Speaker 1: George Washington was walking around with another nigga's teeth in
Speaker 1: his mouth. Do you think that motherfucker wasn't willing to
Speaker 1: eat a slave? He was? I know who was definitely
Speaker 1: eating slaves. He ain't. He didn't finish, but he ain't.
Speaker 1: He didn't finish. He took a nibble. He said, Coda,
Speaker 1: come in here, how your mama doing. She get a
Speaker 1: kid on the bed? Yeah, go ahead, and dropped the niggers.
Speaker 1: Chips in your bears are racists mostly money stuff. I
Speaker 1: can't tell me. Uh huh, there it is. You already
Speaker 1: know what the fuck is? There it is. Ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: Welcome to another phenomenal episode of My Mama Told Me,
Speaker 1: the podcast where we dive deep deep into the pockets
Speaker 1: of black conspiracy theories and we finally work to prove
Speaker 1: that Nipsey Hustle did not, unfortunately get into heaven because
Speaker 1: Jesus Christ is a Latin king. It's it's sad news.
Speaker 1: But you can't show up to happen with all that
Speaker 1: blue on Nipsey. That's not how Jesus Christ gang bangs.
Speaker 1: You should have picked a better gang, a different gang.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say better. I'm not in any of
Speaker 1: these games. I'm an affiliated and hopefully Jesus just lets
Speaker 1: me walk by. Much like the gangbangers that I knew
Speaker 1: growing up, I just hope that Nigga just lets me
Speaker 1: walk on by and you don't bother me when it's
Speaker 1: time for me to make it up to the upper room. Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Lengthy Cournet. As always, I'm excited to
Speaker 1: be here. I'm having a pretty good day. I went
Speaker 1: outside today, which is a rare feat. I saw the
Speaker 1: son and I was like, bitch, where you been at?
Speaker 1: But anyway, that's on me. I should have been seeing
Speaker 1: this soun more often. Maybe my skin wouldn't be so
Speaker 1: pale and sickly. Anyway, my yesterday. She has beautiful skin,
Speaker 1: not pale or sickly at all, unbelievable skin, and she's
Speaker 1: very funny on top of that. It's a it's a
Speaker 1: hell of a combination. She's hysterical. You know her from
Speaker 1: her own podcast, The Unofficial Expert that she runs with
Speaker 1: Sydney Washington podcast I love very deeply. You know her
Speaker 1: from Comedy Central, but that's more importantly. She's a goddamned
Speaker 1: philanthropist and you all should know her from her work
Speaker 1: in philanthropy. What kind of philanthropy. She's been very vague
Speaker 1: about it. She won't tell me exactly what kind of
Speaker 1: philanthropy it is, but I bet it's pretty good and
Speaker 1: she's hilarious. Give it up for my guest. MS. Marie
Speaker 1: foul Stin, Thank you some achs. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Hold on, let me slide my Nobel Peace Prize out
Speaker 1: of that. I like you just keep it within reach everyone. Yes, yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: I also have an egot there. I like that. You
Speaker 1: think that he got is one single prize? No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I said, they're all over there. I have, and he got.
Speaker 1: It's one trophy, real big. If I put the Nobel
Speaker 1: Peace Prize with all the it's a sou Yeah. Super
Speaker 1: super excited to be here sharing my you know, my
Speaker 1: wisdom with you today and I can't wait to hear
Speaker 1: your wisdom. You came with a conspiracy theory that that
Speaker 1: I think we're gonna have to be careful with if
Speaker 1: I want to start us off right, I know we're
Speaker 1: gonna have to tiptoe a little bit in this motherfucker
Speaker 1: because you came with a hot one. You said, my
Speaker 1: Mama told me the chicken at Chinese restaurants isn't real. Yep,
Speaker 1: that's what she said. It's not. Okay, all right, okay,
Speaker 1: now tread carefully because this one, this is stuff. Let
Speaker 1: me just say, we're in the middle of Asian American
Speaker 1: and Pacific Islander Heritage Month. So this is this is
Speaker 1: at at the very least problematic and and in a
Speaker 1: lot of ways it's rooted in objectively racist and horrible
Speaker 1: stereotypes and just backwards thinking. So I want you to
Speaker 1: to tread carefully, tiptoe through this. Motherfucker. I'm a crip
Speaker 1: walk around this one. No, that's not what Jesus wants
Speaker 1: for you. Well, I'm just doing like Nipsey is doing
Speaker 1: it where he said he's not in heaven. That was
Speaker 1: actually really funny. The marathon continues downstairs. Oh man, this
Speaker 1: kid's gonna kill me. No, someday they're gonna grow up
Speaker 1: to murder me. Um yeah, I don't really hard time.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to figure out what I want to talk about.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I had agreed to do this
Speaker 1: like a month and like stop any time to think
Speaker 1: about Oh you mean that free podcast that wasn't at
Speaker 1: the front of your mind. Yeah, I get that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I had literally nothing else to think about. I
Speaker 1: could have thought about this deeply, like I could have
Speaker 1: ordered an encyclopedia set and research, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I actually I called my mom yesterday and I was like,
Speaker 1: some crazy stuff, like you be saying, you know how
Speaker 1: you've been talking just in your opinions, Yeah, just disrespectful
Speaker 1: conspiracy theories. And she just started going And then I
Speaker 1: remembered the Chinese food one because my mom is like, really,
Speaker 1: my mother is peak won't eat anybody else's food. She
Speaker 1: is queen of the we got food at home, right,
Speaker 1: She's like the inventor of who cooked that? Who made that?
Speaker 1: So she's who everybody is tweeting about at these uh
Speaker 1: metaphorical cook that's exactly about the food and the PoTA
Speaker 1: and whatnot. But my mom is an amazing cook. So like,
Speaker 1: she won't eat anybody else's food because she's like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't I don't know how to clean the chicken
Speaker 1: that doesn't look like they cooked it. Probably she won't.
Speaker 1: She doesn't eat out at all. So when we were little,
Speaker 1: we were like, we get pizza and she'd be like, no,
Speaker 1: pizza at the house, and it was like, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be healthy and it's gonna be on bread. It isn't right,
Speaker 1: let's gonna have weird spices and it that that ain't dominoes. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's you. That's your ship that and she's from Haiti,
Speaker 1: so it's like like Haitian, it's on cassa have curry
Speaker 1: on it. I don't like this. That's just like is
Speaker 1: this deep froud? Like is this pork? What? He is? This?
Speaker 1: So the thing that she always says, and she my
Speaker 1: mom is like a really good speaker, Like she tells
Speaker 1: stories and she's usually lying or making stuff up, but
Speaker 1: like she speaks so convincingly that you just have to
Speaker 1: believe her. I mean, do you listen, it's not my
Speaker 1: mother my We all have things that I think our
Speaker 1: friends find super endearing about our parents and we're like yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: But I was there the whole time. This is endearing
Speaker 1: for me. I'm not actually enjoying this at all, But
Speaker 1: go crazy. I'm glad you like my mom's lies, right,
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, wait till you get the chapter twenty nine.
Speaker 1: This is a twist. She said stuff. It's like living
Speaker 1: in in the arl Stein book. Right, It's like the
Speaker 1: one lie that I remember her saying that I believed
Speaker 1: for years is my sister has dimples, right, And I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't have dimples. Why why don't I
Speaker 1: have dimples? And my mom was like, well, when babies
Speaker 1: are young, you give them dimples by squeeze is really tight.
Speaker 1: And I was like, that's how you get dimples. And
Speaker 1: I went to school and I just thought that and
Speaker 1: I wasn't. I was met like in sixth grade. I
Speaker 1: was way too old to still think this. And I
Speaker 1: love that because that also implies that your mother, for
Speaker 1: whatever reason, was like I'm gonna squeeze this one's face.
Speaker 1: I ain't squeezing that little one. No no, no, like
Speaker 1: I ain't gonna make this one special to no no,
Speaker 1: no no. Right. So I was like in school and
Speaker 1: I said it, and everybody was like the fuck. Like
Speaker 1: everybody was like, oh, Marie's dumb, dumb. And then y'all
Speaker 1: know Marie's thought this whole time, We thought she was
Speaker 1: just talking. She don't. They're like the glasses are fake, y'all.
Speaker 1: She so she is filled with all kinds of nonsense.
Speaker 1: It sounds like and one of the things that that
Speaker 1: is nonsense that she shared with you was the possibility
Speaker 1: that the chicken that Chinese food restaurants it isn't real, yes,
Speaker 1: because my mom is like, well, you know, Chinese people
Speaker 1: eat everything, right, She's like, they eat all types of meat.
Speaker 1: So she's like they eat horse and cat and rat
Speaker 1: and pig and five golden rings. Like she lifts all
Speaker 1: these things. And I was like, oh, and then, you know,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know anything about the what'sapp
Speaker 1: culture a little bit. My mother lives in Ghana now
Speaker 1: and so she moved out there to be with a
Speaker 1: man who she loves deeply. And Okay, so her and
Speaker 1: my little sister living Ghana, and so she is slowly
Speaker 1: becoming a WhatsApp lady in a way that throws me
Speaker 1: off every single time. But yeah, tell me more about
Speaker 1: the WhatsApp culture. Okay, So peak WhatsApp culture is like
Speaker 1: they send like recipes and those like glitterally like happy
Speaker 1: things giving means you know what I'm talking, it'll be
Speaker 1: like happy Holidays and it's like it's like my Space background. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's got a real friends survibe to it where it's like, yes,
Speaker 1: the technology has advanced beyond this, you could you could
Speaker 1: send some other ship. You could send a clear like
Speaker 1: something clear. It's like they send like Bigfoot videos, like
Speaker 1: it's always like a grainy quality film, but like some
Speaker 1: there's like a video that was floating around of like
Speaker 1: some like Asian person like skinning something and there was
Speaker 1: like a stack of little bodies anyway, So yes, it
Speaker 1: was like it's there's a picture somewhere that my mom
Speaker 1: saw or somebody what's app to her and it was
Speaker 1: like little piles of mice or something skinned and that
Speaker 1: is my mom was like, see, I told you that's
Speaker 1: what they're eating when you get Chinese food. And it's like, girl,
Speaker 1: I mean maybe, but but I don't know. Here's the
Speaker 1: thing is, And this is a conspiracy theory, a rumor
Speaker 1: that I think I've heard, we've all heard for for generations.
Speaker 1: And it's always so funny to me to think about
Speaker 1: those kinds of videos where they point to this one
Speaker 1: individual who's skinning a bunch of rats and stacking their
Speaker 1: bodies on top of each other. It's like, how much
Speaker 1: of that is Chinese people and how much of that
Speaker 1: is just that one nigga who really likes how rat tastes, Like,
Speaker 1: why does that have to be all of them? Why
Speaker 1: can't that just be that one weird motherfucker who's out
Speaker 1: here eating rats rat kebabs. Yes, but because of that,
Speaker 1: like I can't eat Chinese food as freely as my
Speaker 1: friends eat it, right, Like, so I can only order
Speaker 1: like I'll eat shrimp and I'll eat the chicken wings
Speaker 1: because those are shaped like what they're supposed to be.
Speaker 1: I'm not getting beef and broccoli. I'm not getting chicken
Speaker 1: and broccoli because those are weird shapes. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: I will say that while while this is and who
Speaker 1: we better tread fucking carefully, But while this is I
Speaker 1: think a conspiracy theory that has many elements of like
Speaker 1: racist backwards thinking ingrained in it. There are little things
Speaker 1: that happen where you're like, damn, maybe these racist motherfuckers
Speaker 1: are right right, But like, my mother is very particular
Speaker 1: about chicken in general, Like she refuses to buy chicken
Speaker 1: breast from the supermarket because she grew up on a farm,
Speaker 1: she had chickens, she had goats, blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: But we'll be at the supermarket and she'll be like,
Speaker 1: I've never seen a chicken with breast that big. That's
Speaker 1: not chicken. You think when you think about how small
Speaker 1: a chicken is, the breast me real juicy. Sometimes hey
Speaker 1: and listened, and there's enough scientific evidence. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you've ever seen like supersized Me, which obviously comes
Speaker 1: with a little bit of uh it's it's problematic in
Speaker 1: its own form. But one of the things that they
Speaker 1: talk about in Supersize Me is the type of hormones
Speaker 1: that they inject into the fucking McDonald's chickens so that
Speaker 1: they the titties are so big they can't even move.
Speaker 1: They're just like alive for a moment. They cut the
Speaker 1: titties off and then it's done, and it's like, ah, fuck,
Speaker 1: your mom's right, those titties aren't natural. But at the
Speaker 1: same time, maybe it's still chicken. It's just juice step chicken.
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen the video of the chicken that
Speaker 1: was coming It was like from a couple of years ago.
Speaker 1: It's like a big gass chicken coming out of a
Speaker 1: coop and it looks like foghorn Leghorn, like like he
Speaker 1: comes out and it's bigger than the house, and it's
Speaker 1: like it's got like decks and albs, and it's like,
Speaker 1: what muscles, it looks like it's wearing like snow pants
Speaker 1: and a full like bubble jacket. Yes, like that's that's
Speaker 1: not a normal chicken. No, it looked like it just
Speaker 1: got off a ski lift. It's huge. Those those videos
Speaker 1: always bug me because there's always somebody who comes in
Speaker 1: after words and it's like, well, that's actually the uh,
Speaker 1: the doctor mccoka and chicken, and you wouldn't recognize it
Speaker 1: from its big thick feathers, And it's like, bitch, if
Speaker 1: that's been around this whole time, then you need to
Speaker 1: let me know from the beginning, why are we Why
Speaker 1: do we keep talking about these same six pokemon. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to see, I'm trying to catch them, all right percent.
Speaker 1: But I'm saying that, and I still eat meat. I'm
Speaker 1: still gonna keep eating it, but I'm not eating that
Speaker 1: hopefully because only by like the tiny like baby wings.
Speaker 1: And that's when I'm cooking at my house. But I
Speaker 1: don't know. The stuff that we eat is sometimes it's
Speaker 1: kind of crazy, you know it is. And so so
Speaker 1: with that, you you do hold a little bit of
Speaker 1: fear from the stuff that your mother has said to
Speaker 1: you about chicken and about these things from these restaurants.
Speaker 1: I'm curious to know how much your mother is afraid
Speaker 1: of other ethnic foods, Like is it just Chinese or
Speaker 1: is she like, you know, the fish at Japanese restaurant,
Speaker 1: you know that's radiated, that would make it clitter is long?
Speaker 1: If that makes you clit long? Exactly you sound? Have you?
Speaker 1: Did you speak to my mother today? We had a
Speaker 1: phone call ahead of time because the little research on
Speaker 1: may in other things that my mother doesn't eat and
Speaker 1: would not buy for us. Ice cream from the ice
Speaker 1: cream truck. WHOA, because she was like, they don't have
Speaker 1: a bathroom on that truck. They pee in buckets on
Speaker 1: that track, and then they don't wash their hands, and
Speaker 1: they give you that SpongeBob ice cream with them pepe
Speaker 1: hands and oh ship, fuck waiter guy, Hold on, what
Speaker 1: the fuck? I that's never occurred to me. Where are
Speaker 1: they peeing and pooping on the truck? You're on that
Speaker 1: truck for for eight to ten hours a day, rolling
Speaker 1: through neighborhoods, if not thing else, interacting with the grubby
Speaker 1: little fingers of small children, and you know we don't
Speaker 1: see any wash stations back there. This is devastating. My
Speaker 1: Mom's like, you see, that's why they don't have the
Speaker 1: windows back there, so like a poop on the trip
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what, I just want to get a cone.
Speaker 1: I got cones at the house, so I'll make your
Speaker 1: ice cream. Baby, don't even trip about that. I'm churning
Speaker 1: the cream right now. But we always had you know
Speaker 1: the plus if that is, we always had ice cream
Speaker 1: sandwiches at the house. But it was like, it's not
Speaker 1: the same. I want to eat the truck ice cream. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's nothing like a hard earned ice cream from a
Speaker 1: potential pedophile that makes you feel, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like this man might snatch you. And that's kind of nice.
Speaker 1: When you get the ice cream and you make it
Speaker 1: home and there's music playing, and you're like, but she's
Speaker 1: not buying that. She's never had sushi. She will never
Speaker 1: have sushi. Sure, but I will say every year minus
Speaker 1: this is when that just passed. But every New Year's
Speaker 1: Eve we would go. We would take my mom to
Speaker 1: habbachi and is the only thing that she would eat
Speaker 1: because they cooked the food in front of you, and
Speaker 1: she likes the little volcano. So you know, okay, she's
Speaker 1: an onion volcano kind of girl. She ain't here for
Speaker 1: ice cream off of trucks, but she's down. She said,
Speaker 1: I'm watching to make the rice. She will not drink
Speaker 1: miso soup though. She's like, this is hand wash water.
Speaker 1: This is dirty hand wash water. So I guess this
Speaker 1: is all very fascinating and groundbreaking stuff. And I guess
Speaker 1: what comes to mind is why isn't she bothered by
Speaker 1: the potential? Like there's no proof that that's chicken at
Speaker 1: the habbachi right, like it comes damn near pre what
Speaker 1: they served it to you, as they just chop it
Speaker 1: up real fine. So she not she's not getting the chicken,
Speaker 1: she's getting the shrimp because the shrimp is still shrimp
Speaker 1: shape anything that is shaped like the thing that she
Speaker 1: ordered exactly exactly. And even then, like she's watching us
Speaker 1: eat our stuff and she's making faces and the dude
Speaker 1: is clocked in looking at her face. She's at his job,
Speaker 1: like no, and then you know, they go around and
Speaker 1: they like like spray the saki in everybody's mouth. She
Speaker 1: likes that. She's good at that. It's actually scary how
Speaker 1: good at that she is. So she's here for the
Speaker 1: turn up. She just say she ain't working around with
Speaker 1: rare meats, new new, and nothing exotical. No exotic meats
Speaker 1: at my mom's house, I mean at the restaurants. But
Speaker 1: I mean it's funny and it makes me kind of
Speaker 1: how I am right now. But like, I feel like
Speaker 1: I have been cooking really well during the pandemic, and
Speaker 1: then it got to the point that I was like, no,
Speaker 1: I'm not watching another four that's fair. I'm not washing
Speaker 1: another pan. I'm done cooking. And sometimes I'll just sit
Speaker 1: here and be hungry for as like, well, I can't
Speaker 1: eat out because those foreign meats might supposed to be
Speaker 1: but I'm not cooking for myself. So yeah, But honestly,
Speaker 1: this is like peek. This is the most in my
Speaker 1: life that I've ever eating out, like ordered food out
Speaker 1: and me and the delivery, Hey, how you doing? Come down?
Speaker 1: But I just I'm at that point now where it's
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna eat the fake meat, I'm gonna eat
Speaker 1: the dirty hand washed water. I'm just gonna eat. It's
Speaker 1: all I've I've always maintained that feeling, and I don't
Speaker 1: know if it's good or bad, And I've expressed this
Speaker 1: a few times, but my taste buds are are broken, right,
Speaker 1: Like they don't work very well. I've I've had multiple
Speaker 1: runnings where like people have been like, this is poison,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't know. It tastes fine to me.
Speaker 1: Is this because you're Is this because you're half way?
Speaker 1: I reckon that that blaze is part I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't know for sure. My dad similarly, does not seem
Speaker 1: to have a very discerning palette, and that way like
Speaker 1: maybe I just got his goofy ass mouth or maybe
Speaker 1: it's the white devil's mouth and I got to unpack
Speaker 1: that someday, okay, through this work. But I will say
Speaker 1: that I've always taken solace in not knowing what the
Speaker 1: ship is, because if I know too much, then I'm unhappy. Right,
Speaker 1: if I just make peace with the fact that it
Speaker 1: could be chicken, it could be a pile of recks,
Speaker 1: and either way, this motherfucker tastes good with orange on it,
Speaker 1: and it's like, okay, yeah, I'll be okay, it's good. Well,
Speaker 1: can we talk about like what a McK nugget is? Like,
Speaker 1: is that is where is all this chicken coming from?
Speaker 1: Because it's like like, what is a nicknugget? And what
Speaker 1: is Kentucky Fried Chicken? Because they can't call it that
Speaker 1: no more. It's just KFC. Yeah, they don't that they
Speaker 1: can't call it. I think they can't call it Kentucky
Speaker 1: Fried Chicken anymore. Oh the chicken is Wait, which part
Speaker 1: of that that? Let's unpack this because which part of
Speaker 1: that k F and C is the problem? Is it
Speaker 1: the K? Because if that's the problem, then that's fine,
Speaker 1: they're not making it in Kentucky. But if it's the C,
Speaker 1: then we've got a bigger issue. I think it might
Speaker 1: be the C, but I've actually never thought maybe it's
Speaker 1: the K. Maybe they can't call it Kentucky. May get
Speaker 1: in Boston, like you got this in Albany. This is
Speaker 1: Kentucky Fried Chicken from Albuquerque's Albuquerque Fried Chicken. Wow. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think maybe there's something a little easier in just
Speaker 1: saying I don't know, and I'm at peace. But to
Speaker 1: your mother's point, she's gonna live her life, maybe longer
Speaker 1: and healthier, because she's like, I don't know, and I'm
Speaker 1: not at peace, and I refuse to settle for any
Speaker 1: unverified meats exactly, and my mother's skin looks great, and
Speaker 1: she just puts vasselin on it. She don't use no serums,
Speaker 1: no hyaluronic acid. She's putting put proleum jelly on her
Speaker 1: face too, and her face still looks good. And it's like, well, sis,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna use these serums, but alto eating, you know,
Speaker 1: I eat stuff that she would never ever even put
Speaker 1: in her mouth. Yeah, your mother is greasing up like
Speaker 1: she's going to have a fist fight. And somehow she's
Speaker 1: thriving me while the rest of us are fucking growing
Speaker 1: boils out of our skin because we won't leave these
Speaker 1: meats alone. And we're all depressed, and my mother is happy.
Speaker 1: She's a beast, especially if there was an onion volcano nearby.
Speaker 1: It sounds like she's a hundred percent at feasting her
Speaker 1: best life. She's oh okay, it's like, all right, we're
Speaker 1: gonna take a break. We'll be back with Mormari files More.
Speaker 1: My mama told me the are that how is my
Speaker 1: man supposed to schmeat his meat with this ship? Bro?
Speaker 1: What the fuck? Yeah, we're back here with mar Marie Foston. More.
Speaker 1: My mama told me, we're still talking about the unaccredited
Speaker 1: meats that are possibly served at certain Chinese restaurants, and
Speaker 1: whether or not that is in fact that the threat
Speaker 1: that Marie's mother has told her it is all these years.
Speaker 1: I'm curious to know if she knows specifically what the
Speaker 1: meat is. If it's not chicken, what is it? Oh?
Speaker 1: On the phone with me yesterday, she listed literally every
Speaker 1: single animal on all McDonald's farm except chicken. And I
Speaker 1: was like, how do you don't even have any Asian friends? Right?
Speaker 1: It's not like you like went to someone's house and
Speaker 1: they served you and you like saw the door swing
Speaker 1: open and you caught them like killing a snake. You
Speaker 1: just you're pulling this out your booty, right, this is
Speaker 1: just coming from a place of speculation. You you haven't
Speaker 1: talked to an Asian person, You're not you're not checking
Speaker 1: in on any of your Chinese restaurant owners. This is
Speaker 1: you're just making it up. But then she speaks in
Speaker 1: a way that you're like, well, what is General SOS?
Speaker 1: But what is what is that? Who is that? That's
Speaker 1: the question. That's an important question, And I don't think
Speaker 1: anybody truly knows. It was just I think General SO
Speaker 1: was just a dude that white people made up to
Speaker 1: be able to make chicken more palatable for everybody back
Speaker 1: here in America. But who knows. I'm glad that your
Speaker 1: mother talked a little bit about all these alternative meat substitutes,
Speaker 1: because when I went going into the research and started
Speaker 1: looking for some of these substitutes, one of the first
Speaker 1: things that pops up is like all these people on
Speaker 1: Cora and Reddit, all these awful places for doing any
Speaker 1: sort of sincere research, basically claiming that the chicken and
Speaker 1: beef at Chinese restaurants was everything from frog to jellyfish.
Speaker 1: Like they went down the list of as you put it,
Speaker 1: old McDonald's farm and then included things like jellyfish and
Speaker 1: snake and all these crazy fucking things that that jellyfish
Speaker 1: jellyfish would be like chewy and slimy. Though, Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: hard to make sense of what exactly they think. Which
Speaker 1: part of the jellyfish is this? You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: If we're worried about the McNugget, I at least can
Speaker 1: make sense of where McNugget might come from in the chicken.
Speaker 1: There's no part of a jellyfish that's gonna make it
Speaker 1: into a fucking you know, pat tie. Okay, So they
Speaker 1: kill the jellyfish, then they freeze the jellyfish, and they
Speaker 1: slice the frozen jellyfish, then they roll it in flour
Speaker 1: fry it, and then that's the that's a rip tip.
Speaker 1: That's a rip tip right there. And the bone he
Speaker 1: ain't no telling, it's a tentacle. Right. The crazy part
Speaker 1: to me of a lot of this is is that
Speaker 1: even to to what your mother is suggesting it, the
Speaker 1: chicken is available everywhere, right. Chicken. We're constantly seeing them
Speaker 1: on farms. Cows were constantly seeing them. We're literally being
Speaker 1: told that cows are part of the reason this earth
Speaker 1: is dying is because we won't stop mass producing cows
Speaker 1: and they're farting and then it's fucking up our atmosphere. Right.
Speaker 1: And the presumption that like these Chinese people are so
Speaker 1: fucking sneaky that they somehow have boxes and and crates
Speaker 1: of jellyfish instead of this easily accessible animal is a
Speaker 1: little short sided. I'll say that that that part, Langston.
Speaker 1: It's like, I mean, I've also never seen a Chinese
Speaker 1: food restaurant that had like a delivery truck in front
Speaker 1: of it dropping off crates of stuff so that. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's easier to find a bunch of
Speaker 1: chickens than it is to find a bunch of snakes. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But like even with that, I know, I know a
Speaker 1: nigger who will sell me one snake. I don't know
Speaker 1: a mother who's gonna sell me a hundred and twelve,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like, that's how much you
Speaker 1: need to be able to make the meal that you're
Speaker 1: supposing is being made out of this ship. So it's
Speaker 1: it's a little hard to believe. Yeah, I don't know
Speaker 1: where the wholesale snake shop is. They're having a snake
Speaker 1: clearance sale. It's just a big old pile of snakes.
Speaker 1: You can you just sift through it. Like the it's
Speaker 1: like every everything must go. It's like a wacky waving
Speaker 1: inflatable arm dudeles leg but as snake shaped. Uh why
Speaker 1: does he have arms? I don't know. We got real
Speaker 1: confused in the promotion. The point is by some of
Speaker 1: these snakes, Yeah, going out of business. Everything must go.
Speaker 1: So do you eat out a lot? I do? I
Speaker 1: eat out a ships on largely in that Um, I
Speaker 1: am not a great cook, and uh I'm capable and
Speaker 1: I should do it more often. But I'm also, uh,
Speaker 1: I got a prisoner in my wife, and so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna make her cook as often as I can. I
Speaker 1: do the cleaning, so I make up for it on
Speaker 1: the back of Okay, so you ain't got no dishwashers
Speaker 1: what you're saying, Oh no, I'm the dishwasher. I'm the dishwasher,
Speaker 1: and uh that's where the party is, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. I don't think I ever feel, even when
Speaker 1: I'm eating out though, any concern that like I'm being
Speaker 1: bamboozled by the meat that I'm served. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I was eating out with a friend like maybe like
Speaker 1: six or seven years ago. It wasn't my friend, it's
Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend. Here's my boyfriend at the time, so nobody.
Speaker 1: So we got food and he was eating. He was like,
Speaker 1: the texture is wrong. Like he was like, this is
Speaker 1: not chicken. And I was I was like, well, that's
Speaker 1: why I got the wings. See mine shaped like chicken.
Speaker 1: Stuff shaped like chicken. So I mean, if it's if
Speaker 1: this is not chicken, then my you know, my props
Speaker 1: to the to the artist because they got the shape perfect.
Speaker 1: But he was like, the texture is wrong, he starts
Speaker 1: spitting it out. I was like, oh, that's terrible. I said,
Speaker 1: you can't have that to my food, But you could
Speaker 1: have this little broccoli, right, you know that broccoli that
Speaker 1: they just put in because I guess it looks better.
Speaker 1: You get that, but you can't. Yeah, yeah, a little
Speaker 1: it's green. So that's it's broccoli that counts as divided
Speaker 1: for the week. So one of the things that that
Speaker 1: I discovered in unpacking a lot of this research is
Speaker 1: that a lot of it is rooted in this sort
Speaker 1: of racist theory that Chinese people are serving up dogs
Speaker 1: and cats, right, like that's the go to thing, and
Speaker 1: specifically dog. I think it's like the go to one
Speaker 1: that a lot of people speculate that Chinese people serve.
Speaker 1: And it turns out that it's not completely disconnected from
Speaker 1: a a type of Chinese history, right that all the
Speaker 1: way back to UH seventeen hundred BC. They can actually
Speaker 1: trace a history of Chinese people eating dog that like
Speaker 1: all the way back in ancient China. These motherfucker's used
Speaker 1: to eat dogs because apparently, in ancient China, dogs and
Speaker 1: dog meat were considered important offerings to ancestors and sacrificial
Speaker 1: foods to God's any specific breed dog just they need
Speaker 1: to dog. My guess is that back in sevent BC,
Speaker 1: there were like four dogs, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like how there's there's all these weird ones now a
Speaker 1: lossy pool and a pug and like all this ship's
Speaker 1: back then there were four dogs. It was like a
Speaker 1: golden shepherd or golden retriever and a black lab and
Speaker 1: you got to pick. I'll take golden and I'll take black,
Speaker 1: and you ate that ship. It was a white dog,
Speaker 1: a black dog, a brown dog, and then a great
Speaker 1: dog like oh that wasn't a great dog in the night,
Speaker 1: and y'all would y'all have some gray? If I ordered
Speaker 1: some gray, I'm a great great dog for the table.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Don't let me eat a dog.
Speaker 1: I got to fit into my prom dress. So sorry
Speaker 1: for being problematic. Sorry, don't cancel me. No, this is fine.
Speaker 1: They had brown back then. Uh And even turn turns
Speaker 1: out that the Chinese character for to offer contains the
Speaker 1: character of dog, right like, it's the same symbol sort
Speaker 1: of cooked into the character that it means to offer.
Speaker 1: That said, this practice died out a long time ago,
Speaker 1: right like over the years, people basically, like everything started
Speaker 1: to build up a morality about dogs and the treatment
Speaker 1: of dogs, and it wasn't It's basically around like the
Speaker 1: tenth century and the popularization of Buddhism that people started
Speaker 1: to look at killing dogs it's bad karma. They basically
Speaker 1: went like, oh, these dogs are are cool at fuck.
Speaker 1: I don't think we should be killing them anymore. That's bad. Look,
Speaker 1: but I kicked this dog and he's still my friend.
Speaker 1: I like this, nigga, Yes more, yeah, be done with
Speaker 1: the gray ones and black ones will kill them. And
Speaker 1: then they're like, oh, it turns out those dogs are wolves. Cool?
Speaker 1: How so this keeps going right, And then during the
Speaker 1: the Cultural Revolution in China, this dude MoU Zy Dog
Speaker 1: basically banned raising dogs for like pets, as like a
Speaker 1: bourgeois pastime, and during the Great Famine that followed, peasants
Speaker 1: basically would eat there the dog meat just like any
Speaker 1: other animal that could lay their hands on. Because it's
Speaker 1: the Great Famine. We're hungry as fuck. Dogs are around
Speaker 1: and we for at least a time, we're raising them
Speaker 1: as our pets, but now we ain't got no food.
Speaker 1: So shiit scruffy looking, really scrump shits right now, that
Speaker 1: is so wild. But like when you think about the
Speaker 1: meat that we do eat, it's like like it could
Speaker 1: have been anything, right, we've decided pork not everybody, but
Speaker 1: like pork, beef and chicken are like acceptable. But it's
Speaker 1: like chickens could have Like they just I don't know,
Speaker 1: they rolled a bad hand because they could have been
Speaker 1: pets too. Yeah, chickens pr people just weren't on it
Speaker 1: the way that they were supposed to be, And now
Speaker 1: we're going fucking crazy for chicken. Everybody can make peace
Speaker 1: with the eating your chicken, but these dogs thing doing
Speaker 1: that much, literally no, and sometimes they pee in your
Speaker 1: house and and cats scratch up your couch. But like
Speaker 1: cats are like, for whatever reason, cats have always been
Speaker 1: I think, pretty high up on the totem pole of pets,
Speaker 1: like from like ancient Egypt times. Like, yeah, they're mean
Speaker 1: and people don't want to eat them. Everybody recognizes that
Speaker 1: cats potentially could murder them, and so they're like respect
Speaker 1: respect to you and your work. I recognize that you're
Speaker 1: at least intelligent enough to know that I deserve to die.
Speaker 1: I'll leave you alone. Whereas dog, it's like it's a
Speaker 1: loyal slave, so yeah, I might eat my slave eventually.
Speaker 1: So this keeps going right, And so it sounds like
Speaker 1: that after a while, we uh, you know, people, the
Speaker 1: famine ends, people become normal again and they start treating
Speaker 1: dogs again like regular sort of pets. And it sounds like,
Speaker 1: because of this history with dogs and dog meat that
Speaker 1: it's not until the nineties that they really begin to
Speaker 1: seeing a resurgence of dogs as pets in big cities.
Speaker 1: That for yeah, that for a while they just kind
Speaker 1: of like leave dogs alone. They're like, yeah, we had
Speaker 1: a bad history. We ate the motherfuckers, so we can't
Speaker 1: like be hanging out with them afterwards. And then it
Speaker 1: isn't until like very very late that like Chinese people
Speaker 1: re established dogs. It's like a household pet that is wild.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, I'm learning a lot. This is crazy, and
Speaker 1: you keep in mind, I go to like four websites,
Speaker 1: so I could be wrong, and I have a feeling
Speaker 1: We're gonna get some hate mail from this one, but
Speaker 1: I'm excited to read what people have to say. The
Speaker 1: part that I think gets the most attention, and this
Speaker 1: is where all of like the dog eating of China
Speaker 1: really comes from is that they're still to this day
Speaker 1: a festival in this place called you Land, uh. And
Speaker 1: the festival is called the Leechy Dog and Meat Festival,
Speaker 1: where the people of that city in Youland do, in
Speaker 1: fact eat dog as a as an holdmage to their ancestors.
Speaker 1: Now are they eating dog? And they eating hot dogs?
Speaker 1: Because I've seen the hot dog eating contest and there's
Speaker 1: always like a real loule Asian dude that shoving like
Speaker 1: dogs in his face, and I will say equally disgusting.
Speaker 1: I don't think the little motherfucker stuff in ninety eight
Speaker 1: dogs is gross to me. Big old what's his name,
Speaker 1: Joe the Nathan's Hot Dog Champion, That big white motherfucker
Speaker 1: he's it's like yeah, yeah, they like dip the bread
Speaker 1: in water and they're just like, yeah, nasty bitch, what
Speaker 1: are you doing that for? It? You him? Like whatever
Speaker 1: his name is, Joe Saxophone, I can't remember his goddamn name,
Speaker 1: but he's a nasty bitch and I don't care for him.
Speaker 1: But that said, it's this one festival in this one city,
Speaker 1: in one of the most populated countries on this planet
Speaker 1: Earth that does the thing. And it's so sort of
Speaker 1: like um polarizing that even the city, like the spokespeople
Speaker 1: are like, yeah, we ain't got nothing to do with that.
Speaker 1: That's just like a few wild people in our in
Speaker 1: our city. We don't in Chinese people basically say we
Speaker 1: don't want this to be a reflection of our entire identity,
Speaker 1: and instead people do it anyway, and it just sort
Speaker 1: of speaks to how absurd it is that we're using
Speaker 1: this one instance to be a reflection of everything that
Speaker 1: happens in an entire place that is wild. And my
Speaker 1: mother doesn't know any of those things, but she in
Speaker 1: the back of her mind she does. Maybe she maybe
Speaker 1: that's where she went all her honeymoon, and she was like,
Speaker 1: this is I'm never eating Chinese food again. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't want to number three or a number two.
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want the dumplings. I don't
Speaker 1: want none of this sheet. I will say. I will say,
Speaker 1: having been to China, I did eat the weirdest stuff
Speaker 1: that I've ever eaten in that place. But none of
Speaker 1: it was a surprise. They weren't tricking me into the
Speaker 1: ship like that's like I ate starfish. That was fucking gross.
Speaker 1: I scorpion. I ate, uh, I duck eggs. That's the
Speaker 1: worst thing. I ate his duck eggs. Was it like scrambled?
Speaker 1: Was it over easy? I ate a boiled duck egg.
Speaker 1: You know, I with photos there's the negative, like the
Speaker 1: old like you get the sheet of the negatives. That's
Speaker 1: the duck egg looks like to a chicken egg. It's
Speaker 1: like black or right on the outside where the yell
Speaker 1: you know, where the white would be in the yolk.
Speaker 1: It's like a different color as well. Are you sure
Speaker 1: you had Maybe it was a bad duck egg. That's
Speaker 1: very possible. I was not checking all the duck eggs
Speaker 1: to know which ones were good or bad. A mother
Speaker 1: just handed me and was like, duck egg. I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: hell yeah yeah, And he's like and then he watched
Speaker 1: you just you're like that was that was nice? I
Speaker 1: love your culture. It was just a rich history here
Speaker 1: that I can't get enough up. What else did you eat?
Speaker 1: Did you have frog legs? Those are all pretty wild though.
Speaker 1: I think the wildest thing was I had this wine
Speaker 1: that was made with turtle and uh, snake fermenting in
Speaker 1: the bottom, like much in the way that tequila has
Speaker 1: like a worm sitting on the bottom. This had a
Speaker 1: big gass turtle with no shell and a snake at
Speaker 1: the bottom of the wine. And I was there with
Speaker 1: my and they have been getting on my nerves. So
Speaker 1: I was like, give me some of that wine, dog,
Speaker 1: and I had it and then my teeth went numb,
Speaker 1: and I was like, no more, please, enough snake juice
Speaker 1: for me, sir. Wait, wait, hold on. First of all,
Speaker 1: how do you even recognize a turtle if it's not
Speaker 1: wearing a show? Because oh, you know, I feel like
Speaker 1: if I saw a turtle without a shell in liquid,
Speaker 1: I would think that it was I don't know, a
Speaker 1: teddy bear with alpa, Like, I don't know, how did
Speaker 1: you a turtle? I'd be like, well, lizard is that? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know. If you see it, and you're like,
Speaker 1: either that lizard got wings, so that's a mother fucking turtle.
Speaker 1: It's got that long that long middle or that wide middle,
Speaker 1: and you're like, that's a mothering turtle. Uh? Oh is
Speaker 1: a turtle? The shape of the shell, Yeah, it turns
Speaker 1: out there not inside the shell as much as they
Speaker 1: are attached. The shell is a part of their their body.
Speaker 1: It's just protected their inside They're not like snails that
Speaker 1: abandoned the shell later. They that's permanent. I thought it
Speaker 1: was a jacket, but you're saying that it's that's his skin.
Speaker 1: Got it, gotta got it, got it, got it. So
Speaker 1: I started to try to unpack exactly what the meat
Speaker 1: in Chinese food restaurants is, right. I wanted to make
Speaker 1: sure that that while we can confirm that there's a
Speaker 1: fair amount of racism that comes in and claiming these
Speaker 1: unverified meats are the meat, we should know exactly what
Speaker 1: makes this meat so different when we eat it. And
Speaker 1: it turns out that there are a few arguments. But
Speaker 1: one of the things that people said is that Chinese
Speaker 1: people commonly use chicken thighs instead of other parts of
Speaker 1: the chicken. So it's not breast, it's not wing, it's
Speaker 1: chicken thigh because that meat is easier to tenderize, easier
Speaker 1: to marinate, and also cheaper and juicy. It stays juicy
Speaker 1: for longer than any of the other meat. And then
Speaker 1: there's this other thing that I read that was a
Speaker 1: little more jarring, but also still about chicken. They basically
Speaker 1: said that that Chinese people aren't serving fake chicken. They
Speaker 1: actually use tougher cuts and slice them super thin, and
Speaker 1: then they marinate them overnight in this solution called sodium
Speaker 1: by carbonate, and then that allows them, after washing it away,
Speaker 1: allows for that tent, that super tough meat to become
Speaker 1: almost more rubbery and bouncy in the way that the
Speaker 1: meat sometimes taste when you're eating it at the restaurants.
Speaker 1: And so it basically is this way of getting the
Speaker 1: cheap meat and turning it into sellable meat through this
Speaker 1: overnight soaking process. They ain't eating uh fucking turtles. Yeah yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah yeah. So I'm not offering you healing. I'm just
Speaker 1: offering you more of a clear understanding of why you
Speaker 1: shouldn't be eating out any time. One of the things
Speaker 1: that I discovered though, is, and what really is more
Speaker 1: of a question that I found myself asking with all
Speaker 1: of this, is how different is this from so many
Speaker 1: of the other situations we see in other restaurants in
Speaker 1: relation to them selling us bullshit? Right? Like, I don't
Speaker 1: know if you remember when McDonald's had to make that
Speaker 1: big announcement that they would no longer be putting pink
Speaker 1: slime in their food that just for years, So what
Speaker 1: was the pink slime. I think it was just like
Speaker 1: a blended mush of organs and bullshit that they like,
Speaker 1: we're adding to meat to make it fuller and less.
Speaker 1: You know, you want to. If you say you got
Speaker 1: a quarter pound patty, they can afford to give you
Speaker 1: a fucking quarter pound of beef. That's expensive, but not
Speaker 1: for no two, no, not for no exactly. So they
Speaker 1: give you a little drop of meat and they get
Speaker 1: you a whole lot of slime. You get, you getting beak,
Speaker 1: club greens, tomatoes you're getting, You get some lips, you
Speaker 1: get some asshole you're getting, You're getting eyelash. That's nasty.
Speaker 1: Do you know Olivia is saying? Pink slime is a
Speaker 1: meat byproduct used as a food additive to ground beef
Speaker 1: and beef based processed meats as a filler or to
Speaker 1: reduce overall fat content of ground beef in the production
Speaker 1: process heat. It's basically to fill out the meat. New
Speaker 1: Do you remember a couple of years ago somebody got
Speaker 1: a McDonald's meal. It was like fries, burger, some nuggets
Speaker 1: and something else, and they had the food sitting out
Speaker 1: for a year and took a picture of it every
Speaker 1: single day for a year. Bread never got moldy that
Speaker 1: like the meat, the fries stayed fried shape, and it
Speaker 1: was like, well, what is all that stuff? Sure bread
Speaker 1: is a post to get mold on it, dude, the
Speaker 1: bread is not even real bread. Maybe the bread got
Speaker 1: pink sliming is oh my god. And I would say,
Speaker 1: there's one part of you that could be like, this
Speaker 1: is horrible, what a terrible thing that they're feeding us
Speaker 1: and putting in our bodies. And there's another part of
Speaker 1: me that argues that means they're the greatest restaurant in
Speaker 1: the history of the world because they keep serving us
Speaker 1: this ship and I can't tell the difference. I think
Speaker 1: it's delightful, So what the funny. I'm not gonna be
Speaker 1: unhappy about it. Much to my earlier point. You served
Speaker 1: it to me and I enjoyed it. I don't need
Speaker 1: to know what's in it. We love to see Langston
Speaker 1: smile bot he's eating it. Somebody will eat it. That's
Speaker 1: the new catch phrase. Not I said the cat, I'm not.
Speaker 1: I mean. I also don't eat fast food really at all.
Speaker 1: So there's that that that's fair, I think, and you
Speaker 1: have every right and it's probably the more responsible choice
Speaker 1: like there was years ago they burger King got in trouble.
Speaker 1: I think it was in the UK for selling horse
Speaker 1: meat instead of fucking burger meat or you know, cow meat.
Speaker 1: But again, it's not like somebody bit into the motherfucker
Speaker 1: and new, hey, this is what the fun this is horse? Hey, hey,
Speaker 1: hey jack, this is horse. It's like this is come
Speaker 1: to this burger King every day for lunch, just like
Speaker 1: exactly I've never had. And honestly, it was probably a
Speaker 1: disgruntled worker who was like they fired him on a
Speaker 1: bad day and then he was like, all right, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell these motherfucker's you cooking horseback here like Bergking's like,
Speaker 1: damn you blowing up our spot like that. All right,
Speaker 1: fine you could stay, you can have Saturday off, but okay,
Speaker 1: come back, you could have it off. This hill man
Speaker 1: don't know telling our secret. Then there's other examples like uh,
Speaker 1: and this is more of a room or than a
Speaker 1: fact that this falls far closer to conspiracy theory. But
Speaker 1: my friend, uh, a dear friend, you know him, Ryan
Speaker 1: Donahue once told me the story that like calamari in
Speaker 1: UH restaurants and specifically like bad restaurants, it's not in
Speaker 1: fact calamari, but it's in fact cow ees that like
Speaker 1: they'll like chop up the little booty hole of a
Speaker 1: cow and served that as calamari. And again, how the
Speaker 1: funk would you know the difference? Wait? Wait wait wait
Speaker 1: wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, hold on, hold on,
Speaker 1: hold on. This affects me personally, calamari Calamari is just cows.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I don't know. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: it is. I'm saying that this is a theory that's
Speaker 1: floating around the world, and maybe it's better if we
Speaker 1: don't know, if we never find out that it's cowing. Well, okay,
Speaker 1: what counts as a cheap restaurant, because like, how much
Speaker 1: money should I not be spending on calamari are don't look,
Speaker 1: don't get it at Benigans. If you were going to Benigans,
Speaker 1: if that was where you were, like this is my
Speaker 1: night out on the town, I would say, don't get
Speaker 1: the calamari there. I don't know where Benigans is, but
Speaker 1: like that the Fridays like, oh yeah, it's the same
Speaker 1: quality it Benigans, I think is a defunct restaurant. It's
Speaker 1: t g I Friday's Rising. If you will oh oh, okay,
Speaker 1: I was gonna say Roy Rogers, but okay, yeah, t
Speaker 1: G Fridays at the end of the day. Part of
Speaker 1: what what I I sort of found myself asking is
Speaker 1: how do any of us truly know that what we're eating?
Speaker 1: If they tell us we're eating swordfish, how can we
Speaker 1: prove that it is in fact swordfish? Right, it's all.
Speaker 1: It's all Telapia. I love that. There you go and
Speaker 1: so and so. You have two alternatives in this scenario.
Speaker 1: You either follow what I'm doing and you continue to
Speaker 1: eat whatever they offer you and you make peace with that,
Speaker 1: or you follow Marie and her mother's uh process and
Speaker 1: you decide to stay at home and never eat out again,
Speaker 1: and that's probably healthier and you'll live longer. But or
Speaker 1: you won't because you're staying home and you're not cooking,
Speaker 1: and you're sitting in your purple living room. You are famished,
Speaker 1: sure and more. We'll never know what calain is tastes like.
Speaker 1: And you got to try some of this coloan. Is
Speaker 1: it tastes delicious with lemon? Yeah? I mean you gotta
Speaker 1: bread it just right, and then you just you know,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about it. I think it's cowan. I don't
Speaker 1: think I've ever had called Marie got down. I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I didn't mean to do this. We'll take a break,
Speaker 1: we'll process. We'll be back with more, my mama told me.
Speaker 1: And we are back. Hello, how are you? I'm under
Speaker 1: the water. Please help me. Yeah, we're back here more,
Speaker 1: my mama told me more Marief Foust. And we're still
Speaker 1: talking about the surprises of the food that we eat
Speaker 1: and the possibility that none of it is real and
Speaker 1: we should just make peace with that. Mm hmm. I mean,
Speaker 1: I can't believe we've gotten this far into the episode
Speaker 1: and haven't even mentioned Taco bells me about Taco Bell
Speaker 1: because my mom my mama told me that Taco Bell
Speaker 1: meat is Chihuahua because the dogs in the commercials. And
Speaker 1: she was like, that's what yo, kila, Taco Bell means.
Speaker 1: It means he's gonna be Taco Bell. And and she's like,
Speaker 1: you see, they don't even use the dog no more
Speaker 1: because he did. So it's like, girl, I mean, Taco
Speaker 1: Bell very well could be that. But it's like the
Speaker 1: tacos are like twenty two cents and you can get
Speaker 1: a bag of them and you put the hot sauce
Speaker 1: on them, and it's like, this is not good, and
Speaker 1: what's the White Castle? How do we get all the
Speaker 1: way to this point? I talk about White Castle? Me listen.
Speaker 1: Part of the reason I probably didn't bring them up
Speaker 1: is because they're all cherished restaurants in my heart, and
Speaker 1: so I was like, I don't I'm not even gonna
Speaker 1: mention this ship unless she does, because I ain't gonna listen.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna yuck my own yum. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean? I heard you had um white Castle sliders
Speaker 1: that your wedding. That's what That's what the say. I
Speaker 1: wish if there was a white Castle available. Oh, I
Speaker 1: would have served white Castle and we would all ship
Speaker 1: ourselves right on the days floor, just white Castle and
Speaker 1: Molly cooking up in our stomachs and making a ship
Speaker 1: in the middle of the dance floor. That's a nasty
Speaker 1: all right. Let's play a game. I want to play
Speaker 1: a game, and this is a fun game called wick Therapy.
Speaker 1: Wig Therapy. That's the game. You, Marie, are known for
Speaker 1: your your hilarious characters on on the internet, on i G.
Speaker 1: The YouTube's and whatnot, where you put on your wigs
Speaker 1: and you tell these beautiful narratives of the the wigs
Speaker 1: and the history behind them, all the shenaniganst these wigs
Speaker 1: get up to. What I would love for you to do,
Speaker 1: is uh. I'm gonna introduce to you a few celebrities
Speaker 1: who might need a little therapy, a little wig therapy,
Speaker 1: and I would love for you to unpack what you
Speaker 1: kind of wig you think these celebrities need to sort
Speaker 1: of revitalize their career or find themselves in a better
Speaker 1: situation at home. Okay, okay, here we go. Let's start easy.
Speaker 1: Bruce Willis got in trouble because he was showing up
Speaker 1: to the pharmacy without wearing a mask, and they were
Speaker 1: They basically had to ask Bruce Willis to leave the
Speaker 1: pharmacy because he would not put on a mask in
Speaker 1: the middle of the pandemic. What wig might you suggest
Speaker 1: for Bruce Willis to to improve his situation? Damn die
Speaker 1: Hard wasn't wearing a mask. Yeah, he's super Republican. Oh
Speaker 1: I did not know that, But so as I'm saying it,
Speaker 1: I feel like I did. I'm like I did not.
Speaker 1: I knew that in your heart, you in my heart,
Speaker 1: I knew that what kind of wig? Does Bruce Willis
Speaker 1: need to revamp his image or fits what he did.
Speaker 1: Either one whatever feels good to you. In my mind,
Speaker 1: it is a Cruella de Ville moment. It's like a
Speaker 1: white wig. It's kind of flipped out a little bit
Speaker 1: on the ends because that feels evil to me. A
Speaker 1: wig like you know what I mean, a little feathering, feathering.
Speaker 1: The opposite of the Rachel wig for Bruce willis definitely
Speaker 1: a wig that has Dalmatians and a wig that doesn't
Speaker 1: stop for pedestrians. It like leans on the horn when
Speaker 1: the pedestrians um. A wig that um pushes by old
Speaker 1: people in the supermarket because they want to get the
Speaker 1: last I don't know, it's a mean it's a mean
Speaker 1: white wig. I love that. I love Cruella Deville. But
Speaker 1: for fish sticks is the energy that Bruce Willis is
Speaker 1: getting off, and I think that's perfect. Let's try another one.
Speaker 1: And this is actually very uh, very on brand for
Speaker 1: what we've been discussing all day. Azalia Banks. I don't
Speaker 1: know if you heard about Azalia Banks, but she got
Speaker 1: in troubled because she apparently cooked her cat. What cooked
Speaker 1: she dug up the dead bones of her cat. Uh,
Speaker 1: and then cook them in a pot and then now
Speaker 1: has the skull and bones of that cat or on
Speaker 1: a shrine in her home. We gotta pray for Azelia. What. No,
Speaker 1: I'm just a reporter at this point. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I can't make sense of it. But she she's cooking cat.
Speaker 1: Now she's cooking at now? Okay. In my mind, it's
Speaker 1: like a Dennis the Menace wig or a three Stooges wig.
Speaker 1: Just like a wig that looks like the toothish, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean, like bowl cut it. Yes, it's
Speaker 1: got a hard part in it. What is wrong with girl?
Speaker 1: I talked to a few people about it. There are
Speaker 1: some who are speculating this is some sort of like uh,
Speaker 1: Santa Ria type work that she's doing. But then she
Speaker 1: also put it on the internet, which makes it not that.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think she's unwell and we just
Speaker 1: Santaia is like, isn't that Puerto Rican? Likely? Like she's
Speaker 1: from Harlem. She's not Puerto Rican, she's from Harlem. Um.
Speaker 1: I actually don't know where the family is from. But
Speaker 1: I don't think boiling bones in her mom's good pot
Speaker 1: is something that anybody's black mama would let them do so, Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's And why would you post something like that, like
Speaker 1: where did she dig these bones up from? In a
Speaker 1: time capsule? That's the weird part, is like, bitch, why
Speaker 1: are you still burying your cat in the backyard like
Speaker 1: your eight? Cut it out? Go take your cat to
Speaker 1: the pest people like everybody else and let them deal
Speaker 1: with the way bones are meant to be dealt with. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna look at the bones. They're gonna it's gonna
Speaker 1: be raccoon bones. I'm gonna be like, that's actually not
Speaker 1: a cat at all. It's another thing that went in
Speaker 1: the ground after the cat died. And I would love
Speaker 1: that if you just expose her. This is just all
Speaker 1: turned into a Jessie Smellette level like live but it's
Speaker 1: still a lady cooking bones that we ignore that and
Speaker 1: we're just like that ain't cat, that's raccoon. This bitch
Speaker 1: is a liar. Yeah, all right, let's try another person.
Speaker 1: This is uh, this is a maybe the greatest of
Speaker 1: of sort of canceled to celebrities. Kanye Kanye you know
Speaker 1: you uh is said to have taken a lover and
Speaker 1: Jeffrey Starr and Uh, he's no longer with Kim. What
Speaker 1: would you suggest for Oh Kanye right about now is
Speaker 1: a week. I'm gonna suggest a Denarest Targarion week. I
Speaker 1: wanted to be blond, flowy, I want four braids, going bad,
Speaker 1: clasped low. I just I feel like, uh, she she
Speaker 1: was the worst part of the finale of Game of Thrones,
Speaker 1: and that I feel like Kanye is in the worst
Speaker 1: part of the finale of his life right now. It
Speaker 1: all feels bad. It feels so. Has this been confirmed?
Speaker 1: Is it? I don't. I don't think so. I think
Speaker 1: uh TikTok made up some conspiracies. And then Jeffrey Starr
Speaker 1: is a messy enough person that he was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll play along. I'm saying this ain't nothing but Chris Jenner.
Speaker 1: Chris Jenner is the devil, and the devil is always working,
Speaker 1: and I think she needed to distract from the families,
Speaker 1: so they were like, let's just put it all on Kanye,
Speaker 1: and who do we know Jeffrey Star Yes, yes, yes, him,
Speaker 1: yeah exactly. The rumor made me laugh. I appreciate. And
Speaker 1: that's the thing that I I do think Chris Jenner
Speaker 1: is the devil. I think that she's a spawn of Satan.
Speaker 1: It's unquestionable. But I don't think she gets enough credit
Speaker 1: for how funny she is. Like that bits to be
Speaker 1: right and she writes story. Yeah, she writes a story
Speaker 1: like no one else, And sometimes we need to give
Speaker 1: her a little bit of credit where credit is due.
Speaker 1: Sometimes she writes some funny as shit. H all right,
Speaker 1: last one and this is a fun one. Mr Bean.
Speaker 1: Mr Bean was recently canceled because he went on the
Speaker 1: internet and basically said that cancel culture is problematic and
Speaker 1: it's it's poorly affecting many of his peers and confidence
Speaker 1: in his life. You know how upset you gotta make
Speaker 1: Mr Bean to make him speak, You know how upset
Speaker 1: mean for him to be like, let me, let me
Speaker 1: have to say something. Let me this. Mr Bean was
Speaker 1: on for like nineteen seasons and he said twelve words.
Speaker 1: I truly could not tell you what his voice sounds like.
Speaker 1: Even right now. It sounds like I was hoping he
Speaker 1: was gonna talk, and he was like, hey, y'all, niggas
Speaker 1: exacting enough. No, you have heard Mr Bean's voice. He
Speaker 1: was Zazu in The Lion King. Really does happen to
Speaker 1: the original Lion King movie. She's the bird let Mr Bean,
Speaker 1: Mr Elizabeth Bean. What wig would you suggest for Zazo
Speaker 1: for for Elizabeth Bean? Um, I think for Mr Bean,
Speaker 1: I'm giving him the shmar More wig, the braided back wig,
Speaker 1: the Tyler Perry but doo wig is Mr Bean because
Speaker 1: that is some gangster type stuff to not speak for
Speaker 1: your entire career. And then your friends are having a
Speaker 1: bad day because they're problematic, and you're like, let me
Speaker 1: speak on this. I know a lot of people are
Speaker 1: talking right now, but I think what we really need
Speaker 1: to hear is bean, let me hit you with some bean.
Speaker 1: And he's just like, let me say something real quick
Speaker 1: and has beads. He's the straight back corn rools with
Speaker 1: beads at the bottom of the wig that I see
Speaker 1: for Mr Elizabeth Bean. Yes, that's beautiful and and we
Speaker 1: did it, Marie, you you nailed it. I think that
Speaker 1: this is great advice. I'm gonna send all this along
Speaker 1: to each of them and hope that they hope they
Speaker 1: take your advice. Could you tell the people at home
Speaker 1: where they could find you what cool ship you have
Speaker 1: going on? I mean, you can usually find me right
Speaker 1: here on this couch, but you can't find me on Instagram.
Speaker 1: My instagram is Reezy Are Easy? Why you can find
Speaker 1: me on my podcast The Unofficial Expert, where there you know,
Speaker 1: every single week, it's like, can we take some weeks off?
Speaker 1: They want you to talk every week about what's happening
Speaker 1: in the culture and how you feel. So there and
Speaker 1: then you can find me, you know, at my local trader.
Speaker 1: Joe's just like trying to figure out if I want
Speaker 1: to buy food that's real food or if what is
Speaker 1: this meat look that you're gonna see on Marie's phase
Speaker 1: if you bump into our trader Joe's. Yeah, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for ruining Calamari for me, Like, didn't I
Speaker 1: didn't mean to. Honestly, I when Ryan told it to me,
Speaker 1: I knew that I had to share this, But I
Speaker 1: also knew that I was going to offer people. You
Speaker 1: remember that movie It Follows. That's just basically a horror
Speaker 1: movie about st d S. That's what the Calamari story is.
Speaker 1: It's it's just It Follows, but It Follows is a
Speaker 1: horror movie about std Yeah, it's basically like a horror
Speaker 1: movie where like, you have sex with a person and
Speaker 1: then a ghost attaches to you, and the ghost is
Speaker 1: gonna kill you unless you have sex with somebody else
Speaker 1: to give them the ghost. Yeah, oh god, that sound cute.
Speaker 1: Oh is that all Hulu? It's a Hulu. This is
Speaker 1: not a promotion for It Follows, but it's turned into one.
Speaker 1: And what a great way to end the episode. Just
Speaker 1: promote it follows right at the end. Gross. Anyway, I
Speaker 1: can't wait to hear this episode. I feel like the
Speaker 1: beginning was messy, in the middle was like, okay, we
Speaker 1: learning things, and in the end was Mr Bean. So
Speaker 1: I love this for us and I'm so happy you
Speaker 1: did it. And as always, you guys can follow me
Speaker 1: at Langston Kerman and please send us drops, Please subscribe
Speaker 1: and like and comment. I love the comments. Send me
Speaker 1: comments and finally, uh, you can send me drops and
Speaker 1: ship at my mama pod at gmail dot com. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's enough, get the funk out of here, my crop
Speaker 1: chips in your fails O. Kuala bears are racist, the
Speaker 1: OsO players money many turnkey stuff. I can't tell me