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Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.

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Speaker 1: Scarub a dub dub and the tub tub Tub.

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Speaker 2: We have a Dear Banya episode today that we do

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Speaker 2: so without further any life.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I mean she gets right into business. No foreplay?

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Speaker 3: Why why do you need it? I love four play?

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Speaker 2: Wait?

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Speaker 3: Can I talk about the funny thing that you said

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Speaker 3: when we were after the wedding?

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Speaker 1: What did I say?

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Speaker 3: We were walking back.

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Speaker 2: And uh someone I think Uni was with us, and

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Speaker 2: she goes, uh. Tanya like, what's the first thing y'all

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Speaker 2: are going to do as a married couple? And Robbie

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Speaker 2: said him like, I don't know, a blowjob or something

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Speaker 2: a ton and goes ugh.

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Speaker 3: I think that was more of a fiance thing.

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Speaker 1: Right because I was on my period. I don't like

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Speaker 1: to have sex in my periods. I like, not that

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Speaker 1: I'm a wife, she's not.

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Speaker 4: I got what I needed chicken on.

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Speaker 3: Special holidays only.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that it was very funny. No, but like you

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Speaker 1: were saying how you wanted to plan a proposal?

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, any headway on that Monday?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Uh no, no updates, but thank you so much for

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Speaker 2: the encouragement and knowing that if I want to do

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Speaker 2: I could do it, you know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but like it's just like so nice to bounce

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Speaker 1: ideas off of your friends.

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Speaker 2: The thing is is that like we are we like,

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Speaker 2: we'll see you different rings and I'll be like, oh,

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Speaker 2: like because Hailey's so she has cool, unique style, so

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Speaker 2: I feel like her ring. I'm not going to be

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Speaker 2: to just get her like any old ring.

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Speaker 3: I don't have to find.

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Speaker 2: Something that, yeah, something cool that is unique but can

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Speaker 2: stand the test of time, you know, so we I

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Speaker 2: do find both of us doing that more so like

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Speaker 2: oh do you like this?

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Speaker 3: Like do you like this? You know that type of thing. Oh,

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Speaker 3: speaking of On Gray's.

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Speaker 2: Anatomy, I was gonna ask you about this spoiler alert

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Speaker 2: when Link proposes to Joe. Oh my gosh, even though

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Speaker 2: they were I thought they were married, so I was

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Speaker 2: shocked about the proposal. Anyways, she goes, he doesn't really,

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Speaker 2: I mean, it was cute, but you know, fine, they

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Speaker 2: were just like living yeah, yeah, yeah, which is fine.

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Speaker 3: I love I love a simple, simple moment.

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Speaker 2: But she he grabs the ring box and she goes

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Speaker 2: to open it and it's empty and he was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I thought it'd be better if maybe you it's probably

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Speaker 2: better if you pick one out. And I was like.

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Speaker 4: The reason they said, based on your history, Like there's

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Speaker 4: a story that I don't remember.

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Speaker 2: Yeah maybe still anyway, I was like, day, not even

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Speaker 2: like a fake placeholder?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like an amazon, my dude, my three I was

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Speaker 1: so good. Yeah, so oh I hate him.

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Speaker 3: I don't feel that passionately about it. But I was like,

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Speaker 3: I don't think I like this.

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Speaker 2: I like the sentiment of someone getting to choose what

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Speaker 2: they want, if that's important to them, so that they

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Speaker 2: have the ring of their choice.

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Speaker 1: I just want you to know, like if you need,

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Speaker 1: like if you need a girl on the ground, boots

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Speaker 1: on the ground for your proposal, like if you need

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Speaker 1: like broad everywhere, like flowers anywhere, like I am your girl.

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Speaker 1: I am put me in coach.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it probably won't be here.

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Speaker 1: Ah, that does make it tricky, yeah for me to take.

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Speaker 2: If your if your schedule's open and I can find

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Speaker 2: you somewhere where we are, then I'll keep that in mind.

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Speaker 3: What will you do?

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Speaker 2: What's gonna be a reaction when I just FaceTime you

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Speaker 2: one day?

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Speaker 1: It's gonna be tough because I'm gonna be excited for you,

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Speaker 1: obviously that I'm gonna be sad if you didn't tell

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Speaker 1: me that was coming. Oh, I already warned you about

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Speaker 1: that months ago. Yeah, you were, So you're really just

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Speaker 1: not going to You're just gonna do it.

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Speaker 3: That's a secret I'll never tell.

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Speaker 1: Or are you gonna tell some friends and just not me?

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Speaker 3: No, if I told anyone, you would obviously be someone that.

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Speaker 1: I would tell you and ask her parents.

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Speaker 3: I probably will. I think they'll be like, really, you

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Speaker 3: don't have to ask, but I.

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Speaker 1: Will, so they'll know.

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Speaker 3: They'll know that it's coming, but I'm not going to

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Speaker 3: tell them any details.

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Speaker 4: Is there any chance she would beat you to the punch.

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Speaker 3: I don't think so. Okay, I don't think so.

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Speaker 2: If she did, that would be like the ultimate surprise,

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Speaker 2: because I don't I would. I wouldn't think so. So,

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Speaker 2: But yeah, if I were to, if I were to

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Speaker 2: tell people, you would definitely be someone I would tell.

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Speaker 2: But my goal would be to tell nobody.

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Speaker 4: M Eastern and I are going to pretend that we

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Speaker 4: knew an advance. It's just a mess with you. So

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna telegraph that joke, right now I have all.

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Speaker 1: My like white stuff to like gift you.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I'll probably.

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Speaker 1: Get drown, I know. I'm like, I have so much

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Speaker 1: stuff in our office of just like things that I've

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Speaker 1: collected over the year, you know, like just like from

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Speaker 1: my brache party, like all the different yeah whatever, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to gift them to somebody. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to ask.

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Speaker 3: It's brides to be in the scrumming in group.

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Speaker 1: And then you should do a box.

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Speaker 3: That'd be so nice.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like with a couple of tiuras.

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Speaker 3: Some of your merch from your wedding in there. People.

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Speaker 2: I posted the hat the other day and someone's like,

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Speaker 2: how much for that hat?

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Speaker 3: I'm like, let's play a little game. How much you

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Speaker 3: got on you? I'll got any extra of those?

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Speaker 2: I love the hat or the one I love the

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Speaker 2: green one, other them both, but the green one just

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Speaker 2: like goes with everything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm so sad it's over.

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Speaker 2: Yeah wait, but you posted some prenatal vitamins the other

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Speaker 2: day and then said any wreck So where were.

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Speaker 1: My sister in law text? I mean she was like

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Speaker 1: the juxtaposition of your mini moons straight into prenatal pills

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Speaker 1: was like a little jarring for me.

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Speaker 2: Hallie goes out Tanya's pregnancy content has begun. She was like,

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Speaker 2: you might have to meet both of us and I

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Speaker 2: was like, no, you know, support got to support my

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Speaker 2: girls on their journeys. And I was like, but it

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Speaker 2: is a formula. It's like dating engaged content, wedding planning content,

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Speaker 2: wedding content, honeymoon content, preparing to have a baby content,

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Speaker 2: pregnancy content, baby content.

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean it's just like life.

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Speaker 3: I know.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just like that's just like my life the past.

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Speaker 3: But it's like two years, it's one after the next,

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Speaker 3: you know.

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Speaker 1: And it's like the reason why I posted the prenatle

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Speaker 1: is because, to be honest, there's so much information out

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Speaker 1: there that it is like actually jarring. And I've been

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Speaker 1: wanting to start taking prenatles because everybody says to start

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Speaker 1: taking them before you start trying to conceive. And I

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Speaker 1: was like, I should probably start taking them now.

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Speaker 3: You're supposed to take them before you're even.

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Speaker 1: Trying, yes, like, because you want to get like the right. Again,

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Speaker 1: I'm not a doctor, so take this for what it's worth.

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Speaker 3: This is not a medical This is not a medical.

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Speaker 1: Podcast, and I'm not like telling you, but you want

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Speaker 1: to get like the right amount of full late and

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Speaker 1: the right amount of like vitamin D and like all

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Speaker 1: of these things in your system before and then like

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Speaker 1: it's just so overwhelming the amount of stuff. So I

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Speaker 1: got these these prenatals and I posted them to see,

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Speaker 1: like because I have some dieticians that follow me and stuff,

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Speaker 1: so I want I really just wanted people's opinions on

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Speaker 1: which prenatals are the best. And I got so much

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Speaker 1: info and I'm like, what.

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Speaker 2: Is that more jarring when you get when you ask

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Speaker 2: and then get way more info.

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Speaker 1: I trust the people that I trust, do you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? So I like getting information from people

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Speaker 1: that I trust versus like the world Wide Web.

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Speaker 2: But there's specific people who if they respond, you're like,

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Speaker 2: oh yeah, instead of just directly reaching out to them,

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Speaker 2: you open it up.

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Speaker 1: I don't know some of these people personally, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know, I don't remember there, but I like, I'll

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Speaker 1: know that they've messaged me in the past about stuff.

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Speaker 2: So what's the So what's your plan with that? Or

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Speaker 2: is it still we're waiting till after the honeymoon or

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Speaker 2: on the honeymoon.

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Speaker 1: Oh, just start trying us around around that, around you went,

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Speaker 1: you went back and forth.

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Speaker 3: Yeah your plans.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, around then. But I'm going to start taking the

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Speaker 1: pills now. I already started yesterday.

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Speaker 2: Good for you, right, like it's just good stuff for you. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I might start taking them.

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Speaker 1: It's gonna make my hair amazing.

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Speaker 3: See what happens up.

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Speaker 1: I think it's bully not a medical podcast. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: again take with a grain of salt.

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Speaker 3: Well, let's get right to it. Enough for play. I

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Speaker 3: enjoyed them.

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Speaker 4: Thank you, crazy g Hello to my podcast friends, Becca Easton, Marcan, Tanya.

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Speaker 4: I got nervous about the order, so I did in alphabetical. H.

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Speaker 4: I want to say I'm incredibly gratefully. I'm for one

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Speaker 4: of you and this beautiful show. You all have made

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Speaker 4: a way. I feel like we've all grown up together

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Speaker 4: throughout these last eight years, even though we've never met.

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Speaker 4: Thank you for the vulnerability, the honesty, the laughter and

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Speaker 4: love each one of you bring. You all make the

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Speaker 4: world a better place, and I feel lucky and blessed

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Speaker 4: to be a scrubber. Second, I just finished watching Jonas

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Speaker 4: Khan and almost burst into tears. I was so happy

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Speaker 4: to see Tanya's face pop up Hey. The whole time

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Speaker 4: she's on my screen, I just kept thinking, oh mg,

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Speaker 4: she is such a cool girl.

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Speaker 1: Wow wow, I've never seen those words before, talk about

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Speaker 1: grace under pressure.

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Speaker 4: Technical difficulties were no match for you, Tanya. You guided

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Speaker 4: those fan questions like a seasoned pro. What an amazing

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Speaker 4: job you did. As someone who deals with constant anxiety

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Speaker 4: doing even the simplest things. I could never imagine doing

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Speaker 4: what you all do on a regular basis.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate her saying that because there were so many

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Speaker 1: technical issues, and like they were talking back to me

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Speaker 1: and I couldn't hear them, so I was just like,

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Speaker 1: like it was like crazy, oh so like I could

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Speaker 1: only hear me and the fan, but then they would

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Speaker 1: like react to something we said and I couldn't hear it.

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Speaker 5: So so her question is how do you block out

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Speaker 5: your anxiety and do the thing what helps you when

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Speaker 5: you feel nervous, and how do you get through it?

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Speaker 4: Love you so much, thanks for being enjoying in my

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Speaker 4: life for so many years. Congratulations Robbie and Tanya. May

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Speaker 4: your love and commitment for each other grow deeper and

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Speaker 4: beautiful with each passing day. Tracy G.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that is really sweet since she was talking about

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Speaker 2: what you were doing. How do you if you get

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Speaker 2: anxious or like overwhelmed or things go wrong, what do

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Speaker 2: you do?

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Speaker 1: It's interesting because I feel like I do get that,

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Speaker 1: like I in this case in particular, like there was

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Speaker 1: also another like malfunction, like the something in the intro,

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Speaker 1: like the audience couldn't hear me and I was just

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Speaker 1: speaking to nobody, but I needed them to react, So

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Speaker 1: it was just like kind of a mess. But in

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Speaker 1: my mind, I'm like, nobody notices. Nobody notices when you

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Speaker 1: do something wrong because they don't know what it's supposed

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Speaker 1: to be like, So it's just in my mind, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: whatever I did the best that I could. I think

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Speaker 1: in my mind, I always just do the best that

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Speaker 1: I can, And like, you can't change the outcome. If

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Speaker 1: something gets messed up, it gets messed up, and then

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Speaker 1: you just have to just like kind of goes in

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Speaker 1: and goes out onto the next You can't fixate. I

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Speaker 1: feel like with anxiety, it's like you fixating on things

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Speaker 1: I saw.

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Speaker 2: I recently saw this TikToker, and I wish I knew

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Speaker 2: his name, but he has a really strong stammer stutter

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Speaker 2: and he forces himself to go into public spaces or

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Speaker 2: like he'll go on a hike, and he makes himself

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Speaker 2: stop people to say hello so he can practice speaking

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Speaker 2: to people while he's nervous. And I was like, wow,

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Speaker 2: that is such a brave thing to do because he

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Speaker 2: knows that he might run into someone who's not as

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Speaker 2: like patient or kind. And luckily a lot of the

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Speaker 2: people that stop and talk to him are so wonderful

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Speaker 2: and lovely.

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Speaker 3: But I was like, wow, this is such.

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Speaker 2: A testament of being able to do things scared, because

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Speaker 2: everything that we stop ourselves from doing is just us

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Speaker 2: holding back from getting better because of fear. And I

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Speaker 2: remember thinking, even like as significant as like me coming

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Speaker 2: out publicly, I remember the fear of like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: but what if? There was so much anxiety about like

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Speaker 2: what if people are mean? What if they have a

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Speaker 2: negative reaction? But instead of letting that win, I did

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Speaker 2: it scared and it was like the best possible outcome.

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Speaker 2: But I also think even if it had been bad,

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Speaker 2: it would have felt so good just to have gotten

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Speaker 2: over that hump, you know what I'm saying. And so

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Speaker 2: I think, like doing something even though it feels scary,

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Speaker 2: and there's anxiety and fear around it. I think is

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Speaker 2: such an accomplishment in itself, regardless of the outcome of

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Speaker 2: what happens.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a quote.

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Speaker 4: If you can't beat fear, just do it scared. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: And I think that's what a lot of us do

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Speaker 4: in a lot of situations. We're like, oh, I'm not

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Speaker 4: sure this is going to go very well. You just

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Speaker 4: do it scared. And like I always say, my favorite

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Speaker 4: quote is being brave and pretending to be brave are

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Speaker 4: the exact same thing. You just got to do it.

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Speaker 4: You've got to get through it. However, you can get

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Speaker 4: through it. And there's also a certain confidence that comes

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Speaker 4: with Tanya or somebody's been on stage a lot over

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Speaker 4: the years. There's a certain feeling of it. It can

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Speaker 4: only go so wrong, right.

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Speaker 1: Then so wrong?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and you survived that. Yeah it was okay. But

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Speaker 4: they're not going to throw things at you. You're not

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Speaker 4: going to suddenly be naked up there, like there's there

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Speaker 4: are limits to how awful that can get.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, right, And the thing I will say is that

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Speaker 2: people like, let's say something went wrong to Taniel on stage,

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Speaker 2: people in that moment will be like, oh, shoot, like

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Speaker 2: there was a something went wrong and then that's it.

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Speaker 2: They probably didn't think about it again ever again, So

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Speaker 2: you have to remember that something that probably feels so

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Speaker 2: big to you. In the best way I can say

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Speaker 2: that people don't care like they're only worried about themselves.

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Speaker 2: That's because they're on their own head.

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Speaker 4: That's true, and outside of that, that's true. When you're

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Speaker 4: walking to the store, like everyone's worried about how they're

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Speaker 4: going to be seen or perceived. Nobody cares about you.

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Speaker 4: They care about themselves. They're freaked out about exactly, So

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Speaker 4: don't worry about it, all right, Anonymous. I've been listening

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Speaker 4: to your podcast since Becka disclosed your relationship with Haley.

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Speaker 4: I loved her authenticity and her truth, and ever since

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Speaker 4: I've been hooked and listening to Tanya and Becca has

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Speaker 4: felt like being amongst friends. I loved listening to Tanya's

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Speaker 4: story with the excitement she felt when she first met Robbie. Lately,

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Speaker 4: in my dating life, though, I felt confused about what

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Speaker 4: I need to prioritize. Do I need to see if

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Speaker 4: I have a spark with someone or should I give

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Speaker 4: the guy a chance to let the spark build up?

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Speaker 4: I've been seeing a guy for almost four months now,

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Speaker 4: and while I really enjoy his company and feel that

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Speaker 4: he hits a lot of check marks, I don't feel

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Speaker 4: that spark in chemistry with him that Becka and Tany

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Speaker 4: describe when they felt that they felt with their respective partners.

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Speaker 4: Should I hold out for the chemistry or settle down

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Speaker 4: with someone I considered to be a good person and

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Speaker 4: who is consistent. The last time I felt that spark,

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Speaker 4: it ended up being a very volatile relationship and he

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Speaker 4: broke my heart, but it was the only time I

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Speaker 4: ever felt like I was actually in love.

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Speaker 3: M Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think sometimes people mistake butterfly like get anxiety or

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Speaker 2: like a warning sign. They mistake that feeling as that

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Speaker 2: guy feeling that is actually a warning signs butterflies, and

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Speaker 2: so they're like, oh, I feel like this rush of excitement,

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Speaker 2: but it's not the right type of rush of excitement.

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Speaker 2: You know. My personal theory on this, and there's so

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Speaker 2: many people that disagree because I don't think ever. I

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Speaker 2: think people have had long, successful relationships without having an

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Speaker 2: initial spark and it grew over time. But my thing is,

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Speaker 2: there's so many people in the world and you have

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Speaker 2: such limited time here on earth? Why would you settle

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Speaker 2: without exploring? You know, Like, I'm also one of those

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Speaker 2: people like the grass isn't greener, you know, it's not

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Speaker 2: always greener on the other side. But I'm also like,

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Speaker 2: why limit yourself to settling if you haven't explored? So,

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Speaker 2: you know, does this make sense? Or do y'all disagree

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Speaker 2: with me? Because I'm trying to figure out. I understand

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Speaker 2: if you have something good not just immediately saying goodbye,

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Speaker 2: but you've given it four months, like you.

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Speaker 1: But I also think just because you had a bad

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Speaker 1: experience with someone that you had a spark what initially

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Speaker 1: with doesn't mean that like a spark equals volatile relationship,

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Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? I would personally save

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Speaker 1: out for the spark.

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Speaker 4: Same like, yeah, it does sound like there's something missing here,

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Speaker 4: whether it's the spark.

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Speaker 1: People say like, oh, he grew on me or like

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Speaker 1: he grew on me, and I'm like, but did he?

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Speaker 1: Or are you settling in like a roommate that's like cool?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you need to ask yourself the questions. Is

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Speaker 3: he kind? Do you feel your safest sharing with him?

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Speaker 2: Do you see him being a great parent to your kids,

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Speaker 2: And there was one other one.

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Speaker 3: Are you your best self already?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: Uh? Are you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Are you your best self? Are you the best version

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Speaker 3: of yourself? With him?

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Speaker 1: Thank you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: She describes him as a good person. He's consistent, He

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Speaker 4: checks a lot of boxes. I really enjoy his coming.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's consistent. Almond milk.

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Speaker 3: Consistently bland, but.

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Speaker 1: It's consistent, Like that's not you.

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Speaker 2: Are you?

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Speaker 3: Are you?

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Speaker 2: What are you?

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Speaker 3: Are you trying to tell her to stay or go?

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Speaker 1: That's a go. I'm trying to tell her to go.

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Speaker 4: I'm trying to behind and go for extend the metaphor.

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Speaker 1: The topping was really beautiful, Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Why would you settle for almond milk when there's froyo

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Speaker 2: with toppings, all.

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Speaker 1: The toppings you want? You want peanut butter one day,

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Speaker 1: you got it, sprinkles the next day, chocolate sauce.

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Speaker 4: Rob is all the toppings.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. My first initial meeting him, I wanted

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Speaker 1: to my vagina tingle, which is key.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think her tingling.

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Speaker 3: It seems stagnant. She is tingle less, tingle less.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And here's the thing he can be. He can be

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Speaker 2: a good guy. He can check all the boxes and

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Speaker 2: still not be your guy.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and that's okay, he will make somebody else's vagina table.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 4: Is that how low the bar is for men? That

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Speaker 4: it was just just like a lack of hostile like

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Speaker 4: he's not mean to her? Is that the only thing wild.

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Speaker 1: Does get low at times?

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Speaker 3: And here's the thing.

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Speaker 2: I imagine that if you had a volatile relationship, that

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Speaker 2: having someone consistent and good.

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Speaker 3: Feels very safe.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But I also think there's something better for you out there, Anonymous.

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Speaker 2: I do too, So go for the froyo, all the

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00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,600
Speaker 2: toppings you deserve it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, every taste is the toppings.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I'm gonna let Tanya settle down while we take

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Speaker 2: a break and we'll be right back.

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Speaker 3: Okay, We're back there in our next in our next sea.

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Speaker 3: Someone said, how do I keep.

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Speaker 2: My WM MWe while moving in together? And during the break,

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Speaker 2: Mark goes, what is MWe? And time we both go

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Speaker 2: modern woman energy and Tania.

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Speaker 1: Goes, ugh, such a male.

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Speaker 3: Anyways, from Brittany.

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Speaker 4: For Brittany, dear Tanya, Becca Easton and Mark, lots of

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00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 4: different permutations in the order. First of all, thank you

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00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,800
Speaker 4: for the positive energy you bring to the world through

418
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,200
Speaker 4: this podcast like forward listening. Every week, I'm reaching out

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Speaker 4: for advice on how to bring modern woman energy into

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Speaker 4: the next phase of my life. About a year ago,

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Speaker 4: after finishing calling in the one Thank You Tanya by

422
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,480
Speaker 4: the Way, I looked it up eight bucks on Amazon,

423
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:52,480
Speaker 4: I met the love of my life again same time

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Speaker 4: and decided I want to try living outside of California.

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Speaker 4: So I made plans to movie with my best friend

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Speaker 4: in Seattle. Although we'd only been dating a couple of months,

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Speaker 4: we decided to continue our relation ship when I moved.

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Speaker 4: Fast forward to now, I'm in the relationship I've always

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Speaker 4: dreamed of. This man is the most thoughtful man I've

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Speaker 4: ever met. He's showed me what it feels like to

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Speaker 4: have a true partner. I've also had an incredible year

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Speaker 4: in Seattle, making new friends, exploring new places, and feeling

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Speaker 4: happy to have made such a big life change all

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Speaker 4: on my own. We are not planning to move in together,

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Speaker 4: and we're talking about getting engaged later this year. For

436
00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:21,640
Speaker 4: working family reasons, it makes sense for us to move

437
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:24,880
Speaker 4: in together in San Diego. I always envisioned myself moving

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00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,479
Speaker 4: back to California eventually, and I'm excited to take that

439
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,840
Speaker 4: next step. I'm also sad I'm about to leave a

440
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Speaker 4: city I love so much and it feels like it's

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Speaker 4: all my own. I'm grieving a bit of independence, so

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00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,199
Speaker 4: that take a step toward combining our lives. What advice

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Speaker 4: do you have about feeling both excited and sad about

444
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:42,640
Speaker 4: taking such a big relationship step and how to continue

445
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 4: bringing the modern woman energy into a partnership. Thank you

446
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:45,760
Speaker 4: for all you do.

447
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 1: I think the biggest breakthrough that I ever learned in

448
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:53,640
Speaker 1: therapy was that two emotions can exist at the same time,

449
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 1: So like, you can be so excited and looking forward

450
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,520
Speaker 1: to this next phase of your life, but also a

451
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:02,480
Speaker 1: little bit sad and grieving a part of you that's

452
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,920
Speaker 1: no longer there, you know what I mean, Like those

453
00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:08,000
Speaker 1: two things can exist at the same time, and I

454
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:11,320
Speaker 1: feel like tim for me, that was so groundbreaking when

455
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 1: I learned that, Like I was like, oh my gosh,

456
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,760
Speaker 1: Like every it just makes so much sense because you

457
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:19,719
Speaker 1: can feel multiple things at the same time. And I

458
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,719
Speaker 1: think that, yeah, you do lose like when you move

459
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:24,360
Speaker 1: into with someone, you do lose a bit of independence,

460
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,920
Speaker 1: but you don't lose all of it, Like you can

461
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,199
Speaker 1: still have your modern woman energy, and you can still

462
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 1: have independence while living with somebody, but it is a

463
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,160
Speaker 1: huge shift and a huge change. So like you let

464
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:37,359
Speaker 1: yourself grieve that and more in that and be sad

465
00:21:37,359 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 1: about that, but like, don't let that feeling overtake the

466
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,040
Speaker 1: happiness and the joy and the excitement that you're feeling

467
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:42,440
Speaker 1: as well.

468
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 3: It's really good advice.

469
00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,720
Speaker 1: Wow, thank you, because I felt the same way. Yeah,

470
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,199
Speaker 1: I felt the exact same way. Like I was, like

471
00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:50,520
Speaker 1: I was so excited and overjoyed for that next step

472
00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 1: in season of my life. But also I want to

473
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:58,679
Speaker 1: say mourning, but feeling like nostalgic or like sad that

474
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 1: I was leaving kind of like my my girlhood pad,

475
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:03,639
Speaker 1: you know, like my apartment that was my own and

476
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 1: I could sit on the couch and Postmates breakfast, lunch,

477
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 1: and dinner and watch Gilmore Girls all day. Like I

478
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 1: don't know a lot of time I've ever I've done that,

479
00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 1: you know, Like I live in a home with three

480
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 1: boys and a dog, you know, so like my life

481
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:17,960
Speaker 1: is different, but so I feel like having space for

482
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,600
Speaker 1: both is like totally fine.

483
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,960
Speaker 2: I also part of me understands because it's two really

484
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,440
Speaker 2: big things at once. It's moving back to it's leaving

485
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 2: a city that you've had such a wonderful time in

486
00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 2: and moving in with someone that you've been dating, but

487
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,160
Speaker 2: like y'all haven't lived together yet, so there's this merging

488
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:40,240
Speaker 2: of your life that's also brand new. Part of me

489
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 2: is like, does she move down to San Diego and

490
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:49,359
Speaker 2: they live in the same city while they're dating and

491
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,719
Speaker 2: do that before they move in together? Or does it

492
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:55,040
Speaker 2: feel like you know what I'm saying, like so much

493
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 2: in one step?

494
00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 4: What I was thinking was what if there's a third

495
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:01,840
Speaker 4: option that that sociatle hers and San Diego is his?

496
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:04,439
Speaker 4: Or was what if there's a third option that can

497
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 4: be that that can belong to the two of you.

498
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:08,680
Speaker 3: Oh, like, they move somewhere together.

499
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, and maybe it's not even far away. Maybe it's

500
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 4: in the southern California area. It just slate's up in

501
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:16,959
Speaker 4: Fountain Valley or someplace you haven't explored before. Because you

502
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:19,000
Speaker 4: can have that way, it's a space that is your

503
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 4: own for the two of you.

504
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,399
Speaker 1: I don't love that. I don't feel like she doesn't

505
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 1: like San Diego. Yeah, I feel like she likes San Diego.

506
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 2: I would just say, since it just feels like they

507
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,239
Speaker 2: haven't dated living in the same city. So I feel like,

508
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 2: first of all, you're you're moving from somewhere that you loved,

509
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 2: you're leaving your independence, and then you're moving straight in

510
00:23:39,600 --> 00:23:41,400
Speaker 2: with a guy for the first time.

511
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 3: I get though, I would feel very overwhelmed.

512
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:46,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, so I'm like, maybe you have a

513
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 2: roommate situation for like six months and you'll just at

514
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 2: least date in the same city.

515
00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,160
Speaker 3: You stay over there kind of learn how each other.

516
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 1: Like I remember I used to I like I have

517
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 1: a thing with hair, Like I just don't like like

518
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:07,879
Speaker 1: black hair, and like now like like not on people's heads,

519
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 1: like just like no, like like I don't know. It's

520
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 1: like yeah, like what I would say, like I don't know,

521
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:16,080
Speaker 1: like just just a hair dark hair. Yeah, And like

522
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:19,000
Speaker 1: Robbie has to shave his beard like every day and

523
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,679
Speaker 1: so there's always like there was always hair everywhere, and

524
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 1: I always found that to be like so like uh

525
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:27,920
Speaker 1: until him and then I was like I don't care

526
00:24:28,080 --> 00:24:30,480
Speaker 1: his his beard hair is like everywhere, and I'm like.

527
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:31,119
Speaker 3: A collection of it.

528
00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:36,719
Speaker 1: I look at it when he's gone for too long. Yeah,

529
00:24:36,800 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: but it's like I get it because like those things like,

530
00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:41,879
Speaker 1: I get it, Like moving in with someone is like

531
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,199
Speaker 1: very jarring. It's very jarring.

532
00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:45,240
Speaker 3: But that's what I'm saying.

533
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:47,720
Speaker 2: If she'sually a boy, if they if they got to

534
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,160
Speaker 2: live in the same city and she had her own

535
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,840
Speaker 2: space and still hers and he had his space, but

536
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,920
Speaker 2: then they got to stay together, so they learned each

537
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:59,600
Speaker 2: other's habits. Because when Haley moved in with me officially,

538
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 2: it was more like what are we doing with both

539
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,520
Speaker 2: of our stuff? Like it was more stuff, there was

540
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,919
Speaker 2: more stuff, but like we knew exactly how each of

541
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,720
Speaker 2: us live, We knew our habits, we knew everything, so

542
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 2: there was no shock factor. If anything, it just made

543
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 2: it so much easier that we lived in one space.

544
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,479
Speaker 2: And I was like, why didn't we do this sooner?

545
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:23,360
Speaker 2: But I I understand your feelings, and I think Tanya's

546
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 2: advice is so right, like you can experience two feelings

547
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:29,399
Speaker 2: at the same time, and also you know, move at

548
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,400
Speaker 2: the pace that you want to move.

549
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:31,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

550
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, And congrats on calling in the one Oh my God,

551
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 2: music to my ears.

552
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 4: This is anonymous, and this is a pretty amazing way

553
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,680
Speaker 4: of how she found the podcast. Hi Becka, Tanya Mark

554
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 4: Ron Easton. I discovered the pod in twenty nineteen when

555
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,840
Speaker 4: I was recovering from a severe concussion and couldn't spend

556
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:51,119
Speaker 4: time on screens, so I turned to podcasts. All these

557
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 4: years later, your pod is the one I still listen

558
00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 4: to every week. Wow.

559
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 3: Wow.

560
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 4: Through the years, I've grown to know you all and

561
00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 4: I've been rooting for your successes along the way. Thank

562
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 4: you for knowingly helping me through a brutal concussion recovery

563
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,200
Speaker 4: process and giving real life advice that I value. Also, Tanya,

564
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,159
Speaker 4: thank you for mentioning the song Butterflies by Casey Muskraves.

565
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,560
Speaker 4: It led to me becoming a huge fan, and Casey's

566
00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,439
Speaker 4: music also helped me with my recovery. I've listened to

567
00:26:14,480 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 4: so many Bondie episodes and now I need advice. I'm

568
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,119
Speaker 4: from Toronto, twenty four single, and they need change. I've

569
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 4: lived at home with my parents since the injury and

570
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 4: I'm feeling very limited. Moving out right now is not

571
00:26:24,960 --> 00:26:27,159
Speaker 4: an option financially, So how do you build space to

572
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:29,240
Speaker 4: make a life of your own well living with your parents?

573
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 4: I appreciate you guys so much. Conngrast the Tani and

574
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 4: Robbie on their wedding m.

575
00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:41,399
Speaker 2: I feel like it's I really think you the first thing,

576
00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 2: which I don't know if you've done this or like

577
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,959
Speaker 2: where your relationship is with your parents, but having a

578
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,440
Speaker 2: conversation with your parents acknowledging where you're at emotionally and

579
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:53,480
Speaker 2: how you want you know that like moving out isn't

580
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 2: financially an option, but you want to feel like you

581
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:59,520
Speaker 2: have independence while living with them, and seeing if just

582
00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:03,400
Speaker 2: making sure that that line of communication is open, because

583
00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 2: I think sometimes when you live with your parents, they

584
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 2: still feel like they're like taking care of you, and

585
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,880
Speaker 2: they they have to almost like helicopter parent you, even

586
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,119
Speaker 2: though you're a full, fully grown adult and you I

587
00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 2: think you just need to have that conversation first of

588
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 2: acknowledging where you're at and that you're ready to have

589
00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:23,920
Speaker 2: some independence and even though you're living with them.

590
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 3: I also think doing.

591
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:32,119
Speaker 2: Activities by yourself, like things that get you out of

592
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 2: the house are gonna be your best bet in terms

593
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:35,639
Speaker 2: of feeling independent.

594
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:38,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know, Like I don't know what your

595
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 1: situation is, but I remember when I had to move

596
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 1: back home because I couldn't afford to live in LA.

597
00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:46,600
Speaker 1: So I was driving from Orange County to LA to

598
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,879
Speaker 1: work and everything like that. But I was making friends

599
00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 1: that lived in LA, so I would like pack a

600
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 1: bag and on Fridays, I would like stay up at

601
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 1: like a friend's apartment for the weekend, and like I

602
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,080
Speaker 1: started to build my life in LA without actually like

603
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 1: living here, and I would just like stay with friend

604
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: friends and make connections and do like work functions and

605
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: things like that. So maybe if you could make some

606
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 1: friends I don't know Toronto that well, but like in

607
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 1: the city or don't, I don't know, make friends and

608
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:17,840
Speaker 1: like spend the weekends out kind of building your life

609
00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:18,280
Speaker 1: in that way.

610
00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 2: I was even going to say, maybe like once a

611
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,720
Speaker 2: month you go and have a stay at like a

612
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,119
Speaker 2: hotel or do something with a friend where you feel

613
00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 2: like you're doing something separate from your parents. Yeah, but

614
00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,479
Speaker 2: I really think I think that's a good advice too,

615
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 2: because I did the same thing before I lived in LA.

616
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 2: I would come up and stay with friends and kind

617
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,400
Speaker 2: of had established myself in LA before I even moved here.

618
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 2: But I think that's a good advice. And I think

619
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 2: it's when you start to feel better and feel more independent.

620
00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: I think that you're naturally going to start making moves

621
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 2: to where you are in a place to move out

622
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,280
Speaker 2: and get your own place. But we're rooting for you

623
00:28:55,320 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 2: and I'm glad your your health is getting better, that

624
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,440
Speaker 2: you're even in a place where you're at asking us

625
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,880
Speaker 2: for this advice, and we hope that it only gets better.

626
00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got this?

627
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 3: Oh? Is that my? Is it? Time for a break?

628
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:09,200
Speaker 4: For a break?

629
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 3: All right?

630
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 2: We are back with our final dear Bonia of the day.

631
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 4: It's another anonymous Hello, Mark East and Tanya. Yeah, that's

632
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:38,240
Speaker 4: why I wanted to.

633
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 3: Read this one.

634
00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:41,560
Speaker 4: I have a dilemma. I have an identical twin sister

635
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 4: who lives with me, and outside of a five month period,

636
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 4: we've lived under the same roof our entire lives. I've

637
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 4: always been the more independence and supportive twin, where she

638
00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 4: relies on me mentally, emotionally, and financially. I have hit

639
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 4: my breaking point. I started seeing someone who lives close

640
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:58,200
Speaker 4: to me, so safe to say. I invite her to

641
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 4: my house and I go to hers pretty often. It's new.

642
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,360
Speaker 4: It's exciting, definitely the honeymoon phase. I've always wanted to

643
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 4: be near each other.

644
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 3: Well.

645
00:30:04,760 --> 00:30:07,040
Speaker 4: I traveled for work this week after being away from

646
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 4: my girlfriend. I was planning to spend the night at

647
00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:11,280
Speaker 4: her house. However, after letting my sister know I'd be

648
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 4: gone for the night, she flipped out started saying, I

649
00:30:14,320 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 4: always abandon her. I don't listen to her or her needs.

650
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 4: How I'm always ready to leave her when I find

651
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 4: a better option. I was still caught off guard that

652
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 4: detected my girlfriend to cancel last minute, even though it

653
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,080
Speaker 4: was the last thing I wanted to do. Well, now

654
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 4: my girlfriend got upset. She's saying she can't continue to

655
00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 4: see me if I'm always having to pick between her

656
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 4: and my sister. How can I said healthy boundaries with

657
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 4: my sister but also make sure she knows I'm always

658
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 4: there for her. I can't be a sister, friend, companion,

659
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 4: and bank for her all at once. I have sacrificed

660
00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 4: a lot of myself for my twin, and I'm finally

661
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,560
Speaker 4: seeing someone that I don't want to walk away from

662
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 4: without giving it a fair chance. Please help me.

663
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 1: I mean, I think you tell your sisters, ye, I'm

664
00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:58,480
Speaker 1: gonna go see my girlfriend tonight. You can like go

665
00:30:58,520 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 1: watch Gilmore Girls and order some yummy postmaids. What are

666
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: you talking about?

667
00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:06,239
Speaker 2: I think, as someone who was very reliant on her

668
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 2: friends during your single phase. I think we can have

669
00:31:08,600 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 2: a little more understanding for the sister.

670
00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 1: Yes, I was heavily needy. I never once would like

671
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 1: if you guys were doing something with your significant others

672
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 1: or this is like guilt trip galore. I hate guilt trip.

673
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 2: I think that it's important to sit down a law.

674
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 2: I think it's important to sit down with your sister

675
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:34,480
Speaker 2: and let her know that you love her so much

676
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 2: and you will always be there for her, but you

677
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:39,280
Speaker 2: also cannot be everything to her like that is not

678
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 2: it's not healthy, it's not fair, and it's not one

679
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 2: person's responsibility to take on all of that for someone.

680
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 2: And I think it's just having a conversation of saying

681
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:52,760
Speaker 2: I need to be able to have my own life

682
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 2: and my own journey, and that that doesn't mean that

683
00:31:56,600 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 2: I've abandoned you. Like I think your sister's very anxious, attached,

684
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 2: and it sounds like you're the only person who either

685
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 2: she feels safe enough to be that way with or

686
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 2: gives in to her, so.

687
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:11,960
Speaker 1: She takes advantage of it like that, it sounds like.

688
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:14,360
Speaker 2: She kind of takes advantage of your willingness to be

689
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 2: there for her. So I think you just need to say,

690
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:19,240
Speaker 2: I'm really happy with this person and I really want

691
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 2: to explore this and I shouldn't have to choose between

692
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:23,800
Speaker 2: the two of you, and I don't want it to

693
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 2: feel that way, because me spending time with someone that

694
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 2: I really care about is not me abandoning you. And

695
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 2: you're let her know like she's safe. You're not trying

696
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 2: to get rid of her. You just are an independent person.

697
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:41,640
Speaker 2: You're an individual, and you deserve this.

698
00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 1: You can use beck as advice a little more tender.

699
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 3: Well.

700
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 2: I think it's like her sister's panicking. She's anxiously attached,

701
00:32:53,280 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 2: and she just needs to know that she's safe and

702
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 2: that her sister isn't leaving her.

703
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 1: I think I'm triggered by this because of the guilt,

704
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 1: the guilt tripping. I feel like, I don't know why.

705
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 1: I feel like I was guilt tripped a lot like

706
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 1: in my life, and so when I see it in this,

707
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 1: it like makes me like retract.

708
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're also you. You have in the past

709
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 2: been anxiously attached. So it's like that feeling of someone

710
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 2: not being there when you feel like you really need

711
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:24,959
Speaker 2: them feels like abandonment, Like I've felt that before. We're like,

712
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,720
Speaker 2: if Haley wasn't emotionally there, I'm like, you're abandoning me.

713
00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:31,479
Speaker 2: And she's like you're safe, like you're fine, and I

714
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 2: was like, okay, okay, you know, it's like just needing

715
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 2: that reassurance. And it's her sister, so it's like needing

716
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,280
Speaker 2: to set that boundary because again, you're gonna go your

717
00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 2: whole life with her, ruining other relationships even friendships that

718
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,680
Speaker 2: you have with people, if she if you don't set

719
00:33:47,680 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 2: this boundary now.

720
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, look and also like look if your sister was

721
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: going through something and like really needed you that night

722
00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: and your girlfriend got upset about it, but that's another story.

723
00:33:57,720 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 1: But the way you wrote it and the way this

724
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:00,720
Speaker 1: is all I went down.

725
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,000
Speaker 2: Now and I was saying, like, you're doing her disservice

726
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,880
Speaker 2: if you don't set this boundary because she's always only.

727
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 1: Going to clean on you.

728
00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:13,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, and she needs to find other resources of support.

729
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,720
Speaker 4: Like Becca, how would you feel if somebody was always

730
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 4: watching your location and trying to figure out where you

731
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:20,359
Speaker 4: are and who you're with, and if you're having more

732
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,000
Speaker 4: fun with them than you are with you know, that

733
00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:23,399
Speaker 4: sort of thing that would be that'd be a lot

734
00:34:23,480 --> 00:34:23,960
Speaker 4: to deal with.

735
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:28,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I would just gently say I love you

736
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:33,200
Speaker 2: so much, and you're safe and you have my location,

737
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 2: so if you have any need to know where I am,

738
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:40,080
Speaker 2: just check check that. And I can't wait to talk

739
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 2: to you later on if that were to happen to me.

740
00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:45,120
Speaker 3: Right, and just because I'm having fun with.

741
00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:50,319
Speaker 2: Someone else doesn't mean that that it's competition right, or

742
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 2: that we're not as good a friends anymore? Right, where

743
00:34:54,080 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 2: you're safe, doesn't love you, that's that's fyance, Tanya.

744
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, wife's Tanya doesn't know.

745
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,719
Speaker 4: I barely February.

746
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 1: Yeah we are, Yeah, weavy bowl. Yes, I've barely heard

747
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,320
Speaker 1: from myself. I haven't been home for more than forty second.

748
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 3: Like, you're very settled and content. I have not, you

749
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 3: have been.

750
00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm settled. Oh, I think I'm in

751
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:22,520
Speaker 1: like a tornado.

752
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,920
Speaker 3: So when you're back from Houston, things over, yes, okay, okay,

753
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:30,160
Speaker 3: I look forward to it. Yeah, that's all for now.

754
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 3: We'll be back. That's all, folks.

755
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 2: We'll be back on Monday, Yes we will, and we

756
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 2: can't wait.

757
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:40,960
Speaker 1: Love you, love you so much. To be continued