1 00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:04,880 Speaker 1: Today's Daily Highlight from Elvis Duran in the Morning Show 2 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: Suran in the Morning Show. 3 00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:08,399 Speaker 2: All right, we're talking about this a second ago. 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:12,960 Speaker 3: Being single or actually going from in relationship to being 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 3: single and getting out there in the dating world can 6 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 3: be a total mind f you know. I mean, it 7 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,759 Speaker 3: can just really scare you, maybe to the point where 8 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:24,599 Speaker 3: you just won't go out. And there's nothing wrong with 9 00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,760 Speaker 3: spending some time with your friends and letting them take 10 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 3: care of you and just being a person and not 11 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:32,120 Speaker 3: having to think about dating someone else. Because when you 12 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 3: start dating someone else, sometimes it turns into this game 13 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:35,360 Speaker 3: like chess. 14 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,880 Speaker 2: Sometimes it shouldn't be that way. It is. It can't 15 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 2: be horrible. It's true. 16 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:44,120 Speaker 3: I know that no matter who you have as friends, 17 00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 3: someone in your circle, maybe you are in this situation 18 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 3: where it's time to get out there and dating again 19 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,919 Speaker 3: if you want so. Nate sent me this article. It's 20 00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 3: a great list about dating, getting out there in the 21 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 3: dating world, and there's some things to think about here. 22 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:02,560 Speaker 3: So if this isn't you, maybe you have a friend 23 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,840 Speaker 3: who is about to go back into the dating world, 24 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 3: or maybe they are and they're struggling, or or the 25 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,679 Speaker 3: succeeding I don't know. So, Hey, Nate, did you ever 26 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 3: find a caller for her? 27 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,720 Speaker 4: I did talk to Renee. She says, dating in twenty 28 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 4: twenty four is like going to a thrift shop. 29 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 3: Oh perfect, let's start with her. Then, let's just rather 30 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:22,160 Speaker 3: than diving into the list. Now, let's talk to Renee. 31 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,200 Speaker 3: You're saying dating is sucking for you these in this 32 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 3: day and age. 33 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:26,560 Speaker 2: Why is that, Renee? 34 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:32,200 Speaker 5: It's absolutely horrible. My comment was, it's like trying to 35 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 5: find the least used item that doesn't smell bad but 36 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 5: still holds up for a while. 37 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 3: Okay, wow, dating it goodwill, salvation army. 38 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 6: I get it. 39 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 5: It's just it's hard. I most guys either that I 40 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:52,360 Speaker 5: have come into contact with, or either you know, carrying 41 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 5: baggage from their past or you know they are you know, 42 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:02,840 Speaker 5: sewing the wild if you will, on things that they 43 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,720 Speaker 5: you know, should have done years ago. And it kind 44 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 5: of trickles down to me, as you know, the one 45 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 5: who's trying to date up. I end up only finding 46 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 5: ways to date down. My daughter actually told me the 47 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 5: other day, Mom, you're like one of those capture the 48 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:21,080 Speaker 5: flag tech people, and I seem to capture all the 49 00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 5: red flags. 50 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,480 Speaker 2: Well, okay. 51 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,480 Speaker 3: I mean, so you're saying it's impossible that there's nothing 52 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:29,799 Speaker 3: out there for you at all, or are you just 53 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 3: getting started. 54 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,079 Speaker 2: We don't know where you are in the process. 55 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:36,119 Speaker 5: I've been doing this now for about ten years, off 56 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 5: and on, trying to find somebody that fits decent and 57 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:44,399 Speaker 5: it has been very difficult. I am not giving up there. 58 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 5: I'm found in a termined There is somebody out there 59 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,400 Speaker 5: for me. It's just a matter of finding that person. 60 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,360 Speaker 5: And you know, one of the big things that I 61 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 5: have learned is I had to set standards and if 62 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:58,399 Speaker 5: you don't meet those standards, then there's really no point 63 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:02,080 Speaker 5: in you coming to you know, to things. But yeah, 64 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 5: it has been difficult. 65 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:05,120 Speaker 2: So what do you think, Gandhi? 66 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,000 Speaker 7: Well, I wanted to know when you say you're trying 67 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 7: to date it, but you end up dating down, what 68 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:10,920 Speaker 7: do you mean by that? 69 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 5: So I'm trying to find somebody that you know, and 70 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 5: I had, like I said, I set my standards, so 71 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,920 Speaker 5: you must have a job. Your job must be something 72 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:24,680 Speaker 5: that is able to take me to dinner, you know. 73 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,239 Speaker 5: So I'm trying to find somebody that that has those 74 00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:32,120 Speaker 5: good qualities about him, and I only seem to find 75 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 5: those that don't have those qualities. 76 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 2: Wow. 77 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:38,560 Speaker 5: So you know, and that's the hard part is trying 78 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:43,240 Speaker 5: to find somebody. And like I said, again, so simple, 79 00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 5: and there's yet so many men out there that thinks that, 80 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,360 Speaker 5: I mean, how are you going to pay for dinner? 81 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,600 Speaker 5: Chivalry is gone, it doesn't exist anymore. 82 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 3: Well, I I God, I hate hearing that because I'm 83 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,360 Speaker 3: I'm hoping, I'm praying that's not the case for everyone 84 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 3: and it's just been the luck of the draw with you. 85 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 3: But on the other hand, excuse me. You know, we 86 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:11,200 Speaker 3: all have this weird baggage that we carry around in lives, 87 00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 3: in our lives, and so you're looking for a guy 88 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,080 Speaker 3: who has less baggage because there's always going to be 89 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 3: something you have to deal with. There's always going to 90 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 3: be ways that you try to try to match up 91 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 3: with someone and who's not totally messed up forever, right, 92 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,200 Speaker 3: So exactly, employ and. 93 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 5: It's all that you're willing to compromise. 94 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 2: With, Okay, so there can be comfortable exactly. 95 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 5: Well, they're there there, you know, there needs to be 96 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,359 Speaker 5: you know, obviously, I'm completely okay with somebody who has children, 97 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 5: my daughter's college age. I'm okay with somebody who has children, 98 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:44,640 Speaker 5: but you know, it's got to be within reason. I 99 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:48,080 Speaker 5: don't need the Brady bunch. And you know, but again, 100 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,360 Speaker 5: two or three kids, that's fine, you know, we can 101 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 5: we can. 102 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 8: Work with that. 103 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,880 Speaker 5: But if you've got five, six kids with multiple mothers 104 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:59,040 Speaker 5: and it's like, that's just too much for me where 105 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:00,480 Speaker 5: I'm at a right. 106 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:01,720 Speaker 2: Now, and that's fair for you. 107 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, Danielle, I know you haven't had one hundred percent success, 108 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: but is there one place or one maybe dating app 109 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:12,120 Speaker 1: or something that you feel like works better than others. 110 00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:16,200 Speaker 5: I feel like I did have some decent luck on 111 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,440 Speaker 5: Bumble and Hinge that you seem to be you know, 112 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 5: average people. Anything other than that, you know, the paid apps, 113 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:33,080 Speaker 5: I did have some success, but not tons. 114 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,720 Speaker 2: Right, Well, look, stay on it. It doesn't sound like 115 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,919 Speaker 2: you're ready to give up. So that's good news, you know, 116 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 2: not at all, not at all. 117 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:43,599 Speaker 5: There is somebody out there for everyone. It's just a 118 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,080 Speaker 5: matter in finding the right person. 119 00:05:45,560 --> 00:05:45,880 Speaker 2: I'm in. 120 00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 3: I'm in all right. Well, thank you so much for 121 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 3: your time, Renee. We appreciate it. You have a great day, 122 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 3: good luck. 123 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 5: Okay, thanks you too, Okay, bye bye. 124 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,400 Speaker 2: So this list is very interesting. 125 00:05:56,839 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 3: Dating getting back into the dating world number one into 126 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 3: this and I love this one. Worry less about if 127 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 3: they like you and more about if you even like them. 128 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,000 Speaker 6: Oh that's a good one. Huh. 129 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,840 Speaker 3: We're always trying to like, put our lure in the 130 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 3: water and hopefully they'll like our shiny shiny lure better 131 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:18,039 Speaker 3: than the other ones. 132 00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 2: Well, what about them? I mean, do I like them? 133 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 7: Like? 134 00:06:21,720 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 2: What am I trying to attract here? What do you think, Nate? 135 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:27,680 Speaker 4: I think that's a very accurate, you know, point for 136 00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 4: a lot of people, because a lot of people want 137 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:33,360 Speaker 4: what they can't have, right, it's for them, it's like, well. 138 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:34,360 Speaker 2: Why doesn't this person like me? 139 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 4: I gotta try harder, you know, it's you're trying too 140 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:40,039 Speaker 4: hard to get something that doesn't want you in return. 141 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 4: So I think that's a fantastic point. 142 00:06:41,839 --> 00:06:44,000 Speaker 3: And also, you know, you see so many people, maybe 143 00:06:44,120 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 3: you've been in this situation before, when there's a breakup, 144 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,480 Speaker 3: you're like, why don't they like me? How I need 145 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:50,839 Speaker 3: for them to like me. I'm gonna go try harder, 146 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 3: I'm gonna Well, no, what about you? Why do you 147 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 3: want to be with someone who doesn't want to be 148 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 3: with you? I mean, it's about you, isn't it? 149 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:58,440 Speaker 2: Right? 150 00:06:59,040 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 6: Absolutely? 151 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:03,560 Speaker 3: Number two, rejection is not as personal as it feels. 152 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 3: Liking someone or being liked is more about compatibility then 153 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:09,359 Speaker 3: your inherent worth. 154 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 2: Think about that for a second. 155 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 3: You know, we have to stop thinking about them and 156 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 3: trying to please them and making them like us. 157 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 2: What are we doing? Thats just that sucks? What about us? 158 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 2: What about me? You know? You agree? 159 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,080 Speaker 7: Oh my god, totally. And just because it doesn't work 160 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,200 Speaker 7: out doesn't mean either person is bad. You just weren't 161 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 7: good together, right. 162 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 3: Number three goes back to what I was saying a 163 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 3: second ago. Stop choosing what isn't choosing you. If it's 164 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 3: not mutual, then why do you want to pursue it? 165 00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 3: If they don't want to be with you, they're not 166 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 3: showing enough interest in you. All right, later or maybe 167 00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 3: not even later? 168 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:49,440 Speaker 2: Bye? Right? I love this list? Where'd you get this list? 169 00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 4: It's from We're Not Really Strangers dot com? It was 170 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:54,679 Speaker 4: on RT and I just thought it was interesting. 171 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:55,400 Speaker 2: I love it. 172 00:07:55,760 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 3: Number four, ask yourself, would you be friends with this 173 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 3: person if you weren't physically attracted them? 174 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:03,800 Speaker 6: I mean that's a good one, really good one. Yeah, 175 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,680 Speaker 6: that is really good. 176 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 3: Well, physical attraction is typically what typically what kind of 177 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 3: makes us look at someone to begin with. I get that, 178 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,880 Speaker 3: but it's going to be beyond and deeper than that. 179 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: I was thinking of that when I was watching The 180 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:18,640 Speaker 1: Bachelorette for the one day I watched it the other 181 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 1: day because there was a guy who was so hot 182 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 1: and she has this physical attraction to him. But I 183 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: didn't feel like there was anything emotionally there or like 184 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:31,480 Speaker 1: that they were really had anything in common or liking 185 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 1: each other. And I was just like, they were just 186 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 1: in it for the physical part. And I'm like, so 187 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,480 Speaker 1: for long term, that can't work. You know, that's not 188 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:38,160 Speaker 1: gonna last. 189 00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 6: It's crazy. 190 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,160 Speaker 3: Way about this for a second. Let's say you break 191 00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,840 Speaker 3: up with someone or they break up with you, whatever, 192 00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,000 Speaker 3: and you're like, well, why why are we not speaking 193 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,120 Speaker 3: to each other anymore? Were we not friends when we 194 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 3: were together? Why were we even in that relationship if 195 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 3: we weren't friends. 196 00:08:53,360 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: That's why when people say they started out as friends 197 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,880 Speaker 1: first with someone for years and then it went into 198 00:08:57,880 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 1: that area, I feel like, you know what that means 199 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:03,559 Speaker 1: so much sense because you knew you like them because 200 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:04,800 Speaker 1: they were your friend first. 201 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 2: Wow, I've never been one of those. Have you guys? 202 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:08,760 Speaker 2: Oh that's all I date. 203 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:10,920 Speaker 6: There's some that I've been friends with. 204 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:16,800 Speaker 7: Really we start, Yeah, I have not dated someone who 205 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 7: I was not friends with at some point in my 206 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,079 Speaker 7: life or knew before we started dating. 207 00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:23,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, and Brandon and you hated each other at first. 208 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:25,679 Speaker 1: Remember then you became friends and. 209 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 2: Well they were kids. 210 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,920 Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, you weren't even twelve. 211 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 2: I mean it was that young. 212 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 6: Yeah, we were little. 213 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,079 Speaker 7: But yeah, I mean but I knew him for a 214 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 7: while and we still talked online and you knew each 215 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 7: other a bit. 216 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 2: So yeah, here's a deep one. 217 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 3: Make it very clear on what you want to give 218 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,880 Speaker 3: in a relationship, not just what you want to receive 219 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 3: in a relationship, meaning what unique value do you bring 220 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:51,360 Speaker 3: to a partnership? Wow, see again you're taking the light 221 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 3: off of them and putting it on you. 222 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:53,080 Speaker 2: This is about me. 223 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,640 Speaker 3: I want to be happy in this relationship. What am 224 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,440 Speaker 3: I willing to give? How far am I willing to go? 225 00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,760 Speaker 3: If ever they push you to the point where they 226 00:09:59,800 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 3: want you to go into an area where you don't 227 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:06,720 Speaker 3: want to go emotionally or putting it up with whatever, 228 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 3: how much do that can you give? 229 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,840 Speaker 2: You know, it's not about them, it's about you. 230 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,199 Speaker 7: And I also think too. I have a very good 231 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 7: friend who's always complaining about the dating world, and I 232 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:19,360 Speaker 7: asked her once would you date you? And she said no? 233 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 7: So I was like, okay, well why you right? 234 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,079 Speaker 6: Got to fix that? 235 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 2: Was she serious? 236 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 6: Yeah? 237 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 2: Wow? 238 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,320 Speaker 3: If you say that I wouldn't date myself, that is 239 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:33,960 Speaker 3: worthy of investigation. 240 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 6: Don't don't you think that's a red flag? Yeah? 241 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:38,880 Speaker 2: Wow? Uh? 242 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:41,880 Speaker 3: Again, know what you want from a potential partner. What 243 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,960 Speaker 3: are your non negotiables, what are you flexible on? And 244 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,480 Speaker 3: then communicate your needs. Don't just look, just think them. 245 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,520 Speaker 3: And here's the thing. Sometimes you don't know with an 246 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:54,480 Speaker 3: individual person you're dating what's negotiable or not until you 247 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,800 Speaker 3: get to the problem, right, you don't know you date. 248 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: There's some things like maybe religious that's a non negotiable. 249 00:11:01,440 --> 00:11:04,560 Speaker 1: Like I knew going into my relationship being a Catholic 250 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: is important to me. I knew I wanted to raise 251 00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: my kids Catholic. Sheldon's Episcopalian, which is very close. But 252 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,240 Speaker 1: you know, like we those are things you need to discuss. 253 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: Those are things that if that's that important to you 254 00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 1: going in, is that non negotiable you. 255 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,599 Speaker 3: Know, Wow, and you're talking about deep into the relationship 256 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 3: with marriage marriage talk. I'm just talking about like body 257 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:24,679 Speaker 3: odor stuff like that. 258 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,440 Speaker 6: Oh okay, well, I hope that's a non negotiable. 259 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 2: Well, different people. 260 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 3: You know, Danielle is wrong about you and what you 261 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,320 Speaker 3: believe in as far as bodyodor goes. I'm not into 262 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 3: body odor personally. I'm just using as example, Yes, Kandhi. 263 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 7: I think a really important question to ask people, because 264 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:45,079 Speaker 7: you'll get interesting answers, is what is something about you 265 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,320 Speaker 7: that I won't find out until we're well into the 266 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:51,280 Speaker 7: relationship or maybe it's too late. And I asked my 267 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 7: boyfriend that when we first started dating, and he said, 268 00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,840 Speaker 7: I'm a very poor sport, and man if he wasn't 269 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 7: accurate about that, and that is like something that you 270 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:02,920 Speaker 7: deal with all the time on little issues. But it 271 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:04,560 Speaker 7: would have taken a long time to figure that out. 272 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 7: And I'm glad that he told me that so I 273 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,439 Speaker 7: could decide if that was, you know, something that bothered 274 00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 7: me or not. 275 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:13,640 Speaker 3: Well, asking about those things, most of the ones that 276 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 3: are the most challenging, they're not going to tell you 277 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 3: because they don't face up to those problems. 278 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:23,520 Speaker 2: Themselves. Well they might not even know it exactly exactly 279 00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:24,880 Speaker 2: what's up? Scary? 280 00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 8: Okay, At the risk of sounding as shallow as a puddle, 281 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:32,160 Speaker 8: I just bring it all back. I'm sorry, I don't 282 00:12:32,200 --> 00:12:36,720 Speaker 8: want to. I think that people who are fours and 283 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:40,680 Speaker 8: fives and sixes aim for eights, nines and tens, and 284 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 8: the eights and nines and tens are really dating and 285 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 8: with other eights, nines and tens, they're not looking down 286 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,240 Speaker 8: at the forest. Fives and sixes and not just in 287 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 8: the forest. Fives and sixes don't just apply to your looks. 288 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 8: I'm just what it also applies to what you're bringing 289 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,319 Speaker 8: to the table in the relationship. 290 00:12:57,600 --> 00:12:57,960 Speaker 2: Scary. 291 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 3: How who is giving us these numbers? I'm trying to 292 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,719 Speaker 3: figure out. How how do I know if I'm a 293 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 3: four or five or six. 294 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,559 Speaker 8: Well, you may be lower like for me, Okay, if 295 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:09,360 Speaker 8: two people, one person doesn't have kids and one person 296 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 8: has kids, some of the person without the kids might 297 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 8: lower the score of a person with kids because for 298 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 8: them that's like, you know, they don't have kids and 299 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:19,559 Speaker 8: they're they're they're dating. 300 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 3: Okay, so I get that, But the rating of these numbers, 301 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,679 Speaker 3: I'm trying to figure out, Like this isn't the Olympics. 302 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,440 Speaker 3: We're not having the German judge give us a number. 303 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:29,520 Speaker 3: I don't know where you're coming up with, Like, how 304 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:31,480 Speaker 3: do you know you're a four? How dare you as 305 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,160 Speaker 3: a five go for an eight? 306 00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:35,560 Speaker 2: How does it? How does this apply? Just tell me 307 00:13:35,559 --> 00:13:36,400 Speaker 2: how that works. 308 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,720 Speaker 8: Because I think more people would be happy and experience 309 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 8: bliss if the fours, fives, and sixes all got together 310 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:42,000 Speaker 8: with each other. 311 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,640 Speaker 3: And you're not listening to what I'm saying. How do 312 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 3: I know I'm in the category of fours? I don't 313 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,440 Speaker 3: know how what makes me feel I'm a four? And 314 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,120 Speaker 3: how do you know that you're not a nine to 315 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 3: someone and a three to someone else? Right, I'm not trying. 316 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:55,959 Speaker 3: I'm trying to figure this out. 317 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,000 Speaker 8: I feel like, Okay, looks wise, I may be a 318 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:00,600 Speaker 8: five or six, but maybe I have a great so 319 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,320 Speaker 8: that brings me up to an eight, you know, because like, 320 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 8: for instance, that woman right there on the phone was 321 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 8: looking for someone, but take some dinner. 322 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:08,360 Speaker 2: I can do that. 323 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,920 Speaker 1: But you think you're an eight, but everyone else thinks 324 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,680 Speaker 1: you're a three. 325 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,240 Speaker 6: Like that's not like you know out though. 326 00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,840 Speaker 8: It's it's it. There's more to it than just the looks. 327 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:21,240 Speaker 8: It's the full package of what you're bringing. If you've 328 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 8: got baggage and you've got like your x'es, and you've 329 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 8: got other issues going, your number is going to be lower. 330 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:28,160 Speaker 8: You may be really hot, you may be a nine, 331 00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 8: but you're lowered to a four. I'm just saying that 332 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,400 Speaker 8: the people should get I don't know. This is just 333 00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 8: my own theory. And I saw form online. 334 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:38,520 Speaker 3: Okay, good, let me stick figure form. Let me ask 335 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 3: you how much how much sense would this conversation make 336 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:46,320 Speaker 3: if you eliminated the fours, fives, and six's rating system 337 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 3: and just talked as if we're just people like dating 338 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 3: people with baggage versus not and what gandhi, can you 339 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 3: help me with this? 340 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 5: Yeah? 341 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 7: I kind of sadly understand what he's saying a little bit, 342 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,280 Speaker 7: because you know, we were on the phone early with 343 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,360 Speaker 7: a woman who said, I'm trying to date up. I 344 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,000 Speaker 7: always date down. But if she's trying to date up, 345 00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 7: and that means the person she's trying to date is 346 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,400 Speaker 7: going to date down. So I think what he's trying to. 347 00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:11,760 Speaker 2: Say is maybe. 348 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 7: She's trying to like shop in our category and like 349 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:20,680 Speaker 7: stay I actually dealt with a dating service called the 350 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,480 Speaker 7: Three Day Rule, and they said, one of the biggest 351 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:26,760 Speaker 7: dating mistakes is that everybody wants a ten. Sort of 352 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 7: what's scary you're saying, But what are you bringing to 353 00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 7: the table that makes you a ten? 354 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 2: And it isn't all about looks, It's about lifestyle. It's 355 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,680 Speaker 2: about all kinds of things. 356 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:36,880 Speaker 7: But a lot of people are disappointed because they think 357 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:38,360 Speaker 7: that they're bringing more than they actually are. 358 00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 6: I don't know if. 359 00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:42,240 Speaker 8: Helen wanted ten, but the guys that she's looking at 360 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 8: are dating other nines and tens. 361 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,840 Speaker 2: She may not be a ten to that. 362 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 5: Dude. 363 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,440 Speaker 2: It sucks, but that's life. 364 00:15:48,520 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: But everybody's ten is different. Like you're ten is different 365 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:51,640 Speaker 1: than my ten. 366 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,040 Speaker 3: That's my point, Like it's it's just okay, let me 367 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,880 Speaker 3: just assign myself a number according to what I feel 368 00:15:58,920 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 3: about me. 369 00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 2: I don't know. I do shockingly see where you're going. 370 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:18,480 Speaker 3: With it, you know, I don't know. Let's move on. 371 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:20,200 Speaker 3: If you if you had a way with words, they 372 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:25,000 Speaker 3: move you up to seven. Maybe all right, all right, 373 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:33,080 Speaker 3: stop here we are another list. Uh line here is 374 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 3: stop being shocked by repeated behavior. Oh god, I am 375 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:41,000 Speaker 3: such the worst at this. For example, if someone has 376 00:16:41,040 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 3: continuously shown you they're they're not a good texture, stop 377 00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 3: expecting them to be. 378 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 2: Notice patterns and believe them. And this could be. 379 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:54,600 Speaker 3: Something as simple as texting or something as complicated as 380 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:58,120 Speaker 3: anger or whatever. If you see a pattern there, stop 381 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:02,480 Speaker 3: being shocked every time it comes to the surface. 382 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 6: I'm guilty of that too. I'm sorry too. 383 00:17:07,080 --> 00:17:08,560 Speaker 2: Is it because we think it's going to change and 384 00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,399 Speaker 2: it never does? Is that basically what it is? 385 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,919 Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, because you think you're going to change that person. 386 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,240 Speaker 4: You think, oh, I'm special, I'm going to change this 387 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 4: person's bad behavior or behavior that I don't agree with 388 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,600 Speaker 4: because I'm special, I'm different. 389 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 2: Nope, that person is that person. You're not going to change. 390 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:28,400 Speaker 4: Them special, Nate, That's right. I'm telling myself that for years. 391 00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:32,359 Speaker 2: Danielle, that's that's a very good one. 392 00:17:32,440 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 3: We're all guilty of that, not only in romantic relationships, 393 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:39,840 Speaker 3: but in relationship with relationships with colleagues and friends, whatever. 394 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,400 Speaker 3: They keep screwing you over in one way or another, 395 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 3: and you just expect it to get better and it doesn't. 396 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 3: I love that one. You don't need to be perfect 397 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,080 Speaker 3: to be loved. Perfection isn't relatable, meaning I could be 398 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:57,879 Speaker 3: a four and be loved. Oh scary, You can't, you 399 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:00,520 Speaker 3: can't connect to it. We all have flow, we all 400 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 3: have vulnerabilities, and being able to own them as one 401 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:05,440 Speaker 3: of the most attractive things we can do. The right 402 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:09,400 Speaker 3: person will embrace the things you once felt you had 403 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,880 Speaker 3: to hide. What let me read that again. The right 404 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 3: person will embrace the things you once felt you had 405 00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 3: to hide. 406 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:22,440 Speaker 1: Your oo, all your special qualities, your king yeah, oh yeah, 407 00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:23,640 Speaker 1: or your thought. 408 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:25,479 Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. I mean, it can be 409 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 3: physical or emotional whatever. Yeah, it's really about self examination, 410 00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:32,400 Speaker 3: right Gandhi, I mean, oh. 411 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:35,240 Speaker 7: Absolutely, I think the perfection thing it's so much harder 412 00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:37,880 Speaker 7: now because now that everybody is online and you think 413 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:40,600 Speaker 7: that you have so many options, people see little red 414 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 7: flags that they probably would have dealt with before and 415 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 7: it wouldn't have been a big deal, and they just 416 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,639 Speaker 7: immediately write that person off and move on to the 417 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,640 Speaker 7: next person that appears to be perfect. But everybody, ourselves included, 418 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,400 Speaker 7: we all have red flags. You can't just write people 419 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,879 Speaker 7: off immediately for that kind of stuff. 420 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:57,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, God, I gotta find my red flags. 421 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,600 Speaker 1: I always so seldom that I'm like, honey, if you 422 00:19:04,680 --> 00:19:07,199 Speaker 1: knew this when we were dating, would you run the 423 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:07,680 Speaker 1: other way? 424 00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,640 Speaker 6: And he's like, let's not talk about that. 425 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 3: Oh wow, changing that subject. This list, by the way, again, 426 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 3: I'm loving it. A great list. 427 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:22,440 Speaker 2: You right in here, Nate. I just lost it though, 428 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:25,520 Speaker 2: Where did it go? I got the last one? You 429 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,159 Speaker 2: want me to read the last one? Yeah, read the 430 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,240 Speaker 2: last one? Okay. 431 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 4: Your love life is just one area of your life. 432 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 4: Don't forget to nurture the rest significant other aside. When 433 00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:37,479 Speaker 4: you visualize coming home to a life you love, what 434 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:41,720 Speaker 4: does that look like? So it's not. Your life isn't 435 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 4: all about finding that person. You have other areas of 436 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,600 Speaker 4: your life that you should nurture and enjoy, not just 437 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 4: finding some. 438 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:50,440 Speaker 6: Good one that is a good one. 439 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,760 Speaker 1: And sometimes if you nurture those other areas and you 440 00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 1: don't focus so much on finding the person, the person 441 00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:59,760 Speaker 1: kind of shows up, you know what I mean, the 442 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,200 Speaker 1: most unexpected places. 443 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,720 Speaker 3: Well, if I could just end it with this text, 444 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,360 Speaker 3: it really sums it all up. I'm good with an old, 445 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:07,760 Speaker 3: rich guy with a heart condition. 446 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 6: All right, Okay, there you go. 447 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:19,920 Speaker 2: Shall I send them my number?