Speaker 1: I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning to love who I am. A gat I'm strong,
Speaker 1: I feel free, I know every part of me it
Speaker 1: is beautiful and then will always out way if you
Speaker 1: feel it with your hands and there She'll some love
Speaker 1: to the boy.
Speaker 2: Have there?
Speaker 3: Take you one day?
Speaker 1: An did you and die out way?
Speaker 2: Happy Saturday, Outweigh. I'm Amy Brown and I'm Leanne Ellington
Speaker 2: and we are here with part two of a mini
Speaker 2: series that we're doing called two Things Can Be True
Speaker 2: at the Same Time. Last week we talked about how
Speaker 2: you can be pro body image and still have health
Speaker 2: goals that you want to reach. And this week we're
Speaker 2: talking about how you can be on the journey to
Speaker 2: self love and self worth and I'll care about what
Speaker 2: you look like. Yeah, And when it comes to self
Speaker 2: love and self worth, Leanne is an expert self image scientist.
Speaker 3: Is what you call yourself.
Speaker 4: I'm on the journey as well, and I am obsessively
Speaker 4: studying it, researching it, teaching it, living it.
Speaker 2: So how can these two things be true at the
Speaker 2: same time?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: And it does kind of go hand in hand with
Speaker 4: what we talked about last week. You know, where we
Speaker 4: think like, oh, if I'm on this healthy healing journey,
Speaker 4: I can't also have these health goals. Well, it's like
Speaker 4: you can also be on this healthy healing journey of
Speaker 4: your heart and your self image. And when I talk
Speaker 4: about self image, what I really mean is what are
Speaker 4: you saying to yourself and about yourself? How are you
Speaker 4: seeing yourself? How are you perceiving yourself? What are the
Speaker 4: goggles that you're seeing yourself through. I'll always be on
Speaker 4: that journey the rest of my life, right because we're
Speaker 4: meaning making machines, We're constantly seeing ourselves through through different lenses,
Speaker 4: and even as we up level and overcome different circumstances,
Speaker 4: we're taking on new roles and new beliefs come up
Speaker 4: in new doubts. So it's something that I I don't
Speaker 4: ever want to not be on. But it also I
Speaker 4: think especially in the world of where women specifically are
Speaker 4: talking about healing their relationship with food, healing their relationship
Speaker 4: with their body and the body image stuff that comes
Speaker 4: alongside that. Again, talking about overcoming extremism, there's a lot
Speaker 4: of hate, so to speak, on caring what you look like.
Speaker 4: And so if we got geeky for just a second
Speaker 4: and we talk to our logic and reason side before
Speaker 4: we get into the heart side of it. Right on
Speaker 4: a logic and reason side, there is a very specific
Speaker 4: part of your brain called the acc the antior singular cortex.
Speaker 5: I talk about it all the time. It's called the
Speaker 5: social brain.
Speaker 4: It's the part of our brain that absolutely cares what
Speaker 4: other people think about us. It's bigger in females than
Speaker 4: it is in males, and so we have an entire
Speaker 4: part of our brain that cares what people think about us,
Speaker 4: whether we're accepted, whether we're connected, whether we're cared for.
Speaker 5: Do they like me? Are they judging me? Is she
Speaker 5: looking at what I'm wearing? Do I have a wedgie? Whatever?
Speaker 5: It is, right, So we're wired to care.
Speaker 4: But as women, it's human of us to want to
Speaker 4: feel beautiful and pretty and attractive and all of those things.
Speaker 5: And we don't have to apologize it now.
Speaker 4: But there's a dark side of it too, which I
Speaker 4: personally experienced was that when that's all you are weighing
Speaker 4: and measuring your self worth and your self esteem by,
Speaker 4: that's when it can become a very dark, dark place
Speaker 4: and a rabbit hole of emptiness to be honest. Right,
Speaker 4: So there's those distinctions. So first and foremost, giving yourself
Speaker 4: permission to care what you look like and care about
Speaker 4: your appearance and take pride in your appearance. Right, There's
Speaker 4: so many women I talk to you, They're like, oh,
Speaker 4: I love fashion. I love showing my personality and fashion.
Speaker 4: And I know women that are like, I love doing makeup.
Speaker 4: It's my thing. I love watching YouTube videos and it
Speaker 4: just like it's a creative outlet. And some of them
Speaker 4: are like, love doing my hair, but oh, that's so superficial.
Speaker 4: I'm like, no, it's not superficial. It's something that you love.
Speaker 4: It's something that you enjoy, it's something that you appreciate.
Speaker 4: It's something that you take passion in and take pride in,
Speaker 4: like live it up, you know. And because that's why
Speaker 4: we're working together, let's also make sure that that's not
Speaker 4: the only that's encompassing your value of how you're weighing yourself. Right,
Speaker 4: So those distinctions, So, first and foremost, you have permission
Speaker 4: to care what you look like, but also just reinforcing
Speaker 4: you have an entire part of your brain that actually
Speaker 4: does care what you look like, how you're perceived, all
Speaker 4: of that, So again, finding that line between caring but
Speaker 4: also not letting it completely take over your life. And
Speaker 4: one of the things I talk about, and then I'll
Speaker 4: flip it over back to you, is this idea of
Speaker 4: self endorsement. Because we are wired to care what other
Speaker 4: people think about us, right, it's impossible not to, especially
Speaker 4: the female brain. But what if you care just a
Speaker 4: little bit more about what you think and what you
Speaker 4: say and you feel about yourself more than what other
Speaker 4: people think and say and feel about you, and you're
Speaker 4: building that endorsement and self image within yourself. And then again,
Speaker 4: obviously it's not just tied up in how you look,
Speaker 4: but it doesn't have to completely take away the fact
Speaker 4: that you're human.
Speaker 5: And chances are, if you're listening to this.
Speaker 4: You're a woman and you are going to care and
Speaker 4: you're allowed to and there's nothing superficial, there's nothing catty,
Speaker 4: there's nothing petty about it, and allowing it to be
Speaker 4: coexisting while you're on that journey of love and worthiness
Speaker 4: and receiving all of the beauty of who you are
Speaker 4: inside as well.
Speaker 2: What's happening with certain people that are vocal about how
Speaker 2: I don't care what anybody else thinks.
Speaker 4: It's a lie they're probably telling themselves, because we do
Speaker 4: care some people. It's a coping mechanism, it's a defense mechanism,
Speaker 4: it's a front. But giving them love and compassion because
Speaker 4: it might just seem like it's easier to say that.
Speaker 5: I mean, we all walk around with stories. I have them.
Speaker 5: I have my own stories, myself them. You know, we
Speaker 5: all have them.
Speaker 4: We're all storytellers, we're all mena makers. So when people
Speaker 4: say I don't care what other people think, oftentimes, and
Speaker 4: again this is all anecdotal, I don't have, you know,
Speaker 4: evidence on this, there's no there's no study on this.
Speaker 4: But oftentimes I have found they actually care more, and
Speaker 4: that is some sort of coping mechanism, a shell affront.
Speaker 2: I've even found that at times I tried to say
Speaker 2: that out loud or to myself, and I know that
Speaker 2: it's not true. Yeah, but I've owned it before too,
Speaker 2: and I know that I hear others. So I thought
Speaker 2: I would ask that question because I feel like there's
Speaker 2: some people that are like, well, wait, I really don't
Speaker 2: care what other people think.
Speaker 4: But the flip side of that, is in like turning
Speaker 4: it into a self endorsement kind of way of thinking.
Speaker 4: Like so, for example, I'm very dorky. I mean, you
Speaker 4: know me, I'm dorky. I say dorky things. But like
Speaker 4: part of that I used to apologize for that. I
Speaker 4: was like, ooh, like are people gonna think I'm a
Speaker 4: dark And now I'm just like, I own my dorkiness.
Speaker 4: So you can't hurt me when I'm saying when I
Speaker 4: already accept me, right, So if there's something that you
Speaker 4: don't accept about about me, but I accept me for it,
Speaker 4: it's not gonna hurt me.
Speaker 5: It's not going to penetrate my bubble.
Speaker 4: So on the flip side of that, it's like, wherever
Speaker 4: we say we don't care, it's like, what if you
Speaker 4: It's not that you don't care, but what if you
Speaker 4: start caring about what you say and how you feel
Speaker 4: and believing in yourself in those areas.
Speaker 5: So it's not that you.
Speaker 4: Won't care, but it just won't harm you, hurt you,
Speaker 4: you know, penetrate your bubble of self love.
Speaker 2: It's more of that saying of you know, your opinion
Speaker 2: of me is none of my business exactly, So I
Speaker 2: do care, But at the same time, I have to know,
Speaker 2: like it's none of my business and I'm not going
Speaker 2: to let this affect me.
Speaker 3: And if it does affect me, well that's on me. Absolutely.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It is our responsibility on how we react to things.
Speaker 2: And I think two things being true at the same time.
Speaker 2: You know, you mentioned some people it might be makeup
Speaker 2: or they're really into face stuff and facials and whatever
Speaker 2: they want to get done there or clothing and that
Speaker 2: makes them feel really good. That might not be true
Speaker 2: for you, but for them, they don't have to apologize
Speaker 2: for it because that's what's making them happy. Like that
Speaker 2: is something that they can own and they don't care
Speaker 2: if you're not into fashion. That's something where That's where
Speaker 2: I was going with it, like two things can be true.
Speaker 2: They cannot care, They cannot care what other people think
Speaker 2: about that totally. Our brain, in turn, still cares what
Speaker 2: people think.
Speaker 5: Such a good point.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I can get a little confusing a little, but
Speaker 2: I was thinking specifically of this person I follow on Instagram.
Speaker 2: Her name is Gail and her handle is at Gail's Style,
Speaker 2: and she lives in New York and I love her style.
Speaker 2: I wish I could just have everything that she has
Speaker 2: and a story that I've often.
Speaker 3: Told myself is, oh, I can't get dressed.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to start speaking differently to myself when I'm
Speaker 2: waking up in the morning, getting ready and getting ready
Speaker 2: for work, of I go to my closet and I
Speaker 2: pick out outfits with these because I don't want to
Speaker 2: stress myself out. The more I say, oh, dress, I
Speaker 2: can't put outfits together, the more I'm gonna not be
Speaker 2: able to put outfits together. But she first got into
Speaker 2: fashion because in junior high or high school, she was
Speaker 2: not treated very well by some of her peers, and
Speaker 2: that was a way that she would show up to
Speaker 2: school feeling confident. She loved fashion, and she would go
Speaker 2: home and put together these awesome outfits and that's how
Speaker 2: she would show to school. And then people started being like, Oh,
Speaker 2: I love how you put that together, or that looks
Speaker 2: so good, and that was her way of blocking what
Speaker 2: others were saying and stepping into who she wanted to be.
Speaker 2: And now she's fifty years old and has a career
Speaker 2: styling people and going into their closets and helping them
Speaker 2: feel their most confident. And she truly believes because this
Speaker 2: is what she's into. Maybe not everybody else is, but
Speaker 2: she gets dressed every single day and for nobody else
Speaker 2: but herself because that's what she trained herself to do
Speaker 2: when she was younger. And she has her hair done
Speaker 2: every single day. And some people would be like, ugh,
Speaker 2: that seems exhausting, but for her, that's what works.
Speaker 3: Totally.
Speaker 2: I don't know her personally, but I feel like I
Speaker 2: know a lot of what she shared enough online to
Speaker 2: say that her self worth isn't attached to any of that,
Speaker 2: but that is something that she cares about, yeah, unapologetically, unapologetically,
Speaker 2: like she puts it out there on front street to
Speaker 2: where I could see other people might be like, oh
Speaker 2: my gosh, this woman's but no, we don't even need
Speaker 2: to judge what's your thing for you? And then maybe
Speaker 2: if you are judging that, it's a way to look
Speaker 2: inward and be like, oh, what am I not giving
Speaker 2: myself that I care about?
Speaker 3: What am I denying totally?
Speaker 2: Because there's probably something, if I'm being honest, that I
Speaker 2: care about and I would like to work on while
Speaker 2: still caring about my self love and self worth and
Speaker 2: not attaching my self worth to my appearance.
Speaker 4: Totally and just to give an example, like a completely
Speaker 4: opposite example of that.
Speaker 5: So fifteen years ago.
Speaker 4: I had one hundred extra pounds on me, and I
Speaker 4: was wearing men's jeans and frumpy, you know, big things
Speaker 4: to cover up my body. I couldn't walk into stores.
Speaker 4: They didn't have plus size like they do now. Like
Speaker 4: there wasn't very fashion forward, you know, plus size clothes
Speaker 4: back then.
Speaker 5: And I lost like my.
Speaker 4: Femininity in a way, Like I did my hair and
Speaker 4: my makeup and all that, but like I kind of
Speaker 4: felt more masculine in a way. It sounds kind of
Speaker 4: weird to say that, but I lost that like feminine
Speaker 4: essence of who I am because I was so covered
Speaker 4: up and like hidden in my body and disconnected from
Speaker 4: my body. So one of the experiments that I went on,
Speaker 4: and I remember this was I went to the Mac
Speaker 4: counter and I was like, I've never worn lipstick. Can
Speaker 4: you help me find a shade to wear lipstick? And
Speaker 4: I literally went on what I called a beauty experiment
Speaker 4: where I was playing around with fashion and I was
Speaker 4: trying to find my inner beauty because I either never
Speaker 4: had it or lost it somewhere along the lines because
Speaker 4: I was so dissociated with my body. But can you
Speaker 4: imagine if I was apologetic about finding my beauty. I
Speaker 4: looked at it as something that I really wanted to
Speaker 4: seek out and actually create within me, and it caused
Speaker 4: a little bit of like a creative outflow in me.
Speaker 5: So there's sides of it too.
Speaker 4: That maybe we want it, but also maybe we lost
Speaker 4: it along the way because we got lost in our
Speaker 4: own journey, right, And these are the things if we're
Speaker 4: apologizing for carrying what we look like, we're missing out
Speaker 4: on the next level of transformation. But again the distinction,
Speaker 4: we don't want to hide in that and let it
Speaker 4: encompass all of our self worth, but like, give yourself
Speaker 4: permission to take pride in feeling that inner beauty, but
Speaker 4: also so the outer beauty that matches it, and it
Speaker 4: reflects who you're being on the inside.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then it makes me think of that curiosity
Speaker 2: versus judgment, which is where I think my brain was
Speaker 2: trying to take me with the Gale thing. As some
Speaker 2: people might look at how she's choosing to show up
Speaker 2: and be like, oh, I can't believe she puts so
Speaker 2: much emphasis.
Speaker 3: On that stuff.
Speaker 2: But if you're doing that, then I would get curious
Speaker 2: about hmm, is it because you would like to show
Speaker 2: up in that way and to your point of now
Speaker 2: things being more available in different sizes, which is amazing, amazing.
Speaker 2: It's so great that even Gale encourages that of like, Okay,
Speaker 2: go into your closet and I want you to start
Speaker 2: collecting pieces that what do you put on? It makes you,
Speaker 2: It makes you come alive, It makes you feel your best,
Speaker 2: not what size it is, yes, but meet yourself exactly
Speaker 2: where you are right now, your body, where you are
Speaker 2: right now, with you. You found yourself resorting to you know,
Speaker 2: t shirts and jeans, when if you had had the option,
Speaker 2: you could have and found stuff that really made you
Speaker 2: feel who you felt like on the inside and wanted
Speaker 2: to be and you deserve to be and you are.
Speaker 2: You needed accessibility to the items. But now they're out there.
Speaker 2: So don't let that you wish it was a certain
Speaker 2: number or you want to look a certain way. No,
Speaker 2: just start stepping into that. If you would like to
Speaker 2: start showing up in a different way, buy some of
Speaker 2: those clothes that are that size.
Speaker 3: Don't wait until you lose weight.
Speaker 2: Or don't even put your the pressure on yourself to
Speaker 2: lose weight, because that's not what it's about. You can
Speaker 2: still care about your appearance wherever you are without waiting
Speaker 2: for the weight to make it happen. Waiting for the
Speaker 2: weight right, because the truth is, you may not even
Speaker 2: need to. I think sometimes society may be telling.
Speaker 3: You you need to lose weight, but just start living now.
Speaker 3: Start living now.
Speaker 2: Yes, so two things can be true at the same time,
Speaker 2: and this one in particular is to not have your
Speaker 2: self worth tied to your parents, but still care.
Speaker 3: About your parents.
Speaker 2: If you want to amen, you have full permission, Full
Speaker 2: permission land.
Speaker 3: Where can people find.
Speaker 4: You if you want to hear more about this conversation
Speaker 4: the self image of the body image rewiring or brain
Speaker 4: stresslessseeding dot com.
Speaker 2: It's all there and I am at Radio Amy on Instagram.
Speaker 2: We'll see y'all next Saturday for part three of this series.
Speaker 4: Bye bye,