1 00:00:01,680 --> 00:00:05,960 Speaker 1: This is my legacy. In this bonus drop, menopause mentor 2 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:09,079 Speaker 1: and New York Times best selling author Tamson Fidel, she 3 00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:12,360 Speaker 1: shares how she's reinventing midlife, turning it into a season 4 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: of power, purpose and possibility. Joined by her husband Ira Bernstein, 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:21,600 Speaker 1: they open up about living your Sunday today, reclaiming self worth, 6 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 1: and building a love that feels grounded, authentic and real. 7 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:26,239 Speaker 2: Let's jump in. 8 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,880 Speaker 3: But listening to the two of you speak about like 9 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,920 Speaker 3: health and well being and you're living your someday and 10 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:35,279 Speaker 3: standing up a walking tall and like all of this 11 00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,839 Speaker 3: this is so much more than a conversation on menopause. 12 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,440 Speaker 3: I thought I was gonna have a conversation on medicals. 13 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,600 Speaker 3: We're having conversation around self worth. We're having conversation around 14 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:47,120 Speaker 3: including claiming midlife. We having conversation around so much more so. Tamson, 15 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,840 Speaker 3: if I can dress this to you, when you look 16 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 3: at your message, what is your message to people entering 17 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 3: midlife and what is your message even more broadly to women. 18 00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,319 Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I you know, I do the live 19 00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,560 Speaker 4: your Someday today because I think that I spent forty 20 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 4: years saying like some day I'm going to do this. 21 00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 4: Some day, I'm going to work out every other day. 22 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 4: Someday I'm gonna pay attention to on me. So I 23 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 4: think that is a big one for me because I 24 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,360 Speaker 4: think that this is where we're at right now, This 25 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:16,600 Speaker 4: is that someday one. I think two is taking charge 26 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,960 Speaker 4: of your health. Really, I mean, I think that there 27 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 4: is that kind of encapsulates everything, whether we're talking about 28 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:26,319 Speaker 4: women or men, or menopause or perimenopause or longevity. Because 29 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 4: for a long time we were said, like, go to 30 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:30,559 Speaker 4: the doctor, they'll let you know, you know, here's here's 31 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 4: what you do, and that'll be the fix. And I 32 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:37,120 Speaker 4: don't believe that that's the fix. You know, the fixes, Yes, doctors, 33 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 4: you know, have a place, but it doesn't all just 34 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 4: happen in that fifteen minute doctor's appointment. There's a three 35 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 4: sixty of our lives that I'm really pleased that people 36 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 4: are starting to see when it comes to health and 37 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 4: fitness and wellness. And but I think that the onus 38 00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:56,840 Speaker 4: is on us, and especially as women, to take charge 39 00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:59,200 Speaker 4: of that and be educated about going into that office 40 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:02,240 Speaker 4: and knowing what those symptoms are and knowing that you 41 00:02:02,240 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 4: know whether it's perimenopause, menopause, or beyond. Something's not right. 42 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,160 Speaker 4: I don't feel like myself I have joint pain that 43 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 4: I shouldn't have. There should be more than one solution 44 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,079 Speaker 4: or no solutions for me. So I think that that 45 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 4: would be my second message is, you know, is taking 46 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 4: charge of that, because that is the only way that 47 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:18,799 Speaker 4: you get on the other side of this. I mean 48 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 4: to a point where I've done this with my eighty 49 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:22,520 Speaker 4: five year old father, you know, so. 50 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:24,800 Speaker 2: We've oh, he's amazing, but. 51 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 4: But you know, he was the person that would the 52 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:30,639 Speaker 4: generation of go to the doctor if something's wrong, avoided 53 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,360 Speaker 4: at all costs if not, and whatever the doctor says, 54 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 4: that's that's it. And I think that he's learned even 55 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 4: what the you know what that three sixty is of 56 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:40,519 Speaker 4: what it means to be well. 57 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 2: He's very bold. He goes to a trainer three days 58 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 2: a week, and one of them is a woman in 59 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 2: her late forties, and she was sharing some concerns with 60 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:55,760 Speaker 2: him and is inimitable style. He's now eighty five, grew up, 61 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 2: you know. It was a text and he says, and 62 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,559 Speaker 2: that great little drill you might be in menopause. 63 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,639 Speaker 5: He's a little tuble how a. 64 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 2: Man can say something that right, he just does it 65 00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,919 Speaker 2: with the accent of the thing, and it's like nine 66 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 2: out of ten you'd get a look and he gets 67 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 2: you know, maybe Jim. 68 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 5: But it's also important once women get through like what 69 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 5: you're offering, once you get the protocol that's helpful for you, 70 00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 5: and then you get through the other side. It does. 71 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 5: It's something like you just really feel bold and bright 72 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 5: and I know and you recognize it and other women 73 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 5: it's great. 74 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 4: I was just gonna say that, like I know somebody 75 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 4: else that's been through it. I'm like, oh, you've got it, right, 76 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 4: I got it. 77 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 3: It's like a little the club. 78 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 4: And I also think, and I don't know about you, 79 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:53,120 Speaker 4: but I feel like my relationships are established quicker, Like 80 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,600 Speaker 4: I like the person I know, the woman I already 81 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 4: know or I probably already know. You know, we've been 82 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 4: through some of the same have some of the same 83 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 4: storylines in there, and like I got it and worredy 84 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,440 Speaker 4: into like this deeper part of the relationship quicker, which 85 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 4: I really appreciate. I really appreciate. And so what I 86 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 4: thought of as friends in the past and what I 87 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:17,320 Speaker 4: thought community meant is something very different now than what 88 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,599 Speaker 4: it meant before. Like, it's very clear to me what 89 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 4: commute the importance of it anyway, and. 90 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,840 Speaker 5: It's so much deeper, so much deeper all the way around. 91 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 3: Scrolling won't change your life, but subscribing just might tap 92 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:37,280 Speaker 3: that button and stay connected to conversations that can't. Now 93 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 3: back to my legacy, I R. 94 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 5: Okay, you've talked about how Tamson focusing on her own 95 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:46,159 Speaker 5: health and well being has been a positive influence on you. 96 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 5: What have you started to do because of her that 97 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 5: has made the biggest difference? 98 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 2: Well, I think, look, every what's that phrase, every challenges 99 00:04:56,839 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 2: and opportunity. So what biology does two women doesn't happen 100 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 2: in the same way to men. We're slowly like we're 101 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 2: sort of slowly eroding away and folder I'm just saying. 102 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:15,240 Speaker 2: And so what Tamsen has done is it's really a 103 00:05:15,279 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 2: health issue. It's really a It sort of made me 104 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:22,080 Speaker 2: feel like, however we age whatever it is, that doesn't 105 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 2: mean you get a free pass of not taking care 106 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 2: of yourself. And so whether it's it's diet and exercise, 107 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:30,159 Speaker 2: it's all those things, but it's to make you feel 108 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:34,040 Speaker 2: better and that we're all sort of fighting the aging 109 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 2: process in different ways. But what a woman has to 110 00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:40,039 Speaker 2: go through sort of hits you in the face. So 111 00:05:40,120 --> 00:05:42,360 Speaker 2: you can either you know, shrink from it or grow 112 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 2: from it. And most women, thanks to Tamsan and more 113 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 2: and more women are growing from it, so they become 114 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:51,080 Speaker 2: empowered on the other side. So while that, you know, 115 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 2: I don't think there's a man that I would know 116 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 2: that would want to trade places to go through that. 117 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:59,760 Speaker 2: I think you can learn from it. Nobody's raising their hands. 118 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,800 Speaker 5: None of these men are looking at I'm looking at 119 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:03,480 Speaker 5: all three of them. 120 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,960 Speaker 2: They're all like, I can just tell. So nobody got it. 121 00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 3: We're moving on. 122 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,240 Speaker 2: So because nobody was a trade blix is I think 123 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,680 Speaker 2: there are other things and that has been the gift 124 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 2: of like you know, I'm not just saying you're spinach, 125 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 2: but it's all of those things. It's not you know, 126 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,960 Speaker 2: I don't need to have vill palmersan every night. That's 127 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,239 Speaker 2: not a necessity anymore. 128 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 4: He's actually not allowed. 129 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:28,720 Speaker 2: Now. This is just giving away some of our internal 130 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:32,760 Speaker 2: rules and regulations. But yes, yes, and I think in 131 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,120 Speaker 2: the bottom line is you do feel better and. 132 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:38,880 Speaker 4: We've done things together. I think more too, which has 133 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 4: been nice. Like the pandemic did some of this too, 134 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,479 Speaker 4: But like working out together or walking together, I would 135 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:46,120 Speaker 4: never walk. 136 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 2: I would never I mean, I would work out in 137 00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,000 Speaker 2: the gym every day, but that would be it. I'd go, 138 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,560 Speaker 2: I'm very regimented. I'd go, I do this, I do that, 139 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,160 Speaker 2: I do the next thing. Stretch for eight seconds and 140 00:06:55,200 --> 00:07:00,240 Speaker 2: you're done. Now it's stretching much more important. And he's 141 00:07:00,360 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 2: taught me to be open minded, if I begrudgingly or not, 142 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 2: to try plates, and to try other things that are 143 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 2: not just what you do every day as a guy. 144 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 2: That's not how you grow up. 145 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 5: Martin, will you go to pilates with me? 146 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,160 Speaker 3: Yeah? 147 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:22,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, so soon? Oh man, I'm sorry. 148 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,840 Speaker 3: I'm going to save Martin for him asking a question 149 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 3: you a man answer. That's why I love the conversations 150 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 3: with friends and couples. I just love seeing the two 151 00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 3: of your respondent. 152 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 5: And speaking of loving and couples, Ayra, you said that 153 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 5: falling in love in your fifties is completely different than 154 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:45,000 Speaker 5: in your thirties. For any of our listeners out there 155 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,880 Speaker 5: finding love the second time around, what was the biggest 156 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 5: shift in how you approached love and partnership this time. 157 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 2: Well, I think it's a lot of different things. I 158 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 2: think you know as much about what you don't want 159 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 2: as about what you do, and finding someone that shares 160 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:08,080 Speaker 2: that and their outlook on life about that becomes the 161 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,920 Speaker 2: most important thing. And it's also at this stage, particularly 162 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 2: if you both decided you don't want to have children, 163 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,160 Speaker 2: it's just about each other. It's just about who do 164 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 2: you want to Tamsen as a phrase, you know, who 165 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 2: do you want to walk the earth with for the 166 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 2: rest of your life? And that's a serious but also 167 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 2: inspiring kind of a thing. And you got to want 168 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,160 Speaker 2: to do the same things, and you got to want 169 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 2: to live. That's sort of in the same way. I 170 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 2: love what she's doing. She knows what I do, and 171 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 2: we sort of come together every night and sometimes even 172 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 2: during the day about what's going on. And I think 173 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,000 Speaker 2: that sharing it is sort of the best part, and 174 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 2: you have to want to do that. 175 00:08:46,040 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 5: And Tamson, what would you say? 176 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 4: I would say that I think that, and I've said 177 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 4: this before, so I'm not saying it out of school 178 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,520 Speaker 4: with him here, Like, I don't know that I would 179 00:08:56,559 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 4: have picked Ira ten years ago, you know, because I 180 00:08:59,679 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 4: was like, I just want to go have fun and 181 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,360 Speaker 4: I had a different like look at how I was 182 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 4: doing things. I was wanting to be free and and 183 00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:07,839 Speaker 4: I be. 184 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,520 Speaker 5: But I think that was before menopause. 185 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:21,199 Speaker 1: Remember, yeah, I had the white horse, the white. 186 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 5: Like she did into this beautiful bald woman. Yeah, yeah, exactly, 187 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 5: there you go. 188 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 4: This is the after the pause. You know, I think 189 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:36,200 Speaker 4: that I have such an appreciation for authenticity, and I 190 00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 4: think I have an appreciation for like safety and for feeling, 191 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 4: you know, not afraid to allow somebody to care about 192 00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 4: me because I know who I am now and I 193 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 4: didn't before. So how could I barely loved myself? So 194 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:51,679 Speaker 4: how how would I believe that somebody else would? And 195 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 4: so I think that that's all come with this, Like 196 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:57,439 Speaker 4: I feel much stronger as a result of the relationship, 197 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 4: but as a result of what I've done in and 198 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:03,360 Speaker 4: out of the reallyationship. So and it's and it's easier, 199 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:07,160 Speaker 4: like it just feels easier, Like I uh, somebody's like, 200 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 4: are you in love? And I said, yeah, I'm in love. 201 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 4: But I also want to walk the world with him, 202 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,559 Speaker 4: like I want to, Like that's what I want to do. 203 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 4: And there's something visually nice about that, you know, that's 204 00:10:18,320 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 4: more meaningful than anything else. And so yeah, we got 205 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 4: I got remarried at fifty and I swore I was 206 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,680 Speaker 4: never going to do that again. And you know it 207 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 4: didn't take a lot of convincing. 208 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 2: I was the pursuer. You haven't figured that part, honored 209 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:39,960 Speaker 2: to be. 210 00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 3: But I love the relationship of that second chapter in 211 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,199 Speaker 3: life like I just I to see the two of 212 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:47,120 Speaker 3: you so clearly madly in love. And I are your 213 00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 3: phrase of you know, getting it right the second time 214 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,040 Speaker 3: and who you want to walk the earth with for 215 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 3: the rest of your days. 216 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:57,880 Speaker 1: Thank you for joining us. If you enjoyed today's conversation, subscribe, share, 217 00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,080 Speaker 1: and follow us on at my Legacy movement on social 218 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: media and YouTube. New episodes drop every Tuesday, with bonus 219 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 1: content every Thursday. 220 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,440 Speaker 2: At its core, this podcast. 221 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,640 Speaker 1: Honors doctor King's vision of the beloved community and the 222 00:11:13,679 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 1: power of connection. A Legacy Plus Studio production distributed by 223 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:22,760 Speaker 1: iHeartMedia creator and executive producer Suzanne Hayward co executive producer 224 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:26,160 Speaker 1: Lisa Lyle. Listen on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you 225 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:27,520 Speaker 1: get your podcasts.