Speaker 1: Hello, what's up man? What's your name?
Speaker 2: My name's Wyatt, Wyatt.
Speaker 1: How's life Wyatt?
Speaker 2: If they're uh, you know, it's okay. You know, New Year,
Speaker 2: New Year, it's kind of going off on that.
Speaker 1: Do you have like a New Year's resolution of some kind?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: I was, I was talking about my girlfriend about that
Speaker 2: and like, I don't know. It's I'm twenty five years old,
Speaker 2: so I've had twenty five, I guess twenty six whole
Speaker 2: New years, and I've never really thought of like an
Speaker 2: actual New Year's resolution. You know, I don't know what
Speaker 2: that's sad, We're good, that's kind of going I don't
Speaker 2: I don't think that that's either sad or good.
Speaker 1: I think, well, yeah, it means you're just living life.
Speaker 1: You're not trying to say yeah.
Speaker 2: So I'd definitely like to reflect on my past year,
Speaker 2: like how the year, like my past year has gone.
Speaker 2: But I never really like, oh, I'm gonna start this
Speaker 2: this coming year. I'm gonna I'm gonna change this. I'm
Speaker 2: going to start doing that.
Speaker 1: Okay, you're just like, Okay, that happened, and then let's
Speaker 1: let's continue on to the into the present, where more
Speaker 1: stuff will happen. That's your take. Yeah, okay, you're not
Speaker 1: a rev. You're not like I'm going to reevaluate and
Speaker 1: change and do this other thing.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess it's not a bad thing to do,
Speaker 2: but I really know not really.
Speaker 1: That's okay. I don't think you need to do that necessarily.
Speaker 1: The funny thing is is actually sometimes you can do
Speaker 1: that and then YEA ultimately change nothing, and then you
Speaker 1: wasted a bunch of time doing that when you could
Speaker 1: have just been like living life in the moment. So so,
Speaker 1: living life in the moment almost risks nothing. There's things
Speaker 1: you might not there's things, there's things about the other
Speaker 1: method that you might gain or lose. But if you
Speaker 1: want to risk, but if you want to risk nothing,
Speaker 1: right like if you're if you want to take no
Speaker 1: risks and you just want to exist, that's I think
Speaker 1: that's the way to do it, is just be in
Speaker 1: the present.
Speaker 2: Well what about you, mister ghak you got any New
Speaker 2: Year's resolutions?
Speaker 1: My news resolution is to ask you whyat about about
Speaker 1: what it is that you texted me?
Speaker 2: I mean, we could tell you we could do Oh
Speaker 2: this past year has been crazy, dude. I think that's
Speaker 2: one thing that's been on my mind here recently. But
Speaker 2: I got a whole lot.
Speaker 1: Well, okay, let me ask you this. So you texted
Speaker 1: me initially and you said, I'm afraid I am becoming
Speaker 1: more like my father.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I guess I can give you a little
Speaker 2: yes sound? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Please? Sure?
Speaker 2: Can you get me good? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I can?
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, So, long story short. My dad's he's he's
Speaker 2: a recovery alcoholic and he got through some or went
Speaker 2: through some stuff, got divorced from his second marriage, lost
Speaker 2: custody of my half brother. It's been in rehab, in
Speaker 2: and out of rehabs. Was really rough until here this
Speaker 2: past year he actually got really good. Man Like, it
Speaker 2: was super good. You know, he was doing good, didn't
Speaker 2: really drink much, and then you know, kind of started
Speaker 2: hitting the gym all this stuff. And then here recently
Speaker 2: he's off of like probation and then me and my
Speaker 2: sister kind of think came out of relas but he's
Speaker 2: kind of doing it secretly. And I'm all over here
Speaker 2: like judging my dad almost, and I feel bad about
Speaker 2: it because I do. I'm like, oh, my dad shouldn't
Speaker 2: be drinking blah blah blah. But as I'm doing that.
Speaker 2: I'll be sitting at the bar pissed drunk, and then
Speaker 2: I'm like, damn, am I like do I have a
Speaker 2: drinking problem? Which granted my dad kind of like without
Speaker 2: getting into like he didn't do anything like terrible, like
Speaker 2: you never you know, nothing horrible, but just been an
Speaker 2: if you father to to you know, I still love him,
Speaker 2: but over here is sitting here. You know, I've got
Speaker 2: a serious relationship going on, you know, if I want
Speaker 2: to pursue a family and like you know what I mean,
Speaker 2: does that make sense?
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course, yeah, no, you're I mean, I feel
Speaker 1: like this happens with a lot of people when like
Speaker 1: a it's interesting. I mean at least in my experience,
Speaker 1: Like yeah, I've become exactly like my uh my dad,
Speaker 1: And it's it's funny because I look at my I
Speaker 1: look at my dad, and I think about there's a
Speaker 1: lot there's a lot of I mean, as this is
Speaker 1: true about all human beings, of course, but I look
Speaker 1: at my dad and I there's a lot of like
Speaker 1: negative aspects I think he has to his like life
Speaker 1: and I and I'm absolutely I'm absolutely positively inheriting those
Speaker 1: And then I look at my dad, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: my dad's the best.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 1: I look at him and he has uh well he
Speaker 1: he and he has and he has and he has
Speaker 1: all these like very positive aspects of his personality of
Speaker 1: his life that I really admire and respect and love,
Speaker 1: and I see themselves in me too. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a carbon copy of my dad
Speaker 1: in all of the best and worst ways.
Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I kind of feel the same, because I mean, like,
Speaker 2: I love my dad to death, and like I think,
Speaker 2: deep down he's an amazing father. You know. He he
Speaker 2: has his issues obviously, you know, it's whether it's his
Speaker 2: fault or not. But like I see the good in him,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I hope to inherit those good parts
Speaker 2: about my father, you know, the things I love about him.
Speaker 2: But then I see myself sometimes, I like I'll see
Speaker 2: my stuff, like inheriting some maybe his bad habits, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh crap, you.
Speaker 1: Know, m Yeah, yeah, it's it's hard to not become
Speaker 1: like your parents.
Speaker 2: So no, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1: Okay, So You're sitting at the bar and you're like,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm at a crucial tipping point. You know,
Speaker 1: I have a I'm sorry. I know you have. You
Speaker 1: said you have a wife, girlfriend.
Speaker 2: A girlfriend, yes, sir, a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Okay, and you want to have a family.
Speaker 2: So yeah, so we just we're just moved in together, okay.
Speaker 1: And so you're like, I want to have a family.
Speaker 1: I want to do this whole thing. And are you
Speaker 1: are you like afraid of how drinking is going to
Speaker 1: affect that?
Speaker 2: I mean sort of yeah, because like like I said,
Speaker 2: like we go out sometimes we'll drink, but then we'll
Speaker 2: be like, like, I don't I mean, I guess this
Speaker 2: is what every alcoholic says. But I don't think I'm
Speaker 2: an alcoholic because you know, I I work nine to five.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't drink during the week really, you
Speaker 2: know on the weekends though, you know, I like to
Speaker 2: have a drink, but it's like whenever I do drink,
Speaker 2: it's like I like to have fun. But then I'm like,
Speaker 2: you know, if I'm gonna if I'm gonna take stuff serious,
Speaker 2: you know, because I mean we've already been talking about,
Speaker 2: you know, the future and stuff, and you know, like
Speaker 2: if I am gonna take that serious, you know, it's
Speaker 2: something I'm gonna have to at least keep in mind.
Speaker 2: You know how I do?
Speaker 1: I guess yeah, when you well, let's all right, let's
Speaker 1: do this. When you were a boy, do you do
Speaker 1: you remember ways in which your dad drinking negatively affected
Speaker 1: you or his relationship with your mom?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, for sure there was again, nothing bad
Speaker 2: or crazy happened, but I mean, yeah, definitely there there's
Speaker 2: definitely some times I can look back on and be like,
Speaker 2: maybe he shouldn't have been Maybe that wasn't the situation
Speaker 2: to be very drunk at like, for instance, like he
Speaker 2: was looking on the couch watching football and then a
Speaker 2: few beers turn him.
Speaker 1: He's not, He's not. It's like, okay, was he like
Speaker 1: let's not say plaster, but was he like putting a
Speaker 1: few down at like the uh, your school, your school
Speaker 1: play or soccer games or ship like that.
Speaker 2: That's that is that is the perfect way. Yes, that
Speaker 2: is the perfect.
Speaker 1: Okay, he's not getting he's not getting. He's he he's
Speaker 1: not like that fucking South Park episode where Randy is
Speaker 1: fighting everyone again. He's not like that, but he's he's
Speaker 1: having a beer at these places where you're like, should
Speaker 1: he really be having a beer right now? Kind of
Speaker 1: a yeah, okay, all right, Okay, I give it.
Speaker 2: You mean destally gotten worse over the years, because like
Speaker 2: I'm twenty five, so I you know, I've been done
Speaker 2: and moved out, but I've got a little brother who
Speaker 2: That's where I see it the worst in I guess
Speaker 2: is because I'm like man like he was in my
Speaker 2: h I was in his shoes, and I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: kind of grateful. He doesn't get the full scope of
Speaker 2: it right now, because you know, he's young and he
Speaker 2: doesn't know.
Speaker 1: What's yet. What's to deal with your little brother? Do
Speaker 1: you see him acting like your father in some way?
Speaker 2: Oh, my dad and my brother are almost the exact
Speaker 2: same person. Besides you drink. He's thirteen, but oh no, yeah,
Speaker 2: they're they're the exact same person.
Speaker 1: Interesting. Do you feel like he's mostly more like my mom?
Speaker 2: Though?
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're like your dad in any
Speaker 1: ways other than the drinking that in any ways, other
Speaker 1: than just like drinking a lot? How do you feel
Speaker 1: like you're like your dad?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 2: Definitely, my dad is like super bad, Like he has
Speaker 2: really bad OCD and like in a weird way, like
Speaker 2: I'm kind of messy and like sloppy, but like in
Speaker 2: a weird way I I I kind of have the
Speaker 2: same thing because like, whenever my dad like hyper focuses
Speaker 2: on something, like, he will not finish or stop or
Speaker 2: pause until he finishes or does whatever he's doing. And
Speaker 2: I'm kind of the same way if I get super
Speaker 2: hyper focused on something to a point where it's like
Speaker 2: like I just tunnel vision, you know, mm hmmmm hmm. No, definitely, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's that's one of the big things. I definitely have
Speaker 2: some of his like mannerisms, like he's a he's a
Speaker 2: very sorry go ahead, I know you go ahead now.
Speaker 2: I was just gonna say that, like some of his
Speaker 2: mannerisms I definitely have, Like he's very like he'll talk
Speaker 2: to anybody like he'll he'll he's easy to make or
Speaker 2: go up making friends. And I feel like I'm the
Speaker 2: same way. I can talk to anybody and just you know,
Speaker 2: make a friend. What you like I said some of
Speaker 2: the good things that I that I like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, hmmm, dude, it's interesting. I like I like this
Speaker 1: subject because I think about it a lot in my
Speaker 1: own life. Yeah, not to like whatever, I guess, just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm pondering and in in in the process of pondering
Speaker 1: this with you, because sometimes I'm like, and I don't
Speaker 1: I don't know if this is inherent. I don't know
Speaker 1: if this is healthy. But sometimes I look at like
Speaker 1: the you know, like I was saying early, like a
Speaker 1: look at my dad, and I'm like, I'm a carbon
Speaker 1: copy of him, and I and I have all I
Speaker 1: think I have all of his best qualities and all
Speaker 1: of his worst ones too, And I think about that,
Speaker 1: and sometimes when I'm like embodying the qualities where I'm like, shit,
Speaker 1: I kind of think I know where this came from.
Speaker 1: Part of me. There's a little part of me that
Speaker 1: like uses that to like fucking like accept it, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Yeah, you know, so there's a
Speaker 1: little part of me uses that to like accept it
Speaker 1: and maybe in some cases excuse it. And I and
Speaker 1: I know, yeah I do that. Yeah, I think we
Speaker 1: both do that ship and yeah, I accept it and
Speaker 1: excuse it. But then I'm also like, ah, fuck, but
Speaker 1: I gotta fucking I can't, you know, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean?
Speaker 2: What you mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I can ponder this with you, but I
Speaker 1: would be lying if I said I had the answer,
Speaker 1: And I'd be a hypocrite if I told you that
Speaker 1: you gotta fight back. You know what I mean, you
Speaker 1: probably should. You probably should, you probably should. I Yeah again,
Speaker 1: I feel the same way where I'm like I'll do
Speaker 1: something and I'm like, fuck this, this is me. This
Speaker 1: is the part that I inherited from, Like I totally
Speaker 1: see how I came to exist by looking at my parents.
Speaker 1: And yeah, you can use it, yeah again, you can
Speaker 1: use it as like an excuse. But I'm at a
Speaker 1: part of me wants to believe in free will.
Speaker 2: But exactly, but then genetics definitely takes a part.
Speaker 1: But I don't know, Bro, we gotta try, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, especially if you but also you know,
Speaker 1: also also you know what you know. Okay, I'll sell
Speaker 1: I'll tell you this. And this is another thing, a
Speaker 1: little bit that is like my experience with this is
Speaker 1: and this is more like addiction stuff than it is
Speaker 1: like genetic family shit or whatever. Yeah, is like, uh,
Speaker 1: quitting doing something is like a thousand times easier if
Speaker 1: you have a reason, right, Like I've had I've had
Speaker 1: things I was addicted to. Uh where or fuck am where?
Speaker 1: It's like I don't have a good reason to stop
Speaker 1: doing this, Like I'm not, I don't have a good
Speaker 1: reason to stop doing this, or I don't have something
Speaker 1: else in front of me that's so all encompassing that
Speaker 1: it forces me to be present with it. So I'm
Speaker 1: not doing the thing. But you have a thing, and
Speaker 1: maybe this is the north star of like, Okay, well
Speaker 1: I want I I care a lot about investing in
Speaker 1: my relationship with my wife, and I care a lot
Speaker 1: about having a kid and giving my kid a good childhood.
Speaker 1: So aut lest you have that. It's a because if
Speaker 1: you were just like a single, if you were just
Speaker 1: like a single twenty five year old guy with you know,
Speaker 1: with like some random job, and you're just like a guy,
Speaker 1: then it's like it's like, yeah, of course I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get drunk all the.
Speaker 2: Time, you know, No, yeah exactly.
Speaker 1: But you gotta you have like a higher thing to
Speaker 1: serve now, So I guess that's at least, yeah, that's something.
Speaker 2: It definitely, it definitely is what makes me think about it,
Speaker 2: I guess. And then another thing, just to you know,
Speaker 2: you were talking about, you know, addiction, which that is
Speaker 2: another thing that's like really bad. I'm my dad's side
Speaker 2: of the family, you know, yeah, from him to his mother,
Speaker 2: and like you know, they're all like have some type
Speaker 2: of whether not necessarily drugs or booze, but like you know,
Speaker 2: some type of thing and it's you know, addiction is
Speaker 2: it's super super genetic at least from what I understand,
Speaker 2: And like I've definitely like you know, when I was
Speaker 2: in high school and college, you know, I was vighting
Speaker 2: and you know, doing the zen and which I haven't.
Speaker 2: You know, I don't do that stuff anymore, but holy crap,
Speaker 2: do with that shit? Hard to quit? Mm? And then
Speaker 2: another part of me was like, is it is it
Speaker 2: hard because it's hard or was it is it? Does
Speaker 2: it because of my you know, back to my dad
Speaker 2: and I guess my lineage, my genetics is like is
Speaker 2: it a genetic thing?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it definitely is. But again I guess if we're
Speaker 1: trying to not if we're trying to overcome that shit,
Speaker 1: I guess it is helpful. It is helpful to know
Speaker 1: where it comes from. I feel like, yeah, it's helped me,
Speaker 1: It's helped me at least, and I'm I'm no, uh,
Speaker 1: I'm not like I I mean this is true with
Speaker 1: like everything on this podcast. Like I don't want to
Speaker 1: speak as like some kind of like authority and getting
Speaker 1: over stuff, but just like in the terms of like
Speaker 1: feeling it, so like in the terms like feeling it,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I've felt like, oh, it's good to
Speaker 1: have the information as to how I got here, and
Speaker 1: that helps me and that helps me shame myself less,
Speaker 1: like I feel a lot less, Like yeah, it does,
Speaker 1: like like like it helps me like feel a lot
Speaker 1: less shame because I because it puts me in a
Speaker 1: position where I'm like, Okay, I at least kind of
Speaker 1: understand how I arrived here, and it's through something that
Speaker 1: I can kind of logically explain, not just because I'm
Speaker 1: like some grand piece of shit and uh, I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, and you can you can kind of say
Speaker 1: that about anyone. But it's like, Okay, now I gotta
Speaker 1: I can't keep I just I can't. I can't keep
Speaker 1: using that. I gotta figure out how to fucking Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know what you mean, you know, deal with it.
Speaker 2: But I think it also helps you know what you're
Speaker 2: saying that it, I mean, it kind of helps like
Speaker 2: if you have kids, you know you want you know,
Speaker 2: your future, uh whatever, Like I guess it kind of
Speaker 2: helps them too, to know where it came from. You know, well,
Speaker 2: my kid's not just a piece of shit, you know, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know it's you know what I mean not. I
Speaker 2: guess it's a terrible way to say it.
Speaker 1: But no, when you're kid, when you're your kid's fourteen
Speaker 1: and he starts sneaking Mike's hard lemonades out of the
Speaker 1: free free like yeah, yeah, I think maybe. Okay, what
Speaker 1: I was going to say is I think that the
Speaker 1: understanding of how you came to a certain point, leading
Speaker 1: to a removal of shame, it is helpful in some
Speaker 1: way to getting to your uh, getting getting to what
Speaker 1: you want because like if you're because if you're gonna
Speaker 1: approach I guess, because if you're gonna approach this like logically,
Speaker 1: like how do I logically beat this? The the shame
Speaker 1: of it isn't helpful in that logic process, at least
Speaker 1: in my opinion. But I'm also my opinions. Yeah we
Speaker 1: also my opinion is uh bad because I'm addicted to
Speaker 1: a lot of stuff.
Speaker 2: But no, yeah, I guess.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't know, man, what's your why? Okay,
Speaker 1: let me ask you this. What's your wife say? Like,
Speaker 1: is she like, yo, you gotta fucking stop doing this?
Speaker 2: No, she doesn't really say much about it. I mean,
Speaker 2: I definitely talk to her about this stuff, and like,
Speaker 2: you know, especially with my dad, because you know, before
Speaker 2: I met her, I was just kind of dealing it
Speaker 2: with on my own. So it's been going on for
Speaker 2: a while, you know, I met her and then after
Speaker 2: dating and I think it was like right before we
Speaker 2: met out with my parents, like hey, by the way,
Speaker 2: my dad was a recovering alcoholic. Just FYI yeah, and
Speaker 2: then you know, I just you know, it does help
Speaker 2: to talk to her about it, but I mean she's
Speaker 2: very supportive, but like she doesn't really like I don't
Speaker 2: know how to say this. She doesn't shame me for anything,
Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, I think I am.
Speaker 2: I could just be overthinking stuff. Like I saidt the
Speaker 2: end of the day, I'm twenty five, you know, I
Speaker 2: like to drink on the weekends and have fun. So
Speaker 2: like maybe it's something that I'm overthinking and making it
Speaker 2: into something big and it's not. But i'd lie if
Speaker 2: I'd say I don't think about it. Yeah, well that
Speaker 2: if that didn't makes sense.
Speaker 1: No, no, it makes perfect sense. Well, I mean, I well,
Speaker 1: let's let's put it like this, at least you're thinking
Speaker 1: about it. Like, I don't know when your dad was
Speaker 1: like drinking when you were a kid. Do you think
Speaker 1: he was even thinking about it?
Speaker 2: Definitely, Well, I don't know. That's that's definitely something that
Speaker 2: I haven't even thought about. But like I don't know.
Speaker 2: I really couldn't tell you.
Speaker 3: Hmm.
Speaker 1: I think you'll be a I think you'd be a
Speaker 1: good dad. You can't you give at least you give
Speaker 1: a ship. That's the place to start.
Speaker 2: I try.
Speaker 1: Okay, what am I news? I don't do. I have
Speaker 1: nears resolutions, They're all boring. You don't have any of them.
Speaker 1: You are You're just gonna keep living your life.
Speaker 2: Well, I kiss, Well, I got like it's it's the
Speaker 2: same thing that everybody says, you know I am. I mean,
Speaker 2: I've been. I feel like I go to the gym
Speaker 2: pretty like frequently. I'm a a s Other thing I
Speaker 2: think I get from my dad is my dad's like
Speaker 2: huge into the gym, even if whether he's drinking or not,
Speaker 2: He's always in the gym. It's something that I like
Speaker 2: to do. And I've got some like muscle on me.
Speaker 2: But like I'm trying to cut back and trying to
Speaker 2: look skinnier. So I guess that's that is one is
Speaker 2: lose weight, cut back, and that's that. I don't know
Speaker 2: if it's an addiction, but dude, does that door dashing does
Speaker 2: not help?
Speaker 1: What do you? What are you been door dashing?
Speaker 2: Did all doors anything? McDonald's. It's so hard not to.
Speaker 1: It's a lot of protein.
Speaker 2: That's that's another addiction.
Speaker 1: You got a lot of protein in there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a lot of protein and fried crap I don't need.
Speaker 2: But that could be another good New Year's resolution, less
Speaker 2: stor dashing.
Speaker 1: Dude, I'm just gonna I don't know why. I'm just
Speaker 1: something that someone else said on their podcast, but uh,
Speaker 1: this guy, Stavros Halkias said something on his podcast once
Speaker 1: about like getting to a fat guy, Uh, getting to
Speaker 1: like a fat guy logic where you start eating chicken
Speaker 1: tenders as a side oh life and like and the
Speaker 1: and the excuse being that it's protein. I was like
Speaker 1: that fucking I was like, damn, I've never felt more
Speaker 1: seen in my life. Wyat If they're hm, hm, is
Speaker 1: there anything else you wanna say or talk about before
Speaker 1: we before we go?
Speaker 2: No, man, I I definitely feel better talking like I
Speaker 2: haven't really talked to anybody about this or you know,
Speaker 2: but other than just thought about it to myself. So
Speaker 2: definitely appreciate it. Appreciate what you do for sure.
Speaker 1: Man, Is there any other aspect of it you think
Speaker 1: we didn't cover?
Speaker 2: I mean no, not really. I mean at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, you know, I love my old man.
Speaker 2: I think he's a good person at hart He's never
Speaker 2: done anything evil. But you know, there's there are some
Speaker 2: aspects that I see myself in him or himself in
Speaker 2: him and myself that I definitely don't want lingering around
Speaker 2: in the future. And like I don't shame my father
Speaker 2: for anything. You know, like I said at the end
Speaker 2: of the day's my awesome.
Speaker 1: Dude, Wyatt, thanks for Sharon Man, I appreciate this was
Speaker 1: a health.
Speaker 3: Conversation too, ye Happy New Years bye way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's interesting. I mean there's something we've talked about
Speaker 1: in here before, but like, yeah, how do you how
Speaker 1: do you not become your parents? And I it's it's interesting.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm blessed enough to have a you know,
Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of friends from childhood who
Speaker 1: like I know them and I know their family and
Speaker 1: every single every one of my fucking friends, I can
Speaker 1: like pinpoint how they exist by thinking about their parents,
Speaker 1: not every single one of them. Sometimes there's a bit
Speaker 1: of sometimes they're a black sheep. I actually know. I
Speaker 1: have a couple. I have a few friends where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't know how you got became this, But I
Speaker 1: have a lot of friends where I'm like, I know
Speaker 1: exactly how you became this. Myself, I look at my parents,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I know exactly how I became what I am.
Speaker 1: It's hard. It's one of those things that makes you
Speaker 1: like question free It really is one of those fucking
Speaker 1: things that makes you question free will. You're like, are
Speaker 1: we just doomed genetically to become our parents? Or do
Speaker 1: we have some say? I think ultimately believing in free
Speaker 1: will is more empowering than believing in uh determinism. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go ahead. I'm gonna go ahead and say
Speaker 1: we help we have free will to try not to
Speaker 1: become our parents. Hello, Hey, what's up?
Speaker 3: Hey?
Speaker 1: What's your name?
Speaker 4: Aubriel A brill?
Speaker 1: Okay, you had a shitty twenty twenty five? Do you
Speaker 1: should we start there? Should we start more positive?
Speaker 2: Whatever? Really? All right?
Speaker 3: So I got arrested earlier in the year, so that
Speaker 3: kind of put it like a damper on things. I
Speaker 3: would say, for.
Speaker 1: Sure, do you to talk about what you were arrested for?
Speaker 1: I don't have to.
Speaker 3: Essentially, I got pulled over in a pretty bad area
Speaker 3: and I didn't know this at the time, but I
Speaker 3: have my medical card. I live in Florida, but I
Speaker 3: let it lapse by like two weeks or something like that. Uh,
Speaker 3: So I got pulled over during that time, and I
Speaker 3: didn't know that carts were a felony. So I ended
Speaker 3: up getting a felony for like resin possession, which that
Speaker 3: really sucks, and then like three missing years along the
Speaker 3: lines of the paraphernalia and stuff. Yeah did wait, it
Speaker 3: was the whole thing.
Speaker 1: So okay, so you have a medical Okay, so, uh,
Speaker 1: recreational marijuana is illegal in Florida, but you have a
Speaker 1: med card, but the med card expired, so they charged
Speaker 1: it for the carts.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so like the like a like like a dad pen.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So I had like it had my name on it
Speaker 3: and everything already, but because it had lapsed, it was
Speaker 3: still a felony because I didn't have like an active
Speaker 3: medical marijuana card.
Speaker 1: That's fucking lame.
Speaker 3: No really, lamb really lamb initially, like because I didn't
Speaker 3: and it didn't even like register to me that I
Speaker 3: had it in the car, Like they asked me, they
Speaker 3: were like, have anything in there, and like they tried
Speaker 3: to search and I told the nose and they got
Speaker 3: a dog. It was a whole fucking thing. But I
Speaker 3: was like, I think I only have like a quarter
Speaker 3: or something like that because I completely didn't even register
Speaker 3: that was weed obviously. But yeah, they're like okay, well yeah,
Speaker 3: so yeah, but no.
Speaker 1: That's lam as fuck. It's so crazy to be in
Speaker 1: like legal states where it's like you don't you don't,
Speaker 1: it doesn't even like register that it's illegal. And then like,
Speaker 1: I mean, foreign countries is one thing, but like the
Speaker 1: fact there are places in America where you can get
Speaker 1: like fucking arrested for uh just having a cart is insane.
Speaker 1: Like so they put you in handcuffs.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, Like no, Like they had me at the
Speaker 3: front of the car initially, and then they were like okay,
Speaker 3: we'll put your hands behind your back, and then the
Speaker 3: red meee my Miranda rights and everything, and I was like, oh, okay,
Speaker 3: so this is like actually happening, and I think, yeah,
Speaker 3: I was nineteen at the time. I think when that happened,
Speaker 3: I don't yeah, I don't think I was eighteen. It
Speaker 3: was really scary, but they told me. They reassured me,
Speaker 3: like on the way to the jail, because that was
Speaker 3: my first time only time getting in trouble. But they
Speaker 3: were like, girl, like you should be good. Like I
Speaker 3: just heard a story about somebody in our county who had,
Speaker 3: like I don't even want to say it out loud,
Speaker 3: but like had did some really heinous shit to whatever
Speaker 3: and he had gotten out on probation. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: well that's great.
Speaker 1: Did you have to let me go to jail.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no, like I fully went to jail.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: How long were you in jail for?
Speaker 3: So I got I think it was on like a yeah,
Speaker 3: I think it was on a Sunday. I was into
Speaker 3: like seventeen hours I sat in booking. That was the
Speaker 3: worst fucking part. Honestly, jail was fine, like the girls
Speaker 3: were fine, but booking was like actual psychological torture. Like
Speaker 3: I just sat there for ten hours staring at a
Speaker 3: fucking wall, couldn't even tell the time, And then there
Speaker 3: was one point. Oh, this shit got me so bad.
Speaker 3: I was like, is it almost seven o'clock yet or
Speaker 3: like seven am whatever, because that was the time that
Speaker 3: they said that was gonna have my arraignment. And he
Speaker 3: was like yeah, and I was like really and he's
Speaker 3: like no, And I was like, are you fucking serious?
Speaker 3: So what would y'all have done if I hadn't said really?
Speaker 3: Like what? I okay?
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's hilarious. Oh hmmm, so okay. Jail was Wait,
Speaker 1: the girls were fine, Like you were chatting it up
Speaker 1: with the people in the jail. What was that?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Who would you meet?
Speaker 3: So there was this one girl she was a year
Speaker 3: younger than me, and she was in there for DTA.
Speaker 3: She was really cool. They helped me put like, uh
Speaker 3: thee One of the girls fucked up their comb, like
Speaker 3: you take if you have like nose piercings or anything
Speaker 3: like that, you take a piece of the comb and
Speaker 3: you put it through your nose so it doesn't close.
Speaker 3: So they gave me one of those. They let me
Speaker 3: try crack powder whatever it was, which is like basically
Speaker 3: fucking mint powder that you put in your drink, but
Speaker 3: you like to put it on your chips and shit
Speaker 3: and it tastes really good.
Speaker 1: Wait is it actually as a crack?
Speaker 3: No, No, like it doesn't have crack, but they called
Speaker 3: it that.
Speaker 1: Okay, I was about to say, seventeen hours in jails
Speaker 1: a little early to be, you know, doing jail crack.
Speaker 3: No, that actually would have been nuts. Yeah. I don't
Speaker 3: do none of that. But yeah, there's some older ladies.
Speaker 3: There was two younger ones. Uh so it was me.
Speaker 3: I was on the top bunk. Then there was two
Speaker 3: girls who had their beds on floor, but those were
Speaker 3: the younger ones, and then there was like three of
Speaker 3: their older ladies.
Speaker 1: And you were there for one night. Yes, damn, that's
Speaker 1: crazy they put you in that.
Speaker 2: What's so? What so.
Speaker 1: Holding you're just kind of staring at a wall and
Speaker 1: then jail You're like, it's like camp. It sounded kind
Speaker 1: of like summer camp.
Speaker 3: Essentially.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Basically, honestly, it wasn't that bad. It was just like
Speaker 3: knowing that freedom was not there was kind of surreal. Yeah, like, actually,
Speaker 3: like you're not a person anymore.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, so it's not actually like summer camp
Speaker 1: at all.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: So you said you didn't feel like a person. Oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: so when you got out what happened after that?
Speaker 3: I had to get a lawyer, So that was a
Speaker 3: whole thing. It was like forty five hundred dollars and
Speaker 3: essentially I went to I did go to court, and
Speaker 3: they gave me diversion, which was like a first time
Speaker 3: offender program. But I encountered like every single possible obstacle
Speaker 3: you could encounter in that program while I was in it,
Speaker 3: which is like kind of my own fault in a way.
Speaker 3: But I have like really bad anxiety. Like I'm sure
Speaker 3: you can hear it, like I'm still it's kind of
Speaker 3: crazy that I'm talking right now. I'm still shaking. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I ended up I have really bad P anxiety, So
Speaker 3: I ended up not being able to piss and like
Speaker 3: that fucking stuff. So like I don't add, yeah, you.
Speaker 1: Were holding it in for the whole time.
Speaker 3: Well no, No, I meant like afterwards, like because you
Speaker 3: have to do P tests and stuff. So I said, oh, oh,
Speaker 3: oh yeah, so you have to do like P tests
Speaker 3: and ship like that, and that was not fun. So
Speaker 3: I ended up having to be in for like an
Speaker 3: extra three months on top of the year that they
Speaker 3: already wanted me in. There. So yeah, I'm out now,
Speaker 3: feel good, feel good, free birds.
Speaker 1: Wait, I'm fuck. I'm sorry if I'm miss hearing this first,
Speaker 1: but you were you were aware for three months?
Speaker 3: Oh sorry? No, like they had me in the program
Speaker 3: for a year, I'm limit, and then because I had
Speaker 3: sucked up with the testing and everything. Yeah, yeah, so
Speaker 3: they added on.
Speaker 2: Three extra months because of that, which fucking sucks about.
Speaker 1: How are you doing now?
Speaker 3: Great? Actually, I just moved out of my dad's I'm
Speaker 3: living at my nana's now, so that's been really cool.
Speaker 3: My parents got divorced like two years ago. I've been
Speaker 3: living with him, but he just has not been the
Speaker 3: happiest camper since. Yeah. So, finally got out of that situation.
Speaker 3: And I'm also twenty so just feels good to not
Speaker 3: be there.
Speaker 1: I guess you mentioned in this text to me that
Speaker 1: you said you you found your childhood crush that you've
Speaker 1: been looking for online for nine years. What does that mean? Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm curious.
Speaker 3: Okay, So, essentially, my dad was in the military growing
Speaker 3: up and I got stationed. So one of the places
Speaker 3: we were when I was in fifth grade it was Mayport, Jacksonville,
Speaker 3: and I had this best friend who while the entire
Speaker 3: time I lived there and we just got really close
Speaker 3: to whatever. So then we ended up moving, and he
Speaker 3: ended up moving too because his dad was also in
Speaker 3: the military, and I basically he had no social media
Speaker 3: presence for the entirety of until he got out of
Speaker 3: high school, and I'd spent like at least twice a year,
Speaker 3: like twice a year looking him up on social media,
Speaker 3: which like I hadn't done that for any but like
Speaker 3: any of the other people that I'd met over the years,
Speaker 3: like as consistently as I did with him. I don't know,
Speaker 3: it's just crazy, like you just have a connection with somebody,
Speaker 3: even when you're still little, not little, but like even
Speaker 3: when you're so young, and like it's you just know
Speaker 3: something's real. I guess, I don't know, Like I thought
Speaker 3: that was cool. So then I finally found him and
Speaker 3: he was he joined the Navy too, and it was
Speaker 3: really freaking crazy because he's he's currently stationed in the
Speaker 3: same at the same base that we met at when
Speaker 3: we're kids. WHOA, And he's actually, yeah, so he's here
Speaker 3: right now, actually, like I'm in my hometown and he
Speaker 3: drove three hours so that was really cool.
Speaker 1: WHOA. Interesting. So you guys met at a bed at
Speaker 1: this base that your dad was at, and then fucking
Speaker 1: years later he's stationed there now.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, like really crazy? How did you find Okay?
Speaker 3: So I knew his first and last name, and like
Speaker 3: when I tell you I'm a d one stalker, like,
Speaker 3: I'm actually a d one stalker. So I went through
Speaker 3: every social media platform he could possibly go through, and
Speaker 3: I would look up people with his name and I
Speaker 3: would I would message them basically, like twice a year,
Speaker 3: I'd message a whole bunch of random people who had
Speaker 3: his name and hoped they were him.
Speaker 1: Wow, that's actually pretty romantic.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a lot of dedication for sure.
Speaker 1: So hmmm, I have a lot of questions about this.
Speaker 1: How long had it been since you guys had connected
Speaker 1: with each other?
Speaker 3: So I hadn't seen him since I was ten, and
Speaker 3: then reconnected when I was like nineteen, so nine years.
Speaker 3: We hadn't spoken for nine years?
Speaker 1: Wow? And so how long were you searching for him?
Speaker 1: You said you said like twice a year you would
Speaker 1: do this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, like twice a year or something like that. Just
Speaker 3: see what's up.
Speaker 1: How did it feel when you finally found him?
Speaker 3: It was fucking crazy. It was nuts, Like genuinely, I
Speaker 3: was like, no fucking way, like this isn't real. And
Speaker 3: he had full like he remembered me, and that was
Speaker 3: also even crazier. Oh sorry to burp, but I don't know.
Speaker 3: It's just like, honestly, it still feels really surreal. I
Speaker 3: so we've been talking for like a year now and
Speaker 3: we finally like made it official on the sixth, So
Speaker 3: that was all fucking nuts, Like fucking nuts.
Speaker 1: Wait, this is so romantic. This is like a beautiful story.
Speaker 1: I'm very invested. What was the first meeting?
Speaker 3: Like, so, okay, so he drove down here from Jacksonville
Speaker 3: also something to know kind of I have PTSD from
Speaker 3: getting arrested, so I just don't like driving long distances.
Speaker 3: So he came down here and he had never been
Speaker 3: to the Bush Start in Tampa or yeah, down here,
Speaker 3: so it's like, oh my god, like we should go.
Speaker 3: So he drove down here and I drove us to
Speaker 3: Bush Gardens and it didn't start out like a day
Speaker 3: at all. I don't know it was. It wasn't awkward,
Speaker 3: but it was like I could definitely tell that he
Speaker 3: was flirting with me. But he's also Okay. So he's
Speaker 3: like actually autistic, like clinically autistic, so he doesn't pick
Speaker 3: up on social cues very well. And like I had
Speaker 3: already kind of pursued him a little bit previously, but
Speaker 3: it didn't seem like he was interested. So I just
Speaker 3: like completely laid the fuck off it, and I was like,
Speaker 3: just him being in my life is enough, so whatever.
Speaker 3: But by the end of it, like I don't know,
Speaker 3: like we laid in bed, like because I got a hotel.
Speaker 3: So we got back from Bush Gardens and he was
Speaker 3: slurting and I was just kind of being standoffish, and
Speaker 3: we watched like three movies on his laptop and he
Speaker 3: let me pick every movie, and then he fell asleep
Speaker 3: and I literally sat there like smelling his breath for
Speaker 3: fucking an hour before I find I fell asleep. And
Speaker 3: then I woke up at like five a m or something,
Speaker 3: and like he was cuddling me, and it was just
Speaker 3: like it was so fucking crazy. It was so crazy.
Speaker 1: Wow. So it started out okay, So so that night
Speaker 1: when you, yeah, you got you were smelling his breath,
Speaker 1: He's cuddling you. It be the romantic interest was was
Speaker 1: there from the from the from the second beginning.
Speaker 3: Yes, I just I didn't want to come off that
Speaker 3: way because I wasn't sure if like that was just
Speaker 3: his personality or it's like I was reading things wrong or.
Speaker 4: Yeah, m.
Speaker 1: What was it about him that you remembered from when
Speaker 1: you were ten that made you so dedicated to finding him?
Speaker 3: It's really corny, but he just really is so like thoughtful.
Speaker 3: He was just so thoughtful and so observant and his
Speaker 3: perspectives on the world. Like I'm also not trying to
Speaker 3: sound egotistical, but I just I feel like I was
Speaker 3: a much more denteent child than most like my My
Speaker 3: earliest memories go back to like one and a half
Speaker 3: two years old, and he's kind of similar in that
Speaker 3: way where he's like always been a more introspected thinker.
Speaker 3: And I don't know, like I also don't know if
Speaker 3: you're like spiritual or whatever. But when like just when
Speaker 3: you know, you know, like when you meet somebody and
Speaker 3: you feel like your soul knows that person.
Speaker 1: M sure, sure, hmm, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm so.
Speaker 3: I said it might be a little delusional.
Speaker 1: But no, I don't think anything about this is delusional.
Speaker 1: This is like I know, this is a beautiful story.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think what else I want to know
Speaker 1: about it? Were you uh uh okay, here's one. So
Speaker 1: you hadn't seen him since you guys were kids, right
Speaker 1: like when you saw him like as an adult, were
Speaker 1: you like instantly like attracted to him again like physically yes?
Speaker 3: Yes, And that was another thing I honestly wasn't.
Speaker 1: Expecting that, Yeah, because you because did any was any
Speaker 1: part of you like, oh shit, he could have like
Speaker 1: grown up chopped.
Speaker 3: Yeah. It just it's one of those things where it
Speaker 3: didn't even matter, like realistically, like once I actually seen him,
Speaker 3: like it really didn't matter even if he had grown
Speaker 3: up chopped, Like I still would like him anyway. It's
Speaker 3: just the person that he is.
Speaker 1: Really damn that's so nice. Holy shit. Hm hmm So no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's that's awesome. Wow. Okay, So he lives three hours
Speaker 1: away at the base where you guys met, and yeah,
Speaker 1: what's your what's what's your guys' future?
Speaker 4: Looking like you think, well, I don't, I don't really know.
Speaker 3: I mean I feel like it's a little early, but
Speaker 3: within the next year or so, I mean hopefully it
Speaker 3: would be not long distance anymore. Realistically, he doesn't live
Speaker 3: that far. But he also he was talking about because
Speaker 3: he's been talking about whether or not he wants to
Speaker 3: re enlist because his contract is over in twenty twenty seven.
Speaker 3: I think so, like literally next year. But if he
Speaker 3: gets orders to come down to Tampa or to stay
Speaker 3: in Jacksonville, then he will re enlist. But if not,
Speaker 3: I don't know, but he was talking about me going
Speaker 3: up there. When he gets into part himself, was like,
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: That's fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: Wow, man, So you really Uh yeah, that's so wild.
Speaker 1: That's so wild. Mmmm what what do you?
Speaker 3: So?
Speaker 2: What do you? What do you?
Speaker 1: What do you do for? Like work and stuff? Like
Speaker 1: what's your kind of like life situation.
Speaker 3: It's pretty lame. I'm not gonna lie to you, Like
Speaker 3: when I got arrested, like this is definitely an excuse,
Speaker 3: but it put it to me. It put like a
Speaker 3: hold on everything in my life. Like I felt like
Speaker 3: once I had that over my head, like I couldn't
Speaker 3: do anything else basically, So I'm still working. I've been
Speaker 3: working at the same job for like two years. I
Speaker 3: work at an Italian restaurant as a host. So that's
Speaker 3: pretty still very fucking easy job, and I get Hella
Speaker 3: hours because nobody knows how to work nowadays.
Speaker 1: You should work as a fucking private investigator.
Speaker 3: I really should. I've thought about that. I don't know
Speaker 3: about with the felony on my record, but maybe.
Speaker 1: Hmm, what's your name again, Abrielle, Abrielle, Yeah, thanks for
Speaker 1: sharing your story, Aubrielle. This is very interesting. I want
Speaker 1: to feel. I feel like this is one of those
Speaker 1: things where I'm like, wow, this is so fascinating and
Speaker 1: human to me, especially in a like like you have
Speaker 1: like a fairy tale like drama movie romance going on
Speaker 1: in a world where everyone's just trying to you know,
Speaker 1: not get ghosted from a dating app. You know, it's
Speaker 1: like it's cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like I always kind of yeah, I
Speaker 3: don't know. You can't like, you can't not romanticized life
Speaker 3: really gets really fucking depressing very quickly.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should romanticize life, every aspect of it, you know,
Speaker 1: waking up, opening a door, you know, being Yeah, wait.
Speaker 3: In my mind at the thing, everything like life really
Speaker 3: is a fucking gift and that you should make the
Speaker 3: most of it too. Just make the fucking most of it.
Speaker 3: Like if you can do something. Do it? Really? What's
Speaker 3: the worst that could happen?
Speaker 1: Abriel? Is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 1: the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: No, that's it. Have a great night, Thank.
Speaker 1: You, Abria'll have a good one, have a go Bye
Speaker 1: bye bush Gardens. I love bush Gardens. I like that story.
Speaker 1: Trying to think if there's anyone that I'm trying to think,
Speaker 1: if there's anyone that I fell in love with when
Speaker 1: I was ten that I could reach back out to
Speaker 1: via this podcast, there's not. I guess that's the thing
Speaker 1: about our I remember my dad fucking telling me this
Speaker 1: once about Facebook. He's like, your generation will never understand
Speaker 1: like going no contact for like fifty fucking not fifty,
Speaker 1: but like, you know, thirty twenty years not seeing anyone. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a unique thing to our generation because like
Speaker 1: the old the generation, they go like, you know, twenty
Speaker 1: thirty years without seeing anyone, and then on Facebook, all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, everyone they reconnect. Whereas like our generation,
Speaker 1: it's like we've been if I know you, if I
Speaker 1: met you at a party once or whatever, you might
Speaker 1: be in my life every day for the next sixty
Speaker 1: years of me looking at my phone. That's what we're
Speaker 1: bringing back in twenty twenty six. We're gonna bring back mystery.
Speaker 1: We're gonna bring back a rekindling misconnections. I don't wanna.
Speaker 1: Let's do the opposite. If you meet someone at a
Speaker 1: party or the thing or whatever, and you had a
Speaker 1: nice conversation, I don't like that even I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't if I met you, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't need you to be in my life forever now,
Speaker 1: I don't you know what I mean, Like if I
Speaker 1: meet you at like a random thing, we don't have
Speaker 1: to be in each other's lives forever via via the internet.
Speaker 1: If I if I want to find you, or you
Speaker 1: want to find me, you need to remember my You
Speaker 1: need to go. You need to go as hard as
Speaker 1: this lady did to find this person. And that's the
Speaker 1: funny thing too to me about this is that she
Speaker 1: didn't like try to find a bunch of She messaged
Speaker 1: tons of people with this guy's name until one of
Speaker 1: them responded. That's fascinating. I hope this lady uh gets
Speaker 1: married and has whatever her you know, life dream is
Speaker 1: with this guy. But I hope it all works out.
Speaker 1: It has I mean, that was so much fucking work.
Speaker 1: There's no way it doesn't work out.
Speaker 3: Hello.
Speaker 1: Hello, what is your name?
Speaker 3: My name's Rachel.
Speaker 1: What's up, Rachel? What's going on with you? Has life?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Well, you know, new year, trying to be a new me,
Speaker 3: just you know, punching in, punching out. Went to the
Speaker 3: club last night. Lost my apartment key.
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes the things you lose at the club
Speaker 1: are the price you pay for the memories you made
Speaker 1: at the club, which doesn't necessarily mean that those memories
Speaker 1: were good. Sometimes sometimes losing your phone is the price
Speaker 1: you pay for the horrible memory of losing your phone.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean?
Speaker 3: You're so right, You're so right. I mean I did
Speaker 3: have a good time. I think it was worth it.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm going to try to get another key
Speaker 3: on Mondays, so we'll see how that goes. I just
Speaker 3: hope they go charge for like two hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: Can I can I ask you about the thing you
Speaker 1: texted me about?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Sure?
Speaker 1: Uh so you texted me and you said, can we discussed?
Speaker 1: Can we discuss how it's almost an insult to be
Speaker 1: a fat chick these days? I've been thinking about it now,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1: Because the way you phrased it, I'm curious.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I probably should have phrased it a little better.
Speaker 3: I guess what I'm kind of trying to say is,
Speaker 3: so I'm an overweight twenty two year old and just
Speaker 3: the way I interact with people, even if it's not
Speaker 3: you know, usually being overweight comes down to attractiveness and
Speaker 3: somebody being attracted to. But what I was thinking is
Speaker 3: the way people interact with me. It's almost like I've heard,
Speaker 3: you know, insults left and right, big whoop, but just
Speaker 3: little interactions. I'm like, oh, okay, it's not so much
Speaker 3: how I say or excuse me what I say or
Speaker 3: how I say it, but just interactions are so different,
Speaker 3: you know, especially like going to the club last night,
Speaker 3: I had like a really weird interaction and I was like, okay,
Speaker 3: I didn't do anything, but me being overweight kind of
Speaker 3: changed our entire you know, conversation. Does that kind of
Speaker 3: make sense? Yeah?
Speaker 1: First of all, yeah, that all makes sense. What was
Speaker 1: the interaction?
Speaker 3: Yes, so I'm an extrovert. I'm single. I saw a
Speaker 3: guy and I thought we were kind of exchanging glances
Speaker 3: because he was playing pool and I was just sitting
Speaker 3: with my friend and I thought we were exchanging glances,
Speaker 3: and I said, okay, I'm gonna go talk to him.
Speaker 3: Why not? And I go up and I say, hey,
Speaker 3: you look like you look like you're having a fun
Speaker 3: time playing pool. Do you want to play with me next?
Speaker 3: Or something along those lines. I don't know. I had
Speaker 3: way too many Robin Cookes, but he was like he
Speaker 3: looked me, you know, up and down that like horrible
Speaker 3: mean girl, up and down, looked again. Now, why would
Speaker 3: I want to play with you? And I was like, oh, okay.
Speaker 1: That's like that's like a POV. The worst she can
Speaker 1: say is no type of thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I got the other end of it. And that's
Speaker 3: not the first time that kind of thing has happened.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I usually go up and talk to people because it
Speaker 3: doesn't really seem to go the other way. But I've
Speaker 3: gotten that many times where it's just been like, Okay,
Speaker 3: you don't really care about you know, oh, just do
Speaker 3: even if you're not interested in me. Like, I get it,
Speaker 3: I totally got it. But to kind of make it
Speaker 3: about something that I don't want to say I can't control,
Speaker 3: but something that I'm working on is a little strange
Speaker 3: to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I'm not. Actually, I'm happy to have this
Speaker 1: conversation because it's you know, it's one I deal with
Speaker 1: as well. But let's I mean this first is okay, Well,
Speaker 1: first of all, you're doing everything correct because you're being
Speaker 1: an extraverted person willing to put yourself out there and
Speaker 1: talk to folks. So I have to imagine that, Yes,
Speaker 1: you have these interactions that sometimes don't go that well,
Speaker 1: but I have to imagine that just on pure numbers game,
Speaker 1: if you are constantly putting yourself out there, that you
Speaker 1: have had like success with that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've definitely had some kind of success with that
Speaker 3: from time to time. But you know, it's also like,
Speaker 3: is it maybe something else? Like I know, I'm a
Speaker 3: very straightforward, honest person. I know that maybe like a
Speaker 3: big turn off. I say exactly what's on my mind.
Speaker 3: I gotta stop doing that. But you know, I'm twenty two,
Speaker 3: Like I said, I've only had two boyfriends, one for
Speaker 3: four months, one for one month, and I'm like, something's
Speaker 3: not adding up. I try to be I like to
Speaker 3: think or at least from you know, feedback from you know,
Speaker 3: my friends and my family. Oh you're such a nice person.
Speaker 3: So what's what's not clicking?
Speaker 1: Mm hmmmm hmmm. Well, I mean, first of all, having
Speaker 1: two boys, that first of all, I the the having
Speaker 1: two boyfriends one for four months. That whatever you just
Speaker 1: described is normal.
Speaker 2: So I don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think you need to compare yourself to anything
Speaker 1: outside of yourself. Uh you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: I don't, I don't. You're whatever, whatever metrics you you
Speaker 1: feel like you have to achieve or stand up to,
Speaker 1: you know, I think, Uh, I mean, it's probably not
Speaker 1: good to compare yourself to any metrics. But if you were,
Speaker 1: you're you're doing great, you know, if you are, if
Speaker 1: you if you are trying to metric yourself up two boyfriends,
Speaker 1: that's pretty good. Pretty good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I guess like comparing. I probably shouldn't compare,
Speaker 3: but I guess to my friends and like my family.
Speaker 3: You know, my parents got married at my age. My
Speaker 3: brother's getting married or got married a year ago, you know,
Speaker 3: when he was my age. So it's like, oh crap,
Speaker 3: I'm kind of falling behind.
Speaker 1: Well as your twenty two brother. You can you're not
Speaker 1: falling behind if you're not getting married right now, well,
Speaker 1: all right, so this is an interesting topic because I
Speaker 1: deal with it a lot. Like, yeah, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of times i've like whatever, been at a party or
Speaker 1: at a whatever, and I just I feel I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know about you. I don't want to project
Speaker 1: anything about my experience being overweight on yours, but I'll
Speaker 1: just you know, talk about mine. It's like, I don't
Speaker 1: I feel pretty just like I feel like pretty uncomfortable
Speaker 1: in my body when I'm overweight, and I don't really
Speaker 1: feel confident and I don't and I kind of know
Speaker 1: that it's like affecting the conversations and the interactions that
Speaker 1: I have, but you know, and it bums me out sometimes.
Speaker 1: But it's the like the golden goose of it in
Speaker 1: my that's the wrong phrase, but whatever, the north star
Speaker 1: of it in my mind is like okay, well it's
Speaker 1: something in my control, you know kind of. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, well, if I want to not, you know,
Speaker 1: deal with this, it's like the uncomfortable reality, and I don't,
Speaker 1: and I don't. I don't again, I don't want to
Speaker 1: uh uh uh what is the word project anything about
Speaker 1: my experience onto yours. But in my experience I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, fuck, you know, people can say this,
Speaker 1: and people can say that, and people can say, oh,
Speaker 1: you'll find someone like all this stuff, but in my head,
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck, man, the reality is that I'm less
Speaker 1: attractive for me because I'm overweights and I don't like that,
Speaker 1: and I, you know, I just want to like fucking
Speaker 1: fucking deal with it. You know, I don't how do you?
Speaker 1: What do you what's what do you make of your experience?
Speaker 2: Like, how do you?
Speaker 1: Because because I I I sometimes I'm like, you know,
Speaker 1: I I'm like, I don't know if the way I
Speaker 1: think about this stuff is healthy or if it's you know,
Speaker 1: what it is. So I'm curious what your you know,
Speaker 1: feelings are.
Speaker 3: I mean, like I think, I know I shouldn't use
Speaker 3: you know, nasty comments as maybe a motivator, but you know,
Speaker 3: it kind of helps me. The reason I'm overweight, I
Speaker 3: probably shouldn't blame it is just because I had like
Speaker 3: a horrible depressive episode for two years. I didn't take
Speaker 3: care of myself and now I'm like reaping the consequences
Speaker 3: of my sewing. So you know, I'm just kind of
Speaker 3: taking it as like, you know, should I should I
Speaker 3: change myself because of negative comments or because it'll make
Speaker 3: me feel better about myself. At the end of the day,
Speaker 3: it doesn't matter what other people think can be right,
Speaker 3: It just matters if you care about yourself. And I'm
Speaker 3: that like, if I had to put a percentage on it,
Speaker 3: I'm like at a seventy percent, but I swear if
Speaker 3: I lost some weight, I'd be like ninety ninety five percent. Yeah,
Speaker 3: So you know, it comes down to I would like
Speaker 3: to get into a relationship again, because although it doesn't
Speaker 3: sound like it, and you know, I come off as like,
Speaker 3: you know, ooh, the strong, like fighting girl, you know,
Speaker 3: deep down I am a lover. So it's just kind
Speaker 3: of like, do I have to really change myself in
Speaker 3: order to get that. It doesn't seem totally fair. You know,
Speaker 3: I'm a firm believer that anybody on this planet can
Speaker 3: easily be an eight out of ten or nine out
Speaker 3: of ten, or shoot even ten out of ten. You know,
Speaker 3: it all just depends on how you take care of yourself,
Speaker 3: you know, what you do, the effort, you know. So
Speaker 3: it's it's kind of that debacle of should I change
Speaker 3: because of other people or because of myself?
Speaker 1: Okay. Here, yeah, that makes one hundred percent sense and okay, okay,
Speaker 1: as of as of January twenty twenty six, this is
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm open to alternative whatever's on this because
Speaker 1: I think about it. Here's here's what I think is true,
Speaker 1: at least for me. It's like, if you want to
Speaker 1: be in a relationship and you're overweight, you just have
Speaker 1: to be okay with being in a relationship with somebody
Speaker 1: who is as overweight as you, which is like, which
Speaker 1: is to me, the most fair thing ever. I mean
Speaker 1: sometimes yeah to me, I'm like, to me, I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, I came to that realization, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: that is so fair.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, like my type is all over the place.
Speaker 3: But my biggest thing is you can be like overweight
Speaker 3: or extremely underweight, but as long as you take care
Speaker 3: of yourself, that's really all that matters to me. Sure, sure, sure,
Speaker 3: Like I know, especially for larger people, it takes a
Speaker 3: little more effort, you know, just to you know, look
Speaker 3: a little better or small a little better. So that's
Speaker 3: my biggest thing is as well as you take care
Speaker 3: of yourself, I'm pretty open to almost like any body
Speaker 3: type or really anybody.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean yeah. With me, I'm like, when I
Speaker 1: think about this stuff, I'm like, Okay, you can't. Like,
Speaker 1: I think it's unfair if I were to ask for
Speaker 1: something out of somebody that I don't have, you know,
Speaker 1: So it's like, well if I'm not, like, I don't know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that's that's that's that's kind of how I feel.
Speaker 1: But to the point of like should you do this
Speaker 1: for yourself or should you do it because of mean comments?
Speaker 1: I mean, of course you should do it, uh for yourself.
Speaker 1: And again I'm just gonna keep talking. I don't I'm
Speaker 1: not trying to project anything about my experience onto yours.
Speaker 1: But for me, I'm like, oh fuck, I don't like
Speaker 1: the way I feel, uh when I'm fat, you seem
Speaker 1: like I mean, for you, it's like you're naturally confident
Speaker 1: no matter what your body looks like it sounds, which
Speaker 1: is like amazing, right, So that's that's that's great. I
Speaker 1: envy that. I think that's great because I also think
Speaker 1: I also I know I said I said the thing
Speaker 1: before about like, uh, you know the ways in which
Speaker 1: being overweight restricts you, and I do think in the
Speaker 1: realm of like relationships and whatnot. Like physical attractiveness is
Speaker 1: like the the big thing or whatever, but like you
Speaker 1: can fucking go pretty far off of confidence, you know,
Speaker 1: Yeah for sure.
Speaker 3: I mean I think that's what kind of got my
Speaker 3: boyfriends or even like my friends, is just going up
Speaker 3: to them and be like, okay, we're friends now, Like.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just be like what's up?
Speaker 3: Because actually that's how I met all of my friends.
Speaker 3: Need just y happened to them and they, I guess
Speaker 3: liked it. So I was, so can I ask you this?
Speaker 1: I mean again, like why do you think you are
Speaker 1: having problems like finding a boy finding a boyfriend? Everything
Speaker 1: you've expressed to me so far, yes, make me wonder
Speaker 1: why you why you have problems?
Speaker 3: I mean maybe it comes down to I I've heard
Speaker 3: that I come on too strong or that I'm not cocky.
Speaker 3: What's the word I'm looking for, just kind of a
Speaker 3: little strong headed, So like I don't take any disrespect.
Speaker 3: You know, regardless of you know, what size anybody is,
Speaker 3: they will still you know, start to be like a
Speaker 3: total crazy feminist here. But like you know, guys, we'll
Speaker 3: just like go up and like touch you, and it's
Speaker 3: like I instead of being like.
Speaker 2: Ha ha ha.
Speaker 3: Like away, I start like swinging, so it might come
Speaker 3: off as like I'm the mean girl you know in college.
Speaker 3: So my best friend's name is also Rachel as well, ironically,
Speaker 3: and our nicknames in college where she was the nice
Speaker 3: Rachel and I was the mean Rachel. So I'm thinking,
Speaker 3: you know, maybe I just come on too strong, or
Speaker 3: maybe it's just how I dress, or I don't know,
Speaker 3: I'm weird hobbies. Maybe people think I'm a crazy person
Speaker 3: because I'm you know, I'm a country girl. I dress
Speaker 3: in like slannel and jeans, and I look maybe a
Speaker 3: little scary.
Speaker 1: Well come I ask you this. I mean, one everyone
Speaker 1: naturally attracts someone like I. I and and tell me,
Speaker 1: tell me if I'm wrong. But I have to assume
Speaker 1: that there are there are romantic prospects that are coming
Speaker 1: into your orbit, not only regardless of these things, but
Speaker 1: because of these things. There's a lot of people. You know,
Speaker 1: for every personality but you know, I mean, you know,
Speaker 1: for every personality type that turns many people off, it
Speaker 1: attracts many people. You know, the personality type that you're
Speaker 1: describing of being strong, milled and not taking ship, Yeah,
Speaker 1: sure might turn some people off, but for some people,
Speaker 1: it might be exactly the kind of person they're looking for.
Speaker 1: I have people like that not entered your orbit in
Speaker 1: some way, shape or form.
Speaker 3: Well, I I've been on lots for lots of baits, right,
Speaker 3: I usually like after the second one or after we
Speaker 3: talk for a while, it kind of, you know, papers off.
Speaker 3: Like I literally just went on like four baits with
Speaker 3: a guy and then we were talking and then all
Speaker 3: of a sudden he goes to me, and I was
Speaker 3: like reading back my messages, I'm like, did I say something?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: And it's hard to like ask your friends did I
Speaker 3: say something wrong, because they're always going to take your side,
Speaker 3: But it's like, what did I say?
Speaker 1: What did I do?
Speaker 4: Did I?
Speaker 3: Like? What what happened? Is he like scared that, you know,
Speaker 3: my hobbies or something, or you know, like make him weird?
Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm always like insecure about like what
Speaker 3: I do because people are like, oh, you're a heck,
Speaker 3: but you know, I don't really care. But maybe some
Speaker 3: people aren't into that once they kind of find.
Speaker 2: Out about it. M hmm.
Speaker 3: Well, or something is like intimidating because one of the
Speaker 3: number one questions that I get asked in the bar
Speaker 3: when people are like looking at me is why do
Speaker 3: you have a how do you have a giant scar
Speaker 3: on your arm? And I have to explain that I
Speaker 3: work at I work at Barnes. That's pretty much all
Speaker 3: I do. And I get attacked by animals all the time.
Speaker 3: I got bit by a pig. I got kicked by
Speaker 3: a horse. That's how I broke my rib. I got
Speaker 3: thrown off by a horse. That's how I broke my tailbone.
Speaker 3: And maybe sort of like okay, creepy, you.
Speaker 1: Know, well it's a fund. I think this is another fund.
Speaker 1: And and actually even like whatever taking like this isn't
Speaker 1: either taking like the uh whatever usual metrics of whatever
Speaker 1: is involved in dating. It's like, I think you admit
Speaker 1: to yourself that you're like a peculiar person of some kind.
Speaker 1: I don't know you've I don't know you very well.
Speaker 1: This is in me saying this is stuff like you know,
Speaker 1: if you kind of like it. See it seems like
Speaker 1: you've evaluated yourself and been like, you know, I'm a
Speaker 1: peculiar person. I have this personality that maybe turns people off.
Speaker 1: I have these weird hobby, have this you know whatever,
Speaker 1: and it's it it undeniably, I think makes dating harder
Speaker 1: if you're like a kind of a peculiar individual, because
Speaker 1: it means that you need to find another very peculiar individual.
Speaker 3: Uh.
Speaker 1: And the if you're on a dating app or you're
Speaker 1: going through life by the very nature of what it
Speaker 1: means to be peculiar, most people are not. So the
Speaker 1: math is not exactly on your side with this one.
Speaker 1: But the good news is that you know, when peculiar
Speaker 1: people find each other, they form really deep and beautiful connections.
Speaker 1: And from what I know about you, it seems like
Speaker 1: you're no you you have zero shyness when it comes
Speaker 1: to uh flinging yourself into the into the world. So
Speaker 1: you've got you have a lot of things that are
Speaker 1: currently a word for you accept uh patience.
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely. I think also, you know how people react
Speaker 3: to me. I don't want to, you know, self diagnosed
Speaker 3: by any means, but I definitely think I have some
Speaker 3: anger issues where not if it's somebody rejects me, I'm
Speaker 3: going to lose my mind, but if they say something
Speaker 3: that is maybe a little distasteful, I do get very defensive.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, what did you just say?
Speaker 4: Like, excuse me?
Speaker 3: And my friend Rachel says, I like turn my head
Speaker 3: like a son cohe like, I'm about to attack those
Speaker 3: But you know, but that's just another part of like
Speaker 3: saying I don't know if that's like an anger issue
Speaker 3: thing or just saying what's on my mind thing, or
Speaker 3: how I have literally no tolerance for any disrespect or
Speaker 3: anything like that. But you know, maybe it's also just
Speaker 3: a sign of the times. You know, I know it's
Speaker 3: not just me who's struggling with being single or you know,
Speaker 3: chronic loneliness. I know it's not s me. I know
Speaker 3: it's guys, girls, skinny people, or people like.
Speaker 2: It's everyone.
Speaker 3: So maybe it's just all of the stones put together
Speaker 3: is kind of conjuring into me not having any luck.
Speaker 1: Hm hmm. Well, Also, I don't know, man, I mean,
Speaker 1: like you're I think you know, four dates only if
Speaker 1: you like you're like nothing nothing about your nothing about
Speaker 1: what you have told me so far about your experience
Speaker 1: dating seems like it is particularly out of the normal.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's a difficult gambit. We can't all be
Speaker 1: like we can't all be like that last lady.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was thinking to myself, I was listening to that,
Speaker 3: I was like, Oh, that's such a beautiful story. I
Speaker 3: was like, what's that happening?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we can't all be like that Last Lady, which
Speaker 1: is a bummer. Which is a bummer because I feel
Speaker 1: like we were all it's a bummer because we were
Speaker 1: all kind of grown up. I feel like being conditioned
Speaker 1: into thinking everything was gonna end up for us like
Speaker 1: that Last Lady. You know what I mean, all the
Speaker 1: fucking movies and everything. I think I probably I think
Speaker 1: I've said this on the podcast. I think I've said
Speaker 1: this on the podcast before, But like all those fucking
Speaker 1: Seth Rogan movies, like they like they they give you
Speaker 1: a message where it's like if you're like, if you're
Speaker 1: like you're in high school, you're watching those movies, and
Speaker 1: they the message of the movies to the all is
Speaker 1: like if you're fat in high school, It's like, if
Speaker 1: you're fat and you're a little funny, you're gonna have
Speaker 1: a hot wife. That's the message. It's it's like it's
Speaker 1: like convincing everyone that they're like endowed to have a
Speaker 1: hot wife, even if they're if they're like fat and
Speaker 1: a little funny. It's weird. Reality doesn't.
Speaker 3: A lot.
Speaker 2: Mmmmm, so maybe.
Speaker 3: But I mean, I'm hoping that kind of falls together.
Speaker 3: But I don't know.
Speaker 1: But that's that's you know, I guess I'll let to
Speaker 1: I guess I'll just reiterate what I said before, which
Speaker 1: is that I think if you're a little peculiar, the
Speaker 1: game is going to be more difficult for you. But
Speaker 1: right I don't know. There's nothing more to do but
Speaker 1: continue to fling yourself out in the universe hoping that
Speaker 1: you'll get lucky. And the good and the good news
Speaker 1: is is that the more you fling yourself out into
Speaker 1: the universe, the luckier you tend to get.
Speaker 3: I think, Yeah, I mean, I'm not gonna give up.
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna I'm trying not to be discouraged. It's
Speaker 3: a little hard sometimes, but you know, I still go
Speaker 3: out with my friends, you know, with my hobbies. You know,
Speaker 3: I do meet a lot of new people. So you know,
Speaker 3: I'm still gonna try. I'm taking a break from dating
Speaker 3: apps for a whole other reason, but you know it,
Speaker 3: I think it just comes down to I just got
Speaker 3: to keep trying, you know, and eventually it'll hopefully kind
Speaker 3: of fall together.
Speaker 1: Rachel, is there anything else you want to say the
Speaker 1: people of the computer before we go.
Speaker 3: Just everybody, take care of yourself and happy.
Speaker 1: New Year, Happy New Year. Thank you Rachel.
Speaker 3: You're welcome the bye.
Speaker 1: That was Rachel. This has been the Therapy Gecko podcast.
Speaker 1: I think this was a good episode. I enjoyed this.
Speaker 1: I feel like I could relate to a lot of
Speaker 1: the callers. I hope you guys could relate to the callers.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed the conversations. This is the end
Speaker 1: of the podcast. I'm just gonna rant for I don't
Speaker 1: know if I have anything to say in this rant.
Speaker 1: This is the first episode of the New Year. I
Speaker 1: think it went pretty well. I think that was classic
Speaker 1: Therapy Gecko affair.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I read all the comments. I'm a psychopath, So if
Speaker 1: you have anything to say, say something in the comments
Speaker 1: I get because I'm sometimes I need a sometimes I
Speaker 1: need to look at something, So I look at the
Speaker 1: comments on this Spotify page or YouTube or whatever, or
Speaker 1: don't do whatever you want. Go to Therapy Geto tour
Speaker 1: dot com. I'm gonna go on tour this year. I'm
Speaker 1: excited to do that for the fourth time. I have
Speaker 1: more documentary style videos that I'm going to work on
Speaker 1: that I'm excited about. That'll be good. I'm going to
Speaker 1: try to I'm going to try to be less overweight.
Speaker 1: I think that's a good idea.
Speaker 2: That was it.
Speaker 1: That was the podcast. We talked to the dad guy,
Speaker 1: we talked to the online boyfriend lady. We talked to
Speaker 1: the lady about dating. I felt like this was a
Speaker 1: good gambit of of of stories and calls. I enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: I enjoyed having them. I hope you enjoyed listening to them.
Speaker 1: This has been this is too long. We're keeping it in.
Speaker 1: But I'm not gonna ramble like this at the end
Speaker 1: of the episode again, unless you guys want me to,
Speaker 1: or even if you do want me to, I'm still
Speaker 1: not gonna do it. Okay, I should stop talking now
Speaker 1: and and and end. The episode goes on the line
Speaker 1: making your phone calls every night. Never Beacon goes to hide.
Speaker 1: You're just teaching you about the end of your life.
Speaker 3: But he's not really an expert.