WEBVTT - #5 Signs From Above 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:07.840 Help I Suck Good Dating and I Heart Radio podcast. Hello, 0:00:07.920 --> 0:00:10.600 and welcome back to Help I Suck at Dating. I'm 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:13.360 Dean Angler. This is episode five and I have a 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:16.000 very special guest in studio with me today. You know him, 0:00:16.239 --> 0:00:18.919 you love him from Rachel season, Eric Bigger, Ladies, lady 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:21.880 and gentlemen. There he is. I'm in the building. How 0:00:22.000 --> 0:00:24.680 you doing, Dan, How are you feeling. I'm feeling good man, 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:29.160 hearts hearts full, hearts ready to you know, continue pushing through. Um, Eric, 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:31.040 do you mind just introducing yourself to everyone that maybe 0:00:31.080 --> 0:00:33.320 isn't as similar to the show. Hey, So I'm Eric Bigger, 0:00:33.320 --> 0:00:36.320 a second run up from Rachel Lindsay season and uh, 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:38.599 me and Dean was in Dallas together before I took 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:40.640 off for Spain and then I went home and then 0:00:40.680 --> 0:00:44.440 I'm here and um, Johnny King, let's do it well. 0:00:44.440 --> 0:00:46.279 Thank you. UM. I also do want to mention at 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:48.239 the top of this podcast, I mentioned briefly to the 0:00:48.240 --> 0:00:51.520 producer and Eric as well, this is the eleven year 0:00:51.600 --> 0:00:53.599 anniversary of my mother passing away this week, so I'm 0:00:53.600 --> 0:00:55.440 a little off. I'm a little emotional this time of year. 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:56.760 So if you guys sent some of that I just 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:58.639 wanted to at least put that out there. But Eric, 0:00:58.680 --> 0:01:02.440 let's dive into a little bit about what you take 0:01:02.480 --> 0:01:03.840 a lot of pride and joy in, which is great, 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:05.039 And I know we talked about it a lot during 0:01:05.040 --> 0:01:08.640 our season, UM astrology and like kind of how astrology 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:12.559 plays into dating and and even just relationships in general. Yeah, 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:14.760 so you know, from my point of view, I always 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:17.200 seek to understand and to be understood. You know, we 0:01:17.280 --> 0:01:20.960 are who we are for a number of things. UM. 0:01:21.200 --> 0:01:24.839 With you Ding, you know your areas, your fire sign, UM, 0:01:24.920 --> 0:01:27.400 you might lack patients at times, Um, you like to 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:30.920 be in control. But also you are a sweetheart, so 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:33.840 when it comes to her areas, you're more so or 0:01:33.920 --> 0:01:37.280 more compatible with someone who's fired just like you a 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:42.600 Leo sagittarius. But you're really compatible as well with air sign, 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:47.280 with someone who's a gem and I and aquarious, you know. 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:51.480 So I think for you it's about a person understanding 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:54.320 you and giving you your space, but at the same 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:57.600 time letting you lead as well. So you might not 0:01:57.760 --> 0:01:59.520 like when someone is telling you what you do all 0:01:59.560 --> 0:02:01.640 the time or pushing you. You might not like that, 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:03.600 don't like it very much? Right, So you need to 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:05.600 understand it about you. But what's weird about that is 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:07.560 because I am stubborn, right, and I do like to 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:09.720 push back when people tell me to do things. But 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:14.000 I also very much appreciate the direction that sometimes people offer, right, 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:16.240 So how how do you find the happy medium between that? 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:19.320 Because I will so quickly say no to someone when 0:02:19.360 --> 0:02:21.919 they're telling me to do something for myself, but I'm 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:25.040 also very much open to the idea of someone kind 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:26.960 of like guiding me through certain things, or like someone 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:30.760 suggesting something I like structure when it's kind of given 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:32.360 to me, right, But I don't like to to kind 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.160 of abide to people's rules of that type of stuff. 0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:37.280 So is you know, being vulnerable with that person. So 0:02:37.520 --> 0:02:39.920 the thing about people who are airsions, they have a 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:42.880 great way of communicating, so they know how to get 0:02:42.960 --> 0:02:44.440 you to do things that they need you to do 0:02:44.520 --> 0:02:47.600 in a diplomatic way. Okay, so I thank of someone 0:02:47.600 --> 0:02:50.200 you might be closer who's an airsion. Not with all signs. 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:53.399 You know. Amy is a curious so she's really good 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:56.120 at delegating in a healthy way. Sometimes. Amy the producer 0:02:56.120 --> 0:02:58.200 of the podcast. I don't like to get on Dean Show, 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:00.400 but I will say he hates when I tell him 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:04.200 what to do, but part of him he needs it. Yeah, yeah, 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:06.480 so it's balanced. But I think with you, it's all 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:10.079 about being honest, being open, and being vulnerable I said, 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:12.880 and understanding, like I don't like when you say that 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:16.960 like that, or just be completely honest about your feelings. Okay, 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.120 what's that? What's you? I'm an areas, I'm a Pisces. 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:20.720 You're a piece. So what does pice you say about you? 0:03:21.240 --> 0:03:26.120 Very emotional, very sensitive, very impath like helping people. Okay, 0:03:26.200 --> 0:03:28.160 you know, I'm emotional person. I think that was one 0:03:28.200 --> 0:03:30.160 of my struggles on the show because I was trying 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:33.000 to get Richel to be emotional from it jump she was, 0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:34.720 and so I felt like, well, maybe she doesn't want 0:03:34.720 --> 0:03:36.200 to be with me and Rachel's and Areas. I think 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:38.480 she's an Aria's tar s mixer. She's right in the 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:43.920 cos she's like earth in fire. Yet I think, yeah, 0:03:44.040 --> 0:03:50.080 oh you're you're right, You're right. I'm embarrassed. Um, all right, 0:03:50.160 --> 0:03:54.040 So does in patience man? Patience for you is could 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:57.600 be tough sometimes. Patience, Yeah, you wanted like right now, 0:03:57.640 --> 0:03:59.240 you want to do it? Like let's go now, you 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:00.960 don't think that's just in any other thing that's like, 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:04.600 that's like areas, they're they're like the born leaders. They're 0:04:04.640 --> 0:04:07.240 like the baby of the leaders, like okay, they like 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:09.120 they don't have patience. So that's the weird thing about 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:11.160 me too, is I love being in control and being 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:13.000 the leader of a situation. But at the same time 0:04:13.600 --> 0:04:16.000 you're competitive as well, competitive, very competitive. At the same time, 0:04:16.000 --> 0:04:17.520 I kind of like like the direction in the order 0:04:17.560 --> 0:04:19.240 and that yeah, this is what you should be doing. 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:20.919 I just think for you, direction needs to come in 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:24.160 a healthy way, Like you don't want someone controlling you 0:04:24.240 --> 0:04:26.240 or telling you what to do if it's not unhealthy 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:29.560 or to demanding. So you don't like it's funny because 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:32.200 you probably don't like when someone's like you to them 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:35.240 in what way. So you might be like, uh, go 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:39.240 over there and get me that drink and then come back. 0:04:39.279 --> 0:04:40.800 I have someone to take some pictures with you. But 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.159 you might not even know that you're doing that just that. No, 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:46.400 I'm just saying it might not come off that light. 0:04:47.400 --> 0:04:50.400 You're you direct your leader, so you tell people what 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:52.000 to do without even trying to tell them what to do. 0:04:52.040 --> 0:04:54.400 If that makes sense, Yeah, come over here and take 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:56.080 this selfie with me like I need you to, and 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.400 you just do it just so naturally. But that's just 0:04:58.400 --> 0:05:01.440 who you are. It's okay, okay, ear leader, Okay, Well, 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:02.839 so how about yourself? How do you kind of handle 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:05.520 those types of situations? And your said you're more your pisces, 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:07.919 so you're a little bit more empathic, right, So what 0:05:07.960 --> 0:05:10.120 does that say about you? Well, so for me, it's 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:12.359 more about I don't mind taking direction because I have 0:05:12.400 --> 0:05:13.760 that problem. To you when people tell you what to do, 0:05:13.800 --> 0:05:15.960 It's all about how you speak to me. I don't 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:18.280 mind working with someone or working for someone, but it's 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:20.200 all how you talk to me. And so I think 0:05:20.200 --> 0:05:22.239 that's important for a lot of people. But some people 0:05:22.400 --> 0:05:23.760 they just want to be the boss. They want to 0:05:23.760 --> 0:05:26.520 be in control. Some people want to control control. I 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:29.720 had that at some point, but I just trying to 0:05:29.760 --> 0:05:31.440 understand who I'm dealing one time. And so I know 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:33.080 you're ares and I know you'd like to be in 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:35.400 control or your leader. You're like patients, so I would 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:37.280 know how to talk to you and deal with you. 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.720 When did you start getting into this whole astrology thing 0:05:39.800 --> 0:05:42.520 or like just this whole mindset well, it's like four 0:05:42.640 --> 0:05:44.760 years ago. You know. I was just doing a lot 0:05:44.760 --> 0:05:47.039 of research on myself, trying to understand why am I 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:48.720 this way? Why do I think like this? And why 0:05:48.760 --> 0:05:52.480 do I have these aspirations and ambitions? Like who is this? 0:05:52.520 --> 0:05:55.440 And why I started going deeper? And I'm like, oh, 0:05:55.520 --> 0:05:58.119 you know, And so when people don't, I don't say people, 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:00.960 some people don't know. You have three signs that make 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:04.160 you up right, So your first is your ascendant, which 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:06.440 is your rising sign, how you come off, So that's 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:08.920 more like your personality to when people see you. Then 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:12.160 you have your moon sign, which is like your mood, 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:14.880 and then you have your son, which is your area. 0:06:14.960 --> 0:06:17.240 So for me, my son's sign is a Pisces, but 0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:19.880 my rising sign is a Libra, So I come off 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:22.760 like a Libra. I'm balance and charming, I'm cool. But 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:25.960 my moon sign is a Sagittarius. So it's like I 0:06:26.000 --> 0:06:28.320 like the initiated, like action and like that that's the fire, 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:30.160 and me like like the skull. What's your ascendant sign? 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:34.600 That's a Libra. Ascendant is right like how you come off. 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:36.919 So you might have I don't know, if we do 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:39.480 your natal chart, you might have a water rising or 0:06:39.680 --> 0:06:42.839 earth rising, So you might get along with someone who's 0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:45.800 a Scorpio because your rising might be cancer because those 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:49.479 are two water signs. So it's different for everybody. But 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:51.560 once you get deep into your chart, you know, and 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:53.400 your natal chart is basically your chart where you have 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:57.160 your full name, the tommy were born, where you were born, 0:06:57.360 --> 0:07:00.000 in your date, and so you get all these signs 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:02.600 and then you have your venus planet, which is your 0:07:02.640 --> 0:07:08.880 love sign, Jupiter, which represents money. Um Mercury was just communication. 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:11.600 So there's so many different elements that make up a 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:17.520 person that people don't know. And it makes sense for relationships, business, partnership, 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:19.400 all those things. And so what sparks your interested in this? 0:07:19.440 --> 0:07:21.120 And I know you were just trying to, like I 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:25.600 like helping people, right, So for me, Um, I'm always 0:07:25.600 --> 0:07:27.960 curious about you know, like Tony Robbins a big inspiration 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:29.880 and I'm like, damn, how is this guy so passionate? 0:07:29.920 --> 0:07:31.480 Like what is he get it from? You know, you 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:33.800 see someone like Steve Jobs, He's someone like Walt Disney, 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:36.760 you know, these powerful people, and so I start doing 0:07:36.760 --> 0:07:40.120 research like, oh, so Tony Robbins, for instance, I know 0:07:40.240 --> 0:07:42.680 he's a Pisce, he's like I am. His life path 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.800 number is two, like I am. So he's very diplomatic, 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:49.760 very tackling his communication, but his moon sign is an aries, 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:52.480 so when it comes to getting things done in information, 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:55.840 he's very like intense, like he want to get it 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:58.680 right now. So if I want to help people, I 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:01.360 gotta know everything about them in my in my mind 0:08:01.640 --> 0:08:03.200 because I want to know who I'm really dealing with now, 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:04.920 who I think I'm dealing with based on what they 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:07.080 do and how they're coming off. And I remember you. 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:10.200 I think our first in depth conversation about this over 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:11.200 the course of the show is I think it was 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:13.240 in Hilton Head working out together in the gym, and 0:08:13.280 --> 0:08:14.800 you brought up life path number, right, So how do 0:08:14.800 --> 0:08:16.920 you calculate a life path number? Yeah, so life path 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:20.560 number would be your month, your day in your year, 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:23.760 so no number can go above a nine. So it's 0:08:23.840 --> 0:08:28.240 numbers from one to nine. So basically your birthday is 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:32.319 what April seventeen, April sevente right, So then so we're 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:34.000 gonna do the year first. We're gonna start from right. 0:08:34.000 --> 0:08:36.360 I'll way back to left. So one plus nine is ten, 0:08:37.160 --> 0:08:41.000 tim plus nine is what nineteen plus one is twenty, 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:44.439 so then we have the two because twenty, so you 0:08:44.440 --> 0:08:46.959 will do two plus zero, which is too So one 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:51.959 plus seven eight eight so then what's that tip ten 0:08:53.200 --> 0:08:59.040 and then tim plus four, right, you got it, So 0:08:59.160 --> 0:09:01.720 then there we go. We have fourteen. That makes that 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:06.800 whole month day one plus four is five, so five 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:10.480 represents change freedom. That's why you travel a lot. You're 0:09:10.600 --> 0:09:14.080 very curious. Also, you like to live life to the fullest, 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:19.400 so eating, drinking, and having fun. But when you're focused, 0:09:19.440 --> 0:09:22.640 your highly successful. So that's your life path number. So 0:09:22.640 --> 0:09:24.720 you're gonna always be curious, You're probably gonna travel a lot. 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:28.280 And I'm two, so I'm very I'm the peacemaker, so 0:09:28.360 --> 0:09:30.960 might bring the piece. I'm very diplomatic. I bring people together, 0:09:31.120 --> 0:09:34.720 you know, I'm trying to keep it cool. Um. But 0:09:34.800 --> 0:09:37.400 then you have your attitude number, you know, so you 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:40.560 and not have the same attitude number. What's that? So 0:09:40.559 --> 0:09:43.320 your attitude number would be your month in your day, 0:09:43.520 --> 0:09:47.040 So your day is the seventeen, right, so one plus 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:51.160 seven eight plus eight plus four one plus two it 0:09:51.280 --> 0:09:55.200 is so attitude three is energy is good and when 0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:58.480 things happen that hurt you, it hinders you you like, 0:09:58.559 --> 0:10:00.920 make humor about it. You don't want to, you know, 0:10:01.280 --> 0:10:03.559 so you're you don't really As far as attitude, you 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:05.480 don't played the great area, even white or black, and 0:10:05.520 --> 0:10:08.080 when you're really mad or upset, people can feel it. 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:12.319 So you and I have the same attitude number. Okay, interesting? Yeah, 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:15.200 all right, Eric brings me to my next question. Have 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:19.000 you ever used a dating app before? Yeah? I have. 0:10:19.640 --> 0:10:21.719 I'm sure the one that you use was Bumble, right. 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:24.160 I have been a Bumble before, and I'm sure this 0:10:24.200 --> 0:10:26.120 is probably pre show. I mean, I'm I'm guilty of 0:10:26.200 --> 0:10:28.840 using it too. Tell me about one of your experiences 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:32.080 using bumble. Uh, Bumble is hard. It was hard in 0:10:32.080 --> 0:10:35.200 the beginning because you have to wait for the female 0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:38.760 though like you right, and then message you right. Yes, 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:40.360 but that's that can be a good thing. I think 0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:46.160 it shows it. No, no, no hits. I'm sure you 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:49.480 didn't have any problem getting hits on bumble area. Or 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:52.480 someone likes you and doesn't message you, then yeah, it's 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:54.559 like what are we doing? What? Why? Why did you 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:58.280 like me in the first place? Purpose? But yeah, so 0:10:58.360 --> 0:10:59.800 let's hear what's your story. Have you ever met up 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:02.240 with a a from Bumble again, it could be you're 0:11:02.280 --> 0:11:05.640 okay really never okay? Um, I have yeah, feel only 0:11:05.800 --> 0:11:09.640 like a handful again only years ago. Um. But the 0:11:09.880 --> 0:11:11.880 nict thing about Bumble is you don't have to just 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.439 meet people of the opposite sex to go on dates 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:16.559 with them, right. There are other options that you can 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:19.360 other benefits you can root from using Bumble, so you 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:21.720 can use it as a dating app, which Eric has 0:11:21.840 --> 0:11:23.760 used with two to minor success. I've used to a 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:26.640 little bit better. But again, you know, it's it's it's 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:29.720 all within the beholder. Um. There's also the friend Finder app, 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:31.160 so you know, say you moved to a new city 0:11:31.160 --> 0:11:32.520 and you're just trying to find some new friends to 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:34.720 hang out with. I think we you know, we can 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:36.440 all attest that one of the biggest fears of moving 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:38.160 is is not necessarily having people to hang out with. 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:39.920 And that's what's great about Bumble as it allows you 0:11:39.960 --> 0:11:44.360 the opportunity to meet people organically in the sense that 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:46.199 you know, you don't always want to go to a bar. 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:47.880 Sometimes you want to be able to to meet and 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:49.840 have a conversation before meeting face to face. You have 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:52.000 the Bumble friend Finder, and then say you're in a 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:54.600 in a profession where networking is pretty important as well, 0:11:54.840 --> 0:11:56.800 or you're just interested in meeting like minded folks who 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.800 kind of share the same career h hobbies as you 0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:02.240 and you know you can jump on bumble what is 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:05.000 it bumble business networking. So there's three components to a 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:08.319 bumble dating, bumble best friend and bumble business where you're 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:10.559 able to meet and talk to people, um, you know, 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:13.720 fellow socialized, fellow business people just like yourself. Or you know, 0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:15.240 if you're looking to find the next level your life 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.240 instead of going on a TV show, you're more than 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:19.200 able to go on bumble and find them there. And 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:22.000 if you go on bumble dot com slash Dean and 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:25.160 download the app, you can start bumbling and start finding 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:28.760 new friends, new business colleagues, whatever it is. So bumble 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:30.920 dot com slash Dean, be sure to get on there 0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:33.880 and start bumbling. All right. So last week in studio, 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:36.200 as you guys all know, we had my roommate and 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:39.200 Dr V who left me with the homework assignment, which 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:41.679 was to compile a list of ten fears that I 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:44.559 have in dating. I did just that, maybe to a 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:46.360 lesser extent. I was only able to get a couple 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:47.880 of them. I hope she's not gonna be angry at me, 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:49.840 but we're gonna get her back on the phone. We're 0:12:49.840 --> 0:12:51.840 gonna go and dissect them a little bit and kind 0:12:51.840 --> 0:12:53.959 of see what advice she asked for me moving forward. 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.840 Hey dr V it's Dean from Iart Media. I suck 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:02.679 at dating. What's up girl? Dr for don't forget p 0:13:02.840 --> 0:13:07.880 G rated podcast here? Yeah, that's all right. We have 0:13:07.880 --> 0:13:09.440 a certain number of beeps and we've already used two 0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:11.880 of them. So okay, okay, I'll be I'll be good. 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:14.880 I'll be good. God, how are you? I'm good. I 0:13:14.920 --> 0:13:17.679 want to know how you're doing and did you do 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:22.800 your assignment? Did you comply with your homework? I try 0:13:22.880 --> 0:13:25.840 to comply. I've compiled a short list shorter than you 0:13:25.880 --> 0:13:28.839 wanted it to be, but I did write a few 0:13:28.880 --> 0:13:32.240 things down. Okay, let's hear it. So the homework was 0:13:32.400 --> 0:13:35.400 just to refresh the listeners, to write down ten ten 0:13:35.400 --> 0:13:38.800 fears that I have in dating, right, I said ten. Yeah, 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:41.720 that's a lot. That's a lot. Thank god you shorten 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:43.920 it list. You're smart. I wrote three so we can 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:46.800 dissect them a little bit more fully. Great, great, three okay, 0:13:46.840 --> 0:13:48.360 all right. So the first one that I wrote, and 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:50.199 I actually just wrote these when I got into the 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:56.320 studio today is loving and not being loved back. Yeah, 0:13:56.600 --> 0:14:01.080 that is a real fear. And I'll tell you ceprocation 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:07.400 is not love. It isn't you own your love. Your 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:11.560 love is yours and nobody can take that away from you. 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:14.600 What do you think about that? Um? I think that 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:16.160 that's a good point. I forgot to mention, actually, dr 0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:18.640 V that I do. I have a a co host 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:20.520 in studio with me today, Eric Bigger from my season. 0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:23.440 I'm not sure if you're familiar with him. Eric. What's up? Hey? 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:27.800 How you doing? How are you feeling? WHOA, we're all here? Ergy? 0:14:28.240 --> 0:14:32.280 What's that? Um? What's that saying? You are who you love, 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:36.600 not who loves you? And that is so important to 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:40.320 realize you're able to really take your power back from 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:44.440 the real place of unconditional love. You know what I'm saying. 0:14:45.040 --> 0:14:48.760 But but, but anyway, I digress. I'm getting very philosophical. 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:52.360 So you're afraid of not being loved back, yes, but 0:14:52.480 --> 0:14:55.120 reciprocation is not love. So I just want you to 0:14:55.120 --> 0:14:59.720 think about that, and you're not you know, you are 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:03.080 who you love, not who loves you back. So let's 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:04.360 talk about that for a second. What do you mean 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:07.360 by you are who you love? You are who you love, 0:15:07.480 --> 0:15:10.920 and when you examine who you love, think about the 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:15.920 amazing insights you have about you. Think about all the 0:15:16.000 --> 0:15:19.560 people you I mean, are you dating anyone now? Of 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:23.080 course not? You stuck at it? Okay, think about all 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:26.720 of the people you have dated in the past and 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:32.880 think about who they are as people and what you 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:39.920 loved about them. You are who you love, so well, 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:44.960 it's okay. So now that's that's something different. Are you 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.960 dating and you're just looking to hook up with people 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:50.760 or are you looking to be in love? And I'll 0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:54.400 tell you, biology bears out that you're looking to be 0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:57.800 in love as much as you want to be cool 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.640 and say you're dating, You're dating because you want to 0:16:00.640 --> 0:16:03.360 be in love. So let's get back to the question. 0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:06.400 When you think about your past relationships, when you think 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:12.880 about that, were they people? What kind of people were they? 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:17.240 It says a lot about who you are positive, outgoing, fun. 0:16:18.440 --> 0:16:21.680 I think we're positive they were outgoing, they were fun, 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:25.040 But that doesn't necessarily solve the fear that I have 0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:27.040 of loving someone and not being loved back. My point 0:16:27.080 --> 0:16:28.680 they received love is like I want to I want 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:30.200 to give my full heart to someone, right and I'm 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:32.120 I'm guessing my fear is giving my full heart to 0:16:32.120 --> 0:16:35.200 someone and not getting their full heart back. What I'm 0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:39.960 trying to explain to you is that is a vulnerability 0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:43.160 and it's worth the risk. You need to be more 0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:48.880 courageous because reciprocation is not love. Who gives about the 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.520 other person and what they give back to you. Your 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:55.920 love is yours. But if you continue loving them, and 0:16:55.960 --> 0:17:00.680 everyone's fear is that they won't be loved back, and 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:05.440 that is an enormous undertaking. Number one, maybe you don't 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:09.000 feel worthy of love. You don't feel worthy of that. 0:17:09.600 --> 0:17:12.840 And if you don't feel worthy of love, you're always 0:17:12.880 --> 0:17:15.800 going to be rejecting its. Actually I'm trying to I'm 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:18.959 trying to help you with that fear of you know, 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:21.399 having it not be reciprocated. I'm trying to help you 0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:24.680 with that by saying it's look, it's your love, you 0:17:24.720 --> 0:17:26.520 own it. You know what's funny about that. It's a 0:17:26.560 --> 0:17:29.440 perfect transition into my second fear, which is an adequacy 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:36.480 mm hmm, yeah, and adequacy in the sense that in 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:39.240 the sense that I think that I think it's kind 0:17:39.240 --> 0:17:41.399 of human nature to go around comparing yourself to other people, right, 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:43.439 And so if I'm in a relationship, I kind of 0:17:43.480 --> 0:17:46.160 look at myself. I kind of compare myself to other 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:48.080 potential suitors for the person that I'm dating, right, and 0:17:48.080 --> 0:17:50.639 seeing where I stack up in that kind of hierarchy 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:54.240 high your archy, right. Um, So maybe that's kind of 0:17:54.280 --> 0:17:57.200 a derivative of the the loving and not being left back. 0:17:57.480 --> 0:18:01.760 Give me examples. I want examples of what exactly you're 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:04.479 you know, you're inadequacies. So you met Jackson last week, right, 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:08.400 great guy, super good looking, very outgoing. Um, Jackson is great, 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:10.919 super smart, right exactly. And so maybe like say I'm 0:18:10.960 --> 0:18:13.240 dating someone, right and I introduced them to Jackson, and 0:18:13.280 --> 0:18:14.840 I kind of like, look at Jackson. I'm like, Damn, 0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:16.680 Jackson is way cooler than I am. He's way more 0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:18.720 like datable than I am. Right. So it's like a 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:21.199 feeling of an adequacy that I sometimes have when I 0:18:21.240 --> 0:18:23.800 introduced maybe someone that I'm dating or whatever. It is 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:27.919 just that's just for instance, of course, but wow, this 0:18:28.000 --> 0:18:32.000 is deep. I just I'm wondering, where did you first 0:18:32.040 --> 0:18:36.359 start feeling these feelings of an adequacy. I have no idea. 0:18:36.400 --> 0:18:38.880 I'm just talking about them for the first time right now. 0:18:38.960 --> 0:18:42.000 So I think it's amazing. I think to be so 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:45.800 insightful about yourself and what your fears are and that 0:18:45.920 --> 0:18:49.240 you feel unworthy of love and that you feel inadequate. 0:18:49.560 --> 0:18:52.800 I mean, but at the same time, how relatable are 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:58.080 you because everybody feels that way. I feel inadequate, I 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:02.240 feel unworthy every Do you feel that? And that's a 0:19:02.359 --> 0:19:06.320 real feeling, And I guess do you are? Are there 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:10.240 any ideas that you might have for you for yourself, 0:19:10.600 --> 0:19:12.959 like maybe mantras that you could say in those moments 0:19:12.960 --> 0:19:15.080 of feeling of an adequate? What you know what I mean, like, 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:18.280 what could you say to yourself? I love coping cards? 0:19:19.680 --> 0:19:21.840 Are you talking about like like pre interview type stuff 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:22.960 where you go in front of the mirror and you 0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:24.760 like raise your hands in the air and you say, 0:19:24.800 --> 0:19:27.800 I am powerful. Okay, so let me so I'm glad 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:29.440 you brought that up, because, let me tell you something, 0:19:29.880 --> 0:19:33.840 power posing was huge. It was huge YouTube. But psychology 0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:38.080 has an enormous reproducibility issue. They couldn't reproduce that study. 0:19:38.760 --> 0:19:41.200 Um a couple of years later. So you have to 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:43.480 be careful with psychology. So the answer to that is 0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:46.520