WEBVTT - “I’M BECOMING MY FATHER” 0:00:03.160 --> 0:00:05.240 Hello, what's up man? What's your name? 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:08.840 My name's Wyatt, Wyatt. 0:00:09.119 --> 0:00:09.920 How's life Wyatt? 0:00:09.960 --> 0:00:13.119 If they're uh, you know, it's okay. You know, New Year, 0:00:14.000 --> 0:00:15.560 New Year, it's kind of going off on that. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:20.720 Do you have like a New Year's resolution of some kind? 0:00:21.079 --> 0:00:21.279 You know? 0:00:21.360 --> 0:00:23.480 I was, I was talking about my girlfriend about that 0:00:23.600 --> 0:00:26.920 and like, I don't know. It's I'm twenty five years old, 0:00:26.960 --> 0:00:30.000 so I've had twenty five, I guess twenty six whole 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:33.479 New years, and I've never really thought of like an 0:00:33.520 --> 0:00:36.640 actual New Year's resolution. You know, I don't know what 0:00:36.720 --> 0:00:42.480 that's sad, We're good, that's kind of going I don't 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:44.920 I don't think that that's either sad or good. 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:48.600 I think, well, yeah, it means you're just living life. 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:50.000 You're not trying to say yeah. 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:52.760 So I'd definitely like to reflect on my past year, 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:55.480 like how the year, like my past year has gone. 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:57.720 But I never really like, oh, I'm gonna start this 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:00.319 this coming year. I'm gonna I'm gonna change this. I'm 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:01.160 going to start doing that. 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:06.720 Okay, you're just like, Okay, that happened, and then let's 0:01:07.040 --> 0:01:10.240 let's continue on to the into the present, where more 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:14.399 stuff will happen. That's your take. Yeah, okay, you're not 0:01:14.440 --> 0:01:16.480 a rev. You're not like I'm going to reevaluate and 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:18.360 change and do this other thing. 0:01:20.080 --> 0:01:22.720 I mean, I guess it's not a bad thing to do, 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:24.440 but I really know not really. 0:01:26.319 --> 0:01:29.240 That's okay. I don't think you need to do that necessarily. 0:01:29.360 --> 0:01:32.480 The funny thing is is actually sometimes you can do 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:37.760 that and then YEA ultimately change nothing, and then you 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:40.320 wasted a bunch of time doing that when you could 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:44.360 have just been like living life in the moment. So so, 0:01:44.480 --> 0:01:48.840 living life in the moment almost risks nothing. There's things 0:01:48.840 --> 0:01:51.040 you might not there's things, there's things about the other 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:55.080 method that you might gain or lose. But if you 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:57.520 want to risk, but if you want to risk nothing, 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:01.040 right like if you're if you want to take no 0:02:01.240 --> 0:02:05.160 risks and you just want to exist, that's I think 0:02:05.200 --> 0:02:06.720 that's the way to do it, is just be in 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:07.160 the present. 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:09.920 Well what about you, mister ghak you got any New 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:10.920 Year's resolutions? 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:16.720 My news resolution is to ask you whyat about about 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:18.720 what it is that you texted me? 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:21.680 I mean, we could tell you we could do Oh 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:25.359 this past year has been crazy, dude. I think that's 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:27.880 one thing that's been on my mind here recently. But 0:02:28.440 --> 0:02:29.320 I got a whole lot. 0:02:30.200 --> 0:02:32.080 Well, okay, let me ask you this. So you texted 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:36.880 me initially and you said, I'm afraid I am becoming 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:38.560 more like my father. 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:46.160 Yeah, so I guess I can give you a little 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:48.600 yes sound? Yeah? 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:49.360 Please? Sure? 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:53.440 Can you get me good? Yeah? 0:02:53.480 --> 0:02:53.800 I can? 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:59.520 Okay, Yeah, So, long story short. My dad's he's he's 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:04.639 a recovery alcoholic and he got through some or went 0:03:04.680 --> 0:03:09.120 through some stuff, got divorced from his second marriage, lost 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:13.280 custody of my half brother. It's been in rehab, in 0:03:13.320 --> 0:03:16.919 and out of rehabs. Was really rough until here this 0:03:17.000 --> 0:03:19.440 past year he actually got really good. Man Like, it 0:03:19.520 --> 0:03:22.000 was super good. You know, he was doing good, didn't 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:24.800 really drink much, and then you know, kind of started 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:27.840 hitting the gym all this stuff. And then here recently 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:32.040 he's off of like probation and then me and my 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:33.919 sister kind of think came out of relas but he's 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:36.560 kind of doing it secretly. And I'm all over here 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:39.680 like judging my dad almost, and I feel bad about 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:41.680 it because I do. I'm like, oh, my dad shouldn't 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:44.760 be drinking blah blah blah. But as I'm doing that. 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:48.000 I'll be sitting at the bar pissed drunk, and then 0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:50.160 I'm like, damn, am I like do I have a 0:03:50.240 --> 0:03:54.880 drinking problem? Which granted my dad kind of like without 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:56.920 getting into like he didn't do anything like terrible, like 0:03:56.920 --> 0:04:00.360 you never you know, nothing horrible, but just been an 0:04:00.360 --> 0:04:03.040 if you father to to you know, I still love him, 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.280 but over here is sitting here. You know, I've got 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:08.280 a serious relationship going on, you know, if I want 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:11.320 to pursue a family and like you know what I mean, 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:12.080 does that make sense? 0:04:12.440 --> 0:04:15.040 Yeah, of course, yeah, no, you're I mean, I feel 0:04:15.040 --> 0:04:16.640 like this happens with a lot of people when like 0:04:18.240 --> 0:04:23.000 a it's interesting. I mean at least in my experience, 0:04:23.040 --> 0:04:26.920 Like yeah, I've become exactly like my uh my dad, 0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:29.520 And it's it's funny because I look at my I 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:32.320 look at my dad, and I think about there's a 0:04:32.360 --> 0:04:35.520 lot there's a lot of I mean, as this is 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:38.160 true about all human beings, of course, but I look 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:39.720 at my dad and I there's a lot of like 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:48.000 negative aspects I think he has to his like life 0:04:48.440 --> 0:04:53.520 and I and I'm absolutely I'm absolutely positively inheriting those 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:55.479 And then I look at my dad, and I'm like, 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:56.840 my dad's the best. 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:57.000 You know. 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:59.520 I look at him and he has uh well he 0:05:00.279 --> 0:05:02.520 he and he has and he has and he has 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:06.240 all these like very positive aspects of his personality of 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:08.480 his life that I really admire and respect and love, 0:05:08.520 --> 0:05:12.600 and I see themselves in me too. So I'm like, 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:14.640 I feel like I'm a carbon copy of my dad 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.920 in all of the best and worst ways. 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:22.039 Yeah. No, I kind of feel the same, because I mean, like, 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:23.800 I love my dad to death, and like I think, 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:26.919 deep down he's an amazing father. You know. He he 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.960 has his issues obviously, you know, it's whether it's his 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:32.320 fault or not. But like I see the good in him, 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:34.880 and I'm like, I hope to inherit those good parts 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.000 about my father, you know, the things I love about him. 0:05:37.400 --> 0:05:40.080 But then I see myself sometimes, I like I'll see 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:43.000 my stuff, like inheriting some maybe his bad habits, and 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:44.600 I'm like, oh crap, you. 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:50.480 Know, m Yeah, yeah, it's it's hard to not become 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:51.680 like your parents. 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:53.560 So no, yeah, for sure. 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:56.520 Okay, So You're sitting at the bar and you're like, 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:58.480 all right, I'm at a crucial tipping point. You know, 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:00.760 I have a I'm sorry. I know you have. You 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:03.080 said you have a wife, girlfriend. 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.320 A girlfriend, yes, sir, a girlfriend. 0:06:05.040 --> 0:06:07.279 Okay, and you want to have a family. 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:12.960 So yeah, so we just we're just moved in together, okay. 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:15.239 And so you're like, I want to have a family. 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:17.880 I want to do this whole thing. And are you 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:21.240 are you like afraid of how drinking is going to 0:06:21.320 --> 0:06:22.039 affect that? 0:06:23.360 --> 0:06:26.880 I mean sort of yeah, because like like I said, 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.680 like we go out sometimes we'll drink, but then we'll 0:06:29.760 --> 0:06:31.480 be like, like, I don't I mean, I guess this 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:34.120 is what every alcoholic says. But I don't think I'm 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:37.440 an alcoholic because you know, I I work nine to five. 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:39.479 You know, I don't drink during the week really, you 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:41.120 know on the weekends though, you know, I like to 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:43.680 have a drink, but it's like whenever I do drink, 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:46.120 it's like I like to have fun. But then I'm like, 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:48.400 you know, if I'm gonna if I'm gonna take stuff serious, 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:50.760 you know, because I mean we've already been talking about, 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.400 you know, the future and stuff, and you know, like 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.160 if I am gonna take that serious, you know, it's 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:57.920 something I'm gonna have to at least keep in mind. 0:06:58.800 --> 0:06:59.599 You know how I do? 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:03.880 I guess yeah, when you well, let's all right, let's 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:08.240 do this. When you were a boy, do you do 0:07:08.320 --> 0:07:15.240 you remember ways in which your dad drinking negatively affected 0:07:15.360 --> 0:07:18.400 you or his relationship with your mom? 0:07:18.920 --> 0:07:19.240 Uh? 0:07:19.360 --> 0:07:22.640 Yeah, for sure, for sure there was again, nothing bad 0:07:22.720 --> 0:07:25.440 or crazy happened, but I mean, yeah, definitely there there's 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:27.440 definitely some times I can look back on and be like, 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.360 maybe he shouldn't have been Maybe that wasn't the situation 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:35.800 to be very drunk at like, for instance, like he 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:38.800 was looking on the couch watching football and then a 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:40.960 few beers turn him. 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:43.960 He's not, He's not. It's like, okay, was he like 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:47.600 let's not say plaster, but was he like putting a 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:51.120 few down at like the uh, your school, your school 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:53.520 play or soccer games or ship like that. 0:07:53.520 --> 0:07:55.920 That's that is that is the perfect way. Yes, that 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:57.000 is the perfect. 0:07:56.720 --> 0:08:00.160 Okay, he's not getting he's not getting. He's he he's 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:02.520 not like that fucking South Park episode where Randy is 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:06.000 fighting everyone again. He's not like that, but he's he's 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:09.239 having a beer at these places where you're like, should 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:11.480 he really be having a beer right now? Kind of 0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:13.840 a yeah, okay, all right, Okay, I give it. 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:16.880 You mean destally gotten worse over the years, because like 0:08:17.160 --> 0:08:19.760 I'm twenty five, so I you know, I've been done 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:22.280 and moved out, but I've got a little brother who 0:08:22.400 --> 0:08:24.080 That's where I see it the worst in I guess 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:25.920 is because I'm like man like he was in my 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:29.360 h I was in his shoes, and I'm like, I'm 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:31.520 kind of grateful. He doesn't get the full scope of 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:33.360 it right now, because you know, he's young and he 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:34.000 doesn't know. 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:37.320 What's yet. What's to deal with your little brother? Do 0:08:37.360 --> 0:08:40.240 you see him acting like your father in some way? 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:43.280 Oh, my dad and my brother are almost the exact 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:47.720 same person. Besides you drink. He's thirteen, but oh no, yeah, 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:49.400 they're they're the exact same person. 0:08:49.960 --> 0:08:52.960 Interesting. Do you feel like he's mostly more like my mom? 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:53.240 Though? 0:08:53.880 --> 0:08:55.760 Do you feel like you're like your dad in any 0:08:55.800 --> 0:09:02.680 ways other than the drinking that in any ways, other 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:04.560 than just like drinking a lot? How do you feel 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:05.400 like you're like your dad? 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:07.320 Uh? 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:10.199 Definitely, my dad is like super bad, Like he has 0:09:10.280 --> 0:09:13.240 really bad OCD and like in a weird way, like 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:15.480 I'm kind of messy and like sloppy, but like in 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:18.040 a weird way I I I kind of have the 0:09:18.080 --> 0:09:20.760 same thing because like, whenever my dad like hyper focuses 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:24.880 on something, like, he will not finish or stop or 0:09:24.920 --> 0:09:28.520 pause until he finishes or does whatever he's doing. And 0:09:28.559 --> 0:09:31.240 I'm kind of the same way if I get super 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:34.440 hyper focused on something to a point where it's like 0:09:34.440 --> 0:09:40.920 like I just tunnel vision, you know, mm hmmmm hmm. No, definitely, Yeah, 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:43.320 that's that's one of the big things. I definitely have 0:09:43.400 --> 0:09:48.200 some of his like mannerisms, like he's a he's a 0:09:48.320 --> 0:09:52.080 very sorry go ahead, I know you go ahead now. 0:09:52.080 --> 0:09:54.400 I was just gonna say that, like some of his 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:57.440 mannerisms I definitely have, Like he's very like he'll talk 0:09:57.440 --> 0:09:59.760 to anybody like he'll he'll he's easy to make or 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:02.200 go up making friends. And I feel like I'm the 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:04.280 same way. I can talk to anybody and just you know, 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.640 make a friend. What you like I said some of 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:08.559 the good things that I that I like. 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:14.400 Yeah, hmmm, dude, it's interesting. I like I like this 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.320 subject because I think about it a lot in my 0:10:16.360 --> 0:10:20.959 own life. Yeah, not to like whatever, I guess, just like, yeah, 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:23.520 I'm pondering and in in in the process of pondering 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:28.360 this with you, because sometimes I'm like, and I don't 0:10:28.440 --> 0:10:29.800 I don't know if this is inherent. I don't know 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:32.280 if this is healthy. But sometimes I look at like 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:34.559 the you know, like I was saying early, like a 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:35.920 look at my dad, and I'm like, I'm a carbon 0:10:36.000 --> 0:10:39.320 copy of him, and I and I have all I 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.360 think I have all of his best qualities and all 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:43.640 of his worst ones too, And I think about that, 0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:47.560 and sometimes when I'm like embodying the qualities where I'm like, shit, 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:49.080 I kind of think I know where this came from. 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:50.679 Part of me. There's a little part of me that 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:55.000 like uses that to like fucking like accept it, you 0:10:55.040 --> 0:10:57.559 know what I mean? Yeah, you know, so there's a 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:00.040 little part of me uses that to like accept it 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:03.800 and maybe in some cases excuse it. And I and 0:11:04.360 --> 0:11:07.120 I know, yeah I do that. Yeah, I think we 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:09.400 both do that ship and yeah, I accept it and 0:11:09.400 --> 0:11:11.280 excuse it. But then I'm also like, ah, fuck, but 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:14.319 I gotta fucking I can't, you know, you know what 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:14.680 I mean? 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:16.000 What you mean? 0:11:16.120 --> 0:11:21.160 Yeah, So I can ponder this with you, but I 0:11:21.200 --> 0:11:24.760 would be lying if I said I had the answer, 0:11:24.960 --> 0:11:26.560 And I'd be a hypocrite if I told you that 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:30.280 you gotta fight back. You know what I mean, you 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.760 probably should. You probably should, you probably should. I Yeah again, 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:35.640 I feel the same way where I'm like I'll do 0:11:35.679 --> 0:11:37.960 something and I'm like, fuck this, this is me. This 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.840 is the part that I inherited from, Like I totally 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:45.760 see how I came to exist by looking at my parents. 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:47.720 And yeah, you can use it, yeah again, you can 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:51.360 use it as like an excuse. But I'm at a 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:53.960 part of me wants to believe in free will. 0:11:55.520 --> 0:12:00.320 But exactly, but then genetics definitely takes a part. 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:02.840 But I don't know, Bro, we gotta try, you know 0:12:02.840 --> 0:12:05.000 what I mean, especially if you but also you know, 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:06.880 also also you know what you know. Okay, I'll sell 0:12:06.880 --> 0:12:08.439 I'll tell you this. And this is another thing, a 0:12:08.440 --> 0:12:11.320 little bit that is like my experience with this is 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.679 and this is more like addiction stuff than it is 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:19.440 like genetic family shit or whatever. Yeah, is like, uh, 0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:23.520 quitting doing something is like a thousand times easier if 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:26.480 you have a reason, right, Like I've had I've had 0:12:26.520 --> 0:12:30.880 things I was addicted to. Uh where or fuck am where? 0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:32.840 It's like I don't have a good reason to stop 0:12:32.840 --> 0:12:34.800 doing this, Like I'm not, I don't have a good 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:37.080 reason to stop doing this, or I don't have something 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:40.120 else in front of me that's so all encompassing that 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:42.600 it forces me to be present with it. So I'm 0:12:42.600 --> 0:12:46.240 not doing the thing. But you have a thing, and 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:50.280 maybe this is the north star of like, Okay, well 0:12:51.280 --> 0:12:54.240 I want I I care a lot about investing in 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.200 my relationship with my wife, and I care a lot 0:12:57.240 --> 0:13:03.359 about having a kid and giving my kid a good childhood. 0:13:03.640 --> 0:13:07.000 So aut lest you have that. It's a because if 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:08.520 you were just like a single, if you were just 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:11.880 like a single twenty five year old guy with you know, 0:13:12.440 --> 0:13:16.480 with like some random job, and you're just like a guy, 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:19.800 then it's like it's like, yeah, of course I'm gonna 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:20.719 get drunk all the. 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:23.200 Time, you know, No, yeah exactly. 0:13:23.240 --> 0:13:25.040 But you gotta you have like a higher thing to 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:29.200 serve now, So I guess that's at least, yeah, that's something. 0:13:29.440 --> 0:13:32.280 It definitely, it definitely is what makes me think about it, 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:34.920 I guess. And then another thing, just to you know, 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:36.920 you were talking about, you know, addiction, which that is 0:13:36.960 --> 0:13:39.680 another thing that's like really bad. I'm my dad's side 0:13:39.679 --> 0:13:42.160 of the family, you know, yeah, from him to his mother, 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:44.959 and like you know, they're all like have some type 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:48.960 of whether not necessarily drugs or booze, but like you know, 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:52.280 some type of thing and it's you know, addiction is 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:55.760 it's super super genetic at least from what I understand, 0:13:55.760 --> 0:13:58.040 And like I've definitely like you know, when I was 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.920 in high school and college, you know, I was vighting 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:03.360 and you know, doing the zen and which I haven't. 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.080 You know, I don't do that stuff anymore, but holy crap, 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:10.319 do with that shit? Hard to quit? Mm? And then 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:11.880 another part of me was like, is it is it 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:14.559 hard because it's hard or was it is it? Does 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:16.680 it because of my you know, back to my dad 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:18.880 and I guess my lineage, my genetics is like is 0:14:18.880 --> 0:14:19.760 it a genetic thing? 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:23.840 Yeah, it definitely is. But again I guess if we're 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:26.920 trying to not if we're trying to overcome that shit, 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:30.040 I guess it is helpful. It is helpful to know 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:33.200 where it comes from. I feel like, yeah, it's helped me, 0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:36.120 It's helped me at least, and I'm I'm no, uh, 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:40.080 I'm not like I I mean this is true with 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:41.840 like everything on this podcast. Like I don't want to 0:14:41.880 --> 0:14:44.440 speak as like some kind of like authority and getting 0:14:44.440 --> 0:14:46.000 over stuff, but just like in the terms of like 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:48.120 feeling it, so like in the terms like feeling it, 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:52.600 I'm like, yeah, I've felt like, oh, it's good to 0:14:52.680 --> 0:14:59.120 have the information as to how I got here, and 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:03.040 that helps me and that helps me shame myself less, 0:15:03.120 --> 0:15:05.200 like I feel a lot less, Like yeah, it does, 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:07.560 like like like it helps me like feel a lot 0:15:07.640 --> 0:15:10.880 less shame because I because it puts me in a 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:14.480 position where I'm like, Okay, I at least kind of 0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:18.520 understand how I arrived here, and it's through something that 0:15:18.600 --> 0:15:23.720 I can kind of logically explain, not just because I'm 0:15:23.960 --> 0:15:27.840 like some grand piece of shit and uh, I mean, 0:15:28.480 --> 0:15:31.080 you know, and you can you can kind of say 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:34.560 that about anyone. But it's like, Okay, now I gotta 0:15:34.640 --> 0:15:37.440 I can't keep I just I can't. I can't keep 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:40.760 using that. I gotta figure out how to fucking Yeah, 0:15:41.000 --> 0:15:42.520 I know what you mean, you know, deal with it. 0:15:42.560 --> 0:15:45.160 But I think it also helps you know what you're 0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:47.720 saying that it, I mean, it kind of helps like 0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:49.800 if you have kids, you know you want you know, 0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:53.680 your future, uh whatever, Like I guess it kind of 0:15:53.680 --> 0:15:57.040 helps them too, to know where it came from. You know, well, 0:15:57.040 --> 0:16:00.480 my kid's not just a piece of shit, you know, Yeah, 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:02.600 you know it's you know what I mean not. I 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:04.560 guess it's a terrible way to say it. 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:07.080 But no, when you're kid, when you're your kid's fourteen 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:10.040 and he starts sneaking Mike's hard lemonades out of the 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:20.560 free free like yeah, yeah, I think maybe. Okay, what 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:25.720 I was going to say is I think that the 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:28.200 understanding of how you came to a certain point, leading 0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:32.480 to a removal of shame, it is helpful in some 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:38.400 way to getting to your uh, getting getting to what 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:42.440 you want because like if you're because if you're gonna 0:16:42.760 --> 0:16:45.280 approach I guess, because if you're gonna approach this like logically, 0:16:45.920 --> 0:16:50.800 like how do I logically beat this? The the shame 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:57.080 of it isn't helpful in that logic process, at least 0:16:57.120 --> 0:17:00.080 in my opinion. But I'm also my opinions. Yeah we 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:04.119 also my opinion is uh bad because I'm addicted to 0:17:04.119 --> 0:17:04.880 a lot of stuff. 0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:08.440 But no, yeah, I guess. 0:17:08.800 --> 0:17:12.240 So yeah, I don't know, man, what's your why? Okay, 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:14.040 let me ask you this. What's your wife say? Like, 0:17:14.640 --> 0:17:16.840 is she like, yo, you gotta fucking stop doing this? 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:21.080 No, she doesn't really say much about it. I mean, 0:17:21.119 --> 0:17:24.480 I definitely talk to her about this stuff, and like, 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:27.359 you know, especially with my dad, because you know, before 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:29.280 I met her, I was just kind of dealing it 0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:30.720 with on my own. So it's been going on for 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:33.359 a while, you know, I met her and then after 0:17:33.480 --> 0:17:35.480 dating and I think it was like right before we 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:37.320 met out with my parents, like hey, by the way, 0:17:37.160 --> 0:17:41.720 my dad was a recovering alcoholic. Just FYI yeah, and 0:17:41.720 --> 0:17:43.720 then you know, I just you know, it does help 0:17:43.960 --> 0:17:46.720 to talk to her about it, but I mean she's 0:17:46.800 --> 0:17:49.920 very supportive, but like she doesn't really like I don't 0:17:49.960 --> 0:17:52.080 know how to say this. She doesn't shame me for anything, 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:54.400 because at the end of the day, I think I am. 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:56.800 I could just be overthinking stuff. Like I saidt the 0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:58.879 end of the day, I'm twenty five, you know, I 0:17:59.400 --> 0:18:01.479 like to drink on the weekends and have fun. So 0:18:01.600 --> 0:18:04.720 like maybe it's something that I'm overthinking and making it 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:07.520 into something big and it's not. But i'd lie if 0:18:07.560 --> 0:18:12.680 I'd say I don't think about it. Yeah, well that 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:14.120 if that didn't makes sense. 0:18:14.359 --> 0:18:17.720 No, no, it makes perfect sense. Well, I mean, I well, 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:19.840 let's let's put it like this, at least you're thinking 0:18:19.880 --> 0:18:23.080 about it. Like, I don't know when your dad was 0:18:24.280 --> 0:18:25.960 like drinking when you were a kid. Do you think 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:27.119 he was even thinking about it? 0:18:28.480 --> 0:18:31.879 Definitely, Well, I don't know. That's that's definitely something that 0:18:31.960 --> 0:18:34.440 I haven't even thought about. But like I don't know. 0:18:35.240 --> 0:18:36.159 I really couldn't tell you. 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:38.399 Hmm. 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:42.480 I think you'll be a I think you'd be a 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:44.600 good dad. You can't you give at least you give 0:18:44.640 --> 0:18:46.320 a ship. That's the place to start. 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:47.359 I try. 0:18:49.880 --> 0:18:52.399 Okay, what am I news? I don't do. I have 0:18:52.520 --> 0:18:56.399 nears resolutions, They're all boring. You don't have any of them. 0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:58.080 You are You're just gonna keep living your life. 0:18:58.119 --> 0:19:00.840 Well, I kiss, Well, I got like it's it's the 0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:02.880 same thing that everybody says, you know I am. I mean, 0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:05.000 I've been. I feel like I go to the gym 0:19:05.040 --> 0:19:07.280 pretty like frequently. I'm a a s Other thing I 0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:09.119 think I get from my dad is my dad's like 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:12.760 huge into the gym, even if whether he's drinking or not, 0:19:12.840 --> 0:19:14.560 He's always in the gym. It's something that I like 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:18.840 to do. And I've got some like muscle on me. 0:19:19.240 --> 0:19:21.359 But like I'm trying to cut back and trying to 0:19:21.880 --> 0:19:24.439 look skinnier. So I guess that's that is one is 0:19:24.600 --> 0:19:28.520 lose weight, cut back, and that's that. I don't know 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:31.840 if it's an addiction, but dude, does that door dashing does 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:32.520 not help? 0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:34.280 What do you? What are you been door dashing? 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:43.080 Did all doors anything? McDonald's. It's so hard not to. 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:44.439 It's a lot of protein. 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:45.880 That's that's another addiction. 0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:47.560 You got a lot of protein in there. 0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:51.880 Yeah, a lot of protein and fried crap I don't need. 0:19:52.000 --> 0:19:55.680 But that could be another good New Year's resolution, less 0:19:55.680 --> 0:19:56.320 stor dashing. 0:19:57.160 --> 0:19:59.800 Dude, I'm just gonna I don't know why. I'm just 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:02.760 something that someone else said on their podcast, but uh, 0:20:03.280 --> 0:20:07.080 this guy, Stavros Halkias said something on his podcast once 0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:12.159 about like getting to a fat guy, Uh, getting to 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:15.720 like a fat guy logic where you start eating chicken 0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:20.560 tenders as a side oh life and like and the 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:24.560 and the excuse being that it's protein. I was like 0:20:24.600 --> 0:20:26.720 that fucking I was like, damn, I've never felt more 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:36.720 seen in my life. Wyat If they're hm, hm, is 0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:41.160 there anything else you wanna say or talk about before 0:20:41.200 --> 0:20:42.280 we before we go? 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:47.399 No, man, I I definitely feel better talking like I 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:49.600 haven't really talked to anybody about this or you know, 0:20:50.160 --> 0:20:52.159 but other than just thought about it to myself. So 0:20:52.760 --> 0:20:55.440 definitely appreciate it. Appreciate what you do for sure. 0:20:55.480 --> 0:20:57.240 Man, Is there any other aspect of it you think 0:20:57.280 --> 0:20:57.840 we didn't cover? 0:21:00.320 --> 0:21:01.959 I mean no, not really. I mean at the end 0:21:01.960 --> 0:21:03.439 of the day, you know, I love my old man. 0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:05.400 I think he's a good person at hart He's never 0:21:05.520 --> 0:21:08.919 done anything evil. But you know, there's there are some 0:21:09.000 --> 0:21:12.040 aspects that I see myself in him or himself in 0:21:12.240 --> 0:21:15.840 him and myself that I definitely don't want lingering around 0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:19.160 in the future. And like I don't shame my father 0:21:19.240 --> 0:21:21.520 for anything. You know, like I said at the end 0:21:21.520 --> 0:21:23.800 of the day's my awesome. 0:21:23.560 --> 0:21:29.600 Dude, Wyatt, thanks for Sharon Man, I appreciate this was 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:30.360 a health. 0:21:30.119 --> 0:21:34.120 Conversation too, ye Happy New Years bye way. 0:21:38.640 --> 0:21:41.160 Yeah, that's interesting. I mean there's something we've talked about 0:21:41.160 --> 0:21:42.879 in here before, but like, yeah, how do you how 0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:47.480 do you not become your parents? And I it's it's interesting. 0:21:47.520 --> 0:21:50.439 I'm I'm I'm blessed enough to have a you know, 0:21:50.640 --> 0:21:53.840 a lot of a lot of friends from childhood who 0:21:53.960 --> 0:21:56.400 like I know them and I know their family and 0:21:56.440 --> 0:22:00.280 every single every one of my fucking friends, I can 0:22:00.359 --> 0:22:06.160 like pinpoint how they exist by thinking about their parents, 0:22:06.680 --> 0:22:08.520 not every single one of them. Sometimes there's a bit 0:22:08.520 --> 0:22:11.359 of sometimes they're a black sheep. I actually know. I 0:22:11.359 --> 0:22:13.119 have a couple. I have a few friends where I'm like, 0:22:13.200 --> 0:22:19.040 I don't know how you got became this, But I 0:22:19.080 --> 0:22:20.440 have a lot of friends where I'm like, I know 0:22:20.560 --> 0:22:23.320 exactly how you became this. Myself, I look at my parents, 0:22:23.320 --> 0:22:26.680 I'm like, I know exactly how I became what I am. 0:22:27.320 --> 0:22:28.879 It's hard. It's one of those things that makes you 0:22:28.960 --> 0:22:31.680 like question free It really is one of those fucking 0:22:31.760 --> 0:22:36.320 things that makes you question free will. You're like, are 0:22:36.359 --> 0:22:41.720 we just doomed genetically to become our parents? Or do 0:22:41.800 --> 0:22:50.480 we have some say? I think ultimately believing in free 0:22:50.520 --> 0:22:56.800 will is more empowering than believing in uh determinism. So 0:22:56.880 --> 0:22:58.520 I'm gonna go ahead. I'm gonna go ahead and say 0:22:58.520 --> 0:23:02.280 we help we have free will to try not to 0:23:02.320 --> 0:23:10.720 become our parents. Hello, Hey, what's up? 0:23:12.560 --> 0:23:12.800 Hey? 0:23:13.520 --> 0:23:14.160 What's your name? 0:23:15.600 --> 0:23:17.040 Aubriel A brill? 0:23:18.440 --> 0:23:22.320 Okay, you had a shitty twenty twenty five? Do you 0:23:22.359 --> 0:23:24.880 should we start there? Should we start more positive? 0:23:28.520 --> 0:23:30.600 Whatever? Really? All right? 0:23:30.720 --> 0:23:35.720 So I got arrested earlier in the year, so that 0:23:35.800 --> 0:23:39.000 kind of put it like a damper on things. I 0:23:39.000 --> 0:23:40.280 would say, for. 0:23:40.200 --> 0:23:44.480 Sure, do you to talk about what you were arrested for? 0:23:49.119 --> 0:23:49.639 I don't have to. 0:23:51.520 --> 0:23:54.840 Essentially, I got pulled over in a pretty bad area 0:23:55.920 --> 0:23:58.800 and I didn't know this at the time, but I 0:23:58.840 --> 0:24:03.000 have my medical card. I live in Florida, but I 0:24:03.080 --> 0:24:07.240 let it lapse by like two weeks or something like that. Uh, 0:24:07.280 --> 0:24:08.920 So I got pulled over during that time, and I 0:24:08.920 --> 0:24:10.640 didn't know that carts were a felony. So I ended 0:24:10.680 --> 0:24:13.240 up getting a felony for like resin possession, which that 0:24:13.280 --> 0:24:16.679 really sucks, and then like three missing years along the 0:24:16.680 --> 0:24:21.159 lines of the paraphernalia and stuff. Yeah did wait, it 0:24:21.160 --> 0:24:21.680 was the whole thing. 0:24:22.560 --> 0:24:25.320 So okay, so you have a medical Okay, so, uh, 0:24:25.800 --> 0:24:28.760 recreational marijuana is illegal in Florida, but you have a 0:24:28.800 --> 0:24:31.520 med card, but the med card expired, so they charged 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:32.720 it for the carts. 0:24:34.320 --> 0:24:37.480 Yeah, so like the like a like like a dad pen. 0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:37.960 Yeah. 0:24:38.119 --> 0:24:40.280 So I had like it had my name on it 0:24:40.320 --> 0:24:44.040 and everything already, but because it had lapsed, it was 0:24:44.080 --> 0:24:46.879 still a felony because I didn't have like an active 0:24:46.960 --> 0:24:49.159 medical marijuana card. 0:24:50.080 --> 0:24:50.920 That's fucking lame. 0:24:52.359 --> 0:24:55.560 No really, lamb really lamb initially, like because I didn't 0:24:55.720 --> 0:24:57.639 and it didn't even like register to me that I 0:24:57.680 --> 0:24:59.480 had it in the car, Like they asked me, they 0:24:59.520 --> 0:25:01.920 were like, have anything in there, and like they tried 0:25:01.960 --> 0:25:03.400 to search and I told the nose and they got 0:25:03.400 --> 0:25:06.199 a dog. It was a whole fucking thing. But I 0:25:06.240 --> 0:25:07.960 was like, I think I only have like a quarter 0:25:08.160 --> 0:25:10.439 or something like that because I completely didn't even register 0:25:10.520 --> 0:25:14.680 that was weed obviously. But yeah, they're like okay, well yeah, 0:25:14.760 --> 0:25:16.720 so yeah, but no. 0:25:16.800 --> 0:25:19.480 That's lam as fuck. It's so crazy to be in 0:25:19.560 --> 0:25:21.960 like legal states where it's like you don't you don't, 0:25:22.040 --> 0:25:25.879 it doesn't even like register that it's illegal. And then like, 0:25:26.000 --> 0:25:27.600 I mean, foreign countries is one thing, but like the 0:25:27.640 --> 0:25:29.880 fact there are places in America where you can get 0:25:29.880 --> 0:25:35.480 like fucking arrested for uh just having a cart is insane. 0:25:35.880 --> 0:25:40.160 Like so they put you in handcuffs. 0:25:38.960 --> 0:25:41.240 Yeah, dude, Like no, Like they had me at the 0:25:41.280 --> 0:25:43.920 front of the car initially, and then they were like okay, 0:25:43.920 --> 0:25:45.200 we'll put your hands behind your back, and then the 0:25:45.320 --> 0:25:48.560 red meee my Miranda rights and everything, and I was like, oh, okay, 0:25:48.600 --> 0:25:52.480 so this is like actually happening, and I think, yeah, 0:25:52.480 --> 0:25:55.880 I was nineteen at the time. I think when that happened, 0:25:55.920 --> 0:25:59.919 I don't yeah, I don't think I was eighteen. It 0:25:59.920 --> 0:26:03.399 was really scary, but they told me. They reassured me, 0:26:03.480 --> 0:26:05.919 like on the way to the jail, because that was 0:26:05.960 --> 0:26:10.399 my first time only time getting in trouble. But they 0:26:10.400 --> 0:26:12.560 were like, girl, like you should be good. Like I 0:26:12.680 --> 0:26:16.280 just heard a story about somebody in our county who had, 0:26:16.520 --> 0:26:18.760 like I don't even want to say it out loud, 0:26:18.760 --> 0:26:21.640 but like had did some really heinous shit to whatever 0:26:21.720 --> 0:26:24.560 and he had gotten out on probation. And I was like, okay, 0:26:24.640 --> 0:26:25.680 well that's great. 0:26:26.600 --> 0:26:28.439 Did you have to let me go to jail. 0:26:30.280 --> 0:26:33.040 Yeah, yeah, no, like I fully went to jail. 0:26:33.200 --> 0:26:33.960 Yeah. 0:26:34.040 --> 0:26:35.159 How long were you in jail for? 0:26:37.720 --> 0:26:41.560 So I got I think it was on like a yeah, 0:26:41.560 --> 0:26:45.200 I think it was on a Sunday. I was into 0:26:45.240 --> 0:26:48.600 like seventeen hours I sat in booking. That was the 0:26:48.640 --> 0:26:51.280 worst fucking part. Honestly, jail was fine, like the girls 0:26:51.280 --> 0:26:55.359 were fine, but booking was like actual psychological torture. Like 0:26:55.359 --> 0:26:58.000 I just sat there for ten hours staring at a 0:26:58.040 --> 0:26:59.879 fucking wall, couldn't even tell the time, And then there 0:26:59.920 --> 0:27:02.120 was one point. Oh, this shit got me so bad. 0:27:02.840 --> 0:27:05.040 I was like, is it almost seven o'clock yet or 0:27:05.080 --> 0:27:07.000 like seven am whatever, because that was the time that 0:27:07.040 --> 0:27:11.159 they said that was gonna have my arraignment. And he 0:27:11.280 --> 0:27:13.240 was like yeah, and I was like really and he's 0:27:13.280 --> 0:27:16.040 like no, And I was like, are you fucking serious? 0:27:16.040 --> 0:27:18.760 So what would y'all have done if I hadn't said really? 0:27:18.880 --> 0:27:19.680 Like what? I okay? 0:27:19.760 --> 0:27:28.840 But yeah, that's hilarious. Oh hmmm, so okay. Jail was Wait, 0:27:28.880 --> 0:27:30.840 the girls were fine, Like you were chatting it up 0:27:31.280 --> 0:27:32.800 with the people in the jail. What was that? 0:27:32.960 --> 0:27:33.080 Like? 0:27:33.200 --> 0:27:35.440 Who would you meet? 0:27:36.280 --> 0:27:38.520 So there was this one girl she was a year 0:27:38.560 --> 0:27:40.960 younger than me, and she was in there for DTA. 0:27:41.320 --> 0:27:45.160 She was really cool. They helped me put like, uh 0:27:45.280 --> 0:27:47.280 thee One of the girls fucked up their comb, like 0:27:47.359 --> 0:27:49.320 you take if you have like nose piercings or anything 0:27:49.400 --> 0:27:51.000 like that, you take a piece of the comb and 0:27:51.000 --> 0:27:52.639 you put it through your nose so it doesn't close. 0:27:53.880 --> 0:27:55.560 So they gave me one of those. They let me 0:27:55.640 --> 0:28:00.480 try crack powder whatever it was, which is like basically 0:28:00.520 --> 0:28:02.880 fucking mint powder that you put in your drink, but 0:28:02.960 --> 0:28:04.440 you like to put it on your chips and shit 0:28:04.480 --> 0:28:05.320 and it tastes really good. 0:28:06.520 --> 0:28:07.720 Wait is it actually as a crack? 0:28:09.280 --> 0:28:11.320 No, No, like it doesn't have crack, but they called 0:28:11.320 --> 0:28:11.520 it that. 0:28:12.080 --> 0:28:14.159 Okay, I was about to say, seventeen hours in jails 0:28:14.200 --> 0:28:17.720 a little early to be, you know, doing jail crack. 0:28:19.080 --> 0:28:22.600 No, that actually would have been nuts. Yeah. I don't 0:28:22.640 --> 0:28:26.480 do none of that. But yeah, there's some older ladies. 0:28:26.520 --> 0:28:29.159 There was two younger ones. Uh so it was me. 0:28:29.400 --> 0:28:30.959 I was on the top bunk. Then there was two 0:28:31.040 --> 0:28:34.520 girls who had their beds on floor, but those were 0:28:34.520 --> 0:28:36.680 the younger ones, and then there was like three of 0:28:36.760 --> 0:28:38.200 their older ladies. 0:28:38.880 --> 0:28:44.240 And you were there for one night. Yes, damn, that's 0:28:44.280 --> 0:28:45.120 crazy they put you in that. 0:28:45.200 --> 0:28:46.120 What's so? What so. 0:28:47.640 --> 0:28:50.000 Holding you're just kind of staring at a wall and 0:28:50.040 --> 0:28:53.320 then jail You're like, it's like camp. It sounded kind 0:28:53.320 --> 0:28:54.440 of like summer camp. 0:28:56.640 --> 0:28:57.160 Essentially. 0:28:57.360 --> 0:28:57.600 Yeah. 0:28:57.680 --> 0:29:00.520 Basically, honestly, it wasn't that bad. It was just like 0:29:00.680 --> 0:29:05.200 knowing that freedom was not there was kind of surreal. Yeah, like, actually, 0:29:05.240 --> 0:29:06.760 like you're not a person anymore. 0:29:07.280 --> 0:29:11.000 Yeah, yeah, okay, so it's not actually like summer camp 0:29:11.000 --> 0:29:11.320 at all. 0:29:13.560 --> 0:29:14.040 I'm sorry. 0:29:16.560 --> 0:29:23.440 So you said you didn't feel like a person. Oh, yeah, 0:29:24.840 --> 0:29:27.440 so when you got out what happened after that? 0:29:30.280 --> 0:29:31.960 I had to get a lawyer, So that was a 0:29:31.960 --> 0:29:35.960 whole thing. It was like forty five hundred dollars and 0:29:36.120 --> 0:29:38.720 essentially I went to I did go to court, and 0:29:39.920 --> 0:29:43.200 they gave me diversion, which was like a first time 0:29:43.280 --> 0:29:48.720 offender program. But I encountered like every single possible obstacle 0:29:48.760 --> 0:29:51.800 you could encounter in that program while I was in it, 0:29:52.600 --> 0:29:54.480 which is like kind of my own fault in a way. 0:29:54.720 --> 0:29:57.640 But I have like really bad anxiety. Like I'm sure 0:29:57.680 --> 0:29:59.680 you can hear it, like I'm still it's kind of 0:29:59.680 --> 0:30:04.240 crazy that I'm talking right now. I'm still shaking. But yeah, 0:30:04.240 --> 0:30:05.920 I ended up I have really bad P anxiety, So 0:30:05.920 --> 0:30:07.480 I ended up not being able to piss and like 0:30:07.520 --> 0:30:12.880 that fucking stuff. So like I don't add, yeah, you. 0:30:12.760 --> 0:30:14.240 Were holding it in for the whole time. 0:30:15.880 --> 0:30:18.840 Well no, No, I meant like afterwards, like because you 0:30:18.880 --> 0:30:21.360 have to do P tests and stuff. So I said, oh, oh, 0:30:21.480 --> 0:30:29.320 oh yeah, so you have to do like P tests 0:30:29.360 --> 0:30:32.240 and ship like that, and that was not fun. So 0:30:32.320 --> 0:30:33.840 I ended up having to be in for like an 0:30:33.880 --> 0:30:36.600 extra three months on top of the year that they 0:30:36.640 --> 0:30:41.280 already wanted me in. There. So yeah, I'm out now, 0:30:42.320 --> 0:30:45.120 feel good, feel good, free birds. 0:30:45.680 --> 0:30:48.880 Wait, I'm fuck. I'm sorry if I'm miss hearing this first, 0:30:48.920 --> 0:30:50.680 but you were you were aware for three months? 0:30:52.560 --> 0:30:56.760 Oh sorry? No, like they had me in the program 0:30:57.000 --> 0:31:01.080 for a year, I'm limit, and then because I had 0:31:01.160 --> 0:31:06.160 sucked up with the testing and everything. Yeah, yeah, so 0:31:06.200 --> 0:31:06.680 they added on. 0:31:06.720 --> 0:31:09.200 Three extra months because of that, which fucking sucks about. 0:31:10.320 --> 0:31:11.120 How are you doing now? 0:31:14.600 --> 0:31:18.320 Great? Actually, I just moved out of my dad's I'm 0:31:18.360 --> 0:31:21.800 living at my nana's now, so that's been really cool. 0:31:21.880 --> 0:31:26.080 My parents got divorced like two years ago. I've been 0:31:26.120 --> 0:31:30.240 living with him, but he just has not been the 0:31:30.240 --> 0:31:33.640 happiest camper since. Yeah. So, finally got out of that situation. 0:31:34.680 --> 0:31:40.800 And I'm also twenty so just feels good to not 0:31:41.880 --> 0:31:42.480 be there. 0:31:42.680 --> 0:31:48.320 I guess you mentioned in this text to me that 0:31:48.360 --> 0:31:54.000 you said you you found your childhood crush that you've 0:31:54.040 --> 0:32:00.600 been looking for online for nine years. What does that mean? Yes, 0:32:00.720 --> 0:32:01.360 I'm curious. 0:32:01.480 --> 0:32:05.360 Okay, So, essentially, my dad was in the military growing 0:32:05.440 --> 0:32:08.400 up and I got stationed. So one of the places 0:32:08.400 --> 0:32:13.680 we were when I was in fifth grade it was Mayport, Jacksonville, 0:32:13.880 --> 0:32:18.160 and I had this best friend who while the entire 0:32:18.200 --> 0:32:21.520 time I lived there and we just got really close 0:32:21.520 --> 0:32:23.320 to whatever. So then we ended up moving, and he 0:32:23.400 --> 0:32:25.560 ended up moving too because his dad was also in 0:32:25.680 --> 0:32:33.000 the military, and I basically he had no social media 0:32:33.040 --> 0:32:36.280 presence for the entirety of until he got out of 0:32:36.320 --> 0:32:41.040 high school, and I'd spent like at least twice a year, 0:32:41.120 --> 0:32:43.400 like twice a year looking him up on social media, 0:32:43.440 --> 0:32:46.320 which like I hadn't done that for any but like 0:32:46.360 --> 0:32:49.240 any of the other people that I'd met over the years, 0:32:49.800 --> 0:32:53.480 like as consistently as I did with him. I don't know, 0:32:53.600 --> 0:32:55.800 it's just crazy, like you just have a connection with somebody, 0:32:55.800 --> 0:32:58.360 even when you're still little, not little, but like even 0:32:58.360 --> 0:33:03.000 when you're so young, and like it's you just know 0:33:03.160 --> 0:33:05.960 something's real. I guess, I don't know, Like I thought 0:33:05.960 --> 0:33:09.320 that was cool. So then I finally found him and 0:33:09.400 --> 0:33:11.360 he was he joined the Navy too, and it was 0:33:11.400 --> 0:33:16.480 really freaking crazy because he's he's currently stationed in the 0:33:16.560 --> 0:33:20.040 same at the same base that we met at when 0:33:20.080 --> 0:33:23.720 we're kids. WHOA, And he's actually, yeah, so he's here 0:33:23.840 --> 0:33:26.400 right now, actually, like I'm in my hometown and he 0:33:26.480 --> 0:33:28.600 drove three hours so that was really cool. 0:33:29.160 --> 0:33:32.880 WHOA. Interesting. So you guys met at a bed at 0:33:32.880 --> 0:33:35.600 this base that your dad was at, and then fucking 0:33:35.680 --> 0:33:37.440 years later he's stationed there now. 0:33:39.040 --> 0:33:44.760 Yeah, no, like really crazy? How did you find Okay? 0:33:44.920 --> 0:33:48.520 So I knew his first and last name, and like 0:33:48.560 --> 0:33:51.600 when I tell you I'm a d one stalker, like, 0:33:51.640 --> 0:33:54.160 I'm actually a d one stalker. So I went through 0:33:54.200 --> 0:33:57.480 every social media platform he could possibly go through, and 0:33:57.640 --> 0:33:59.560 I would look up people with his name and I 0:33:59.560 --> 0:34:02.560 would I would message them basically, like twice a year, 0:34:02.560 --> 0:34:04.400 I'd message a whole bunch of random people who had 0:34:04.400 --> 0:34:05.840 his name and hoped they were him. 0:34:07.840 --> 0:34:10.280 Wow, that's actually pretty romantic. 0:34:11.800 --> 0:34:13.640 Yeah, it's a lot of dedication for sure. 0:34:16.120 --> 0:34:20.600 So hmmm, I have a lot of questions about this. 0:34:20.880 --> 0:34:24.360 How long had it been since you guys had connected 0:34:24.360 --> 0:34:24.919 with each other? 0:34:27.920 --> 0:34:30.440 So I hadn't seen him since I was ten, and 0:34:30.520 --> 0:34:35.279 then reconnected when I was like nineteen, so nine years. 0:34:35.280 --> 0:34:36.840 We hadn't spoken for nine years? 0:34:37.880 --> 0:34:43.359 Wow? And so how long were you searching for him? 0:34:44.760 --> 0:34:47.120 You said you said like twice a year you would 0:34:47.160 --> 0:34:47.400 do this. 0:34:48.760 --> 0:34:50.840 Yeah, like twice a year or something like that. Just 0:34:50.920 --> 0:34:51.560 see what's up. 0:34:53.160 --> 0:34:55.160 How did it feel when you finally found him? 0:34:56.960 --> 0:35:00.719 It was fucking crazy. It was nuts, Like genuinely, I 0:35:00.760 --> 0:35:03.520 was like, no fucking way, like this isn't real. And 0:35:03.600 --> 0:35:05.840 he had full like he remembered me, and that was 0:35:05.880 --> 0:35:14.480 also even crazier. Oh sorry to burp, but I don't know. 0:35:14.600 --> 0:35:18.040 It's just like, honestly, it still feels really surreal. I 0:35:18.400 --> 0:35:22.000 so we've been talking for like a year now and 0:35:22.040 --> 0:35:26.080 we finally like made it official on the sixth, So 0:35:26.200 --> 0:35:29.000 that was all fucking nuts, Like fucking nuts. 0:35:29.320 --> 0:35:31.960 Wait, this is so romantic. This is like a beautiful story. 0:35:32.000 --> 0:35:35.080 I'm very invested. What was the first meeting? 0:35:35.320 --> 0:35:43.160 Like, so, okay, so he drove down here from Jacksonville 0:35:43.239 --> 0:35:45.799 also something to know kind of I have PTSD from 0:35:45.800 --> 0:35:50.240 getting arrested, so I just don't like driving long distances. 0:35:50.920 --> 0:35:53.680 So he came down here and he had never been 0:35:53.719 --> 0:35:56.200 to the Bush Start in Tampa or yeah, down here, 0:35:56.239 --> 0:35:57.680 so it's like, oh my god, like we should go. 0:36:01.360 --> 0:36:03.680 So he drove down here and I drove us to 0:36:03.680 --> 0:36:06.879 Bush Gardens and it didn't start out like a day 0:36:06.960 --> 0:36:12.280 at all. I don't know it was. It wasn't awkward, 0:36:12.440 --> 0:36:14.640 but it was like I could definitely tell that he 0:36:14.760 --> 0:36:17.919 was flirting with me. But he's also Okay. So he's 0:36:17.960 --> 0:36:21.480 like actually autistic, like clinically autistic, so he doesn't pick 0:36:21.560 --> 0:36:24.879 up on social cues very well. And like I had 0:36:24.920 --> 0:36:29.200 already kind of pursued him a little bit previously, but 0:36:29.320 --> 0:36:31.520 it didn't seem like he was interested. So I just 0:36:31.600 --> 0:36:33.840 like completely laid the fuck off it, and I was like, 0:36:33.960 --> 0:36:35.840 just him being in my life is enough, so whatever. 0:36:37.640 --> 0:36:41.279 But by the end of it, like I don't know, 0:36:41.440 --> 0:36:43.240 like we laid in bed, like because I got a hotel. 0:36:43.320 --> 0:36:45.279 So we got back from Bush Gardens and he was 0:36:45.280 --> 0:36:48.880 slurting and I was just kind of being standoffish, and 0:36:49.160 --> 0:36:51.920 we watched like three movies on his laptop and he 0:36:52.000 --> 0:36:55.920 let me pick every movie, and then he fell asleep 0:36:55.960 --> 0:36:58.279 and I literally sat there like smelling his breath for 0:36:58.280 --> 0:37:00.719 fucking an hour before I find I fell asleep. And 0:37:00.760 --> 0:37:05.000 then I woke up at like five a m or something, 0:37:05.080 --> 0:37:06.960 and like he was cuddling me, and it was just 0:37:07.000 --> 0:37:09.200 like it was so fucking crazy. It was so crazy. 0:37:10.719 --> 0:37:15.359 Wow. So it started out okay, So so that night 0:37:15.520 --> 0:37:17.600 when you, yeah, you got you were smelling his breath, 0:37:17.960 --> 0:37:22.279 He's cuddling you. It be the romantic interest was was 0:37:22.600 --> 0:37:25.960 there from the from the from the second beginning. 0:37:27.920 --> 0:37:30.799 Yes, I just I didn't want to come off that 0:37:30.880 --> 0:37:33.080 way because I wasn't sure if like that was just 0:37:33.160 --> 0:37:36.279 his personality or it's like I was reading things wrong or. 0:37:37.480 --> 0:37:42.120 Yeah, m. 0:37:42.080 --> 0:37:46.400 What was it about him that you remembered from when 0:37:46.440 --> 0:37:54.320 you were ten that made you so dedicated to finding him? 0:37:54.360 --> 0:37:59.360 It's really corny, but he just really is so like thoughtful. 0:37:59.480 --> 0:38:03.880 He was just so thoughtful and so observant and his 0:38:04.040 --> 0:38:07.680 perspectives on the world. Like I'm also not trying to 0:38:07.719 --> 0:38:10.200 sound egotistical, but I just I feel like I was 0:38:10.239 --> 0:38:16.840 a much more denteent child than most like my My 0:38:16.960 --> 0:38:19.240 earliest memories go back to like one and a half 0:38:19.239 --> 0:38:21.799 two years old, and he's kind of similar in that 0:38:21.840 --> 0:38:24.880 way where he's like always been a more introspected thinker. 0:38:24.920 --> 0:38:29.520 And I don't know, like I also don't know if 0:38:29.520 --> 0:38:33.279 you're like spiritual or whatever. But when like just when 0:38:33.280 --> 0:38:35.239 you know, you know, like when you meet somebody and 0:38:35.239 --> 0:38:36.880 you feel like your soul knows that person. 0:38:37.520 --> 0:38:42.960 M sure, sure, hmm, I don't know. 0:38:43.360 --> 0:38:43.759 I'm so. 0:38:47.040 --> 0:38:49.160 I said it might be a little delusional. 0:38:48.760 --> 0:38:51.360 But no, I don't think anything about this is delusional. 0:38:51.400 --> 0:38:55.480 This is like I know, this is a beautiful story. 0:38:55.600 --> 0:38:57.520 I'm trying to think what else I want to know 0:38:57.600 --> 0:39:05.319 about it? Were you uh uh okay, here's one. So 0:39:05.400 --> 0:39:07.640 you hadn't seen him since you guys were kids, right 0:39:08.440 --> 0:39:13.520 like when you saw him like as an adult, were 0:39:13.560 --> 0:39:19.120 you like instantly like attracted to him again like physically yes? 0:39:20.160 --> 0:39:23.000 Yes, And that was another thing I honestly wasn't. 0:39:22.760 --> 0:39:26.399 Expecting that, Yeah, because you because did any was any 0:39:26.400 --> 0:39:28.160 part of you like, oh shit, he could have like 0:39:28.200 --> 0:39:29.240 grown up chopped. 0:39:31.440 --> 0:39:35.000 Yeah. It just it's one of those things where it 0:39:35.440 --> 0:39:39.960 didn't even matter, like realistically, like once I actually seen him, 0:39:40.000 --> 0:39:43.520 like it really didn't matter even if he had grown 0:39:43.600 --> 0:39:46.279 up chopped, Like I still would like him anyway. It's 0:39:46.320 --> 0:39:47.360 just the person that he is. 0:39:47.440 --> 0:39:55.160 Really damn that's so nice. Holy shit. Hm hmm So no, no, no, no, no, 0:39:55.160 --> 0:39:59.400 that's that's awesome. Wow. Okay, So he lives three hours 0:39:59.400 --> 0:40:07.120 away at the base where you guys met, and yeah, 0:40:07.160 --> 0:40:09.320 what's your what's what's your guys' future? 0:40:09.320 --> 0:40:20.920 Looking like you think, well, I don't, I don't really know. 0:40:21.120 --> 0:40:23.200 I mean I feel like it's a little early, but 0:40:23.719 --> 0:40:27.160 within the next year or so, I mean hopefully it 0:40:27.200 --> 0:40:30.920 would be not long distance anymore. Realistically, he doesn't live 0:40:31.120 --> 0:40:34.600 that far. But he also he was talking about because 0:40:34.680 --> 0:40:36.560 he's been talking about whether or not he wants to 0:40:36.560 --> 0:40:42.160 re enlist because his contract is over in twenty twenty seven. 0:40:42.200 --> 0:40:46.640 I think so, like literally next year. But if he 0:40:46.719 --> 0:40:49.320 gets orders to come down to Tampa or to stay 0:40:50.960 --> 0:40:54.799 in Jacksonville, then he will re enlist. But if not, 0:40:54.840 --> 0:40:56.680 I don't know, but he was talking about me going 0:40:56.719 --> 0:40:58.279 up there. When he gets into part himself, was like, 0:40:58.640 --> 0:40:59.000 I don't know. 0:40:59.120 --> 0:40:59.920 That's fucking crazy. 0:41:01.080 --> 0:41:08.440 Wow, man, So you really Uh yeah, that's so wild. 0:41:08.520 --> 0:41:14.920 That's so wild. Mmmm what what do you? 0:41:14.920 --> 0:41:15.000 So? 0:41:15.040 --> 0:41:15.600 What do you? What do you? 0:41:15.719 --> 0:41:19.880 What do you do for? Like work and stuff? Like 0:41:19.920 --> 0:41:21.600 what's your kind of like life situation. 0:41:25.160 --> 0:41:27.799 It's pretty lame. I'm not gonna lie to you, Like 0:41:27.960 --> 0:41:31.200 when I got arrested, like this is definitely an excuse, 0:41:31.280 --> 0:41:35.200 but it put it to me. It put like a 0:41:35.239 --> 0:41:37.360 hold on everything in my life. Like I felt like 0:41:37.440 --> 0:41:39.920 once I had that over my head, like I couldn't 0:41:40.080 --> 0:41:44.040 do anything else basically, So I'm still working. I've been 0:41:44.080 --> 0:41:47.440 working at the same job for like two years. I 0:41:47.480 --> 0:41:54.560 work at an Italian restaurant as a host. So that's 0:41:54.680 --> 0:41:58.160 pretty still very fucking easy job, and I get Hella 0:41:58.160 --> 0:42:02.200 hours because nobody knows how to work nowadays. 0:42:02.360 --> 0:42:04.560 You should work as a fucking private investigator. 0:42:06.440 --> 0:42:09.120 I really should. I've thought about that. I don't know 0:42:09.160 --> 0:42:13.839 about with the felony on my record, but maybe. 0:42:13.920 --> 0:42:20.560 Hmm, what's your name again, Abrielle, Abrielle, Yeah, thanks for 0:42:20.600 --> 0:42:23.440 sharing your story, Aubrielle. This is very interesting. I want 0:42:23.480 --> 0:42:25.719 to feel. I feel like this is one of those 0:42:25.719 --> 0:42:28.279 things where I'm like, wow, this is so fascinating and 0:42:28.560 --> 0:42:34.640 human to me, especially in a like like you have 0:42:34.840 --> 0:42:40.239 like a fairy tale like drama movie romance going on 0:42:40.360 --> 0:42:43.080 in a world where everyone's just trying to you know, 0:42:43.360 --> 0:42:46.439 not get ghosted from a dating app. You know, it's 0:42:46.520 --> 0:42:47.560 like it's cool. 0:42:49.520 --> 0:42:53.759 Yeah, I feel like I always kind of yeah, I 0:42:53.760 --> 0:42:57.320 don't know. You can't like, you can't not romanticized life 0:42:57.320 --> 0:42:59.760 really gets really fucking depressing very quickly. 0:43:01.320 --> 0:43:04.960 Yeah, you should romanticize life, every aspect of it, you know, 0:43:05.040 --> 0:43:10.480 waking up, opening a door, you know, being Yeah, wait. 0:43:10.360 --> 0:43:14.760 In my mind at the thing, everything like life really 0:43:14.840 --> 0:43:17.799 is a fucking gift and that you should make the 0:43:17.840 --> 0:43:21.520 most of it too. Just make the fucking most of it. 0:43:21.560 --> 0:43:25.439 Like if you can do something. Do it? Really? What's 0:43:25.480 --> 0:43:26.400 the worst that could happen? 0:43:27.640 --> 0:43:29.279 Abriel? Is there anything else you want to say to 0:43:29.320 --> 0:43:30.920 the people of the computer before we go? 0:43:32.400 --> 0:43:35.320 No, that's it. Have a great night, Thank. 0:43:35.160 --> 0:43:37.560 You, Abria'll have a good one, have a go Bye 0:43:37.560 --> 0:43:47.520 bye bush Gardens. I love bush Gardens. I like that story. 0:43:50.200 --> 0:43:52.319 Trying to think if there's anyone that I'm trying to think, 0:43:52.360 --> 0:43:54.080 if there's anyone that I fell in love with when 0:43:54.120 --> 0:43:57.319 I was ten that I could reach back out to 0:43:58.440 --> 0:44:07.080 via this podcast, there's not. I guess that's the thing 0:44:07.080 --> 0:44:09.879 about our I remember my dad fucking telling me this 0:44:09.920 --> 0:44:14.120 once about Facebook. He's like, your generation will never understand 0:44:15.400 --> 0:44:18.560 like going no contact for like fifty fucking not fifty, 0:44:18.560 --> 0:44:23.399 but like, you know, thirty twenty years not seeing anyone. Yeah, 0:44:23.400 --> 0:44:25.520 this is a unique thing to our generation because like 0:44:25.560 --> 0:44:27.840 the old the generation, they go like, you know, twenty 0:44:27.840 --> 0:44:30.680 thirty years without seeing anyone, and then on Facebook, all 0:44:30.680 --> 0:44:33.880 of a sudden, everyone they reconnect. Whereas like our generation, 0:44:33.960 --> 0:44:35.759 it's like we've been if I know you, if I 0:44:35.800 --> 0:44:39.000 met you at a party once or whatever, you might 0:44:39.040 --> 0:44:44.000 be in my life every day for the next sixty 0:44:44.080 --> 0:44:47.279 years of me looking at my phone. That's what we're 0:44:47.280 --> 0:44:51.840 bringing back in twenty twenty six. We're gonna bring back mystery. 0:44:52.880 --> 0:44:59.359 We're gonna bring back a rekindling misconnections. I don't wanna. 0:45:00.440 --> 0:45:03.399 Let's do the opposite. If you meet someone at a 0:45:03.440 --> 0:45:06.040 party or the thing or whatever, and you had a 0:45:06.120 --> 0:45:08.799 nice conversation, I don't like that even I don't. I 0:45:08.800 --> 0:45:10.920 don't if I met you, I don't. 0:45:10.960 --> 0:45:11.200 I don't. 0:45:11.200 --> 0:45:13.920 I don't need you to be in my life forever now, 0:45:13.960 --> 0:45:15.400 I don't you know what I mean, Like if I 0:45:15.440 --> 0:45:19.160 meet you at like a random thing, we don't have 0:45:19.200 --> 0:45:23.000 to be in each other's lives forever via via the internet. 0:45:23.800 --> 0:45:26.239 If I if I want to find you, or you 0:45:26.280 --> 0:45:30.640 want to find me, you need to remember my You 0:45:30.680 --> 0:45:32.239 need to go. You need to go as hard as 0:45:32.239 --> 0:45:37.400 this lady did to find this person. And that's the 0:45:37.440 --> 0:45:39.360 funny thing too to me about this is that she 0:45:39.440 --> 0:45:43.560 didn't like try to find a bunch of She messaged 0:45:44.960 --> 0:45:47.319 tons of people with this guy's name until one of 0:45:47.320 --> 0:45:53.640 them responded. That's fascinating. I hope this lady uh gets 0:45:53.680 --> 0:45:57.040 married and has whatever her you know, life dream is 0:45:57.080 --> 0:45:59.560 with this guy. But I hope it all works out. 0:45:59.640 --> 0:46:01.719 It has I mean, that was so much fucking work. 0:46:02.360 --> 0:46:04.040 There's no way it doesn't work out. 0:46:07.800 --> 0:46:08.040 Hello. 0:46:08.680 --> 0:46:09.799 Hello, what is your name? 0:46:11.239 --> 0:46:12.080 My name's Rachel. 0:46:12.160 --> 0:46:15.120 What's up, Rachel? What's going on with you? Has life? 0:46:17.200 --> 0:46:17.399 Oh? 0:46:17.480 --> 0:46:19.759 Well, you know, new year, trying to be a new me, 0:46:20.520 --> 0:46:24.040 just you know, punching in, punching out. Went to the 0:46:24.080 --> 0:46:27.000 club last night. Lost my apartment key. 0:46:28.800 --> 0:46:31.720 You know, sometimes the things you lose at the club 0:46:31.760 --> 0:46:34.800 are the price you pay for the memories you made 0:46:35.120 --> 0:46:38.520 at the club, which doesn't necessarily mean that those memories 0:46:38.520 --> 0:46:42.600 were good. Sometimes sometimes losing your phone is the price 0:46:42.680 --> 0:46:46.520 you pay for the horrible memory of losing your phone. 0:46:46.600 --> 0:46:47.239 You know what I mean? 0:46:47.640 --> 0:46:50.120 You're so right, You're so right. I mean I did 0:46:50.160 --> 0:46:51.919 have a good time. I think it was worth it. 0:46:51.960 --> 0:46:53.800 I mean, I'm going to try to get another key 0:46:54.040 --> 0:46:56.160 on Mondays, so we'll see how that goes. I just 0:46:56.160 --> 0:46:58.879 hope they go charge for like two hundred dollars. 0:46:59.560 --> 0:47:01.279 Can I can I ask you about the thing you 0:47:01.360 --> 0:47:02.160 texted me about? 0:47:03.200 --> 0:47:03.399 Yeah? 0:47:03.440 --> 0:47:03.680 Sure? 0:47:04.400 --> 0:47:07.880 Uh so you texted me and you said, can we discussed? 0:47:08.400 --> 0:47:11.759 Can we discuss how it's almost an insult to be 0:47:11.840 --> 0:47:16.040 a fat chick these days? I've been thinking about it now, 0:47:16.080 --> 0:47:18.080 what do you mean? What do you mean by that? 0:47:18.080 --> 0:47:20.000 Because the way you phrased it, I'm curious. 0:47:21.520 --> 0:47:24.560 Yeah, so I probably should have phrased it a little better. 0:47:25.000 --> 0:47:28.880 I guess what I'm kind of trying to say is, 0:47:28.920 --> 0:47:33.200 so I'm an overweight twenty two year old and just 0:47:33.280 --> 0:47:36.319 the way I interact with people, even if it's not 0:47:36.880 --> 0:47:40.640 you know, usually being overweight comes down to attractiveness and 0:47:40.719 --> 0:47:44.440 somebody being attracted to. But what I was thinking is 0:47:44.480 --> 0:47:48.279 the way people interact with me. It's almost like I've heard, 0:47:48.320 --> 0:47:51.480 you know, insults left and right, big whoop, but just 0:47:51.560 --> 0:47:55.839 little interactions. I'm like, oh, okay, it's not so much 0:47:55.920 --> 0:47:58.560 how I say or excuse me what I say or 0:47:58.560 --> 0:48:03.320 how I say it, but just interactions are so different, 0:48:03.320 --> 0:48:05.279 you know, especially like going to the club last night, 0:48:05.320 --> 0:48:08.760 I had like a really weird interaction and I was like, okay, 0:48:09.360 --> 0:48:12.400 I didn't do anything, but me being overweight kind of 0:48:12.480 --> 0:48:17.239 changed our entire you know, conversation. Does that kind of 0:48:17.280 --> 0:48:18.359 make sense? Yeah? 0:48:18.560 --> 0:48:21.040 First of all, yeah, that all makes sense. What was 0:48:21.080 --> 0:48:22.200 the interaction? 0:48:24.200 --> 0:48:27.600 Yes, so I'm an extrovert. I'm single. I saw a 0:48:27.640 --> 0:48:30.520 guy and I thought we were kind of exchanging glances 0:48:30.560 --> 0:48:32.280 because he was playing pool and I was just sitting 0:48:32.280 --> 0:48:34.760 with my friend and I thought we were exchanging glances, 0:48:34.960 --> 0:48:38.120 and I said, okay, I'm gonna go talk to him. 0:48:38.200 --> 0:48:41.759 Why not? And I go up and I say, hey, 0:48:41.800 --> 0:48:43.520 you look like you look like you're having a fun 0:48:43.520 --> 0:48:45.560 time playing pool. Do you want to play with me next? 0:48:45.640 --> 0:48:47.279 Or something along those lines. I don't know. I had 0:48:47.320 --> 0:48:52.360 way too many Robin Cookes, but he was like he 0:48:52.440 --> 0:48:54.600 looked me, you know, up and down that like horrible 0:48:54.680 --> 0:48:57.319 mean girl, up and down, looked again. Now, why would 0:48:57.360 --> 0:49:05.319 I want to play with you? And I was like, oh, okay. 0:49:04.160 --> 0:49:06.560 That's like that's like a POV. The worst she can 0:49:06.600 --> 0:49:08.000 say is no type of thing. 0:49:09.560 --> 0:49:13.040 Yeah, I got the other end of it. And that's 0:49:13.080 --> 0:49:15.000 not the first time that kind of thing has happened. 0:49:15.480 --> 0:49:15.719 You know. 0:49:15.960 --> 0:49:19.040 I usually go up and talk to people because it 0:49:19.080 --> 0:49:22.440 doesn't really seem to go the other way. But I've 0:49:22.480 --> 0:49:25.680 gotten that many times where it's just been like, Okay, 0:49:26.440 --> 0:49:29.279 you don't really care about you know, oh, just do 0:49:29.440 --> 0:49:31.279 even if you're not interested in me. Like, I get it, 0:49:31.320 --> 0:49:35.319 I totally got it. But to kind of make it 0:49:35.360 --> 0:49:38.080 about something that I don't want to say I can't control, 0:49:38.120 --> 0:49:41.480 but something that I'm working on is a little strange 0:49:41.520 --> 0:49:41.759 to me. 0:49:43.120 --> 0:49:45.560 Yeah, no, I'm not. Actually, I'm happy to have this 0:49:45.600 --> 0:49:48.680 conversation because it's you know, it's one I deal with 0:49:48.719 --> 0:49:54.399 as well. But let's I mean this first is okay, Well, 0:49:54.440 --> 0:49:57.920 first of all, you're doing everything correct because you're being 0:49:57.960 --> 0:50:00.600 an extraverted person willing to put yourself out there and 0:50:00.640 --> 0:50:05.799 talk to folks. So I have to imagine that, Yes, 0:50:06.120 --> 0:50:08.799 you have these interactions that sometimes don't go that well, 0:50:09.000 --> 0:50:11.719 but I have to imagine that just on pure numbers game, 0:50:11.800 --> 0:50:14.800 if you are constantly putting yourself out there, that you 0:50:15.000 --> 0:50:18.120 have had like success with that. 0:50:24.320 --> 0:50:29.400 Yeah, I've definitely had some kind of success with that 0:50:29.480 --> 0:50:32.440 from time to time. But you know, it's also like, 0:50:32.800 --> 0:50:34.759 is it maybe something else? Like I know, I'm a 0:50:34.960 --> 0:50:37.960 very straightforward, honest person. I know that maybe like a 0:50:38.040 --> 0:50:40.279 big turn off. I say exactly what's on my mind. 0:50:40.520 --> 0:50:46.000 I gotta stop doing that. But you know, I'm twenty two, 0:50:46.120 --> 0:50:48.920 Like I said, I've only had two boyfriends, one for 0:50:48.960 --> 0:50:52.800 four months, one for one month, and I'm like, something's 0:50:52.840 --> 0:50:55.400 not adding up. I try to be I like to 0:50:55.480 --> 0:50:57.719 think or at least from you know, feedback from you know, 0:50:57.800 --> 0:50:59.880 my friends and my family. Oh you're such a nice person. 0:51:00.560 --> 0:51:02.400 So what's what's not clicking? 0:51:04.080 --> 0:51:08.640 Mm hmmmm hmmm. Well, I mean, first of all, having 0:51:08.719 --> 0:51:12.200 two boys, that first of all, I the the having 0:51:12.280 --> 0:51:15.320 two boyfriends one for four months. That whatever you just 0:51:15.400 --> 0:51:16.880 described is normal. 0:51:17.080 --> 0:51:17.560 So I don't. 0:51:17.880 --> 0:51:22.560 I don't think you need to compare yourself to anything 0:51:23.640 --> 0:51:26.160 outside of yourself. Uh you know what I mean, Like, 0:51:26.200 --> 0:51:28.960 I don't, I don't. You're whatever, whatever metrics you you 0:51:29.320 --> 0:51:31.400 feel like you have to achieve or stand up to, 0:51:33.000 --> 0:51:35.759 you know, I think, Uh, I mean, it's probably not 0:51:35.840 --> 0:51:38.560 good to compare yourself to any metrics. But if you were, 0:51:38.840 --> 0:51:42.040 you're you're doing great, you know, if you are, if 0:51:42.080 --> 0:51:45.319 you if you are trying to metric yourself up two boyfriends, 0:51:45.760 --> 0:51:47.359 that's pretty good. Pretty good. 0:51:48.880 --> 0:51:52.440 Yeah, I mean, I guess like comparing. I probably shouldn't compare, 0:51:52.520 --> 0:51:55.200 but I guess to my friends and like my family. 0:51:55.320 --> 0:51:57.840 You know, my parents got married at my age. My 0:51:58.120 --> 0:52:01.719 brother's getting married or got married a year ago, you know, 0:52:01.760 --> 0:52:04.919 when he was my age. So it's like, oh crap, 0:52:04.920 --> 0:52:06.040 I'm kind of falling behind. 0:52:07.200 --> 0:52:09.520 Well as your twenty two brother. You can you're not 0:52:09.600 --> 0:52:12.640 falling behind if you're not getting married right now, well, 0:52:13.080 --> 0:52:15.880 all right, so this is an interesting topic because I 0:52:16.000 --> 0:52:21.040 deal with it a lot. Like, yeah, there's a lot 0:52:21.120 --> 0:52:25.520 of times i've like whatever, been at a party or 0:52:25.560 --> 0:52:28.239 at a whatever, and I just I feel I mean, 0:52:28.239 --> 0:52:29.640 I don't know about you. I don't want to project 0:52:29.680 --> 0:52:32.839 anything about my experience being overweight on yours, but I'll 0:52:32.880 --> 0:52:35.640 just you know, talk about mine. It's like, I don't 0:52:35.640 --> 0:52:41.399 I feel pretty just like I feel like pretty uncomfortable 0:52:41.440 --> 0:52:43.919 in my body when I'm overweight, and I don't really 0:52:44.000 --> 0:52:47.000 feel confident and I don't and I kind of know 0:52:47.360 --> 0:52:52.560 that it's like affecting the conversations and the interactions that 0:52:52.719 --> 0:52:56.520 I have, but you know, and it bums me out sometimes. 0:52:56.560 --> 0:52:58.880 But it's the like the golden goose of it in 0:52:59.000 --> 0:53:01.960 my that's the wrong phrase, but whatever, the north star 0:53:02.040 --> 0:53:04.839 of it in my mind is like okay, well it's 0:53:04.880 --> 0:53:09.920 something in my control, you know kind of. So I'm like, 0:53:09.960 --> 0:53:13.920 all right, well, if I want to not, you know, 0:53:15.120 --> 0:53:19.960 deal with this, it's like the uncomfortable reality, and I don't, 0:53:20.040 --> 0:53:21.719 and I don't. I don't again, I don't want to 0:53:23.960 --> 0:53:27.080 uh uh uh what is the word project anything about 0:53:27.080 --> 0:53:29.880 my experience onto yours. But in my experience I'm like, 0:53:31.560 --> 0:53:33.920 I'm like, well, fuck, you know, people can say this, 0:53:34.080 --> 0:53:36.319 and people can say that, and people can say, oh, 0:53:36.400 --> 0:53:38.520 you'll find someone like all this stuff, but in my head, 0:53:38.520 --> 0:53:41.640 I'm like, fuck, man, the reality is that I'm less 0:53:41.680 --> 0:53:46.000 attractive for me because I'm overweights and I don't like that, 0:53:46.160 --> 0:53:48.400 and I, you know, I just want to like fucking 0:53:48.600 --> 0:53:53.120 fucking deal with it. You know, I don't how do you? 0:53:53.200 --> 0:53:55.680 What do you what's what do you make of your experience? 0:53:55.800 --> 0:53:56.200 Like, how do you? 0:53:56.760 --> 0:53:59.320 Because because I I I sometimes I'm like, you know, 0:53:59.480 --> 0:54:01.080 I I'm like, I don't know if the way I 0:54:01.160 --> 0:54:04.279 think about this stuff is healthy or if it's you know, 0:54:04.360 --> 0:54:06.480 what it is. So I'm curious what your you know, 0:54:06.640 --> 0:54:07.239 feelings are. 0:54:09.080 --> 0:54:12.359 I mean, like I think, I know I shouldn't use 0:54:12.560 --> 0:54:16.840 you know, nasty comments as maybe a motivator, but you know, 0:54:17.040 --> 0:54:19.520 it kind of helps me. The reason I'm overweight, I 0:54:19.840 --> 0:54:22.000 probably shouldn't blame it is just because I had like 0:54:22.120 --> 0:54:25.480 a horrible depressive episode for two years. I didn't take 0:54:25.480 --> 0:54:28.680 care of myself and now I'm like reaping the consequences 0:54:28.719 --> 0:54:32.000 of my sewing. So you know, I'm just kind of 0:54:32.040 --> 0:54:35.440 taking it as like, you know, should I should I 0:54:35.560 --> 0:54:39.040 change myself because of negative comments or because it'll make 0:54:39.840 --> 0:54:42.319 me feel better about myself. At the end of the day, 0:54:42.360 --> 0:54:44.040 it doesn't matter what other people think can be right, 0:54:44.440 --> 0:54:48.000 It just matters if you care about yourself. And I'm 0:54:48.000 --> 0:54:49.719 that like, if I had to put a percentage on it, 0:54:49.800 --> 0:54:52.120 I'm like at a seventy percent, but I swear if 0:54:52.160 --> 0:54:55.439 I lost some weight, I'd be like ninety ninety five percent. Yeah, 0:54:56.040 --> 0:55:00.279 So you know, it comes down to I would like 0:55:00.360 --> 0:55:04.400 to get into a relationship again, because although it doesn't 0:55:04.560 --> 0:55:06.960 sound like it, and you know, I come off as like, 0:55:07.040 --> 0:55:09.279 you know, ooh, the strong, like fighting girl, you know, 0:55:09.400 --> 0:55:12.080 deep down I am a lover. So it's just kind 0:55:12.120 --> 0:55:14.440 of like, do I have to really change myself in 0:55:14.600 --> 0:55:18.840 order to get that. It doesn't seem totally fair. You know, 0:55:18.960 --> 0:55:22.880 I'm a firm believer that anybody on this planet can 0:55:23.000 --> 0:55:25.080 easily be an eight out of ten or nine out 0:55:25.080 --> 0:55:27.920 of ten, or shoot even ten out of ten. You know, 0:55:28.040 --> 0:55:31.200 it all just depends on how you take care of yourself, 0:55:31.560 --> 0:55:35.600 you know, what you do, the effort, you know. So 0:55:36.040 --> 0:55:39.600 it's it's kind of that debacle of should I change 0:55:39.640 --> 0:55:41.640 because of other people or because of myself? 0:55:42.080 --> 0:55:47.200 Okay. Here, yeah, that makes one hundred percent sense and okay, okay, 0:55:47.320 --> 0:55:52.440 as of as of January twenty twenty six, this is 0:55:53.000 --> 0:55:56.439 and I'm I'm open to alternative whatever's on this because 0:55:56.440 --> 0:55:58.839 I think about it. Here's here's what I think is true, 0:55:58.840 --> 0:56:01.560 at least for me. It's like, if you want to 0:56:01.600 --> 0:56:05.040 be in a relationship and you're overweight, you just have 0:56:05.200 --> 0:56:08.520 to be okay with being in a relationship with somebody 0:56:08.560 --> 0:56:13.520 who is as overweight as you, which is like, which 0:56:13.760 --> 0:56:17.920 is to me, the most fair thing ever. I mean 0:56:18.000 --> 0:56:20.520 sometimes yeah to me, I'm like, to me, I'm like, 0:56:20.600 --> 0:56:23.120 you know, I came to that realization, and I'm like, 0:56:23.280 --> 0:56:25.359 that is so fair. 0:56:27.280 --> 0:56:30.080 Yeah, I mean, like my type is all over the place. 0:56:30.160 --> 0:56:32.720 But my biggest thing is you can be like overweight 0:56:32.800 --> 0:56:34.640 or extremely underweight, but as long as you take care 0:56:34.680 --> 0:56:37.480 of yourself, that's really all that matters to me. Sure, sure, sure, 0:56:39.440 --> 0:56:41.840 Like I know, especially for larger people, it takes a 0:56:41.880 --> 0:56:44.759 little more effort, you know, just to you know, look 0:56:44.760 --> 0:56:46.879 a little better or small a little better. So that's 0:56:46.960 --> 0:56:48.839 my biggest thing is as well as you take care 0:56:48.880 --> 0:56:51.759 of yourself, I'm pretty open to almost like any body 0:56:51.840 --> 0:56:53.160 type or really anybody. 0:56:54.320 --> 0:56:57.800 Yeah, I mean yeah. With me, I'm like, when I 0:56:57.800 --> 0:57:00.279 think about this stuff, I'm like, Okay, you can't. Like, 0:57:00.360 --> 0:57:04.719 I think it's unfair if I were to ask for 0:57:04.920 --> 0:57:10.719 something out of somebody that I don't have, you know, 0:57:11.880 --> 0:57:16.200 So it's like, well if I'm not, like, I don't know. Yeah, 0:57:16.240 --> 0:57:17.959 that's that's that's that's that's kind of how I feel. 0:57:18.000 --> 0:57:19.640 But to the point of like should you do this 0:57:19.800 --> 0:57:22.080 for yourself or should you do it because of mean comments? 0:57:22.520 --> 0:57:25.880 I mean, of course you should do it, uh for yourself. 0:57:26.360 --> 0:57:28.280 And again I'm just gonna keep talking. I don't I'm 0:57:28.320 --> 0:57:30.280 not trying to project anything about my experience onto yours. 0:57:30.320 --> 0:57:31.760 But for me, I'm like, oh fuck, I don't like 0:57:31.960 --> 0:57:35.880 the way I feel, uh when I'm fat, you seem 0:57:36.040 --> 0:57:41.400 like I mean, for you, it's like you're naturally confident 0:57:41.480 --> 0:57:43.800 no matter what your body looks like it sounds, which 0:57:43.880 --> 0:57:49.080 is like amazing, right, So that's that's that's great. I 0:57:49.280 --> 0:57:51.360 envy that. I think that's great because I also think 0:57:52.440 --> 0:57:54.160 I also I know I said I said the thing 0:57:54.480 --> 0:57:57.360 before about like, uh, you know the ways in which 0:57:57.400 --> 0:58:00.680 being overweight restricts you, and I do think in the 0:58:00.760 --> 0:58:05.200 realm of like relationships and whatnot. Like physical attractiveness is 0:58:05.360 --> 0:58:13.040 like the the big thing or whatever, but like you 0:58:13.120 --> 0:58:16.080 can fucking go pretty far off of confidence, you know, 0:58:16.800 --> 0:58:18.520 Yeah for sure. 0:58:18.560 --> 0:58:20.560 I mean I think that's what kind of got my 0:58:21.520 --> 0:58:23.840 boyfriends or even like my friends, is just going up 0:58:23.840 --> 0:58:25.640 to them and be like, okay, we're friends now, Like. 0:58:26.480 --> 0:58:28.600 Yeah, just be like what's up? 0:58:28.720 --> 0:58:31.200 Because actually that's how I met all of my friends. 0:58:31.400 --> 0:58:34.400 Need just y happened to them and they, I guess 0:58:34.560 --> 0:58:37.600 liked it. So I was, so can I ask you this? 0:58:37.720 --> 0:58:40.360 I mean again, like why do you think you are 0:58:40.440 --> 0:58:44.240 having problems like finding a boy finding a boyfriend? Everything 0:58:44.240 --> 0:58:50.919 you've expressed to me so far, yes, make me wonder 0:58:50.960 --> 0:58:52.160 why you why you have problems? 0:58:54.440 --> 0:58:57.960 I mean maybe it comes down to I I've heard 0:58:58.000 --> 0:59:01.400 that I come on too strong or that I'm not cocky. 0:59:01.480 --> 0:59:04.760 What's the word I'm looking for, just kind of a 0:59:04.840 --> 0:59:09.720 little strong headed, So like I don't take any disrespect. 0:59:09.920 --> 0:59:13.040 You know, regardless of you know, what size anybody is, 0:59:13.120 --> 0:59:15.320 they will still you know, start to be like a 0:59:15.400 --> 0:59:19.440 total crazy feminist here. But like you know, guys, we'll 0:59:19.480 --> 0:59:20.960 just like go up and like touch you, and it's 0:59:21.080 --> 0:59:22.680 like I instead of being like. 0:59:22.720 --> 0:59:23.080 Ha ha ha. 0:59:23.280 --> 0:59:26.560 Like away, I start like swinging, so it might come 0:59:26.640 --> 0:59:29.960 off as like I'm the mean girl you know in college. 0:59:30.040 --> 0:59:33.280 So my best friend's name is also Rachel as well, ironically, 0:59:33.840 --> 0:59:36.200 and our nicknames in college where she was the nice 0:59:36.320 --> 0:59:40.560 Rachel and I was the mean Rachel. So I'm thinking, 0:59:40.960 --> 0:59:43.920 you know, maybe I just come on too strong, or 0:59:44.080 --> 0:59:47.440 maybe it's just how I dress, or I don't know, 0:59:47.520 --> 0:59:50.200 I'm weird hobbies. Maybe people think I'm a crazy person 0:59:50.400 --> 0:59:53.880 because I'm you know, I'm a country girl. I dress 0:59:53.920 --> 0:59:56.880 in like slannel and jeans, and I look maybe a 0:59:56.920 --> 0:59:57.480 little scary. 0:59:58.760 --> 1:00:03.280 Well come I ask you this. I mean, one everyone 1:00:03.560 --> 1:00:09.160 naturally attracts someone like I. I and and tell me, 1:00:09.240 --> 1:00:10.880 tell me if I'm wrong. But I have to assume 1:00:11.000 --> 1:00:16.120 that there are there are romantic prospects that are coming 1:00:16.160 --> 1:00:19.720 into your orbit, not only regardless of these things, but 1:00:20.120 --> 1:00:22.360 because of these things. There's a lot of people. You know, 1:00:22.680 --> 1:00:24.760 for every personality but you know, I mean, you know, 1:00:24.880 --> 1:00:30.560 for every personality type that turns many people off, it 1:00:30.960 --> 1:00:35.600 attracts many people. You know, the personality type that you're 1:00:36.280 --> 1:00:39.840 describing of being strong, milled and not taking ship, Yeah, 1:00:40.160 --> 1:00:43.080 sure might turn some people off, but for some people, 1:00:43.120 --> 1:00:45.560 it might be exactly the kind of person they're looking for. 1:00:45.960 --> 1:00:49.440 I have people like that not entered your orbit in 1:00:49.560 --> 1:00:50.560 some way, shape or form. 1:00:52.640 --> 1:00:55.720 Well, I I've been on lots for lots of baits, right, 1:00:55.880 --> 1:00:58.360 I usually like after the second one or after we 1:00:58.520 --> 1:01:01.960 talk for a while, it kind of, you know, papers off. 1:01:02.560 --> 1:01:04.840 Like I literally just went on like four baits with 1:01:04.960 --> 1:01:06.840 a guy and then we were talking and then all 1:01:06.840 --> 1:01:08.240 of a sudden he goes to me, and I was 1:01:08.320 --> 1:01:10.920 like reading back my messages, I'm like, did I say something? 1:01:11.920 --> 1:01:12.080 You know? 1:01:12.160 --> 1:01:13.640 And it's hard to like ask your friends did I 1:01:13.680 --> 1:01:15.520 say something wrong, because they're always going to take your side, 1:01:16.960 --> 1:01:18.720 But it's like, what did I say? 1:01:18.840 --> 1:01:19.440 What did I do? 1:01:19.840 --> 1:01:20.080 Did I? 1:01:20.320 --> 1:01:25.760 Like? What what happened? Is he like scared that, you know, 1:01:27.280 --> 1:01:30.000 my hobbies or something, or you know, like make him weird? 1:01:30.080 --> 1:01:32.640 I don't know. I'm always like insecure about like what 1:01:32.800 --> 1:01:34.640 I do because people are like, oh, you're a heck, 1:01:35.080 --> 1:01:37.760 but you know, I don't really care. But maybe some 1:01:37.840 --> 1:01:39.720 people aren't into that once they kind of find. 1:01:39.560 --> 1:01:41.680 Out about it. M hmm. 1:01:42.920 --> 1:01:50.120 Well, or something is like intimidating because one of the 1:01:50.280 --> 1:01:52.440 number one questions that I get asked in the bar 1:01:52.600 --> 1:01:54.680 when people are like looking at me is why do 1:01:54.720 --> 1:01:56.680 you have a how do you have a giant scar 1:01:56.800 --> 1:01:59.240 on your arm? And I have to explain that I 1:02:00.200 --> 1:02:03.120 work at I work at Barnes. That's pretty much all 1:02:03.160 --> 1:02:06.600 I do. And I get attacked by animals all the time. 1:02:06.680 --> 1:02:08.480 I got bit by a pig. I got kicked by 1:02:08.480 --> 1:02:09.920 a horse. That's how I broke my rib. I got 1:02:09.960 --> 1:02:12.000 thrown off by a horse. That's how I broke my tailbone. 1:02:12.240 --> 1:02:15.640 And maybe sort of like okay, creepy, you. 1:02:15.680 --> 1:02:19.560 Know, well it's a fund. I think this is another fund. 1:02:19.680 --> 1:02:22.919 And and actually even like whatever taking like this isn't 1:02:22.960 --> 1:02:30.400 either taking like the uh whatever usual metrics of whatever 1:02:30.880 --> 1:02:33.400 is involved in dating. It's like, I think you admit 1:02:33.480 --> 1:02:37.840 to yourself that you're like a peculiar person of some kind. 1:02:38.880 --> 1:02:40.280 I don't know you've I don't know you very well. 1:02:40.320 --> 1:02:42.160 This is in me saying this is stuff like you know, 1:02:42.200 --> 1:02:45.120 if you kind of like it. See it seems like 1:02:45.160 --> 1:02:47.440 you've evaluated yourself and been like, you know, I'm a 1:02:47.480 --> 1:02:53.480 peculiar person. I have this personality that maybe turns people off. 1:02:53.480 --> 1:02:55.720 I have these weird hobby, have this you know whatever, 1:02:56.080 --> 1:03:03.440 and it's it it undeniably, I think makes dating harder 1:03:03.480 --> 1:03:08.479 if you're like a kind of a peculiar individual, because 1:03:08.520 --> 1:03:12.600 it means that you need to find another very peculiar individual. 1:03:13.320 --> 1:03:13.440 Uh. 1:03:13.920 --> 1:03:16.680 And the if you're on a dating app or you're 1:03:16.720 --> 1:03:20.960 going through life by the very nature of what it 1:03:21.120 --> 1:03:25.520 means to be peculiar, most people are not. So the 1:03:25.680 --> 1:03:29.480 math is not exactly on your side with this one. 1:03:30.080 --> 1:03:36.160 But the good news is that you know, when peculiar 1:03:36.600 --> 1:03:43.240 people find each other, they form really deep and beautiful connections. 1:03:43.520 --> 1:03:45.280 And from what I know about you, it seems like 1:03:45.360 --> 1:03:48.680 you're no you you have zero shyness when it comes 1:03:48.840 --> 1:03:53.920 to uh flinging yourself into the into the world. So 1:03:55.760 --> 1:03:57.240 you've got you have a lot of things that are 1:03:57.280 --> 1:04:04.920 currently a word for you accept uh patience. 1:04:06.800 --> 1:04:10.400 Yeah, definitely. I think also, you know how people react 1:04:10.440 --> 1:04:12.680 to me. I don't want to, you know, self diagnosed 1:04:12.760 --> 1:04:14.720 by any means, but I definitely think I have some 1:04:14.880 --> 1:04:18.040 anger issues where not if it's somebody rejects me, I'm 1:04:18.040 --> 1:04:21.800 going to lose my mind, but if they say something 1:04:21.920 --> 1:04:26.440 that is maybe a little distasteful, I do get very defensive. 1:04:26.240 --> 1:04:28.080 And I'm like, what did you just say? 1:04:28.240 --> 1:04:28.800 Like, excuse me? 1:04:29.320 --> 1:04:32.480 And my friend Rachel says, I like turn my head 1:04:32.520 --> 1:04:35.200 like a son cohe like, I'm about to attack those 1:04:37.080 --> 1:04:40.840 But you know, but that's just another part of like 1:04:40.960 --> 1:04:42.640 saying I don't know if that's like an anger issue 1:04:42.680 --> 1:04:44.480 thing or just saying what's on my mind thing, or 1:04:44.520 --> 1:04:48.120 how I have literally no tolerance for any disrespect or 1:04:48.240 --> 1:04:51.840 anything like that. But you know, maybe it's also just 1:04:51.920 --> 1:04:53.960 a sign of the times. You know, I know it's 1:04:54.000 --> 1:04:58.440 not just me who's struggling with being single or you know, 1:04:58.520 --> 1:05:00.600 chronic loneliness. I know it's not s me. I know 1:05:00.720 --> 1:05:04.440 it's guys, girls, skinny people, or people like. 1:05:05.440 --> 1:05:06.040 It's everyone. 1:05:06.840 --> 1:05:10.760 So maybe it's just all of the stones put together 1:05:10.960 --> 1:05:13.439 is kind of conjuring into me not having any luck. 1:05:14.320 --> 1:05:18.280 Hm hmm. Well, Also, I don't know, man, I mean, 1:05:18.400 --> 1:05:23.360 like you're I think you know, four dates only if 1:05:23.360 --> 1:05:27.120 you like you're like nothing nothing about your nothing about 1:05:27.320 --> 1:05:29.400 what you have told me so far about your experience 1:05:29.520 --> 1:05:34.920 dating seems like it is particularly out of the normal. 1:05:34.960 --> 1:05:37.400 I mean, it's a difficult gambit. We can't all be 1:05:37.600 --> 1:05:40.640 like we can't all be like that last lady. 1:05:43.120 --> 1:05:45.480 Yeah, I was thinking to myself, I was listening to that, 1:05:45.920 --> 1:05:47.920 I was like, Oh, that's such a beautiful story. I 1:05:48.040 --> 1:05:49.160 was like, what's that happening? 1:05:50.000 --> 1:05:52.560 Yeah, we can't all be like that Last Lady, which 1:05:52.640 --> 1:05:54.800 is a bummer. Which is a bummer because I feel 1:05:54.840 --> 1:05:58.200 like we were all it's a bummer because we were 1:05:58.240 --> 1:06:01.480 all kind of grown up. I feel like being conditioned 1:06:01.560 --> 1:06:03.880 into thinking everything was gonna end up for us like 1:06:04.000 --> 1:06:06.560 that Last Lady. You know what I mean, all the 1:06:06.640 --> 1:06:09.080 fucking movies and everything. I think I probably I think 1:06:09.080 --> 1:06:11.800 I've said this on the podcast. I think I've said 1:06:11.840 --> 1:06:13.600 this on the podcast before, But like all those fucking 1:06:13.680 --> 1:06:18.080 Seth Rogan movies, like they like they they give you 1:06:18.160 --> 1:06:21.120 a message where it's like if you're like, if you're 1:06:21.320 --> 1:06:23.720 like you're in high school, you're watching those movies, and 1:06:24.040 --> 1:06:27.160 they the message of the movies to the all is 1:06:27.280 --> 1:06:31.120 like if you're fat in high school, It's like, if 1:06:31.160 --> 1:06:33.920 you're fat and you're a little funny, you're gonna have 1:06:34.000 --> 1:06:36.400 a hot wife. That's the message. It's it's like it's 1:06:36.480 --> 1:06:40.800 like convincing everyone that they're like endowed to have a 1:06:40.920 --> 1:06:43.240 hot wife, even if they're if they're like fat and 1:06:43.280 --> 1:06:47.480 a little funny. It's weird. Reality doesn't. 1:06:48.960 --> 1:06:49.480 A lot. 1:06:51.440 --> 1:06:54.720 Mmmmm, so maybe. 1:06:54.800 --> 1:06:56.760 But I mean, I'm hoping that kind of falls together. 1:06:56.960 --> 1:06:57.640 But I don't know. 1:06:59.320 --> 1:07:03.080 But that's that's you know, I guess I'll let to 1:07:03.400 --> 1:07:05.480 I guess I'll just reiterate what I said before, which 1:07:05.600 --> 1:07:07.760 is that I think if you're a little peculiar, the 1:07:07.760 --> 1:07:09.400 game is going to be more difficult for you. But 1:07:11.240 --> 1:07:13.240 right I don't know. There's nothing more to do but 1:07:14.880 --> 1:07:17.360 continue to fling yourself out in the universe hoping that 1:07:19.480 --> 1:07:22.000 you'll get lucky. And the good and the good news 1:07:22.120 --> 1:07:24.640 is is that the more you fling yourself out into 1:07:24.680 --> 1:07:28.200 the universe, the luckier you tend to get. 1:07:28.720 --> 1:07:32.080 I think, Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna give up. 1:07:32.160 --> 1:07:35.080 I'm not gonna I'm trying not to be discouraged. It's 1:07:35.080 --> 1:07:37.680 a little hard sometimes, but you know, I still go 1:07:37.800 --> 1:07:39.680 out with my friends, you know, with my hobbies. You know, 1:07:39.840 --> 1:07:43.120 I do meet a lot of new people. So you know, 1:07:43.160 --> 1:07:45.400 I'm still gonna try. I'm taking a break from dating 1:07:45.400 --> 1:07:49.120 apps for a whole other reason, but you know it, 1:07:50.040 --> 1:07:51.960 I think it just comes down to I just got 1:07:52.080 --> 1:07:56.400 to keep trying, you know, and eventually it'll hopefully kind 1:07:56.440 --> 1:07:57.040 of fall together. 1:07:58.440 --> 1:08:00.080 Rachel, is there anything else you want to say the 1:08:00.120 --> 1:08:01.520 people of the computer before we go. 1:08:03.720 --> 1:08:06.400 Just everybody, take care of yourself and happy. 1:08:06.160 --> 1:08:08.480 New Year, Happy New Year. Thank you Rachel. 1:08:09.680 --> 1:08:10.680 You're welcome the bye. 1:08:13.640 --> 1:08:16.320 That was Rachel. This has been the Therapy Gecko podcast. 1:08:16.360 --> 1:08:19.160 I think this was a good episode. I enjoyed this. 1:08:20.240 --> 1:08:21.760 I feel like I could relate to a lot of 1:08:21.800 --> 1:08:24.639 the callers. I hope you guys could relate to the callers. 1:08:24.640 --> 1:08:31.439 I hope you enjoyed the conversations. This is the end 1:08:31.479 --> 1:08:33.559 of the podcast. I'm just gonna rant for I don't 1:08:33.560 --> 1:08:35.160 know if I have anything to say in this rant. 1:08:35.880 --> 1:08:38.720 This is the first episode of the New Year. I 1:08:38.800 --> 1:08:40.679 think it went pretty well. I think that was classic 1:08:42.080 --> 1:08:44.200 Therapy Gecko affair. 1:08:47.040 --> 1:08:47.439 I don't know. 1:08:47.680 --> 1:08:50.160 I read all the comments. I'm a psychopath, So if 1:08:50.200 --> 1:08:54.559 you have anything to say, say something in the comments 1:08:54.600 --> 1:08:58.200 I get because I'm sometimes I need a sometimes I 1:08:58.280 --> 1:08:59.960 need to look at something, So I look at the 1:09:00.120 --> 1:09:07.400 comments on this Spotify page or YouTube or whatever, or 1:09:07.479 --> 1:09:11.400 don't do whatever you want. Go to Therapy Geto tour 1:09:11.520 --> 1:09:16.120 dot com. I'm gonna go on tour this year. I'm 1:09:16.200 --> 1:09:21.200 excited to do that for the fourth time. I have 1:09:21.360 --> 1:09:23.960 more documentary style videos that I'm going to work on 1:09:24.080 --> 1:09:27.040 that I'm excited about. That'll be good. I'm going to 1:09:27.120 --> 1:09:33.599 try to I'm going to try to be less overweight. 1:09:33.760 --> 1:09:35.120 I think that's a good idea. 1:09:37.680 --> 1:09:38.000 That was it. 1:09:38.120 --> 1:09:40.639 That was the podcast. We talked to the dad guy, 1:09:40.920 --> 1:09:47.439 we talked to the online boyfriend lady. We talked to 1:09:47.520 --> 1:09:51.800 the lady about dating. I felt like this was a 1:09:51.880 --> 1:09:57.360 good gambit of of of stories and calls. I enjoyed it. 1:09:57.880 --> 1:09:59.880 I enjoyed having them. I hope you enjoyed listening to them. 1:10:00.600 --> 1:10:03.479 This has been this is too long. We're keeping it in. 1:10:03.600 --> 1:10:04.960 But I'm not gonna ramble like this at the end 1:10:05.000 --> 1:10:06.640 of the episode again, unless you guys want me to, 1:10:07.960 --> 1:10:11.080 or even if you do want me to, I'm still 1:10:11.160 --> 1:10:13.160 not gonna do it. Okay, I should stop talking now 1:10:13.320 --> 1:10:17.719 and and and end. The episode goes on the line 1:10:18.000 --> 1:10:22.120 making your phone calls every night. Never Beacon goes to hide. 1:10:22.200 --> 1:10:24.360 You're just teaching you about the end of your life. 1:10:24.800 --> 1:10:26.920 But he's not really an expert.