1 00:00:01,639 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: There's a lot of talk about mindfulness these days, which 2 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:06,680 Speaker 1: is fantastic. I mean, we all want to be more 3 00:00:06,680 --> 00:00:11,240 Speaker 1: present and self aware, more patient, less judgmental. We discuss 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,760 Speaker 1: all these themes on the podcast, but it's hard to 5 00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:17,119 Speaker 1: actually be mindful in your day to day life. That's 6 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:19,919 Speaker 1: where Calm comes in. I've been working with Calm for 7 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 1: a few years now with the goal of making mindfulness 8 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:25,479 Speaker 1: fun and easy. Calm has all sorts of content to 9 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:29,560 Speaker 1: help you build positive habits, shift yourself, talk, reframe your 10 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 1: negative thoughts, and generally feel better in your daily life. 11 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: So many incredible options from the most knowledgeable experts in 12 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:40,520 Speaker 1: the world, along with renowned meditation teachers. You can also 13 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,479 Speaker 1: check out my seven minute daily series to help you 14 00:00:43,560 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 1: live more mindfully each and every day. Right now, listeners 15 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,680 Speaker 1: of On Purpose get forty percent off a subscription to 16 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: Calmpremium at calm dot com Forward slash j that's Calm 17 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:58,880 Speaker 1: dot com forward slash jay for forty percent off. Calm 18 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,320 Speaker 1: your mind, Change your life. Imagine the strength and the 19 00:01:02,360 --> 00:01:06,160 Speaker 1: resilience you'll have when you're able to become better even 20 00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: from someone who's bitter. When you're able to grow even 21 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,319 Speaker 1: when someone's trying to guilt you. When you're able to 22 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: find a shift even when someone's trying to shame you, 23 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: Imagine how powerful you become when you can transform turn 24 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:24,400 Speaker 1: anything into gold. That's what the real mistouch is. The 25 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:28,319 Speaker 1: number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Sheety Jay Shedy 26 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:35,959 Speaker 1: Only shet Hey, everyone, Welcome back to on Purpose. I 27 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 1: am so excited and grateful to be here with you 28 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,880 Speaker 1: right now. Thank you so much for making the time 29 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: to tune in to become happier, healthier, and more healed. 30 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 1: I love having these check ins with you, whether you're 31 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:53,800 Speaker 1: listening every day, multiple times per day, every week, it 32 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: means the world to me. And I love the fact 33 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: that so many of you come up to me and 34 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:00,400 Speaker 1: share your stories, and so many of you share on 35 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 1: Instagram and TikTok. It's unbelievable, and I deeply appreciate those 36 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: of you who are leaving reviews. It makes a huge 37 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: difference to podcasters, So thank you, so so much. Now. 38 00:02:12,639 --> 00:02:18,079 Speaker 1: Today's episode is inspired by something I saw posted from 39 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 1: a creator called Kim Parrots on TikTok, and she said 40 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: she was trying to find the original creator who said it, 41 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:30,040 Speaker 1: who I believe was stere l. Hope. Now, what they 42 00:02:30,080 --> 00:02:34,760 Speaker 1: were sharing was this insight and I loved it Ever 43 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,960 Speaker 1: since I heard Kim say it, I absolutely loved it. 44 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 1: And it was this idea that everyone you meet in 45 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:46,200 Speaker 1: your life is either a mirror, a window, or a door. 46 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,880 Speaker 1: And I really love this concept. Make sure you go 47 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 1: follow Sterel Hope and Kim Parrots on TikTok, who've really 48 00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: helped popularize and share this concept because they're making other 49 00:02:57,560 --> 00:03:00,200 Speaker 1: amazing content as well. But today I wanted to to 50 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:04,040 Speaker 1: share my own reflections on this idea. I wanted to 51 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: share some of my own viewpoints, some of my own beliefs, 52 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:10,800 Speaker 1: and maybe some of my own directives of how to 53 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: think about this. Clearly, the first one is a lot 54 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 1: of the people we meet in our life are like 55 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:20,359 Speaker 1: a mirror. Now what does that mean. It means they 56 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: mirror back to us our flaws. They mirror back to 57 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:30,799 Speaker 1: us our mistakes, They mirror back to us our triggers. 58 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: How many terms have you met someone where they mirror 59 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: your dark side? When you see them, they show you 60 00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 1: some of the challenges you're dealing with. They expose you 61 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:49,440 Speaker 1: to some of the flaws, some of the intricatencies, the 62 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 1: nuances of some of the difficulties you might be going through. 63 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,640 Speaker 1: When you look at them, you're reminded of what you 64 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: still need to improve. So sometimes these people can come 65 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:10,839 Speaker 1: informs that are overtly helpful. And sometimes these people come 66 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: in the form of someone that we don't like at all. 67 00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: When someone shows us parts of ourself that we're not 68 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:22,479 Speaker 1: comfortable with, we struggle to be comfortable with them. When 69 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: someone truly acts like a mirror with us, it can 70 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 1: be one of the most difficult things to deal with 71 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:32,039 Speaker 1: because we don't want to see that about ourselves. So 72 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:37,719 Speaker 1: often we discard, we disregard, we distance ourselves from these people. 73 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 1: Whether they want to help us or not is a 74 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 1: completely different story. But what I do know is this, 75 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:49,920 Speaker 1: the information they're giving us, the signals they're giving us, 76 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:56,279 Speaker 1: the insights they're giving us are helpful. Sometimes the most 77 00:04:56,279 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: helpful people in your life will feel like they're unhelpful. 78 00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:08,239 Speaker 1: Sometimes the most powerful, profound messages you'll receive will be 79 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: from the most difficult messages. Sometimes what you need to 80 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 1: hear will come from someone you don't want to listen to. 81 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 1: Let me say that again. Sometimes what you need to 82 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:26,640 Speaker 1: hear will come from someone you don't want to listen to. 83 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:31,600 Speaker 1: Sometimes you'll have to face something from someone that you 84 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:38,440 Speaker 1: don't want to see, and sometimes you'll have to understand 85 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:44,719 Speaker 1: something from someone who's misunderstood you. A lot of the times, 86 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,279 Speaker 1: the lessons we need to learn, the things we need 87 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 1: to change, the shifts we need to make, come from 88 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:54,360 Speaker 1: people that we don't want to hear about it from. 89 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: But here's the thing. The message is more important than 90 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: the messenger. What we need to learn is more important 91 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,720 Speaker 1: than the person who brings the lesson. Often what we 92 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 1: do is we don't get the message because we don't 93 00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:15,360 Speaker 1: like the messenger. Often what happens is we don't grow 94 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:20,080 Speaker 1: because we don't like the person who's inviting that growth. 95 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 1: What we end up doing is postponing our own potential. 96 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 1: What we end up doing is pushing back our own progress. 97 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,720 Speaker 1: What we end up doing is pulling away from our 98 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:37,320 Speaker 1: own purpose. Take a moment to just reflect who in 99 00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: your life has been a mirror positively in the sense 100 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 1: that they were helpful, they were tactful, they were not critical. 101 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 1: And who has been a mirror in your life that 102 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: was maybe more uncomfortable. They could have said it nicer, 103 00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:58,119 Speaker 1: they could have been better themselves. They could have held 104 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:02,680 Speaker 1: themselves to a higher more and value themselves. But what 105 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:06,040 Speaker 1: could you even learn from them? I know this is hard, 106 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 1: I know it's difficult, and I know it's complex because 107 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 1: once we've labeled someone as negative, we usually think that 108 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 1: anything that comes from them is the same. But I 109 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:23,360 Speaker 1: remember in the monastery, we were always taught that we 110 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:27,920 Speaker 1: should be able to find in a toxic place. That 111 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 1: doesn't mean we see them as positive. It means that 112 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: we believe that we can learn something from anyone. We 113 00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:39,680 Speaker 1: can gain something from anyone. But it's hardest and harshest 114 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:44,120 Speaker 1: when the messenger isn't easy, and isn't in flow, and 115 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:48,120 Speaker 1: isn't someone that we can easily digest something from. I 116 00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 1: get it. I've been there. I know what that feels like. 117 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 1: I would have learned so many lessons earlier had I 118 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 1: not judged the teacher. And now I've started to realize 119 00:07:58,320 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: that the lesson is the most important thing the universe. God, 120 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 1: the energy is trying to share something with me, and 121 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,080 Speaker 1: I can ignore it because I don't like the messenger, 122 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: but then there'll just be another messenger who has to 123 00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,000 Speaker 1: find their way through it. To me, it's almost like 124 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 1: an alarm tne that you don't like the sound of, 125 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 1: it's still trying to wake you up. Right, you may 126 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 1: not like it. You can change it if you don't 127 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: like it, but the point is you still have to 128 00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 1: wake up. And often in our lives we're constantly getting 129 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,720 Speaker 1: wake up calls, but because they come from people we 130 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,559 Speaker 1: don't like, or we don't like the sound of them, 131 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 1: or we don't like how they carry themselves, we press snooze, 132 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 1: we push it off. So want us to really reflect 133 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,800 Speaker 1: on that who in your life has been a mirror 134 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:46,880 Speaker 1: that's triggered you, that you know was exposing you to 135 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,719 Speaker 1: a higher truth, that was pushing you to a higher standard. 136 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 1: But because they didn't do it in a way that 137 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:58,840 Speaker 1: you didn't like, you ignored them, You ignored the message, 138 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:02,680 Speaker 1: You didn't take it seriously and take a moment to 139 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 1: ask yourself what were you being called to do? What 140 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 1: were you being invited for? How can you disconnect the 141 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: message from the messenger and digest the message even if 142 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:21,800 Speaker 1: the messenger doesn't know how to deliver it. We'll give 143 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,319 Speaker 1: an example. Let's say you order something off of Uber Eats, 144 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:28,760 Speaker 1: door Dash, whatever it may be, and the delivery person 145 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 1: didn't deliver it perfectly, they left it a few doors 146 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,960 Speaker 1: down from yours, or maybe they delivered it but it 147 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 1: was slightly squashed. You're still gonna eat it because you 148 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 1: want the nourishment. Now, you could sit there and be like, Oh, 149 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,440 Speaker 1: I wish they'd delivered it properly, and I didn't want 150 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: my burger to be smashed. Of course, I don't want 151 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 1: to smash burger either, But you get the point. Sometimes 152 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: we're complaining about the delivery that we don't get the nourishment. 153 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:58,400 Speaker 1: If we can challenge ourselves to learn, even from the 154 00:09:58,440 --> 00:10:03,439 Speaker 1: most unlikely, unwor oarrented places, imagine that kind of mindset 155 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,880 Speaker 1: that you have. Imagine the strength and the resilience you'll 156 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:10,320 Speaker 1: have when you're able to become better even from someone 157 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:14,600 Speaker 1: who's bitter, When you're able to grow even when someone's 158 00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:17,720 Speaker 1: trying to guilt you, when you're able to find a shift, 159 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: even when someone's trying to shame you. Imagine how powerful 160 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:25,559 Speaker 1: you become when you can transform turn anything into gold. 161 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 1: That's what the real mind is. Touches the ability to 162 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:36,440 Speaker 1: turn criticism into creativity, the ability to turn feedback into 163 00:10:36,480 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: future motion, the ability to turn mistakes into megas success. 164 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:48,800 Speaker 1: It's a powerful trait, one that's extremely hard to follow, 165 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,680 Speaker 1: one that's extremely hard to do because we think the 166 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:58,520 Speaker 1: message is disqualified if the messenger is unqualified. But I'm 167 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,120 Speaker 1: here to tell you this, I've learned the hard way. 168 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,000 Speaker 1: Take the message. Take it even if you don't like 169 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: the messenger, reflect on it, introspect on it, disconnect it 170 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 1: from the messenger so that you can truly digest it. 171 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 1: The next thing that these two wonderful creatives shared and 172 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: popularized was this idea that we also meet people in 173 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 1: our life who are like a window, and they talked 174 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,320 Speaker 1: about the window is someone who sees more for you, 175 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:34,440 Speaker 1: who sees more for you, who sees more potential in you, 176 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: who shows you a portal into a new space, a 177 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 1: new world. I'm sure you've met people that showed you 178 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,720 Speaker 1: your potential when you can't even realize it. When you 179 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 1: met people who showed you a vision that you'd never 180 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:53,320 Speaker 1: even considered before. Someone who opened the blinds and opened 181 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,560 Speaker 1: the window and let the fresh air and the sunlight 182 00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,760 Speaker 1: in when you were in the darkness. What's interesting about 183 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 1: this type of person is that often when they first 184 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 1: show us the light We're almost like vampires, like we 185 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 1: like close our eyes and we're like, oh, I don't 186 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,199 Speaker 1: want to see this. I don't want to This literally 187 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 1: happened to me the other day. Raley woke me up 188 00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:13,920 Speaker 1: to go to my workout, and my first reaction was like, 189 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,360 Speaker 1: why did you wake me up? But I didn't want 190 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,559 Speaker 1: to wake up. I'm so tired. You shouldn't let me sleep, 191 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 1: And she's like, how am I meant to know? And 192 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,680 Speaker 1: then afterwards I was like, I'm really sorry, I'm really 193 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,720 Speaker 1: happy you woke me up. I was really glad I 194 00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: got to work out in Often, people who show us 195 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 1: the window, we may even often show them the door. 196 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:33,720 Speaker 1: When they're seeing more for us. We may even discount 197 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: that and say, you don't love me for who I am. 198 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: You don't see what I do have. And that may 199 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 1: be true. It's not that you're wrong. They may be condescending. 200 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:46,200 Speaker 1: It may not come in a great tone either, but 201 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 1: chances are it's because they believe in you in some way. 202 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you have to believe in their dream 203 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 1: for you, doesn't mean you have to chase their dream 204 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,880 Speaker 1: for you, but maybe it will give you a glimpse 205 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: into what could be possible for you. People who create 206 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: wider possibilities in your life and possible options by showing 207 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:10,200 Speaker 1: you windows and glimpses can be some of the most 208 00:13:10,240 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: profound people in your life. I remember I used to 209 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 1: have a mentor. He used to always say to me, Jay, 210 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: will find your potential when you go through pain. He 211 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,800 Speaker 1: was opening a window for me, a vision, and I 212 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,920 Speaker 1: used to think to him and say to him, Hey, like, 213 00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:29,240 Speaker 1: come on, I know my potential. And then when I 214 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 1: get through went through pain, I was reminded of that 215 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 1: window he'd open me expose me to. He would also 216 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 1: say to me, Jay, you're an entrepreneur, and I'd say, no, no, no, 217 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:39,760 Speaker 1: I'm not an entrepreneur. He'd say, no, you are. You're 218 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,640 Speaker 1: a leader, and I'd say, no, no, I'm not a leader. 219 00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,400 Speaker 1: How many times have you said no to someone when 220 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,839 Speaker 1: they have a vision for you. I used to also 221 00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:49,320 Speaker 1: think he had no awareness of who I actually was. 222 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: That I've grown and expanded, I've recognized that he was 223 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,439 Speaker 1: so right about so many things. And that's the interesting 224 00:13:57,480 --> 00:14:00,760 Speaker 1: thing about the windows that come into your life. Hopefully 225 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:03,640 Speaker 1: they stay long enough that you can thank them, but 226 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,520 Speaker 1: a lot of them leave before you notice their impact. 227 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,319 Speaker 1: That's true of the first one too. Some mirrors come 228 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,840 Speaker 1: into our life, and they may not be permanent mirrors. 229 00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,840 Speaker 1: They were there for a moment, they were there for 230 00:14:16,880 --> 00:14:20,200 Speaker 1: a fleeting experience, and of course we may move on 231 00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 1: from some mirrors. We don't have to hold on to 232 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 1: a mirror. If it's negative for us, if it's unhealthy 233 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,040 Speaker 1: for us, if someone is raising things for us that 234 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:32,560 Speaker 1: are so triggering and so hurtful, sometimes we want to 235 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:35,120 Speaker 1: break the mirror, and we may drop it, we may 236 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: run away from it, and then in hindsight, with time 237 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 1: gone past, we can begin to value it. Similarly we 238 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,320 Speaker 1: do that with windows. In the moment, we may think, well, 239 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 1: you don't know me, you don't understand me, you don't 240 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,960 Speaker 1: recognize me. But actually, in the long term we think, well, 241 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 1: I'm so glad they showed me that window. One thing 242 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 1: I've begun to realize is just because I don't see 243 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 1: what someone else sees, it doesn't mean I have to 244 00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:09,120 Speaker 1: walk away. When someone sees what I don't see, the 245 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 1: first thing I do is I ask them, how do 246 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 1: you see that? Where do you see that? Why do 247 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,320 Speaker 1: you see that? It's a point of being curious. I 248 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:22,440 Speaker 1: think we have a natural reaction when something doesn't perfectly match. 249 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 1: We almost disregard it rather than being curious about it. 250 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,440 Speaker 1: How can we be curious about it? How can it 251 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,520 Speaker 1: be truth to it? How can there be value to it? 252 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 1: How can there be some basis for it? And we 253 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 1: can also ask some of our doubts about why that 254 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 1: doesn't work for us, why it doesn't make sense, why 255 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,800 Speaker 1: we can't make sense of it, why it doesn't feel 256 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:50,840 Speaker 1: right right now. And that's the key. Just because it 257 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: doesn't feel right right now doesn't mean it can't be 258 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 1: right one day. Just because something feels wrong right now 259 00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:03,760 Speaker 1: doesn't mean it can't be right one day. And something 260 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,960 Speaker 1: that can feel perfectly right right now may not feel 261 00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,600 Speaker 1: right one day. So don't focus so much on whether 262 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:15,760 Speaker 1: something's right or wrong. Allow it to be what it is, 263 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 1: which is that it's okay right now, it makes sense 264 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,840 Speaker 1: right now. I think what we often do is we 265 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:28,240 Speaker 1: want something that makes sense right now to make sense forever. 266 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 1: We want something that feels right now to feel right forever. 267 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: And then what happens is when we discover that it's 268 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:40,480 Speaker 1: no longer what we want, we then look back and think, oh, 269 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 1: I wasted a lot of time. Oh I wish I 270 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 1: knew this before. And what we do is we discount 271 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:51,920 Speaker 1: and invalidate the last few years. You didn't get something wrong. 272 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,960 Speaker 1: You did the best with what you knew then, and 273 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:58,160 Speaker 1: guess what, You'll make more mistakes because you're only doing 274 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 1: the best with what you need now. And that's okay, 275 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:09,360 Speaker 1: That's totally okay. Stop beating yourself up for not learning 276 00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:14,879 Speaker 1: the lesson earlier. Stop ridiculing yourself and criticizing yourself for 277 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:19,679 Speaker 1: not knowing things before. Stop hating on the past version 278 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 1: of yourself. Because it got you here to the present. 279 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,880 Speaker 1: It got you here right now, to this answer, this solution, 280 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: this resolution, this point of change, this pivot in your life. 281 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 1: You got here because of that mindset. It protected you, 282 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,679 Speaker 1: it provided for you, and now it's your pivot. Often 283 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:44,040 Speaker 1: what protects you one day may harm you, and your 284 00:17:44,119 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 1: job is only to realize the day that it turns 285 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 1: into harm, that you let it go. Your job is 286 00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,199 Speaker 1: not to look back and make the past feel like 287 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:55,280 Speaker 1: a waste of time or irrelevant or insignificant. So when 288 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 1: you meet someone who shows you a window, be curious. 289 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 1: When you meet someone who shares a vision with you, 290 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,440 Speaker 1: be curious. You don't have to follow it, you don't 291 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:08,000 Speaker 1: have to pursue it, but be open to it. Aspect 292 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: of the types of people we meet in our life, 293 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: this person said was a door. These are the people 294 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:17,439 Speaker 1: that open doors for us. They are a door for us, 295 00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:21,160 Speaker 1: They're a path for us. And I like to edit 296 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 1: this one. I feel like it's someone who opens doors 297 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 1: for you. These are usually what I call the in 298 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,919 Speaker 1: between us. I promise you that you have a friend today. 299 00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:32,880 Speaker 1: You may have a job you love, you have something 300 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:36,399 Speaker 1: in your life that's meaningful, and you forgot the person 301 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:39,560 Speaker 1: who introduced you to it. Whether it's a book, whether 302 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,119 Speaker 1: it's an album, whether it's a person, whether it was 303 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:46,480 Speaker 1: a job, whether it was a community center or a sport, 304 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,360 Speaker 1: whatever it may be, there's someone in your life who 305 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 1: introduced you to something amazing. They open the door to 306 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 1: something and you've forgotten who they are and that person 307 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,600 Speaker 1: who opened the door for you. It's kind of like 308 00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,320 Speaker 1: if someone opens the door for you at a mall, 309 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 1: you walk through it. You may never know who they are, 310 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,000 Speaker 1: You may never even ask who they are. You may 311 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,320 Speaker 1: smile and say thanks. Imagine the people that are doing 312 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:13,120 Speaker 1: that for you in life. There are people literally opening 313 00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:17,440 Speaker 1: doors for you in life that we forget, we lead behind, 314 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 1: we move on from because we moved forward. Take a 315 00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,879 Speaker 1: moment to send that person a message, Take a moment 316 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:27,520 Speaker 1: to thank that person, Take a moment to acknowledge that 317 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: person today. Maybe send them a message, send them a note, 318 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,560 Speaker 1: because that person's amazing. They open a door for you. 319 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 1: I wanted to add one more to this. I think 320 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:41,160 Speaker 1: we also meet people who are like keys, people who 321 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:45,119 Speaker 1: unlock parts of us in the most beautiful, gentlest of ways, 322 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:48,320 Speaker 1: and the way that fits perfectly right with the window. 323 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:51,880 Speaker 1: It was someone showing us a window. With the door, 324 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 1: it's someone opening the door. It's with the mirror. It 325 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,440 Speaker 1: could be harsh, it could be easy, but with the key, 326 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:03,239 Speaker 1: everything makes sense. Everything unlocks, everything's the perfect fit. And 327 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 1: sometimes you have to try a lot of keys to 328 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:10,080 Speaker 1: find the one right. Imagine you've got all these keys 329 00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:13,760 Speaker 1: around your you know, a big keychain, and you're testing 330 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: each key to see if it works, and one fits 331 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 1: kind of half and one gets stuck, and one doesn't 332 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,480 Speaker 1: quite turn the lock. It takes a lot of keys 333 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,159 Speaker 1: to find the one key that unlocks it all. And 334 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 1: that's what life can be sometimes, like especially romantically, where 335 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:31,920 Speaker 1: romantically we've had a lot of mirrors, people who showed 336 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:34,600 Speaker 1: us the worst parts of ourselves, the best parts of ourselves, 337 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: and maybe even showed us broken mirrors. I think that's 338 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 1: a really interesting part of it, where really, in relationships, 339 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:43,199 Speaker 1: what we're doing is we're both holding up a broken 340 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:47,760 Speaker 1: mirror and we're reflecting broken parts of ourselves and the 341 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,679 Speaker 1: other person to each other with the window. In a 342 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,199 Speaker 1: romantic relationship, someone shows it, but we may not be 343 00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:56,600 Speaker 1: ready yet, we may still be in bed going I 344 00:20:56,600 --> 00:21:00,199 Speaker 1: don't want to see anything right now, And often we 345 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,480 Speaker 1: live to regret that. We end up thinking, oh, well, 346 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 1: I wish that person who saw my potential could still 347 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: be here right now. But guess what that was. Their role, 348 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,679 Speaker 1: their role in your life was just to move you 349 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 1: in that direction and you weren't ready for them yet, 350 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:15,000 Speaker 1: and that's okay. And then we'll meet people who open doors, 351 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 1: and maybe they are the people we forget, they're the 352 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,360 Speaker 1: people we leave behind. Let's not do that. Let's remember them, 353 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 1: let's thank them, let's appreciate them, and finally they'll be 354 00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:28,040 Speaker 1: the key. The rarest of them all, people that hard 355 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,199 Speaker 1: to find, people that other people try to pretend to 356 00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:35,399 Speaker 1: be false keys until we find the right one. What 357 00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:39,199 Speaker 1: does this mean for us? It means that when you 358 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: meet someone, reflect from what role they played in your life, 359 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:45,720 Speaker 1: not what they did to you, maybe not even what 360 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:47,479 Speaker 1: they said to you. What role did they play and 361 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:51,480 Speaker 1: how did you leave them a better person. People may 362 00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,960 Speaker 1: not leave you better off, but you can leave them 363 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:59,800 Speaker 1: better off for yourself. People may not leave you happy, 364 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:04,280 Speaker 1: but you can heal to happiness yourself. People may not 365 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:08,400 Speaker 1: easily help you become better, but you can help yourself 366 00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 1: not become bitter. I wish you all the best in 367 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:15,239 Speaker 1: your relationships. I wish you all the best in all 368 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:19,520 Speaker 1: of your endeavors. Remember that I'm forever in your corner 369 00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: and I'm always rooting for you. And again, don't forget 370 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:29,240 Speaker 1: to follow kim Perrot's and stery Our Hope on TikTok. 371 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,800 Speaker 1: Amazing creatives putting out great content that I think you'll love, 372 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:37,000 Speaker 1: and I'm so glad to both of them for introducing 373 00:22:37,040 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 1: me to this idea that hopefully I've remixed today added 374 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,600 Speaker 1: some of my own thoughts and reflections in a way 375 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:46,080 Speaker 1: that is helpful to all of you. Thank you, if 376 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,320 Speaker 1: you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with doctor 377 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,639 Speaker 1: Daniel Ahman on how to change your life by changing 378 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:57,360 Speaker 1: your brain. If we want a healthy mind, it actually 379 00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:01,879 Speaker 1: starts with a healthy brain. I've had the blessing or 380 00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:06,399 Speaker 1: the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and 381 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:10,320 Speaker 1: over a hundred murderers, and their brains are very damaged.