1 00:00:15,436 --> 00:00:24,636 Speaker 1: Pushkin. Hello, Hello, Malcolm Glabell Here, I have an important announcement. 2 00:00:25,276 --> 00:00:28,596 Speaker 1: In this season of revisionist history. I'm launching a massive 3 00:00:28,876 --> 00:00:32,836 Speaker 1: frontal assault on the Walt Disney Company's animated blockbuster, The 4 00:00:32,916 --> 00:00:37,156 Speaker 1: Little Mermaid. I know what you're saying, Malcolm, what are 5 00:00:37,196 --> 00:00:40,916 Speaker 1: you doing? It's a children's classic, a young mermaid falls 6 00:00:40,916 --> 00:00:44,796 Speaker 1: in love and finds her voice. No, it's not a classic. 7 00:00:45,036 --> 00:00:48,756 Speaker 1: It's a cinematic dumpster fire. And we devote no fewer 8 00:00:48,756 --> 00:00:53,076 Speaker 1: than three episodes to explaining why we got so carried 9 00:00:53,116 --> 00:00:56,236 Speaker 1: away that we ended up putting together an all star 10 00:00:56,316 --> 00:00:59,796 Speaker 1: team to make our own version of The Little Mermaid, 11 00:01:00,116 --> 00:01:06,676 Speaker 1: featuring Ready Dak Shepherd, Britt Marling, Jody Foster, and Glenn Close. 12 00:01:07,516 --> 00:01:11,356 Speaker 1: Here's an exclusive preview, starting with our writer and narrator 13 00:01:11,956 --> 00:01:15,556 Speaker 1: Britt Marling. We're trying to give the feeling of what 14 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:19,236 Speaker 1: is possible and then, well, you know, I'd like to 15 00:01:19,236 --> 00:01:22,436 Speaker 1: see whether we can create a ground swell, public ground 16 00:01:22,476 --> 00:01:25,476 Speaker 1: swell among nine year old girls in this country for 17 00:01:25,796 --> 00:01:32,636 Speaker 1: a better version of Little Mermaid, retelling the real one. Yes, yes, yes, yes, 18 00:01:33,556 --> 00:01:36,956 Speaker 1: So with that, may I present The Little Mermaid two 19 00:01:37,036 --> 00:01:47,276 Speaker 1: point zero, written and narrated by Britt Marling. Ariel grabs 20 00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:51,196 Speaker 1: onto a portal window. She hoists herself out of the sea, 21 00:01:51,516 --> 00:01:54,156 Speaker 1: scales the side of the ship toward the deck. The 22 00:01:54,276 --> 00:01:57,636 Speaker 1: final bars of cannon Indie float down from above as 23 00:01:57,676 --> 00:02:05,236 Speaker 1: Aeriel ascends. Do you, Prince Eric, take Ursula to have 24 00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:09,356 Speaker 1: and to hold in sickness and in health for as 25 00:02:09,356 --> 00:02:13,716 Speaker 1: long as you bow shall live. Ariel throws one leg 26 00:02:13,756 --> 00:02:17,556 Speaker 1: over the starboard, railing The guests, enraptured by the perfection 27 00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:20,196 Speaker 1: of the bride and groom, don't even notice her arrival. 28 00:02:20,876 --> 00:02:26,596 Speaker 1: Eric looks deep into Ursula's eyes, hypnotized, I do and 29 00:02:27,196 --> 00:02:33,956 Speaker 1: do you Ursula? Take Prince Eric. Ariel, soaking wet, breathed, 30 00:02:33,996 --> 00:02:37,076 Speaker 1: and seeweed right in the face, charges forward, leaps onto 31 00:02:37,076 --> 00:02:39,356 Speaker 1: the stage, heads right for the couple to be like 32 00:02:39,396 --> 00:02:43,356 Speaker 1: a charging bull. The guests gasp at this invasion, A 33 00:02:43,476 --> 00:02:46,876 Speaker 1: scorned woman come to sabotage the wedding to throw Eric's 34 00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:51,796 Speaker 1: fiance overboard. Ariel barrels forward, arms outstretched, and just when 35 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:56,156 Speaker 1: it seems like Ariel might strike Ursula, she collides with 36 00:02:56,196 --> 00:03:00,196 Speaker 1: her in an embrace full of feeling. The guest's jaws 37 00:03:00,276 --> 00:03:06,556 Speaker 1: drop God in heaven. Ursula shocked, disgusted, lets the mask 38 00:03:06,636 --> 00:03:10,516 Speaker 1: of perfect bride slip, her true voice laced with bitterness. 39 00:03:11,156 --> 00:03:15,796 Speaker 1: Get get off me, you fool. Ursula tries to extricate 40 00:03:15,836 --> 00:03:18,916 Speaker 1: herself from Ariel's arms, but Ariel holds on with a 41 00:03:18,956 --> 00:03:27,036 Speaker 1: strength of heart impossible to unravel. Ariel, what are you doing? 42 00:03:27,796 --> 00:03:31,116 Speaker 1: Everyone looks on in a shock at this truly bizarre scene. 43 00:03:31,516 --> 00:03:35,276 Speaker 1: One woman hugging another woman who wriggles squirms, fights to 44 00:03:35,396 --> 00:03:38,516 Speaker 1: escape this embrace, but cannot break it and also seems 45 00:03:38,556 --> 00:03:43,156 Speaker 1: to not really want to, the force of Ariela's kindness 46 00:03:43,196 --> 00:03:46,196 Speaker 1: gains the power of actual magic, and the shell around 47 00:03:46,276 --> 00:03:50,196 Speaker 1: Ursula's neck that holds Ariel's voice begins to glow, hum 48 00:03:50,316 --> 00:03:53,676 Speaker 1: tog away from Ursula as if possessed, and move toward Ariel. 49 00:03:57,596 --> 00:04:02,436 Speaker 1: Stop stop, stop, I said, But Ariel doesn't stop. By 50 00:04:02,436 --> 00:04:05,636 Speaker 1: the heat of Ariel's love, Ursula begins to transform back 51 00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:10,076 Speaker 1: into her original form. Her slender limbs morphin thick, barnacle 52 00:04:10,116 --> 00:04:13,316 Speaker 1: covered tentacles, her wedding dress burst at the themes to 53 00:04:13,356 --> 00:04:17,036 Speaker 1: reveal her sea slick octopus body. A woman in the 54 00:04:17,076 --> 00:04:24,076 Speaker 1: audience screams, shrilly, good, God, disgust. What is she? Children 55 00:04:24,156 --> 00:04:27,676 Speaker 1: cower under their seats. Grown men back away in horror. 56 00:04:27,796 --> 00:04:33,396 Speaker 1: Eric stumbles and nearly falls over. Oh oh, I almost 57 00:04:33,516 --> 00:04:41,276 Speaker 1: married an octopus? Well does Eric marry the octopus? What 58 00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:44,476 Speaker 1: will Ariel do with Ursula? And who is the voice 59 00:04:44,476 --> 00:04:47,836 Speaker 1: of that dashing priest? If you want to find out, 60 00:04:48,076 --> 00:04:51,276 Speaker 1: go here. All three Little Mermaid episodes in the Revisionist 61 00:04:51,316 --> 00:04:55,036 Speaker 1: History Feed, available wherever you get your podcasts.