Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea. That's a good exciting day. What's today? Tuesday?
Speaker 2: Today is Tuesday Day.
Speaker 1: It's Tuesday.
Speaker 3: We're recording for our podcast that airs on Thursday. I
Speaker 3: just got back from Vegas. I did a big promotional shoot.
Speaker 3: I'm a big announcement coming at some point, and I
Speaker 3: had a really fun day.
Speaker 1: I took Doug to Vegas yesterday. You know how I
Speaker 1: feel about Vegas.
Speaker 2: He loves to fly private.
Speaker 3: He only flies privately because I don't think he's going
Speaker 3: to get along well on a commercial airline, which means
Speaker 3: that's going to be prohibitive to his travel schedule. I'm
Speaker 3: already trying to think about my Orca. I'm going to
Speaker 3: my Orca for the month of June, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: how can I bring Doug? And then I thought, because
Speaker 3: I can actually bring him, i'd rush off once.
Speaker 1: But it's too hot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's very furry, He's got a lot of lair.
Speaker 1: And I thought I could shave him, but that's so.
Speaker 4: I don't know that i'd shave.
Speaker 5: I follow the Girl with the Dogs on YouTube and
Speaker 5: she is like a dog groomer, and she says, for
Speaker 5: some dogs, it'll ruin their undercoat. It makes some kind
Speaker 5: of like patchy. It's not good for them. So I
Speaker 5: would doctor your groomer.
Speaker 1: Because he's so silky. It happened with Bernice because they're undercoat.
Speaker 1: I shaved them too quickly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just wanted to get down to business and
Speaker 3: see what was underneath their fur, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: because really what I'm after is that body.
Speaker 2: And they can be like spotty too. Chow's like we
Speaker 2: had a chow would have spotted purple.
Speaker 3: And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't think Doug
Speaker 3: is going to go to my Erica. I just think
Speaker 3: it's too hot.
Speaker 1: Too hot. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, I have a quick follow up from a caller.
Speaker 5: People, as we know, wrote in to Sarah, whose boyfriend
Speaker 5: couldn't get it up and had lots of opinions last week.
Speaker 5: So Sarah responded, she said, thanks so much for following up.
Speaker 5: I loved listening to the suggestions from the Dear Chelsea community.
Speaker 5: His medication was definitely a big factor that, combined with
Speaker 5: his already shaky self confidence, was a recipe for disaster.
Speaker 5: But I'm happy to report that after a trip to
Speaker 5: the doctor, our sex life has really.
Speaker 1: Turned around amazing.
Speaker 2: In fact, I can hardly keep him off me. Now,
Speaker 2: thanks for the advice, Sarah.
Speaker 1: So what did they do? Do we know?
Speaker 5: They went to the doctor, got it figured out. I
Speaker 5: think they might have switched his medications. But it was
Speaker 5: exactly what you called last week.
Speaker 3: Okay, great, great, Yeah, I love it. I love it everyone.
Speaker 3: Now everyone's now they're getting happy penetration.
Speaker 2: Very thrilled that Sarah is getting laid.
Speaker 1: So I know it's good for the soul to have penetration. Truly.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get them later tonight.
Speaker 2: Oh that's exciting, I know.
Speaker 3: Okay, So we have a special guest on today. She
Speaker 3: actually is in Vegas all the time, and she flew
Speaker 3: in special to record this podcast today.
Speaker 1: She is a comedian. She is ridiculous, and her nails
Speaker 1: are longer than Flow Jos. Is that a reference people
Speaker 1: know anymore?
Speaker 4: Joe?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember that's when the first nails came on
Speaker 1: the scene was Flow Joe. Remember.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Anyway, her nails are as long as flow Jo's and
Speaker 3: she's not running anywhere.
Speaker 1: Please welcome Lynell. Oh my god, this is so exciting.
Speaker 3: This woman is ridiculous and she makes me laugh so hard,
Speaker 3: not only because of her outfits and her nails that
Speaker 3: I don't even know how she wipes with them. But
Speaker 3: her stand up is so fucking funny. She is so
Speaker 3: fucking funny. And if you're in New York you can
Speaker 3: see her at the Apollo Theater. She's going to be
Speaker 3: performing tomorrow night at the Apollo Theater April twenty six,
Speaker 3: And she's also going to be at the Netflix as
Speaker 3: a Joke Festival in May in La And she has
Speaker 3: her first ever special which was on Netflix was called
Speaker 3: Chappelle's Home Team Now Town Business, Right, what do you
Speaker 3: have to say for yourself, Chequita Banana.
Speaker 4: Hey, I'm booked and busy and blessed.
Speaker 3: I know you know, yeah, your career, your comedy career. Well,
Speaker 3: I keep trying to hook up with you, but you
Speaker 3: live in Vegas.
Speaker 6: I live in Vegas and here, I just a year
Speaker 6: ago this month purchased my first home.
Speaker 4: It's my first time.
Speaker 6: You know, everybody doesn't get it when everybody else does.
Speaker 4: You know, you get it when you're supposed to.
Speaker 6: So I've been at my residency in Vegas for four years,
Speaker 6: living out of the Flamingo Hotel and the Link. But
Speaker 6: I came upon an opportunity and it is totally upgraded
Speaker 6: my life.
Speaker 4: I love living in Las Vegas.
Speaker 6: I just recently got awarded the key to the Strip,
Speaker 6: oh goes city council people or.
Speaker 4: Whatever, and I got a proclamation. Wow.
Speaker 6: On March eleventh is Lunelle Day in Las Vegas. And
Speaker 6: I work for as a great Jimmy Kimmel, you know,
Speaker 6: a Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club. Yes, Sunday and Monday nights
Speaker 6: at nine p thirty. So I'm I'm very booked. Like
Speaker 6: you were saying that you went on a date, I'm like, damn,
Speaker 6: how how do you do it? Because I don't really date.
Speaker 6: I want to, but it's you know, our schedule is changed,
Speaker 6: like with a phone call, you know, and you can
Speaker 6: make a plan with the guys and all of a sudden, listen.
Speaker 4: I can't do it. I'm going to Europe tomorrow, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Sh it is like that. So it's hard for me.
Speaker 3: Look at you, I know, I know, well, sometimes I
Speaker 3: go through phases where I don't have sex or I
Speaker 3: don't date people for months because it is kind of hard,
Speaker 3: especially as a woman, you know. I mean, we kind
Speaker 3: of talk about this and it's a little bit of
Speaker 3: a beating a dead horse because it's hard as being
Speaker 3: a woman who has her shit together.
Speaker 1: Men don't think that they need you need them.
Speaker 4: That is what a guy said. They don't think. Okay,
Speaker 4: first of all, we don't need you.
Speaker 3: Right, So that's actually a good thing. It's not a need.
Speaker 3: It is a desire, right.
Speaker 4: I don't need you for nothing.
Speaker 1: And sex, but also a sex is also not a need.
Speaker 1: It's a desire.
Speaker 3: Just to clear it because I've heard people say sex
Speaker 3: is a need, I'm like, no, no, that's excuse.
Speaker 6: That's the excuse the men make to go fuck around.
Speaker 6: I needed you don't give me enough. We first got married,
Speaker 6: it was hot, and now I don't do it because
Speaker 6: I'm one of my favorite shows on TV is Cheaters.
Speaker 6: I could watch that shit all day and all night.
Speaker 6: Cheaters and fucking Catfish.
Speaker 4: I'm down. I'm like, are you serious? I could watch it.
Speaker 3: When was the last time you did have a relationship.
Speaker 3: Have you ever had a serious relationship?
Speaker 4: I've been married.
Speaker 3: Oh, okay, so I guess that that would be considered
Speaker 3: a serious relationship.
Speaker 1: Well, not all marriages.
Speaker 6: Are well, I mean we didn't stay married how long well,
Speaker 6: we were legally married for like maybe twenty years, but
Speaker 6: we've been separated for like eighteen of those years.
Speaker 4: And it was just a whole mess.
Speaker 6: But I still love him, be very ill right now, Okay,
Speaker 6: And so I still love but we're divorced and go
Speaker 6: see him and stuff like that. But we had a
Speaker 6: it was it was a whole trip.
Speaker 1: Okay. And you don't have kids though, right.
Speaker 4: I have one daughter. She's twenty eight.
Speaker 1: Oh what's her name?
Speaker 4: Her name is Danielle.
Speaker 6: I had to get rhymes now, well, yeah, and her
Speaker 6: father's name is Dana, so Dana and Lanelle Danielle. Oh, okay,
Speaker 6: not Danielle. I don't like Danielle. Every Danielle I know
Speaker 6: is a bitch. But this is Danielle.
Speaker 4: That's it.
Speaker 6: And I had to have a tattooed on my arm
Speaker 6: because I was so fucking frazzled about having a baby.
Speaker 6: I didn't even know if I could remember her birthday.
Speaker 6: So I got a tattooed on my arm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you don't have a great memory.
Speaker 4: No, I don't, and my daughter will attest to that.
Speaker 3: Do you think it has anything to do with all
Speaker 3: the pots smoking? Because I spoke a lot of pot too.
Speaker 6: But I oh, I can remember my material, and I
Speaker 6: remember playing to get on that's the most important.
Speaker 4: Shit.
Speaker 1: Do you remember you go on stage stoned right.
Speaker 4: Most of the time?
Speaker 1: Well, you know the last time I got stoned with you? Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's good.
Speaker 3: I usually have a I don't usually get stoned, but
Speaker 3: this weekend I tried getting stoned before I went on stage.
Speaker 1: I loved it. I loved it. I love drugs, I
Speaker 1: love alcohol, I love all of it. But last time
Speaker 1: I saw you was at.
Speaker 3: Chappelle's birthday party in New York City and you had
Speaker 3: a joint there, which I had to find you because
Speaker 3: I needed a joint.
Speaker 1: I needed a joint, and I was like, where's Linel?
Speaker 4: No, listen. Chelsea was coming out of hall, me and
Speaker 4: my daughter.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I died right.
Speaker 6: He and my daughter are about to go out and
Speaker 6: smoke a joint. Chelsea says, where are you going? I said, well,
Speaker 6: I'm gonna go outside to smoking joint. She said, you
Speaker 6: don't have to go outside.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 6: We was at a fancy you know, Angela Bassa was there,
Speaker 6: Gail King was there, Spike Lee was there, all these fancy,
Speaker 6: fancy people. Candle light dressed up. Chelsea's like, you don't
Speaker 6: have to go outside.
Speaker 1: White privilege white.
Speaker 6: She's like, yes, I do. She says, no, you don't.
Speaker 6: I said, well, you like the motherfucking it.
Speaker 4: So she did.
Speaker 6: And we sit in the middle of the fucking fancy
Speaker 6: dinner far smoking the joint blow and smoking everybody's face,
Speaker 6: and then.
Speaker 3: Everyone else started lighting up droids too, so it worked
Speaker 3: out perfectly. Oh yeah, I loved sometimes I have Like
Speaker 3: I went to my cousin's wedding over the summer and
Speaker 3: I had like a whole sheet of microdose LSD and
Speaker 3: I just handled them out, but I didn't. I just said, oh,
Speaker 3: this is a mint to the people that I knew
Speaker 3: wouldn't take drugs, and I know that's ruffine, but but
Speaker 3: it was such a microdose that I knew it was
Speaker 3: gonna help everyone and I have a great time. And
Speaker 3: my Jewish side of the family is like very conservative
Speaker 3: and they're not drug users, so I just said these
Speaker 3: are mints. And then everyone had a blast. And I
Speaker 3: told my cousin's mother after the fact, I was like,
Speaker 3: did you have an amazing time? She's like, that was
Speaker 3: the best night of my life. And she still doesn't
Speaker 3: know why. She thinks it because her son got married.
Speaker 3: But I'm like, no, I know why.
Speaker 6: No very elites here in La that do the micro
Speaker 6: dos LSD shit And this other ship did you take
Speaker 6: when you're with the Indians up in the Hiahuasca?
Speaker 4: That shit. I just smoke weed. I smoke, we drink tequila.
Speaker 1: So what do you do? You smoke your first join
Speaker 1: as soon as you wake up.
Speaker 6: No, I don't wake and bake like that because I
Speaker 6: can't smoke on an empty stomach. Oh it makes me crazy,
Speaker 6: like crazy. I have to have like a you know,
Speaker 6: some toast and maybe some juice. Really, yes, before I can.
Speaker 6: I can't smoke on an empty stomach. It makes me insane,
Speaker 6: more high than usual, no, more hungry than usual.
Speaker 1: Oh oh well, die, I gotta.
Speaker 4: Eat something first and then I can smoke.
Speaker 6: Plus I think that people that wake and bake, I'm like,
Speaker 6: so you don't want to be sober.
Speaker 4: At all, like maybe till noon.
Speaker 6: To see what it's like, take care of your business
Speaker 6: or anything like that. But then also I get sleepy.
Speaker 6: But that's why I smoke sativa and not inticate, and
Speaker 6: itica puts me down.
Speaker 1: And you don't smoke cigarettes.
Speaker 4: No, I detest any tobacco.
Speaker 1: Oh good, good for you.
Speaker 6: Cigarettes, cigars, all that bullshit pipes, all that. I don't
Speaker 6: like tobacco. I don't want to kiss you. I don't
Speaker 6: want to smell you. I don't want you to leave
Speaker 6: that smell of my couch.
Speaker 4: Nothing. You can't come in my house if you smoke cigarettes.
Speaker 1: Garettes are pretty dissed, and.
Speaker 4: That includes family members.
Speaker 1: Of my Yeah, I mean cigarettes are pretty gross.
Speaker 3: I had a friend of a group of friends that
Speaker 3: came to my house in my arca last summer and
Speaker 3: they don't really smoke, but they were smoking on this vacation.
Speaker 3: So of course I just do whatever anyone else is doing.
Speaker 3: If I have a group that exercises, I exercise group
Speaker 3: that wants to smoke cigarettes. I also smoked cigarettes, but
Speaker 3: I after a week with them, I was like, get
Speaker 3: the fuck out of my house. I am turning into
Speaker 3: My skin was gray by the time they left my house.
Speaker 4: Lives dry.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and the smell, the smell.
Speaker 4: A smoker who has a non smoker mate.
Speaker 6: That's some kind of love that I can't I can't
Speaker 6: understand because I can't you can't be my mate.
Speaker 4: We can't get together. You smoke.
Speaker 3: I think the same thing all the time. How does
Speaker 3: someone who doesn't smoke with somebody who does? Can I
Speaker 3: ask about your sex life with comics, because you hang
Speaker 3: out with a lot of comics. You were doing the
Speaker 3: Chappelle's Camp, right, the Comedy Camp for a while.
Speaker 1: Do you ever have you ever hooked up with any comics.
Speaker 4: I haven't fucked in comics since like the eighties.
Speaker 6: No.
Speaker 4: Let me see.
Speaker 6: The last comic guy I had sex with was in
Speaker 6: ninety five. That's why I had a baby.
Speaker 4: In ninety six.
Speaker 1: So he was a comic.
Speaker 4: Yeah, my daughter's father's a comic.
Speaker 6: That's why we're making it a family trip when I
Speaker 6: go do the Apollo because years ago, my baby daddy
Speaker 6: performed at the Apollo, back when I think Sindbad was
Speaker 6: hosting it or something, and that was, you know, forty
Speaker 6: years ago whatever. So we're all together, my daughter, he
Speaker 6: and I. He have not been in the Apollo since then.
Speaker 6: Probably thought he would never go back in there because
Speaker 6: we live on the West Coast. And my daughter can
Speaker 6: now say that both her parents have performed at the Apollo.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, that's a lot of pressure for her to
Speaker 3: fucking perform at the Apollo.
Speaker 4: She's fine. She's a dancer. She dances like you know
Speaker 4: for award shows and stuff.
Speaker 6: She danced with Lizo to Grammy, she dance with Coiler
Speaker 6: Ray and been on tour to like Amsterdam and like that.
Speaker 3: So you know what I saw someone try to wear
Speaker 3: this weekend or no, someone showed me a picture or
Speaker 3: something because they knew how sick I would make. It
Speaker 3: would make me. They're selling crocs, but in heels, now
Speaker 3: high heeled crocs.
Speaker 4: Okay, can I okay hold the train?
Speaker 1: Say yes, like you're getting a pair of Catherine No gyes.
Speaker 2: I've seen them.
Speaker 1: That would be it?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 6: Can I speak on crocks for a minute? Yeah, So
Speaker 6: don't look down I'm wearing.
Speaker 4: Oh my No, let me tell you, you know what.
Speaker 3: I didn't even get to your feet because your body
Speaker 3: is so bodacious that I had to focus on that.
Speaker 4: Let me explain first of all, No, don't I'm show people.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna show you. Is this gonna be on YouTube
Speaker 4: and stead?
Speaker 1: I don't know, I don't know what.
Speaker 4: Yes, it probably will.
Speaker 6: Okay, So I'm gonna show the people the crocs, and
Speaker 6: I'm gonna get sure reaction about the crock. First of all,
Speaker 6: let me go on record but saying I hate crocs.
Speaker 6: I think they make your feet look like many mouse feet.
Speaker 4: You know many mouse the feet. Yes, yes, I think
Speaker 4: they're for nurses.
Speaker 1: I actually don't remember many mouse's feet.
Speaker 6: They're big like this, and and and Mickey's feet are
Speaker 6: big like that too.
Speaker 1: Fuck those two mice anyway.
Speaker 4: I'm like mice in general, but I don't like him.
Speaker 6: And then I had double knee replacement surgery during the
Speaker 6: Corona and a.
Speaker 4: Girl reached out to me. We dou double.
Speaker 6: I had one and I had the other one four
Speaker 6: months later. It changed my life. I wouldn't be here
Speaker 6: under I would have committed suicide if I didn't get
Speaker 6: my knees. Oh it was that bad bone on bone,
Speaker 6: yeah yeah, yeah, So it's all better. So during the Rohner,
Speaker 6: when I had my surgeries, this girl reached out to
Speaker 6: me on Instagram and she's like, Lunel, I made crocks
Speaker 6: you like these other? Oh my god, those would be
Speaker 6: the only kind of crocks I would wear. She sent
Speaker 6: me two pair about seven more so these are the
Speaker 6: crocks I'm wearing today.
Speaker 3: I'm more interested in what your foot that you just
Speaker 3: took out of it like a real chicken McNugget deluxe.
Speaker 2: They're blinged out.
Speaker 1: I mean, that's as cute as it's gonna get it.
Speaker 4: This is And I've got like seven pair and there
Speaker 4: I'm like.
Speaker 1: And is it Gucci? Are they Gucci? Okay? I got it?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's cute. No, those are cute, and.
Speaker 4: They're good for the airport. You can slide in and out.
Speaker 1: And you know, by the way, you shouldn't be taking
Speaker 1: your shoes off on planes. Do you know that?
Speaker 4: I wear socks?
Speaker 3: Honey, Okay, you fucking better because that is disgusting and unsanitary.
Speaker 4: I don't like I don't like it. I wear socks.
Speaker 6: First of all, I'm not going through the security thing
Speaker 6: barefoot behind flesh eating disease. Isn't that still out there?
Speaker 6: What if you stand behind somebody like that? Now your
Speaker 6: feet are falling up.
Speaker 5: One of my friends we were going through the airport
Speaker 5: a couple of days ago, and she like laughed at
Speaker 5: me when I put on socks with my sandals before
Speaker 5: going through the you know the thing, And then when
Speaker 5: she got up there, she's like, oh no, no, I'm barefoot.
Speaker 1: I was like who's laughing.
Speaker 4: Now your luck, I'm not walking behind barefoot. Random.
Speaker 3: My friend Kelly in Africa, she she has like she
Speaker 3: doesn't like her feet to touch anything public, like any
Speaker 3: public facing situation. So we were in Africa and we're
Speaker 3: taking these like little going to these tiny little airports
Speaker 3: and bopping around and they were like okay. She basically
Speaker 3: worked it out with our safari guy that she had
Speaker 3: a medical emergency so she wasn't allowed to take her
Speaker 3: shoes off because of her phobia of touching any dirt.
Speaker 3: So she was allowed to wear her shoes through all
Speaker 3: the like you know, scanners and stuff. And I was like,
Speaker 3: what condition would that be that you're not that you.
Speaker 6: Ain't gonna fly and Dubai have your feet.
Speaker 4: Ye just don't like walking behind people like that.
Speaker 7: No.
Speaker 3: I was on a plane yesterday and the woman there
Speaker 3: was a six month old baby in its own seat
Speaker 3: next to me by itself, and the mother was in
Speaker 3: the row in front of her.
Speaker 1: Baby is like six months old, it's strapped into the seat.
Speaker 1: I got yes, and I was like, I'm sorry, am
Speaker 1: I supposed to take care of this baby?
Speaker 7: Like?
Speaker 1: Baby is this? And then the woman she was sitting
Speaker 1: in front of me, and I said, excuse me, is
Speaker 1: this your baby? And she's like, oh, yeah yeah, And
Speaker 1: I go, are you allowed to just put.
Speaker 3: The baby in a seat by and she goes, yeah,
Speaker 3: I bought in his own ticket, or I bought her
Speaker 3: her own ticket. And I was like, don't you want
Speaker 3: to sit where with your baby? And she was actually,
Speaker 3: I prefer to sit here.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, you think I wouldn't sit next to
Speaker 1: your six little baby. I'm never was two hours.
Speaker 3: It was from San Francisco to uh or No, San
Speaker 3: Francisco back to LA It was an hour.
Speaker 1: And it was on an airline, a real airline, commercial.
Speaker 4: Give a ship.
Speaker 6: Nobody's sitting next to my baby. They could be doing
Speaker 6: anything to my fucking baby.
Speaker 1: I don't want the baby anywhere near me.
Speaker 4: I understand that too.
Speaker 1: I mean, who cares. It's just.
Speaker 4: In the middle.
Speaker 3: It wasn't in a seat or anything like. It wasn't
Speaker 3: in a baby scene. I was just sitting there like
Speaker 3: it was an adult.
Speaker 4: And the airline allowed that. Cocktail shit, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I had two cocktails at noon. I was like, fuck,
Speaker 3: I'll take a Vikasota. And then I was like, I
Speaker 3: don't even drink a. So you've never had sex with
Speaker 3: comics since nineteen since the last time you had sex
Speaker 3: with comics, and then you I only had sex with
Speaker 3: a couple of comics early in my career because it's
Speaker 3: just not hot, you know, comic on comics.
Speaker 6: Sens and then if it goes wrong, then the guy
Speaker 6: has probably gone to do some material about you.
Speaker 4: And now you got beef like, yeah, the crips and
Speaker 4: the bloods.
Speaker 6: Yeah, because if a motherfucker said something about me on stage,
Speaker 6: I would tear that ass up.
Speaker 4: But it has not happened.
Speaker 1: Well, thank God for that, Thank God for small miracles.
Speaker 3: Now you spend most of your time in Vegas working
Speaker 3: at this Jimmy Kimmel Comedy Club, and I know you
Speaker 3: have your residency there right, So you've had a lot
Speaker 3: of success later in life, in your professional life. So
Speaker 3: tell me how that's impacted you.
Speaker 6: Well, you know, when you're younger, you want what you want,
Speaker 6: You want it right now, you know, and when you
Speaker 6: don't get it like that, but you do still get it,
Speaker 6: but you get it later, I feel like you appreciate
Speaker 6: it more and you won't fuck it up as easy.
Speaker 6: You know, I did all my I did all my
Speaker 6: fuck ups before I even left the Bay Area, before
Speaker 6: I came to LA, Like I did all the coke
Speaker 6: and everything like that in Oakland. When I got to LA,
Speaker 6: I was already all coked out, so I didn't didn't
Speaker 6: do it anymore. And then you know, now that I'm older,
Speaker 6: of course I would never because these kids got some
Speaker 6: shit fentanyl or something like that.
Speaker 3: Thank God, everyone need, anyone who needed it to turn
Speaker 3: from cocaine has one because you can't do it anymore.
Speaker 6: Russian Roulette with that shit now. So I also feel
Speaker 6: that if I had got a house earlier, who knows
Speaker 6: if I'd have been able to sustain it. My money
Speaker 6: is pretty stable now, and that's good everything that I've got.
Speaker 6: Bevery Smith always says it gets greater later, and you
Speaker 6: don't want to hear that shit when you're young. But
Speaker 6: you're still figuring shit out for like years, you know,
Speaker 6: like everybody doesn't, you know, get a YouTube channel, make
Speaker 6: a million dollar everybody mama house, like a lot of
Speaker 6: these kids do. But we came up there. There was
Speaker 6: no cell phones, there was no social media. The only
Speaker 6: best promotion you could get, especially about the female comedist,
Speaker 6: that bitch is funny, go see her that you that
Speaker 6: was your your promotion.
Speaker 4: So I feel like we appreciate it more. We do
Speaker 4: what it.
Speaker 6: Takes to stay out of the shit. We mind our
Speaker 6: own business. We don't get caught up in the bullshit.
Speaker 4: We don't social.
Speaker 6: Media, bank what you do, I don't, and you know
Speaker 6: stuff like that. So, yeah, it impacted my life in
Speaker 6: a great way. I'm all good now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Yeah, it's nice to be It's nice to be
Speaker 3: earning a good living doing what you love to do.
Speaker 4: Oh for sure. Like that eats all day for sure.
Speaker 3: And it feels so it's so helpful for your self
Speaker 3: assuredness and your confidence and the way you go through life.
Speaker 3: When you feel financially secure, when you feel settled, you
Speaker 3: have a house, you have job security.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I have seven brothers and sisters, and believe you me,
Speaker 6: nothing means more to them than you not asking them
Speaker 6: for money. Nothing means more. That's when you have made it.
Speaker 6: They don't ask me for no money and actually help
Speaker 6: out when you can. So I enjoy that. And also
Speaker 6: I feel like being a comic, we don't have to
Speaker 6: rely on a band background singers, glam squad, maybe you do,
Speaker 6: I don't because I do my own ship.
Speaker 4: You don't have to wait on nobody. It's just us.
Speaker 3: Well, you're also monetizing your own personality. Yeah, we're making
Speaker 3: money off of being ourselves. Like what a gift that is.
Speaker 3: We just get to be ourselves and make a living
Speaker 3: doing that. Not everybody can do that.
Speaker 4: Well, not everybody's interesting.
Speaker 1: No, I will not worry.
Speaker 3: We will not anybody's interesting or not everybody's interested in
Speaker 3: monetizing their own personality. Right, I'm like, what's the least
Speaker 3: amount of work I could do be myself? I'd rather
Speaker 3: just be myself get paid for that.
Speaker 1: How do you work that out?
Speaker 3: Okay, we're gonna take a quick bake. We're going to bake. Actually,
Speaker 3: we're gonna take a little break of bake, and we'll
Speaker 3: be right back.
Speaker 5: Need advice from Chelsea about a coworker situation. Right into
Speaker 5: Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com.
Speaker 3: And we're back with Lonelle. Do you like to do
Speaker 3: you prefer Lonel or Lunell either? It Relly my driver
Speaker 3: who knew you when I said I was interviewing you today.
Speaker 3: He said, oh, and I said Linnell, she's a comic,
Speaker 3: and he goes Lunew and I was like, yeah, you
Speaker 3: know her, and he goes, yeah, I know her from
Speaker 3: years ago.
Speaker 1: He said he used to drive you around.
Speaker 6: Yeah, there's a lot of boys that said he used
Speaker 6: to drive me around.
Speaker 3: He said, you tried to do yeah. Okay, Well okay,
Speaker 3: so you know what goes on here. We're gonna take callers.
Speaker 3: We give them a okay. People call in and they
Speaker 3: want advice, and that's why we're here.
Speaker 1: For Yeah, me too, I fucking love it too.
Speaker 5: Our first question comes from Annie says, I'm living with
Speaker 5: my boyfriend and our mutual best friend. We've all been
Speaker 5: friends for over a decade, traveled and lived together, and
Speaker 5: are currently living together, just the three of us. I've
Speaker 5: always thought this friend of ours was attractive, and maybe
Speaker 5: even then and maybe even that, I'm possibly in love
Speaker 5: with him, but I've held those feelings in the whole time,
Speaker 5: so he can all just be good friends and I
Speaker 5: don't ruin it for everyone. Well, this roommate and I
Speaker 5: often trade backrubs. He was a massage therapist and we've
Speaker 5: been doing this for years, always one hundred percent platonic,
Speaker 5: although honestly, I've always fantasized about it not being platonic.
Speaker 2: When my boyfriend and I hit a rocky patch and
Speaker 2: he took some space.
Speaker 5: I told our friend about it and we ended up
Speaker 5: going all the way that night and a few times
Speaker 5: after that. When my boyfriend got back, we stopped and
Speaker 5: haven't had much physical interaction since then. My problem is
Speaker 5: I love them both. My boyfriend is just an epic person.
Speaker 5: My roommate, on the other hand, I've never been more
Speaker 5: attracted to anyone in my life, and I cannot stop
Speaker 5: thinking about it.
Speaker 2: I believe I'm in love with him.
Speaker 5: It was a crush the whole time, but recently I'm
Speaker 5: thinking about him as a life partner. I don't know
Speaker 5: what the heck to do. I love living with them
Speaker 5: both where great friends have fun, and in some sort
Speaker 5: of twisted way, I'm getting the best of both worlds.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm curious. I'm curious if you think.
Speaker 5: I should move out and leave my wonderful life and
Speaker 5: look elsewhere. Tell them both I like them or what.
Speaker 5: Please help, Chelsea, I know you'll set me straight.
Speaker 4: Annie, you go first.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, what a fucking mess. You can't fuck
Speaker 3: your roommate while your boyfriend lives there. That is so disrespectful.
Speaker 3: That you did that.
Speaker 4: Boys do it all the time.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they do it is, but it's still disrespectful. It's
Speaker 3: I mean, it doesn't justify it because boys do it.
Speaker 3: I don't want to be a boy.
Speaker 4: Say how old she is?
Speaker 2: She's like twenties, she's in her twenties.
Speaker 4: I say, fuck them both.
Speaker 3: Okay, great advice, Yeah keep yeah, yeah, Well it's gonna
Speaker 3: blow up, and your boyfriend is not going to forgive
Speaker 3: you for fucking your roommates. I think you break up
Speaker 3: with your boyfriend right away and maybe pursue it the roommate.
Speaker 4: You become such a prude.
Speaker 1: I have morals, Okay, I have standards and moral is this?
Speaker 4: Can I see? Chelsea?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I'm right here.
Speaker 3: I don't you say fuck Everyone left said, Yeah, you
Speaker 3: gotta have some sort of boundary.
Speaker 4: Not there, not in the environment. Don't listen.
Speaker 1: Don't even listen to what the fuck she's said.
Speaker 4: Why am I here?
Speaker 1: Okay, go ahead, go ahead, Okay.
Speaker 6: I say this because number one, her boyfriend's a fucking
Speaker 6: great guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, epic, she says that epic guy.
Speaker 4: You don't want to get rid of him.
Speaker 6: Number two, the other guy, you're just hot in the
Speaker 6: pants for he may not be as great a guy
Speaker 6: as the boyfriend. Okay, you motherfuckers knew when you moved
Speaker 6: in together that some ship like this might happen. In
Speaker 6: the back of somebody's mind, somebody mind.
Speaker 4: To be guilty too.
Speaker 6: So I say, continue on with what you're doing, to
Speaker 6: be very cautious, be prepared for to blow up, because
Speaker 6: it will. Don't be all crying, all broken hearted because
Speaker 6: you fucking did it.
Speaker 4: Take the l move on, don't.
Speaker 3: You, jo First of all, that's that is that is
Speaker 3: the only piece of your advice that I agree with,
Speaker 3: is when it fucking blows up, don't start crying and
Speaker 3: acting happened.
Speaker 1: It happened because you couldn't keep your fucking pants on,
Speaker 1: and you have to keep sucking your roommate.
Speaker 4: You can keep their pants on in their twenties. Come on, child,
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 3: But it's not cool if you have a great boyfriend
Speaker 3: and you fuck your roommate that you've been fantasizing about.
Speaker 4: Well, she should, she should release.
Speaker 3: That boyfriend, and she should release herself into the wilderness
Speaker 3: so she can go sower oat.
Speaker 4: So she can be miserable for the rest of her life.
Speaker 1: No, right now, she's just making people miserable.
Speaker 6: Now nobody's miserable. She did say, nobody's complaining. Well, so
Speaker 6: what he don't know won't hurt him. And the other
Speaker 6: motherfucker he's a dog because he's fucking his boy's girl.
Speaker 1: Would you be in a relationship?
Speaker 3: Would you ever put in and be in a situation
Speaker 3: where you lived with two roommates and you were fucking
Speaker 3: both of them and one thought they were your boyfriend.
Speaker 6: I've lived with two roommates that I was fucking anybody,
Speaker 6: But I have fucking father and son before. Now, how
Speaker 6: about that? How about them apples?
Speaker 3: Well, that is something. Tell us more about that. I
Speaker 3: would like to know about a father's son.
Speaker 6: I've never Yeah, years ago, when I lived in Oakland, California,
Speaker 6: when I was hot in the athim in my twenties,
Speaker 6: I fell in love with this bass player guy that
Speaker 6: was in this band, so I used to hang out.
Speaker 4: It was a studio rat check, hang out.
Speaker 6: The studio, sleep in the studio, listen to him practicing,
Speaker 6: all that kind of stuff. Fine, then we got older
Speaker 6: and about our little separate ways. Many years later, this
Speaker 6: guy gets at me because I used to do a
Speaker 6: show like this in Oakland on the Sobe Television Network
Speaker 6: local cable station and where people could.
Speaker 4: Call in and stuff like this.
Speaker 6: This guy called me and he was so consuming he
Speaker 6: wanted to get Amy Kpeton's station.
Speaker 4: We hooked up and so we were laying in.
Speaker 6: Bed talking one day and he said, yeah, my dad
Speaker 6: blah blah blah blah his name. And I said blah
Speaker 6: blah blah. He said, yeah, blah blah blah. I said
Speaker 6: blah blah blah blah blah blah, and he said yeah.
Speaker 6: I said, oh my god, I said that's your father.
Speaker 6: He said, yeah, Oh my god. You'll never guess what happened.
Speaker 4: I told him.
Speaker 1: And what did he think?
Speaker 6: Well, you know, he will, you know, the typical mail ship. Well,
Speaker 6: who's better in bed? Actually he was. Daddy was all right.
Speaker 6: But you know, we were doing a lot of drugs
Speaker 6: back then. So the impotency cocaine ain't never made nobody
Speaker 6: dig hard like they think, and make it.
Speaker 3: Very hard to get a hard deck on. It's very
Speaker 3: hard to get a hard deck cocaine. Cocaine and a variety.
Speaker 1: Of other drugs as well.
Speaker 3: Quite frankly, everyone needs to just carry viagra with them
Speaker 3: after you turn fucking forty men need to carry VIAGRAA no, just.
Speaker 4: State younger man, fuck some viagra.
Speaker 1: We don't want to date a thirty year old.
Speaker 4: I don't want to date a sixty year old because
Speaker 4: I'm not putting ice pack on your gout foot. Whatever
Speaker 4: the fuck's wrong with you?
Speaker 1: So very specific.
Speaker 3: No, Who's Who's our next call Catherine?
Speaker 2: So our next color is Josie. She is a stay
Speaker 2: at home mom. She says, you're Chelsea.
Speaker 5: I'd love your opinion and advice on a topic I've
Speaker 5: been struggling with for twenty years.
Speaker 1: Orgasms.
Speaker 5: The first time I had sex, I was seventeen and
Speaker 5: I'm thirty seven now, and I have never once had
Speaker 5: an orgasm with a man.
Speaker 2: I was married a minute with a man with a man. Yeah,
Speaker 2: a good point. I was married from twenty two to
Speaker 2: twenty five.
Speaker 5: I cheated on him and divorced him, and that marriage
Speaker 5: was filled with exciting sex. Still, the only way I
Speaker 5: was able to orgasm was from porn and or a
Speaker 5: vibrator by myself.
Speaker 2: My ex knew this was the case and was fine
Speaker 2: with it.
Speaker 5: We just continued about our merry way and still had
Speaker 5: sex about five times per week. I've been married to
Speaker 5: my current husband for almost eleven years and have not
Speaker 5: had an orgasm with him once. I'm ashamed to admit
Speaker 5: that I've been faking it the whole time. It doesn't
Speaker 5: bother me that much since I'm still able to get
Speaker 5: off maybe once a week by myself. I've never had
Speaker 5: a huge sex drive regardless of this issue. I don't
Speaker 5: want to tell my husband I've been faking it for
Speaker 5: a decade. We have sex around one to three times
Speaker 5: a week, and I love that he loves fucking me.
Speaker 5: It really makes me happy to have sex with him,
Speaker 5: but I can't shake this feeling that I'm lying to
Speaker 5: him about this. What do you think? Thank you and
Speaker 5: love you, Josie.
Speaker 4: Chelsea your show.
Speaker 1: Her name is Josie to go with Chelsea and Linelle.
Speaker 4: Because you know I'm going to disagree with what she said.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 1: Hi, Josie, Hi you all, Oh see you? Hi. This
Speaker 1: is our special guest Linel. She's from.
Speaker 4: Outer space.
Speaker 1: Round the way, She's she dropped by. She came in
Speaker 1: from Vegas hot off the darmac tarmac.
Speaker 7: Oh man, I feel like I should be wearing stung
Speaker 7: glasses right now too.
Speaker 6: Well, you're not anonymous, even if you had him on,
Speaker 6: because there you are right on the camera.
Speaker 1: Yes, Now did you want to go first on this shore?
Speaker 1: Why didn't you take it?
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 6: First of all, you and ninety eight percent of women
Speaker 6: in marriages are faking orgasms.
Speaker 4: First of all.
Speaker 6: Okay, because some people will sacrifice an orgasm for a
Speaker 6: really good man. Now, this guy must be a really
Speaker 6: good guy. Maybe he's a good provider and he loves you,
Speaker 6: he loves you, loves fucking you and stuff like that,
Speaker 6: and you're faking it, you know, just what's Look, what's
Speaker 6: the problem. Let him go to work, bust out the vibrator,
Speaker 6: rub one out, and keep keep going about your day.
Speaker 6: I don't see you know, it would be lovely for
Speaker 6: you to have an orgasm with the man that you
Speaker 6: I think you love him still, Do you love him?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 7: Absolutely, He's a fantastic man.
Speaker 3: Okay, well you know, But so you're able to have
Speaker 3: an orgasm by yourself, which means you're able to have
Speaker 3: an orgasm and with porn and with porn. Right, I
Speaker 3: like to fantasize about porn a lot. When I'm having
Speaker 3: an orgasm. I think about a couple of scenes in
Speaker 3: some porn movies I've seen that really gets my juices flowing,
Speaker 3: so I can I can relate to what you're saying.
Speaker 1: I won't mention what those movies are because they're too embarrassing.
Speaker 3: The plot lines is a gay point, well, lesbian portant,
Speaker 3: I do like lesbian gave me.
Speaker 4: I don't like to oppose a gay porn either.
Speaker 6: Dick, I tell you, I pick up a few pointers
Speaker 6: watching somebody.
Speaker 1: But whose dick are you sucking? No one, you're saying
Speaker 1: one taking sucking classes right now?
Speaker 4: I don't I do. My big second is trans.
Speaker 3: Josie, have you ever had your husband give you an
Speaker 3: orgasm with the vibrator while you're fooling around with him?
Speaker 4: Oh? She just came.
Speaker 1: She just came to Okay, So you.
Speaker 3: You've never had him give you an orgasm with the
Speaker 3: vibrator while you guys are fooling around.
Speaker 7: No, but that's a great idea. And he gave me
Speaker 7: one for Valentine's Day last.
Speaker 1: Year, coicked.
Speaker 3: So bring that into the bedroom and show him. He
Speaker 3: doesn't know exactly what to do. You have to show
Speaker 3: him what to do.
Speaker 4: Agree with that, Chelsea, Oh.
Speaker 1: Thank you. You have to show point your finger and
Speaker 1: tell him higher, lower, there.
Speaker 4: But are you like that? Are you sweet?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I'm not like, Hey, higher, I had to ask, but
Speaker 3: I want them, I want to help them. I'm not
Speaker 3: going to fake an orgasm at this age. I've done
Speaker 3: exactly what you did for twenty years. First of all,
Speaker 3: it takes concentration to have an orgasm. You have to concentrate.
Speaker 3: I'm not sure what exactly, but I know you need
Speaker 3: to concentrate. Your fucking clatorus is what you need to
Speaker 3: concentrate on. But you know you can have one, so
Speaker 3: there's really nothing wrong. You just have to show your
Speaker 3: husband and don't admit that you've been lying about orgasms.
Speaker 1: That information isn't healthful. But just start getting a little bit.
Speaker 1: I bet you he's going.
Speaker 3: To be great at it once you show him the way,
Speaker 3: and then you're gonna have even better sex with your husband.
Speaker 1: You already have a really healthy sex life. Three times
Speaker 1: a week is great.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're fucking blessed. What the fuck are you.
Speaker 1: Since the eighties?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'll agree with Chelsea.
Speaker 6: Maybe have him says he bought it for you, Maybe
Speaker 6: have him use it on you.
Speaker 1: Okay, I like this.
Speaker 4: Buzz your way into happiness.
Speaker 3: Buzz your way and also don't fake it anymore. Get
Speaker 3: him involved in helping you orgasm.
Speaker 5: And I would wager that if he bought you the vibrator,
Speaker 5: he wants to use it with you. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 5: so you could be like, hey, guess what I thought
Speaker 5: would be hot, Let's try this, and then if he's
Speaker 5: still not getting it from you, like describing like high
Speaker 5: or lower, let's do it this way.
Speaker 2: You can be like, you know it would be hot,
Speaker 2: why don't you watch watch me?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I like that. Okay, okay, I like that.
Speaker 3: And also try some different combinations with the vibrator, like
Speaker 3: have him fingering you, have him do whatever, like turn
Speaker 3: you know, not just the clatorous stimulation, but some girls
Speaker 3: need a bunch of things to happen at the same time.
Speaker 3: Some girls like to have a finger in their asshole
Speaker 3: when they're having an orgosoics.
Speaker 1: This girl, Yeah, I know what you like. You can't
Speaker 1: put your finger in anyone's.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am a doctor and I am a doctor,
Speaker 3: and I don't do that.
Speaker 7: That's really helpful. I just yeah, it's just been on
Speaker 7: my heart for years and years and years after.
Speaker 4: Put it in your pantings and let's go. Yes, ma'am okay.
Speaker 1: I like, yeah, you're gonna be fine. Just be more communicative.
Speaker 7: That's a really good idea to get the vibrators out
Speaker 7: that he bought me for. That's a really great idea.
Speaker 4: I love that.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be fun.
Speaker 4: Okay, right, know how it went?
Speaker 7: Yes, I sure will you know, I'll check back in.
Speaker 7: Thank you Catherine, thank you Read and Nel.
Speaker 3: She's feeling is feeling marginalized. Right, she's go have an
Speaker 3: orgasm right.
Speaker 8: Now, we'll do okay, Yes, stay on the phone. How
Speaker 8: how frequently do you masturbate?
Speaker 6: I don't anymore, not much. Only when I come to
Speaker 6: l A because that's when I vibrator.
Speaker 1: Oh really, do you keep it in a storage facility here?
Speaker 6: No? I keep it by the bed in my house
Speaker 6: in la but I get my housekeeper that is from
Speaker 6: my neck.
Speaker 3: I had this face thing like for your under eyes,
Speaker 3: like this like vibrator contraption that you like smooth out
Speaker 3: your under eyes when they're puffy.
Speaker 1: And I had it in a hotel room in London.
Speaker 3: I stayed in there for a month and every morning,
Speaker 3: every time I come back to the hotel, they would
Speaker 3: have it right next to my bed, like on a
Speaker 3: piece of like one of those little it was a
Speaker 3: really fancy hotel, and they had on one of those
Speaker 3: like yes, yes, like on these special towels that they
Speaker 3: had in the bathroom that are like face towels, and
Speaker 3: they would like wrap it nicely. I'm like, I can't
Speaker 3: believe they think that they're wrapping my vibrator up each
Speaker 3: day and placing it next to my bed. Talk about
Speaker 3: turndown service, I'm saying, okay.
Speaker 2: Next, our next question comes from Dave.
Speaker 1: This is just an email, or maybe it's Dave Chappelle.
Speaker 2: He says, I'm thirty five mail.
Speaker 5: I've been married for thirteen years to my best friend,
Speaker 5: who is a gorgeous blonde. Her workplace is ninety five
Speaker 5: percent mail, which was never a problem until recently. She
Speaker 5: brought up to me that a friend of mine who
Speaker 5: works there tried to make a pass at her. I
Speaker 5: was appreciative of the honesty. Fast forward a couple of
Speaker 5: months and he started to avoid me and doesn't talk
Speaker 5: to me anymore. Then I find out she's deleting text
Speaker 5: messages from him and a couple other male coworkers. I
Speaker 5: asked her about it, and she said it was nothing,
Speaker 5: just some light joking that she thought I wouldn't understand
Speaker 5: or I would read into the wrong way. I just
Speaker 5: asked her for her honesty and to not delete the messages,
Speaker 5: no matter what they were. She's still doing it. How
Speaker 5: do I express to her that she's breaking the trust
Speaker 5: between us? After all, if the messages are harmless, why
Speaker 5: do they need to be deleted? I appreciate your advice, Dave.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but why are you reading her phone? I know exactly,
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 3: It's like, exactly, No, I had a boyfriend who ran
Speaker 3: through my phone and.
Speaker 4: I I just go looking for some shit you're going for.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, it's like, but I mean, deleting the messages
Speaker 3: is also like a sign that you're He.
Speaker 6: Wouldn't know if they were being deleted, if he didn't
Speaker 6: go prowling around.
Speaker 4: If the guy is he.
Speaker 6: A friend of the man outside of the port, okay,
Speaker 6: and now the guy is avoiding him and shit, so
Speaker 6: he's acting shady. She's doing the right thing by deleting
Speaker 6: the messages, because number one, we don't know what the
Speaker 6: fuck she wrote back. She might be leading this motherfucker on.
Speaker 6: She covering her own ass. And then also the friend
Speaker 6: you need to go ahead on and be glad that
Speaker 6: he not fucking with you no more. He clearly wants
Speaker 6: to fuck your broad and you don't need to be
Speaker 6: fucking with him no way. That she can't leave her
Speaker 6: job just because somebody thinks she's hot at work. And
Speaker 6: at some point he might need to pull him to
Speaker 6: the side and say something. But I say, keep deleading
Speaker 6: that chair, and you stay off her fucking phone.
Speaker 1: I don't know if somebody's deleting messages. I find that.
Speaker 6: I mean, you don't know they're deleted if you don't know, But.
Speaker 1: That's not the point.
Speaker 3: She's still the guy's acting strange. So why is the
Speaker 3: guy from work, I can think strange.
Speaker 6: Because he knows that he can't look him in the
Speaker 6: eye no more because he was broad.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but so then that's what the guy's trying to
Speaker 3: find out. So if that's the truth, she's flirting with
Speaker 3: that guy, don't you think her husband does have a
Speaker 3: right to know that she's flirting with some coworker.
Speaker 4: Listen, we all flirt, don't we.
Speaker 1: That's the thing.
Speaker 5: Like, flirting is not cheating, and like, if you are
Speaker 5: in a work environment that's ninety five percent man like,
Speaker 5: it does kind of get you a little farther if
Speaker 5: you're like that cute flirty girl at work, you know,
Speaker 5: and that my carry over to text messages.
Speaker 1: I don't know about this subject matter. I really just don't.
Speaker 4: I don't go through people.
Speaker 3: I will never go through someone's phone again. I used
Speaker 3: to do that. I had a relationship once where I
Speaker 3: was paranoid and I looked through his phone, and of
Speaker 3: course I found stuff.
Speaker 1: No, no, I never looked through fifty cents phone. I
Speaker 1: never did.
Speaker 3: We weren't together for long enough for him to get
Speaker 3: up to any other business, although maybe he did.
Speaker 1: Maybe he was fucking the whole world.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: We only dated for two months.
Speaker 4: I hate it right now?
Speaker 1: You would?
Speaker 3: She just showed me picture of her with fifty cent.
Speaker 3: Where did you see him in Vegas?
Speaker 4: Well? You know is that really important? Where we were
Speaker 4: and broke up?
Speaker 1: Can I see your phone? I want to see your phone?
Speaker 4: You want to go to be my phone?
Speaker 1: You would have sex with fifty cent? You would have? Really?
Speaker 7: Why?
Speaker 1: Because you find him hot?
Speaker 4: Well? Yeah, because I think he is really sweet.
Speaker 1: And really sweet is a sweetheart?
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I mean no, I really probably wouldn't because
Speaker 6: I know, you know, Vivica as well, And so you know,
Speaker 6: I don't want to.
Speaker 1: What's their story Vivica in fifty Well.
Speaker 6: No, I just don't want to. I'm not that bitch
Speaker 6: that well fuck your ex boyfriend. I'm not her. But
Speaker 6: if he would not involved with you, if he would
Speaker 6: not involved with her, and if he wanted me me.
Speaker 3: I would say, listen, I would first of all tell
Speaker 3: you to go fuck fifty cent. I would be happy
Speaker 3: for you, so you don't have to worry about that
Speaker 3: aspect of things. I don't consider anyone to be a
Speaker 3: real boyfriend if you haven't dated them for less.
Speaker 6: White Chelsea in the Black World, you don't do that shit.
Speaker 6: Vivica would never fucking forgive me if I went fuck
Speaker 6: fifty cent. When she is clearly declared on television that
Speaker 6: that was the love of her life.
Speaker 1: Oh she has.
Speaker 4: I don't know that love of her life.
Speaker 6: I could pull her up, so I don't you know.
Speaker 6: And they was for that a hot minute. There was
Speaker 6: a hot ass.
Speaker 1: How long did they date?
Speaker 4: Not long?
Speaker 6: Maybe six months something like that. But a lot can't
Speaker 6: happen her six months. You could be a love love
Speaker 6: love love in six months. So I wouldn't do that
Speaker 6: for that aspect. But if he if he was any
Speaker 6: you know, if he wasn't involved with people, I knew
Speaker 6: if he wanted me lounell.
Speaker 4: Yes, I would fuck fifty cent uh huh.
Speaker 1: What about Bill Cosby?
Speaker 4: I have a picture of me and Bill.
Speaker 1: Oh really? Is it in his hotel room?
Speaker 8: No?
Speaker 4: But I was sleep on the shoulder. I don't know
Speaker 4: if he gave me anything.
Speaker 1: You fell asleep on his shoulder?
Speaker 7: Huh.
Speaker 3: I think I've seen you fall asleep publicly though before,
Speaker 3: like twice.
Speaker 6: No, you have not, liar, but I do. I put
Speaker 6: him and I posted that picture.
Speaker 1: Don't look on your face, knock, I haven't.
Speaker 6: I put that picture on my Instagram once of me
Speaker 6: and Cosby and I had my head on his shoulder
Speaker 6: like this, and underneath the picture I wrote Bill, I'm
Speaker 6: feeling sleepy. I think I need to go, and it
Speaker 6: was very popular post. But I don't fuck old men.
Speaker 3: First of all, have you ever had what was what's
Speaker 3: the oldest man you've ever had sex with?
Speaker 4: Like maybe in this maybe early seventies, but a.
Speaker 1: Very that's fucking old.
Speaker 4: But that was a very fit motherfucker.
Speaker 1: Like how fit was he and who was it fit.
Speaker 4: Enough to have a hard dick that would work in me.
Speaker 6: That's it, you know, But I'm not fucking nobody would
Speaker 6: gout goddamn it.
Speaker 3: I've never had sex with a seventy year old, actually
Speaker 3: seventy year old. I had sex with a sixty year old. Well,
Speaker 3: a couple of sixty year olds.
Speaker 4: Okay, that adds up to one hundred and twenty year old.
Speaker 1: Well, no, it doesn't, it doesn't. And that was a
Speaker 1: long time ago.
Speaker 4: Well, this was a long time ago. But I don't,
Speaker 4: you know, I don't. I don't do the.
Speaker 1: Guys, what about anal? Do you do anal?
Speaker 4: Apps? So motherfuckingly not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, black women do not like to talk about anal.
Speaker 6: No, I'll talk about it and let you know. I
Speaker 6: don't funk around. First of all, ouch, how about that?
Speaker 1: How about it?
Speaker 6: Second of all, everybody, asshole don't look like the picture?
Speaker 4: You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Well, where is the picture of the asshole that you saw? First?
Speaker 4: A dictioneer.
Speaker 3: Assholes are all sorts of different colors. Some are picks, some.
Speaker 4: Have hemorhoids, some don't, and open summer tight like a lip. Yeah,
Speaker 4: or Harry asshole is impenetrable. It's a virgin.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Well, things come out of it, So that's the way
Speaker 3: God wanted it. But if things can come out, they
Speaker 3: can go in.
Speaker 4: God want you.
Speaker 1: That's what a whole is when something can go in.
Speaker 6: Or no, but a vagina has moisture making quality booty
Speaker 6: old do not, but that's diarrhea.
Speaker 3: But you can just you know, what you can do
Speaker 3: is take some of the moisture from the pikachu.
Speaker 4: And don't mean that everybody.
Speaker 5: So should we tell Dave that he should drop it
Speaker 5: with his girlfriend or do we think like, who got
Speaker 5: us here?
Speaker 1: Oh ship?
Speaker 4: Oh God, take that girl?
Speaker 1: I'm out.
Speaker 3: I know this is like I don't know what to
Speaker 3: say to Dave because it's just obviously something's up. I
Speaker 3: would just go straight to the man and find out
Speaker 3: what's going on, be like like man, and man, are
Speaker 3: you fucking?
Speaker 1: Probably just do but no one's gonna tell the truth.
Speaker 1: That's the problem.
Speaker 4: And she flirt.
Speaker 3: Let's keep it a buck, Like what guy is gonna
Speaker 3: be like, yeah, I'm fucking your wife, Like unless he's
Speaker 3: in love with her.
Speaker 4: I don't know if you wat.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that, I'm sorry that we can't help you more.
Speaker 3: But it sounds to me I would say instinctually something
Speaker 3: is up in your marriage.
Speaker 1: She's up to something.
Speaker 3: And I would also say stop checking her phone and
Speaker 3: try to find out another way.
Speaker 1: That's a little bit less. Yeah, checking the phone at
Speaker 1: a certain page, we have to.
Speaker 4: Go look for you find it.
Speaker 3: I'm going to look through your phone and I know
Speaker 3: what I.
Speaker 1: Yeah, exact in my phone.
Speaker 2: Well, our next question comes from Sophia. Sophia, says Bgara.
Speaker 5: Of course, Sophia Bergara says, Dear Chelsea, my wife and
Speaker 5: I are starting to look into our options for sperm donors.
Speaker 5: She's always wanted to be a mom and be pregnant,
Speaker 5: and after deconstructing that idea and defining the reasons behind it,
Speaker 5: we decided that we want to start a family together.
Speaker 5: So when it comes to pregnancy for a lesbian couple,
Speaker 5: you can have anonymous donors, gay friends, or, as we've
Speaker 5: been talking about recently, a brother's sperm. We figured that
Speaker 5: if the baby is going to be half hers and
Speaker 5: half someone else's, why not be someone we know. But
Speaker 5: the intricacies of asking a friend are many, so in
Speaker 5: our discussions we brought up our brothers. Mine doesn't really
Speaker 5: look much like me, and I don't particularly look a
Speaker 5: lot like my family, but there's still something to be
Speaker 5: said about seeing that you belong and also knowing where
Speaker 5: you came from. We're trying with the idea of asking
Speaker 5: my brother what he thinks about all this, and I
Speaker 5: have no idea how to tackle this. We're not extremely
Speaker 5: close and we've had our moments of not talking to
Speaker 5: each other in the past, but we get along well. Currently,
Speaker 5: what should I do, Sophia.
Speaker 4: Oh, that's the wife's brother not to.
Speaker 1: Tell Yeah too, it's a first of all, it's a
Speaker 1: pair of lesbians. Would you figure that out?
Speaker 6: Bit?
Speaker 4: I heard what she said.
Speaker 1: It's a nice idea.
Speaker 3: A lot of people do this, but I mean a
Speaker 3: lot of people who are in families and our a
Speaker 3: brother or sister are not interested in doing this for
Speaker 3: their brother or sister. So that's something to just contemplate
Speaker 3: and know going in that it's not a sure thing
Speaker 3: when you do connect with him and ask him. But
Speaker 3: I would just get it out there and be like,
Speaker 3: you know, we're thinking about it, and just be open
Speaker 3: like we're is that something you would be interested in
Speaker 3: doing or is that like, would you even consider something
Speaker 3: like that?
Speaker 1: Make it a.
Speaker 3: Casual offering or suggestion, it's not an offering really like
Speaker 3: a suggestion, so that you're just gauging the temperature, because
Speaker 3: he might be like, no fucking way, or he might
Speaker 3: be like, oh that's weird, like that's interesting. Let me
Speaker 3: think about it, because do they have children? Does he
Speaker 3: have children with his wife?
Speaker 6: I just say, get your paperworking order, because he sounds
Speaker 6: like an asshole. They have had times where they didn't
Speaker 6: fuck with each other, you know what I mean, And
Speaker 6: you don't want this to get weird down the line.
Speaker 4: So even if it.
Speaker 6: Is your brother, even if he says, okay, get your
Speaker 6: fucking paperwork in order about what his rights are gonna
Speaker 6: be and what his rights ain't gonna be or you're
Speaker 6: gonna do it now or do it later, do it now,
Speaker 6: go to court later.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, you definitely have to get your paperwork in
Speaker 3: order if you're having someone's you know, taking someone's sperm
Speaker 3: or eggs or embryos anything like that.
Speaker 1: But also can you help drop the contracts for that?
Speaker 3: I got a guy okay, Yeah, I mean I don't
Speaker 3: know how I feel about it, Like if somebody asks
Speaker 3: me for my eggs, I mean obviously they're not girl.
Speaker 4: Don't know why I want them old ride or bad
Speaker 4: powdered eggs.
Speaker 6: You got girl, my nis and shit, that ship has sailed,
Speaker 6: so look moving on.
Speaker 4: I think you answered this question.
Speaker 2: Somebody tried to give you a baby yesterday. Chelsea's ye.
Speaker 3: I've had babies like there's some sort of magnetic pull,
Speaker 3: Like all these kids are around me all the time,
Speaker 3: and I don't want them.
Speaker 6: I have seventeen nieces and nephews. I'm the only sibling
Speaker 6: with just one child. And I tell you, kids, the
Speaker 6: worst you talk to them, the more they like, you know,
Speaker 6: because they feel like you care. I got this celebrity
Speaker 6: friend and she just had a baby with a surrogate.
Speaker 6: They got the baby, the babies at home, and I
Speaker 6: was giving them black mother and advice because like a
Speaker 6: lot of white families, they're.
Speaker 4: Like, sh the baby's to sleep, we can't talk, don't
Speaker 4: wake up the baby.
Speaker 6: And black families will have the baby a newborn on
Speaker 6: your chest while we're playing fucking cards, dominoes at the
Speaker 6: party or anything like that, because the baby heard your
Speaker 6: voice the whole time.
Speaker 4: It was in you.
Speaker 6: So they to sleep better with the noise than they
Speaker 6: do in the quiet. You know, it was never quiet
Speaker 6: when it was in you. So I was just telling them,
Speaker 6: don't get everybody trained, don't get your baby trained to
Speaker 6: sleep in the quiet, get your baby trained to sleep
Speaker 6: with noise around it, because life is noisy and you're
Speaker 6: not gonna always be in a quiet place, and the
Speaker 6: motherfucking need to know how to go to sleep.
Speaker 1: No, I agree with that.
Speaker 3: I don't like when people are like, oh, and they
Speaker 3: have to buy blackout shades in the baby's room, and
Speaker 3: it's like, wait, why does a baby need blackout shades?
Speaker 3: You just fucking got here, like he's got to figure
Speaker 3: out what's happening.
Speaker 4: Listen. I've been to jail before.
Speaker 6: I know how to sleep with a floodlight on me,
Speaker 6: and they don't turn out the lights in jail.
Speaker 1: I slept in jail one night and it was so awful.
Speaker 3: I've never felt worse because of that, the fucking light
Speaker 3: in your face.
Speaker 4: Well, the handcuffs were uncomfortable either.
Speaker 3: You slept in handcuffs. They didn't unhandcuff you once you
Speaker 3: were unhandcuffedy what you get arrested for embezzelment on money
Speaker 3: grab and light in bezzil man coming at you lie
Speaker 3: from dear Chelsea, how many days did you spend in jail?
Speaker 4: Months? Oh?
Speaker 6: Really, I missed my child's first Halloween and first Thanksgiving
Speaker 6: because I was in jail.
Speaker 1: Oh so this is like twenty eight years ago.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I haven't gone to jail no more.
Speaker 6: You go spend four months in jail with a new baby,
Speaker 6: you probably would get your shit together quickly.
Speaker 1: Is that what happened? You got your shit together after that,
Speaker 1: chel Stin? Yeah? Yeah, Jael looks like it fucking blows.
Speaker 4: It does.
Speaker 6: From the minute you see the light behind you on
Speaker 6: the highway, or from the minute the cops entered the
Speaker 6: establishment that you're in.
Speaker 4: It's downhill from there, all of it.
Speaker 6: The confrontation, the handcuff behind your back. You know, if
Speaker 6: we don't walk around with our arms behind our back so.
Speaker 4: Your shoulders hurt, that's we're old.
Speaker 6: The space in the back of the police car is
Speaker 6: not plush, it's not roomy.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I'm saying that it's gonna be fun.
Speaker 6: No, I'm letting you know it ain't fun. You had
Speaker 6: one day I'm and that was miserable. I don't go
Speaker 6: to jail people, because it's not It's not like on TV.
Speaker 1: I was so scared.
Speaker 3: I just found the biggest woman I could find right away.
Speaker 3: And I was like, protect me. I'm like, I have money,
Speaker 3: I will pay you when I get out, and you
Speaker 3: need to be my best friend. And she was like fine,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, I won't be here for long, I promise,
Speaker 3: but I need you to sleep.
Speaker 6: I did have a big someone Selly named Baby. She
Speaker 6: was like twenty three years old, she had five kids.
Speaker 6: And she said, miss Gumbo, Miss Gumba, listo exercise. I said,
Speaker 6: I don't feel like exercising, baby, Okay, miss Gamba, don't
Speaker 6: make me pick you up. Oh fuck okay, let's go
Speaker 6: fucking emphercise and shit fuck baby.
Speaker 1: I love samoans. I love their bodies.
Speaker 4: I do too.
Speaker 1: I love that body type.
Speaker 6: Oh I like it because they're not they're strong, well,
Speaker 6: the ones I like.
Speaker 4: They're strong, but they sort of have a little dad
Speaker 4: bought you know.
Speaker 6: They're not all mascular, all roided the funk out. Just
Speaker 6: regular big strong ass man out with hair.
Speaker 4: Hair.
Speaker 1: Okay, we're going to take a break and we'll be
Speaker 1: right back.
Speaker 4: And we were back.
Speaker 1: Well, this has been quite the hour with Linnelle. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it is. That's an hour.
Speaker 3: I mean I really appreciate you flying in from your
Speaker 3: Vegas residency to be here with me today.
Speaker 1: I couldn't wait. I mean, I can.
Speaker 3: Only do like twelve hour spurts in Vegas because I'm.
Speaker 1: Out of control. Yeah, I go hard, I go hard,
Speaker 1: and then I have to get the fuck out of the.
Speaker 4: God damn it. What is no?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I don't I don't funk with tequila.
Speaker 1: I'm not a tequila. We'll do that together. We'll save
Speaker 1: efforts together for that one.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 3: So if you love Lunelle, just please go and follow
Speaker 3: her on Instagram, watch her special on Netflix. You can
Speaker 3: go and buy tickets to the Apollo tomorrow night, which
Speaker 3: you will not disappoint and goodbye.
Speaker 1: Thank you the now.
Speaker 3: Okay, guys, So for stand Up, we added a second
Speaker 3: show in Sydney, and we added a second show in
Speaker 3: Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May
Speaker 3: twenty fourth. We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is
Speaker 3: so fun. I performed there last year. That's August seventeenth,
Speaker 3: the Santa Barbara Bowl. We added a second show at
Speaker 3: Santa Rosa on August second, and we added two dates
Speaker 3: at Hawaii. Guys, I'm coming to Hawaii on July nineteenth.
Speaker 1: To CA Who Louis. I'm gonna be at CA Who Louis?
Speaker 1: And then I'm coming on July twenty. It's Honolulu.
Speaker 3: And oh I just added another date on August first, Auburn, Washington,
Speaker 3: SO and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up,
Speaker 3: and I will be announcing a European tour shortly and May.
Speaker 1: Third, which is my mother's birthday.
Speaker 3: Norman, Oklahoma, So Oklahomians, Oklahomans, Okloams, come bye.
Speaker 5: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 5: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 5: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 5: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 5: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 5: com