WEBVTT - Am I Too Strict To Parent?  

0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:06.200
<v Speaker 1>Am I too strict a parent? It's one more thing

0:00:10.039 --> 0:00:12.680
<v Speaker 1>before I get to that. I just noticed that my

0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:15.960
<v Speaker 1>son played flag football last year and I really enjoyed it.

0:00:16.360 --> 0:00:18.880
<v Speaker 1>And and then I keep reading about how girls flag

0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:21.280
<v Speaker 1>football has really grown across the country and it's becoming

0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:23.960
<v Speaker 1>a pretty common high school sport to have girls flag football,

0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:27.160
<v Speaker 1>which is awesome because remember during the Super Bowl there

0:00:27.240 --> 0:00:30.680
<v Speaker 1>was a commercial promoting it. Yeah, well, flag football is cool.

0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:34.800
<v Speaker 1>It's got all of the you know, the the strategy

0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:39.800
<v Speaker 1>and skill level for the skill players of any other football.

0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:42.960
<v Speaker 1>You just don't have the contact, the tackling, and so

0:00:43.000 --> 0:00:43.640
<v Speaker 1>it's pretty cool.

0:00:44.159 --> 0:00:46.199
<v Speaker 2>Are they still calling it powder puff football?

0:00:46.600 --> 0:00:47.560
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:50.599
<v Speaker 3>No, that's else that it involves lingerie, at.

0:00:50.600 --> 0:00:53.280
<v Speaker 1>Least where I live. That would be highly unfortunate to

0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:56.480
<v Speaker 1>pretend that the one sex is somehow like weaker than

0:00:56.520 --> 0:01:00.960
<v Speaker 1>the other. But I noticed, unless I'm reading this wrong,

0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:05.360
<v Speaker 1>this year it's co ed or girls. There's no boys

0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:10.240
<v Speaker 1>team co ed or girls for flag football. Why eliminated

0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:15.000
<v Speaker 1>the boys team? I don't know, that's crazy.

0:01:15.120 --> 0:01:19.800
<v Speaker 3>That strikes me as a very Portlandia thing to do.

0:01:20.200 --> 0:01:24.399
<v Speaker 1>I would agree that does seem crazy, And I'll be honest,

0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:26.600
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna have a lot of boys who get less

0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:28.840
<v Speaker 1>playing time because I'm sure there are some rules you

0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:30.760
<v Speaker 1>have to have a certain number of girls on the

0:01:30.760 --> 0:01:31.600
<v Speaker 1>field at all time.

0:01:32.360 --> 0:01:36.760
<v Speaker 3>This is the whole progressive we hate males thing. I

0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:39.280
<v Speaker 3>have a feeling. I mean, there might be some underlying story,

0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:42.000
<v Speaker 3>and if there is, great, but I mean the whole

0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:46.120
<v Speaker 3>all right. Now, women are like the big majority of

0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:52.520
<v Speaker 3>undergrads and grad school students and medical school students and

0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:55.200
<v Speaker 3>everything else. But we've still got to have up with

0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:58.560
<v Speaker 3>girls programs and down with boys programs.

0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:02.760
<v Speaker 1>Sickness, Yes, yeah, anyway, I wasn't meaning to talk about that,

0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:05.840
<v Speaker 1>just came across it and thought it was interesting. Co

0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:11.000
<v Speaker 1>ed and girls only but not boys, okay, in.

0:02:10.960 --> 0:02:13.320
<v Speaker 3>A sport that's traditionally been played by boys.

0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:20.799
<v Speaker 1>Right, So I'm dealing with this with my teenagers and smartphones.

0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:22.919
<v Speaker 1>So only my high school or my freshman in high

0:02:22.919 --> 0:02:25.160
<v Speaker 1>school has a smartphone, and so this has not become

0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:26.040
<v Speaker 1>an issue yet.

0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:26.240
<v Speaker 3>With my.

0:02:27.800 --> 0:02:29.960
<v Speaker 1>Seventh grader, although a little bit, as he has a

0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:34.320
<v Speaker 1>smart watch. I'm trying to train them away from the

0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:38.200
<v Speaker 1>idea that just because somebody texted you while we're eating

0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:41.280
<v Speaker 1>dinner doesn't mean you need to look at it or respond.

0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:47.320
<v Speaker 1>We're eating dinner, and I think that's perfectly reasonable, although

0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:50.880
<v Speaker 1>we all know that that is not enforced with your

0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:55.280
<v Speaker 1>friends and work colleagues right at all. If you go

0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:56.960
<v Speaker 1>out to eat with your friends, you can be in

0:02:56.960 --> 0:03:00.200
<v Speaker 1>the middle of a conversation and a serious conversation with

0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:02.600
<v Speaker 1>a close friend, and if they get a text, they

0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:06.160
<v Speaker 1>will look at it and quite possibly respond and conversation.

0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:08.760
<v Speaker 2>I always say something if I'm with somebody who does that?

0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:09.640
<v Speaker 1>You do?

0:03:09.760 --> 0:03:09.880
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

0:03:09.880 --> 0:03:11.480
<v Speaker 2>Am I boring you?

0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:11.800
<v Speaker 3>You do?

0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:12.720
<v Speaker 1>Oh?

0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:15.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah? Absolutely.

0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:16.960
<v Speaker 2>We're sitting there at the table and we're talking and

0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:19.600
<v Speaker 2>then all of a sudden, ping and your attention immediately

0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:21.560
<v Speaker 2>goes to that. I'm sorry, Hi, I'm still sicking. I

0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:23.160
<v Speaker 2>can go if that's important.

0:03:23.320 --> 0:03:23.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:03:23.600 --> 0:03:28.320
<v Speaker 3>Oh I love that, Katie. We need to hang out more. Yeah,

0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:34.639
<v Speaker 3>I will say, certainly two relatives of mine. Uh, if

0:03:34.639 --> 0:03:37.640
<v Speaker 3>that sort of thing happens, I say, I'll wait till

0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:41.400
<v Speaker 3>you're done. I just wait till they're done. Yeah, and

0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:45.120
<v Speaker 3>we can talk. But it's a way of making it clear.

0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:48.440
<v Speaker 3>This is an interruption, and I Am not going to

0:03:48.960 --> 0:03:50.080
<v Speaker 3>fight for attention.

0:03:51.840 --> 0:03:52.120
<v Speaker 2>Right.

0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:56.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm surprised that we haven't come up with some more

0:03:57.040 --> 0:04:03.280
<v Speaker 1>solid cultural guidelines around that are more universally agreed upon.

0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:05.560
<v Speaker 1>But this certainly doesn't seem to be the case yet.

0:04:06.640 --> 0:04:09.640
<v Speaker 1>And then you know, the next generation, I feel like

0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:12.440
<v Speaker 1>just from observing them are going to be okay with

0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:17.159
<v Speaker 1>Like my son and his friends are together, but they're

0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:20.000
<v Speaker 1>all looking at their phones texting other people. I guess,

0:04:20.760 --> 0:04:22.680
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. These are all your best friends. So

0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:25.200
<v Speaker 1>I don't even know how it works. But that's why

0:04:25.200 --> 0:04:27.640
<v Speaker 1>I do it. But particularly for me, and obviously I

0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:29.760
<v Speaker 1>get to make my own rules, as for instance, in

0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:32.479
<v Speaker 1>this case, it's my car, my car, my rules, you

0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:36.680
<v Speaker 1>live in my house, et cetera. But we're driving home

0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:40.440
<v Speaker 1>from the restaurant the other night, for instance, and we're

0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:43.280
<v Speaker 1>not we're just listening to music and we're driving. We'd

0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:45.880
<v Speaker 1>just taken off, headed back about a thirty minute drive,

0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:50.719
<v Speaker 1>and my son's texting, and I said, I I'd rather

0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:54.760
<v Speaker 1>you didn't text in the car, and he said, why not,

0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:57.120
<v Speaker 1>We're not doing anything. Well, I said, who are you texting?

0:04:57.160 --> 0:04:59.400
<v Speaker 1>He said, I'm making plans with my friends. I said, well,

0:04:59.400 --> 0:05:01.400
<v Speaker 1>i'd rather you didn't text while we're driving, and he said, well,

0:05:01.440 --> 0:05:03.719
<v Speaker 1>why not, We're just sitting here, I said, I know

0:05:03.800 --> 0:05:07.640
<v Speaker 1>we're just sitting here, but things can unfold if you're

0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:10.839
<v Speaker 1>not paying attention to your phone, Like you could say, hey,

0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:15.880
<v Speaker 1>look at that car, or what river is this? Or hey,

0:05:15.880 --> 0:05:18.800
<v Speaker 1>a funny thing happened at school today, or all kinds

0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:22.080
<v Speaker 1>of different things could happen that won't happen if you're

0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:24.760
<v Speaker 1>texting with your friends and like living in a different world.

0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:28.080
<v Speaker 1>And he did the home rump thing that teenagers do

0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:34.640
<v Speaker 1>constantly all day long about your various you know, suggestions

0:05:34.720 --> 0:05:38.120
<v Speaker 1>or whatever it is. But well, first of all, any

0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:39.560
<v Speaker 1>comment on that before I get in for it.

0:05:40.880 --> 0:05:47.040
<v Speaker 3>I would say that is a fairly conservative, strict standard

0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:51.240
<v Speaker 3>for kids. I do not disagree with it. No, I

0:05:51.240 --> 0:05:53.680
<v Speaker 3>am ice lund point and Well said, I don't doubt

0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:58.559
<v Speaker 3>that it's on the outside edge of being strict about

0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:02.960
<v Speaker 3>it from other parents. I don't know, but that'd be

0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:03.360
<v Speaker 3>my guest.

0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:06.359
<v Speaker 1>But just I know that it's true. I just know

0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:09.840
<v Speaker 1>that it's true that so he's not listening to the

0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:12.120
<v Speaker 1>song that Henry and I are listening to, so he's

0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:16.040
<v Speaker 1>got no comment on it, or it won't mean anything.

0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:17.320
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I think about a lot of the music

0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:19.560
<v Speaker 1>I know is because stuff my Dad played, but so

0:06:19.960 --> 0:06:22.080
<v Speaker 1>he won't have that experience because he's not listening to

0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:25.000
<v Speaker 1>music that I play. He's busy texting his friends or

0:06:25.120 --> 0:06:29.080
<v Speaker 1>obviously the we've all had the experience of driving along.

0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:32.040
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes there's a little quiet, a little low, then somebody

0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:35.240
<v Speaker 1>says something. Then you all engage in the conversation. But

0:06:35.320 --> 0:06:37.880
<v Speaker 1>that can't happen if one or more of the participants

0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:40.600
<v Speaker 1>is already having a conversation with different people.

0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:43.520
<v Speaker 3>Right, yeah, I agree one hundred percent.

0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:45.080
<v Speaker 1>Are we just gonna I guess that's the way we're

0:06:45.120 --> 0:06:47.440
<v Speaker 1>all gonna live from here on out.

0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:50.760
<v Speaker 3>Two things. Number One, when I was probably four or

0:06:50.839 --> 0:06:55.520
<v Speaker 3>five years old, Gladys just signed a new deal. Makes

0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:57.880
<v Speaker 3>it clear she's got to be here for the podcast.

0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:03.520
<v Speaker 3>Five years old, listening to music radio out of New

0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:05.480
<v Speaker 3>York because we lived in New Jersey at the time,

0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:09.320
<v Speaker 3>and I fell madly, madly in love with music, and

0:07:09.480 --> 0:07:12.080
<v Speaker 3>I just I can still remember the songs that I

0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:14.160
<v Speaker 3>loved at that age, which is crazy because I can't

0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:19.559
<v Speaker 3>remember anything else. Second thing, teenager, nineteen seventies, rolling along

0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:24.520
<v Speaker 3>with the family Stairway to Heaven. Dad turns it up

0:07:24.560 --> 0:07:27.040
<v Speaker 3>a little bit, really enjoying it. Listen to the music

0:07:27.080 --> 0:07:29.400
<v Speaker 3>with the family. Then it kicks into the rock part

0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:31.320
<v Speaker 3>and Robert plants that net on.

0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:33.720
<v Speaker 1>He teaked, what the hall?

0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:36.400
<v Speaker 3>He turns it off. I said, Dad, that's the same song.

0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:41.680
<v Speaker 3>He says, it changed into a different song. He was

0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:45.480
<v Speaker 3>not having Bob plant in the screechings in our family car.

0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:53.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't know. I think. I'm well, Katie, you haven't commented.

0:07:53.760 --> 0:07:56.240
<v Speaker 1>What's your comment, Kennye, Well, I'm hold nothing back.

0:07:56.680 --> 0:07:58.960
<v Speaker 2>Well, as you're saying all this, I'm thinking about all

0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.400
<v Speaker 2>of the Friday nights. It was our thing. I would

0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:03.760
<v Speaker 2>go to dinner with my parents and all of the rides.

0:08:04.080 --> 0:08:05.160
<v Speaker 2>Thank you laddys.

0:08:06.440 --> 0:08:08.120
<v Speaker 1>She had to just she had to make a list

0:08:08.160 --> 0:08:11.200
<v Speaker 1>of five things, and all five of her things were.

0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:14.120
<v Speaker 1>All five of her things were. I played the harp

0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:16.160
<v Speaker 1>when someone was reminiscing. That's the only thing I do.

0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:18.880
<v Speaker 3>Before and after I got yelled at.

0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:22.320
<v Speaker 2>But I just I was thinking about all those rides

0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:25.760
<v Speaker 2>home after dinner and the the jokes that we made

0:08:25.800 --> 0:08:29.960
<v Speaker 2>that we still have. The little things like my dad

0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:31.640
<v Speaker 2>would make fun of my mom's laugh, or like I

0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:33.360
<v Speaker 2>would get behind my dad while he was driving and

0:08:33.360 --> 0:08:34.680
<v Speaker 2>I'd flick the back of his ears.

0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:37.719
<v Speaker 3>If I had a cell phone, boy, none of that.

0:08:37.920 --> 0:08:39.760
<v Speaker 3>And I still do it to him when he's driving.

0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:43.840
<v Speaker 2>I'll yell give it, oh no, oh yeah, totally, Oh yeah, yeah.

0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:49.040
<v Speaker 3>I will kill you. I've heard that a few times

0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:50.280
<v Speaker 3>when I do that to him.

0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:52.559
<v Speaker 2>But if I had a cell phone in my hands,

0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:55.680
<v Speaker 2>none of the joke. I wouldn't have been hearing my

0:08:55.760 --> 0:08:58.000
<v Speaker 2>any of that or playing round. It's just I don't know.

0:08:58.080 --> 0:08:59.240
<v Speaker 2>It's a sad time we're in.

0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:03.520
<v Speaker 3>I think, for what it's worth for the good folks

0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:07.520
<v Speaker 3>listening trying to get a standard smartphones were strict for boating.

0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:14.280
<v Speaker 3>All phones at the family dinner table still are. With

0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:19.600
<v Speaker 3>my wife and I. Occasionally it'll be like somebody's needs

0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:22.320
<v Speaker 3>to get a piece of information urgently because a bunch

0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:24.480
<v Speaker 3>of people are waiting for it. And then it's like,

0:09:24.559 --> 0:09:27.160
<v Speaker 3>do you mind if I have mine within sight in

0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:30.320
<v Speaker 3>case you know, Jim texts back blah blah blah. But

0:09:30.400 --> 0:09:34.840
<v Speaker 3>it's like it's a special case, and it's so it's

0:09:34.880 --> 0:09:38.920
<v Speaker 3>so clearly the endorphin thing. I mean because and again

0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:45.760
<v Speaker 3>certain close relatives when asked, you know, while scanning the sky,

0:09:45.880 --> 0:09:47.520
<v Speaker 3>I wonder if it's going to clear up later this

0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:51.280
<v Speaker 3>afternoon immediately to the phone. And it's not because that

0:09:51.400 --> 0:09:55.920
<v Speaker 3>information needs to be had. It's because the shiny screen

0:09:56.080 --> 0:09:59.000
<v Speaker 3>and the information and the new thing. It's the endorphin thing.

0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:02.000
<v Speaker 3>I know it. I don't need to freaking know if

0:10:02.000 --> 0:10:04.960
<v Speaker 3>the sun's gonna come out in the afternoon. What am

0:10:05.000 --> 0:10:09.240
<v Speaker 3>I some sort of elfelfa farmer? No, I'm just making conversation.

0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:10.480
<v Speaker 3>Put your phone away.

0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:13.880
<v Speaker 2>I remember the time when we were at home having

0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:16.400
<v Speaker 2>dinner and my mom would lose her mind if somebody

0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:19.880
<v Speaker 2>called it's dinner time. Who reaches out to people during

0:10:20.000 --> 0:10:22.720
<v Speaker 2>dinner time? Well, I know now there's no limit.

0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, idea of someone taking a phone call in the

0:10:25.040 --> 0:10:28.440
<v Speaker 1>middle of dinner, Yeah, it would have been just crazy. Yes,

0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:30.880
<v Speaker 1>unless you're waiting for cancer results or something.

0:10:31.720 --> 0:10:31.840
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:34.839
<v Speaker 1>Uh well, yeah, I have the same rules at the

0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:36.840
<v Speaker 1>dinner table. Those are pretty clear cut and have been

0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:40.679
<v Speaker 1>from the beginning. But the driving places is a new one.

0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:43.200
<v Speaker 1>And I said, I think I'm gonna do like they

0:10:43.200 --> 0:10:46.640
<v Speaker 1>did when we went to see David Copperfield in Las Vegas.

0:10:46.720 --> 0:10:48.480
<v Speaker 1>You gotta put the phones. I'll put them in the

0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:51.120
<v Speaker 1>center console and I'll close it until we drive home.

0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:54.680
<v Speaker 1>And yeah, I know that's way stricter than a lot

0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:56.440
<v Speaker 1>of his friend's parents are doing. But it just I

0:10:56.440 --> 0:10:59.800
<v Speaker 1>don't want to lose all those other conversation opportunities. And

0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:03.680
<v Speaker 1>to prove my point, which I didn't mention, which is

0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.400
<v Speaker 1>rare for me to not mention when I turn out

0:11:06.400 --> 0:11:09.000
<v Speaker 1>to be right, but to prove my point. After I

0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.160
<v Speaker 1>made him put his phone away, we saw something and

0:11:11.240 --> 0:11:13.000
<v Speaker 1>ended up talking about it the rest of the way home,

0:11:13.040 --> 0:11:16.760
<v Speaker 1>which would not have happened. And I also am very

0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:18.959
<v Speaker 1>aware that even though he's turning fifteen in a couple

0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:21.199
<v Speaker 1>of weeks, I get like three more years of this

0:11:21.280 --> 0:11:23.880
<v Speaker 1>maybe and then maybe never again in my life, hardly

0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:25.920
<v Speaker 1>depending on what he does with his life once he,

0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:28.400
<v Speaker 1>you know, he turns eighteen. I left at eighteen. I've

0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:30.440
<v Speaker 1>never really been back other than a day here and there.

0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:36.480
<v Speaker 3>Right, Yeah, yeah, all for the little shots of endorphins.

0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:40.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't know, and I don't know how to

0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:43.520
<v Speaker 1>do it either all or none for the most part.

0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:46.200
<v Speaker 1>But I feel like if I allow it, it's just

0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:48.000
<v Speaker 1>gonna be when we ride in the car, it's him

0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:50.079
<v Speaker 1>looking at his phone and me listening to what I'm

0:11:50.080 --> 0:11:51.800
<v Speaker 1>going to listen to on the radio. I guess how

0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:54.200
<v Speaker 1>was that. I vote you don't allow it. Yeah, I

0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:56.840
<v Speaker 1>don't want to spend my all my car rides with

0:11:56.880 --> 0:12:00.320
<v Speaker 1>my dad and having conversations and sometimes, you know, don't

0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:02.720
<v Speaker 1>bring up things until you've sat there in silence for

0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:04.280
<v Speaker 1>a while, as.

0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:07.400
<v Speaker 3>You work up the courage to talk about them, for instance. Yeah,

0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:10.240
<v Speaker 3>and just to prove that I'm not here to lecture anybody,

0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:12.920
<v Speaker 3>I just I think about these things. I have a

0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:15.160
<v Speaker 3>couple of friends, one in particular, who's a good friend

0:12:16.280 --> 0:12:21.600
<v Speaker 3>who is absolutely not tied to his phone. Texting him

0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:25.160
<v Speaker 3>is a one in three proposition that you'll get a

0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:28.400
<v Speaker 3>response in the next twelve hours. Maybe. If I really

0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:30.160
<v Speaker 3>need a response, I text his wife.

0:12:30.360 --> 0:12:33.319
<v Speaker 1>I know people like that. Yeah, and I certainly.

0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:37.080
<v Speaker 3>I absolutely admire it, and did annoys me.

0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:37.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:41.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, So it's on both ends of the equation. I

0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.560
<v Speaker 3>mean not getting and I don't need an immediate response

0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:47.040
<v Speaker 3>to virtually anything. If I did, I would call get

0:12:47.040 --> 0:12:51.280
<v Speaker 3>whatever you minutes. But yeah, exactly the whole you know.

0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.280
<v Speaker 3>I texted him and asked him if he can go,

0:12:53.400 --> 0:12:56.280
<v Speaker 3>and I haven't heard anything back. It's an hour later,

0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:02.680
<v Speaker 3>So it works both ways. Yes, Yeah, the expectation of

0:13:02.679 --> 0:13:05.640
<v Speaker 3>immediate response. I guarantee this is going on with your son,

0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:09.319
<v Speaker 3>one hundred percent sure he is concerned, whether he voiced

0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:12.560
<v Speaker 3>this or not, that he would not be a friend

0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:16.240
<v Speaker 3>of his friends anymore if he didn't engage in immediate

0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:19.920
<v Speaker 3>response to their questions or statements or whatever. That's part

0:13:20.000 --> 0:13:21.600
<v Speaker 3>of being in the group.

0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:28.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know, I don't. Yeah, I don't know. Like

0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:32.160
<v Speaker 1>I said, I'm surprised we don't have more defined cultural

0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:38.240
<v Speaker 1>norms around this yet. It seems like the defined cultural

0:13:38.240 --> 0:13:40.640
<v Speaker 1>norm is going to be pick up your phone whenever

0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:42.360
<v Speaker 1>you want, anywhere, all the time.

0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:46.040
<v Speaker 3>Is the cultural norm, including in the face of somebody

0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:50.920
<v Speaker 3>you allegedly love or care about. Right, Yeah, and just hey,

0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:53.920
<v Speaker 3>this is more interesting. Maybe that's the new cultural norm.

0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:58.040
<v Speaker 3>You've got to say out loud, something more interesting than

0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:01.800
<v Speaker 3>you just happened touching your phone. I mean, because that's

0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:03.040
<v Speaker 3>the unspoken truth.

0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:05.559
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, back to me, going, am I boring you?

0:14:05.880 --> 0:14:10.880
<v Speaker 3>That's or urgent, something more urgent than you has come up.

0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:14.000
<v Speaker 3>But then it's certainly incumbent upon you to say, what

0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:16.800
<v Speaker 3>is it? Yeah, it's because if you don't have a

0:14:16.840 --> 0:14:18.840
<v Speaker 3>good answer, we're not friends anymore.

0:14:18.840 --> 0:14:21.440
<v Speaker 1>Well, and the problem is it's not the unspoken truth,

0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:24.560
<v Speaker 1>because I know from my end if I get if

0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:26.640
<v Speaker 1>my phone buzzes or I think I got a text,

0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:29.320
<v Speaker 1>I could be talking to my son, which is really

0:14:29.360 --> 0:14:31.520
<v Speaker 1>only like two people on earth would be more important

0:14:31.800 --> 0:14:34.840
<v Speaker 1>as important to talk to. I still am dying to

0:14:34.920 --> 0:14:38.640
<v Speaker 1>check my phone. There's something so I know intellectually it's

0:14:38.680 --> 0:14:41.480
<v Speaker 1>not somebody more important or something more important. It's something

0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:43.680
<v Speaker 1>weird with the device that makes us want to check.

0:14:44.040 --> 0:14:47.520
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I'm not a monster, all right, We'll have three choices.

0:14:47.800 --> 0:14:50.520
<v Speaker 3>Something more important than you just happened, Oh, something more

0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:54.000
<v Speaker 3>urgent than this conversation just happened. Or I'm a shameless,

0:14:54.000 --> 0:14:56.600
<v Speaker 3>pathetic endorphan addict and I need to look at this.

0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:57.640
<v Speaker 3>Bear with me.

0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:00.880
<v Speaker 2>The people I'm really us with are the ones that

0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:02.720
<v Speaker 2>get the Am I boring you? But if it's somebody

0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:04.920
<v Speaker 2>that I'm not on that level with, I always go,

0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:08.520
<v Speaker 2>is everything okay? Because then it's kind of like a obviously,

0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:11.560
<v Speaker 2>obviously something just came up that.

0:15:12.320 --> 0:15:13.120
<v Speaker 1>Must be the cancer?

0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:16.760
<v Speaker 3>So subtle, Yeah, so subtle, Katie genius.

0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:25.600
<v Speaker 1>I think we're I think we're fighting a losing battle. Unfortunately,

0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:28.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't know how mankind survives this.

0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:30.280
<v Speaker 3>We won't.

0:15:30.960 --> 0:15:31.560
<v Speaker 1>Now we're doomed.

0:15:31.560 --> 0:15:35.160
<v Speaker 3>No sex, no babies, planning to the beavers.

0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:38.720
<v Speaker 1>That's how we end the podcast, the fact that we're doomed.

0:15:39.440 --> 0:15:40.200
<v Speaker 1>He o b.

0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:42.880
<v Speaker 2>You know, when I was a kid, I would be

0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:45.320
<v Speaker 2>in the back seat doing back seat driving, yelling at

0:15:45.320 --> 0:15:47.960
<v Speaker 2>my dad about his speed, his fuel gauge, why the

0:15:47.960 --> 0:15:50.080
<v Speaker 2>car is flipping the car next to us is flipping

0:15:50.160 --> 0:15:50.560
<v Speaker 2>us off.

0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:53.320
<v Speaker 3>I'm gonna miss you know people that's going on. You

0:15:53.480 --> 0:16:00.520
<v Speaker 3>enjoyed the walk that's going away? Well, I get that's it.