WEBVTT - Two Things Can Be True At The Same Time: Part 2  [The Mini-Series] (Outweigh)

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<v Speaker 1>I won't let my body out be outwait everything that

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<v Speaker 1>I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm learning to love who I am. A gat I'm strong,

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<v Speaker 1>I feel free, I know every part of me it

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<v Speaker 1>is beautiful and then will always out way if you

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<v Speaker 1>feel it with your hands and there She'll some love

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<v Speaker 1>to the boy.

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<v Speaker 2>Have there?

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<v Speaker 3>Take you one day?

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<v Speaker 1>An did you and die out way?

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<v Speaker 2>Happy Saturday, Outweigh. I'm Amy Brown and I'm Leanne Ellington

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<v Speaker 2>and we are here with part two of a mini

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<v Speaker 2>series that we're doing called two Things Can Be True

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<v Speaker 2>at the Same Time. Last week we talked about how

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<v Speaker 2>you can be pro body image and still have health

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<v Speaker 2>goals that you want to reach. And this week we're

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<v Speaker 2>talking about how you can be on the journey to

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<v Speaker 2>self love and self worth and I'll care about what

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<v Speaker 2>you look like. Yeah, And when it comes to self

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<v Speaker 2>love and self worth, Leanne is an expert self image scientist.

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<v Speaker 3>Is what you call yourself.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm on the journey as well, and I am obsessively

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<v Speaker 4>studying it, researching it, teaching it, living it.

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<v Speaker 2>So how can these two things be true at the

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<v Speaker 2>same time?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 4>And it does kind of go hand in hand with

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<v Speaker 4>what we talked about last week. You know, where we

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<v Speaker 4>think like, oh, if I'm on this healthy healing journey,

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<v Speaker 4>I can't also have these health goals. Well, it's like

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<v Speaker 4>you can also be on this healthy healing journey of

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<v Speaker 4>your heart and your self image. And when I talk

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<v Speaker 4>about self image, what I really mean is what are

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<v Speaker 4>you saying to yourself and about yourself? How are you

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<v Speaker 4>seeing yourself? How are you perceiving yourself? What are the

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<v Speaker 4>goggles that you're seeing yourself through. I'll always be on

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<v Speaker 4>that journey the rest of my life, right because we're

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<v Speaker 4>meaning making machines, We're constantly seeing ourselves through through different lenses,

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<v Speaker 4>and even as we up level and overcome different circumstances,

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<v Speaker 4>we're taking on new roles and new beliefs come up

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<v Speaker 4>in new doubts. So it's something that I I don't

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<v Speaker 4>ever want to not be on. But it also I

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<v Speaker 4>think especially in the world of where women specifically are

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<v Speaker 4>talking about healing their relationship with food, healing their relationship

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<v Speaker 4>with their body and the body image stuff that comes

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<v Speaker 4>alongside that. Again, talking about overcoming extremism, there's a lot

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<v Speaker 4>of hate, so to speak, on caring what you look like.

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<v Speaker 4>And so if we got geeky for just a second

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<v Speaker 4>and we talk to our logic and reason side before

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<v Speaker 4>we get into the heart side of it. Right on

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<v Speaker 4>a logic and reason side, there is a very specific

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<v Speaker 4>part of your brain called the acc the antior singular cortex.

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<v Speaker 5>I talk about it all the time. It's called the

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<v Speaker 5>social brain.

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<v Speaker 4>It's the part of our brain that absolutely cares what

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<v Speaker 4>other people think about us. It's bigger in females than

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<v Speaker 4>it is in males, and so we have an entire

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<v Speaker 4>part of our brain that cares what people think about us,

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<v Speaker 4>whether we're accepted, whether we're connected, whether we're cared for.

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<v Speaker 5>Do they like me? Are they judging me? Is she

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<v Speaker 5>looking at what I'm wearing? Do I have a wedgie? Whatever?

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<v Speaker 5>It is, right, So we're wired to care.

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<v Speaker 4>But as women, it's human of us to want to

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<v Speaker 4>feel beautiful and pretty and attractive and all of those things.

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<v Speaker 5>And we don't have to apologize it now.

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<v Speaker 4>But there's a dark side of it too, which I

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<v Speaker 4>personally experienced was that when that's all you are weighing

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<v Speaker 4>and measuring your self worth and your self esteem by,

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<v Speaker 4>that's when it can become a very dark, dark place

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<v Speaker 4>and a rabbit hole of emptiness to be honest. Right,

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<v Speaker 4>So there's those distinctions. So first and foremost, giving yourself

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<v Speaker 4>permission to care what you look like and care about

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<v Speaker 4>your appearance and take pride in your appearance. Right, There's

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<v Speaker 4>so many women I talk to you, They're like, oh,

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<v Speaker 4>I love fashion. I love showing my personality and fashion.

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<v Speaker 4>And I know women that are like, I love doing makeup.

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<v Speaker 4>It's my thing. I love watching YouTube videos and it

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<v Speaker 4>just like it's a creative outlet. And some of them

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<v Speaker 4>are like, love doing my hair, but oh, that's so superficial.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm like, no, it's not superficial. It's something that you love.

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<v Speaker 4>It's something that you enjoy, it's something that you appreciate.

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<v Speaker 4>It's something that you take passion in and take pride in,

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<v Speaker 4>like live it up, you know. And because that's why

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<v Speaker 4>we're working together, let's also make sure that that's not

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<v Speaker 4>the only that's encompassing your value of how you're weighing yourself. Right,

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<v Speaker 4>So those distinctions, So, first and foremost, you have permission

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<v Speaker 4>to care what you look like, but also just reinforcing

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<v Speaker 4>you have an entire part of your brain that actually

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<v Speaker 4>does care what you look like, how you're perceived, all

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<v Speaker 4>of that, So again, finding that line between caring but

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<v Speaker 4>also not letting it completely take over your life. And

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<v Speaker 4>one of the things I talk about, and then I'll

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<v Speaker 4>flip it over back to you, is this idea of

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<v Speaker 4>self endorsement. Because we are wired to care what other

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<v Speaker 4>people think about us, right, it's impossible not to, especially

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<v Speaker 4>the female brain. But what if you care just a

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<v Speaker 4>little bit more about what you think and what you

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<v Speaker 4>say and you feel about yourself more than what other

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<v Speaker 4>people think and say and feel about you, and you're

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<v Speaker 4>building that endorsement and self image within yourself. And then again,

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<v Speaker 4>obviously it's not just tied up in how you look,

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<v Speaker 4>but it doesn't have to completely take away the fact

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<v Speaker 4>that you're human.

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<v Speaker 5>And chances are, if you're listening to this.

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<v Speaker 4>You're a woman and you are going to care and

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<v Speaker 4>you're allowed to and there's nothing superficial, there's nothing catty,

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<v Speaker 4>there's nothing petty about it, and allowing it to be

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<v Speaker 4>coexisting while you're on that journey of love and worthiness

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<v Speaker 4>and receiving all of the beauty of who you are

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<v Speaker 4>inside as well.

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<v Speaker 2>What's happening with certain people that are vocal about how

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<v Speaker 2>I don't care what anybody else thinks.

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<v Speaker 4>It's a lie they're probably telling themselves, because we do

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<v Speaker 4>care some people. It's a coping mechanism, it's a defense mechanism,

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<v Speaker 4>it's a front. But giving them love and compassion because

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<v Speaker 4>it might just seem like it's easier to say that.

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<v Speaker 5>I mean, we all walk around with stories. I have them.

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<v Speaker 5>I have my own stories, myself them. You know, we

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<v Speaker 5>all have them.

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<v Speaker 4>We're all storytellers, we're all mena makers. So when people

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<v Speaker 4>say I don't care what other people think, oftentimes, and

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<v Speaker 4>again this is all anecdotal, I don't have, you know,

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<v Speaker 4>evidence on this, there's no there's no study on this.

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<v Speaker 4>But oftentimes I have found they actually care more, and

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<v Speaker 4>that is some sort of coping mechanism, a shell affront.

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<v Speaker 2>I've even found that at times I tried to say

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<v Speaker 2>that out loud or to myself, and I know that

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<v Speaker 2>it's not true. Yeah, but I've owned it before too,

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<v Speaker 2>and I know that I hear others. So I thought

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<v Speaker 2>I would ask that question because I feel like there's

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<v Speaker 2>some people that are like, well, wait, I really don't

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<v Speaker 2>care what other people think.

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<v Speaker 4>But the flip side of that, is in like turning

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<v Speaker 4>it into a self endorsement kind of way of thinking.

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<v Speaker 4>Like so, for example, I'm very dorky. I mean, you

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<v Speaker 4>know me, I'm dorky. I say dorky things. But like

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<v Speaker 4>part of that I used to apologize for that. I

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<v Speaker 4>was like, ooh, like are people gonna think I'm a

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<v Speaker 4>dark And now I'm just like, I own my dorkiness.

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<v Speaker 4>So you can't hurt me when I'm saying when I

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<v Speaker 4>already accept me, right, So if there's something that you

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<v Speaker 4>don't accept about about me, but I accept me for it,

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<v Speaker 4>it's not gonna hurt me.

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<v Speaker 5>It's not going to penetrate my bubble.

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<v Speaker 4>So on the flip side of that, it's like, wherever

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<v Speaker 4>we say we don't care, it's like, what if you

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<v Speaker 4>It's not that you don't care, but what if you

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<v Speaker 4>start caring about what you say and how you feel

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<v Speaker 4>and believing in yourself in those areas.

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<v Speaker 5>So it's not that you.

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<v Speaker 4>Won't care, but it just won't harm you, hurt you,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, penetrate your bubble of self love.

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<v Speaker 2>It's more of that saying of you know, your opinion

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<v Speaker 2>of me is none of my business exactly, So I

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<v Speaker 2>do care, But at the same time, I have to know,

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<v Speaker 2>like it's none of my business and I'm not going

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<v Speaker 2>to let this affect me.

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<v Speaker 3>And if it does affect me, well that's on me. Absolutely.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>It is our responsibility on how we react to things.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think two things being true at the same time.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, you mentioned some people it might be makeup

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<v Speaker 2>or they're really into face stuff and facials and whatever

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<v Speaker 2>they want to get done there or clothing and that

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<v Speaker 2>makes them feel really good. That might not be true

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<v Speaker 2>for you, but for them, they don't have to apologize

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<v Speaker 2>for it because that's what's making them happy. Like that

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<v Speaker 2>is something that they can own and they don't care

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<v Speaker 2>if you're not into fashion. That's something where That's where

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<v Speaker 2>I was going with it, like two things can be true.

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<v Speaker 2>They cannot care, They cannot care what other people think

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<v Speaker 2>about that totally. Our brain, in turn, still cares what

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<v Speaker 2>people think.

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<v Speaker 5>Such a good point.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I can get a little confusing a little, but

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<v Speaker 2>I was thinking specifically of this person I follow on Instagram.

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<v Speaker 2>Her name is Gail and her handle is at Gail's Style,

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<v Speaker 2>and she lives in New York and I love her style.

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<v Speaker 2>I wish I could just have everything that she has

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<v Speaker 2>and a story that I've often.

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<v Speaker 3>Told myself is, oh, I can't get dressed.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to start speaking differently to myself when I'm

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<v Speaker 2>waking up in the morning, getting ready and getting ready

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<v Speaker 2>for work, of I go to my closet and I

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<v Speaker 2>pick out outfits with these because I don't want to

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<v Speaker 2>stress myself out. The more I say, oh, dress, I

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<v Speaker 2>can't put outfits together, the more I'm gonna not be

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<v Speaker 2>able to put outfits together. But she first got into

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<v Speaker 2>fashion because in junior high or high school, she was

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<v Speaker 2>not treated very well by some of her peers, and

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<v Speaker 2>that was a way that she would show up to

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<v Speaker 2>school feeling confident. She loved fashion, and she would go

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<v Speaker 2>home and put together these awesome outfits and that's how

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<v Speaker 2>she would show to school. And then people started being like, Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I love how you put that together, or that looks

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<v Speaker 2>so good, and that was her way of blocking what

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<v Speaker 2>others were saying and stepping into who she wanted to be.

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<v Speaker 2>And now she's fifty years old and has a career

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<v Speaker 2>styling people and going into their closets and helping them

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<v Speaker 2>feel their most confident. And she truly believes because this

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<v Speaker 2>is what she's into. Maybe not everybody else is, but

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<v Speaker 2>she gets dressed every single day and for nobody else

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<v Speaker 2>but herself because that's what she trained herself to do

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<v Speaker 2>when she was younger. And she has her hair done

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<v Speaker 2>every single day. And some people would be like, ugh,

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<v Speaker 2>that seems exhausting, but for her, that's what works.

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<v Speaker 3>Totally.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know her personally, but I feel like I

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<v Speaker 2>know a lot of what she shared enough online to

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<v Speaker 2>say that her self worth isn't attached to any of that,

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<v Speaker 2>but that is something that she cares about, yeah, unapologetically, unapologetically,

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<v Speaker 2>like she puts it out there on front street to

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<v Speaker 2>where I could see other people might be like, oh

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<v Speaker 2>my gosh, this woman's but no, we don't even need

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<v Speaker 2>to judge what's your thing for you? And then maybe

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<v Speaker 2>if you are judging that, it's a way to look

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<v Speaker 2>inward and be like, oh, what am I not giving

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<v Speaker 2>myself that I care about?

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<v Speaker 3>What am I denying totally?

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<v Speaker 2>Because there's probably something, if I'm being honest, that I

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<v Speaker 2>care about and I would like to work on while

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<v Speaker 2>still caring about my self love and self worth and

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<v Speaker 2>not attaching my self worth to my appearance.

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<v Speaker 4>Totally and just to give an example, like a completely

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<v Speaker 4>opposite example of that.

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<v Speaker 5>So fifteen years ago.

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<v Speaker 4>I had one hundred extra pounds on me, and I

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<v Speaker 4>was wearing men's jeans and frumpy, you know, big things

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<v Speaker 4>to cover up my body. I couldn't walk into stores.

0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:40.880
<v Speaker 4>They didn't have plus size like they do now. Like

0:10:40.920 --> 0:10:43.960
<v Speaker 4>there wasn't very fashion forward, you know, plus size clothes

0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:44.719
<v Speaker 4>back then.

0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:46.719
<v Speaker 5>And I lost like my.

0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:49.560
<v Speaker 4>Femininity in a way, Like I did my hair and

0:10:49.600 --> 0:10:51.680
<v Speaker 4>my makeup and all that, but like I kind of

0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:54.800
<v Speaker 4>felt more masculine in a way. It sounds kind of

0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:57.040
<v Speaker 4>weird to say that, but I lost that like feminine

0:10:57.160 --> 0:11:00.360
<v Speaker 4>essence of who I am because I was so covered

0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:02.679
<v Speaker 4>up and like hidden in my body and disconnected from

0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:05.480
<v Speaker 4>my body. So one of the experiments that I went on,

0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:08.559
<v Speaker 4>and I remember this was I went to the Mac

0:11:08.640 --> 0:11:11.120
<v Speaker 4>counter and I was like, I've never worn lipstick. Can

0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:13.200
<v Speaker 4>you help me find a shade to wear lipstick? And

0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:15.240
<v Speaker 4>I literally went on what I called a beauty experiment

0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.200
<v Speaker 4>where I was playing around with fashion and I was

0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:19.800
<v Speaker 4>trying to find my inner beauty because I either never

0:11:19.880 --> 0:11:21.920
<v Speaker 4>had it or lost it somewhere along the lines because

0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:24.440
<v Speaker 4>I was so dissociated with my body. But can you

0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:27.040
<v Speaker 4>imagine if I was apologetic about finding my beauty. I

0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:29.640
<v Speaker 4>looked at it as something that I really wanted to

0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:33.120
<v Speaker 4>seek out and actually create within me, and it caused

0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.360
<v Speaker 4>a little bit of like a creative outflow in me.

0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:37.080
<v Speaker 5>So there's sides of it too.

0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:40.040
<v Speaker 4>That maybe we want it, but also maybe we lost

0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:42.200
<v Speaker 4>it along the way because we got lost in our

0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:44.920
<v Speaker 4>own journey, right, And these are the things if we're

0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:48.240
<v Speaker 4>apologizing for carrying what we look like, we're missing out

0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:51.120
<v Speaker 4>on the next level of transformation. But again the distinction,

0:11:51.240 --> 0:11:53.160
<v Speaker 4>we don't want to hide in that and let it

0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:55.920
<v Speaker 4>encompass all of our self worth, but like, give yourself

0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:59.680
<v Speaker 4>permission to take pride in feeling that inner beauty, but

0:11:59.720 --> 0:12:01.920
<v Speaker 4>also so the outer beauty that matches it, and it

0:12:02.000 --> 0:12:04.520
<v Speaker 4>reflects who you're being on the inside.

0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And then it makes me think of that curiosity

0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:10.320
<v Speaker 2>versus judgment, which is where I think my brain was

0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:12.120
<v Speaker 2>trying to take me with the Gale thing. As some

0:12:12.120 --> 0:12:14.640
<v Speaker 2>people might look at how she's choosing to show up

0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:16.959
<v Speaker 2>and be like, oh, I can't believe she puts so

0:12:17.040 --> 0:12:18.160
<v Speaker 2>much emphasis.

0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:18.520
<v Speaker 3>On that stuff.

0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:21.360
<v Speaker 2>But if you're doing that, then I would get curious

0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:24.200
<v Speaker 2>about hmm, is it because you would like to show

0:12:24.280 --> 0:12:26.480
<v Speaker 2>up in that way and to your point of now

0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:31.720
<v Speaker 2>things being more available in different sizes, which is amazing, amazing.

0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:36.400
<v Speaker 2>It's so great that even Gale encourages that of like, Okay,

0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:39.040
<v Speaker 2>go into your closet and I want you to start

0:12:39.040 --> 0:12:42.000
<v Speaker 2>collecting pieces that what do you put on? It makes you,

0:12:42.360 --> 0:12:44.480
<v Speaker 2>It makes you come alive, It makes you feel your best,

0:12:45.000 --> 0:12:48.960
<v Speaker 2>not what size it is, yes, but meet yourself exactly

0:12:49.000 --> 0:12:50.840
<v Speaker 2>where you are right now, your body, where you are

0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:55.679
<v Speaker 2>right now, with you. You found yourself resorting to you know,

0:12:55.960 --> 0:12:59.240
<v Speaker 2>t shirts and jeans, when if you had had the option,

0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:02.080
<v Speaker 2>you could have and found stuff that really made you

0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:04.680
<v Speaker 2>feel who you felt like on the inside and wanted

0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:06.520
<v Speaker 2>to be and you deserve to be and you are.

0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:12.000
<v Speaker 2>You needed accessibility to the items. But now they're out there.

0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:14.760
<v Speaker 2>So don't let that you wish it was a certain

0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:17.040
<v Speaker 2>number or you want to look a certain way. No,

0:13:17.320 --> 0:13:20.240
<v Speaker 2>just start stepping into that. If you would like to

0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:23.000
<v Speaker 2>start showing up in a different way, buy some of

0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:24.760
<v Speaker 2>those clothes that are that size.

0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.760
<v Speaker 3>Don't wait until you lose weight.

0:13:27.679 --> 0:13:29.800
<v Speaker 2>Or don't even put your the pressure on yourself to

0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:32.199
<v Speaker 2>lose weight, because that's not what it's about. You can

0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:36.000
<v Speaker 2>still care about your appearance wherever you are without waiting

0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:38.120
<v Speaker 2>for the weight to make it happen. Waiting for the

0:13:38.120 --> 0:13:40.720
<v Speaker 2>weight right, because the truth is, you may not even

0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:43.280
<v Speaker 2>need to. I think sometimes society may be telling.

0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:45.600
<v Speaker 3>You you need to lose weight, but just start living now.

0:13:45.800 --> 0:13:46.560
<v Speaker 3>Start living now.

0:13:46.720 --> 0:13:50.400
<v Speaker 2>Yes, so two things can be true at the same time,

0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:53.520
<v Speaker 2>and this one in particular is to not have your

0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:56.720
<v Speaker 2>self worth tied to your parents, but still care.

0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:57.280
<v Speaker 3>About your parents.

0:13:57.280 --> 0:14:00.280
<v Speaker 2>If you want to amen, you have full permission, Full

0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:01.240
<v Speaker 2>permission land.

0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:02.280
<v Speaker 3>Where can people find.

0:14:02.120 --> 0:14:04.319
<v Speaker 4>You if you want to hear more about this conversation

0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:06.520
<v Speaker 4>the self image of the body image rewiring or brain

0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:07.880
<v Speaker 4>stresslessseeding dot com.

0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:11.280
<v Speaker 2>It's all there and I am at Radio Amy on Instagram.

0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:14.880
<v Speaker 2>We'll see y'all next Saturday for part three of this series.

0:14:15.000 --> 0:14:18.000
<v Speaker 4>Bye bye,