1
00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,520
Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of

2
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:15,560
Speaker 1: You Need Therapy Podcast. My name is Kat and I

3
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:19,000
Speaker 1: am the host, and Couch Shocks is the special bonus

4
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,040
Speaker 1: episode of You Need Therapy where I answer questions that

5
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,320
Speaker 1: you guys send to me and you can send them

6
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:28,080
Speaker 1: to Catherine at you Need Therapy podcast dot com. And

7
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,680
Speaker 1: who knows, maybe one day I will answer your question.

8
00:00:30,760 --> 00:00:33,000
Speaker 1: You'll turn on this episode and you'll be like, hey,

9
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,880
Speaker 1: that is my question, thank you, or maybe you won't

10
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:39,080
Speaker 1: like the answer and you won't say that, but either way,

11
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,280
Speaker 1: it will be a nice surprise and a quick reminder

12
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:45,000
Speaker 1: that even though this is a podcast that is hosted

13
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,000
Speaker 1: by a therapist and I sometimes answer your questions, this

14
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,400
Speaker 1: is not a replacement for therapy. It might just be

15
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,840
Speaker 1: a nice addition to the therapeutic process you already have

16
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:56,400
Speaker 1: going on, or it might encourage you to go to therapy,

17
00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:01,040
Speaker 1: but it's not therapy itself. Now. Usually I answer one

18
00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,000
Speaker 1: question each week, but this week we're going to do too,

19
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,120
Speaker 1: and part of that is because one of the questions

20
00:01:07,120 --> 00:01:10,240
Speaker 1: that I'm answering is kind of just about my like

21
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:13,920
Speaker 1: life right now, and so I wanted to also answer

22
00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:17,360
Speaker 1: a question from a listener about their life as well.

23
00:01:17,760 --> 00:01:19,840
Speaker 1: You know, I don't want to make this all about me,

24
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,959
Speaker 1: even though sometimes we all need a little bit of attention.

25
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,800
Speaker 1: I do really believe that I think there is this

26
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,360
Speaker 1: This is a side note, but I think that there

27
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:31,440
Speaker 1: is just like a connotation out there, this way of

28
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,600
Speaker 1: life or a way of thinking in our culture and

29
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,679
Speaker 1: our society, that like, we shouldn't want attention, we shouldn't

30
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,520
Speaker 1: need attention, and we shouldn't be selfish or any of that.

31
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,760
Speaker 1: All of that is so not fair and not true.

32
00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,720
Speaker 1: We all need attention, and we all need some space

33
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,480
Speaker 1: where it feels like people care about us, or people

34
00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,000
Speaker 1: care about what we say, or care about our lives.

35
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,760
Speaker 1: In general. We all need that, and that's okay to

36
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,720
Speaker 1: ask for it, and it's okay to own it. And

37
00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:59,680
Speaker 1: sometimes I like attention, to be honest, I'm any of

38
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:05,200
Speaker 1: Grahams Evans, So that means I really prefer attention. But

39
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:07,960
Speaker 1: my job is to, you know, not make everything about me.

40
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:09,760
Speaker 1: But that's why I've been a therapist. It is probably

41
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:14,040
Speaker 1: such a good little exercise every day. Anyway, I took

42
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,520
Speaker 1: both of these questions. Actually these weren't emailed to me.

43
00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:19,200
Speaker 1: I put up a question box on Instagram and said

44
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,800
Speaker 1: that I was going to do a Monday Q and

45
00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:23,360
Speaker 1: A episode, which I'm still going to do, but I

46
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,240
Speaker 1: got a lot of questions, so I took two of

47
00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,720
Speaker 1: them that I'm answering here, and then a lot of

48
00:02:27,720 --> 00:02:29,960
Speaker 1: the other ones will be in that episode that I do.

49
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:32,320
Speaker 1: That will just be a Q and A for a Monday,

50
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,919
Speaker 1: like a longer episode because this these couch talks, we

51
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,000
Speaker 1: try to keep them, you know, ten to twenty minutes

52
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:41,120
Speaker 1: at most. So here's the first question. What made you

53
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:44,440
Speaker 1: step away from teaching cycling? And if you guys are like,

54
00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,360
Speaker 1: what is she talking about? I am a endoor cycling

55
00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:51,120
Speaker 1: instructor and have been doing that for six years along

56
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,919
Speaker 1: with being a therapist and having a private practice UM

57
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,320
Speaker 1: last week, a little over a week ago, I announced

58
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,679
Speaker 1: that I'd be taking a break, and it's an in

59
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,400
Speaker 1: a definite break, so if I do come back, I

60
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,920
Speaker 1: don't know when that will be. And so I guess

61
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,639
Speaker 1: this person is just like, why are you doing that?

62
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:11,200
Speaker 1: I can't remember if this is just a person that

63
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,359
Speaker 1: knows what I do, or if there's somebody who actually

64
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:17,079
Speaker 1: goes to the studio I teach at. But either way,

65
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,560
Speaker 1: the answer is pretty simple. I just needed more brain space.

66
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,840
Speaker 1: And I love teaching cycling. At the same time, it

67
00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:27,600
Speaker 1: was becoming more of a chore and the fun was

68
00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:31,840
Speaker 1: getting kind of sucked out of my soul. And I

69
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,640
Speaker 1: wanted to leave this part of my life still being

70
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:38,720
Speaker 1: able to enjoy it and and think of this part

71
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:42,280
Speaker 1: of my life in a positive light. And I'm leaving

72
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:43,839
Speaker 1: a lot of space. Like I said, to go back

73
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,840
Speaker 1: in the future, but I knew that I needed at

74
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,320
Speaker 1: least a long break because I was starting to live

75
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,600
Speaker 1: in a constant state of overwhelm. And my number one

76
00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:54,920
Speaker 1: priority is being a therapist and being a good one

77
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,600
Speaker 1: that my clients can count on, and in order to

78
00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:00,360
Speaker 1: do that, I sometimes have to make sacrifice says that

79
00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:03,720
Speaker 1: aren't always fun to make. I also fully believe that

80
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,240
Speaker 1: not every good thing has to last forever. It lasts

81
00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,960
Speaker 1: until it needs to. And this is true in so

82
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,560
Speaker 1: many areas of life for me, especially this one. It

83
00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:14,000
Speaker 1: is a good thing, and it might have run its

84
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:18,160
Speaker 1: course and we're testing the waters. Certainly in relationships with

85
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,760
Speaker 1: both like friends and romantic partners, this idea can be

86
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:24,680
Speaker 1: true that good things don't mean they're forever things and

87
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,880
Speaker 1: something can be good and also need to come to

88
00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,360
Speaker 1: an end for a bunch of different reasons. And I

89
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:32,919
Speaker 1: do like that I get to leave this part of

90
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:36,599
Speaker 1: my life still enjoying it, and I will be sad

91
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,560
Speaker 1: and excited at the same time, pulling into some of

92
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,719
Speaker 1: that both. And from Monday's episode, I'm gonna be sad

93
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,560
Speaker 1: and excited when I teach my last class because it's

94
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:47,520
Speaker 1: going to open so much space for me in my

95
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,480
Speaker 1: brain and for me to be able to function better

96
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:53,200
Speaker 1: and also be in my personal life more fully. And

97
00:04:53,279 --> 00:04:55,520
Speaker 1: I'm sad because it is something that I like and

98
00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,520
Speaker 1: I've done it for a long time. I like teaching cycling,

99
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,240
Speaker 1: and I like being in my life, and I love

100
00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:05,000
Speaker 1: being a therapist more. And I'm someone who thrives on

101
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:08,000
Speaker 1: having a lot to do, but even I need space

102
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:11,000
Speaker 1: to decompress. And the little free time I have had

103
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,800
Speaker 1: lately was just kind of getting sucked by feeling like

104
00:05:13,839 --> 00:05:15,840
Speaker 1: I had too much on my plate. And now I'm

105
00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,599
Speaker 1: excited because I love working out and maybe my body.

106
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:20,800
Speaker 1: I think it's a great tool not just for physical health,

107
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,080
Speaker 1: but mental health as well, and now I get to

108
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,719
Speaker 1: do it for just me and I haven't been able

109
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:27,240
Speaker 1: to do that for a really long time. And I

110
00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,400
Speaker 1: think there's this other thing that goes around where we

111
00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:31,880
Speaker 1: tend to make all of our hobbies into jobs. I'm like,

112
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:34,800
Speaker 1: so guilty of that, or we feel like we should,

113
00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,560
Speaker 1: like if we can make money off of this, we

114
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:40,359
Speaker 1: should why not? And sometimes your hobbies just need to

115
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:44,120
Speaker 1: be your hobbies and there can be no pressure to

116
00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,800
Speaker 1: perform or do them all the time, or do them

117
00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:49,360
Speaker 1: at a certain time or any of that. And when

118
00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,760
Speaker 1: you do them solely for you and your heart, it

119
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:55,400
Speaker 1: can just like feel twenty times better. Just because you

120
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,320
Speaker 1: can doesn't mean you have to. It's another thing I

121
00:05:57,320 --> 00:06:00,400
Speaker 1: live by and a bunch of different areas, and I

122
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,920
Speaker 1: don't know if any of you guys get that way

123
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:04,039
Speaker 1: as well, but for whoever needs to hear it, you

124
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,080
Speaker 1: don't have to turn everything you love into a job.

125
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,000
Speaker 1: It can just be something you love. So in a nutshell,

126
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:13,760
Speaker 1: that's why. Now question number two, This one's really simple too,

127
00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,279
Speaker 1: because it came in one of those question boxes and

128
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,280
Speaker 1: they just asked what was the hardest thing about becoming

129
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,320
Speaker 1: a therapist? Not being a therapist, but becoming a therapist.

130
00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,840
Speaker 1: And I wonder if this comes from somebody who's actually

131
00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,440
Speaker 1: also becoming a therapist. But I'm not sure. But there

132
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,680
Speaker 1: are a couple of things that were really really challenging

133
00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,120
Speaker 1: for me, and I'm gonna focus on two of them.

134
00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:37,200
Speaker 1: And like I said, this is for me, so you

135
00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:40,320
Speaker 1: might relate to this, you might not. This doesn't mean

136
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,800
Speaker 1: because it was a struggle for me, it's going to

137
00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:44,200
Speaker 1: be a struggle for everybody. But for me, who I am,

138
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,800
Speaker 1: my personality and kind of where I came from, these

139
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,120
Speaker 1: two things were very, very hard. The first one was confidence.

140
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:55,320
Speaker 1: I was so nervous in the beginning because I didn't

141
00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,600
Speaker 1: know what the heck I was doing. And the thing

142
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,560
Speaker 1: about therapy, and I think this is true for a

143
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:04,040
Speaker 1: lot of things, but especially therapy, like you just have

144
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:07,600
Speaker 1: to learn by doing it. And I don't think anybody

145
00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:12,200
Speaker 1: is ever truly ready to step into the therapists chair.

146
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,480
Speaker 1: And my definition of ready in that case would be

147
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,920
Speaker 1: like nobody's going to truly know what they need to

148
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,880
Speaker 1: do and what to say and how to say it

149
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:25,000
Speaker 1: and what directions to take things until they practice doing it.

150
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,640
Speaker 1: You can't just learn that in a classroom. There's not

151
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:32,600
Speaker 1: enough like theories to learn or initiatives to create or

152
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,880
Speaker 1: learn or practice sessions you can do to prepare for

153
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,720
Speaker 1: the real thing you just can't. And it's just one

154
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,360
Speaker 1: of those things that experience is what you need. Now.

155
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,440
Speaker 1: When I was able to sit in a space of

156
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,800
Speaker 1: of being a beginner and allowing that to be okay,

157
00:07:47,840 --> 00:07:50,440
Speaker 1: that's when I actually felt the most confident. When I

158
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:52,920
Speaker 1: wasn't trying to prove that I was good and I

159
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:55,520
Speaker 1: started figuring out how to learn how to become good,

160
00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,120
Speaker 1: is when I actually started to feel a shift in

161
00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,800
Speaker 1: my confidence. And that was a really hard thing to do,

162
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:06,800
Speaker 1: to like let go of any expectation that I'm going

163
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,720
Speaker 1: to do a good job and just kind of be

164
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,680
Speaker 1: in the space where to be able to do a

165
00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,880
Speaker 1: good job, I have to be open and willing to

166
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:18,680
Speaker 1: like really really really really really mess up. And took

167
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:21,000
Speaker 1: me some time to get there. This also is not

168
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,400
Speaker 1: specific to becoming a therapist. I think this is almost

169
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,080
Speaker 1: like with anything that we want to do. For example.

170
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,120
Speaker 1: Actually it makes me think of this past weekend. I

171
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:32,319
Speaker 1: went to the driving range, like the golf driving range

172
00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,800
Speaker 1: with my boyfriend and he started teaching me how to

173
00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:40,160
Speaker 1: play golf. And I have always said that I hated golf. Surprised.

174
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,120
Speaker 1: I don't know if I like golf. I did enjoy

175
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,520
Speaker 1: going into the driving range. I don't know that I

176
00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:47,559
Speaker 1: would really enjoy going and doing eighteen rounds of of golf,

177
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:50,640
Speaker 1: but we're playing eighteen holes whatever you call it. But

178
00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:54,880
Speaker 1: this was fun. However, I had to fully embrace the

179
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:58,680
Speaker 1: space of being really bad so I could practice in

180
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:01,360
Speaker 1: order so like one day I can't get better. And

181
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,440
Speaker 1: if I didn't allow myself to be a beginner, then

182
00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,520
Speaker 1: I would literally never be able to play. If I

183
00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,040
Speaker 1: wasn't okay going out there and being like, I'm probably

184
00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:10,080
Speaker 1: gonna miss the ball, I don't know what I'm doing,

185
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:11,800
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do with my hands, where

186
00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:14,080
Speaker 1: do I aim? Where do my FeCO? If I was

187
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,520
Speaker 1: not able to embrace that, then I would never be

188
00:09:16,559 --> 00:09:18,839
Speaker 1: able to get good at golf. Now, who knows, I

189
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,200
Speaker 1: still might not ever be good at golf, but I'll

190
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,160
Speaker 1: never get the chance to know if I don't let

191
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,440
Speaker 1: myself just be a beginner. And this is something that

192
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,520
Speaker 1: I think comes up all of the time, and a

193
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:30,920
Speaker 1: question that I asked people all the time. I've probably

194
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:33,400
Speaker 1: talked about it on here, is like, what would you

195
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:35,719
Speaker 1: do in your life if you only had to be

196
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:40,400
Speaker 1: like six good at it. And the answer to that

197
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:44,120
Speaker 1: question is very different a lot of times to what

198
00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:45,960
Speaker 1: is it that you will allow yourself to try in

199
00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,920
Speaker 1: your lifetime Because as adults, we get this experience where

200
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,720
Speaker 1: it feels like we have to be good at things

201
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,880
Speaker 1: before we go out and try them, because of I

202
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:57,400
Speaker 1: think a lot of shame if you think about it.

203
00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,640
Speaker 1: Kids don't have that as much. Kids will just try

204
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,120
Speaker 1: a s or they've never done it before, and they

205
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,360
Speaker 1: let themselves be bad so then one day they can

206
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,360
Speaker 1: be good. We don't do that. We're like, well, I'm

207
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,800
Speaker 1: not good at that. Well have you ever tried? How

208
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,920
Speaker 1: many times have you tried? And I think that really

209
00:10:12,960 --> 00:10:15,360
Speaker 1: holds us back a lot, And that was holding me

210
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:19,400
Speaker 1: back a lot in my graduate school experience and even

211
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:21,760
Speaker 1: in the beginning of being a therapist a little bit too.

212
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,960
Speaker 1: Of I have to allow myself to just not know

213
00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,080
Speaker 1: so I can ask the questions so that I can

214
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:30,200
Speaker 1: now or I have to allow myself to like try

215
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:33,360
Speaker 1: something I've never done before, knowing that I probably won't

216
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,320
Speaker 1: be that great at it. But through those experiences that

217
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,720
Speaker 1: I have, I will learn the nuances and I will

218
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,480
Speaker 1: learn what to do in those situations, but I have

219
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,280
Speaker 1: to put myself in them to learn it. You just

220
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:47,320
Speaker 1: have to. So that was really hard confidence, how to

221
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,200
Speaker 1: have confidence and how to be okay being new. The

222
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:53,480
Speaker 1: second thing is like figuring out what my role as

223
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,920
Speaker 1: a therapist was because I went into grad school with

224
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,320
Speaker 1: an agenda. I was going to fix people and I

225
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:01,959
Speaker 1: was going to tell them how to live a better life. Meanwhile,

226
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,280
Speaker 1: I'm like this twenty two year old that hasn't had

227
00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:07,120
Speaker 1: that much life experience. Very funny to me that was

228
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:09,120
Speaker 1: gonna go out and tell people how to live the

229
00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,560
Speaker 1: best life? Ever, when was I even doing that now?

230
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,480
Speaker 1: And I was going to feel really valid validated and

231
00:11:14,559 --> 00:11:17,079
Speaker 1: valuable because I was going to do this for people

232
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:18,880
Speaker 1: like that was like that kind of my m O.

233
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,160
Speaker 1: And obviously that didn't go so well. And I call

234
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:25,280
Speaker 1: this like my savior complex, like part of my life,

235
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:29,040
Speaker 1: and it very much turned into a complete disaster. It

236
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:32,840
Speaker 1: made it impossible for me to like hold appropriate boundaries

237
00:11:32,920 --> 00:11:35,920
Speaker 1: and I even got into some trouble at my internship

238
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:38,840
Speaker 1: because of it. And I mean I didn't get fired,

239
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,600
Speaker 1: but they did implement a new policy because of what

240
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,080
Speaker 1: I did. And that's okay. Going back to the first part,

241
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,080
Speaker 1: I needed that lesson, and I needed also a reality

242
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:52,200
Speaker 1: check that, like, I'm not some powerful savior. My job

243
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,880
Speaker 1: in reality is to really become a safe space for

244
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,920
Speaker 1: people to learn how to actually save themselves. My job

245
00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,760
Speaker 1: is to create an environment and to facilitate an example

246
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,640
Speaker 1: of a healthy relationship. But I can't do that if

247
00:12:05,679 --> 00:12:08,079
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be a savior, because that's the opposite

248
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:11,200
Speaker 1: of a healthy relationship, like this dynamic where like one

249
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:15,400
Speaker 1: person is surviving off of the other person. Also part

250
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:19,240
Speaker 1: of this lesson was learning not to let the unrealistic

251
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:22,280
Speaker 1: expectations of others take control of what I was doing.

252
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:25,319
Speaker 1: Sometimes being a therapist can feel like you're a disappointment

253
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:28,240
Speaker 1: because people come in very much wanting you to fix

254
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,080
Speaker 1: their problems as well. So like I went in with

255
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:32,160
Speaker 1: a savior complex, but I think a lot of people

256
00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:34,840
Speaker 1: also go into therapy thinking that their therapist is going

257
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:38,040
Speaker 1: to save them, and it's really hard and really important

258
00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,920
Speaker 1: not to take that bait. Yes, sometimes we do offer

259
00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,079
Speaker 1: direct advice, and we can teach you about a million

260
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:49,960
Speaker 1: things about the brain and relationships and healthy communication, but

261
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,360
Speaker 1: the majority of the time we're just kind of sitting

262
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,080
Speaker 1: in the crap with our clients, helping them figure out

263
00:12:56,160 --> 00:13:00,000
Speaker 1: how to get out of the weeds themselves. And sometimes

264
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:05,360
Speaker 1: oftentimes we are just planting seeds and we'll never get

265
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,880
Speaker 1: to see the fruits of our work. You just kind

266
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,199
Speaker 1: of like have to hope for the best and hope

267
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,600
Speaker 1: that the seeds that you're planting are the best seeds

268
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,000
Speaker 1: that you could plant. And that's really tough to sit into.

269
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:20,880
Speaker 1: So to answer this question, the hardest things building that confidence,

270
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,800
Speaker 1: being okay, being bad and messing up, finding humility, and

271
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,679
Speaker 1: also figuring out what my role is and sitting in

272
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:33,160
Speaker 1: that discomfort Because I can't fix or save anybody. I

273
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,400
Speaker 1: can just help you find a space where you can

274
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:38,720
Speaker 1: figure out and I'll help you along the way. But

275
00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,760
Speaker 1: my job really is to take less of the power

276
00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:46,680
Speaker 1: in the therapeutic room. My job is to help others

277
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:50,559
Speaker 1: find their power in a healthy way. So there's that.

278
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,840
Speaker 1: I am still curious if you're somebody who is going

279
00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,000
Speaker 1: to um grad school yourself or in the process of

280
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,720
Speaker 1: becoming a therapist, because I wonder if other people struggle

281
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:01,360
Speaker 1: with these same things. Maybe I'll ask some of my

282
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,840
Speaker 1: therapist friends with the hardest things work for them anyway. Okay,

283
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,520
Speaker 1: that does it for me today. I hope you enjoyed

284
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,880
Speaker 1: this episode of couch Talks. Like I said, if you

285
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,199
Speaker 1: have a question you want me to answer, you can

286
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,679
Speaker 1: send it to Catherine at You Need Therapy podcast dot com.

287
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,880
Speaker 1: If you want to follow me or the podcast, you

288
00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,960
Speaker 1: can do that on Instagram at Cat dot de fata

289
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:24,360
Speaker 1: and at You Need Therapy Podcast. I will be back

290
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,520
Speaker 1: with you on Monday for a new episode of You

291
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:30,760
Speaker 1: Need Therapy. Until then, I hope you guys have the

292
00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,120
Speaker 1: days that you need to have.