880
Speaker 1: not I don't. I'm not gonna go out of my

1599
01:24:21,920 --> 01:24:24,040
Speaker 1: way to be friends with something like that. But yeah,

1600
01:24:24,040 --> 01:24:25,639
Speaker 1: people who are like like you know, they're like in

1601
01:24:25,720 --> 01:24:28,040
Speaker 1: your life. You see them like kind of every day

1602
01:24:28,120 --> 01:24:29,679
Speaker 1: you talk to them, like kind of every day they're

1603
01:24:29,760 --> 01:24:32,720
Speaker 1: up to date on you and your existence. And maybe

1604
01:24:32,760 --> 01:24:34,840
Speaker 1: those people are kind of assholes, but that those people

1605
01:24:34,880 --> 01:24:36,800
Speaker 1: are kind of like, you know, we all have like

1606
01:24:36,880 --> 01:24:39,639
Speaker 1: a someone who's kind of an asshole, but like they're

1607
01:24:39,640 --> 01:24:44,280
Speaker 1: in our life. You know, I don't know if anything

1608
01:24:44,280 --> 01:24:53,040
Speaker 1: I'm saying is helpful, but hmmm, I empathize with a

1609
01:24:53,080 --> 01:24:56,280
Speaker 1: lot of what you're talking about, Kalem in terms of like,

1610
01:24:57,960 --> 01:25:00,320
Speaker 1: you know, you want just what you want was so

1611
01:25:00,400 --> 01:25:02,880
Speaker 1: much out of life, but you're also you want a

1612
01:25:02,880 --> 01:25:04,840
Speaker 1: lot at a life and that kind of isolates you

1613
01:25:04,920 --> 01:25:10,000
Speaker 1: in a way, and you're like, should I continue to

1614
01:25:10,080 --> 01:25:14,880
Speaker 1: isolate myself and go on this like journey or should

1615
01:25:14,880 --> 01:25:19,840
Speaker 1: I kind of hang back and you know, spend time

1616
01:25:19,920 --> 01:25:25,160
Speaker 1: with uh these wankers. I get what you mean. I'm

1617
01:25:25,280 --> 01:25:33,360
Speaker 1: kind of on the side of taking the journey. I think, uh,

1618
01:25:34,120 --> 01:25:35,920
Speaker 1: you know, you're twenty nine, You're not getna Tony Younger.

1619
01:25:36,680 --> 01:25:38,960
Speaker 1: I'm always on the side of taking the journey, even

1620
01:25:38,960 --> 01:25:42,400
Speaker 1: if you're have to do it alone. I feel like

1621
01:25:42,479 --> 01:25:49,400
Speaker 1: you're you're always gonna be glad you took the journey.

1622
01:25:49,520 --> 01:25:51,719
Speaker 1: If that's what this email is about. If this email

1623
01:25:51,760 --> 01:25:53,960
Speaker 1: is about should I take the journey alone or not?

1624
01:25:54,240 --> 01:25:57,240
Speaker 1: I kind of usually think it's best to take the

1625
01:25:57,320 --> 01:25:59,720
Speaker 1: journey alone, especially because again, you're not gonna you know,

1626
01:25:59,800 --> 01:26:01,960
Speaker 1: you're only going to get it's only ever going to

1627
01:26:02,000 --> 01:26:06,439
Speaker 1: get harder in life to take these journeys. It's only

1628
01:26:06,520 --> 01:26:09,960
Speaker 1: ever going to get more difficult. I mean, listen to

1629
01:26:10,000 --> 01:26:12,000
Speaker 1: the fucking I mean, look at your twenty nine right,

1630
01:26:12,320 --> 01:26:15,920
Speaker 1: you could you in two years, you could have a

1631
01:26:15,960 --> 01:26:23,439
Speaker 1: life where you travel around Europe alone for two years,

1632
01:26:24,160 --> 01:26:30,679
Speaker 1: get really depressed, try to kill yourself, and then at

1633
01:26:30,760 --> 01:26:35,920
Speaker 1: thirty five, you're like with your beautiful girlfriend and you

1634
01:26:35,920 --> 01:26:39,840
Speaker 1: have a cat and everything's okay. You know, like life,

1635
01:26:40,040 --> 01:26:47,599
Speaker 1: like life works weirdly like that because you only ever

1636
01:26:47,680 --> 01:26:52,080
Speaker 1: know it looking back. But yeah, I don't know. I

1637
01:26:52,080 --> 01:26:54,000
Speaker 1: after like talking to a bunch of people and seeing

1638
01:26:54,800 --> 01:26:58,120
Speaker 1: like how people's lives kind of work out, you know,

1639
01:26:58,160 --> 01:26:59,680
Speaker 1: it seems like it can kind of take a lot

1640
01:26:59,720 --> 01:27:03,600
Speaker 1: of different turns, and so I don't know. I'm with

1641
01:27:03,720 --> 01:27:10,120
Speaker 1: you on jumping, you know. Yeah, if you're wondering what

1642
01:27:10,160 --> 01:27:12,880
Speaker 1: the fucking point of life is, it seems like you

1643
01:27:12,880 --> 01:27:15,880
Speaker 1: you gotta jump because I get like that too every

1644
01:27:15,920 --> 01:27:19,240
Speaker 1: fucking time. Every fucking time, I'm like just like on

1645
01:27:19,320 --> 01:27:21,679
Speaker 1: my couch with my face down and in my underwear,

1646
01:27:21,720 --> 01:27:25,000
Speaker 1: I'm laying around in trash, and I'm like, i think

1647
01:27:25,040 --> 01:27:29,720
Speaker 1: I'm dying, perhaps me like like multiple times a week,

1648
01:27:29,720 --> 01:27:31,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, I think I'm I think this is it.

1649
01:27:31,280 --> 01:27:34,040
Speaker 1: I think I'm done. I think I'm dying, laying around

1650
01:27:34,040 --> 01:27:37,600
Speaker 1: in trash, and then I'm like, Okay, I gotta go,

1651
01:27:37,640 --> 01:27:41,000
Speaker 1: I gotta, I gotta go do something crazy and then

1652
01:27:41,000 --> 01:27:42,519
Speaker 1: I go. And that's that's why I that's why I

1653
01:27:42,560 --> 01:27:45,760
Speaker 1: went to Iraq, is just to be like, I gotta,

1654
01:27:45,840 --> 01:27:49,639
Speaker 1: I gotta remind myself I'm alive in some way, shape

1655
01:27:49,680 --> 01:27:52,120
Speaker 1: or form. And by the way, you don't know, you

1656
01:27:52,120 --> 01:27:53,960
Speaker 1: don't not You don't have to go to Iraq or

1657
01:27:54,000 --> 01:27:56,400
Speaker 1: go to Germany or go whatever to do that. You know,

1658
01:27:56,400 --> 01:27:58,240
Speaker 1: you can do any little thing that gets you out

1659
01:27:58,240 --> 01:28:03,360
Speaker 1: of your existence to do that. But kalem, whatever it

1660
01:28:03,400 --> 01:28:07,360
Speaker 1: is that you can do to like metaphorically splash some

1661
01:28:07,560 --> 01:28:11,280
Speaker 1: water on yourself, it doesn't have to be a big thing.

1662
01:28:11,320 --> 01:28:16,719
Speaker 1: You don't have to you know, cure cancer or whatever.

1663
01:28:16,800 --> 01:28:19,680
Speaker 1: But just make a little list of whatever you think

1664
01:28:19,680 --> 01:28:22,759
Speaker 1: you could do to kind of spiritually splash some fucking

1665
01:28:22,800 --> 01:28:24,760
Speaker 1: water on yourself and remind you that you're not dead.

1666
01:28:25,760 --> 01:28:36,280
Speaker 1: Is good. I hope that was remotely helpful. Okay, this

1667
01:28:36,320 --> 01:28:40,719
Speaker 1: is from Zach subject line, help me decide, yo, mister Ghek.

1668
01:28:41,080 --> 01:28:43,800
Speaker 1: I'm twenty three and I'm working a decent county job

1669
01:28:43,920 --> 01:28:47,559
Speaker 1: that's easy and routine. It's the best quality job I've had,

1670
01:28:47,880 --> 01:28:50,479
Speaker 1: but it's soul sucking, and I can't see myself doing

1671
01:28:50,520 --> 01:28:53,599
Speaker 1: it forever. I've been thinking about going to community college

1672
01:28:53,640 --> 01:28:56,240
Speaker 1: for game development because I love the idea of making

1673
01:28:56,280 --> 01:28:59,280
Speaker 1: games and could see myself doing that happily. I spent

1674
01:28:59,320 --> 01:29:02,000
Speaker 1: almost a year making my first game to test if

1675
01:29:02,000 --> 01:29:04,639
Speaker 1: it was just a phase. It's not great, but I'm

1676
01:29:04,640 --> 01:29:07,640
Speaker 1: proud of finishing it. Since then, I've fallen off and

1677
01:29:07,720 --> 01:29:10,760
Speaker 1: struggled to say to stay consistent on my own.

1678
01:29:11,479 --> 01:29:11,960
Speaker 2: Part of me.

1679
01:29:11,920 --> 01:29:14,600
Speaker 1: Feels like the structure of school could finally give me

1680
01:29:14,640 --> 01:29:17,599
Speaker 1: the discipline i'm missing. What's holding me back is worrying

1681
01:29:18,160 --> 01:29:22,160
Speaker 1: that a community college game dev program might not actually

1682
01:29:22,200 --> 01:29:25,679
Speaker 1: be that worth it. It's an it's an industry where

1683
01:29:25,680 --> 01:29:28,720
Speaker 1: people kind of lean against going to college, and it's

1684
01:29:28,760 --> 01:29:32,320
Speaker 1: more about your portfolio and knowledge. I'm afraid to potentially

1685
01:29:32,400 --> 01:29:34,640
Speaker 1: waste the money I've saved up because it took me

1686
01:29:34,680 --> 01:29:37,479
Speaker 1: a long time to build another thing. Holding me back

1687
01:29:37,560 --> 01:29:39,760
Speaker 1: is a classic fear of failure. So what do you

1688
01:29:39,800 --> 01:29:42,160
Speaker 1: think I should do? I wouldn't be able to do

1689
01:29:43,080 --> 01:29:45,720
Speaker 1: both at once. I have more thoughts, but this is

1690
01:29:45,720 --> 01:29:49,479
Speaker 1: too long. Why can't you do both at once? Is it?

1691
01:29:49,520 --> 01:29:51,800
Speaker 1: Is it just like that crazy of a job that

1692
01:29:51,880 --> 01:29:55,920
Speaker 1: it's like fucking like is it like an is your

1693
01:29:56,600 --> 01:30:00,240
Speaker 1: county job like eighty hours a week? Ps? Here here's

1694
01:30:00,280 --> 01:30:02,800
Speaker 1: my first shitty game if you're curious. Okay, I'm gonna

1695
01:30:02,800 --> 01:30:04,080
Speaker 1: play this.

1696
01:30:04,080 --> 01:30:04,639
Speaker 3: This is like a.

1697
01:30:04,560 --> 01:30:10,240
Speaker 1: Browser game that I can play Infernal Ascent. Infernal Ascent

1698
01:30:10,439 --> 01:30:12,880
Speaker 1: is a fast paced vertical platform or whether the player

1699
01:30:12,960 --> 01:30:16,080
Speaker 1: must rush against the heat to finish, climb through a

1700
01:30:16,120 --> 01:30:19,680
Speaker 1: hellish gauntlet of fire, darkness, and deadly traps as the

1701
01:30:19,680 --> 01:30:26,360
Speaker 1: flames rise beneath your feet, There's only one way to survive. Up. Okay,

1702
01:30:26,360 --> 01:30:29,559
Speaker 1: I'm gonna. I don't know how great of an audio

1703
01:30:29,600 --> 01:30:31,840
Speaker 1: experience it will be to listen to me play this game,

1704
01:30:31,880 --> 01:30:35,920
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna play it. Okay, run game. Okay, this

1705
01:30:35,960 --> 01:30:41,519
Speaker 1: is on the gott It game engine. I'm gonna try

1706
01:30:41,560 --> 01:30:45,800
Speaker 1: to live speak myself playing this game. Okay, I'm gonna

1707
01:30:45,800 --> 01:30:49,040
Speaker 1: I'm hitting play. Okay, the wait, what the fuck?

1708
01:30:49,080 --> 01:30:49,240
Speaker 2: Well?

1709
01:30:49,240 --> 01:30:54,360
Speaker 1: Okay, w asd Okay, Okay, I died. I'm engulfed in flames. Okay,

1710
01:30:54,360 --> 01:30:57,760
Speaker 1: I'm trying again. I don't know if this is gonna

1711
01:30:57,760 --> 01:31:00,559
Speaker 1: make for a good podcast, but I'm playing playing this game.

1712
01:31:00,560 --> 01:31:04,280
Speaker 1: I'm collecting coins I'm jumping. Fuck all right, I died

1713
01:31:04,320 --> 01:31:08,240
Speaker 1: in Flames again. Okay. I'm dressed as a little character

1714
01:31:08,320 --> 01:31:10,599
Speaker 1: that he kind of looks like a cyclops. I'm collecting

1715
01:31:10,600 --> 01:31:12,240
Speaker 1: a coin. I don't know if people can hear the

1716
01:31:13,760 --> 01:31:16,479
Speaker 1: oh fuck I died again? Okay, all right, honestly already,

1717
01:31:16,680 --> 01:31:18,439
Speaker 1: I don't know. I just I like platformers. I'm a

1718
01:31:18,439 --> 01:31:21,519
Speaker 1: big fan of like Mario Maker and Super meat Boy

1719
01:31:21,600 --> 01:31:25,519
Speaker 1: and shit like that, so I'm already addicted to this.

1720
01:31:28,640 --> 01:31:32,639
Speaker 1: I guess to answer your question while I'm playing your game. Wait,

1721
01:31:32,840 --> 01:31:36,120
Speaker 1: fucking okay, all right, I don't know a lot about

1722
01:31:36,120 --> 01:31:38,800
Speaker 1: the game. Shit, fuck, I don't know a lot about

1723
01:31:38,800 --> 01:31:44,240
Speaker 1: the game development. Okay, you can like climb walls? Is

1724
01:31:44,240 --> 01:31:44,760
Speaker 1: that what this is?

1725
01:31:44,840 --> 01:31:45,040
Speaker 2: Okay?

1726
01:31:45,080 --> 01:31:46,360
Speaker 1: I fucked up? Can you climb that?

1727
01:31:47,360 --> 01:31:47,640
Speaker 3: All right?

1728
01:31:47,680 --> 01:31:51,080
Speaker 1: Anyway, I'll play more of this when I'm not recording

1729
01:31:51,080 --> 01:31:51,720
Speaker 1: a podcast.

1730
01:31:51,800 --> 01:31:54,799
Speaker 2: But I'm.

1731
01:31:56,520 --> 01:32:02,200
Speaker 1: Well, so here's the thing is, I'm I guess the

1732
01:32:02,320 --> 01:32:07,360
Speaker 1: community college. Yeah, I well, I lean against going to

1733
01:32:07,439 --> 01:32:11,840
Speaker 1: college for a shit like this, only because, like I mean,

1734
01:32:11,840 --> 01:32:14,120
Speaker 1: you made a game, right, and we live in a

1735
01:32:14,160 --> 01:32:17,439
Speaker 1: world where if you want to make money making your

1736
01:32:17,479 --> 01:32:24,559
Speaker 1: own video games, you can do it. But like I don't.

1737
01:32:25,000 --> 01:32:26,559
Speaker 1: This is not an industry I know a lot about.

1738
01:32:26,600 --> 01:32:30,120
Speaker 1: But it's like you you know, there's fucking Steam. There's

1739
01:32:30,160 --> 01:32:32,320
Speaker 1: never been a either Steam. There's never been like an

1740
01:32:32,360 --> 01:32:36,559
Speaker 1: easier universe to just like make a game and have

1741
01:32:36,680 --> 01:32:39,839
Speaker 1: people play it and like you know, make your games

1742
01:32:39,880 --> 01:32:42,719
Speaker 1: and market them, and like, I don't know how people

1743
01:32:42,720 --> 01:32:44,479
Speaker 1: make money doing that, and I don't know if it's

1744
01:32:44,520 --> 01:32:47,479
Speaker 1: like I don't, I don't even know what the deal is.

1745
01:32:47,520 --> 01:32:50,479
Speaker 1: But this is like you're starting a business, right And

1746
01:32:50,520 --> 01:32:56,880
Speaker 1: so if I were you and I wanted to, if

1747
01:32:56,880 --> 01:32:58,280
Speaker 1: I were, if here's the thing, If I were you,

1748
01:32:58,360 --> 01:33:00,240
Speaker 1: I would take the risk. I don't know how I

1749
01:33:00,280 --> 01:33:05,680
Speaker 1: feel about game development college. It's it's similar to how

1750
01:33:05,720 --> 01:33:09,439
Speaker 1: I feel about like film school, which is like, I

1751
01:33:09,439 --> 01:33:13,519
Speaker 1: mean you can spend like like there's programs out there

1752
01:33:13,520 --> 01:33:16,000
Speaker 1: that's like yeah, you can totally spend like hundreds of

1753
01:33:16,120 --> 01:33:19,840
Speaker 1: thousands of fucking dollars to go to film school. And

1754
01:33:19,880 --> 01:33:23,439
Speaker 1: it's like, bro with the money, Like, let's say, I

1755
01:33:23,479 --> 01:33:25,960
Speaker 1: don't know how much this community college program is. If

1756
01:33:26,000 --> 01:33:28,680
Speaker 1: it's like I don't, I don't, I don't know how

1757
01:33:28,760 --> 01:33:31,320
Speaker 1: much community college programs are, but let's I'm gonna throw

1758
01:33:31,360 --> 01:33:34,439
Speaker 1: a number out there. Let's say it's like fifty grand

1759
01:33:34,560 --> 01:33:38,719
Speaker 1: or some shit, right, if you're about to spend fifty

1760
01:33:38,760 --> 01:33:42,160
Speaker 1: if you I think the idea of you spending the money,

1761
01:33:42,600 --> 01:33:45,400
Speaker 1: of you investing the money that you've saved up into

1762
01:33:45,439 --> 01:33:50,479
Speaker 1: your game development career is a good idea. But I

1763
01:33:50,520 --> 01:33:53,320
Speaker 1: don't think that game development school is the best way

1764
01:33:53,320 --> 01:33:57,599
Speaker 1: to do that because, like you know, again I don't

1765
01:33:57,640 --> 01:33:59,320
Speaker 1: know anything about the game industry, but like you know,

1766
01:33:59,360 --> 01:34:01,439
Speaker 1: it costs money to make a game. I'm sure it

1767
01:34:01,439 --> 01:34:06,400
Speaker 1: costs money to market a game. Like I would just like,

1768
01:34:07,520 --> 01:34:09,320
Speaker 1: you know, make it. I mean, think about all those

1769
01:34:09,320 --> 01:34:11,280
Speaker 1: filmmakers who are like I didn't go to film school.

1770
01:34:11,280 --> 01:34:14,320
Speaker 1: I spent the money I would have spent going to

1771
01:34:14,360 --> 01:34:18,200
Speaker 1: film school to actually make a movie. And so if

1772
01:34:18,240 --> 01:34:20,320
Speaker 1: I were you, if I was going to do this,

1773
01:34:20,479 --> 01:34:23,800
Speaker 1: I would spend that I would allocate that money on

1774
01:34:25,320 --> 01:34:29,519
Speaker 1: making the game. Don't waste all don't spend all of

1775
01:34:29,560 --> 01:34:33,240
Speaker 1: your money on it, Like like you don't wanna like

1776
01:34:33,360 --> 01:34:36,639
Speaker 1: set aside some money like what like an emergency fund

1777
01:34:36,720 --> 01:34:39,639
Speaker 1: and like make it so that you're not like fucking

1778
01:34:39,720 --> 01:34:42,800
Speaker 1: kicking yourself for this. But like you know, it's okay

1779
01:34:42,800 --> 01:34:44,200
Speaker 1: to spend a little bit of money to be like,

1780
01:34:44,200 --> 01:34:46,639
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I have this game idea that I want

1781
01:34:46,640 --> 01:34:51,200
Speaker 1: to really throw myself into marketing and making and doing.

1782
01:34:55,000 --> 01:34:55,040
Speaker 2: So.

1783
01:34:55,080 --> 01:34:57,680
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a bad idea, but spend as

1784
01:34:57,720 --> 01:35:00,320
Speaker 1: little money on it as you can, right, I mean,

1785
01:35:00,360 --> 01:35:04,920
Speaker 1: how much you have the software already to make the game.

1786
01:35:06,000 --> 01:35:07,640
Speaker 1: I don't know how much money it costs to like

1787
01:35:07,720 --> 01:35:11,599
Speaker 1: market something like this or to you know, run ads

1788
01:35:11,720 --> 01:35:16,519
Speaker 1: or you know, like I don't I don't know. I

1789
01:35:16,520 --> 01:35:18,280
Speaker 1: don't know what's evolved in it. But but you should

1790
01:35:18,320 --> 01:35:22,080
Speaker 1: go for it in some sense because because you know,

1791
01:35:22,120 --> 01:35:26,200
Speaker 1: you're so young, like you can always get another fucking job.

1792
01:35:27,360 --> 01:35:30,200
Speaker 1: You know it's worth it to try. I think it's

1793
01:35:30,240 --> 01:35:31,760
Speaker 1: worth it to try, and you don't have to go

1794
01:35:31,880 --> 01:35:35,759
Speaker 1: broke trying. And I wouldn't go try to go broke trying.

1795
01:35:36,080 --> 01:35:41,640
Speaker 1: But I don't know if I'm just diarrheating, but I

1796
01:35:41,640 --> 01:35:43,240
Speaker 1: think it's worth it to try. Because you're twenty three,

1797
01:35:43,280 --> 01:35:52,320
Speaker 1: you can just always get another fucking job. I'm I'm

1798
01:35:52,320 --> 01:35:55,200
Speaker 1: not a big fan of going to community college for

1799
01:35:55,280 --> 01:35:58,000
Speaker 1: game development. I think if you're gonna spend that, I

1800
01:35:58,080 --> 01:36:00,080
Speaker 1: think you don't need to spend that kind of money,

1801
01:36:00,520 --> 01:36:02,400
Speaker 1: and I think if you're gonna spend that kind of money,

1802
01:36:02,439 --> 01:36:06,280
Speaker 1: I think there's better ways to allocate the funds. I

1803
01:36:06,360 --> 01:36:10,440
Speaker 1: like your game, The Infernal Ascent. Is this your website?

1804
01:36:15,160 --> 01:36:21,559
Speaker 1: Tso uh, I want to get I want if if okay,

1805
01:36:21,640 --> 01:36:27,280
Speaker 1: if people, I want to share your game on the show,

1806
01:36:27,280 --> 01:36:29,960
Speaker 1: if anyone wants to listen, if anyone wants to play it.

1807
01:36:31,479 --> 01:36:36,680
Speaker 1: But it's a little hard to okay, Okay, so you're

1808
01:36:36,760 --> 01:36:38,400
Speaker 1: if you want to play this guy's game, you go

1809
01:36:38,479 --> 01:36:44,439
Speaker 1: to tie CEO. That's t I E S I O

1810
01:36:45,600 --> 01:36:56,599
Speaker 1: dot Itch Dot I O Slash Infernal Dash Ascent. If

1811
01:36:56,640 --> 01:36:59,360
Speaker 1: you want to play this guy's game. I like, I like,

1812
01:36:59,439 --> 01:37:03,120
Speaker 1: I like your game. Should make more games, keep going,

1813
01:37:03,720 --> 01:37:08,160
Speaker 1: keep going, Zach, all right, I think I think we

1814
01:37:08,200 --> 01:37:12,479
Speaker 1: did it. Unless if I have one more Okay, I

1815
01:37:12,520 --> 01:37:16,160
Speaker 1: have one more email. Okay. This is from Shark subject

1816
01:37:16,240 --> 01:37:20,680
Speaker 1: line inquiry about episode themes. I was wondering if every

1817
01:37:20,720 --> 01:37:22,800
Speaker 1: once in a while you could do an episode without

1818
01:37:22,920 --> 01:37:26,360
Speaker 1: sex or love themes. There are a few, but sometimes

1819
01:37:26,360 --> 01:37:29,000
Speaker 1: it can be a lot and bring back bad memories.

1820
01:37:30,320 --> 01:37:34,439
Speaker 1: The train hopping and Distant Dad stories were instant favorites

1821
01:37:34,439 --> 01:37:36,960
Speaker 1: for me because they were more about growth than decay.

1822
01:37:38,520 --> 01:37:41,040
Speaker 1: Thank you for your time and consideration. I appreciate everything

1823
01:37:41,040 --> 01:37:46,639
Speaker 1: you do. Get bless Mark. I don't. I just kind

1824
01:37:46,640 --> 01:37:48,920
Speaker 1: of well, actually, I guess this whole episode was a

1825
01:37:48,920 --> 01:37:51,040
Speaker 1: lot about love. Yeah, this whole episode was about love

1826
01:37:51,080 --> 01:37:53,560
Speaker 1: pretty much. So you're gonna be very disappointed when it

1827
01:37:53,600 --> 01:37:56,519
Speaker 1: comes out. But I just feel the call. I just

1828
01:37:56,560 --> 01:38:00,920
Speaker 1: feel the calls that come in. Brother listen, don't ask

1829
01:38:01,000 --> 01:38:03,479
Speaker 1: don't don't don't ask me, brother asked the universe. The

1830
01:38:03,560 --> 01:38:05,720
Speaker 1: universe is making the people want to talk about the

1831
01:38:05,720 --> 01:38:08,400
Speaker 1: things that they're talking about. I got no control over that.

1832
01:38:11,200 --> 01:38:13,679
Speaker 1: But I think I don't think. But the way you said,

1833
01:38:15,320 --> 01:38:16,920
Speaker 1: the way that you're implying that a lot of the

1834
01:38:17,000 --> 01:38:21,559
Speaker 1: episodes are about decay rather than growth, I disagree. I mean,

1835
01:38:21,600 --> 01:38:25,760
Speaker 1: I think this entire episode was about growth. Our boy

1836
01:38:25,800 --> 01:38:33,880
Speaker 1: from the beginning, Dustin and ah fuck, why am I

1837
01:38:33,880 --> 01:38:41,719
Speaker 1: forgetting Dustin and Charles? Dustin and Charles, I think both

1838
01:38:41,720 --> 01:38:43,519
Speaker 1: of them are like I like love. Those are both

1839
01:38:43,680 --> 01:38:49,920
Speaker 1: stories of growth to me, And uh, you know, I

1840
01:38:49,920 --> 01:38:51,280
Speaker 1: feel like a lot I feel like most of the

1841
01:38:51,320 --> 01:38:54,600
Speaker 1: time when people call into this show, it's like a

1842
01:38:54,760 --> 01:38:56,320
Speaker 1: story of growth. It's one of the reasons I like.

1843
01:38:56,400 --> 01:39:00,240
Speaker 1: I like doing it because it's helpful to me, you know,

1844
01:39:01,200 --> 01:39:03,080
Speaker 1: see other people, especially people who are like a little

1845
01:39:03,120 --> 01:39:05,280
Speaker 1: older than me, because I get scared about like, uh,

1846
01:39:06,520 --> 01:39:09,920
Speaker 1: you know, decaying. But it seems like a lot of

1847
01:39:09,920 --> 01:39:11,679
Speaker 1: people that get older, they don't grow. They don't decay,

1848
01:39:11,680 --> 01:39:15,479
Speaker 1: they grow. It's just nice. So I don't know. I

1849
01:39:15,479 --> 01:39:18,599
Speaker 1: hope you see that mark. All right, that's the end

1850
01:39:18,640 --> 01:39:24,120
Speaker 1: of the podcast. I'm gonna go thank you guys for listening.

1851
01:39:25,560 --> 01:39:27,120
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna I might do an I R.

1852
01:39:27,160 --> 01:39:29,400
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I'm gonna do an I haven't

1853
01:39:29,400 --> 01:39:32,960
Speaker 1: done an IRL episode in a bit. Like people don't

1854
01:39:33,000 --> 01:39:36,360
Speaker 1: like to listen to them as much. It seems only

1855
01:39:36,680 --> 01:39:42,080
Speaker 1: by numbers. But I like doing them. They're fun. It's

1856
01:39:42,120 --> 01:39:44,639
Speaker 1: fun to go out as a get go and talk

1857
01:39:44,680 --> 01:39:48,679
Speaker 1: to people in real life. So I'm gonna do it again.

1858
01:39:48,880 --> 01:39:50,800
Speaker 1: I hope you listen to it. I hope you like it.

1859
01:39:51,840 --> 01:39:54,040
Speaker 1: I'm still working on my Iraq video. I haven't started

1860
01:39:54,080 --> 01:39:56,680
Speaker 1: it yet. I'm trying to do one. I trying to

1861
01:39:56,680 --> 01:40:01,280
Speaker 1: do one documentary a month. I was interact for a

1862
01:40:01,280 --> 01:40:04,200
Speaker 1: bit and then I got sick, So I don't know

1863
01:40:04,200 --> 01:40:06,160
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna get this fucking thing done on the

1864
01:40:06,200 --> 01:40:07,599
Speaker 1: timeline that I want to get it done, but i'm

1865
01:40:07,600 --> 01:40:12,639
Speaker 1: gonna get it done, and it's gonna be sick anyway. Okay,

1866
01:40:13,080 --> 01:40:16,960
Speaker 1: all right, I'm gonna stop talking. Thanks for listening, Get

1867
01:40:17,000 --> 01:40:21,800
Speaker 1: bless see you next time ever beacon goes on the

1868
01:40:21,920 --> 01:40:25,840
Speaker 1: line taking your phone calls. Every night every Beacon goes

1869
01:40:25,880 --> 01:40:27,920
Speaker 1: to and to ride. I'm just teaching you aloud in

1870
01:40:28,000 --> 01:40:31,440
Speaker 1: the mid of your life. But he's not really an expert.