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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story

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Speaker 1: Time podcast host. Oh yeah, and we got some great

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Speaker 1: stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we get a teeny two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show propped up like

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Speaker 2: a little house.

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Speaker 3: Oh you.

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Speaker 4: I revoked my mother in law's baby monitor access because

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Speaker 4: of her comments.

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Speaker 2: She was like, was she whispering dastardly things in the

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Speaker 2: baby monitor?

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Speaker 4: I thirty two female, have a three month old baby

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Speaker 4: with my husband at thirty one male. His mom lives

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Speaker 4: across the country. We're on the East Coast and she's

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Speaker 4: in California. And to be honest, she's always been a

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Speaker 4: little intense, not a full blown monster in law, but

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Speaker 4: definitely more involved than I'm used to like. She's the

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Speaker 4: kind of woman who will call to say that she

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Speaker 4: saw a cuter outfit for the baby than the one

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Speaker 4: that I posted on Instagram. By the way, this comes

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Speaker 4: from a Valuable Kitchen forty three seventy seven on the

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Speaker 4: Charlotte Dober YouTube subreddit. And if you want to submit

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Speaker 4: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime supbreddit.

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Speaker 4: And I'm Angie, I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, and Opie says. Anyway,

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Speaker 4: when our baby was born, my mother in law asked

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Speaker 4: if she could have access to the baby monitor so

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Speaker 4: that she could see her grandchild grow up from afar.

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Speaker 4: I was a little iffy on it, but my husband

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Speaker 4: thought it would be sweet and would help her feel

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Speaker 4: more connected since she can't visit often, so I agreed.

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Speaker 4: We have a nanit camera in the nursery which lets

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Speaker 4: you view the video feed from anywhere. What I didn't

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Speaker 4: realize is that she'd be watching us all the time, like,

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Speaker 4: not just the baby sleeping, She'd comments on things that

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Speaker 4: she has no business even noticing, like the other day

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Speaker 4: I was a front airbag feeding in the nursery, wearing

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Speaker 4: a robe because it's more comfortable, and a few hours

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Speaker 4: later she texted my husband saying, tell op I'd be

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Speaker 4: happy to send her a nicer robe. That red one's

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Speaker 4: looking a little raggedy.

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Speaker 1: Stop it.

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Speaker 4: That's weird. That's weird.

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Speaker 1: You stop quit it. Eye in the sky, eagle Eye.

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Speaker 2: You're being the movie Eagle Eye with Shia Labuff right now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, quit it.

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Speaker 4: So now when I go to front airbag feed my baby,

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Speaker 4: I have to watch for being watched.

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Speaker 2: Access provoked, immediately come on, Well, I'm actually I give

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Speaker 2: one warning, ye say, and then I as soon as

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Speaker 2: it happens the inevitable second time, it's.

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Speaker 4: Got off absolutely like, what excuse me? I was so

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Speaker 4: creeped out. I mean that was clearly during a private moment,

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Speaker 4: not just the baby napping. I told my husband and

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Speaker 4: he kind of just shrugged it off. He said something like,

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Speaker 4: she doesn't mean anything by it, She's just observant. I

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Speaker 4: grew up like that. We never had real privacy in

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Speaker 4: the house. Okay, but we're not kids anymore and she's

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Speaker 4: not even here. She also makes a weird little passive

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Speaker 4: aggressive comments, like if the baby cries for a while,

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Speaker 4: she'll text things like poor little guy. Someone must have

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Speaker 4: been tired today, or I would have picked him up sooner.

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Speaker 4: But you're the mama, which feels like she's judging me

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Speaker 4: but trying to play it off as casual. And she

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Speaker 4: always acts like she's just trying to help, but it's

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Speaker 4: in a way that makes me feel like I'm constantly

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Speaker 4: being watched and judged. It's not me and it's just

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Speaker 4: kind of boundary pushing. So I change she's settings on

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Speaker 4: the camera so she can't access an it anymore. I

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Speaker 4: didn't announce it. I just did it. She texted my

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Speaker 4: husband asking if something was wrong with her app and

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Speaker 4: now he's mad at me for making it a thing.

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Speaker 4: He says it was harmless, and now she feels cut

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Speaker 4: off and I could have just told her instead of

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Speaker 4: going behind Number one's back. I told him I didn't

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Speaker 4: think I needed permission to stop someone from watching me

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Speaker 4: in my own house, and he says I overreacted. I

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Speaker 4: feel like I'm losing my mind a little bit because

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Speaker 4: to me, this is a huge privacy issue. But maybe

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Speaker 4: I'm being dramatic. I just don't want someone literally across

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Speaker 4: the country watching me front airbag feed and make comments

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Speaker 4: on my clothes and parenting. So am I the a

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Speaker 4: hole comment? Number one says, not the a hole. Tell

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Speaker 4: him you'll set up the nannycam in his office slash

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Speaker 4: man cave and his mom can watch him solve both

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Speaker 4: of their problems.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go.

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Speaker 4: Your parenting is between you and him. She is not

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Speaker 4: a third parent, and it's high time that she was

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Speaker 4: reminded of that comment. Number two says, revoke baby monitor

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Speaker 4: privileges immediately, and a rain the dad and baby to

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Speaker 4: have video calls instead. How my number three says, not

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Speaker 4: the a hole. That's invasive and creepy. I would feel

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Speaker 4: incredibly violated if someone was always watching and making comments

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Speaker 4: like that. If you are at all interested in compromise

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Speaker 4: full disclosure, I would not be. Maybe you can agree

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Speaker 4: to turn it on at specific times so she can visit,

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Speaker 4: like nap time or playtime.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, for these specific instances, we have given you access

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Speaker 2: to the.

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Speaker 4: Camera, right, not just twenty four seven. Someone else responds,

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Speaker 4: she should ask the husband how he would feel if

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Speaker 4: she sets up the camera in his room so mommy

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Speaker 4: can have access to his private moments and make comments

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Speaker 4: about him when he's half unclosed. When he says that,

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Speaker 4: it's not the same, and he will ask him how

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Speaker 4: it's okay for his creepy mother to watch her in

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Speaker 4: a private moment versus him. Just because there's also a

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Speaker 4: baby in the room doesn't make it any less weird

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Speaker 4: that she can spy on them whenever she wants. And

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Speaker 4: we do have an update, but yeah, I agree that

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Speaker 4: that's just a lot dude.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, strictly controlled access to the baby cam from now on.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely the fact that he was also she was

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Speaker 4: also just like, oh, I would have done that differently,

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Speaker 4: but whatever you're at the mom it's like, girl, I

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Speaker 4: don't even know you were here with us. Girl, Like

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Speaker 4: that should be enough to just be like, okay.

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Speaker 2: Why yeah, sorry for the fly on the wall right

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Speaker 2: the eye in the sky.

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Speaker 4: You know we do with flies.

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Speaker 2: We swat him, squatter, say, officer, don't don't call the

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Speaker 2: swat team, but uh.

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Speaker 4: There is an updates. So, after my husband and I

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Speaker 4: cooled off from our little blow up, we ended up

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Speaker 4: having a long heart to heart. I showed him some

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Speaker 4: of the comments people left on my original Reddit post.

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Speaker 4: A lot of you pointed out how creepy and inappropriate

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Speaker 4: it was for someone to have twenty four to seven

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Speaker 4: feet into our nursery, especially since she was commenting on

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Speaker 4: me and not just the baby. He read through them

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Speaker 4: quietly and didn't say much at first, but I could

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Speaker 4: tell it was sinking in that even random strangers saw

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Speaker 4: how weird his mother's behavior was. That led him to

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Speaker 4: open up about his childhood more than he ever has before.

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Speaker 4: He told me that he grew up in a house

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Speaker 4: with basically zero privacy, which I was aware of, but

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Speaker 4: then he started telling me a few stories. He said

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Speaker 4: that there were no doors on any of the kid's

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Speaker 4: bedrooms or bathroom.

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Speaker 2: Why would you ever want to emulate that childhood?

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Speaker 1: You're like, I didn't grow up with any privacy. It's

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Speaker 1: like you can now choose to change that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, guy, because he probably just accepted it as like

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Speaker 4: a way to cope. But maybe let's, you know, once

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Speaker 4: we're out of there and be like, yeah, that was

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Speaker 4: pretty epped up, and I can be mad about it,

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Speaker 4: and that's allowed.

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Speaker 1: I give you the gift of free will.

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Speaker 4: He said. The only door in the house that was

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Speaker 4: ever closed was his parents' bedroom door. His mom would

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Speaker 4: walk in on him, constantly read his texts out loud

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Speaker 4: to the rest of the family as a teen, comment

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Speaker 4: on what he wore, even stand outside the bathroom sometimes

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Speaker 4: if he was quote taking too long. He admitted that

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Speaker 4: he's so used to that level of involvement that he

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Speaker 4: never really recognized how invasive it was. He even laughed

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Speaker 4: telling one story about how when he was at fourteen,

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Speaker 4: his mom replaced his jeans because he thought the wash

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Speaker 4: was too faded, and she would check his laundry to

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Speaker 4: make sure that she liked what he was wearing. But

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Speaker 4: I asked him to imagine our son growing up with

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Speaker 4: no bedroom door, no privacy, and his mom watching him

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Speaker 4: on camera from across the country. Something finally clicked. He said, Wow,

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Speaker 4: I guess that is weird.

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Speaker 2: It is a really good like showcase of like when

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Speaker 2: you when you grow up in a weird environment, you

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Speaker 2: don't understand that it's weird. Yeah, yeah, if you don't

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Speaker 2: have a frame of reference for what's more normal.

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Speaker 4: Right, That would be the kind of thing where like

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Speaker 4: if if like a kid says something about that, like

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Speaker 4: telling some sort of stories something at that and like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 4: like I slay my doors and I got in trouble

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Speaker 4: and then op or this guy is just like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I couldn't slay my doors because we're not allowed to

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Speaker 4: have doors on our bedrooms or bathrooms. The teacher would

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Speaker 4: be like, oh, oh okay, interesting, tell me more. You

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Speaker 4: know that kind of I explained that, while I know

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Speaker 4: his mom doesn't mean harm, her constant moment terry makes

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Speaker 4: me feel like I can't be the mom that I

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Speaker 4: want to be. That I don't want to raise our

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Speaker 4: child in an environment where someone is always watching and

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Speaker 4: second guessing me, even if it's done under the guise

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Speaker 4: of helping. To his credit, he listened, He really listened.

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Speaker 4: He told me that he hadn't realized how uncomfortable it

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Speaker 4: made me, and then he understood why I shut off

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Speaker 4: her access. He even admitted that it was unfair to

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Speaker 4: expect me to run my choices as a parent passed

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Speaker 4: his mom first. We ended up agreeing on some boundaries.

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Speaker 4: She won't have live access again period. If she wants

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Speaker 4: to see the baby, we'll send photos and videos on

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Speaker 4: our own terms. If she has suggestions, she can share

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Speaker 4: them with both of us respectfully, instead of commenting like

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Speaker 4: a live sports announcer. He also promised to back me

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Speaker 4: up next time she pushes a boundary instead of brushing

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Speaker 4: it off. So for now things are better. I know

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Speaker 4: this won't magically solve everything with my mother in law,

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Speaker 4: but I feel like my husband and I are finally

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Speaker 4: on the same page, and that was honestly the bigger issue.

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Speaker 4: There is a little bit more to the story. But

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Speaker 4: these are great bound hubbies on our side.

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Speaker 1: I like these. We have helped him see the light, yes,

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Speaker 1: finally have.

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Speaker 4: But there is a little bit more true the story.

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Speaker 1: Story.

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Speaker 4: How so, we do have some comments. Comment number one says,

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Speaker 4: what was mother in law's response, I'm so curious, Ope says,

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Speaker 4: she called my husband crying safe to say she was

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Speaker 4: blocked for a week as a warning.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: Someone else responds, he's doing good so far. He should

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Speaker 4: get some help from a therapist to process the childhood

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Speaker 4: and learn solid skills for setting boundaries, as his parents

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Speaker 4: didn't teach him these skills. He will start to feel

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Speaker 4: guilty and off balance as he changes his entire family's

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Speaker 4: dynamics prepare for mother in law's tantrums, s, gilt trips,

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Speaker 4: flying monkeys, and all the flabbers to be gasted. He

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Speaker 4: needs to have support from a professional who is removed

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Speaker 4: from the family for his sake and yours, so you

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Speaker 4: aren't stuck as his only support while caring for a newborn.

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Speaker 4: This is a process. He just opened his eyes something

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Speaker 4: terrible that was normalized in his life. Really encourage him

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Speaker 4: to talk to someone who specializes in CPTSD and adult

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Speaker 4: child of a self absorbed parent. It did me a

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Speaker 4: world of good. Yeah, that's honestly a good point. I think, like,

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Speaker 4: you know, even if he realizes now that that's pretty

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Speaker 4: messed up, I feel like there will be other things

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Speaker 4: that will come out in the wash that he'll just

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Speaker 4: like do as a parent because that's what his mom did.

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Speaker 4: And then later it's like, whoa, what that's not that's

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Speaker 4: not a fun thing, that's you shouldn't be doing that.

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Speaker 4: So it'd be good to go to therapy first for

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Speaker 4: the kid's sake too. True Coming Number two says, did

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Speaker 4: he not have friends though no friend ever came over

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Speaker 4: and commented about the doors or anything. Did he not

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Speaker 4: go to friend's houses where they all had doors? Not

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Speaker 4: one friend ever asked what the ef is wrong with

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Speaker 4: his mom? Just wondering hope, He says. Growing up he

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Speaker 4: did have friends, but nobody could come over, and he

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Speaker 4: couldn't go over to others houses because his mom was

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Speaker 4: scared that he would learn disrespect or boundary from other households.

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Speaker 4: And I'm assuming that they didn't know how his mom

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Speaker 4: really was till later on in the friendship, because only

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Speaker 4: during the engagement did his mom start really setting off

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Speaker 4: alarm belts. For me, that is wild, dude. He wasn't

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Speaker 4: allowed to have people over or go to other people's house.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes sense because like you, you wouldn't be

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Speaker 2: exposed to the normal.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but that's wild. So you would like, imagine your

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Speaker 4: a kid and it's like raining, and it's like, well,

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Speaker 4: our parents aren't going to take us to hang out

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Speaker 4: at a coffee shop or something, so we just can't

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Speaker 4: hang out because it's I don't want to be outside

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Speaker 4: and I'm not allowed to be in my house with

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Speaker 4: you or in your house. Yeah, that's insane.

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Speaker 2: I refused to let my baby go with my mother

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Speaker 2: in law because she is over involved a.

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Speaker 4: Get your nose out of my business.

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Speaker 1: I'm my baby.

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Speaker 2: I twenty nine female, am currently pregnant with my first

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Speaker 2: child with my fiance, thirty male.

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Speaker 1: We've been together for five years.

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Speaker 2: Also, we are Europeans and English is not my mother tongue. Overall,

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Speaker 2: I've had a good relationship with my mother in law.

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Speaker 2: She's always been kind to me, but I've also noticed

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Speaker 2: over time that she will always defend her kids no

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Speaker 2: matter what. That loyalty is sweet, but sometimes it feels

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Speaker 2: like it blinds her to reality. And by the way,

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Speaker 2: this comes from user internal Routine four seven seven seven

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Speaker 2: on the r slash Charlotte Dobray YouTube subreddit, and if

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Speaker 2: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

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Speaker 2: r slash Okay story Time subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Angie,

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Speaker 2: and I'm Riley, and OP says, since I got pregnant,

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Speaker 2: she's been extremely involved. His whole family has. Actually, my

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Speaker 2: sister in law organized my baby shower. My brother in

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Speaker 2: law and sister in law bought most of my nursery furniture,

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Speaker 2: and everyone is super excited. I really do appreciate their support,

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Speaker 2: but mother in law specifically has been a little too enthusiastic.

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Speaker 2: For example, sister in law was in charge of planning

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Speaker 2: the baby shower and the gender reveal.

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Speaker 1: She was the only one who knew the baby's gender.

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Speaker 2: The whole thing was supposed to be a surprise for

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Speaker 2: my fiance and me. Well, mother in law couldn't help herself.

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Speaker 2: She tried to insert herself into the planning, and she

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Speaker 2: revealed multiple details ahead of time, completely spoiling the surprise.

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Speaker 2: Even called sister in law trying to get the baby's

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Speaker 2: gender out of her beforehand. Then when the gender was revealed,

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Speaker 2: she immediately walked in front of the camera shouting I

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Speaker 2: knew it, I told you so, and then spent the

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Speaker 2: entire party repeating that she had lots of baby name

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Speaker 2: ideas if we needed help no, thank you. We specifically

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Speaker 2: told them we didn't want to tell them the name

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Speaker 2: we chose before baby's burt. Another thing is mother in

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Speaker 2: law has already bought tons of stuff, clothes, toys, and

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Speaker 2: even diaper. She even bought a cot bumper for baby's bed,

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Speaker 2: even though I told her it was dangerous. She tends

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Speaker 2: to say things like, oh, that's nonfense. When I was pregnant,

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Speaker 2: we didn't make such a fuss.

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Speaker 4: Because you're old, old alert. But I guess i'd be

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Speaker 4: calling yourself old too, your mom, Yeah, yeah exactly.

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Speaker 1: But it's more just like a like, hey, things change,

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Speaker 1: shut up, yeah, please stop it.

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Speaker 2: Just like remember they used to have like little cages

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Speaker 2: they would hang outside of high rise windows that you

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Speaker 2: were supposed to put your baby in because it got

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Speaker 2: them fresh air in an urban environment.

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Speaker 1: Should we still do that? Mom?

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Speaker 2: Mss mother in law, Would you like me to put

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Speaker 2: my baby in a cage suspended over twenty five stories

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Speaker 2: so they can get fresh air?

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Speaker 4: I don't think so, It's crazy.

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Speaker 1: The same goes for food restriction.

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Speaker 2: The twist is all of these things are meant to

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Speaker 2: stay at her house for when she keeps the baby.

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Speaker 2: Here's the issue. I don't want my baby going to

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Speaker 2: her house. Here are my reasons.

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Speaker 1: She smokes.

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Speaker 2: I used to smoke too, so I'm not judging her.

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Speaker 2: But she smokes in the house.

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Speaker 1: Every time we visit.

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Speaker 2: I wear old clothes and don't wash my hair because

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Speaker 2: everything reeks afterwards. Oh wow, I don't want my newborn

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Speaker 2: in that environment.

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Speaker 3: WI.

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Speaker 1: So you don't want them to get tough.

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Speaker 4: You don't want your baby to be a cool, smoking baby.

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Speaker 2: You don't want to have a cool, smoking, tough guy baby.

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Speaker 1: Her home life is unstable.

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Speaker 2: My in laws are on the brink of divorcing due

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Speaker 2: to father in law's drinking habits. I won't go into details,

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Speaker 2: but I don't want my child around that tension. Her

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Speaker 2: parenting record isn't super reassuring either. My fiance and his

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Speaker 2: sister have casually shared stories about how they fell off

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Speaker 2: beds and changing tables as babies while under their mom's care.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, should they remember they've I mean, they've

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Speaker 4: got the brain damage to prove it.

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Speaker 2: At least at least the parents are kind enough to

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Speaker 2: be like I did, let you fall off of that

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Speaker 2: changing table a couple times?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, a couple times.

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Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure, i'd keep that pretty close to the vest.

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Speaker 1: Was my kid? Yeah, did you ever drop me? I'd

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Speaker 1: be like, no, no, you need.

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Speaker 4: To roll off and I didn't catch you. But I

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Speaker 4: didn't drop you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't drop you. You were just obsessed with

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Speaker 2: falling down.

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Speaker 4: I couldn't stop that.

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Speaker 2: Accidents happen, but it doesn't inspire a ton of confidence.

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Speaker 2: I'm planning to stay home with the baby.

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Speaker 1: For at least a year.

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Speaker 2: I'm taking extended maternity leave, and I plan to front

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Speaker 2: air bag feet so there's no need for childcare help

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Speaker 2: right now. I'm not even sure why she's acting like

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00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:21,840
Speaker 2: it's a given that she'll be watching the baby. I

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00:16:21,840 --> 00:16:24,240
Speaker 2: get that she's excited, and I get that she means well,

356
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:28,040
Speaker 2: but I can't help feeling anxious and frustrated about how

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Speaker 2: pushy she's being. And I'm the one being made to

358
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,320
Speaker 2: feel like the bad guy for saying no. So would

359
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,440
Speaker 2: I be the a hole for not wanting my baby

360
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Speaker 2: to go to her house?

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Speaker 1: And we have some comments, but first.

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Speaker 4: Oh, definitely not. I mean, you're looking out for your

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00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:45,080
Speaker 4: baby's safety and health with the smoking stuff, and it

364
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:46,680
Speaker 4: is just kind of weird, like I don't know, I mean,

365
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Speaker 4: I know people babysit and stuff, but I feel like

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Speaker 4: if if I were to babysit any of my like

367
00:16:53,040 --> 00:16:57,040
Speaker 4: you know, baby nieces or nephews, I would probably go

368
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Speaker 4: to their house and not bring the baby back with me.

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Speaker 4: So it's kind of weird that initially from the start

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00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:04,679
Speaker 4: she was like, yeah, these are all stuff for like newborns,

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00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:08,120
Speaker 4: but but they'll stay at my house for when I

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Speaker 4: have the newborn over.

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Speaker 1: Super crazy yeah, where it's just like, I'm getting you

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Speaker 1: all this stuff, but.

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Speaker 2: It's mine, right, It's like, what come on, number one,

376
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,760
Speaker 2: blame your pediatrician. She'll be glad to take the heat.

377
00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:25,600
Speaker 2: Junior's pediatrician specified that he cannot be exposed cigarette smoke.

378
00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,560
Speaker 2: Nothing personal. It is a health issue. Thank you for

379
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:32,240
Speaker 2: being so supportive. Not the a hole reply. Mother in

380
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,320
Speaker 2: law will just promise not to smoke in the house

381
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Speaker 2: while the baby is there. So it's important to stress

382
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 2: that the baby cannot be in a home that is

383
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:42,600
Speaker 2: saturated with nicotine and tobacco. Tuxin's on the walls, ceilings,

384
00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:46,960
Speaker 2: on and in the furniture. Furthermore, I wouldn't allow a

385
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,320
Speaker 2: smoker to hold my baby. The baby will smell awful

386
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,920
Speaker 2: afterwards when I smoked, I never held my brother's baby

387
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:57,000
Speaker 2: for this exact reason. Gently tell your mother in law

388
00:17:57,080 --> 00:17:59,400
Speaker 2: this is a good time to quit smoking. What could

389
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,320
Speaker 2: be more motive than the love of a grandchild. If

390
00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:05,400
Speaker 2: she chooses SIGs over her grandbaby, then that's on her.

391
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Speaker 1: Update.

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Speaker 4: Let's get right into it.

393
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 2: Baby's arrival, great movie. Our son came a month early.

394
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,920
Speaker 2: Labor went well, but because he was premature, we had

395
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,560
Speaker 2: to stay in the nick U for two weeks. At

396
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,240
Speaker 2: the hospital, visits weren't allowed in the nick you only

397
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,120
Speaker 2: my fiance could come. Mother in law got impatient after

398
00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:26,440
Speaker 2: a few days and wanted to visit. My fiance explained

399
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:28,920
Speaker 2: the rules, but a nurse had told him that sometimes

400
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,400
Speaker 2: visits through a glass window were possible. Mother in law

401
00:18:31,440 --> 00:18:34,480
Speaker 2: came with him, and to my surprise, they actually let

402
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:35,159
Speaker 2: both of them in.

403
00:18:35,480 --> 00:18:36,080
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

404
00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 2: She was overjoyed, respectful, and kept her distance. She did

405
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,080
Speaker 2: smell like smoke, though later she texted me to thank

406
00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:46,040
Speaker 2: me for letting her visit, even though I didn't really

407
00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:49,000
Speaker 2: have a choice. Back home, because he was premature, we

408
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,560
Speaker 2: delayed visits and asked people to keep their distance. No

409
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,320
Speaker 2: one was allowed to hold him, But of course mother

410
00:18:55,359 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 2: in law was the exception. On her first visit, she

411
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:02,159
Speaker 2: immediately asked to hold him. My fiance wasn't thrilled, but

412
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,960
Speaker 2: didn't manage to say no. When he told her to

413
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,280
Speaker 2: be careful, she snapped, I've had three kids.

414
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:07,960
Speaker 1: I know what I'm doing.

415
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:12,040
Speaker 2: Honestly, her holding the baby makes me so uncomfortable. I

416
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:15,440
Speaker 2: don't even know if it's the smoke, the perfume, the gum,

417
00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:18,640
Speaker 2: or all of it, but I can't stand it when

418
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 2: she holds him. Weirdly, I loved seeing my mom and

419
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:24,600
Speaker 2: sister hold him for the first time, but not mother

420
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,200
Speaker 2: in law doesn't sound weird to me. She smokes right

421
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,159
Speaker 2: before coming, even though we've told her not to.

422
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:30,040
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

423
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,439
Speaker 2: Sometimes she forgets to wash her hands, like when she

424
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:35,360
Speaker 2: puts his pacifier back in his mouth right after smoking.

425
00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 2: She thinks chewing gum cancels out the smoke, and the

426
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:39,320
Speaker 2: worst of.

427
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:41,679
Speaker 1: All, she kisses him all over his face.

428
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, my fiance has said something multiple times, but she

429
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:46,560
Speaker 2: just doesn't get it.

430
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:48,240
Speaker 4: This is where we just don't let her come over.

431
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,919
Speaker 4: This is where, hey, girl, we've told you not to,

432
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:55,520
Speaker 4: You've done it. You've you've done even worse things like

433
00:19:55,720 --> 00:19:58,280
Speaker 4: freaking smooth in his face with your cigarette breath and

434
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 4: sugar breaths your cigarete. And I'm sorry, I until this

435
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,480
Speaker 4: maybe maybe gets a little bit older, like a few

436
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,680
Speaker 4: years older. I don't want you. I can't have you

437
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,720
Speaker 4: around like this. Yeah, it's not a premature newborn. Yeah,

438
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 4: like come on, come.

439
00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 2: On gross, Yeah, that's I'd just be like, I'd just

440
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,960
Speaker 2: be like, first of all, stop kissing the baby on

441
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 2: the face. There's a lot of comments are being like, yeah,

442
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 2: if she smokes your not stop kissing the baby on

443
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:24,080
Speaker 2: the face.

444
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:25,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, you get a babysick. Yeah.

445
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:30,239
Speaker 2: The babysitting issue, my biggest fear was her insisting on

446
00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,960
Speaker 2: keeping him at her house. So far, that hasn't happened,

447
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,600
Speaker 2: but my fiance did bring it up to her and

448
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 2: she got angry. She said it wasn't fair that she

449
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,720
Speaker 2: couldn't babysit at her house just because of her heavy

450
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:42,640
Speaker 2: drinking husband.

451
00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:43,639
Speaker 1: Sounds like a good reason to me.

452
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,800
Speaker 2: My fiance told her that maybe she could babysit at

453
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,280
Speaker 2: our place instead, which I'm still not thrilled about.

454
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 1: For now, I've avoided the situation.

455
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:53,879
Speaker 2: Honestly, I don't think I'll ever feel comfortable with her

456
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:57,520
Speaker 2: babysitting while she lives with father in law. Honestly, I

457
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:02,679
Speaker 2: think gross smoker access to the perfect little baby needs

458
00:21:02,680 --> 00:21:06,120
Speaker 2: to be limited. Yeah, here's where things stand as of now.

459
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,439
Speaker 2: My fiance supports me and understands my concerns, but it's

460
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:12,120
Speaker 2: hard for him since it's his mom. Mother in law

461
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:14,560
Speaker 2: is honestly very sweet to me and texts often, and

462
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,879
Speaker 2: I do love her, but she just doesn't respect boundaries

463
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 2: and constantly says, well, back in my day, we.

464
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,520
Speaker 1: Didn't make stretch a fresh.

465
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 2: I haven't set firm boundaries because I'm scared of hurting her.

466
00:21:26,640 --> 00:21:28,880
Speaker 2: Being a grandma is one of the things making her

467
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:32,119
Speaker 2: happy right now, and she's in a toxic marriage she

468
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,959
Speaker 2: can't lead. I don't want to make her life harder.

469
00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 2: But I also feel really uneasy about the smoking, the kisses,

470
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:43,439
Speaker 2: the dismissive attitude towards safety. I'm stuck between not wanting

471
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 2: to hurt her and wanting to protect my baby. And

472
00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,639
Speaker 2: there are some comments I want to tell your man

473
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,920
Speaker 2: that he needs to grow a spine and stop letting

474
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 2: his mom kiss all over your baby's face. The kid

475
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:57,919
Speaker 2: is gonna end up with sores that h rpie's sores

476
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,200
Speaker 2: on his face or asthma from being all around her

477
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 2: cigarette smoke. Make it a condition that the next time

478
00:22:04,600 --> 00:22:07,320
Speaker 2: she holds the baby, if she kisses it on the face,

479
00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:10,720
Speaker 2: she loses baby privileges for at least two weeks. She

480
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 2: made the babysitting thing about fairness to her and not

481
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 2: the baby's safety. That alone is alarming. I hope husband

482
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 2: realizes how bad of a sign that is. The kissing

483
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:24,400
Speaker 2: thing won't stop because there are no consequences to mother

484
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:27,400
Speaker 2: in law for breaking the rule and risking baby's health.

485
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 2: Next visit, do not let baby within kissing distance. And

486
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 2: when she asks why, tell her it's the only way

487
00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 2: to keep baby healthy, since she's shown she will kiss

488
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,959
Speaker 2: baby if baby is close enough. If she rages over it,

489
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:41,600
Speaker 2: just get her out of there. Comment number three, the

490
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,840
Speaker 2: kissing him all over his face would get a hard

491
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 2: new from me. Here in the UK, a nationwide survey

492
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:50,600
Speaker 2: of twenty three hundred new and expectant parents conducted by

493
00:22:50,640 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 2: the Lullaby Trust found that fifty four percent would let

494
00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 2: friends and family kiss their newborn baby, unaware of the

495
00:22:56,200 --> 00:23:00,880
Speaker 2: risk of serious infection, because their little baby immune systems

496
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:02,680
Speaker 2: need to develop.

497
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 4: They're brand new, they're brand new, they're brand new in

498
00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 4: the world.

499
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,520
Speaker 1: And honestly, once they kick in bulletproof.

500
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,120
Speaker 4: Bulletproof baby, but song number.

501
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,320
Speaker 2: Two, Honestly, the immune system is so crazy, I could

502
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:12,840
Speaker 2: get into it.

503
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense, how how perfect it is.

504
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:20,199
Speaker 2: Anyway, despite the risk, sixty three percent of new and

505
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 2: expecting parents would feel uneasy asking visitors not to touch

506
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 2: their baby, worried that they would offend someone or hurt

507
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 2: their feelings or be labeled an.

508
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:30,800
Speaker 1: Over protective parent.

509
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 2: However, the charity warns that young babies have immature immune

510
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 2: systems and are particularly susceptible to infections. Even infections that

511
00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 2: cause mild symptoms, such as a common cold in adults

512
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 2: and other children, can be life threatening for babies. Advisors

513
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 2: Jenny Ward, chief executive of the Lullaby trupt the risk

514
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 2: of passing on infections to young babies can be greatly

515
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:53,200
Speaker 2: reduced by following simple hygiene measures. Nevertheless, one in three

516
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,119
Speaker 2: new and expectant parents wouldn't ask visitors to wash their

517
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 2: hands before holding their baby.

518
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,880
Speaker 1: Ew gross. Opie's mother in law would have a strictly

519
00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,920
Speaker 1: of rules to adhere too. If I were in her position. Hey,

520
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 1: it's Sam, your og host.

521
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:04,119
Speaker 3: Here.

522
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,720
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three

523
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,280
Speaker 2: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

524
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:12,119
Speaker 4: My husband fell for his coworker's seduction. He did some

525
00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 4: foreign details. My husband, Chris, boarding mail, and I thirty

526
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,520
Speaker 4: nine female, live and work at a boarding school. We

527
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 4: are both teachers. Chris is a department head, not the

528
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 4: same department that I work in. As with many boarding schools,

529
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 4: a sizable fraction of the faculty live on campus. Housing

530
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:32,000
Speaker 4: decisions made are largely on the biases of on the

531
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,760
Speaker 4: basis of family size, and there is not much of

532
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 4: an appeals process if you don't like your housing. Generally,

533
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 4: the housing is quite nice, so this doesn't happen much.

534
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:44,120
Speaker 4: Our home is attached through to a boy's dormitory, though

535
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 4: I don't think it's super relevant. We have two children,

536
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 4: a daughter at thirteen and son eleven. By the way,

537
00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:51,360
Speaker 4: this comes from prep school drama, And if you want

538
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:53,280
Speaker 4: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

539
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 4: Okay Storytime's subbreddag. Yeah do we and I'm Angie and

540
00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:01,760
Speaker 4: I'm Dakota, I'm Riley, So he says. Anyway, two years ago,

541
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,359
Speaker 4: the school hired Grace, twenty four female right out of

542
00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:09,439
Speaker 4: college to teach in Chris's department. On paper, she struck

543
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 4: me as a pretty typical privileged college girl, easy major

544
00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 4: sorority legacy at her school. Meeting her, she seemed nice

545
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:21,160
Speaker 4: but dim. When we first visited her, she described herself

546
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,160
Speaker 4: as a daddy's girl and probably showed us what she

547
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 4: claimed was the first load of groceries she had ever

548
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 4: bought with her own money, and it was maybe twenty

549
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,479
Speaker 4: percent yogurt and seventy percent wine.

550
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: Okay, not even yes anymore.

551
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 4: Almost all of her furnishings were items branded by her university. Whatever, right,

552
00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 4: nothing wrong with that. Grace's first year was largely uneventful.

553
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:45,040
Speaker 4: As far as I could tell. She was a competent

554
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,920
Speaker 4: teacher from what I've learned, a pretty good athletic coach.

555
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 4: Her major issue was that she seemed to have a

556
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 4: drinking problem. At virtually every faculty gathering, formal or informal,

557
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 4: someone would have to help her home. Oh wow, Chris

558
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,440
Speaker 4: was frequently that person, as departments occasionally have gatherings of

559
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:04,280
Speaker 4: their own. Another issue was that she really likes men,

560
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:10,000
Speaker 4: really all men, young, old, married, single.

561
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 2: Redfish, bluefish, one fish, two fish.

562
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:15,359
Speaker 4: If a man pays attention to her and anyway, she

563
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:19,400
Speaker 4: returns that attention a one hundredfold. This extends to having

564
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 4: poor boundaries with male students. Uh oh, uh oh, that's

565
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,520
Speaker 4: the problem. While it never rose to the level of

566
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,760
Speaker 4: criminal misconduct, it gave me pause when boys in our

567
00:26:29,760 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 4: dorm would off handedly tell me about Misgrace sending them

568
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 4: snapchats or taking selfies with them to post on Facebook.

569
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 4: This year, Grace developed an intense attachment to Chris. She

570
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:43,000
Speaker 4: was constantly talking to him, texting him, cornering him at gatherings.

571
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,199
Speaker 4: I'm absolutely certain that if Chris showed any interest, she

572
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 4: would sleep with him. I am just as certain that

573
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 4: Chris has no interest in her. We have spoken about

574
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 4: their relationship and he has been completely open and honest,

575
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 4: even going so far as to offer to show me

576
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,800
Speaker 4: their texts. As her supervisor, he has to interact with her,

577
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 4: and those interactions are always professional, although Chris's natural palody

578
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 4: is gregarious and friendly. At the end of the year party,

579
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 4: Grace got completely wasted. She was all over several men.

580
00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:15,439
Speaker 4: Virtually all of them were coupled or married after they

581
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:19,120
Speaker 4: kept her distance. She approached Chris, demanding that he take

582
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:23,800
Speaker 4: her home, quote before I do something bad. Oh that's

583
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:27,440
Speaker 4: not appropriate. Uh oh, that's what we call inappropriate.

584
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 2: I think you're doing something bad right now by asking

585
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 2: him to take you home.

586
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, what stop it, Chris?

587
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:34,920
Speaker 1: Why don't you ask uber?

588
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:39,680
Speaker 4: Chris then conscripted me and another female faculty to get

589
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:42,439
Speaker 4: her home safe. We walked her back to her place,

590
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,399
Speaker 4: and that was it. We laughed this off until this

591
00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:47,440
Speaker 4: past week when we got a word from our dean

592
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 4: that Grace was going to be moving into the apartment

593
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 4: on the other side of our dorm next year. Brett,

594
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,120
Speaker 4: it's I do not want this woman living near us.

595
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,520
Speaker 4: She has told my son that she is good friends

596
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:01,200
Speaker 4: with my husband. My oldest will be attending our school

597
00:28:01,240 --> 00:28:03,520
Speaker 4: next year and may well be interacting with her on

598
00:28:03,560 --> 00:28:06,800
Speaker 4: a daily basis. That alone is more contact than I'm

599
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 4: comfortable with.

600
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:10,679
Speaker 2: She's she's gonna be like tell me, like, tell me

601
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 2: some more about your dad. Yeah, like Imedian Helmison's though

602
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 2: a while, like what is he like?

603
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 4: Like, I'm worried that it would be like, oh my gosh,

604
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 4: you look just like your dad.

605
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh my god.

606
00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 4: It gets weird. Though, oh yeah, that's where my brain goes. Yeah,

607
00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 4: but there we're seeing lots of red flags from this girl,

608
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 4: lots of them. I spoke with the dean and was

609
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 4: frank about my concerns, and while sympathetic, his attitude was

610
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:37,399
Speaker 4: largely that personal concerns outside of Grace's performance of her

611
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 4: job could not affect housing decisions. So here we are.

612
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:43,840
Speaker 4: While I love my job, the annoying reality of boarding

613
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 4: school life is that your coworkers are your primary social circle,

614
00:28:47,280 --> 00:28:50,360
Speaker 4: and situations that in a normal workplace could be solved

615
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:55,240
Speaker 4: easily become intense and complicated. So what do you think?

616
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 4: Should I just get over it? I repeat again that

617
00:28:58,120 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 4: I am certain that Chris has no intention of straying

618
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:03,520
Speaker 4: on me with Grace or anyone else. And there are

619
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:06,520
Speaker 4: some comments, but what do you what do you think?

620
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 4: Do you think that she should just get over it?

621
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 2: I think you need to clearly report this to some

622
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 2: sort of administrative whoever's in charge of inappropriate Well, yeah,

623
00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,360
Speaker 2: relationships between members of faculty.

624
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 4: This is some sort of HRS me. She told the dean.

625
00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 4: He was basically just like, yeah, I mean, you can't like,

626
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:25,360
Speaker 4: do you know?

627
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 1: The dean made him made her your neighbor.

628
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 4: Yeah.

629
00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 1: Now, by the way, I'm moving her, uh right to

630
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 1: the apartment across from yours.

631
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:33,960
Speaker 4: I don't care what problems you guys have. Is it

632
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 4: just kind of what's going on.

633
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: She's your problem, Yeah problem.

634
00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,080
Speaker 4: I don't think you're overreacting. I think that's very weird.

635
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 4: And I think it's good that your husband is aware

636
00:29:44,560 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 4: and that you trust him, and hopefully there are situations

637
00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 4: where he can kind of, you know, put up some

638
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 4: boundaries or you can keep a good eye on the kid.

639
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,920
Speaker 4: But we do have some comments. Commentary says, what about

640
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,719
Speaker 4: your husband addressing it with her the next time she's inappropriate?

641
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 4: A gentle reminder of keeping it professional could go a

642
00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 4: long ways to waking her up that her behavior is

643
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 4: both noticed and inappropriate. We'll see as Grace's away for

644
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 4: seemingly the rest of the summer. I will say that

645
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:14,280
Speaker 4: I don't think Chris has been as assertive as he

646
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 4: could have been in telling her to back off. Face herself.

647
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 4: Doesn't really explicitly cross the line in her sober communication

648
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 4: with him. She just contacts him a lot. He feels

649
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:27,360
Speaker 4: like he's in an awkward place, And yeah, that's correct.

650
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean the whole like, I need to get

651
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:33,680
Speaker 1: out of here before I did something bad? Yeah, like

652
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 1: what ruin your career? Literally try to home wreck your coworker.

653
00:30:38,760 --> 00:30:42,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, because he's also as a reminder, he's the head

654
00:30:42,040 --> 00:30:44,040
Speaker 4: of this department that she's working in, So this is

655
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 4: basically her bossing.

656
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, getting ahead of the you gotta get you gotta

657
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 1: get ahead.

658
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 2: You gotta get ahead of somebody being like, can I

659
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 2: get ahead?

660
00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, there's only one way to get head like

661
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 1: a head like.

662
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 4: But we trust him. We trust that he's not gonna

663
00:30:59,120 --> 00:30:59,600
Speaker 4: let that happen.

664
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 1: Heads of.

665
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 4: Someone responds to Opie, Well, I'm not defending her actions

666
00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,520
Speaker 4: and surprised that she hasn't yet been warned in a

667
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,280
Speaker 4: professional setting. I have to assume that this is a

668
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 4: lonely young woman right out of college who doesn't yet

669
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 4: know how to socialize at a work function. I don't

670
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 4: think it's a stretch to assume that she's still trying

671
00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:21,200
Speaker 4: to have the fun that she did as a sobriety

672
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 4: as a sorority sister. Do you know of do you

673
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 4: know if she has a social life outside of teaching?

674
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 4: Does your school allow for time off campus? She definitely

675
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 4: needs to chill, and I think someone should definitely nicely

676
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:39,640
Speaker 4: bring it to her attention. I just feel for her.

677
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:43,280
Speaker 4: She seems bored and lonely. Hope he responds, Yes, we

678
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 4: have plenty of free time. This isn't the military. I

679
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:49,400
Speaker 4: do try to have a sympathetic attitude towards Grace, since

680
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:52,120
Speaker 4: I think she still expects that a no strings attached

681
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 4: social life will be provided to her by outside forces,

682
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 4: just like it always has been in school, sports, greek life,

683
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 4: summer camp, et cetera. At the same time, there are

684
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,280
Speaker 4: young single faculty her age on this campus, and we

685
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:07,240
Speaker 4: live in an area with a thriving cultural scene, in

686
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:11,040
Speaker 4: a steady population of university students and twenty somethings. I

687
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,040
Speaker 4: think her main issue is that she doesn't know how

688
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 4: to socialize without booze, and she doesn't know how to

689
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 4: meet people outside of parties or Tinder. From what I understand,

690
00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 4: she has never had a boyfriend, just wasted hookups in

691
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 4: college and we do have an update. But but yeah,

692
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,360
Speaker 4: I mean that's very possible. Maybe she just doesn't really

693
00:32:28,600 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 4: maybe she doesn't understand. Maybe that's just what she's grown

694
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,520
Speaker 4: up in but or you know, dealt with in her twenties.

695
00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:36,800
Speaker 4: But you know, that's that's a problem that we should fix,

696
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:38,040
Speaker 4: something that you should learn.

697
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's something you can like be a mentor for. Yeah,

698
00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 1: you'd be like, hey, is now you do that?

699
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,000
Speaker 4: Right? Great thing to bring up to her personally, maybe

700
00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:50,640
Speaker 4: as friends. But we do have an update. School is

701
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:53,640
Speaker 4: starting back up again and faculty are reconnecting and mingling

702
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 4: after a summer largely spent away from campus. Grace was

703
00:32:57,160 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 4: a no show. Apparently over the summer she got another

704
00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 4: job and moved to a city several hours away. Okay, cool.

705
00:33:04,120 --> 00:33:07,120
Speaker 5: Coincidentally, that's all that we have to talk about in

706
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,040
Speaker 5: this update right now, Like we haven't even addressed the

707
00:33:10,040 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 5: title yet, right right, the second sentence of the update,

708
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 5: nothing bad will happen in future?

709
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 1: How does he fall for it? Does he trip? Just

710
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: do the tip?

711
00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 4: Any? He says good riddance. The apartment down the hall

712
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 4: has been taken by a single middle aged biology teacher

713
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 4: with whom I've always gotten along. Awesome, But there are

714
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,040
Speaker 4: a series of events as convoluted as they are boring.

715
00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 4: Very long story short. Someone told someone else who told

716
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 4: me I've learned that curs has been and not nearly

717
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 4: as forthcoming about his relationship with Grace, as I thought, oh,

718
00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 4: you look at that. Basically, Grace and my husband sloppily

719
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 4: made out at several faculty gathering.

720
00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,320
Speaker 1: And nobody said anything.

721
00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 4: Nobody said anything.

722
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 5: I need a list of names of all the people

723
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,560
Speaker 5: that knew about it, and then I'm gonna contact their

724
00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:13,839
Speaker 5: significant others and let them know that they knew about

725
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:15,240
Speaker 5: it and didn't say a word.

726
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:15,800
Speaker 1: Wow.

727
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, because then she wasn't even always at those gatherings,

728
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,240
Speaker 4: because sometimes it was just their department, like just certain

729
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 4: departments will have their fun gatherings. Sloppily making out in

730
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,840
Speaker 4: front of all your coworkers, that is so messy.

731
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 1: I'm gonna sloppily throw all his crap in the hallway.

732
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:36,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, find a different dorm. Sorry. If personal things don't

733
00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 4: affect dorming, it will today and for the rest of

734
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 4: the year. So he was always intoxicated when it happened,

735
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 4: and it never went beyond there. The same could not

736
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,120
Speaker 4: be said for Grace's friend Amy, who's around the same

737
00:34:51,160 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 4: age as Grace and also teaches in their department. On

738
00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 4: one occasion, wasted Amy and Chris sucked face in the

739
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 4: backseat of a car with two other co workers in front.

740
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,640
Speaker 1: Wait, what what is this high school?

741
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,279
Speaker 4: It's crazy. These are the teachers that are supposed to

742
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:09,680
Speaker 4: be teaching the college students, not the actual college students. Wow,

743
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 4: this is wild, right, I mean they're in college and

744
00:35:12,160 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 4: this boording.

745
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,919
Speaker 1: No, this is wow, dude, what a cool university? Would

746
00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 1: you do this with your friends? No?

747
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 4: Okay, this is wild in general, and so it's making

748
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 4: out while while my friends are in the front. Dude,

749
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:28,160
Speaker 4: that's crazy. But if I okay, but listen though, if

750
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:29,839
Speaker 4: I was a student at the school, I would be

751
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,919
Speaker 4: eating up this drama. I'd be like, oh my god,

752
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:33,040
Speaker 4: that's crazy.

753
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 2: Professor Curis was sucking fae bag sheet of a Pontiac Fiera.

754
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 4: Crazy, dude, they're wild.

755
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Oh wait, this is private school and

756
00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 1: not college. Okay, oh wow, that's even better.

757
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:49,760
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, it's a it's a boarding school, so I

758
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:51,879
Speaker 4: wasn't really sure what the ages are.

759
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:53,320
Speaker 1: Certainly not boring school.

760
00:35:54,680 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 4: They then made their way to Grace's apartment, where they

761
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 4: stayed the night. Chris has told me that uh, he

762
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:03,080
Speaker 4: was going to be staying with the buddy of his

763
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,880
Speaker 4: so they could go hunting the next morning. Why couldn't

764
00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:09,840
Speaker 4: they go back to Amy's place. You ask well, because

765
00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:12,959
Speaker 4: at the time Amy was living at the headmaster's house.

766
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:17,759
Speaker 4: She's his granddaughter. Oh, there's a little bit more to

767
00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 4: the story. I confronted Chris about this and he came

768
00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 4: clean right away.

769
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 1: Okay, that's a good that's actually a good sign.

770
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 4: He said that he had enjoyed receiving attention from these

771
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 4: younger women and had been attempting to relive his twenties

772
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:32,520
Speaker 4: by partying with them.

773
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: You you, you stop, get out of here. There's other

774
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:39,680
Speaker 1: ways to Will we relive your twenties? I go snowboarding,

775
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,800
Speaker 1: riding your bike, there's other things. Do travel.

776
00:36:43,239 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 4: Someone else that might want to relive their twenties is

777
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:47,760
Speaker 4: I don't know your wife. Maybe you could do that together.

778
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 4: He said that they reminded him of a younger version

779
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:50,319
Speaker 4: of me.

780
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,640
Speaker 2: All right, I don't I'm not coming back from that one, folks,

781
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:57,720
Speaker 2: that's not that's not happening.

782
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 4: But babe, I only chose up because they were like

783
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 4: a younger version of you, Like I wanted to relive

784
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:04,879
Speaker 4: my twenties with you. And since you're not twenty any more.

785
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,919
Speaker 4: Old old, my god, I think you're old. You can't

786
00:37:08,000 --> 00:37:08,719
Speaker 4: I can't do that.

787
00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:14,319
Speaker 1: You're so sweet, the sweet of you. I can't believe

788
00:37:14,320 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: I was sweet you are.

789
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 4: That's a wild which I can see. Amy, Grace and

790
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 4: I are all skinny, flat chested brunettes with shoulder length hair.

791
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 4: He said that he had been drinking far too much

792
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,640
Speaker 4: and losing control of his boundaries. He was, he claimed,

793
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:33,359
Speaker 4: too ashamed to tell me. I want to believe him.

794
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 4: Right now, we're keeping things quiet. Boarding school politics could

795
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,800
Speaker 4: make this a very complicated situation, and I'm still debating

796
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:42,439
Speaker 4: whether I want to stay married to Chris. I love him,

797
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:44,880
Speaker 4: and we have two terrific kids to whom we are

798
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:47,279
Speaker 4: good co parents. But I have never known him to

799
00:37:47,360 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 4: keep things from me, and I'm not sure I can

800
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 4: trust him again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Question mark,

801
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 4: I'm not sure. And there are some comments. Comment number

802
00:37:57,280 --> 00:38:00,279
Speaker 4: one says, not only did he betray your marriage his

803
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,239
Speaker 4: chronic inability to keep his wiener in his pants, he

804
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:06,959
Speaker 4: endangered your livelihood. Common number two said, although you didn't

805
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,400
Speaker 4: explicitly say it, please please do not stay together. Quote

806
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 4: for the kids. Children are perceptive. If you stay with

807
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,600
Speaker 4: Chris while he's off philandering, you will teach them that

808
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 4: this sort of behavior is normal in a marriage, and

809
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 4: they all be more willing to accept that. In their

810
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:23,320
Speaker 4: own partners, they won't know where to put their own boundaries,

811
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,480
Speaker 4: they won't have as much self respect. So when you're

812
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:29,240
Speaker 4: considering the kids, consider that before making your decision.

813
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,360
Speaker 3: I was uninvited to a wedding after I already spent

814
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:34,800
Speaker 3: five hundred dollars.

815
00:38:35,040 --> 00:38:36,960
Speaker 1: Where's my five hundred dollars?

816
00:38:37,040 --> 00:38:40,520
Speaker 3: Man? I, twenty female, was supposed to attend the wedding

817
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:44,880
Speaker 3: of my friend and boyfriend's twenty three male best friend

818
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:47,960
Speaker 3: in a few days. However, I just found out that

819
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:51,640
Speaker 3: I have been uninvited from the wedding entirely. The wedding

820
00:38:51,719 --> 00:38:54,319
Speaker 3: is across the country and the plane tickets for it

821
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 3: were over five hundred dollars and non refundable. My parents

822
00:38:58,200 --> 00:39:01,360
Speaker 3: bought the ticket as my Christmas gift since I couldn't

823
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,439
Speaker 3: afford them, but it was a lot of money even

824
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:05,920
Speaker 3: for them. My boyfriend is a groomsman at this wedding

825
00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 3: to a guy who he's been best friends with and

826
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,919
Speaker 3: we have been in a friend group with. By the way,

827
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 3: this comes from Rowaway eight seven six two seven six

828
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:16,720
Speaker 3: two eight seven six and if you want to submit

829
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 3: your own stories, go to the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

830
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:22,240
Speaker 3: When my boyfriend asked him what was happening, he said

831
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,520
Speaker 3: he didn't know they were going to run out of space,

832
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,880
Speaker 3: so they had to get rid of all plus ones.

833
00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 6: And then I was never.

834
00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 3: Actually formally invited, but just as a plus one. On

835
00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:34,640
Speaker 3: top of this, both of the people getting married unadded me.

836
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 6: On all social media.

837
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,160
Speaker 3: What. When my boyfriend asked why, he responded that I

838
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:45,000
Speaker 3: had disrespected My boyfriend disrespected his fiance by talking crap

839
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:48,280
Speaker 3: about her to his the groom sister, and then also

840
00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 3: disrespected his sister. The conversation in which he's referring to

841
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,960
Speaker 3: was when his sister started to me my boyfriend and

842
00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,880
Speaker 3: her roommate one day. Everything said was agreed on by

843
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 3: everyone in the way conversation, disrespecting his sister. I have

844
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:06,720
Speaker 3: no idea where this came from. For context, his sister

845
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 3: liked my boyfriend and repeatedly for months this year flirted

846
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,879
Speaker 3: with and tried to get close to him in front

847
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:16,959
Speaker 3: of me. Wow, I found what they're doing. They're trying

848
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 3: to get you away at the wedding so she can

849
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 3: flirt with your.

850
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:24,520
Speaker 2: Boyfriend yikes, big old yikes on a big old bike.

851
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 3: She started being a massive, cold witch to me out

852
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,839
Speaker 3: of nowhere when he cut her off. As far as disrespecting,

853
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 3: my boyfriend goes, I am not perfect and have made

854
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,839
Speaker 3: a mistake. The thing the groom is talking about, specifically

855
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 3: was a TikTok I had posted about a celebrity guy

856
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:43,239
Speaker 3: being good looking even though people like to pretend he's

857
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 3: not because of his personality, a conversation I had had

858
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 3: with my boyfriend previously. I deleted the TikTok and apologize.

859
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,200
Speaker 3: So all of this started from the sister lying to

860
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:56,760
Speaker 3: the groom. My boyfriend has said he will say something,

861
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 3: but not because I want to.

862
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:00,560
Speaker 6: I'm doing it for you. That was a slap in.

863
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:03,160
Speaker 3: The face, as I firmly believe my person would not

864
00:41:03,239 --> 00:41:05,840
Speaker 3: only stand up for me, but fully take my side

865
00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:08,000
Speaker 3: and not go to the wedding. I told my boyfriend

866
00:41:08,040 --> 00:41:10,720
Speaker 3: this and he said he can't just not go because

867
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 3: he's a groomsman. But if we were engaged or married

868
00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 3: it would be different.

869
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:16,000
Speaker 6: We have been dating for over a year.

870
00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 3: My best friend, who knows all these people and was

871
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:21,040
Speaker 3: also friends with all of them previous to all of

872
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:23,200
Speaker 3: this is out of the country for a year, but

873
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 3: I told her what happened. She is furious and things

874
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:27,319
Speaker 3: I even need to break up.

875
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 6: With my boyfriend.

876
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,200
Speaker 3: The issue is the tickets for the wedding are also

877
00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,840
Speaker 3: where my boyfriend's family lives, and I was going to

878
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 3: stay and visit with them for a few days, and

879
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 3: then he has tickets to come visit my family right after.

880
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 6: I don't know what to do. I am pretty hurt.

881
00:41:41,320 --> 00:41:43,680
Speaker 3: I wanted nothing more than to have a nice holiday

882
00:41:43,719 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 3: with my family and the man I love. But I

883
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 3: don't know what to do anymore, and it has been

884
00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,600
Speaker 3: destroying me. It is important to note that I love

885
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 3: my boyfriend and he loves me very much. Aside from

886
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:56,439
Speaker 3: his sleep schedule, our relationship is perfect and he does

887
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 3: a lot for me. He is very kind and non confrontational.

888
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:01,879
Speaker 3: So this whole, the whole situation is driving him in

889
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 3: safe Okay.

890
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:03,239
Speaker 1: So there it is.

891
00:42:03,280 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 2: It's like, the real solution here is he needs to

892
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 2: talk to his best friend one on one on the

893
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:10,280
Speaker 2: phone and be like, what's going on? Why is this happening.

894
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:13,160
Speaker 2: I need to come here with my partner. I want

895
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 2: more than anything to be there for you. But if

896
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:18,360
Speaker 2: I can't bring my partner, it's not going to go

897
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:21,359
Speaker 2: down like that, and he's just really petrified of having

898
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 2: to have that confrontation.

899
00:42:22,960 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 1: I think that's what it's reading to me.

900
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 6: I am not really sure what to do.

901
00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:28,840
Speaker 3: Do I proceed forward and try to enjoy the holidays

902
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,480
Speaker 3: not going to the wedding, or do I call everything

903
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 3: off and waste all of the money. I am in

904
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,200
Speaker 3: a tough spot and unsure what to do. And we

905
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:38,759
Speaker 3: have an edit to add here's some additional info since

906
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:41,400
Speaker 3: I have heard a lot of incorrect assumptions in the comments.

907
00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,440
Speaker 3: My initial post was brief because I didn't want it

908
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 3: to be too much info or too long, but I'm

909
00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 3: now realizing that was a mistake. I think some clarification

910
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,080
Speaker 3: is needed in respect to the sister thing. We were

911
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:54,399
Speaker 3: a long distance over the summer when we were home

912
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:55,239
Speaker 3: from university.

913
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:56,760
Speaker 6: He lives nowhere near the sister.

914
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:59,840
Speaker 3: He was only at school two weeks before me, and

915
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 3: in that time she was flirting with him, which he

916
00:43:02,600 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 3: did not realize or shut down. Over the summer, I

917
00:43:05,440 --> 00:43:08,239
Speaker 3: didn't communicate with him much because I had a lot

918
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:10,480
Speaker 3: of things happen in my life, including one of my

919
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:12,240
Speaker 3: best friends taking her own life.

920
00:43:12,280 --> 00:43:15,240
Speaker 6: Because of this, I was very distant and didn't even

921
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:16,160
Speaker 6: call him much.

922
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:18,359
Speaker 3: I know some people are going to blame me for this,

923
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 3: but I was grieving heavily. This left him worried I

924
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 3: was going to break up with him due to how

925
00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,680
Speaker 3: distant I was being. Not shutting the sister down to

926
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 3: me was single behavior, and he apologized and made up

927
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,240
Speaker 3: for it and cut her off before I even brought

928
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 3: anything up or ass But he had been friends with

929
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:35,480
Speaker 3: her for a while, so it took him a while

930
00:43:35,520 --> 00:43:38,640
Speaker 3: to notice. Nobody else knows about this, and sister has

931
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:42,040
Speaker 3: since moved on to obsessing over like ten different guys.

932
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:43,799
Speaker 6: She just holds a grudge.

933
00:43:43,880 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 3: Additionally, we are all religious and there would be no

934
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:50,000
Speaker 3: hooking up involved. The groom would also never want his

935
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,520
Speaker 3: sister to date my boyfriend for a few reasons, so

936
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,359
Speaker 3: the assumption they're trying to set them up isn't quite right.

937
00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:58,239
Speaker 3: I only shared this info to explain what groom was

938
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:01,840
Speaker 3: talking about and why sister was This was also well.

939
00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 6: Before the TikTok fiasco, which of.

940
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,239
Speaker 3: The groom was the only one who was super mad

941
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:09,120
Speaker 3: as my boyfriend doesn't even have TikTok and told my

942
00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 3: boyfriend to dump me over. As far as being uninvited,

943
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 3: it was the groom's father who sent out the email

944
00:44:15,080 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 3: officially uninviting all plus ones unbeknownst to the groom himself,

945
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 3: and it was due to a large number of the

946
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 3: bride's family being in a small venue that wasn't planned for.

947
00:44:25,560 --> 00:44:28,120
Speaker 1: Okay, dude, you back out of this. This is a nonsense.

948
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:31,239
Speaker 2: Also getting crazy is your best friend isn't going to

949
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 2: be like, dump your girlfriend of a year because of

950
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:37,160
Speaker 2: a TikTok she posted about a celebrity.

951
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 1: That guy is pathetic.

952
00:44:39,080 --> 00:44:41,640
Speaker 2: If he's telling you to dump your girlfriend over that,

953
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,000
Speaker 2: I question how close y'all really are.

954
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:47,440
Speaker 1: This is like a and it sounds like a complete nightmare.

955
00:44:47,640 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 2: Luster f like just be like, you know what, with

956
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:52,839
Speaker 2: all the uncertainty that has been thrown at this, I'm

957
00:44:52,840 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 2: going to back out of the wedding party. I find

958
00:44:54,600 --> 00:44:57,279
Speaker 2: it really uncomfortable that you are demanding I break up.

959
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:58,839
Speaker 2: That you demanded I break up with my girlfriend over

960
00:44:58,880 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 2: a TikTok video.

961
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 1: I wish you the best.

962
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:03,960
Speaker 3: The other groomsmen are not bringing their girlfriends for the

963
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 3: people saying how can I say he loves me? I

964
00:45:06,560 --> 00:45:09,799
Speaker 3: am disabled. I had a severe sports brain injury that

965
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,080
Speaker 3: put me in a coma and had to relearn how

966
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 3: to walk. It has left me legally blind and with

967
00:45:14,800 --> 00:45:18,439
Speaker 3: some other things like an inability to read without technological

968
00:45:18,440 --> 00:45:21,920
Speaker 3: assistance and no balance, resulting in the fact I cannot

969
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,600
Speaker 3: drive or even ride a bike. My boyfriend takes very

970
00:45:24,600 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 3: good care of me, but I cannot go into great

971
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,799
Speaker 3: detail about all of this. Just know that he is

972
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:31,520
Speaker 3: taken care of and done more for me than anyone

973
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 3: else in my life, aside from my parents and best friend.

974
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:36,400
Speaker 3: This friend getting married was a friend of both of

975
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:39,600
Speaker 3: ours until all of this happened, and even introduced me.

976
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 6: And my boyfriend.

977
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:43,120
Speaker 3: All of this is extremely out of character and has

978
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:46,839
Speaker 3: left everyone shocked. Even the groom's cousin and best man is.

979
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 6: On my side.

980
00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:50,200
Speaker 3: The bride herself is likely behind all of this, as

981
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 3: she always would go out of her way to be

982
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 3: a knucklehead to me and my best friend, although we

983
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:57,160
Speaker 3: were nothing but nice to her. I hope this adds

984
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 3: a little bit of context and to the people saying

985
00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 3: they hate me because I seem to love drama, I

986
00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:04,160
Speaker 3: hate the drama more than any of you. It came

987
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,600
Speaker 3: out of nowhere, and I am unsure of how to proceed,

988
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:09,320
Speaker 3: which is why I wrote in I'm sorry if it's confusing.

989
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 3: I cannot see to edit well and am listening to everything.

990
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 3: We have some comments, comment one can you exchange the

991
00:46:16,640 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 3: tickets for airline credit to use another time? Usually airlines

992
00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:22,640
Speaker 3: allow this, And someone replied, I'm guessing that they are

993
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:24,920
Speaker 3: setting the boyfriend up with someone else at the wedding

994
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,279
Speaker 3: and he knows it and is okay with it.

995
00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 6: Comment to wake up.

996
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:32,360
Speaker 3: Ope, they've planned it all along, but suddenly you're the

997
00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 3: problem for stating the obvious, not them for their horrible

998
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:38,359
Speaker 3: actions gaslighting one oh one. Give me a break. If

999
00:46:38,440 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 3: it were me, here's my strategy. Try to get an

1000
00:46:40,960 --> 00:46:44,440
Speaker 3: airline slash miles credit. If that's not possible, use the

1001
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:47,759
Speaker 3: ticket and have fun solo single girl holiday. Let the

1002
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:50,960
Speaker 3: boyfriend know why you're breaking up with him, No ultimatums,

1003
00:46:51,120 --> 00:46:54,279
Speaker 3: move forward. He's not your person. Work on myself and

1004
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 3: seek support through this rough patch. The silver lining is

1005
00:46:57,160 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 3: he showed you who he was before you married. That's

1006
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:04,400
Speaker 3: a huge blessing. You just don't realize that yet. Totally understandable.

1007
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 3: Sorry you're going through this, remember everything is gonna be okay.

1008
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 6: Comment three.

1009
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:11,800
Speaker 3: Your boyfriend doesn't like or respect you enough to stand

1010
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:14,839
Speaker 3: up for you unequivocally. His friends don't like you. Your

1011
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,239
Speaker 3: friends don't seem to like him and his friend. Why

1012
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,640
Speaker 3: exactly would you stay in a relationship that constantly puts

1013
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 3: you around people who hate you.

1014
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 6: There's a part of me.

1015
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:27,040
Speaker 3: That things that OPI might be so concerned over the

1016
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:29,640
Speaker 3: fact that, like he helps take care of her, so

1017
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 3: like he loves me, Like no one's ever done that

1018
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:33,880
Speaker 3: for me. Girl, A ton of people would do that

1019
00:47:34,040 --> 00:47:36,200
Speaker 3: for you, like you are not too much as a

1020
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 3: person to ask for the basic needs of that. So

1021
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:40,920
Speaker 3: I don't think that that's a reason to stay if

1022
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 3: that's like the reason that you're clinging to, not that

1023
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 3: I think that it is, but don't linger.

1024
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:46,520
Speaker 6: On that, I guess.

1025
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:49,120
Speaker 3: But something's fishy, and I think I agree with the

1026
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:51,799
Speaker 3: comment that even if it's not the sister, they are

1027
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,919
Speaker 3: trying to have your boyfriend flirt with someone. I don't

1028
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 3: think your boyfriend's in on it.

1029
00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 2: But it's like all of the plus ones being canceled

1030
00:47:58,080 --> 00:48:00,920
Speaker 2: by the step dad, oh because of the by the

1031
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,439
Speaker 2: bride's dad, by the father in law, but that's why.

1032
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:07,320
Speaker 6: I'm saying, I you this thing about the brides.

1033
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 2: And then it was the boy the best friend was

1034
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:10,960
Speaker 2: the one who even set them up in the first place.

1035
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 2: So it's like, why are these other people so invested?

1036
00:48:13,960 --> 00:48:15,240
Speaker 2: It doesn't make any sense.

1037
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 1: There needs to.

1038
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 2: Be that phone call where someone is like, where a

1039
00:48:18,840 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 2: boyfriend is like, this is what needs to happen, or

1040
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 2: it's not happening for.

1041
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:27,040
Speaker 1: Us, right, I also needs to happen. Here's Johnyogos Here.

1042
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 2: We're going to get back to the stories, but here's

1043
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,280
Speaker 2: a quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

1044
00:48:30,880 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 2: I discovered that I was the other woman while I

1045
00:48:34,239 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 2: was pregnant.

1046
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 6: Oh God, run away.

1047
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 2: When I met the father of my son, I was young,

1048
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:41,839
Speaker 2: beautiful and well shaped. I took care of myself, had

1049
00:48:41,880 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 2: a great career, good money, lots of travel, fashion clothes,

1050
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:46,480
Speaker 2: lots of friends, and we.

1051
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 1: Hung out a lot.

1052
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:50,200
Speaker 2: I am a twenty eight year old female, single mother

1053
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:51,680
Speaker 2: of a two year old. And by the way, this

1054
00:48:51,719 --> 00:48:54,160
Speaker 2: comes from user abroad a lawn And if you want

1055
00:48:54,160 --> 00:48:56,080
Speaker 2: to submit your own stories, go to the r slash

1056
00:48:56,120 --> 00:49:00,120
Speaker 2: Okay Storytime Somber, where this story was submitted. I'm I've

1057
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 2: been dating my son's dad thirty seven mail for four

1058
00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 2: years before I got pregnant. We met through a common

1059
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 2: friend at a party and slept together the first and night.

1060
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:12,880
Speaker 2: I wasn't looking for a relationship and neither was he,

1061
00:49:13,160 --> 00:49:14,880
Speaker 2: as he told me that he just broke up with

1062
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 2: his now ex and mother of his two children that

1063
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,880
Speaker 2: he lived with because they bought the house together and

1064
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:23,520
Speaker 2: doesn't know how to split regarding the children and the fact.

1065
00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:25,319
Speaker 1: That his X has multiple sclerosis.

1066
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,279
Speaker 2: The fact is that from this one night stand, we

1067
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 2: saw each other every single day. We immediately fell in

1068
00:49:29,880 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 2: love so hard life going on. We dated a lot,

1069
00:49:33,680 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 2: went on vacations and weekends going out to eat. He

1070
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:39,600
Speaker 2: was at my home every time I was in co location.

1071
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:42,960
Speaker 2: Then a huge argument occurred with my roommate and I

1072
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 2: had to leave the house. I was out of money,

1073
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 2: and he offered to pay with me the rent of

1074
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:49,799
Speaker 2: the new house that I rented alone. We had been

1075
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 2: dating for about three months at this point. At the

1076
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:55,759
Speaker 2: same period, I learned that I had fertility issues and

1077
00:49:55,880 --> 00:49:58,319
Speaker 2: talked about it with him. He was really understanding, and

1078
00:49:58,400 --> 00:50:00,600
Speaker 2: I started to ask him what he he wanted to do,

1079
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 2: so leaving me helping me to have this child without

1080
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 2: being in a real relationship or having this child together.

1081
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:09,400
Speaker 1: He answered that he wanted to have this child.

1082
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 2: With me, and we were focusing on what to do

1083
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 2: with his ex and the children, leaving the house and

1084
00:50:13,640 --> 00:50:14,399
Speaker 2: giving it to her.

1085
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:17,720
Speaker 1: But what about their children like our children.

1086
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,680
Speaker 2: The thing is that as his ex was sick, I

1087
00:50:20,760 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 2: was really understanding about the situation, and he slept with

1088
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,320
Speaker 2: me at night and woke up really early in the

1089
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:27,319
Speaker 2: morning in order to go to hers to wake up

1090
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 2: his children and get them ready for school. My house

1091
00:50:29,680 --> 00:50:32,680
Speaker 2: was forty five minutes away from her. Even during weekends,

1092
00:50:32,719 --> 00:50:35,000
Speaker 2: I pushed him to spend time with his children, and

1093
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 2: on my side, I went to my parents four hours

1094
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,919
Speaker 2: away driving. I visited my parents two weekends a month,

1095
00:50:40,960 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 2: and also during holidays. Plus, I was quite sad for

1096
00:50:44,360 --> 00:50:46,520
Speaker 2: his ex because I really knew that she had a

1097
00:50:46,640 --> 00:50:49,400
Speaker 2: really bad disease, and even if it was my man,

1098
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,840
Speaker 2: I wanted him to support her because of his status

1099
00:50:51,880 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 2: as a father and the fact that they met when

1100
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 2: they were fourteen, and she gave up everything for him

1101
00:50:56,600 --> 00:50:59,319
Speaker 2: and needed help. She had no family. This is what

1102
00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:02,359
Speaker 2: he told me. Going on in time, we worked as

1103
00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 2: hard as possible in order to save enough money to

1104
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 2: buy a house and stuff for the baby we were

1105
00:51:06,760 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 2: trying to have. I lost four pregnancies and it was awful.

1106
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:13,840
Speaker 2: In twenty twenty two, he bought a garage with his partner,

1107
00:51:13,960 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 2: meaning a guy that he was working with, and I

1108
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:19,360
Speaker 2: made all the administration papers, bank account legal stuff for

1109
00:51:19,560 --> 00:51:21,880
Speaker 2: free to help him own a business. Plan was that

1110
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:24,279
Speaker 2: once the garage created enough money to pay me to

1111
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 2: work with him, I'd be hired and we'd be financially

1112
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 2: stable enough to go on our plan. I quit my

1113
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 2: job that I made good money from to help him

1114
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:32,440
Speaker 2: and build.

1115
00:51:32,160 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 1: This project together.

1116
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 2: The issue we had was his partner was a forty

1117
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:38,600
Speaker 2: year old man who spoke really bad and that didn't

1118
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:41,040
Speaker 2: want to do things legally and found every way possible

1119
00:51:41,080 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 2: to make money that he would keep for himself. I

1120
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:46,640
Speaker 2: told him, let's call him John, that his partner wouldn't

1121
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 2: be a good thing in this company and would cause

1122
00:51:49,080 --> 00:51:52,279
Speaker 2: him problem, and the argument arrived. We had such a

1123
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 2: huge argument that at this moment I broke up because

1124
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 2: he was choosing his work partner over me, and all

1125
00:51:58,080 --> 00:51:59,319
Speaker 2: our efforts were going to be.

1126
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:00,080
Speaker 1: Ruined by this guy.

1127
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:03,360
Speaker 2: Moreover, his partner let's call him Raymond, was pushing me

1128
00:52:03,440 --> 00:52:05,399
Speaker 2: out of the project because he knew that I saw

1129
00:52:05,440 --> 00:52:06,840
Speaker 2: clearly into his game.

1130
00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:09,479
Speaker 1: So now we're in twenty twenty three. I have no job.

1131
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 2: It couldn't pay rent anymore because I quit my job

1132
00:52:12,040 --> 00:52:14,320
Speaker 2: and had no money, so I went back to my parents.

1133
00:52:14,480 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 2: Raymond was so happy about this because he knew he

1134
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 2: could play his bad game and make easy money, while

1135
00:52:19,400 --> 00:52:22,719
Speaker 2: John would be the unique responsible for his acts. In

1136
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:25,239
Speaker 2: March twenty twenty three, he drove the four hours to

1137
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 2: get me back and try to apologize and make me

1138
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:30,480
Speaker 2: come back project. I was fed up with everything, but

1139
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:32,920
Speaker 2: I loved him so much that I forgave him. We

1140
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 2: slept together once on that nineteenth of March, and guess what,

1141
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:39,719
Speaker 2: I got pregnant again. We both decided that I had

1142
00:52:39,719 --> 00:52:41,799
Speaker 2: to rest as much as possible, so I helped him

1143
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:44,480
Speaker 2: with visio calls and stuff. That stayed at my parents

1144
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 2: in the countryside in order to have good care and

1145
00:52:46,719 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 2: good air.

1146
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:48,760
Speaker 1: My family was so happy.

1147
00:52:48,800 --> 00:52:52,040
Speaker 2: Pregnancy was harsh, but John came often to visit me

1148
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 2: and come to the appointments. At four months pregnant, the

1149
00:52:54,880 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 2: doctor told us that it was a good one and that.

1150
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:59,720
Speaker 1: There was no more worries to have. We were going

1151
00:53:00,040 --> 00:53:01,200
Speaker 1: to have this baby.

1152
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:03,680
Speaker 2: At six months of pregnancy, I told him that he

1153
00:53:03,680 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 2: had to go to the city hall to declare in

1154
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:07,800
Speaker 2: advance that he was the father of the child. Meanwhile,

1155
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,560
Speaker 2: I was quite upset because he didn't look really concerned

1156
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 2: about hurrying to find a house for me and the

1157
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:14,320
Speaker 2: baby to come back after the birth, and the worst

1158
00:53:14,400 --> 00:53:16,520
Speaker 2: for me occurred. He told me he didn't want to

1159
00:53:16,520 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 2: be legally our son's dad. I totally lost my mind

1160
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:24,560
Speaker 2: and blocked him everywhere good ride as much as I could.

1161
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:27,000
Speaker 2: I thought about it so much that I was beginning

1162
00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:29,359
Speaker 2: to think there was something connected to his ex. So

1163
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,520
Speaker 2: I called him and asked him to come to speak

1164
00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:33,879
Speaker 2: face to face. He came, and I told him I'm

1165
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:36,120
Speaker 2: suspicious about you and your ex, and I'm going to

1166
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 2: search what the heck is going on. So if you

1167
00:53:38,200 --> 00:53:40,000
Speaker 2: have something to tell me, say it right now and

1168
00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 2: we'll go through it together.

1169
00:53:41,000 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: He answers, I have nothing to tell, but don't do that,

1170
00:53:44,320 --> 00:53:45,720
Speaker 1: so he left right away.

1171
00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 2: I tried to find this lady let's call her Melissa

1172
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:52,239
Speaker 2: on social media, and after hours I found her. Then

1173
00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:54,800
Speaker 2: I asked her on messenger if she was John's wife,

1174
00:53:54,880 --> 00:53:57,400
Speaker 2: and she told me yeah, and who the f are you?

1175
00:53:58,000 --> 00:54:01,279
Speaker 2: I answered that I unfortunately his second wife, and that

1176
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:05,040
Speaker 2: I was carrying his son right now. We were both devastated.

1177
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 2: We talked all day, and she told me that she

1178
00:54:06,920 --> 00:54:08,799
Speaker 2: would talk to me. I explained to her that I

1179
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 2: was so sorry and knew about her existence, but thought

1180
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,080
Speaker 2: that she was in a wheelchair and that they were

1181
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 2: not together anymore, and even pushed him to care about her.

1182
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:19,520
Speaker 2: I even added that I understand how she felt betrayed

1183
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 2: as myself, and that if she wanted to keep him,

1184
00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:24,560
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be a shadow in their painting. I just

1185
00:54:24,600 --> 00:54:26,879
Speaker 2: wanted him to assume his child support and maybe try

1186
00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 2: to see his son, and that we'd be in touch

1187
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 2: for whatever she wanted. But I discovered that on one

1188
00:54:31,680 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 2: side she told me that he gave me up with

1189
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:36,399
Speaker 2: the baby and doesn't want to know anything about us,

1190
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,239
Speaker 2: and then on the other side, he told me that

1191
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:41,080
Speaker 2: she threatened him that if he sees me again or

1192
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:43,160
Speaker 2: the baby, she'll take their children and he will never

1193
00:54:43,239 --> 00:54:45,680
Speaker 2: see them again. I was so shocked that I just

1194
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:48,319
Speaker 2: blocked them both and gave birth alone to my son.

1195
00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:51,239
Speaker 2: Low key, Probably the best thing you could have done.

1196
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:53,920
Speaker 2: I mean, like you should still like prosecute if you

1197
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 2: need to to get child support. I don't know if

1198
00:54:56,800 --> 00:54:59,680
Speaker 2: I don't, is he can he just like deny like

1199
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:01,759
Speaker 2: parental rights.

1200
00:55:01,160 --> 00:55:04,640
Speaker 6: Harder because he wasn't on the birth certificate. But I'm

1201
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:05,719
Speaker 6: sure there's.

1202
00:55:05,600 --> 00:55:08,080
Speaker 3: Something that you could do there with DNA, I don't

1203
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 3: think he can get out of child payment.

1204
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 2: One year later, July twenty twenty four, John tried to

1205
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:17,520
Speaker 2: contact me, apologized, saw his son, and asked me to

1206
00:55:17,600 --> 00:55:20,400
Speaker 2: have an affair with him, as he couldn't break up

1207
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:24,439
Speaker 2: because of his children. I refused, but kept in touch

1208
00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 2: only in order to give him news about our son.

1209
00:55:27,320 --> 00:55:30,359
Speaker 2: But fool that I am, I realized that even if

1210
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 2: I hated him so much, I still loved him. I

1211
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:35,399
Speaker 2: kept my distance and continued to keep in touch only

1212
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:38,640
Speaker 2: for the baby. Meanwhile, he every day told me how

1213
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:41,120
Speaker 2: he missed me, how he was unhappy without me, and

1214
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:41,560
Speaker 2: how he.

1215
00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:42,800
Speaker 1: Was stuck in this situation.

1216
00:55:42,960 --> 00:55:45,360
Speaker 2: He eventually told me that when we met, he was

1217
00:55:45,480 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 2: really separated from Melissa, but as our relationship grew, he

1218
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:51,680
Speaker 2: was happier, funnier, and it improved his behavior. So Melissa

1219
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:53,800
Speaker 2: wanted to try again and this is probably a lie,

1220
00:55:53,840 --> 00:55:56,319
Speaker 2: and that's why he was trapped. He wanted to keep

1221
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,880
Speaker 2: his life as it was, also because his mother was

1222
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:01,040
Speaker 2: aware of the situation and forced him to stay with

1223
00:56:01,080 --> 00:56:03,880
Speaker 2: Melissa that she loved as her own daughter and ignore me.

1224
00:56:04,040 --> 00:56:06,239
Speaker 2: He tries to do all of his best to be

1225
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:08,719
Speaker 2: able to break up with Melissa and come back with me,

1226
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:10,520
Speaker 2: but he doesn't want to be a piece of crap

1227
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:12,840
Speaker 2: if he gives her up with her disease and the children.

1228
00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:15,399
Speaker 2: Melissa even told him that it got worse and worse

1229
00:56:15,440 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 2: because of the stress she had when she knew about

1230
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:21,279
Speaker 2: his double life. Now I'm absolutely fed up with everything,

1231
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:23,799
Speaker 2: even if when I see him, I am not strong

1232
00:56:23,920 --> 00:56:25,480
Speaker 2: enough to push him back and sleep with him. I

1233
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:27,239
Speaker 2: really don't know why I still love him so much

1234
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:29,400
Speaker 2: and why I cannot go on alone. I hate myself

1235
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:31,200
Speaker 2: for that, but at the same time, I want so

1236
00:56:31,440 --> 00:56:33,840
Speaker 2: bad for John to come back and give his dad

1237
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:36,280
Speaker 2: to my son. So I decided to leave the country

1238
00:56:36,520 --> 00:56:39,360
Speaker 2: with my child and go back to live on the island.

1239
00:56:39,520 --> 00:56:42,840
Speaker 2: I am natively from once I announced that he proposed

1240
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:44,520
Speaker 2: to me and told me that it was just a

1241
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:47,359
Speaker 2: matter of time that soon she won't be strong enough

1242
00:56:47,400 --> 00:56:50,280
Speaker 2: to do anything she threatened, and to take his children.

1243
00:56:50,440 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 2: Even if he doesn't want that to go that way,

1244
00:56:53,640 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 2: he knows that he could give her good child support

1245
00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:58,080
Speaker 2: and give her the house and give her money to

1246
00:56:58,080 --> 00:56:59,919
Speaker 2: pay people to take care of her, and then we'll

1247
00:57:00,080 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 2: be free to be together. He loves them so bad

1248
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:06,239
Speaker 2: that on one hand, I kind of understand why he

1249
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:08,719
Speaker 2: did all this, and I want to wait for him.

1250
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:11,400
Speaker 2: On the other hand, I remember that he let me

1251
00:57:11,520 --> 00:57:13,200
Speaker 2: have this child alone.

1252
00:57:13,280 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 1: He betrayed me.

1253
00:57:14,520 --> 00:57:19,720
Speaker 2: He used my skills for free for his company, never

1254
00:57:19,800 --> 00:57:23,040
Speaker 2: gave me child support, and completely broke me. I had

1255
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:25,200
Speaker 2: a lot of health issues because of the sea section

1256
00:57:25,320 --> 00:57:27,120
Speaker 2: that went bad in the fact that I had no

1257
00:57:27,200 --> 00:57:29,520
Speaker 2: rest as a single mom. I even had surgery two

1258
00:57:29,520 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 2: weeks ago to try and fix the bad sea section.

1259
00:57:31,520 --> 00:57:34,360
Speaker 2: I never slept since nineteen months and did all by

1260
00:57:34,360 --> 00:57:37,280
Speaker 2: myself with no time, a baby, and no money. I

1261
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,439
Speaker 2: lost trust in myself. I hate my body right now.

1262
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:44,080
Speaker 2: I'm afraid about any new relationship, whatever it is, if

1263
00:57:44,120 --> 00:57:46,760
Speaker 2: it's for love or just friendship. I just stay at home,

1264
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:50,200
Speaker 2: take care of my baby, and see my parents and siblings.

1265
00:57:50,240 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 2: My wisdom tells me that I should go on in

1266
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:55,160
Speaker 2: my decision and leave the country with my baby and

1267
00:57:55,200 --> 00:57:58,320
Speaker 2: start a fresh new life. Even if I would be alone,

1268
00:57:58,400 --> 00:58:01,120
Speaker 2: I won't be anymore in a top relationship and will

1269
00:58:01,120 --> 00:58:03,360
Speaker 2: only live for my son, take care of us and

1270
00:58:03,600 --> 00:58:06,240
Speaker 2: our mental health. Except now the double life I discovered.

1271
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:09,080
Speaker 2: Everything had been perfect between us. We would laugh, we

1272
00:58:09,120 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 2: would have despice to sleep, we would talk, We understood

1273
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:14,520
Speaker 2: each other. But my heart screams at me to wait

1274
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 2: for him, to wait for him to come back and

1275
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:17,840
Speaker 2: get me back.

1276
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:19,840
Speaker 1: Wait for him, but don't help him.

1277
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:21,560
Speaker 2: If he really wants me, he'll have to buy a

1278
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:23,360
Speaker 2: ticket and come to tell me in front of me,

1279
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:25,960
Speaker 2: and never give me up again. Please don't judge me.

1280
00:58:26,160 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 2: Just tell me what you would have done if you

1281
00:58:27,800 --> 00:58:31,160
Speaker 2: were me. Give me some advice. Do not underdo that

1282
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:34,720
Speaker 2: any don't do that any circumstances.

1283
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:35,439
Speaker 1: Wait for this man.

1284
00:58:35,560 --> 00:58:38,000
Speaker 3: If he comes back to your island where you live,

1285
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:40,680
Speaker 3: you say, buy yeah, youted.

1286
00:58:40,040 --> 00:58:41,840
Speaker 6: Your money on a ticket behind, serve.

1287
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 2: Him the paperwork that's like this. By the way, this

1288
00:58:43,560 --> 00:58:47,160
Speaker 2: is your child support stuff. I'm subpoenaing you for child support. Now,

1289
00:58:47,240 --> 00:58:49,920
Speaker 2: that is the only thing you should be waiting for.

1290
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:50,560
Speaker 2: From this guy.

1291
00:58:50,640 --> 00:58:51,160
Speaker 1: Yeah pay