00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear, but you're a guess to my home. You gotta come to be empty. And I said, no, guest, your presences presents enough. 00:00:31 Speaker 2: I already had too much stuff, So how did you dare. 00:00:36 Speaker 1: To surbey me? 00:00:48 Speaker 3: Welcome to, I said, no gifts. I'm, of course, Brigard Wineker, and I hope you're having a nice day. I hope that you know you didn't wake up this morning and have bread breakfast. And then your partner indicated that they heard some water running and you've ignored them, and then they took a shower and said, you know, the water pressure is very low. And then you finally investigated, only to find a pipe had been broken in the backyard and had been running continuously for over eight hours. And even if that happened, that's fine. You know, everything's eventually going to be fine and a little drying, a little here and there, everything will be okay. And you know, in the meantime you can be listening to this podcast episode because I'm very excited, so happy to have our guests here today, the one and only Tim Baltz. Tim, Welcome to. I said, no gifts. 00:01:46 Speaker 4: Thank you for having me. 00:01:48 Speaker 3: I'm so happy to see you. You know, it's been an interesting. 00:01:52 Speaker 4: Day, I hope. So that's not hypothetical that happened. 00:01:56 Speaker 3: That happened and is currently sort of happening to me, because you know, there was the panic, and there was the running around the yard and and then the turning off the water. So I haven't showered. You know, we're it's one pm. I'm filthy, but the water is at least shut off, and we're waiting for the person to come and look at it. And you know, I don't know have you ever dealt with this sort of water situation? 00:02:25 Speaker 4: What I've had definitely low pressure, but not being a homeowner usually I'll you know, I just kind of waited out. Sure, I've never had any kind of pressure about my water pressure. Right, you just want to qualify and say, I hope you're not trying to shower by one PM or before podcast recordings. 00:02:47 Speaker 3: Oh every Oh, trust me. I'm I don't care that there's a pandemic going on. I am ready to go by at least eleven am every day. Whatever it takes to maintain sanity. I've gone the opposite direction, are you just I mean, it's like showering every three weeks. What's the situation. 00:03:02 Speaker 4: No, I think usually it's just I try to get things done. I think I look at the day as like everything that I do today is you know, staving off panic, and it's going to make me dirty. So by five or six PM, I'm like, now, now's the time I prefer to refresh myself before I go to bed now, which is the opposite of my pre pandemic. 00:03:22 Speaker 3: Or two oh interesting, and wait, so the showers happening around five or six or right before bed five or six, okay, And I mean maybe you go to bed at six thirty, so you know, that's an interesting time. A late afternoon shower. 00:03:37 Speaker 4: I'd never been like that. I'd always been you know, first thing, first thing in the morning. But now I don't have anything to do to prepare for us. The big event is really and the thing that my fiance and I talk about all day long is dinner. So I'd rather get prepared for dinner. And then there was about a month or two where it was like, you're showering right as dinner is arting where you're with dinner. So that took about a month to course correct on that and. 00:04:06 Speaker 3: When is she still getting ready in the morning. 00:04:11 Speaker 4: She probably responds to the day a bit better than I do. I tend to, you know, dive into whatever the the controversies of the day are online and let that current take me where it must. 00:04:24 Speaker 3: So what is like a regular day right now for you? 00:04:27 Speaker 4: Regular day is I wake up. I usually kind of like get caught up on the news. I touch base with family, maybe a few friends. We trade some jokes or bits. Sure I'm laughing right now because I'm a bit stumped. I mean work on. 00:04:51 Speaker 3: Projects for it. Like nine you've just described everyone's up until nine and thirty, So nine thirty, this could drag on until about eleven. I usually eat, there's a walk, there's. 00:05:03 Speaker 4: Working out right there, lunch, you know, there's there's another coffee there. There's things like it's a typical day, checking things, making sure that projects are due and everything's taken care of, and I've corresponded with everyone. But then there's also just the general kind of I don't know, looking around at the world and wondering can I be doing anything else right now? 00:05:27 Speaker 3: Or between like one and four pm, That's where I start to feel guilty about not doing more to improve something, because I'm also not improving any of my personal situation. So I'm just like, what can I do with this time? But then we get to about three forty five, I'm out of energy and I have again not written a letter to voters. So it's you know, I'm doing everything I can or at least thinking about doing everything I can. 00:05:53 Speaker 4: Have you, do you feel like you've been able to be productive, like percentage wise? How is your product productivity been in pandemic versus pre pandemic. 00:06:03 Speaker 3: Oh, that's an interesting question. So for the first the pandemic, for the first three months, I had a job. I was writing on a show, and so that took up most of my day. And so transitioning from you know, early March until May, the pandemic didn't. I mean, of course, other outside of everything being absolutely horrible and terrifying at all times, my days were pretty normal. I had to wake up and get ready and sit in front of a computer and contribute to a job. And so by the time that we got around to May, I think everyone had adjusted to it, but I had not. Suddenly I was thrown in the deep end, and I felt like everybody else was like, oh, I know what to do with my days. And so there was probably six weeks, at least six weeks where I was just absolutely paralyzed. I did not do anything with my days. And then I finally adjusted and became productive enough. I started working on a little project, started doing little things here and there. But percentage wise, let's say a cool fifteen percent compared to normal. I would say, I. 00:07:13 Speaker 4: Really admire that honesty. That's both like admirable and devastating at the same time. 00:07:19 Speaker 3: Honesty as all we have right now, it really is. 00:07:23 Speaker 4: I had the same six weeks of kind of just sitting in a stupor and paralysis. Luckily, we had a project that we were kind of developing, so we got to touch base with that a few times, and then that kind of became the backdrop of productivity, right, and I weigh at other things, and then I just started counting other things as productivity, like setting up zoom calls and now being like, you know, what's this week's cocktail for this friend and it was surprised it was always a paloma. But yeah, I'd say fifteen percent was pretty fair for a long time. Definitely the first few months until I started to kind of allow myself. I'd remove some guilt. I was raised Catholics, so guilty, right, of course, it's practically a workout for me. 00:08:16 Speaker 3: Do you know what I mean? We do hear a lot about Catholics feeling guilt, but I truly feel if you're raised at least a Christian religion, I feel like, how have Catholics cornered the market on guilt? I'm feeling enormous amounts of guilt at all times. And what were you raised? Mormon? 00:08:35 Speaker 4: Ah? Okay, so is well, yeah, I don't know a ton about the Mormon religion, but I assume that there is some guilt and shame. 00:08:42 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, of course, NonStop. So I mean, congratulations, Catholics, you've monopolized guilt. It's the brand, and the rest of us are feeling guilty. I can't really speak to it. 00:08:56 Speaker 4: We got out there early. 00:08:58 Speaker 3: I certainly did on. 00:09:00 Speaker 4: Message for guilt and shame, but I definitely you know, it's a way to count calories for me with guilt and sham I'm like, oh, I feel too guilty. I shouldn't eat breakfast today. But I think once I got over those waves in the pandemic, I started to work a little bit more, I started to indulge. I think what's oddest comedians is that there's a certain amount of you know, silliness and play that you have to access in order to really get things done and in order to get to deeper and deeper levels that help unlock you know what, you think your particular voice is when you feel a certain amount of guilt or collective grief because of everything that's happening, it's naturally hard to access that, and then when you do access it, it feels so foreign. And then you have these like this fun house mirror of No, I shouldn't be feeling this right now. Wait, I'm feeling this, but I'm rusty at it. I don't know what to and then it disappears in your left stay it just one mirror of yourself, and you're like, well, this is quite sad. 00:10:03 Speaker 3: Yes, absolutely, no I had that guilt is so built into that when you're like, oh, I feel like being funny right now, but truly, nothing else in the world calls for being funny. 00:10:15 Speaker 4: Yeah, and then I'll allow myself like a couple you know, funny tweets a week or something like that, or like yeah, I'll tweet something that's kind of not reflecting on all the gloom and doom, and then one person will be like, I don't like this. Yeah, this person's right, this one. 00:10:31 Speaker 3: Person, there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. I Twitter has just become such a bizarre thing to exist on because on one level, you're like, I want to enjoy what I'm looking at here, but I also if anyone's listening to me, I want to scream, do something, try to help, I mean, and then of course it's just like it's any call for action on Twitter just feels meaningless. It all just feels I mean, everything's fine, everything, we're gonna get through this, but it's terrible. 00:11:06 Speaker 4: I hope that you're not deterred on Twitter. You're truly one of my favorite follows on Twitter. 00:11:10 Speaker 3: Oh that's so sweet. Well, I'm deeply, deeply deterred, and I'm trying to escape. I'm trying to get out of this trap. I finally, you know, I think it's a little maybe it's a little pad or try to compare social media to being addicted to cigarettes. But I truly, at this point now understand the mindset of someone who still smokes, where it's like, yes, I know it's bad for me, of course, but that doesn't mean I can stop doing it. It feels it's just an absolute trap. But I don't know how do you get rid of it? 00:11:43 Speaker 4: I'm not really sure. And I also think that that mindset is something that's like, yes, yes, I understand the risks, Like I'm half French, my mom is French, so smoking has always been I've never been able to smoke. I just cough too much, right, I've known a lot of French people that are just like, but why would I stop this pleasure like this, this, like the risks that you're speaking of won't determine me from this simple pleasure. Plus, look at how elegant and cool I loved them. Yeah. Actually you get to read that multiple times a day and everyone, what a gorgeous move. 00:12:20 Speaker 3: Wait, and so does your mom still smoke? 00:12:22 Speaker 4: Oh no, she never smoked. Oh okay, but I've known, like you know, family members and and friends over there that that still smoke, you know, and they it's there. Isn't this source of well again, shame. I think Americans always feel like, you know, we have to do everything bigger and better and stronger and faster and so there's and for good reason, like this big ad campaign that kind of helped change our minds about it, and laws that took them out of restaurants, and and I think in France it was just like, yes, well, of course it is not good for you, but you know it is still like a beautiful individual act that you can in these other places. And we shouldn't yell about these things. We should just all collectively understand this, which different understand like it's going to kill you. Man, It's like, I don't, you're trying to suppress me. Yeah. 00:13:18 Speaker 3: I think the difference between Twitter and cigarettes is that at least cigarettes make you look cool, like Twitter does not make anybody look cool. It makes it's all just look kind of pathetic. So maybe that's the edge. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, I've never I've never quite attached to Twitter. I've never the gears have never clicked for me. How long have you been on this nightmare? 00:13:43 Speaker 4: I guess since twenty twelve, maybe twelve, early twenty thirteen. And I would see people on it that would both do well and not do well, and it kind of threw the sense of reality that I had in my head off a little bit. Right. I think with any medium there's always a realignment of what your reality in person is. Yes, and sometimes that medium really clicks with you. Like one of my majors in college was communication, So you're always talking about like the temperature of a medium. Is it hot, is it cool? How does it like how does it affect the information being conveyed from the creator of the information to the receiver of the information. And there were certain you know, mediums that like, oh, it just clicks, like I get it. And with Twitter it was always like a little off. The gears are always kind of stripping with me, right, And I don't know why I check it. 00:14:49 Speaker 3: Actually, I'm wondering what you're getting out of this night. I mean, why are you still on it? Get off? 00:14:55 Speaker 1: Yeah? 00:14:55 Speaker 4: People say news, but I'm like, it doesn't it Like you said, it just reinforces what I all already kind of believe. Right, you know, I'm not going to read something and be like you know what, small government, high debt, no moral values while preaching family values is actually the way to go. 00:15:12 Speaker 3: I would love for you to fall into that trap. Did you hear about Tim? He was on Twitter and uh, yeah, it's an interesting and as a news source. Also, the fact that I'm getting the large majority of my news from comedians is probably not good either. I mean, I I don't know, don't. I don't even laugh at it. I don't. I'm rarely looking through Twitter and laughing, So you don't know. It's just like a nervous tick at this point. 00:15:43 Speaker 4: Yeah, what do your laughs look like when you're online? Is it like what counts as a ha haha? Noises do you make? 00:15:50 Speaker 3: I think it's a stoneface. Maybe maybe I blink. 00:15:56 Speaker 2: Uh. 00:15:59 Speaker 3: I would say that I laugh at something I see on the internet maybe every four months. 00:16:09 Speaker 4: Wow. 00:16:10 Speaker 3: The rest of the time, I mean, and it has to truly be something spectacular. I mean also a lot. I feel like all of my nerves are fried. And I mean, it takes a lot to make me laugh at anything. So I don't know. I mean, what makes you laugh right now? What are you enjoying that's actually funny? 00:16:28 Speaker 4: I think when a friend either surprises me or or says something to me that distills who who? Who? 00:16:39 Speaker 2: What? 00:16:39 Speaker 4: My experience of them has always been to its core. Oh interesting, I'm texting with someone recently. I think, now that I'm thinking about this is kind of the only place where I'm getting like hearty laughs because I'm not seeing anyone in person obviously any kind of zoom. The the cap on the bottle of life just like explodes off right. 00:17:03 Speaker 3: I interaction the humans. 00:17:07 Speaker 4: But I genuinely used to have a lot of that inside me pre pandemic, and I enjoyed being social despite the fact that I'm probably like an introvert extrovert. But I think if I'm texting with someone and they really surprise me, I definitely enjoy that. But if they say something that is so on brand for them, I'll laugh just because I'm like, ah, well, this person's not dead yet. 00:17:31 Speaker 3: Their essence still exists and is pure, and yeah, I think that will do it for me. And also the reverse if somebody like points out something about me that like, I don't think other people even realize. If they're able to get to my core and basically make fun of me, I like to be you know, criticized or badgered about my personal failings. There's something about that that's fair. It can be like make me feel like I'm being tickled or something, but otherwise, you know, I guess there's not a lot of funny things going on. I'll listen to Dear Joan and Jerich of the podcast. I don't know if you've ever heard of that. 00:18:17 Speaker 4: Yes, that will. 00:18:18 Speaker 3: It's insane, it's wild, but it's things like that that. It just pushed things as far as they possibly can go. And I think that's where my nerves are fried. 00:18:30 Speaker 4: I still Siso jokes have come back around. They're making me laugh. 00:18:34 Speaker 3: Oh good, Yeah, there was like you know, we started with the Siso jokes. It was funny that I was too much. I can see that cycle. I mean it's the same with Quibi, where it's like, give it a couple of years, making fun of Quibi or talking about it will be funny again. 00:18:49 Speaker 4: Yeah, And I'm not deterring people from making fun of Quibi. I think it's essential, but it's not funny yet. It has it has to fail. We have to to drive by the cemetery like four hundred times before you'd be like, hey, Quibi is buried there. Nice Now, yes, I forgot about that because I've driven by a four hundred times. 00:19:10 Speaker 3: Quick bites, big stories. Oh boy. Yeah, it's uh yeah, I don't know what to say. And now I want to go back to your half French. Do you speak French? 00:19:23 Speaker 4: Yeah, so I was raised, my mom raised my sister, and I'm bilingual. Oh wow, dual citizens as a result. 00:19:31 Speaker 3: Oh that's incredible. Do you spend much time in France? 00:19:34 Speaker 4: I've probably. I think, well, it's odd because we grew up in this town called Juliet, Illinois, which is like a pretty blue collar town. It's the antithesis of French culture. So it was just an odd It was an odd upbringing. My dad was born and raised there, and then my mom ended up there as a Montessori teacher. We would go. I think my grandparents in France would help us go visit. I found all this later. I was like, I only get one pair of shoes a year? How are we going to France every summer? Because I think my grandparents would like get our plane tickets and then we would stay in their apartment for. 00:20:14 Speaker 3: Oh right, right, Yeah, that makes a trip to Frances much easier. 00:20:19 Speaker 4: Yeah, it was. France has always been far more about family to us. But we were raised speaking French, and I think I kind of like rebelled against it because you just want to be normal when you're a kid. Starting around high school, I embraced it, and luckily I had remained fluent during that kind of like crappy you know, middle school year years. 00:20:39 Speaker 3: Right, And how does rebelling against speaking French? Look, what are you doing? You're just refusing to speak or read? 00:20:46 Speaker 4: Well, yeah, yeah, it's definitely that the way that you rebel against any parent based on what they like, and you just adopt a contrarian attitude. We definitely both went through phases like that, my sister and I. And then in high school I kind of started to embrace it again because I actually was in French classes in high school and then in college I didn't really know what to major in, and it turned out taking French classes was pretty easy for me. Just ellen and was like, oh, actually this is great. I get to learn things and study things in a way that I never had before. And so I ended up double majoring and that was one of them, and it was a great way to kind of like get in touch and deepen my you know, knowledge of like half of my history. Right. 00:21:37 Speaker 3: That's I'm so jealous, just the idea that to have a shortcut through French classes in high school would be wonderful. But I mean I. 00:21:45 Speaker 4: Had I had a more experience once. My teacher in high school was this lovely woman and we're up at the board and this is this is like a this is a grammar joke basically, so who knows, but I was. I was up at the board and you know, a few classmates are up there, and our teacher would give us a sentence in English and then we'd have to write it in French. This is like for second year French. And so I write down the sentence in French on the chalkboard and I turn around and she says, oh, Tim, we haven't learned the subjunctive yet. And I'm like, oh my god, I have exposed myself, like mocking me every writing in the present tense, and I've accidentally written the subjunction, which I don't even know, you fraud. I just I just like wrote something. I was a decent speller and I'd seen it enough and I wrote it down and it wasn't the present tense, and like it was like just devastating for probably a month of my life. I was like, I can't believe I did this. My class hates me. 00:22:55 Speaker 3: I've let everyone down down. 00:22:59 Speaker 4: It created an odd, this odd thing where I think I didn't want attention for that, right, I wanted to be so normal in this in this town where there was kind of homogenous culture, and yet at the same time, like I came out of it on the other side kind of with a depreciated value of that and had to kind of catch up on appreciating it in college. 00:23:23 Speaker 3: It's a little Peter Parker Spider Man sort of thing. 00:23:27 Speaker 4: Is that is that DC comics. 00:23:29 Speaker 3: That's a that's a Marvel That is a Marvel comic. And you know, I feel like Peter Parker, you know, is a high school student with extraordinary abilities and doesn't want to show off those extraordinary abilities. As far as I know, I may, I don't know that much about it. 00:23:46 Speaker 4: Now that that tracks. I was absolutely Spider Man, except I had some knowledge of the French subjunctive and appreciated it. 00:23:55 Speaker 3: Which is more of a superpower than Spider Man ever will have. And yeah, and you were in Colorado recently? Is that true? 00:24:05 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true. My fiance, Lily's mom lives there, and we kind of got out of town because the claustrophobia and the heat wave and the air he had. We usually go there once or twice a year. To visit. So we just took the opportunity to get out of town right and did your drive? Yeah, I drove twelve hours straight. 00:24:25 Speaker 3: Oh good grief. Yeah that's a long drive. 00:24:29 Speaker 4: I think I just have it in me because there's no driving happening. And I'm really like, wo. 00:24:34 Speaker 3: Just charged up your driving battery. 00:24:37 Speaker 4: I get seven hours into the drive and I'm like, wow, cool, we have five hours left. Now I feel tired. 00:24:45 Speaker 3: What are you doing on a Do you listen to music or you listening to podcasts? What's the situation there? 00:24:50 Speaker 4: We listen to some podcasts. Every time we've done it, We've listened to In the Bubble with Andy Slavitt. 00:24:54 Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know that podcast. 00:24:56 Speaker 4: It's great. He's a really good He's been a very good source of information during the pandemic, and it's it's really straight information, like here's what we know, here's what we don't know, and it's very about that. And all the guests kind of toe that line too. So with all the misinformation, all the and and hot takes, it's great to listen to something like that that just cuts right through gives you this stuff. He'll have people on, he'll ask them really tough questions, and they're brave enough to be like, I don't know. 00:25:31 Speaker 3: Oh, I love the sound if I don't know. For somebody to just admit that they don't have the information, Oh, why can't we have more of that? It feels and to say it feels incredible too, to not be putting up a front, to say no, it's I don't know everything. 00:25:48 Speaker 4: Isn't it interesting to have to be so confident all the time and gather up the courage to be like, not only am I going to have to lie and be confident right now, I have to back it up. 00:25:58 Speaker 3: With like fake, I'm going to have to keep making up information to bolster the fact that, oh, it's insane to me and everybody doesn't everyone. I mean, in just the last couple of years, I've finally come to the realization of how refreshing it feels to just be like, I don't know and then maybe learn the information. Maybe the person who say I don't know to will have more information to share with you. 00:26:21 Speaker 4: Maybe, oh, I don't know the answer to that? Does that make you feel good? 00:26:27 Speaker 3: I love it, I absolutely love it. Everybody needs to be saying I don't know once a day. Because there are plenty of things we don't know. And that's fine. I mean the amount of stuff I don't know it's horrifying. I barely knew how to turn off the water at my house. The other day I lost a piece of chicken. I've just been alerted that I left it in the microwave for about four days. So you know, I might also just be describing some sort of mental breakdown. I just want people to say I don't know more and something I don't Actually, this is a beautiful segue, beautiful segue. Here we go, Tim, I don't know why you decided to come on my podcast. I said no gifts, and then yesterday come by my house and holding what appears to be well, it's a little brown bag and it has a cart on it that says bridge or there's some blue tissue coming out of it. Tim, is this a gift for me? 00:27:29 Speaker 4: I disobeyed you. I purchased a gift. I dropped it off at your house after you mistakenly gave me your address. 00:27:38 Speaker 3: You need to stop doing that. But you know, it's just the people say what's your address? And I don't want to say I don't know, And so I'm telling them, I'm giving it out all over the place, and eventually it's gonna the chickens are gonna What is it, The chickens are going to come to roost? Is that a phraise or something. I'm on the right track here. Come home toos, come home to roost. It's not the roosters are coming home to roost. It's the chickens are going to come home to roost. I believe. 00:28:05 Speaker 4: Yeah, Well, maybe the roosters are in the roost and the chickens are like, Okay, I've had my time. It's time to settle down at the roost. With all this information I've picked up on the outside world. 00:28:19 Speaker 3: It's just occurring to me that the roost a rooster is named after the roost or is the roost there because the roosters live there? 00:28:29 Speaker 4: I can confidently say I don't know that either. 00:28:31 Speaker 3: This is now a quiz show. 00:28:34 Speaker 4: A quiz show. Who has the confidence to say I do not know about these quiz questions? 00:28:40 Speaker 3: The person that has no points at the end of the game wins because they said I don't know. Tim back to the gift. Do you want me to open this now or should I wait till later. 00:28:52 Speaker 4: Think you should open this now. 00:28:53 Speaker 3: Okay, I put the microphone in this stand. 00:28:56 Speaker 4: This is a bonding opportunity for us. I hope. 00:28:59 Speaker 3: I hope so too. I hope that this doesn't divide us further than we already are. I'm going to open the card. 00:29:05 Speaker 5: Here. 00:29:07 Speaker 3: See here, Oh, nicely sealed and everything. This is really professionally done. Let's see here. Oh this is so there's a Oh. There are two sides of this. There's one side you wrote on, and on the other side there's some there's a little uh poem or something. 00:29:24 Speaker 4: These are some thank you cards that I picked up years ago. I really I wish this weren't true, but I I if I see a paper store, I always go in and I have to buy little notebooks. 00:29:35 Speaker 3: I think that's great to have different unique types of paper to write on and that kind of thing. 00:29:40 Speaker 4: It's I don't know why it just became this thing where I like, I see little notebooks, I'm like, oh, buy that, and then I never use them. In my fiance every two months is like you need to get rid of these, and then every three months is like, can I borrow another notebook? 00:29:55 Speaker 3: Well, I'm going to read the side you wrote first, it says Bridger, my dear friends already know, but I simply can't give a gift without allow zoo poem. Is that how you pronounce it? Allows zoo too? 00:30:05 Speaker 4: Yeah? 00:30:06 Speaker 3: Quote attached. And although you said no gifts, please accept this offering from one fair skinned man to another, Excuse me, I have a deep rich tan, I would say, uh, well, actually I don't even know a word for another word for tan. So we were meant for higher latitudes after all. Very true, tim okay. And then the quote on the back says, kindness in words creates confidence, Kindness in thinking creates profoundness, Kindness in giving creates love. Wonderful. 00:30:40 Speaker 4: I really I must have bought these at a time where I was going through obviously an even more earnest phase. Yes, And then every time I look at them to write a card, I'm like, oh, I can't do this unless it's an obvious joke. I can do this. 00:30:54 Speaker 3: Is this is a lot to give somebody? It also feels mildly passive aggressive. I should have just if that had just been the gift, how thrown would you be? Right now? We would have a long like thirty minutes in front of us. I would just go over the color of the text. I would go word by word, and I would drag you through it. I absolutely drag you through this. 00:31:19 Speaker 4: Well, wait till you get to the gift. 00:31:21 Speaker 3: You'll let me open this up here, and it says something on the side, but I'm not maybe Sumi's. 00:31:27 Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know what that is. I just found you know, you have a bag full of right, right, Okay. 00:31:33 Speaker 5: Let's open it near the microphone. I like doing this, okay, pulling it out. Okay, it just feels like something I could drop and break, So I'm gonna be very careful here opening opening. 00:31:47 Speaker 3: Oh what is this? This is sunscreen. 00:31:53 Speaker 4: It's for babies. It's baby sunscreen. 00:31:56 Speaker 3: You've given me two bottles of sunscreen. This is actually incredible. 00:32:00 Speaker 4: Did some research a couple of months ago, and my fiance and I switched to baby sunscreen because it's proven as less chemicals. 00:32:09 Speaker 3: Yes, why what are the chemicals doing for adults? Why what's the point of putting them in for adults? 00:32:15 Speaker 4: I think it's well, I think you know, any any industry that's not regulated enough or you know, barely regulated, can get away with all sorts of things. But I think that sunscreen for babies is obviously we must protect our children. A fellow Qan, I believe you are just like me, but I think that there's more liability for children's sunscreen and so oh. 00:32:39 Speaker 3: What a horrible world would live in. 00:32:44 Speaker 4: But anyway I was thinking, I was like, oh, you know, I have I had a handful of gift ideas and I'm like, well, Britard and I are both fair skinned people living in California. I should I should share this wisdom with him. I don't want to see him sunburned someday online. 00:32:58 Speaker 3: That would be the worst. 00:33:00 Speaker 4: We're on the strawberry blonde to redhead spectrum, you know, yes, is it. 00:33:05 Speaker 3: Have you struggled with sunburns in the past. 00:33:08 Speaker 4: Yeah, I definitely did, and I certainly struggled from the bad information that was out there. Like I would have people if I was sunburned as a kid, you know, they'd be like, you just got to get one good one out of the way early in the summer, right, And I probably had one summer in my life where I was you know, Tan, that's way more than me. God knows how much permanent damage I did to myself that summer. 00:33:36 Speaker 3: Of course it's a I until you're an adult. I mean really as a kid, I think growing up in the nineties, there was an enormous amount of pressure to be tan. I don't know if you felt that at all, but like in Utah, if you weren't tan, you were it was humiliating. But like for me, like it's just literally not a physical reality for I am the whitest person roaming the earth. 00:34:00 Speaker 4: Oh, I'm just trying to limit redness, right. I would just roast like a beat and then have to spend like three or four days just almost purple yes and in terrible pain until like my skin would peel. And I would see other people going through this like willingly, like this is the point. You just got to get that one layer off your body. 00:34:25 Speaker 3: You just literally have to burn part of your body off before you can get to the next layer of whatever damage is going to be done. Yeah, I mean, I would say probably until I was twenty, I was not protecting myself from the sun. You know, I was not putting on sunscreen. I mean unless my mom, like when I was a kid, and she would take me to swim lessons or whatever and was forcing sunscreen on me. The rest of the time, I was just running around getting just absolutely radiated at all times. 00:34:52 Speaker 4: And you think, like, oh, you know, everyone kind of had farmer tans because they have shirts on at some point or but almost never cover my face. 00:35:00 Speaker 3: No, of course not. 00:35:02 Speaker 4: So you went from Utah? Where did you live in between Utah and Los Angeles? 00:35:07 Speaker 3: So I went to college in Utah, and then I interned for David Letterman, and so I lived in New York for like five months, and then moved back to Utah and then almost just stayed there and gave up on my dreams, but then made the what was probably a bad idea, the decision to move to Los Angeles with no connections whatsoever, and then spent like a solid I probably spent five years just in absolute hell before things started to move along for me. So but yeah, then I lived in New York for a year. I've been in LA for like ten years now, So there was one year in between when I worked on Kimmis Schmid that I was living in New York. 00:35:48 Speaker 2: Oh. 00:35:48 Speaker 4: Nice, I spent one year in New York too, I thought you some more time in New York. Oh just one year? Yeah, one hellish year of my life God bless New York. Of course it was. It was so difficult. But it was also in between my time in LA But I live in Chicago for ten years. And I think people in general, because summer is shorter, we just didn't think of sunscreen. 00:36:11 Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, you have like two months where you're getting sunburned and the rest of the time you're not worried about it. You're bundled up. 00:36:18 Speaker 4: And I had a day job, and then you know I was hitting those dirty improv streets at night. Oh sure, right. 00:36:25 Speaker 3: And I guess the other thing is, I mean I'm just naturally more indoors because most of my interests lie indoors, you know, watching television, sitting around reading books, sitting around playing video games. There aren't a lot of things to draw me outside. Oh also, I should mention just sitting on the computer. That's another one of the activities I pursue. So there wasn't a lot of it. And then you'd go to summer camp, or you'd like the boy Scouts would take you out on the boat and then you're suddenly truly like a deep purple paralyzed on your bed for like a day. I would get sunsickness. It was horrible. 00:37:00 Speaker 4: Oh when I moved out here, that's what really put me on high alert, because I would just casual walking around, like i'd walk to get a coffee in the sun just you know. I don't mean to sound so cool and confident about this, but in La the sun it hits different. 00:37:20 Speaker 3: God, but it really did. 00:37:23 Speaker 4: I would like, in two days of just like walking three blocks to get a coffee and back to my new apartment, I was looking at myself. I'm like, oh my god, this is I look flushed all the time. So again, God knows how much permanent damage I did before that realization. 00:37:39 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean this morning, running around the yard without a shirt on and a panic trying to fix the water situation. It's like, oh, I haven't felt the sun on my body like this in a long time. This is I'm going to get sunburned. So this is a very I mean, I should have lathered up in sunscreen before trying to solve the flooding situation this morning, but you know, desperation and that sort of thing. But yeah, sunburns are absolutely the worst thing. And I also get cold source if I get sunburned, so there's no good situation for me. 00:38:12 Speaker 4: Oh my yeah, that's so you have to be on high alert. 00:38:15 Speaker 3: Absolutely high alert at all times. But you know, I mean, who knows what I would look like right now if during my childhood had used some sort of sunscreen I would probably look like I'm nine years old right now, just a perfect person. Yeah, I don't know. And we've also just learned that you and I lived in the same neighborhood for how long have you been in that apartment? Four years? 00:38:45 Speaker 4: Wow? I think four years? So we were I mean we were half a block away. 00:38:49 Speaker 3: From Yes, we were there for three years, and we somehow never cross paths. And I'm always out walking about, fooling around in the neighborhood, and I wonder, isn't that strange? Isn't that odd? 00:39:04 Speaker 4: Sure, maybe we did see each other, you know, I passed by Vinoteca and you're getting another splash at the bar. 00:39:12 Speaker 3: I wish just splash. 00:39:14 Speaker 4: No, no, I don't want just as splash please. 00:39:17 Speaker 3: I wanted to just be a splash on the sides of the cup. 00:39:22 Speaker 4: I thought about this after we made that connection that we lived half a block away. Are you watching the vow on HBO? 00:39:28 Speaker 3: Of course? Okay, so yes, I know what you're about to say, but please share. 00:39:34 Speaker 4: So they when they're filming, when Mark and Bonnie are filming a lot of their scenes in twenty sixteen twenty seventeen, they are on the roof of the building that they live in that is don Vermont, right off of Finley, in. 00:39:48 Speaker 3: That crazy looking building. 00:39:50 Speaker 4: Yeah, and overlooking that temple and you see it all the time. And I the first I mean, in the first episode, I'm like, this is weird. These people look familiar, probably because they were running around with camera crews about Nexium, going to all the breakfast places getting coffees. I'm like, you know, what is this. This guy's got a weird energy. And again, you know, a stop clock is right twice a day, but if two dozen times during the day, I'm like, this guy feels like he's been in a cult before. I was probably right twice a day about market. 00:40:25 Speaker 3: I mean, in Los Angeles, every sixth person gives that energy. So but you probably have interacted with Mark and Bonnie. You're probably in the background of the vow for all we know, you're a character on this documentary. But they live in that striking building. I mean it looks like it's out of the Royal Tenenbaumbs or something. It's like, but then you see the inside and it's like, oh, this is not quite as charming as I as the outside would tell you. But it's strange that they were just blocks away. 00:40:56 Speaker 4: Do you think you had seen them in the neighborhood. 00:40:59 Speaker 3: I let's just say I had. I mean, you know, I've had various interactions with people. The one big documentary this is a different documentary shock that I had was in college. I was in a math class taught by this woman, Teresa Colly, who I thought was a little odd, but not odd enough to set off any alarms. But I thought, there's something going on here. The way she dresses, the way she speaks, the way she speaks about her living situation, something's going on. Excellent math professor. By the way, I'm very bad at math, and she managed to help, but there's kind of a robotic, old fashioned way of her speaking. And then flash forward several years later. I'm sitting on my futon in my studio apartment in Los Angeles watching a show called Polygamy USA on National Geographic which was wonderful. It's probably one am in the morning, and I gasped because there on the screen is Teresa Colley. She's part of this giant polygamy cult. She's like kind of a crusader for them. She's out there, you know, speaking about whatever they were an off split. Do you remember Warren Jeff's Yeah, of course, yeah, her her polygamous colony or what happy was that? Like the the they split off from his and they were kind of the sect that I guess follow that wasn't doing illegal or doing less illegal behavior. But she's, you know, she's part of this thing. I mean, it was shocking there's Teresa here. I am in Los Angeles, still not that good at math, and it was a huge revelation. So and now you know, I'm in a neighbor or formerly a neighborhood with Mark and Bonnie who who knows what happened with those two. I mean, their whole situation is so odd. I mean, they're making the documentary while leaving the cult, and they. 00:42:51 Speaker 4: Do not seem happy. Bonnie seems distraught. Oh yeah, Mark seems like he's he's on this. He's done a slightly different autopilot that he's been on the entire time. My suspicion with them, and I don't mean to spread rumors, but I guess I must is that I don't think that they're together. I think they're pretending to be together. Bonnie seems deeply unhappy, and Mark seems I. 00:43:13 Speaker 3: Would absolutely believe that. I mean, I think at this point they're probably just hanging on to each other in order to make it out of this cult and find fame. I mean, we'll stay together for far less, far far less people will stay together to share a car, so, you know, to get out of a cult and find your own. Premium docusaries on HBO. I would say, in a marriage for seventy five years, we haven't watched the latest episode. I'm just going to be honest. The vow we've stretched it a little thin. 00:43:49 Speaker 4: I completely agree. I think that each episode gets slower and slower, and I think they could have condensed all this into half the amount of episodes. 00:43:59 Speaker 3: So absolutely. I mean, first of all, we're starting with a cult leader who is deeply boring to begin with, I mean, the most average slub that's ever existed, So it's not like we're getting a lot of compelling footage of him outside of him kissing everyone on the lips, like in the volleyball league or whatever. But then what else is going on? It's like, yeah, it's like a multi level marketing scheme. 00:44:20 Speaker 4: Every time to like footage from a workshop or some kind of like conference or something, it's just a word solid of like, so are you feel like you're a victim right now? It sounds like you're blaming again, but really the problem is you cut to shocked faces of suburban people that are like, I'm the problem. 00:44:40 Speaker 3: A bunch of scarves we bought at the party store? And where is Mark? Is that his name? Wait? No, what is the co leader's name? Randy Keith Keith? Randy not Randy Keith. 00:44:51 Speaker 4: Rin near Vanguard? 00:44:54 Speaker 3: Vanguard? Is he in prison? 00:44:57 Speaker 2: That? 00:44:57 Speaker 4: I don't know. That's another reason why I wish they'd dropped all these episodes, like just I don't want to have to go on and be like, is Vanguard in prison? 00:45:07 Speaker 3: Of course not. I need that information as quickly as we can get it. 00:45:11 Speaker 4: I think Vanguard and Proctor deserve to be in prison. 00:45:13 Speaker 3: Wait, remind me who Procter is? 00:45:16 Speaker 4: Nancy? 00:45:17 Speaker 3: Nancy? That's right? And then there's also the the what's her name Kelly Mack or Susan mac Ali Mack, Ali Mack, Ali Mack who I mean, the people falling all over themselves to get in touch with this person who is like a recurring star on a CW show is so wild to watch. She was no buddy, what are we talking about? 00:45:40 Speaker 4: That's that's Bridger in twenty twenty saying that Bridger in two thousand and six would have kissed Alice in Mack's feet. 00:45:47 Speaker 3: Their chance, I would have. I would have kissed Vanguard's lips. I mean, I think we all would have. 00:45:53 Speaker 4: Is absolutely eyes wide open. Hello, Vanguard. 00:46:00 Speaker 3: If a stranger kisses you on the lips, do not buy whatever they're selling. I mean, whatever is happening there is immediately that the red flag is just waving in your face. I don't understand what's going on with people. 00:46:14 Speaker 4: Yeah, the attraction to this guy who really isn't saying much of anything and is clearly like a like one of those like adult recovering dorks social situation you should think recovering. That's true. Active he's found himself outside of the kind of social hierarchies that had clearly like not given him any of the attention or claim that his ego thought he warranted and then he's like a thirty five or forty. He's surrounded by all these people and he's acting like a junior high kid passing notes to like four different women at the same time. I know, like the multi level marketing scheme was his love life. 00:46:59 Speaker 3: Yeah, totally was. I mean his like a sex master life, the whole collateral thing. It's so crazy. 00:47:08 Speaker 4: My favorite part of like people making fun of the vow is going on on Twitter. Actually, this is something. This is very much made me laugh anytime people are like this, like this shitthead thinks he's good at volleyball. I kick his ass at volleyball. I am here for people saying that they would kick Keith ran Near's ass at volleyball. The one thing that people are like, I'm going to go online and talk about how this guy looks like he sucks at volleyball. Okay, he's a sex cult leader, but yeah, he sucks at volleyball. 00:47:41 Speaker 3: The crazy thing about the volleyball and Twitter is that for literally years on Twitter, about once a week I was tweeting about having a volleyball team and like they're being a conspiracy to the highest levels of the volleyball team. I'm telling people there's I can see through the veil. I can see I have some connection to the future because I like when this documentary started airing, I had a couple of friends text me about it. I was like, oh, I should look at those old tweets. I basically wrote the vowel it's so weird to look at there's all of the I don't know, but it also goes to show that, you know, adult volleyball is just kind of an interesting thing going on. 00:48:26 Speaker 4: I have a Utah question for you. 00:48:27 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I love a Utah question. 00:48:30 Speaker 4: Have you ever been to Colorado City? I forget that. 00:48:33 Speaker 3: Oh I have not, but that's where the Warren Jeff's thing was going on, right, Yes, have you been there? 00:48:42 Speaker 4: Yeah? So one of the routes that we take to visit Lily's mom in Colorado goes through Colorado City. Oh, it's just one of the most it's one of the most bizarre, spooky places. 00:48:54 Speaker 3: Of course, the whole thing is the entire colts yearning for Zion I think is their name. 00:49:01 Speaker 4: Yeah, and they they so they have this tax loophole in whether it's Utah, Arizona, where if you're still currently building a house, you can write it off for tax credits. 00:49:10 Speaker 3: Huh. 00:49:11 Speaker 4: So like like seven out of eight houses in this town are just boarded up in quotes under construction. 00:49:19 Speaker 3: Oh, it's this. 00:49:21 Speaker 4: Odd ghost town where clearly no work is being done on earth, still using it as a tax right off. And then they have these huge mansions with like ten cars in all these wives. And if you drive through as a man, they'll follow you. 00:49:36 Speaker 3: Have you been followed? 00:49:39 Speaker 4: I haven't because Lily and I always. 00:49:41 Speaker 3: Go together, so I don't care. 00:49:42 Speaker 4: Okay, sure I'm coupled off. I'm not. You're not a threat, to be honest, Like, look at me. I'd probably be inoffensive to them for a while. 00:49:51 Speaker 3: Oh you are. You would dominate a polygamoust community. You would, no man, They the men in a polygamous community are some of the ugliest human beings on the planet. I think I can say that safely that there. I mean, I don't know that there's ever been a good looking polygamist man, at least within like these fundamentalist Mormon communities. They are deeply ugly people. 00:50:14 Speaker 4: But Lily's her stepdad and his dad. They've driven through and they've been followed that is terrifying. Yeah, I've always wanted to visit. I played this video game Resident Evil in about two thousand and four, where you go into a little like village that is secretly evil people, And I always picture of Colorado City is essentially that with a bell tower and you get there and suddenly someone has a chainsaw and you're running for your life. But I feel like it's the more you're being chased by somebody in a like nineteen ninety eight suburban, Yeah, hoping that like whatever, you know, woman in their life that they've kind of brainwashed doesn't make a run for it and jump in your backs, right. 00:50:57 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:50:57 Speaker 3: So Polygamy USA was they splinter group from Colorado City and I think they lived nearby there. 00:51:06 Speaker 4: And wow, was that something that was kind of prominent when you're growing up in Utah that people are talking about it? Or is it just kind of like fall into background noise of daily life and you. 00:51:16 Speaker 3: Know, maybe somewhere in between. You would see polygamists pretty often. I mean they're easy to spot because they look like they just stumbled off of a wagon, and like if you're at Walmart or something, you would see like, you know, a woman who looks like she lives on the prairie with like fourteen children who you know, are do not look like the who look like their parents are related, blood related. And so you would see that pretty often. And it was always like a I don't want to say, a fun site, but it was always an odd thing to see. And you know, it was probably a couple times a month I would see polygamists. I mean, we had at least one polygamist that went to our high school. Her name was sir. But yeah, I think the further south you get in Utah, the more polygamists you see, because that's where it becomes kind of really deserty and remote. 00:52:12 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true. The remoteness is kind of key to keeping people separated from any other. 00:52:18 Speaker 3: Way of life, right right, gorgeous country, beautiful, the absolutely most beautiful. And so that's the one thing they're doing right, these polygamists is they've gotten out into the red rock. But they're you know, they're wearing their old fashioned gear and I can't imagine they're comfortable or happy at any point. 00:52:39 Speaker 4: No, and they resist change. They could be in more comfortable clothes, of. 00:52:42 Speaker 3: Course, throw some shorts on these women. Have a pair of jeans under their dress. I mean, oh, it's wild really, Oh yeah, I mean it covered from head to toe. It's a wild, wild thing. I mean, you know there's the show, what is that Ravo show or whatever, Sister Wives that's a more moderate take on polygamy that like they kind of live normal lives. The more of the polygamists that well, I guess I would have never noticed the Sister Wives type people because they kind of look like normal people. The ones you would notice are these ones that you know, are like in a prairie dress and they're they've got a giant wave for hair and like a braid going down their back. 00:53:24 Speaker 4: Now are you are you a Utah? 00:53:27 Speaker 2: You know. 00:53:29 Speaker 4: Utah and Utah. 00:53:32 Speaker 3: Like as far as Uh being from. 00:53:34 Speaker 4: Utah, Yeah, how do you how do you try to get. 00:53:37 Speaker 3: I think I guess you would say a Utah And there's no easy way to say that. We've got to get like a a harder consonant on the end, so we can transition to an Ian or a like a Utahian or Utani or tell me that might be something Uton's look into. But right now you just add N to the H. And it's very confusing. I don't know that I've ever seen that spelled out. But it's not a good looking word. 00:54:05 Speaker 4: It's not fluid on paper or or to the ear. What do you call somebody from Illinois Illinoian? So that's another struggle. Yeah, it's yeah, it's not a LINEI no, yeah, I think it's Illinoian. 00:54:21 Speaker 3: Illinoian. That sounds like, I don't know, that's an odd word. 00:54:27 Speaker 4: People. Usually within Illinois, you would never use that designation for yourself, and I guess that's true for other states too, But you definitely conjugate like the town that you're from, right, Cargo in, but that flows. 00:54:39 Speaker 3: That's really yeah, Chicago in and that's uh, you're a Joliettian. 00:54:44 Speaker 4: Jolietin. People disrespect Joliette so much. I'm not used to it. I'm still when I got to Chicago, went to college in Chicago, and someone for the first time I was, you know, eighteen or nineteen, Someone's like, oh. 00:54:58 Speaker 3: Yeah, the joy lit and like toilet. It's like a happy toilet. 00:55:04 Speaker 4: I think they mean the opposite, but it. 00:55:07 Speaker 3: Was a joke on I thought this was just somebody mispronouncing Juliet But they're calling it a toilet, christfully putting it down. I'm so sorry you're from a toilet. Had I known, I would have not asked you on the podcast. 00:55:21 Speaker 4: But you know, it was it was an odd thing to hear. I genuinely love my hometown, I really do. I understand why people criticize it, but I genuinely love it, so I was. It was a It was like stepping into an alternate reality, like an episode of Sliders, where the only difference is that people like disrespect your own. 00:55:40 Speaker 3: The biggest change of all I feel like it's time to play a game. 00:55:44 Speaker 4: Yes, please? 00:55:44 Speaker 3: Do you want to play a gift or a curse? Or do you want to play gift Master? 00:55:47 Speaker 2: Oh? 00:55:48 Speaker 3: I'll tell you about what it is once we start playing. You have to just pick on name alone, gift Master. Okay, give me a number between one and ten. 00:55:58 Speaker 4: Six. 00:55:59 Speaker 3: Okay, I have to do some calculating. Right now, you have the microphone. I want you to promote something. I want you to recommend something. I want you to say whatever you feel like saying, and I'll be right back. 00:56:07 Speaker 4: Great, okay, right now. Righteous Gemstone Season one is streaming on HBO or HBO Max. I don't understand the tears of their new pricing system. But I think there's more content than ever on all of their apps, which you can access through your iPhone, your iPad, and your Apple TV or your computer. And that season is streaming for free once you pay for the subscription, so I'd suggest checking that out. There's an old show called Shrink which streams on the NBC app. That is fun. Let's see. Oh, recently I watched some episodes of Bob's Burgers. Not affiliated with that, but love that show. I've really enjoyed watching that show. Boy, I should have had a list to prepare for for all these promotional suggestions. I guess, Oh, well, I'm a huge Tom Petty fan. I'd suggest listening to Tom Petty albums. You know everyone's going to go to Wild Flowers because it's the most celebrated, and then you know they'll probably go to Damn the Torpedoes or Full Moon Fever. I'd suggest getting over the hump of some of those greater albums and going to Long After Dark, which was released in nineteen eighty two. Bridger can attest him wearing a T shirt celebrating that album right now. That and you're going to get it from nineteen seventy eight, or probably the least celebrated albums in his kind of career. But they are really cohesive albums, and front to back are just a great Listen. Bridger has this what kind of space right now? I can't tell if he's doing a researcher, if he's just in shock that this is where I would go with. 00:57:58 Speaker 3: I'm sorry that actually took long, longer than even longer than normal, but I felt like you did some good self promotion, You did some promotion for other things on all good things, you know, I Righteous Gemstones. It's just absolutely wonderful and you're truly a highlight on it. So if people haven't watched Righteous Gemstones, watch it. 00:58:15 Speaker 4: Oh thank you, especially, you know, given the religious undertones or overtone talk so far, it's definitely apropos. 00:58:23 Speaker 3: And I assume a second season will eventually be produced. 00:58:27 Speaker 4: We were two days into filming it when the plug got pulled because of COVID. 00:58:31 Speaker 3: What an absolute disaster were you shooting it in North Carolina, South Carolina, South Carolina? Okay? Two days unbelievable. 00:58:40 Speaker 4: Two days we had filmed one We've I had filmed one scene with my character with Judy, who's played by Edie Patterson. She's so funny, so funny, a force of nature on that show. She writes on it too. I just yeah, I can't speak highly enough of that show and the cast and the experience. It's it's it's just really great. They also kind of sit outside of the you know, that whole crew of Danny McBride, Jody Hill, David Gordon Green. They sit outside the industry. 00:59:09 Speaker 3: Yes, I mean they do all of their work in South Carolina, right, I mean the writing and everything. 00:59:14 Speaker 4: All of their work, and I think as a result they both get affirmed and kind of denied for being outside of the kind of industry, right bubble, And so it was as a fan of their work, it was cool to see the season do really well and people in town talk about it a lot. 00:59:34 Speaker 3: Oh it's spectacular. 00:59:36 Speaker 4: Yeah, it was fun. 00:59:37 Speaker 3: Okay, Well, you've got two days of shooting, so who knows when you'll finish it. But eventually that show will be done and people will be able to watch another season. 00:59:46 Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, probably, I don't know. Late twenty twenty one, early twenty. 00:59:50 Speaker 3: Two, grap Okay, well, everybody, you've got the recommendations. It's time to play this game, Tim. I'm going to give you three gifts, three potential items to give as gifts, and three celebrities who you have to give them to, and then you'll tell me who and why. That makes sense? Right? Did I explain that clearly? Maybe not. 01:00:09 Speaker 4: I'm generous, I'm steeped in celebrity culture. I'm ready to go. 01:00:12 Speaker 3: Okay. The three gifts you'll be giving are in visi line, a haunted typewriter, and a subscription to Title. Title, we, of course know is the music streaming service owned by I believe jay Z Title T I D A L. You have to do some clarifying there, because I don't know that anyone. I don't even know that it may or may not exist at this point. But that's fine. You'll be giving a subscription to Title and you're going to be giving it to these three people. The three people are Oh, I've got to get a better system here. This is just very difficult for me to look at. I could plug another time. Petty on oh, we didn't even talk about Tom Petty. But I can't get back off track here. 01:01:01 Speaker 1: You going, uh? 01:01:02 Speaker 3: Oh, Daniel Steele? Okay, So that's a you know, noted author, Daniel Steele, Oksana by Yule now you may remember her figure skater from years past. And finally we have we've got none other than Where Did It Go? I'm so sorry to everyone listening, but you know this is just extended time you get to listen to the podcast, and who could ask for more? I truly have lost it. I'm just gonna have to pick one at random here, one of the Hemsworths. That's what I wrote down, So you just get to pick a Hemsworth. And uh so we've got Oksana by Juell, one of the Hemsworths, and Danielle Steele. 01:01:45 Speaker 4: And for the Hemsworths, there's Liam and Chris. 01:01:48 Speaker 3: As far as I know, there are at least two. 01:01:50 Speaker 4: At least two. 01:01:51 Speaker 3: There's probably a third that feels bad that we always forget about him. But what are you gonna do? Well, he's gotta he's got to step it up. 01:02:00 Speaker 4: He does. Liam's the one that was with Miley Cyrus. 01:02:04 Speaker 3: Oh that sounds right. Chris Hamsworth I believe is the superhero. 01:02:09 Speaker 4: Yeah he's there. Okay, okay, okay, well all right, let me start with Daniel Steele. I think the obvious choice would be to give her a hunted typewriter see what happens. But I would rather give Daniel Steele in visi line and have her write about in visi line visil line to Danielle Steel kind of you know, little Fish story out of her. 01:02:37 Speaker 3: Oh. I think Daniel Steele has eleven eleven novels about in visi line in her. 01:02:42 Speaker 4: Can you imagine like the tortured, like you know, suburban moms and husbands having torrid affairs having to like gingerly take out there in vis a line before they make, you know, like secret love. 01:02:55 Speaker 3: I want to see one of those book covers where everyone looks absolutely except for they're clearly wearing in visile line or. 01:03:03 Speaker 4: They're halfway through taking it out, but bodies are just so hot. 01:03:08 Speaker 3: There's just the drool going down the man's chest. It's a I think that's a whole a whole genre waiting to happen. 01:03:16 Speaker 4: Yes, he fumbled his invisile line trays and they fell in front of her. She said, Uh, don't be ashamed. I'm wearing some right now. They're locked eyes. 01:03:31 Speaker 3: That way home from the visile line retailer. 01:03:35 Speaker 4: So I'll give I'll give Danielle Steele, I'll give her INVISI beautiful. I'll give Liam Hemsworth title because clearly he needs music in his life because he doesn't have Miley anymore. 01:03:51 Speaker 3: Well, and he's kind of the title of the Hemsworth family. I mean, Liam, if you're listening, I'm sorry, but I mean, well, actually the guy. I mean, if there's a third brother, and I know you're out there, you're really the title. But for the purposes of this podcast, we'll just call Liam the title. 01:04:08 Speaker 4: Assuming that there's only two. A very costly corporate mistake goes to Liam Hemsworth that's been forced onto all of us despite the fact that we've said we don't want it. We already have enough streaming service, so that's very fitting, I think. And then the haunted typewriter goes to Oxana biol so that she can just go off and riff because she's had an extraordinary life. Oh yeah, I mean at it since the Olympics. Yeah, I mean, what's been going on with Oxana? 01:04:40 Speaker 3: She's got to I mean, she's got at least one book that this haunted typewriter can help her get written. And then who knows what happens from there. Maybe she starts writing threatening letters to old competitors, or maybe it possesses her and she becomes a typewriter. I mean, there's so much that can happen with this woman in her life. I mean, she was one of our biggest I'll say it is what the biggest stars on Earth. 01:05:04 Speaker 4: It seems like I'm sniffing out a fellow ice skating. 01:05:11 Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely. You know, between the years of nineteen ninety two and about well, let's just take it up to the Salt Lake Olympics in two thousand and two, I was, you know, I had some investment, in emotional investment in these people. You know, we had the now I can't name anybody, of course, Nancy Kerrigan and Harding, Michelle Kwan. Yes, I there were stars galore. 01:05:41 Speaker 4: And Chris Gee oddly one of those a very interesting sport where the female side was just so much more compelling. 01:05:49 Speaker 3: Oh no, far more. I couldn't. I couldn't tell you a single male. 01:05:55 Speaker 4: Oh, Brian Boyitano not registered for me. Scott Hamilton. 01:06:01 Speaker 3: Scott Hamilton, okay, but he's kind of, you know, gone beyond what it is to just be an ice skater. He's you know, commenting and comment I. 01:06:10 Speaker 4: Think he's in the Hall of Fame for his commentating and not his skating. 01:06:16 Speaker 3: He finally found something he could do. 01:06:20 Speaker 4: This is sixth in the world at skating, and we're shading in. 01:06:27 Speaker 3: Well. I think you played that very very well, and so we're just gonna smoothly transition into the final segment of this podcast where we're going to help some people they're writing into I said, no gifts at gmail dot com. There's nothing they need more in the world than advice from two strangers on a podcast. So I'll read this first question. This says, dear Bridger and guest. My sister is turning twelve soon. She loves volunteering with shelter pets, reading, playing video games, and supporting the environment. I need a gift, idea and any other ideas you have to help a twelve year old celebrate in self isolation. As a nineteen year old who only has a vague idea of what tweens are into these days, I'm curious as to what you guys think twins are into these days. Thank you. That's from Sarah in North Carolina. So I mean we're already on a We've already talked about one of the Carolinas here, so I think we're on the a good frequency for Sarah. After that, I do not know what a twelve year old. Recently, somebody reached out to me on Instagram and told me that the Zoomers or Generation Z or whatever are drinking Monster energy drinks. Have you heard this? And I guess that's I mean, I didn't do much further research, but apparently that's the drink of choice drinking, which to me is very much like a boomer drink or something where like you're driving a truck or posting memes to Facebook and you've got this horrible energy drink. So it's interesting that these young people are getting into these chemical Leyden nightmare sodas. 01:07:59 Speaker 4: That's odd. That's like me getting into Bob Seeger in high. 01:08:02 Speaker 3: School, right exactly. That is such a perfect comparison. 01:08:06 Speaker 4: Or like or like going to discreplay and getting like foreigner CDs while they're blurks. Look at like me, sixteen year old men thrift store closed, and it's like, what are you doing? You could be listening to Blink one eighty two right now? Come on, wait, I got it. This hits me in a couple of blind spots, A gift idea for a twelve year old and advice for a nineteen year old. Definitely blind spots for. 01:08:32 Speaker 3: Me, Right, Well, the nineteen year old just wants advice for the twelve year old who likes Let's just zero in here. I think that the twelve year old likes reading and shelter pits. So is there a book about a pet? Let's talk about Banicula? 01:08:48 Speaker 4: Know? 01:08:48 Speaker 3: Is that for twelve year olds? 01:08:49 Speaker 4: That was exactly what I was going to say True Dead Series. I was like, oh my god, Yes, Panicula would be great. First of all, write a letter to your sister who's twelve, and tell her what extraordinary you know, habits and hobbies that she already has. This genuinely great human being who will be a positive for society. So at least at least write that in a card. 01:09:15 Speaker 3: And sure, how would just be an example of earnestness. She probably doesn't have one of those sincerity. 01:09:22 Speaker 4: Exactly, Yeah, tell her that she seems like a very kind, thoughtful person, and then give her two or three binicular books. 01:09:30 Speaker 3: Panicula is an excellent I mean, we're Stephen is now up. 01:09:36 Speaker 1: I was like, are you kidding? 01:09:38 Speaker 3: I'm sorry I had to interrupt, but I'm literally reading Binicula for my podcast. So there has never been a clearer sign for the universe that this twelve year old girl needs to read Binicula. 01:09:50 Speaker 4: Stephen, was that a new book or a reissue with a new cover of an old one? 01:09:54 Speaker 3: I bought this. It's a reissue. 01:09:56 Speaker 4: I bought it off eBay recently. 01:09:58 Speaker 3: Which panicula is this? This is a rabbit tail of mystery. This is the original, not Celary Stocks at Midnight or meets Edgar Allan Crow. 01:10:11 Speaker 2: Wow? 01:10:12 Speaker 3: What could be more appropriate for October than Binicula's sudden resurgence on a podcast? Three adult men are recommending Binicula? 01:10:22 Speaker 4: What volcanoes of weed were fueling that author's writing of all these paniculas? 01:10:28 Speaker 3: Edgar Allan Crow, I hope the crow is just an author in that book, just a writer and has nothing. It's not a scary crow. It's just an alcoholic crow that Panicular interacts with and that sort of thing. Oh my god, I mean this twelve year old get her the whole collection, you know, get a book, order and order the Binicular series. 01:10:51 Speaker 4: Yes, I would also, I'd recommend throw a cricket in Times Square. 01:10:55 Speaker 3: I love a cricket in Times Square. I loved that as a I was probably around twelve. Yeah, same, that's a and I feel like there was there were sequels. Yeah, there were at least two, maybe three of those, but I definitely remember reading the first two. Right, wow, And the cricket goes to Times Square to become a musician and then be friends of mouse. Is that what happens? 01:11:18 Speaker 4: I think so has some kind of animal friend that kind of protects it but also believes in its talent, which is, you know, unreal, Yeah, otherworldly cricket talent. I can play any piece of classical music on its little legs. 01:11:35 Speaker 3: Right right, it's a very special cricket. 01:11:38 Speaker 4: Look at us, men of a certain age talking about anthropomorphized musical animals. 01:11:46 Speaker 3: Both got pinicula, Get a cricket in Times Square? Light up this twelve year old's life. I mean, we nailed that, you know. I feel like that's all. We did such an excellent job with this. I'm not even going to answer another question time. How can we top how perfect that recommendation became? 01:12:04 Speaker 4: Save it for another one. We don't want to disappoint ourselves. And go off into the rest of our Tuesday on a lower note than this. 01:12:11 Speaker 3: Right, I mean we are writing a psychotic hi right now. I mean I could lift a car. So it's a thank you Baniicula. But also thank you Tim Boltz for you know, coming, and for I mean, my skin is going to be whiter than it has ever been, and that's what it needs to be. I've got to just continue my descent into just becoming see through. But you know, these hot Los Angeles days require a decent amount just a lather, and I think everybody should just go get some sunscreen, whether you're tan or not, you know, cut down on premature aging. 01:12:52 Speaker 4: Well, thank you for having me, Bridger, I got you too. I got myself one. So we can touch base two after we've run through these baby sunscreens and let each other know how our skins reacting. 01:13:04 Speaker 3: Beautiful. I'm glad I only took three to four years of living in the same neighborhood with members of a cult for us to actually have a conversation. And hopefully I'll be able to see you in person in the future and well, yeah, we'll both be shining pale men with a shared interest in pinicula. But everybody, that's the end of the podcast, and of course your life has been enriched, and I hope go check your pipes, make sure you hear any water running, don't ignore your partner's calls to action, and have a wonderful day. Bye bye. I said no Gifts isn't exactly right production. It's engineered by Earth Angel Stephen Ray Morris. The theme song is by Miracle Worker Amy Man. You can follow the show on Instagram and Twitter. At I said no Gifts, And if you have a question or need help getting a gift for someone in your life, email me at I said no Gifts at email dot com. Listen and subscribe on Apple podcast, Stitcher or wherever you found me, and why not leave a review while you're at it. 01:14:09 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. But you're I guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty, and I said, no, guess your presences presents and. 01:14:32 Speaker 2: I already had too much stuff. So how did you dad to surbey me?